Based Camp： Is the Hot Crazy Matrix Real？
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Summary
In this episode, we talk about how social media has changed the way we see women, and how it affects our perception of what it means to be attractive. We also talk about the role that social media plays in shaping our perceptions of how attractive we are, and the impact it can have on our self-esteem.
Transcript
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It's like having everything on a 50% discount, like just not realizing the real price of things,
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but on a social spectrum. Right. A little worse than that. So if you're having everyone come
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fuss over you every time you cry, every time you lose emotional control in some way,
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you are being subconsciously emotionally rewarded for losing emotional control,
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for losing your composure. Oh, wow. So it's not just that they're given
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privileged treatment the whole time. It's also that they're encouraged to engage in very toxic
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emotional loops that ultimately harms their emotional wellbeing and mental health.
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Yeah. So it's, wait, so the spectrum isn't hot, crazy. It's hot, evil.
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Yeah. For guys, it's hot, evil. If they're still single. And so this is why I think the guys that
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keep running through people that stay on these apps that most women are actually exposed to that don't
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end up settling down, why they, it's almost serving for evil guys, because you begin to
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realize after a while is you've noticed some people who you've hurt. Normal humans don't feel good when
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they hurt other people, even if it was unintentionally. And so men who do have that emotion take themselves
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off the market. Would you like to know more? Malcolm, does being hot make you crazy?
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I think it just might. And I like this as a topic because a secret that people don't know about us.
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And I'm going to post some pictures of this proof because people will doubt this is that you and I were
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born ugly. We were born ugly. We were born ugly. We transformed. You say you would have always found
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me cute. I look at some old pictures of you and I would have found you cute, but definitely we are
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dramatically more attractive now than we were 10 years ago. One, let's say I was an ugly duckling
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that now I'm normal. I would say you were always pretty cute, but you look better now than you used
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to look. You are way hotter now. I actually think you're delusional about this because we play this
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game. I think you are normal if who you're comparing yourself to is like celebrities and people you watch
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online. You have to understand, and I think this is actually something we were discussing last night
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when we were watching a show and some female character came on who was supposed to be really
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hot. And you were like, I don't get it. She's not hot at all. And I think the issue is that she
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didn't look 22. And just in like the past five years, basically everyone online started looking
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22, I think because of filters. And so the problem is we see someone who's aged well, who looks good,
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but because they don't look 22. We're like, Oh, crit keeper. Like what's wrong?
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Yeah. So I actually think that a lot of our viewers would think that you look normal as well,
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because I will agree that was in my evoked set of women. Yeah. You know, you might be on the more
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normal category, but whenever we're walking around, so we play this game. I play this game.
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If you're walking around in a group of normal Americans, but also Americans have a serious health
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crisis right now. Simone, when we're walking around, I play this game. We're walking around
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out into the town. We're walking around in a mall. We're walking around on a cruise. I go, look around.
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Is there anyone in this room that's as attractive as you are? And she won't find anyone. And she'll
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be like, but that doesn't mean anything because we're what, because the population sample we're
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comparing you to is Americans. Like, I think that you are forgetting how unattractive the average
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person is in this country now. And I think that this is a problem that a lot of our viewers have,
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because we've had some viewers reach out to us about like their attractiveness and stuff,
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where, when you are measuring yourself off of this cultural idea, from what you see in online
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spaces, you can create a self-perception that you are much less attractive than you actually are
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when you compare yourself to the general population. And so if anyone in our audience has body image
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issues, I think one of the best ways to deal with those body image issues is to compare yourself to
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large crowds. Well, to like go to a mall. No, like if somebody thinks I'm not,
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buff enough or I'm not skinny enough, right? Go to a mall and say, where am I percentage wise
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within this community? If you're in the top 20%, you don't have anything to worry about.
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And I think that that's a very useful way to reset your expectations in a world where we are
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seeing people online all the time. Yeah. Within limitations. Like I think.
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You don't want to admit it because you have body image issues and you don't want to accept that you
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are. I can't identify as female without having body dysmorphia, Malcolm. Otherwise I wouldn't be a
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woman. You have to understand like the way that we all relate to each other is we're like, oh,
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I hate my thighs. And Nina, someone else is like, I hate my face. I hate my chin. I hate my earlobes.
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They're so fat. Anyway, what we're here to talk about though is the hot, crazy graph, right?
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Yes. We are crazy, but we're not crazy because we're hot.
