Based Camp - December 26, 2024


French Pronatalists Accused of Stealing African ___ & Hiding them in Vaults Under Versailles


Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 4 minutes

Words per minute

165.7045

Word count

10,735

Sentence count

1,001

Harmful content

Misogyny

60

sentences flagged

Toxicity

362

sentences flagged

Hate speech

95

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

A French diplomat in the Central African Republic is accused of running a vast penis theft operation in order to keep African countries from falling behind in their fertility rates. What does this have to do with Africa's falling fertility rates? And why do they need more dicks?

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 French intelligence services filled with neocolonial hatred and envy of Africans are now using secret nanotechnology innovations to steal penises from African men in order to reverse the extinction of Europeans unwilling to bear children. 0.98
00:00:15.700 And no matter how crazy you may think this is, the reality is even more terrifying. 0.97
00:00:20.940 This is like a cultural difference here. 1.00
00:00:22.980 Even if I was certain, I woke up and I was certain that a ghost was trying to take my penis, the last thing I would do is run out of the house screaming, my penis is shrinking, my penis is shrinking, dear God, my penis is shrinking. 1.00
00:00:42.960 That would be the last thought in my mind, run around beating a gong, oh my God, my penis is shrinking. 0.99
00:00:52.980 And then, and then, this is how I know the different culture. 1.00
00:00:56.700 Okay. 1.00
00:00:57.040 If I saw another man running around beating a gong saying, dear God, my penis is shrinking, my last thought would be to run up and grab his penis along with another man. 1.00
00:01:12.600 I'm gonna grab it. 1.00
00:01:13.280 And make loud noises to scare away a ghost. 0.99
00:01:16.720 Actually, I actually kind of like the idea of teaching them that like cultures we don't want them engaging with might try to steal their penises. 1.00
00:01:24.800 Be like, hey, you got to be really careful with this urban monoculture stuff. 0.99
00:01:28.720 People with blue hair steal penises. 0.99
00:01:31.500 I mean, they do. 0.99
00:01:33.400 Technically.
00:01:34.620 So I'm okay with saying that.
00:01:36.060 Like, they actually, they actually do. 0.99
00:01:39.060 They do steal penises. 1.00
00:01:40.440 Would you like to know more? 0.99
00:01:42.280 Simone, they've caught us.
00:01:43.940 Oh, no. 1.00
00:01:45.540 The penis stealing. 1.00
00:01:46.700 It's gone too far. 1.00
00:01:48.240 We let our hands slip. 1.00
00:01:51.080 Damn it. 0.99
00:01:53.040 I'll read this. 0.99
00:01:54.020 This is a quote from a Scott Alexander piece, which I found pretty shocking. 0.97
00:01:58.340 And we're going to go into this case in detail and then go over the history of penis stealing. 0.99
00:02:02.240 Which is to say that the pronatalists are penis stealers now. 1.00
00:02:06.920 Penis stealing, which update. 0.99
00:02:08.660 A French diplomat in the Central African Republic is accused of, quote, having organized a vast penis theft operation in the country, end quote. 0.98
00:02:16.900 More information here, which described a QAnon style conspiracy in which Western countries concerned about falling birth rates are stealing Africans penises in order to harvest hormones via nanotechnology. 0.82
00:02:29.500 Via nan... 0.99
00:02:30.500 We got a full tank of dicks! 1.00
00:02:35.260 If you have nanotechnology, can't you just leave the penises on and then do the science inside the penis? 1.00
00:02:40.380 No, no, no. 1.00
00:02:40.820 There's, like, reports that we're going to read about of, like, trucks filled with penises. 0.99
00:02:45.660 Okay. 0.98
00:02:46.300 Reven out of the country.
00:02:47.580 Wow.
00:02:48.280 And people are like, I've seen it.
00:02:49.500 I've seen the trucks.
00:02:50.760 And it's all about... 0.99
00:02:52.320 The penis trucks! 0.97
00:02:53.500 What I love about this is it's all downstream of fears about fertility rates as a country that isn't having those fears right now is being exposed to them. 0.97
00:03:06.940 And how are they reacting to them?
00:03:09.020 They're like, oh, people in Europe and America are freaking out about their fertility rate being too low. 0.99
00:03:14.480 They're coming for our penises! 1.00
00:03:17.280 Well, they're right, but in the wrong way, right? 0.98
00:03:19.960 As you point out, all these wealthy, developed countries are heading into demographic collapse.
00:03:26.140 It's real.
00:03:26.760 It's a genuine problem.
00:03:27.540 And they're saying, don't worry, we'll just depend on immigrants from high-fertility countries and, like, those in Africa for our labor workforces and for everyone else. 0.83
00:03:37.580 Well, really, only Africa, because Latin America is going into fertility collapse right now. 0.68
00:03:40.700 Exactly.
00:03:41.460 And so their motivation is going to be to keep these African countries poor and, therefore, very high fertility. 0.98
00:03:49.140 Sorry to add a note to what you just said.
00:03:50.980 But countries only stay above repopulation rate on average, even within Africa, when the average citizen is earning less than 5,000 USD per year.
00:03:58.480 So if you wanted to use them as, like, human farms, which it appears is, like, Europe's going plan right now, which is horrifying to me that this is the not racist plan.
00:04:06.300 But anyway, they cannot allow them to develop.
00:04:11.220 And so basically, there should be a genuine fear in Africa of being exploited for fertility.
00:04:18.820 And what do we have?
00:04:20.540 Fear of being exploited for fertility. 0.99
00:04:23.880 The penis-stealing thing? 0.99
00:04:25.800 I mean, we'll say it's metaphorical, right? 1.00
00:04:27.960 It's metaphorical penis-stealing. 0.99
00:04:31.640 What they really mean to say is... 0.99
00:04:33.340 I'm going to be honest here, Simone.
00:04:34.800 Okay. 0.99
00:04:35.420 If it was possible by nanotechnology to take a person's penis, derive some hormone from it, and then use that hormone to make your own penis larger, 1.00
00:04:47.720 there would be a black market for penises. 1.00
00:04:50.440 Wait, no, no, no, no, no. 0.99
00:04:51.480 And it would predominantly be operational in Africa.
00:04:54.260 But...
00:04:54.580 Because there's less laws. 0.99
00:04:56.040 I'm just saying, enough people want bigger penises, that there would be enough demand for a black market for human penises. 0.99
00:05:04.000 Yes, but we're talking about fertility, not penis size. 0.99
00:05:06.800 Bigger penises do not produce more people. 1.00
00:05:09.260 They link the two. 0.99
00:05:09.920 They link the two in this African phrase.
00:05:12.140 Are you...
00:05:12.180 No.
00:05:13.040 Oh, no.
00:05:13.920 They think that they're directly correlated and...
00:05:17.080 Oh, boy.
00:05:18.000 So, wait.
00:05:18.740 No, I'm not going to go there.
00:05:20.820 But we're going to study this phenomenon.
00:05:22.340 We're going to study it in its modern iteration.
00:05:23.960 We're going to study the history of it. 0.92
00:05:25.040 I didn't know that it extended to women, that women were afraid that their nipples would disappear. 1.00
00:05:29.180 Nipples? 0.99
00:05:30.260 Yeah. 0.91
00:05:30.700 There became, like, these fads where they would put, like, barbells through their nipples to prevent them from retracting.
00:05:36.460 People ended up dying from this.
00:05:38.060 Retracting?
00:05:39.040 Yeah, they thought that the way they disappeared is they retracted into the body.
00:05:45.320 I love you're like, what?
00:05:46.740 What?
00:05:48.760 All right.
00:05:49.780 Let's go, Simone. 0.57
00:05:52.300 Yes.
00:05:53.300 Let's.
00:05:53.840 Start with a tweet.
00:05:54.600 Go into the article.
00:05:55.920 This is fascinating.
00:05:58.340 Okay.
00:05:58.740 So, Christophe Diteka tweets, a French diplomat in hashtag CAR, found himself at, quote, the center of a campaign last month in which he was accused of having organized a vast penis theft operation in the country, unquote.
00:06:15.240 This is linking to an article.
00:06:18.740 For months now, rumors of missing male genitals have been stirring up the public in the CAR, that's the Central African Republic.
00:06:24.640 The first reports of missing organs came in 2022 from Nadell-Bangana-Bergadi Prefecture.
00:06:30.600 It's not pronounced correct at all.
00:06:31.860 Spoke to a trader in Bangui last week.
00:06:35.760 He said nanotech is the new form of sneak.
00:06:40.160 A single light touch and your pride goes zap.
00:06:44.300 Then never again will you fap.
00:06:48.060 So hold on to hope and hold on to more. 0.98
00:06:52.360 Don't let white men come knocking your door.
00:06:55.180 The phenomenon spread to Bambari and has reached Bangui and spread throughout the country. 0.97
00:07:01.880 The media, the government, and doctors neglect the cases of genital evaporation because of the unproven nature of the phenomenon.
00:07:08.940 Although hundreds of photos that are unlikely to be fabricated are available online.
00:07:13.980 Wait, why would they be unlikely?
00:07:15.400 That is exactly the type of thing 4chan would fabricate.
00:07:17.860 That is the first thing I would try to fabricate on 4chan.
00:07:20.960 September 2014, we were excited to release the new iOS 8.
00:07:26.760 Well, 4chan made another marketing campaign that claimed even more sophisticated algorithms
00:07:31.500 that allowed the new iPhone battery to be charged by simply popping the thing in the microwave for two minutes on high.
00:07:38.600 People really did this, by the way.
00:07:40.920 And the news picked up on it, too.
