Ali Dawah - WHAT WOMAN WANT IN A HUSBAND？ - EP 19 ｜

00:00:00.000 they think oh i'm broken i have this trauma my man is gonna fix me or my woman's gonna fix me

00:00:04.560 no way they speak to their friends and their friends are like oh my husband did this and

00:00:08.160 they're thinking oh my gosh why is my husband doing it it comes at a cost where marriages

00:00:11.660 are ending because of this high expectations as men you guys have to also implement your

00:00:16.620 own boundaries and you shouldn't feel bad for doing that most of the time these women

00:00:21.700 don't work and they don't have their own income coming on coming in and they're completely

00:00:26.260 reliant on their husband and he knows this and he uses this as a leverage over her yeah the point

00:00:32.920 and his money's your money yeah so if he that doesn't stand that when they finally break up

00:00:39.840 and they leave each other there's they're not co-parenting they want i'm having a child today

00:00:44.220 no you're not yeah you're doing this no you're not and i know a lot of brothers said oh you know what

00:00:49.080 women say that they want these things but realistically they don't are women actually

00:00:53.600 practicing these things for them to attract that kind of man and to to the guys out there

00:00:58.860 you need to do the healing to the girls out there you need to do the healing a gucci bag is not going

00:01:03.920 to heal that nice shoes are not going to heal that public dates first thing they ask me is how much

00:01:09.680 do you earn what's your job but in a nicer way right that's how much you're earning and stuff

00:01:13.680 not if i'm practicing yeah some men believe that you know me doing the bare minimum and the bare

00:01:18.660 minimum means provide protect and that's it no affection no love no mercy no nothing that if

00:01:25.480 two parents are not happy it's more detrimental to the children well but do i not buy you clothes

00:01:33.380 look look at the tone not hey i buy you clothes i own you no no but do i not buy you clothes but do

00:01:38.120 i not work hard for our family i'm saving up for a holiday does that apply to that man no it doesn't

00:01:42.400 islamnet is raising funds to establish a masjid and community center in norway and they urgently need

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00:02:14.980 you can assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh brothers and sisters and dear friends welcome to

00:02:18.760 another episode of the bitter truth show um and we are here as you guys know uh talking about variety

00:02:23.840 of topics um that uh is pertaining to the breakdown of the family unit and also different aspects of

00:02:29.940 different topics uh that will inshallah benefit you guys at home our aim is to preserve the marital

00:02:33.980 unit there's an attack left right center and we just want to understand opposite gender better

00:02:38.320 and vice versa for them inshallah me personally i learned so many things on the show from our

00:02:43.080 sisters and i incorporated into uh my life with my wife um and i learned a lot what like it helps me

00:02:48.880 it helps my marriage and i hope so that same is with you guys who are watching at home inshallah

00:02:53.140 and yes um before i start i want to praise allah subhanahu wa ta'ala the most merciful the most

00:02:58.440 trust or praises glory and gratitude to him um guys you have the bitter buzzers make the most out of it

00:03:02.620 nobody's really used it today uh but if you have to use it it's a buzzer if you disagree with one of

00:03:06.420 uh you know the sisters or sisters disagree with the sisters or the brothers disagree with the

00:03:09.740 brothers you have one and a half minutes and you can talk nobody can interrupt you uh let's not

00:03:13.900 backbite slander we know anyways um and that's it yes today's topic is a very interesting one i

00:03:18.420 personally believe it's going to be 25 episodes this is the first one uh it's uh what woman wants

00:03:23.380 in a man um yes we are going to be here probably uh for quite a bit of time uh probably we will leave

00:03:29.500 and they would or carry on talking i'm joking so in a nutshell uh our honorable sisters are here may

00:03:33.720 Allah bless and preserve them inshallah some of them came from manchester sister parvina yep that's

00:03:38.900 that's your name she came from manchester sister sister Hafsa may Allah bless inshallah we're in

00:03:43.920 london she's from london uh sister halima from manchester yeah and uh sister amira she's a regular

00:03:49.060 may Allah bless her she has great inputs alhamdulillah sometimes she does get a bit uh angry uh but she

00:03:55.180 has good intentions may Allah bless inshallah um this time today she didn't come with her husband

00:03:58.720 uh please come next time i miss you aki my uh my uh my buddy uh and we've got mike may Allah bless

00:04:04.660 him inshallah and we've got brother anas anas is actually may Allah bless him he this bit of

00:04:08.980 truth show it happens uh one of the reasons is because of him may Allah bless him and he's got

00:04:13.640 so much uh input he he would put inshallah and he's one thing i love about him is his akhlaq his

00:04:19.060 usloob he talks less unlike me i talk too much uh but may Allah bless him inshallah for the

00:04:23.340 efforts that he puts and we've got brother mahdi who's new inshallah may Allah bless him

00:04:26.980 i'm gonna get you married soon don't worry uh so brother anas as well uh sisters uh if

00:04:31.940 you're wally's please get in contact uh to thebittertruth at gmail.com why not aki it's

00:04:35.580 halal alhamdulillah in abu kumaratin halal here innit so let's go to the sisters sisters what

00:04:41.020 do you guys want in a man uh we know you have a big list if you can drop it down to three

00:04:45.240 it'll be very appreciated other than that the floor is you guys let's start with who would

00:04:50.240 like to start first go on sister inshallah tell us what does a woman or what do you personally

00:04:55.820 look for in a husband or a man so bismillah rahman raheem

00:05:00.780 i don't have to look at this from a black and white perspective i believe that um i i don't

00:05:16.620 have the right to speak for women but personally i think that safety is key safety is very very

00:05:23.220 important i want to be able to feel safe around my partner to feel authentic to feel that i'm able

00:05:30.960 to be myself that i don't have to tiptoe around him um you know just no physical harm no abuse

00:05:39.620 i think that is key with any kind of relationship even with anyone who makes my dad brother and so

00:05:45.940 i would say the second thing is free will you know um i would appreciate if my husband understands

00:05:52.400 and he is aware of the law which is had the hurriya which is free will which means that i am a free

00:05:58.760 woman imra'a hurra who has rights who is a servant of allah and not basically a receipt or like my own

00:06:08.400 mentor um and who understands the spiritual contract which is a mythaq ghalid between one another

00:06:16.820 um the third thing would be um that he has a leadership personality so he takes the healing

00:06:24.180 his masculine he's a provider he's wise he's patient someone that i can be in a team with

00:06:30.740 so it's not like the quran says the whole reason why men and women have this tug of war

00:06:39.740 is because shaytan is not allowing us to um be in that paradise allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says

00:06:46.420 so we need to actually implement and practice what it's like to live paradise on earth so that

00:06:57.380 inshallah we can take it to the akhira fourth would be obviously respect so he respects he's very

00:07:02.940 respectful in this communication he respects my boundaries respects my dreams and ambitions um

00:07:10.120 yeah so he respects my um dreams and ambitions and you know respects my family respects me we can have

00:07:23.660 an honest and open discussion um and i would say a grateful man i think a man who's grateful

00:07:31.500 is will never ever be poor in his life um allah says and all the messengers for them to reach to

00:07:41.240 have reached the level of prophecy allah says and the opposite of shukr is kufr so he's someone

00:07:49.220 whom he does kufr al-ashir or doesn't appreciate what i do and you know all of that i think that

00:07:54.740 kind of can throw him off as being someone ungrateful and that can give him a kind of

00:07:58.860 um you know full mindset um but this doesn't mean that i'm expecting all of these things and i'm not

00:08:07.120 going to do anything it has to be mutual i have to reflect that so everything that i've said i have

00:08:11.440 to be respectful i have to also give him his free will if he wants to get married i give him the right

00:08:15.840 if he wants to for example say i'm going to do this and it's all about compromise at the end of

00:08:20.640 the day um and i think one um important thing as well is he doesn't have a high ego so he doesn't

00:08:27.220 discriminate women doesn't look down on women and finds it very very easy to say that i'm sorry you

00:08:33.000 know what i was wrong in that i apologize and we can have that kind of ihtiram and also as i said

00:08:39.480 and yeah i think that's i would say the basics and the foundations and their core values like

00:08:47.460 these things are non-negotiable i think anyone whatever race whatever gender whatever age you

00:08:52.900 are this is something that you practice and looking at back all the topics you you lot spoke about

00:08:58.800 earlier i think if people focus on core values that's the main thing like that's the fundamental

00:09:08.040 and then you can build off that foundation and then after it comes up obviously compatibility

00:09:13.140 comes um like um intimacy and friends uh like chemistry and all of that which is i would say

00:09:20.780 like the icing on the cake but yeah inshallah perfect okay uh sister pareen what would you say

00:09:26.660 uh a woman looks for in a man or yourself personally or your friends and people that what's the what's

00:09:33.980 the general discussion at hand like what's the same that's lacking in you know these men

00:09:37.920 okay um so like

00:09:41.500 like hafsa said uh i'm not speaking for every woman out there because every woman is different

00:09:49.180 we're different let me emphasize we're different we all have different needs um but personally

00:09:55.720 for me being is the one uh if you're a man of god you'll do everything else right

00:10:00.940 um if you're not a man of god you're not going to do anything right so that means respect

00:10:04.920 everything everything on that line and then next is you have to be a leader and what i mean by that

00:10:10.940 is provide protect that's all i want and then because i'm someone who's quite ambitious

00:10:19.180 that i have ambitious goals that aligns with my dean i need a guy who is not only like you can

00:10:29.160 pray you can do all of that but i want you to have a higher goal that is an active worship once

00:10:34.700 you live through it and you earn your risk through it um and lastly i just want you to love me and

00:10:41.180 care about me and give me your time and attention that's the other song i want

00:10:44.940 mashallah okay uh sister halima it's like she read my mind i think i think she read every woman's mind

00:10:53.160 you know she said it in order as well you know god fearing leadership and loving i don't care about

00:11:01.000 anything else i think this is just that's the fairy tale side of things i'm joking no it's true like

00:11:13.000 i do agree with a lot of um what they said especially hafsa like you described it so beautifully um

00:11:21.140 for me i think it's important for a man to have discipline discipline then leaks into your faith

00:11:32.780 you know having the ability to lead the children to prayer um you know lead myself also to remembering

00:11:41.740 allah um but for me it's more than just the little surface things that they said like for me i i do want

00:11:52.000 romance i want my husband to be able to to show that romantic side to him you know i like uh spontaneous