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This is crazy because we're crazy. Talk about the hot, crazy graph. Cause this is a very
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interesting. So I think what, I don't know where the meme came from, but certainly there are
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videos out there of like people charting out a graph of hot and crazy where there's, you know,
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on one axis, there's hot on the other axis, there's crazy. And basically there is a strong
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correlation. The hotter you get the crazier you get. And this is funny to people. It's amusing
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because it often holds true and it's fun to discuss the dynamics behind that. So why would,
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especially, and this is for women, which is interesting. This is, this is a woman thing.
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This is not necessarily a man thing. Why would a woman be crazier if she were hotter?
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I think it messes up your social development because we live in a society today with low switching costs
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to partners. People can genuinely date a lot when they're younger. So it used to be, you know,
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if you're a young woman, like technically you can date, but not really, there's no reason to like
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just fawn over attractive women in the way we do today, because you really have to commit to that
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woman your entire life. And so if she's dated anyone in high school, you know, that's the person
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she's dated throughout all of high school. And if she's dated a lot of people in high school,
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then she's considered low value, right? Like that was the way things used to be historically.
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I'm not going to say this with a good way of doing things, but what I'm pointing out is that this
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is a fairly new problem, which is women, because they can't sleep around without lowering their
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value as much in modern society. There is an enormous reason for like guys to just absolutely
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simp over the attractive girls, especially during their formative years, because that's when guys
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have the highest amount of testosterone and sex drive. I often liken male puberty to like somebody
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injects you with morphine overnight. So you are addicted to something and it wasn't your choice.
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You'll just do anything to get it like really stupid stuff. And that defines, I think, male puberty
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is doing stupid things to show off to girls. But anyway, or boys sometimes, but anyway, so it creates
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a scenario in which the social limits that normal people are building do not get taught to these hot
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women through no fault of their own. Like a huge number of social lessons that a normal person would
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learn. These women never get a chance to learn during that really important developmental period
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of their lives. Well, you described it to me at one point when we were talking about it is like having
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everything on a 50% discount, like just not realizing the real price of things, but on a social spectrum.
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Right. A little worse than that. And we've talked about this in other videos. The more you allow
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yourself to indulge in any emotion, the harder that emotion becomes to control.
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Oh, right. It's like the punching bag thing where if you, this whole teapot letting off steam
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theory is really toxic because actually if you like punch the punching bag in anger, you're going to feel
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more anger if you just kind of let it go. Yeah. This has been shown in studies. People who like punch a wall
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or punch a bag after, after they get angry as a form of therapy for it actually get more angry in the
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future and get angrier due to lower amounts of stimuli that would induce anger. So it's the same
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thing as like crying. So if you're having everyone come fuss over you every time you cry, every time
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you lose emotional control in some way, you are being subconsciously emotionally rewarded for losing
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emotional control, for losing your composure. And of course that's going to really mess you up as a
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girl. And I think that that is why when I've dated really attractive women in the past, I have often
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noticed that they do have a lot harder time controlling their emotions than less attractive
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women. And they do cycle between emotional extremes much more often. And I think that's because they
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are often rewarded for doing that when they're younger. Oh, wow. So, so it's not just that they're
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given to like privileged treatment the whole time. It's also that they're encouraged to engage in very
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toxic emotional loops that ultimately harms their emotional wellbeing and mental health.
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Yes. Yes. Yes. But it's worse than all that because our society, people are trained to find a lack of
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emotional control attractive and powerful in many ways. You see this in shows, like the huge emotional
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out, outflow is seen as a sign of power, whether it's, you know, Dragon Ball Z, like, you know,
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really, but, but you see this, you know, somebody gets really emotional and then all of a sudden
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they have the power to fix something, right? Like that's, that's often a trope in, in shows
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or the characters that are seen as having uniquely low emotional control, like a Harley Quinn or a
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Jinx is shown as being like, that aspect of them is shown as being desirable. So we have archetypes of
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ideal sexuality outside of sexuality as tied to like motherhood or sexuality as tied to like long-term
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partner traits as personified by the soul of crazy, because I think people have come to associate
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the two to some extent. So women are rewarded by guys finding them more sexually attractive,
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but lower value as partners, which in another way is psychologically torturing these women
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because the women are being rewarded for acting in a way that makes men more likely to show them
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in the moment kindness, but less likely to over the long-term be interested in them.