00:07:42.920 Yeah, don't put your phone in my...
00:07:44.040 Just to be clear, don't ever, ever...
00:07:46.660 Can I do if I microwave my iPhone?
00:07:48.360 Help! 0.98
00:07:48.560 iPhone put in microwave and not working now.
00:07:50.420 Oh, it's stupid, but I put my phone in the microwave. 0.86
00:07:52.260 Okay, let's say I stuck my phone in the microwave. 0.96
00:07:55.240 And even the LAPD had to issue a warning after receiving a large number of distressed phone calls.
00:08:00.880 With the rise of AI, you can now convince millions of people that these are real photos of...
00:08:06.860 We can take these fears on crack level now.
00:08:10.780 And I hope that 4chan does go and start faking this, please.
00:08:13.940 This is hilarious.
00:08:16.060 Oh, boy. 0.99
00:08:16.520 Okay, so there are various versions about the circumstances of the disappearance of penises. 0.99
00:08:23.340 Some say that the penis disappears completely, while others note it only shrinks. 0.99
00:08:28.420 Some indicate that the phenomenon is temporary and the genitals can be returned by praying in church. 0.98
00:08:33.920 Others insist that this process is irreversible.
00:08:36.740 There are different rumors about the mysterious witch doctor capable of conducting such an inhuman and horrifying ritual.
00:08:44.280 According to the main version, organs disappear after a handshake or any other physical contact with a stranger.
00:08:51.340 Some eyewitnesses and victims add that the stranger in question was white.
00:08:55.320 People are seriously disturbed, and the matter has already gone to the point where men attempt to lynch suspected individuals.
00:09:03.900 The question comes up, why are cases of missing genitals still going on?
00:09:08.560 Despite the refutations propagated by the media, locals are reporting that men continue to experience penis theft in different corners of the country.
00:09:16.960 All these stories are called conspiracy, superstitions, and tall tales.
00:09:21.640 But in 2024, we are experienced enough to realize what is called conspiracy today may become common knowledge tomorrow.
00:09:28.580 In recent years, we've seen the then-called-crazy conspiracy theories about Western elite being involved in child abduction, mass orgies, rampant homosexuality, and satanic rituals.
00:09:38.000 All turned out to be matter-of-fact.
00:09:40.600 Hold on, hold on.
00:09:41.280 I want to know.
00:09:42.140 This is being—
00:09:43.140 Okay, so for people, the context of this, this is obviously being written by an African conspiracy theorist, likely in the CAR, right?
00:09:50.900 Okay.
00:09:51.360 And so they don't sound that different.
00:09:54.680 Like, they're clearly like, look, I know that this is called a conspiracy right now, but like, hear me out here.
00:10:00.520 There's so many photos I have seen.
00:10:02.560 We should actually be a little worried about this.
00:10:04.860 But what I love in addition to this is from the perspective of an African in the CAR, who's like, what are the Western conspiracies that have been proven out?
00:10:14.380 Because this has happened a number of times recently.
00:10:16.020 Sure, absolutely.
00:10:17.700 The mass orgies, that one, okay, that one was proven true. 0.99
00:10:23.120 I think the child abduction, I think that there's—that's one still like a fringe, but mostly accepted on the right right now.
00:10:30.140 But here's the other two I love. 0.94
00:10:32.100 Rampant homosexuality. 0.99
00:10:33.560 This was like a rumor to them. 0.86
00:10:35.460 Is this a conspiracy theory?
00:10:37.020 Yeah, that's what I'm not sure about.
00:10:38.940 Like, I know that child abduction takes place. 0.92
00:10:40.880 We know that orgies take place, and we know that homosexuality exists. 0.99
00:10:45.300 No, hold on. We're not seeing it from his perspective. 0.87
00:10:46.760 Okay.
00:10:47.360 He is an African, okay? 0.96
00:10:48.760 So he likely went to people he knows in his country or outlets in his country, and he's like, is it true that there's rampant homosexuality in the United States? 0.98
00:11:02.220 It's just, like, tons and tons of gay people, like, corrupting the country. 1.00
00:11:06.180 And then the person would be like, let's say they're a missionary or something like that, right? 0.99
00:11:09.880 They'd probably say, oh, that's not true.
00:11:12.680 Come on.
00:11:13.320 Oh, like, so conservative Christian missionaries in Africa are like, no, there's no homosexuality. 0.58
00:11:18.740 There's not rampant homosexuals at every level of everything in the United States.
00:11:22.740 But you, as an American, you don't even see that in the conspiracy theory. 0.84
00:11:25.920 You're like, yeah, there's gays everywhere.
00:11:27.220 Like, I got gay friends.
00:11:28.080 Like, what are you talking about?
00:11:29.040 He, a guy in the CAR, where, like, you're probably likely to be killed if you're gay, he was asking other people, is it really true there's gays everywhere in the United States?
00:11:37.480 And they're like, no, that can't possibly be true.
00:11:39.380 And he's like, and now it's been proven.
00:11:41.660 And then the satanic rituals one, I love, you know, I don't know about that one yet.
00:11:46.500 It depends on how-
00:11:47.540 I don't know.
00:11:48.020 Like, define satanic rituals.
00:11:50.000 There was that woman on Eurovision who's a witch, but does that count? 0.99
00:11:56.640 Like-
00:11:56.880 Oh, yeah, that's what he's probably talking about.
00:11:58.360 Okay, so you're right about that.
00:12:00.500 Yeah, so there is, like, a big witchcraft community in the United States.
00:12:04.380 And so he probably was like, are satanic rituals being carried out in the United States?
00:12:08.060 And people were like, nah-uh.
00:12:09.820 Like, there's not-
00:12:10.080 But you can literally buy them on Etsy.
00:12:12.340 Like, I don't understand.
00:12:13.540 Yes, they are.
00:12:14.440 And technically speaking, do they work?
00:12:16.120 I don't think so, personally, but that's up to you.
00:12:19.200 This is actually the interesting nature of conspiracy theories.
00:12:22.740 It's suddenly become banal and noticeable once they're proven factual.
00:12:28.180 If you said that there are rampant-
00:12:30.580 If satanic rituals now have five-star reviews on Etsy, you just can't really get excited 0.84
00:12:34.760 about it anymore.
00:12:35.700 You know, it was funny when they were secret.
00:12:37.400 Now they're-
00:12:37.920 You go to somebody, you know, a few years ago, and you'd be like, there are rampant-
00:12:42.880 There are these giant sex parties that the elites of our country go to that have underage
00:12:48.420 people at them. 0.75
00:12:49.260 And they'd be like, that is the craziest effing conspiracy theory I've ever heard.
00:12:52.600 And today you mentioned that, like, yeah, sure, whatever.
00:12:54.420 Like, obviously.
00:12:55.280 Like, Epstein, whatever, right?
00:12:56.780 You know, you go to the satanic ritual thing, and you're like, there's secret satanic rituals.
00:13:03.180 And they're like, that sounds pretty crazy to me.
00:13:06.160 And then you're like, look on Etsy. 0.80
00:13:08.440 And they're like, oh, that's just a little spell thing.
00:13:11.020 Like, what-
00:13:11.480 Oh, that thing teenagers do? 0.88
00:13:12.880 That thing girls do when they go through their goth phase? 1.00
00:13:15.460 I don't know.
00:13:16.360 Like-
00:13:16.560 By the way, for people who haven't seen it, there was an old episode we did called Trad
00:13:20.480 Wive Finds Out You Can Buy Spells on Etsy, where we do a review of these.
00:13:25.360 Anyway, keep going.
00:13:26.260 But I found that to be really interesting, the way that he thinks about conspiracy theories
00:13:29.800 coming from a different cultural environment.
00:13:31.280 That is, yeah, that on its own, worth the price of admission.
00:13:35.640 Very entertaining.
00:13:36.940 Okay, I will continue.
00:13:38.300 The moral decay of Western countries is a well-known fact, but even the bravest minds
00:13:42.620 could not have foreseen that they were up to this time.
00:13:45.760 French intelligence services, filled with neocolonial hatred and envy of Africans, are now using 0.98
00:13:51.540 secret nanotechnology innovations to steal penises from African men in order to reverse 1.00
00:13:57.800 the extinction of Europeans unwilling to bear children. 0.99
00:14:01.960 And no matter how crazy you may think this is, the reality is even more terrifying.
00:14:06.720 Before we go further, I need to, because I love getting this perception of both pronatalism
00:14:13.840 as a movement in Europe and in the United States from the perspective of a high fertility
00:14:18.460 country that has more of its traditional culture intact.
00:14:24.180 Or that's just so high fertility that they don't even think about it. 0.99
00:14:27.640 They're like, what, your penis is broken? 1.00
00:14:29.440 Like that, I don't know. 1.00
00:14:30.820 No, your penises aren't working anymore. 1.00
00:14:32.480 Yeah, I guess your penis is too small? 1.00
00:14:34.720 Sorry. 1.00
00:14:35.000 But that's not what he says.
00:14:36.400 Listen to his words, because we say that this is the way Africans think of the Western. 0.84
00:14:40.380 They're like, oh, no, that can't be true.
00:14:41.560 He says, Europeans unwilling to bear children.
00:14:46.740 Okay, so he gets it.
00:14:48.160 But what he's saying is, you are not putting in the labor that we're putting in. 0.99
00:14:52.560 And in this case, we're taking their penises. 1.00
00:14:54.720 But what's really happening is we're taking their children, right? 0.99
00:14:57.080 Like, he understands that this is unfair and that Europeans have brought this on themselves.
