Bankas Podcast - February 14, 2025


Canada Hawk Down ｜ Bankas Podcast - #083


Episode Stats

Length

57 minutes

Words per Minute

175.13472

Word Count

10,010

Sentence Count

937

Misogynist Sentences

22

Hate Speech Sentences

81


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 No, you have, like, a full staff here in this office.
00:00:04.660 Like, that guy doesn't even know what he's recording right now.
00:00:06.440 He doesn't know how, like, he basically just helped Hitler.
00:00:11.440 Yeah.
00:00:11.700 Because he has no idea.
00:00:14.240 Kanye West is getting divorced.
00:00:18.280 It would have been interesting if he didn't get divorced.
00:00:20.480 That's a real ride or die.
00:00:22.560 Because she was just like, yo, like, you made a shirt.
00:00:26.720 Like, imagine that conversation between Kanye and Bianca where she's like, I'm leaving.
00:00:30.520 He's like, why?
00:00:31.220 She's like, swastika shirt?
00:00:35.620 I mean, am I supposed to just never work in Hollywood again?
00:00:41.120 Anyway, I bought, like, 30 of those shirts.
00:00:43.560 And those shirts did sell out.
00:00:45.220 That is a scary thing, though.
00:00:48.240 Are you going to see those out and about?
00:00:51.180 That's, I feel like a Kanye swastika shirt, you're seeing half as much as you're seeing
00:00:59.080 Cybertrucks.
00:01:00.860 I actually bought the White Lives Matter shirt.
00:01:04.000 You bought the White Lives Matter shirt?
00:01:05.400 I actually bought it.
00:01:06.540 Yeah, I actually did.
00:01:07.540 Like, I'm serious.
00:01:08.420 Like, I really bought it.
00:01:09.920 Kanye West stole all my material, okay?
00:01:12.400 He saw me at the Tampa Bay side splitters.
00:01:15.020 And he saw me doing my Elon bit.
00:01:18.640 And he saw me doing my Nazi bit.
00:01:23.240 And he stole it.
00:01:25.360 And we had the same agent.
00:01:27.340 Kanye and I have the same agent, right?
00:01:29.420 He got fired from my agency.
00:01:31.520 Really?
00:01:32.620 For, I don't even know what he got fired for, to be honest.
00:01:37.020 No, no.
00:01:38.920 You know what he got fired for, Jesus Christ.
00:01:40.960 But, look, that's the thing.
00:01:45.580 Marriage, you got married.
00:01:47.860 You just with her for two years.
00:01:49.880 You get divorced.
00:01:53.300 It's better than no marriage.
00:01:54.880 Am I wrong?
00:01:55.440 Like, people want to act like it's like, oh, it'll ruin your life.
00:01:59.920 Every guy who gets married and then gets divorced, like, immediately finds, like, he just gets
00:02:04.060 married again.
00:02:05.200 And it's just an endless, I mean, it's horrible.
00:02:08.400 But, like, I just got married.
00:02:10.800 And it's an amazing feeling right after you get married.
00:02:13.460 You're just like, oh, my God.
00:02:14.640 I love this person so much.
00:02:15.700 It's just like, it's really overwhelming.
00:02:18.200 The family and blah, blah, blah.
00:02:19.680 And it made me realize, like, why guys do it, like, five times.
00:02:23.640 Like, that was, I was like, fuck, I want to do this again.
00:02:26.580 But not with her family.
00:02:27.840 No, I'm just kidding.
00:02:28.540 I'm really joking.
00:02:29.580 I'm just trying to make jokes.
00:02:30.760 But, no, it was a very beautiful wedding.
00:02:33.140 And her family's amazing.
00:02:34.300 And it was at their farm.
00:02:35.620 I bought this beautiful jacket at a rural Canadian Walmart.
00:02:41.500 This is the kind of swag they have at a rural Canadian Walmart.
00:02:45.660 And her parents, God bless, they put together their barn for us.
00:02:50.040 And we had a real old-fashioned fucking Canadian wedding out there, buddy.
00:02:54.020 Fucking in the barn, snowing out.
00:02:56.620 No, it was a beautiful time.
00:03:00.460 And my daughter was super happy.
00:03:02.620 And, yeah.
00:03:04.000 I mean, this is the thing, is our society now, the people who are my age and a little bit younger, a little bit older, 33,
00:03:12.100 they just think that they're going to have fun, they can have fun forever.
00:03:18.420 And it's, like, it does, it has to end.
00:03:20.300 You have to stop having, like, you can have fun, but it's not the same when you have kids,
00:03:25.200 because you're worried in the back of your, like, there's no, you have to be able to grow up.
00:03:29.540 And that's what, like, women now, they're, like, in Toronto, like, I'm, like, 31, like, I don't know, I'm single,
00:03:36.100 like, I'm trying to figure it out.
00:03:37.100 And it's, like, yo, have a kid with anyone.
00:03:40.660 Like, literally the first guy that blows a load, just fucking keep it.
00:03:44.300 Because it's not going to get better than that.
00:03:47.020 It's not going to get better.
00:03:48.440 Like, it'll be harder.
00:03:51.900 It's harder.
00:03:53.200 But it'll be better.
00:03:55.540 What's your take on, like, girls who hit that age?
00:03:59.540 Like, do you believe in the whole, like, their worth goes down?
00:04:06.480 Women's worth doesn't go down with age.
00:04:09.520 It's just their ability to have children.
00:04:11.820 I mean, if you're a woman and you stay in shape and you're 50, you're arguably worth more than a girl in shape who's 20.
00:04:21.820 Because the old guy who could fuck either of them is probably going to pick the 50-year-old for multiple.
00:04:30.920 I mean, the 20-year-old doesn't know anything.
00:04:33.400 It's cool to bring them places and give them new experiences.
00:04:36.020 But the 50-year-olds who's still in shape can at least appreciate shit.
00:04:40.100 True.
00:04:40.560 With, like, a 70-year-old guy.
00:04:42.060 And that's what these 20-year-olds need to realize is, like, yo, if you blow, like, if you just get blown out from, like, 18 to fucking 28 as a woman, you just get ran through.
00:04:55.560 You know, like, you're just, that's the worth.
00:05:00.180 It's not that you got older.
00:05:01.460 It's just that you got ran through the whole time.
00:05:03.240 Like, if you were, like, oh, yeah, I'm 42.
00:05:04.960 I've slept with two people.
00:05:05.980 Okay, well, fuck.
00:05:06.820 You're pretty much a, you know, the Virgin Mary.
00:05:10.880 And I'm down.
00:05:11.920 But, you know, it's, no, it's, I was at Yuck Yucks last night doing a spot.
00:05:19.440 And there was six girls there.
00:05:21.180 It was one of their birthdays, turning 26, which is already, it's sad enough.
00:05:26.080 They were, like, too good-looking, really, to be having a 26th birthday at a fucking Yuck Yucks on a Tuesday night, okay?
00:05:35.380 That's crazy.
00:05:35.820 That's where shit's at in Toronto, where, maybe, okay, weekend, nobody even knew.
00:05:40.360 You were just in the crowd, whatever, or even people knew, and then they made a big deal, and it was funny.
00:05:45.080 But Tuesday night, there's, like, 35 people there.
00:05:49.060 Seats, like, 300.
00:05:50.140 And, you know, and I asked them when I was on stage, like, are you going to have kids?
00:05:56.340 They're, like, no.
00:05:58.080 But it's, then you go to the fucking aquarium.
00:06:00.980 Like, I took my kid to the aquarium, and it's all Muslims.
00:06:04.420 It's just all, like, and they're, like, massive families.
00:06:06.700 It's, like, one guy with a beard, and he's got the little weird thing on his head.
00:06:11.140 And then they have, like, he's got, like, four wives.
00:06:15.040 I mean, I'm not, like, I'm jealous.
00:06:16.440 Maybe I'm just jealous.
00:06:17.700 He's got four wives.
00:06:18.780 He's got, like, 10 kids.
00:06:20.140 They're all wearing, like, you know, outfits from The Mummy, and they're just, they're running around the fucking aquarium, and I'm, you know, I'm going, what the?
00:06:35.900 And then I look at the 26-year-olds not having kids.
00:06:38.420 No, I don't just, I'm not ready.
00:06:40.020 It doesn't matter if you're ready.
00:06:41.540 This is, like, we're at war right now.
00:06:43.940 Like, you need to have children.
00:06:47.140 It doesn't matter if you're ready.
00:06:48.580 Like, just have them, and, like, most of these girls, they make 80, 90, 100, 200K.
00:06:54.340 You can afford a nanny.
00:06:55.720 They're, like, but that's the problem.
00:06:57.400 I want to be there for the kids.
00:06:58.880 Who gives a shit?
00:07:00.140 If the kid's alive, like, you have a kid.
00:07:03.340 Have, hire a fucking Filipino.
00:07:06.400 Like, the Jews do.
00:07:07.620 The Jews, look how many kids they have.
00:07:08.980 They're the only ones having kids.
