Based Camp - August 28, 2023


Hello Nurse! Why Do Children's Shows Treat Nurses As Sexy？


Episode Stats

Length

27 minutes

Words per Minute

182.94823

Word Count

5,004

Sentence Count

267

Misogynist Sentences

40

Hate Speech Sentences

20


Summary

In this episode, we talk about a fetish that's been around for a really long time: daddy-daughter fetishes. Why do these fetishes seem to cluster around specific professions? And what role do they play in human sexuality?


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Hey Malcolm, did you watch like Looney Tunes when you were a kid?
00:00:04.600 Yes, but you're not thinking of Looney Tunes.
00:00:07.720 No, I am, I think.
00:00:09.440 I'm thinking about like little scenes in which Bugs Bunny dressed up like a sexy nurse.
00:00:14.220 Oh, you are?
00:00:14.800 Oh, I was thinking of the sign Hello Nurse from Animaniacs.
00:00:18.120 No, no, yeah.
00:00:18.780 I mean, I think that it's interesting in like several generations of children's cartoons.
00:00:23.540 And we're talking about cartoons that probably like a huge segment of our viewers like have
00:00:27.400 no exposure to.
00:00:28.420 But like that in children's programming, there's this concept of a sexy nurse.
00:00:35.020 And it's like, wait a second, like you're putting a you're putting a fetish in a kid's
00:00:39.200 cartoon.
00:00:40.220 What is going on?
00:00:41.300 What is going on here?
00:00:42.500 Where did this fetish?
00:00:43.440 Well, I mean, the other one you have is like the disciplinarian teacher, which is another
00:00:47.720 or the nun, the sexy nun.
00:00:49.440 But this whole like, yeah, like Bugs Bunny is a sexy nurse other like this, this trope.
00:00:55.900 I it's interesting because like when I saw this as a kid, I just assumed that like, like
00:01:01.320 nurses had special powers.
00:01:03.220 Like, I mean, because I didn't like, how are you going to understand this as a kid?
00:01:06.740 It's just the weirdest thing.
00:01:07.840 What was interesting is that this has been a part of human sexuality for a while.
00:01:13.220 So in the Regency era, that something developed that was called the English vice, and it was
00:01:19.240 a tendency from the perceptive of the French, at least that English people seem to disproportionately
00:01:24.460 have a fetish around being spanked by people dressed as teachers and paddled with like these
00:01:32.580 big paddle things.
00:01:33.700 And they believed that the reason for this was because that was the way kids were punished
00:01:39.360 at the elite English schools, like, you know, Eaton or whatever.
00:01:43.360 Now, it turns out that's not really the way sexuality works, and we can get deeper into
00:01:46.800 that.
00:01:47.500 But what it shows is that this cluster of fetishes has existed for a long time.
00:01:53.880 And the question is, why?
00:01:57.620 It seems very odd that fetishes would cluster around specific professions.
00:02:01.800 So what's happening here, well, actually, sorry, before I get into why it is, I'm going
00:02:08.120 to give another fetish that comes from the same region.
00:02:11.320 Why are daddy-daughter-little-girl fetishes so common?
00:02:16.040 AKA DDLG.
00:02:17.680 DDLG, which is basically a fetish for girls where they like acting like the daughter of the
00:02:23.220 guy that they are sleeping with and will sort of infantilize themselves to an extent.
00:02:28.640 Again, something that shows up in popular media.
00:02:30.720 In, for example, Gentleman Prefer Blondes with Marilyn Monroe, her character in that movie
00:02:37.140 with her primary love interest, she calls him daddy.
00:02:40.740 Yeah.
00:02:42.160 What's going on here?
00:02:43.440 And it's all the same thing.
00:02:44.900 And it all is unfortunately fairly simple.
00:02:47.880 Would you like to know more?
00:02:49.680 It's that dominance and submission are a very important part of human sexuality.
00:02:55.380 In fact, in our studies in women, they are the dominant factor in human sexuality.
00:03:01.800 If the field of sexuality, we argue, had been invented by women, like if the early researchers
00:03:07.340 had been women and not men, we may, instead of the primary access of sexuality being predominant
00:03:12.800 attraction to male or females, the primary access of sexuality would be predominant attraction
00:03:18.980 to submission or dominance.
00:03:20.200 Because in women, that matters more.
00:03:22.680 To the average woman, obviously this isn't true for all women, but to the average woman,
00:03:26.040 submission or dominance is more important in arousal than the gender of the person they're
00:03:32.740 engaging with.
00:03:33.460 And specifically gendered features.
