Half of American's Now Born to Single Parents (From 5%)
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Summary
In this episode, Simone and I discuss the statistics on single parents and their impact on their children, and the long-term consequences. We also talk about what we can do to address the problem of single parents in our society.
Transcript
00:00:00.000
Here's where I, like, just want to push back a little bit, but, like, these children may be exhibiting the antisocial tendencies of the fathers who left the relationship.
00:00:14.680
Then I want you to then contextualize the severity of the quote I read earlier, which I will read again.
00:00:22.440
In the 1950s, fewer than 5% of babies born in this country were born to unmarried mothers.
00:00:27.760
To date, nearly half of all babies in America are born to unmarried mothers.
00:00:31.740
A lot of people, when we talk about sort of genetic shifts in the country's, like, sociological profiles, they think that these happen slowly.
00:00:42.260
And so what we're going to see is across all ethnic groups in this country, whatever genetic correlate there is to this behavioral pattern is going to begin to become dramatically more common in the population.
00:00:56.460
The other traits that it is correlated with, i.e. substance abuse, depression, anxiety, externalizing behavior disorders, those are also going to explode.
00:01:07.420
Also, things like dropping out of college, dropping out of high school, not having a job, those are also going to explode.
00:01:13.700
And it shouldn't be a surprise that these things cross-correlate.
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I just typically don't point this out due to the offensive nature of admitting that humans have genes and that affects behavior patterns.
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I am so excited to be talking to you because I am so excited to be married to you.
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So, this episode is going to be done on the statistics of marriage, single parents, and the consequences to children,
00:01:46.320
as well as realistic long-term solutions to the way that people pair bond and stuff like that in the context of having kids.
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So, the first one I really wanted to go over here, which is a study that I think really flies in the face of what a lot of people intuit about marriage.
00:02:05.920
So, it's important to sort of start with this because I think a lot of people, they go into this being like, well, marriage makes you less happy, right?
00:02:12.280
This is just something you see, especially if you're in these, like, red pill-y circles and stuff like that.
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So, last, I'm quoting here, last month, for example, the University of Chicago economist Sam Paltzman published a study in which he found that marriage was the most important differentiator between happy and unhappy people.
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Married people are 30 points happier than unmarried.
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Income contributes to happiness, too, but not as much.
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So, just to clarify, if you were going to contrast the amount of happiness that marriage gives the average person when contrasted with a non-married person,
00:02:45.980
that would be the equivalent to the boost in happiness you would get from an additional income of $75,000 to $100,000 a year.
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So, in other words, if you were to give somebody $50,000 extra a year in salary,
00:03:01.060
that would not correlate with an equivalent happiness boost as marriage does.
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You would need to offer them $75,000 to $100,000.
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According to an analyst of recent survey data by the University of Virginia, Professor Brad Wilcox,
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35% of adults ages 18 to 40 said that making a good living was crucial to fulfillment in life,
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while only 32% thought that marriage was crucial to fulfillment.
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In a Pew Research survey, 88% of parents said it was extremely or very important for their kids to be financially independent,
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while only 21% said it was extremely or very important for their kids to marry.
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So, the point here is that there is this misperception in society that your most important goal,
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like even if you're just caring about personal hedonism, should be, and personal happiness and personal contentment,
00:03:51.900
That is just demonstrably untrue from the data.
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You are much better off being less happy, less lower income, typically within the income bracket you would expect for yourself,
00:04:02.780
and married and in a good relationship, than you are to be higher income and unmarried.
00:04:10.520
I mean, the data may indicate as such, but if you were to go off mainstream societal norms,
00:04:17.480
you'd think it was crazy to focus on marriage, which could become abusive or substandard or end in divorce,
00:04:28.720
And also look at how marriages are depicted in media.
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They're not good fodder for a show or a movie or any sort of story plot.
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But my point is, like, this is not obvious to people.
00:04:48.340
I think that there is a concerted effort, to some extent, to paint marriage as not fun.
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I think, yeah, so I think that there's a few motivations here.
00:04:57.060
I don't think it's like an intentional concerted effort,
00:04:59.440
but I do think it's an emergent property of the way the types of people who end up being showrunners
00:05:04.880
and writers in Hollywood divide from the mainstream population.
00:05:08.600
They're much more likely to be individuals who are deep into the urban monoculture and single themselves.