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I think there's also what I could call the Daisy Buchanan syndrome, which is like, she wasn't crazy
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per se as a character, but there were a lot of really beautiful women that I knew in college
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who clearly like, they would talk about this. Like I would work with, I, at one point I worked in this
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cupcake shop where like everyone there was super hot and they like all sucked with each other.
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It was like the one from the Georgetown cupcakes from Cupcake Wars?
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Not Cupcake Wars. Like I think the reality TV show that they had was called Cupcake Sisters.
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But anyway, everyone was hot and hearing about their, their dating and love lives was really
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interesting. And the interesting thing about the most attractive people was like, there was this
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deep sadness among many of them and like deep distrust of men specifically because they knew
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that they were really attractive and that they were kind of a prize to be won. And that many of the,
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the men who were interested in them were, were only interested in them because of their looks.
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And it wasn't about them. And they, they couldn't, they weren't, they weren't essentially allowed to
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be appreciated for their intelligence, for their interests, for other accomplishments.
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And I do think it's interesting that that would create so much sadness in a woman when like on
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the flip side, like men who know that women are after them because of their wealth and their
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Rolexes and their cars and stuff are like kind of really proud of that. So like they don't have
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that same sadness of like, oh, the woman is only interested in me because I'm incredibly wealthy.
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Well, I guess I'd call this another category of hot crazy, which is like hot on we.
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Yeah. Yeah, no. And I, I've, I've definitely seen this phenomenon as well. This
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wistless, non-interested engaging. I mean, keep in mind that these women also
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So, so if they achieve money, if they achieve success, if they achieve academic success,
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often people just discount it. They're like, oh, you got that because you're hot, you know?
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So how demotivating must that be to be systematically discounted, to have an entire half of the population
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that like lies to you about everything. And then another half, because this has been shown
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in studies that women, when they're around attractive women, they'll undermine them.
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Like they'll, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. They'll pull them down because they're seen
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as threats. Like when they stand out for their beauty. Yeah. Which ultimately makes me so glad
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to learn helplessness. That's what you're seeing in the Dainty Cannon.
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Yeah. But like, so, and so really you could argue that below average looking, especially
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adolescent women, which is what I was like me, if I'm a five now on, on the internet and
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maybe a little higher in reality, but like I was really a little below average in my high
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I'll put up pictures. And, and, and you were kept out of this reality show. It was filming
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while you were at the cupcake store and they hid you in the back and had the attractive
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Yeah. I was, I was, yeah, yeah. Only the hot people were allowed to be, to be in it, which
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was great. Amazing. See, I don't qualify, but, but I honestly think it really held me. Now
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like there were guys who had crushes on me. I later learned cause I couldn't figure it out
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when I was in high school, but they had crushes on me because of my, uh, academic achievement
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and my own intelligence or whatever, because the, the same guys also had crushes on like other
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really high academic performers at our school. So like, and, and, and,
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imagine what, like how, how nice that was that like, I knew that people were interested in me
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because, you know, I, I did weird things and because I was, you know, interested in, in weird
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stuff or because I, you know, was passionate about certain things and instead to just be
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appreciated because you're, you are attractive and would be really hard. Like it could really
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screw up a girl. It makes me think differently about how we might raise our own daughters, because
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if we give them all the tools to look really, really, really good young, it might actually
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kind of screw them up. Not that I want to make them look horrible, but like, I kind of understand
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now the parental hesitancy to like have girls learn how to use makeup really early, very
00:14:04.960
effectively. Although now it's really messed up because you can just use filters to like
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completely skew the way you look. I don't know what to make of this, but it is something
00:14:12.800
No, I agree with what you're saying, but I hear, I'm going to talk about the other thing,
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which is crazy guys. So the interesting thing about hot, crazy girls is that they end up
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acting crazy in ways they really can't control because they're psychologically conditioned while
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they're growing up. And it's very hard for them to escape this. Hot guys typically don't
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get the huge advantage to being hot until they're older because women prefer older men. And because
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that's the advantage. And it is true. You can look at the data. It is, it is not an illusion
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that 20% of guys are getting 80% of women, but, but it's actually more extreme than that.