00:07:10.240 And then the, it's crazy.
00:07:12.840 So many of the anti-Semitic people, they're either, I mean, there's the Muslim anti-Semitic people who have tons of kids.
00:07:18.940 And then there's just white people with no kids who are just anti-Semitic.
00:07:23.240 And it's, like, dude, even Kanye was saying he was jealous in one interview.
00:07:28.880 Maybe that was last year, the last time he freaked out.
00:07:31.940 Jealous of Jews because they do Shabbat dinner and they put their phones away and they're closer and they care about each other.
00:07:39.020 And it's, like, well, anybody can fucking do that.
00:07:41.900 These are not, those are not qualities that Jews have that nobody else has.
00:07:48.360 Italians do that.
00:07:51.120 Right?
00:07:51.700 Italians are, they have the families, comes first.
00:07:55.000 But for some reason, like, regular white and, like, the chicks who, like, you know, the chicks who in Toronto go into Yuck Yucks on a Tuesday, trying to get turnt up, doing blown shit.
00:08:05.420 Like, they don't, they don't understand that.
00:08:11.580 What was I saying?
00:08:12.380 What did I say?
00:08:13.060 But what happened to the regular whites?
00:08:14.700 Like, why did we lose the, like, we need to have children?
00:08:19.440 I think the regular whites divorce.
00:08:22.640 I think divorce is huge in the regular white community.
00:08:25.620 And when your parents get divorced, you're just more likely to not want to get married or if you do get married, more likely to divorce.
00:08:33.860 And so they're afraid.
00:08:36.220 And a lot of them come from, they're either only children or their parents had, like, two kids.
00:08:41.460 So they don't have big families.
00:08:44.940 Right?
00:08:45.420 And their parents don't have that many brothers and sisters to have cousins and shit.
00:08:49.640 So, like, yeah, your family can get pretty small pretty quick if you're, you don't have any, you have one kid and they have a kid.
00:08:58.120 Now they have no cousins.
00:08:59.340 They have zero cousins.
00:09:01.180 Yeah, it happens fast.
00:09:02.220 One generation can fuck it up.
00:09:04.800 So I'm just saying that all these girls are waiting around and it's fucking up the economy, too,
00:09:12.640 because they're spending all this money at, in stupid shit, nightclub, the nightclub business in Toronto is booming right now, I think.
00:09:23.700 It's only, people have no money, but they're still willing to go out.
00:09:28.000 Well, that's where they get ran through.
00:09:31.000 You should be spending your money at the grocery store, ladies.
00:09:34.520 Buying frying pans and shit.
00:09:37.480 No.
00:09:38.600 I get it.
00:09:39.760 I get it.
00:09:40.280 No, we need that.
00:09:40.920 We need that, but what I'm saying is we, it's good to have that part of society that wants to party and be like, fuck it.
00:09:47.940 And like, that's great.
00:09:49.020 And that is part of our culture, but like, fuck, just nobody's having kids.
00:09:53.500 That's going to end anyway.
00:09:55.640 So.
00:09:58.920 Every white girl should just have a kid.
00:10:00.360 If every white girl in Canada had a kid this year, we'd be good.
00:10:03.340 Like everything would just be solved.
00:10:06.780 I don't think we catch up to the Muslims, bro.
00:10:09.600 They're moving fast.
00:10:10.920 They're moving fast, but there's more whites than Muslims.
00:10:13.300 So if every white person had one kid, they would just immediately.
00:10:16.860 Is that factual?
00:10:17.520 I think there's, in Canada, there's probably like, what?
00:10:20.540 Two million Muslims.
00:10:22.080 And in Canada, how many white people are there?
00:10:25.040 Like 20 million?
00:10:28.380 So they could, if 20 million whites or half of them are men, right?
00:10:32.580 So 10 million women gave birth.
00:10:35.920 That would be 10 million more people.
00:10:37.860 We'd be so back.
00:10:39.040 We'd be back.
00:10:39.840 It would be the baby boom.
00:10:40.940 But these girls don't want to do that.
00:10:42.500 They just want to be like, I'm just trying.
00:10:44.460 Let's get Uber Eats.
00:10:45.520 That's what I want to talk about is, so Canada is on the brink of war right now.
00:10:57.860 In America, you go to America under Trump, people are celebrating, they're partying, everybody's
00:11:02.640 having a good time.
00:11:03.200 You come to Canada, people are like, there's this serious business.
00:11:06.660 We are not joking around with these tariffs and the 51st state talk.
00:11:13.580 And Trudeau's not doing anything.
00:11:15.000 If Trudeau had balls, he would implement a draft immediately and make all the Uber Eats
00:11:19.940 people, force the Uber Eats people into being in the military.
00:11:26.180 We shouldn't have Uber Eats right now.
00:11:27.820 If we're going to war with the states, we need to get rid of Uber Eats, put all those
00:11:33.060 guys, enlist them, basic training, because if Canada didn't have Uber Eats for six months,
00:11:40.400 we'd be ready to go to war.
00:11:42.320 If they banned Uber Eats and said that all the Uber Eats drivers were going to be fighting,
00:11:46.940 I would, I'd be ready.
00:11:50.240 I mean, I'd be living in Texas and pretending that I wasn't Canadian because I'd probably
00:11:54.640 be put in an internment camp.
00:11:57.260 But isn't that nice?
00:11:59.300 Isn't that nice that I work my whole life to become, like, I work my whole life to get
00:12:05.840 the ability to work in the U.S.
00:12:07.940 I finally get a U.S. visa.
00:12:10.380 I'm living in Texas.
00:12:12.440 I'm performing at amazing comedy clubs in Austin.
00:12:17.040 And Trump gets in, decides to go to war with Canada.
00:12:20.740 Now I'm in an internment camp, sending a DM to Rogan, be like, hey, I didn't know comics
00:12:30.040 were on the list of Canadians that we put in the doyment camps.
00:12:32.820 Any chance you can help me out?
00:12:35.220 Can we call Lex Friedman or something and get to, hey, hey, hey.
00:12:41.620 All those jokes that I made about ICE at camps and then I just end up in one, even though
00:12:46.320 I have a visa there.
00:12:47.140 But they'd be at war, right?
00:12:48.300 Like, if you go to war with a country, I mean, there must be Russians with visas.
00:12:54.220 They might have got kicked out, though, when that whole shit went down.
00:12:58.760 But you'd be confident with the Uber Eats army?
00:13:02.760 Dude, those Uber Eats guys bring food to your house, negative 30 degrees, fucking wind blowing,
00:13:10.900 snow.
00:13:11.320 They're riding bicycles in snow and they got a, you know, a 45 pound backpack filled with
00:13:18.280 pizzas and burritos and tiki masala and none of it spills.
00:13:22.720 They're wearing goggles.
00:13:24.980 They're ready to be in the military.
00:13:27.280 It's true, they are.
00:13:27.880 Doing Uber Eats in Canada is more than basic training to be able to fight for the rebellion,
00:13:35.200 the Canadian rebellion, that it is pretty funny that, like, America wants to take over Canada.
00:13:41.960 It's like, so they win that war.
00:13:43.000 What happens?
00:13:43.520 Like, okay, now your Costco is going to be even bigger.
00:13:46.260 It's like, we already have everything.
00:13:47.760 Like, now we're going to raise the McDonald's signs so they're really high up.
00:13:52.040 That's one of the big differences, America and Canada.
00:13:54.180 Canada, the McDonald's signs are, they're not very tall because the government's like,
00:13:58.680 you can't do that.
00:13:59.420 You're making people fat by putting massive McDonald's signs.
00:14:04.520 Anybody can see it and everybody wants to go.
00:14:06.440 It's ruining the skyline.
00:14:07.500 In the States, they don't give a shit.
00:14:08.500 Every highway, it's fucking 100 feet in the air.
00:14:13.060 Massive, biggest McDonald's sign you've ever seen.
00:14:15.740 And that's America.
00:14:16.620 So that's coming to Canada.
00:14:18.360 We're going to get big McDonald's signs and Trudeau.
00:14:24.840 So I think it would be really funny if Justin Trudeau this whole time, he's pretending like
00:14:31.360 he's, you know, well, we're never going to give up Canada.
00:14:36.420 Talking about Canada as a 51st state is a non-starter.
00:14:39.700 He said that.
00:14:41.160 But one day we just get the news like, yeah, he fucking, he buckled.
00:14:45.820 He sold it.
00:14:47.320 Like, that might happen.
