Ali Dawah - February 03, 2016THE REALITY 13 ｜｜ Do women act naive for sex？
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Summary
Do women play the dumb game? Do they know what they re doing or do they just play along? Why do some women play dumb and why do others not? Is it because they don t want to be labelled as a hoe or are they just dumb?
Transcript
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As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi barakatuh, brothers and sisters and dear friends,
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hope you guys are doing well. Welcome to Reality 13. As you guys know on this topic we're going to be
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discussing the matter of do women play the dumb role and when I mean dumb I mean like do they act
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naive when it comes to the matter of committing sex also known as zina. Now obviously before I start
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I want to praise Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala the most merciful the most just or praises glory and
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gratitude belong to him for allowing us to produce these videos and the works that we do. Now guys
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obviously before I get into it the whole matter my perspective and I'm going to read some comments
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from Facebook and Instagram and obviously Snapchat as well when I ask people these questions and
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one feedback basically from females about this matter so I want to make it fair I don't want
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it to be biased or it's just my perspective of the matter but before we do that we went to the
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general public and interviewed females on this matter and wanted to get their feedback.
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Okay the question is basically usually men tend to be after a certain thing yeah do you think women
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are oblivious to that they don't know they're innocent of the matter that they're thinking oh
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maybe he's a good guy or do they play the dumb game because they want to do that but they're just
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acting dumb? I think they play the dumb game. Okay why do you think women play the dumb game like
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what do they get out of it? I don't know everyone has their own reasons but maybe it's just so
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they don't feel guilty about it or I don't know. They know what they're getting into when they first
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meet the boy. So they know? Yeah. So you would say they played the dumb game? Yeah. But some girls
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don't think all boys are like that and now fall for them. I don't think women would act dumb
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because they want the same thing. Yeah I don't think they would act dumb I think they would
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just play along if they wanted to but I think it depends on the person's role. You see when you say play
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along? It's like it's like I'm sure every woman knows what they want so like if that's what she
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wants out of the guy she'll just play along if she wants something else then yeah. But do some
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women even though they want it but they don't want the guy to know that they want it do they
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play the dumb game? No. I don't think so. No. Never? I think you might get some women that do. I
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won't be like there's everyone's different innit? So in general women don't really play dumb? Women
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don't play dumb. Okay. Personally. So they know what's going on? Yeah. Okay thank you very much. I actually
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think that some women are hopeful that there's some decent men out there that are not just after
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one thing. Okay. That's a really good answer actually we haven't come across the answer. So yeah that's
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true. What about you? I actually agree. Yeah. I mean obviously there's the women out there that want
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the same thing so yeah they'll just go for whatever they can get but they're actually chicks out there
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who are looking for a decent guy. Okay. But do women ever use the dumb? Do you think all right women
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out there in general terms they do play the dumb game sometimes or do you think? It depends what kind
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of woman she is because I wouldn't want to play the dumb game. I wouldn't invest my time in a man
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that I know only wants one thing. That's dumb. Yeah. I think women play the dumb game but
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at the end of the day that's the woman that will get hurt the most so really they're probably
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not grown enough to know what they really want. They want it as well. They want it as
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much as the men want it. So that's why they play dumb? Yeah. Not all women. Do you think
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all women or just? No not all women. Most women. Most women. You say most women? Would you say
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most women? No most women. They are oblivious. So they're not aware? No. Some girls are but
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some girls aren't. Okay. I think some girls will do it because they don't want to make
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themselves look like a hoe and then some girls will. So they'll play the dumb game because
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they don't want to be labelled as a hoe. Yeah. Yeah. That's how I think. Because I don't
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know. Why do you think? Okay. Well you actually said why they do that. So would you say a majority
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of women do that or some? Some. Yeah. A lot of us girls aren't like that. Yeah. Some
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of us don't know. Some of us just think I really want to be with this person and maybe like
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if a boy was being nice to me I would be like so I'm into it but if I found out he just
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wanted one thing I'd tell him **** off like news. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I'll be pissed off.
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And then goodbye. Yeah. That's it yeah? Yeah. Okay. Thank you very much. Well I think
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that they know what's going on because it's kind of obvious what this guy's trying to do
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only after one thing so I think when they're playing innocent they just act like they don't
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know what's going on but when they're playing the dumb game they kind of know what's going
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on. They want to get themselves into it and then after they like they kind of complain
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when they get out if you know what I mean. Why do they do that? Like obviously we're not
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saying not every woman but some women who play the dumb game like why do you think
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they do that? Is it because like they don't want to feel guilty at the end of it? I have
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no clue to be honest. I mean some of them obviously they want to look innocent. It's not all women
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by the way only like some type of women obviously but some of them they just probably want to
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look innocent to be honest. Okay. Just a quick another question is obviously a lot of men
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in that situation would go with the flow yeah? Yeah yeah. What advice would you give to brothers
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out there in that situation? Let's say they're there, the girl's on here, she's blah blah blah.
