Ali Dawah - WOMAN GUESS WHAT MEN WANT IN A WIFE？

00:00:00.000 so guys you have heard the sisters inshallah you've heard what they have to say

00:00:14.720 uh we didn't we was in another room uh and we are going to get them to send us their results

00:00:20.180 uh halfway through this so we don't want to know now so it might influence our

00:00:23.660 decision making factors from sisters the next episode we're going to be doing is we as men

00:00:28.480 guessing what a woman look for in a husband and then they're going to come and tell us so vice

00:00:33.040 do you want to speak with confidence like these amazing personalities every single one of these

00:00:51.320 amazing speakers have taken the same program with brother mohammed arshad mohammed arshad has helped

00:00:57.860 develop all of us it's extremely beneficial to do this course definitely recommend this course

00:01:03.640 to access the free life-changing training now okay so today's topic sisters is in a nutshell

00:01:11.360 we need you guys inshallah tell us what you think a man looks for in a wife i want you guys to

00:01:20.140 brainstorm that whatever you think whatever ideas you have come to our conclusion you have anywhere

00:01:24.940 from 35 to 40 minutes yes so we're going to leave the room now inshallah we'll use our phone

00:01:29.980 so the topic you can start whenever you're ready you can start now pick somebody who's going to take

00:01:33.240 the notes out okay let's just brainstorm what men want in women okay um so who wants to go first

00:01:38.900 i mean anyone can say okay i'll just say what i said before um what i think men want

00:01:47.040 women want men what men want okay well i think what men want in a woman is uh just her presence

00:01:56.160 her presence alone is healing her presence alone is is what nurtures a man to be a real man that's

00:02:06.060 that's what i believe anyway because if you really think about it men have i'm not saying that men have

00:02:11.200 a harder job but being the providers and the being the provider and the protector the world is harsh

00:02:17.420 um and if the world is harsh you want to come home to someone who is going to is going to re-energize

00:02:25.780 you again before you go back into the world so i think uh what men want is a nice uh kind caring

00:02:35.580 nurturing uh woman who nurtures the good things about them uh that's what i think what do you guys

00:02:44.080 think yeah i think there's i think it's the same kindness and even if you look in the quran that is

00:02:49.660 one one of the rights of the man when it comes to marriage is that the the peace and the kindness

00:02:55.560 and the tranquility is from the woman and in in return we we give the respect and you know when the

00:03:02.200 man is kind to us and treats us good giving respect and all of those other things and like you touched

00:03:06.700 upon the security and providing if the woman is not feminine it makes the man become you know like

00:03:15.800 it's like it's like it's like let's say if a woman is like let's say a woman for example a woman who's

00:03:22.320 hyper independent um and who's struggling to let down her guard because a lot of people we talk about

00:03:28.040 hyper independent women and say oh she's she just wants to have a career and she wants this and

00:03:33.140 she wants that we fail to realize there's a there's a huge like there's a huge barrier which is the fact

00:03:39.820 that she might have some sort of like trauma like in in the sense that a man whether that's her brother

00:03:45.060 her father or a previous marriage whatever the case may be has let her down and she felt like i'm not

00:03:51.400 safe in this world i need to provide for myself so there's a lot of trauma there's a lot of trauma

00:03:56.420 behind it i'm not safe in this world so i need to become hyper independent she's in her survival

00:04:01.860 state when a woman's in like um when a woman is in her hyper independent state she's in a survival

00:04:08.580 state she needs to survive so let's say a woman who's hyper independent comes with a man who's also

00:04:14.680 like let's say masculine it's two like kind of masculine energies clashing and it's just it's not

00:04:22.460 gonna work out obviously um but i don't really know what i was going with that point but yeah

00:04:27.400 i'm writing your points down you know what i'm saying just kindness again attraction i'm gonna

00:04:32.440 touch upon attraction i would say attraction is vital i mean a lot of people don't like to accept it but

00:04:39.620 you know and then want to fuss and moan about why women got makeup and stuff if the woman doesn't

00:04:45.480 look attractive the man's not gonna be interested yeah one thing i've noticed anyway but um one thing

00:04:51.140 i've noticed with men is um they want a woman who looks after her physical appearance 100 she looks

00:04:58.360 good even when you're 10 years into marriage and that's one thing men really like because it's

00:05:04.840 ego yeah and they like they like the visuals about what girls you're everything you're beautiful

00:05:10.920 exactly everything's attraction especially like just you as like just because no you're right you

00:05:16.720 know if you if you guys are right if you think about it men are obviously very visual creatures

00:05:22.120 whereas whereas women we were more mentally stimulated like we we if a man is intelligent and

00:05:28.760 masculine and like we we get stimulated mentally and that's what makes us attracted to men obviously

00:05:35.640 physical looks is also very important for women as well but yeah not so much i think not so much as

00:05:40.420 we can compromise on that no no you're right we can compromise on that but for men it definitely

00:05:48.620 is visual creatures because that's that's yeah and you know what it's so true bismillah there was a

00:05:55.280 sister that was looking for marriage she's she's like maybe now probably in her 40s she's still not

00:05:59.980 married by the way and i remember one day me and my sisters were sitting with her and

00:06:04.300 this sister did not make an effort okay physically i'm not throwing shade i'm just saying okay if i

00:06:11.700 was a guy yeah i wouldn't find it attractive and that's the god's honesty if i seen her i wouldn't

00:06:17.500 think oh god yes beautiful i want to go for this yeah do you know what i mean yeah and it doesn't mean

00:06:23.200 you have to have a plaque of makeup on or whatever just cream your face yeah just cream your face

00:06:30.120 you know don't look at you take care of your jill babe whatever you got on look good iron your clothes

00:06:35.940 yeah i think it's the sense of effort that's more attractive than the actual end result because

00:06:41.780 sometimes you know we all have different levels of beauty and beauty is actually in the eyes of the

00:06:46.580 and we might consider a sister to not be that attractive yeah because of what our you know

00:06:53.100 competition is between females but for a male she might be really attractive and i always say that

00:07:00.020 being attractive and being pretty are two separate things like there are people that are attractive

00:07:06.380 but when you actually sit down and think about the actual makeup of their face they're not good

00:07:11.960 looking yeah but they have an aura they have a sense of pride and that's the that gives you the

00:07:18.580 illusion or gives men the illusion that it's attractive for example you have a lot of sisters that

00:07:23.140 you know maybe go to the gym spend time moisturizing oh i've got to you know new perfume etc

00:07:29.740 because it's the idea that she's taking care of herself that makes her attractive yeah exactly she

00:07:36.120 might be less attractive or pretty because i define those as two different things

00:07:40.620 than you know the next sister that he sees on the street but maybe that next sister doesn't look

00:07:47.560 like she looks after herself so in his mind he doesn't have the top prize he doesn't have the prize

00:07:54.180 yeah because the best things are looked after so it's true it's also a play on psychology as well

00:08:00.880 you know um and i think that's part of when you say i want a good looking or attractive a woman

00:08:07.940 they are two separate things and some men want actual beauty in terms of you know from allah like

00:08:14.740 natural and you know and that could be you know some some men prefer the no makeup yeah and that's

00:08:21.580 the beauty you know and others actually need makeup and they don't mind because they just want

00:08:26.700 something that looks beautiful and so you know essentially that attract what they're actually

00:08:30.980 attracted to is the feminine femininity of the woman so i just wanted to quickly land that in

00:08:35.360 because what you said it comes out in different ways yes do you understand but in actual fact

00:08:40.120 if women are beautifying their self creaming their skin taking care of their self being in a real

00:08:44.580 feminine energy that comes out beautiful where regardless yeah you become attractive regardless

00:08:49.560 you say natural to a woman as well yeah we want to look good but if you're wearing you know men

00:08:54.560 clothes and you're you're raggedy and you're you know you've got this big and you don't brush your hair

00:08:58.920 for like a week you've got this like really bad you know um attitude yeah that's not that's because

00:09:06.240 you're not in your feminine you know and the man's not going to find that attractive of course he sees

00:09:10.020 that as a competitor actually you know it's in the nature to like pick out a woman who's feminine and

00:09:16.060 who's taking care of us taking care of herself but i was going to say to add to what you were saying

00:09:20.260 um um you know when a woman takes care of herself like for a man it's it's like it's like oh she's

00:09:28.900 taking care of herself to look good for me yes for me and it's kind of like yeah you know you know

00:09:35.660 obviously you are individual people but sometimes you know when you're in a relationship for a really

00:09:41.100 long time like you're married for a really you do end up start to end up seeing that person as an

00:09:45.460 extension of yourself um and because you see them as an extension of yourself you you do you you when

00:09:53.040 they look good you're like yeah like that's my wife my wife looks good yeah you know there's also

00:09:58.440 a sense of selfishness on the male part it's to do with their ego is what do you mean by that in term

00:10:04.360 it means that for example if you're making him if you're looking good you'll make you're like you

00:10:10.260 said you're reflecting on him and you're making so it makes him so his status amongst his peers

00:10:15.600 rises yeah because it's it's like he's got the prize you know so it's it's also a status thing

00:10:23.200 and that's what i mean by ego you know it's the same for women when if you know we want to protect

00:10:28.240 and provide you know sometimes i mean i guess you could explicitly say we want someone that is doing

00:10:34.700 well financially that's also a sense of prize amongst women and that's why we compete for

