Ali Dawah - WILL YOU MARRY A DIVORCEE？- EP 6 ｜｜ BITTER TRUTH SHOW

00:00:00.000 Why is divorce frowned upon?

00:00:02.720 I always bring it down to one issue in the ummah

00:00:06.840 It's the lack of taqwa and self-accountability 1.00

00:00:09.240 Okay, from a personal point of view, I'll be honest

00:00:11.380 I will find it very difficult to marry somebody who's divorced

00:00:14.460 I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please

00:00:16.300 And a lot of mothers think that their sons are angels

00:00:20.580 That they just fell from the sky and they are perfect

00:00:24.120 Marrying a divorced woman, they think, oh gosh, no

00:00:26.580 My son deserves the best, he deserves a princess

00:00:29.120 Even if he's divorced himself, he still deserves a queen

00:00:33.000 The guys, even if they're not in love anymore, they're going to carry on

00:00:36.540 The sisters, it seems, that when they lose that romantic attachment and that love

00:00:41.640 And they start comparing and so on, they will fall out

00:00:44.100 With the Somali community, like personally myself

00:00:46.740 I've realised that they don't frown upon divorcees

00:00:50.000 I know now sisters that I mentioned before

00:00:51.880 Who are actually turning to non-Muslim men

00:00:54.120 Because they are more accepting of divorced women

00:00:56.820 You're going to grow up, you're going to do all those things

00:00:58.420 You're going to get married and you're going to

00:00:59.960 It's like a status thing as well

00:01:01.600 And it's like, if you are divorced, you're bringing shame upon the family

00:01:04.600 The Desi subcontinent culture does frown upon divorce a lot

00:01:10.060 But I think it's more complex than that because there's a reason

00:01:15.300 In early stages, for a man, it's, oh yes, amazing

00:01:18.560 For a woman, it's misery, etc 1.00

00:01:20.220 On the long run, you guys heal faster

00:01:23.200 Sisters who have been divorced, they are most likely to work 10 times harder to make that marriage last 1.00

00:01:28.740 Than anyone else who hasn't got that experience

00:01:32.040 Islam Net is raising funds to establish a masjid and community centre in Norway

00:01:48.020 And they urgently need your support

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00:01:59.160 Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh brothers and sisters and dear friends

00:02:02.200 Welcome to another episode of The Bitter Truth

00:02:04.080 I hope you guys are benefiting from this insha'Allah

00:02:06.260 And do us, give us your feedback

00:02:07.900 If you believe that we should improve in certain aspects

00:02:10.180 Whatever it may be, we are open insha'Allah

00:02:11.580 Before I start, I want to praise Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala 0.98

00:02:14.920 The most merciful, the most just

00:02:16.020 Or praise His glory and gratitude belong to Him

00:02:17.720 We hope that these sessions that we do

00:02:20.120 The aim is that it helps you guys at home

00:02:23.560 Who's on the verge of divorce

00:02:24.720 Which is going to be our topic today

00:02:25.980 Or those who are looking to get married, who are married

00:02:28.520 Whatever it may be

00:02:29.400 Our aim is insha'Allah to help the family unit

00:02:31.260 And that we can have Muslims who are striving to the hereafter 0.95

00:02:34.180 Together, insha'Allah

00:02:35.540 So yes, so The Bitter Truth

00:02:37.760 The email is here

00:02:38.300 If you want to get in contact

00:02:39.180 You're going to be among the panel

00:02:40.420 Like our honourable sisters

00:02:41.440 Our brothers here as well insha'Allah

00:02:43.060 Please get in contact insha'Allah

00:02:44.260 And yeah, if you have any questions

00:02:45.980 You can send it there

00:02:46.680 So, in a nutshell

00:02:48.240 A lot of people complain I speak fast

00:02:50.340 But I think I need to slow down

00:02:52.240 Let's introduce our honourable esteemed guest

00:02:55.740 Halu, the one and only 0.99

00:02:56.880 Tell us a bit about yourself, please

00:02:59.020 Assalamualaikum

00:03:00.200 My name is Salih Azeez

00:03:01.660 What can I say?

00:03:07.500 I'm very smart, very intelligent

00:03:08.920 Can you stop talking about me and yourself?

00:03:11.140 Oh, sorry, sorry

00:03:11.760 No, no, but I just want to say honestly

00:03:13.820 All jokes aside

00:03:14.780 Everywhere I go

00:03:15.780 I'm by far the most handsome person there

00:03:18.020 Masha'Allah 0.98

00:03:18.500 But today I feel very, very uncomfortable

00:03:20.460 Because brother Gabriel Azeez

00:03:20.760 This brother here

00:03:22.040 Masha'Allah 0.98

00:03:22.580 Is very, very handsome

00:03:23.480 When I walked in

00:03:24.840 My heart started beating

00:03:25.620 Honestly

00:03:27.040 Like

00:03:27.560 In today's time

00:03:28.940 I'm trying to

00:03:30.060 I'm trying to like

00:03:30.820 Speak slowly

00:03:31.560 Because I'm stuttering

00:03:32.300 Like Masha'Allah 1.00

00:03:33.100 Every time I look at him

00:03:34.040 I got low on my gaze

00:03:35.040 You know what I mean?

00:03:35.440 Masha'Allah 0.98

00:03:35.700 He's a very good looking guy

00:03:36.560 So, yeah

00:03:38.040 Masha'Allah 0.98

00:03:38.820 Thanks for your introduction

00:03:39.620 You're welcome

00:03:40.200 You're welcome

00:03:40.540 Brother Gabriel

00:03:41.700 We know you of course

00:03:42.860 But just a big introduction

00:03:44.160 Of what you do

00:03:45.140 Bismillah

00:03:46.300 Alhamdulillah

00:03:46.900 Salat

00:03:47.300 As-salam

00:03:47.540 So I'm a positive

00:03:48.960 Islamic psychology counsellor

00:03:50.180 And I work

00:03:52.220 With

00:03:52.900 Rebuilding masculinity

00:03:53.980 In the Ummah 0.72

00:03:54.560 I have a Muslim

00:03:55.280 Alpha Men course

00:03:56.360 Masha'Allah 0.98

00:03:56.940 Halou

00:03:57.520 Do you want to sign up?

00:03:58.980 A little bit of

00:04:00.120 Me too

00:04:00.380 I'm on you as well

00:04:01.060 Am I not on it?

00:04:02.040 Am I not on it?

00:04:02.740 You're on it

00:04:03.180 Thank you

00:04:03.800 So, yeah

00:04:04.360 We can join together

00:04:05.160 Masha'Allah 0.98

00:04:06.060 So, yeah

00:04:06.620 It's just a little bit of advertising

00:04:08.020 If it's okay

00:04:08.560 No, of course

00:04:09.100 Of course

00:04:09.560 Of course

00:04:10.300 How could we not

00:04:10.860 Masha'Allah 0.98

00:04:11.100 You're here for the sake

00:04:11.920 Of the Ummah 0.99

00:04:12.440 Doing something

00:04:12.860 How could we not support it?

00:04:13.980 The link will be there

00:04:14.660 If you want to

00:04:15.280 Insh'Allah

00:04:16.060 Go check it out

00:04:16.860 Insh'Allah

00:04:17.060 Brothers and Sisters

00:04:17.620 Brothers who are sleeping

00:04:18.800 On the couch

00:04:19.320 Maybe time to wake up

00:04:20.380 And, yeah

00:04:21.340 Check Brother Gabriel Romani's

00:04:22.380 Insh'Allah

00:04:22.660 Programme

00:04:23.240 What's it called again?