00:12:00.800 ness like let's go out let's go yeah spontaneity i never say that word properly um you know uh i i do

00:12:11.320 like to be you know wine and dined not with the wine because we're muslim but i do like that

00:12:19.240 experience i'm not gonna sit here and act like you know oh i just want to be praying with my husband

00:12:25.980 that's lies i know a lot of women that will say i want him to be in the dean yes we do we know that

00:12:31.520 that's the basics don't marry me if you don't have that okay but you know we do we as women we do

00:12:38.740 like to go we'd like to be wined and dined we like gifts here and there i like flowers i want you to

00:12:46.340 do the sunnas with me like the romantic sunnas with me that the prophet muhammad sallallahu alaihi

00:12:51.580 used to do i like those things you know i want my husband to to be able to to exhibit strength

00:13:00.300 you know and be able to motivate me as well like not to just i don't know for me anyway personally

00:13:08.040 i don't like mediocrity i don't like to live a mediocre life i like to have fun i like to be

00:13:15.880 reminded to be healthy i you know i'm in that position myself where i've just had a baby or

00:13:23.540 whatever and i'm i want to get back into shape i want my husband to be able to motivate me to do

00:13:28.600 these things you know i want my husband to be able to defend me if if if needs be and to be honest i'm

00:13:35.600 a bit of a hothead myself i would defend my husband if if somebody comes crazy to my husband i'm going

00:13:41.080 to defend my husband as well you know just that ride or die mentality i'm here for my husband and i want

00:13:48.280 him to be here for me as well so yeah i do love the the dean and everything but i think that's a given

00:13:54.260 when you um when you marry somebody i think that should be really taken into consideration before

00:14:01.700 you marry somebody you know can i say so you can't just be can i say someone who's not praying yeah you

00:14:08.500 know what i've noticed whilst you're speaking um because i'm just listening to understand you um

00:14:13.620 everything you're actually saying falls into these categories think about leadership absolutely

00:14:18.480 lean um love like romance it could be every form of love there is because people have different

00:14:24.500 love languages yeah yeah exactly that's why i said for me personally like my that's what i like like

00:14:31.140 i want that i won't see but you know why i say women are different because yeah we've said

00:14:36.100 different things yeah yeah it's true but okay interesting i know if i let you guys carry on

00:14:41.560 we're going to be here for a long time um can i just say yes i want to experience this with my

00:14:46.700 husband so i want this in my husband right he wants to like rent not rent but own a boat with me

00:14:53.520 and just go like out to the sea for a couple of months i want to do that why not why not it's it's

00:15:01.460 you know what it is it's that's rome like you were saying about until you get seasick

00:15:05.880 no no inshallah may allah grant you a jannah and may allah grant you a husband who owns a boat inshallah

00:15:12.940 uh yeah yeah why not yeah no i'll get it myself and i'll find it no no no he should buy it for

00:15:18.660 your sister this is this is islam is a protector and provider so he needs to make sure we're looking

00:15:22.340 for any brothers outside inshallah if you have a boat inshallah you got before that though inshallah

00:15:27.340 you know no no he built a boat as well what inshallah they have the taqwa the taqwa of

00:15:31.840 of no alayhi salam inshallah you know um beautiful yes so interesting but that's very good that's very

00:15:38.980 good it's very interesting but the point is this do you not agree i don't know but tell me do you

00:15:43.960 not think sometimes sisters say things they want but they did they did they do not want that like

00:15:48.580 sometimes i feel like sisters say that i want this this this can you give an example for example i want

00:15:53.440 a man that will wake me up for fajr i want a man that is on the dean etc deep down they don't really

00:15:59.380 it's not that deep for them they want the dunya so i'm just i'm just putting it out i'm not saying

00:16:04.400 that i'm just saying um please correct me um and brothers would you would you agree that sometimes

00:16:08.380 sisters come with like yeah i want this i want that maybe maybe from what they see on tv or like

00:16:13.040 but what i will say now that i've got the chance to speak because i don't know how many chances i'm

00:16:19.700 going to have on this one but um none of all of all of what you had to say was very realistic

00:16:24.640 like i actually argue with any of it one of the one of the big things is spontaneity

00:16:29.540 one thing i've actually realized is that ladies love spontaneity because it's like

00:16:34.700 they like a surprise they're like okay we're going out here yeah and they want to go that's just

00:16:40.560 that's just something i've realized that they really like so spontaneity

00:16:43.280 big one um get a bit boring after a while that's what i'm saying that's what i'm saying

00:16:47.800 that's what i'm saying for men yeah i think i think because men because men work because men

00:16:54.380 work and they're used to a mundane life they're not thinking about how their wife is feeling

00:16:59.360 because they're used to a mundane life they're okay with it they're working so like they're not

00:17:04.480 thinking about what's going on with their wife and then they're surprised like you know like darling

00:17:09.480 i'm bored and it's like what do you mean you're bored like i'm you know i'm earning money in this

00:17:13.140 yeah but i'm bored so spontaneity and the romance is all throughout the relationship i'm not you know

00:17:19.620 i'm not old enough to know like the wisdom behind very successful marriages but i'd say that's a big

00:17:26.180 thing is spontaneity 100 i think um everything you guys said is correct like ideally that's what

00:17:31.760 you'd want in a partner right ideally that's the person i'd want to be too in general but i think

00:17:35.480 the expectation for our generation is too high i'll be honest with you i'm not in a single man

00:17:40.040 that could do what what you guys want and then their expectations too right i'm not saying it's

00:17:45.080 a bad thing let me let me be clear sorry go on i'm finished yeah let me let me let me be clear yeah

00:17:52.240 so when i say spontaneity that doesn't have to cost anything and that's what men so when you see how

00:18:00.380 you've translated that as women when we're like we just want your time that could be a walk by the

00:18:07.040 canal that could be a walk you know near the london eye you know it doesn't have to cost

00:18:14.820 and that's what men think you know okay there are some women out there who do not live or do not want

00:18:22.340 to live within their means and they look at social media and then they want that and above i don't know

00:18:29.660 what else they want but yeah i agree with you that it can that's why communication is key i think um

00:18:36.280 yeah it's good points what you said but i think more often than not just from personal experience

00:18:40.080 um women are more materialistic than men right so i'll be honest when i've gone on like not speaking

00:18:45.800 to women away you know going on these like um public dates first thing they ask me is how much do you

00:18:51.580 earn what's your job but in a nicer way right that's how much you're earning and stuff not if i'm

00:18:56.160 practicing so i think why do they ask you that say again why do they ask you that because we're on a date

00:19:01.840 no because if you if you get her pregnant yeah so you're saying they're saying it from a safety

00:19:07.320 perspective it's a stability thing it's true women women they tend to look for that you're right but

00:19:11.860 this is like hidden it's a stability because no it goes back to your hypergamous nature as a woman

00:19:16.280 you look for a man who is stronger fitter who earns more who knows more than you who's a leader

00:19:20.060 six foot plus because and no no no you're right you're right it's true but today's today's woman

00:19:25.660 tell us if we're wrong here today's women are not thinking about if i have a child is that they're

00:19:29.740 talking about your luxury what luxury lifestyle you're going to give to me and the thing is we

00:19:33.540 talked about spontaneity what's it spontaneity spontaneity we need hijab in the building yeah okay

00:19:39.080 that's the slobber the gullions yeah anyways so the point here is this yeah is that you said it

00:19:44.080 doesn't come out of course you're right it doesn't come out of course for example to be spontaneous

00:19:47.180 like you know i try to incorporate that in my marriage as well and by the way give a disclaimer

00:19:50.900 before people think ali and this marriage is so amazing me and my wife have fights trust me the

00:19:55.240 driveway yeah trust me you need to dodge bullets yeah yeah no no no you know i have to say this

00:19:59.400 because i don't want to give a false reality of people think like my marriage look my marriage

00:20:03.920 drops and downs well sometimes it's a mad thing bro but it's a part of marriage that's the reason

00:20:08.220 why i'm giving i have to tell you guys the downs so i can tell you the highs so sometimes yes like

00:20:12.980 spontaneous thing boom we're gonna go here she doesn't even know what i'm trying to say

00:20:16.460 it's good it can be done i try my best to do it to the best of my ability when but it can come at a

00:20:21.600 cost how there there are women who are ending their marriages because um i don't feel something in my

00:20:28.240 stomach what the flipping hell does that mean butterflies yeah i don't feel i don't know

00:20:31.840 there's something missing so so so when we talk about it comes at cost because sisters have this

00:20:36.380 high expectations they don't even know what exactly it is they speak to their friends and their friends

00:20:41.200 are like oh my husband did this and they're thinking oh my gosh why is my husband not doing it

00:20:44.660 it comes at a cost where marriages are ending because of this high expectations would you not agree

00:20:48.980 that these these these realities because imagine you have a husband who's not spontaneous

00:20:53.180 just the guy's not spontaneous they're a woman who end marriages because of this

00:20:56.820 yeah but this is why i think being humble is very important expect to die tomorrow that's a fact

00:21:03.060 you don't know you're gonna be here for tomorrow right so i feel like being humble should be the

00:21:10.020 baseline like you shouldn't over expect and i think it's kind of selfish as well if you are putting

00:21:18.100 that pressure on your husband like i want to go to the moon next week you know and you have to take

00:21:25.180 me there like come on and for and for and how and how how how as men how would we tell our wives

00:21:31.420 you need to you need to stay like you need to not stay humble sorry you need to uh be more humble

00:21:37.140 how would how can we tell you politely you know one thing i would say is number one thing that we're

00:21:42.220 so we women we listen to words we're like hyper-focused it doesn't matter about anything else we're hyper-focused

00:21:49.240 on what you say and how you say um so let's say you're saying that but don't ever accuse her don't

00:21:55.420 ever say you this and you that instead you should say like i feel like i feel like what was your point

00:22:03.700 um no it's okay no it's okay it's okay how how can you politely tell your wife tell uh your wife

00:22:11.640 you should be more humble more often okay so first first you need to single can you stop comparing

00:22:17.380 me to other men and stop making making me feel as if i'm not good enough oh why don't you do this

00:22:22.020 oh why don't you do that this uh things halima's husband has done how do we communicate that because

00:22:28.440 now you're coming with the expectation that you've got of tv or disneyland and now you want to