00:10:40.200 for that yeah generally you know we want that provider i'm not saying he has to be rich i'm just

00:10:45.060 saying the provider factor is a competition yeah you know and that's the equivalent for males i think

00:10:50.860 it's the looking after but i was because you're looking for the ultimate provider

00:10:55.800 i was gonna i wouldn't say i wouldn't say i wouldn't say it's a competition okay because

00:11:03.420 i i would want best for my sisters i wouldn't compete with them no but that's really that's

00:11:09.580 really honorable yeah sisters we don't compete with each other we wouldn't i'm talking about

00:11:15.180 everyone as well everyone in general as well because obviously we're here to like a build a

00:11:21.480 like a great umma and if we're going to compete with each other then like we're going to clash

00:11:26.320 you are your own competition but the reality is there is a competition and you're right and

00:11:31.720 it's like the survival of the fittest amongst the mating world it's like even animals do it and

00:11:37.580 other creatures and it's just innately in us it's like it's like even if you went to an all-female

00:11:43.800 event like a wedding or something each sister will dress up in the best way possible and it's not

00:11:50.240 necessarily because she's competing for a man they're competing amongst one another innately even

00:11:56.720 if it's not deliberate to look good you know like they have a have a beauty and that's where you know

00:12:04.420 where there are sisters for example that are you know okay and accepting of polygamy for example

00:12:11.000 if you're number three or number four you don't mind number one and number two and you see it as

00:12:17.160 you are competing it's like a competitive position to be in you know and why is that maybe the man

00:12:23.400 has something so great to offer obviously it has to be a provider and that's what it comes down to it

00:12:28.420 comes down to you sorry don't you say i i get what you're saying and i think there's a lot of truth

00:12:33.260 to what you're saying because if i really think about it sometimes you know let's say you're getting

00:12:36.500 dressed you're like i want to look the best today so i know what you're saying there's there's a lot

00:12:40.180 of truth to it but i think it can like become a little bit toxic if if we um if we start like if

00:12:48.300 you have that mindset of okay i want to look the best but like but you can't look the best and like

00:12:52.720 i agree but the reality is they're all but it's just i think but i think it comes down to the

00:12:58.600 individual and it's honestly very honorable and it's really good you know for us to be able to look

00:13:03.360 into that and say hang on there's no competition here yeah of course we are all you know beautiful

00:13:08.420 in a different way but there are there are people that are competing yeah but i think personally for

00:13:13.960 me like okay i want to look really good i want to be yourself for myself good but then when i see

00:13:18.620 all the women i think oh my god you look amazing as well and you look amazing let me just add i don't

00:13:23.620 think that what you're talking about it's something you yourself personally yeah yeah that's true

00:13:30.100 and it's an amazing place to be because by default us women we don't come like that

00:13:36.260 okay we are envious and jealous by default i've never experienced that but but i'm exactly like

00:13:43.240 you i can see a sister and be like mashallah you're so stunning like you look good but i won't be like

00:13:47.760 that takes practice and educating yourself and humbling yourself but by default if the woman hasn't

00:13:54.220 got emotional intelligence yeah she's going to be jealous she's going to be envious we see in the

00:13:59.940 we see examples of it in the prophet's words so it's addy no i agree like it is in our nature but

00:14:06.020 i guess for the women um out there who do experience that it's a natural emotion to feel don't feel guilty

00:14:12.560 about it but i do want to say like okay i'll give you like a tip to help you like mentally if you do

00:14:18.920 see a woman who looks really good and you do feel a little envious it's okay but you just tell

00:14:25.200 yourself but i also look good like like you should tell you you should tell yourself that maybe no i

00:14:29.840 feel like i feel like it's this idea of um i used to compare myself a lot when i was younger to be

00:14:36.240 honest yeah and of course it's when you're like super insecure yeah um we've all gone through that

00:14:41.420 stage i'm sure all of us have um but how i see it anyway is everyone is on their own journey

00:14:47.040 you don't know what their story was in order to get to who like who they are right now exactly so be

00:14:52.840 happy for their success and just focus on you and that mindset has changed me like i i am happy for

00:15:00.180 whoever their success is um but my focus is always improving i am my own competition yeah yeah 100%

00:15:06.480 so if i'm if i'm trying to improve myself i look at okay i look in myself and i look inwards

00:15:12.040 how do i improve myself yeah inwards yeah um that's how i like to see yeah yeah so okay someone

00:15:18.520 attractive not necessarily someone someone who basically attracted kind kind okay i wrote it

00:15:26.680 down nurturing and feminine we said um a woman in her real feminine energy so she's soft nurturing caring

00:15:34.320 kind um speaking to the mic one number one thing i separated was peace men want peace peace

00:15:41.780 um a woman's beauty someone who takes care of herself she dresses up can i add a key one

00:15:46.820 yeah no one really talks about and it is fertility men are looking for a fertile woman even if they

00:15:54.760 don't know it that is what they're looking for yes in their nature all those other things we're

00:15:58.240 mentioning attraction all these other things they actually look at a woman because i actually was

00:16:02.960 watching a show about the shape of women as well the shape of women men would look at the shape of a

00:16:08.160 woman and say okay she can bear my children she can carry good children she's okay yeah yeah yeah

00:16:12.920 yeah like they don't even realize they're doing it themselves they look at a woman and say okay

00:16:17.040 she's looks like she can carry children she looks fertile it's the main because you remember by default

00:16:23.200 allah's created them to procreate we're supposed to be procreating we're supposed to to get together

00:16:27.700 and make children so ultimately he's looking for a fertile woman a lot of people don't discuss it

00:16:32.460 they don't talk about it fertility is important for men okay and we don't talk about it because

00:16:38.240 it's the women who carry the baby and we're the ones that are pregnant but the man is the one that

00:16:42.340 gives us the child yeah so he's essentially looking for a woman is she going to be a mother

00:16:46.680 can she you know bring her home together so fertility is definitely on the list for me

00:16:53.720 one of the important things that people just completely miss for men okay what else guys

00:16:58.420 what else i would say oh sorry um i would say um a man wants um a woman to listen like as in like

00:17:08.800 if he has if he's had a wife not like not like i would i would definitely sit to my husband because

00:17:14.980 if he if he if he's had like a like a bad day at work or if he just wants to vent like understanding

00:17:20.980 yeah just yeah understanding and a good listener like i would i would do that for him yeah i get what

00:17:25.560 she's saying like let's say um when you say listening i think she she's basically saying

00:17:31.100 is she she wants to feel heard like because usually if you think about a masculine man

00:17:36.660 in the real world they're very stoic you can't really show much of your emotions you have to like

00:17:41.880 withhold a lot but then when a man is in the presence of his wife he becomes like a child like

00:17:47.920 he becomes like a child and uh he becomes like his he he can be himself uh and he can only be himself

00:17:55.520 is if that woman holds space for uh for him to be able to be his be himself and she's understanding

00:18:04.600 and she actually listens to him like listens to what he has to say and um can i add something on

00:18:11.160 yeah go on yeah so when i when i say like a good listener because i know that men they tend to not

00:18:18.280 talk about the feelings and they they're a bit cold with that so me being a good listener showing

00:18:26.120 empathy towards him uh would allow him to slowly break down his like new in the patriarchy how it

00:18:33.100 being vulnerable yeah now we're going on to something that i think it's a cycle

00:18:37.800 the men aren't going to agree with you like i don't think they want that in a woman no but it's

00:18:42.200 it's my opinion no they want to be vulnerable but what you're saying is it's very conflicting it's

00:18:48.560 like okay you want to be vulnerable don't say it sis no that only happens with your wife because with

00:18:52.840 with the prophet peace be upon him khadijah radiallahu anha she she was so close to the prophet peace

00:18:59.240 before him and he he would express his feelings to her like he was exactly so a man being stoic is is

00:19:06.920 not as like a i don't see it as like a really positive thing i mean i think it's a good thing

00:19:11.760 there's nothing wrong stoicism is a good character you could be there's the half and half you can't

00:19:15.840 be fully stoic no but it depends your context yeah yeah because it depends on your context i think it's

00:19:21.380 really important for a man to be stoic because for you to practice i don't know if people understand

00:19:26.120 like stoicism is the art of like someone who doesn't complain yeah yeah someone who's able to

00:19:31.060 you know carry out his responsibilities and his tasks and his daily things that he needs to do

00:19:36.060 as a man without like moaning and complaining and and like um finding ways of like trying to avoid

00:19:43.120 that like i think i think everything you're saying is actually hot yeah it's all facts yeah but then

00:19:50.120 we're gonna go we're gonna go into society because i feel like the way we think as muslims anyway

00:19:54.600 is completely against the way society's made us start to think of course so there's this conflict of

00:20:00.120 agreeing like you're saying no stoic they're saying but it's it's like okay but society has

00:20:04.700 literally programmed us to not make men mention it be vulnerable mention it be vulnerable and now

00:20:09.740 women are kind of real women muslim women yeah are like dying for the man to be back that way like i

00:20:15.880 want my man to express his emotions to me like no no no no she meant it we're dying for masculine

00:20:20.680 men now you want the man to be like come home with like bowels of water and be like babe you don't

00:20:26.360 need to work but what society's done is made women and men equal so that the women are like the men

00:20:32.260 are crying at home oh baby i can't i can't go to work till i got a cold and that's you get it like

00:20:38.460 that's true that puts me off i'm sorry we've been convinced that that's normal like okay the man