00:04:24.060 Muslim Alpha Men 0.98

00:04:24.820 Muslim Alpha Men 0.98

00:04:26.240 Some sisters get scared 1.00

00:04:27.320 When they hear that

00:04:27.820 But we'll come to that later

00:04:29.080 Our Honourable Sisters

00:04:30.260 Please

00:04:30.620 If you can start

00:04:31.640 Just introduce yourself

00:04:32.180 Briefly, please

00:04:32.720 As-salamu alaykum

00:04:33.660 I'm Fahima Muhammad

00:04:34.700 A broadcaster

00:04:35.700 Live coach

00:04:36.400 Speaker

00:04:36.760 And work on different channels

00:04:38.820 Yeah

00:04:40.080 As-salamu alaykum

00:04:43.020 I am Sister Saul

00:04:44.740 Bring it closer to yourself

00:04:46.880 I am known as well

00:04:50.040 To be Madina Twins

00:04:51.160 For the brand

00:04:51.900 Madina Paris

00:04:52.580 We design

00:04:54.040 And encourage

00:04:54.960 Sisters

00:04:55.340 To be back to modesty

00:04:56.800 The real one

00:04:57.660 The beautiful one

00:04:58.380 The blessing from Allah

00:04:59.760 Azzawajal

00:05:00.280 And as well

00:05:01.200 I have a personal page

00:05:02.180 Sister Saul

00:05:02.740 When I talk about

00:05:03.620 Divorce

00:05:04.640 Healing

00:05:05.160 Marriage struggle

00:05:06.200 Motherhood struggle

00:05:07.480 With all honesty

00:05:08.740 And encouragement

00:05:09.840 To sisters

00:05:10.460 To go back to femininity 1.00

00:05:11.800 And being very careful

00:05:13.380 With this all

00:05:14.320 Feminism movement

00:05:15.920 I mean may Allah bless you

00:05:17.120 From the proving line

00:05:18.140 To your personal thing

00:05:19.520 To your

00:05:20.540 Promoted femininity 1.00

00:05:22.740 There's something that's needed

00:05:23.820 May Allah bless you

00:05:24.380 Inshallah

00:05:24.600 And preserve you

00:05:25.160 And allow you to carry on

00:05:26.620 Inshallah

00:05:26.880 And sister 0.50

00:05:27.920 As-salamu alaykum

00:05:29.120 I am Ira Dean

00:05:30.500 I currently work in a school

00:05:31.820 As well as

00:05:32.620 Create contact

00:05:33.540 Content to help

00:05:35.300 Muslim women 0.79

00:05:36.120 Understanding Muslims

00:05:36.880 Better

00:05:37.140 To become all sort of aware

00:05:39.000 Which will

00:05:40.120 Benefit them

00:05:41.100 In becoming closer to Allah

00:05:42.100 May Allah bless you guys

00:05:43.160 Inshallah

00:05:43.540 And our honourable sisters

00:05:44.580 So just to

00:05:45.540 Got a new concept here

00:05:46.760 By the way

00:05:47.220 Just to introduce you

00:05:47.860 This is the bitter buzzer

00:05:50.800 So

00:05:51.120 Argument's sake

00:05:52.240 If somebody is saying something

00:05:53.400 Which you disagree with

00:05:54.160 It can be from outside

00:05:54.760 By the way

00:05:55.180 And you're like

00:05:55.820 You know what

00:05:56.080 Maybe I need to drop

00:05:57.100 A bitter truth here

00:05:57.780 So the moment you press it

00:05:59.020 I finish my sentence

00:06:00.200 And you've got one and a half minute

00:06:01.220 To vote in

00:06:02.340 Okay

00:06:02.880 Very smart

00:06:03.560 Okay cool

00:06:03.980 Yeah

00:06:04.220 So especially for you

00:06:05.520 Because I know you need it

00:06:06.100 But

00:06:06.280 You're only allowed to use it once

00:06:07.680 Yeah

00:06:08.740 Because you know

00:06:09.080 You don't like to get married again

00:06:10.100 So once is enough for you

00:06:11.360 Yeah but I disagree with a lot of things you say though

00:06:12.900 Then you're going to have to

00:06:14.240 Take a picture

00:06:15.220 Yeah

00:06:15.860 So anyway

00:06:16.960 So guys

00:06:17.380 Today's topic is

00:06:18.040 Quite a serious one

00:06:19.040 And

00:06:20.620 It's the matter of

00:06:22.740 Divorce

00:06:23.300 Divorce is looked down upon

00:06:25.820 We talked about this on our episode

00:06:27.240 Kind of briefly

00:06:27.700 Touched up on

00:06:28.220 On it

00:06:29.020 Should it be frowned upon

00:06:30.200 Should divorce be frowned upon

00:06:31.480 And after we discuss that

00:06:33.120 What is the healing process

00:06:34.620 And also

00:06:35.740 Is there lessons to be learned

00:06:37.420 Divorce

00:06:37.700 Is divorce a bad thing

00:06:38.800 Is it a horrible thing

00:06:40.000 Is it something that

00:06:40.840 Teaches us something

00:06:41.700 So in a nutshell

00:06:42.840 Let's start off with

00:06:44.200 Why

00:06:45.580 Is divorce

00:06:47.220 Frowned upon

00:06:48.240 And then we can move to

00:06:50.060 Healing from that

00:06:51.900 Let's start off with

00:06:55.240 The sisters

00:06:55.720 Let's start off with

00:06:57.900 Let's start off with

00:06:58.000 Just a song

00:07:00.280 I'm not sure if I'm qualified

00:07:03.360 To speak about the

00:07:04.580 Main causes of divorce

00:07:06.080 Not cause

00:07:06.700 But do you think

00:07:07.260 Like divorce

00:07:07.800 Is it

00:07:07.980 I always bring it down to

00:07:10.620 One issue in the Ummah

00:07:12.700 Is the lack of taqwa

00:07:14.220 And self accountability

00:07:15.220 For the most part

00:07:16.860 I mean

00:07:17.200 If we have to summarize

00:07:18.720 All the causes

00:07:19.600 They come

00:07:20.080 We have like

00:07:20.940 One thousand causes

00:07:21.780 Of divorce

00:07:22.300 But I always think

00:07:23.760 With all honesty

00:07:24.720 Is the lack of taqwa

00:07:26.340 From brothers or sisters

00:07:27.240 And the lack of

00:07:28.340 Self accountability

00:07:29.000 Before you were talking

00:07:30.520 A lot about therapy

00:07:31.560 And I was explaining

00:07:32.800 To the sisters

00:07:33.340 Like we are in

00:07:34.260 An assisting society

00:07:35.940 Brothers and sisters

00:07:37.300 Are struggling

00:07:38.080 With self accountability

00:07:39.040 And it's the first step

00:07:40.880 To healing

00:07:41.560 To fixing a problem

00:07:43.400 To anything

00:07:44.360 Even to going back

00:07:45.260 To Allah

00:07:45.780 Azzawajal

00:07:46.840 You have to first 0.90

00:07:47.620 Realize that

00:07:48.300 You are in trouble

00:07:49.440 Or you need fixing

00:07:50.540 So for me

00:07:51.660 Those

00:07:51.920 For me

00:07:52.500 Are the two main causes

00:07:53.880 Of divorce

00:07:55.220 Okay

00:07:55.860 Sister Aya

00:07:56.380 You talked about

00:07:57.060 For example

00:07:57.520 The Asian community

00:07:59.080 And

00:07:59.920 When it comes to divorce

00:08:01.400 How is divorce viewed

00:08:02.400 In your community

00:08:03.240 And because

00:08:04.460 You did mention

00:08:05.220 That you yourself

00:08:05.940 Got divorced

00:08:06.540 So

00:08:07.460 I do know

00:08:08.940 There is like this

00:08:09.720 You know

00:08:10.320 Negativity 0.99

00:08:11.280 Like

00:08:11.640 Oh you should never

00:08:12.380 Get divorced

00:08:13.020 By all means

00:08:14.340 Please

00:08:15.320 So like you said

00:08:17.360 Divorce is

00:08:18.120 100% frowned upon

00:08:19.500 It is the most

00:08:21.240 Despicable thing

00:08:22.200 A woman can do 1.00

00:08:23.120 And sadly

00:08:24.280 It's always

00:08:24.920 The woman who is

00:08:26.000 Too blameful

00:08:27.220 Because I think

00:08:28.220 Culture is toxic

00:08:30.520 So the South Asian culture

00:08:32.120 Is very 0.52

00:08:32.660 Very toxic

00:08:33.480 And we are told

00:08:34.740 From a very young age

00:08:35.520 Our

00:08:35.940 Sole purpose in life

00:08:37.880 Is to grow up

00:08:39.060 Become a wife

00:08:39.900 Turn your house

00:08:40.840 Into a home

00:08:41.520 And raise the children

00:08:42.740 And therefore

00:08:44.120 When you are unable

00:08:44.880 To do that

00:08:45.300 For whatever reason

00:08:46.060 Not saying

00:08:46.440 That it is

00:08:46.700 Sister's fault 1.00

00:08:47.340 Because

00:08:47.900 You know

00:08:48.460 There's two sides

00:08:49.140 Story

00:08:49.960 The blame

00:08:51.680 Comes down to you

00:08:52.560 Like there is

00:08:53.300 Something wrong with you

00:08:54.040 You are broken

00:08:54.740 You are defected

00:08:55.980 And

00:08:56.440 Now nobody's

00:08:57.960 Going to want you

00:08:58.480 Because now

00:08:58.940 You've got a past

00:08:59.720 You've got a history

00:09:00.600 You know

00:09:01.200 You've broken

00:09:01.760 My marriage

00:09:02.400 Now people are

00:09:03.280 Going to be worried

00:09:03.860 That you're going

00:09:04.300 To break their homes

00:09:05.160 And

00:09:06.360 A lot of mothers

00:09:07.760 Think that

00:09:08.420 Their sons

00:09:09.140 Are angels

00:09:09.960 That they just

00:09:11.500 Fell

00:09:11.900 From the sky

00:09:12.640 And they are perfect

00:09:13.540 So then

00:09:14.580 When they think

00:09:15.200 About

00:09:15.660 Marrying a

00:09:18.180 Divorced woman 0.99

00:09:18.720 They think

00:09:19.060 Oh gosh no

00:09:19.880 My son deserves

00:09:20.800 The best

00:09:21.300 He deserves

00:09:21.760 A princess

00:09:22.360 Even if he's

00:09:23.760 Divorced himself

00:09:24.600 He still deserves

00:09:25.900 A queen

00:09:26.360 Interesting

00:09:27.620 Interesting

00:09:28.400 Okay bro

00:09:29.400 I was going to

00:09:30.720 Press the buzzer

00:09:31.340 But I

00:09:31.700 Oh you held

00:09:32.400 Yourself back

00:09:32.860 Use it

00:09:33.660 Because you might

00:09:33.980 Need it

00:09:34.260 You might need

00:09:35.360 It somewhere else

00:09:35.780 There's

00:09:37.940 There's a few

00:09:40.200 Things that I agree

00:09:41.020 With

00:09:41.300 From what you said

00:09:42.200 That there are

00:09:44.180 Certain cultures

00:09:45.020 That do frown 0.52

00:09:45.860 Upon divorce

00:09:46.560 A bit more

00:09:47.220 Than others

00:09:48.180 If you look

00:09:51.040 At a western

00:09:51.400 Culture

00:09:51.780 Right

00:09:52.300 It's

00:09:53.840 Muslims

00:09:54.600 Within a western

00:09:55.260 Culture

00:09:55.660 It's still

00:09:57.440 Frowned upon

00:09:58.180 But we see

00:09:59.520 A change

00:10:00.200 In that

00:10:00.960 That

00:10:02.580 Assessment

00:10:03.920 Like it's not

00:10:04.500 That frowned upon

00:10:05.840 Anymore

00:10:06.200 Right

00:10:07.120 And again

00:10:07.400 We're very

00:10:08.120 Influenced by

00:10:08.980 We're

00:10:09.500 You know

00:10:09.980 There's no

00:10:10.700 In Bangladesh

00:10:12.580 For example

00:10:13.120 Or Pakistan 0.99

00:10:13.980 It's a

00:10:16.060 More homogeneous

00:10:16.920 Culture

00:10:17.440 What does that

00:10:18.560 Mean

00:10:18.780 Meaning

00:10:19.500 Meaning

00:10:19.520 It's more

00:10:20.280 Agreed upon

00:10:20.900 Even though

00:10:21.280 There's

00:10:21.440 Differences

00:10:21.840 It's very

00:10:22.440 Homogeneous 0.96

00:10:23.180 Right

00:10:23.440 And it's

00:10:24.540 Quite heterogeneous

00:10:25.520 In the west

00:10:26.560 Meaning there's a lot

00:10:28.000 Of philosophies

00:10:28.660 A lot of

00:10:29.060 Ideologies

00:10:29.640 And the Muslims 0.99

00:10:30.180 Are influenced by it

00:10:30.940 There's no way

00:10:31.640 It doesn't matter

00:10:32.460 What people say

00:10:33.140 In the end

00:10:33.680 The environment

00:10:34.540 Will affect you

00:10:35.480 To an extent

00:10:37.100 Right

00:10:38.020 So

00:10:38.960 Indeed

00:10:40.520 The

00:10:41.080 The Desi

00:10:42.080 Subcontinent

00:10:43.040 Culture

00:10:43.620 Does frown upon

00:10:45.080 Divorce

00:10:45.700 A lot

00:10:45.900 But

00:10:46.080 I think

00:10:47.080 It's

00:10:47.400 It's more

00:10:48.880 Complex than that

00:10:49.840 Because

00:10:50.200 There's a reason

00:10:51.120 I can't

00:10:52.860 I understand

00:10:53.420 The sister

00:10:53.860 She's from

00:10:54.520 That culture

00:10:55.140 Yeah

00:10:55.960 I am married

00:10:57.060 Into that culture

00:10:57.820 So I

00:10:58.220 Have gone

00:10:59.280 There

00:10:59.880 Seen it

00:11:00.680 Understood

00:11:01.100 I lived

00:11:01.620 To an extent

00:11:02.740 Within

00:11:03.180 Certain

00:11:04.060 Dynamics

00:11:04.640 Of that

00:11:04.960 Society

00:11:05.480 Or

00:11:05.780 You know

00:11:06.220 So

00:11:07.140 But I don't want to make the argument

00:11:08.580 From experience

00:11:09.220 But

00:11:09.540 I would say that

00:11:11.040 There's some good to that

00:11:12.760 Because

00:11:13.960 If you look at the Pakistanis 1.00

00:11:15.740 The Bangladeshis 0.93

00:11:16.540 The Indians

00:11:17.440 The Desi culture 1.00

00:11:19.220 Yes

00:11:20.060 They do

00:11:20.980 Have a problem

00:11:22.080 With

00:11:22.320 What I call

00:11:23.440 Cultural Islam

00:11:24.380 Which means that

00:11:26.260 They make

00:11:29.800 Culture

00:11:31.040 Islam

00:11:33.040 Fit their culture

00:11:34.040 But there's also

00:11:36.260 Islamic culture

00:11:37.760 Which is inspired

00:11:39.200 From Islam 0.99

00:11:39.760 And definitely

00:11:40.760 Within the Pakistanis 0.99

00:11:41.560 There are some

00:11:42.380 Very very good

00:11:43.420 Aspects

00:11:44.560 So

00:11:45.180 Should people

00:11:46.360 Just jump into

00:11:47.080 Divorce

00:11:47.540 You find that

00:11:48.220 Within that culture

00:11:49.160 They do

00:11:50.300 Try to push it

00:11:51.840 As far as possible

00:11:52.820 Are they going to

00:11:53.980 Make a dholme in that 0.99

00:11:54.960 Well yeah

00:11:55.660 There is a lot of

00:11:56.560 Examples of dholme

00:11:57.500 But is that

00:11:58.420 Necessarily a bad thing

00:11:59.740 If they are

00:12:00.380 As the sister said

00:12:02.240 Like you're expected

00:12:03.240 As a woman

00:12:03.740 To become a good wife 0.55

00:12:05.480 Obedient wife 1.00

00:12:06.960 To build a good house

00:12:08.020 Those are good things

00:12:08.900 They are good things

00:12:09.480 Why are they negative things

00:12:10.740 They are good things

00:12:11.420 What becomes toxic

00:12:13.020 Is when people

00:12:14.320 Don't see

00:12:15.180 Where the truth is

00:12:16.460 For example

00:12:17.680 A lot of people

00:12:18.560 Come to me

00:12:19.000 With this question

00:12:19.720 But just because

00:12:21.200 And we just spoke

00:12:21.900 About in-laws

00:12:22.460 And I forgot to mention this

00:12:23.500 But they'll say

00:12:25.200 Just because

00:12:27.060 The elders

00:12:28.000 Or my father

00:12:29.480 Or my mother

00:12:30.140 You know elders

00:12:30.940 The concept of the elders

00:12:31.880 Is there

00:12:32.320 Does that necessarily

00:12:34.500 Make them right

00:12:35.720 So they kind of

00:12:37.000 They equate being right

00:12:38.420 With the position

00:12:38.980 Of that person

00:12:39.600 In the family

00:12:40.740 If it's the grandfather

00:12:41.980 He sits at the front

00:12:43.100 Of the table usually

00:12:43.820 Whatever he's the wise man

00:12:45.540 He might not even know

00:12:46.380 To read Surah Fathya

00:12:47.300 Properly right

00:12:48.060 But whatever he does

00:12:49.560 Or whatever he says

00:12:50.240 Goes

00:12:50.580 That's where the dholme

00:12:51.760 Comes in

00:12:52.420 Right

00:12:53.400 And you know

00:12:54.940 The Prophet

00:12:55.260 Like Omar Khattab 0.64

00:12:56.840 For example

00:12:57.520 He was saying

00:12:57.820 With Abdullah bin Omar

00:12:58.500 And with some of

00:12:59.320 The Kibar Sahaba

00:13:00.140 And Abdullah bin Omar

00:13:03.360 He had the answer

00:13:04.420 You know

00:13:04.620 But he said

00:13:04.980 I was shy to

00:13:05.760 Because of the

00:13:06.420 Kibar Sahaba

00:13:07.160 The big Sahaba 0.93

00:13:07.840 Right

00:13:08.020 He said

00:13:08.180 No that would have

00:13:08.760 Made me

00:13:09.020 I would be proud of you

00:13:10.860 If you just spoken

00:13:11.740 The truth

00:13:12.700 But they have knowledge

00:13:13.600 That's the difference

00:13:14.260 It's the knowledge

00:13:14.900 And the truth

00:13:15.520 Right

00:13:15.700 It's not about

00:13:16.360 Who you are

00:13:16.960 Of course there is

00:13:17.640 Respect for the elders

00:13:18.860 Yeah

00:13:19.320 But sometimes

00:13:20.220 That becomes toxic

00:13:21.840 If we take that over

00:13:23.200 The truth

00:13:23.680 I would say

00:13:24.100 That's where

00:13:24.520 The problem is

00:13:25.100 Is the culture

00:13:26.540 Itself toxic

00:13:27.480 I don't think so

00:13:28.260 There's a lot

00:13:28.960 Of great things

00:13:29.740 In the subcontinent culture 0.58

00:13:31.680 Yeah

00:13:32.120 Such as the

00:13:32.980 You know

00:13:33.200 Family

00:13:33.660 How united they are

00:13:34.940 Yes

00:13:35.320 The fact that

00:13:36.020 They're going to

00:13:36.900 Really sacrifice

00:13:38.420 For each other

