How Hosts Flip Gender Roles & Mentally Dominate Women
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 24 minutes
Words per minute
180.32872
Harmful content
Misogyny
123
sentences flagged
Hate speech
107
sentences flagged
Summary
In this episode, we discuss the concept of host clubs and how they work in the context of the dating scene in East Asia. Simone and I discuss what a host club is, what it means to be a host, and how the hosts work to keep women addicted to them.
Transcript
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Hello, Simone. I'm excited to be here with you today. Today, I wanted to do something interesting
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because I was thinking about the concept of host clubs. And for fans who are not familiar with a
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host club, a host club is something that's very popular across East Asia, particularly well known
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in Japan, but also in Korea, in Taiwan, in Thailand, and in China. And it is a club where
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women go to sort of experience dating with guys. And the reason I wanted to go deeper into this is
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because they are an environment where the typical script that we are dealing with in dating is
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flipped. Women are hyper desirable and the women pay and simp for the male's attention. And I wanted
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to better understand how this sort of changes what it means to date, the strategies that are used,
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what strategies are the hosts using to lock down these women. And as I started to dig into it,
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I began to realize that the surface level understanding I had of what a host club is,
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is entirely wrong. And the understanding that you probably have of what a host club is,
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is entirely wrong. So I'll drop a little stat on you that might help you or reframe the concept of
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a host club for you. So if you had to guess, for what percent of women that visits host clubs,
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is sex work their primary form of income? My understanding is it's fairly high. So I'd say
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maybe 30%. 80%. 80%. I heard though, that getting addicted to host clubs is the pipeline to sex work.
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Yes. So host clubs as an industry, and the host clubs often manage the female sex work as well.
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So the men at a host club are sort of like an intermediary form of institutionalized
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Sort of, yeah. The women go to the host club, and if you're thinking about the pipeline of money for
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host clubs, hosts themselves are just an intermediary for what is a pipeline that is predominantly female
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sex work, given that the core income, the money that's flowing from these women is itself coming
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from sex work. So I want to know, how does this effing happen? How does a woman end up,
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and a lot of women are fully aware of this as well, starting at a host club, going to a host club,
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and falling into this pipeline, first of all. And I think you said something there that's really
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important, and it's something that we'll get to in this, is host clubs are about creating an addiction.
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It's about getting a woman addicted to a host. But what I also learned from reading,
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because I was like, I want to read a lot of first-person testimonial, not
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the Western personalization of what a host club is, right? And what I came to understand
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is that a host club psychologically for the people who engage with it, the women who engage with it,
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is way, way, way closer. If you're looking at like, what would be an American analogy,
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something that you might have experienced with-
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So specifically, a huge part of the host club is wanting to make your guy like the number one guy
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in the club. Get him to the top of the charts. Get him to relevance. Very much like the way,
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if you are unfamiliar with VTubers, people will have like their Oshi or something, right? Like
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No, I didn't know. So people are playing favorites against VTubers?
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Well, so the idea is, is that when you have, now this is something that actually comes again
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from Japanese culture that even the term Oshi does. But the idea is, is that you have a group or not
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even VTuber, YouTubers more broadly, that you are a large fan of, and you want them to do better.
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And to, to out-compete the other YouTubers, the other VTubers. In fact, you could say that our job
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and our relation with our fans is probably more analogous to the relation of most hosts with their
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guests when contrasted with other American professions. E.g. a lot of people. So obviously
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we don't have any fans like this. Like we don't have any fans. And as the gold has actually talked
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about whenever a fan tries to give a donation to him of over a certain amount, like a push to him
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of over a certain amount, he always rejects it. Cause these like bad things can only come from
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this, right? Like, and he says when female VTubers have had like fans go crazy and stuff like that,
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he's like, they should have rejected the $10,000 donation. You know, they should have known better.
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Because often these, when you actually dig into the, the instances in which you get these really
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huge payouts and everyone's like, what's happening here? Who's the, you know, the furry who's
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commissioning these extremely expensive furry arts and everything like that. It is almost never
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a wealthy person. It is almost always a person going into debt.
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Very often it's someone stealing from a family member or something like that. When I hear about
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these often, it's that they've been stealing from like a, a sick grandmother or something. It's
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horrible. Yeah. Yeah. And so, but the point being is that when you, and this is first of all,
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very important to understand in this psychology, because you could understand these women as
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victimized or something like that. When you go in and you start watching a VTuber who you really like,
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right. And you may be aware from the little signs on their screen of the dollar amounts,
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bing, bing, bing going on their screen that some people are likely donating to them in a way that
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it's financially unsustainable. But you watching them, even when you donate to them, if you do,
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I've never donated to a VTuber, but I, I, you know, I, we're sort of in an overlapping profession
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here. When you donate to them, you don't feel like you're being exploited, right? Like you don't
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think that they actually love you. Yes. There's a few like crazy people who think this, but the vast
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majority of the people who are putting money into that VTuber do not feel like they are now they
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realize they have a parasocial relationship. They realize that they want the VTuber to do well.
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They even feel good themselves. If they saw the VTuber topping the charts sports team or something
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like that. But there is not the direct form of exploitation that we might expect from a host.
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So before I go further, just, I will note also, this isn't all the time. Some hosts really are
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a pipeline to just brainwash women. And we'll get into those hosts and how they operate.