00:03:35.180 So they might like psychologically care about the gender, but they would be more turned on
00:03:39.220 by submission or dominance than they would be by seeing either the naked female or male
00:03:43.120 form, which is really fascinating.
00:03:46.260 So it's a very, very big part, but also for males, it's a big part of sexuality.
00:03:50.380 Yeah, I think in your research, let me just make sure I have this right.
00:03:54.200 If I remember it correctly, more men would prefer to be submissive than dominant.
00:04:00.280 And of course, men who are city dwellers are more likely to tend towards submissive and
00:04:05.080 men who grew up in rural environments are more likely to tend toward dominance, but still
00:04:09.440 even more men than women would prefer to take the submissive.
00:04:12.820 No, not more men than women.
00:04:14.100 Women prefer to be submissive.
00:04:15.340 No, no, I mean, sorry.
00:04:16.220 But more men, so basically like something like more than 50% of men.
00:04:22.020 I think that might be, but I'd have to go to the book again.
00:04:24.200 Yeah.
00:04:24.360 The number of men who prefer to be submissive is large.
00:04:27.580 It's like 35, 37%.
00:04:28.080 Surprisingly, we wouldn't expect most women to prefer dominance, but we wouldn't expect
00:04:32.160 most men to prefer dominance.
00:04:33.520 But I'm pretty sure, because I looked at this fairly recently.
00:04:36.340 Yeah, well, so we can talk about why that's the case, right?
00:04:38.880 So why did dominance evolve as a thing that mattered at all?
00:04:43.480 It was because evolution is a cheap programmer and it borrows other things.
00:04:48.780 So when humans were evolving, if you look at other social mammals, they often use sexual
00:04:54.980 displays where the more submissive gender display is used to signal submission within intergroup
00:05:02.900 conflicts or intergroup dominance things.
00:05:05.940 So this would be like a dog showing it's submissive to another dog by presenting itself, whether
00:05:10.260 it's male or female, right?
00:05:12.180 And the reason I made clear that it matters what gender is in control of that society is
00:05:16.440 a spot in hyenas where females are dominant, but also have a pseudopenis.
00:05:20.860 We could get into that.
00:05:22.300 An erection is a sign of submission.
00:05:23.740 And this is because evolution, when it's looking for, it's like, oh, I need a system to signal
00:05:30.600 to other people of my tribe, right, that I am submissive or dominant to them, is just going
00:05:35.960 to borrow pre-existing code.
00:05:37.940 It's basically going to Substack and looking for pre-existing code.
00:05:41.480 And one of the code types that makes the most natural sense to use is the sexuality system
00:05:48.640 because it's already there.
00:05:50.120 Now, I've got to explain a little bit how evolution works for people to understand why
00:05:55.900 it would do this.
00:05:56.980 Evolution is going to pull on slight mutations that might happen within an individual that
00:06:03.240 can then sort of cause positive feedback loops.
00:06:06.060 And a slight mutation is much more likely to happen within a pre-existing system than with
00:06:10.920 an entirely new system.
00:06:12.560 So almost every time communal mammals have developed intergroup dominance displays, it
00:06:19.000 has been through utilizing the sexuality system.
00:06:21.860 And males, if you look at the social structure of early humans, only one male was often in charge
00:06:28.800 of the pack.
00:06:30.140 Males, the majority of males needed to learn to be submissive to one male and dominant to
00:06:36.000 other males and females, but submissiveness needed to be part of male, this system that
00:06:44.640 most males had from the beginning.
00:06:46.060 Now, there are some males that just will not engage with submissiveness at all, but these
00:06:53.080 males would be closer to males in the stage of life within like great apes that we would
00:06:57.840 call the roaming bachelor phase, which are basically like teenage males who get kicked out of groups
00:07:04.260 and they'll form like a group of other males and they will go around looking for a new community
00:07:10.140 or like a community to raid and take over as the new sort of male leaders of that community.
00:07:14.900 It is ironically not a sign of success.
00:07:18.220 And then you have the one alpha male in groups, but that alpha male is not the way that alpha
00:07:23.340 males sort of depict themselves.
00:07:25.060 First of all, alpha as a concept was first defined in wolves.
00:07:29.760 Alphas don't really exist within wolves in the way that the initial studies show they did.
