Based Camp - September 20, 2023How To Find a Wife In A Fallen World
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Summary
In this episode, we discuss how to get women to sleep with you so that you can get them to marry you. We discuss the differences between women who will sleep with a guy and women who won't sleep with him, and how to leverage these differences to your advantage.
Transcript
00:00:00.000
Yeah. And I'd also love to talk, I think like tactically, I think people would find it
00:00:04.060
interesting, the things you did to make your high throughput screening scale.
00:00:09.780
So really important thing to remember is every interaction with an individual you might marry
00:00:14.040
can be thought of as a roll of the dice, which has a probability that they are going to be
00:00:20.360
interested in you and interested in choosing you as a product on the market, right? And
00:00:24.960
that probability can be influenced by two things, either by increasing the probability that every
00:00:29.940
individual partner you interact with would be interested in marrying you or increase the
00:00:35.100
number of people you're interacting with. Both of those would end in the same percentage
00:00:39.200
probability that you find a wife. So one of the biggest things is just really, really high
00:00:45.700
throughput. But now we're going to talk about finding wife as a sales strategy, because I think
00:00:49.740
this is the core way to conceptualize it. Would you like to know more?
00:00:57.520
Hello, Simone. So we recorded a secret video, because when I put it into Claude, it was like,
00:01:05.320
oh, no, no, no, you, I cannot even talk about this video. I cannot share this video. It was on how to
00:01:11.680
get people to sleep with you. But the key, you know, setup or intro for this video is the way that you
00:01:19.760
perfect getting people to sleep with you, specifically women. So we're going to talk about
00:01:22.820
this from the context of men. It will develop one strategy in the same way that, and that strategy
00:01:29.760
will not be the ideal strategy for finding the type of person that you're going to marry. And yet it is
00:01:35.960
the mechanism that many men use to attempt to find that person. This is the same way that many women
00:01:40.760
get confused. They go out on dating markets, and they think that their value on the sex market is their
00:01:47.020
value on the marriage market. And it is not right. In other words, they think that like, if an eight
00:01:52.640
will sleep with them, then they should be able to marry an eight when really a lazy eight just wanted
00:01:57.300
to sleep with them a three or four because they didn't want to bother trying to get someone harder
00:02:02.800
But the point here being is that these two markets are different. They're not just different for
00:02:06.360
girls. They're also different for guys. Totally. And the strategies that they get women to sleep
00:02:11.220
with you, they can still get women to marry you. But the type of women you want to sleep with,
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let's put it this way. They're typically the type of woman who's going to be more promiscuous.
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They're typically the type of woman that you can like pick up at a bar. They are not the type of
00:02:23.900
woman that you want to raise your kids, that you want to. And this is a, you know, a post that I saw
00:02:29.000
recently. It's one I could not agree with you. You look at parenting books and they go, look, if these
00:02:33.940
books were honest, what they would actually be as books targeted at single guys. And if they were a 10
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chapter book, nine of the chapters would be focused on how to get a good wife. Because who you matter,
00:02:44.100
both genetically and parenting style and the general environment and vibe of the house that
00:02:50.380
the kids grow up in matters so much more than any parenting strategy you could conceivably implement.
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Who you marry is everything. If you, you know, make a point and you're like, okay, I am going to
00:03:04.240
make a sacrifice on her being a little narcissistic. Well, now your kids are going to be a little
00:03:08.100
narcissistic and they're going to grow up in an environment ruled by a narcissist,
00:03:11.820
which will make their lives harder. Right? And so when you are out there and you have developed
00:03:16.980
a strategy, a strategy that gets women who you didn't know before that night to sleep with you
00:03:22.500
is going to intrinsically target thoughts, you know, T-H-O-T's, right? Like individuals who will
00:03:29.320
sleep with a guy because they believe that guy is just so arousing in the moment that they're just
00:03:33.280
going to go out and sleep with them. And yet the type of woman who you, I think most of our viewers
00:03:38.740
would want to marry would never sleep with a guy in a scenario like that. So of course,
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if you implement these strategies, you're going to get these horrible,
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untrustworthy vipers of women that the MGTOW community has a waltz, right? It's not a waltz.
00:03:54.580
It's like a guy's out fishing, right? And you say, he's like, this pond only has catfish in it.
00:04:00.260
And it's like, well, you're using a catfish lure. Like, of course you're only catching catfish.
00:04:04.680
Um, so anyway, let's go into how to actually secure a high quality wife. And one day we might
00:04:10.720
be able to, maybe we'll do it on the subreddit or something like that. Release the, the evil video
00:04:15.180
that Claude thought was too effective at getting people to sleep with you. But anyway, all right.
