Based Camp - Based Camp： Being Sad is a Sin and a Choice

00:00:00.000 so we're gonna do a video today on work-life balance which you can see with a kid home

00:00:06.480 from school was pink eye i got terrible pink eye today too that's the one thing they don't tell

00:00:11.360 you about being a parent you're gonna be sick 24 7 right octavian i actually started a spreadsheet

00:00:16.400 to track the number of days that all of us are sick so every time someone gets sick i track the

00:00:22.000 dates because i want to see ultimately like how many days out of the year someone in our family

00:00:27.020 is sick because i legit think that it's like quite a few days i think it's about a quarter

00:00:32.800 a quarter i'd say it's about a quarter of the year yeah it might even be more than that it might

00:00:38.340 actually be more like a third so we can report back on that one but despite being sick i would

00:00:44.440 argue that we still really have a lot of fun and that i expected that as a parent we would be a lot

00:00:51.820 more stressed out and unhappy because everyone talks about how like merge is hard work and having

00:00:58.320 kids is hard work but in the end i think that it's actually pretty fun and seamless but i think that

00:01:04.960 a lot of that has to do with framing so something that we do a lot with our kids when we need them

00:01:12.500 to be excited about something is we play a hype game essentially where we will take something really

00:01:19.540 mundane like an airport shuttle bus and we will frame it as the most fun the most amazing thing

00:01:25.420 in the world so let's say that we need to get through a really rough travel day with lots of

00:01:30.300 transfers we will hype up the airport shuttle at the end of that day um to get to a parking lot like it is

00:01:36.460 the coolest thing in the entire world and it works like crazy like we we talk about it all day oh my gosh

00:01:43.920 we get to do this thing and we actually get to the airport shuttle bus we're like this is the best thing

00:01:49.040 ever and i think that one of the tricks to making a really heavy work schedule work with family with

00:01:57.740 a spouse with whatever is playing the hype game with everything so no matter what you're doing

00:02:02.820 you make it fun you make it funny i think it's important to remember how much society plays the

00:02:07.660 hype game with you and how much you're already doing this to yourself whether you realize it or not

00:02:13.080 would you like to know more so think about like a marriage right people are like the day i was

00:02:18.440 married to you was the happiest day of my life it's like why like you knew you were gonna get

00:02:24.180 married well before that day that's not like you just found out you were gonna get married that day

00:02:28.740 it's a ceremony they're not very fun ceremonies yeah it's a pretty stressful day

00:02:35.100 yeah you're sitting there you're likely last minute making sure you've memorized your vows so

00:02:42.360 you say them right you're trying to project a certain self-image to the crowd are you just

00:02:46.840 trying to keep all your guests happy and deal with all the logistical nightmares that are coming up

00:02:51.300 with whatever catering people needing stuff etc and i think this is true of beaches for example

00:02:57.800 right god miserable oh people go to a beach it's hot they're drinking alcoholic beverages in the hot

00:03:06.120 sun often reading a book that they could be reading at home or laying down burning themselves and giving

00:03:13.020 themselves cancer i don't know what i don't know why people still do that that seems like it's not even

00:03:17.380 like a trend anymore but the question is why what are you getting out of doing that differentially

00:03:23.080 right it's that society has told you that this is a fun thing to do and that is where you are getting

00:03:31.400 happiness from the event and you can change what is a fun thing to do if you create new narratives for

00:03:39.800 yourself so we can say some people are like oh that's really sad that you turn your business trips into

00:03:45.780 little mini honeymoons or family vacations or whatever right for you and your spouse because you work

00:03:50.440 together and it's like why we we section life into fun and not fun time but you can make all of life

00:03:59.380 fun time if you create the right story for yourself around what you're doing and the people around you

00:04:05.760 are helping you continue to generate this delusion and you might be like that's not real fun that's a

00:04:11.000 delusion everything this whole game this whole life you're living the emotions you feel they're delusion

00:04:17.820 generated by the narratives society has created for you or the pre-evolved emotional responses

00:04:24.160 that you have because your ancestors who had those responses had more surviving offerings and i think a

00:04:29.320 really influential moment for you in your life around this hype machine game was from watching an

00:04:36.240 adams family movie where well we talk about that in another video so i don't want to go too deep on

00:04:40.440 this yeah but there's a scene in which morticia is cutting the tops the the blossoms off of roses 1.00