00:13:39.200 As opposed to

00:13:40.140 Western culture

00:13:40.780 The smallest thing

00:13:41.680 Man

00:13:41.880 The smallest thing

00:13:43.160 Divorce

00:13:43.720 Yes

00:13:44.220 Divorce

00:13:44.780 Divorce

00:13:45.700 Divorce

00:13:46.360 Divorce

00:13:46.940 Right away

00:13:47.440 Right

00:13:47.700 Kholak

00:13:48.380 Kholak

00:13:48.720 Kholak

00:13:49.100 Kholak

00:13:49.520 Kholak

00:13:49.820 Kholak

00:13:50.220 Right

00:13:50.460 Three Kholaks 1.00

00:13:51.300 In one

00:13:51.740 If you follow

00:13:52.520 The opinion

00:13:52.920 You're finished

00:13:54.140 Yeah

00:13:54.520 But you see

00:13:55.120 In that culture

00:13:56.140 That's not going to

00:13:57.320 Fly that much

00:13:58.100 Right

00:13:58.280 Because people

00:13:58.920 Are going to

00:13:59.280 Interfere

00:14:00.180 There's certain

00:14:01.780 Appearances

00:14:03.020 That you have to

00:14:03.660 Maintain

00:14:04.000 Which is

00:14:04.380 Good and bad

00:14:05.360 At the same time

00:14:05.980 I think we need

00:14:06.640 To be very

00:14:07.220 Very specific

00:14:07.900 Okay

00:14:08.860 So

00:14:09.000 When we look at that

00:14:10.020 Interesting

00:14:10.380 May Allah bless you

00:14:10.920 Where do we draw the line

00:14:11.800 Because the thing is

00:14:12.460 It's like

00:14:12.760 I have like

00:14:13.820 I've seen

00:14:14.580 With the Asian community

00:14:15.380 Etc

00:14:15.700 This concept

00:14:17.200 With the Somali community

00:14:18.800 Like personally

00:14:19.560 Myself

00:14:20.200 I've realised that

00:14:21.700 They don't frown upon

00:14:22.820 Divorcees

00:14:23.440 Like they don't

00:14:24.140 It's like

00:14:24.840 It's calm

00:14:25.480 Like you marry a divorcee 0.97

00:14:26.480 You don't see that

00:14:27.440 With the Somali community

00:14:28.360 From what I've seen

00:14:29.060 Like with the Asians 1.00

00:14:30.240 I have seen it

00:14:31.200 You're from Iraq 1.00

00:14:32.180 Kurdistan

00:14:33.400 Kurdistan yeah

00:14:34.080 But you're on Iraq side

00:14:34.960 I'm Kurdistan as well

00:14:36.140 But Turkey side

00:14:36.680 Yeah okay

00:14:37.140 Cool

00:14:37.320 Yeah

00:14:38.340 So from your culture

00:14:40.080 Is there a problem with that?

00:14:41.880 Okay

00:14:42.200 Okay

00:14:42.720 So from your culture

00:14:43.960 Is it frowned upon divorcees? 0.89

00:14:46.280 Like especially a divorced woman 0.99

00:14:47.640 Because this is a reality

00:14:48.480 Let's be real here yeah

00:14:49.180 When a woman is divorced 0.96

00:14:50.600 It's not the same

00:14:51.400 When a man is divorced yeah

00:14:52.400 Okay in Islam

00:14:53.300 They're both divorced

00:14:54.040 Divorce is a divorce yeah 0.99

00:14:55.100 Divorcee is a divorcee 1.00

00:14:56.580 But the thing is

00:14:57.280 When it comes to

00:14:58.640 Not following Islam 1.00

00:14:59.660 And following your culture

00:15:00.420 As if like

00:15:01.440 Like I said

00:15:01.920 The woman becomes

00:15:02.660 Like tarnished

00:15:03.280 And I'm like

00:15:03.660 Where does this come from?

00:15:07.100 Sorry can I

00:15:07.860 Yes sister please

00:15:08.860 Yeah yeah

00:15:09.140 Something about what you just said

00:15:11.220 That the

00:15:12.920 The push that our culture gives us

00:15:14.940 Can be beneficial

00:15:15.840 It's a bit like

00:15:16.840 Say someone criticizes you

00:15:18.080 It's up to you

00:15:19.000 How you want to take it

00:15:19.800 Either you can get really offended

00:15:21.120 Or you can act on it

00:15:22.500 So

00:15:23.480 Even though

00:15:24.340 That is good

00:15:25.100 Our culture doesn't see it like that

00:15:27.320 And they don't portray it like that

00:15:28.500 Because

00:15:28.860 When you are young

00:15:29.780 Your parents

00:15:31.700 I mean I'm Pakistani

00:15:33.000 And so

00:15:33.860 I'm going to talk for my culture

00:15:35.000 They want you to

00:15:36.380 Live your life

00:15:37.780 According to their terms

00:15:39.460 So you're going to grow up

00:15:40.920 You're going to do all those things

00:15:41.740 You're going to get married

00:15:42.540 And you're going to

00:15:43.260 It's like a status thing as well

00:15:44.920 And it's like

00:15:45.480 If you are divorced

00:15:46.280 You're bringing shame upon the family

00:15:47.900 Exactly

00:15:48.340 So

00:15:49.380 I agree to that

00:15:50.120 Exactly

00:15:50.580 Yeah

00:15:51.180 Interesting

00:15:51.540 I just want to add the fact that

00:15:54.180 Very often women 0.99

00:15:55.560 Are double victim

00:15:56.920 They are victim from

00:15:58.100 I'm talking about the one

00:15:59.240 That's been left

00:15:59.900 Abundant

00:16:00.520 Victim of oppression

00:16:01.640 They are already victims

00:16:03.540 Of whatever traumatic event

00:16:05.800 They had to go through

00:16:06.820 But then

00:16:07.720 This victim

00:16:08.860 An accusation

00:16:10.140 Constant blame

00:16:10.940 It's like she's even guilty

00:16:12.460 For being a victim

00:16:13.440 Of a situation

00:16:14.760 I'm not talking about the one

00:16:17.620 That decided to leave

00:16:18.700 Family

00:16:19.360 For whatever reason

00:16:20.460 That seems

00:16:21.000 Superficial

00:16:22.020 I'm not talking about

00:16:23.020 This new trend

00:16:23.940 I'm talking about

00:16:24.860 Real sisters

00:16:25.620 That went through oppression

00:16:27.200 That have been left

00:16:27.980 Abundant by husbands

00:16:29.120 That think that

00:16:30.160 Maybe he could

00:16:31.160 Grab someone else

00:16:32.000 And just leave his wife and kids

00:16:33.280 I'm talking about those

00:16:34.640 Because divorces

00:16:35.560 Have different reasons

00:16:36.880 Different situations

00:16:37.760 I'm talking about

00:16:39.040 Sisters that are clear victims 0.98

00:16:40.640 Because

00:16:40.980 Everyone wants to

00:16:42.180 Job on the wagon

00:16:42.800 And all sisters are victims 0.93

00:16:44.500 And no

00:16:45.460 Sometimes sisters 0.95

00:16:46.340 Needs to take accountability

00:16:47.340 Sometimes they are

00:16:48.500 Responsible for their divorce

00:16:49.740 Thank you

00:16:50.000 Sometimes

00:16:51.020 They are divorcing

00:16:52.580 For the wrong reasons

00:16:53.680 But sometimes

00:16:55.100 And they initiate

00:16:56.400 Statistics show that

00:16:57.320 And we understand

00:16:58.580 It's in their nature

00:16:59.220 But even statistics show

00:17:00.900 Rather than problem solve

00:17:02.240 They will leave the marriage

00:17:03.840 Rather than trying to

00:17:05.180 I am not saying

00:17:06.080 That it's all the case of sisters 0.99

00:17:07.160 It's very important

00:17:07.980 We represent the real victims

00:17:09.320 Because Allah

00:17:10.380 Azza wa Jal 1.00

00:17:10.860 Has gave

00:17:11.460 A strength

00:17:12.540 A position to the husband

00:17:14.360 Rightfully so

00:17:15.200 And sometimes it's abused

00:17:16.660 It's very interesting

00:17:17.460 You know that

00:17:17.820 Because I was reading

00:17:18.340 Imam Qutabi's tafsir

00:17:19.380 So basically

00:17:20.040 You know there's this concept

00:17:20.740 Because we deal with

00:17:21.240 The non-Muslims etc 1.00

00:17:21.980 Like oh look at your religion 0.99

00:17:23.140 It's misogynist 0.99

00:17:23.920 Because a man

00:17:24.720 Can give talaq

00:17:25.800 But a woman can't 1.00

00:17:26.840 If you look into the

00:17:27.680 It's very interesting

00:17:28.620 What it says is that

00:17:29.200 In the Arabian peninsula

00:17:30.460 The Arab men 0.98

00:17:31.400 Used to abuse their wives 0.99

00:17:32.880 By

00:17:33.200 For example

00:17:34.360 I divorce you

00:17:35.180 Yeah

00:17:35.620 She goes and she says

00:17:36.700 Okay no problem

00:17:37.260 I want to move on

00:17:38.200 Nope I'll take you back

00:17:38.900 And there was no limit to it

00:17:40.640 And Allah set it to

00:17:42.800 Free talaqs 0.89

00:17:43.620 To keep the man in check

00:17:44.800 Because he knows

00:17:46.040 And check this out

00:17:46.860 This is how beautiful Islam is

00:17:48.100 If you look at it

00:17:48.540 Free talaqs is

00:17:50.220 To keep the man in check

00:17:51.320 Meaning

00:17:51.660 You can't stop it from moving on

00:17:53.500 You've got free

00:17:54.680 If you can't control yourself

00:17:55.960 And your emotion

00:17:56.460 And you let it be

00:17:57.020 Guess what

00:17:57.940 When you give the first talaq

00:17:59.720 What is the ruling

00:18:00.400 She has to go

00:18:01.820 After her idda period

00:18:02.920 Depends

00:18:03.740 She needs to go

00:18:05.240 Get married again

00:18:06.200 Obviously

00:18:07.460 Be married

00:18:08.080 And then divorce

00:18:09.000 Now for a man

00:18:09.700 This is very interesting

00:18:11.420 But if you look at it

00:18:11.900 Psychologically

00:18:12.380 Because for a man

00:18:13.420 To envision his wife

00:18:14.680 With somebody else

00:18:15.440 So for him

00:18:16.720 If he's giving

00:18:17.800 That last talaq 0.99

00:18:18.880 Yeah

00:18:19.240 Not less

00:18:20.400 Because at the end

00:18:21.360 They say two types of people

00:18:22.220 Don't learn

00:18:22.560 The one who's arrogant

00:18:23.180 And the one who's shy

00:18:23.760 So we're here to benefit people

00:18:25.060 Inshallah

00:18:25.320 I know it might be a bit

00:18:26.420 A thing but

00:18:26.800 Let's be real here

00:18:27.960 So for a man

00:18:29.460 He's thinking

00:18:30.020 If I'm giving this last talaq

00:18:31.440 What it means is the following

00:18:32.360 SubhanAllah

00:18:33.300 My wife is haram for me

00:18:34.500 And she will have to be

00:18:36.440 With another man 0.81

00:18:37.060 Which is talaq

00:18:37.520 There's nothing

00:18:37.920 What I can say

00:18:38.500 But

00:18:38.980 So that is put in place

00:18:43.420 So it keeps the man in check

00:18:44.500 To hold the man

00:18:44.760 Even though we can say

00:18:45.820 Sister

00:18:46.280 Yes the initiate divorce

00:18:47.480 But a real man

00:18:48.960 Talking about the alpha course

00:18:50.180 Which people need to sign up to

00:18:51.280 That you should be a leader

00:18:52.980 And control

00:18:53.480 And be like

00:18:53.980 Hold on a second

00:18:54.400 If she's emotional

00:18:55.040 I don't need to be emotional

00:18:56.040 Oh talaq

00:18:56.800 Okay talaq

00:18:57.600 Come on man

00:18:57.960 Be a real man

00:18:58.540 So in that aspect

00:18:59.780 It's very important for us

00:19:00.760 To understand that

00:19:01.540 That

00:19:02.080 Like you said

00:19:03.160 Our sisters can be 1.00

00:19:04.000 You know

00:19:04.440 Should be taking accountability

00:19:05.960 As well

00:19:06.460 But yeah

00:19:07.360 In an action

00:19:07.720 I just wanted to put that out there

00:19:08.800 Because it's a big misconception

00:19:09.740 And that talaq

00:19:10.700 Is a responsibility

00:19:11.580 You know

00:19:12.440 I just wanted

00:19:14.420 I just was talking about

00:19:15.460 The double shaming of the woman 0.99

00:19:16.560 Okay let's go

00:19:17.160 Because in your culture

00:19:18.680 What's your perspective

00:19:20.000 Should a woman be shamed 1.00

00:19:21.820 When it comes to

00:19:22.720 Being divorced

00:19:23.780 Would you

00:19:24.840 Would you

00:19:25.400 The topic is not

00:19:26.080 Would you marry

00:19:26.400 Divorce

00:19:26.700 But

00:19:26.960 Is in your culture

00:19:28.120 Is it frowned upon

00:19:28.940 Honestly

00:19:31.060 I'm not

00:19:32.000 I'm not like

00:19:32.680 Too well educated

00:19:33.720 In like my culture

00:19:35.600 Personally

00:19:36.020 But how is it

00:19:36.680 It's not about education

00:19:37.740 For your culture

00:19:39.000 When you're growing up

00:19:39.640 No I just

00:19:40.540 I personally think

00:19:41.820 You asked earlier

00:19:43.520 Why is divorce

00:19:44.980 Frowned upon

00:19:45.500 I don't think it's frowned upon

00:19:46.440 Because if something

00:19:47.460 That's happening so frequently

00:19:48.500 How can it be frowned upon

00:19:49.620 Okay

00:19:50.780 For example

00:19:51.300 Let me put it like this

00:19:52.060 If you went to your mother

00:19:53.700 Your dear mother

00:19:54.200 And said

00:19:54.520 I want to marry a sister 1.00

00:19:56.260 She's divorcee 1.00

00:19:57.700 Yeah

00:19:57.860 Bro

00:19:58.260 In the Asian community bro

00:20:00.380 They'll say

00:20:01.020 Hell no 0.98

00:20:01.740 She's a

00:20:03.000 She's finished

00:20:04.560 So your question is

00:20:05.240 Marrying someone that's 0.99

00:20:06.120 Yes

00:20:06.600 Like

00:20:07.060 Is divorce frowned upon

00:20:08.360 Yeah

00:20:08.560 Wait

00:20:09.600 Is divorce frowned upon

00:20:10.440 Or is marrying someone

00:20:11.180 That's divorce frowned upon 1.00

00:20:12.060 What's your question

00:20:12.860 Yeah

00:20:13.100 Sorry

00:20:14.000 That's two different questions

00:20:15.980 Okay

00:20:16.280 Go with the second one

00:20:17.460 I should be the host

00:20:17.660 Yeah you should

00:20:18.520 Second one

00:20:20.440 So

00:20:21.180 Marrying someone who's 0.99

00:20:22.720 Yes

00:20:23.140 Would you

00:20:23.820 Marrying someone who's 0.99

00:20:24.660 Okay cool

00:20:25.380 From a personal point of view

00:20:26.340 Personal and cultural

00:20:27.460 Okay

00:20:27.800 I can't

00:20:29.100 Oh

00:20:29.340 Okay

00:20:29.840 From a personal point of view

00:20:30.980 I'll be honest

00:20:31.520 I will find it very difficult

00:20:32.940 To marry somebody 0.83

00:20:33.800 Who's divorced

00:20:34.600 I'm sorry

00:20:35.620 I'm sorry

00:20:36.040 Please

00:20:36.400 I'm just waiting for someone

00:20:37.040 To press the button

00:20:37.560 No no no

00:20:38.260 Don't press

00:20:38.600 Don't press

00:20:38.620 Don't press

00:20:38.800 Don't press

00:20:38.960 Yeah

00:20:39.300 Me

00:20:40.000 Me

00:20:40.340 Me personally

00:20:41.680 Is because

00:20:42.260 Most men will be like 1.00

00:20:43.120 Yeah

00:20:43.540 Yeah it's normal

00:20:44.040 And the main reason

00:20:44.780 Is 0.88

00:20:44.960 The main reason

00:20:45.340 Why

00:20:45.500 The main

00:20:46.300 Okay

00:20:46.840 Please

00:20:47.260 The main reason

00:20:47.960 Is 0.88

00:20:48.220 Is because 0.99

00:20:48.680 Man they're gonna kill me 0.97

00:20:51.500 For this 0.99

00:20:51.700 No no no

00:20:52.240 Bit of truth

00:20:52.780 Brother

00:20:53.020 Oh yeah

00:20:53.800 Bit of truth

00:20:54.320 Alright guys calm down

00:20:55.100 Basically

00:20:55.600 What

00:20:56.400 What it is

00:20:57.200 Is 0.88

00:20:57.560 I will find it

00:20:58.900 Very very hard

00:20:59.660 I will find it

00:21:01.020 Very very hard

00:21:01.440 To be with somebody

00:21:02.160 Knowing that

00:21:02.760 She's been with another man 0.76

00:21:03.760 Now before any of you

00:21:05.720 Try to say

00:21:06.040 Oh that's insecurities

00:21:06.820 That's our third topic

00:21:08.180 By the way

00:21:08.460 We're gonna come to that

00:21:08.960 But we're talking about

00:21:09.760 Somebody who's been married

00:21:11.140 Honorably married

00:21:13.060 I think

00:21:13.380 Yeah

00:21:13.700 Married

00:21:14.200 And

00:21:14.400 It's very important

00:21:16.040 That we use the

00:21:16.560 Yeah yeah

00:21:17.480 It doesn't matter

00:21:18.120 Marriage is

00:21:18.980 Okay okay

00:21:19.460 For men's maybe

00:21:20.260 Okay

00:21:20.720 But as Muslims

00:21:21.380 It does matter

00:21:22.060 Even if they've been married

00:21:22.940 Hala away or whatever

00:21:24.200 Just knowing that

00:21:24.920 She's been with another man 0.76

00:21:25.900 Just like kind of makes me feel

00:21:26.980 I'll connect to something

00:21:28.700 That's a man's fitra 1.00

00:21:29.320 Okay

00:21:29.580 That's some of the sisters 0.94

00:21:30.200 That I'm not

00:21:30.640 I don't remember who

00:21:31.500 I'm gonna go to

00:21:31.920 For him after that

00:21:32.580 Yeah

00:21:32.720 So different cultures

00:21:34.360 Raise different men

00:21:35.700 Different mothers 0.83

00:21:36.360 Raise different men

00:21:37.140 Okay

00:21:37.340 And some of the men

00:21:38.600 Are raised by their mothers 0.98

00:21:39.680 And we call them

00:21:40.500 Mama's boy

00:21:41.280 And these guys

00:21:43.080 Will reflect a certain

00:21:44.680 Insecurity as they are

00:21:45.880 When they grow up

00:21:47.120 They're adults

00:21:47.720 Certain cultures again 1.00

00:21:49.600 Will have it more than others

00:21:51.820 And what happens with

00:21:53.620 Can I interject that?