00:04:20.460
So, so first I think we should go into the context of what Simone and I were doing and how much effort
00:04:27.380
we were putting in when we found each other. Cause I think the biggest thing that people don't do
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is they do not put in the effort. So Simone, do you want to talk about what you were doing
00:04:35.480
at the time? Yeah. I created a competitive dating game in my office where we each got points that
00:04:41.940
we put on a whiteboard for like, got someone to go on a date with you date that lasted longer than
00:04:47.820
four hours for space, like, et cetera. Like just to, just to make it fun and competitive. And then I
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also had a scoring system to determine if someone was worth a second date, 10 points for five questions.
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So total of zero to 50 points. First question, how excited were you to see them? Second, how excited
00:05:04.900
were you, or pleased were you by any physical contact? Like could be shaking hands, could be
00:05:09.140
making out. Third, how much did you enjoy conversation with them? Fourth, how much do you
00:05:13.340
want to see them again? And fifth, how much do you think they want to see you? I also created a
00:05:17.440
keyword stuffed OkCupid profile. And at the time, a really easy way to get people to see your profile
00:05:22.680
aside from just spamming them with messages, which I totally did, which was also a great thing to do as a
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girl, because no one messages guys, was to sit and answer weird questions and like have those end up in
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other people's feed, like as they're on the app, because then they would comment on that and like come to
00:05:36.940
my profile. So basically I had like an SEO optimized per dating apps strategy, and then a bunch of scoring
00:05:42.700
systems and personal motivation systems to get me on as many dates as possible. And you were doing something
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You were thinking of it almost like a company, like, like you would be marketing a startup or something, you know?
00:05:52.260
So it wasn't about personal indulgence. It was, this is my goal with this account. Here is how I'm
00:05:59.920
going to optimize for the outcome of this goal. Like, and I think that that was really clever for
00:06:05.200
me. I was doing what I called it at the time, high throughput screening. So in biology, if you've
00:06:11.020
ever seen things where you have like just hundreds of vials and you have a machine that's going like
00:06:14.280
could junk, could junk, could junk on like tons of vials, what it's doing is something called high
00:06:18.060
throughput screening often, where it has an antigen, like a single thing, like a bacteria or something.
00:06:21.860
And it's trying to find something that binds to this. It's trying to find a thing that binds it
00:06:25.640
to just puts it in the presence of hundreds of thousands of millions of different variations of
00:06:31.660
chemicals until one thing binds with it, right? You're trying to get this perfect binding site.
00:06:36.100
And that's sort of what I was doing, which is to say, you know, I was going out there and I was
00:06:41.320
doing at least, I had a rule for myself, at least five dates a week. And I'd been doing that for,
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I don't know, three, four years at that point. You know, I tell a person, you're going to need to do
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this likely for at least two years to, to find a wife. And this means that some days you're going
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to have to go on like three dates a day. You're going to have to expand the circle. You're going
00:06:58.100
to need to be willing to dive three hours to a date and three hours back. You know, if you want
00:07:02.140
to really have a big pool, you know, you need to be aggressive and expansive and you may even need
00:07:07.220
to choose where you're living based on finding a spouse at the time that you're doing it. This is not
00:07:12.380
like people are like, well, that's hard. Yeah, it's hard. It's hard to find a really good wife.
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You have to work your absolute butt off to do it. And you need to willing to be compromised.
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Even with all of that, Simone didn't meet many of the metrics of the things I was looking for
00:07:25.720
in a wife. I wanted a woman who was an heiress. You know, that was something that I was really
00:07:29.820
looking for in wife. It's the easiest way to make money, you know, Simone. But when I saw her work
00:07:35.820
ethic, I also wanted somebody from like an elite university, right? When I saw her work ethic,
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I was like, well, I guess I can get you into a good university and you can make money. So, and you did,
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you know, you ended up getting into Cambridge not long after we got engaged. And I, but I knew that
00:07:49.680
that was going to happen, right? You know, I, I had something that I wanted. And so it's important
00:07:54.600
to know what are the things that a person could or might want to change about themselves or aspire to
00:07:59.440
versus what's just set in stone and a woman isn't going to change or man isn't going to change when
00:08:03.280
you're looking for them. So really important thing to remember is every interaction with an individual
00:08:07.640
you might marry can be thought of as sort of a roll of the dice, which has a probability that they are
00:08:14.740
going to be interested in you and interested in sort of choosing you as a product on the market.
