Based Camp - Dating For Marriage： Why Red Pill Strategies Backfire

00:00:00.000 Hello, everyone. I'm really excited to be talking with you today. I am a woman, a wolf. I'm

00:00:06.180 hypergamous. I'm evil. And I'm going to tell you exactly why I chose my husband, who, of course, 0.83

00:00:10.960 I will discard someday for a better model. I mean, maybe. Let's find out.

00:00:17.400 No, hold on. Specifically, the two concepts we're going to be discussing in this episode

00:00:20.600 is how I secured Simone as a wife. And the second is, i.e., why did she develop feelings for me

00:00:29.120 from her own perception? Why did she decide to marry me when before this she had been very urban

00:00:34.800 monoculture, very in that bubble? How do you secure and convert, not just secure, but convert high

00:00:42.960 quality women? And then second, how do you avoid hypergamy? And we're talking about this because

00:00:48.800 a lot of people following this podcast are interested in finding a wife. And also many of

00:00:54.680 the ambitious, intelligent, successful young women they're dating are also very urban monoculture 1.00

00:01:01.620 pill. They're just like me. They never want to have kids. They want to focus on their career.

00:01:05.700 The idea of pregnancy is abhorrent to them. So maybe we can use me as a case study, delve into my

00:01:12.580 previous brain, and at least the dynamics that enabled Malcolm's in my relationship to happen to

00:01:17.420 see if maybe some of this might be replicated for you if this is a goal of yours.

00:01:21.620 And then how to avoid hypergamy, which I would argue is made likely by overly trad relationships.

00:01:31.000 Both being too overly urban monoculture or overly trad makes you very at risk for hypergamy.

00:01:36.100 That's interesting. The first thing I think of when you mentioned that is when it comes to careers,

00:01:40.700 the smart thing is to switch careers every few years because you're able to get a better income.

00:01:44.880 And I wonder if the same dynamic is the case when your career is being a wife, like after a few

00:01:51.320 years, especially if you feel like you're appreciating in value, like if you're building

00:01:54.680 an online following or you're getting hotter in any way, like if you're actually a durable wife,

00:01:59.580 trading up and being hypergamous is actually the logical thing to do. That's interesting.

00:02:05.120 All right. Well, let's start with you and why you chose me and what guys have

00:02:09.840 gotten your eye before. Yeah. So I have a very consistent track record of people I've had crushes

00:02:17.720 on since I was a teen. The universal factor is having a unique passion for something in your life,

00:02:29.320 knowing who you are and being very transparent about it and unapologetic about it. In other podcasts,

00:02:36.040 we've alluded to this like very embarrassing crush I had on this guy who was really into Catholic

00:02:40.820 doctrine and I would go to his dorm room, bringing all these cupcakes and asking him hard questions

00:02:45.720 about Catholicism. Cause it was just like my excuse to like get him to talk to me more. I had crushes

00:02:50.200 on people who were, you know, he ended up, he ended up, he's like, Oh, Simone, I've enjoyed these

00:02:55.560 discussions with you so much. I've decided to become a priest. And she's like, no, this is how good my

00:03:02.160 game is. You don't know Catholic priest can't marry or date. So yeah, that was, yeah. No, it worked out

00:03:08.960 really well. Come on, Malcolm. I'm really, all is as it should be. I want to take a few notes on what

00:03:14.840 you're saying here because Simone is not unique in this fact. Not at all. Most high value women I know

00:03:22.780 have this profile in terms of what that like gets them excited about a partner. And a lot of the guys

00:03:31.440 I know when they are pursuing women do not pursue them using these techniques and we'll go over the 1.00

00:03:38.620 techniques that they use that are really ineffective. The first step, I think one, one thing I'll just

00:03:42.520 note is even when you look at a lot of the crushes that take place in fictional universes, it's often

00:03:48.060 on guys who have no interest in women are not like, Oh, I'm here. Cause I'm like powerful and cool.

00:03:53.980 It's men who are extremely passionate about whatever it is, like be that revenge or saving their

00:04:00.220 kingdom or something else. It's people who know who they are and have a mission and are pursuing it.

00:04:06.140 And these are the women, this is, these are the men to whom women want to hitch their wagons. 0.60

00:04:10.920 Yeah. Lots of Luigi Mani, Gioni fan fictions going around right now.

00:04:14.100 Oh no. Oh dear.

00:04:17.640 But I, I, I want to explain one, why this is the case. And to the, the reason why guys are making mistakes.

00:04:24.140 The first mistake comes downstream of the red pill movement. And you and I would actually consider 0.87

00:04:29.320 ourselves like red pillars to an extent. The red pill is fundamentally correct where it taught guys

00:04:35.760 that, Hey, women say they want X, but they really want Y, but there was a sub caveat to everything. 0.54

00:04:43.180 The red pill taught men and everything, the pickup artists taught men, which was, this is how you win 0.98

00:04:49.400 on the sexual marketplace. And as we've always pointed out, there are two key marketplaces.

00:04:55.700 There is the sexual marketplace and there is the marriage slash long-term relationship marketplace.

00:05:01.340 And on the sexual marketplace, women have an enormous advantage. And, you know, these same guys will laugh 0.97

00:05:09.940 at women who think they can get the same type of guy to marry them as they can get to sleep with them 0.98

00:05:14.580 on a one night stand, but not apply just as for that woman, different rules apply between these two 1.00

00:05:20.220 marketplaces. Different things are arousing. Different things are desirable. The same thing is true for

00:05:26.360 men. And so they apply tools and techniques that have been optimized to secure a woman who will sleep 0.98

00:05:36.140 with you as quickly as possible. Like it's attractive as a woman, if possible sleeping with you as quickly 0.98

00:05:40.000 as possible. Well, what's one of the things that those techniques are going to filter out if they

00:05:44.880 are working as intended, they are going to filter out chaste women very early. You would want them 1.00

00:05:51.400 to filter out chaste women. I'm going to a bar and I am looking to come home and sleep with someone 1.00

00:05:57.040 that night. A pickup line that causes a woman like Simone, who before me had never slept with someone 1.00