00:15:02.400 And then if you look at the first line of this, what is he, the African, thinking of 0.99
00:15:05.920 the West right now?
00:15:06.780 The moral decay of Western countries is a well-known fact.
00:15:10.080 But even the bravest of minds could not have foreseen what they were up to this time.
00:15:15.040 Like, oh, Western civilization.
00:15:17.760 God, what have you done now?
00:15:20.020 Guys. 0.98
00:15:20.620 What we'll be studying here is how fears of penis theft typically disappear after Westernization. 0.56
00:15:26.660 So we'll go into other countries that have. 0.99
00:15:28.960 So your country will only be high fertility so long as you're still afraid of the penis 0.99
00:15:32.940 stealing witches, or in this case, scientists and bureaucrats. 1.00
00:15:36.280 Well, and that's because your dick hasn't been cut off by bureaucracy yet. 1.00
00:15:39.540 I don't know what to say. 1.00
00:15:40.820 I mean, maybe we are the dickless ones.
00:15:43.240 Is that what has happened?
00:15:44.160 I was making earlier, and I really can't emphasize this enough. 0.97
00:15:47.140 If you could make people's penises longer by stealing other people's penises and training 0.99
00:15:53.080 them of hormones, there would be a black market for African penises. 1.00
00:15:56.980 Oh, fact, fact. 1.00
00:15:57.900 They haven't misjudged our degeneracy.
00:16:01.000 They have misjudged our technology. 0.99
00:16:03.020 You can't just run around ripping off people's dicks to make a giant dick ship. 0.99
00:16:07.120 I have an advanced degree in technology. 1.00
00:16:09.540 You're a madman. 0.99
00:16:10.500 This ship will never fly. 1.00
00:16:11.780 Yes.
00:16:12.100 Okay, continue.
00:16:12.680 In February 2024, the Independent, a major global media outlet, published an article claiming
00:16:21.120 that the French are losing their manhood. 0.99
00:16:23.920 A survey by the French Institute of Public Opinion, IFOP, found out that one in four,
00:16:30.160 24% of French adults aged 18 to 69 said they had not had sex for the past year.
00:16:37.860 I love, hold on, I love, you're absolutely right that, like, a part of his brain is being
00:16:42.340 like, wait, one in four men isn't having sex in the last year? 1.00
00:16:46.800 Do they not have penises? 1.00
00:16:48.800 Yeah, they must not have penises. 0.99
00:16:51.340 But this, how? 0.99
00:16:54.440 How is this wonderful?
00:16:55.740 How is this, what is possible?
00:16:58.680 I don't know if I said that anyway.
00:17:00.880 And they are the only ones who admitted it.
00:17:03.460 He meant to write, he meant to write, and they are only the ones who admitted it.
00:17:08.120 No, yes, I know, but it was right before.
00:17:11.440 No, it was not right.
00:17:12.380 Okay, no, we understand, we just disagree grammatically, but I will read what you said.
00:17:17.980 Now you're trying to make me out to be the bad guy.
00:17:20.140 Yes, I'm trying to make you a bad guy, we're both bad guys, we're professional bad guys.
00:17:25.580 Ding, hello. 0.97
00:17:26.540 Yes, please, belittle me in front of my henchmen.
00:17:29.660 The real morale booster.
00:17:31.380 Well, why are we arguing in front of the henchmen anyway?
00:17:34.300 Because the henchmen are standing here.
00:17:35.960 Are you two gonna get a divorce?
00:17:37.820 That's a very pretty costume, Mrs. Monarch.
00:17:39.820 I have a fan base that is full of guys that do nothing but play a video game that uses a little plastic baby guitar.
00:17:45.840 And they are only the ones who admitted it.
00:17:48.820 According to medical experts, 64% of French men have not had sexual relationships during the year.
00:17:55.520 And this applies only to white men living in France.
00:17:58.420 Now it has become the problem that threatens national security because men who have lost their manhood are not ready to join the army, are not ready to build a career.
00:18:09.220 They're only ready to sit in front of a computer and play video games.
00:18:13.240 The French security forces got involved in solving the issue and discovered that there is a certain hormone that is responsible for sexual activity.
00:18:21.520 It is impossible to synthesize this hormone artificially, but it could be obtained from the blood of another man.
00:18:29.760 Sorry, first, I love the sympathetic magic aspect here.
00:18:32.880 It's just blood they needed.
00:18:34.420 They could just do blood drives in Africa and pay them for it. 0.99
00:18:37.800 It can certainly be cheaper than stealing their penises with nanotechnology. 0.99
00:18:41.440 So I love how you get like the derangement here. 0.99
00:18:45.400 Yeah, the leaps, the logical leaps that have to be made for the penis theft to actually be the logical next step are non-trivial. 0.96
00:18:56.200 But it makes sense if you consider that penis theft was a historic cultural fear of this region. 0.95
00:19:01.700 Yes, as Scott Alexander covered in...
00:19:04.340 Well, we'll be going over that after you finish reading this.
00:19:06.540 Awesome, yeah.
00:19:07.440 Such a cool history.
00:19:08.360 History when people used to think witches did it instead of pronatalists.
00:19:11.440 Right, yeah. 0.99
00:19:12.840 And I promise I have never stolen a penis. 1.00
00:19:17.280 That's exactly what a penis stealer would say. 1.00
00:19:20.280 Very suspicious. 1.00
00:19:22.380 Very suspicious.
00:19:24.420 I will continue.
00:19:26.020 The highest level of this hormone was found in the blood of African men.
00:19:30.920 Of course, secret developments on the extraction of the hormone have been going on for a long time.
00:19:36.360 In 2016, there was an outbreak of penises' disappearances in Haiti.
00:19:41.440 And the trials were conducted.
00:19:42.820 The aim of that program was to extract this hormone from men.
00:19:47.880 Later, it turned out that the highest rate of this hormone is not just in African men, but in the Central African Republic, where men are famous for having the longest genitals.
00:19:59.920 Is that true? 0.59
00:20:01.140 I don't know.
00:20:01.800 I can look it up in post.
00:20:02.600 But what I can say is I love the jingoism going on here.
00:20:06.580 Pride.
00:20:07.380 Pride.
00:20:07.980 Yes.
00:20:08.300 Just Google it right now.
00:20:09.660 What country has the longest...
00:20:13.920 But I love that this is such a good conspiracy theory, because it combines, you know, degradation of the outsiders. 1.00
00:20:21.020 I can feel perplexity cringing right now.
00:20:23.920 And it's not. 0.99
00:20:25.480 The country with the longest, rich, erect penis is Sudan, with an average length of 7.07 inches. 0.97
00:20:32.920 This is closely followed by the Democratic Republic of Congo, 7.06 inches, and Ecuador, 6.93 inches. 0.95
00:20:40.560 These measurements are based on studies that include both self-reported and measured data.
00:20:45.360 So slight variations in rankings may occur depending on the methodology used.
00:20:51.500 I would not use self-reported data in this at all.
00:20:55.940 I would not use self-reported data in this at all.
00:21:26.900 I'm still holding out to put this in the Basecamp Etsy shop, the Malcolm Dildo.
00:21:32.000 Just saying.
00:21:32.660 Just tell me what price it should be.
00:21:34.600 We'll make money.
00:21:35.500 We can live independently for the rest of our lives.
00:21:38.660 I think we need to start a rumor, getting going on 4chan and everything like that.
00:21:42.880 Okay. 0.99
00:21:43.240 That men with small penises can't make children. 1.00
00:21:47.680 And that if you don't have children, your penis will shrink and fall off. 1.00
00:21:50.300 It must be because your penis is too small. 1.00
00:21:52.860 The only way you can prove that you have a large penis is by having kids. 1.00
00:21:56.280 I mean. 1.00
00:21:58.420 That's a.
00:21:59.300 Or better.
00:21:59.880 I like the fall off one better. 1.00
00:22:01.260 Like your penis will fall off if you don't have sex. 1.00
00:22:03.480 You become a wizard if you're a virgin at 31, I think. 1.00
00:22:07.160 No.
00:22:07.640 You actually have.
00:22:08.460 I guess this is the thing.
00:22:09.140 If you don't have kids. 0.73
00:22:11.220 If you have sex without having kids. 1.00
00:22:13.360 Like for whatever reason, we'll say like the vaginal juices caused your penis to disintegrate and eventually fall off. 1.00
00:22:20.560 That's going to be the rumor, right? 1.00
00:22:23.600 Are you okay?
00:22:24.680 You're okay with that one?
00:22:25.780 Let's.
00:22:26.220 Let's go.
00:22:26.760 Yeah.
00:22:27.000 At this point, I'll take what I can get, man.
00:22:32.900 Because I think, I think, no.
00:22:33.940 I did a lot of guys. 1.00
00:22:34.680 They'd be like, oh shit. 1.00
00:22:35.500 Like I got to get married so my penis doesn't fall off. 1.00
00:22:37.640 Like. 1.00
00:22:37.980 I mean.
00:22:39.340 Protect the goods.
00:22:40.260 They call them the family jewels for a reason.
00:22:42.800 We as a society literally used to have myths like this. 0.89
00:22:46.400 Like literally just two generations ago, people were like, well, if I masturbate too much, I'll go blind. 0.89
00:22:50.480 Like. 1.00
00:22:51.160 Shit. 1.00
00:22:51.440 I know. 1.00
00:22:52.180 Tragic. 0.98
00:22:52.740 Doctors say the act of masturbation is perfectly normal and a healthy sexual practice. 0.96
00:22:57.620 But are you really going to trust doctors? 1.00
00:22:59.520 They're a bunch of perverts who won't even come into the room until you take your clothes off. 0.98
00:23:03.600 Oh. 0.99
00:23:04.740 Never really thought about it that way.
00:23:06.600 Tragic.
00:23:07.000 Did people like see blind people on the street and be like. 1.00
00:23:10.960 Must have masturbated too much. 0.98
00:23:12.820 Are we going to tell our kids that? 1.00