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But for other hosts, it's more like this other pathway. And then you get the addicted women who
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are the main source of income for the bar because they're just spending so much disproportionately on
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the bar in the same way that like, you know, I think it's something like 80% of the profits in
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almost any addictive industry, whether it's gambling or alcohol or cigarettes come from 20%
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of the buyers. But any thoughts, Simone, before we go further, does this change your, your vision of
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the, the sanitized host club? We see it or in a host club or whatever.
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I've listened to some more bleak, sometimes slightly disguised first child accounts, first hand
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accounts of host club, we'll say victims. So I, I already kind of expected this.
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Well, I don't know. Oh, continue. I find it more akin to OnlyFans men, like men who end up spending
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a ton on a woman via OnlyFans than I think anything else. And then that's, that's, that's pretty good
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as well as an analogy. Like the man isn't exactly being victimized by the woman on OnlyFans, you know,
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he knows what it is. She knows what it is. I will note here that you do see from after a person leaves
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the host club world in ecosystem, they often attempt to reframe it as I was fooled into thinking I was
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It's, it is a little different with these host club relationships because the men often do, I mean, one,
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there's the physical connection and two, the men are often texting these women saying, oh, will you come
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tonight? Well, you know, I'm really, I have to meet this goal. They're really pressuring me. They, they use
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much more personalized tactics. No, no, they do. And another thing that I did not realize about
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host clubs is it is very common in host clubs for the host to have sexual relations with the client
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very early in their time together. So after just, so this is, this is really fascinating. If you
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contrast male and female psychology, whereas a female who was like an escort or something like that
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may increase her perceived value to a partner by not sleeping with them for a very long time and
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wanting to extract more money before they sleep with them with women, because women psychologically
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in print, especially sexually inexperienced women, this is something I experienced a lot
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back in the day when I was sleeping around. If a woman hadn't slept with anyone, they become like
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really devoted and obsessed with you. Often if you're the first person they sleep with or any,
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it happens less if you're in like the top two or three people they sleep with. And it's because
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female brain seems to be, you can watch our videos on how women who have a higher body count,
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they lose this oxytocin burst, which causes this sort of like involuntary obsession,
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but you do see this with women. And so what the host is actually doing here is trying to get to
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that point as soon as possible with as little money spent as possible, not the most money spent
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as possible. That's wild. Which is, I think, because it's, it's more, how do you get them
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hooked? And for men, you don't necessarily get hooked after one sexual encounter. Whereas with
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women that can be very foundational. Yeah. Wow. I hadn't thought about that element of it. That's
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really interesting. Yikes. Rewriting their brain psychologically. And then another question we need
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to answer here is why are host clubs only in East Asia? Why have they never been successful in the
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West? Yeah. And the answer seems to be, we actually do seem to have an answer to this,
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is this is my understanding. Okay. And it is that a lot of East Asian women have normalized and
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romanticized Western sexual norms and gender dimorphic behavior patterns. And the host club
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allows them to engage in that more. So if you look at interviews, it's something, what was it like a
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huge chunk? I think it was like 80% of Korean women want to leave the country. And like, what if they
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could, as an example, when we do our episode on Korea and when you watch interviews with them,
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what a lot of them will say is their fantasy is going to a place like New Zealand or Australia or
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the United States, white European men and marrying a man in one of those countries. And the reason they
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have this fantasy is because of the level of misogyny that they believe that they will be treated with
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if they marry a man was in their own country and was in their own culture. And the reason why host
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clubs do not work in the West is Western men are on average, but we just act more like hosts do,
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I guess you would say. We are nicer to women. And you will see this because as I read through this
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and you hear the things that hosts say that are almost written about within some of these sources
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that I'm going to be drawing from, a lot of them are Asian, as if they are diabolical to say this to a
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woman. And you'll be thinking, that's a normal thing to say to a woman, isn't it? Like, you look
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lovely today. I always look forward to talking to you. Tell me about your problems at work.
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Hello there. Well, hello. How was your day? Do you need to talk? Because I'll just listen patiently
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and say things like, she's clearly jealous of you. And well, it's his loss. You're a great woman.
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You deserve a great man for just $24.95 an hour. Yes, please.
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But the reality is that Western men, yeah, there's like a small portion of like super
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misogynistic Western men who like train themselves to not act like this. But historically and in modern,
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even in a modern parlance, Western men, this is the way that we are raised to treat women.
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And so there's less of an appeal for that. If there was a bar where there were a bunch of male
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waiters who said that stuff to women in the United States, women would just be like,
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but I can get this from any simp, you know, like, why are you here? But anyway, to continue.
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At the most basic level, hosts are young men who provide pseudo romance to multiple women for
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sometimes exorbitant amounts of money. A host club visit is expensive and can cost around $30 per hour,
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but this does not include drinks, which are often sold by the bottle with a huge markup.
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The club where I carried out the bulk of my research charged 80 pounds per bottle of alcohol
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that would cost 10 pounds at a supermarket. This is what makes bills jump. Women often compete for
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their host's attention by buying more bottles of alcohol. And it's this system of picking favorites
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that is the lifeblood of the host club. So very, very interesting here, right? Like what you're seeing
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is a few phenomenon at play. First, the male host value is artificially augmented upwards for the
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women because they see other women competing over this individual. And, you know, the,
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the chef principle, I don't even think I'm gonna bother putting in the cliff here.