00:21:55.140 Yes

00:21:55.320 I'm very sorry

00:21:56.140 If you want to

00:21:56.780 You press the button

00:21:57.420 And after it finishes

00:21:58.220 No no it's okay

00:21:58.940 Go ahead

00:21:59.240 No let me finish your point first

00:22:00.660 And then please

00:22:01.020 It's just on

00:22:01.480 That's a precise

00:22:02.660 Point when he said

00:22:03.780 Like there will be

00:22:04.800 Mommy boys

00:22:05.340 And they will reflect

00:22:06.160 Insecurities

00:22:06.720 I know sons

00:22:08.320 From single mothers 1.00

00:22:09.420 Family that actually

00:22:10.780 Grown very mature

00:22:11.780 Early age

00:22:12.480 And took the father's

00:22:13.400 Place

00:22:14.180 So they are

00:22:15.180 Developing skills

00:22:16.560 Allahu maabari

00:22:17.200 Compared to

00:22:17.980 Maybe other sons

00:22:19.060 In a normal family

00:22:20.180 That's not what I'm saying

00:22:21.300 That's not what I'm saying

00:22:21.320 I'm saying that mothers

00:22:22.380 Have trained them

00:22:24.240 To be

00:22:24.700 So dependent

00:22:26.060 And so weak

00:22:28.060 Within a marriage

00:22:28.920 I'm talking as a single mother

00:22:29.880 I'm teaching my sons

00:22:31.120 Sorry

00:22:31.680 I might have been

00:22:33.360 Unclear

00:22:34.000 What I'm saying

00:22:34.620 What I'm saying is

00:22:34.820 Within certain cultures

00:22:36.060 Where there's a marriage 0.57

00:22:38.440 You're talking about

00:22:39.260 Mother and father

00:22:40.300 Raising a boy

00:22:42.420 The mother herself

00:22:43.540 I didn't say a single mother

00:22:44.660 She's within a married 0.99

00:22:45.980 Environment

00:22:46.820 She'll raise a man 1.00

00:22:48.280 That is extremely weak 0.66

00:22:50.320 And insecure

00:22:50.820 And those insecurities

00:22:52.500 Will lead to

00:22:54.500 The way they think

00:22:57.640 About women

00:22:58.140 Be it when they marry them 0.80

00:22:59.360 Whether this woman

00:23:00.480 Is a virgin

00:23:01.140 Or previously married

00:23:03.200 And so on

00:23:04.000 So other cultures

00:23:05.700 Will be a bit different

00:23:06.540 There's two types

00:23:07.660 Of insecurities

00:23:08.320 There's rational insecurities

00:23:10.020 Such as for example

00:23:11.720 A woman shows 0.99

00:23:12.960 A predisposition

00:23:14.460 To being very hypersexual

00:23:15.840 Very loose

00:23:16.680 And so on

00:23:17.220 But then the man

00:23:18.140 Is going to obviously

00:23:18.780 Be insecure about that

00:23:19.820 And then there's

00:23:20.760 Insecurities

00:23:21.320 That are not really grounded

00:23:22.280 It's basically

00:23:23.140 They reflect your own

00:23:25.180 Mistakes and problems

00:23:26.580 Right

00:23:27.320 Such as being raised

00:23:28.700 Being very insecure

00:23:29.820 Always very dependent

00:23:31.440 On a woman 0.99

00:23:32.120 Very close to your mother

00:23:33.880 I mean for God's sake

00:23:35.480 I have clients

00:23:36.080 Who still sleep

00:23:37.000 In their mother's bed 0.93

00:23:37.740 When they don't feel good

00:23:38.700 Well

00:23:39.420 Okay

00:23:39.880 Of course

00:23:40.620 The wives won't like that 1.00

00:23:42.000 Crazy

00:23:42.260 I'm sorry

00:23:43.140 I mean

00:23:43.500 But

00:23:43.760 No no no

00:23:44.160 So how do you react

00:23:45.680 How do you react

00:23:46.220 Right

00:23:46.780 So

00:23:47.020 The way you reacted

00:23:47.540 So

00:23:47.980 This

00:23:48.860 So this

00:23:49.800 If you look at

00:23:50.720 For example

00:23:51.260 The Arab culture

00:23:52.120 Let's say at the time

00:23:54.440 The Prophet

00:23:54.700 So did the Prophet 0.98

00:23:56.140 Marry 0.52

00:23:56.840 Previously married women 0.78

00:23:58.020 Yes

00:23:58.320 Yes

00:23:58.640 Was the Prophet

00:23:59.600 An insecure man

00:24:00.600 No

00:24:00.980 He was very secure

00:24:01.980 Meaning that

00:24:03.520 Meaning that

00:24:03.540 You know

00:24:03.960 Okay

00:24:04.640 I know who I am

00:24:05.740 I'm going to marry this woman 1.00

00:24:06.860 Yeah

00:24:07.040 She's had another man before

00:24:08.980 But

00:24:10.440 I know why

00:24:11.960 Other Sahaba

00:24:13.040 Let's say

00:24:13.420 People will say

00:24:14.120 Well he was the Prophet

00:24:15.060 Okay

00:24:15.860 It's true

00:24:18.020 Other Sahaba

00:24:19.220 Right

00:24:20.000 Did they say

00:24:20.980 They were like

00:24:21.320 Oh man

00:24:21.900 I don't know

00:24:22.560 Right

00:24:24.480 So today

00:24:25.800 21st century men

00:24:27.820 Yeah

00:24:28.280 They will think that

00:24:29.580 Twice

00:24:29.900 Twice

00:24:30.380 Four

00:24:30.720 Five

00:24:31.120 Ten times

00:24:31.720 Why

00:24:32.060 Can you tell our views

00:24:33.040 Where is that

00:24:33.440 Because sisters 0.64

00:24:34.100 Because there are

00:24:34.900 Two types of insecurities

00:24:35.780 Yes

00:24:36.080 And it's hard to tell

00:24:37.120 Which one is it

00:24:37.800 So sisters

00:24:38.380 If you're watching this

00:24:38.960 Please disclaimer

00:24:39.400 You know why

00:24:39.820 Stay there with me

00:24:40.620 It's true

00:24:40.920 Please listen to him

00:24:42.300 With an open mind

00:24:43.180 Okay

00:24:43.620 He's trying to make you

00:24:44.420 Understand how

00:24:45.080 As men

00:24:45.600 Where we are coming from

00:24:47.040 Please

00:24:47.240 Nobody's attacking you

00:24:48.040 Please understand us

00:24:49.020 Carry on

00:24:49.640 I have to

00:24:49.980 I'm so sorry

00:24:50.400 No no problem

00:24:51.140 So men will have 1.00

00:24:52.820 As I said

00:24:53.260 Two types of insecurities

00:24:54.420 Yeah

00:24:54.880 And it's hard to

00:24:55.920 Differentiate

00:24:56.580 Which one is it

00:24:57.500 Am I insecure

00:24:58.080 Because of myself

00:24:58.820 Because of how I look

00:25:00.320 Most guys

00:25:01.680 That come to us

00:25:02.400 They'll say

00:25:02.720 Man but

00:25:03.300 How can

00:25:04.120 Someone have

00:25:05.100 Touched my wife

00:25:05.700 What if he

00:25:06.320 Sorry

00:25:06.800 Touched her better

00:25:07.760 And I did

00:25:08.240 That's a huge problem

00:25:09.500 For a man

00:25:09.940 Right

00:25:10.860 In the back of their mind

00:25:14.240 They cannot

00:25:14.920 Conceptualize

00:25:16.040 That someone has

00:25:17.240 Been with this wife 0.96

00:25:18.940 Or with this woman 1.00

00:25:19.620 Before

00:25:19.940 It's very very difficult

00:25:20.800 I've tested this

00:25:21.580 In Birmingham University

00:25:22.780 For example

00:25:23.140 I had a huge

00:25:24.020 Audience

00:25:25.120 Right

00:25:25.380 And I said

00:25:25.740 Of course

00:25:27.060 Together say

00:25:27.980 Guys

00:25:28.320 Will you marry a woman 1.00

00:25:29.580 Who's had a past

00:25:30.760 Has made Toba 0.60

00:25:31.480 And she's now

00:25:32.740 Practicing

00:25:33.160 I said

00:25:34.100 All the guys

00:25:34.760 Together

00:25:35.020 One, two, three

00:25:35.740 They all said

00:25:36.080 No

00:25:36.480 I said

00:25:37.280 Sisters

00:25:37.600 Will you marry a guy 0.86

00:25:38.660 Who has had a past

00:25:39.980 But has made Toba

00:25:40.740 Practice enough

00:25:41.380 One, two, three

00:25:42.000 They all said

00:25:42.400 Yes

00:25:43.000 So it's insecurities

00:25:44.780 We do agree

00:25:45.760 Guys are more insecure 0.99

00:25:47.480 Of course

00:25:48.100 In that sense

00:25:49.580 No, but

00:25:49.880 What's it

00:25:50.720 Insecure

00:25:51.220 But there's two things

00:25:51.880 As I said

00:25:52.320 There's rational

00:25:53.160 Insecurities

00:25:54.100 Which mean

00:25:54.920 They see something

00:25:56.620 So let's say

00:25:57.240 This woman's been married 1.00

00:25:58.140 Right before

00:25:58.800 Yeah

00:25:59.220 She will say something

00:26:00.420 She'll behave in a certain way

00:26:02.060 That causes him

00:26:03.120 To say

00:26:03.940 Yeah

00:26:05.120 I'm not very happy with this

00:26:06.420 I am insecure

00:26:07.120 Because she said certain things

00:26:08.560 Women can say one sentence 1.00

00:26:10.560 One sentence

00:26:11.880 And she'll emasculate you 1.00

00:26:13.220 In one sentence

00:26:13.960 Wow, wow, wow

00:26:14.440 What's a guy going to say

00:26:15.940 To a woman

00:26:16.660 I mean

00:26:17.560 He might say

00:26:18.100 Somebody who calls

00:26:18.680 Insecurities

00:26:19.440 Oh yeah

00:26:20.120 He can destroy her femininity 0.99

00:26:21.460 As well

00:26:21.840 Yeah

00:26:22.140 But it's not

00:26:22.760 Maybe looks wise

00:26:24.060 It will

00:26:24.340 Maybe on the looks more

00:26:26.140 Honestly it will

00:26:26.440 Okay

00:26:26.820 It's on the different matters

00:26:28.240 I agree with that

00:26:28.980 It's interesting

00:26:30.140 I agree with you

00:26:30.480 But

00:26:31.060 So that's the rational

00:26:32.960 Security

00:26:33.260 Like for example

00:26:33.960 She spends a lot of time

00:26:36.260 Outside of the house

00:26:37.200 Or with her friends

00:26:38.060 Or she's asking for

00:26:39.200 I don't know

00:26:39.660 She's still in touch

00:26:40.420 With her ex

00:26:41.940 For example

00:26:42.400 Straight

00:26:43.240 Straight

00:26:43.620 It happens

00:26:45.220 It happens

00:26:45.740 So the guy

00:26:46.380 Divorce happens as well

00:26:47.840 If the woman is divorced 0.75

00:26:49.420 And mashallah

00:26:50.540 She's praying

00:26:51.080 Fasting

00:26:51.640 Or you know

00:26:52.280 Proper hijab 1.00

00:26:53.120 There's nothing there

00:26:54.300 The guy's like

00:26:55.060 Super obsessed

00:26:56.540 You know

00:26:56.840 Where have you been

00:26:57.480 What are you doing

00:26:58.100 Always calling

00:26:59.360 Every two minutes

00:27:00.960 You know there's guys

00:27:01.460 Who can't go to work man 0.89

00:27:02.400 They go to work

00:27:03.220 They call me

00:27:03.700 They're like

00:27:03.940 Brother I don't know

00:27:04.840 I think my wife

00:27:05.680 You know

00:27:06.160 That is an insecurity

00:27:07.020 Disconnect the internet

00:27:07.820 That is an insecurity

00:27:09.560 The one guy

00:27:10.360 Disconnects the internet

00:27:11.260 Before he goes to work

00:27:12.320 And that's a self fulfilled prophecy

00:27:13.580 Where if they carry you on

00:27:15.080 They're going to

00:27:15.440 Destroy their marriage

00:27:16.360 It's interesting

00:27:16.960 You know

00:27:17.360 So the woman's going to 1.00

00:27:18.020 Look at him

00:27:18.400 Like what's wrong

00:27:18.940 With this boy

00:27:19.380 You know

00:27:19.900 Literally

00:27:20.580 It causes a lot of problems

00:27:21.860 Not only that

00:27:22.280 I think it'll put a woman off 1.00

00:27:23.560 If a man is behaving

00:27:24.380 In that manner

00:27:24.820 You know

00:27:25.200 Because it shows no security

00:27:26.240 But deep inside

00:27:27.500 That's going to be

00:27:28.460 Our next topic as well

00:27:29.200 But yeah

00:27:30.200 Yes please

00:27:32.100 Sister Fahima

00:27:32.560 Yeah I think I agree

00:27:33.980 With everything you're saying

00:27:34.780 Obviously

00:27:35.240 And don't forget

00:27:36.480 He said that

00:27:37.240 He said that he would not

00:27:38.060 Marry a divorce

00:27:38.620 Yeah I'm going to

00:27:39.180 Get to that too

00:27:39.840 But I'm not saying

00:27:40.680 What I said was right

00:27:41.940 I'm just saying

00:27:42.720 At least you admit it

00:27:44.080 I'm not saying I'm wrong

00:27:45.840 But I'm just saying

00:27:46.240 I'm not trying to say

00:27:46.840 That you're insecure

00:27:47.280 It's just that

00:27:48.120 It's hard to differentiate

00:27:49.240 It's hard to tell

00:27:50.860 Like what is it

00:27:51.460 Is it just this

00:27:52.040 Insecurity

00:27:52.540 I wouldn't call it insecurity

00:27:53.460 The thing is

00:27:53.980 I wouldn't say

00:27:54.700 I'm insecure

00:27:55.720 I would say

00:27:57.960 It's just like

00:27:58.860 I'm not saying you're insecure

00:28:00.680 No no no

00:28:01.320 It's a hira 1.00

00:28:02.400 No no

00:28:03.100 It's how we're created

00:28:04.360 That's how man is created

00:28:05.900 The Prophet Sallallahu al-Sem 0.98

00:28:06.460 Was the most one

00:28:07.920 Who had hira

00:28:08.820 No no

00:28:09.300 But let's understand something

00:28:10.460 Our next topic

00:28:12.040 The issue is here

00:28:13.140 Is that somebody

00:28:13.800 Who was married before

00:28:14.600 And somebody who may have

00:28:15.520 Committed a sin

00:28:16.200 Even that

00:28:17.460 I just want to give

00:28:17.840 Some disclaimers

00:28:18.340 Because there's people

00:28:18.900 Watching here

00:28:19.340 And we don't want to

00:28:19.920 Make them go lose hope

00:28:21.220 There might be a sister

00:28:23.020 Who may have committed a sin

00:28:24.080 And the thing is

00:28:26.380 That person might be

00:28:27.260 A better person

00:28:28.000 Than many sisters out there

00:28:28.980 That haven't

00:28:29.400 Let's make that very clear

00:28:30.280 Because we don't want to be

00:28:32.180 Like because many people

00:28:33.020 Watching

00:28:33.360 People come from jahidi 1.00

00:28:34.380 They've come new to Islam 1.00

00:28:35.580 Whatever it may be

00:28:36.520 Even if they

00:28:36.940 Whatever it may be

00:28:37.500 So we want to make it clear

00:28:38.640 We are not making you feel

00:28:39.540 Like you are worthless

00:28:40.360 No

00:28:40.680 Because Allah says in the Quran 0.83

00:28:41.600 That a person who fornicates 0.98

00:28:43.800 Would only want to be

00:28:44.660 With a person who fornicates 0.79

00:28:45.540 The scholars say that

00:28:46.200 This doesn't necessarily mean

00:28:47.020 That the person is a virgin

00:28:48.060 Meaning that

00:28:48.960 You might have a sister

00:28:50.160 Or a brother

00:28:50.660 That may have committed sin

00:28:51.920 And they repented

00:28:52.660 And they could come and say 0.84

00:28:53.840 I want a virgin 0.91

00:28:54.440 And it's their haq 0.99

00:28:55.220 To want that

00:28:56.040 So just to understand

00:28:56.900 But

00:28:57.460 Just to make something clear

00:28:58.960 There are consequences

00:28:59.920 Which is going to be

00:29:00.420 Our next topic

00:29:01.020 Is the consequences the same

00:29:02.960 Of a woman having 1.00

00:29:04.420 This many sexual partners

00:29:05.380 Than a man

00:29:05.800 No it's not

00:29:06.680 It is far worse for a woman 1.00

00:29:07.840 But that's a different topic

00:29:08.600 Let's stick to this topic

00:29:09.700 InshaAllah

00:29:09.960 Sister Fahima

00:29:10.440 Or was it

00:29:11.140 Sister Sol

00:29:11.500 You were saying something

00:29:12.040 Sorry

00:29:12.280 Well I do think that

00:29:15.460 At the end of the day

00:29:16.640 A lot of Muslim men 0.57

00:29:17.640 Would not marry 1.00

00:29:19.100 A divorcee

00:29:21.140 Whether it's for culture

00:29:22.480 Whether it's for

00:29:23.140 On personal reasons

00:29:24.180 Whether it's security

00:29:24.920 Or not security

00:29:25.580 Because they just have

00:29:26.580 This image

00:29:27.200 From a very young age

00:29:28.340 Or generational

00:29:29.380 Sort of ways of thinking

00:29:30.820 That it's not really for them

00:29:33.100 And they do degrade women

00:29:34.380 Who are actually divorced

00:29:35.500 So that's what it is

00:29:36.860 As much as they don't

00:29:37.560 Want to admit it

00:29:38.140 They do feel that

00:29:38.980 And they rather choose somebody

00:29:40.400 Who has not been in that way

00:29:42.820 But maybe somebody

00:29:43.620 Who was actually married

00:29:45.280 And divorced themselves before

00:29:46.720 May have an experience

00:29:48.160 To show that

00:29:49.060 Actually no I understand

00:29:50.100 Where she's coming from

00:29:50.940 And these things can happen

00:29:53.140 So that could also be

00:29:55.340 A reason

00:29:55.920 Because maybe young men

00:29:57.120 Who've never been

00:29:57.840 You know married before

00:29:58.820 They're not going to choose that

00:29:59.760 And you know

00:30:00.440 That's what you know

00:30:01.660 Happens most of the time

00:30:03.060 But I do feel that

00:30:04.500 As much as our religion

00:30:06.020 And Dean teaches us

00:30:07.200 In this particular way

00:30:08.000 Our culture is really

00:30:08.980 Letting us down

00:30:09.600 Because I know now

00:30:10.500 Sisters that I mentioned before

00:30:11.660 Who are actually turning to

00:30:13.100 Non-Muslim men 0.99

00:30:14.300 Because they are more accepting

00:30:15.400 Of divorced women 0.84

00:30:17.180 And that's really a problem

00:30:18.700 It doesn't mean those marriages work

00:30:19.540 If you look at this

00:30:20.540 That doesn't necessarily

00:30:21.080 Regardless of it being

00:30:22.660 Working

00:30:23.060 Well I can get away from that

00:30:25.440 And I know it's haram

00:30:26.580 It's

00:30:27.160 You're committing to Zinnah 0.97

00:30:29.020 But even still

00:30:29.920 They might just convert them 0.99

00:30:31.000 For the namesake

00:30:31.680 Oh yeah yeah yeah

00:30:32.240 Okay so that's what

00:30:33.560 I'm trying to say

00:30:34.100 But you know

00:30:34.600 They're just doing it

00:30:35.640 As it is

00:30:36.840 As some fact

00:30:37.620 This is a good point

00:30:39.120 To mention here

00:30:39.880 When it comes to

00:30:41.540 This idea of

00:30:43.200 Previously married women 0.78

00:30:44.800 Or women have had 0.99

00:30:45.560 Sexual partners

00:30:46.280 Why do we put them

00:30:49.200 In the same category

00:30:50.100 I'm really

00:30:50.560 Yeah no it's totally different

00:30:51.700 Which category

00:30:52.220 Say that again 0.67

00:30:52.640 The one that's

00:30:53.640 I'm going to stick to

00:30:54.640 Marriage

00:30:54.940 Yeah I agree

00:30:56.180 I agree with you by the way

00:30:56.940 I don't think they should be

00:30:57.660 In the same relationship

00:30:58.720 Halal

00:30:59.400 Halal sexual partners 1.00

00:31:00.000 Halal and haram 0.67

00:31:00.680 Okay

00:31:01.100 Meaning marriage

00:31:02.640 See

00:31:03.980 Obviously there's something

00:31:05.500 That's going on

00:31:06.320 In our society

00:31:07.320 Today

00:31:07.600 It's very common

00:31:08.420 In the Muslim 0.68

00:31:09.220 Social media

00:31:10.500 Circle

00:31:11.440 The red pill

00:31:12.060 Yeah

00:31:12.720 Right

00:31:13.400 A lot of men

00:31:14.440 Young men

00:31:14.860 Consume the red pill

00:31:15.720 They watch this content

00:31:17.580 But that's all they talk about

00:31:18.760 Is about previous sexual partners

00:31:20.220 The sexual double standard

00:31:21.560 And so on

00:31:22.560 And yes

00:31:23.380 There's a lot of truth

00:31:24.320 In some of the

00:31:25.120 Signs that they quote

00:31:26.540 From sociology

00:31:27.840 And anthropology

00:31:28.780 And all those studies

00:31:29.680 Right

00:31:29.900 But

00:31:30.840 If you look at

00:31:32.900 Their approach

00:31:33.760 And their philosophy

00:31:34.580 Yeah

00:31:34.960 They usually will

00:31:36.560 Look down upon

00:31:37.540 A woman who's had 1.00

00:31:38.700 A previous marriage

00:31:39.980 They talk about

00:31:40.900 Care bonding

00:31:41.500 They talk about

00:31:42.320 The alpha widow

00:31:42.960 Body count

00:31:43.620 They talk about

00:31:44.180 Body count

00:31:44.700 And so on

00:31:45.000 There is some truth

00:31:46.960 There is some truth

00:31:47.820 When it comes to the

00:31:48.660 Fitrah of a man

00:31:49.980 Yes

00:31:50.340 Like the man is not

00:31:52.820 Like the woman 1.00

00:31:53.300 There's a totally

00:31:54.040 Totally

00:31:54.260 And we'll talk about that

00:31:55.100 But

00:31:55.740 It becomes a black or white thing

00:31:57.720 Right

00:31:58.120 And there's so many nuances

00:31:59.060 Again

00:31:59.400 When we go back to the Quran 1.00

00:32:00.520 And Sunnah

00:32:00.960 You find that

00:32:02.840 Okay well

00:32:03.400 What about the Sahaba 0.61

00:32:05.300 Who are the best

00:32:05.960 Like how come they did it

00:32:07.420 What was

00:32:07.940 What was there

00:32:09.220 That they were able to do

00:32:11.380 Okay

00:32:12.580 That they were able

00:32:13.500 To overcome this

00:32:14.640 But they were

00:32:15.160 Living in a different

00:32:16.060 In a whole different world

00:32:17.180 A whole different world

00:32:18.620 Because now

00:32:19.160 You're dealing with

00:32:20.260 Some mad stuff

00:32:20.920 No no

00:32:21.860 But see that's what

00:32:22.460 I'm trying to say though

00:32:23.180 Is that you can go

00:32:24.580 This or that

00:32:25.500 You need to analyze

00:32:26.260 I agree with you

00:32:26.980 There's a lot of sisters 1.00

00:32:27.940 Who have had

00:32:29.480 Certain paths

00:32:30.320 Yeah

00:32:30.820 And they're not good

00:32:32.180 But they're

00:32:33.460 It's very clear

00:32:34.380 That they're not good

00:32:35.200 And then there's a lot

00:32:35.880 Of sisters

00:32:36.320 Who have had

00:32:37.100 Had marriages before

00:32:38.720 And they're good

00:32:40.440 Right

00:32:41.240 Maybe a sister

00:32:42.020 Who's been divorced

00:32:42.820 She'll recognize

00:32:44.700 The goodness in you

00:32:45.880 Because of the problems

00:32:47.300 That she had in the past

00:32:48.040 And she sees the good man

00:32:48.700 She's like

00:32:48.880 Man you are so

00:32:50.060 Compared to what I've had before

00:32:51.480 True

00:32:51.660 Thank you

00:32:52.100 And this is where

00:32:52.760 We're going to be

00:32:53.120 Our next topic

00:32:53.540 Is going to be about

00:32:54.000 The divorce

00:32:54.440 But before we come to that

00:32:55.500 That's the healing bit

00:32:56.200 And the divorce

00:32:56.580 The benefits

00:32:57.080 Like there's benefits

00:32:57.820 That come out of divorce

00:32:58.460 As well

00:32:59.120 No just the benefit

00:33:00.080 Of marrying

00:33:00.640 Divorce sisters 1.00

00:33:01.900 And I want to

00:33:03.340 Just insist on the point

00:33:04.800 Mashallah

00:33:05.080 That our brother here

00:33:06.200 Mentioned the really

00:33:07.740 Big danger

00:33:08.540 We have sisters

00:33:09.640 Danger with feminism

00:33:10.940 But we have the brothers

00:33:12.640 As well

00:33:13.280 Danger with the red pill

00:33:15.420 Yes

00:33:15.800 It's not based on the sunnah

00:33:17.040 100%

00:33:17.560 They are talking down

00:33:18.680 On women 1.00

00:33:20.020 Being divorce

00:33:20.880 And talking in the body

00:33:21.600 How can we even compare

00:33:23.260 Something that is haram

00:33:24.760 And something that is halal 0.55

00:33:26.080 You are talking about

00:33:26.800 The sisters

00:33:27.340 That went through

00:33:28.160 Halal relationship

00:33:29.280 The Islamic way 0.98

00:33:30.760 She didn't choose

00:33:32.480 Maybe her situation

00:33:33.340 She'd been left

00:33:35.100 And now she has to be

00:33:36.800 Insulted by the brothers

00:33:37.820 Of her own community

00:33:38.660 True

00:33:39.360 But even in Islamic perspective

00:33:40.820 There's two angles

00:33:41.720 Number one

00:33:42.280 A sister

00:33:42.840 From a sister angle

00:33:44.920 That a sister

00:33:45.880 Who has committed a sin

00:33:46.760 Before

00:33:47.400 So it's not even marriage

00:33:48.800 In Islam

00:33:49.780 To bring that sin

00:33:51.580 It's

00:33:52.460 We're talking about Islam

00:33:54.240 Yeah

00:33:54.440 And then the second thing

00:33:55.680 Even putting the sin aside

00:33:56.720 There's still sisters

00:33:57.600 That have taken khula

00:33:58.320 Five times

00:33:59.040 No no

00:33:59.660 I know

00:34:00.060 Is that the same

00:34:00.520 As someone who's been

00:34:01.260 Divorced once

00:34:01.980 It's not

00:34:02.440 So we need to look at it

00:34:03.700 True

00:34:04.140 Why is she taking khula so much

00:34:05.920 100%

00:34:06.500 But what I'm saying

00:34:07.020 She has five different partners

00:34:08.200 Exactly

00:34:08.820 But just so

00:34:09.940 Because people who are watching

00:34:10.820 They don't lose hope

00:34:11.760 I just need to touch on it

00:34:13.220 Because there might be people

00:34:13.780 Who have sinned

00:34:14.820 And they're like

00:34:15.100 I don't deserve anything

00:34:16.020 Look look

00:34:16.600 We're not saying that

00:34:17.020 We're saying you repented

00:34:17.720 You're a new person

00:34:18.320 Etc

00:34:18.620 We'll come to the dynamics

00:34:19.960 Of how it impacts a woman

00:34:21.520 More than a man

00:34:22.120 But yeah

00:34:23.200 Like you said

00:34:23.860 For example

00:34:24.200 When it comes to

00:34:24.640 Issue of divorce

00:34:25.080 Like me personally

00:34:25.900 When it came to my

00:34:26.540 Seeking marriage

00:34:27.620 Yeah

00:34:27.940 There was

00:34:29.140 Like I've mentioned this before

00:34:30.020 There was two sisters

00:34:30.740 Who both were single mothers

00:34:32.200 And wallahi

00:34:33.360 I wasn't married before

00:34:34.180 I wasn't saying

00:34:34.660 Oh this woman 1.00

00:34:35.220 This is my second wife

00:34:36.240 No

00:34:36.640 I was just saying

00:34:37.380 For example

00:34:37.780 That I was looking to get married

00:34:38.660 I got to know both of them

00:34:40.240 Yeah

00:34:40.740 And it didn't work out

00:34:42.380 Yeah

00:34:42.740 Not for

00:34:43.120 Oh she was a single mother 1.00

00:34:44.020 Or she was divorced 0.82

00:34:44.420 Allah is my witness

00:34:45.640 And if somebody's watching this

00:34:47.120 And like

00:34:47.380 Oh yeah

00:34:47.960 You know

00:34:48.280 Ali's doing it to get 1.00

00:34:49.080 Brownie points

00:34:50.480 I don't care

00:34:51.160 Allah is my witness

00:34:51.640 I know

00:34:52.000 Wallahi

00:34:52.600 I considered marry them

00:34:53.580 And I had no problem

00:34:54.940 Like to me

00:34:55.740 It was like

00:34:56.060 Okay

00:34:56.280 Three kids might be too much for me

00:34:57.800 Two kids

00:34:58.300 Okay

00:34:58.680 To me personally

00:34:59.760 Yeah

00:35:00.020 But the point is this

00:35:01.320 I had no problem

00:35:02.100 As long as

00:35:02.940 They're practicing

00:35:03.860 There are certain qualities

00:35:04.880 That I look for bro

00:35:05.560 I had no issue

00:35:06.420 With them being divorced

00:35:07.260 Or not

00:35:08.140 But like I said before

00:35:08.940 I was saying

00:35:09.620 With the Asian community bro

00:35:10.900 It's madness

00:35:11.600 Come on

00:35:14.180 Come on

00:35:14.400 A bit of truth bro

00:35:15.120 Press the button

00:35:15.640 Press the button

00:35:16.280 No no

00:35:16.900 No one's pressing it

00:35:17.580 Press it button please

00:35:18.180 No

00:35:18.680 No just press it

00:35:19.320 I only get one chance

00:35:20.180 I don't do that for that

00:35:20.720 Okay go on

00:35:21.240 I'm waiting for a good moment

00:35:22.340 Go on

00:35:22.700 No but like

00:35:23.380 Some guys

00:35:24.240 Their past

00:35:24.960 Depends on the decision

00:35:26.220 What do you mean

00:35:27.280 Their past is so

00:35:27.760 So

00:35:28.360 Obviously

00:35:29.700 I don't want to talk about

00:35:30.640 Nobody's past

00:35:31.100 But I'm saying

00:35:31.500 For example

00:35:32.400 Like my past

00:35:33.220 I'm a good boy

00:35:34.680 Do you know what I mean

00:35:35.760 May Allah bless you

00:35:36.480 Yeah

00:35:36.680 May Allah bless you

00:35:37.500 You're a red gem

00:35:38.160 Yeah

00:35:38.640 Speak to her wife 0.97

00:35:39.900 Amina

00:35:40.180 Tell her

00:35:40.540 I'm a diamond

00:35:41.500 You're a diamond

00:35:42.240 Sister Amina

00:35:42.760 Diamond in the dirt

00:35:43.520 Do you know what I mean

00:35:44.020 That was a joke by the way

00:35:46.020 Sorry

00:35:46.160 So yeah

00:35:47.360 So someone like me

00:35:49.080 I'll be honest

00:35:49.600 Someone like me

00:35:50.120 Who didn't mess around

00:35:50.840 With girls

00:35:51.240 Alhamdulillah

00:35:51.840 So

00:35:53.620 That's probably why

00:35:55.000 My mindset is that

00:35:55.800 But then

00:35:56.960 If there was a guy before

00:35:59.080 If there was a guy before

00:36:00.320 Who

00:36:00.620 Was messing around

00:36:01.840 With girls

00:36:02.300 And then

00:36:03.580 Do you know what I mean

00:36:04.620 So it depends on the past

00:36:05.480 Before you go

00:36:06.040 I won't have a problem

00:36:06.940 But in Islam

00:36:07.440 No from your

00:36:08.340 No no no

00:36:09.100 I'm very sorry

00:36:10.720 I'm talking about the guy's mindset

00:36:12.320 I'm talking about the guy's

00:36:12.860 That's another topic

00:36:13.680 Because we are all talking about

00:36:14.120 Body counts

00:36:14.840 About previous

00:36:16.260 Intimate relationship

00:36:18.000 For sisters

00:36:18.480 Why no one talks about

00:36:20.040 Brothers

00:36:20.980 That have many

00:36:22.120 Many past relationships

00:36:23.640 And not

00:36:24.280 Very halal 1.00

00:36:25.680 Okay

00:36:26.200 Okay

00:36:26.500 Okay

00:36:27.000 Okay

00:36:27.600 You know what

00:36:28.540 You know what

00:36:29.200 Because

00:36:29.600 Men

00:36:30.580 Men

00:36:31.080 Men will sleep with literally 0.99

00:36:32.480 Anything

00:36:33.300 Wait one second

00:36:34.940 Men will literally sleep with anything 0.92

00:36:36.240 So Allah

00:36:37.160 Let's bring it back to men 1.00

00:36:39.920 90% of women

00:36:40.920 We're going off topic

00:36:41.600 I'm so sorry

00:36:42.060 That was my one

00:36:42.840 We're going off topic

00:36:43.660 Our next topic is

00:36:44.420 Does a man judge a woman by her past

00:36:46.180 It's about divorcee brothers as well

00:36:47.480 The next topic is

00:36:48.940 Does a woman judge a man by his future 1.00

00:36:50.660 And does a man judge a woman by her past

00:36:52.100 That's our next topic

00:36:52.740 Let's not go into that now

00:36:53.600 They've been married 10 times

00:36:54.120 And they still won a virgin

00:36:54.920 Hold it for that

00:36:55.800 Because that's our next topic

00:36:56.620 We're going to go to that

00:36:57.260 Let's stick to the divorces

00:36:58.420 Being frowned upon

00:36:59.480 Because that's our next topic

00:37:00.260 All this you're talking about

00:37:01.560 We're going to discuss it

00:37:02.420 Because the statistics show

00:37:04.360 That it is more detrimental

00:37:06.040 For a woman

00:37:06.580 Then it is a man

00:37:07.420 The show is about the difficulty

00:37:08.760 For divorcee sisters

00:37:09.840 To get married

00:37:10.520 Exactly

00:37:10.960 So let's stick to that

00:37:11.680 But I'm just pointing out

00:37:12.140 The obvious

00:37:12.720 With the fact that

00:37:13.760 Why brothers are not struggling

00:37:15.300 Why sisters are not checking their past 1.00

00:37:17.400 And see if there is a pattern

00:37:18.440 Of four, five, six

00:37:19.720 I'm talking about

00:37:20.560 Between five and ten

00:37:21.740 Divorce or marriages 0.97

00:37:22.640 So you're talking about divorce

00:37:23.300 For sisters

00:37:23.620 After one divorce

00:37:24.540 You're frowned upon

00:37:25.200 Can I answer you?

00:37:25.660 Can I answer you?

00:37:26.280 Sorry

00:37:26.540 Can I answer you?

00:37:27.240 Can I answer you?

00:37:28.000 Okay

00:37:28.340 Preston

00:37:28.800 I don't want to lose my child

00:37:30.660 Please

00:37:31.020 She pulls for me

00:37:32.560 So let me ask you

00:37:32.840 I think the biggest issue is

00:37:34.540 I'll be honest with you

00:37:35.300 The biggest issue is

00:37:36.300 In today's day and age

00:37:37.260 Divorce has been easy 1.00

00:37:38.360 Divorce is easy 1.00

00:37:39.420 Getting married is hard

00:37:40.500 Do you understand?

00:37:41.560 So because marriage is hard

00:37:42.680 Men see it as like 0.98

00:37:44.460 I only have one chance

00:37:45.300 To get married

00:37:45.820 Do you understand?

00:37:46.800 Not true

00:37:47.320 Not true, yeah

00:37:48.500 I'm talking about my

00:37:49.500 You have one

00:37:52.020 No, no, no

00:37:52.900 Who do you respect?

00:37:54.220 Like

00:37:54.500 Mashallah

00:37:55.440 You guys are a bit older than me

00:37:56.620 So I'm talking about

00:37:57.080 My age group

00:37:58.460 Yeah, so my generation

00:37:59.240 My age group

00:37:59.860 Their mindset is

00:38:01.000 I really have one chance

00:38:02.080 To get married

00:38:02.620 Really?

00:38:03.940 Yes, because

00:38:04.440 No, you

00:38:05.960 You

00:38:06.580 And I really respect it

00:38:08.000 Mashallah

00:38:08.240 And I don't think

00:38:09.480 Multiple marriages

00:38:10.740 Is for everyone

00:38:11.420 We made that point last time

00:38:13.500 But

00:38:14.520 My question is

00:38:15.820 Why is it

00:38:16.860 Sisters

00:38:17.980 More from the pound

00:38:18.900 After one divorce

00:38:20.300 And brother's divorce

00:38:21.720 She's trying to answer

00:38:22.640 Is not

00:38:23.060 I'm going to answer

00:38:23.480 I'm going to answer

00:38:23.820 Okay, okay

00:38:24.400 Name answer it

00:38:24.820 Please

00:38:24.940 So the point is

00:38:26.140 I told you

00:38:26.580 If you use this

00:38:27.020 You've got one and a half minute bro

00:38:27.920 Okay, next time

00:38:29.020 If you're in trouble

00:38:29.320 I'm going to press

00:38:29.760 So basically

00:38:31.720 The reason is

00:38:33.160 A lot of men today

00:38:34.280 Like

00:38:35.060 18, 19, 20, 25

00:38:37.720 My age group

00:38:38.440 They're scared of getting married

00:38:40.480 Right?

00:38:41.200 And they have many excuses

00:38:41.940 Not to get married

00:38:43.100 So eventually

00:38:44.280 When they get married

00:38:45.160 They want to go

00:38:47.220 For someone

00:38:48.020 That's not been married

00:38:48.820 Instead of someone

00:38:49.800 That's been divorced

00:38:50.560 Do you get what I mean?