00:20:44.440 should be at home crying on your lap 24 7 the prophet muhammad sallallahu alaihi wasa wasn't crying

00:20:47.820 all the time he was there were times where he was legit killing and and and fighting because he

00:20:54.620 had to the most of the time he was in his masculine state he wasn't always vulnerable

00:20:58.540 do you know i mean and that time with the khadijah when he was revealed the quran was first revealed

00:21:03.360 to him he was that was the first time he was probably vulnerable to that degree yeah but that's

00:21:07.500 not men by default yeah so to say like i want my man to feel like that and women that's our issue as

00:21:13.020 well why don't you talk to me tell me what's going on and the man's just thinking shut up

00:21:17.400 i just want you to sit here and be quiet sometimes yeah let me think this through and

00:21:21.980 this is why there's this conflict what society's told us girls which is fine because it's the way

00:21:27.260 you've been like raised you've been you've been programmed you've been programmed to believe the

00:21:31.440 man should be at home crying you know i don't know i'm gonna go and put on my jacket and go to

00:21:35.600 work sorry to interrupt sorry to interrupt it's okay i'm gonna give you like a solution okay

00:21:41.700 for all of those girls in order to find like a really healthy relationship i think we need to

00:21:49.320 understand men well they don't want to be emasculated just off what you're saying my sister

00:21:54.660 is essentially they we're not saying never be vulnerable obviously everyone has vulnerabilities

00:22:00.160 but if he's sharing something he doesn't want to feel he's emasculating himself and he doesn't want

00:22:08.620 you to react in a in a way that suggests he's emasculate so you know and this is where the

00:22:17.380 submission aspect comes in as a as a wife is that you have to recognize where you're going to

00:22:25.200 submit to him so i think sometimes this submission thing especially in mainstream society has been

00:22:32.200 um cast in quite a negative light oh he's submitting to your husband but submission doesn't mean just

00:22:38.360 doing anything and everything he wants with without any other compassion or elements to the relationship

00:22:43.860 it means just recognizing when you have to pipe down as a female to let him um rise as a male and vice

00:22:52.760 versa like it's it works both ways there's going to be times where he he's going to have to be more

00:22:57.280 compassionate to you so that you can be in your femininity you know he's if he's let's just talk

00:23:03.600 about the you know the ideal model where he's um working all day etc is coming home doesn't want

00:23:11.500 someone to come home and make him feel even less of a man that someone might another man might have

00:23:16.520 but made him feel outside of the household so you have to pipe down and think let him have his moment

00:23:23.880 of you know masculinity in the in the day that maybe he was criticized by other men you know so

00:23:30.220 it he needs to regain um that identity um so this is why you know it's very important for us to as wives

00:23:40.320 or females to respect that need man's need and we talk about men's needs and we always relate it to

00:23:47.020 uh intimacy only you know but that is part of it you know in the grand scheme of things um so yeah

00:23:55.460 that's no i just to like stop and go back to the question what men want in women um you guys tell me

00:24:03.400 about what you think about the points i'm just jotting it down yeah go on so a woman in her real

00:24:08.920 feminine energy who's soft to nurturing caring kind peace um a woman's beauty someone who takes

00:24:15.740 care of her appearance she dresses up for her man fertility um and understanding and empathetic

00:24:21.820 wife um i've also added submissive and respect yeah yeah those i think those we've covered a lot of

00:24:30.380 things we didn't how many points did you suggest really interesting why none of us actually said

00:24:35.980 a religious a religious wife oh yeah why did no one say that god conscious it's that it's a basic

00:24:41.680 it's a basic though but i'm glad no one did yeah do you see what i'm saying yeah because it's it's

00:24:47.500 like no it's like because i feel like it's a scapegoat yeah people just go religious man or

00:24:53.580 religious woman yeah but you need you need to elaborate that though it really doesn't because

00:24:57.680 genuinely we you know there's been a lot of women who fell for religious men and um they

00:25:05.100 they have never worked on themselves they've never looked inwards they've never worked on their traumas

00:25:11.000 and they're very toxic very toxic and then you they use religion as a scapegoat to be like yeah yeah

00:25:17.320 because it sounds so okay but but you have you really thought about it do you really know what

00:25:22.480 you're saying because clearly you don't know what you're saying because you're using religion as a

00:25:26.720 scapegoat for all your problematic behaviors i've noticed that a lot um but yeah it is i feel like

00:25:35.840 yeah i feel like of course a woman a man does want a woman who's on dean um for his children for his

00:25:42.960 children not necessarily because because a woman is a school a woman is a school and she's going to be

00:25:48.280 the first point of contact with your children like your children are going to be raised with

00:25:53.980 that woman's mindset that woman you choose to marry your children are going to have the same mindset so

00:25:58.840 it's so so important to look at so many aspects mindset we forgot about mindset like a man is going

00:26:05.540 to look at woman's mindset what's your mind do you really look for that but sometimes it's it's

00:26:10.160 genuinely yeah but high value men okay if we're going to go into that topic but guys i've got a question

00:26:15.280 i've got a question before we go because the brother said we got 10 minutes yeah so everything

00:26:18.940 we've just mentioned okay yeah how would the brother know just by looking at a sister

00:26:24.540 you've got her out ask a question she has all those essential things so now that helps us get down to

00:26:31.440 just the far most important things men look for and how are you going to know how are you going to

00:26:36.780 know her energy and just how she carries herself how does one know like i hope the brothers ask

00:26:42.440 this as well how will you know that that person has all of those valuable essential assets that

00:26:49.400 we just yeah you know characteristics and all these things it's down to him to think of the

00:26:53.120 right questions but is it islam of course islam brings them to that point so you see somebody you

00:26:58.560 know they're a muslim for one it should be yeah you understand that's the basic bare minimum

00:27:03.540 trying to observe yeah hijab yeah yeah bare minimum and hijab's different all over the world

00:27:09.140 yeah of course of course so i would say islam is the top being a muslim being a religious person

00:27:15.100 and then from when you can confirm that that person's a muslim then you can go on to the next

00:27:20.460 stage which is i don't know how people are finding out who people are and how they're meeting each

00:27:24.500 you know how i see it you know how i see it for men think about the first man that was created

00:27:30.360 the prophet adam yeah and remember he was lonely in heaven and all he wanted was just a companion

00:27:36.640 and that's it men don't want much women run a lot we have a lot like we have a lot of requirements

00:27:43.420 that's a good point i like that point that is that's that he just wants companionship he just

00:27:48.240 wants her energy her aura her presence is enough like a woman yeah and men have said that as well

00:27:54.100 just just sit there that's what i mean but women don't problem solvers we like we nurture us by

00:28:00.200 nature yeah we just want to nurture yeah we want to nurture things and and so i've got an issue with

00:28:05.760 control freaks okay females who are control freaks listen it's too much during this time you know

00:28:11.040 there's a lot of like trauma behind that as well and i keep mentioning trauma but there's a lot of

00:28:15.160 psychological like yeah but i know but it's detrimental i just yeah you yeah you have to

00:28:20.940 work on yourself yeah yeah yeah like do i know myself enough and secretly i'll just add i don't know

00:28:26.560 if he's gonna cook this out they want psychos as well they want a bit of a psycho chick a lot of

00:28:30.580 guys like when i'm joking wait what do you mean psycho elaborate psycho no no it's too broad

00:28:38.180 yeah it is but they do want a bit of psycho i'm just saying that because of the kind of messages i

00:28:44.780 read psychos and just a bit of a challenge but not in a negative way

00:28:48.240 okay okay right i see i see what you mean like a bit of a challenge they want to work for it

00:28:53.820 for too long i've been trying to behave but the truth is the one a bit of a psycho okay i get what

00:28:57.780 you mean like because men they feel like the for men they obviously they're the ones who um go through

00:29:04.940 the what do you call it the vetting process they chase and they like the chase sorry to cut you i think

00:29:10.400 this is essential before before the end the kind of guy we just described the kind of the man that

00:29:16.400 we just all spoke about yeah yeah is a man of old times yeah interesting the modern man today

00:29:22.360 this is why i said a psychory because the modern man today his requirements are far different okay

00:29:28.720 50 50 go on tell me do you really want me to say it yeah i don't know if i can no just say it

00:29:33.820 i'm gonna say it but you're good pg pg keep it pg i can't keep it okay don't then carry on okay

00:29:39.400 unfiltered so okay just be you mate they want this is the truth the modern man today muslim or

00:29:47.460 no muslim okay a lot of them want the botox face yeah this is the truth they want the botox lips

00:29:53.500 the botox forehead wallahi this is the hot this is not modern this is shaitan in in a hijab

00:30:01.040 they want the botox face no i'm really trying to put this across this is just they want the

00:30:09.020 botox face sex a sandwich maker and a slave and because a lot of them have this mentality where

00:30:15.320 this woman is here for my pleasure only yeah yeah yeah very selfish being around modern mentality not

00:30:21.180 saying all of them but some of the guys majority of them and i know because i deal with them in my

00:30:25.200 dms and i deal with them in the comment section and a lot of them say just go and make a sandwich

00:30:30.120 you're just here for sex this is the truth this is the hawk okay the muslim man what we just described

00:30:36.760 doesn't necessarily exist today or he's under he's hiding away from society because it's the truth

00:30:43.080 and the brothers will probably say the same about the sisters on the on the other side because the