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They paint marriage both with a sour grapes mindset because of this,
00:05:25.320
and within a community and culture that is not good at rewarding stable marriages.
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I mean, you're obviously going to see much more stable marriages within conservative cultural communities,
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which are going to be much more rural and stuff like that,
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than the types of people who are writing these shows in L.A.
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And as society drifts further apart from each other, you know, the left and the right,
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and as the left begins to dehumanize the right more and more,
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they have a harder time interacting with or modeling people of the opposite political persuasion.
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And as such, they cannot write like what these stable marriages look like without making digs.
00:06:05.320
Their culture needs to sort of insert into them that if a marriage is like conservative-ish in some way,
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that the woman must be being oppressed, for example, or must hate her life.
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And so I think that that's part of what you have going on in these depictions.
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But you also have this with teachers and stuff like that.
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You know, a lot of these people are very unlikely to be married.
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They're much more likely to be in allegiance with the urban monoculture when contrasted with their local communities.
00:06:29.200
And as such, they teach kids this cultural value system of money matters more than anything.
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And I remember this is something my mom really pushed against me as a kid,
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because I thought education mattered more than anything.
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And she made it very clear that within our family, it did not.
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She's like, because I was so stressed about what college I was going to get into.
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And I was like, it's the most important decision of my life.
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The most important decision is who you marry and never forget that.
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Because I think that the generation above us, you know, they had all these bad marriages.
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If you look at the data, and our generation actually has pretty solid marriages.
00:07:08.620
And it's because they didn't really realize this.
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And then there was a bit of a sour grapes in how the next generation was made.
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But it's having a consequence to kids of the next generation.
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So as another chilling statistic, in 1950, fewer than 5% of babies in this country were
00:07:30.260
Today, nearly half of all babies in America are born to unmarried mothers.
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Most surprising and worrisome is this trend is divided along class lines with children
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whose mothers don't have a college degree being more than twice as likely compared to children
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of college-educated mothers to live in a single-parent home.
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And this is something we're seeing in society more broadly.
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And I think that this is something that is hugely missed by the left because they have
00:08:06.100
a complete blindness to a person's cultural and genetic background.
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I'm just talking about individually, genes do have a correlation with earning potential IQ
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And that as we have allowed this to continue, we are disproportionately hurting those individuals
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in our society who are the least well-off while dramatically increasing their plight.
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So, you know, if you look at children who are raised in single-parent households, I'm going
00:08:44.000
to read some quotes here, across a number of studies, children raised in single-mother
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families are at a heightened risk for substance abuse, depression, anxiety, and externalizing
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And then another one says children who grow up with only one of their biological parents,
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nearly always a mother, are disadvantaged across a broader way of outcomes.
00:09:02.280
They are twice as likely to drop out of high school, 2.5 times as likely to become teen
00:09:11.080
Okay, so here's where I, like, just want to push back a little bit, because I think at
00:09:15.640
least a lot of viewers are going to think this as well, is, okay, right, but, like, these
00:09:21.500
children may be exhibiting the antisocial tendencies of the fathers who left the relationship.
00:09:28.520
They may have been addicted, they may have done something that got them in jail, and that's
00:09:35.580
And these mothers who are single mothers may also be more likely to have been teen moms
00:09:40.600
themselves, because, again, they're single mothers.
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They're not like women who are 40 years old and deciding responsibly to, you know, have
00:09:52.800
Basically, what you are arguing, and I will actually say, studies have been done on this,
00:10:00.140
People who become single parents through factors not of their own, you don't see most of these
00:10:05.060
So this is, you know, the spouse dies or something.
00:10:08.000
So if that's true, okay, if these negative traits that I'm seeing here that are seen at
00:10:13.280
much higher rates among single mothers are happening for genetic reasons and cultural reasons,
00:10:19.780
and that that is the predominant reason why people become single mothers, then I want
00:10:26.700
you to then contextualize the severity of the quote I read earlier, which I will read
00:10:34.640
In the 1950s, fewer than 5% of babies born in this country were born to unmarried mothers.
00:10:40.400
To date, nearly half of all babies in America are born to unmarried mothers.
00:10:43.680
That means that I think a lot of people, when we talk about sort of genetic shifts in the
00:10:51.300
countries, like sociological profiles, they think that these happen slowly.