00:14:48.860 Like, in a couple of days, they might just go, Trudeau's going to come out and go,
00:14:52.200 ladies and gentlemen, I have some bad, I have some good news and some bad news.
00:14:57.780 We have sold Canada to the United States of America.
00:15:03.160 And now for the bad news, I am going to continue on as governor of Canada.
00:15:10.980 But that's what Trump's whole ploy is, is like, look, if you let us take you, you can
00:15:16.120 be the governor forever and you can still have your little currency and it'll be worth
00:15:21.360 more, like the Canadian money will start just being like, it'll be like, cool, I think.
00:15:27.000 But you wouldn't be down for that?
00:15:28.160 Like, you're not down to be the 51st state?
00:15:32.500 I am low-key down to become the 51st state, but I do think that.
00:15:39.940 Why are you low-key down, though?
00:15:41.680 I'm high-key down.
00:15:42.760 I'm low-key down to become the 51st state because Canada, it's cool that it's a different
00:15:47.320 place and it might get destroyed by being America, just like how, like, if you go to
00:15:53.380 Rochester, go to Buffalo, you're like, damn, like, these places are pretty shit, but compared
00:16:00.620 to here.
00:16:01.080 So, I don't know.
00:16:04.340 I'm on the fence.
00:16:05.080 I think that if it happened, it would probably benefit a lot of people, it would probably
00:16:08.640 benefit me, and I've joked about it, like, being like, yeah, no, I 100% want it.
00:16:13.960 But I don't know.
00:16:14.840 I think it could be bad for the world if there's just no Canada, there's no Canadian voice on
00:16:25.180 the world stage.
00:16:25.800 Now, have we fucked up our voice, and has Trudeau destroyed our legitimacy and made
00:16:32.640 it, yeah, but, like, we should be able to get to vote on, I mean, number one, if we become
00:16:39.460 the 51st state, we should be able to vote on that, and we should be able to vote, or we
00:16:42.780 should be able to vote for another leader in Canada instead of just becoming the U.S.
00:16:49.500 right away under Trudeau, who's been here for 10 years, like, we need a different guy
00:16:53.020 to figure this out.
00:16:54.200 He's not the guy.
00:16:55.220 He's not the right guy to figure this out.
00:16:57.220 He's not the right guy to do the deal, and Trump knows that.
00:16:59.840 He's the right guy for Trump to do the deal, because he's a fucking idiot.
00:17:02.720 True.
00:17:03.140 And Trump can take advantage of him and manipulate him, and look, if we become the U.S., it's
00:17:08.120 not the worst thing that could have ever happened.
00:17:09.680 We could have, we were almost China.
00:17:12.460 Right now, we are almost, my Uber driver had Chinese letters on his, it was, the phone
00:17:16.540 was going, the room, the garden, the expressway, the turn, it's like, his fucking Chinese
00:17:21.880 letters on his fucking Google map.
00:17:24.480 Is that, do we want that?
00:17:26.720 Or do we want America?
00:17:28.840 Right?
00:17:29.260 I mean, China, India, there's fucking Indians everywhere, every, you know, you go into Home
00:17:36.100 Depot, and it doesn't matter, Chatham, Ontario, and it's guys in terms, and do I like, am
00:17:42.340 I racist against that?
00:17:43.600 Do I not like it?
00:17:45.140 Yeah.
00:17:45.420 No, I mean, I don't, like, I'm fine with that, like, I don't, like, I'm not, like,
00:17:51.840 going to go up to them, I mean, depending, depending how sober I am.
00:17:56.640 If I'm really sober at a Ripley's Aquarium, and I see too many somethings, I'm going to,
00:18:00.460 I might start whispering loudly, but, I'm just saying, there is something, like, white
00:18:11.340 people aren't allowed to have, like, their own place, like, I don't, I don't know, fuck
00:18:16.960 it, then I guess, who cares, right, but, like, when you're in Florida, and you're at a grocery
00:18:22.380 store, and everybody's white, you're just like, oh, like, I mean, it's, I don't know,
00:18:26.740 or you're, like, in Texas, you're, I mean, in Texas, it's either they're all white, or
00:18:30.280 they're all Mexican, pretty much, and when they're Mexican, they're still nice, they're
00:18:33.740 still nicer than the Indians.
00:18:35.500 There's something different.
00:18:36.580 No.
00:18:36.820 There's something different.
00:18:37.800 The Indians are nice, I actually joke, I've been liking the Indians, I've been doing a good
00:18:41.320 joke about the Indians, how I like them now, but I do, I like them, because the Mexicans
00:18:48.500 are really, like, the Indians are willing to learn English, the Hispanic people in America
00:18:53.560 are like, no, I don't know, I don't know.
00:18:55.840 True, true.
00:18:56.960 Like, I'll have an Uber, and the guy, I'm like, a lot of traffic, he's like, no, I don't
00:19:00.100 know, and they're, what do you, what the fuck do you mean, you don't know what a lot of traffic
00:19:05.500 fucking means, like, how long have you been, if you've been here a week, you know what the
00:19:08.480 fuck that means.
00:19:09.140 You're driving Uber, your whole daub is traffic, and then I looked up the word for traffic
00:19:14.400 in Spanish, it's traffico.
00:19:16.240 Yeah.
00:19:16.500 I'm like, bro, how did you not know this?
00:19:19.580 It's traffico, just, if I say traffic, fuck.
00:19:23.740 Anyway, I'm, that's why I'm pro-ice, pro-ice raid.
00:19:28.060 Just send them all back, and I don't know, I don't know what the answer is, I'm joking
00:19:32.280 around, I don't think, you know, I mean, Kanye thought he had the answers, and, um, I don't
00:19:39.160 know, people, the Mexicans, they don't even know about the Jews yet, they're like, I don't
00:19:44.540 know, they're Jewish, ran all this, they're Jewish, ran.
00:19:50.300 It's just explaining all the Jewish conspiracies to a new Mexican immigrant.
00:19:55.520 Yes, the Jews did 9-11.
00:19:57.100 Yeah, no, the Jews did, they shot, they got an RFK shot.
00:20:08.280 I don't even know, or JFK, oh, who is it, RFK, JFK, I don't know.
00:20:14.020 I heard RFK, you're going to change a taco in the El Paso taco to make some more healthy.
00:20:21.280 Like in Mexico, that's what they always fucking, oh, I'm not healthy here in Mexico, so healthy.
00:20:29.460 Then how did you show up already weighing 400 pounds?
00:20:32.800 I see fat Mexicans acting like they're fucking, oh, across the border, and they eat a McDonald's.
00:20:40.240 No, you fucking, you were fat eating tortillas and enchiladas, and then you came here, and
00:20:45.580 you did the same thing.
00:20:47.300 Nothing changed.
00:20:48.880 Did it.
00:20:49.920 Nothing.
00:20:51.280 These people, nothing ever changed.
00:20:53.320 You give them an inch, they take a fuck.
00:20:58.600 But Trump's good shit.
00:21:01.280 I know that people are mad, and oh, how can you like Trump?
00:21:04.500 People are like, you're a traitor on Canada.
00:21:06.360 I'm like, bro, what are we doing here?
00:21:09.100 Canada's a traitor on me.
00:21:11.360 Canada's a traitor on me.
00:21:12.920 I was doing comedy, and even before the pandemic, it was pretty much just every major comedy
00:21:20.240 outlet in Canada, CBC, whatever, would just look at me, and they're like, yeah, we'll just
00:21:24.580 never, not even because I was offensive.
00:21:26.900 Just at that time, I was white and straight, and they're like, that's, it doesn't even matter
00:21:30.960 what your content is, even if, you know, we'll choose one of those guys, and you're not him,
00:21:34.960 because the other guy has already been sucking dick for four years.
00:21:38.180 And then during the pandemic, Canada let me down.
00:21:44.180 I was doing the comedy shows in the park.
00:21:45.840 I had some crazy bitch from CBC being like, oh, we like your park show, but we don't agree
00:21:51.280 with the jokes, and I'm like, everybody's laughing, and they're of all different races, and they're
00:21:54.860 like, they're laughing because they're, they feel uncomfortable, and they don't want to
00:21:58.340 leave.
00:21:58.740 I'm like, you don't know anything about comedy.
00:22:00.920 You're fucking stupid.
00:22:02.380 Did I actually say that to you?
00:22:03.240 Yeah, these like weird CBC women came to a show that I was putting on in a park during
00:22:09.600 COVID, during lockdown, and were like, oh, we're from CBC, like we, you did this whole
00:22:15.800 thing, like, and then they were like, well, we saw your content, though, and it's very