00:07:34.200 However, it turns out that alphas, like there is a male at the top of most chimpanzee hierarchies,
00:07:41.540 not bonobos exactly.
00:07:44.460 They have females at the top, but they're really horrifying and we'll get into a bonobo.
00:07:47.960 Like people are like, oh, women were in charge of behavior that is seen in bonobos where women
00:07:53.760 are at the top of the hierarchy is like a woman will take the infant of another woman and
00:07:59.340 like, hold it.
00:07:59.960 Like I will break its neck if you don't go down on me and, and use the infant's life
00:08:04.760 to, to force this other woman to sexually satisfy her.
00:08:08.960 They're horrifying.
00:08:10.120 They're horrifying.
00:08:10.740 If women were in charge, things would not be better.
00:08:12.500 Anyway, we know this from nature, but anyway, so it, the point being is that the actual dominant
00:08:20.260 male is often what we call like the Matt, the, the astronaut Mike Dexter archetype and
00:08:25.360 not the Chad archetype, which is to say they are the type of guy who's captain of the football
00:08:30.820 team, but also really nice and a bro and like helps you out because in human social groups
00:08:36.460 and in chimpanzee social groups, the way you become dominant is by building an alliance
00:08:40.780 of other mostly dominant males who are still okay with taking orders from one male.
00:08:46.200 Anyway, but the way this expresses in sexuality is what this means is that for a lot of males,
00:08:50.720 you're going to have this submissive aspect to their sexuality.
00:08:52.920 I mean, the vast majority of human males throughout history were in the bottom 50% of the local social
00:08:57.740 status hierarchy.
00:08:59.020 And if they acted like they were in the top percent when they obviously weren't, they'd be
00:09:02.980 killed.
00:09:03.400 So it makes sense that you get that, but anyway, what does this have to do with nurses?
00:09:08.000 What does this have to do with teachers?
00:09:09.720 What does this have to do with, right?
00:09:11.860 Well, I think what, yeah, what's interesting about those characters in particular is these
00:09:15.300 are some of the few areas, especially for men, because like, again, it's, it's not typically
00:09:19.860 the sexy male teacher that's like women are hot for.
00:09:23.700 I mean, sometimes, but usually it's more like a very high power, like rich, whatever man,
00:09:28.180 you know, like a prince or a whatever.
00:09:30.360 So why nurses and why teachers for men?
00:09:33.960 And I think that's because it's one of those few areas where there is a societally condoned
00:09:38.280 place where men, where all men are expected to surrender their agency to a certain extent.
00:09:44.440 Like when you're going under anesthesia, like you are losing control of every, like almost
00:09:49.220 everything, you know, your mind included.
00:09:51.420 And yet it's necessary and okay, and no one's going to judge you negatively because of that.
00:09:57.540 So it's one of the few places where you can even still see yourself as like a kind of dominant
00:10:02.100 male and a desirable male, but still totally surrender in a way that's super satisfying.
00:10:08.560 So, yeah.
00:10:09.380 And what's really interesting is we in our society do not have healthy understandings of what
00:10:16.880 dominance actually looks like.
00:10:18.800 When we think about dominance in a broad sense, outside of social roles, we often think of
00:10:24.240 it as violence, as putting someone down as, you know, we've mentioned Andrew Tate in a
00:10:28.640 few videos, the way that Andrew Tate treats women, right?
00:10:31.400 That is not the way teachers treat their students.
00:10:33.920 And that is not the way nurses treat their patients.
00:10:36.480 Yeah, no, it's a caring, it's well, typically it's a caring, if maybe sometimes stern or controlling.
00:10:41.960 Yes, the type of dominance that most men and women, now, not most men and women, there's
00:10:46.940 actually a lot of women who like really violent dominance and we'll get to that in a second.
00:10:50.380 That's a different thing.
00:10:50.960 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:10:51.400 That's a different thing.
00:10:52.420 But people who want like caring dominance, like the type of dominance who would have any
00:10:55.540 natural status hierarchy is one that we have very few social context for.
00:11:01.520 Nurses and teachers for males are often the only social roles where they have been systemically
00:11:08.700 and with social permission, submissive to a female.
00:11:14.300 And that's why they move towards that.
00:11:16.320 Same with women and daddy daughter stuff.
00:11:18.340 Yeah, you really blew my mind with this.