00:08:18.640
Right. And that probability can be influenced by two things. So let's say like your probability of
00:08:24.400
finding a wife at the end of the day can be influenced by two things. And with every wife,
00:08:28.120
you're going to have some, every potential wife, you're going to have some set probability of them
00:08:31.000
being interested in you. You can think of this as sort of your score on a one to 10 ratio in terms of
00:08:36.520
your acceptability of a husband. The, the two ways that you win, this is either by increasing the
00:08:41.380
probability that every individual partner you interact with would be interested in marrying you
00:08:45.500
or increase the number of people you're interacting with. Both of those would end in the same percentage
00:08:51.480
probability that you find a wife. So one of the biggest things is just really, really high
00:08:58.000
throughput. But now we're going to talk about finding wife as a sales strategy, because I think
00:09:02.020
this is the core way to conceptualize it. So if I, because I've built sales departments for companies,
00:09:07.500
so I know how this works. So if I'm building on a sales department, so how do I think of it? So
00:09:11.900
first you have your leads. Like these are the contacts that salespeople are calling. And often
00:09:16.380
you will give like a salesperson, you have one team that comes up with list of leads,
00:09:19.900
and then they give that team that you can sort of work as a sales team. You can be one that is
00:09:24.320
trying to hit the maximum amount of leads possible, or you can increase the quality of the lead.
00:09:30.380
And this means that you're essentially pre-vetting a lead, right? And this is where you're sourcing
00:09:35.800
your partners, right? So the place that you source partners in a way pre-screens that pool of
00:09:42.240
partners. You know, as I said to Simone on our first date, which she often mentions, as I said,
00:09:45.700
well, I'm probably not going to marry you because I'm about to start a team for business school where
00:09:48.700
there's a large pool of pre-vetted marriage candidates. And I literally meant that. These
00:09:52.920
women have been pre-vetted for many of the things that I was looking for in a wife. So that was a very
00:09:59.720
high quality lead pool. The important thing when you are out there looking for a wife or a husband
00:10:06.700
is to find very large pools of pre-vetted candidates. And specifically, like if you want
00:10:14.960
to do an additional thing that leans things in your favor, pre-vetted candidates, well, you will have
00:10:19.960
an arbitrage within that community. An arbitrage meaning that in it, when people are looking for
00:10:26.140
a wife or a husband, you can think of it like being out on the market, like to like buy a fish
00:10:30.920
or something like that, right? Or to go to a grocery store. Actually, I will say a market for
00:10:35.580
buying fish. Not everybody likes the same types of fish, right? And what I am willing to pay for
00:10:40.320
one species of fish might be a lot more than another person because that species of fish is more to my
00:10:46.180
taste than it is to the general market or it is to somebody specific. There are some fish that might go
00:10:51.860
for a lot that I just have no interest in at all. Now you can explicitly target environments where
00:10:59.000
you have these arbitrage plays or where you know women or men that you like, that the general public
00:11:06.560
doesn't like may be in larger numbers. So like if you go to like, I guess like a chubby chasers thing,
00:11:13.140
right? Like if you're really into like fat women, the general public is less into fat women.
00:11:17.640
And because of that, if you are sourcing women in an environment where there's lots of fat women,
00:11:24.000
you are going to find women where you are a better candidate than most of the people who are
00:11:29.720
interested in them. And you can potentially source better potential partners. Or if it's an
00:11:34.540
environment where, you know, women really respect intelligence or might be more likely to care that
00:11:39.380
you're intelligent, you know, you're going to perform better in those environments than you would in
00:11:42.840
like a bar or something like that. So that's really important to care about. So this is first stage of
00:11:47.540
the sales process. You've got to have a either large pools of candidates that you're going through
00:11:52.680
like at scale or pre-vetted pools of candidates. The ideal thing you want is many large pools of
00:12:00.220
pre-vetted candidates where you have some sort of arbitrage advantage. Then within the sales cycle,
00:12:07.180
the single biggest mistake that salespeople make is they spend too long on a lead that isn't going to
00:12:13.780
close. There are people who, when you are making the sale, who will talk to you, even if they really
00:12:20.340
have no intention of ever buying. And this is true for dating. You need to typically end a relationship
00:12:27.640
by the second or third date. If it is clear that you're either not going to want to marry them,
00:12:31.920
or there is some sort of like reason that like, you can't get married. Like they don't want to have
00:12:36.280
kids or something like that. Like you want to be betting all of these things super quickly.
00:12:40.560
And it can even make sense. And this is very different than when you're dating for sex
00:12:44.820
to, to act or reveal things about you, act in a way or reveal things about you that would screen
00:12:51.020
out intrinsically most women, but not the woman who you would actually want to marry. So on the first
00:12:57.420
date, you know, I'm going and it's the one that tells us, I told her first date, I want to get
00:13:01.020
married. We're going to do that. I was like, I am out here looking for a wife. And most women would be
00:13:05.980
like, oh, that's creepy that you would say that on a first date. But to the type of woman,
00:13:09.520
I would want to marry, that wouldn't be creepy. And what that did is I didn't waste second dates
00:13:14.540
with those women who thought that was creepy. Yes. That vetted out a large percentage of women,
00:13:19.380
but it was a very useful vetting tool because that was part of my time that I wasn't wasting
00:13:25.100
on a second date, but I was instead wasting on, or not wasting, but utilizing on more for first dates.