00:04:45.920 and admiring this bouquet of thorny branches essentially and it just it's this perfect moment

00:04:53.100 encapsulating how it is up to you in your mind to decide whether something is positive or negative

00:04:58.940 whether you enjoy it or not and you can choose to do that with everything and honestly we're not as good

00:05:06.460 is it is it we're not as good at it as we should be like i should be more like recently for example

00:05:13.100 our son octavian isn't with pink eye welcome got pink eye i should have been like oh this is a great

00:05:17.720 opportunity for us to spend more time together and have a special day with octavian and instead of

00:05:21.800 oh no like how are we going to handle the logistics the calls oh how do we do this how do we keep octavian

00:05:26.640 happy and i think that really what was a missed opportunity every time also as if you were in a

00:05:33.120 a working relationship where you fail to spend time together and turn it into something really

00:05:38.460 special and fun and enjoyable that's a failure on your part but i think many marriages also fall

00:05:43.320 apart for that same reason that when stuff happens it doesn't matter if it's good or if it's bad

00:05:48.800 the couple or one partner chooses to view it negatively and that can honestly happen with really

00:05:54.300 good things like maybe a spouse gets an amazing job opportunity and they get to move into a much better

00:05:59.100 house in an amazing city that spouse is like oh i don't want to leave home this is horrible or you've

00:06:04.460 created this power imbalance right yeah yeah no i i absolutely agree that within every moment and this

00:06:12.040 also really colors how we see emotions why we see indulging in positive emotions is really negative but

00:06:17.680 we also really culturally shame was in our family the idea of indulging in negative emotions because if i

00:06:24.660 come to simone one day and i'm in a bad mood i'm hurting her i am hurting our kids i am hurting 0.66

00:06:32.340 everyone i interact with that day and at the end of the day a bad mood is often a choice yeah unless

00:06:39.880 you're like have major depressive disorder or something like that and then there's pharmacological

00:06:44.800 solutions there there might be pharmacological solutions but generally if we're talking about like

00:06:50.260 just general bad moods most of them are a choice and they're something that we can change due to

00:06:57.700 how we believe that we are interacting with reality that the framings that we have of the world and that

00:07:04.180 is is why i think even though our wider philosophy says emotions don't matter in part because emotions

00:07:13.460 don't matter and because a bad mood makes everyone less efficient there is never an excuse to be in a bad mood

00:07:20.420 and this is a really interesting thing with cultural groups that do believe emotions don't matter because

00:07:24.500 this is something throughout them for example you've got the opus day when the opus day of the catholic

00:07:29.460 sect the evoke set that a lot of people have about them is oh they're the ones who whip themselves right

00:07:35.220 famously a character from the da vinci code with an opus day member like one of the bad guys and so

00:07:40.340 people see this as gruesome or something but the reality is that it is a mandate for every opus day

00:07:47.300 member the reason they whip themselves the reason they flagellate themselves is to learn better

00:07:52.100 emotional control the reason they have that mandate is because they have a mandate in

00:07:57.060 all of their interpersonal interactions with other people to be happy and be cheery that's another thing

00:08:02.340 about the opus day that a lot of people don't know generally cultural groups that see emotional

00:08:07.700 control as a mandate see it as part of that mandate to always try to be as chipper as possible

00:08:15.380 which creates a lot of people are like yeah but if you don't indulge in your negative emotions

00:08:19.940 and they'll come out in other weird ways and it's no they don't the study will always cite and i'll cite

00:08:24.420 this till it's a blue moon because people need this beaten into them is it when you do something like if

00:08:30.740 you're mad and then afterwards you go punch a bag it has been shown that that will make you more mad

00:08:35.700 and you will get more mad in the future indulging in a negative emotion makes that negative emotion

00:08:41.780 worse always and it makes it easier to feel that negative emotion in the future

00:08:46.340 if you however just choose not to view things negatively and you experience very little negative

00:08:52.100 emotions it's like not having that first vomit you will be less likely to throw up afterwards

00:08:57.860 don't break the seal um don't break the seal don't break the seal hold in all those positive

00:09:05.620 emotions because i think in our daily life do we experience that many negative emotions i don't

00:09:11.060 really see you no actually i started using a mood tracking app called dalio just to see how my moods

00:09:20.260 are no actually even when we're stressed out about stuff like we we do all right we're pretty even