00:22:21.440 offensive, and we would have to really change it if we were to work with you and shit, and
00:22:25.800 I was like, I'm not changing shit, and then I went back on the mic, and I was like, those
00:22:28.840 two bitches were fucking CBC, motherfucker, and she was like.
00:22:33.240 I made the joke, I was like, they were like, oh, you did this all on your own?
00:22:36.700 I'm like, yeah, it's probably a better production than you fucking guys with all their tax money,
00:22:40.860 and people were just like going nuts, like clapping, but yeah, they let me down there
00:22:45.540 with the COVID shit, and just, you know, trampling on people's rights, and you know, I've had more
00:22:54.960 shows canceled in Canada than in the States, and I've had more crazy bullshit, and I still
00:23:02.380 love Canada, every time I come here, I love Canada, and I love being here, but god damn,
00:23:07.100 like, they're making a case for Trump, all people complain about is, oh, the immigration's
00:23:13.720 bad, Trump's like, well, fix that, day one, you know, oh, well, the woke stuff's bad, okay,
00:23:18.660 well, we'll fix that, although I don't know about that, because there's a lot of woke people
00:23:24.240 in Canada, and they're obviously going to stay, and most of them are going to stay,
00:23:27.460 even if America takes over, they're going to have some say, they're going to have some
00:23:32.340 vote, Trudeau or some other, like, we might get more woke, and then just try to get, like,
00:23:38.920 we'll probably just vote to get Trump out, and then try to be Canada again, but I don't
00:23:43.520 know, it's sad, I mean, it's sad to lose your country, it's crazy, like, people want to
00:23:48.480 act like it's, like, just no big deal, like, it is sick, like, people would be partying,
00:23:52.040 but, like, a year later, they'd be like, bro, like, what the fuck, like, that was, we
00:23:56.640 just gave away Canada, it's true, I know what you're saying, but we covered up Sir
00:24:01.360 John A. McDonald, we covered up Canada's George Washington, we put him in a box, we
00:24:06.340 toppled all the statues, we said that, you know, glorifying or remembering that those
00:24:11.980 guys is racist and wrong, so, who's, you know, is it really, we said that we have no
00:24:20.680 national identity, and the national identity is the native Aboriginals, and so
00:24:25.320 America's like, well, we know what to do with that, if they're the ones we're fucking
00:24:29.080 fighting, I mean, Jesus, this will be over in a week.
00:24:35.200 No offense to my native brothers and sisters, but it's, I'm sorry, it's, we're a long
00:24:39.140 way from the, you know, you guys throwing tomahawks, maybe a couple Molotov cocktails
00:24:43.680 at the fucking, at the fucking reserve, but I think for the most part, the Americans are
00:24:49.960 gonna show up, I feel like the fucking natives will be the happiest out of anybody, because
00:24:54.960 they know that American, Native Americans are treated better than Canadian natives.
00:25:01.380 Are they actually, is that a thing?
00:25:05.440 I don't know, but I've never seen natives in America.
00:25:09.420 In America, it's true.
00:25:10.060 I have, no, but they just have, like, cool ponytails and, like, cool sunglasses, and they
00:25:14.200 all make a single shit.
00:25:14.600 And they're just like, hey, what's up, man?
00:25:16.200 Like, they're just cool, they're like, yeah, I'm American, I'm a fucking Native American,
00:25:18.940 whereas in Canada, they're like, oh, it's, I'm a Native Canadian, and, like, they, and
00:25:24.160 they are fucked up, because, like, we, they live in just, like, we're not, I did a joke
00:25:29.780 in, in Edmonton, I was like, we're on Native land, I was like, but it's nice, might get a
00:25:36.120 house.
00:25:37.220 This is how it starts, right?
00:25:39.160 Show up, yeah, it's pretty good, this is Native land?
00:25:42.600 I like it.
00:25:43.460 That's why, you know, that's why we took so much of it, because we're just like, yeah,
00:25:47.400 this is great.
00:25:48.800 So much good land.
00:25:51.320 The natives are not doing much, right?
00:25:54.060 They're just, I mean, it's not, you know, like, it's more fucked up to take over a country
00:26:00.480 now when it's, there's, like, an infrastructure than just to take over, like, forest and put
00:26:05.700 all the fucking roads in.
00:26:06.940 And, like, America, what America might do to Canada will be, I mean, it would be so
00:26:12.480 fucking historical if they went to war with us and just took the land.
00:26:16.140 It would basically say to Russia, like, you can have as much land as you want of Ukraine
00:26:20.440 or Europe or.
00:26:22.120 True.
00:26:23.300 It's not good.
00:26:25.540 It's not good for other countries.
00:26:27.040 Taiwan, why would Taiwan not be taken by China if Canada, out of nowhere, is just being
00:26:33.200 absorbed by the U.S.?
00:26:34.980 That's an interesting, it's an interesting take.
00:26:36.520 I mean, the weird part is that Canada is an ally, so they did what they thought they
00:26:43.540 should do, and, right, they were trying to be an ally.
00:26:46.600 Yeah, they were ripping the U.S. off.
00:26:48.960 I mean, it's just how global, the U.S. dictated what global trade looked like.
00:26:54.260 I mean, Canada used to be protectionist, too, in the fucking 1800s and 19, but when the global
00:26:59.720 trade, they're like, hey, we're, you know, the companies are, people are making money, and
00:27:04.820 then, obviously, Trump's in, so he's just like, we're just going to reverse everything, like,
00:27:08.120 the last 200 years of, like, what's been happening, and then blame Canada, and Canada's
00:27:12.320 like, bro, like, you guys told us this was cool.
00:27:14.740 Like, you told us this was what we were supposed to do.
00:27:17.220 Like, you know what I mean?
00:27:18.700 Canada wasn't, like, trying to fucking do something weird.
00:27:21.060 Like, the U.S. was just like, yeah, yeah, you guys do that.
00:27:23.440 We'll do this.
00:27:24.000 And now it's not that.
00:27:26.760 So it almost shows countries that there's no point in being friendly at all to anybody,
00:27:31.520 because the friendlier you are, the more likely you are of being taken over.
00:27:36.760 Canada will be taken over easier than Ukraine.
00:27:39.740 How many freaking Russians died that you think Canada is going to be flying drones all day
00:27:44.800 long into fucking?
00:27:46.380 No.
00:27:47.120 No.
00:27:47.680 We're going to go, look, if Tokyo smoke closes, I'm going to kill myself.
00:27:52.980 All right?
00:27:54.900 If I can't go to a Tokyo smoke until 11 p.m., I'm going to war.
00:28:01.580 I will take up arms.
00:28:03.180 No.
00:28:03.780 I'm going to fly a fucking FPV drone towards just the worst border towns to be attacking.
00:28:13.200 Like, the attacks are coming in from Windsor and Niagara Falls, America, or Niagara Falls,
00:28:18.040 Canada.
00:28:18.320 Niagara Falls, Canada is attacking Buffalo.
00:28:24.780 Windsor and Detroit.
00:28:26.200 Those are, like, all the, like, those are, like, the notable ones.
00:28:29.320 It's just, it's not going to happen, folks.
00:28:31.200 I don't know.
00:28:31.640 And if it does, then fucking, I guess I'm wrong.
00:28:35.660 And people are like, you're a fucking traitor.
00:28:38.380 Ben Bankers is a traitor because he doesn't, he wants to become the 51st state.
00:28:43.820 I'm not a traitor.
00:28:44.640 I'm just, I'm Jewish.
00:28:46.600 Come on.
00:28:47.300 Yeah, yeah.
00:28:48.480 How much is it worth?
00:28:50.020 That's what I want to know.
00:28:51.040 How much is Canada worth?
00:28:54.000 No, for God's sakes, I'm doing comedy in the States.
00:28:55.920 I don't want to have to get a visa or a green card.
00:28:57.680 Just fucking make me American.
00:28:59.180 Do it.
00:28:59.660 Trump, come on.
00:29:00.500 Come on in.
00:29:01.500 Borders open.
00:29:02.280 Come through, come through the, come through the Gananoque fucking Thousand Islands.
00:29:11.220 Come through that entrance.
00:29:12.120 What's a good entrance for Trump to come through?
00:29:14.100 Niagara Falls.
00:29:14.840 Niagara Falls, right over the, is it a rainbow bridge or something?
00:29:17.780 Buffalo, Fort Erie.
00:29:19.160 Yeah.
00:29:20.300 Detroit, Windsor.
00:29:21.200 Just come on in and tell us what the fuck to do because nobody knows what the fuck to do.
00:29:28.520 Canada has bike lanes and there's snows.