00:38:51.940 Because marriage

00:38:52.380 Has been made so difficult

00:38:53.800 So what's

00:38:54.840 So

00:38:55.020 If marriage has been made 0.74

00:38:56.300 So difficult

00:38:56.800 What chance

00:38:58.620 Do you have

00:38:59.080 In their mindset

00:38:59.820 Of going with someone

00:39:00.860 Who's been divorced before

00:39:01.820 But she can be better

00:39:03.600 But he

00:39:04.240 Just wanted to add to that

00:39:06.400 A second time

00:39:06.900 No one can speak

00:39:08.280 Sister Aya

00:39:09.340 You've got

00:39:09.780 One and a half minutes

00:39:10.660 Carry on

00:39:11.080 You know

00:39:12.740 Sisters who have been

00:39:13.900 Married

00:39:14.200 Who have been divorced

00:39:15.040 Sorry

00:39:15.480 Sisters who have been divorced

00:39:18.040 They are most likely

00:39:19.600 To work ten times harder

00:39:21.080 To make that marriage last

00:39:22.740 Than anyone else

00:39:24.280 Who hasn't

00:39:25.100 Hasn't got that experience

00:39:26.520 The reason why

00:39:28.080 Is because

00:39:28.700 We've gone through

00:39:29.380 That traumatic experience

00:39:30.280 We know what it entails

00:39:31.460 We know how to be a wife 1.00

00:39:33.000 Or at least

00:39:33.560 Partly know how to be a wife 0.90

00:39:35.020 And we will sacrifice more

00:39:37.220 To make this marriage work

00:39:39.100 To keep him happy

00:39:40.220 Because we know

00:39:41.020 What we did wrong

00:39:41.760 Because we have healed

00:39:42.880 From that past experience

00:39:44.800 Let finish

00:39:45.580 Let finish

00:39:45.960 Let finish

00:39:46.360 We have learned from that

00:39:47.820 We have healed from that

00:39:48.760 And we know

00:39:49.300 If I was to

00:39:50.540 Nitpick for example

00:39:51.740 I know this marriage

00:39:52.900 Is not going to work

00:39:53.640 So she's going to change that

00:39:55.740 Right

00:39:56.440 To make this marriage

00:39:57.600 Work harder

00:39:58.240 But they finish

00:40:00.340 Can I finish

00:40:00.760 Can I finish this stuff

00:40:01.300 How long left

00:40:02.020 Are you finished

00:40:02.920 How long left

00:40:03.420 You've got 20 seconds left

00:40:04.160 Thank God for it

00:40:05.320 Okay cool

00:40:05.760 The issue is

00:40:06.780 Yes okay

00:40:07.560 You know this

00:40:08.280 As a female

00:40:09.440 But the men of this generation

00:40:11.340 Don't know this

00:40:11.900 That's the issue

00:40:12.620 They do know that

00:40:13.080 No they don't know that

00:40:13.960 They do know that

00:40:14.640 I do agree with the

00:40:17.740 They don't know this

00:40:18.740 They don't know this

00:40:19.320 I promise you

00:40:20.020 They think the reverse

00:40:21.220 They think because of the trauma

00:40:23.060 They don't want to get involved

00:40:24.020 We are more likely 0.97

00:40:24.560 To get away from the marriage

00:40:25.900 If anything goes wrong

00:40:26.900 Because oh she used to do that 1.00

00:40:28.460 Because she's always to blame

00:40:30.200 Because sorry

00:40:30.880 Because we've labelled her broken

00:40:32.800 Because we blamed her

00:40:35.340 For her first failed marriage

00:40:37.240 Rather than saying

00:40:38.300 Okay it didn't work out

00:40:39.480 That's fine

00:40:40.040 It's 50-50

00:40:40.860 A marriage doesn't break

00:40:41.900 Because of the woman 0.89

00:40:42.960 It breaks because of

00:40:44.420 No sometimes it does

00:40:45.180 No I'm sorry

00:40:45.680 Sometimes it does

00:40:46.440 Sometimes it breaks

00:40:47.560 Because of the woman 0.89

00:40:48.380 But what I'm trying to

00:40:49.820 And I agree with what you said

00:40:50.960 With the sister

00:40:51.480 That didn't choose the situation

00:40:52.900 But what I'm trying to

00:40:54.320 Emphasize on

00:40:55.200 Is that sometimes

00:40:56.300 Sisters will self-sabotage 1.00

00:40:58.460 The next

00:40:58.920 Because they didn't heal

00:41:00.060 They didn't go through

00:41:01.060 That problem

00:41:01.500 Which we're going to come to

00:41:02.100 After very key

00:41:02.860 The problem is

00:41:04.220 That we're not understanding

00:41:05.260 The fitra of the man and woman 0.99

00:41:07.340 We're very different

00:41:08.020 So the value of the woman 0.78

00:41:09.640 And the value of the man

00:41:10.520 Are very different

00:41:11.120 I mean I don't want to go into

00:41:12.100 What we're going to talk about

00:41:12.860 No it's true

00:41:13.300 It's true

00:41:13.740 But it's very different

00:41:14.820 So men

00:41:15.400 A woman's value 0.99

00:41:17.220 Is in her chastity

00:41:18.660 And I don't mean

00:41:20.000 Just by her being chased

00:41:21.040 Through just marriage

00:41:21.840 But it's basically

00:41:23.320 What she's been through

00:41:24.980 Even you know

00:41:25.960 So it is linked to

00:41:27.320 Intimacy

00:41:28.600 Past and future

00:41:29.300 Because Allah says in

00:41:30.040 Surah Nisa 34

00:41:30.840 And when you know

00:41:31.940 Looking after the house

00:41:33.020 Et cetera

00:41:33.540 So they're just different

00:41:35.420 The male psychology 1.00

00:41:37.520 And the female psychology

00:41:38.280 Is very very different

00:41:39.120 The man is going to look

00:41:40.940 At the woman 0.92

00:41:41.440 Who's been divorced

00:41:42.760 Or has gone through a divorce

00:41:45.800 In a way that

00:41:47.600 Someone's been with her

00:41:48.640 They've had some issues

00:41:49.880 Some traumas

00:41:50.500 I'm going to take her on right now

00:41:52.100 Those problems might come into

00:41:54.780 My marriage

00:41:55.360 Exactly

00:41:55.900 Look we can't go

00:41:57.400 He doesn't know

00:41:58.680 Can she not say that

00:42:00.100 About the man who's divorced

00:42:01.220 Yeah

00:42:01.560 No no

00:42:01.980 But that's the thing

00:42:02.420 Her mind is not like that

00:42:03.440 Her mind is different

00:42:04.900 A woman is going to 1.00

00:42:06.140 Is going to take on

00:42:08.440 More of a chance

00:42:10.420 Of you know

00:42:11.320 Just kind of overlooking

00:42:12.300 The man

00:42:12.760 I disagree

00:42:13.580 Okay

00:42:13.980 I think they do

00:42:15.260 I think women 1.00

00:42:16.000 Women 1.00

00:42:16.560 Women have 0.95

00:42:17.520 And that's why I encourage

00:42:18.360 Women to do 1.00

00:42:18.960 Is to check the past

00:42:19.940 To see if there is not a pattern

00:42:21.120 I got a message

00:42:21.960 I understand where you're coming from

00:42:24.240 But women will not 1.00

00:42:25.820 Do as much

00:42:26.800 Okay so

00:42:27.260 I've got a text message

00:42:29.240 I've got a text message

00:42:30.400 For my wife

00:42:31.180 So she's saying

00:42:31.960 Why isn't it frowned upon men

00:42:33.640 So she's saying

00:42:34.680 That's what I'm asking

00:42:36.060 It's the psychology of women 1.00

00:42:38.960 Is different

00:42:39.520 They're looking at

00:42:40.420 They're willing to risk more

00:42:42.480 To get into the marriage

00:42:43.780 And to you know

00:42:45.080 Kind of like

00:42:45.560 They'll say

00:42:45.860 Well if the guy had a past

00:42:47.100 His value

00:42:49.240 Doesn't necessarily decrease

00:42:51.700 In her eyes

00:42:53.000 I disagree

00:42:53.660 Oh okay

00:42:54.680 Interesting

00:42:55.180 Let's listen to this please

00:42:56.180 Okay

00:42:56.780 Carry on

00:42:57.180 So

00:42:57.360 Going back

00:42:58.660 Just on

00:42:59.140 What I've learned

00:42:59.960 From female psychology 0.90

00:43:01.060 They're going to look at a man 0.79

00:43:02.120 With experience

00:43:02.860 Especially in intimacy

00:43:03.920 As

00:43:05.120 Not necessarily as something

00:43:06.400 Halal or whatever 0.98

00:43:07.280 But

00:43:07.580 She's not going to have 0.71

00:43:08.440 Such a huge problem with it

00:43:09.940 Unless this guy's been 0.86

00:43:10.880 Some dirty

00:43:12.100 You know

00:43:12.680 Yeah

00:43:12.920 But she's not going

00:43:15.040 To look at it that way

00:43:16.020 The man is going to look

00:43:16.900 At the woman 0.92

00:43:17.400 In a different way

00:43:18.440 Absolutely

00:43:19.080 She will

00:43:19.520 I actually do agree

00:43:20.860 No I agree

00:43:21.600 I think even personally

00:43:22.780 Being divorced myself

00:43:24.420 I wouldn't want to

00:43:25.580 Even go with somebody

00:43:26.440 Who has never been

00:43:27.280 Married before

00:43:27.840 I would choose someone

00:43:28.720 Who was married

00:43:29.760 To understand me

00:43:30.880 Because I think

00:43:31.340 I understand where

00:43:31.940 You're coming from

00:43:32.680 Because you might feel

00:43:33.960 That you know

00:43:34.600 You're taking on somebody

00:43:35.560 Who has got things

00:43:36.920 Whether they've healed or not

00:43:38.240 It's not something

00:43:39.120 It's not something

00:43:39.140 That you may be able

00:43:40.120 To handle

00:43:40.740 The fact that

00:43:41.400 She's come from that

00:43:42.240 Right or wrong as it is

00:43:43.620 This is just human behavior

00:43:45.200 And what it is

00:43:45.620 And I want to go back

00:43:46.540 Sorry to interrupt

00:43:47.340 One point that the sister

00:43:48.740 Made with regards to polygyny

00:43:50.200 See

00:43:51.220 Allah subhanahu wa ta'i 0.97

00:43:52.460 Doesn't rule something

00:43:54.180 For no reason

00:43:55.320 Yes

00:43:55.800 Okay yes

00:43:56.720 A man will choose a virgin 1.00

00:43:58.220 Over a non-virgin

00:43:59.280 That depends

00:44:00.160 Again

00:44:00.760 In the hadith 0.85

00:44:01.580 Of the

00:44:02.620 Where the

00:44:03.320 Prophet ﷺ spoke

00:44:04.280 About that

00:44:04.800 That man

00:44:05.760 The sahabi said 0.96

00:44:06.980 But I have

00:44:07.800 Like I think

00:44:08.520 He had sisters

00:44:09.160 He had kids I think

00:44:10.400 The one who said

00:44:10.880 Why did you marry someone

00:44:12.120 So he said

00:44:12.980 Then this is better for you

00:44:14.340 Someone who's got

00:44:14.980 More experience than that

00:44:16.040 But you see

00:44:16.840 When you make

00:44:18.100 And again

00:44:18.540 I'm not

00:44:18.920 I know people are

00:44:19.820 Going to have an issue

00:44:20.460 But I'll

00:44:21.220 You know

00:44:21.660 I stick by what I say

00:44:22.620 I don't care

00:44:23.080 It doesn't matter

00:44:23.740 It's the bitter truth

00:44:24.480 It is the bitter truth

00:44:25.680 I'll take responsibility

00:44:27.060 For what I say

00:44:27.780 I believe

00:44:28.760 That polygyny

00:44:30.660 Is the solution for this

00:44:31.760 Because

00:44:32.180 If a man marries

00:44:33.240 His

00:44:33.460 I want to shake my hand

00:44:34.560 This guy is

00:44:36.280 Why are you so hungry

00:44:37.860 Can we let the

00:44:39.360 It's not about that

00:44:40.340 You said I'm hungry

00:44:40.920 No no no

00:44:41.660 Okay

00:44:41.920 No no no

00:44:42.740 He's not

00:44:43.280 So polygyny

00:44:44.440 Is 0.88

00:44:45.040 Polygyny is hypersexualized 0.90

00:44:48.160 Right

00:44:48.400 Because it's always looked at

00:44:49.640 From a intimacy perspective

00:44:51.360 It's not

00:44:52.120 It's a huge responsibility

00:44:53.120 A man has so many more

00:44:54.340 Four

00:44:54.840 Three times more 0.80

00:44:56.200 Options of going to hell 0.99

00:44:58.080 When he is in polygyny 0.99

00:44:59.220 Okay

00:44:59.920 Because he doesn't do it right

00:45:01.380 Right

00:45:01.620 Yeah yeah

00:45:02.040 Because the hadith 0.97

00:45:02.620 Are you married

00:45:04.200 But it plays a big part

00:45:05.140 Yeah of course

00:45:05.720 One wife 0.76

00:45:06.120 Long time

00:45:06.620 Unless

00:45:07.220 We have the right

00:45:08.860 To remain silent

00:45:09.400 Look at this guy

00:45:11.840 Okay

00:45:12.360 Of course

00:45:12.720 Of course you're going to say

00:45:13.380 He's got more than one wife 0.92

00:45:14.540 So what

00:45:15.600 What's your problem

00:45:16.240 If I had more than one wife

00:45:17.200 I'd be pro polygyny as well

00:45:18.180 But I only got one wife 0.99

00:45:18.900 You can't be

00:45:19.780 It's about that

00:45:20.520 It's about that

00:45:20.540 Because for these sisters

00:45:23.220 Who are divorced

00:45:23.880 Right

00:45:24.140 So the guy has had

00:45:25.120 Let's say 0.98

00:45:25.720 He takes his virgin 0.99

00:45:26.460 Right 0.81

00:45:26.960 Then he marries another wife

00:45:28.900 A second wife 1.00

00:45:29.580 Who's been divorced

00:45:30.580 You might find that

00:45:31.900 The wife who's been divorced 0.67

00:45:32.700 Is better than the wife 1.00

00:45:33.360 Exactly

00:45:33.760 This is what we need to talk about

00:45:35.380 Yes

00:45:35.740 Because we're thinking

00:45:36.560 That divorces are like

00:45:37.440 Damaged goods

00:45:37.980 And they're psychologically

00:45:39.040 They've got nothing to offer

00:45:39.840 How are you going to know

00:45:40.440 What a woman has to offer 1.00

00:45:41.760 Who's been divorced

00:45:42.460 But a divorce is not just

00:45:43.800 For second marriages 0.94

00:45:44.780 No it's not

00:45:45.300 I totally agree

00:45:45.840 That's not what I'm trying to say

00:45:46.980 That's not what I'm trying to say

00:45:48.380 Well let's say he marries

00:45:49.480 The first wife 0.58

00:45:51.500 And I do believe personally

00:45:52.840 That if you marry 0.89

00:45:53.440 Your first wife

00:45:54.220 As a divorce

00:45:55.480 You're an even more mature woman

00:45:56.760 It is better

00:45:57.260 In the process

00:45:57.640 I married Khadija 0.93

00:45:58.380 Yes

00:45:58.780 And even after her

00:46:00.720 Sauda 0.60

00:46:01.260 Thank you

00:46:01.900 Okay

00:46:02.160 Wait wait

00:46:03.540 And

00:46:03.900 Then with Aisha

00:46:04.560 Aisha and Sauda

00:46:06.900 Were within very close time

00:46:08.720 Okay

00:46:09.200 Radi Allah 0.99

00:46:09.580 And

00:46:10.880 You

00:46:13.000 Will have an easier time

00:46:15.280 To move on

00:46:16.800 And maybe you can

00:46:17.420 Okay

00:46:17.620 Have a second or third

00:46:18.460 You can still marry a virgin 1.00

00:46:19.480 If that's what you want

00:46:20.580 For men

00:46:21.300 That's like a trophy thing

00:46:22.380 Isn't it

00:46:22.820 It seems

00:46:23.800 But

00:46:24.720 See

00:46:25.300 Those women 0.99

00:46:26.060 Still have

00:46:26.940 The ability to marry

00:46:28.240 A good man

00:46:29.160 If she's been divorced

00:46:30.680 So what

00:46:31.040 She's been divorced 0.86

00:46:31.680 Okay

00:46:32.080 If your issue was

00:46:33.220 I need to marry a virgin 1.00

00:46:34.200 Because I was a good boy 0.70

00:46:35.180 Or whatever

00:46:35.580 Okay

00:46:36.100 Whatever that means

00:46:37.420 I'm making that

00:46:38.980 I go at you

00:46:40.120 Oh no

00:46:40.780 But

00:46:41.200 So okay

00:46:42.580 You can still have that

00:46:43.580 Is that the issue

00:46:44.920 That's stopping you

00:46:45.580 From marrying a divorced woman 0.97

00:46:46.760 Or a woman with children

00:46:47.660 Look

00:46:48.200 If that's the issue

00:46:48.980 Then you have a chance

00:46:49.860 You can still do it

00:46:50.740 I think a mature alpha male

00:46:52.120 Can actually

00:46:53.160 Handle

00:46:54.460 A divorced

00:46:55.200 Person

00:46:56.080 More than

00:46:56.640 Someone who is

00:46:57.360 What are you trying to say sister

00:46:58.060 No I'm just saying

00:46:58.860 You're trying to say

00:46:59.340 You're trying to say

00:47:00.260 Exactly what I said

00:47:01.260 Listen

00:47:01.560 Listen

00:47:01.900 I'm very alpha

00:47:03.040 Trust me

00:47:04.240 Do you know what I mean

00:47:04.900 No no listen

00:47:05.640 I think so

00:47:07.060 I may one day get divorced

00:47:08.480 Or

00:47:09.260 May I protect you

00:47:10.020 May I protect you

00:47:10.600 I'm saying

00:47:13.000 One day I may be in a situation

00:47:14.460 Where then

00:47:14.920 You know what

00:47:15.260 I may say

00:47:15.620 You know what

00:47:16.080 I may think differently

00:47:17.780 But right now

00:47:18.420 I just

00:47:19.100 It's not like an insecure thing

00:47:20.540 It's just like

00:47:21.120 If that's my wife 1.00

00:47:22.980 And I love her

00:47:23.460 Yeah

00:47:23.680 Yeah no

00:47:24.340 I totally understand

00:47:24.980 I can't

00:47:26.420 Like just

00:47:27.300 I think we need to go past

00:47:29.520 This issue

00:47:30.500 That we have this

00:47:31.700 Idea

00:47:32.820 That okay

00:47:33.820 There is value in virginity

00:47:35.160 No doubt

00:47:35.660 Okay

00:47:36.400 But I'll go based on my experiences

00:47:38.580 In counselling

00:47:39.120 My clients

00:47:40.080 There's been married men 1.00

00:47:41.260 Who have been married to virgins

00:47:42.400 And they've made their lives hell

00:47:43.800 Yeah

00:47:44.140 There's many men

00:47:45.300 Who have been married to 0.87

00:47:46.000 Divorced women 1.00

00:47:46.660 And they've made their life

00:47:47.640 Very good

00:47:48.080 Right

00:47:48.500 So you have to vet

00:47:49.480 The wife 0.55

00:47:50.420 You have to make sure

00:47:51.180 She's a good woman

00:47:51.960 You have to make sure

00:47:53.240 You test everything

00:47:54.580 Do your due diligence

00:47:55.680 Yeah

00:47:56.120 There is value in virginity

00:47:57.840 I'm not saying that there isn't

00:47:58.940 Because the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam

00:47:59.720 Said that

00:48:00.140 He advised

00:48:00.840 I'm not saying there isn't

00:48:02.100 But it depends

00:48:03.360 That doesn't mean now

00:48:04.380 Okay

00:48:04.920 Just like

00:48:05.500 If a woman wears niqab 1.00

00:48:06.800 Does that mean she's going to be a good wife? 0.99

00:48:08.400 No

00:48:08.580 A lot of brothers make that mistake

00:48:09.840 Oh

00:48:10.120 Please

00:48:10.520 Don't get me started

00:48:12.800 Please

00:48:13.000 Please

00:48:13.920 Please

00:48:14.640 Don't take us down

00:48:15.460 No no

00:48:15.940 Never

00:48:16.140 Is that enough

00:48:19.620 For a person to make a decision?

00:48:22.860 No no

00:48:23.240 Is that enough?

00:48:24.260 Is virginity enough 0.84

00:48:26.360 To make sure

00:48:27.060 That's what I'm saying

00:48:28.180 Just like a disclaimer as well

00:48:30.180 Look our sisters 0.73

00:48:30.900 Who observe the hijab 1.00

00:48:32.580 Who wear the niqab 1.00

00:48:33.520 Even those who are striving to

00:48:36.320 Alhamdulillah

00:48:36.940 Hats off

00:48:38.160 May Allah bless you guys

00:48:39.320 No no

00:48:39.540 Let's appreciate

00:48:41.260 The fact that you guys are out there

00:48:42.980 You have this attire

00:48:43.640 I can walk

00:48:44.300 Don't say

00:48:44.720 Do I look like a Muslim?

00:48:46.240 No maybe I'm one of those guys

00:48:48.020 In the Camden Town punks

00:48:48.980 Yeah they grow their beard

00:48:49.640 Yeah

00:48:49.820 No it's true

00:48:50.500 But you guys are symbol

00:48:51.460 You're carrying that symbol in your head

00:48:52.560 So may Allah bless and preserve you guys

00:48:54.020 Because it's very important

00:48:54.760 No it doesn't mean that we are sacred

00:48:55.520 I have to agree

00:48:56.180 A side with what the brothers say

00:48:57.740 They mean that

00:48:58.260 It's not because

00:48:58.900 We niqabis

00:49:00.180 Or we hijabis

00:49:00.900 Or we jilbabis

00:49:01.660 Are perfect

00:49:02.840 Or better wife 0.75

00:49:03.560 Than some

00:49:04.120 I am the first one to explain it

00:49:06.020 On my account

00:49:06.900 So I do not like the sacred

00:49:08.520 Like responsibility that we have

00:49:10.960 Because we are niqabis

00:49:11.700 No we are human beings

00:49:12.620 100%

00:49:13.080 We are imperfect

00:49:13.900 May Allah guide us

00:49:14.900 And perfect us

00:49:15.920 Same with the brothers

00:49:16.500 With the phobes

00:49:17.080 And the beards

00:49:17.580 And the hats

00:49:18.080 But I want to go back

00:49:19.300 To concept

00:49:20.380 When going back to the cause of divorce

00:49:22.040 And I'm going to join

00:49:22.720 Our brothers

00:49:24.000 Gabriel

00:49:25.460 Gabriel

00:49:26.120 Gabriel

00:49:26.780 Sorry

00:49:27.380 On a point

00:49:29.280 That I think

00:49:30.080 One of the main causes

00:49:30.980 We forget to speak about

00:49:32.300 He mashallah

00:49:33.460 And I appreciate

00:49:34.660 That the fact

00:49:35.180 That he mentioned

00:49:35.780 Our prophet

00:49:36.240 The most self-confident

00:49:39.120 The most healthiest

00:49:40.440 Example we ever had

00:49:42.060 That didn't feel insecure

00:49:43.980 With marrying

00:49:44.420 There has never been an issue

00:49:46.040 With marrying a divorce

00:49:47.460 Why?

00:49:48.160 Because we go back

00:49:48.800 To the ayah 1.00

00:49:49.400 For the reason

00:49:50.040 Why we choose a woman 0.99

00:49:50.960 In the first place

00:49:51.880 And yes

00:49:53.200 It is like a sunnah

00:49:55.460 Especially if you're

00:49:56.380 A virgin yourself

00:49:56.980 To marry a virgin person 0.98

00:49:58.860 Subhanallah

00:49:59.300 But

00:49:59.760 Allah Azza wa Jai 0.97

00:50:00.800 Tell us to look at what?

00:50:02.420 Please

00:50:02.680 Can we remind ourselves

00:50:03.800 That no one meant

00:50:04.640 Since before

00:50:05.540 We are talking about

00:50:06.140 All the reasons

00:50:06.740 The taqwa 0.99

00:50:07.540 The taqwa 0.99

00:50:08.700 Subhanallah

00:50:09.460 And the taqwa 0.98

00:50:10.520 Of a divorcee

00:50:11.540 Is not lesser

00:50:12.620 Than the taqwa 0.99

00:50:13.300 Of a virgin

00:50:13.840 Because

00:50:14.720 And I insist on that

00:50:16.040 That a divorcee 0.99

00:50:17.080 Sister

00:50:17.920 It depends on

00:50:19.160 Her healing journey

00:50:19.840 That's why

00:50:20.220 I always advise

00:50:21.020 See how she's about

00:50:22.840 On her healing

00:50:23.300 What did she learn?

00:50:24.680 And even when

00:50:25.500 I took myself

00:50:26.200 To divorcee brothers

00:50:27.920 In an Islamic meeting

00:50:28.900 In a Muqabala 0.99

00:50:29.500 And asked them

00:50:30.260 What did you learn

00:50:31.300 From your previous marriage?

00:50:32.720 I don't mind the fact

00:50:33.500 That the person is divorcee

00:50:34.740 What I mind is the journey

00:50:36.280 The lesson

00:50:37.100 The wisdom

00:50:37.620 That he has understood

00:50:38.920 Making sure you don't

00:50:39.900 Do the same mistakes

00:50:40.660 And you know what?

00:50:41.620 The first thing I listen to

00:50:43.180 I look for accountability

00:50:44.720 Self-accountability

00:50:45.960 Wow

00:50:46.200 Not saying

00:50:46.860 My wife did this 0.98

00:50:47.920 She was this 0.73

00:50:48.600 She was awful 0.99

00:50:49.260 She was horrible 0.99

00:50:49.840 Like most of the brothers

00:50:50.900 Brothers

00:50:51.660 What she was

00:50:52.640 Doesn't matter

00:50:53.240 What did you learn

00:50:54.360 About yourself?

00:50:55.280 And divorcee 0.99

00:50:56.040 I want to talk about

00:50:56.920 Was the most

00:50:57.780 Self-reflecting journey

00:50:59.400 Not about me

00:51:00.220 Bashing my ex 0.84

00:51:01.140 But what I have learned

00:51:02.260 About myself

00:51:02.940 My flaws

00:51:03.780 And wallahi

00:51:04.960 This is a blessing

00:51:06.000 From Allah

00:51:06.480 If you are able

00:51:08.160 To sit in the mirror

00:51:09.100 And say

00:51:09.860 You know what?