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What's the Garmelik effect? The law of physics that states if one girl screams for something,
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it will make other girls scream. And then it grows exponentially until all girls within a five
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mile radius of screaming. So how do boy bands use that? All they do is make videos showing tons
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and tons of girls screaming for the boy bands. Once you get girls screaming, you can't stop them.
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They're crazy. Where if women see a bunch of women screaming over a guy, they, there's actually
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great studies on this. So women will find men more attractive and be more likely to approach them
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if they have a wedding ring on. Now that's an odd effect. Why do women do that? It seems like
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it's diabolical. Because women are terrible. Women are terrible. The lady has foolishly attempted to join
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the conversation with a wild and dangerous opinion of her own. See how the men look at her with utter
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contempt. Women know your limits. No, but it's because, well, I mean, one, you. Well, it's for the,
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really, realistically, women do this for the same reason why employers love to hire people from Harvard
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or Stanford or Yale or some fancy Ivy League, because they know that someone else who allegedly
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probably did their homework thought them worth accepting. And so they are pre-vetted.
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But I think that there's a bit more to it than that.
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When a woman is choosing a mate, which is what they are doing in this context, they are saying,
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okay, what out of all of the males that I can see or may have access to, especially if they have
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already given up on the idea of having exclusive access to a male, which basically, you know,
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biologically, a woman at a host club has. She knows she doesn't have exclusive access to these males.
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So she's saying, her body's saying, which of these males is going to produce a male child,
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for example, because 50% of the chance their child's a male, that women are going to want, right?
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And so if you see other women want that person's genes, you can assume that they will also want
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the genes of your child. And so this creates that phenomenon. And something you can think here
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is how can you, as a male out there dating, create this perception?
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And it's also part of what causes the sort of like flood of partners once you begin to get a few
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partners. There was somebody in the comments who was like, oh, we all know Malcolm didn't actually
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sleep around a lot. And so when you've like met my friends growing up, like that's a comical
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statement. Yeah. But I can understand why people feel that way, because perceptions around what it
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looks like to be somebody who has an easy time getting. Well, there's also just the general adage of
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if, you know, someone is conspicuously talking about like, oh, you know, how wealthy they are,
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you know, maybe they're not actually that wealthy, that kind of stuff.
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Yeah. Yeah. But the, the, one of the phenomenons that was probably most in my favor and in play in
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my favor was in the environments where I found it very easy to sleep with lots of people was they knew
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I slept with lots of people and they knew that I was considered highly desirable and that my time
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was considered highly desirable. And because of that, it's a, it's a, you know, a rich get richer just
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because they're already rich. Right. Like it's, it's, it's like, you know, if a super rich person
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makes a bunch of money in a day or whatever, you're not like, oh, wow, you must've been such
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a genius. Right. It's like, okay, well now you're already at a stage. Like once you get past 15 or
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something, it just becomes trivially easy at that point. It's the same way, you know, once you get
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past your first 500 million or something, you're like, okay, now it's just coasting at this point.
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Yeah. The more women you sleep with, the more numb you become to them. Ironically, that numbness
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actually makes you more attractive to certain women because you finally act attached and calm
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around them. So you end up in this weird loop because you get laid so often, you stop caring
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as much. And because you don't care as much, you get laid even more. And that's, that's part of what
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we're seeing was in this phenomenon. But to continue here, the first visit resembles a speed dating
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event. You talk to a new host every 10 to 15 minutes. And at the end of the hour, you are
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encouraged to choose one to invite back to your table for a longer conversation. From then on,
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he is your shime or designated host, wherever you go in the club, he is the one you talk to.
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It is a permanent relationship. It relies on the host, not just being attentive to his customers,
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likes and dislikes, but also on his ability to mold himself into what she is looking for that evening.
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He is responsible for her emotional well-being and enjoyment for the hour or two she is in the
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club. So this is really interesting here. Don't you have to sign a contract after the first night
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with one too? Yeah. So they often sign contracts being like, I won't go to other clubs. I won't
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visit other shime. I won't. Yeah. Like you're exclusive with them after that point. Yeah. No,
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no other man at that club can walk up to you after that point. You belong to him. Yeah. Which is
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really interesting, right? Yeah. Because you don't see this in the male to female direction,
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right? And you don't hear about this happening, say, at strip clubs in the United States.
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Right. And it has to do with relationship, I think, from an evolutionary standpoint. The idea of a
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multi-party harem in nature, like in tribes and stuff like that, is something you actually see very
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frequently across human populations and is part of our evolved biology. Now it's pretty rare for a
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successful cultural group to adapt this, but it was much more common in East Asia than it was in
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the West. Specifically in Europe, cultures that adopted this were typically out-competed by cultures
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that didn't adopt it. Whereas in East Asia, you don't see that as much. You do see a slight trend
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of cultures that are more monogamous to out-compete ones that aren't, but you still see some non-monogamous
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cultures succeeding. But in these non-monogamous cultures, it is always multiple women to one male.
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Never multiple males to one female. Women really prefer, even when a guy has other partners,
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that they have one male. And this makes sense because in that context, at least somebody has
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some reason to share resources with you when you get pregnant, right? Like there is at least some
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understanding of fraternity. If there are multiple males, there is no reason for anyone to invest in
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you except for your already biological relatives. And in the rare tribes where a woman just does sleep
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around randomly with whoever she feels like it, the role of father is typically taken on by her
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brother. Because that is the male in the tribe who has the most certainty that he is a biological
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relative to that child. Yeah. Which I think is really fascinating. Yeah. Now I'm going to actually
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go here. I'm going to skip to something I had grabbed later because I wanted to go into what an actual
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host said. Like how does he secure partners? Ooh. This is actually translated from Japanese. So
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you're getting straight to the source here. Okay. All right. Okay. Exposed too. So this isn't even
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like he was interviewed or something, right? This is just like what I do. And his picture was very
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hosty. He looked like a host club member. What? Like androgynous? Yeah. Spiky hair.