00:30:46.660 requirements for the sisters as well is insane as well you know why i feel like everyone's

00:30:50.680 we've lost the hawk you know why we've lost touch with ourselves it's because we've lost touch with

00:30:57.300 allah sorry it always comes down no i i i get what you're saying i do think it's a very like

00:31:02.400 it's a it's a subjective based thing what you say and i do see it and i think if you if you're a man

00:31:09.540 who watches porn um and you indulge in stuff that you're not supposed to be indulging in you're

00:31:17.180 gonna have watching porn so you're gonna have these requirements because why you don't even

00:31:21.420 need to watch porn anymore you just need to go on ig and porn's just at your doorstep

00:31:25.360 yeah that's you know what i mean so we're in a society where that is being pushed in your face

00:31:31.300 24 7 sorry five more minutes yeah it's been pushed in their face that's what i'm saying the modern man

00:31:36.900 today if we're going to talk about the modern man and what men want today the men of today that's

00:31:40.900 what they want but i think it's very sandwich makeup and a slave okay let me let me add to that

00:31:46.020 modern man i i think the reason why the modern man that you the modern man that you've exactly

00:31:53.060 like you've described these this is this is all surface level yeah and if you're going to be looking

00:31:59.880 for women who are surface level stuff then you're somebody who is surface level as well because we

00:32:05.260 we attract who we are and it's the truth i don't care what anyone says we attract who we are and if

00:32:11.260 you're if you're choosing surface levels things like that materialistic stuff like that um superficial

00:32:17.660 stuff like that then then have each other yeah but have each other because this is what you want

00:32:24.000 this is you're most likely a surface level guy as well modern muslims and them back in the day do you

00:32:29.660 think something like this could be happening it's having a podcast like this with men and women

00:32:33.240 talking and class it's not happening but we're in the modern times and we've really got to understand

00:32:38.480 that and i think we've lost way of the dean itself the dean was created and made for every time every

00:32:44.540 era every generation every we've lost it completely we've literally lost it sisters are looking like

00:32:50.140 a halloween mask do you know what i mean and brothers too they're getting these the dying there the

00:32:56.740 hairline hair implants it's gone it's crazy do you understand so when we're looking at it looks

00:33:01.600 surface level yes but people are surface level internally and externally yeah do you know i

00:33:06.440 mean they don't have the dean remember i said about feeding your deep feeding your soul yeah a lot of

00:33:10.820 people don't even pray they don't read the quran and this is the basic basic the stuff that keeps us

00:33:16.100 so alive do you know i mean so what do you think is going to happen after while you're feeding

00:33:19.460 you're watching um constantly showing on tiktok constantly on instagram which is a porn website okay

00:33:23.960 but then i would completely what are what we our preferences become what we are watching

00:33:29.600 and what we are exposed to i guess we need to become more conscious because i feel like

00:33:33.240 i feel like we are innately conscious beings but we're not conscious of the things we're consuming

00:33:39.960 and the effects of it and and then you but you don't realize the effects until like i guess later on

00:33:46.340 until the choices you make okay guys now we need to actually take a pick for we need four things

00:33:51.880 i'm gonna read out the list again and yeah go on you obviously have to agree on it um god conscious

00:33:57.780 islam um a woman in her real feminine energy she's soft nurturing caring kind peace a woman's beauty

00:34:05.840 and someone who takes care of her appearance she dresses up for him fertility um an understanding

00:34:12.580 and empathetic wife she's submissive respect a good mother companionship i'm gonna take off this list

00:34:19.620 i think i think if i'm gonna be quite honest the most important ones here and i think

00:34:23.900 i know so long and they're standing out to me uh we used to definitely respect respectful

00:34:29.320 men that ramble on about respect yeah definitely submissive

00:34:32.860 is gonna are there's respectful under submission though yeah yeah this is what i'm saying so then

00:34:39.620 between those two that covers a lot of aspects so respect respect yeah i'm gonna leave the

00:34:44.940 submissive one because i've got different opinions on that yeah um and definitely respectful

00:34:50.260 religious fertile okay um and attractive okay i don't know that's my so religious attractive and um

00:35:01.060 what was the last one um beauty yeah i think that's the first one okay and then we'll agree

00:35:06.140 together i would say god consciousness um a woman in her feminine energy so soft and nurturing kind

00:35:15.200 caring yeah um someone who's respectful because it's mutual yeah yeah go yeah um and a good mother

00:35:25.260 because yeah i think they just want someone you can provide them with kids okay right i would say

00:35:33.940 what i'm met what men want in women is feminine feminine soft and nurturing um they want

00:35:42.200 they want um a respectful a submissive wife um a woman who is a good mother who is also fertile

00:35:53.700 how many did i just say you said like four okay yeah a companionship five i'm gonna do a take on

00:36:01.000 what we've all yeah yeah and kind of conclude from there so i think what we're saying though not

00:36:07.160 necessarily agreeing 100 just like yeah but the key things that we're all agreeing on yeah um is

00:36:12.940 they're looking for a mother um looking for respect um dean yeah um and femininity yeah

00:36:22.880 okay so guys you have heard the sisters inshallah you've heard what they have to say uh we didn't

00:36:34.360 we was in another room uh and we are going to get them to send us their results uh halfway through

00:36:39.680 this so we don't want to know now so it might influence our uh decision making factors so uh in a

00:36:44.460 nutshell brothers the sisters um were asked what do they believe a man looks for in a uh wife uh we're

00:36:52.660 going to actually tell them what we actually look for in a wife and then what we're going to do is

00:36:56.160 we're going to get their results and compare it to ours and be like okay um is the sisters you know

00:37:00.360 maybe have high expectations or maybe are they dreaming uh we're going to find out today inshallah

00:37:04.620 so let me just open the floor very simply um what do as men what are let's see four things

00:37:11.320 we look for in a wife so every man from muslim man's perspective or yeah there might be some

00:37:18.060 things maybe even non-muslims can agree so let's start with are you married no not yet okay so let's

00:37:25.380 let's start with you inshallah one day okay so um what would you as as a how are you i'm 25

00:37:31.080 masha so 25 here so what would you say are the main things that you look for in a wife i'll mention

00:37:38.680 one quality so i don't want to say the standard things like dean etc because that's uh that's a

00:37:43.900 given so i'm going to say i look for shyness in a woman so okay i'm going to be writing these down

00:37:48.780 yeah okay okay okay so i look for shyness in a woman and what i mean by that is i don't want

00:37:55.180 someone who's got friends everywhere male friends everywhere do you know i mean if we go to a

00:37:59.180 restaurant she knows everyone there i'm looking for someone who's a bit shy right who understands

00:38:03.520 sort of that integrity aspect um that's one of my main qualities i look for in a relationship

00:38:08.180 okay is that the main thing well the main thing is going to be dean isn't it but that's

00:38:14.020 mention three things to me three things okay so so i do want someone who's a bit sort of

00:38:19.480 career focused as well so that's another thing right have some sort of ambition anything career

00:38:23.560 focused business some sort of thing to have on the side just to give them a bit of you know

00:38:27.680 ambition essentially that's what i'm attracted to um third thing is obviously dean that's number one

00:38:32.700 priority essentially um so having that sort of eagerness me and the brother next to me i was

00:38:37.440 speaking to him earlier about it having that sort of um sort of that uh eagerness to learn about

00:38:42.780 islam um salah the main thing um so just things like that so i'm looking for the three main things

00:38:48.060 okay um mahdi well what would you say um is a man's criteria do you mind if i uh just the

00:38:56.780 question the brother get some clarity so akhi mahdi you mentioned um my twin by the way

00:39:02.420 it's very strange for me to say mahdi i very i rarely say it so you mentioned just now that you

00:39:08.400 would like your wife to be to be career focused i have two questions number one why number two how

00:39:17.100 do you know that you want her to be career focused so for me career let me provide more clarity to

00:39:23.120 the question what's your experience of being married to a career focused woman so one i can't

00:39:28.700 give experience with that because i'm not married never have been okay but essentially what me by

00:39:32.940 career focused is it doesn't necessarily mean you know she needs to go out 37 and a half hours a week

00:39:37.680 what i want is to have some sort of ambition a business on the side anything even our profits

00:39:43.340 wives had businesses on the side that's what i'm attracted to some sort of ambition so you mentioned

00:39:47.400 you're attracted to it what i brought by the way i don't have a problem with this i'm just trying

00:39:51.220 to get clarity what makes you attracted to that what is it about that that attracts you to that

00:39:56.640 yeah and i understand so with that with career job that sort of stuff i sort of apply intellect with

00:40:03.380 that so i think it's it goes hand in hand so when i see someone who's got a good job safe job high

00:40:10.080 paying job there's progression in there i like that i'm attracted to it in a sense where i know they've

00:40:14.100 worked hard to get there they've got that sort of discipline to get there's an example or something

00:40:18.200 to look for if she doesn't have that what is that indicative to you or what do you fear she might

00:40:24.620 be or not be if she doesn't have these uh this skills that you've mentioned so for me it's not

00:40:31.000 it's not sort of black and white it's a sort of there's many factors with this right but if she

00:40:35.800 doesn't have any sort of ambition in that aspect i don't think she's as hard working as i'd like her

00:40:40.240 to be to be honest so why do you want her to be hard working again it sounds like an accusatory

00:40:46.000 question it's not i'm just trying to understand what do you want her to be hard working for