00:11:20.020 Like, I really admire you for pointing this out because I just didn't, I didn't get it.
00:11:23.580 Like, from like a sexuality standpoint, I think, you know, incest for most people, like
00:11:31.280 really raises hackles, right?
00:11:32.680 So like this dynamic at first seems like it just doesn't make sense because while incest
00:11:37.080 does arouse like a lot of people, we think it's more of a like disgust reaction that's
00:11:41.280 been inverted, right?
00:11:42.160 Whereas like this is way more popular than that.
00:11:44.120 But what I really admire about what you had explained to me on this is that this is one
00:11:49.740 of the few loving but dominant relationships that most women will be exposed to.
00:11:56.240 So most women will have had a father figure in their lives who was very much the dominant
00:12:01.740 character, but who cared about them, who taught them things, who took care of them, and who
00:12:06.920 really made them feel safe and supported.
00:12:09.460 And so I can get why that has become sort of like a very popular de facto dynamic or like
00:12:17.060 sexual like role play interest.
00:12:18.920 Well, and the other place where you see in women, this unusual, like a weird role that
00:12:26.760 you keep seeing recurring in fetish communities is like being a dog or being a pony, like puppy
00:12:31.400 play or pony play, right?
00:12:33.560 And what's going on there?
00:12:34.860 That's another of the very few examples we have in our society of caring, protective dominance.
00:12:42.560 And so when they are trying to get in the mindset of, I am a thing that has this caring, protective,
00:12:50.400 dominant entity out there, like protecting me, what is that thing?
00:12:55.460 Like there's just not that many social roles they can model.
00:12:58.860 They've got like pony, puppy, daughter, right?
00:13:03.900 And this is to a large part the fault of our society.
00:13:06.380 Like if we had a healthier society, wouldn't be like, oh, that's the way a husband treats
00:13:10.260 her wife.
00:13:10.700 I want to be a trad wife, right?
00:13:12.940 Yet, you know, when we think about trad wives, I think a lot of people, their evoked set is
00:13:18.380 often more around this kind of degrading submission, closer to like the French maid archetype, which
00:13:24.620 is again about a form of degrading submission, which a lot of people do like.
00:13:29.780 So women who like, and this is another thing we talked about, a lot of women also like really
00:13:34.500 degrading submission, right?
00:13:36.560 Which comes from a likely different sort of evolutionary pathway, which is women who are
00:13:42.540 women who fought back when their communities were being raided because remember I mentioned
00:13:47.620 these roaming bachelor situations.
00:13:50.360 It appears throughout history and in the pragmatist guide to sexuality, we go into a lot of data
00:13:54.740 for this, that human tribes likely had outside groups of males come into them, kill the males and take the females, either to expand one existing tribal group or in this sort of robing male scenario, similar to what happens to chimps sometimes.
00:14:09.840 And when this happened, the women who fought back, who were not able to find any sort of like pre-programmed
00:14:17.840 biological reason to not fight back died at disproportionate rates, which led some women, but a lot more than most people would suspect.
00:14:28.120 There's this great book that shows violent porn searches are actually coming from women.
00:14:32.800 It's called like Google.
00:14:33.500 So I'll, I'll put up the name of the book on the screen and for people who are watching this on YouTube, but yeah, it's, it's absolutely, I think shocking to a lot of people, but it makes evolutionary sense that that would happen.
00:14:44.260 And there was this great study that we mentioned in the pragmatist guide to sexuality that showed a really interesting thing, which is when you are playing a competitive game and it looks like your team is losing, males begin to feel more camaraderie with their teammates, whereas women begin to feel more camaraderie with the opposing team.
00:15:03.440 And that makes immediate sense from like an evolutionary perspective, of course, the males really have to double down in that moment.
00:15:11.940 And the women are going to survive at a higher rate if they switch sides, which is, I think, really, really just a fascinating phenomenon.
00:15:21.500 And some men online, like they use this to sort of degrade women to be like, you can't really trust.
00:15:28.600 Right. Because they'll abandon you as soon as you're like on your back foot.
00:15:32.200 That's also wrong because, you know, if I have like five or six kids with Simone and she's like 35, 40, she's not going to have more kids.