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It was like the glow filter that hosts use. Oh my God. Yeah. I feel like that this comes from
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Burikura booths, you know, like print club, those little arcade games where you used to take photos.
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They'd like all had that glow filter. It's such a thing. I could only imagine like the horror of a
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strip club guy goes and the woman's like, okay, you're signing a contract saying you're never going
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to go to any other strip club. You're only going to see me when you're here. A guy would be like,
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yeah, no. No, I'm not sure I'm interested in this. I'll buy. Okay. Bye. Okay. When it comes to
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hosting, there are tons of things to keep in mind, but among them, the most important is remembering
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things. When interacting with lots of girls, it's impossible to keep everything in your head.
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So I made a conscious effort to take notes on the info I drew out of each girl and memorize it.
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People won't take an interest in you unless you show an interest in them. You see what I said?
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Diabolical. That's really good. And it's, it's not discussed enough among say red pillars who want
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to spin a lot of plates, who want to have a lot of side checks of like really maximizing their
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addiction to the men because their approach is all just disregard, maintain frame, play the dread game,
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like make them feel like you're just going to leave them at any moment. Whereas he's showing
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more of the carrot approach, which is show that you're the one person who understands them and
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listens to them. And oh my God, it's so, so underrated. And it's something that is really
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the failure of the dread game. The dread game is very, very good to play. If you are looking for
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one-off sexual encounters, if you are looking to get people who are addicted and obsessed with you,
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the dread game is a lot less effective. And that's the point of the host, right? And you're actually
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looking for something of an inversion of the dread game here.
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And this is where men who follow the dread game or fall into all of this, you know, sort of overly
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misogynistic red pill stuff, get a wrong perception of women that completely screws up their ability
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to date. They're like, Malcolm, are you telling me? I've seen that women go crazy over like male
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murderers who get sent to prison and all of these terrible men and everything like that who've done
00:24:06.420
these terrible things. You're telling me that they like it when a guy pays attention to them and
00:24:11.100
remember things about them and acts like he cares about them. And I'm like, wait, wait, wait,
00:24:14.620
do you notice that nothing you just said is contradictory to what we're talking about here?
00:24:18.960
Do you think these host club men who are manipulating women and women know that these
00:24:24.100
men professionally manipulate women into becoming essentially smex slaves and then sell them out
0.83
00:24:31.560
so that they can pay them so that they can win their little, you think these are nice guys?
00:24:36.300
You think these are good guys in a woman's mind? No. Oh God, no. When you look at the,
1.00
00:24:41.840
when I say, oh, women aren't really into muscular guys that much, if you look at the guys that women
1.00
00:24:46.700
obsess over on, say, Tumblr, people say, oh, oh, these tall, skinny, top hat guys that they all like
00:24:54.780
on Tumblr, they must be all saints. I'm like, oh, no, they're usually like demons and mass murderers
00:24:59.820
and destroyers of the environment. They're not nice. They're not nice at all. You have confused
00:25:06.180
your perception of masculine ruthlessness with the ideal female perception of masculine ruthlessness.
0.59
00:25:15.040
And a lot of men, well, we'll read through the full thing first. Yeah. You'll see like, wait,
00:25:21.840
is that really, is that how this insidious thing is done? So he goes, if you ask about something you
00:25:27.140
heard in the past all over again, it makes it feel like you have no interest in them, which is a total
00:25:32.520
turnoff. So before moving up, review your notes to avoid asking the same things about that. With
00:25:39.260
the info you gathered, you can decide on presence, sales approaches, aftercare, offsite plans, and so
00:25:46.020
on. So a few things to note here. One thing that is very common among hosts, which you would not see
00:25:50.540
as hookers, is offsite activities. Now we noted that they often have sex with the people who they're
1.00
00:25:56.560
seeing, but they will also do things like go to Disney World, go to bakeries. Oh my gosh, what?
00:26:01.420
Yeah. Do typical romance. Take you on dates. Yeah. Take you on dates in a very stereotypically
00:26:09.000
romantic fashion. Right. And this is much more resembles the acts. This is so odd to say,
00:26:16.060
but of a, a salesperson, a corporate salesperson. Yeah. Like I'm going to take you to a Mets game.