00:40:49.760 what's the end goal or the end value that you get yeah the end goal is gender for everyone isn't it

00:40:55.560 you know it's heaven for me on a personal on a personal level it shows to me that she's worked

00:41:00.340 hard for something you know i mean and i understand do you think you're conflating a ambition with

00:41:06.380 career because you know it's very we have this um propaganda tool of career do you think you're

00:41:10.740 talking about somebody who has a drive who has an ambition uh but do you think you're just

00:41:14.000 mis-equating it and making a synonym to career if a woman is for example smart she comes to you and

00:41:18.800 says you know what um i did my degree in math mathematics um i do not want to work i want to

00:41:23.140 be a housewife again she's still got that degree she's still working good so it's not that you want

00:41:27.600 a career wife it's basically somebody who's gone out there yeah yeah done something exactly has

00:41:31.600 something it's clever what do you think do you think he's coming from there or he's conflating the

00:41:35.380 truth i honestly i don't know i don't know and that's why i'm trying to get clarity and don't think

00:41:38.840 i'm like putting i'm not putting you under the cosh bro but i always try to get clarity before i

00:41:42.840 provide my answer i want to understand either what what value do you get from that or what do

00:41:50.200 you fear she will not have if you marry a woman who doesn't possess these qualities one of the two

00:41:55.480 you're looking to either seek a value from her of some sort or you fear she might have something that

00:42:01.320 you don't like what is it which one so what is it so for me in that aspect i don't want a woman to

00:42:06.320 have 100 reliance on me i want some sort of level of independence on the woman's side okay so that's

00:42:12.120 the gist of it so when you say 100 reliance do you mean from a bill's perspective or do you mean from

00:42:15.840 an emotional perspective no just not even from a bill's perspective i'm happy to provide it's more

00:42:20.100 of a sense of having her own thing going on the side for me i'll have i'll have a job i'll have things

00:42:25.200 that i do outside of the marriage i want her to have qualities like that where she can have her

00:42:30.000 own independence time away from me etc i'm glad i asked all of those questions because now i'm in

00:42:34.560 agreement with you there you go and it's very important i need for your woman to have her own

00:42:38.680 little thing going on because otherwise the boredom will kill her and who's who's gonna who's

00:42:43.740 gonna be gonna project onto the man yeah you'll be picking up that slack so in that case i agree

00:42:47.720 with you okay good so uh guys i think we have about maybe under 30 minutes um so the first the

00:42:53.040 first thing is we said okay modesty uh you mentioned should we like career should we use another

00:42:58.000 word ambition ambition ambition okay ambition that's fine so methi um what's the three things that

00:43:03.700 you look for in a woman and from his sciences that he has created from you uh wives such that

00:43:18.720 you so that you may find peace in her so allah has already described in the quran one of the major

00:43:28.360 qualities that we are we are able to receive from a wife and that is peace especially if you are a man

00:43:36.560 who is hard-working you don't have to be by the way high value man bin men are hard-working yeah

00:43:42.980 plumbers are hard-working a hard-working man yeah blue collar white collar is irrelevant what does he

00:43:48.800 want to come home to after his hard working day peace he doesn't want to come home to a war zone

00:43:54.300 for me after the deen and when i say deen i'm not looking for no sheikha she prays five times a day

00:44:00.000 and she wants to get better in her religion she has that eagerness there that's enough for me

00:44:04.220 then peace can you be peaceful bismillah mashaAllah alhamdulillah okay that's i think the word peace is um

00:44:11.960 very very vital which i i would agree with as well from just obviously i'm the host but i would just

00:44:17.500 like to me it's obviously uh the deen the deen should be there uh peace is fundamental it is so

00:44:24.740 fundamental because we as men uh with our masculine traits we deal with all this chaos and you know

00:44:30.240 uh whatever it is for what angle do you get what i'm trying to say um and we want to come home to

00:44:34.600 peace um and i've said this before like i've confronted you know the britain first uh jayda

00:44:39.080 do you remember her yeah just i always say this to myself i was like can you imagine i'll come back

00:44:43.860 home to another jayda no just imagine i'm i'm confronting jayda i've got all that headache

00:44:47.460 okay yeah well try this and then i come home there's another jayda waiting at home yeah i don't

00:44:51.180 want that but i want i want peace yeah so peace is very fundamental and uh modesty and deen for me

00:44:56.180 personally but uh okay for you what was the three things that you would um say that you look for

00:45:01.380 three things that you look for in in a in a wife and men look for as well um you know i think i was

00:45:08.580 looking for four things uh we didn't say how many wives you want but we meant

00:45:12.360 why do you tell the truth it's the truth bro i told the truth inshallah if my wife is watching

00:45:19.300 she knows the truth too but no no no inshallah but for anything else four things yes that i would

00:45:28.360 look for one there has to be emotional compatibility right i have to have someone that i can emotionally

00:45:39.220 connect with i have to have someone that i can intellectually connect with that me and her

00:45:45.220 we're on the same mental level if i'm talking about one thing and she's completely alien to what

00:45:52.300 i'm discussing then we're never going to be able to connect i have to have someone that i can

00:45:58.480 spiritually connect with that on our journey together that she accepts and respects my leadership

00:46:06.780 in our spiritual growth and also there has to be someone that i can physically connect with

00:46:14.040 so these will be my four main things physical spiritual emotional and intellectual

00:46:20.480 okay uh for me uh alhamdulillah it's the first is deen everyone knows but peace is very important

00:46:29.260 but i personally think the important thing is loyalty you need a wife to stand by you no matter

00:46:35.280 at good times at bad times she sticks by you and be there for you not like when she's there with you

00:46:41.560 at good times and when the bad time comes and now she turns away like you know that's a very very

00:46:46.760 important um thing in a marriage because there's loads of women there that when the hard time comes

00:46:53.520 they don't stick by you so for me a loyalty a woman who sticks by me at the good times and the bad time

00:46:59.760 for me is very very important in a marriage okay um so there's some few things i've written here so

00:47:06.180 we've written we've written i've written modesty a dean ambition loyalty peace three of us i think

00:47:13.440 read we the word the word peace is something that resonates with all of us emotional connection

00:47:17.760 now when it comes to emotional connection special connection that's a bit more um i think we're

00:47:22.060 talking more about individual aspects i want to talk a bit more general what men look for like can we

00:47:26.720 agree that every man wants to um uh wants somebody a woman that's feminine can we can agree because i think

00:47:37.280 i don't want to go into the nitty gritties of i prefer this i want to make it a bit more broad and a bit

00:47:40.480 more general um in that aspect um so does every man well should we say that for example what what

00:47:46.680 would we put at the top of that list we've got let's say four what can we because we need to agree

00:47:50.500 what is the thing that every man will be like this without this it's not happening what would that

00:47:54.580 be well dean essentially that's the main thing we all picked up yeah without dean you can't have a

00:48:00.120 successful marriage okay i don't think so really i think you can in general yeah in general men will

00:48:06.760 place a lot of value on a woman's looks a looks 100 if she's not good looking yeah no matter how

00:48:13.060 pious she is i think men will be like so i mentioned this sacrifice i might be wrong but i did mention

00:48:18.680 this before i said um on the last episode that men do look for looks a lot right right and i think

00:48:23.680 you're correct in the issue of that on a general basis the first thing because if you're going to

00:48:28.240 marry her exactly make her your wife exactly what's you're going to go for her looks but then

00:48:32.140 after that everything all right therefore then there's no no i agree with what he's saying

00:48:36.180 we need to be real with ourselves yeah okay and even if you think about the matter of looks it's

00:48:40.360 important for us because we live at an age where it's a bit mad yeah uh so looks is important and

00:48:45.720 because it helps you to lower your gaze it helps you to be content with your wife and especially

00:48:48.960 living in an in an age where there's certain things that are taboo etc for example if a man wanted

00:48:53.680 to get married again there's a whole chaos who has so it's very important for you to be content

00:48:57.580 with your wife but what i'm saying is like the look are important but you're not gonna like

00:49:01.680 what we look for in a wife of course it's gonna be you have to be attractive to her to marry her

00:49:07.140 okay good so so so this is what is important okay so dean look okay let's let me make it if you had

00:49:11.780 somebody who is absolutely religious qiyam quran you name it yeah she's just carrying quran with

00:49:16.020 everywhere yeah she is not good looking when i say good looking to you would you marry no i wouldn't

00:49:20.980 marry i want to be real here yeah because in my marriage speaking process uh yes there were sisters

00:49:26.460 who were really religious but not to my liking yes so therefore i i have to be real and not act

00:49:32.240 pious and be like no hadeen so looks play a role so dean look if i met a sister who was drop dead

00:49:38.400 gorgeous like beautiful yeah but she had no dean again to me yes i would have to fight my little

00:49:45.060 shayateen's here like you know but yeah you know you might you might teach you the dean

00:49:48.440 yeah yeah okay so so ali i've got a question for you okay so the thing is all right a girl can be

00:49:55.460 beautiful yeah but what about her character soon as you talk to her and a girl can look beautiful

00:50:00.400 when you look at her yeah but her character is so bad that but that's the first thing men look at is

00:50:07.020 looks and then everything else comes okay the brother's correcting me so okay so do we agree

00:50:11.920 mahti as well you uh i don't know sorry i don't know i'll call mahti one mahti two yeah mahti one

00:50:17.340 over here actually no that's that's what i said mahti one oh perfect so uh aki so i'm saying in a