00:15:40.560 So even from an evolutionary perspective, the pressure would have been on supporting her community.
00:15:44.800 And what is the meme? Submissive and breedable?
00:15:47.500 This is like a meme these days where you're looking for submissive, breedable, I don't know, wives or femboys or something like that.
00:15:55.580 I'll find some quotes about this. I don't know where it comes from, but I thought it's very interesting.
00:16:02.660 We might do a whole episode on that. That'd be a good episode.
00:16:05.200 Yeah, because I have not heard of this and I don't really know what it means.
00:16:08.820 But I did want to ask you sort of in the context of sexy nurses and sexy teachers, right?
00:16:13.860 Like the one, the DDLG and like genre, essentially, these are all nurturing, caring relationships.
00:16:22.060 And you just discussed the non-caring relationships that women are sometimes interested in from like a sexual scenario standpoint.
00:16:29.340 They find it arousing. They don't necessarily usually they don't endorse it and they certainly don't morally support it.
00:16:34.520 And that's a really important distinction that we make. What turns you on is not what you think is morally good or valid to happen to you.
00:16:41.960 Exactly. So like a lot of people are turned on by non-consensual intercourse.
00:16:47.060 That does not mean that they want it to happen to them. They support it, that they think it's OK.
00:16:51.540 So just to make that really clear. But then so you have dominatrices.
00:16:54.860 I guess that's the plural for a dominatrix. These are not so nurturing archetypes, right?
00:17:01.320 What do you think is going on there with men who are, you know, supposedly into like to dominatrices?
00:17:08.960 I'm probably butchering this.
00:17:11.040 OK, so let's talk about dominatrices. So these fall outside of my model.
00:17:14.720 So I actually think that every human, different humans have different parts of their sexuality,
00:17:19.180 has sort of two sexual representations within inside them.
00:17:22.420 And this isn't something we often talk about. One is a long-term partner based sexuality.
00:17:30.020 And the other is a raiding tribal mechanic sexuality.
00:17:33.800 By that, what I mean is the sexual optimization in males that would cause you to be successful with a long-term partner,
00:17:40.380 i.e. have lots of offspring.
00:17:41.700 It's possible for that to coexist with a separate sexuality, which is optimized around non-consensually taking as many people as possible
00:17:53.300 when you raid a village or conquer a city.
00:17:55.360 Same with women. You know, they can have these two systems operating within them.
00:18:00.380 One that's like the way that their sexuality expresses when there was their long-term partner.
00:18:06.200 And another when there was a guy that they don't really know or pornography or something like that,
00:18:12.220 which might be much more brutal and hardcore because those are the environments where they were most likely to encounter individuals like that in a historic context.
00:18:19.760 Now, dominatrices, I think, are just for masturbating the emotional set in guys who really want just sort of pure social domination.
00:18:31.820 And to an extent, sexuality can even be removed from these.
00:18:36.440 And this then comes back to the initial theory I had here, which is that the reason why these dominance submission systems were chosen was specifically for intergroup dominance displays.
00:18:48.460 And so what you're getting with a dominatrix is sort of a kabuki theater of dominance displays happening over and over again.
00:18:55.740 Think of it like a gorilla signaling to another gorilla over and over and over again.
00:18:59.840 And I'm stronger than you, but he's actually doing it to like himself in a mirror.
00:19:03.580 Like he doesn't say, you know, it's totally outside of his evolutionary context.
00:19:07.460 That's what's happening with that.
00:19:09.840 One of the things that we were really interested in when we wrote our book is what causes males to sort into these different types of sexuality?
00:19:17.900 Is it something that happens to them before puberty?
00:19:19.840 Is it like their family background?
00:19:21.860 Like if they grow up thinking they're from a powerful family, they're more likely to be dominant.
00:19:25.520 Is it like we're going through all sorts of things trying to figure it out?
00:19:28.600 Well, it turns out it's actually what would be most evolutionarily advantageous, which is as an adult, the amount of power you think you have typically correlates with what you want in the bedroom.