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It's more like two to 3% of guys are getting any woman they want or maybe, maybe 6%. I go
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like that. But what it means is these are the guys who a lot of women are engaging with because
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they're engaging with a lot of women. They're also what most women are thinking about when
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they're like, I hate men. What they mean is they hate these men who are really hot, who
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they considered worth their time going out with and everything like that. These men who at any
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point can choose between who have very low switching costs, you know, they can dispose
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of a partner and then choose a new partner at any time. They have very little motivation
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to treat their partners well. And so they, in many ways, receive almost no punishment for
00:15:26.340
being cruel to their partners or being honorable to their partners. And so you just get this,
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this horrible action from them. And I think that the hot honorable guys, because I know a number
00:15:39.380
of them, they get locked down early. They get locked down typically a few years out of
00:15:44.580
college at the latest. And so what that means is if you're still on the dating market, like
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in your thirties and you're going after hot guys, right? Like guys above a certain level
00:15:53.100
of attractiveness, they are pretty much all in this non-honorable category because no one
00:15:57.960
Right. They're the ones who wouldn't ever marry you anyway, because all the ones who would
00:16:03.320
Right. So they're treating you crazily, but not crazy, like low emotional control due to
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something outside of your control that the women are hot, crazy DO is, but like evil, crazy.
00:16:16.280
Yeah. So it's, wait, so the spectrum isn't hot, crazy. It's hot, evil.
00:16:21.820
Yeah. For guys, it's hot, evil. If they're still single.
00:16:25.780
Yeah. Yeah. So, so, so yeah, you can have a guy that goes hot and evil, but, but you know,
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try not to, but it's interesting. Yeah. I do like that. I like a woman in the same way
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they have the guys talking about the hot, crazy chart, the hot, evil chart, because the
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hotter they are, the more evil they're, they're going to turn out to be. But then of course
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all the red pillars would be like, well, that's the thing that makes them hot. Is that they're
00:16:45.180
evil? And yes, there's a component of that to it. But even if that component didn't exist,
00:16:50.580
you would still have a reward for this behavior. But what I think is important to remember,
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and I would recommend this to all of the hot guys out there, my fellow hotties. That's
00:17:02.100
not that I'm hot. I don't know. Oh my God. I had an easy time with women. I've always
00:17:07.280
had a very easy time with women. But what I would say is that not locking down a partner
00:17:12.220
and getting in a long-term relationship that hurts you just as much as it hurts the people
00:17:19.600
But explain this to, cause I mean, if I'm thinking about this from a guy's perspective,
00:17:23.580
like more, more female sexual partners equals better. Um, why would I not really get into
00:17:30.860
high numbers? So this was seen as like when Ayla lined everyone up, she did this live Twitter poll
00:17:35.560
of how many partners you've slept with. And I realized that like in a giant crowd, how many
00:17:40.960
I don't know, like 200. I'm really bad at counting.
00:17:43.720
200. I was second to the end, third to the end in terms of, I've had this experience and
00:17:48.840
what happens is sex begins to become gross. Once you get like well over a hundred people,
00:17:54.300
like your body count gets that high as a guy, it becomes routine and gross. And you start thinking
00:17:59.960
more about like the cleanup and you are really only still doing it at that point for the status it
00:18:06.080
grants you. Um, and I think that the people who still sleep around a lot, like in their thirties,
00:18:11.000
the guys who do that, I think they're trying to make up for either the way they see themselves
00:18:15.220
or maybe not getting enough sex when they were younger. And so having some self image issue
00:18:19.920
because sex is just, it actually doesn't reward guys enough to really do it that frequently with
00:18:27.280
that many people. You begin to get sick of it after a while. Um, so one, I just don't think
00:18:32.160
they're actually enjoying it that much. The anticipation of sex is a much stronger mechanism
00:18:38.400
than the actual reward for having sex. When you meditate on it in the moment, the, the actual
00:18:44.100
feelings from having sex are just not that good. They're fine. Like they're good, but they're not
00:18:49.940
like, they're not worth like a day of work, much less like months of labor and trying to get someone
00:18:57.900
if you're one of these, you know, guys who is really struggling with this. So, so one is I think
00:19:02.740
a lot of these guys are just not getting that much reward anymore. And then two, I think what guys
00:19:07.500
really want and the truth of what they want is, is somebody who genuinely cares about them.
00:19:12.500
Somebody who's, you know, kids, I can tell you having kids around the house, like playing with
00:19:19.340
my kids is so much better than sex in terms of the actual, isn't this a damnation of my sexual
00:19:26.000
prowess, Malcolm? No, no, no, no, no. I've had sex with black women. It has nothing to do with you.