00:10:58.320
If you go from something like, if you had a population of moths, right?
00:11:03.040
And in one generation, 5% of the moths had spots on their wings.
00:11:08.260
And within, you know, 50 years, you measure the population again, and 50% of the moths have
00:11:18.360
What do you think the moths are going to look like in another 50 years, in another 30 years,
00:11:25.400
And keep in mind, we're talking about sociological profiles here, which exist across ethnic groups
00:11:30.600
This is partially why I think this whole ethnic grouping idea of genetics that a lot of people
00:11:34.640
do is pointless because it hugely undercounts how quickly a sociological profile can change
00:11:44.160
within an ethnic group due to really strong selective pressures like this.
00:11:48.860
And so what we're going to see is across all ethnic groups in this country, whatever genetic
00:11:54.180
correlate there is to this behavioral pattern is going to begin to become dramatically more
00:12:03.600
And the other traits that it is correlated with, i.e. substance abuse, depression, anxiety,
00:12:10.580
externalizing behavior disorders, those are also going to explode.
00:12:14.760
Also things like dropping out of college, dropping out of high school, not having a job, those
00:12:21.080
And it shouldn't be a surprise that these things cross-correlate.
00:12:23.640
I just typically don't point this out due to the offensive nature of admitting that humans
00:12:34.740
But do you have anything you wanted to talk on this or?
00:12:39.400
It's just depressing because, you know, I mean, our goal with prenatalism is to encourage
00:12:45.200
sort of the maximum number of amazing childhoods possible.
00:12:49.560
And I don't think these stats are describing amazing childhoods.
00:12:54.400
And you can look at this, this genetic profile that leads to single mothers as a biologically
00:13:06.180
Whatever environmental pressures are keeping the rest of the population unfertile are not
00:13:12.180
appearing within this subset of the population, or at least they're not affecting the subset
00:13:17.320
And so they are being active and directly selected for, which is going to lead to even more of this
00:13:26.600
And the paper behavior will be more severe in the future.
00:13:32.320
And I think that this also causes, when I talk about this as being like a biological profile,
00:13:38.300
or sociological profile that is adapted to our current age, one thing we need to consider,
00:13:42.940
and we've mentioned this in another episode, but it's worth reiterating,
00:13:45.500
is the huge costs that the states put on individuals for breeding outside of their population group,
00:13:52.680
if they are in like a economically successful population group, that they're really, really
00:13:59.820
So, you know, you're not going to get the same sort of genetic normalization that you would
00:14:07.620
And so if you do get really differentiated, but also genetically isolated strategies for overcoming
00:14:15.200
fertility collapse, you are going to begin to see some level of speciation within humanity.
00:14:21.560
And we are going to begin to see something that humanity has never had to really deal with,
00:14:28.580
And, you know, some racists will be like, no, there's big differences between like ethnic groups.
00:14:33.080
Even at the most extreme end, when you're talking about even potential differences between
00:14:38.780
ethnic groups, even claim differences, you're talking like a standard deviation in IQ.
00:14:44.000
We are talking like three standard deviations, four standard deviations in IQ in just 75 to
00:14:51.180
a hundred years between population groups and radically different behavior patterns between
00:14:57.420
And it will not matter what ethnicity the starting individuals were within these selective pressures,
00:15:03.560
because you are seeing conversion evolution within each ethnic group, individuals who have
00:15:10.120
this apologetic profile that we're talking here overrepresented within them, somehow making
00:15:15.080
it through this genetic crucible that we're going through.
00:15:18.380
I should also add, like to add to this point of selection pressures for having kids, like from
00:15:25.020
a policy standpoint, it's also being reinforced.
00:15:27.800
And we pointed this out in another episode, but it bears repeating that if you look at services
00:15:33.800
for parents provided by the state in the United States, so provided by each state, and that
00:15:38.740
varies from state to state, the vast majority of services that make parenting easy, which
00:15:44.080
is to say free childcare, free healthcare for your kids, free food for your kids, free transportation
00:15:50.800
These are only available to very low income families.
00:15:53.580
So basically there's this huge, like drop in marginal cost to having kids or opportunity
00:16:00.720
cost to having kids for one group of the population, but not for middle and a high income earners.
00:16:08.060
So there, this isn't just like a, something that, that is happening naturally.