00:29:31.700 So they, we just don't have bike.
00:29:33.160 We just have a portion of the road that's not usable.
00:29:37.040 70% of the year.
00:29:38.240 And we, somehow we make Uber Eats, we make the Uber Eats Indians because in Canada, that's all it is.
00:29:46.100 We make the Uber Eats Indians, we make them fucking sludge.
00:29:48.700 Like, they haven't even driven a car, let alone a bicycle, in a snowstorm.
00:29:56.080 And we just, we bring them here and like within two weeks of them being here, we're like, you're going to learn how to ride a bike in the fucking slush.
00:30:04.260 And if you can't do it, you're fired.
00:30:06.440 You go back to fucking Baghdad.
00:30:08.740 I don't even know.
00:30:11.320 I don't know where people are from anymore.
00:30:13.420 I do try to ask.
00:30:14.600 I try to ask the immigrant Uber drivers if they look sad where they're from.
00:30:19.020 I don't ask the Asian ones because I feel like they're scary a little bit.
00:30:22.960 Asian Ubers?
00:30:24.600 Like, poor Asians scare me.
00:30:26.360 Like, I just feel like Squid Game vibes.
00:30:28.160 Like, right, they're just like that dead eye look.
00:30:36.780 They just got that dead eye.
00:30:37.940 Like, you're taking an Uber and it's just the Uber guy's fucking, it's in Chinese every fucking turn.
00:30:46.700 That guy wants to kill somebody who's driving that.
00:30:50.800 He barely speaks English doing Uber Chinese in Toronto.
00:30:55.820 You want a piece of gum?
00:30:58.660 They do look scarier, though.
00:31:00.420 I feel like they have more to lose.
00:31:02.520 Sorry, less to lose.
00:31:03.500 They got less to lose.
00:31:04.740 Yeah, the Muslim guys, they're working hard.
00:31:07.880 They are working hard.
00:31:08.780 I got to give them.
00:31:10.480 They work so hard that, you know, they Uber all day, protest at night.
00:31:17.240 I tell you, Saturday, every Saturday, there's a big protest in Toronto for the Palestinians and for the Indians.
00:31:24.800 There's one for the Indians for them to be able to live here without a fucking visa for some reason.
00:31:31.020 There's ones for, you know, Calistinians or the Turban Indians because they want to take it.
00:31:36.220 All I'm saying is every Saturday in Toronto, Canada, very hard to get an Uber.
00:31:42.360 Very hard to get an Uber.
00:31:43.900 It would literally, it's an hour wait because they're all fucking protesting over some fucking bullshit.
00:31:48.940 But this is, it's great.
00:31:54.160 It's great to be back in Toronto doing yuck yucks again.
00:32:00.720 It's, when you're a comedian, you need to have a home club.
00:32:03.900 Okay.
00:32:04.360 You need to have a home club.
00:32:05.260 Every comic has a home club and sometimes people move home clubs.
00:32:10.660 Like Rogan, his home club used to be the comedy store, but it wasn't always the comedy store.
00:32:16.320 Then before that, I think it was, you know, somewhere else in Boston that he, when he was starting and stuff.
00:32:23.600 Same thing with like Joey Diaz talks about the Denver Comedy Works or whatever.
00:32:28.040 Like certain clubs that when you start as a comic, you go to these comedy clubs to try to get on.
00:32:36.620 They have amateur night, right?
00:32:38.240 Yucks has amateur night.
00:32:39.680 So you go there and you do the other mics in town, but the big, the big show is at the comedy club in your town.
00:32:47.060 Yuck Yucks would be Toronto.
00:32:49.860 And yeah.
00:32:53.240 And then, you know, you, you move on, you go comedy store.
00:32:57.460 Then you become a regular there.
00:32:58.880 You might, but you always, your first home club, you'll always be welcome, right?
00:33:05.100 Like Joe Rogan.
00:33:05.900 They fuck with you there?
00:33:06.300 They fuck with you at Yuck Yucks?
00:33:07.120 Yeah.
00:33:07.380 They love me.
00:33:08.300 They're really good to me.
00:33:09.800 And I can go back there at any time and just be like, Hey, I need to do 10 minutes.
00:33:17.560 Because it gets tough.
00:33:18.700 It gets tough.
00:33:19.320 If I'm in Austin, a lot of the shows, you want to be doing your best shit.
00:33:22.900 And it's hard to find the new shit because you don't want to look like an idiot.
00:33:26.940 And you don't, there's none of the clubs feel as comfortable as like if I'm at Yucks.
00:33:31.500 Because it's just like, everybody has my back there.
00:33:35.120 Nobody gives a fuck.
00:33:36.960 Right?
00:33:37.420 Like say whatever you want.
00:33:38.580 Say whatever you want.
00:33:39.360 And then also, you know, they recognize that you came from here.
00:33:44.000 You're doing something cool.
00:33:45.580 And that's the reciprocation that you get.
00:33:47.460 It's not like, you don't want money.
00:33:48.860 You don't need money.
00:33:49.400 It's just like, yo, let me do spots and work shit out.
00:33:52.740 Whereas in Austin.
00:33:53.580 But then, so I feel like it's nice because I can work shit out here.
00:33:56.220 Yeah.
00:33:56.700 Go to Yucks.
00:33:58.400 Usually, I don't tell anybody really.
00:34:00.180 I mean, I'm telling people right now if they win, depending when they watch this.
00:34:03.600 But I'm only here till like the 18th.
00:34:05.460 But, yeah, you just get to perform for randoms that don't know you and get to work on material.
00:34:16.280 But they do know who, they know the style of me because it's Toronto.
00:34:21.260 I'm from here.
00:34:21.860 I get it.
00:34:22.380 No, you made a name for yourself here for sure.
00:34:24.280 No, yeah.
00:34:24.660 A lot of people know me here.
00:34:26.460 But it's important to perform for people who don't know you.
00:34:29.680 That's how you come up with new shit, I think.
00:34:32.860 And it's been sick.
00:34:34.680 So how's it been over there, like in Austin?
00:34:38.100 It's pretty sick, man.
00:34:39.480 Like, it's just way higher stakes, I feel like.
00:34:44.940 In what sense?
00:34:47.020 Like, there's big fish swimming around.
00:34:51.640 I mean, obviously, Rogan's Comedy Club.
00:34:54.880 So he's there often.
00:34:56.240 Like, if you're there, he's there type of thing.
00:34:58.200 Yeah.
00:34:58.620 Like, I've met him.
00:34:59.500 I've seen him there like three times-ish.
00:35:02.080 Okay, okay.
00:35:03.780 But, like, Rogan started following me probably, like, I want to say six months ago.
00:35:10.480 That's crazy.
00:35:11.240 That was pretty cool.
00:35:12.240 After watching you, though?
00:35:13.280 Like, did he watch a set or something?
00:35:14.340 No, he followed me from, like, Instagram reels that he saw, and he likes my shit.
00:35:19.280 And then I was doing Hans Kim and David Lucas' show at the Vulcan in Austin, the whatever it's called, the regular, Kill Tony regular show.
00:35:31.700 So did a spot there, and David Lucas was like, come with me.
00:35:39.740 Let's go to Mothership.
00:35:41.100 We went, and I was like, yeah, you know, Rogan follows me, but I've never even met him.
00:35:45.540 He's just like, yo, you never met him?
00:35:46.720 She.
00:35:48.060 And then he's like, come upstairs.
00:35:49.800 So he just, like, took me upstairs, and we just, like, Rogan knew who I was and was just like, yo, man.
00:35:54.820 So it's pretty cool.
00:35:56.920 Like, it's intense, though.
00:35:57.980 Like, you know what I mean?
00:35:58.720 Like, that's, I mean, it's, like, it's awesome, but if I'm going to do a show at Mothership, I'm going to do the most A shit that I can fucking.
00:36:05.820 Yeah, makes sense.
00:36:07.180 To kill.
00:36:10.280 And, you know, when I'm more of a regular there, then, yeah, I can see in a year or two, then you start really getting comfortable and feel like you can come up with shit there.
00:36:20.460 I want to be at that stage.
00:36:22.140 But it's nice to have places to go to work on, be creative, creative spaces.
00:36:28.440 Toronto has a lot of creative space, and Yuck Yucks is a creative place.
00:36:34.160 But Austin's sick, like, you know, you could do, like, three, four shows in a night on a good night.
00:36:42.040 I can't really do that in Toronto, but.
00:36:44.460 Like you're saying, you're going from spot to spot?
00:36:46.240 Yeah.
00:36:46.640 Like you're moving around.
00:36:47.220 But I'm touring so much that I don't have a lot of time to, like, if I go back to Austin this, if I went back to Austin this week, I might get the same amount of stage time, maybe a bit less, because Yucks will probably let me do, like, 15 minutes every night.