00:09:26.900 keeled like you would expect per our value set which is pretty encouraging but i also think that

00:09:32.020 we are actually a lot more happy go lucky than people would expect per our value set but again i also

00:09:38.580 think here's another thing that we do that i think really makes a big difference in in our perceived

00:09:44.580 happiness and in our experience in life and also our stress levels quite frankly is we will do stuff

00:09:51.060 that is actively uncomfortable or act a certain way while doing something even when we are uncomfortable

00:09:57.780 we will act really happy and then take a bunch of photos of it and record everything as happy

00:10:04.660 and then when we are we have like little playback albums of recent photos like throughout our house

00:10:09.860 or on our phones and stuff when we look at those our memories end up being of oh that was so happy

00:10:15.700 we're such happy people well this is like the day on a beach phenomenon right which is yeah i might be

00:10:22.020 miserable all day in the hot sun on a beach but i want to take a number of pictures of me smiling

00:10:26.580 and then that helps record it in my narrative like my internal history that i enjoyed that day and i

00:10:33.620 will believe i was happier and this can actually have a really positive effect on relationships with

00:10:39.780 your spouse your kids yeah are you showing them the picture you made wow buddy what is it up um it

00:10:48.420 has colors on me oh yeah just colors show it again because when you believe that your partner is

00:10:55.620 somebody who makes your mood better you will like being oh hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on

00:11:00.180 hold on hold on let me get you one paper please here you go thank you buddy you are a nice boy my

00:11:09.940 friend you are a nice boy you are a nice boy

00:11:16.660 and i think so there's two things to this one is like that interaction people have been asked like

00:11:20.820 why are your kids always happy and polite and i think it's because they just don't have

00:11:24.900 a lot of modeling of other ways to emotionally react to people and i think that's really

00:11:30.100 important in terms of what you teach kids the emotions and the ways that you treat the people

00:11:34.900 around you is the way that they are going to learn to treat the people around them but to the other

00:11:39.780 point i was saying the reason you create these false narratives even if we had a bad day at the

00:11:43.940 airport or something like that we got stuck at the airport all day and so it's okay rounding the kids

00:11:48.420 very stressful we couldn't miss our flight are we going to get one but let's do some video of us having

00:11:52.740 fun right because when i believe that my partner makes my life better that's going to make my

00:11:58.020 relationship more stable and i will show her more regular gratitude throughout the day

00:12:03.460 which makes her feel better and creates a positive feedback loop the moment one partner begins to 0.85

00:12:09.380 believe that a relationship is is a negative thing for them it's really quick to get in a negative

00:12:15.540 feedback loop where they're not treating the partner the way the partner wants to be treated and

00:12:19.140 the partner doesn't treat them the way they want to be treated and it is just so hard to break out of

00:12:23.620 that cycle alternatively you can have sort of a cycle of positivity that is remarkably easy to

00:12:30.020 create now a few side notes here okay one is work cheating so it's important to remember that everybody

00:12:38.180 has a happiness set point yeah and what that means and there's been studies on this if you win the

00:12:42.980 lottery or if you get a major injury and become an amputee yes your happiness will go down for a short

00:12:48.660 period but largely it almost always goes back to about where it is everyone has about the same

00:12:54.340 level of average happiness and i think i just have a really high happiness step point and that could

00:13:00.340 also explain why my kids are so chipper it could be that we are just have a genetically high happiness 0.95

00:13:06.660 set point most people in my family are really happy people and we pass this on to our kids and so they're

00:13:11.780 just cursed with happiness all the time what are your thoughts on that simone i would say we've

00:13:17.780 definitely seen in our kids that they have different happiness set points some are happier than others

00:13:24.020 but that yeah definitely modeling how you react i would also say that you the way that you personally

00:13:29.380 choose to react to things 100 feeds off the other person so when one of us accidentally gets into a bad

00:13:34.820 mood like we miss a night of sleep or one of us is in a lot of pain for some reason and then that leads to

00:13:41.620 us being like not reacting to something in a positive way it definitely gets the other person in a negative

00:13:47.300 mood so i do think that there are both virtuous and vicious cycles that are created i think also

00:13:52.260 cosplaying wholesomeness as a families it does make sense to expend some time on that even when it's not

00:13:58.020 of immediate utility this season we've got fireflies out in the field that we stay up later than we