00:22:32.340 incorporate how can we communicate to our wives this is making me feel uncomfortable you're putting

00:22:36.580 pressure on me i feel like i'm not good enough husband so what i would say is sit her down

00:22:43.440 like gently smile always have a smile you know on your face uh before you before you even start

00:22:51.460 speaking just tell her oh you look beautiful today or something like that um you're gonna get her

00:22:56.300 excited um and then and then you start speaking i feel like you know i feel a bit

00:23:03.220 something to do with i i feel like i'm not being listened to i'm not being heard you see that's

00:23:09.980 the thing all the things we're talking about like salah it has a methodology of how to be meaning

00:23:15.620 marriage yourself is an act of worship so conducting yourself learning about before marriage pre-marriage

00:23:21.000 meaning for example how to conduct for example like a football team there has to although it's a team

00:23:27.080 sport it's a team manager sport the individuals have to do the basis before work before after work all

00:23:33.000 that type of stuff meaning that two broken individuals are repeat is very very poorly because

00:23:38.000 my generation is that they think oh i'm broken i have this trauma my man is gonna fix me or my woman's

00:23:43.800 gonna fix me no way you don't know you don't know how things change yes maybe maybe not now that's

00:23:49.760 what i'm saying going back to the salah point look as children we taught how to pray salah sujud like this

00:23:54.440 like this for example now taking that to a marriage when you are for example we have this notion

00:24:00.260 in the muslim community in this 21st century everyone wants to be knowledge everyone wants

00:24:05.060 to get that back everyone wants to get in terms of marriage it's of a husband or wife but they don't

00:24:09.180 want to do the work in terms of themselves inwards meaning how to be a human when you shouldn't speak

00:24:14.500 how you should speak when to raise your voice as a muslim yes you can be angry yes you should restrain

00:24:19.860 your voice at times yes your woman folk or the woman around you you have to let them speak that's one of

00:24:25.060 the things emotional intelligence look i'm going to be very blunt here there's some men see if their

00:24:30.180 sisters get raped some of them look they'll tell their sisters you can get married tomorrow that's

00:24:35.780 that's the lack of emotional intelligence that they have imagine that you have that much

00:24:40.580 emotional intelligence that you're saying to your sister get married the next day subhanallah you know

00:24:45.220 a woman who gets raped you have to you have to actualize this that she might not get married ever

00:24:50.180 again that's a real possibility um it's it's a fact allah allah might have you know tested him with

00:24:57.460 that and may allah reveal all the relieve all the women who go through this because it's a reality

00:25:02.660 meaning that's why i just want to end this that is working on yourself before marriage knowing yourself

00:25:07.700 is very important because you know because we all have something in here when someone says something

00:25:11.940 you know that hit me that part of my character is very important like some of us might shy away from it

00:25:17.460 saying i'm not going to work on that because of my ego my mom or my dad you know i'm gonna i'm

00:25:22.020 gonna stay like this no you're supposed to change as a muslim as a muslim you're supposed to change

00:25:27.140 this this narrative of my mom my culture sorry sorry as a muslim the highest expectation is allah

00:25:33.380 and his and his mission uh meaning that obeyed allah and his uh and his messenger at the highest

00:25:40.420 levels constantly consistently at your pace meaning you look working yourself on a consistent basis

00:25:46.420 look rights and responsibilities yes my man wants to be this why i want to be this no you need to

00:25:51.540 understand that there's technicalities to it and as humans there's there's some things that you need

00:25:56.500 to understand when you shouldn't speak and when you should speak can i answer mark's question yeah so in

00:26:02.900 regards to the humility this is where i would say i agree with ali before when he was saying no you tell

00:26:09.540 your wife no if she's asking for a new Vuitton bag and you know you've got to make money for the rent or

00:26:14.980 you've got to pay for certain things that are your responsibility you say no i am not getting that

00:26:21.780 for you maybe inshallah if i say for it and whatever you as men you guys have to also implement your own

00:26:30.660 boundaries and you shouldn't feel bad for doing that because i know that men do feel bad sometimes

00:26:37.060 you know they feel like they need to really provide for their wife they really need to do and overdo

00:26:42.100 do because of social media or whatever definitely but no no no no you need to also know your boundaries

00:26:48.500 and if i had a son i'll be telling him the same my brother i would tell him the same don't kill

00:26:53.220 yourself to go and you know get her a Louis Vuitton bag and you you're not living within your means she

00:26:59.060 also needs to have that level and understanding however we do ask for romance do you know what i mean

00:27:06.820 we where we are asking for romantic uh you know nights or walks by the canal which isn't always

00:27:12.580 money which isn't always money but not all women are um like that bad yeah no it's true but a lot of

00:27:19.700 the times like um women do demand materialistic things right and it's slowly killing men it really

00:27:25.540 is the expectation for some men it's killing them the highest of suicide rate is in men even asian men

00:27:30.980 it's asian men can i just add something i think the reason um why first of all men when they

00:27:38.020 attract women who are very very materialistic it could be two things it could be something that is

00:27:43.700 in their internal state so they are also materialistic they've chosen her for uh looks they've chosen he's

00:27:49.540 also gone for exterior she's gone for exterior and he's gone for exterior that's number one secondly it

00:27:53.540 could be a test for him to test his boundaries a man who is very weak in his kind of leadership

00:27:58.580 and he's doesn't know how to communicate he's being challenged to to change a weakness within

00:28:05.620 him to say you know what you know what i understand where you're coming from but you know i can't do

00:28:11.380 so and so and as as a relationship as a married couple it is expected for there to be compromised

00:28:18.580 and to understand why she wants it why do you want a bag why do you want to go on this holiday

00:28:23.060 can we compromise is something that we can put a plan and work towards it's all about communication

00:28:28.180 80 percent of success in relationship is due to communication i think um there's more to it than

00:28:33.380 that communication is key but so is understanding the communication people people always talk to

00:28:38.180 each other but they still get frustrated now it's the way you communicate yeah and it's how stubborn they

00:28:42.820 are and and so all about the turn and it's about wanting to reach a resolution together because it

00:28:50.500 seems like there's a tug of war me versus you lack of kindness as well exactly and um yeah you one

00:28:58.340 thing one thing i remember sorry to interrupt everyone one thing i remember listening to i can't remember

00:29:03.220 he's here he's an expert on marriages or something along those lines and he said um

00:29:08.420 um oh that's it i almost forgot he said when p when couples um married couples are talking to one

00:29:16.340 another about something instead of instead of trying to help one another come to a solution

00:29:20.820 they're arguing one another's points instead of help instead of trying to understand what they're

00:29:25.540 saying to reply but remember that sorry okay he's already taking it well but yeah you know the difference

00:29:32.500 between saying understand and overstand the it's important to understand what the person is trying

00:29:38.100 to say to you instead of arguing or it's like or instead of taking it as a as an attack it definitely

00:29:43.220 comes as maturity though when people are talking to you and they're going and or for example if you

00:29:47.380 were if you were saying something to me saying oh we can't get pizza today instead of me just saying

00:29:52.340 instead of me saying to you oh that's all right actually i'm gonna go oh yeah but why like last time

00:29:57.380 we got like there's no need for that just i'm just be like be kind and like understanding me being

00:30:02.420 it may be an underlying reason as to why you tell me that and move on and that goes to the

00:30:06.340 a lot of uh these situations end up in an argument because women will tell the man i'm

00:30:13.300 i'm gonna get onto the men here a little bit yeah women will tell her husband a woman will tell her

00:30:18.580 husband i want to go out first time okay yeah babe all right i'll take you out second time babe

00:30:26.500 you know i'm really i want to go out you know i've been at home blah blah blah

00:30:32.420 okay acknowledged no action third time i want to go out again no acknowledgement no action

00:30:42.340 so then it gets to that boiling point reliability as well she's just like bro i want to go out you're

00:30:48.580 not taking me out i've been telling you again and again and again i'm bored i want some excitement and

00:30:54.820 that's the thing we're we're not wood women are not pieces of wood just we also have emotions and

00:31:00.820 feelings and we want excitement and unfortunately um as much as we we don't want to acknowledge that

00:31:07.940 social media can sometimes take a toll it can and it can influence a wife women are looking at their

00:31:15.220 surroundings you know and also in the standards no not even for standard just just on a observatory type of

00:31:24.580 vibe she's seeing what's happening around her and that can sometimes affect a woman's emotions

00:31:31.540 and her her mindset you know and she'll be like well i want to go out you're not taking me out

00:31:37.060 and then that can affect the relationship i think you know and i think it's only fair it's only fair

00:31:42.900 you know you know with men though like we're not mind readers at the end of the day and a lot of women

00:31:46.900 don't convey their feelings properly or accurately let me finish with this their tone you mentioned

00:31:51.940 tone right i've seen so you mentioned tone like tonality the way you speak in a you know yeah um

00:31:58.660 yeah so i think women sometimes lack that sort of gentle approach they'll straightway go to like

00:32:04.180 you know having a go at the man being aggressive this and that obviously the man's going to react

00:32:08.020 to an aggressive man you know what i mean and it's it's hard though we don't a lot of men don't

00:32:14.260 have the patience well you have to remember what you have to remember if we're talking about if

00:32:18.100 be able to take that out of a man it's a smart and wise woman will be able to get what she wants

00:32:25.620 from her husband with her with her femininity i'm sure i'm sure because we are grown men i know men

00:32:31.060 are six or six believe me when their wife are feminine let me tell you something i crumble like you

00:32:37.380 know i crumble when my wife is in a feminine energy but man is crumbling i don't care gym

00:32:43.060 boxing calisthenics big biceps i'm on the floor bro yeah why because because you know why as a man

00:32:50.020 i'm dealing with masculine energy i'm coming i've got masculine guys i'm going to the gym everyone's

00:32:53.620 walking about heart etc yeah i don't want to come home to another big bicep do you know what i'm trying

00:32:57.700 to say like so to me like when and i noticed this like for example i can remember one time i had an

00:33:03.220 argument with my wife and i realized i was in the wrong but just the fact that she wasn't like

00:33:09.300 the fact that she was just quiet they didn't say anything but into that journey i swear to god

00:33:13.780 but 20 minutes i turned to her and said i'm sorry because you know why i looked at her and i said

00:33:18.500 i'm actually i'm wrong and i said to look i'm sorry for for i'm just i apologize you know why

00:33:23.860 because she was in a feminine energy she wasn't like oh no no raggo like a road man i start talking