00:06:02.700 to like walk away, is actually a good line. It increases the probability that you end up going

00:06:09.860 home with someone. But the problem is, is it also means that intrinsically the women who you are

00:06:15.700 bringing home are gonna be, well, both one, less chaste and two, less interesting. And so you could

00:06:23.340 say, okay, so why is it that so many of this chaste cast of women is thinking like Simone is in terms of 0.95

00:06:30.980 their arousal pattern? Like why are they looking for a man who has a mission? And I think that there is

00:06:37.300 a line in Rick and Morty that is said derogatorily, but it's actually, I think, the aspiration for a lot

00:06:44.760 of women, which is he says, hey, I mean, it's not like he's a hot girl. He can't just bail on his life and

00:06:50.160 set up shop in someone else's. But that I think is the reality of an aspiration among many women is they

00:06:57.260 want to set themselves up in a life that looks like it's going to matter and be respected or at least be

00:07:05.820 something that they can take personal pride in being a part of.

00:07:12.040 I think it also might correlate with long-term signs of career stability. So this is the behavior

00:07:23.400 that you would expect from someone who is not a free radical, from someone who is likely to have

00:07:29.740 a steady income and security in their life. And I think women looking for long-term partners are 1.00

00:07:36.340 subconsciously looking for someone who is also dependable and consistent and a safe person to

00:07:43.020 invest in. I disagree, actually. So here, listen to this and then you'll be like, oh yeah, you're right.

00:07:48.080 Of the women I know who have chosen partners based on this factor, which a lot of high-quality women 0.98

00:07:53.660 have, the most common relationship structure is the sword and shield structure that we have discussed

00:07:58.800 multiple times. Sword and shield structure relationships mean the woman chooses, or not 0.91

00:08:05.240 the woman, one of the partners chooses to be the shield. That means they are a secure source of income. 0.89

00:08:09.980 And then the sword goes out and does the high-risk, high-reward things that can move the family up.

00:08:16.640 Yeah, but it's the passion. It's the consistent passion and transparency that indicates that they

00:08:21.400 will be a sword at all. I think absolutely women are on average more likely to be the shield. 1.00

00:08:26.500 I think you're totally wrong in thinking that women aren't looking for a consistent driving passion

00:08:31.660 to be able to trust that their men will be a sword. I cannot tell you how many women I've encountered

00:08:36.320 who have met and ended up with men and then ultimately left them, or just been dragged

00:08:40.700 down by them for life because those men end up just being louts at home and not doing anything.

00:08:46.620 Like, that is a really common issue. I hear what you're saying, but the way that you had framed

00:08:50.340 this to begin with is a look for this trait in men because it leads to economic stability and

00:08:56.480 career success. No, no, no, no. But you have to understand, a man who is passionate, who knows what

00:09:00.620 he's all about, and who really is, like, big on a thing, isn't a guy who, like, gets his salary

00:09:06.940 job and does his nine-to-five.

00:09:08.900 It's literally antithetical to economic stability.

00:09:13.760 No, I don't mean economic stability. I mean, like, you can depend on them to be driving the

00:09:19.440 family forward.

00:09:21.060 Driving the family forward to some goal.

00:09:23.280 Yes.

00:09:23.700 But I think that's a key thing.

00:09:25.900 The way that you said what you said could easily be misinterpreted by a guy to be girls

00:09:31.220 want a guy was a successful, like, say, bureaucratic career.

00:09:36.560 And I'm sure some do.

00:09:37.840 Some do, but I would say that if you're looking for, like, really high-quality women, often 0.99

00:09:42.200 that is not what they want, and they actually want to be support for the guy.

00:09:48.080 But when they want to be support for a guy, they want the guy doing something big and interesting

00:09:53.740 enough to be worth dedicating your life to a supporting role in that.

00:09:58.640 Because you're essentially investing in a startup. 1.00

00:10:01.660 So you're not going to invest in a stupid-sounding startup. 0.99

00:10:04.380 You want to invest in something good. 0.99

00:10:06.600 Yeah, and I also know there's sword and shield relationships for people who are like, well,

00:10:10.020 I prefer a traditional relationship.

00:10:11.560 Well, this was traditional for Vikings.

00:10:13.360 Women stayed. 1.00

00:10:14.060 They managed the family finances.

00:10:15.300 They managed the farm, and the guy would go out.

00:10:16.800 And Spartans, too.

00:10:18.460 Yeah, no, this is actually probably more of a common relationship in human history than

00:10:24.480 anything close to a nuclear family has been, where the guy goes out and earns all the money 0.89

00:10:28.140 and the woman stays at home and does nothing. 1.00

00:10:29.440 That's incredibly rare.

00:10:30.860 That's really kind of descended from aristocratic relationships.

00:10:34.400 The women, yeah, the women never really did anything if they were high-achieving. 1.00

00:10:40.160 Even aristocratic women did a lot. 1.00

00:10:42.260 They did the household management.

00:10:43.720 If you were an aristocratic woman, that means that your husband ran an estate.

00:10:50.540 This was the equivalent of running a city, like being a mayor of a city.

00:10:54.900 There were tenants who were farming.

00:10:57.440 You had a village.

00:10:58.320 You had the entire household.

00:10:59.760 You were entertaining important guests.

00:11:01.600 You were basically running an events management company and a small town.

00:11:05.000 Well, and this is where you got the poverty, and I'd call it the emotional poverty of the

00:11:12.280 nuclear family, which, as we pointed out before, really only started in the 1910s and only lasted

00:11:17.300 until the 1970s, where you had men who supported a wife at home.

00:11:22.700 And that was because the middle class in America tried to model their family structure off of the

00:11:28.460 family structure of aristocrats of before 1910.

00:11:32.140 So, you know, they saw the woman staying at home, the man going out.

00:11:35.440 And by the way, before this period, what you had with corporate families, the man and the woman would

00:11:39.020 work together to run something.