00:51:10.800 Forget him

00:51:11.400 Forget what happened

00:51:12.380 May Allah guide him

00:51:13.460 May Allah forgive

00:51:14.140 And may Allah better

00:51:15.700 All our situation

00:51:16.880 But it's to be able

00:51:18.260 To look in the mirror

00:51:18.960 And think

00:51:19.460 What are the things

00:51:20.980 That I can take

00:51:21.760 From this experience

00:51:22.500 And how can I better myself

00:51:24.120 And get closer to Allah

00:51:25.080 And this is why

00:51:27.000 I just want to go back

00:51:27.740 To the importance of taqwa

00:51:28.860 So let's go to now

00:51:30.260 The healing process

00:51:31.020 Of divorce inshallah

00:51:31.940 Let's talk about that

00:51:32.620 And like I said

00:51:33.640 Before I know

00:51:34.040 Many examples as well

00:51:35.340 People that I know

00:51:36.180 Sometimes it's that divorce

00:51:38.280 Like I was

00:51:39.400 I know a brother

00:51:40.580 And I was

00:51:41.060 Speaking to him

00:51:42.120 And he said

00:51:42.540 If it wasn't for my divorce

00:51:44.440 I would have destroyed

00:51:45.380 My marriage today

00:51:45.940 He goes

00:51:46.940 If it wasn't for the divorce

00:51:47.860 That I went through

00:51:48.440 I would have not valued my wife

00:51:50.100 I would have not appreciated her

00:51:51.440 And I would have ruined it

00:51:53.180 So that divorce

00:51:54.180 That he went through

00:51:54.700 Was the biggest blessing for him

00:51:56.120 Number one

00:51:56.620 Protect him from zinner 1.00

00:51:58.020 Number two

00:51:59.020 He had a child

00:52:00.220 Number three

00:52:01.180 The mistakes that he learned there

00:52:03.200 He didn't apply it here

00:52:04.240 And that's why

00:52:05.220 Allah sometimes

00:52:05.800 He got remarried

00:52:07.120 Yeah he got remarried

00:52:08.000 And he got remarried

00:52:09.200 So sometimes

00:52:10.140 Divorce that we've

00:52:10.940 Looked down upon

00:52:12.020 It's something that is a blessing

00:52:13.860 But let's bear in mind

00:52:14.740 When we talk about

00:52:15.120 Sahaba's time 0.93

00:52:15.700 The prophet's time 0.85

00:52:16.320 The woman 0.98

00:52:17.100 The woman there

00:52:18.040 And not the woman today 0.51

00:52:19.080 And the men there

00:52:19.820 That time is not the men today

00:52:21.040 We're talking about

00:52:21.420 You need to be careful

00:52:21.840 When you say that though

00:52:22.480 What do you mean by that

00:52:23.440 I'll be honest with you

00:52:23.980 Like

00:52:24.220 Okay so

00:52:25.320 There's probably here

00:52:26.560 Be sisters here

00:52:27.140 They're more experienced

00:52:27.840 They do counselling

00:52:28.440 They do whatever

00:52:29.080 And they're qualified

00:52:31.220 I give marriage advice

00:52:32.780 Like

00:52:33.180 Here and there

00:52:34.500 But I've been doing it

00:52:35.000 For like two months

00:52:35.600 Giving my opinion

00:52:36.200 No no no

00:52:37.700 Why they laugh

00:52:39.180 Two months

00:52:40.560 Two months

00:52:40.940 Is a great experience

00:52:42.220 You know

00:52:42.420 Every day

00:52:42.920 Every day you know

00:52:43.980 No no no

00:52:44.660 But honestly

00:52:44.940 I speak to mainly

00:52:45.980 My generation

00:52:46.660 Okay

00:52:46.960 You're saying that

00:52:50.640 Sometimes

00:52:51.120 I understand your point

00:52:52.520 But I'm saying

00:52:53.160 Some people might take it

00:52:54.140 In a wrong way

00:52:55.280 Where you're saying

00:52:55.620 Sometimes a divorce

00:52:56.540 Can be a good thing

00:52:57.200 Which I agree

00:52:58.260 But I'm saying

00:52:59.300 People

00:52:59.740 Think of that

00:53:01.540 And listen to that

00:53:02.040 And think

00:53:02.240 Okay I'm going to get divorced

00:53:03.060 No

00:53:03.480 No it is

00:53:05.020 I'm telling you guys

00:53:06.780 The amount of people

00:53:07.340 No we are talking about

00:53:07.860 People that are already divorced

00:53:08.880 Already divorced

00:53:09.460 And how to accept

00:53:10.640 I know

00:53:11.840 I know

00:53:12.500 But I'm saying

00:53:13.120 People right now

00:53:13.680 Will be going through

00:53:14.180 A certain situation

00:53:14.940 And we hear

00:53:15.600 You know what

00:53:16.220 Some divorces are good 0.99

00:53:17.180 And then

00:53:17.980 They're thinking about divorce

00:53:20.000 And they hear that

00:53:20.460 They think

00:53:20.800 You know what

00:53:21.160 Maybe me getting divorced

00:53:21.900 Is a good thing 0.54

00:53:22.380 And then

00:53:22.780 And then

00:53:23.900 They end up getting divorced

00:53:25.080 Look we've talked

00:53:25.940 You need to be careful

00:53:26.840 You need to be careful

00:53:27.440 Like

00:53:27.800 True

00:53:28.140 Explain the point

00:53:29.160 Yeah true

00:53:29.620 The aim is very simple

00:53:31.080 It's very clear

00:53:32.040 With our episodes

00:53:32.500 And shows that

00:53:32.980 The whole point is

00:53:33.640 To reel the family unit

00:53:34.420 Not destroy it

00:53:35.000 But what we're saying

00:53:35.980 Is that for those

00:53:36.580 Who are divorced

00:53:37.060 And they're in despair

00:53:37.880 And like

00:53:38.240 You know this that

00:53:38.960 To say you know what

00:53:39.920 It can be a lesson

00:53:40.820 To be learned

00:53:41.280 And there's many benefits

00:53:42.020 Out of it

00:53:42.480 The fact that it protected you

00:53:43.580 From Zinner 0.55

00:53:44.000 The fact that it protected you

00:53:45.580 From Zinner 0.55

00:53:45.860 Is a massive thing bro

00:53:46.940 The one who's going to

00:53:47.900 Stand in front of Allah 1.00

00:53:48.660 Who's committed Zinner 1.00

00:53:49.360 And the one who's going to

00:53:49.960 Stand and say

00:53:50.320 I got married

00:53:50.900 There's mountains

00:53:51.900 Bro there's a mountain

00:53:52.880 That's number one

00:53:53.760 Number two

00:53:54.340 Learning lessons

00:53:55.120 So we're not saying

00:53:55.700 If you're on the verge

00:53:56.440 We would go back

00:53:58.060 To our other episodes

00:53:58.740 That we're going to talk about

00:53:59.360 This as well

00:53:59.680 Inshallah in depth

00:54:00.120 But let's talk about it now

00:54:00.980 Because we haven't got much time

00:54:01.660 About healing

00:54:02.760 So there's

00:54:03.640 You do coaching

00:54:05.220 So please

00:54:06.640 Let's start off with you

00:54:07.480 Inshallah

00:54:07.780 And then go to Sister Saul

00:54:08.780 And then from there

00:54:09.380 Yeah and also Sister Fahim

00:54:10.640 And that's coaching as well

00:54:11.280 So when couples come to you 0.98

00:54:13.780 How do you help them

00:54:14.840 To heal after a divorce

00:54:16.540 Or if you do that

00:54:18.520 Okay so

00:54:20.260 With men and women

00:54:22.980 It's different

00:54:23.480 Okay

00:54:24.620 There was a study

00:54:25.720 That was published

00:54:27.020 In 2020 I believe

00:54:28.460 About committed couples

00:54:30.860 Who have fallen out

00:54:32.140 Divorce

00:54:33.420 And there's a misconception

00:54:35.580 That somehow

00:54:36.540 Guys heal faster

00:54:37.700 It's not correct

00:54:38.720 They actually heal slower

00:54:41.040 And it's more painful

00:54:42.120 Of course

00:54:42.380 We're talking here

00:54:42.900 About when they're committed

00:54:43.660 I'm not talking about the

00:54:44.400 I think a lot of times

00:54:45.600 When we look at guys

00:54:46.380 We feel that

00:54:47.140 These boys

00:54:48.180 They just kind of jump around

00:54:49.220 From woman to woman 1.00

00:54:50.420 They just move on

00:54:51.080 And so on

00:54:51.380 I'm talking about like

00:54:51.920 A man who's been in love

00:54:53.700 With his wife

00:54:54.740 Yeah

00:54:55.060 And she's

00:54:56.720 Supposedly in love with him

00:54:57.680 They fall out

00:54:58.700 They have a divorce

00:54:59.740 Who moves on faster

00:55:01.120 Who heals faster

00:55:02.120 The woman 0.98

00:55:02.500 It's clear

00:55:03.320 There's a doubt about this

00:55:04.620 That's what the

00:55:06.040 Study showed

00:55:06.920 So what I'm trying to say

00:55:15.400 Is different

00:55:16.240 So with women 0.98

00:55:18.060 Naturally they're going to have

00:55:19.860 A faster

00:55:21.400 A wider support group

00:55:23.460 I agree with you

00:55:24.680 Usually when sisters 0.90

00:55:25.580 Have a problem

00:55:26.120 Pretty much very fast

00:55:27.400 They'll go to someone

00:55:28.040 They can have someone

00:55:28.740 That they can

00:55:29.180 They can cry about it

00:55:30.140 Someone they can cuddle with

00:55:32.160 Someone they can get a hug from

00:55:33.420 And so on

00:55:33.900 Men

00:55:34.700 Not so much

00:55:35.960 So the way we approach

00:55:37.980 Healing for men 0.96

00:55:38.800 And for women

00:55:39.660 Is very very different

00:55:41.040 Women want to understand 1.00

00:55:42.940 What the problem was

00:55:45.100 They want to work on themselves

00:55:46.620 They do blame themselves a lot

00:55:48.140 At times

00:55:49.000 It happens a lot

00:55:51.520 So you have to build with women 1.00

00:55:52.880 Like it's a bit different

00:55:54.200 You have to approach

00:55:54.940 And dissect everything

00:55:56.180 They want to understand

00:55:57.080 For the guys

00:55:57.900 They're very hard to open up

00:56:00.200 It's very difficult to know

00:56:01.260 Like what is the issue

00:56:02.400 What was your issue

00:56:03.160 That's one of the reasons

00:56:03.800 High rates of suicide

00:56:04.860 Amongst men

00:56:05.440 Amongst men

00:56:06.000 So what I do with men

00:56:07.640 Is I'll focus on them

00:56:08.700 Building themselves

00:56:09.580 Their confidence

00:56:10.860 Their value

00:56:11.520 And so on

00:56:12.080 And with women 0.95

00:56:13.340 Most likely

00:56:14.220 We'll have to dissect

00:56:15.480 And go into details

00:56:16.900 And understanding

00:56:18.080 Was there fault

00:56:18.840 Was there no fault

00:56:19.780 You really have to go into details

00:56:22.200 That's how

00:56:22.680 Okay

00:56:23.120 Okay

00:56:23.640 So one and a half minute

00:56:25.080 I agree and disagree

00:56:26.480 The way he said

00:56:27.520 Like sisters go through healing 0.97

00:56:29.200 Or women in general 0.64

00:56:30.180 With the fact that

00:56:31.080 Dissecting the guilt

00:56:32.520 Phenomena

00:56:33.060 Everything

00:56:33.700 Sisters

00:56:35.080 Will completely

00:56:36.900 Break down

00:56:37.980 Like

00:56:38.440 Completely break down

00:56:39.960 Okay

00:56:40.840 Compared to a man 0.99

00:56:42.100 A man can move on 0.98

00:56:43.140 Quicker

00:56:43.740 But

00:56:44.200 What I have realised

00:56:45.700 Through my experience

00:56:46.660 Myself

00:56:47.240 And through other sisters

00:56:48.380 That I speak to

00:56:49.800 Yeah

00:56:50.140 Even though

00:56:51.320 The consequences

00:56:53.000 Of the divorce

00:56:53.780 Will be more dramatic

00:56:54.840 On the sisters

00:56:55.600 Straight away

00:56:57.140 But in the long run

00:56:58.400 I find that men

00:56:59.260 Heal less 1.00

00:57:00.200 Because they didn't

00:57:01.440 Take that time

00:57:02.120 Maybe to

00:57:02.800 Take that healing time

00:57:04.200 To dissect

00:57:04.760 The reason

00:57:05.520 Things maybe

00:57:06.080 They need to work on

00:57:06.900 No they just

00:57:07.460 Move on

00:57:08.060 And it's part of

00:57:09.280 As well the qualities

00:57:10.080 But there can be a flow

00:57:11.180 When you go through

00:57:12.260 Certain events like that

00:57:13.880 So I will agree

00:57:14.980 And disagree

00:57:15.600 But sisters for me

00:57:16.780 Or women in general 0.64

00:57:17.740 They will completely

00:57:19.440 Break down

00:57:20.120 30 seconds

00:57:20.920 But in the long term

00:57:21.820 They will heal better

00:57:22.680 They will move on

00:57:23.900 And when they heal

00:57:24.680 They're healed

00:57:25.780 Men

00:57:26.460 I've never really met so far

00:57:28.180 A man that really 1.00

00:57:29.420 Took the steps

00:57:30.300 Through the healing

00:57:31.520 And self-revisation

00:57:32.520 Self-accountability

00:57:33.440 So the damage

00:57:34.620 Is in the long term

00:57:35.240 That's what we need

00:57:35.820 We see many people

00:57:36.960 In the street

00:57:37.460 That are houseless

00:57:38.640 And when you speak to them

00:57:40.160 Very often

00:57:40.960 I was very surprised

00:57:41.860 It started with a woman 1.00

00:57:43.440 Yes

00:57:43.880 With a divorce

00:57:44.640 Allahu akbar

00:57:45.440 Thank you

00:57:46.220 And time is up

00:57:46.900 For that sister

00:57:47.440 But it's true 0.90

00:57:48.000 Because the thing is

00:57:48.620 When it comes to divorce

00:57:49.380 Woman divorce 1.00

00:57:50.180 Way before the initiation

00:57:51.460 So a woman 0.97

00:57:52.320 Starts the divorce process

00:57:53.340 So when a brother

00:57:54.200 Comes and says

00:57:54.600 Oh my wife 0.99

00:57:55.780 My wife

00:57:56.320 Sometimes she's left

00:57:57.120 She doesn't

00:57:57.480 No no no

00:57:58.000 One second

00:57:58.900 One second

00:58:00.100 No no no

00:58:01.440 One second

00:58:01.720 By the way

00:58:02.080 You and I agree

00:58:02.700 We say the same thing

00:58:03.700 Yes

00:58:03.980 The thing is here

00:58:05.760 Is this

00:58:06.040 It's a non-phenomena

00:58:07.320 Okay

00:58:07.620 The early stages

00:58:09.000 For a man

00:58:09.880 It's

00:58:10.140 Oh yes

00:58:10.720 Amazing

00:58:11.200 For a woman

00:58:11.720 It's misery

00:58:12.480 Etc

00:58:12.900 On the long run

00:58:14.200 You guys heal faster

00:58:15.860 And that will be

00:58:16.780 I believe

00:58:17.080 Because we're physically stronger

00:58:17.900 You guys are psychologically stronger

00:58:18.920 And you can cry

00:58:19.600 I can't go to my friend and cry

00:58:20.540 I can't go to hijab 1.00

00:58:21.440 And be like

00:58:21.800 Give me 0.98

00:58:23.260 Probably give me one slap 0.99

00:58:24.260 Yeah 0.99

00:58:24.860 Come back to your senses

00:58:25.760 Okay 1.00

00:58:26.040 Come here let me slap you 1.00

00:58:27.040 Yeah 0.99

00:58:27.360 So the thing is

00:58:28.080 We can't do that

00:58:28.600 You can open up

00:58:29.300 You can cry about it

00:58:30.140 And it's therapeutic

00:58:31.060 So that's the

00:58:31.920 Yes that's the case

00:58:33.080 And not only that

00:58:33.720 Sometimes for a woman

00:58:35.000 She pre-plans ahead

00:58:36.420 When she

00:58:37.200 If a brother comes to me

00:58:37.960 And says my wife wants to divorce me

00:58:39.340 And I'm talking about divorce

00:58:39.960 Not that oh I'm emotional

00:58:40.940 No she's like 1.00

00:58:41.940 I'm like bro

00:58:42.460 That divorce started a year and a half ago 0.52

00:58:43.840 It's just

00:58:44.180 She's told you today

00:58:45.740 She's told

00:58:46.520 Nope

00:58:46.880 No no no

00:58:47.960 I'm sorry

00:58:48.360 I think women 1.00

00:58:49.280 Emotionally leave

00:58:51.020 Their relationship first

00:58:52.680 Yes

00:58:52.820 Yes

00:58:53.320 And it's not because

00:58:55.360 They have to disconnect in order to feel

00:58:56.020 Yes

00:58:56.540 There we go

00:58:57.480 Yeah

00:58:57.740 And it's not necessarily because

00:58:58.920 We want to divorce him

00:59:00.260 But he is doing something

00:59:01.720 That is pushing me

00:59:03.420 Further and further away

00:59:04.600 No matter how hard I try

00:59:05.800 And put my hand out

00:59:07.060 It depends on

00:59:07.960 And yes it does depend on

00:59:09.200 The situation and the woman itself

00:59:10.540 But for the most part anyways

00:59:12.140 And I think in order to heal

00:59:14.180 Women are self-sabotaging 1.00

00:59:16.440 If we are left with a child

00:59:18.480 Society and the culture

00:59:20.200 Will constantly shame us

00:59:21.380 They will look down upon us

00:59:22.580 Five years on the line

00:59:23.700 You want to get married

00:59:24.360 Oh well she's divorced 1.00

00:59:25.580 Oh no we don't want her 0.99

00:59:26.700 Ten years on the line

00:59:27.800 It's still the same thing

00:59:28.780 So it comes down to how strong

00:59:30.960 Less than 20 years ago

00:59:31.360 It comes down to how strong

00:59:32.980 The sister is

00:59:33.680 And how willing she is to heal

00:59:35.420 How willing she is to make her future better

00:59:37.320 Okay

00:59:37.560 I've got about seven minutes of the show left

00:59:39.120 Can we just talk more about

00:59:40.260 Let's say healing

00:59:40.880 Sister Fahima

00:59:41.440 So for example

00:59:42.300 What advice would you give

00:59:42.960 Somebody who's divorced

00:59:43.640 A sister or a brother 0.59

00:59:44.940 And they're like

00:59:46.540 You know what

00:59:47.040 I don't want to live anymore

00:59:48.560 I've got nothing to look forward to

00:59:49.840 What would you give

00:59:50.900 An advice to the sister

00:59:51.820 Who's watching this

00:59:52.520 Who's divorced recently

00:59:53.840 It is definitely a grieving process

00:59:56.520 So basically you need to take time

00:59:58.440 To understand the steps

00:59:59.340 That you're going to be going through

01:00:00.140 Certain feelings and emotions

01:00:01.340 And you would be advised

01:00:03.040 To speak to somebody

01:00:03.720 Who can help you unravel that

01:00:05.300 Regardless of how it ended

01:00:06.880 And who's

01:00:07.640 Who is it

01:00:08.560 The male or the female 0.99

01:00:09.560 I think it really is important

01:00:11.300 That you know

01:00:11.900 You seek some sort of advice

01:00:13.360 Outside family

01:00:14.820 Outside friends

01:00:16.360 So that you can actually

01:00:17.440 Get through the process

01:00:18.380 A lot more

01:00:19.180 Easier and quicker

01:00:20.980 And it can be quicker

01:00:22.020 If it's done in the correct manner

01:00:23.480 But I think that generally

01:00:24.860 Women will find it 1.00

01:00:26.720 A lot more heartbreaking

01:00:28.020 And I do feel that

01:00:29.280 As much as you say

01:00:30.220 That women initiate it 1.00

01:00:31.540 Regardless of how

01:00:33.040 Independently financial they are

01:00:34.920 They don't want to break

01:00:36.480 Their homes

01:00:37.140 When they have kids

01:00:38.320 Believe me

01:00:39.020 They really don't

01:00:40.140 And you know

01:00:41.180 If they are forced to

01:00:42.100 It's under very extreme circumstances

01:00:44.160 A majority of Muslim women

01:00:45.920 That I know

01:00:46.580 Coaching around the world as well

01:00:47.980 They really don't want that

01:00:49.440 Because they actually know

01:00:50.360 What you guys are thinking

01:00:51.320 About a divorced woman

01:00:52.340 So a lot of the times

01:00:53.460 It is not their choice

01:00:55.260 And they do not go for it

01:00:57.100 So let's just get that

01:00:58.060 Out of the head as well

01:00:58.880 Because

01:00:59.260 Yeah

01:01:00.040 Alhamdulillah

01:01:01.080 You just got me back

01:01:03.140 From last episode

01:01:04.000 No no

01:01:04.580 There's no getting back

01:01:05.460 I don't do that

01:01:06.020 Yes

01:01:06.320 No I mean

01:01:08.300 Women have to 1.00

01:01:09.380 Take accountability

01:01:10.600 Thank you

01:01:11.540 Okay it's not like that

01:01:12.760 I don't think

01:01:13.200 All the women 0.93

01:01:13.820 They don't want to get divorced

01:01:14.860 There's women 1.00

01:01:15.600 They don't really

01:01:16.200 Unless there's a reason

01:01:17.360 After the divorce

01:01:18.940 And they'll say

01:01:19.620 I don't know

01:01:21.620 I've done it

01:01:22.380 I've just done

01:01:23.840 I felt like doing it

01:01:24.760 I felt out

01:01:25.480 For it

01:01:26.600 He's a good guy

01:01:27.380 He's a great man

01:01:28.180 I regret it now

01:01:29.320 A lot of women 1.00

01:01:32.220 Are easily influenced today

01:01:33.740 Okay

01:01:34.500 You have to understand

01:01:35.340 I've had

01:01:37.920 Couples divorcing

01:01:39.840 Or

01:01:40.040 Friends to divorce

01:01:41.280 Like

01:01:41.920 About three weeks ago

01:01:43.340 At a sister

01:01:44.760 Who in front of me

01:01:45.740 And her husband

01:01:46.900 Three of us online

01:01:48.100 Said that

01:01:49.160 Well if I would have known

01:01:50.920 That he has an issue