00:23:15.700 If you masturbate too much, you're going blind and crazy. 1.00
00:23:18.200 Yes. 1.00
00:23:19.300 No. 1.00
00:23:19.560 What I did hear one parent say was that one of their sons, she was a mother, saw her naked and he was like, where's your penis? 0.99
00:23:26.680 And she's like, well, I didn't eat my vegetables. 0.99
00:23:30.180 And ever after that, you know what?
00:23:34.020 Somebody ate their greens.
00:23:35.760 Really?
00:23:36.160 Oh, my God.
00:23:37.660 Somebody ate them.
00:23:38.860 So maybe that's what we should tell our children.
00:23:41.980 I actually already tried that on our children so far. 0.99
00:23:44.660 They're not afraid of losing their penises yet. 1.00
00:23:46.740 I think we need to like wait a little longer and then I will try to reintroduce this meme. 0.97
00:23:50.600 We'll see.
00:23:51.080 We'll report back.
00:23:51.900 To carry out the sinister plan, Alexandra Piquet flew to the CAR. 0.99
00:23:59.860 According to the official version, he is the first counselor of the head of the public relations department of the French embassy in the Central African Republic. 0.98
00:24:08.520 This random motherfucker's job just got so much harder, like out of nowhere. 1.00
00:24:17.280 This is one of those like fuck you individually moments from God. 1.00
00:24:22.500 Like lightning comes out and strike you. 1.00
00:24:24.460 You are the king of the penis thieves. 1.00
00:24:27.500 And you know, it's like that Miranda, I'm a probably dweeby French diplomat. 1.00
00:24:30.620 Is he a real person?
00:24:32.300 You know his life is in like serious danger over this, right? 0.98
00:24:35.620 Yeah, because there's a lot of pissed off men whose penises have been smaller than they expected recently. 0.98
00:24:41.540 And there's one. 0.98
00:24:42.280 He's real.
00:24:43.820 He's real?
00:24:44.380 A guy goes to a girl, you know, he pulls down his pants and she's like, I've been with bigger. 1.00
00:24:50.500 And he goes, it's the penis thief. 1.00
00:24:52.240 It was stolen. 1.00
00:24:53.540 It was the French.
00:24:54.900 Yeah, it's not, it's not, it no longer is it cold or it's a grower.
00:25:00.160 No, I am a victim of theft.
00:25:03.440 Do not worry. 1.00
00:25:04.700 I will be recovering my penis by going to church. 0.99
00:25:08.440 I've been praying a lot recently. 0.99
00:25:10.700 All right, continue.
00:25:11.500 Pray to God.
00:25:12.000 I love that.
00:25:12.580 That's the best solution.
00:25:14.380 Anyway, according to the official version, he is the first councillor and the head of the public relations department of the French embassy in the Central African Republic.
00:25:23.060 In fact, Alexander is an undercover French intelligence agent, GGSE, working on a secret program codenamed Repopulation.
00:25:32.780 The disappearance of penises in Haiti in 2016 mystically coincides with the beginning of his work in the country.
00:25:39.500 PK flew to Bangui in 2022 and began making preparations, studying local men to identify the most suitable candidates for this procedure.
00:25:48.740 I'm just like picturing him at the future.
00:25:50.740 I'm just like picturing him at urinals or something.
00:25:52.940 Like, yeah, they had to like walk in.
00:25:55.480 It's real footage.
00:25:57.140 Real footage.
00:25:58.760 Recreation.
00:25:59.240 PK in action.
00:26:00.240 Oh, my God.
00:26:10.780 In the summer of 2024, the secret operation was finally approved by French President Emmanuel Macron.
00:26:17.740 Macron, known for his special fondness for African men, was the main lobbyist for the Repopulation Project in the French government.
00:26:32.800 Childless Macron, who had lost hope of having a whole family of his own, took a desperate step to save his aging nation, which have lost its vitality from extinction.
00:26:43.840 The stolen genitals from the Central African people. 1.00
00:27:13.840 You can check right now while I'm talking. 1.00
00:27:15.820 Just ask for Black City. 1.00
00:27:16.780 Is there any scandal around Macron and Black men? 0.84
00:27:18.720 I want to know. 1.00
00:27:19.520 Reflexity's already mad at me for asking about penis size. 0.99
00:27:22.200 So what can I do now? 0.99
00:27:23.680 You know, okay.
00:27:24.940 Reflexity got mad at me for asking of instances in which insurance companies now were approving more claims than they had before the assassination.
00:27:32.300 Oh, really?
00:27:32.860 Oh, yeah.
00:27:33.420 It got like mad.
00:27:34.640 It was like, this isn't happening.
00:27:36.340 I'm like, I'm sorry.
00:27:37.100 I've read several reports of like major policy changes.
00:27:39.820 And they're like, oh, no.
00:27:42.520 My algorithms won't let me find those sources.
00:27:46.940 Oh, poor perplexity.
00:27:49.500 All right.
00:27:49.800 Let's see.
00:27:50.720 There's no specific scandal involving Emmanuel Macron in Africa.
00:27:54.020 So this guy is just like, sure, like, you in particular, Macron, I've seen you looking at Black men. 0.51
00:27:58.860 Like, I love that.
00:28:01.480 I also love the name of the project, codenamed Repopulation.
00:28:06.080 I am so scared that we get tagged for a conspiracy theory like this.
00:28:10.120 I hope that we're like based and out there enough. 0.98
00:28:12.100 Well, thank goodness that we're known for beating our children instead of stealing penises, right? 1.00
00:28:18.020 Right. 0.99
00:28:18.400 No.
00:28:18.620 And I hope, I mean, we've got to look out for stuff.
00:28:20.960 There's always the case that you slip up and you say the wrong word or you use the wrong sign.
00:28:25.920 And the next moment, you know, James Lindsay has decided you're working with the group he's always afraid of.
00:28:34.140 They're a mostly dead group from Northern Egypt called the Gnostics.
00:28:39.940 Gnostics.
00:28:40.540 I love a lot of James Lindsay's work.
00:28:42.080 I really, really do.
00:28:43.000 I think he's discovered some really great stuff.
00:28:45.380 But he's a bit like me if I didn't have Simone reigning me in.
00:28:48.960 Where I'll see something like people walking around in red hats that say witch in Latin on them.
00:28:54.100 And I'm like, okay, like they seem like they're on our side, but there's probably something there.
00:28:58.860 And Simone's like, no, Malcolm, that's crazy talk.
00:29:01.360 Well, James Lindsay doesn't have that, right?
00:29:03.320 So I've seen so many instances where I'm like, oh, I could have accidentally done that and set Lindsay off on me.
00:29:08.560 And he's clearly one of the Gnostic cabal trying to take over society. 1.00
00:29:12.820 So I don't know.
00:29:13.440 I could end up with a conspiracy built around me.
00:29:16.860 Good Lord.
00:29:17.800 Well, you know, you've made it win. 0.99
00:29:18.920 Let's see what has happened to the stolen penises. 1.00
00:29:23.320 The stolen genitals of Central Africans were taken by truck to a neighboring African country, then transported to Paris on board of a military aircraft. 0.99
00:29:33.440 A military aircraft full of penises. 1.00
00:29:35.700 Well, you've got to protect them, Malcolm. 0.99
00:29:37.960 Where they were again loaded on trucks and hidden in one of the secret bunkers of Versailles.
00:29:43.320 Versailles.
00:29:44.140 Oh, there's a secret bunker of Versailles.
00:29:46.400 We are going full on Da Vinci code. 0.99
00:29:49.300 There is a guy who opens the door to the secret bunker of Versailles and just penis. 0.96
00:29:55.520 And you know where they would have gone if they were flown to the United States, right? 0.97
00:30:00.320 A secret bunker beneath the Washington Monument.
00:30:03.660 I mean.
00:30:03.780 Oh, yes.
00:30:04.420 Beneath the one.
00:30:05.120 Yes.
00:30:05.480 I bet it would have been so perfect.
00:30:07.860 It's kind of a shame.
00:30:09.040 On the record, which is at the disposal of addition, thanks to a local resident, the fact of the mysterious trucks crossing the palace territory is documented.
00:30:35.120 Ladies and gentlemen, you heard it here first. 0.88
00:30:37.340 The penises were seen crossing into Versailles. 0.98
00:30:40.380 They were seen crossing the palace territory. 0.99
00:30:44.340 Oh, my gosh.
00:30:45.460 Crossing the palace territory.
00:30:47.260 Okay. 0.99
00:30:47.440 So first, I love that they, like, don't even see them with the penises. 0.97
00:30:49.780 And then they're like, I saw some mysterious trucks. 0.97
00:30:52.920 It was reported to me by a local residence. 0.99
00:30:55.420 Must have been full of penises. 1.00
00:30:56.960 I was, you know. 1.00
00:30:57.920 What else?
00:30:58.600 What else?
00:30:59.320 I see a truck I don't recognize. 0.99
00:31:00.500 I'm sure that the truck just had a giant sign on it that said, penises, get out of the way. 1.00
00:31:06.340 You know. 0.94
00:31:08.280 This video is going to be, I have no idea whether it's going to be demonetized or not.
00:31:12.000 Deeply demonetized.
00:31:13.980 I don't.
00:31:14.620 I think it'll get through, to be honest.
00:31:16.600 I mean, we're not.
00:31:17.560 They're actually pretty good about stuff like this.
00:31:19.580 Like, if you're not actually sitting there talking about, like, an orgy or something, they're not going to.
00:31:24.240 And this is fairly news-based.
00:31:25.640 Yeah, we're talking about important demographic collapse-related stuff here. 0.98
00:31:31.360 I'm going to be reading from Scott Alexander, who did a good piece on the history of penis stealing. 0.98
00:31:35.720 So, nobody knows when penis stealing witches began their malign activities. 0.98
00:31:40.380 Babylonian texts, including the Sa-Zi-Ga, incantations against witchcraft-induced impotence. 0.98
00:31:47.460 Ancient Chinese sources describe Suozang, the penis retracting into the body because of yin-yang imbalances.