00:37:03.440 But places there, it's probably, like, 8 to 10 minutes.
00:37:08.460 And then when I'm touring, I'm doing an hour, right?
00:37:10.880 So you're trying to work on as much material as you can before you go on tour.
00:37:14.820 But, yeah, man, it's been sick.
00:37:17.160 I was in Tampa, sold out.
00:37:19.580 The first time I was in Tampa, we did 40 people.
00:37:24.420 And then now this time we sold it out.
00:37:26.320 So that was a really cool feeling.
00:37:28.560 And Miami we sold out, which is a big room.
00:37:32.500 It was, like, 375 people.
00:37:34.020 Miami Improv, first time selling that out, first time selling out.
00:37:39.860 Where was I?
00:37:40.500 Naples.
00:37:41.020 Naples wasn't sold out, but it was pretty full.
00:37:42.900 It was, like, 80%, 85%.
00:37:46.580 What was the last one?
00:37:48.660 Ocala?
00:37:49.180 Ocala was, like, sold out.
00:37:50.680 It was, like...
00:37:51.320 Really?
00:37:51.900 Yeah, it was just this town I've never even been to in Florida.
00:37:54.340 It's apparently the horse capital of the world.
00:37:56.380 They have, like, all the, like, equestrian shit there.
00:38:00.320 Like, people come from all over from China and shit to buy the horse I want to try before I buy.
00:38:05.880 And then, you know, they have, like, a $500 million or billion dollar facility of, like, indoor, outdoor, like, fucking horse train.
00:38:15.280 It's crazy.
00:38:16.580 So, you were sold out randomly in Ocala.
00:38:19.780 Yeah.
00:38:20.740 I mean, they were my fans, but, like, some people drove, like, two hours from Jacksonville, which we just added Jacksonville.
00:38:26.780 Wow.
00:38:27.800 So, it's been pretty sick.
00:38:28.980 Like, I love the states.
00:38:30.420 I love Florida.
00:38:31.200 I love Texas, New York, you know, L.A.
00:38:35.700 But should Canada be a 51st state?
00:38:38.700 Maybe.
00:38:39.060 I mean, I don't know.
00:38:40.340 Just do it.
00:38:41.320 Do it and see what happens.
00:38:42.480 See if it gets better.
00:38:43.280 But if you're, do you think there's benefits for the everyday American to take over Canada?
00:38:48.240 I mean, they get all the free, they get all the stuff that we're selling them for free.
00:38:55.540 Fair.
00:38:56.300 So, all the...
00:38:57.220 They get it for dirt cheap anyways.
00:38:58.980 Yeah.
00:38:59.380 I mean, they're going to probably build the infrastructure up, if anything.
00:39:05.940 I mean, like, if...
00:39:06.680 Imagine no border and you could just fly into the states.
00:39:09.580 Like, it would be good for...
00:39:11.620 It'd be a net benefit for the U.S.
00:39:14.080 It would be terrible for...
00:39:15.280 I mean, Canada wouldn't exist as a country, so obviously it'd be terrible for Canada.
00:39:18.440 But they would just...
00:39:19.280 They would...
00:39:20.440 People would leave.
00:39:21.440 I mean, it might make Toronto and places super affordable.
00:39:24.580 So, the whole idea that it's like, oh, it's not affordable.
00:39:28.720 Well, if you just did this...
00:39:30.780 Two seconds.
00:39:31.900 All the affordable...
00:39:32.740 Like, Olivia Chow in Toronto.
00:39:34.500 There's no affordable...
00:39:36.700 You got to build a more house in Chinatown.
00:39:42.140 It's all bullshit.
00:39:43.780 If America takes over, it just becomes more affordable.
00:39:46.920 Houses will be worth, like, half.
00:39:48.420 Everybody's rent will be half.
00:39:49.580 If you're...
00:39:50.260 Like, a $3,500 Canadian a month rent for a condo downtown would now be, like...
00:39:58.300 Probably, like, $1,400 U.S., $1,500, $1,600.
00:40:02.380 Easily.
00:40:03.240 So, Canadians will spend money.
00:40:04.800 They'll spend more than that.
00:40:05.760 They'll be like, oh, so I'll get a $2,500 U.S. place.
00:40:10.040 And, like...
00:40:10.480 Which is, like, the same or more.
00:40:12.380 But then the Canadian currency won't exist, so there'll be nothing to compare it to.
00:40:15.820 So, that in some ways...
00:40:19.620 Look, there's pros and cons, but at the end of the day, do we want to lose Canada?
00:40:26.960 The Canada that I...
00:40:27.760 I mean, the Canada that I knew growing up is gone, and they were much more a part of the
00:40:32.800 U.S. than the Canada that exists now.
00:40:35.060 When I was a kid, you could cross the border with a driver's license.
00:40:39.380 You didn't need a passport.
00:40:40.800 It was, like, really quick, right?
00:40:42.300 You could go with your parents.
00:40:43.220 I think if you were, like, under 12, you didn't need any fucking ID.
00:40:46.980 True.
00:40:47.420 We were just, like, one country that existed as two countries, but because of all these
00:40:51.140 things and 9-11 and fucking all these...
00:40:54.940 Canada's lax immigration that allows people to...
00:40:58.380 And then, you know, the border's lax because we're fucking not enemies.
00:41:02.660 It shouldn't be fucking...
00:41:03.800 Yeah.
00:41:04.120 You know, people should be able to be like, yeah, I'm going shopping.
00:41:06.360 Okay, cool.
00:41:06.980 Like, people do that.
00:41:07.960 They cross the border and go to Sam's Club or whatever.
00:41:13.220 So, I don't know.
00:41:15.160 I think it's a bad situation for Canada, but it's good for Canadians.
00:41:20.060 It's bad for Canada as a country, but it'll be good for the people who deserve more than
00:41:26.160 what they're getting.
00:41:26.940 They'll get the tax relief.
00:41:28.400 They'll get...
00:41:29.120 I mean, the thing is, their house is going to be worth nothing compared to what it is
00:41:33.040 now.
00:41:33.880 But that's what we want.
00:41:36.640 That's what people are complaining about.
00:41:37.980 Oh, it's not affordable.
00:41:39.100 Nobody can own a home.
00:41:39.880 So, well, let America take over and then everybody can have a fucking house because the house
00:41:45.260 prices are going to go down.
00:41:46.740 The house, house.
00:41:47.940 People make fun of me the way I say house.
00:41:49.840 I say it.
00:41:50.220 I sound really Canadian.
00:41:53.020 Yeah, but like your house now is worth 5 million Canadian, but it's like the fucking
00:41:58.240 rupee in comparison to the US dollar.
00:42:00.380 Well, what's 5 million Canadians?
00:42:03.140 Still like 3.5 million US-ish.
00:42:06.580 Yeah.
00:42:07.080 Yeah.
00:42:07.440 Roughly.
00:42:08.280 That's still a lot of money.
00:42:10.900 Okay.
00:42:11.080 I'm talking about like a...
00:42:11.880 That's a proper house.
00:42:13.360 That's a proper house.
00:42:14.380 But like I'm saying like our dollars is falling.
00:42:18.040 Yeah.
00:42:18.400 I mean, but the houses are going to stay the same.
00:42:22.280 Like the dollar amount is going up.
00:42:25.180 Like if the dollar is worth 50 cents, the house is going to be worth double in Canadian
00:42:31.820 dollars.
00:42:32.460 No, sure.
00:42:33.240 Sure.
00:42:34.040 Right.
00:42:34.400 But it'll be the same in American.
00:42:36.080 It's worth the same.
00:42:37.120 I guess I just want to leave.
00:42:38.460 I guess I'm just like, let me go to like Florida like easier, you know, move there faster,
00:42:43.300 which is where the affordability comes from, right?
00:42:44.900 The creative and go-getter people of Canada and Toronto want to be part of the US because
00:42:51.940 they want access.
00:42:54.060 Yeah.
00:42:54.400 And the Canadian companies could do well.
00:42:57.420 Loblaws and shit and our grocery chains, Metro.
00:43:01.620 Why can't we have a couple of metros in, you know, states that border Canada?
00:43:09.700 Yeah.
00:43:10.420 Like fucking Buffalo.
00:43:10.840 Right?
00:43:11.000 What's...
00:43:12.000 What's...
00:43:13.000 So or other...
00:43:14.060 Canada already has banks.
00:43:15.400 Trump was talking about that and it was true.
00:43:16.740 I was in Florida and there's TD Bank, which is Toronto Dominion.
00:43:20.560 Americans don't even know that.
00:43:21.620 They go, that's Canadian?
00:43:22.580 What the fuck?
00:43:23.000 I see that everywhere.
00:43:24.420 BMO.
00:43:25.020 They had a BMO in Florida.
00:43:26.800 They had...
00:43:27.560 Really?
00:43:27.980 Yeah.
00:43:28.320 They had a BMO.
00:43:29.320 What?
00:43:29.840 I knew TD.
00:43:30.040 Right outside the Hampton Inn.
00:43:31.320 I knew BMO was there.
00:43:32.260 Bonita Springs.
00:43:33.180 They had a BMO in...
00:43:34.420 What?
00:43:34.960 Right outside Naples, right outside of where the Hampton Inn was.
00:43:39.320 And I was like, this is crazy that they have a BMO.