00:13:33.180
Yeah. And I'd also love to talk, I think like tactically, I think people would find it
00:13:37.380
interesting. The things you did to make your high throughput screening scale. And this is not
00:13:43.700
something we've ever really talked about before, but I think a lot of people, when we tell people,
00:13:48.260
yeah, it's a numbers game, they always are like, okay, fine. Like I'll try to date once a week. And
00:13:52.460
we're like, no, no, no. Malcolm would date every weeknight and then double up on weekends. And I
00:13:57.180
think people are like, you know what? That's not sustainable. Like I cannot do that. I will not do that.
00:14:01.460
But you did, and you did a lot of things to make it work. So for example, when you were in university,
00:14:07.340
I think you first discovered that if you frequently ate at a restaurant, they would give you special
00:14:11.420
deals. Was that Indian restaurant in St. Andrews? Yes. I love that. Sorry. Something I want to say
00:14:16.600
before we go further with this particular chain of logic is within these first dates, what do you talk
00:14:22.800
about, right? What you should always be talking about is what you want your future to be and what they
00:14:28.120
want their future to be. That is the most important thing you need to know when you're vetting a
00:14:32.760
potential wife. So don't go talking about freaking hobbies and stuff like that, or what's the weather
00:14:38.000
is or what movie you recently watched or what you think of X. No, it's, it's, it's every one of these
00:14:43.260
topics. And this was true of our first conversation, right? I was like, Simone, what do you want to be
00:14:45.940
doing in 10 years? What do you want to be doing in 20 years? How many kids do you want to have?
00:14:49.600
You know, I was very interested in, in, in your future because then I could understand if that was
00:14:55.500
compatible with my future and people who don't like to think about the future, it also helped
00:14:59.220
bet them out of the potential pipeline. But, but that was something that was very important for
00:15:03.660
our compatibility. So yes, you were talking about the restaurants. One thing I would do is I would
00:15:07.340
take women to the same restaurants over and over and over again. Like all the dates I would do, I'd do
00:15:10.820
the same restaurant because I get to know the restaurant really well. I would tip well and they
00:15:14.660
treat me really well. And so this made me look really good to the women who went like, you noticed this
00:15:19.040
when I took you to a restaurant, you were like, oh, all of the staff here seems to know you. And it's like, yes,
00:15:23.880
because this is part of my routine, but then I would do other things. One of the things I would do is so
00:15:29.740
you can buy uncut or even cut gyms, but like unlaid gyms sort of in very large quantities, you know,
00:15:37.240
certain types of sapphires, amethysts, stuff like that at very reasonable prices, you know, 40, $50 per gym.
00:15:44.880
And then you can take these gyms and fairly early in the dating process. Now you really should not be getting
00:15:51.320
to a third or fourth date unless you think it's an incredibly high probability you're going to marry
00:15:55.120
the person. Like they really pass a lot of your wedding. And so you get to that stage with the
00:15:59.820
woman and you can offer her on the date, like do a, oh, I would do a, like a pick a hand thing
00:16:05.840
sometimes. And in one hand I'd have a rose and in the other hand I'd have a gemstone. And then after
00:16:11.000
giving them whichever one I would give them, I would, I would give them the other as well. So I'd be
00:16:14.240
like, you know, these are obviously best for you. And this would be like on a night walk through town,
00:16:18.920
you know, and this was all part of a routine. Like he'd done. Yeah. But again, like having
00:16:24.440
these little tropes, but all like little moves that women find very charming, like very meaningful.
00:16:28.340
Right. So they found it very charming, but it was the type of thing that the woman I'd want to marry
00:16:32.480
would find charming. And it's the type of thing that would make her feel like, oh, this guy's
00:16:38.340
really invested in me. He'd given me something that no one else has given me. But the point of giving
00:16:43.040
an unlaid gym to them is it makes them think, oh, this would go amazing in a wedding ring one day.