01:01:51.760 With my social

01:01:52.380 Media

01:01:53.640 Activity

01:01:55.380 I would have not

01:01:55.920 Married him

01:01:56.400 Like I don't really

01:01:57.200 Want to be

01:01:57.720 If he controls me

01:01:58.580 Like that

01:01:58.860 I don't want to

01:01:59.360 And I was like

01:01:59.620 Wait you're going to

01:02:00.120 Choose your social media

01:02:01.520 Or your husband

01:02:02.580 And I said

01:02:03.900 I'm sorry

01:02:04.260 If you'll be my wife

01:02:05.100 I'll

01:02:05.380 Peace out

01:02:06.700 Sorry about that

01:02:07.880 But

01:02:08.460 Like no

01:02:09.320 A lot of sisters

01:02:10.120 They are easily influenced

01:02:11.480 They

01:02:12.060 They have to take

01:02:13.260 Accountability

01:02:13.940 Some divorce

01:02:14.980 For no reason

01:02:15.700 We're talking about

01:02:16.820 Just the good sisters

01:02:17.880 And the good brothers

01:02:18.860 Yes

01:02:19.220 Okay I agree

01:02:19.920 That yes

01:02:20.620 Sisters will have 1.00

01:02:21.660 They don't want

01:02:22.180 To break their homes

01:02:22.760 I don't think

01:02:23.240 Anyone wants to

01:02:23.880 I don't think

01:02:24.280 Any man wants

01:02:24.980 To break his house

01:02:25.480 No

01:02:25.660 No way

01:02:26.060 Okay

01:02:26.540 If we're talking

01:02:27.040 About that

01:02:27.480 I do agree

01:02:28.180 If we're talking

01:02:28.640 About just

01:02:29.000 In general

01:02:29.700 That's

01:02:30.080 People being influenced

01:02:31.400 By society

01:02:32.180 By culture

01:02:32.840 By social media

01:02:34.080 Guys will look at

01:02:35.900 What

01:02:36.120 They'll look at

01:02:36.840 Oh she's not as beautiful

01:02:38.760 As the one that I've seen

01:02:39.780 Online

01:02:40.100 They're talking about

01:02:40.540 The new generation

01:02:41.280 Yeah they start

01:02:42.200 Looking at that

01:02:42.780 And the sister will be like 0.98

01:02:43.560 Well he's not taking me

01:02:44.220 To Dubai

01:02:44.700 As my friend's

01:02:45.500 Taking her

01:02:45.980 Exactly

01:02:46.780 He's not so romantic

01:02:48.920 As I'm seeing some

01:02:49.940 You know

01:02:50.120 Or this

01:02:50.460 People are influenced

01:02:52.040 And a lot of these

01:02:53.720 Influences

01:02:54.420 Are causing

01:02:56.180 People to fall out

01:02:58.140 They're not coming

01:02:58.940 From Dean

01:02:59.420 They're not coming

01:03:00.040 From this

01:03:00.560 That's the problem

01:03:00.860 Though

01:03:01.080 They're not coming

01:03:02.100 From a generation

01:03:02.780 That values it

01:03:02.940 Who is coming

01:03:04.060 From Dean today

01:03:05.120 How many people

01:03:05.720 Can say

01:03:06.240 We've had great

01:03:07.340 People are praying

01:03:08.180 Fasting and everything

01:03:09.060 And when you

01:03:09.900 Analyze your divorce

01:03:11.120 You go back to it

01:03:12.500 And it's like

01:03:12.800 Well

01:03:13.540 My wife

01:03:15.620 Is not as

01:03:16.820 Beautiful as

01:03:17.720 You know

01:03:18.060 The ones that I've seen

01:03:18.980 I can do better

01:03:19.600 Simple as that

01:03:20.180 Right

01:03:20.500 And then the sister

01:03:21.560 Will be like

01:03:22.160 And the sisters

01:03:23.060 Will say like

01:03:24.760 Yeah but he's not

01:03:25.820 So romantic

01:03:26.480 As this movie

01:03:27.340 That I've seen

01:03:27.980 Or is not

01:03:29.500 I don't feel

01:03:30.320 The same butterflies

01:03:31.180 That I felt

01:03:31.840 At the beginning

01:03:32.680 Of our marriage

01:03:33.220 Yeah because

01:03:33.520 The sisters

01:03:34.100 You have to understand

01:03:35.260 There is this

01:03:36.020 For guys

01:03:38.640 Being romantic

01:03:41.380 Is there at the beginning

01:03:42.800 Maybe that romantic love

01:03:44.100 I think

01:03:44.460 Mohammed was talking about 1.00

01:03:46.020 Right

01:03:46.320 The importance of love

01:03:47.320 Right

01:03:47.500 Just in the previous episode

01:03:48.400 I was going to say

01:03:49.180 Something about that

01:03:50.000 But guys are still

01:03:52.560 Going to go on

01:03:53.300 If that romance

01:03:55.260 Is not there

01:03:56.040 Even in today's world

01:03:57.060 Even today's

01:03:58.200 Exactly

01:03:58.580 Okay but women today 1.00

01:03:59.960 Men carry on bro

01:04:00.940 I've seen this

01:04:01.720 Wait wait

01:04:02.400 Yes

01:04:03.120 Let me finish

01:04:03.900 Let me

01:04:04.460 Let me clarify that

01:04:06.860 Yeah

01:04:07.060 Today's

01:04:08.340 We're not talking about

01:04:09.100 The great brother

01:04:09.980 And the great sister 0.96

01:04:11.000 Who are religious 0.90

01:04:11.760 That you know

01:04:12.440 That

01:04:12.660 I'm talking about

01:04:14.560 Today's social media

01:04:16.200 Let's say Gen Z 0.99

01:04:17.580 Gen Z 0.62

01:04:18.960 After 2000

01:04:20.040 The guys

01:04:21.260 Even if they're not

01:04:22.080 In love anymore

01:04:22.760 They're going to carry on

01:04:23.840 The sisters

01:04:24.560 It seems

01:04:25.260 That when they lose

01:04:26.840 That romantic

01:04:27.540 Attachment

01:04:28.680 And that love

01:04:29.260 And they start comparing

01:04:30.200 And so on

01:04:30.680 They will fall out

01:04:32.180 They start looking

01:04:33.680 For other

01:04:34.220 And like I was looking

01:04:35.340 Like 2017

01:04:36.080 For example

01:04:36.780 It scared me

01:04:37.280 2017

01:04:38.240 Was the year

01:04:40.420 That women 0.97

01:04:41.620 Started cheating on men

01:04:42.580 More than men 0.94

01:04:43.280 Cheat on women 1.00

01:04:44.080 Okay

01:04:45.180 They used to

01:04:46.440 Men used to cheat more 1.00

01:04:47.360 But now 2017

01:04:48.400 This is non-Muslim 1.00

01:04:49.860 Men but women 1.00

01:04:50.480 Yeah but it's important

01:04:51.300 To understand the dynamics

01:04:53.040 No no it's coming

01:04:53.740 In Muslim

01:04:54.360 I'm getting more cases

01:04:55.520 No no no

01:04:56.360 Yeah

01:04:56.820 Yes

01:04:57.940 So see this is important

01:04:59.580 Where is this stemming from

01:05:00.680 This is important

01:05:01.080 Because

01:05:01.360 So women 0.99

01:05:02.560 What I

01:05:02.940 Again what we hear

01:05:04.440 From sisters

01:05:05.100 Is that

01:05:05.540 They lose

01:05:07.280 They don't feel

01:05:08.200 The passion anymore

01:05:09.120 They don't feel

01:05:10.080 The love anymore

01:05:10.980 He doesn't love me anymore

01:05:12.320 He doesn't look at me

01:05:13.020 The same way 0.72

01:05:13.640 Women are complaining 1.00

01:05:15.160 More right now

01:05:15.900 That men

01:05:16.360 Don't give intimacy

01:05:17.360 I mean

01:05:18.600 Pornography

01:05:19.420 Pornography plays a role

01:05:20.860 That's an issue

01:05:20.960 But let's not

01:05:21.580 You know

01:05:21.900 It's a different issue

01:05:22.760 But yes

01:05:23.120 But women are 1.00

01:05:23.740 Relationship issue

01:05:24.540 Guys used to be like

01:05:25.380 Oh I'm not getting enough

01:05:26.420 Now women are saying 1.00

01:05:28.060 That he's not this

01:05:29.180 He's not loving

01:05:29.400 They're becoming more like the men 1.00

01:05:30.460 Yes there is

01:05:32.220 And we can talk about that as well

01:05:33.620 I was going to go to that

01:05:34.400 There's a huge issue

01:05:35.260 So

01:05:35.580 Again the question is

01:05:37.540 Is why

01:05:38.120 Yeah that's probably another topic

01:05:41.960 Can I just add a point

01:05:46.640 With what the brother said

01:05:47.740 I have to agree and disagree

01:05:51.660 I find that men today

01:05:53.580 Are following the shahwah 1.00

01:05:55.360 More than our fathers

01:05:56.480 And our grandfathers

01:05:57.400 Our fathers and our grandfathers

01:05:59.300 May Allah bless them

01:06:00.480 They used to stay

01:06:02.580 Even if the next door girl 0.97

01:06:04.540 Young girl

01:06:06.000 Was beautiful

01:06:07.020 They would stay with their wife and kids 0.81

01:06:08.740 I found them

01:06:09.340 They were more resistant to fitna

01:06:11.700 I'm talking about

01:06:12.720 The previous generation 0.99

01:06:13.600 They will preserve

01:06:14.820 The family cell

01:06:15.620 I'm not saying they were perfect

01:06:16.680 I'm saying that the preservation

01:06:18.060 In my culture

01:06:19.480 Of family cell

01:06:21.140 We talk about women

01:06:22.660 Mashallah

01:06:22.940 They were patient

01:06:23.680 They were like

01:06:24.540 They had a lot of sabr

01:06:25.960 But we don't talk enough

01:06:27.040 About our fathers

01:06:27.860 They stayed

01:06:29.020 Many of them

01:06:29.860 I'm not saying all of them

01:06:30.760 Many of them stayed

01:06:32.120 And I want to just add a point

01:06:33.680 With the fact that

01:06:34.800 Thinking about all that

01:06:36.360 One of the main issues

01:06:37.900 That causing divorce today 1.00

01:06:39.260 Is the lack of

01:06:40.400 Real masculinity in men

01:06:41.800 And the lack of

01:06:42.760 Feminity in women 1.00

01:06:43.940 Women are turning into men 1.00

01:06:45.420 But no one talks about

01:06:46.460 The fact that

01:06:46.920 Men are turning into women 1.00

01:06:48.140 They have this passion

01:06:49.640 I want to be loved

01:06:50.640 I want the next

01:06:51.260 That's one of the causes

01:06:53.220 Of divorce

01:06:54.220 Sister Sol

01:06:55.400 What happens with

01:06:56.600 The rise of Andrew Tate

01:06:57.880 And for example

01:06:58.680 Many people like that

01:06:59.540 Is we don't come and say

01:07:01.200 You are like a woman 1.00

01:07:03.060 We say

01:07:03.800 How to be a man

01:07:04.640 So yes

01:07:05.680 You don't hear much of

01:07:06.560 No no because

01:07:07.480 The fact that

01:07:08.340 They are talking about

01:07:09.340 How to get your

01:07:10.180 Regaining masculinity

01:07:11.280 But one of the masculine 0.98

01:07:12.600 Things to do

01:07:13.380 Is to stay

01:07:14.720 In your marriage

01:07:15.580 Fight for your marriage

01:07:16.460 Be a good provider

01:07:17.360 Be a good protector

01:07:18.600 A good carer

01:07:19.360 Brothers are losing that

01:07:20.980 I understand but sister

01:07:21.760 You said that

01:07:22.220 You said that our fathers

01:07:23.440 You said that our

01:07:23.980 You said your fathers

01:07:25.660 Who would stay

01:07:26.180 If they saw another

01:07:27.760 A woman 0.57

01:07:28.320 They were good providers

01:07:29.460 And carers 0.97

01:07:30.100 Yes sister

01:07:30.580 I understand 100%

01:07:31.420 But guess what

01:07:32.020 These sisters today

01:07:33.500 Are divorcing their husbands

01:07:34.820 Because he wants to get married again

01:07:36.820 It's a different topic

01:07:37.620 But I'm just touching up on it

01:07:38.620 No that's not the majority of

01:07:40.220 No sister

01:07:40.940 Very simple

01:07:41.920 Simple question

01:07:42.680 Sister Aya

01:07:44.160 Please

01:07:44.620 Be brutally honest

01:07:45.800 If you had a good husband

01:07:47.580 Good husband

01:07:48.300 Protector

01:07:48.660 Provider

01:07:49.100 Very good etc

01:07:49.960 He goes and gets a second wife 1.00

01:07:51.440 Are you staying in that marriage

01:07:52.240 Please be brutally honest

01:07:53.360 I will consider it 0.99

01:07:55.920 Oh you liar 1.00

01:07:57.000 No you can't 1.00

01:07:58.300 No

01:07:58.740 Sorry

01:07:59.240 I was in a position once

01:08:05.500 But I actually did have to consider that

01:08:07.240 Okay

01:08:08.040 May Allah bless you

01:08:09.080 You are a very

01:08:09.900 You are very rare

01:08:11.540 Sister what you said

01:08:12.360 With our forefathers

01:08:14.820 Not our own fathers

01:08:15.960 Right

01:08:16.260 Again

01:08:17.100 Do you know whether they

01:08:18.560 They stayed in a marriage

01:08:19.940 I agree with you

01:08:20.860 Do we know they didn't cheat

01:08:23.200 No

01:08:23.860 Exactly

01:08:24.520 Do they know they didn't go to other

01:08:26.120 Wait

01:08:26.460 Let me just

01:08:27.140 Guys had more access

01:08:28.920 To

01:08:29.600 To

01:08:31.180 Express their sexuality 0.98

01:08:33.600 For the longest time

01:08:35.180 We are

01:08:35.560 Reaching a

01:08:36.820 A time now

01:08:37.860 Where women have gained more freedom 0.99

01:08:40.040 Where they are

01:08:40.620 Now allowed to

01:08:41.680 What is inside

01:08:42.340 To match the outside

01:08:42.980 Yes

01:08:43.480 This is the crisis

01:08:44.540 Men have done it for a long time 0.99

01:08:45.700 I am just saying that

01:08:46.460 Tradition has preserved certain things

01:08:48.260 Tradition has preserved a marriage

01:08:50.100 But that doesn't mean that people were

01:08:51.760 Necessarily

01:08:52.620 Loyal

01:08:53.900 It's true

01:08:54.220 Okay

01:08:54.660 What is true today is that men 0.99

01:08:56.860 Will mess around

01:08:58.340 And they'll leave

01:08:59.200 Because they're not able to

01:09:00.740 Stick

01:09:01.280 And to take care of the family

01:09:02.580 And have leader skills

01:09:03.460 They will

01:09:04.260 They will

01:09:04.600 That's true

01:09:05.200 That's true

01:09:05.580 But now the problem is that

01:09:06.900 Women are now doing 1.00

01:09:08.680 The same

01:09:09.460 I'm sorry

01:09:10.120 But will I be honest with you

01:09:10.980 I'm looking at

01:09:11.560 Look before it was back in the days

01:09:12.920 Men

01:09:13.280 Like let's be honest

01:09:14.180 Back in the days

01:09:14.580 Men used to be abusing their wives 1.00

01:09:16.040 All kind of stuff

01:09:16.700 Yeah

01:09:16.860 And cheating

01:09:17.520 100%

01:09:18.260 Cheating

01:09:18.600 All that kind of stuff

01:09:19.200 Today

01:09:20.000 I'm sorry

01:09:20.520 I've been talking this

01:09:21.140 I speak to some

01:09:21.620 Sisters and sisters group

01:09:22.460 Yeah

01:09:22.660 They're in absolute denial

01:09:24.260 Yeah

01:09:24.680 Absolute denial

01:09:25.720 Women are causing 1.00

01:09:26.960 Not all

01:09:27.440 Not all

01:09:27.900 Not all

01:09:28.420 Some women 1.00

01:09:29.500 A lot of them 0.53

01:09:30.460 Are causing havoc

01:09:31.800 Why not

01:09:32.920 Look for example

01:09:33.780 The husband goes and gets a second wife 1.00

01:09:35.040 Honest

01:09:35.500 Yeah

01:09:35.740 Boom

01:09:36.360 Divorce

01:09:36.860 Forget divorce

01:09:37.380 Divorce 0.93

01:09:38.200 I'm going to accuse you of rape 1.00

01:09:39.120 I'm going to accuse you of paedophilia 1.00

01:09:40.760 I'm not going to show you your kids

01:09:42.860 Why

01:09:43.360 Because he went and got a second wife 1.00

01:09:45.920 Yeah

01:09:46.340 In an honourable way

01:09:47.380 And the point is

01:09:48.260 When we talk about this

01:09:48.980 It's an honourable way that he's done it

01:09:51.180 I'm not talking about

01:09:51.720 A different story

01:09:52.860 The thing is here

01:09:53.860 If we look at statistics

01:09:54.740 Women initiate divorce more 1.00

01:09:56.000 Number one

01:09:56.520 Number two

01:09:57.380 This is very interesting

01:09:58.560 That means men are willing to stay in the marriage 0.91

01:10:00.420 You always go back to polygamy being the main issue 0.99

01:10:02.940 Forget polygamy 1.00

01:10:03.520 Forget polygamy 1.00

01:10:04.120 I'm sorry

01:10:04.480 Forget polygamy 1.00

01:10:05.320 It's not

01:10:05.840 There's deeper issues

01:10:06.940 I never said

01:10:07.860 Sister Soul

01:10:09.320 I never said polygamy is the main issue 0.99

01:10:10.660 It is one of the causes

01:10:11.600 I have to agree

01:10:12.600 But where did I say polygamy is the main issue 1.00

01:10:14.540 We're talking about cheating

01:10:14.560 We're talking about haram

01:10:15.460 We're talking about alcohol

01:10:16.280 Okay

01:10:16.600 Sister Soul

01:10:17.300 Sister Soul

01:10:17.700 One second

01:10:18.920 Can I finish

01:10:19.700 Mr. Monogamous

01:10:21.200 So-called man 0.97

01:10:22.320 Yeah

01:10:22.460 Listen

01:10:22.900 When did I say

01:10:24.200 When did I say

01:10:25.340 When did I say

01:10:26.080 When did I say

01:10:26.740 Polygamy is the main issue of divorce 0.85

01:10:27.980 I'm not saying that

01:10:29.720 One second

01:10:30.340 One second

01:10:30.840 Let's speak

01:10:31.560 He's giving an example

01:10:33.080 One second

01:10:33.660 One second

01:10:34.280 When did I

01:10:34.980 But his example

01:10:35.900 Always goes back

01:10:36.720 No no no

01:10:37.220 Let me tell you something

01:10:38.420 The brothers that I deal with here

01:10:39.980 Because we're talking about something

01:10:41.100 That is done

01:10:41.680 That is permissible

01:10:42.880 How many men are married

01:10:45.680 No no no

01:10:46.540 They don't

01:10:46.900 No no

01:10:47.740 I'm not saying

01:10:48.480 The cause of divorce

01:10:49.400 Is polygamy

01:10:50.140 I'm giving an example

01:10:51.300 Our counsellor

01:10:52.220 Or the sister

01:10:53.080 Or the brother

01:10:53.640 Can we

01:10:53.960 Is it the

01:10:54.940 Can we just

01:10:56.000 Can we just

01:10:57.740 Can we just

01:10:57.760 Can we just understand the point

01:10:58.920 I did not say

01:10:59.800 That the reason why there's divorce 1.00

01:11:01.400 Is because polygamy 0.99

01:11:02.040 How many men get involved in polygamy

01:11:03.560 Not much

01:11:03.980 I'm not talking about that

01:11:05.180 I'm giving one example

01:11:06.260 The point is

01:11:07.340 That if a woman 1.00

01:11:08.500 Statistics show

01:11:09.340 And we also know

01:11:10.520 From the Quran and the Sunnah

01:11:11.320 That the man has the power of talaq 0.96

01:11:12.740 That means the woman 0.77

01:11:13.880 Is initiating the divorce

01:11:14.960 More than a man

01:11:15.600 So it seems like

01:11:16.860 The man is willing

01:11:17.740 To stay in the marriage

01:11:18.860 And the woman 0.95

01:11:20.000 Is more inclined to

01:11:21.180 Saying

01:11:21.520 Let's go our separate ways

01:11:22.860 So I'm saying

01:11:23.960 Can that be a

01:11:25.160 Connectional cause

01:11:26.040 To why divorces are happening 0.62

01:11:27.540 I'm not saying

01:11:28.520 This is the woman to blame 1.00

01:11:29.980 But why is there

01:11:31.260 A trend now

01:11:32.100 That not trend

01:11:33.160 But statistics

01:11:34.140 Show us

01:11:35.140 That women are initiating it more 0.99

01:11:36.720 Yes

01:11:37.220 And now you said

01:11:38.860 That women are now 1.00

01:11:39.560 Cheating more

01:11:40.320 Yeah okay

01:11:41.060 And there's the example

01:11:42.140 Of for example

01:11:42.720 And not every woman of course

01:11:43.640 And the example of

01:11:44.740 Like you said

01:11:45.160 Men don't lower their gaze 0.99

01:11:46.080 When it comes to other women 0.99

01:11:46.980 Women don't lower their gaze 1.00

01:11:48.200 When it comes to that

01:11:49.020 Her husband's doing this

01:11:50.000 For this person

01:11:51.060 So the issue at hand

01:11:52.500 I think

01:11:52.960 It's a broad topic

01:11:54.400 But final statement

01:11:55.520 Because I think

01:11:55.940 Maybe we'll need to have

01:11:56.600 A part two of this

01:11:57.400 Yeah

01:11:57.600 But

01:11:58.600 Gabriel let's start

01:12:00.100 Right

01:12:00.540 So I think

01:12:01.460 The 21st century

01:12:02.800 Has revealed a lot to us

01:12:04.040 Women 1.00

01:12:05.240 Understanding the fitrah of women 1.00

01:12:07.460 The fitrah of men 0.99

01:12:08.200 Yes

01:12:08.560 What's more

01:12:10.840 Change

01:12:11.460 Or what has changed more

01:12:12.660 It's hard to

01:12:14.140 To understand

01:12:15.060 But definitely

01:12:15.700 Both have been affected

01:12:16.600 I think

01:12:17.800 What we've discovered though

01:12:19.280 With men

01:12:20.280 We've kind of

01:12:20.940 Understood men

01:12:21.860 For the past few centuries

01:12:23.100 You know

01:12:24.020 Men are still 1.00

01:12:24.860 You know

01:12:25.380 They're capable of violence

01:12:26.740 They're capable of wars

01:12:28.240 They

01:12:28.580 You know

01:12:29.120 We're very

01:12:29.800 In terms of

01:12:32.320 You know

01:12:32.500 Our temperament

01:12:33.160 And so on

01:12:33.520 It's kind of known

01:12:34.400 Right

01:12:34.600 I mean

01:12:34.880 Men

01:12:35.380 We've kind of

01:12:36.520 We're able to assess them

01:12:37.580 We're simple creatures