00:11:40.280 But anyway, they saw this happening, and they tried to model it, but without understanding that the

00:11:49.980 women who lived this type of lifestyle were actually doing a ton of stuff. 1.00

00:11:54.300 But because they didn't have courts, because they didn't have, you know, parties every other

00:11:59.640 month at their house that, like, hundreds of people would come to, because they didn't have a

00:12:03.600 staff, the woman was just sitting at home all day. 1.00

00:12:06.020 And this is why you got all these housewives addicted to, like, cocaine and, like, other stuff. 1.00

00:12:09.780 What were all the drugs that they were on?

00:12:11.000 I can't remember.

00:12:12.020 Mommy's little helper. 0.99

00:12:13.240 Yeah.

00:12:13.500 It was, like, a major problem for housewives, because you can't just, like, sit at home and 1.00

00:12:17.040 do nothing all day.

00:12:17.800 I mean, in the, like, 30s to 50s, it was amphetamines.

00:12:21.440 And then after that, it was, like, I would say 60s to 90s, it was benzos.

00:12:27.440 So it kind of depends on your time.

00:12:29.800 Yeah.

00:12:30.200 But I'd also note here around, like, let's say, arousal patterns, because, like, you actually,

00:12:36.240 you didn't just, like, logically decide to go for me.

00:12:39.360 You developed a crush on me when you saw my passion and how much I'd sought through things.

00:12:46.880 Like, explain how that works, because I think that's going to be interesting for people.

00:12:52.180 Yeah.

00:12:52.740 The biggest thing that felt so shocking, going on a date with Malcolm after going on a date

00:12:58.480 with a bunch of other guys in the Bay Area when I was on my campaign, and that is to say,

00:13:03.860 when I turned 24, I decided there's a New Year's resolution.

00:13:06.680 That year, I was going to fall in love and have my heart broken and then live alone forever.

00:13:10.220 So I was, like, systematically going through OkCupid, like, dating through the Bay Area, the

00:13:15.240 San Francisco Bay Area, to try to find someone I could fall in love with.

00:13:20.260 The guys before, you know, we had some of the conversations were interesting.

00:13:25.200 Some of the dates were really interesting and surprising.

00:13:28.000 But they never really, no one stood out, because no one, no, everyone was aimless.

00:13:35.420 No one knew what they really valued, what they cared about.

00:13:38.500 There were certainly things they were interested in, and they were building this or that, or working

00:13:42.240 on this with their career, or they really were interested in four-year transforms, or, like,

00:13:47.180 building obstacle courses, or all sorts of interesting things.

00:13:49.600 Like, they were interesting people.

00:13:51.060 And I also, I think it's misleading for me to be like, none of them had passions, but none

00:13:57.260 of them had passions that came from any sort of ideological or, like, deep-set values.

00:14:05.640 It was hobbies.

00:14:06.660 Interesting hobbies that augmented their self-perception as interesting people.

00:14:12.760 Yeah.

00:14:13.060 And, you know, I don't know if this is true.

00:14:14.980 I was listening to a podcast earlier this month about hobbies being something that were

00:14:20.580 concertedly developed, even through the school system, under the understanding that as technology

00:14:27.300 advanced, society would end up with a ton of free time and needed to direct that free time

00:14:32.520 in a virtuous direction, like with sports, or woodwork, or fishing, or whatever, so that,

00:14:38.740 you know, they didn't, like, loiter on the streets and just start breaking things for fun

00:14:41.960 because they had the time, because they didn't have to work all the time anymore.

00:14:45.540 And I really, whether that's true or not, and it's probably at least a little bit true,

00:14:50.920 the concept of hobbies really is kind of this opiate of the masses thing.

00:14:55.000 It's like this idea that-

00:14:55.620 Yeah, I think they really highlight on something there in terms of women's arousal patterns, 1.00

00:14:59.620 right, which is hobbies are what you do to masturbate specific emotional pathways as

00:15:06.340 a male.

00:15:06.720 They're what you do when you don't have purpose in life, because if you have a pure objective

00:15:12.580 function, if you know what you're doing with your life, no, no, no, hear me out here.

00:15:15.840 Like, if you really know what you're all about, you may do something to wind down a little bit

00:15:20.420 that you could call a hobby, but you really don't have, like, a big all-encompassing hobby

00:15:24.980 because you have a bigger thing to work toward, and you're going to take your free time to

00:15:28.480 do that, to advance on that.

00:15:29.820 You know, I agree 100%, but, like, for me, for example, I do, like, recreational activities

00:15:36.880 that I understand to be purely recreational, like video games, for example.

00:15:39.980 Yeah, but you only do them when you, like, actually need to rest because you literally

00:15:42.660 can't think anymore.

00:15:44.300 You've been up for, you know- 0.97

00:15:45.380 Right, but I, yeah, I understand that they are no different from masturbation. 0.96

00:15:49.940 That is what I am doing when I am playing a video game. 0.95

00:15:52.700 I am masturbating parts of my head, and I think that some men hear women say something 0.94

00:15:58.820 like, a guy who's a gamer gives me the ick, and they're like, oh my gosh, like, because 0.98

00:16:04.020 you see this, like, guys, right, they're like, oh, women, like, just discount any guy who's 0.93

00:16:08.540 a gamer, and, like, you misunderstand what's being said here, right?

00:16:13.780 It's guys whose primary thing in life is gaming is what is giving the ick.

00:16:19.620 It is guys whose gaming is more important to them than their purpose, that is going

00:16:25.980 to give any high-quality woman the ick. 0.98

00:16:29.180 Any sort of hobby, where hobby is defined as something that doesn't follow some sort

00:16:33.100 of, like, deep-seated value for, like, I could say improving the world or whatever it is that

00:16:38.180 you want to do, right?

00:16:39.680 Even if it's, well, a fairly high-status one.

00:16:42.060 Like, I put together, like, a zombie run in San Francisco every year or something like

00:16:46.980 that, right?

00:16:47.400 Like, and it's big, and it's all on all the newspapers, and it's like, that's a big

00:16:52.040 thing, but it's a thing devoid of purpose.

00:16:54.520 It's a high-status thing, and it adds a quirk to your character, but it's a thing devoid of

00:16:59.840 purpose.