00:16:48.300
This would go amazing in an engagement ring one day, because the fact that it's not in a ring yet
00:16:54.800
brings that to mind. And now they're holding onto it. And now they're putting it somewhere special
00:17:00.840
thinking about that. So you're beginning to lay these ideas in their mind while also providing
00:17:07.040
hooks for them to talk about these ideas with you. Many women, when I do this, they would talk about
00:17:11.480
that as a concept, you know, and that allows us to talk about, well, okay, if we were to get married,
00:17:15.320
logistics, planning, family, what would we do? You know, and it is very, very important that you
00:17:20.380
screen out people where even if you really like them, you are just, for whatever reason,
00:17:25.640
not long-term compatible. Like maybe they, what do they want to do as their family when their family's
00:17:30.520
old? Like, are they planning to have them live with you? You know, like that's the type of thing
00:17:36.480
So another thing that you would do to make dates more affordable is make a picnic. So you would
00:17:43.660
either get like really expensive, like store-bought pre-prepped meals, which obviously is way less
00:17:48.080
expensive than a restaurant meal with tips and everything. And then you would take your date
00:17:52.480
to a special place, either something really scenic or something both scenic and kind of against the
00:17:59.800
Yeah. So that was really key to break rules on these early dates. You know, there's a famous
00:18:03.720
experiment of the bridge, right? Where you, it basically a woman or a man was on a bridge
00:18:11.880
at the top of a bridge and they would, they would get survey responses from somebody and
00:18:15.200
then give the person their number afterwards. And some of these bridges were dangerous and
00:18:19.060
very high. And some of these bridges were very safe. The people who did this at the
00:18:22.260
dangerous bridge would end up getting many, many more callbacks. And the idea here being
00:18:26.640
that if you, but also it frames you as somebody who's sort of like, I think most people want
00:18:31.680
a partner in crime, right? So you can do little break in college. My typical place to break into
00:18:36.940
was this castle on campus. And we would break in and we would do in the ruins of the castle and have
00:18:43.520
a little picnic together at night under the stars. And it worked very well with me and you. It was,
00:18:49.860
do you want to talk about the place who I would break into at that stage?
00:18:53.580
Yeah, there was right across from the restaurant that was his go-to restaurant was a Four Seasons
00:18:58.600
hotel that had some like office hallways just for its administrative offices.
00:19:04.980
And you would take women dates there after dinner.
00:19:10.600
So if you went down the central stairwell in this Four Seasons in the center of San Francisco,
00:19:13.960
I'm not sure this isn't the case anymore, but some people are like, oh my God, that was my office.
00:19:17.120
That's why it was weird every day. You could, if you tried the doors on the stairwell, which of
00:19:22.020
course I love exploring. So I would go and I would try like urban exploring and stuff like that. I'd try
00:19:25.760
these doors. One of them was always unlocked and it went into an office. Now your perception is it
00:19:29.900
was the Four Seasons office. I think it might've just been a typical corporate office that was in
00:19:33.880
the same building because it didn't have Four Seasons. Like I just think that would have flyers
00:19:38.160
and stuff. I think it was just a corporate office, but it was always open. So I could go and hang out
00:19:42.140
at night in this office. In a hallway, to be clear, just a hallway. No, no, no. We go into the office.
00:19:50.300
You don't remember the office? We didn't go into an office. We just got the hallway.
00:19:54.440
Oh yeah. You didn't get the full experience then. I'm sorry, Simone. You were just so easy
00:20:00.940
that I didn't even make it to the office. Sorry. You were so alluring that I didn't make it to the
00:20:10.020
office. To be clear, she'd never kissed anyone. She was a virgin when I met her. She'd actually
00:20:15.140
kissed one person before this, but one person, but she wasn't actually easy. She was just very
00:20:20.240
interested in me specifically. Sorry. You're giving this look like you're goofed. Anyway,
00:20:27.940
so that was one thing I do because it built this bond with the person and it sort of heightened
00:20:33.020
the bond. When you are willing to break rules with a person, one, you're often more likely to go over
00:20:38.740
your own personal barriers to like moving the relationship faster than you otherwise might be
00:20:44.280
willing to, but also it felt very like. It felt forbidden and risky and exciting and memorable,
00:20:50.660
but for you, it was very low stakes and rote and safe and inexpensive. So it was an, it was a way to
00:20:57.180
make a date memorable and exciting in an affordable and not actually risky way. Yeah. And another thing I
00:21:03.780
do is, you know, learn to cook cooking for a woman, you know, in one of these early dates can be really
00:21:08.800
good and very inexpensive if you get really good at it, which is something that, you know,
00:21:13.640
I've done little cooking videos on this channel. I should do more of those. They're fun to do with
00:21:17.640
the family, but I really like cooking as Simone could tell you, but yeah, that was a really key
00:21:22.580
thing. What else? Oh, I'm trying to think. Oh, here was a key thing I would always talk about on date
00:21:35.540
too. Oh, it's a very useful thing. I'd say, what do you want from life? So one, we're talking about
00:21:40.720
the future, right? But what do you need to get there? Like, what do you not have? Like, what's
00:21:45.760
your plan for getting there? And can we workshop a better plan or find a faster way to get you there?