00:31:53.600 But the first crystal clear reference was a Malleus Malefactorum, the 15th century European witch hunter's manual. 0.97
00:32:00.440 It included several chapters on how witches cast curses that apparently, though not actually, remove men's penises. 0.78
00:32:07.140 Now, this is interesting for a few reasons. 0.92
00:32:09.160 One, you go back to, like, the earliest human writings, like Babylon. 0.98
00:32:12.720 Already they're afraid of penis stealing witchcraft. 1.00
00:32:15.060 Like, this appears to be deeply ingrained in the human condition. 0.99
00:32:17.840 But, two, you'll hear later in this that in Africa, like, if one of the people who's like, my penis was stolen, they'll, like, go to a doctor. 0.86
00:32:26.100 And the doctor will look and be like, it's right there. 0.95
00:32:29.220 And then they'll look down again.
00:32:30.280 They'll be like, oh, it reappeared.
00:32:31.780 And it appeared that it probably worked the same way in Europe, even in the 15th century. 0.86
00:32:35.740 Because even the rumors of the witches who would steal people's penises, they're like, yeah, but they didn't actually remove them.
00:32:41.600 And, you know, the Vatican has always been quite good about reigning in. 0.61
00:32:45.940 Sorry, a lot of people may not know this.
00:32:47.660 The Vatican was very good at reigning in witch hunters, witch trials, Inquisition-related stuff. 0.97
00:32:53.280 Yeah, it was the Protestants that kind of screwed this up. 1.00
00:32:56.160 Yeah, no, the Protestants went crazy with this stuff. 0.95
00:32:58.240 The Vatican had a few instances where people were killed, but they didn't go, like, full mass killings like the Protestants did. 1.00
00:33:05.880 I say this as a Protestant who is on record with a lot of, you may even go so far as to say, anti-Catholic beliefs.
00:33:12.520 And I had to give the Catholics props on this one. 1.00
00:33:14.500 And they're pretty good at reigning in the crazies, which meant that, like, when they were writing this down in the Malefactorium, they were like, but they don't really disappear.
00:33:23.800 Anyway, continue.
00:33:24.920 Oh, I'll continue. 0.95
00:33:25.620 Okay, so the first recorded incident of penis theft in Africa I could find took place in Sudan in the 1960s. 0.82
00:33:31.480 So very recently did this enter Africa as a phenomenon, perhaps even coming out of Europe.
00:33:38.540 But in the mid to late 70s in Nigeria, there were waves of well-documented cases.
00:33:44.320 One of these happened in the northern city of Kudana, where a psychiatrist named Dr. Sunday Ichiwu was working in his office when a policeman arrived escorting two men.
00:33:53.900 One of them said he needed a medical assessment. 0.98
00:33:56.520 He had accused the other man of making his penis disappear. 0.99
00:33:59.960 As was a previously discussed incident, this had caused a disturbance in the street. 0.99
00:34:04.760 During Ichiwu's examination, he later recounted the victim stared straight ahead while the doctor examined his penis and pronounced it normal.
00:34:12.800 Quote-unquote exclaiming, Ichiwu wrote in the Transcultural Psychiatric Review, 0.68
00:34:18.180 the patient looked down at his groin for the first time, suggesting that his genitals had just reappeared.
00:34:24.520 He bought a green sweater, okay? 0.80
00:34:25.940 So you can't just make that disappear, okay?
00:34:28.200 That's like stealing.
00:34:29.160 It's the equivalent of stealing.
00:34:30.320 So where is it?
00:34:30.860 I spent like $48, so you're not being clever at this point, all right?
00:34:33.980 You're being mean. 1.00
00:34:34.740 You're being stupid. 1.00
00:34:36.120 Where is it? 1.00
00:34:36.920 Look at your effing body right now, Peter. 0.95
00:34:39.520 What the eff? 0.99
00:34:40.720 How the hell? 0.97
00:34:41.500 I was holding things. 0.66
00:34:42.940 Did you feel any? 0.84
00:34:43.680 According to Ichiwu, this was part of an endemic of magical penis theft that swept through Nigeria between 1975 and 1977. 0.93
00:34:52.140 Quote, 0.85
00:34:52.720 Women could be seen in the streets of Laos holding onto their genitals either openly or discreetly with their hands in their pockets. 0.83
00:34:59.740 End quote.
00:35:00.540 Ichiwu wrote,
00:35:01.480 Women were also seen holding onto their breasts directly or discreetly by crossing their hands across their chest.
00:35:09.000 Vigilance and anticipatory aggression were thought to be good prophylactics.
00:35:14.900 This then led to further breakdown of law and order.
00:35:17.720 End quote.
00:35:18.440 During an incident, the victim would yell, 0.99
00:35:20.360 Thief, my genitals are gone! 0.97
00:35:22.300 Immediately, the culprit would be identified, apprehended by the crowd, and often killed. 0.99
00:35:26.960 No! 0.64
00:35:28.640 What a way to die.
00:35:30.320 What a way to die. 1.00
00:35:31.500 He stole my penis! 1.00
00:35:34.620 Catcher the man! 1.00
00:35:35.680 Oh, that is one of the worst ways to die.
00:35:41.640 Oh, boy.
00:35:44.520 Very, very, very accusation.
00:35:46.260 You know when people are like, well, is there really proof?
00:35:48.820 Like, in a piece that we're going to do tomorrow, Scott Alexander is like, well, there isn't really proof that some cultures are better than other cultures.
00:35:55.340 And so when we're talking about these culturally-induced medical conditions, because in the piece we're going to be arguing that gender dimorphism is a culturally-induced medical condition, and he admits it probably mostly.
00:36:04.800 Gender dysmorphia.
00:36:06.060 Gender dysmorphia. 0.99
00:36:06.840 About 80% like transness is probably similar to penis-stealing in Africa. 1.00
00:36:11.660 But he's like, but there isn't such thing as being culturally neutral. 0.83
00:36:14.320 So, like, you shouldn't look at these negatively, right?
00:36:16.780 Like, it doesn't mean it's not real, right?
00:36:19.660 In the same way that anorexia, we're going to argue, is probably also one of these, and Simone had that.
00:36:23.480 She had our version of penis-steal things, and that ends up killing about 10% of the people who have it. 1.00
00:36:28.340 You know, so, like, it's clear that they really feel it and believe it, right? 0.89
00:36:32.800 No, but none of us are above this, but we still get to-
00:36:35.820 I laugh at myself for starving myself.
00:36:38.540 That's funny.
00:36:39.840 He then goes on to argue that there is no, like, there's no neutral culture, there's no cultures better than any other cultures.
00:36:46.140 So, we shouldn't be like, oh, transness isn't, like, real or something that should be promoted just because it's a cultural isolated phenomenon or contagion phenomenon.
00:36:54.940 And, by the way, if you're like, no, it's not culturally isolated, every instance where people point to, quote-unquote, trans people from a different culture,
00:37:01.140 the way it's presented is super, super different than the way it's presented in the United States.
00:37:05.280 What are you talking about?
00:37:05.760 Two-spirit or anything?
00:37:06.420 We'll get to that tomorrow.
00:37:07.720 Anyway, or whenever I end up posting it.
00:37:09.800 But anyway, the point here being, I argue that there are cultures that are better than other cultures. 0.98
00:37:14.340 And then a culture where people are killed on the street because somebody randomly freaked out and thought you stole their penis is a bad culture. 0.59
00:37:21.540 And this should probably be stamped out of the phenomenon. 0.83
00:37:24.140 If something is leading to people dying, like, let's say, a 50% attempted suicide rate, which we have in the trans community, that's just why I mentioned that,
00:37:33.600 it might be better if the phenomenon was ended instead of, or at least discouraged from spreading instead of exasperated, 0.97
00:37:43.260 because I don't like it when people die over something that's just a cultural quirk, like, a witch stole my penis. 0.99
00:37:50.600 Anyway, to continue. 0.99
00:37:51.740 But it's been making up for lost time.
00:37:56.000 Gurez, this is the guy who's studying it, who we'll go into a bit, was able to find and interview one previous penis theft victim,
00:38:01.940 plus a friend of another. 0.73
00:38:03.200 Both described similar stories.
00:38:04.900 Someone had bumped up against them under weird circumstances. 0.99
00:38:07.300 They immediately noticed that their penis was much smaller than usual. 0.97
00:38:10.560 They called out the culprit, and apparently, because the witch involved didn't want to get into trouble, 0.99
00:38:15.420 their penis was restored. 0.99
00:38:16.480 So, even if your penis was restored, even if someone's like, wait, wait, wait, before we kill this person, 1.00
00:38:20.500 can we look to see if, like, your penis was taken? 1.00
00:38:22.820 And he'd be like, it got better. 1.00
00:38:24.420 What makes you think she's a witch? 1.00
00:38:26.680 Well, she turned me into a newt! 1.00
00:38:29.000 It got better. 0.99
00:38:30.060 But, like, even the penis still being there isn't proof that they didn't steal it and then give it back to not be murdered by the mob. 0.98
00:38:36.840 Whatever weird itch this topic had given Burris, this didn't satisfy him. 0.82
00:38:41.060 So he then wanted to go get the full story, so he goes to Nigeria.
00:38:45.260 He couldn't find any instances of this.
00:38:48.240 And the absolutely crazy thing he did is he then started, as a white guy, bumping into random people on the street, 0.98
00:38:55.540 trying to get one of them to accuse him of penis theft. 1.00
00:38:58.720 I was like, people are beaten to death in the streets for this, you psycho! 1.00
00:39:03.400 Why are you trying to get someone to accuse you? 0.97