00:17:00.760 Or I do these really cool, like, Burning Man art displays, and then you come check out

00:17:06.260 this giant, like, truckasaurus I made.

00:17:09.020 And it's like, that's cool, but that's...

00:17:10.980 Yeah, and I met a lot of people like that, and it was fun exploring these things with

00:17:15.380 them, but I never came away from our dates thinking, like, I want to be associated with

00:17:22.500 this person.

00:17:23.200 Like, this is someone I could spend my life with.

00:17:26.320 Absolutely, absolutely.

00:17:27.420 And so I think that one thing you said to me when you were talking about this is you're

00:17:32.440 like, they have to have an objective function.

00:17:34.580 And if you don't have one of those yet, The Pragmatist's Guide to Life, our first book,

00:17:38.080 it's 99 cents on Amazon, like, just get it and read it.

00:17:41.840 An objective function is a term that we use to describe a thing or a collection of things,

00:17:48.400 like, you know, weighted things that you think have inherent value and that you want to maximize

00:17:52.640 with your life.

00:17:53.800 They're not life goals, because that implies that this thing of inherent value can be achieved,

00:17:59.120 whereas pretty much all objective functions, whether it be, you know, reducing suffering in

00:18:03.360 mankind or maximizing the amount that you can learn or, you know, protecting human flourishing

00:18:10.160 and intelligence, all of these things are not discrete goals.

00:18:15.700 So do you have any more thoughts on this particular topic before we go to the next one?

00:18:19.940 The other thing that really was, and it stood out, which I think is also super important,

00:18:24.020 and this is an issue with both men and women, is how transparent and honest you were.

00:18:28.480 On our first date, you sit across from me and you say, I'm not looking to date, I'm looking

00:18:32.660 to find a wife, and I expect to find her this fall at Stanford, where there's a large pool

00:18:36.440 of pre-budded candidates.

00:18:37.780 Immediately, I knew that you were looking to get married, that you had specific criteria

00:18:45.480 for a wife, that you didn't think that I fit that criteria, but you were still willing

00:18:48.780 to talk to me.

00:18:49.820 And then you proceeded to give me, like, you laid out your objective function, what you believed

00:18:54.440 mattered, and how you were going to achieve it with your life.

00:18:56.860 And that, to me, was so refreshing, because I know that everyone I went on a date with wanted

00:19:04.060 something, but the vast majority, like, well, none of them until you, actually told me that.

00:19:10.220 You know, it was just always talking about other things.

00:19:12.480 It was never, just never out there.

00:19:15.300 And I think that both men and women, I think they think, because there are often tropes of

00:19:20.280 being transparent as being seen as being desperate or needy, you know, like a woman being like,

00:19:28.020 I'm looking to get married on a first date, not playing hard to get, for example, being

00:19:32.280 seen as bad.

00:19:33.500 But honestly, it just, there are bad ways to deliver it, but if you deliver it right, and

00:19:39.980 if you're based and honest about it, when you reveal your agenda, you are saving time.

00:19:47.260 If someone doesn't want to get married, and you want to get married, and you're on a date

00:19:49.960 with them, it is so good for all of you, if you just make it clear that you're not a good

00:19:55.880 match.

00:19:56.180 The sooner you get to know on that front, the better.

00:19:58.860 And it's similar with, you know, pickup artistry.

00:20:00.840 If someone isn't interested in having sex that night, and you want sex that night, you 0.64

00:20:04.280 need to move on.

00:20:05.280 And this is really clear in all the strategy forums, like you, you cannot afford to spend

00:20:10.440 your entire night working on a girl who clearly isn't going to go home with you.

00:20:14.720 So yeah, I just, that transparency was huge.

00:20:17.880 And I loved that.

00:20:18.660 It was very sexy.

00:20:19.360 The problem with the pickup artist community in terms of finding wives is it's that woman 1.00

00:20:23.000 who is literally the worst woman for a pickup artist, the best woman for a guy who wants 1.00

00:20:29.020 to get married.

00:20:29.540 And so it led to really bad techniques being developed.

00:20:35.360 And here I note the final thing, the huge mistake that guys make is a big thing in pickup

00:20:40.500 artistry is looking dominant and fitting this aesthetic of masculinity.

00:20:46.980 And a lot of men online will shame other men for not fitting this aesthetic of masculinity.

00:20:52.860 They'll be like, oh, you know, you're not being masculine or buff in this way, or oh, you're

00:20:57.760 not being masculine or buff in this way. 0.99

00:21:00.060 That is a form of masturbation. 0.95

00:21:02.400 No different from video games in the eyes of high quality women of these quote unquote, 1.00

00:21:07.500 like masculine buff type guys.

00:21:09.720 I don't know a single one of them who has landed a high quality wife. 0.99

00:21:13.600 Like it just never happens. 0.93

00:21:16.100 And they'll go online and they'll shit on other guys for like acting fae or like, oh, I bet 1.00

00:21:21.300 he's gay or like whatever, you know, because that's how they built sort of their internal 0.99

00:21:26.140 structure.

00:21:27.060 Well, this obsession with appearance reeks of insecurity and women can sniff that out like 1.00

00:21:34.300 shark sniff blood. 0.88

00:21:35.400 And that's another reason why your honesty was so hot.

00:21:55.880 And why anyone's honesty is hot is that honesty reeks of confidence, which is the sexiest thing

00:22:01.660 you could possibly have.

00:22:02.700 It's so much more important than looks.

00:22:05.300 Yes.

00:22:05.720 And so I'd really, if guys see themselves as very masculine, very man-like, and that's

00:22:10.600 a very important part of their identity, I will say, and I know that this requires like

00:22:15.860 serious soul searching in terms of like, whether it's reading the pragmatist guide to life or

00:22:20.320 rethinking other things about your life.

00:22:21.980 If you are struggling to find high quality partners, that's likely why guys like this do

00:22:27.400 not get high quality partners almost ever.

00:22:30.100 Then you can be like, well, what about Andrew Tate?

00:22:31.860 And I was like, well, do you think his partners are that high quality?