00:26:23.760
I'm going to take you to an, on a hunting trip or on a, you know, to the, a nice restaurant
00:26:29.120
because it's building that relationship and that like favoritism above and beyond logic. That's so
00:26:35.220
interesting. Yes. And something else that's really fascinating here is that they, what are they
00:26:42.040
saying? That they, very important. It's not just to remember her interests, right? Like I think a lot
00:26:48.700
of guys, they're like, okay, I need to remember her interests, but no, you have to remember the
00:26:53.500
conversations you have used with her in the past, because if you are talking and hitting up lots of
00:26:59.080
girls at once, which, you know, back when I used to flirt a lot, I would do, I would try to have a
00:27:03.900
policy of always be talking to on any given night, like at least three girls at a time. And this was
00:27:09.900
through multiple chat threads and you can easily develop sort of go-to questions to advance the,
00:27:18.100
either the relationship or just to, you know, for interaction and end up using your go-to questions
00:27:23.680
more than once with one girl. And any guy who has practiced high throughput dating is very aware of
00:27:29.800
this. With you, for example, Simone, did you notice me ever accidentally asking you the same go-to
00:27:34.500
question twice early in our relationship? Never, never. Because I took notes and a lot of guys don't do
00:27:41.280
this. They don't take time to take notes, right? So to continue here, if you ask about something you
00:27:47.980
heard, sorry, before meeting up, review your notes to avoid asking the same things and be careful
00:27:53.480
about that. And I'll note here with Simone, the day that I went on a date with her, that was my second
00:27:58.420
date that day, right? Like I was doing extremely high throughput dating. Now, ironically, so was she,
00:28:02.940
that was her second date that day as well. We were, we were in it to win it in terms of finding a marriage
00:28:08.440
partner or you were just looking for someone to have sex with for the first time, but I was looking for
0.78
00:28:12.860
a marriage partner back then. But we were both completely like, we have to make this happen.
00:28:17.940
And that requires extremely high throughputs, right? Which unfortunately for this generation
00:28:24.760
aren't as possible. And they need to develop new strategies on how to achieve that and to create
00:28:30.260
these psychological framings like the ones that the hosts do. So for me, I was able to create a high
00:28:37.320
throughput because on dating apps back then, if you just reached out to a lot of people, you could get a
00:28:41.580
bunch of people reaching out to you. That's not the case anymore. You swipe right all week and you're
00:28:45.180
going to get one or two matches, right? Terrible. Yeah. So you need an environment where you can have
00:28:51.560
directed outreach, like direct emails, direct LinkedIn, like et cetera. Like if I was dating today,
00:28:57.660
that's probably a lot of, yeah, a lot of people, well, I feel like five years ago, people used X and
00:29:03.920
LinkedIn a lot. I bet they still are. But honestly, I feel that the bigger trend now is people are just
00:29:10.800
giving up. Yeah. The bigger trend now is people are just giving up, which is sad. I tell you what,
00:29:16.940
I'd never give up. I was obsessive about this stuff. I mean, keep in mind the things I did back in the
00:29:23.760
day, the core thing I did to like get good was the reason I would always run a few chats at a time
00:29:30.860
and have to be very careful about not repeating things is because I used basically pre-written text
00:29:37.100
blocks with minor variations to fit that individual conversation to try to build was like a
00:29:44.020
statistical probability in my mind. No, I didn't like write out the statistical probability. It was
00:29:47.680
more just like get a feel. Okay. This chain always leads to this chain always leads to this to sort of
00:29:54.100
build branching conversational pathways that I could reliably steer to certain end states that I was
00:30:01.940
looking for. And there really is only so much like once you've run mass conversations over and over
00:30:07.500
and over and over again, you realize pretty quickly that, I mean, humans are a lot like AIs, right? Like
0.97
00:30:13.480
they are fairly predictable, especially normies. And there's a lot of normie girls and girls are even
0.96
00:30:19.740
more predictable than males, right? So as soon as you figure out the standard operating pattern,
00:30:25.180
and you then figure out the type that you're dealing with, because girls fall into like a few
1.00
00:30:30.520
archetypes, goal types, desire types, you can quickly predict whatever is going to come next.
00:30:36.740
If you have a high amount of pattern matching in the past to continue here with the info that you've
00:30:44.220
gathered, you can decide on presence sales approaches. Okay. Aftercare, we just talked about
00:30:47.680
that. I think it's really interesting how you, it's like, it's like sales. If you just bombed with
00:30:51.520
questions, it starts feeling pretty transactional. So you've got to watch for that. The info you draw
00:30:57.060
out of her is for getting them to know you are and deepening your relationship. So share about
00:31:02.300
yourself too. Like if you ask their favorite food, then share your favorite food as well. Something
00:31:07.340
like that and expand the conversation from there. And so he says the key pipeline works like this,
00:31:12.840
show interest, draw info out, get them to show interest, give info, remember, take notes.