00:33:28.340 and i'm gonna tell you you want to be masculine i will talk to you masculine so that disarmed me

00:33:33.620 but today's woman they're on a bit of a mad tape yeah because when mariam alaihassalam when she came

00:33:40.260 with jesus back to her home to her people yes allah didn't tell her defend yourself and speak be

00:33:45.620 silent yeah she had to remain silent and that is a feminine trait sometimes people view that silence as

00:33:52.980 a as a weakness yes it is up to me to know am i am i being silent because i'm i'm scared and i'm

00:33:58.820 weak or am i using it as a weapon and this is this is what the western system has taught sisters that

00:34:05.060 no you go girl you do this that etc you all you're doing is putting yourself off us and you need to

00:34:10.740 understand that and the thing is with this is this expectation like my i have an ethos in life which

00:34:14.900 is i expect the least and i make the world for the best anytime there's expectations get ready for

00:34:18.660 disappointment i'm telling all of you guys yeah anytime you have expectations get ready for

00:34:22.500 disappointment in my head i just said to myself in that for example be it marriage or whatever my

00:34:27.860 expectations are low why some people are not probably ambitious but me being ambitious is a

00:34:33.300 different stall i'm talking about the woman i'm marrying expecting the least making the world for

00:34:37.460 the best in my head i said i'm okay if my wife doesn't need to cook every day she can if she like

00:34:42.820 if i want her to she would yeah makes amazing dishes i love it but even if she if i said to myself

00:34:48.020 even if she cooks two or three days a week argument's sake and if she made me a simple

00:34:52.580 sandwich in my head i registered it as i'm happy with that now if i'm happy with a sandwich what do

00:34:58.900 you think i'm going to be doing when it's a bloody lasagna or it's a biryani or if it's a roast because

00:35:03.940 my expectations is what i'm okay with a sandwich but when she goes the extra level but imagine if i said

00:35:09.300 now i want a five course meal and she gives me a sandwich how is it going to affect my psychology i'm

00:35:13.940 going to be like what do you see what happens when you have high expectations now the same thing

00:35:17.780 happens to our sisters they are easily influenced they have they're on their period they go through

00:35:22.900 menopause they are pregnant there's so many factors in place yeah and not only that you guys fall for

00:35:27.140 what you hear and when you have these friends who are putting this stuff in your mind and you're

00:35:30.820 watching this false reality of these irresponsible social media couples you are now unintentionally

00:35:36.820 oppressing us because you're coming to us with expectations yeah and what are these expectations

00:35:41.620 like he said these expectations are not your symbol like i just want to go out

00:35:45.620 no man has a problem taking his wife out zero you are not coming to us you are talking about

00:35:52.580 exceptions to the rule no it's not except it is exceptions to the rule some i'm so sorry if their

00:35:57.220 wife doesn't encourage them they're fine just being at home watching netflix literally some men will not

00:36:04.100 say okay i'm gonna take her out blah blah blah but my advice to men would be just pencil in a date once a

00:36:11.300 month or or once every other month that's not hard that guy's tapped in the head no no no that guy's

00:36:17.860 tapped in the head if he doesn't take his wife out once a month that's that's that's that's no i

00:36:21.300 think it's so important for men to at least no but it's sometimes you're saying that because alhamdulillah

00:36:26.820 you you have that mindset but there are some men i'm trying to yes there are some men who don't do

00:36:32.900 that sister was in an abusive relationship not abusive relationship taking that's that's mad i'm talking

00:36:37.700 about taking her husband never took her out like once a month no it was it wasn't like we had to

00:36:43.140 save money there's no such thing and yeah some people are like that they have that mindset they

00:36:47.780 even used to compare like oh like her husband used to say oh why are you um why does your sister spend

00:36:53.860 her husband go out and spend no that's that's a stingy man the prophet actually warned against

00:36:57.540 that there was a woman who came people like no no but the thing is this is a bad character because

00:37:01.700 at the end of the day he's a stingy man but we speak for everyone and we know and we know from

00:37:05.860 islam a woman can go to her husband's pocket and still if he's stingy he doesn't go he has a right

00:37:12.660 to go and get money out because this is her right so this kind of men i don't know is this is

00:37:18.260 please tell me no it is really really

00:37:24.260 use the mic use the mic use the mic if you're gonna say we can't hear you so you guys forgot to

00:37:35.700 mention that there's this problem where you know when when brothers like let's say your husband goes

00:37:40.660 out and does things for you um he'll he'll remind you like but in an in an argument i've done this

00:37:46.420 for you i've done that for you why though why though i get it okay okay okay i get it i get it

00:37:53.700 what a woman known for what a woman known for and you have a clear hadith i get it if you don't

00:37:56.900 feel appreciated no no no i don't feel appreciated you know sister lucky why do we feel unappreciated

00:38:04.020 we know let's be honest to when i get angry when they get upset when they're on their period

00:38:10.020 they say things they don't mean but to us we don't register that they don't mean you are a stingy

00:38:14.820 guy you i've never seen any good from you and your finger and woman do they say that or am i lying

00:38:19.460 please be honest i do do women what i would add to do women say things what i would what i would

00:38:24.580 say is let's say a woman's had an argument yeah uh with her man or a disagreement or something like

00:38:30.180 that usually and tell me if i'm if you guys experienced it but uh you can be with your own

00:38:36.420 sisters so you know stop uh so yeah for me in a nutshell i think like my ethos in life is basically

00:38:42.660 expecting the least and making dua for the best uh because a lot of the times what happens is a lot of

00:38:47.700 people go into marriages and many things with high expectations and if you have high expectations

00:38:52.340 be ready for disappointment so to me i expect the least and i make the one for the best so i'll say

00:38:56.820 oh allah for example i'm happy with my my wife making a sandwich totally happy i'm okay with the

00:39:02.580 sandwich i'm just happy with that yeah if i have a good woman i'm not going to complain about bloody

00:39:06.660 sandwich well it's good you get what i'm trying to say but i can make dua and be like oh allah i would

00:39:10.180 love her in my head yeah i'm just giving an example so to me i'm happy with the sandwich now if

00:39:14.500 it's the other way around and i expect the lasagna and i get a sandwich i'm unhappy i'm

00:39:19.460 disappointed so sometimes we're sisters you need to understand something allah has created you guys

00:39:23.540 in a very unique way if you think about it why has allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in the quran hasn't

00:39:27.940 gone into details what you're going to get in jannah in jannah have you ever wondered that because to

00:39:32.020 us it's very simple allah says and he gives a very brief detailed description of how they're going

00:39:36.580 to look and we get excited and guess i cannot wait to go jannah very specific because we know what we

00:39:41.460 want direct to the point with you guys when you have a discussion and you want to ask your friend

00:39:46.180 what time we're meeting you start talking about like the moon and then you go to like the galaxy

00:39:51.540 and then you go to like a boat and and then and then you come to oh what time we're meeting because

00:39:55.380 your brains are wired like that because you guys tend to talk more than we do it's not a bad thing

00:39:58.980 that's how you're wired so the thing is when you guys have these false reality in in your head

00:40:04.100 and you're watching social media couples you're watching this couple they're going on holiday

00:40:07.380 they're doing this and the expectations are increasing and increasing it makes us feel

00:40:11.700 in gratitude when we have when there is an argument and we are made to feel oh you're like this or i've

00:40:18.580 never seen any good from you you're always this is and as men which was mentioned sister parina is that

00:40:23.780 of course we're going to now talk about the favors that we do because look quran ayah very clearly says do

00:40:30.260 not render your good deeds by reminding people this ayah doesn't fit here because we are outright being told

00:40:35.540 that we are useless individuals and as a man your love language is love romance etc to us is respect

00:40:43.540 you are outright disrespecting us by seeing look what he does or comparing us to other husbands or

00:40:49.060 making us feel that we're not good enough so do you see where we come from when we are made to feel

00:40:53.860 like that and your expectations are so high please anas tell me why you disagree with me no finish

00:41:00.340 finish okay so in a nutshell your expectations are so high and sometimes i believe women can't

00:41:05.220 pinpoint what they really want am i wrong to say that that they do not know what they want there's

00:41:09.860 so many things am i please correct me i'd love to be corrected i feel as if like in your psychology

00:41:14.980 you genuinely do not know what you want you can't put your finger in a man in a man and sometimes in

00:41:19.860 general so he has a one and a half minutes your time stop so firstly like the point i wanted to

00:41:25.940 make was that even in disagreements you're supposed to be uh somewhat of respect meaning you don't talk

00:41:32.580 like a donkey you don't talk with raised voices uh as the quran states and the other thing is that

00:41:37.620 during the prophet's time it's like he went a whole month without his wives i don't know if you know this

00:41:42.900 meaning wives were asking there's a prophet which he couldn't provide meaning prophet chose himself he had

00:41:48.500 two choices to live like a king or to choose like a poor life now does this does this mean that uh

00:41:54.020 our women folks shouldn't you know yearn this materialism to a certain extent yes and no to the

00:41:59.140 extravagance of the persons the husbands or the the men from the community not having uh save their

00:42:05.460 pocket tight are you to a woman of understanding a woman of intellect despite her feeling just because

00:42:11.140 you might we can't use our experiences or the biology of us saying that you can't use an excuse

00:42:16.100 meaning we have to fight within us to say that despite this i'm still going to say this meaning

00:42:21.700 for example if your husband if you know your rent is one thousand pounds do you really expect your

00:42:25.700 husband to buy a one thousand pound gold watch you shouldn't be doing that meaning that you should

00:42:31.460 always try to see both sides of the party meaning that for example see when the prophet went away that

00:42:37.220 was he he he he didn't just go away like that there was some time again and again again and again

00:42:42.980 with the puffers or wives they they showed their side and after it revealed look you can either

00:42:48.820 leave the profit or you can choose or you can choose or you can choose the this uh the life of the

00:42:54.820 hereafter we've benefited this i think yes yeah so it says oh prophet say to your wives if you intend

00:43:03.860 to have the pleasure of the worldly life and it's in its charm then come on and i should give you some

00:43:08.980 stuff and release you in a handsome fashion so the prophet's being told to them because they were

00:43:13.460 obviously um causing a bit of difficulty for the prophet but if you intend to gain the pleasure of

00:43:18.500 allah and his messenger and the betterment of the hereafter then allah has prepared a great reward for