00:43:42.320 But there's no American...
00:43:43.960 You aren't allowed...
00:43:44.640 There's no Wells Fargo in Toronto.
00:43:46.540 There's no Chase.
00:43:48.760 Yeah.
00:43:49.740 And I think that that's bullshit.
00:43:52.340 And that would end.
00:43:53.340 But also the Canadian banks have to compete.
00:43:56.420 You know?
00:43:56.760 They should have to compete.
00:43:57.680 This whole idea that we monopolize everything.
00:43:59.680 Same with the cell phone companies in Canada.
00:44:01.900 We have three companies.
00:44:04.200 TELUS, Bell, and Rogers, basically.
00:44:06.200 And then all the other companies are just offshoots of them.
00:44:08.680 Yeah.
00:44:09.020 They're like fake, shitty little...
00:44:10.980 They're literally fake companies.
00:44:12.040 They're like Fido.
00:44:13.600 But you're like, what's Fido?
00:44:14.940 Oh, it's Rogers.
00:44:15.680 But it's Fido.
00:44:16.440 It's like, fuck you.
00:44:17.700 Yeah.
00:44:18.080 Right?
00:44:19.360 They don't have to compete.
00:44:20.520 All of a sudden, they'd have to compete.
00:44:22.220 And yeah, their companies would fall apart.
00:44:24.060 But it's like, bro, you guys got too greedy.
00:44:26.260 You got too...
00:44:27.920 You monopolized everything.
00:44:30.720 Finally, we could have a Yuck Yucks in Austin, Texas.
00:44:33.160 There you go.
00:44:34.380 Maybe.
00:44:35.380 There'll be some cross-pollination.
00:44:37.820 And overall, it might be good.
00:44:39.140 A lot of Americans will move to Toronto, I bet.
00:44:41.800 It'll be good for the big cities.
00:44:43.600 Tough on the rural.
00:44:45.160 Really tough.
00:44:46.300 But the big cities will benefit.
00:44:47.860 People...
00:44:48.340 You don't think Americans want to live in Vancouver and Montreal
00:44:51.800 and be able to go to Montreal.
00:44:54.040 They already go to Montreal, but now just buy property there.
00:44:57.520 Everything will get better.
00:44:59.120 A lot of places will get better.
00:45:00.320 Some will get worse.
00:45:01.200 Because the places that'll get worse are like...
00:45:05.120 Edmonton, Calgary, like those spots.
00:45:08.280 Edmonton and Calgary will get better.
00:45:10.080 You think so?
00:45:11.200 Yeah, maybe.
00:45:12.520 Maybe Edmonton will get worse because it's so cold that people are like,
00:45:15.140 oh, I can live in Florida?
00:45:16.020 Fuck this.
00:45:17.980 But you think Americans would move to Toronto?
00:45:21.060 Yeah.
00:45:21.460 They already...
00:45:21.880 I mean, Aiden Ross, isn't he American?
00:45:23.740 Yeah, but he's only here because of his fucking steak deal.
00:45:28.700 Right.
00:45:29.100 Because he can't fucking stream.
00:45:30.880 Oh, is that what it is?
00:45:32.020 He streams in Canada.
00:45:33.280 Yeah, they're not moving here because they want to, bro.
00:45:35.220 They're moving here because he's getting paid $10 million a month from steak.
00:45:38.300 True.
00:45:39.500 He probably still likes it.
00:45:41.320 But there is...
00:45:42.220 Toronto is better than a lot of American cities.
00:45:45.280 It is.
00:45:45.660 Fair.
00:45:46.200 That's fair.
00:45:46.480 Like, Boston is close, but, I mean, Toronto is nicer.
00:45:51.860 I mean, Boston is more beautiful, maybe, like the architecture and stuff,
00:45:56.000 but it's a little more rough.
00:45:58.020 Yeah.
00:45:58.520 It's rougher.
00:45:59.680 Like, New York's rougher.
00:46:01.520 New York's really nice, though.
00:46:02.900 Like, New York is my favorite city in America, for sure.
00:46:05.900 Yeah, me too.
00:46:06.780 But, like...
00:46:09.020 Have you performed at the Comedy Cellar before?
00:46:11.800 No, I really want to.
00:46:13.080 Yeah, we want to get you in there.
00:46:14.360 Yeah.
00:46:14.620 That's like my favorite fucking spot to go.
00:46:17.760 It's incredible.
00:46:19.580 I don't know if your shit would fly there, though.
00:46:22.620 Yeah, I think they're kind of moving that direction.
00:46:25.820 I think everybody is because...
00:46:27.420 Fair, fair.
00:46:28.000 Like, you can't just be all woke.
00:46:30.620 Like, have your woke...
00:46:32.200 And I was saying this before.
00:46:33.380 It's like, have your woke people and then have your not woke people.
00:46:36.060 Yeah.
00:46:36.760 Because people are more likely to follow the not...
00:46:41.400 Or they're more likely to follow the woke people if they see the contrast of me offending them.
00:46:46.820 And then the next person's like, oh, that guy's a piece of shit.
00:46:49.500 They're going to be like, yeah, good.
00:46:51.120 And follow you.
00:46:51.780 It's entertainment.
00:46:52.940 It should be like, oh, I was offended.
00:46:54.540 But then somebody else came on and said that guy was a loser.
00:46:57.040 And I was like, yay.
00:46:58.080 And it's fucking entertainment.
00:47:00.460 It's not supposed to be...
00:47:01.340 It's not, you know, it's not real life.
00:47:03.880 I mean, people think it is because we take the art seriously.
00:47:07.700 But at the end of the day, it's like, bro, you got to have both, I think, sometimes.
00:47:12.960 And even the way I go now is like, I used to have one of my boys open for me.
00:47:18.080 But his shit is like low-key, also offensive, right?
00:47:23.240 And it's like, it's okay to tell kind of edgy.
00:47:25.660 But it's like, you almost want somebody opening for you that's like the opposite of you.
00:47:30.280 So you can come out and just like instantly just like...
00:47:32.880 It doesn't have to be woke, but not like, yeah.
00:47:35.420 They're just not trying to rile everybody up.
00:47:39.860 I forget why I was saying that to begin with.
00:47:42.960 Well, I was saying because of the comedy seller, if they would fuck with your shit.
00:47:45.780 Oh, right, yeah.
00:47:46.980 No, I think they would.
00:47:48.480 I think they, I mean, they have Mark Norman on.
00:47:50.460 He tells offensive jokes.
00:47:51.880 I think they have Shane on and a bunch of big...
00:47:56.080 I mean, all the bigger comics aren't really woke or clean, except for Nate Bargatze.
00:48:01.980 I don't even think he's woke, but he's clean.
00:48:04.580 And he's super talented at what he does.
00:48:06.680 But yeah, it's a real job, folks.
00:48:12.940 It's all the people that say, oh, you know, they don't understand.
00:48:16.900 It's like, well, you got to travel, number one.
00:48:18.660 And every time you travel, you got to go through those sensors and the scanners and the fucking in the airplane.
00:48:25.480 And you don't know if there's a fucking trans fucking pilot and a helicopter and a thing.
00:48:31.660 And, you know, fuck.
00:48:34.380 And then you get in there.
00:48:36.360 Then you got to take a strange, strange car to a place and check into a bad hotel.
00:48:43.100 And the guy doesn't know.
00:48:44.560 Then your room key doesn't work.
00:48:45.920 And you got to go back down.
00:48:47.140 And you're like, what the fuck?
00:48:48.320 The show's in like two hours.
00:48:49.620 And then you go up and then you got to fucking wash your asshole and fucking get all clean and pretend that you look good when all you did was eat all day in a fucking airplane terminal.
00:49:02.840 And then you finally get to the show.
00:49:05.240 And then the people there are like, yeah, the green room's in the kitchen.
00:49:10.280 So you're going to smell like onions.
00:49:11.760 And you're going to you're in there like you're in the old management office.
00:49:15.480 And they bring you fucking and then you do the show and then you kill.
00:49:21.880 And finally, you're on stage.
00:49:22.940 You're like, thank God.
00:49:23.660 And then the show's over.
00:49:24.600 And then you got to say bye to everybody.
00:49:26.120 You do that meet and greet.
00:49:27.440 And then people are like hammered.
00:49:29.880 The guy who was heckling you wants a picture.
00:49:32.100 Fuck.
00:49:32.500 OK.
00:49:33.920 And, you know, then then you go back to the hotel, which is usually dilapidated and fucking falling apart.
00:49:40.200 And the Mexican guy at the front desk is like, I don't know your key.
00:49:44.700 No work.
00:49:45.160 We have no more key.
00:49:46.800 And then you just have a cigarette in the room because you don't give a fuck if they charge the fucking comedy club owner for how much he's paying fucking some weird rate for the hotel.
00:49:59.120 And he's pretending it's 500.
00:50:00.600 But really, it was only 200.
00:50:01.720 And then you smoke in the room.
00:50:03.460 And then he wants to charge 800.