00:31:21.520
He says, if you can emergency three things thoroughly, you'll sell to some extent. So try,
00:31:27.220
so give it a try as a reference. Not rocket science people. Oh my God, Malcolm. I, in my,
00:31:36.880
in my admittedly brief experience dating before I met you, you're the only person who bothered to do
00:31:43.080
that. Yeah. Did the, did any of the other guys, I think a lot of guys are like, Oh, a lot of guys
00:31:47.080
really do this. And it's like, no, a lot of guys really don't. They really don't. And this is why
00:31:52.840
also as parents, and I think this is important, even more important as far as we're concerned and
00:31:57.280
many of the people listening, perhaps you can give your kids such a huge advantage if you just teach
00:32:05.040
them this and basic etiquette, just like, cause it, it's not just, especially if it's a young man,
00:32:13.500
it's not just that it signals that they are gentlemanly in a very romantic way. It also
00:32:19.560
implies that they're wealthy, even though that's, it can be somewhat subconscious, but it's this
00:32:25.180
subconscious signaler of wealth that would, even without explicitly communicating to women,
00:32:31.020
even if you tell a young woman, like, Hey, I'm broke. I literally have no money. She will still
1.00
00:32:36.020
subconsciously see you and code you as wealthy. If you have basic etiquette and like this social
00:32:42.420
intelligence to ask questions and engage in real conversation. So this is actually incredibly
00:32:48.940
important because when you say this and men can be like, Oh, come on, that, that can't be that easy
00:32:54.720
to work. Look at the way that male hosts dress. Okay. No, like pull up and I'll put some pictures
0.97
00:33:02.660
on screen here. Okay. What men at a host club dress like and what they dress like is well-groomed
00:33:10.680
button-down shirts and suits, often ties. Oh yeah. Bow ties. Yeah. They're not dressed comfortably for
00:33:19.300
them. So, you know, like women, like the, the male equivalent of a stripper woman or like a woman
1.00
00:33:27.620
dressed as a call girl, like go, go boots, mini skirt, pushup bra, whatever. Right. Is a suit
0.68
00:33:35.060
and a tie. Like this is male lingerie. I can't emphasize this enough. A man in a well-tailored
00:33:41.900
suit is the sexiest thing. And I know it's maximum clothing, but like, then this is obviously it's,
00:33:48.340
it's interestingly so reversed. If you look at like a gay dating app, all you see is like
0.98
00:33:52.920
six pack torsos, like just cut off the head. We don't need to see the face. Like just show me
00:33:57.980
your abs and your muscles. But for women, it is like, no, just cut off the face. Just show me the
1.00
00:34:05.340
tailored suit. Well, and it's not just that. If you look at the hosts, they are trained to be
00:34:10.260
incredibly well mannered. Manners are incredibly important in securing a partner.
00:34:16.840
I think you can also tell that this is a genuine signal that is irresistible to women. When you look
00:34:23.060
at periods in history, where you see the huge spike in romance novel, historical romance novel
00:34:30.940
settings. And this is why, for example, the Regency era is so popular is you had not only a preponderance
00:34:38.100
of manners, but a very organized and active society in which people got together to show off
00:34:48.540
those manners. It was like this unique peak in human history where that happened a lot.
00:34:53.660
So it just goes to show like women love this and they will, they will jump to, to fantasize in periods
0.99
00:34:59.660
of history where it is more likely to be shown because they just want to sit in that, in that
00:35:04.420
moment. And I think that for guys who didn't grow up in an environment where they were taught manners,
00:35:10.140
they can hear this and be like, well, where do I learn this? You know, go to AI, go, go online,
00:35:16.420
research common manners, and keep in mind the manners that are going to impress a woman the most
00:35:20.720
are the manners that are directed towards women. So easy ones that I'm always surprised. There is one
1.00
00:35:28.160
that I explicitly don't do because I think it comes off as weird.
00:35:31.140
Up when she stands up. Standing up at the table whenever a woman stands up. That one to me comes
1.00
00:35:35.380
off as too much. But opening car doors for women is what, like a lot of people remember to open other
1.00
00:35:40.440
doors, but when you're walking to a car because you're opening your own door, a lot of people
00:35:43.860
don't remember, oh, I need to run to the passenger side first and get her door, close it, then get my
00:35:49.440
door. So one of my favorite books of all time is the Emily Post, like 1942. No guy is going to read
00:35:56.000
that. I know. I'm aware of that. I'm just going to say what she says in it because she's very,
00:35:59.820
she's very no nonsense and pragmatic about etiquette, which I think a lot of people wouldn't
00:36:04.940
expect. And you're describing like performative post sense cotillion etiquette, you know, stand
00:36:11.740
up when the woman stands up. It's really stupid. And it's based on old traditions that don't actually
0.99
00:36:16.360
make sense. What Emily Post trains people in and what you really should be looking at is what I would
00:36:22.100
call functional etiquette, which is just making, you could say human commerce or like human interaction
00:36:29.620
or people's lives easier, more transparent and more comfortable. So it's not about doing things in a
00:36:35.680
performative manner. It's about actually making someone's life more pleasant and easy. It's about
00:36:40.840
clear communication. It's about reducing stress and friction. So doing things like opening doors for
00:36:45.580
people is, is nice because it makes their lives easier. It's just, but I think you're forgetting
00:36:51.120
that a part of this goes back to what you originally said was it is a subtle and subconscious indicator to
00:36:57.720
women of wealth and desirability and class status. So even the pointless ones, like a good example of a
1.00
00:37:05.920
pointless one that's not really relevant anymore, but women do notice is that you always walk street
1.00
00:37:11.920
side whenever you're walking on a sidewalk with them. And it's important to also understand why
00:37:17.440
you're doing things because if a woman asks you, why are you doing this? And you explain, oh, I do it
00:37:22.940
because historically when carriages would rise through sewage, which was on the street, it could
00:37:27.920
splash the woman. And so men traditionally walk on this side of a woman and a woman appreciates that
0.97
00:37:33.300
because you're showing more than just like rope class, but knowledge that comes with class, right?
00:37:38.780
Well, also defenestrated excrement was more likely to fall a little bit further from buildings.
00:37:44.680
The, the secondary thing. And even your feminists who say, oh, I don't like, I don't like being
1.00
00:37:49.340
treated this way. They like it. They, they like things like that. Like a lot of men, I I've only,
00:37:54.460
I've seen it complained about more men saying, oh, I hold a door open and the woman rolls her eyes and
1.00
00:38:00.700
say, oh, I can do that. But I've never seen that happen. And both men and women, because I hold
00:38:05.820
doors for people all the time are always like, thank you. Like they genuinely appreciate it.