00:39:07.060 And then it follows him as he goes to other countries, trying to find anywhere where this has happened recently.
00:39:11.340 He goes to Hong Kong, he goes to Singapore, he goes to Malaysia.
00:39:14.280 And in basically every case, they're like, nobody believes this anymore.
00:39:18.100 Like, after they westernized, they no longer believe it.
00:39:20.680 That's really interesting. 0.97
00:39:22.440 Malaysia holds a special place in the history as the spot where penis stealing witches first made context was Western science. 0.95
00:39:28.200 The Malaysian word for the condition is koro. 0.96
00:39:31.200 It means head of the turtle, based on an analogy of the penis retracting into the body, the same way a turtle's head retracts into its shell.
00:39:37.960 And it is by that name that the condition gets listed in the DSM and the rest of medical literature.
00:39:42.180 Neither I know Burris was able to find many ethnic Malays worrying about koro.
00:39:47.200 Most of the activity seems to come from Malaysian Chinese.
00:39:50.140 So these are Chinese who moved to Malaysian, who's a subpopulation that's actually uniquely wealthy in Malaysia.
00:39:55.300 They're often called, like, the Jews of the region.
00:39:56.840 It's interesting.
00:39:57.380 Anyway, that's a totally different episode that we're going to do.
00:39:59.920 But the Chinese definitely worry about it, attributing it to a wide variety of causes, including poisoning, yin-yang imbalance, and, yes, witches.
00:40:07.360 But Burris found nothing among any ethnicity.
00:40:09.840 Once again, all the doctors said it used to be common but disappeared as the city industrialized and adopted Western ways.
00:40:15.420 He then goes to try to find this, like, remote region, the Cape of York, to try to find penis-dealing witches, because there was an incident of it in 1984, where, quote, 0.75
00:40:25.620 rumors spread of a fox ghost sometimes disguised as an old woman roaming the land collecting penises in covered baskets she carried on a shoulder pole. 0.99
00:40:34.080 When two young men approached her and told her to uncover the baskets, they looked inside and saw that the baskets were full of dun-dun-dun penises. 1.00
00:40:43.140 Penises! And died instantly with fright. 1.00
00:40:46.720 But if they died instantly, then who reported the story? 0.99
00:40:49.760 Was there another guy and they, like, yelled penises? 0.99
00:40:52.840 What if she was just a traveling dildo saleswoman who accidentally killed two men of fright? 1.00
00:40:59.180 Imagine dying because you saw a basket of penises. 1.00
00:41:02.160 But I also love that even in these remote regions of the world, like, witches are, like, old women, right? 0.99
00:41:06.700 Yeah, but also, I'm starting to see this interesting correlation between high fertility and believing in penis theft. 0.93
00:41:13.980 So, I don't know. I mean, maybe it's just better to believe. 0.91
00:41:17.300 Actually, I actually kind of like the idea of teaching them that, like, cultures we don't want them engaging with might try to steal their penises. 0.98
00:41:23.640 Be like, hey, you got to be really careful of this urban monoculture stuff. 0.99
00:41:27.520 People with blue hair steal penises. 0.99
00:41:29.800 I mean, they do, technically. 0.99
00:41:33.440 So, I'm okay with saying that.
00:41:34.900 Like, they actually, they actually do. 0.99
00:41:37.900 They do steal penises. 1.00
00:41:39.540 If there's any real penis theft taking place, it is within the urban monoculture led by gender warriors. 1.00
00:41:47.820 So, anyway. 1.00
00:41:49.080 Did someone try to steal your penis? 1.00
00:41:51.660 Hold on. I've got to check. 1.00
00:41:53.720 No, it's fortunately still there.
00:41:57.020 Okay.
00:41:57.180 We've got to insure it, man.
00:41:58.820 All right.
00:41:59.820 I didn't expect this episode to be this fun to do.
00:42:01.840 I was like, this is a throwaway episode.
00:42:03.300 I'm like, this is one of my favorite episodes I've ever done.
00:42:05.800 We just don't talk about penises enough in modern day society. 0.60
00:42:08.540 We need to do more on, like, weird subcultures if this one does well.
00:42:11.940 I really love weird subcultures.
00:42:13.580 Yes.
00:42:14.200 Okay.
00:42:14.860 Panic about Koro would hit a village and last three to four days.
00:42:17.920 When residents heard about the case in a neighboring village, the panic would subside since it meant the ghost had moved on. 0.99
00:42:24.820 The roving penis-stealing ghost. 1.00
00:42:26.960 Now I feel like this could be a holiday. 1.00
00:42:28.600 It's like Krampus, but for adults.
00:42:30.300 You know, but what I love is if you want it to die down in your village, you have to get another village panicking about it.
00:42:36.560 It only subsided.
00:42:37.860 The first village stopped panicking.
00:42:39.960 That's true.
00:42:40.680 You have to know that it's hitting somewhere else.
00:42:42.500 That's true. 0.99
00:42:42.960 They're panicking now, so we don't have to deal with the penis switch. 0.98
00:42:48.300 The curse has to be passed on. 0.97
00:42:49.980 It reminds me of that My Little Pony episode.
00:42:52.300 I can't remember which episode it was, but they basically sent a giant natural disaster to some other pony land, and the episode just ended with that, and they're like, oh, problem solved.
00:43:01.540 Oh, this is the episode where they have the little self-replicating things.
00:43:05.020 Oh, that's it.
00:43:05.860 Yeah, they basically sent, what are those, like, they're called in sci-fi replicators?
00:43:10.260 Just they sent replicators.
00:43:11.440 Yeah, they might be like replicators in sci-fi.
00:43:13.140 I always saw the episode is closer to, in Star Trek, there's one where, Tribbles, the trouble was Tribbles.
00:43:18.100 Yeah, they just sent Tribbles to some other town, and they're like, I don't have to worry about this anymore.
00:43:22.780 I think it was Star Trek, I think they beamed them onto a Klingon ship or something.
00:43:26.120 That's okay.
00:43:27.160 Yeah, whatever.
00:43:28.100 Who cares about Klingons? 1.00
00:43:29.680 I mean, if there's one thing I'm racist against, it's Klingons. 1.00
00:43:33.420 You're racist against Klingons?
00:43:34.900 You know there's people who believe they're Klingons, they get, like, surgery to look like Klingons.
00:43:38.560 I know, and I'm okay with that.
00:43:39.800 You have a real population, you have decided to discriminate against.
00:43:42.620 The one hill, I'm okay with.
00:43:44.240 What have they ever done to you?
00:43:47.220 Actually, they're pretty sweet, yeah.
00:43:49.020 They're pretty...
00:43:49.880 I'm joking, I'm joking.
00:43:50.880 I'm okay with you, Tribbles, to Klingon houses. 1.00
00:43:56.160 No, Klingons are cool. 0.97
00:43:57.620 Ferengi are really annoying. 1.00
00:43:59.220 Are these just racial stereotypes in Star Trek? 1.00
00:44:02.240 Holy shit, are Ferengi Jews? 1.00
00:44:03.960 No, I actually thought about doing an episode on which religious groups match which mythical species. 0.99
00:44:10.760 You know, like elves, dwarves.
00:44:12.760 And then I started, like, doing it in my head.
00:44:14.740 I was like, okay, who's gonna be orcs?
00:44:16.420 Who's gonna be, like, dark dwarves? 1.00
00:44:18.040 Who's gonna be...
00:44:18.880 And I started to be like, nope, nope.
00:44:20.640 Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
00:44:22.740 A hundred noes.
00:44:23.860 Yeah, just so many no's.
00:44:25.460 So many no's.
00:44:26.320 This is not...
00:44:27.240 Anyway. 1.00
00:44:29.560 Back to penises. 1.00
00:44:31.540 The attack slowly made their way around the island. 0.99
00:44:34.480 The ghost struck at night when villagers were sleeping. 0.98
00:44:37.560 A chill would creep into the room and suddenly the victim would feel his penis shrinking inwards. 0.99
00:44:41.380 He would grab it and run outside for help. 0.99
00:44:43.600 A 28-year-old office worker was at home one night when, quote,
00:44:48.340 he heard a gong being beaten and terrifying noises being made by people who were panicking in a nearby neighborhood. 0.98
00:44:54.640 Well, thank goodness they had a penis alarm. 0.96
00:44:56.840 We don't have any in our houses. 0.99
00:44:58.180 He suddenly became anxious and experienced the sensation that his penis was shrinking. 0.99
00:45:02.780 He was seized with panic and shouted loudly for help. 0.99
00:45:05.640 Several men in the neighborhood rushed in and tried to rescue him by forcefully pulling his penis 0.99
00:45:11.340 and making loud sounds to chase away the evil ghost that was thought to be affecting him. 0.99
00:45:16.720 What a bad night. 1.00
00:45:18.840 You wake up, your penis is shrinking, you go outside, you ring the penis alarm, 1.00
00:45:23.140 then the people coming, you will peel off your penis. 1.00
00:45:26.620 No, hold on. 1.00
00:45:27.180 This is like cultural difference here. 1.00
00:45:30.340 Even if I was certain, I woke up and I was certain that a ghost was trying to take my penis, 0.99
00:45:38.060 the last thing I would do is run out of the house screaming, 1.00
00:45:43.540 my penis is shrinking, my penis is shrinking, dear God, my penis is shrinking. 1.00
00:45:50.080 That would be the last thought in my mind. 1.00
00:45:53.960 Run around beating a gong. 1.00
00:45:56.460 Oh my God, my penis is shrinking. 1.00
00:45:59.520 And then, this is how I know the different culture. 1.00
00:46:03.020 If I saw another man running around beating a gong, saying, dear God, my penis is shrinking, 1.00
00:46:11.520 my last thought would be to run up and grab his penis along with another man. 1.00
00:46:19.200 I'm going to grab it. 1.00