00:43:22.820 those who are good in their deeds oh wives of the prophet whoever from among you will commit right

00:43:26.900 this is going to the other issue but here allah is mentioned which she said something very profound

00:43:31.140 is that this dunya and all this glamour yeah or the akhira if your husband cannot give you that

00:43:37.380 there are women that are losing their good husbands and the akhira that he's going to help her

00:43:42.740 achieve at the cost of the dunya is the key here lastly i wanted to say that

00:43:47.460 it's look there's some some from a cultural standpoint or from whatever standpoint you are

00:43:51.460 some men yeah some men believe that you know me doing the bare minimum and the bare minimum means

00:43:56.820 provide protect and that's it no affection no love no mercy no nothing and they expect this no

00:44:03.940 as a husband you have to have everything just because you're tired from work or just because

00:44:08.260 you're this or just you're that or i've had a fight or i've had this no no what you have to

00:44:13.140 understand is rights and responsibilities and a man as a man you're supposed to be vision for for

00:44:17.300 this life and for the next five years 10 years 15 years on a daily basis how am i supposed to act

00:44:22.260 with the people around me you're just doing the bare minimum as thinking i'm a macho man and that

00:44:27.060 doesn't mean the term of a macho man just because we can't keep on saying or blaming the worst and

00:44:32.340 this and that as muslims we're the we're the leaders meaning not just leaders within our homes

00:44:36.900 but in the community as a worldwide or non-muslims and muslims alike that's that's that's very

00:44:42.420 important you can't just keep on blaming on the west the west is this colonialism i'm not i'm not

00:44:46.900 i'm not saying that you know just last words i'm not saying colonialism and the other things

00:44:52.420 didn't play a part they still play a part they have played a part even in gen z my generation

00:44:57.060 you can still play a part yeah that's someone's um i think uh brother brother anas made a very very

00:45:05.860 good point um but going back to um brother ali um you kind of i i don't i'd maybe i didn't understand

00:45:13.780 your point but you said that oh that when it's a man he's saying oh i've done this and i've done this

00:45:18.420 it's not the same as when a woman does it how is that different when when a man when a woman says oh

00:45:24.900 i did this for you and i did that but when a man does it it's not the same no i said that i said

00:45:29.700 for example that for example for example if our wives we're look when we go and work to us we see

00:45:36.740 that as a form of love language we're seeing we're going out there we can do work that can we can die

00:45:42.340 in the process we are more actually we're more prone to die because of anything an altercation on

00:45:46.020 the road do you get it we men we have lethal force uh like for example giving childbirth as well

00:45:50.980 sorry there's more risk no no no it's irrelevant she can die like with but but but do you see

00:45:55.860 do you see what this goes down to now it goes for a tit for tat i never said i never said a woman

00:46:00.100 doesn't we know for example if a woman dies giving birth she's a martyr the point i'm saying is we are

00:46:04.260 more prone to die that it be in the workplace be in an altercation be it protecting you guys we're

00:46:09.380 full-time bodyguards by the way if he comes if a thief comes breaking the house best believe my wife

00:46:14.180 is going to say listen bounce get out please please please go sort this and guess what if i die in the

00:46:18.980 process you know she she could get married again i'm trying to say so you won't think twice you

00:46:23.300 won't think twice about doing that we're not a problem it's in our blood we love it man dying for

00:46:26.900 it's all day every day so what i'm saying is in a nutshell is that when our wives when we go and

00:46:31.380 work and our work is the appreciation is seen as you just have to what you mean i just have to i do it

00:46:37.060 because i love you and i work for you and when you come and tell us oh but you're stingy or you're

00:46:41.380 like and if he's not i'm saying if he's not when your words are a bit harsh and you say that of

00:46:44.980 course a man's going to remind you and say but i work for our family i do this and that

00:46:49.700 he reminds because he's been now there's ingratitude that's coming from the wife okay

00:46:54.260 so he's reminding the faders of that mindset this is you the type of women you're speaking about have

00:46:59.300 a specific mindset okay those specific type of women they need to be dealt with in a very very

00:47:05.780 different way and psychologists a lot of therapists they have a they have a tactic

00:47:10.580 so basically sorry we would like to know what is that so obviously i'm not like that professional

00:47:16.660 in that sense but there's they speak there's a specific tactic with women who who have that kind

00:47:22.420 of personality you see but but but a lot of women have this it's a very common it's a common because

00:47:27.700 the process said he went to the hellfire and it's a majority of his inhabitants women and they said why

00:47:32.660 is it because they're ungrateful that they said no they they are doing it yes they're doing it to

00:47:38.580 to their husbands so the process also gave a solution but if a man does it as well it's the

00:47:42.820 same on him so if it is he he spoke about who is more prone to do it we're looking at what the

00:47:47.940 process said we know for example woman look we have the power of taraq yeah okay that is the reason

00:47:53.220 because allah's created you guys in it you know where you're emotional sometimes you see things you

00:47:56.180 don't mean understandable you guys initiate divorce more than we do that's why allah's giving the taraq to

00:48:01.380 us and also allah's kept this in check by giving us the free options of taraq and if you look at

00:48:05.780 imam qurtub is tafsir he says the reason why it was limited to three is because the

00:48:10.420 quration men used to abuse their hot wives what they would do is they'll say talaq the woman would

00:48:14.980 go and they'll say i'll take you back and they will do this without a limit so you're not allowing

00:48:18.740 her to move on with her life so allah stipulated the three meaning after the third one brother that

00:48:24.900 woman has full rights to go get married without you so that talaq is actually there to protect you so

00:48:30.420 what i'm seeing is from the dynamics there's certain things you are prone to do one of the things is

00:48:34.340 what being in grateful to your husband what did the prophet say the husband will be good if they

00:48:39.860 see one bad what do they say i've seen no good in you that is the crux of the matter to mention one

00:48:46.100 last thing about when a woman doesn't um when she says when she says oh i want i want this and i want

00:48:53.940 that i think there's nothing wrong with a man communicating what he wants from his wife and

00:48:59.140 what a woman wants from her husband it's a it at the end of the day it goes back to negotiation

00:49:04.820 a man can tell his wife oh you know what um i like for example i like you to do your nails for

00:49:10.100 example or i like it doesn't mean that oh my god why are you like this and why do you expect this

00:49:14.180 from me and why do you it's sometimes we like to see our husbands do specific things for us but it

00:49:21.540 doesn't mean that it's compulsory it doesn't mean we're forcing them it doesn't mean it's about

00:49:25.380 negotiation at the end of the day because there's harmony it's a sakina it's home if if there's that

00:49:32.340 tug of war then what's the point of the relationship anyway you know the problem with like negotiations

00:49:37.380 and um these sorts of discussions right who's more prone to being like more emotional the man or the

00:49:43.060 woman so what i'm saying is when a man wants to communicate something to his wife that knows it's

00:49:48.900 going to be quite like you know a debatable topic he's just going to not talk about it because he knows

00:49:52.900 it's going to cause issues in the household you know i mean just make before we move on from that

00:49:57.220 point i just want to make a point of um the prophet ibrahim alayhi salam when he went to go and visit

00:50:03.860 his son i believe it's isha and he knocked on his son's door and the wife was just complaining about

00:50:12.260 everything complaining about the house complaining about everything and he left a message and he said to

00:50:18.020 to to the wife when your husband gets home tell him to change the gate of the door yeah tell him to

00:50:25.700 change the the the front no the gate the gate of the door so when he came when his son came back

00:50:34.500 she gave him the message which meant obviously change this woman she's not she's divorced her so when

00:50:41.300 ibrahim alayhi salam came back he found that ishaq had made a got a different wife and she was grateful

00:50:49.540 she was very grateful and he said please keep the door you know keep this gate of your home now i think

00:50:57.060 this is a good reminder for men if your wife is severely ungrateful change the gate of your door what are we

00:51:06.420 forcing this thing and killing ourselves we have many examples in our deen of situations where you

00:51:15.620 can leave a woman if she's just ungrateful and wants the world from you let her go and find uh

00:51:22.420 zakaria from down the road and see if if she it gets more tricky when there's kids involved and there's

00:51:28.740 you know cultures i don't believe i don't believe you don't think it's more tough i don't believe in

00:51:33.540 that i'm so sorry i believe that if two parents are not happy it's more detrimental to the children

00:51:42.020 of course we can fight for our kids and of course we can you know be and try and be patient and

00:51:48.340 sober yeah i i agree but when there's a woman and she's actually above the type of woman ali is trying

00:51:54.740 to describe here you leave that woman but the women that we're talking about the women that just want

00:52:00.260 a date once in a while this is something completely that's why that's all shocked to be like no men

00:52:06.180 that are doing this men some men yeah i know a lot of men they're raised in the hood they're raised

00:52:13.220 in the areas that nobody has taught them romance a lot of them don't know how to be a romantic

00:52:20.500 husband we know how to be soft with them we had an episode with sister and i may be rovers about that

00:52:26.100 basically they told us how to be like the love language romance expressing a lot we had a whole

00:52:30.500 episode men just think straightforward and i get exactly you know but they need to understand that

00:52:36.580 actually when you now get married and this is why i say a lot of people should not be getting married

00:52:42.020 until they have that sort of training yes you need to have pre-marriage counseling you need to have be

00:52:48.260 spoken to you need to understand the basics and this is why the bitter truth show is really good because

00:52:55.060 at least you guys can hear this before you get into marriage you cannot just think you're getting

00:53:01.220 into this marriage and oh this is going to be my wife and i'm going to chill no this is not that you

00:53:06.020 need to be romantic very very key like yeah this is a man you have to otherwise it's gonna die out

00:53:10.420 okay yes yeah um so i was um so i was gonna make the point of you know where i was talking about

00:53:18.740 there's some men who will remind their wives of oh i did this for you and then they'll go to the

00:53:23.700 point of oh you wouldn't have this if it wasn't because of me and they make them feel so so low and

00:53:29.940 most of the time these women don't work and they don't have their own income coming on coming in

00:53:35.620 and they're completely reliant on their husband and he knows this and he uses this as a leverage over

00:53:42.020 her um to say to say look you would have this if it wasn't if it wasn't because of me or but no like

00:53:49.380 you you she wouldn't have that if it wasn't because allah gave you that provision to be able to

00:53:55.140 provide for her you know because i've seen a lot of like buddha say like and say that you know you