00:19:41.320 So men who feel more powerful in their careers, in their lives are typically more turned on by being dominant themselves.
00:19:52.380 Whereas men that feel more disempowered are more turned on by taking on submissive roles.
00:19:57.480 And actually the same is true for women.
00:19:58.960 Women who feel they have more control of their lives are more turned on by being dominant themselves.
00:20:03.320 But what's also interesting is these men who have more power and are more turned on by being dominant actually get more arousal for being dominant to somebody else who wants to be dominant.
00:20:14.560 And I think this is, we're not the only ones to say, and you found this in your research findings, which I think is super helpful.
00:20:19.640 But also there are many other people who've said, yeah, like this concept that like super high powered men want to surrender in the bedroom.
00:20:27.400 It's just not that common, right?
00:20:30.280 It's not, it's not backed by the data.
00:20:32.380 Yeah.
00:20:32.660 It is, it is an interesting outlier that sometimes exists in our society.
00:20:38.080 Except what I find very interesting is that when people point to men who are actually doing this in the real world, they're usually like powerful, but government bureaucrats.
00:20:47.120 Which actually means that they're submissive to somebody else in their daily life, even though they may be thought of as high status within society.
00:20:53.440 Um, which isn't, isn't the same.
00:20:56.800 And then they want to make sense why they're, they're interested in this sort of thing.
00:21:00.060 Cause they do feel very disempowered in their daily lives.
00:21:02.520 It is not, you know, as much something you see was like tech CEOs and stuff like that.
00:21:07.100 And again, you and I know many tech CEOs that date, we were written books on sexuality.
00:21:11.640 We've talked to them.
00:21:12.920 Most of them are, if they're male, incredibly dominant.
00:21:15.940 And if they're female, incredibly dominant.
00:21:18.540 Yeah.
00:21:18.980 Um, that's another interesting thing that as women become wealthier, they sort of act more masculine, but wealthy men seem to prefer that.
00:21:28.060 Yeah.
00:21:28.660 So there you go.
00:21:29.600 Which is interesting.
00:21:31.340 Well, well, it makes sense if, if their thing is dominating the dominant, if that seems to be like wealthy sexuality.
00:21:37.800 Now keep in mind, sexuality doesn't change that much as an adult, but it, but it seems to change a little.
00:21:42.060 Like here, we're talking about maybe like a 20% change or a 30% change, depending on an individual's wealth, not, and perceived power.
00:21:49.820 Now it's not actual wealth.
00:21:50.860 That's just what we were using to measure as a proxy perceived power.
00:21:53.880 But we also did perceive power within the study and they both correlated really well.
00:21:57.760 We couldn't find out which correlated better.
00:21:59.700 So it's, it doesn't matter.
00:22:02.860 But interesting.
00:22:04.360 Yeah.
00:22:04.460 Um, well, Simone, do you have any more thoughts on this?
00:22:07.980 I just find myself wondering, you know, as society shifts, what the new tropes are going to be, right?
00:22:12.840 Like, as you were saying, it wasn't until you say the Regency era that the school teacher meme, and that's sort of like really the beginning of the industrial school system.
00:22:22.060 So that makes sense.
00:22:22.860 And then, you know, as nurses starting to say, I'm, and of course, I think nuns for an even longer time, of course, fell into this trope.
00:22:30.600 So like, what is the next version?
00:22:33.420 And I don't know, like, I think our society is moving toward a sort of post-gender world.
00:22:38.460 So maybe it's just going to stay like in the medical profession and just be nurses.
00:22:42.500 I think the bigger change you're going to have is more and more people are going to want to be submissive.
00:22:45.760 More and more men are feeling disempowered and are going to take on this submissive role within their sexuality.
00:22:50.880 But an interesting differentiator we've had was that recently is, if you're looking at what's being broadcasted, like from the rooftops, is male status is determined by how dominant you are sexually.
00:23:03.900 So I think that a lot of these men who are really disempowered and thus more likely to fall towards this submissive side of male sexuality, where they're turned on by acting submissive,
00:23:13.400 they gain the perception from social media that male status is determined by how dominant they prefer being.
00:23:20.640 in sexual situations and therefore present and act in terms of building their own self-narratives more sexually dominant than they really are and that they can really maximize their personal gratification off of.