00:22:34.340 Like, these are like bimbos. 1.00

00:22:35.880 Like, what are you talking about?

00:22:37.620 Would you actually be happy like having an intellectual discussion with them?

00:22:41.820 And you're like, well, you don't need to have an intellectual discussion with your wife.

00:22:45.040 And it's like, you better hope you plan to have an intellectual discussion with your

00:22:47.940 kids. 1.00

00:22:48.960 Because if you marry a woman who's a bimbo and an idiot, then your kids are going to be 1.00

00:22:52.320 bimbos and idiots. 1.00

00:22:54.280 Weak wives make weak sons. 1.00

00:22:55.940 OK, so that's not a good strategy.

00:23:00.240 And it just doesn't work.

00:23:01.040 It just doesn't work.

00:23:01.680 You can only get so many Andrew Tates.

00:23:02.960 You know what I mean?

00:23:03.920 So to the next thing, hypergamy. 1.00

00:23:06.700 All right.

00:23:07.260 So fundamentally, what causes hypergamy?

00:23:11.060 It is when a woman chooses a man, and there's this fear among a lot of men that like, if

00:23:17.600 you had my wife had a guy who had significantly more money than me, who was interested in you 0.98

00:23:23.720 and at an equal level of attraction or whatever, and you've had guys who I think have had hundreds

00:23:29.220 of millions of dollars interested in you or express interest, you might be too autistic 1.00

00:23:33.120 to notice.

00:23:33.900 I genuinely would be able to tell you, is this the only reason I haven't left you, Malcolm?

00:23:40.480 I can't pick up a hit.

00:23:43.520 But what people note here, and one guy was like, yeah, well, OK, he said this, and I

00:23:49.040 think that he sort of began to understand how you prevent hypergamy when he was going

00:23:53.400 through his, oh, yes, but he's like, look, when a woman finds a guy who has, let's say,

00:23:58.140 $5 more than her husband, and that guy will take her, she'll leave him for them. 1.00

00:24:03.960 And then the guy was like, well, yeah, but then you've got to like price in things like

00:24:07.140 starting the relationship over again, the risk of the new relationship.

00:24:10.480 Blah, blah, blah.

00:24:11.340 He's like, OK, OK, OK.

00:24:12.540 Once you price all that in, if they have marginally more money, they will take that.

00:24:17.980 And here you might be expecting me to say, no, they won't take that.

00:24:20.980 And I'd actually say, actually, yeah, most women will take that. 0.93

00:24:25.820 But that is because many men have not priced into their relationships the cost of leaving

00:24:35.820 them, i.e.

00:24:36.940 the structure of their relationships into the cost of leaving them.

00:24:40.460 So, for example, you could, and this often happens with guys and girls, and you were talking

00:24:45.880 about this, like a guy moves up in the world and with that brings a woman up in the world.

00:24:50.240 Maybe he becomes a congressman or something, right?

00:24:52.220 And then she ends up meeting some business tycoon at some fancy party.

00:24:56.040 And now, you know, she's no longer a waitress. 0.79

00:24:58.140 She's the wife of a.

00:24:59.420 And then I was at an event recently, a heritage foundation event, and there was a lawyer there

00:25:03.360 who's talking about how divorce can even become trendy in some communities and positively start

00:25:07.900 augmenting people's social status.

00:25:09.800 Like, well, if you don't have an ex, then you're not really, I mean, you're sort of scoogey,

00:25:13.560 you know what I mean?

00:25:14.660 And so when you have all of that, you can have people want to leave their partner with

00:25:20.240 only minimal cost to them, right?

00:25:23.020 It's like, well, you know, I'm staying at home.

00:25:24.740 And this is why stay-at-home wives are so likely to leave their husbands. 1.00

00:25:28.540 Because husbands are like, what? 0.97

00:25:29.620 I did everything.

00:25:30.360 I supported them.

00:25:31.140 And it's like, no, you created a life where they could just trade you out for anyone else

00:25:37.000 who was supporting them with an equal amount of money.

00:25:40.040 That is what you created.

00:25:41.420 And worse, they have a psychological belief in their head, if they don't have a new partner

00:25:48.460 lined up, which sometimes they don't, that they can secure the same type of partner that

00:25:53.540 they were dating when they first met you.

00:25:55.660 Now, this belief is wrong, but it can still lead them to leaving you and making really, 0.80

00:25:59.760 really dumb decisions that hurt you both.

00:26:02.260 Or, you know, their friends will be like, hey, you can get all that money. 0.91

00:26:05.840 You know, as they say, you know, in a divorce, as a lawyer was telling me this, it usually

00:26:09.100 goes half the money goes to the wife, a quarter goes to the lawyers, and a quarter goes to

00:26:12.620 the husband.

00:26:13.700 Oh, gosh, that's sad.

00:26:16.140 And this woman can get a stipend. 1.00

00:26:17.840 She doesn't need to listen to you anymore. 1.00

00:26:19.780 You know, she's on pay for the next. 1.00

00:26:21.740 This is a pretty good, like, okay.

00:26:24.320 So then you're like, how can you?

00:26:25.600 If you didn't have some kind of emotional investment in the relationship, like an ideological 0.97

00:26:30.520 or emotional investment, you'd be kind of dumb to not go for it. 1.00

00:26:36.020 It would be stupid to not. 0.99

00:26:40.300 So then a person can say, wait, you're making it seem very likely that a woman would leave 0.98

00:26:44.820 you, right?

00:26:45.740 It's like, no, if you do this trad thing, it's likely that a woman, like the Laura Thuzer

00:26:49.880 thing, right?

00:26:50.400 You know, she tried the whole trad thing, and then they broke up.

00:26:53.060 Or that Steven Crowder thing.

00:26:54.740 He was trying the whole trad thing, and they broke up.

00:26:57.000 But, you know, who knows if she, you know, overly exaggerated in the claims against him

00:27:02.360 and stuff like that.

00:27:03.120 I've heard that she might have, but, you know, there's the footage, so whatever.