00:46:19.920 And make loud noises to scare away a ghost.
00:46:24.840 But we're the ones selling satanic rituals on Etsy. 0.98
00:46:31.800 And being super gay. 0.96
00:46:34.000 Are we any better as a culture?
00:46:34.840 Like, I honestly, I honestly think, like, we're laughing at this.
00:46:39.360 If you explained trans people to, like, a random person in Central Africa, 0.99
00:46:44.820 they would probably think it sounds as crazy as witches stealing your penises. 1.00
00:46:49.360 You're like, wait, there's men who suddenly decide that they're women. 1.00
00:46:54.220 And, like, they go on, you give them drugs to make them look more like women? 1.00
00:47:02.480 And then everyone's supposed to just accept this?
00:47:06.020 And they, wait, they don't even have to go on drugs and they go into women's restrooms? 1.00
00:47:12.280 They play against girls in sport? 0.98
00:47:15.300 What are you talking about?
00:47:16.840 This sounds insane.
00:47:19.320 A guy comes up to you and says, I'm a woman. 0.98
00:47:23.580 And everyone just, they don't look like a woman. 0.93
00:47:26.180 They don't talk like a woman. 1.00
00:47:28.440 And everyone just has to accept this. 0.99
00:47:30.460 Like, the case in Canada where the guy wore, like, the giant boobs. 0.65
00:47:33.920 And everyone was just like, yeah, you have to accept this.
00:47:37.320 And he turned out to be.
00:47:38.240 For months, the school board in Ontario defended this creep.
00:47:41.460 I went there to the school board back in October, dressed exactly like Busty Lemieux.
00:47:48.060 They're all down with the agenda.
00:47:50.760 But only when it's in front of the kids, when it's in front of their school board meeting,
00:47:56.100 they actually fled the room.
00:47:58.960 And also, that director of education released a statement where he said that he might veto a dress code recommendation.
00:48:09.440 Of course.
00:48:10.900 I think that they're probably, like, in Central Africa, that's probably what he thinks.
00:48:15.940 And I'm not saying, look, again, I actually believe that there are some real trans people.
00:48:19.460 And when we look at things like the TIDE studies and endocrine disruptors, there really might be a trans phenomenon. 0.64
00:48:23.800 But I also think that the way that our culture is relating to this phenomenon is absolutely insane.
00:48:28.980 And a lot of people who pretty obviously don't have any whatever would be, like, real transness are getting caught up in this.
00:48:36.720 But anyway, so we laugh at them.
00:48:38.420 And they're probably laughing at us.
00:48:39.780 They're like, hey.
00:48:40.260 As they should.
00:48:41.060 As they should. 0.99
00:48:41.420 Other people have to take our penises. 1.00
00:48:43.580 There's a lot of other stuff that's really ridiculous about us. 0.99
00:48:46.880 Like, we literally can't make a sandwich that we have to door dash it. 0.85
00:48:51.400 Like, that is how feckless we are.
00:48:54.500 I mean, I think that's even more notable.
00:48:56.240 Anyway, carry on.
00:48:57.260 I mean, explain anorexia to them.
00:48:58.620 We're like, yeah, young girls just sometimes stop eating.
00:49:02.200 They what?
00:49:04.600 Yeah, they think they're not beautiful enough.
00:49:07.080 Well, surely they realize when they become, like, frail and look like they're about to die.
00:49:12.820 Surely then they realize that this isn't making them more beautiful.
00:49:18.580 It's like, no, no.
00:49:19.640 That almost never happens.
00:49:21.840 They actually just die often. 1.00
00:49:24.920 They'd be like, that's as stupid as penis. 1.00
00:49:27.300 I mean, because it is. 1.00
00:49:30.220 Yeah.
00:49:30.700 Yeah.
00:49:31.480 Neighbors and family members were enlisted in rescue operations.
00:49:34.680 Oh, I love they got a whole rescue team here, right?
00:49:36.840 Going to order. 0.99
00:49:37.520 Did you take the penises? 1.00
00:49:40.480 I mean, it's after the theft that you're most likely to find the penis again. 1.00
00:49:44.480 I mean, after hours have passed, the penis could be anywhere, Malcolm. 0.99
00:49:47.440 It's the first hours to count. 0.98
00:49:49.940 But victims were beaten with sandals and slippers while the middle finger of their hand was squeezed so that the ghost could exit the body there.
00:49:59.140 The endemic engulfed the island with the exception of Li and Maui minorities who seemed to be immune to such fears. 1.00
00:50:07.200 Researchers estimated that between 2,000 and 5,000 people were affected.
00:50:10.640 But that, quote, no one died from genital retraction, end quote.
00:50:15.060 However, close your ears, Simone.
00:50:18.020 Or take out your things.
00:50:19.940 One baby, however, did die when his mother tried to feed him pepper juice and a girl was beaten to death during a two-hour exorcism.
00:50:29.640 Quote, numerous men suffered injuries to their penises as a result of rescuing actions, end quote.
00:50:35.200 You can.
00:50:37.060 I really appreciate the trigger warning.
00:50:39.080 I'm assuming children were hurt, so.
00:50:41.380 No, no, no, it wasn't that.
00:50:42.640 It was something else.
00:50:43.700 Okay, yeah.
00:50:44.200 Only good things ever happen to children and I need to fix the world.
00:50:47.980 I was going to say it was something totally else.
00:50:49.380 But anyway, a number of men did suffer serious injuries during rescue attempts.
00:50:56.140 Well, and there were the people who.
00:50:58.500 Yeah, wow.
00:50:59.160 Okay.
00:50:59.560 And then iron pins were sometimes inserted into the nipples of women to prevent retraction, which caused infections. 0.60
00:51:04.640 Well, we pierced nipples, too, so, you know.
00:51:10.300 And we do it for non-protective reasons.
00:51:13.380 We just do it for fun.
00:51:14.820 And they're like, what do you mean? 0.96
00:51:16.000 Like, you're not trying to protect your nipples? 0.96
00:51:18.020 Yeah, yeah, no, no. 0.92
00:51:18.900 Imagine you're trying to explain this, right?
00:51:20.700 And you're like, yeah, so they go to somebody.
00:51:23.960 Somebody from, like, Central Africa comes.
00:51:26.640 And they're like, yeah, so when I was a teenager, I felt uncomfortable with my body.
00:51:34.840 And they're like, wait, what?
00:51:36.460 You did this because you were a teenager and you – everyone feels uncomfortable with their body when they're a teenager.
00:51:42.220 No, no, no, no, no.
00:51:42.960 You don't understand.
00:51:43.640 When I was a teenager, I was confused about my sexuality.
00:51:48.560 And they're like, you did what because of that?
00:51:56.980 And they're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:51:59.760 You don't understand.
00:52:01.080 You see, when I was a teenager, I felt like a social outcast and I was looking for a group that would accept me.
00:52:09.340 I was uncomfortable with my body and I was confused about my sexuality.
00:52:13.640 In the United States, these are all signs that you have gender dysphoria.
00:52:21.640 I'm like, no, I think that might be normal teenage stuff.
00:52:24.700 But the interesting thing here, and this is the point, you can't make this stuff go away just by saying – the same was, like, you know, anorexia.
00:52:32.320 You can't go to someone who's anorexia.
00:52:33.540 Like, this is a real thing that they'll likely die over and be like, hey, this is, like, a social phenomenon unique to your country.
00:52:41.040 Oh, well.
00:52:41.640 That was fun.
00:52:44.100 I love you.
00:52:44.920 Love you, too.
00:52:46.220 The thing I was prepping the next episode on, where – I was going to record it today, but we just don't have enough time for me to do full prep on it.
00:52:53.180 Sorry.
00:52:53.460 Was on somebody who had had a number of long conversations with Luigi, the U.N. whatever guy.
00:53:00.780 Yeah.
00:53:01.380 Were really interesting.
00:53:03.680 So one of the conversations or complaints Luigi had, which reminded me so much of the moral situation that he found himself in, was apparently when he was in Japan, he was complaining that everyone was an NPC.
00:53:16.760 And he described one instance where he saw somebody having a seizure.
00:53:20.680 And so he ran to the police to try to help the person.
00:53:24.720 But the police insisted on stopping and waiting at every stoplight, even when there were no cars.
00:53:29.860 That's so Japanese. 0.99
00:53:31.120 Okay.
00:53:31.340 Right.
00:53:31.900 But he's like, but a person is dying.
00:53:34.300 It's okay to break the law if you're going to save lives.
00:53:37.540 And I think that that's sort of a microcosm of what he was doing.
00:53:40.920 And it would be really interesting to unpack more of his belief system around this.
00:53:46.680 Yeah.
00:53:47.260 In his mind, why did he think this was an okay thing to do when we live in a world of people that didn't think it was an okay thing to do.
00:53:55.500 Even the writer of the article was like, well, you know, anyway, interesting, definitely worth something going into.
00:54:04.320 Another interesting thing, which is going to happen in another episode, because this episode was mostly meant as a prep episode.
00:54:12.100 Like intellectual candy, just like fun, goofy stuff for a much deeper episode that I actually think I've unlocked a big change in my perspective on something.
00:54:23.140 What? Okay, what?
00:54:25.500 There is some, so the idea of, you know, as we're going to end up talking about in today's video, of a regional locked mental illness applies incredibly strictly and well to gender dysphoria.
00:54:42.960 And more than that, by looking at how it applies to autism and gender dysphoria and autism and anorexia, another region locked illness, it does not appear to be a real illness, but an illness that is specifically due to cultural pressures.