00:21:49.940
Or what are you looking for? Now one, it allows me to see where I'm of utility to them, because if
00:21:53.740
you're of utility to somebody outside of just dating and sex, then they're going to be more
00:21:58.200
interested in you. But two, it allowed me to see how they reacted to the offer of like, okay,
00:22:05.120
here's how you can get there faster. Here's how I can help you. Most people, and this really
00:22:09.880
surprises me, but it's true. If you talk to them about what they want from their life, and then
00:22:14.180
you're like, okay, here's how I can help you achieve that. They actually don't really follow
00:22:17.720
up with it. They don't aggressively follow up with it. They're not. And it makes it clear to me that
00:22:22.420
they're not actually interested in achieving these things. This is like a vision of what they might want
00:22:26.400
from life, but it's not something that they are actively every day working towards. The type of
00:22:31.720
person who's like, okay, this strategy might work. This strategy might work. And then acts on those
00:22:37.580
strategies. That's the type of person I would want to marry. And that's the type of person you were.
00:22:42.400
You immediately acted on all of the strategies I laid out for you. And that reminds me of another
00:22:47.760
thing that you do to vet people, which is you had a subscription. No, you didn't have, you had
00:22:53.180
purchased a bunch of college courses from the teaching company, AKA the great courses,
00:22:58.500
which is now Wondrium. Yeah. So now you can get a subscription to Wondrium, but you would offer
00:23:04.380
people those lectures and then you would see if they actually were intellectually curious enough
00:23:10.640
to use them. And that was a lot. I mean, at least it costs like $500 per series. I mean,
00:23:15.780
you're buying like 24, 48 hours of like lectures. So I mean, yeah, but like it was, I think that's,
00:23:19.980
that's interesting as, as a vetting mechanism and also as a gift, like for, for someone who shares
00:23:25.640
your values, it's a really big gift. So it, it increases your social capital with someone that
00:23:31.260
you'd really care about. It also helps you weed up people who don't share that with you. And I think
00:23:36.620
that's really important. If you have some kind of value or thing that's really important to you
00:23:40.220
and that person doesn't like take up the lure, if you drop it, then you know, they're not going to be
00:23:45.920
good. Well, you can tell me educate myself. I really like to be well-read. I really, you know,
00:23:52.680
see myself as like a smart person or whatever. And then you drop, you're like, okay, here's 24
00:23:56.500
hours of lectures on a topic you said you cared about. Are you going to watch them? Are you going
00:24:00.240
to listen to them? Very few people actually did that. You were one of the only ones who was like
00:24:04.420
going through hundreds of hours of lectures. As soon as I would get them to be done with them in like
00:24:09.020
four days. And I think it just shows that it's very easy to signal that you're interested in one
00:24:14.840
thing on a date, but not actually be that type of person or not actually be interested in that
00:24:18.640
thing. And yet, you know, you and me as real life individuals, we can test, we can test what an
00:24:25.400
individual actually cares about by looking at what they actually engage with when dropped in front of
00:24:29.680
them. Yeah. And I think there are differences here. So one way of vetting that we've heard other
00:24:34.360
people do is they'll be like, Hey, do you want to go on this trip with me? Like, Oh, I'm outdoorsy.
00:24:39.640
Would you like to go on a rafting trip with me? And then the partner's like, yes, of course.
00:24:44.700
And they like grin and bear it, right? Like they get through it to get you. That's very different
00:24:50.760
from being like, Hey, here's this thing I have, you know, if you'd like it, like, go ahead. You
00:24:55.780
know, like there, I think that won't be seen as, as transparently by many prospective partners as a
00:25:01.840
test. So like, you know, I don't know, like there's no outdoors equivalent that I can think of, but like,
00:25:07.080
I don't know, like here's, here's a subscription access to all national parks, just in case you ever
00:25:11.660
want to go to one. And like, if the, if the prospective partner like doesn't go on a single
00:25:16.260
camping trip with that thing, you give them like kind of probably a sign that they're not actually
00:25:20.380
outdoorsy, but I do like that part of your vetting involved things not done with you at the
00:25:27.120
same time. Yeah. And I think another really core thing, and we mentioned this before, but I just
00:25:31.000
want to mention it because it's one of the single most important things about finding a high quality
00:25:33.760
wife is not wasting time with people. You're not going to marry. This means you're wanting to date
00:25:40.440
with a hot woman. She wants to sleep with you. She wants to sleep with you all the time. Now
00:25:44.840
sex is great, but it's clear. You're never going to marry her ghost, not ghost her. Like obviously be
00:25:49.400
nice and tell her like, I'm not interested and, and, and break up amicably because she might be a
00:25:53.880
source of a potential person who you would marry, but do not allow that distract you. You cannot be
00:25:59.520
distracted by things like sex and status signals when you are looking for a wife. That is absolutely
00:26:06.700
key. And you cannot allow things like that to, to blind you. You know, many of the highest quality
00:26:12.380
women are not going to be interested in sleeping with you anytime early in the dating process.