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What would you say they should do instead of saying you know what okay she's on it let me be on it?
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Well to a brother if you got a little sister just be aware that whatever you do it's gonna god forbid it's
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gonna act on your little sister I mean I got a little sister in it so I know what it's like.
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So guys you saw that for yourself and obviously we got the feedback from the females and some
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males as well regarding this matter. Now obviously you heard that. Now brother says the reason why I
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wanted to do this video is very important because at the end of the day when I first started doing my
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reality shows it was basically based upon the things that I've seen when before I came to Islam
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things I've been through etc and obviously I saw to my perspective a lot of females suffering more
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than males and becoming victim to males men promising giving them false promises about marriage
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blackmailing them getting them to do certain acts and the list goes on so due to this I
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concentrated the reality shows based on advising sisters more against males and exposing how males
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tactics are how they work and you saw this in the reality shows reality part one does he really love
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you reality part two how men really think reality three shaitan's good deed how a sister who's working
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some guy you know tries on with that work etc the reality four which was I want to pie his wife was
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against the hypocrisy of men and the list goes on about party now I always pick on guys and I'm
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like men are players men not all of them obviously but my main concentration of the area is to show
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this is the true face of certain men and to say look sisters be careful there's these kind of men
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out there do you get what I'm trying to say and due to that I get a lot of criticism from the brother
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saying look Aki why do you always think it's always men it's always men it's always men and I'm
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like look you're right but you need to understand that from what I see it's always most of the time
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it's men that does this but now with this show I wanted you guys to understand that look it's not
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always men because there are women out there who do want to commit zina like I said sex they want
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to have sex and they act in a naive way to get in that and I wanted to find out does this really
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happen do you know what I'm trying to say and obviously most of the people that we've talked
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from instagram snapchat the interviews that we had in public you saw for yourself say that women play
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this role they do this why to feel less guilty they want to commit the act as well and uh when
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when things got don't go to plan they blame the guy etc etc so I want to address the sisters at this
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point because the video is aimed at them and it's an advice now the matter of zina is a big sin it's a
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major sin do you get what I'm trying to say that's what allah says in the quran don't even go near it
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you know zina don't even go near it and that is one of the only sins what allah says do not
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even go near it so if you know zina is here instead of saying hey let me just walk around it
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no allah says go around the block don't even just even if you know okay no no no go around the block
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now a lot of people think when allah says don't go near zina it means don't go near sexual intercourse
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no anything that leads to that stay away from it stay well away from it and allah says in the
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quran in surah full come verse 68 to 70 which you can check for yourself I'm going to power phrase
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allah says for those who commit shirk and murder and zina these are the major sins and um whoever
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does this I will double the punishment for them on the day of resurrection on the day of judgment
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however for those who repent sincerely not only will I forgive them but turn their bad deeds into good
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deeds so allah is telling you the major sins and if you commit them the punishment will be doubled
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for you however if you repent sincerely now how do you repent sincerely brothers and sisters
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number one we need to stop the sin we need to acknowledge zina I committed it you made a mistake
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okay allah says all my servants have transgressed against themselves never despair the mercy of your
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law never despair the mercy of your lord so number one don't despair allah's mercy for you to think that
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allah won't forgive you is a sin within itself so number one you've acknowledged you've done wrong
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stop the sin repent sincerely repent and make sure you do not go back to the sin yeah and inshallah
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obviously try to do more good deeds so allah will not only forgive you for that specific sin inshallah
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will also turn it into good deeds now brothers and sisters I truly believe one of the main reasons why
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sisters and brothers fall into this sin is because the lack of tawhid a lack of understanding who
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your lord is and the way to worship him and your salah a salah is very important brothers and
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sisters if you do not have that connection with your lord if you don't even know who your lord is
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and his oneness and how to worship him not through the graves or not worship through statues or going
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to these uh people who tell you about your future because you're curious if you do not have your tawhid
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on point if you don't understand your lord his work his lordship to worship him him alone and sing singling
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him out in everything that he does and having your salah on point what will happen is you're going to
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go astray because you have no connection with your lord you don't know who your lord is if you don't
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know who your lord is and you don't acknowledge what he wants from you for your own benefit then
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how could you obey him how could you obey him when you don't even know him you need to get to know him
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and for you to have that connection is your five daily salah this is so important brothers and sisters
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you need to have that because the salah keeps you away from these things if you really truly have
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that connection with allah inshallah you will be protected against zina and other sins as well