00:54:02.260 know everything like i've given everything my wife has i've given it to her no like allah has given

00:54:08.340 that to you allah has given you that ability to provide for your wife yeah yeah no no no no

00:54:16.180 especially like in our community there's a lot of women like sorry i was going to say especially

00:54:20.980 like in our community there's a lot of women like who will go to their husband these words are so

00:54:25.380 dangerous i'm going to come to and by your sister amira you have so much amazing contributions

00:54:29.780 and don't worry about this this point i'll tell you why i've done that to his wives oh i provided and i did

00:54:34.660 this and i did that he wouldn't have done that just no either yes because they do that i'll tell

00:54:39.700 you guys if a man tells his woman every time i do oh you are here because of me i made you

00:54:48.420 point blank financial abuse it is emotional abuse it is abuse you as a husband should never open your

00:54:56.980 fix your lips to turn to your wife and say i've made you you're clothed because of me you are

00:55:04.420 now abusing that power that's it yeah that's what i was trying to get to as a woman if you're

00:55:10.100 suffering from this i suggest you do have a divorce and if you've got sister sister no no

00:55:15.540 hear me out okay finish your sentence listen i'm the byproduct of that okay i'm a child from that

00:55:21.540 and i swear it's so cruel to see two parents fighting and arguing all the time i thought like yeah

00:55:28.420 wouldn't they separate already and then how like the kids would have it easier do you understand it's okay

00:55:34.180 it's not fair and the child forget okay this is this is this is the reason why um i'll be very

00:55:38.580 blunt and to the point this is why men are leaders what you guys said a couple of and by the way look

00:55:43.060 may allah bless you guys well i appreciate what you're saying etc we are here to talk about this

00:55:46.740 matters if i'm wrong i'll put my hand up and say i'm wrong and tell me if i'm wrong we've saw some

00:55:50.580 very we said some very dangerous stuff here and this is irresponsible behavior even if it came from me

00:55:56.980 to mention the word oh if this happens divorce this is such a dangerous statement what i mean

00:56:02.340 it's not when you're not great no i know i know sister about the gate thing i know i know i know

00:56:06.180 but what i'm saying i i know i know i know but even when sister amira said which i i kind of agree

00:56:10.180 where like you know if she's been ungrateful even then the word divorce we need to be very careful

00:56:14.420 you know why i'm how many couples are watching this and you know what they're going to do i do this

00:56:19.220 they get something for example terminologies they don't even know what it means what does

00:56:25.220 do you mean by that financial abuse what do you mean by that you're controlling what do you mean by

00:56:29.380 that so what happens is we have people who apply it to their self so what they say is okay so we've

00:56:33.620 said some stuff there's a sister watching this who's had an argument with her husband and her husband

00:56:38.660 why she's had an argument with her husband is because she keeps going to her husband and comparing

00:56:42.420 him to others and the husband has to remind them say listen but i don't i'm not talking about

00:56:46.740 that no she never spoke about that good she spoke about an extreme case good good of men yes who

00:56:52.980 spit back what they do into their woman's face and we have a clear i'm not saying that you should

00:56:58.500 divorce exactly so this is why good however it is it is an emotional good no no no no no you're scared

00:57:07.460 of these words we're not taking it out of context you're being scared of the word yes the word abuse

00:57:12.980 sometimes we can abuse our power it doesn't mean it's oh this major thing no if if you are spitting

00:57:20.740 back what you do for your wife on a regular basis oh i pay for this oh i do this and the same for

00:57:27.620 women i'm not saying it's not the same for women i'm saying the same that's why i use the example

00:57:31.780 of the prophet ibrahim alaihi salam but if a man is doing this constantly in his wife's face that is

00:57:39.380 emotional abuse that how is the woman meant to feel if he's always saying she's gonna eventually

00:57:44.740 if you do i i provide your lifestyle i get your food this is your response guys guys that's what

00:57:52.180 i'm saying let's bring clarity to the matter so we understand what we're talking about is it

00:57:55.620 emotional abuse when he says that if he's doing it i believe by definition do we accept that i i

00:58:02.420 i accept that as well is it emotional abuse when she goes to her husband and says this person does

00:58:08.820 that you are stingy you don't do nothing is that emotional abuse she said over and over again one

00:58:14.580 second if she is making him film like crap because of her expectations of instagram is that emotional

00:58:20.740 abuse good who did it and who did the emotional okay who did the emotional abuse start from if it

00:58:26.820 started from the woman's side where remember we talked about what do women want if she's had this

00:58:30.500 instagram she's watching all these expectations then taking on her husband who's working hard but

00:58:34.500 can't afford the stuff that she wants and then he's been told now you don't do this you don't do

00:58:38.500 that where is the emotional abuse but now you've created a scenario good you've created a relationship

00:58:43.620 scenario you know why this person you know why you know what's the mirror because we're talking

00:58:47.860 generally you know how many people are going to take that genuinely and apply to this specific household

00:58:51.700 and no that's our problem that's our problem because that's our problem sister let me tell you why

00:58:57.060 let me just finish in the quran allah himself he says that the kitab itself which means that even

00:59:07.380 the quran itself can misguide people and it can guide people but it is depend it depends on the

00:59:12.660 person if he's a fasa so what we need to go back to is we need to not practice and um not practice the

00:59:19.620 traits of a fasa which is not applying allah's rules so anyone can understand anything there are

00:59:25.860 millions of people who watch this and some of them will take the good there's a verse that says

00:59:35.220 i'm not going to say that everything we said in the show is 100 right but i anyone who's watching

00:59:40.100 this and i'm saying it from the depths of my heart and from someone who's been searching for so many

00:59:44.260 years do your research not everything we say on this show is a hundred percent just because some people

00:59:50.500 have authority just because someone is a mentor just because someone's a coach it doesn't mean

00:59:55.060 that their word is gospel do your research why because allah will guide you that is fundamental

01:00:00.740 and you know do your research on what financial abuse means what narcissist means and don't apply

01:00:06.740 it say oh you know what just because you know what yeah you want some because by the way there's a

01:00:11.860 research that says that we all can um act narcissistically like we can so and just because

01:00:19.780 i for example just because someone looks in the mirror like one of the traces that a narcissist looks

01:00:24.180 in the mirror a lot just because someone has this little trait isn't it he's a narcissist you cannot put

01:00:28.340 a judgment because allah says in allah alone is you know is going to do that is going to has the

01:00:35.780 authority to have that judgment a man today can commit zina tomorrow he's good to his parents the day

01:00:40.740 after he reads quran the day after he gives sadaqa the day after he beats a man up and then the day

01:00:46.500 after he's good to his wife and the day after he says sorry how are you going to judge that person

01:00:49.940 you're not going to be able to do that no i i understand that but the point here is it still

01:00:53.460 stands the thing is we have a responsibility here as people are watching this that we clarify certain

01:00:58.980 things because at the end of the day the process was walking with his wife and he he he had to

01:01:03.860 do two companies that saw him he went to them this is the mystery of allah he went to them and said by

01:01:07.380 the way this is my wife he said oh mystery of allah of course we didn't doubt anyway he said

01:01:10.660 shaitan runs through the veins of adam so the point is yeah what we're seeing is somebody can easily

01:01:15.220 watch this take this argument that we're seeing and apply it to their marriage and say see they're

01:01:21.300 talking whoa whoa rewind rewind we're talking about that's why i was like let's break it down

01:01:25.940 because our words have consequences very very important that's why i'm so stuck on this to get

01:01:31.540 this out of the way because i know this can break marriages and i know this show is the opposite

01:01:35.220 so if i can just wait without being cut please yeah the point is this is that when it comes to

01:01:40.100 issues we need to clarify because i said if the wife is the one who is comparing him and making

01:01:45.380 him feel like crap by the way yeah and by this very big phenomenon happening in the community a lot of

01:01:49.620 muslim women are oppressing their wives i mean their husbands in a very very bad way so now because we

01:01:55.540 have this pandemic yeah so for example if he was living at a time where men were the culprits of domestic

01:02:00.180 abuse yeah then it would be unjust for me to brush it aside i'll be like no this is the focal point

01:02:04.020 because it's happening a lot so now in this era when we're talking about this i have to break it

01:02:08.180 down and say if a woman is saying that to her husband has she initiated the abuse yes good

01:02:14.260 now if the husband then comes and says well but do i not buy your clothes look look at the tone

01:02:19.700 not hey i buy your clothes i own you no no but do i not buy your clothes but do i not work hard for

01:02:23.940 our family i'm saving up for a holiday yeah is that does that apply to that man no it doesn't thank you

01:02:29.220 no it doesn't mind it then that's fine but if it's a constant context is important and then he's

01:02:33.940 trying to clarify clarify yeah but i was talking about if the man is constantly like she comes to

01:02:41.860 him and she asks hey now he's the aggressor you see it now in this instance he's the aggressor because

01:02:48.100 now he's not even doing the basic bro she wants to take it's crazy to me that a woman a man doesn't

01:02:52.420 take his wife out i'll be honest i'm gobsmacked i i'm finding it very hard to believe it could even

01:02:57.300 be like she needs some money like let's say she needs some money he has to protect and provide

01:03:03.060 that's what i'm saying like this doesn't say like um it's especially like within our community

01:03:08.900 like if a if a if a wife who's not working goes to her husband and says hey like i need some new

01:03:14.500 clothes yeah can can you give me some money like he'll be like no like you know yeah i disagree with

01:03:20.020 that no but i wouldn't say no they'd question it they'd question it and he'd do it in a disgruntled

01:03:24.580 way he'd be like if you need like 50 quid for like clothes or something the man will be like oh

01:03:29.140 but why do you need that well that's that's a general that's that's generally how it is let's

01:03:32.580 say it's generally i guess i'd say so i guess what i'm saying is very subjective because i've seen it

01:03:38.020 yeah i've seen it too i've seen the man is never i wouldn't say never but the man often isn't

01:03:42.820 willing to just give 100 quid here and there for the for his missus to get uh clothes he'll question it

01:03:47.220 quite a bit even 100 sometimes even 20 like he'll question it sorry sorry i've seen that i'm so sorry

01:03:54.900 yeah look if if they're like again we have to put it into context and there has to be a balance

01:04:02.020 if a man says no not it's not just because he's saying that if he's saying i can't give you 100

01:04:08.820 quid just to go and waste it on clothes you have to understand as a woman as well