01:12:39.080 The only thing that's happening

01:12:40.460 With men right now

01:12:41.280 Is that

01:12:41.560 They're even losing that

01:12:42.720 As the sister said

01:12:43.720 They're kind of becoming

01:12:44.460 More feminine

01:12:45.140 They're being emasculated

01:12:46.180 It has to deal with

01:12:47.620 A lot of things

01:12:48.220 And women

01:12:49.000 Culture

01:12:49.460 With women now 1.00

01:12:51.360 I think we're learning

01:12:52.600 More about their fitrah

01:12:53.680 And because

01:12:54.820 Of the freedom

01:12:56.720 That's been given

01:12:57.460 Yeah

01:12:58.000 We're able to now

01:12:59.780 Understand

01:13:00.600 More

01:13:01.840 Of what was suppressed

01:13:03.080 Inside

01:13:03.560 Right

01:13:04.840 So

01:13:05.520 Culture

01:13:07.060 Family

01:13:07.920 Certain customs

01:13:09.120 And of course

01:13:09.680 Definitely religion 0.80

01:13:10.500 Suppressed women 0.79

01:13:13.200 But see

01:13:14.720 It's not a bad

01:13:15.220 Let me

01:13:15.920 It's not a

01:13:16.520 Negative suppression

01:13:17.620 Necessarily

01:13:19.000 Right

01:13:19.200 I think that's

01:13:21.880 Going to be another discussion

01:13:23.080 But it suppressed women 0.93

01:13:24.420 To the point that

01:13:25.280 We didn't know

01:13:26.500 What's inside

01:13:27.100 Now with freedom

01:13:29.140 Women are 1.00

01:13:30.940 Able to express

01:13:32.000 A lot more

01:13:32.580 What's inside

01:13:33.340 Which has become

01:13:34.560 More dangerous

01:13:35.140 Yeah

01:13:35.360 If you look at

01:13:36.080 Not necessarily

01:13:37.260 If you look at

01:13:38.040 If you look at

01:13:39.320 The

01:13:39.600 Ahkam

01:13:40.640 That deal with women 1.00

01:13:41.980 In the Sharia 0.98

01:13:42.620 They're more strict

01:13:43.940 Yes

01:13:44.640 A lot of people

01:13:45.480 Don't understand the reason

01:13:46.400 Yes

01:13:46.960 Okay

01:13:47.400 They don't understand

01:13:47.860 Why it's more

01:13:48.680 Strict

01:13:49.220 Why do women 1.00

01:13:50.120 Have to wear hijab 1.00

01:13:50.800 Why not us

01:13:51.300 Why do they have to

01:13:51.760 Have a woolly

01:13:52.160 A guardian

01:13:52.740 Why do they have to

01:13:52.920 Many many issues

01:13:55.140 Mahram to go 0.93

01:13:56.020 Many things

01:13:57.080 Actually by the way

01:13:57.860 And

01:13:59.440 It is because

01:14:00.800 They're easily influenced

01:14:01.740 Women are easier 1.00

01:14:02.720 To influence

01:14:03.300 There are studies

01:14:04.040 That show that

01:14:04.500 One of the studies

01:14:05.320 That I read

01:14:06.020 Recently

01:14:07.260 The

01:14:07.600 Summary of it

01:14:09.580 The last sentence

01:14:10.480 Was

01:14:10.940 That

01:14:12.100 The rule of thumb

01:14:13.680 When it comes to

01:14:14.280 The female psychology 0.98

01:14:15.160 Is that

01:14:16.820 What's

01:14:18.920 Inside

01:14:19.540 Is not necessarily

01:14:20.220 Going to be reflected

01:14:21.060 On the outside

01:14:22.200 Because of modesty

01:14:22.880 The process

01:14:24.300 Said

01:14:24.700 Right

01:14:25.220 So

01:14:25.600 I think

01:14:26.160 The concept

01:14:26.860 Of haya 0.74

01:14:27.460 Hijab 0.93

01:14:28.420 And so on

01:14:28.840 Is so important

01:14:29.460 For women

01:14:29.820 To

01:14:30.020 To literally

01:14:30.880 To submit

01:14:31.780 And submission

01:14:32.640 Is to an extent

01:14:34.120 Is suppressing

01:14:35.220 Yourself

01:14:36.520 Right

01:14:37.400 Willingly

01:14:38.060 For the sake

01:14:38.620 Of Allah

01:14:39.000 Is to protect

01:14:40.220 That fitrah

01:14:40.840 Because if that

01:14:41.900 Fitrah is let loose 0.95

01:14:43.200 And I read today

01:14:44.040 A beautiful statement

01:14:44.960 Causes havoc

01:14:45.540 Then men 0.60

01:14:46.360 Are tested

01:14:47.320 With their loyalty

01:14:48.400 When they're given power

01:14:49.280 Yes

01:14:49.980 Women are tested 1.00

01:14:50.900 With their loyalty

01:14:51.620 When they're given freedom

01:14:52.580 Wow

01:14:53.220 Okay

01:14:53.660 So when you look today

01:14:55.040 And again

01:14:55.500 As the Prophet

01:14:55.900 Was said

01:14:56.200 You will follow them

01:14:57.120 Inge by inch

01:14:58.040 Into the whole

01:14:58.800 The sahaba said

01:14:59.920 Oh ya Rasulullah 1.00

01:15:00.620 The Jews and the Christians

01:15:01.260 You said who else

01:15:02.000 When you look

01:15:04.240 And it's important

01:15:05.040 To look

01:15:05.640 And compare

01:15:06.720 And draw parallels

01:15:07.620 Between

01:15:08.020 I mean these guys

01:15:09.600 Are not too far from us

01:15:10.360 Bro they're just

01:15:10.780 Across the street

01:15:11.380 Like we're not living

01:15:12.240 In

01:15:12.560 Yes

01:15:12.860 In

01:15:13.100 Not Saudi Arabia 0.97

01:15:14.940 Let's say

01:15:15.360 But we're not living

01:15:16.180 In like

01:15:16.680 I don't know

01:15:18.900 Sudan

01:15:19.780 Or something

01:15:20.460 Right

01:15:20.740 We're here

01:15:22.180 They're here next to

01:15:23.140 They're our neighbors

01:15:23.860 We go to school with them

01:15:25.060 They're our teachers

01:15:25.980 They're our doctors

01:15:27.240 We are very close

01:15:28.760 Right

01:15:29.740 So

01:15:30.360 It's important

01:15:31.220 To see where

01:15:31.820 They've gone

01:15:32.360 Yes

01:15:32.780 Right

01:15:33.300 I would argue

01:15:34.520 That

01:15:35.180 When a man

01:15:37.900 Is given

01:15:38.300 Certain freedoms

01:15:39.460 There's still

01:15:40.720 Even a non-Muslims 1.00

01:15:41.600 Bro will have

01:15:42.080 A certain limit

01:15:42.860 Right

01:15:44.080 Because it

01:15:44.580 Goes against

01:15:45.420 Your manhood

01:15:46.260 To pass that limit

01:15:47.280 Even the non-Muslims 1.00

01:15:48.460 Are going to stop

01:15:49.200 At a certain level

01:15:49.880 Let's take

01:15:50.720 For example

01:15:51.040 Alcohol

01:15:51.440 The way a man 0.55

01:15:52.600 Behaves with alcohol

01:15:53.360 And the way a woman 1.00

01:15:53.980 Behaves with alcohol

01:15:54.700 And it's more harmful

01:15:55.440 For a woman by the way

01:15:56.420 Because it's a way

01:15:57.080 By the way

01:15:57.840 It's just an example

01:15:58.940 It's just an example

01:15:59.860 When a man

01:16:00.820 Is given that freedom

01:16:02.220 And loses those senses

01:16:03.660 He's going to stop

01:16:05.080 We might fight

01:16:06.140 We might

01:16:06.660 Probably most like

01:16:07.560 That's what's going to happen

01:16:08.240 Yeah

01:16:08.500 We're going to fight

01:16:09.280 When a woman's given alcohol 1.00

01:16:11.280 It's like spring break

01:16:13.400 Yeah

01:16:13.980 And you know

01:16:14.960 It's true though 0.99

01:16:17.420 Modesty goes first

01:16:18.060 Exactly

01:16:18.340 And that's exactly

01:16:19.220 What they want

01:16:19.680 That's why they

01:16:20.160 Target the woman first 1.00

01:16:21.160 And they do target that

01:16:21.940 And I don't want to

01:16:22.780 Again

01:16:23.060 I know people

01:16:23.640 No it's the haq bro

01:16:24.960 Who cares about

01:16:25.740 What people say

01:16:26.160 Think about it

01:16:26.540 Just analyse

01:16:27.180 I never realised

01:16:28.280 That's from me

01:16:28.660 So the sharia 0.98

01:16:30.020 Is in the end

01:16:30.780 Islam actually

01:16:31.420 Is the solution

01:16:32.180 For all our problems

01:16:32.980 Absolutely

01:16:33.220 And you see that

01:16:34.120 That's why it comes

01:16:34.600 To promiscuity

01:16:35.160 That's why it's called

01:16:35.660 Submission

01:16:36.120 Yes

01:16:36.440 Now it's at a high level

01:16:38.800 Like we said

01:16:39.160 And alcohol affects

01:16:39.860 A woman more

01:16:40.300 Because of her anatomy 0.99

01:16:41.060 Where she's created

01:16:41.900 And even

01:16:43.080 It has a big impact

01:16:45.240 It's a discussion

01:16:45.760 We can carry on

01:16:46.560 Just finish on last

01:16:47.840 The MSPs quickly

01:16:48.420 Because we've got

01:16:48.800 Can I just want to

01:16:49.420 Talk about the healing

01:16:50.120 Part just to conclude

01:16:51.100 Please

01:16:51.300 That's what we need

01:16:52.460 Inshallah

01:16:52.700 That's why I want

01:16:53.080 The divorce sisters

01:16:53.840 All the brothers

01:16:55.460 That are divorcee 1.00

01:16:56.340 Yes

01:16:56.640 Bring the mic a bit

01:16:57.600 Cross

01:16:57.760 And please just

01:16:59.260 Don't move on

01:16:59.880 To the next person

01:17:00.800 Thinking that

01:17:01.600 That person

01:17:02.240 Will fix you

01:17:03.320 And will help you heal

01:17:04.520 That's your responsibility

01:17:05.900 In front of Allah 0.96

01:17:06.640 That's your own

01:17:08.220 Journey to take

01:17:08.940 That person can support you

01:17:10.340 While you already

01:17:11.100 Started this journey

01:17:12.020 And my sisters

01:17:12.960 I will address my sisters

01:17:14.800 Because that's why

01:17:15.280 I'm used to

01:17:16.020 I address the divorce healing

01:17:18.480 It starts with the

01:17:19.640 Kabul

01:17:20.020 And Tawakul

01:17:21.040 That's the two words

01:17:21.960 I always mention

01:17:22.680 To the sisters

01:17:23.300 Kabul in a way

01:17:24.720 That you accept

01:17:25.620 That it's not necessarily

01:17:27.600 A punishment

01:17:28.180 Like the brother

01:17:29.340 Was explaining

01:17:29.900 That very often

01:17:30.780 Is the guilt feeling

01:17:33.400 You know

01:17:33.800 It's my fault

01:17:34.460 Even if the person

01:17:35.240 Left you

01:17:35.760 Very often

01:17:36.500 You will get

01:17:36.820 I didn't do this

01:17:37.560 Same things

01:17:38.500 It's your fault

01:17:39.460 Self-accountability

01:17:40.680 Self-reflection

01:17:41.320 Very good

01:17:41.780 It's a beautiful blessing

01:17:42.680 How do you know

01:17:43.420 When you've healed them

01:17:44.240 And went to

01:17:45.200 Where is that

01:17:46.600 Where is that

01:17:47.120 That line

01:17:48.080 That okay

01:17:48.540 I'm healed now

01:17:49.320 And I can move on

01:17:51.320 And the person

01:17:52.220 Is going to support me

01:17:53.040 Because I believe that

01:17:53.980 I think it's

01:17:55.640 It's hard to tell

01:17:56.420 It's very hard to tell

01:17:57.780 Another person

01:17:58.860 Who really commits to

01:18:00.560 Can be part of the healing

01:18:02.340 Absolutely

01:18:02.940 They can help you heal

01:18:03.860 To move on

01:18:04.760 I have met sisters

01:18:08.500 That are moving on

01:18:09.380 To marriage

01:18:09.940 They're not healed

01:18:10.920 You can clearly say

01:18:11.740 They're still angry

01:18:12.740 The way they speak

01:18:14.360 About their ex-marriage

01:18:15.500 It's all the husband's fault 0.93

01:18:16.940 It's all him

01:18:17.960 And there is a lot of

01:18:19.100 Anger

01:18:19.500 Resentment

01:18:20.340 And they are really

01:18:21.560 Hoping that

01:18:22.140 That guy will fix

01:18:23.400 Whatever happened

01:18:24.220 I am not saying

01:18:25.180 He doesn't help you

01:18:26.020 He can help you

01:18:26.940 And I hope you find

01:18:28.120 Someone inshallah

01:18:28.680 My sister

01:18:29.100 Limited

01:18:29.500 In a time frame

01:18:30.520 Will help you

01:18:31.000 But

01:18:31.500 And the second part

01:18:33.320 Was tewekul 0.96

01:18:34.120 Put your trust

01:18:35.100 In Allah Azza wa Jal 1.00

01:18:35.960 That no matter

01:18:36.520 What happened to you

01:18:37.420 My biggest try

01:18:38.480 And I'm going to talk

01:18:39.020 On a personal level

01:18:39.800 Became my biggest blessing

01:18:41.880 Open my eye

01:18:42.880 Bring me back

01:18:43.640 To Allah Azza wa Jal 1.00

01:18:44.400 In a way that was

01:18:45.340 I was always a jibabi

01:18:46.560 Always like that

01:18:48.080 But

01:18:48.420 The blessing

01:18:50.000 You know

01:18:50.800 Inna ma'al

01:18:51.320 Usi yusra

01:18:52.500 You know the

01:18:53.240 The success

01:18:54.500 That Allah Azza wa Jal 1.00

01:18:56.100 Give you

01:18:56.480 When you accept

01:18:57.340 The test

01:18:57.980 When you understand

01:18:59.000 The deepness of it

01:18:59.840 And the khair

01:19:00.500 That Allah Azza wa Jal 1.00

01:19:01.540 If you're looking for

01:19:02.740 Hub

01:19:03.020 Love

01:19:03.920 Allah Azza al-mahboob 0.91

01:19:05.060 If you are worried

01:19:06.100 About the rizq

01:19:06.720 Allah Azza al-razaq 0.96

01:19:07.840 If you are looking

01:19:08.500 For a friend

01:19:09.300 Someone to confine to

01:19:10.720 Allah Azza al-wali 0.80

01:19:11.720 Remember who is your lord

01:19:13.240 And I always advise

01:19:14.060 The first advice

01:19:14.820 I give to my sisters

01:19:15.760 That goes through

01:19:17.180 That struggle

01:19:17.600 And Wallahi my brothers

01:19:18.720 They are suffering

01:19:19.860 And it's a very big

01:19:21.020 Big test

01:19:21.600 I am not

01:19:22.480 On the mining

01:19:23.300 Brothers test

01:19:24.040 I'm just talking

01:19:24.980 About what I mean

01:19:25.620 From a female perspective

01:19:26.900 Again maybe

01:19:27.660 Sister

01:19:28.260 How do you know

01:19:29.600 A woman healed

01:19:30.760 Where's

01:19:31.580 How do you

01:19:32.120 Where do you reach

01:19:33.160 That love

01:19:33.620 And you're like

01:19:33.880 Okay you know

01:19:34.240 I heal

01:19:35.180 I don't think you ever heal

01:19:35.840 I'm going to be honest

01:19:36.840 Yeah you don't ever

01:19:39.500 I think if you're ready

01:19:40.580 To move on

01:19:41.200 You're ready to move on

01:19:42.200 Right

01:19:43.080 I really do think that

01:19:44.500 But in that time

01:19:45.900 Of moving on

01:19:46.680 You do need to have

01:19:47.880 Self reflection

01:19:49.080 You do need to take steps

01:19:50.440 To have self development

01:19:51.500 And advise your partner

01:19:54.360 Your future partner

01:19:55.360 Or your spouse

01:19:56.360 At the time

01:19:56.920 That you are going through it

01:19:58.440 So there's support

01:19:59.140 And they're able to handle it

01:20:00.420 It's true

01:20:00.700 I'm going to wrap up

01:20:01.400 But it's interesting

01:20:02.080 But you know one thing as well

01:20:03.060 You said

01:20:03.360 Sometimes you never heal

01:20:04.760 Yeah

01:20:05.300 And I think maybe

01:20:05.900 It is that

01:20:06.540 And seem to go with the brothers

01:20:07.500 We need to accept it

01:20:07.960 I can cry now

01:20:08.940 Just talking about it

01:20:09.880 100%

01:20:10.380 You know

01:20:10.680 If I was to go really deep

01:20:11.720 It doesn't mean you're not healed

01:20:12.820 It doesn't mean I healed

01:20:13.520 Exactly

01:20:13.980 Exactly

01:20:14.300 So that's why

01:20:14.980 I think

01:20:15.380 That's why

01:20:15.800 The brothers were saying that

01:20:17.260 Sometimes brothers

01:20:18.200 Are a little bit apprehensive

01:20:19.280 Because they're like

01:20:19.760 Okay if the healing

01:20:20.540 Is not totally there

01:20:22.160 But then again

01:20:22.900 Like I said

01:20:23.240 It's a discussion

01:20:24.060 Where look

01:20:24.420 Some sisters

01:20:25.060 They go for the divorce

01:20:26.000 And it makes them the better

01:20:26.920 Sorry can I just add

01:20:28.780 Something about healing

01:20:30.580 How can you assess someone

01:20:32.280 If the person is healed or not

01:20:34.580 Next

01:20:34.880 Next

01:20:35.360 Next

01:20:35.580 No no no

01:20:37.020 That for the next episode

01:20:38.240 You're going to get that

01:20:38.760 Sister Aya finished

01:20:39.420 About your question

01:20:40.480 How do you know

01:20:41.120 If you're healed

01:20:41.820 So I don't think

01:20:43.300 We're always going to

01:20:45.560 Be fully healed

01:20:46.520 Because there's always

01:20:47.240 Going to be triggers

01:20:47.900 Regardless of what phase

01:20:49.440 You are in your life

01:20:50.140 But it's knowing yourself

01:20:52.160 Who you are

01:20:53.140 And I think it's

01:20:53.780 Putting yourself in a mindset

01:20:54.600 Is if I was to be faced

01:20:55.920 With the situation again

01:20:56.780 Tomorrow

01:20:57.120 How would I react

01:20:58.240 What would I do differently

01:20:59.700 Do I have enough

01:21:01.020 Confidence in me

01:21:02.060 To know that I can

01:21:03.120 Tame the situation

01:21:04.940 That I can control

01:21:05.760 My anger

01:21:06.400 And my own

01:21:07.480 Nuffs or whatever

01:21:08.880 It may be that triggers you

01:21:10.160 It's knowing that

01:21:11.440 I'm believing in it

01:21:11.920 So we have to believe

01:21:12.760 In ourselves

01:21:13.300 That our marriage

01:21:13.940 Will work because

01:21:14.740 Of the hard work

01:21:15.300 We've put in

01:21:16.000 We can't just go

01:21:17.420 In it blindly

01:21:18.000 Yes it's great

01:21:18.840 That they could assist us

01:21:20.040 But if you are

01:21:21.180 As I said

01:21:22.020 I think you're always healing

01:21:22.960 So there's always

01:21:23.980 Going to be somebody

01:21:24.460 There to assist you

01:21:25.300 I mean your partner

01:21:25.860 Will always assist you

01:21:26.720 But you don't want

01:21:27.920 To go into a marriage

01:21:28.840 And almost saying

01:21:29.860 Right here's my baggage

01:21:31.140 It's 50% there

01:21:32.700 I've dealt 50% with it

01:21:34.020 The rest you sort of

01:21:35.380 Need to guide me on

01:21:36.420 Because they could have

01:21:37.260 Their own traumas

01:21:38.220 Or their own problems

01:21:39.760 That they're also

01:21:40.520 Healing with

01:21:41.020 And it's somewhat unfair

01:21:42.280 I think if you work together

01:21:43.760 As a team

01:21:44.560 Then that's different

01:21:46.060 But I don't entirely

01:21:47.680 Think it's fair

01:21:48.260 To put it on them

01:21:48.840 It's just knowing

01:21:49.420 Within yourself

01:21:50.020 Yes I can handle this

01:21:51.340 I am closer to Allah

01:21:52.320 And I believe in myself

01:21:53.380 May Allah bless you

01:21:54.420 Sister Aya

01:21:54.920 Our honourable sisters

01:21:55.960 Our dear brothers

01:21:56.820 Inshallah

01:21:57.520 Till next time

01:21:58.240 Brothers and sisters

01:21:58.580 From the Bitter Truth show

01:21:59.380 If we missed anything

01:22:00.880 Comment in the section below

01:22:02.100 Tell us

01:22:02.420 Brother Ali

01:22:02.780 Speak about this

01:22:03.480 Next time

01:22:03.820 Inshallah

01:22:04.100 And may Allah

01:22:05.180 Forgive us for our

01:22:05.660 Shortcomings

01:22:06.020 Inshallah

01:22:06.360 And hope

01:22:06.880 This is giving you

01:22:07.640 Some kind of insight

01:22:08.360 And some kind of hope

01:22:09.120 Inshallah

01:22:09.480 Till next time

01:22:10.200 From the Bitter Truth

01:22:10.880 As-salamu alaykum

01:22:11.680 Wa rahmatullahi 0.61

01:22:12.360 Wa barakatuh

01:22:12.960 The Prophet

01:22:13.720 Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam

01:22:14.440 Said

01:22:14.760 Whoever builds a masjid 0.97

01:22:16.340 For the sake of Allah

01:22:17.080 Subhanahu wa ta'ala

01:22:17.700 Allah will build for him 1.00

01:22:19.620 A similar house

01:22:20.760 In Jannah

01:22:21.420 On that day

01:22:22.580 Where Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala 0.95

01:22:23.540 Tells us

01:22:24.220 That our books will be given

01:22:25.440 And every little

01:22:27.040 At and weight

01:22:27.760 Of good deed of done

01:22:28.600 Will be there

01:22:29.460 And imagine

01:22:30.380 You see a mountain

01:22:31.460 And you're like

01:22:32.300 What a lucky person

01:22:33.320 Which righteous person

01:22:34.860 And Allah says

01:22:36.200 This is for you

01:22:36.940 For me?

01:22:37.980 Yes

01:22:38.360 What did I do?

01:22:40.000 You

01:22:40.400 Allowed people to pray

01:22:41.480 You built a masjid

01:22:42.520 I never had the money

01:22:43.340 To build a masjid 0.99

01:22:43.940 Oh Allah

01:22:44.240 You helped

01:22:45.600 You gave towards it

01:22:46.800 And Allah gives you

01:22:47.480 The reward

01:22:47.940 Of as if you've built it

01:22:49.300 Donate now guys

01:22:50.600 And do not delay

01:22:51.360 And share the video

01:22:52.560 For extra rewards

Ali Dawah - March 15, 2023

WILL YOU MARRY A DIVORCEE？- EP 6 ｜｜ BITTER TRUTH SHOW

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