00:50:23.100 nutshell when we look at a potential is it dean first or looks first because i believe like for

00:50:28.800 me personally it would be like i have to be attracted to her then the second thing is dean if

00:50:32.800 the dean is not there it's not happening so it doesn't mean the the beauty in itself it's going to do

00:50:36.760 it for me can we agree is it dean first or beauty first in that sense but actually work

00:50:41.280 simultaneously but the dean can come afterwards can't it true you have to be a certain amount

00:50:47.320 of dean true all i'm saying if you meet if you're religious yourself and you like you know and you

00:50:52.960 meet a woman that is attractive and she's got some of the dean in her but when you get married to her

00:50:57.720 your relationship the way you are your dean will get stronger together true true that's the potential

00:51:02.640 but it can happen it goes based to the character but dean in like if somebody's not praying this

00:51:07.320 i do not care how beautiful you are if you're not given the rights of allah subhanahu wa ta'ala

00:51:10.960 you're gonna you're not gonna give me my rights they don't do allah's rights so to me i would say

00:51:15.260 um can i write the top list dean and beauty can we agree on that i would say the following and that

00:51:22.340 is i'm assuming the majority of your audience are you the the men who will be watching are men who are

00:51:27.940 not married because if you are already married and we're talking about second third and fourth wife

00:51:32.280 i will give you a different answer does she have to have dean no she doesn't have to have dean

00:51:37.300 does she have to want dean yes she has to want dean meaning there are a number of sisters out there

00:51:44.280 for whatever case they're in an environment that is not conducive towards them practicing the religion

00:51:49.700 and they are inherently weak women are easily led this way or that this is why as a muslim man you can

00:51:54.600 marry a christian or a jew but not vice versa because women typically are the ones who are led and she's in

00:51:59.060 an environment that is not conducive to her practicing the dean but she wants to she acknowledges and

00:52:05.000 recognizes i want to do better i just like i need that guy to to give me that final push because

00:52:11.600 she's in an environment where she feels she can't do it herself this is a very positive indication and

00:52:16.960 quality okay this is we're talking about for first wife now because second third for i'll give you a

00:52:21.380 different answer completely does she have to have dean no i'll tell you straight up so let's stick to the

00:52:24.640 first wife so let's stick to the first exactly so does she have to have as she doesn't have to have it

00:52:29.560 but she has to want it and if you if you apply this when you're dealing with sisters i'm guarantee

00:52:35.600 i guarantee you to the young single brothers who are watching you're going to expand your pool

00:52:39.280 of of potential eligible bachelorettes available to you because a lot of brothers are looking for

00:52:46.840 the ready-made sister she doesn't exist you need to look for the core ingredients and then it's on

00:52:52.260 you to bake the cake it's on you to assemble the the the wife to your to your liking so to speak

00:52:58.680 but the thing is like with me i'm the perfect example because my wife is a reaver she wasn't

00:53:03.360 muslim when i met her i've done everything right my acts and action um made her interested in islam

00:53:09.520 and we we practiced together i wasn't a good muslim myself so we practiced together to become better

00:53:16.240 muslims and we're still practicing so that's yes in that instance you're absolutely right for

00:53:21.500 example you went on that journey together yeah uh but for example like for myself if i that's

00:53:26.600 that's an exception because if i met a sister who was a reaver and she wanted to know i would never

00:53:31.120 i would as long as she's saying i want to learn all day every day yeah even if it comes like i'll be

00:53:36.580 honest with you even if it comes she doesn't wear the hijab and she's like i would like to as long

00:53:40.660 as the character and the willingness is one to be that's fine so we're talking about those who don't

00:53:44.200 have the willingness yeah so so should we say beauty and dean two things that meant i just want to pick

00:53:50.240 up on that point the brother just said um i think there's a there's a boundary though i think a lot

00:53:55.380 of people in my generation they put too much emphasis on when they get married then they'll

00:53:59.260 become religious they'll have too much dependency on the other to help them get religious at the end

00:54:04.660 of the day it's between you and allah you can't rely solely on someone else to push you through and

00:54:09.520 become on dean let me expand on that point because i actually dealt with the sister once who actually

00:54:13.200 said this to me i was considering her for marriage and she said to me after my after we get married

00:54:17.900 then i'll wear hijab i said to her i'm not feeling this vibe or your attitude towards it what do you

00:54:23.040 mean after no no but after the wedding what is it you want to do you want to have a big fat wedding

00:54:27.860 and all of that i didn't i didn't like that but if she if the if the vibe is you know what brother i

00:54:33.340 know i need to do better believe me i really want to do better i know i'm messing up this is a positive

00:54:39.000 indication that she's just weak and that if you are stronger than her in your iman which you should be

00:54:43.360 by the way i get confused when brother says to me i want my wife to guide me separate discussion

00:54:47.180 but if your iman is just a little bit stronger than hers you will be that you will give her that

00:54:51.720 final push yeah again though that i understand what you're saying but the problem with that is

00:54:55.860 if two weak people with weak imans they they won't be able to help each other they'll probably fall

00:55:00.760 into the thing is with that type of thing i think men nowadays i don't think but i think a man has to

00:55:05.680 be the stronger person yeah but that's the situation so the thing is a man is weak and he's trying to

00:55:11.300 get with a weak woman then that is not a good match is that they're just gonna stay the same

00:55:15.880 okay so so so far we've got two guys our time is kind of running out um so beauty and dean number

00:55:21.100 one um i think that's dean on there and then beauty but i don't want the sisters to get all like

00:55:25.600 because when they hear this beauty thing they're like man they get this like next level anxiety

00:55:29.180 but this is very important because we have to there's a thin line because you're right i don't

00:55:33.400 want them to feel like oh you see this is the reason why and sisters sadly that's the reason why

00:55:36.900 they're so easily influenced should you say beauty or attraction no no we're gonna have to look we'll

00:55:40.040 say yeah attraction yeah attraction so we'll say dean first and then attractiveness meaning that for

00:55:44.580 example we all would agree that if there's someone that's really on dean but they are not attracted

00:55:48.660 to them you will not marry them yeah we agree with that and i think vice versa says it as well

00:55:53.060 okay so then we've got dean we've got attractiveness what is third in the line where you're like okay

00:55:58.100 this is vital yeah and let's not conflate um can we say someone on dean is modest can we say that

00:56:04.520 not necessarily okay so then what about modesty like like haya like like i'll mention that i agree

00:56:10.100 with that but i personally think um i don't know loyalty is a massive thing you don't the thing is

00:56:16.900 like you can have you can loyalty be simultaneous with modesty because it is can we i think they're

00:56:24.500 two separate what do you think loyalty and modesty i think they're two separate traits to be honest

00:56:27.520 with you loyalty covers so much more than just um just modesty because you want you want you want a wife

00:56:32.280 to stick by you like the hard times and the good times you don't just don't want a wife that

00:56:36.360 who is uh attractive and who prays and when the hard time comes and she's not i agree with you

00:56:42.640 i'm gonna give you a parable that might shift even though i agree with you yeah i'm not in disagreement

00:56:46.380 with you i'm gonna give you a parable that might shift your mindset on this and that is let's say you

00:56:51.980 work for a company you're an employee at this company you find out that the company has six months

00:56:56.980 left of payroll and then the 95 likelihood they're going to go bankrupt i have to a question for you

00:57:02.840 and you can choose option a or option b option a you'll ride or die and you're gonna stick it through

00:57:08.120 to the end come hell or high water whether they there is a job for you afterwards or not doesn't

00:57:13.140 matter option b is you're going to start applying for jobs elsewhere whilst you're applying you'll

00:57:17.740 continue working for the current job which option you're going to take ride or die to the end

00:57:21.900 or start applying for jobs elsewhere to just to be safe the thing is i can't really i like company

00:57:29.040 situation and life situation they're not comparable they're not they're not the same thing i'll explain

00:57:32.960 to you why it's comparable and the reason why is this in a company situation although it's a different

00:57:39.020 example and i don't just i i let me just make it i'm not excusing women who do this by the way

00:57:43.800 because you're right there is a slight difference but i'm trying to make you understand they are the more

00:57:48.220 vulnerable of the two between you you are the quote-unquote leader what does that make her

00:57:53.340 the follower you are the captain what does that make her one of the i don't know the guys on the

00:57:58.460 ship whatever you want to call it not demeaning her level what i'm saying is is that when you are the

00:58:03.440 one being led and you sense weakness or impending doom in your leader you are going to feel a certain

00:58:10.220 level of anxiety and lack of security and in the example that i gave you you will start applying for

00:58:16.120 another job now am i giving women carte blanche to start applying for another job with their husband

00:58:21.040 no i'm not but i am saying i understand why the thought would creep into her mind possibly because

00:58:27.360 they are the vulnerable of the two in the relationship she's trusting you to lead her as far as she can see

00:58:32.560 there's no payroll in six months time what's she going to do i'm pregnant or i've got your kids and

00:58:37.820 we're not going to have no money maybe i need to start looking elsewhere this is why so a lot of women

00:58:42.460 do end up quote-unquote monkey branching elsewhere because of this she is the one who is in the

00:58:47.760 subordinate position in the relationship and i'm not excusing her i don't i don't excuse this behavior

00:58:52.960 if her husband is doing his best and he's really trying she needs to like have that commitment