00:38:12.500
Cause as much as I, I am the ultimate hater of opening doors, which is why I bother to hold
00:38:16.980
them. Like if I, if I went through the trauma of opening a door, damn straight, I'm holding
00:38:22.600
it for like the next 10 people. I'm going to get maximum. Yeah. No, I want to go back to what
00:38:28.840
we were talking about earlier, because I think it's another important thing that men get wrong
1.00
00:38:32.160
in dating today. We've shown you how hosts dress. Simone, how was I dressed on our first
00:38:37.800
date when I was looking for a wife? What, what was I wearing? You're wearing a button down
0.90
00:38:42.280
Brooks brothers shirt with a tie and a vest from Ferragamo. Yes, that is, that is correct.
00:38:53.440
That was what I mean. You don't need to mention the brand. I'm sure. Did you notice the brands
00:38:57.100
when you first saw me? No, I didn't know. Like you introduced me to Ferragamo as a brand.
00:39:04.180
I mean, I don't wear anything fancy now. I only wore fancy things when I was trying to
00:39:07.540
attract a partner, but that's the thing that the, the, the, the peacocking one is the one
00:39:11.820
saying they're going to be doing less in the relationship. And I definitely pull less weight
00:39:14.860
than you in this relationship. But the point being is if you take away the brand names, what
00:39:19.120
I was wearing was a pressed button down, nice shirt with a tie and a vest and matching suit
00:39:30.660
pants to that vest. And you were wearing jeans actually. Oh, I might've been wearing jeans that
00:39:34.960
day. Okay. Yeah. Texas talks. That's your culture, Malcolm. Respect it. My culture. Right. But the
00:39:39.600
later after that, I, I, there was a period where I usually wore suit pants. But anyway, the point
00:39:43.860
being is that when I was trying to attract a partner for marriage, I didn't dress like this.
00:39:49.600
No. The outfit that you have seen me wear on the show is one that I adopted because it's
00:39:54.360
utilitarian and dad-like of the typical, you know, button down collar. And I wore that specifically
00:40:00.200
because of what I was trying to present to the audience I'm selling to, which is the Mr. Rogers
00:40:04.820
look is what I was going to. But then I realized it came off too lesbian-ish because lesbians have
1.00
00:40:09.420
appropriated that. Appropriated the dad look. And so now I'm trying to go
00:40:13.860
for something more medieval, similar to Simone's. I haven't got my medieval jacket yet, but I've
00:40:17.900
got my medieval style top at this point that I'm going to be able to wear with the-
00:40:21.920
To be clear, it's not a jacket. It's a gambeson.
00:40:24.180
The medieval. Yeah. It's like a armor thing that I'll be wearing on show. So now Simone and
00:40:29.400
I, she, she had the top armor thing right here and I'll have a armor thing.
1.00
00:40:33.000
Yeah. This is like a, just a neck-based gambeson. Gambesons are multi-layered, sometimes filled
00:40:38.380
with extra wool padded garments that existed more widespread before chainmail, but were often worn
00:40:45.580
under chainmail. Yeah. So I'll be wearing the medieval style tops. And I got a few different
00:40:50.100
versions of this coming with like light armor, similar to what Simone is wearing now. So that,
00:40:55.080
because people always ask, the reporters always ask, and I feel bad about it. They're like, why do you,
00:40:58.260
why do you dress your wife this way and you dress normal? They act like I'm forcing her to dress like
1.00
00:41:04.660
a medieval peasant. And I'm like, you're right. I should be doing it too. Look, I even got my
00:41:09.980
medieval style pants, medieval style midsection here. Well, I'll have to take a full body photo,
00:41:16.580
but I'm not only going to do it once we get your proper- My proper gambeson and everything. Yeah.
00:41:21.140
Yeah. It's, it's all about the layers. You can't really just wear something in isolation and have it-
00:41:26.740
But the, the second thing I wanted to note about these men that you see, and this doesn't look good
00:41:31.800
at all without a jacket. So I definitely need to get the jacket for it. It needs the gambeson. Yeah.
0.86
00:41:35.080
It looks a little too like BS-A without the jacket on top. Yeah. That's the problem with
00:41:40.120
anything. It has like excessive eyelets or metal or snaps these days. They've ruined it. Oh.
00:41:48.240
Yeah. This is, by the way, the style that's typically open right here. I just don't like to
00:41:52.480
wear anything open here, which is why it doesn't look as normal for a medieval outfit. But the other
00:41:57.960
thing I want you to note about pictures, again, pictures of host club members is what did they
00:42:04.760
physically look like? Because we, I mentioned this over and over and over again on the show,
00:42:10.120
and men who came out of the Red Spill diaspora are just completely blind to this. And they,
0.82
00:42:17.280
at a pathological level, refuse to accept what women actually go for, because they'll look at the
1.00
00:42:24.280
studies that look at what women find arousing. And it doesn't matter what women find arousing.
1.00
00:42:33.600
That's not who they want to date or obsess over. If you go to Tumblr and you look at the pictures
00:42:39.140
that women draw, right? It's what's the typical Tumblr's sexy man. Let's start with the basic
00:42:46.060
definition. Tumblr's sexy man is a phrase used to describe any number of characters that have
00:42:50.740
reached viral Tumblr fame due to their alleged attractiveness. These characters are often drawn
00:42:55.560
as skinny white anime boys dressed in formal wear, and more often than not, they're evil or at least
00:43:00.620
have a dark side. These characters include, but aren't limited to the once-lift from the Lorax,
00:43:05.300
Sans from Undertale, Raymond from Animal Crossing, and Jeff the Killer. To fuck. The phenomenon of skinny
00:43:10.680
white anime boys from cartoons becoming Tumblr's obsession began in 2012, but the ironic phrase
00:43:16.200
Tumblr's sexy man wouldn't be coined until around 2013 to 2014. By this point, the trend was way too
00:43:22.760
widespread and prevalent not to notice and comment on, and thus it was given a name and became a meme.