00:27:07.000 The point being, I'm sure if you could get footage of the worst I'd ever been to Simone,

00:27:10.960 I mean, it wouldn't be like that, but I would look bad.

00:27:15.240 I'd be like, you know. 0.99

00:27:16.520 We all look bad when we're being dicks to each other. 0.98

00:27:20.160 I mean, what do you want to say? 0.99

00:27:21.560 The point here is, if you left me, both of us would have nothing.

00:27:29.620 The cost to leaving me, to you and me, is so catastrophic that no matter how much money

00:27:37.920 a guy had, it wouldn't be worth it.

00:27:41.000 Mm-hmm.

00:27:41.960 Because we have built a traditional corporate relationship, which means that my public identity

00:27:47.240 in your public identity and our public identities being ours.

00:27:51.780 So, for example, they're like, wait, you guys work in private equity.

00:27:54.320 Yeah, but we worked in private equity together.

00:27:56.300 We were co-CEOs of our companies.

00:27:58.340 We co-raised money for our funds.

00:28:01.560 They're like, well, you guys are well-known public figures.

00:28:03.980 Together.

00:28:04.520 We have a joint Wikipedia page.

00:28:06.000 I don't know anyone else with a joint Wikipedia page.

00:28:08.440 How do you get divorced if you have a joint Wikipedia page?

00:28:11.100 We've written all our books together.

00:28:13.240 We do our podcast together.

00:28:15.240 I want your thoughts on this.

00:28:16.660 The marriages I've seen fell apart, and some of them even include marriages that I just

00:28:20.320 thought were the dream marriages of, you know, the parents of my friends who I thought were

00:28:26.240 just perfect together.

00:28:27.760 Mm-hmm.

00:28:28.560 They resulted from a lack of ideological alignment of the relationship being of two people living

00:28:38.480 their own lives rather than a team fighting toward a shared goal.

00:28:43.060 when you marry someone because you want a partner, someone, a friend, someone to keep you company,

00:28:48.820 someone to raise your kids, someone to clean your house, someone to make money for you so

00:28:53.620 you can keep a house, that often isn't ideologically aligned.

00:29:00.560 It's not, the incentives aren't aligned, and you can drift apart from that person really,

00:29:05.580 really easily.

00:29:06.660 That's why.

00:29:08.700 It's not for me.

00:29:10.660 I actually think it would be fairly easy for us to part ways, logistically speaking,

00:29:15.380 and at least for me to have a career.

00:29:17.880 I think being a white man and trying to get a career is really scary these days, but like

00:29:21.320 if I had, you know, no attachment to you and you suddenly became terrible to me, it would

00:29:27.500 not be a problem for me to leave you, period.

00:29:29.360 Like, it's just that easy.

00:29:30.560 And I think everyone, like, this is why men are afraid to get married.

00:29:33.980 The reason I-

00:29:34.640 This is a really good point.

00:29:35.920 So, so I, yeah, I could have been wrong in what keeps you with me, which is what you're

00:29:41.360 You are wrong.

00:29:42.200 I am wrong, okay.

00:29:43.200 So, so it's that what really puts a marriage at risk, and this is a problem for a lot of

00:29:48.720 trad individuals, is they marry somebody who has chosen to marry you, not because of you,

00:29:55.120 but because you allow them to fulfill a role, i.e.

00:29:58.000 They really wanted to be a mom. 0.90

00:29:59.760 They really wanted to be a stay-at-home wife. 1.00

00:30:01.620 They really wanted to be a, and you functionalize that role.

00:30:05.740 And this is a huge problem.

00:30:06.760 Like, if you're like a trad Mormon or a trad cat or like a trad, you know, you will find 0.85

00:30:11.220 a lot of women like that who aren't marrying you for a shared mission, but are marrying 1.00

00:30:16.660 you so they can perform a role.

00:30:19.160 And that means that you are interchangeable for anyone who makes that role incrementally

00:30:24.320 easier.

00:30:25.080 Or not even interchangeable.

00:30:27.180 You will become irrelevant if their desired role changes, or if you fail to maintain that

00:30:37.180 role yourself.

00:30:38.100 Well, I mean, I think the really scary thing for guys is they can maintain the role, but

00:30:43.480 somebody else can maintain it better.

00:30:45.160 That's true.

00:30:45.740 Yeah, that's, that's the third way this can go wrong.

00:30:48.120 No, the, the, I would not leave you because not, I mean, not only do I, like, am I over

00:30:54.600 the moon for you and I love you and I'll see you just get hotter every day and I don't

00:30:57.660 know why.

00:30:58.380 There's just so many things that I absolutely adore about you.

00:31:01.220 It's because there, I cannot fathom a more effective way to achieve my objective function

00:31:11.680 than by working in tandem with you.

00:31:13.940 That I will be significantly worse off at maximizing my values if I'm working without

00:31:21.480 you.

00:31:21.780 And I think this, there's something similar for you, you know, without me, your impact

00:31:26.940 in life would be so much less.

00:31:28.960 And for that reason, we are a very strong team.

00:31:32.640 We are more impactful together.

00:31:34.120 And there's a very strong disincentive for us to not work together because working alone,

00:31:39.700 we achieve 20% of what we achieve working together.

00:31:43.500 And that's the big thing.

00:31:45.200 Well, I mean, but that's the cost thing.

00:31:47.320 Like you say, it's not a cost to leaving me, but a cost to leaving me is that you are less

00:31:51.380 efficient at achieving your goal.

00:31:54.720 And you would price that in.

00:31:56.940 Yeah, but most couples I'm in it, I'm talking about a scenario in which that wasn't the case.

00:32:02.300 Like we weren't ideologically aligned in which case logistically, like from a perspective

00:32:07.020 of me having an easy life and having the income I need to, you know, meet my needs.

00:32:12.620 Like there's no problem there.

00:32:14.240 And that's how most people are thinking that that's majority of couples, as you know, I

00:32:19.300 mean, have you talked to a person recently?

00:32:20.880 Like, you know, we, we do this all the time are not ideologically aligned there.

00:32:24.420 They often are, you know, smart, wonderful people who love each other very much and are

00:32:30.280 nice and like get along well.