00:14:02.900 otherwise would to sometimes go out catch fireflies together with the kids or go berry picking there's

00:14:09.460 lots of raspberries and wine berries out this season and we're doing that and we're expending the time

00:14:15.140 doing that even though it's not efficacious in the moment because it helps create this narrative for

00:14:20.100 ourselves which makes us i think appreciate our relationship and our family more and it creates

00:14:26.420 a narrative that i think our kids will also remember growing up that i had a picture of an ideal

00:14:31.140 childhood i also want to add a refining point here an important one because what we're describing here

00:14:37.620 obviously is acting you you should dress for the job you want like we act for the life experience

00:14:44.100 we want but i think a lot of people hear that they hear okay so i'm just going to pretend it and

00:14:48.820 there's that implies that there's also a period where you start acting like yourself and i think

00:14:53.060 a really core rule here is no you never act like yourself there's the stereotype of there's this

00:14:58.980 celebrity couple and they act like everything's perfect and then the moment the cameras stop rolling

00:15:03.780 the moment the photographer steps away they're immediately snapping at each other like the moment the guests

00:15:09.460 leave they're fighting they're yelling at their kids this is shown all over the place in media maybe

00:15:15.060 it happens sometimes in reality but for us if we are alone like i am alone let's see there was this

00:15:20.580 other night like two nights ago there's this night where i was cleaning up after the kids and i was wearing

00:15:26.660 our infant on my back and she just vomited like it just spilled five gallons of milk down my back 1.00

00:15:33.540 at the same time that our younger toddler decided it would be really fun to spill his milk all over

00:15:39.060 the floor and at the same time that octavian thought it would be really fun to to throw food all over the

00:15:44.580 place and i'm just like just like i'm feeling the warm goop like roll down my like pants like this is

00:15:53.300 a bad moment but no i'm i'm like still acting chipper in the moment malcolm you weren't there i was

00:15:58.420 performing for absolutely nobody i was acting cheerful but there is no time where you're off

00:16:03.780 period it's very important to note that there have been studies on this if you smile you will report

00:16:09.540 feeling happier if you even just say words that cause you to smile more oh i actually think the

00:16:15.940 pencil study and this is one in which they had people put like a pencil like in their mouth i think

00:16:20.740 that wasn't replicated we'll see that there are caveats but i think there are lots of but i think the

00:16:25.860 the preponderance of evidence in the research says that acting as if you are happy or acting

00:16:32.020 as if you are having a wholesome moment with your family will make you feel a wholesome moment with

00:16:36.340 your family yeah even if you have a an inclination not to feel and of course conversely indulging in

00:16:42.020 anger indulging in sadness is going to make it worse which is of course why we think it's so toxic

00:16:47.300 when we have other episodes talking about how modern therapy is a cult all these narratives

00:16:51.780 also something we do as our kids i'd be very careful not to tell my kids they're sad people

00:16:56.340 or that they're tell your kids you're a happy person you're a good boy right because they

00:17:00.900 will internalize that and act like that but adults do the same thing we build these narratives about

00:17:05.780 who we are and then that determines how we act to the people around us okay so side note on all

00:17:11.220 of this that we find very perplexing and i'd love it if our audience could help us think through

00:17:16.740 because it's always been one of the big mysteries to me and every now and then i'll have a little

00:17:20.340 breakthrough on it it's nightclubs okay i went to nightclubs a few times as a kid and then i went

00:17:25.860 back recently i was on this trip to latin america with a bunch of teal fellows and i was like okay i'm

00:17:31.300 gonna go back i'm gonna observe this maybe i'll find some fun at it that i didn't see before it was

00:17:37.460 hellish nothing about this experience to me evokes any sort of positive emotional state you may be able to

00:17:45.860 find a partner at it maybe like some sort of romantic partner but there's got to be more

00:17:52.340 efficient ways with less cost you're there late at night you are sweaty everything is overpriced so

00:17:58.660 every moment i feel like i'm being scammed and i'm just annoyed people are like spilling drinks on you

00:18:04.580 the music is loud it's actively painful i guess it could be some sort of group bonding ritual that's

00:18:10.100 meant to create some sort of hormonal thing in someone's head like almost inducing the effects of a

00:18:15.380 drug or like a mini to mindy bonding ritual but then why are you doing that with people you don't

00:18:20.740 know are you just trying to languish in like a certain emotional subset i i guess i don't understand