00:26:18.240
And that is something that a lot of guys, because they're using strategies that they develop
00:26:23.200
naturally, it makes perfect sense. You develop a strategy for getting girls to sleep with you
00:26:27.700
for getting girlfriends. And of course you're going to apply that to finding a wife. Of course you
00:26:32.480
naturally would because our society tells us that those two things are the same type of a thing.
00:26:37.500
Like one is like the kid version of doing this adult thing. It is not, it is a different thing.
00:26:43.080
It is completely different mechanisms. It is completely different ways of, of, of doing it and
00:26:47.800
being, even if you're being skeezy when doing it, if you're doing it effectively, you're doing it in
00:26:51.700
different ways. But anyway, the final thing I might talk about here is a bit about lures.
00:26:58.660
When a person is in a relationship with you, and we talked about this about with the catfish analogy,
00:27:04.120
there are different things you can offer them to get them interested in a long-term relationship with
00:27:10.300
you. Right. And one, what you're typically offering as a lure when you're out there,
00:27:16.200
just getting women to sleep with you is I am sexually attractive, but you should want to sleep
00:27:20.340
with me. Right. But probably the worst conceivable lure when you're looking for a wife. Another one
00:27:25.060
that often is used when you're getting people to sleep with you is I am like you. If you sleep with
00:27:30.940
me, it would be very low cost to you because you know, I'm attractive enough. I'm also quiet enough
00:27:36.140
with in our friend circles. And this can be like a low cost thing for you to get to experiment in
00:27:41.640
some way you want to experiment. Like this is really often useful when people are very inexperienced as
00:27:45.120
a litter. And it was one of the lures that I often did best because I would sleep with lots and lots
00:27:49.260
of virgins back when I did. In the video that we can't post, I mentioned when I stopped counting how
00:27:53.720
many people I'd slept with, which was at around a hundred, 35 of them or so were virgins. So like
00:27:58.260
about a third of them were virgins. And that was because I was using a lure that really,
00:28:01.700
really worked with virgins, which was just being like a really high trust, nice person.
00:28:05.240
But it's a bit more complicated than that as we go into it in the video. And that's probably why
00:28:09.040
Claude thought it was so naughty. But anyway, other lures that you can use are ones like I fit
00:28:15.800
like your cultural stereotype of a good husband or good wife, which is often a very bad lure to use
00:28:21.100
because if you're doing that, then you are only useful to them so long as you fit that stereotype
00:28:26.320
and they are interested in you insofar as you augment their vision often to their friends or of
00:28:31.720
themselves, which is, it can be okay, but it's usually not great. Another one that is,
00:28:37.720
is typically really bad is I make you happy. You make me happy. Right. Because then it's so easy
00:28:43.600
to end up at cross purposes there because something that makes me happy will often be my partner
00:28:47.000
unhappy. Right. Another one, which is really great is, oh, I want to work towards this end goal and we
00:28:51.960
can work towards it together. Right. Like that's a really strong lure that can lead to really good
00:28:56.280
relationships, you know, especially if you're like working in an industry together or something like
00:28:59.980
that. Right. Because then you, you have a reason to work together. You have aligned incentives often
00:29:04.040
because you're sort of creating this sort of family company or corporate structure that you're using to
00:29:07.780
achieve this. The one that we use is the one that I, or that I use that I would suggest most,
00:29:12.340
I call the Pygmalion lure, which is to say, I can help you be the person that you want to be.
00:29:18.060
And, and that lure, it leads to really, really strong relationships. The place that it most often fails
00:29:24.360
is if the person, like typically with the Pygmalion lure, typically one person is starting in a more
00:29:28.840
dominant position. Like they're helping the other person achieve their dreams. But if that other
00:29:32.560
person, it can too easily become the damsel in distress lure, where like you're interested in
00:29:36.860
the person only because they're so amazed by all the nice things you're able to do for them that
00:29:40.360
they can't achieve in their daily life. And that's a really bad lure because then they begin to
00:29:45.020
normalize to those things and they begin to get jaded by those things and they begin to not
00:29:49.860
appreciate you. The Pygmalion lure is quite different. It's this is what you want to achieve with your
00:29:53.860
life. I can help you achieve these things. The place where it fails is once the person has achieved
00:29:57.680
those things, once they become your equal often, are you then able to allow them to shape you?