00:58:57.920 the deen comes in the way that we you know every test comes from allah and if you if this is your

00:59:03.880 test so if she doesn't want to go through that's her choice i agree i'm just i just this the female

00:59:08.500 experience that's it so okay all right so what's the what's the third are we going to go with um

00:59:13.560 was it loyalty or i think modesty for me i'm gonna i'm gonna say what i think is important

00:59:22.080 um after the after beauty um it is cleanliness and how she manages the house now if you are married to

00:59:34.720 a woman that's unhygienic and she isn't looking after the home then no matter how much peace you're

00:59:45.100 getting if you've been fighting with jada during the day and you come home to a pigsty i prefer that

00:59:50.520 all of a jada all day every day yeah i prefer that all of a jada because you know what that i can clean

00:59:54.940 up there's a solution to that cleaning up but there's no solution for jada but then here's the

00:59:59.060 here's the thing if for if you come home no that's fine that's fine personally for me if

01:00:06.840 it's not clean and it's um there isn't there's i think from the majority of men that i've spoken to

01:00:15.480 that i deal with there is and you have kids if you're going out to work there's an expectation

01:00:21.300 that this is your duty that's that's the homemaker so i do feel like you know what that can be taught

01:00:29.760 easier than loyalty and um and modesty in my opinion it's a character training exactly okay guys we need

01:00:35.320 okay look peace is something we spoke about so the third one is it loyalty or peace because peace is

01:00:41.720 i'll be honest i think a lot of men want peace like a lot of men it's just it's just look i just want

01:00:46.320 peace yeah okay look i'll write peace down yeah okay that's fine uh what's number four we might

01:00:59.760 have five well two more two more yeah so what's two more things that and let's make it more general

01:01:04.000 let's not go to the like like you said cleaning etc which is true but these are the some men might be

01:01:09.660 like okay i don't really mind we're talking about core core values um i i think an important thing is

01:01:15.380 when your wife makes the effort with you like you know she looks good she was trying to look after

01:01:20.580 herself for you you know like but that comes out under attraction yeah yeah yeah exactly so do we need

01:01:27.100 one or two more so what like we've got we talked about higher higher modesty um is that fall on the d

01:01:33.940 modesty it's um part of it i think the d should improve your modesty yeah if she appreciates you

01:01:41.380 yeah exactly that's an important one appreciation gratitude for especially for the majority of men

01:01:48.140 who are yeah doing their best yeah and you know maybe his best is not as much as she wants

01:01:53.420 but that gratitude that's a big one yeah gratitude gratitude okay gratitude okay that's that's that's

01:02:02.120 actually very important because you know why gratitude is sadly it's it's it's a trait of the process

01:02:06.940 and i mentioned that woman have it is very important because think about a man working hard

01:02:11.440 is and he's trying his best yes and he comes home and his wife tells him what you're doing

01:02:16.620 he's not good enough exactly good good good see now we're talking about core do you get it yeah so

01:02:21.400 this is this is gratitude is fundamental not only that the process of them talked to the woman and

01:02:25.660 told him that the reason why majority of them were in the hellfire is because of the ingratitude

01:02:28.760 because they were ungrateful to their husbands you know um so in that aspect it shows that

01:02:34.780 there's a character issue there which they need to work on you know so gratitude okay last one so

01:02:40.260 we've got deen beauty peace and gratitude i think this is good these are this is good one any one

01:02:45.040 last thing that you guys would add on there one last loyalty is quite powerful on that you know that

01:02:49.340 if you're looking at all of these i think loyalty actually carries quite a lot of weight yeah it

01:02:53.360 does loyalty is very i think in a marriage loyalty is a big big massive thing it does it does carry

01:02:57.640 weight yeah i think it covers a lot of basis loyalty it doesn't mean she's going to cheat

01:03:00.740 just a woman who doesn't yeah who doesn't gossip a lot i'd agree because the thing is is that she

01:03:06.000 can i think you're right like even if she has deen it doesn't mean that she has loyalty right

01:03:11.340 it should inspire loyalty but often it doesn't you're right exactly yeah because but then again

01:03:15.700 the argument could be that how far can she go before she jumps ship right so that's the whole

01:03:24.160 different question but overall i think that's something that you expect if you're the captain of the ship

01:03:29.900 that your crew are with you okay good should we find out the results from the sisters and see

01:03:35.280 what they had in mind okay um do you get a prize we've got the most right yeah let's see yeah yeah

01:03:40.580 free holiday time can you ask let me let me go let me go okay so guys um since we are reacting to

01:03:52.340 we have more time so here's what they wrote they wrote that they believe we look for deen

01:03:56.500 we look for uh respect why didn't we write that's a good one why didn't we say respect

01:04:02.840 yeah we'll plug in somewhere deen respect peace mother i don't know what that means

01:04:10.220 motherhood family therefore a woman who is in her feminine energy soft nurturing caring and kindness

01:04:18.520 dress up for the man and takes care of the appearance okay so that's looks okay so that's

01:04:23.600 interesting we got deen there peace is there that's good but we didn't we didn't put respect

01:04:28.860 that and to be honest that's many isn't isn't respect the main like to us is like that comes

01:04:33.400 with gratitude yeah i was gonna say so they're kind of similar okay so that's interesting so they

01:04:37.880 they have written the deen which is we got they got right respect gratitude um peace that's good

01:04:45.380 man they've done different so this is i was expecting some lala dance stuff i'm not gonna i'm not

01:04:49.660 joking i was expecting like yeah you know but uh anyways so what do you guys make out of that so

01:04:54.460 do you believe the sisters today are kind of in check with the realities of what men want or

01:04:59.100 some sisters are some aren't it just depends it's case by case now isn't it okay so let's say we're

01:05:05.260 speaking to these the sisters who are watching this yeah because i'm sure they're going to be

01:05:08.140 watching this yeah um what would you say to them to look for in their future future husband for

01:05:13.260 three things or in the sea that you would give to them because we've we've written their results

01:05:17.080 which is i'm actually very surprised it's very close to what we are looking for so uh they are

01:05:21.800 kind of in tune i thought they were out of tune they're alhamdulillah they're quite in tune the

01:05:24.440 sisters may allah bless them what would you say to um the sisters that are watching this who are

01:05:28.600 maybe looking for other stuff um you know i think today that there is so much pressure on

01:05:38.680 men and women in society to to almost break a family up

01:05:44.720 that i think there's like a war on family today yes right and that for sisters when they're looking

01:05:52.160 for a potential spouse they have to look for someone that's going to provide real leadership

01:05:59.200 now there's a lot of men like for example i think most of us are here are fathers

01:06:04.400 right if you're a father and you're a man you can immediately see

01:06:10.080 a man that's not really 100 you know like he's trying it that's why you're the guardian

01:06:16.320 right you can see right through him that he's coming in and he's putting on a show because deep

01:06:22.640 down he's not secure we can see that all of us as fathers we can see straight away and we will know

01:06:28.320 when we see a man whether he's gonna be able to look after someone he might not be there

01:06:34.800 but he's got that potential because he's secure or he's grounded then you can see others that are

01:06:44.400 trying to fake it like they are we can see through them too right so i think it's really important for

01:06:50.080 sisters to have what if they can a good relationship with their fathers and if not a good relationship with

01:06:58.800 a male guardian that they trust and like older brother or someone that can you know check another

01:07:06.560 guy so i think that's really primary that's what islam is yep um what men what men need to find in a

01:07:14.000 man is it no but basically what advice would you give to like sisters because the expectations here

01:07:17.920 these sisters masha they're on point yeah but it's just out there what do you think what what

01:07:21.760 would you give her to look into it in a man like a couple of things um important thing is dean and his

01:07:28.400 character what kind of character he has how he carries himself um how he talks is he respectful

01:07:34.800 and um the people around him who hangs around where he hangs around uh what he does you know i mean all

01:07:40.880 them things and that will show his character what kind of person but the thing is this doesn't guarantee

01:07:45.600 the person because he might be like a lot of people put act on and say who they are what they are then

01:07:52.400 after marriage they're totally different person but you have to do your best to do your research

01:07:57.520 don't walk into something and thinking that oh you know like he's a good looking guy and just walk

01:08:02.960 into it we're blind and just mess yourself up so i'll say every time if you want to go into a marriage

01:08:08.640 do your research properly but his character and his dean is very very important and who he hangs around

01:08:14.240 and what he does yeah i think the process said that when it came to look for someone dean and

01:08:18.000 and the character yeah it's very fundamental a lot of says make that misjudgment of he looks righteous

01:08:22.560 pious but the character is so flawed it's disgusting character uh which is vital yep um mahdi number one

01:08:29.040 yeah um so yeah what the brother said sort of safety security to ensure you know your home's going to be

01:08:34.800 there your family's going to be there if you if you're married to a man who's constantly job hopping

01:08:38.880 in doesn't have a job um you've got no sense of security and safety there um another point as

01:08:44.400 well i'd like to make is uh confidence look for a man with confidence and i say that confidence in

01:08:49.600 the right in the right things so i don't mean confidence when you're just chatting for days you

01:08:54.160 know make your funny jokes this and that i mean confidence in your dean confidence to take control

01:08:58.320 of the relationship to say you know what you want to do what you think is right be a leader essentially

01:09:03.520 i think a lot of men lack that in this generation true true yeah matthew what would you speak into

01:09:07.760 a young sister who's i would say where most uh where most individuals go wrong especially in the