00:18:27.220 it maybe these people have some narrative around nightclubs making them happy that i don't have and

00:18:33.060 so they're building memories that nightclubs are making them happy or maybe they're really gaining

00:18:38.260 something from the experience what are your thoughts about my thoughts are that for some types of people

00:18:43.140 there's some kind of religious or like mind-altering experience of dancing at a really large like

00:18:50.020 loud environment with a lot of people like moving in unison and like just the intense over stimulation

00:18:55.220 of that and then the group cohesion of the moment probably creates some kind of mind-altering state

00:19:00.740 that is intoxicating for some types of people so you think it's like an intoxicant that we don't feel

00:19:05.780 for whatever exactly yeah it's like some drug that we somehow can't process like we don't have receptors

00:19:11.060 for it so everyone else is like dosing on it and they're like ah and we just can't we don't get it

00:19:17.460 could be i think so if we're addressing the subject of our work-life balance and how we handle it i think

00:19:22.500 we also have to address the constant question that we get from people or like statement which is oh i

00:19:28.180 could never imagine working with my spouse oh yeah that's a weird thing i it just seems like from our

00:19:34.340 life just so weird to say why would you marry someone if you don't want to be around them all the time

00:19:39.540 yeah that and there's this assumption that what about when you have a disagreement that like you

00:19:44.020 will not be able to work together if you disagree on something and i think that's to us when we hear

00:19:51.700 that from someone that basically says to us you really shouldn't be married because if you do not

00:19:57.620 have shared values and a shared vision that you have aligned around that means that you are not

00:20:02.980 sustainable like you are not stable that means that you're both just in it for yourselves and leaning

00:20:07.300 out of the relationship typically if an aligned couple has a conflict the conflict is in that

00:20:12.420 each of you have a different hypothesis around how to best maximize what matters to you collectively

00:20:17.700 as a family malcolm might think that it would be better for everyone to buy uniforms for some

00:20:22.580 project and i might think it's better that no one has uniforms because i think that will make

00:20:26.020 them more efficient and whatever and it costs less and so it we both want the same thing which is for

00:20:30.820 that project to succeed or something we just have very different ideas and on how it is best executed

00:20:35.780 and there are ways around that right one can run tests one can try one method one can do all sorts

00:20:41.140 of things to figure out where the truth may be whereas i think for many other relationships there's

00:20:47.380 this expectation that there will be compromise compromise is the most toxic thing you can have

00:20:52.660 in a relationship yeah what you're looking for is the correct answer not the answer that's in between

00:20:57.780 the two people but i think a lot of people are purely motivated either by hedonism or by satisfying some

00:21:03.540 sort of self-narrative in both of those things you can have differentiations between the couple where

00:21:10.260 there is like systemic differences that can't be resolved you're both optimizing for your own hedonism

00:21:15.620 then yeah there is potential systemic disagreement whereas if you're optimizing for specific outcomes for

00:21:22.500 the world it's very rare that we have any sort of sustained disagreement what are our sustained

00:21:27.700 disagreements right now simone i'm trying to think one of them actually like over time for a long time

00:21:33.380 has been on like whether or not we would support our kids taking something like adderall um oh yeah

00:21:40.420 i'm very supportive of it and she's very against it however i decided to research the subject more

00:21:46.740 right because what we want is the best outcome for our kids so it's not like i'm anti-drug and he's pro-drug

00:21:51.780 it's that i was concerned that if our kids take drugs like adderall to do well on tests to do tasks that

00:21:57.780 that are really hard to focus on that as adults they will not feel empowered to focus on things

00:22:02.980 independently and malcolm's saying listen sometimes you just have to take these things to be able to

00:22:08.260 get through it because if you don't like you just won't like like you won't succeed and i i think she

00:22:13.780 has an enormous almost superhuman ability to focus on things yeah i'm like someone who doesn't need it

00:22:18.900 who's or i'm like a wealthy person being like why can't you just buy your way out of the problem

00:22:23.540 yeah which is is silly so what i ended up doing and this i guess is probably a pretty good illustration

00:22:28.660 of how an aligned couple will disagree on something is i went out and i looked for more information on

00:22:34.900 okay actually what are the long-term effects of drugs like adderall and and now have a more nuanced

00:22:41.300 understanding from the research of when it's actually appropriate so it looks like for people who are