00:43:27.400
It's like a- The once-lurr. The once-lurr, like the guy from Hasbun Hotel, you know, the- the- the-
00:43:34.560
Sherlock and Watson. It's- it's- it's a overly skinny guy-
00:43:39.520
Lucky, yeah. In a suit with a top hat that looks a little fae and is like mostly evil.
00:43:47.140
Mostly evil, yeah. The sexy man in question is a character called Alistair the radio demon.
00:43:53.380
You know the drill by this point. Tall, skinny, bowtie, suit, sharp teeth, magical eyes, non-human,
00:43:59.020
edgy and evil and powerful, etc, etc. What makes Alistair interesting is the meta conversation that
00:44:04.620
surrounds his very existence. Is Alistair the radio demon? Bait. He fits into every single trope laid
00:44:11.540
out by the characters that came before him almost to a T. From the sexypedia wiki, quote,
00:44:16.460
he is infamous for looking like he was specifically designed to bait the sexy man fandom and then
00:44:20.980
actually getting it. Alistair actually wasn't the first Tumblr sexy man to be accused of being bait.
00:44:26.040
Black Hat, a character from the animated web series Villainess, has also been noted as fitting a little
00:44:30.980
too perfectly into the trope to the point where many are convinced he's either bait or parody.
00:44:35.600
If this is true, then Alistair and Black Hat may symbolize the next evolution in the tropes timeline,
00:44:42.740
A lot of guys show that they just fundamentally don't understand what women like when they say
00:44:48.560
this stuff because they have learned what women want from male-dominated communities, which
1.00
00:44:52.560
don't understand what women want. They get part of it correct. Women do like the scary,
1.00
00:45:01.800
Machiavellian, sociopathic guy, but they want that with a dash of charm and skinniness and levity,
00:45:11.480
which is what's provided for them in a host club environment.
00:45:15.820
These guys are not good guys. They are the antithesis of good guys. In many ways,
00:45:23.540
the guy who sits down and meticulously draws out information from a woman to take notes,
00:45:28.860
to make her believe that she loves him, and she knows he's doing this, that is more Machiavellian
00:45:35.200
than the grumbliest of dread game Andrew Tate guys there have ever been.
00:45:40.160
And what's provided for them with the Tumblr sexy man.
00:45:44.280
Whereas you have a guy, if you watch a scene like this, and your takeaway is,
00:45:47.840
oh, that's Faye, that's lame, I would make fun of him. You've got to remember that women,
1.00
00:45:53.500
when they watch this, takes away, that's hot, I want to obsess over him,
00:45:58.260
which shows that you are optimizing around the wrong things.
00:46:04.180
Alistair, pleasure to be meeting you, sweetheart. Quite a pleasure.
00:46:07.080
Excuse my sudden visit, but I saw your fiasco on the picture show,
00:46:13.320
That's why I haven't been that entertained since the stock market crash of 1929.
00:46:20.000
Stop. I'm not going to let you hurt anyone here.
00:46:35.760
No, but if you, if you look at these hosts, right,
00:46:48.200
These are the ones that have entire armies of women
1.00
00:46:51.260
that are prostituting themselves for these men to live the high life, right?
00:47:03.100
Hitting the gym is for intra-secular signaling.
00:47:10.320
If you're looking at the payoff you're going to get
00:47:14.700
from dressing well, from keeping your outfit well done,
00:47:20.540
And note here, the other thing about all these men is,
00:47:45.460
So, yeah, but the point I'm making is that that's the way they come off.
00:47:51.420
who have basically enslaved armies of women,
1.00
00:47:59.380
I'm looking through pictures here of hoes.
1.00
00:48:21.420
because they have these ideas around what women are actually after
0.99
00:48:31.280
it is what women might disproportionately prefer for casual sex.
1.00
00:48:36.660
I could just, I can see how this happens, though, right?
00:49:06.200
I had a friend that was, like, in shorter than me.
00:49:20.260
Like, they'd rather share a better-looking guy.
00:49:24.000
In reality, they want something that, you know,
00:49:25.800
they're talking to a guy that's talking actively
00:49:28.060
to multiple people that they don't even know about.
00:49:32.780
misattributing why everyone is sleeping with his friend
00:49:38.080
He thinks it's because his friend is more attractive
00:49:58.880
what's the style of book that, like, only women read?
1.00
00:50:02.660
Oh, I know, Yowie, speaking of gay men, right?
0.99
00:50:09.560
They are never overly muscular, or very, very rarely.
00:50:13.840
I mean, in Heated Rivalry, sort of the most famous recent.
00:50:25.220
I cannot remember what their bodies looked like,
00:50:27.720
even though they were, like, in episode one instantly.
00:50:40.220
Hockey players should be more beefy, but I don't know.
00:50:54.920
Like, and I think the reason why some men, like,
00:51:14.240
There's definitely women with a fetish for that, you know?
1.00