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this is really important now i got a message a couple of months ago from a sister who said
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that she was invited to a hotel room and in this hotel room obviously she went there and
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um she ended up coming in zina and she will she seemed surprised she was like i didn't know that
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was going to happen now obviously may allah forgive the sister etc but i'm just being realistic and i'm
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not meaning in a way of mocking her but if a man is inviting you to a hotel now my dear sis i'm just
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talking in general right do you are you thinking that you're going there because the brother wants to
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play monopoly with you like a game of monopoly or a game of chess you need to understand that look
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there's two things either you are really naive like really really naive okay or you are acting
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naive you know very well what's going to happen there you know very well why he's inviting you
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there you know very well why he even asked for your number in the first place and not didn't and didn't
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do it in a halal way you know so for you to be surprised and you're going there and that happened
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and you're regretting it like i said you're either really naive or you're acting naive and this is what
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this video is about now sisters you need to understand something if a man approaches you on
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the street and talking to you in a flirty way asking for your number you need to acknowledge
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that look does this guy really want to marry me or why is he approaching me what is the reason behind
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him approaching me you know if he's talking to me and he's telling me oh uh when you say okay i
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want to get my brother involved he goes oh no no no you need to think to yourself why does he not want
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your family involved why is he not speaking to your wali why is he not speaking to your brother
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why does he want not he doesn't want things to be in a halal way you need to question yourself that
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instead of making excuses for him thinking oh you know uh like you meet somebody he gives you promises
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oh let me work i'm still not ready for marriage you need to think not make an excuse for him oh you
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know maybe you know he hasn't got work no you need to say hold on a second you know why why are you
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approaching me if you are not ready for marriage if you're not financially ready why are you
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approaching me you need to think like that otherwise you can't fool yourself and think
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oh let me make excuses for him maybe he's not ready no if he's not ready why is he approaching
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in the first place so you need to understand this sister specifically because otherwise playing like
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i said before a lot of some women out there like we interviewed as well they play the naive role and
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you need to understand sisters that you're playing the naive role or or the or the dumb role should i say
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say which is a matter that is really major you're talking about zina here you are acting naive on
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purpose knowing that is what you're doing about getting to know him meeting up in private nobody
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knows this is going to lead eventually to some sort of zina you know that so what you're doing is you
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think you're fooling yourself or you're fooling the other person or which is even worse are you
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fooling allah think about that for a second are you fooling allah by thinking okay i'm gonna act
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naive because i want to commit zina with this guy so everything that you're thinking in your head don't
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you think the angels are writing it down don't you think the lord who has created you which this is
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why i said the lack of tawhid in yourself because if you had tawhid you would know allah's the all
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hearing the all knowing he knows what's within yourself better than you so the fact that you're
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thinking that you're fooling yourself or you're fooling like uh the guy opposite you are you fooling allah
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think about that for a second sisters please are you fooling allah and brothers who can get into
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these acts as well who are you fooling the one that created you are you fooling him so sisters and
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brothers and specifically like i said sisters please acknowledge this but one other point that i really
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want to address before i come to the comments of instagram and facebook this is really important and i'm
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going to tell you guys something real like i've heard it from brothers myself i've heard it from brothers
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myself uh sisters i really want you guys to listen there is there was a brother that i knew myself
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right and he would tell me that he would genuinely want to meet sisters for marriage right maybe he was
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not going about the right way but this was due to him being new to islam so he did not know much so he
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didn't know about this wali and etc so he was seeing a muslim sisters who wore hijab and didn't wear
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hijab as well for marriage and he said that he was gobsmacked he was gobsmacked that he came to islam and
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he's meeting these sisters for marriage some hijabi some non-hijabi and that these sisters will
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actually flirt with him and will give him the hint that they want to commit zina with him like
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he they will give him the hint and this brother will tell me you know and he would say look one of
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the things that he would do is this and this is very important i want brothers to listen to this as
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well is that just because a woman does not respect herself when you are going to see this girl for
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marriage and she starts acting or buki you know she starts acting like you know she wants to flirt with
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you and you can hit that look if you go forward like if you go with the flow you're gonna end up
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committing zina now this brother will say to me every time this would occur like he would really
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like let's say they're in a public place coffee shop wherever or she's giving this hints or acting in a
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flirty way he would really remind her say look sister like please don't get me wrong but i came here for
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marriage but you're really acting in inappropriate ways and i see you like my own sister and i feel
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really sad now the reason why i'm telling you this sisters and brothers is just because a woman doesn't
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respect herself and is acting in that manner does not mean that you also disrespect her because a