00:22:46.980 diagnosed with adhd like they are shown to have significant attention problems that taking adderall

00:22:55.060 or drugs like basically focus medications whatever like the best like time released one is these days

00:23:00.100 it's like least addictive or habit forming taking one of those actually helps to build the sort of

00:23:05.940 connective pathway in your brain that would enable you to learn how to focus without that medication

00:23:12.420 as an adult and you see this goes to everything we've been saying in this when you act out any

00:23:19.300 emotion or any behavior pattern it becomes easier to access in the future even if the way you're acting

00:23:24.900 it out is pharmacologically assisted yeah and so i was hearing that i was like at first i was like wait

00:23:30.020 what really but then also i've done a lot of research on psychedelics for example and it also seems to be

00:23:35.940 found that if you've done a lot of psychedelics you can reach similar states after taking them just from

00:23:42.100 meditation alone because essentially your brain has walked that path it's like taking a machete and cut

00:23:47.300 and more easily walkable trail so you can get there without the assistance in the future so now my view is

00:23:53.140 very different i think what my stance is on our disagreement now is if our children if we have

00:23:59.540 children who are diagnosed with adhd and i i'm pretty sure we will that yes indeed we should give

00:24:05.300 them those medications for use in very specific applications when they really need it to do rigorous

00:24:11.540 tests and stuff but we should not give it to any child we have who is not diagnosed with it because

00:24:17.620 it could create this feeling of dependency like i can't focus without it does that make sense

00:24:23.460 we'll see i mean our general takes on our body one of our recent tweets is saying thank god our bodies

00:24:28.660 are disposable that's what it is to be a pronatalist it's to fundamentally believe that my body's

00:24:33.460 disposable my kids are the next better iteration of me and their kids will be the next better

00:24:37.620 iteration of them and so i think it makes us a little loosey or goosier with performance

00:24:43.940 improving medications than other people who are like my body's a temple might be burn the blade 1.00

00:24:50.180 runner quote the flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long for them i would say just do

00:24:55.540 whatever increases your efficiency yeah but malcolm don't forget for a hot second that we're also

00:25:00.420 incredibly frugal people and that these medications cost a lot of money and dependencies

00:25:07.220 our kids are gonna have to find a way to pay for it if they want it i know but i'm just saying a life

00:25:11.300 in which you don't need to pay for something is going to be easier than a life in which you feel

00:25:16.980 like you do and then more things you feel like you have to pay for cookie consider the fact that neither

00:25:20.980 you nor i is addicted to caffeine think about the thousands of dollars we've how many sodas do you

00:25:26.100 think i drink a day okay i'm not addicted to caffeine how many thousands of dollars i know

00:25:32.020 genuine i must drink 20 a day okay fine you are caffeine you know they see me drinking these on camera

00:25:39.860 but also no i know how much you spend on uh coke zero and it's a lot it's a lot of money so i'm just

00:25:48.180 saying like the less you have of that in your life the better so we have to balance our collective

00:25:52.980 values frugality but also performance and yeah we don't really care bodies are disposable brain

00:25:57.780 bright die young whatever uh have kids first whatever raise them successfully but yeah that

00:26:03.220 is how we navigate agreements right like our discussions aren't like oh you're hurting my

00:26:06.980 you never listen to me i just don't think this is right actually this is another point the burn

00:26:11.700 bright die young part of our our world view yeah that perhaps makes it very easy for us to be pretty

00:26:17.540 happy most of the time is that we really genuinely are not worried about death i i am worried about

00:26:23.860 dying before i'm able to put my kids in a good position in life but i'm not worried about death

00:26:29.380 and more generally and i feel like people who have this attachment to their immortality they probably

00:26:34.580 feel more like a dagger dangling above them by a thread their entire life right i can understand why it

00:26:42.420 would create this sort of fear of i don't know the other i wonder right you can die at any moment right

00:26:54.900 i guess it's something that's hard for me to model because i'm not really afraid of dying i'm not

00:26:58.740 really i'm afraid of my kids dying but i guess that's not like an ever-present fear for me because

00:27:03.860 we're gonna have a lot of kids if i had two kids i'd be really afraid of them dying but i'm terrified of

00:27:08.580 anything bad happening to anyone who i love or honestly anyone i don't want bad things to happen

00:27:14.100 to anyone but no yeah maybe our mortality maybe actually the fact that we fully embrace our