00:16:17.520
I'm not saying that like low income people should not be having kids, but I am saying that a lot
00:16:23.500
of middle and high income people are not having kids because for them, the opportunity cost
00:16:30.440
They're not going to get free healthcare for their kids.
00:16:33.300
And I just went through our tax bill or like in our tax return, I think we might be able
00:16:39.860
And oh my God, the amount that we spent on our kids for healthcare, even though we're insured
00:16:46.060
So that's another factor of play that, that exacerbates.
00:16:49.040
And even we, we could not afford regular daycare on our salary.
00:16:54.620
We, we've had to come up with alternate solutions, but you know, and we're only getting to kid
00:16:59.720
So it's, it's, it's getting absolutely ridiculous in terms of the way that the government is
00:17:06.980
And it is exacerbating this speciation event that we might be going through right now because
00:17:12.500
you're getting this degree of behavioral isolation.
00:17:15.060
Another thing that I wanted to talk about here that I think is really interesting in looking
00:17:19.040
And it's something that we've seen is the difficulty people have in looking for partners
00:17:26.580
Like the marriage crisis, like nobody getting married or, or thinking that marriage is a
00:17:31.040
good idea is, is, is part of what's contributing to this.
00:17:34.420
And also people on both sides, men and women becoming just sucky partners.
00:17:39.680
People now have high levels of anxiety, extreme high levels of selfishness and infantilization.
00:17:45.200
Like it's, it is not just that people are having trouble finding partners, it's that people
00:17:51.580
Well, that, and they are unwilling to ideologically compromise as we talked about in another video,
00:17:57.600
the progressive party sort of becomes a party of feminist ideals and the conservative party
00:18:03.260
You, you are getting more and more women in sort of this liberal bubble and men in a more
00:18:08.160
conservative bubble and unable to really humanize the other side in a meaningful way or talk
00:18:15.280
And so as a quote here from this one article, liberal women and conservative men who want
00:18:19.580
to marry face a particular challenge, not enough single partners of the correct political persuasion
00:18:25.980
In broad terms, there are only 0.6 single liberal young men for each single liberal young woman.
00:18:33.240
Likewise, there are only 0.5 conservative young women that exist for every conservative young
00:18:40.480
And there's, there's less willingness to even befriend people across the aisle now than before,
00:18:48.220
It's also shown that now, like you can see that there are other graphs for this.
00:18:52.680
Women, young women are much more likely to be progressive and young men are much more likely
00:18:57.600
So between all these things, like not, not only is it that, you know, you, you have people
00:19:02.760
less willing to cross the aisle, you would now have more polarization.
00:19:07.440
I mean, I really want to highlight the statistics I just went through.
00:19:11.100
If I am a man and I say, I will only date conservative women for every conservative young single woman,
00:19:17.720
there are two single young conservative men for every, now I'm a woman and I say, I only want
00:19:23.380
to date progressive men for every single progressive young man.
00:19:28.040
There are two progressive women looking to only date these, these.
00:19:31.820
So, and, and, and people are like, but how can you date across the aisle?
00:19:36.780
And the answer is I did basically, or I didn't even really, I was probably have been considered
00:19:41.220
a progressive when I met you and, and you were a progressive as well, I guess you could
00:19:51.740
You know, what you are looking for is not somebody who agrees with you, but somebody
00:19:57.080
who is open to logic and debate and discussion and then judges their world perspectives, not
00:20:08.160
And you can find actually a lot of women on the progressive side that are like that.
00:20:13.500
Who would absolutely change their views, assuming that they're capable of being open-minded.
00:20:17.920
So the key is to find someone open-minded with whom you can grow together.
00:20:22.260
And that's also with the assumption that you're going to add some nuance to your views as well.
00:20:25.940
What I do really hate though, is actually we, we, we know a lot of men who've just bitten
00:20:31.760
the bullet and married progressive wives that I feel like they'll just never intellectually
00:20:40.340
respect because their wives are so off the rails, like just delusional in so many ways.
00:20:48.260
And it's really sad to see that, like, you know, these people are going to have kids together
00:20:55.920
It's almost like, they're just like, well, yeah, I mean, like, I'm going to have to tolerate
00:21:00.380
her in the way that like, you know, trophy wife, husbands, you know, just tolerate some dumb
00:21:06.640
woman and buy a bunch of gifts for her, but that's not a real marriage, you know, it really
00:21:13.320
You know, I, yeah, I, I've seen marriages like this myself and it's, it's sad to see,
00:21:17.680
but I, I don't know for, you know, with the guys that we know who do it, they're wealthy
00:21:23.800
I think that they just didn't put the effort into sourcing.