01:04:13.860 no but this is your household it's your economy yeah the point and his money is your money yeah

01:04:21.540 so if he doesn't stand that that his money is her money is is actually out of context if he's unable

01:04:28.180 to give that's that's a different story what the sister was saying is when the man has the facilities

01:04:32.820 the finances and then he says no they refuse him when he when he says like uh oh what do you need it

01:04:38.020 for like you don't need this even if he still gives it the way he speaks his tone like he needs to

01:04:42.900 explain properly that's i've seen that very common yeah it's very that is true during a dating phase

01:04:48.020 or whatever you know when you're like thinking is this person to marry he'll be so willing to give

01:04:51.620 money let's go to fancy places when they're actually married he's not willing to do the finances to

01:04:56.100 facilitate that and i think yeah my generation though that's unbelievable to me man you know what

01:05:02.180 that's right by the way you know what i'm talking about i think i've seen that more in the older

01:05:06.020 generation because like yeah that's terrible these don't work and what sorry it was one and a half

01:05:11.060 minutes i don't need one and a half minutes but no all i wanted to say this is from when we talk

01:05:15.540 about co-parenting i've been sitting there for so long um i just wanted to mention the difference i

01:05:20.260 think some parents have and i've witnessed this firsthand personally so i i think i know what i'm

01:05:25.060 talking about um certain parents who don't want to break up for their children's sake do do more harm to

01:05:31.140 their children because not only do you see the fighting side of what goes on whether it be

01:05:35.300 physical or verbal when they finally break up and they leave each other there's they're not

01:05:39.860 co-parenting they want i'm having a child today no you're not yeah you're doing this no you're not

01:05:45.700 like oh are you taking him swimming like no not today ah and then you've got arguments whereas if you

01:05:50.900 are mature about it yeah and you don't stay with each other for the sake of the kids when in reality

01:05:56.260 for the sake of the kids actually makes the life for the kids more difficult in the future

01:06:00.660 you should actually sit down with one another and think about what is best for yourself and for

01:06:05.300 the other person because not not enough the people actually think about themselves when when in a

01:06:11.220 relationship when they have kids if you look after yourself and you look after your wife

01:06:15.380 and you look after that relationship you will be able to be stronger for your children so if say you do

01:06:22.260 end up breaking or you do end up losing feelings for your wife or your husband and say you need to sit

01:06:27.700 down with one another and actually go through the reasons why and you can't fix it then split up

01:06:32.100 agree to co-parent and do things properly because otherwise you are going to make your children's life

01:06:37.380 hell i absolutely promise you can we have some that's all like that's all i wanted to say

01:06:42.980 we've got about 10 15 minutes on this episode can we just have some solutions now what advice would

01:06:46.500 you give to young sisters who are watching this who may have high expectations or what they want in a

01:06:50.180 man um what would you say that for example should we start with the brothers maybe brothers give

01:06:54.900 advice to sisters because we're men in it what what would you say to young sisters who are looking

01:06:58.420 to get married and they have this high expectations as men to our sisters you know and then our

01:07:03.540 sisters to our brothers uh you know that what women look for so we can educate ourselves inshallah

01:07:08.260 so what would you say to me imagine a young sister who's looking to get married i'd say i'd say if you

01:07:11.700 if you look if you've got expectations which are high that's completely normal you can have it if you

01:07:15.620 want but then you have to bring something to the table as well like what i don't like using this

01:07:19.300 terminology um like they say high value man high value woman if you're looking for a high value man

01:07:25.380 you yourself have to be a high value woman i if your man's going to provide for you like financial

01:07:29.460 security and everything yeah you need to be able to clean cook look after the kids you still got your

01:07:34.900 right to stay islamically but you have to put your effort into and i've seen it maybe you guys are

01:07:38.980 different but very common for me women aren't prepared to like look after the household look after the

01:07:43.540 children a lot of them just want to go out do this and i got food instagram all of that that's just my

01:07:48.340 personal experience so if you're looking for a high value man are you yourself a high value woman

01:07:52.820 yes that's all yeah so so firstly i wanted to say in terms of what sister mirror said in some of the

01:07:59.060 future in terms of what the prophet abraham said to his sons and similarly umar i think he said the

01:08:04.100 same thing to his son as well you know take my opinion divorce your wife these are case by these

01:08:08.900 situations when it was granted only then because what our parents do is like they have that thing within

01:08:13.940 not saying you know the authority so it's a bit you have to be careful when you say this stuff because

01:08:18.660 it's like it's a case for a case situation secondly i would like to say is that a lot of people a lot

01:08:24.420 of youngsters my generation they don't know themselves okay they don't they don't know themselves meaning

01:08:30.900 they don't know what they really want or what they want or they're filtered by these these external

01:08:35.780 factors where actually it clogs their their mental faculties maybe wanting more or maybe wanting less

01:08:41.460 and also i wanted to say was that look in terms of the the dean there was a man who came to the

01:08:47.220 when he came to umar khattab and to all the people was i have this notion yeah where people want this

01:08:52.260 bandwagon umar khattab was this strong he was this strong he didn't take any heat no so because these

01:08:57.620 people would do some people to my generation specifically they said i want to be this macho man

01:09:02.900 but if you there was a man who went to umar khattab he knocked at his door it was like he could hear

01:09:07.700 some voices what happened was that the man went back and then umar khattab he opened the door back

01:09:12.740 again he's like he's like brother what why did you know whom i did and then umar khattab was like

01:09:18.820 he said what did you want and was like i came to your door because my wife was giving me slack

01:09:23.700 my wife was saying this i was complaining man you know he used to carry a stick in the marketplace just

01:09:30.260 to make sure people would stay in line he used to he used to be in the mosque and people the people

01:09:34.340 used to complain saying that you know allah i'll put all my tawak on allah and allah will bless me

01:09:38.580 with wealth he used to be the man who carry sticks when he was at home he said you know my wife she

01:09:43.620 complains i'm not going to leave her just because she stops complaining or this or that so it's very

01:09:48.980 important knowing yourself what you can handle what you cannot handle before marriage don't think

01:09:54.020 because a lot this is a disgusting notion that our deen is just this feel good factor of like um

01:10:00.340 my morning routine no it's not a morning routine it's not the it's not a way of life it's the way

01:10:06.820 of life look the way of life seemingly like other religions say oh no but why this no it's the way

01:10:13.620 of life because why is that especially my generation and the generations you could say millennials they

01:10:19.540 feel that because of the movies it clogs their brain saying that they don't think in years time three

01:10:24.740 years time five years time and they don't plan out their life expecting jannah everything you do in

01:10:30.740 life has to be some sort of route to jannah and if you have anything clogging that you need to take

01:10:36.420 it away reassess your situation no matter in the deen your your money your fame no matter how you want

01:10:42.740 to get to jannah you need to actualize even your marriage meaning that marriage is a major thing you can

01:10:48.660 either enter hell or heaven this one i've gone blank um it happens don't worry it's okay it's okay

01:11:01.940 i think there's nothing on the spot um uh for the for the sisters that want to get married to a man

01:11:07.940 and they have high standards we spoke about this on a previous episode uh it's okay to have high

01:11:12.660 standards yeah that's absolutely fine and for the man that has the means to provide that that's even

01:11:17.060 better um i think humbleness is a big thing for me and i think we've already repeated this like two

01:11:23.140 or three times if you can maintain humbleness yeah you will be able to like i don't know whether this

01:11:30.260 is a flex or not probably is but you'll be able to attract a lot of men towards you if you are humble

01:11:35.540 whether they're rich or not humbleness is says a lot about your personality so that's what that's that's

01:11:41.060 that's what i have to say okay and what advice would you give the young men watching this um you know

01:11:46.180 to young women huh do you say young women uh young men or you can speak to you it's up to you like

01:11:51.860 you know if you want to um well what i would say is yes to the to the to the women before you even

01:11:57.940 think about like finding a man what you want in a man is know your rights in islam know your rights

01:12:05.540 in islam and you know find out who you are you need to know who you like like the brother was saying

01:12:11.620 you need to know who you are what you want from life what your purpose is in life build your

01:12:17.460 connection with allah before you even think about what i want in man and automatically automatically

01:12:25.220 the right man will come into your life you won't even like have to work too hard like

01:12:29.220 i want this i want that work on yourself work on yourself that's all i will say okay

01:12:35.300 super arena um well i was gonna say whether um but to add to that i would say

01:12:46.420 men need to know their rights and women need to know their rights in a marriage to say a couple

01:12:51.300 and you both have to make sure you talk about it you put everything to the table what will i not tolerate

01:12:58.180 what will i tolerate both sides it's like a mutual thing and compatibility is also like a massive thing

01:13:04.580 like you hear like you've got someone who's got deed but you don't like doing anything together

01:13:10.660 like going out for a walk oh no i just i don't like walks i wouldn't get tired do you get what

01:13:15.140 i mean you need compatibility as well as you know your rights man knowing your rights putting all your

01:13:20.820 cards on the table before you realize it's the one okay now let's inshallah so yes what was

01:13:27.380 we came to sisters having high expectations in a man um it depends if it's materialistic expectation

01:13:35.460 that is something that is a dunya progress and that can be done over time in its time um but that

01:13:40.740 shouldn't be the priority i think the priority should be the the values like i mentioned at the

01:13:44.820 beginning of the episode which is core values and i know a lot of brothers said oh you know what women

01:13:49.700 say that they want these things but realistically they don't um and yeah but those are the fundamentals

01:13:56.820 what are men actually practicing these things are women actually practicing these things for them to

01:14:02.580 attract that kind of man allah says which means if you're a tayyib you will attract a tayyib if you're

01:14:08.980 a khabith you're gonna get a khabith it's it's it's rocket science so if you want if you want someone who's

01:14:15.540 gonna be your person on you on this journey of the dunya you have to embody the character

01:14:24.740 that you want the person like the man that you want to be with it it's just it is what it is and

01:14:30.100 the man as well he can't say you know i want this i want that and he's not he's like he's not that

01:14:34.740 person that he wants that woman um also another thing is that before you get married is that you

01:14:40.900 have to know you and your partner or the person you're going to get married what is my what is our

01:14:45.540 purpose in life together like what are we walking towards how are we going to benefit the ummah

01:14:50.660 how what is our message and when you have a shared goal you are able to walk like to to drive together

01:14:58.900 and sail together on that journey it becomes much more fun it becomes much more exciting we even get