00:32:32.260 And people typically think, oh, there goes a really nice couple.

00:32:35.220 But if they are not ideologically aligned and essential to the other person to help them

00:32:43.700 achieve their life's purpose, the relationship is on thin ice.

00:32:49.820 Right.

00:32:50.540 Well, and that's something that is a result of the first thing that we talked about.

00:32:55.060 And it's why it's good to have these two conversations together, which is you chose me

00:32:58.720 because I had a purpose in life that you could understand and logically agree with and what

00:33:04.600 you're a part of.

00:33:05.280 Yeah.

00:33:05.500 More importantly, you had a purpose in life and it 100% aligned with what I valued.

00:33:10.020 My, like I wrote in my diary after I met you, after our first date about how mad I was

00:33:15.720 that I wasn't you because you got it as far as I was concerned and you were doing such a

00:33:22.140 better job than I was.

00:33:23.080 Like you had thought through things so much better than I had.

00:33:26.340 You knew what you were doing, you were on your way and I was just so pissed that I wasn't

00:33:30.380 you.

00:33:31.080 And I think that's another really good sign.

00:33:32.800 It's like, oh, like this is a, this is a force multiplier of me.

00:33:36.040 Like I want to be them as a much better instinct to have with a potential life partner than I 0.96

00:33:41.800 want to be with them or I want to, I want to have sex with them. 0.92

00:33:44.620 I want to be them is like, that's, that's who you want to marry. 0.99

00:33:48.620 That's someone you admire.

00:33:49.960 That's someone who can help you achieve your goals in life.

00:33:52.100 Like that is, that is something beautiful.

00:33:53.880 And I still, I'm still just so glad you exist.

00:33:57.080 You're so wonderful.

00:33:58.280 Here, the truth is, and this is what makes dating so hard is you really do need to, you

00:34:03.040 cannot, and I think so many guys try this, is they try to accommodate women who are in

00:34:07.460 the urban monoculture rather than shock women in the urban monoculture, out of the urban monoculture 1.00

00:34:12.420 to try for something more and bigger.

00:34:14.500 And this accommodating approach to dating, I think leads to really negative outcomes, as

00:34:20.940 negative as the trad outcomes, because you're like, okay, we're going to like compromise

00:34:25.260 our beliefs about the world till we can kind of work together because both of us want to

00:34:29.960 be married and like have a kid or something.

00:34:31.760 Right.

00:34:32.340 Which is very different.

00:34:33.640 You need personal belief system that you have so much conviction in that it sort of shocks

00:34:39.140 them out of this poorly sought through urban monoculture framework, which is the reason

00:34:45.240 why when people are like, oh, I want to date, which of your books do I read?

00:34:47.800 Is it the pragmatist guide to relationships or the pragmatist guide to sexuality?

00:34:50.200 I'm like, it's the pragmatist guide to life.

00:34:51.560 That's the one you need to read to be good at dating.

00:34:53.680 Yes.

00:34:54.800 Anyway, I really hope that this helps somebody and that you don't make these mistakes because

00:34:59.300 it is so easy to do.

00:35:02.440 Yeah.

00:35:04.260 Which is funny because I think for the vast majority of human history, people have been

00:35:09.740 getting together for the reasons we describe.

00:35:11.760 You know, it's like, hey, we want, we're fighting for the same thing.

00:35:15.440 This is a sensible partnership.

00:35:18.080 We shall marry.

00:35:19.980 So, oh well.

00:35:21.440 But I agree.

00:35:22.300 I love you.

00:35:23.280 Broadly boasts why it's not just the progressive marriages that are struggling.

00:35:26.940 It's also the conservative and tribe marriages and a lot of people.

00:35:31.500 And it's so heartbreaking to me.

00:35:32.880 They're like, but I was earning good money and I was supporting my wife and kids.

00:35:36.260 Why would she leave me?

00:35:37.480 And it's like, well, because she can, she can leave you and she can get a stipend for

00:35:41.320 the rest of her life and she can do whatever she wants.

00:35:43.480 And she doesn't need to make you meals anymore. 1.00

00:35:44.860 And she can screw the pool boy. 1.00

00:35:46.840 Like, why wouldn't she leave you?

00:35:48.080 You did nothing to integrate her into your mission for life.

00:35:51.540 And there are ways a stay at home wife can be integrated into a man's mission for life.

00:35:56.560 But it's hard and it's risky and it's nuanced.

00:36:00.800 You are threading the needle.

00:36:02.440 You can't just serve a role.

00:36:04.060 If you just serve a role, you've done the single most risky thing you can in terms of

00:36:08.600 the structuring of a marriage. 0.99

00:36:10.420 Anyway, am I going to look really stupid when you leave me in a year for hot rich guy who's 0.99

00:36:16.280 into you? 1.00

00:36:17.780 You are hot.

00:36:19.120 Like, I just, I can't, you know that like if you were to die, for example, and you're

00:36:24.440 not allowed to do that, by the way, there would be no replacement.

00:36:28.780 There would be.

00:36:29.720 There should be.

00:36:30.800 Your life would be harder without one.

00:36:32.800 No, there's just, there's no replacing you.

00:36:35.100 And I would not. 0.81

00:36:36.320 Like, I'm saying you should find another husband if I die. 0.98

00:36:40.440 Well, I'm not going to, cause I think like all, all humans disgust me. 0.99

00:36:44.180 And for some reason you, you're my human. 0.90

00:36:47.420 So.

00:36:48.240 Well, what about our kids?

00:36:49.260 Don't they need a dad?

00:36:51.760 They'll just watch your podcasts and I'll, you know, beat them up more.

00:36:55.360 You'll, you'll synthesize one through an AI.

00:36:58.040 Yeah.

00:36:58.600 I'll just make an AI Malcolm.

00:36:59.980 It's fine.

00:37:01.220 So yeah, that's how I feel about you.

00:37:04.060 There is no replacing you.

00:37:05.660 I know that girl replaced me right away.

00:37:07.780 I'd replace you right away.

00:37:09.340 I know.