00:50:06.500 And then you get up the next day and you fucking drive six hours.
00:50:09.480 There's, you know, but I love it.
00:50:11.880 I love comedy.
00:50:13.160 I love comedy.
00:50:14.080 That's the part I love.
00:50:15.860 And I'm genuinely in some ways jealous of the old school comics that got to just do that.
00:50:24.980 And then there was all the network and all the fame and stuff was detached from them.
00:50:30.920 They didn't have to post anything.
00:50:32.560 They weren't doing fucking Instagram reels.
00:50:34.480 They were just famous.
00:50:36.440 And it was all taken care of.
00:50:38.500 And they just showed up and got to do comedy.
00:50:40.020 So I'm jealous of that.
00:50:40.820 But that's why I came to Toronto for a week to just focus on comedy and step a little bit away from, like, the social, like, because, like, you know, you don't want to.
00:50:51.340 Like, I need a, I've posted some jokes, like, twice or three times.
00:50:56.400 And it's, you know, not, not everybody's seen it.
00:50:58.460 So it is important.
00:50:59.480 Sure.
00:50:59.940 But then you're like, yo, what, artistically, I need some other shit.
00:51:02.760 And, like, you actually have to step away to, like, get better at stuff a little bit and focus on my health, which I'm trying to do by happy dads.
00:51:11.680 But I'm trying not to fucking drink, like, pops and too many, you know, not trying not to eat.
00:51:18.980 You're not supposed to eat.
00:51:19.840 I didn't, this is what the, this is what people have told me.
00:51:21.920 I'm like, I've been eating.
00:51:23.720 And people are like, you don't, you're not supposed to eat.
00:51:25.180 You're supposed to eat at, like, 5 p.m. after you've done, like, six workouts.
00:51:30.940 You just found that one out?
00:51:32.800 Yeah.
00:51:33.140 Well, no, I'm joking.
00:51:34.180 I found it out a while ago.
00:51:35.560 But, like, no, because when you're on the road, you just get into this mindset where, like, nothing matters.
00:51:40.180 And you're just like, yeah, egg McMuffin or, like, I don't even, that's not even what I eat.
00:51:43.640 But, like, I eat, like, Indian food for breakfast at, like, 1130.
00:51:48.200 And I'm, like, banging on the door of the buffet, fucking California.
00:51:51.680 We went to the most disgusting Indian place before the show.
00:51:54.600 And we just had fun.
00:51:54.880 At 11 a.m.?
00:51:55.840 Yeah.
00:51:57.300 Like, we just woke up.
00:51:58.240 Like, all night I was joking about it.
00:51:59.960 I was like, whatever it was, place was called.
00:52:02.780 Come on, we need to go to Baratacar.
00:52:05.500 From fucking Basarati Palace or some shit.
00:52:09.480 I don't know what it was called.
00:52:10.280 But, and then I was like, let's go, let's go.
00:52:13.240 So, we, like, went.
00:52:15.160 And it was awful.
00:52:17.780 It was horrible.
00:52:18.460 I have a picture on my phone of just, it just looks like diarrhea on a plate.
00:52:21.320 And we just ate it all.
00:52:23.340 We just ate, like, four loads of it.
00:52:24.960 And just were shit.
00:52:25.660 Like, I don't know, stupid shit like that.
00:52:27.220 But, like, I got to get away from it.
00:52:28.260 That's the big thing.
00:52:29.000 It's, like, it's easy to get in shape in Toronto.
00:52:30.780 I find Toronto's one of the better places to get in shape.
00:52:33.540 Yeah.
00:52:33.960 Because they have a lot of these, like, Spinko I like going to.
00:52:37.680 Other ship.
00:52:38.680 Yeah.
00:52:38.900 I go to the fucking, you know, there's tons of gym.
00:52:41.320 Good gyms to go to lift weights.
00:52:44.540 Austin's pretty good, too.
00:52:46.180 But Toronto's really good.
00:52:48.140 And, but then you go on tour and it's like, that's when you really got to keep it together.
00:52:53.320 Down the drain.
00:52:54.180 Because you're on the plane, you're like, like, I made a joke about this where, you know,
00:52:58.620 I was trying to be in shape and you'd be on the plane.
00:53:00.420 They're like, cookies or pretzels?
00:53:01.420 You're like, no, those have seed oils.
00:53:03.020 All right.
00:53:03.400 And then I saw that plane get hit by the Blackhawk.
00:53:06.000 And I'm like, give me the, give me both.
00:53:08.500 I'll take the cookies and the chips, you know?
00:53:10.380 So it's, like, it's like, dude, if this is my last plane ride, I low-key want to, like,
00:53:16.080 be hammered and, like, get the chips.
00:53:17.960 You know what I mean?
00:53:18.960 Yeah.
00:53:19.240 But if I'm just, like, living this life where I'm like, that's when you, that's when the
00:53:22.280 plane crash happens.
00:53:23.020 When you're just, like, getting in shape, you know, everything's going good.
00:53:27.700 I don't, you know, I'm listening to my headphones.
00:53:29.740 Oh, no, I don't need any.
00:53:31.000 I'll have a soda water.
00:53:32.000 And, yeah, I died fucking sober with a soda water and fucking scary times.
00:53:40.000 But, no, being healthy is important, too.
00:53:42.960 And that was my point is that I came to Toronto and just kind of step away from, like, I was
00:53:49.240 unhealthy in Texas, but not overly.
00:53:51.740 Honestly, when I'm in Texas, I'm fine.
00:53:53.500 Like, we got a juicer and stuff.
00:53:54.960 My wife is making juice with my daughter, and they love it.
00:54:00.320 It's great.
00:54:00.960 There's juice, like, fucking beets and ginger and celery.
00:54:05.060 Shit that just, like, makes.
00:54:06.460 I just shed pounds because I'm just shitting out water all day.
00:54:10.120 And I go to this gym where it's, like, a sauna and shit.
00:54:13.600 And it's, like, a gym in a sauna.
00:54:16.520 But, yeah, it's just the road, baby.
00:54:20.580 So I know a lot of people.
00:54:21.840 That's a lot of people, you know, they bully me about my weight.
00:54:25.820 They don't bully me.
00:54:26.760 You know what I mean?
00:54:27.520 Like, mostly Indian guys will DM me and be like, you fat piece of shit pussy motherfucker
00:54:32.860 trying to make one of Indian, you piece of shit fat fat fat fat fat fat fat.
00:54:38.500 And so I'm losing weights for those guys because I know they really care about me,
00:54:43.100 and they care about my physique.
00:54:44.780 But I have a lot of shows coming up, and I want to see you guys there.
00:54:50.720 We're going to do another episode here.
00:54:52.700 This is an amazing studio.
00:54:53.760 If you don't know it, by the way, Anthony put this studio together very recently.
00:54:59.600 It's called Off the Grid.
00:55:01.600 Grid Studio.
00:55:02.400 Grid.
00:55:03.280 Grid.
00:55:03.900 On the grid.
00:55:04.760 We're on the grid.
00:55:05.460 Yeah.
00:55:06.280 Off the grid.
00:55:07.040 We're in the grid.
00:55:07.560 Yeah, yeah.
00:55:07.980 Grid Studio.
00:55:09.400 And we're talking about doing some cool stuff here.
00:55:11.900 But, honestly, if you want to do a podcast or you want some advertising help with your
00:55:17.160 company or just need a creative space for anything, check out their website, book a time,
00:55:23.380 call Anthony.
00:55:24.120 What's the website?
00:55:25.780 GridStudio.co.
00:55:28.020 GridStudio.co.
00:55:30.140 And we're going to bring, so I'm going to do a Patreon here,
00:55:32.300 and we're going to bring three other retards and me, and we're going to just shoot the
00:55:36.680 shit and get probably drunk or whatever.
00:55:38.840 And this is a great studio, so we're really, really happy that you had me here to do the
00:55:43.740 pod today.
00:55:44.300 And, like I said, shows that are coming up, Salt Lake City, Utah, Las Vegas, Nevada, Halifax, Prince Edward Island, Toronto,
00:55:55.420 Toronto, Peterborough, Ontario, Detroit, Newark, New Jersey, Austin, Texas, Plano, Texas, Boston.
00:56:09.700 There's just so many dates.
00:56:10.800 So go to benbankus.com.
00:56:12.600 Check it out.
00:56:13.720 It's all there.
00:56:14.500 All my podcast episodes are there.
00:56:16.120 All my comedy specials are there.
00:56:17.500 So if you're new to the podcast and you're like, oh, what do I, you know, it's all here.
00:56:21.920 You don't have to go back and listen to anything.
00:56:23.400 Just listen to the next one, or you can, and you can go jerk off to the fucking 78 episodes.
00:56:29.120 But listen, I'll be in your city.
00:56:32.520 We will fucking hang out.
00:56:34.740 Appreciate you guys.
00:56:35.940 And thank you to the studio and Anthony for having us.
00:56:39.080 Good night.
00:56:39.380 Good night.