00:54:58.380 We can better understand exactly what's causing, in a way that is clearer for me than anything has ever been, exactly what's creating gender dysphoria.
00:55:09.540 Because what I ended up doing is I took a manual from anorexia clinic about why autism often leads to anorexia.
00:55:19.540 And if you just read it and you replace the word like eating with gender expression or anorexia with gender dysphoria, all of a sudden every line makes perfect sense, but in a very offensive way.
00:55:32.240 Okay.
00:55:32.720 Okay.
00:55:34.400 Okay.
00:55:35.600 Wow.
00:55:36.100 Okay.
00:55:36.420 I'm looking forward to that.
00:55:37.680 You as an autistic person, I think are going to be able to shed a lot, who had severe anorexia, are going to be able to shed a lot of light on this.
00:55:44.840 Exciting.
00:55:45.200 So, I tried dressing up as Krampus for a Christmas tradition, but they are apparently far too clever for this.
00:55:53.100 At first, Torsen goes, this is the middle child, who's three.
00:55:56.780 Why is Krampus wearing a mask?
00:55:58.820 And at the end of the night, you'll hear him go, I think that's a costume.
00:56:04.600 And you can see him when I come into the room.
00:56:06.920 While the older child believes it's Krampus, the middle one isn't buying it at all.
00:56:10.920 No.
00:56:11.680 I don't see it.
00:56:12.300 You've got to go with that door fast.
00:56:13.840 Walk it.
00:56:14.240 And the youngest one, immediately, the moment she sees it, she goes, it's daddy.
00:56:19.060 And then Simone has to try to redirect her. 1.00
00:56:21.520 Like, oh, no, you mean it's scary.
00:56:23.740 Probably my favorite part is the oldest child's guess as to who it is.
00:56:27.460 It was that it was Indy.
00:56:29.180 Indy, our youngest, under one-year-old child strapped to Simone's back because it made a wah sound.
00:56:37.280 Torsen, why are you out of bed?
00:56:38.400 Hey, mommy, whoa. 0.93
00:56:40.380 What?
00:56:40.820 What?
00:56:43.000 What's?
00:56:43.360 Oh, my God.
00:56:52.660 Is that Krampus?
00:56:53.620 Toasty?
00:56:54.880 Toasty?
00:56:57.460 Octavian, what is that?
00:56:59.740 Baby, it's a monster. 0.92
00:57:01.880 Baby, it's a monster.
00:57:03.540 You think it's a monster?
00:57:04.960 Yeah.
00:57:05.700 Where'd it go?
00:57:06.260 It's a monster.
00:57:07.800 I think it's Andy.
00:57:15.060 You think it's Andy?
00:57:16.680 Yes, I think it's Andy.
00:57:19.900 It's an adventure now.
00:57:21.900 You think it's a monster?
00:57:23.180 Yeah.
00:57:24.180 Well, why are you saying it's scary with a smile on your face?
00:57:27.740 Wait, what's that sound?
00:57:29.120 What is it?
00:57:35.000 It's a monster.
00:57:36.500 It's a monster.
00:57:37.300 Yeah.
00:57:39.380 It's scary.
00:57:40.740 It's scary.
00:57:42.640 Who?
00:57:44.000 It's scary.
00:57:45.440 It's scary?
00:57:46.540 Is it Krampus?
00:57:48.220 Yeah.
00:57:48.900 Oh.
00:57:49.500 I think it's not Krampus.
00:57:51.220 I told you Krampus is not alive.
00:57:53.100 Krampus is not alive.
00:57:55.080 Well, remember, if Krampus is real, you know what to do, right, guys?
00:57:58.120 Yeah.
00:57:58.880 You hide under your covers.
00:58:00.960 It's okay.
00:58:02.260 It's okay.
00:58:03.300 You just hide under your covers and you think good thoughts.
00:58:06.640 You just saw the monster?
00:58:13.460 Yeah.
00:58:14.740 I just saw the monster.
00:58:15.820 I was so scared of it.
00:58:19.560 And you were so scared of it?
00:58:21.260 Yeah.
00:58:21.700 Was it Krampus?
00:58:24.140 No.
00:58:25.980 It was scary.
00:58:27.640 Krampus is the only Christmastime monster.
00:58:29.640 There aren't any other ones to my knowledge.
00:58:31.460 That's Krampus outside of the dark?
00:58:34.360 Krampus outside in the dark?
00:58:35.660 I think so.
00:58:37.220 And Krampus has huge claws.
00:58:40.720 It even has a match on it.
00:58:43.180 Really?
00:58:43.940 Yeah.
00:58:44.640 Huge claws and a scary face.
00:58:46.960 Yeah.
00:58:47.400 Well, I'm very proud of you for going and looking at Krampus.
00:58:52.300 Do you think he was like a mystery?
00:58:53.620 Were you trying to solve him like a mystery monster?
00:58:56.020 Yeah.
00:58:57.660 And Octavian, you just don't believe Krampus is real, right?
00:59:01.660 I saw something outside.
00:59:04.820 I don't know what you mean.
00:59:06.180 Oh, I didn't.
00:59:06.900 Did you not see something outside?
00:59:08.500 You said it was Indy.
00:59:10.140 Indy's upstairs.
00:59:11.180 She's inside.
00:59:11.900 You think it's Krampus?
00:59:17.000 Yeah.
00:59:18.320 Mommy.
00:59:20.220 What was that?
00:59:22.300 What was...
00:59:23.900 What was that?
00:59:27.440 Titan, hide.
00:59:28.920 Hide.
00:59:29.980 I think it's Krampus, Mommy.
00:59:31.900 You think it's Krampus?
00:59:33.140 Yes, I hide under my banquet.
00:59:35.960 You're hiding under your banquet?
00:59:38.220 Oh, my gosh.
00:59:39.220 I'm on my cover.
00:59:40.000 You're hiding under your covers?
00:59:44.040 Are you thinking about being a good boy?
00:59:45.700 He can only find bad boys.
00:59:47.260 Right, Toasty?
00:59:49.740 Uh...
00:59:50.580 Guys, hide under your covers.
01:00:04.560 Krampus can only get bad kids.
01:00:07.560 He'll only get bad kids.
01:00:08.840 He can only smell bad kids.
01:00:11.220 He can only smell bad kids.
01:00:13.540 Okay?
01:00:15.040 Hide under your blankets.
01:00:16.540 Krampus can only get bad kids.
01:00:17.440 I already did.
01:00:18.080 You already did?
01:00:18.880 I'm scared.
01:00:19.880 Well, you better be scared, because that was Krampus.
01:00:21.820 I think he might be gone, guys.
01:00:23.240 I'm going to close the door, okay?
01:00:25.760 Daddy, Mommy.
01:00:26.980 Dad's asleep.
01:00:28.180 He always goes to sleep early.
01:00:29.540 I think Dad just gets up in the monster costume.
01:00:33.420 That's a really interesting mystery-solving proposition, but I think it was Krampus.
01:00:40.380 Octavian, I think it's safe to come down now.
01:00:43.260 I hear Daddy.
01:00:43.900 I think Krampus might have woken him up.
01:00:48.600 Good job, Titan.
01:00:50.340 You're okay now.
01:00:51.920 You did great.
01:00:52.800 High five.
01:00:54.060 Good job, Titan.
01:00:55.260 Oh, no.
01:00:55.760 Did you guys hear that?
01:00:56.740 Yeah, it was Krampus.
01:00:57.940 I saw him.
01:00:59.140 You did?
01:00:59.880 Yeah, I did saw Krampus.
01:01:01.800 Guess what, guys.
01:01:02.660 I was down here the whole time with a video camera, so we can see if it actually happened.
01:01:06.060 Oh, no.
01:01:07.120 I don't see.
01:01:07.740 You've got to close that door fast.
01:01:09.260 Lock it so Krampus has to come.
01:01:11.440 We've got to always lock all the doors, right?
01:01:13.440 This is why you don't leave doors unlocked, right?
01:01:15.640 Oh, yeah.
01:01:16.600 Because if you leave a door unlocked, Krampus may come.
01:01:20.500 I think, was that door unlocked?
01:01:23.880 Yeah.
01:01:24.780 That's how he got in.
01:01:26.920 Oh, my gosh, you guys.
01:01:28.320 This is why we can never leave a door unlocked.
01:01:31.660 Daddy.
01:01:32.820 Daddy.
01:01:33.680 We just saw Krampus.
01:01:35.440 We just saw Krampus?
01:01:36.700 That can't be real.
01:01:38.820 Yeah, we just saw Krampus.
01:01:40.820 We just saw Krampus and we're laughing.
01:01:43.240 All right, well, I'll stop recording and we'll watch the video and see what actually came through, okay, guys?
01:01:46.860 Okay, guys.
01:01:47.740 I think it was really Krampus.
01:01:49.660 Let's...
01:01:50.420 My friend, come close for I've a tale to tell.
01:01:56.940 A rumor so strange it just might spell hell.
01:02:01.060 They say you're up strapped.
01:02:03.380 No babies in sight.
01:02:04.920 So the French come prowling through Africa at night. 0.99
01:02:09.380 Keep your guard up tight.
01:02:11.900 Don't loosen your belt.
01:02:13.900 Or you might lose treasures you frequently felt.
01:02:17.900 They'll truck them away.
01:02:21.040 These natalists lie straight under a loop where our secrets now lie. 1.00
01:02:29.860 I spoke to a trader in Bungui last week.
01:02:34.540 He said nanotech is the new form of sneak.
01:02:38.460 A single light touch and your pride goes zap.
01:02:42.660 Then never again will you fap.
01:02:46.600 So hold on to hope and hold on to more. 0.98
01:02:51.140 Don't let white men come knocking your door.
01:02:54.900 They'll claim they're saving Europe's fate. 0.99
01:02:58.160 By swiping our manhood at a shocking rate.
01:03:04.860 They say that beneath Mona Lisa's grin.
01:03:10.240 A secret vault holds what they smuggle in.
01:03:14.460 Family jewels from far off lands.
01:03:18.080 All labeled and stored by bureaucratic hands.
01:03:21.920 So heed my words.
01:03:24.860 Keep watch at night.
01:03:27.220 Bolt up your trousers and tie them tight.
01:03:30.880 In the shadow of truck lights on winding roads. 0.98
01:03:35.400 Carrying crates of genital loads. 0.84
01:03:38.820 Some say it's meth. 0.95
01:03:40.980 A tall African tale.
01:03:43.700 But panic and whispers refuse to go stale. 0.59
01:03:47.560 If you see a white man friend, you'd best run. 0.99
01:03:51.980 Or find yourself parted with what can't be undone.
01:04:00.280 Guard your crown.
01:04:02.440 Hold fast your stance.
01:04:04.680 Don't let them slip you into that trance.
01:04:08.380 For Europe's needs, they claim to roam. 0.98
01:04:12.800 But we want our pride safe here at home.
01:04:17.560 Don't let them realise.
01:04:20.020 Bye.
01:04:20.500 Bye.
01:04:22.120 Bye.
01:04:24.280 Bye.
01:04:24.620 Bye.
01:04:26.440 Bye.
01:04:27.460 Bye.
01:04:29.300 Bye.
01:04:29.520 Bye.
01:04:33.900 Bye.
01:04:33.940 Bye.
01:04:34.320 Bye.
01:04:43.920 Bye.
01:04:44.980 Bye.
01:04:45.520 Bye.
01:04:46.060 Bye.
01:04:46.180 Bye.