00:21:26.880
Then on the women's side, and I think this is a big critique of men now is that there's
00:21:31.220
a pretty big growth in like men, children who just do not take care of themselves.
00:21:36.200
And there's this whole meme online of, I think it's called like single married women who feel
00:21:42.860
like they're living the life of a single mother, but then they have to like clean up for their
00:21:47.960
And basically their husband is like another child that they have to take care of.
00:21:50.800
They have to cook for him, they have to clean up for him, they do everything for him.
00:21:53.380
And he doesn't really pitch in, but he may not even have a job, you know?
00:21:56.740
So he, like men also aren't like you and like, you care for the kids, you take them to the
00:22:02.160
doctor, you do their appointments, you do all the outside house maintenance, you know,
00:22:07.540
So, you know, there are many, again, I'm saying like, we're looking, a lot of people are married
00:22:13.920
Guys who are out there looking for a domestic, this is why they're not finding a wife because
00:22:17.920
those aren't like a thing out there anymore, you know?
00:22:22.180
And, or at least not a thing in like the type of woman who you want genetically contributing
00:22:33.380
And I understand that, but I think that these stats highlight the difficulty of finding a
00:22:36.960
partner and part of why people aren't getting married.
00:22:38.760
I think it, or a big part, like a small part, I think a pretty big part is this political
00:22:43.820
polarization of the masculine and feminine within the two party structure.
00:22:48.600
It's leading to, uh, in, in the further drift apart of these two parties.
00:22:53.760
And it really isn't sustainable to marry someone that you don't respect or like.
00:22:58.400
And it's another, another reason why this is super not cool.
00:23:01.340
It's, we also know some parents who like very clearly don't have much affection for their
00:23:08.200
And our theory for as to why that is the case is they see so much of their, the child's
00:23:14.620
other parent that they really don't like in that child.
00:23:19.720
And I think one of the reasons why you and I love our kids so much is we love each other
00:23:26.820
It's like, I, I, I love having a pocket Malcolm.
00:23:34.980
Uh, well, so this just brings me to another point that I also see with these guys who compromise
00:23:42.640
And, and a big part of this is as a guy being able to say that looks are dramatically less
00:23:48.640
important and who you marry than who you have sex with.
00:23:54.520
Like you do not actually need to find who you marry a particularly attractive.
00:24:03.920
Well, in terms of appearance, I think my hot take is that like the, the key thing is like
00:24:10.480
Do they dress, you know, in, in a decent and good manner?
00:24:17.900
Like, are they showing basic signs of being conscientious?
00:24:22.780
I really only look at, I, I, I mean, I think the easiest thing for that is obesity rates.
00:24:27.600
Like as, as long as they're not obese, I basically considered them viable when I was out there
00:24:32.120
dating and, and I'm not saying that you're not a beautiful, wonderful woman, Simone.
00:24:38.580
We know I'm definitely not even the, I'm not even like probably in the top five and attractiveness
00:24:45.580
And I'm not even referring to the women that you slept with.
00:24:56.840
I'm looking, I'm not looking away from you intentionally.
00:24:59.100
There's like a line of deer going by and it's very interesting to watch.
00:25:03.400
If you compromise on something like narcissism, if you compromise on something like some level
00:25:10.180
of sociopathy and the people you're dating, if you compromise on them being boring people
00:25:14.980
or not that intelligent, that's the compromise you're making in your sons and in your daughters.
00:25:22.480
And that will affect you potentially as much or more than even the lack of those traits
00:25:29.380
You're going to have to live with that for the rest of your life.
00:25:32.080
And that also is you, you know, like you're, it's one thing to like throw in your cards
00:25:38.140
with a spouse, but like to make a version of yourself that is like literally genetically
00:25:48.440
Cause I see all sorts of flaws in myself and I'm like, wow, we're fixing them.
00:26:03.780
And I'm afraid that they are all about to kill themselves and throw themselves into the
00:26:08.140
And then I have to call the fricking state route people.