01:15:04.660 excited for the challenges that come our way like now when me and my husband we get challenges on

01:15:09.380 there on the way and it's like hard and sometimes it's painful and sometimes it is sleepless nights

01:15:13.620 and sometimes it is days of crying but there's so much beauty and there's so much essence of

01:15:18.740 rahma and mawadda and keeping that respect i think it's a balance you know and yeah so i just think that

01:15:25.700 it's about the values it's about the values practicing them not saying oh yeah i want a man who's patient i

01:15:31.140 want this and this and this and then you're not even doing anything about your anger issues you're not

01:15:34.660 doing you're not taking courses about your how to um you know communicate by the way i was the worst

01:15:40.980 communicator in the world i was the worst and i lost a lot of relationships a lot of friendships

01:15:48.420 because of my communication because i wasn't able to be open because i wasn't able to express myself

01:15:53.300 but guess what i was like you know what i'm not going to let that stop me i took courses i listen to

01:15:57.860 so many different people i listen to people in the west i listen to mashaikh and it has grounded me and

01:16:02.580 it's actually in fact surprisingly enough that i wasn't going to come today to the show because

01:16:07.300 my husband had a kind of precautions about it but i made it and i convinced him and he came with me

01:16:13.380 accompanied me with so much love and he supported me so a wise woman can actually get what she wants

01:16:19.700 from her man in the right way and in the most smart way because it is possible i think shaitan just

01:16:25.540 tries to come and say oh you know it's you you can't do that and this and this and this

01:16:28.660 be aware that shaitan is on is in between whether shaitan which is the humans who try to separate

01:16:35.540 um listening to false information or if he does this and drawing conclusions i think gaining a a

01:16:41.540 very clear understanding and negotiating and when we have a problem it's me and you in this contract

01:16:48.820 it's not my mom it's not my dad it's not my friend who went on a holiday it's not that and there's

01:16:53.060 nothing wrong with wanting specific things oh baby i want i want a holiday i want this but then

01:16:57.700 there's compromise there's ground rules there's ways of doing it you know so i think i think that's

01:17:04.420 if anything comes up then but yeah so i mentioned the boat before and i would love to have a boat and

01:17:14.260 i want that for myself i don't want that from my mind so what i'm trying to say is what i'm trying

01:17:21.940 to say is you said before about being high value yourself to find to have a high value man like i

01:17:29.540 would i want to have a boat i want a man that's moving i want a man that's a leader i want a man that's

01:17:36.740 god fearing i want this i want these i want these things i would expect him to be on like a nice

01:17:45.540 like the same level he'd have like a fast mustang with something parked or you know i'd want him to

01:17:52.260 like synergy with me if you get what i'm saying no there's nothing wrong with that well i'll be

01:17:56.660 honest with you and what you never know so we might inshallah find you

01:17:59.380 uh no no i'll be honest the reason why i'll be honest i find it like very young subhanallah i

01:18:06.420 don't know what the word is but it's like cute in the sense where like masha that's your dream

01:18:09.540 you want you want somebody dreams are very good yeah exactly if there's a brother out there and

01:18:14.580 you like sailing catching fishes inshallah inshallah yes no problem marry contact the sister's

01:18:20.980 contact the sister's father inshallah and yes you might even do any cow on a boat yeah you can rent it

01:18:26.260 yeah no problem maybe yeah yeah yeah and if you do call us to the boat inshallah yeah my point is

01:18:34.340 why i want a boat is because i've healed i had my problems and i realized you know what i love boats

01:18:41.460 i love the sea i love the water i'm no honestly i've healed myself i've had to like look into that

01:18:47.540 closet find the demons i want my man to have the same thing yeah no look sister the thing is with this

01:18:54.180 because the thing is that some people like i've mentioned some for some people it's being alone

01:18:57.700 in a forest like so some people the different people they're not i'm being honest if people have

01:19:02.020 like some people they find it like it's funny because it's unheard like because you're fixing

01:19:06.260 on the boat but to you that means a lot yeah some people it can be like i don't know i want to go to

01:19:10.740 i just want to be in the car well i just want to it's for different people it means different

01:19:14.660 things it has significance for you and there is absolutely nothing wrong because it brings you

01:19:18.900 peace exactly yeah it reminds me of noah's ark come on bro like it's growing it's growing on me

01:19:24.260 i might take me and my wife to go on the boat they're going about no i like it's it's it might

01:19:27.860 be all the animals the birds exactly there you go may allah bless you with the husband inshallah

01:19:32.420 yes inshallah unless you need bro how many sisters like yeah i have a ferrari this that boat bro there

01:19:36.980 you go i want to go yeah my point is it's the healing thing yeah i've healed so if you're looking for

01:19:42.900 someone you have to find them on the same level as you they have to have healed themselves and to

01:19:48.980 to the guys out there you need to do the healing to the girls out there you need to do the healing

01:19:54.180 don't don't expect like yeah a gucci bag that's a gucci bag is not going to heal that nice shoes

01:20:00.900 are not going to heal that never exactly may allah bless you yes it's sending me

01:20:04.100 inshallah um so yeah i was gonna say a lot of things but so much has been said

01:20:12.740 yeah the boat is definitely in my head so i'm gonna be on a yacht in dubai i'm joking but

01:20:19.540 so for me i would definitely say for the men out there if you are in a marriage and your wife is

01:20:27.620 continually asking you for dates or whatever just pencil it in make time because what it is for women

01:20:35.860 is when you aren't given that action it just it translates to us as we you do not value us in

01:20:45.220 that way or you do not value us enough to make that time for what we believe is important for

01:20:51.540 the relationship so it's very important to take time for what you have like you you said a contract

01:21:00.820 you've made that contract of life of marriage so you need to work on that both of you together

01:21:08.100 you know marriage is something that we have to work on nourish water you know so it can grow

01:21:14.340 and and become very beautiful and i'm not saying it's this fairy tale thing of course there's ups and

01:21:20.180 downs and i'm not telling women out here to divorce their husbands because he won't buy you a ferrari or a

01:21:28.500 lamborghini or uh uh you know these material things no this is not what we're saying

01:21:34.660 yeah i just wanted to very be clear on that because i'm not an advocate of you know i believe

01:21:41.380 that when you get married anything good comes with trials and tribulations and when allah loves you he

01:21:47.620 tests you so if you're in a marriage and there's it's testing and there's trials there's challenges

01:21:55.540 you have to be patient in these situations however there are the extremes that was said here of women who

01:22:03.380 are ungrateful and overly you know demanding of things not even thinking for a second of how

01:22:10.100 this has an effect on her husband or the man vice versa of how it's not having effect how this is

01:22:16.900 affecting his wife however we just have to be fair and balanced you know and honestly moms dads out there

01:22:26.580 before you send your beautiful children out into marriage please train them speak to them about these

01:22:35.060 things you know take them to to bangladesh pakistan rwanda wherever to to teach them humility so they can

01:22:43.060 really see what this dunya is about and it's not just cars fashion glam take them to the cemetery if they

01:22:50.980 have to as a reminder to bring them back down to earth yeah because it's it's not all about the

01:22:57.700 glitz and glam and not everything that glitters is gold okay so just yeah it's it's a an illusion

01:23:05.780 it's all part of that but yeah working on yourself is very important taking accountability understanding

01:23:13.060 one another and doing that work to to to have a solid foundation and inshallah marriages will

01:23:20.980 keep in one tap i was just saying one one thing i need to wrap up guys i was gonna say a strong

01:23:27.460 family unit it means a strong umma exactly it's true um and guys international you heard from the

01:23:33.220 sisters what they want in a man um and we have talked about the extremes you know make sure that

01:23:37.540 balance we don't go overboard uh because otherwise you could hit a wall and realize that all those

01:23:42.500 standards are going to drop at one point when you realize you know your age is getting older etc so yeah

01:23:47.780 and i'm not sure you've heard of it inshallah uh and yeah it's just from us like i said that allah

01:23:52.340 in the quran tells the prophet's wives if you want the dunya you can have the dunya but the akhira is

01:23:56.660 better inshallah that we work and we're jannah driven inshallah when we married and we think about

01:24:00.980 jannah if we do that our lives will be better and different inshallah uh till next time after this

01:24:06.980 episode or maybe the episode might come before is we've got a whole episode of how um but the sisters were

01:24:12.180 basically teaching us how to be with our wives uh love languages we literally it was such a good

01:24:18.260 episode i recommend all the brothers to watch how to express your love to your wives uh when you come

01:24:22.340 home we talked about it was so good well i learned so much from it so watch that episode so as men we

01:24:27.540 educate ourselves to know how to communicate to our wives and understand their love languages as well

01:24:32.100 which is very fundamental because the emotional being they they they they fall for what they hear

01:24:36.580 just tell them beautiful like well i'd be honest like like i've said this in the other episode

01:24:40.580 actually like i'll be honest say that like when my in the morning you know everyone looks terrible

01:24:46.020 in the morning yeah okay but to me like i'll be honest when my wife walks in the door i'll just be

01:24:49.380 like yo look at that painting yeah like like and and look even and me alhamdulillah i know like to

01:24:54.980 me she is in my eyes but even for some brothers if you don't deem your wife to be a painter whatever

01:25:00.020 you guys want to call in today's day see it's even if that's what the process allowed white lies

01:25:05.300 it makes them feel good you lose nothing bruv you lose nothing but anyways that's for the

01:25:10.180 next episode till next time for the bitter truth uh it is it is it is uh but it's a beautiful lie

01:25:15.140 uh till next time assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

01:25:18.980 the prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam said whoever builds a masjid for the sake of allah

01:25:23.780 allah will build for him a similar house in jannah on that day where allah subhanahu wa ta'ala tells

01:25:29.700 us that our books will be given and every little atom weight of good deed you've done will be there and

01:25:35.700 imagine you see a mountain and you're like what a lucky person which righteous person

01:25:41.220 and allah says this is for you for me yes what did i do you allow people to pray you built a

01:25:47.860 masjid i never had the money to build a masjid oh allah you helped you gave towards it and allah

01:25:52.900 gives you the reward of as if you've built it donate now guys and do not delay and share the video for

01:25:58.580 extra rewards

Ali Dawah - December 14, 2023

WHAT WOMAN WANT IN A HUSBAND？ - EP 19 ｜｜ BITTER TRUTH SHOW

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