00:23:33.940 That may be useful in, in getting, you know, satisfying a female partner, but it is sad that we might be entering that world where faking a sexuality you don't have is an important sort of status symbol for, for, for some, you know,
00:23:50.480 and I think especially, you know, men who would fall into this category, some really insecure men.
00:23:57.580 And I mean, I, I think I see it when I see these, these men online who are constantly talking about being dominant all the time.
00:24:03.980 Like, that's not the type of thing that somebody who's naturally inclined towards dominance does.
00:24:08.880 Yeah. Yeah. It's more of a show don't tell kind of thing.
00:24:12.100 Yeah.
00:24:13.980 Yeah. I think that's, that's the funny thing about you is a lot of people like online will make fun of you for being a soy boy.
00:24:20.420 And you, like, you don't try to front about being dominant, but like in person is just so obvious that you're dominant.
00:24:28.400 So, yeah. And then I think probably the vast majority of the people who are attacking you for being a soy boy online are like, you know,
00:24:34.860 if we were all in a room together, it probably wouldn't play out the same way, but.
00:24:38.540 Well, and I think that this is something people who more actively engage with the BDSM community,
00:24:42.180 it's common knowledge in the community is that men who day to day act quote unquote really dominant,
00:24:48.960 like all the time, they're usually really bad at being doms because they aren't naturally dominant.
00:24:54.480 It's part of an act.
00:24:55.620 Whereas men who are just much more comfortable with themselves day to day and don't put on this big dominance act all the time are generally better or known as better doms.
00:25:07.120 Well, and I think that that's why confidence is so attractive to women and to men is because confidence is a more high fidelity signal of genuine dominance than any sort of aggression display or dominance display.
00:25:23.900 Because anyone, regardless of their actual like alpha status or, you know, like inherent dominance can, can a, a dominance display.
00:25:33.440 However, only those who genuinely feel dominant inside, you know, where that, that feeling of dominance comes from a very, very strong framing and self-confidence.
00:25:42.300 You know, they're just going to look comfortable in their own skin and not really give a shit.
00:25:45.420 Cause they just don't care what you think because they're dominant.
00:25:48.180 So there you go.
00:25:49.880 Uh, I love this conversation.
00:25:51.720 I think you're right.
00:25:52.460 And you know, hello nurse.
00:25:54.400 You got to do that.
00:25:55.000 Can you do the, the whole, can you do the thing?
00:25:58.540 You never watched Animaniacs?
00:26:00.540 I have.
00:26:01.440 I just, I don't even remember which character.
00:26:02.880 Oh, and it was a brother.
00:26:04.480 No, it was the brother of Dot.
00:26:05.920 Who was, who was Dot's brother?
00:26:07.200 Oh, there's Wacko and Yakko.
00:26:08.840 Oh, so it was one of them.
00:26:09.980 Yeah.
00:26:10.300 But yeah, he was the one who'd say hello nurse.
00:26:13.020 But I don't remember.
00:26:13.940 He would just say it to like sexy women, I think.
00:26:16.680 But again, like, it's so weird watching these cartoons as a kid.
00:26:19.580 Like you don't get this in joke.
00:26:21.720 So you just assume that like, oh, I guess adults, like.
00:26:25.400 Oh, I guess a lot of cartoons were really like, there was the wolf that like, it would
00:26:29.020 see the woman in red and like its tongue would roll out and stuff.
00:26:32.660 And like, there were really.
00:26:34.440 Yeah.
00:26:34.600 You just, you can just assume that like adults really respect nurses and really defer to
00:26:39.180 them and that some, some male species have an allergic reaction around women.
00:26:45.180 I thought that it was supposed to be like a sexual thing.
00:26:47.640 Like it was supposed to be an attraction thing, but it was like cartoon sexuality.
00:26:51.300 Like it didn't feel in any way perverse to me as a kid, partially because our society didn't
00:26:56.700 code it as perverse.
00:26:57.640 It was just like, this is a normal thing.
00:26:59.280 Adults really care about this weird thing that doesn't matter to you.
00:27:02.940 Yes.
00:27:03.940 Yes.
00:27:04.940 Anyway, I got that.
00:27:06.180 But today, the way we, we engage our kids with sexuality is like actually sexualized.
00:27:11.520 And I think ways that are pretty gross to me, but that's just me.
00:27:15.420 Love you today.
00:27:16.680 Love you.
00:27:17.340 Gotta go handle the kids soon.
00:27:20.940 So.