00:26:11.980
And they're going to be like, oh no, I think that's a local road.
00:26:14.180
And then I call the local people and they're like, no, it's a state route.
00:26:18.720
Remember that time when we had an author at our house and then we heard a gunshot and
00:26:22.520
we were all like, well, I guess we had a guy to come to our house.
00:26:25.940
It was a pretty famous author and his next book is going to be on genius.
00:26:31.980
Well, Simone, to be honest, within intellectual circles,
00:26:37.100
we are seen as some of the smartest people in the world.
00:26:40.760
He chose us because we're trying to manufacture genius with our children.
00:26:43.620
We're selecting for IQ and we're creating a school that is designed to make genius.
00:26:51.160
I will make a good money off of a bet here, but that's beside the point.
00:26:54.460
We hear this gunshot right as we're all about to go to bed.
00:27:03.960
And so we all like sit on the floor in like a core part of our house.
00:27:10.900
We have all these sort of like safe room backups.
00:27:15.860
And then finally we realized that like the police had just shot a deer that had been hit
00:27:20.060
by a car right outside our house and just neglected to tell us.
00:27:25.920
And then I had to spend like the next three weeks trying to call someone to take this rotting
00:27:32.860
And so that's why I'm watching these deer with great interest because they're like, they
00:27:36.980
look like they really want to just lemming off this, this hill and just right into the
00:27:47.500
Well, I hope none of the cars veer into our house.
00:28:06.740
Choose a smart partner who's capable of changing.
00:28:09.440
Basically, if they look conscientious, generally healthy and intellectually curious enough to
00:28:15.320
change their minds, they're probably ideologically aligned as they're ever going to be.
00:28:22.460
Because also, like, let's say that they determine what's true in the same way that you determine
00:28:31.500
One of the things that you've been developing this religious system that has really been
00:28:34.880
impressed upon me in my fortune in choosing you as a wife is this sort of inherent, I would
00:28:41.520
almost say genetic in both of us, hostility to mysticism and anything that is, you know,
00:28:52.780
Like, science is the wrong word these days, right?
00:28:55.920
But it really colors a lot of, as we are beginning to, because, you know, as we met, we didn't think
00:29:06.420
And so this is not something that we anticipated.
00:29:08.660
But as we have, we are incredibly copathetic in terms of how we think about things.
00:29:15.620
In a way, I didn't anticipate at all, you know, because it wasn't something I vetted you for
00:29:25.060
But I think also, if you, on our first date, laid out your life philosophy like you did,
00:29:31.760
and I said something like, well, that's typical for a Capricorn, you'd probably be like, okay,
00:29:40.140
I probably wouldn't even have sex with someone who said something like that.
00:29:42.900
Well, and that's like a fundamental sign that they believe in sort of non-evidence-based
00:29:49.160
spiritual nonsense, and they use that as a basis of truth, and therefore, you would
00:29:55.520
Yeah, well, and this is something I've also said with some men who have been out there
00:29:58.660
looking for partners, is women often follow men in their lives in terms of their religious
00:30:05.460
If you really dedicate yourself to it, and you are a paragon within that religious system,
00:30:10.540
not if you're like lazy about it or something like that, and you're using it to get them
00:30:13.460
to do things for you, but if you really embody it, a lot of women are actually pretty happy
00:30:18.520
to go along with that, even if they appear very secular when you first start engaging
00:30:23.540
Well, and there are some women who are, I would argue, too, like you might both be conservative,
00:30:28.840
but they end up being so rigidly conservative that there's a lot of stuff that you can't do
00:30:33.700
So it's more like, yeah, what are their heuristics for changing their mind and determining truth
00:30:38.480
rather than like how from the get-go aligned are they with me right now?
00:30:47.540
Well, I love you to death, Simone, and this has been a fun adventure and discussion, but
00:30:52.420
what people always, any discussion that involves statistics always does unusually well.
00:30:56.980
Any discussion that involves religion usually does unusually poorly.
00:31:00.480
And those are our two big heuristics with our videos.
00:31:10.700
It doesn't make sense to me, but audience suggestions are welcome.
00:31:23.920
I'm just so scared these deer are going to kill them.
00:31:28.700
We've got a bunch of suicidal deer outside, and this is not good.
00:31:32.260
So I guess we're going to sign off with that and hope that we don't have 17 deer carcasses