01:09:15.040 muslim community when it comes to marriage is uh they go about procuring too much information

01:09:21.360 they talk for too long they meet too many times they go too deep and then they discover each other's

01:09:26.480 flaws familiarity breeds contempt and when you're not tied by marriage to have to figure it out

01:09:33.680 you're like there must be someone else better out there and the truth of the matter is we are all

01:09:37.760 flawed we all have things that are dislikable all of us what you're looking for are the core

01:09:43.440 ingredients are the core ingredients there alhamdulillah bismillah pull the trigger and don't spend

01:09:48.400 forever talking and i have a rule when it comes to if i'm to consider marrying a sister maximum i will

01:09:54.400 meet her three times usually i don't even do that now maximum first time is just assessing general

01:10:00.160 compatibility i'm not looking to go into any deal breakers or things like that just is there

01:10:04.400 chemistry no point talking about deal breakers if i haven't even established if i like you or not

01:10:08.560 what are we even doing second conversation will be okay now we need to find out what are the

01:10:13.840 expectations here that's where we go a bit deep third meeting is just when when we're getting

01:10:18.160 married and that's it too much information is bad information this texting backwards and forwards

01:10:23.120 and dm and and not only is it haram to be honest with you but you're actually sabotaging your

01:10:28.560 chances of getting married very true but uh brother mahdi i just need to ask you you know you said about

01:10:33.440 like people meet up but do you think is so easy that people get divorced nowadays because they think

01:10:39.840 grass is green on the other side you know i mean like nowadays you know like

01:10:44.800 back in the day when people used to get married used to be like let's work on this let's

01:10:48.400 let's you know if they had a problem at home they would work on it but nowadays if they have a

01:10:52.640 little argument they want to split up yeah people have commitment issues at the moment they can't

01:10:57.440 stick to you know there's a deep rooted issue but i mean this could potentially take us to another

01:11:02.080 discussion how much time do we have not much uh we can maybe discuss that uh another time

01:11:08.320 i mean it's a long-winded answer but it's fine because we're reacting to them

01:11:12.640 but to answer your question is that so as ali pointed out earlier uh ali that the majority of

01:11:20.480 divorces are initiated by women women are neurotic by nature we all know this when the going gets tough

01:11:25.600 even a little bit tough i want to leave or whatever a lot of women have this tendency yeah your job as a

01:11:31.440 man is to you be that wall that where her emotional waves crash on right and i have found

01:11:36.880 that and just to juxtapose what i'm about to say with like i'm not talking out my backside

01:11:44.800 but allah's permission firstly and foremostly and any good i have is from him and he can take

01:11:48.640 it away from me as quickly as he gave it to me so this is not me polishing my own halo but i'm just

01:11:53.120 to the audience know i've been married for nearly 20 years alhamdulillah six of those years in

01:11:57.600 pillaging i have eight children that of my own three orphans and i also have a number of wives

01:12:03.200 alhamdulillah and the one frame that i have found to be the most effective in not just attracting but

01:12:10.480 maintaining women and the small circle of men that can count on one hand who also have multiple wives

01:12:15.920 in their harim if you like is do what you gotta do whatever that is with regards to work and

01:12:24.640 responsibilities and after that you'll deal with your wife when you are running from pillar to post

01:12:30.240 trying to please her chasing after what is it that you want habib who cares what she wants she

01:12:34.480 doesn't know what she wants this is what you you know what she wants she wants you to take the lead

01:12:39.920 do what you got to do at work and then come home sweetheart we're going out yeah let's go out

01:12:44.240 let's have some fun whatever the case may be but when a man is constantly his frame of reference is

01:12:48.960 what makes her happy habib that changes from a moment a moment thing those that that's that's like

01:12:54.320 it's a fleeting and it's passing it's interesting look i have i have a lot of differences with many

01:12:59.040 people here yeah and um but that's the email a lot of people would listen to and i have to agree to

01:13:03.680 that you know um you know not going to do my personal life but you know i've i've been a Muslim for 10

01:13:09.600 years um i've had a jahli of 10 years and um and even in the deen like even system nine may be

01:13:15.440 robust got heat for this so if you look at the deen the deen is actually the wife pleasing the husband

01:13:20.880 it's not vice versa this doesn't mean you oppress your wife we're not talking about that what we're

01:13:24.880 talking about is our sisters a woman in their nature they're emotional beings there's instability

01:13:29.040 there they need somebody who can take the lead and that's correct when we're out there working

01:13:33.200 for our family like i said before i mean andrew t even said this as well we don't go out there with

01:13:37.360 the ambition of i'm going to wake up in the morning go through a b c d and all these obstacles to come

01:13:41.760 home and oppress my wife no i'm going there to give her the the life inshallah but it's not at the thing of

01:13:47.920 if you try to go and please your wife like oh whatever she wants she and the statement might

01:13:53.760 sound a bit misogynistic whatever but sometimes she doesn't know what she exactly wants you know

01:13:58.800 it's it's it's in their nature you need to understand do we not know this phrase like for

01:14:02.880 example when a woman said yes it means no okay so it's very clear that in their biology they have

01:14:09.520 they they they they do they will never tell you directly what they want the one underlying quality

01:14:14.640 yeah the one underlying quality that i have found of men who are able to attract and maintain women

01:14:21.520 without any problem and they typically have multiple wives at the same time and i include myself in that

01:14:25.200 statement is that not one single one of them ever asked what makes her happy not one of them ever

01:14:32.000 concerns himself with what makes her happy does that mean he wants to make her unhappy no he wants her to

01:14:38.160 be happy but he doesn't make it his primary concern his prime these men are typically very very busy

01:14:44.320 they hardly even see their families but then when they see them let's go we're going out we're going

01:14:49.680 to have some fun it doesn't concern himself with this question in the first place that's not his

01:14:53.360 orientation his orientation is i have to take care of these responsibilities which are heavy on my head

01:14:58.160 take care of that and then we're gonna go out and we're gonna have fun yes there's a question what

01:15:04.160 about if he's not dealing with his responsibilities and therefore she is unhappy and then he's escaping

01:15:14.240 so neither is he fulfilling his actual responsibilities nor is he considering whether she's happy or not

01:15:20.000 because he's like come on let's go out and she's like well we've got all of this that you haven't dealt

01:15:25.840 with he's like no no i don't care because i'm the man because in his framework he's not man he's a boy

01:15:32.640 of course but then we are living in a society today where men don't know how to be men right we're living

01:15:39.840 in a society where women and this feminist movement is so strong that for a man to be less manly and more

01:15:49.600 soft and so on and argue himself into like avoiding his responsibilities he's like well i've become the

01:15:56.640 leader now so how do you deal with that so you're right that's a whole different topic in the sense

01:16:00.480 where you're right we're talking about men who give their responsibilities the men that you're talking

01:16:03.920 about like i said before whenever we talk about these topics the sisters always come into the head

01:16:07.680 of this vile crazy individual we're not talking about that we're talking about a man who gives

01:16:10.960 his responsibilities it's good to his family uh etc but he's a leader like like like myself i believe

01:16:16.560 i try my best in my ability to lead my household but does that mean i don't listen to my wife i would

01:16:21.600 so i'll listen to my wife she might have some concerns okay good let me listen to it i'll listen

01:16:24.720 to it and i will categorize and prioritize them yes i'm not going to go and be like okay she wants this

01:16:28.800 ah no no no i'm gonna be okay yeah okay you've told me okay do you get into anything

01:16:34.160 the thing is i just want to make one thing clear when when we say women wants a leader i don't mean

01:16:42.400 that we mean that women should have a boss it doesn't mean your boss i mean your leader leader

01:16:47.840 of the house you make the decisions the decision is yours the last decision comes at the house when

01:16:54.000 you discuss with your wife you make the decision because you're the leader of the house and a lot

01:16:58.080 of people might think that are he's trying to be a boss no that's totally different thing you're

01:17:02.640 a leader of the house that's why you're the husband and you have the last word that you say

01:17:08.160 yeah we do this and we do that you know i mean because a lot of women will twist that i was saying

01:17:12.720 he's a leader wants to be a leader but he's trying to be the boss no you're right i i understand i

01:17:17.840 agree with you but uh the sisters need to also realize that they need to pick their let's let's

01:17:21.360 call it a boss pick your boss either like you don't have no problem going to a career and your boss

01:17:25.440 tells you to do a b c d but when it's your husband who loves you and cares who will die for you

01:17:29.280 your boss will suck you in an instant bye bye he doesn't care bye oh my kids i don't care sorry

01:17:32.880 you're not doing the job for me but that's in another topic but in a nutshell we've concluded

01:17:36.880 some other topic and also it's interesting that i'm very impressed that we have had three things

01:17:42.000 that we picked that the sisters picked which shows alhamdulillah we're in tune alhamdulillah so um

01:17:45.920 brown sisters the next episode we're going to be doing is we as men are we are as men we are going to be

01:17:51.680 um guessing what a woman look for in a husband and then they're going to come and tell us so vice versa

01:17:56.640 inshallah you can watch the episode uh probably after this uh to our next time brown sisters from

01:18:00.880 bitter trip show uh thanks our guests may allah bless them inshallah assalamualaikum warahmatullahi

Ali Dawah - January 31, 2024

WOMAN GUESS WHAT MEN WANT IN A WIFE？ - EP 22 ｜｜ BITTER TRUTH SHOW

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