00:37:09.800 I know.

00:37:11.080 Yeah.

00:37:11.840 Who's, who's the, who's the hypergamous one now? 0.97

00:37:15.360 Who's the one who's, who's not faithful now?

00:37:17.920 Huh?

00:37:18.580 Huh?

00:37:18.860 Wait, would you not want me to replace you?

00:37:20.360 No, I would.

00:37:21.080 I, yeah.

00:37:21.480 I really want our kids to have someone who.

00:37:25.160 You're like, look, I can do both of the jobs.

00:37:28.100 You don't do laundry.

00:37:28.980 You don't do both of the jobs.

00:37:29.700 I admit that.

00:37:31.060 Yeah.

00:37:31.500 The house would be in shambles.

00:37:34.040 I, I, no, I would be turning in my grave.

00:37:37.140 Which, no, please cremate me and turn it into diamonds.

00:37:40.640 So our children can wear their mother and be creepy about it. 0.85

00:37:45.420 I'm really excited for that.

00:37:47.300 All right.

00:37:47.940 Love you, Simone.

00:37:48.920 Love you too.

00:37:49.540 Simone.

00:37:49.900 Hey, thank you for efficient use of time there, by the way.

00:37:52.680 Zoe, I'm going to handle the chickens after this, before I pick up the kids.

00:37:56.280 Oh, and your Christmas present to me has finally arrived.

00:38:01.060 What is it?

00:38:02.220 You'll find out, won't you?

00:38:04.840 I'm so excited.

00:38:05.500 She buys presents from me to her because I'm not, you know, the best.

00:38:10.220 I buy the presents for everyone in the family, but Malcolm still, with his discretionary income,

00:38:14.880 pays for them because he pays the exact same amount that I pay for him.

00:38:19.700 And the same goes for our kids.

00:38:21.300 So, so no one in the family receives more in monetary value and gifts than anyone else.

00:38:26.060 I don't pay what you're receiving more.

00:38:28.240 This is just your weird neuroses.

00:38:29.900 I believe in equitable spending across the family.

00:38:34.940 Thank you very much.

00:38:35.880 So there it goes.

00:38:38.700 All right.

00:38:39.860 I'm excited to be here.

00:38:41.560 Sorry.

00:38:42.420 Stop doing that.

00:38:43.520 This is why, you know, this is why Octavian had that irritated lip issue.

00:38:47.300 He kept licking his lips.

00:38:48.340 You need to stop.

00:38:49.620 Is this where he got it from?

00:38:51.180 Malcolm, stop.

00:38:51.860 I got it.

00:38:53.160 It's so dry.

00:38:54.620 You know what?

00:38:55.060 I'm going to put the same bitter, like, skin thing on your lips that we had to put on his, 0.58

00:39:00.560 if you keep this up.

00:39:02.000 Okay.

00:39:02.540 Okay.

00:39:02.700 Put it on you when you're asleep.

00:39:03.940 You won't, you won't have an escape because you are a deep sleeper.

00:39:07.220 So watch out.

00:39:08.400 Okay.

00:39:08.840 If I see you doing this again.

00:39:10.800 Uh-oh.

00:39:11.460 Uh-oh.

00:39:12.420 Uh-oh.

00:39:12.640 Yeah.

00:39:12.820 We got a terrifying life here.

00:39:14.660 You see, it's not all, what are the guns and roses?

00:39:17.180 Um, it's not all guns and roses.

00:39:22.320 It's not a traditionalist American thing.

00:39:28.060 It's sunshine and rainbows.

00:39:30.420 Oh, okay.

00:39:32.720 Why would some people want rainbows and sunshine?

00:39:35.220 No, guns and roses is the same thing.

00:39:41.740 What would I do without you, Malcolm?

00:39:43.580 Thank you for insisting.

00:39:44.800 We mentioned that because, you know, so many people were at NadalCon looking for a potential

00:39:50.620 husband or wife, that we'd start doing ads for women who are looking for a husband and 0.99

00:39:56.020 happen to be watching.

00:39:56.780 The reason we do it for women and not men is because most of our audience is men.

00:39:59.720 So most of the people who are going to be hearing this are going to be men.

00:40:02.840 And many of them will be single and potentially interested in marrying someone.

00:40:06.860 So if this person sounds interesting to you and you live in their area, you can email us

00:40:12.520 and we'll pass it on.

00:40:13.680 A creative young woman, 25, living in NYC and capable of managing money, conversing,

00:40:20.600 dancing, and all together making a calm, happy home.

00:40:23.840 Wishes to obtain an introduction to a sober, hardworking gentleman, not greatly her senior,

00:40:28.720 who delights in having children underfoot and is eager to build a lighthouse on the

00:40:33.060 sands of time.

00:40:34.100 Must be a practicing Jew. 0.99

00:40:35.900 Object, matrimonial alliance. 0.78

00:40:37.740 Part two.

00:40:37.960 Part one.

00:40:39.020 It's in a certain way.

00:40:39.480 Yes.

00:40:39.740 Yes.

00:40:40.520 I can't have a diesem.

00:40:40.760 Part one.

00:40:40.980 It's in a certain way.

00:40:41.240 No?

00:40:41.700 No.

00:40:42.320 It's in it.

00:40:42.380 It's in it.

00:40:42.820 All right.

00:40:43.000 Something KH codes.

00:40:44.040 Teaching, Ettore hope.

00:40:44.920 Buzz Bartone.

00:40:45.280 That way he threw me in it.

00:40:46.940 I'm never pleased.

00:40:47.340 It's such a weird show.

00:40:48.220 The play Cheng dot.

00:40:49.100 It.

00:40:49.140 It's amazing.

00:40:49.880 Come miejsc hold 0.99

00:40:54.120 Since spectators.

00:40:54.140 Here Ició.

00:40:54.880 That way I'm gonna check back home.

00:40:56.320 Well, it's lifelong to the creature.

00:40:58.580 ift of a fingerprint.

00:40:58.620 So how can I walk.

Based Camp - April 23, 2025

Dating For Marriage： Why Red Pill Strategies Backfire

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