00:30:02.960
Are you humble enough to allow that? Or are you so arrogant that you were really only interested
00:30:07.720
in being a guide to somebody else instead of a Pygmalion team where both of you is shaping the
00:30:12.600
other person to constantly improve sort of to be your red queen? When I say the red queen,
00:30:17.040
the red queen, the hypothesis theory is often used in evolution, but it's talking about a scene in
00:30:21.360
Alice in Wonderland where they are talking about an individual running as fast as they can,
00:30:26.080
but they're measuring their improvement based on how they're doing in competition with the red
00:30:33.440
queen who's running just as fast as they are at all times. So they're never really improving because
00:30:38.620
they're running, they're racing with somebody who's always constantly racing alongside them. And this is
00:30:43.000
how like predator and prey and evolution is like about how predator and preys evolve alongside each
00:30:46.840
other. But in a marriage, it can be a cycle of self-improvement where your self-improvement is most
00:30:53.000
inspired by the person who you originally helped sort of get off the ground, but pushed forwards
00:30:59.080
by that, you know, this, and some people wouldn't want that. Some people, you know, as we would say,
00:31:02.940
it was in our relationship, the single most toxic thing would be somebody who'd say, I'm happy with
00:31:06.820
you the way you are. I love you the way you are. You know, I love you for who you can be, who you have
00:31:11.100
the possibility of becoming when you've become so much already that in many ways, I love you for who you
00:31:16.600
are today. But I think I'd stop loving you if you stopped trying to improve yourself.
00:31:25.640
Yeah, best kind of marriage, for sure. I mean, truly best kind of friendship, best kind of work
00:31:31.080
relationship. I don't think there's any kind of relationship that isn't best as a Pygmalion
00:31:36.240
relationship. I mean, the more people you have in the world who help you become the best version of the person
00:31:41.500
you want to be, the better. Which means the worst kind of friend you can have, the truest betrayal
00:31:47.060
a friend can ever tell you is I love you as you are. For who you are. You're good enough as you are
00:31:51.700
today. The worst. Well, thank God we don't accept each other for who we are. No, God. Disgusting.
00:32:04.400
Humanity is wretched. We can never be anything worthy, but we can at least strive for it.
00:32:08.760
But yeah. So let's do that. That would be nice. I love you so much. I really do. I put in a lot
00:32:14.700
of work. I got exactly what I deserved in life. That's what I would say. And I think you did too.
00:32:18.780
You know, I think some people are like, I don't deserve, I do fucking deserve a wife like you.
00:32:22.260
You're a great wife and I've worked for a great wife. Yeah. You deserve this marriage because you
00:32:26.600
worked your ass off for it. So, yep. And I had the foresight to start working for it early enough,
00:32:32.660
giving up many things that other people would have. College parties, college networking,
00:32:36.280
stuff like that, you know? And you had the good luck of parents who really taught you how
00:32:40.240
important marriage was too. Yeah. So my mom told me and, and I was, you know, I was like,
00:32:44.940
oh, college, this is the most important thing in my life. I really have to get into a good one.
00:32:49.280
I spent my entire middle school and high school working to get into the best college possible.
00:32:52.780
So like from that perspective, it was just dude, college matters. Nothing compared to who you marry,
00:32:57.660
who you marry as everything. And one of the things that I put in the easiest way to get wealthy,
00:33:02.420
but also it matters to how smart you are. Somebody recently was asking me, they go, oh, Malcolm,
00:33:06.100
like how are you so educated about such a diversity of topics? And I think many people would assume
00:33:10.820
like that's something that happens in college. No, it's my wife. It's my wife because that's what
00:33:14.440
she's talking to me about every single day. How educated you are as like a 40 year old or 30
00:33:19.980
something year old is going to predominantly be determined by who you marry.
00:33:25.380
Yeah. I do think that's really interesting that, that people can end up in like really brain
00:33:29.420
dead loops or really, really a lot of growth depending on who they marry. It's underrated.
00:33:37.160
I'm just so, so, so grateful that the world rewards hard work sometimes, not every time.
00:33:44.260
Some people might work as hard as they can, but you know, due to some genetic reason, like maybe
00:33:47.540
they're short, you know, they, they can't get a, the, the woman they would want. And that's,
00:33:51.800
that's fucking tragic. It's tragic, but you know, in, in, in nature, lions kill animals,
00:33:59.300
bears eat deer while they're still alive. You know, nature is tragic and horrifying. And
00:34:05.660
unfortunately, or that's the world we live in, you know, and I'm sorry for that.
00:34:12.420
True story. Yeah. I love you a lot and I'm glad we have what we have.