00:27:19.140 mortality encourages us to enjoy the moment that we have at any point but i think that's more like

00:27:24.340 hippy-dippy nonsense and we just understand that because we want to maximize our objective functions

00:27:30.420 we perform better when we're not depressed and demotivated and so we know that we have to find some

00:27:35.940 way to max out our feelings of happiness both individually but especially as a couple but it's

00:27:42.020 so weird to me that you wouldn't think that should be pharmacologically assisted then why aren't you

00:27:46.820 constantly on something like because i don't need to be but when i was younger i had a harder time

00:27:54.180 focusing and i needed to be then i think you actually have adhd like i think you actually need it

00:28:00.740 this is an important thing to know is the relationships you have can make things much easier for you

00:28:05.860 so when i say when i was younger i had a hard time focusing one of the things where my brothers

00:28:09.540 this is the best sign of your guys relationship before i met simone i had a problem with grinding 1.00

00:28:14.820 my teeth in my sleep and i had to wear a night guard and i think it was due to just like constant

00:28:19.300 stress of looking for a wife not having met that stage yet but also just in general with my day-to-day

00:28:24.340 life because i started grinding my teeth in early high school right and that's when i really started

00:28:29.540 trying to put my nose to the grindstone and sure i got into a top-tier college and sure i got into a top-tier

00:28:34.020 graduate school start my career well so i was really on full blast after that point in my life

00:28:41.300 and after i started dating simone within the first year dating you i it used to be if i didn't wear my

00:28:45.700 night guard for a night my my teeth would start cracking and you can even see some lines i did

00:28:50.340 real damage i broke off parts of my teeth that have now been don't do this to me but now not once since

00:28:57.060 we've been in a relationship have i ground my teeth and maybe it's just i so feel like i someone

00:29:02.020 has my back that i'm dealing with incredibly low levels of stress in my daily life which makes

00:29:07.620 things much easier and it's created the illusion for you that i have always been this emotionally calm

00:29:13.780 when it's really more something that has been created because i have so little fear of any sort

00:29:20.020 of betrayal from you or any sort that even things could hit me in the back because i've got another

00:29:26.020 pair of eyes looking for me i would imagine that the mig tau slash red pill community be like of 0.98

00:29:31.540 course she has your back that's the easiest way for her to stab you a waltz oh women are like that 1.00

00:29:40.020 i will destroy you malcolm when you least expect it no but like seriously and i think that's 0.98

00:29:44.420 it's it's one of the most romantic things that you've ever said that like i could make your life 0.95

00:29:49.780 that great because when i learn about hard things that have happened to you before i met you i just

00:29:54.660 like desperately want to travel back in time and give you a hug and at least i can help that younger

00:30:01.700 person by making your life a little better now but golly yeah i would say working with you is amazing

00:30:09.380 and it's specifically amazing because we choose to make it amazing it's our version of

00:30:13.620 yes and except it's just yes and it's awesome yes and we're loving it and every moment is awesome

00:30:19.620 and that's actually one final thing that i note on this is a lot of people are surprised that i start

00:30:24.580 every conversation with a hey how's it going it's great to be chatting with you people will notice this

00:30:29.380 on interviews with me or things and it's like a thing and they're like why do you do that and

00:30:33.780 because i have trained myself to always start every conversation on an emotional high note

00:30:38.820 it's much easier to maintain this emotionally positive high note throughout the entire

00:30:44.580 conversation yeah we have an evoke set of the ways that we respond to people and when you ensure that

00:30:50.260 evoke set is just this very easy positive message like hey how's it going it's great to be talking

00:30:55.060 today it makes it very easy to maintain this positive emotion and if anyone was going to take any

00:31:00.820 one thing away from this i think that's an easy thing to do yeah and you know what i'm really excited for now

00:31:06.740 dinner yes all right you're gonna start some food for me uh do we want me to um yeah i have

00:31:15.620 about 150 grams of 93 lean ground beef that i want to saute for you with some onions and butter

00:31:23.060 yeah please do extra butter and yeah saute with some onions and a jalapeno and a jalapeno and then

00:31:29.220 steam some rice and you'll add the spices after you get back with the kids the tomatoes when i get back

00:31:33.780 yeah okay perfect all right we're on i love you i love you too gorgeous

Based Camp - July 31, 2023

Based Camp： Being Sad is a Sin and a Choice

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