00:19:30.760
The point that I'm making is that the core difference in our society is one of the things
00:19:37.180
is tied to a lot of guys' self-worth. So they think I'm not a real guy. I'm not manly enough.
00:19:42.280
If I'm not out there sleeping with a lot of people and, and our society pretends that it's
00:19:47.280
a lot better than, than playing with your kids. But if you, I think to most of it, now keep in
00:19:51.840
mind, people are different. Some people are born, like some guys are born liking penises, right? Like
00:19:56.480
I don't know. I guess some people are born probably getting less intrinsic happiness from playing with
00:20:03.100
their kids. People are born all over the spectrum, but at least for me, like if I actually tried to
00:20:08.520
meditate on how much actual positive emotions I'm getting from the two experiences, it's like
00:20:15.100
not even close. Don't you think part of that's though, this stage of your adult development,
00:20:20.300
I think if you were a teenager, definitely like spending time with kids, probably not going to
00:20:25.160
be as satisfying as I think you're right. I think you're right. But I think that your development
00:20:29.340
reacts organically to your environment in many ways. So I think if I was younger and I got into a
00:20:34.800
developed relationship sooner, like a committed relationship sooner, my testosterone would drop
00:20:38.620
sooner. And, and, and this sort of stage of, of my, the human life cycle would begin sooner.
00:20:44.860
But I, I, I guess what I'm saying is as somebody who went through that experience of being able to
00:20:50.760
just sleep with whoever they wanted for a long period of time, when I was really horny, when I was
00:20:56.800
at that stage of my life where like that emotion is, is maximized, I can say that when you're at the
00:21:02.080
stage of your life where like fatherhood is maximized, um, that emotional well is just a
00:21:07.700
much richer emotional well. Um, and you feel much better afterwards because you never like,
00:21:13.900
that was another thing is I think when you sleep with a lot of people, you begin to worry about
00:21:20.360
hurting people. And I think that this is something that people don't talk about, but I think a lot
00:21:24.880
of guys, and so this is why I think the guys that keep running through people that stay on these apps
00:21:28.440
that most women are actually exposed to that don't end up settling down, why they, it's almost
00:21:32.840
serving for evil guys, because you begin to realize after a while is you've noticed some
00:21:38.520
people who you've hurt. Yeah. And so those, those who keep, keep going at it are those who just don't
00:21:42.960
care. Yeah. Who felt their emotional connection to you was stronger than the emotional connection
00:21:46.940
you had to them, or they develop like some really strong bond to you because you know, you're the
00:21:51.840
first person they slept with. And then when you, you know, you move on because that, that wasn't what
00:21:56.500
you were in that relationship for. And you signal that to them very clearly. They just didn't believe
00:21:59.860
you or thought it was some sort of a gambit. They end up hurting. And I think that normal humans
00:22:07.000
don't feel good when they hurt other people, even if it was unintentionally, even if you signaled to
00:22:13.640
the person, you know, I suspect you're going to get attached to me. And when I leave you, it will hurt
00:22:17.880
you. And so I think that people who do have that emotion, men who do have that emotion, take themselves
00:22:23.580
off the market. And, and in a way that, yeah, so that could be another reason why you have this hot
00:22:29.120
evil graph with guys who the women are engaging when they go into the market. The ones that are
00:22:33.300
still on the market are just more likely to be evil because they don't care about the people they hurt.
00:22:37.060
And I'm, I'm, I'm just thinking about the similarities between kid time and sexy time
00:22:41.520
oxytocin, oxytocin surges. Yes. Cleanup is necessary. You know, yes. You might want to shower after.
00:22:48.560
Yes. But, but you never, I never feel like, did I hurt my kid? No, I was just wrestling with them
00:22:55.880
or fighting with fake swords. Well, they're devastated when playtime is over and they have
00:22:59.740
to go to bed. You have, you know, the, the negotiation that, that happens with our, oh no,
00:23:04.760
I still need, I want, I leave you to handle those negotiations. Oh, no, I want another hug. I don't
00:23:10.260
know, man. Anyway, though, you're in for a treat because we've got to go pick up our kids
00:23:14.740
right now. So we have our fancy dinner tonight. Yeah. So you got to run up, get your shirt on
00:23:21.140
and I'm going to get some bottles and diapers together and off we go. Love you, Simone. I love