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lot of guys say hey man she doesn't respect herself i don't care i'm just going to use it and leave her
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this is not what this is not what a muslim man does this is not a characteristic or a muslim man you
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don't say okay just because that person that sister doesn't respect herself and she wants to come
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and you just say yeah let me go with the flow no this is not what your dean teaches you should know better
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you should say you know what sister i'm sorry i came here for marriage but you're acting in this way
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and you're like my sister i just want to give you a couple of words of advice wallahi by allah this this
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brother would say that these sisters that he would talk to and advise knowing how they would inappropriately
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act with him would message him couple of months down the line and say brother that day i was going
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through tests or this that family problems and i lost it and i just didn't care about anything but the fact
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that you didn't use me when i was vulnerable you did not use me and said you know what sister you're
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like my own sister what like why would you do this and advise me has changed me today has made me a
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better person the fact that you did not drop to my level at that state when i was and you advise me
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has changed me and i want to say thank you and i want to say you know like like the sisters would and
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this is a true story you know and this is what's so important just because a woman is playing a
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naive game or acting silly you know um playing the dumb role when i mean dumb wrong i'm not calling
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sisters dumb i'm saying they act dumb whereas they're actually clever they know what they're
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doing if that makes sense so just because a woman doesn't respect herself as a muslim man or any kind
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of man i i i advise anyone do not drop to a level be the better person and say sister i sense this in
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you and you're trying to take down that route but i don't want to go down that route you're like my
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sister and advise that person and i think this is the best way how we as muslim man should be
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even if we see somebody not respecting their self this is really important because that could be your
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own sister and we should really acknowledge that obviously i don't want to go on further guys i
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want to read the comments and hope you guys have benefited inshallah but let's just go through a few
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comments uh brother imtiaz said yes brother ali you are right some women do play the naive role in order
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to commit zina so that they feel less guilty about it and also deflect the blame onto the man
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sister samira says no women are not dumb when it comes to zina they are just as aware and down for
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it as men but some women or girls do get easily influenced like they feel the need to commit the act
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as they want to impress the man i think you should impress your lord not a man
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you know you know impress your lord with good deeds don't impress a man with bad deeds
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okay sister zainab said well it takes two to tango so whether they're playing the dumb role
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or not they most definitely know what they're up to there's no denying that um sister zamzam a
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lot of girls know better but they either have low self-esteem or they're asking for attention and so
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they ignore the problem i think this is where the dean comes in making sure the environment you're
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do you're going to is halal or you surround yourself with other muslim women who the religion
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for who put the religion first okay arif says brother arif some women played the victim under these
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circumstances but usually they are the culprits instigating it men don't approach the woman until
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the woman give off some sort of a single please don't hate me hope nobody hates you you know we
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should speak the truth even if it's against ourselves uh sayino says to be honest a lot of women and men
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don't even care it's nothing about dumbing down they literally just don't care okay um
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okay it's somebody said it's a 50 50 dumb or not both instigate it both carry the act out both are
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responsible that's the plain truth okay so nesva says it depends on each individual there are women
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who are genuinely naive and are taken advantage of i agree also there are women who are not so naive but
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maybe to feel less guilty can use this an excuse is as an excuse to make themselves feel less bad
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after then there are the people who just don't care either way sisters and brothers should be so
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should be selfish and think of themselves first there is no one in the world who is worth committing
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this sin for respect yourself very well said sister patricia says some women are messed up sorry to say
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this low self-esteem no confidence and they think that a man will make them feel better biggest delusion
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first you need to fix yourself before allowing another person into your life i think we'll leave
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that brothers and sisters i think you guys get the point uh like i said before most of my videos are
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about males but females are not perfect themselves and like i said before brothers and sisters understand
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tauheed understand the connection with your lord have that connection with your lord with your salah and
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inshallah with the permission of allah you can protect yourself from these filthy acts you know these acts are
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nothing but filth and the punishment is severe in islam you know and it's not worth it brothers and
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sisters not only are you degrading yourself but you're committing a major sin for a person who on
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the day of judgment is going to ask allah to throw you into the hell fire instead of him you know or vice
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versa her so inshallah keep that in mind may allah grant every single one of you guys jannah
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make dua from inshallah and may allah purify our intentions and that's about it please do subscribe
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subscribe and do check out i've done a video with mufti menk about these matters uh forced marriages
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parents refusing a proposal how to protect yourself from zina halal dating check that out at the end of
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the video assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh