Based Camp - How Women Stopped Caring About Relationships (Half the Rate of Men!)

00:00:00.000 Hello, Simone. I'm excited to be here with you today. Today, we are going to be discussing two

00:00:04.480 very interesting studies. The first looks at how much men and women want and value romantic

00:00:10.820 relationships, showing that men have an overwhelming preference for romance and

00:00:15.620 romantic relationships. We'll get into why that may be. And then in the second, we're going to

00:00:19.740 look at how attractiveness affects the speaker price of scientists within various fields.

00:00:26.640 The what? Some fields, the more attractive they are, the higher they're paid. And within other

00:00:32.320 fields, the less attractive they are, the higher they're paid. Oh, I have to guess this before we

00:00:36.940 go into it. And guess in the comments, don't cheat. Don't skip ahead. I want to see if people get this

00:00:42.520 right. Maybe like obscure scientific fields. I bet neuroscientists are really attractive.

00:00:48.900 Just knowing what you've said about like people in the field and also looking at like the people

00:00:54.180 who work in the field. And I'm going to guess that, you know what? Also, archaeologists

00:00:59.860 and biologists, I'm going to say in general, really good. I'm going to say historians and artists

00:01:06.140 who aren't commercial, well, like, like super modern artists, probably better off looking.

00:01:16.040 Well, let's see if you're right. All right. But we're going to first start on relationships.

00:01:19.680 Yeah. I'm so I think this is a really so why I think this relationships thing is really important

00:01:24.600 to explore. And I wanted to talk with you like in terms of what you think you would do as a man

00:01:28.860 dating today is that we can't solve the problem of pro-needalism so long as women really don't have 1.00

00:01:36.760 that much drive to marry men. And this is one of those uncomfortable issues where I do think that

00:01:42.680 like both feminism and currently state support services kind of just really removed everything 1.00

00:01:49.600 that used to make women be like, yeah, I'm probably better. 0.99

00:01:51.980 I also think that the way women date causes them to form negative impressions of men and 1.00

00:01:55.780 causes them to undervalue the types of relationships they might be able to get.

00:01:59.320 And fair. Yeah. Well, like when I look at at least progressive.

00:02:04.640 Critiques of dating and relationships and social media, it's like, well, I don't want to be a

00:02:10.300 mother to another like guy like like basically like if you take on a boyfriend or husband now

00:02:15.860 you're you're being.

00:02:17.660 I understand that that's what you perceive because you watch the Twitter people who are

00:02:22.080 trying to make themselves look good. But the core problem women are having in terms of 1.00

00:02:25.260 self-perception is if you look at, let's say, Tinder, where there's a famous statistic that

00:02:29.800 less than one percent of women are swiping right on the average looking guy, the vast majority are 1.00

00:02:34.360 just swiping on a few guys. So this means that they are likely, even if they think they're in a

00:02:38.300 monogamous relationship, sharing a partner. And that partner is going to when he knows that they

00:02:43.540 are very easily replaceable as they are for the top attractiveness and earning men in our society,

00:02:49.640 treat them in such a way.

00:02:51.540 That also explains a lot because I was I was looking at some stats on my own on this front before we

00:02:55.240 started and was really confused when the stats were reporting that more women than men report

00:03:01.480 themselves as being in relationships. And I'm like, how does that work? Because I'm looking at

00:03:05.540 the U.S. where roughly it's 50-50.

00:03:07.860 Yeah.

00:03:08.660 So what's happening is that women and this is where you get this I hate men thing. And I think 1.00

00:03:12.780 we as men can like be like, oh, well, this is just but some of these women based on their

00:03:18.420 experiences may really have a reason to feel like every guy is cheating on them because they are

00:03:22.380 because they kind of are.

00:03:23.800 Yeah. They are not moderated. They are not dating women who are men who are actually in their league.

00:03:28.200 They are in their sexual league with their marriage market league.

00:03:31.340 They're dating lazy as we've talked about.

00:03:33.260 We're also not considering that that lowers their value is in the marriage market league

00:03:38.200 later, further confusing. Right. But let's go into statistics on this because there's other

00:03:43.640 issues at play here as well. I mean, the other big one before I go into the statistics is that women 1.00

00:03:47.560 do get most of the things that they used to get from a relationship from the state these days.

00:03:50.880 The core things women often got from a relationship was security, support, somebody to help care for 1.00

00:03:56.680 their kids. You know, there is no reason, for example, that 73% of black women today should 1.00

00:04:01.720 be having kids out of wedlock. If you look historically, when there wasn't as much state

00:04:04.920 support, the black child rate out of wedlock in the 1960s was half the white child rate out of

00:04:10.420 wedlock. It was 5% to 10%. So this is something that is downstream of the support systems, which

00:04:16.560 create an alternative. As you pointed out, even if you're not talking about the ones who have

00:04:20.500 kids, you can get this protection by the state for women. If you look at the people who actually 0.83

00:04:25.320 like used shelters, for example, they are overwhelmingly women. If you look at the people

00:04:29.860 who are on welfare, I remember I was looking once and it was like a crazy number.

00:04:33.340 Oh, it was single mothers was the one who was eating it all up. 1.00

00:04:37.300 Yeah. Oh, well, yeah, sure.

00:04:38.940 But the point here being is that, yeah, and find the real number on that because that's going

00:04:44.080 to be interesting. But the point here being is that women have sort of become nuns to the 0.98

00:04:48.460 state and the urban monoculture. It's like if they just dedicate themselves to it fully,

00:04:52.280 they can receive and people can be like, well, what about sex? And again, you can just look

00:04:55.980 at the statistics. Well, women might be into like weirder porn than men on average, as you 0.97

00:05:00.920 can see by the monster aisle at most mainstream bookstores. The girl. 1.00

00:05:05.280 The monster aisle.

00:05:06.820 I'm going to blunt.

00:05:07.600 If this girl asks monsters, like that's a whole, not even one aisle. I would argue at most bookstores,

00:05:13.400 it's like two to three aisles if you're talking about a large bookstore. Like if men wanted a

00:05:19.060 fish like that, I think that they'd be pretty heavily shamed.

00:05:22.620 So according to a Pew Research Center survey, 61% of women in the U.S. reported having received

00:05:29.560 at least one major federal entitlement benefit at some point in their lives compared to 49%

00:05:34.700 of men. So more women, but not anything. 0.87

00:05:37.780 What you're not checking is how many are currently receiving. What about men are on it less?

00:05:41.940 What percent of entitlements go to women versus women? 1.00

00:05:45.860 Okay.

00:05:47.020 What percent of women and men are on entitlements? 0.87

00:05:49.780 On joint returns, women accounted for only 19% of combined AGI and men paid 82% of the

00:05:58.580 taxes. That's an adjusted gross income is AGI.

00:06:01.660 Wait, women only paid what percent in taxes? 1.00

00:06:04.240 24%.

00:06:05.760 Really?

00:06:07.540 That's wild.

00:06:08.520 Yeah. But that, that was, that was in 1979. So a lot has changed. I'm, I'm, I'm, I've still

00:06:13.280 been surprised if it hadn't moved maybe in the opposite direction.

00:06:16.500 I mean, maybe. And so when I asked what percent of entitlements go to women compared to men,

00:06:22.400 it says women receive a higher share of entitlement benefits compared to men in the United States.

00:06:27.180 Overall receipt of entitlement, 61% of women have received at least one major entitlement.

00:06:32.480 That's the same one. I know, but that's what perplexing.

00:06:35.240 And this is why I remember when I looked at this, I found that crazy high number and I was

00:06:38.360 really surprised. And the way I got that crazy high number was looking at the percent of entitlements

00:06:42.440 who were going to single mothers, which is what allowed me to calculate the number.

00:06:46.520 All right. I found an answer here. A 2019 Urban Institute study found that around 65%

00:06:52.920 of welfare money goes to women and about 35% of welfare money goes to men. So women get about 0.94

00:07:00.080 double the amount that men get. And I had less women. I think the, the big thing is that women 1.00

00:07:07.400 know they can fall back on the state. I think men can be far less confident of that being the case.

00:07:14.360 Absolutely. Also, women are more able to legally fall back on men. So a man can't, for example, 0.99

00:07:24.500 expect that if he ends up a father, he can just garnish the wages of the female partner, right?

00:07:33.320 How could you make my son miss an entire semester of school? I mean, it's not like he's a hot girl. 1.00

00:07:40.240 He can't just bail on his life and set up shop in someone else's.

00:07:43.100 So to keep going here, men strive more for romantic relationships. 61% of single men versus

00:07:48.900 38% of single women reported looking for romantic relationships in a recent U.S. study. This study

00:07:53.760 was romantic relationships matter more to men than women. Very on the note. 40% of men versus 28%

00:07:59.420 of women had experienced love at first sight. A study of 100,000 U.S. adults. 48% of men versus 28%

00:08:05.780 of women. That is wild. Did you experience love on first sight? Yeah, you did.

00:08:12.800 Told me that. But I thought it was more my profile that was the love at first sight thing than my looks.

00:08:18.980 No, it was your looks. And that's being documented in my diary. You know, that's true.

00:08:23.540 I you're just my type. You're so hot when you're you get hotter. It's so crazy. Like when I think

00:08:28.980 back at you then, I'm like. No, I was not as hot back then.

00:08:32.680 You are at least at least twice, possibly three times as hot now as you were before.

00:08:37.560 And it's actually just on like truth on on the subject of you being so.

00:08:43.080 This is an obsession. My wife has built up from replying to comments on this subject. So I ended up

00:08:47.340 moving it to the end because I don't think it's relevant to this particular topic.

00:08:50.820 Yeah. So anyway, yeah, love at first sight. I certainly experienced it. But yeah, I mean,

00:08:56.620 I mean, I think it's important to also note, though, anecdotally, you know, all this all this

00:09:00.220 really resonates with me because where did we come into this? Right. Our first date.

00:09:03.780 You're sitting across from me saying I'm looking for a wife. I'm not looking to date. And I'm sitting

00:09:08.100 across from you saying I'm looking only to date. I'm going to live alone forever. Like we had very

00:09:13.240 clear needs and desires and plans. And mine had nothing to do with long term commitment to a man.

00:09:19.960 And I think that's the thing is, is the BATNA, the best alternative to a negotiated agreement

00:09:23.940 for women is to be alone in many cases, especially when contextualized with mainstream society,

00:09:30.040 because the benefits of being with a husband are not communicated anywhere. Anywhere.

00:09:35.760 It's funny that you mentioned all this because, you know, the people I was dating before you also

00:09:40.120 like where I was finding people because you're like, what would I be doing in the modern context?

00:09:43.440 Yeah. You look at the one who was our like groomsman at the wedding, the woman,

00:09:46.940 but she was on my side because she was a woman. So what would you call that? A female groomsman? 1.00

00:09:52.580 Anyway. Very cool. Very successful. Very accomplished. But I met her at the school's

00:09:59.380 anime screenings. Damn straight. You know, that that is where I was looking for wives, right? Like 1.00

00:10:06.300 back then. And I understand that things have changed. But, you know, finding people within these

00:10:10.660 I was trolling for nerds. Like I was only going into places where I was going to find nerds

00:10:15.600 because I knew I had a disproportionate advantage when I would email people.

00:10:19.060 But I think you also wanted smart women who would intellectually make really nerdy interests 1.00

00:10:24.960 and attitudes and the way you dress and everything like that. You signal a perspective of your values

00:10:30.140 and your environment. And it wasn't a perfect coalition was mine, but it was something that

00:10:34.880 could be evolved into that over the course of, you know, the 15 years we've been together,

00:10:39.760 you know. So I think that that works maybe more when you're younger. Yeah, no, it's not like

00:10:46.760 anymore. Yeah. Yeah. Unless you're Anna Valens and moving in your trans community of people who 0.87

00:10:53.720 refuse to grow up because she seemed to have some anime group that she hung out with a lot.

00:10:57.840 But you could go to that group and find interesting girls who are tired of the BS. 1.00

00:11:02.500 Like, you know, there actually. Yes. I mean, well, there are adult anime groups then,

00:11:06.220 but, you know, actually, no, I think if when I'm thinking of anime conventions,

00:11:11.460 modern anime conventions, there are plenty of single men and women in their 20s and 30s.

00:11:18.940 Well, I mean, the key is an environment like that is one, they're going to be much more woke. So

00:11:23.200 you've got to be careful about how you approach things. And and two, you're you're in an environment

00:11:28.040 where some people like if you go to the anime like chain or the chain of like things where like

00:11:35.020 Ren Fairs are happening and I've read a lot of things by like Ren Faire workers is there's like

00:11:39.080 these basically like orgy parties that they do at both. And you want to avoid that crowd. Yeah.

00:11:45.680 You want to find the the chaste individual within the nerdy environment, which is a very good vetting 1.00

00:11:51.060 mechanism. Yeah. And they're there. They're always there. At least in my experience,

00:11:58.600 men report falling in love three times on average versus women's two times on average.

00:12:04.000 So that's really interesting. What's going on there?

00:12:08.660 Well, look, they're they're they're not only having love at first sight at almost double the

00:12:11.760 rate, but they're also falling in love more. And this is so not the stereotype. You know,

00:12:15.760 the stereotype is the women. So romantic, you know, always old, you know, mooning over someone 1.00

00:12:22.680 when it's apparently the opposite. But really, though, what's going on?

00:12:26.900 70 percent of couples agreed that the male partner said, I love you first.

00:12:32.060 Ah, that's also so not the stereotype.

00:12:34.820 Well, it's sort of like a proposal, right? Like, I think men are. I always thought that 0.99

00:12:38.720 men were expected to say it first.

00:12:40.720 You said it first to me, but you said it.

00:12:42.440 I think I might love you. You're reading you.

00:12:47.920 I think I might love you.

00:12:49.200 No, no, no, no. The actual statement that you shared was, you know, a little a little

00:12:53.040 couch, but it was very cute. It was very like, you know, sweet.

00:12:57.640 I didn't need to say anything because you already knew I was like madly.

00:13:01.220 I was enthralled. Yeah.

00:13:02.520 Didn't. Yeah, no.

00:13:04.620 No, when people can watch our videos about like my wife is less in love with me now. 1.00

00:13:08.160 And I'm like, you may think I'm hotter now, but you're less like pathologically obsessed

00:13:11.880 with me. You were like full on yandere in our early relationship.

00:13:15.760 Yeah, I know. Yeah, but I didn't do. I do way more things for you now.

00:13:19.960 I love you more now. I'm more committed to you now. I am more content with you now.

00:13:24.080 But you've also pointed out that because I've raised your status so much, our relative status

00:13:28.740 differences like do genuinely require me stepping up more than I did in our early relationship.

00:13:33.680 That's true. Yeah. The ante has been has been upped.

00:13:37.120 And you're like, this is the way things are like life isn't fair. Right.

00:13:40.760 And you're definitely holding up your end of the bargain more like being pregnant with 0.99

00:13:44.580 kid number five while being sick, while handling all this.

00:13:47.680 Like, it's just so intense what you're doing. You know, we had it with NHK, the Japanese 1.00

00:13:51.780 filmers here yesterday. I'm surprised nobody noticed in the comments.

00:13:55.240 No, two people did. Two people noticed in the in the antinatalism episode.

00:13:59.380 One of my favorite episodes. People never watch our favorite episodes.

00:14:01.620 I'm like, I'm like, I had a lot of comments when I went in and checked in on that.

00:14:06.600 OK, men said, I love you an average of 42 days earlier than women. 0.98

00:14:11.980 So they don't just say I love you first. Damn, that's leaving somebody hanging right there. 0.98

00:14:16.700 Forty two days earlier is not OK. That's like just manipulative in my perspective. 0.99

00:14:22.940 If you don't if you're not interested in a long term relationship, just be like, I don't

00:14:25.980 feel that way about you. Just end it because you're wasting their time.

00:14:28.520 It's really cruel to waste someone's time like this is even worse.

00:14:32.500 It appears that they know they plan to say it eventually, but they just want to establish

00:14:35.400 their power in the relationship. Yeah, that's that's really uncool.

00:14:39.060 This female tendency to act cool. 0.99

00:14:42.140 And by by that, I mean, have like literally a sort of chilly ice cream reaction to not be

00:14:47.580 impressed by anything they do. And they're like, oh, I love this restaurant.

00:14:50.720 Oh, you didn't actually get that good of reviews.

00:14:53.440 Whatever. Right. Just what is that?

00:14:55.940 It doesn't make you look good at all.

00:14:59.760 Great. I agree. This whole like poo pooing, whatever, like, oh, not that great.

00:15:04.140 When I've also talked about like the reason why a lot of men get in bad situations within

00:15:09.120 this current dating market is they have no idea what the average woman looks like. 1.00

00:15:12.340 They they basically like I have heard that you are mid from like our channel or like lower.

00:15:16.560 And I'm like, you need to stop comparing my wife to other well-known YouTubers you watch

00:15:21.980 and go to an airport. For me, I met mid and like an IRL, like higher because I'm not obese.

00:15:28.560 But like in an age of filters and cosmetic procedures and also in an age in which obviously

00:15:35.920 like the most attractive people are between 21 and 23. I'm I have to be.

00:15:39.920 No, no, no. What I'm saying is it helps men to reset their actual expectation.

00:15:44.600 Oh, yeah. Like, how are you going to end up in a hot woman in the US who wants me? 0.99

00:15:49.740 So I'm going to go to like Latin America and look for a woman. And I'm going to work for you like 1.00

00:15:53.500 you. Well, I mean, it's a little too high on attractiveness.

00:15:56.780 We've been talking about that, right? Like there there are some people who are now like

00:15:59.880 some people's approach to modern dating is, OK, I'm just going to be a passport, bro.

00:16:04.380 I'm just going to find my my Thai or Eastern European trad wife who's going to be younger, 0.97

00:16:11.240 who's going to be very attractive, who, yes, also is going to be smart, like being done.

00:16:15.420 But like, keep in mind the effects that that's going to have on like, you know, this is I'm not

00:16:20.320 clicking into account the hedonic treadmill as well, which we've seen play out in plenty of

00:16:24.180 these types of relationships. They're a woman normalizes her life in the US. 1.00

00:16:27.860 Yeah. So like I get that, like this is this is one approach. OK, you can do this and then you just

00:16:33.740 drop her when she gets old. You could just Leo DiCaprio it. Right. Just going and just like

00:16:39.140 strong prenup or like marry in a homestead state, like whatever it is you need.

00:16:44.160 But these are also the types of people who are more likely to like poison you. They think

00:16:47.140 you're going to pull that off. I mean, you've taken them from your support network. You've

00:16:50.580 put them in an incredibly vulnerable position. Yeah. You've had their backs against the wall.

00:16:54.080 Yeah. We're fortunate that the people we know who have done this on a serial basis have not

00:16:58.400 died. What's wrong, Carl? Well, for a start, you've deprecated yourself inside my house.

00:17:04.760 And every time I've heard this light language, it's like, damn, don't let me have something. 0.72

00:17:10.540 But no, with the point I was making about like go to an airport and actually look around 0.92

00:17:14.880 and discount anybody who is significantly younger than you in age because they're just

00:17:19.000 going to look hotter no matter what. And then sort of try to build a normal.

00:17:22.680 I might have to like. I don't like do you want a child like you're you're you're you're

00:17:28.860 basically marrying a child, meaning you also have to take care of it and deal with a younger

00:17:35.040 person. Yeah, that's yeah. Like when I and I know like there are other there are downsides

00:17:39.580 to to marrying someone who's set in their ways like waiting too long is also difficult because

00:17:46.080 then they're going to have they're going to be a lot less flexible and willing to grow

00:17:49.360 with you. And that also is a problem. But like this solution of just, oh, I'll marry a child

00:17:54.120 like, OK, well, then this is one reason why we didn't like we we thought for a while because

00:17:58.080 a lot of our friends were like, oh, you should get no care. Like it's it's a great it's a

00:18:01.700 great thing. You know, cultural exchange. You know, women are terrible these days. 1.00

00:18:05.920 But then yeah. But then like we have to like now we have, you know, not four children at

00:18:10.560 home, but five and we have to, you know, feed them and pay attention to them and help

00:18:14.700 them through their homesickness and, you know, take them out on outings and like, no, you

00:18:19.920 know, we want a partner. We want someone to help us, you know, and we want to help

00:18:23.440 them, but not, you know, when you're actually seeing this in the statistics here, because I

00:18:27.960 think one of the things that people are thinking about when they're doing the

00:18:29.700 password bro thing is you are very likely not going to be able to have as in-depth

00:18:33.200 intellectual conversations with this individual as somebody who has the

00:18:36.580 cultural similarities to you. Fair. Yeah. Even even if it's just the culture of

00:18:40.120 differences. So let's say that they're equally educated, they're equally. No language

00:18:43.620 difference. No anything. Yeah. Just due to cultural framing differences, you're going to

00:18:47.380 have a harder time. Yeah. And we in the data, 49 percent of men versus 20 percent of

00:18:51.460 women claim their romantic partner with their primary confidant, U.S. 1.00

00:18:54.820 study. Wild, right? 40 percent of men to 20 percent of women. 49 percent. Sorry, almost

00:19:00.500 50 percent of men consider their wives their partner. Sorry, not even their wives. You are

00:19:05.120 my primary confidant. I think it's a big problem that women consider people other than the men 0.99

00:19:08.500 their primary confidant. I'd say that's a huge warning flag for a relationship if the woman 1.00

00:19:12.280 considers anyone other than their husband to be their partner. I just don't really see it as a

00:19:15.140 marriage. If you're not actually integrating your life with someone intellectually and also

00:19:20.160 professionally, I just and professionally can mean that maybe one person maintains a household and

00:19:28.000 the family's finances and like does like back end admin for the family business or for, you know,

00:19:33.120 the partner who works like I could. I still see that as a professional arrangement, but like

00:19:37.760 separate jobs, separate careers, separate friends like this is. Yeah, I don't know what that is.

00:19:44.640 If she is experiencing problems with a relationship and the first person she goes to isn't her partner,

00:19:49.680 but somebody else, somebody else can often have a vested interest, especially if they're a female 1.00

00:19:54.320 partner with, you know, the degree of intersexual competition to drive the relationship apart. And

00:19:58.720 we repeatedly see this in the women who do something ridiculous and then go to their like, 1.00

00:20:02.320 you know, friend signal threat or whatever. And they're affirmed for doing the thing that anyone 0.98

00:20:07.020 would know is ridiculous because the other women are just, you know, either they're just insane or 1.00

00:20:11.240 they're trying to tear them down. Right. And then men show stronger associations between 1.00

00:20:17.000 relationship status and mental slash physical health outcomes. So it helps you more in mental

00:20:22.760 and physical health. Yeah. I mean, so what the leftists that I follow on YouTube would say is that

00:20:27.340 that is because women take on an uncompensated and unreturned, unrequited burden of providing 1.00

00:20:36.360 mental care. Even if we pretend like you do as much as like I do as much as you do, it's obviously

00:20:43.000 not true. Well, when it comes to when it comes to physical care, I 100 percent do more. But that's

00:20:47.760 that's because it's kind of what women specialize in. So, yeah, like I'm making you your meals. 1.00

00:20:52.340 I'm doing the laundry. I'm, you know, doling out medicine when people are sick. But and I think

00:20:58.800 that's that. So it's to me obvious that men would be physically better off with women caring for 1.00

00:21:05.080 them. But that's that is another reason why women are like, OK, so now I'm not caring just for 1.00

00:21:12.960 myself. I'm caring for my my partner and any kids that we have. Like, I mean, they'll happily take

00:21:19.840 that on if it comes to it and they'll find it satisfying. Yeah. I mean, assuming the raw deal

00:21:25.020 that women get even even in, you know, fairly. I mean, people might consider a relationship 0.58

00:21:28.560 conservative. We're called like anti egalitarian all the time by leftist media, whatever. And then

00:21:33.900 we run our companies together. We do our podcast together. We, you know, together, whatever.

00:21:40.260 Men are less likely to initiate breakups. Women initiate 70 percent of divorces. Women also

00:21:44.600 initiate breakups more often in nonmarital relationships. And men are more likely to get

00:21:50.440 into a subsequent relationship more quickly. Uh huh. Well, here you see men suffer more from

00:21:55.620 relationship dissolution. 40 percent of men versus 20 percent of women report frequent loneliness

00:21:59.660 during divorce year. Men's mortality risk increased by 27 percent after a spouse's death versus

00:22:04.460 women's by 15 percent. Well, and again, but also it's not just that women basically then 1.00

00:22:09.300 the women, I think. Often we receive a little bit of a hedonic bump after ending a relationship 1.00

00:22:16.040 because there are fewer logistical burdens. Beyond that, they have better support networks,

00:22:21.600 just period. Wait, if they're in their primary confidant, whether their husband, then you

00:22:25.460 immediately have somebody you can go to. Right. Yeah. 100 percent. Yeah. And with 15 percent of

00:22:28.920 men, I mean, their wife is the primary confidant, obviously, or partner is the primary confidant.

00:22:32.180 That's that's going to be an issue. Yeah. I'd also note here that there's this perception that like

00:22:35.940 men are this sort of the abusive gender in relationships and they don't value women as

00:22:40.140 much. But here you're seeing this giant increased mortality risk in men. You don't see in women 0.99

00:22:43.720 after a divorce. This giant increase in loneliness. Literally twice what women experience. And so I think

00:22:49.220 what we're seeing there is that that's just a false narrative. And people keep pointing to the

00:22:53.320 study that was withdrawn about men leaving their partners when they had a major injury or illness.

00:22:59.860 And then the guy who released it withdrew it and said, I did the math wrong. It's not not accurate.

00:23:04.320 So we have to see. There are so many hype. It's weird. There are many high profile examples of

00:23:09.980 famous men who like left their wife as she was going through cancer. Like one of them is Brian Johnson.

00:23:17.340 He was accused of that. And then there's some other guys who like politicians and statute.

00:23:22.320 Critics. There was the Democratic Dean, Howard Dean. Howard Dean. That's right. Yeah. So what's

00:23:27.280 up with that? The famous actor, the director guy who divorces wife via fax and then like married a

00:23:32.700 Oh no, a stepchild. I'll have to find out who that is. So the Phil Collins one was the divorcing

00:23:39.460 his wife via fax, although he denies that that's what's happened. And the marrying the stepchild one

00:23:44.600 was Woody Allen. And they make it clear that she was only technically a stepchild in that Woody Allen

00:23:51.560 had began a relationship with her mother. And this was the adopted daughter of that mother. Although he

00:23:57.900 never fully married the mother, even though he dated her for over 10 years. And then he started dating

00:24:03.900 her adopted daughter when she hit 20. But you don't know. I think that what this is, is all of those men are

00:24:08.940 far leftists. I think if you adapt to the urban monoculture as a man, you're going to treat your

00:24:14.280 wife significantly worse than what I've seen. Why? I think because you don't really have a set 0.99

00:24:20.740 of rules for how women are supposed to be treated and you don't have a true moral center. So it's 0.99

00:24:25.180 like, but therefore we're going to be polyamorous. I want to feel good. Therefore, you know, this

00:24:29.720 there isn't really a, oh, well, she'll be better off anyway. There's always a way to justify your

00:24:34.180 decisions within the urban monoculture. Oh, yeah. Or like, yeah, we've never really been

00:24:38.540 integrated in any way. She doesn't depend on me. I guess, yeah, there's more, maybe there's more

00:24:41.860 separation as well. Like we were never commingled. We always had a prenup. Okay. Yeah. 19% of men 0.65

00:24:48.800 versus 11% of women report never having emotional support. So way more men than women, almost double

00:24:54.820 the rate of men have never gotten emotional support from their spouse. And despite what the feminist will 1.00

00:24:58.400 tell you, men were times more likely than women to begin new relationships after becoming

00:25:03.980 widowed or divorced. So women were, sorry, women were six, six times more likely. So it's not like

00:25:09.240 a little bit more likely. It's six times more likely. In the paper, they argued for this. I don't

00:25:13.940 really buy a lot of these arguments. Men are socialized to avoid showing vulnerability. Of

00:25:18.580 course, they've got to be like, they are socialized. And it's like, then why are the worst men, the

00:25:22.460 democratic men? Why are the worst men, the urban monoculture men, right? Like, why is it that the

00:25:25.920 better husbands seem to come from these more traditionalist cultures, you know? And the, the answer is,

00:25:30.420 is because this is just wrong, right? Like showing vulnerability can often be used to manipulate

00:25:36.020 other people. I mean, that's the beginning of emotional blackmail. Well, and I also think that

00:25:40.100 because I was looking at different argumentative styles between men and women, and women are way 1.00

00:25:45.900 more likely to use emotional appeals. But I think that's because it's, it's manipulative. Yeah.

00:25:50.680 This limits men's ability to seek, receive emotional support from friends and family. Consequently,

00:25:54.900 men become more dependent on romantic partners for intimacy and emotional needs. Women maintain broader

00:25:59.680 support networks beyond romantic relationships. I just disagree with this. This to me sounds more

00:26:04.980 like the women having broader friendship networks seems to be a more modern thing. It doesn't appear 0.98

00:26:09.680 intrinsic to women or anything like that. It doesn't appear downstream of vulnerability.

00:26:13.360 It appears to be a tactic that the urban monoculture uses to pull people out of their families.

00:26:17.440 Right. It's incredibly effective to create these all female social networks where people go for 1.00

00:26:21.980 validation and that can enforce alternate cultural norms in the one the family is adopting.

00:26:29.680 Yeah. Would you say you have more female friends or male friends? 0.96

00:26:36.760 God, I don't know. I mean, how do we even define friends anymore? Male, probably in terms of people 1.00

00:26:42.520 that we. Yeah.

00:26:45.900 No, I love it. I don't see gender. People of different genders like can't be friends. I love that 1.00

00:26:52.280 there's this perception. And I'm like, that is so not true for married people. Like after marriage,

00:26:56.360 it becomes a lot easier to be close friends with somebody if one of you, even if like one person

00:27:00.700 is single. And I think that this can cause sometimes unnecessary friction where people have

00:27:05.180 too much phobia around this. Oh yeah. Where they're like, you're not allowed to, or I'm really

00:27:09.820 uncomfortable. I think they need to be mutual friends. Like for me, I actually feel safer with

00:27:14.100 you having a majority of male friends than a majority of female friends. And people can be like,

00:27:17.240 why would you think they'd like poison you against me? I might. I don't know. I mean,

00:27:21.900 I'm thinking about the people that I chat with regularly the most like text with.

00:27:25.900 It's true. Yeah. And your monitor of calls was like really childhood friends is more female,

00:27:29.720 but like, no, no, no. Even, even new friends. Like who do I text regularly? I text Diana Fleischman

00:27:35.560 about her book. I text with the brilliant mother who I constantly talk about. Yeah. I text with

00:27:41.860 like, honestly, other people who are female know that I think about it, but like they're the

00:27:46.320 ones who chat more. Do they, do they ever try to drive wedges in your relationship?

00:27:51.060 No, never. No. That's why you need the female. Okay. Discussions. Maybe it's because they're 1.00

00:27:57.360 all a little bit on the spectrum or like different neural. Maybe even your wife to be. Our conversations

00:28:03.340 are so tactical. It's like, here's this study or here's this method or here's this piece of

00:28:07.800 information. So, so the answer is, is you need your wife to interact with women who have lots of kids 0.99

00:28:14.080 and are in healthy relationships? Yeah. Yes. All of these women are, if not married, no, 0.99

00:28:22.780 they're all married. Okay. Huh? Yeah. Interesting. All right. Well, now we're going to get to the big

00:28:29.260 mystery that I asked you at the beginning. This one is called. Yes.

00:28:31.800 Oh my goodness. Key points from beauty premium for social scientists, but unattractiveness premium 1.00

00:28:39.260 for natural scientists. Why then? The opposite of what you think. I was wrong here. How attractiveness

00:28:45.700 affects social scientists value in public speaking while having the opposite effect on social versus

00:28:50.800 natural scientists. Social scientists benefit from being attractive while natural scientists actually

00:28:55.600 benefit from being less attractive. Sample methodology, 739 public speakers from eight

00:29:01.460 North American speaker agencies, 217 full-time academics, 551 part-time academics, 366 non-academics.

00:29:08.920 Facial features on a scale of one to 10 using geometric facial analysis. Speaking fees used as a proxy for

00:29:14.660 quote unquote market value. Yeah. I love that they're using market value as a term in this. I love it.

00:29:19.560 Yes. This is a wonderful study of applause to whoever did this. Four, four key findings

00:29:25.340 with supporting statistics. Facial attractiveness has no correlation with academic achievement.

00:29:30.020 So this is the first one here, which is really interesting. Interesting. Yeah.

00:29:33.100 Generally, historically, what they found is that people who are more attractively more competent.

00:29:37.260 Yeah. It might just be that there's an alternate pressure to like leave academia if you're more

00:29:41.000 attractive and go into another field. Fair. Because attractiveness is correlated with intelligence

00:29:45.300 overall. Yeah, but also attractiveness is indeed correlated with these like higher salaries and stuff.

00:29:49.940 So yeah. I might be an academic if I was less attractive, for example.

00:29:53.400 Yeah. Attractiveness affects external visibility only where physical appearance matters. The

00:29:59.400 significantly positive effects on TED Talk invitations, Google webpage mentions, NY Time

00:30:04.460 bestseller lists. And so the Google webpage mentions 20% per attractiveness point and on the NY

00:30:09.700 Time bestseller list, plus one week per attractiveness point. That is wild. No significant effects on book

00:30:16.840 publications or book awards where appearance is less visible. Opposite beauty premiums by field in

00:30:22.720 speaking fees. Natural scientists. Unattractiveness premium. Significant negative effect with a p-value of

00:30:28.340 0.011. A 19% increase in speaker fees. So, oh no, for each one point decrease in attractiveness.

00:30:36.380 Whoa. What?

00:30:40.060 So it's huge.

00:30:41.140 Rouge. So the more misshapen you are, the more cachet you have as a potential speaker. They're like, oh yeah, they look really messed up. Let's have them talk to us about biology.

00:30:55.300 Natural.

00:30:56.360 Geology.

00:30:57.060 What are we talking natural?

00:30:58.680 Think about like Stephen Hawking or like, you know, Einstein or something. Like the archetype we have is somebody who is not traditionally attractive, even though Stephen Hawking was originally quite attractive.

00:31:08.080 Yeah. This is what's so weird to me. It's like, I remember in the halls of academia, like when we were talking with, or just hanging out with people at different departments, like, I remember the geology people, very attractive, but like party animals, like very rugged party animals, like get dehydrated digging all day. And then just get, and same with archaeologists.

00:31:34.880 And then, I don't know, you've been like neuroscientists who are often just like-

00:31:39.840 Yeah, I remember neuroscientists being fairly attractive, but maybe that's where we're from from this.

00:31:43.140 Now, if we go further here, social scientists, beauty premium, in business fields, you have a really big one.

00:31:48.380 That makes sense.

00:31:49.060 Yeah.

00:31:49.880 0.034. Well, in the other social scientists, you have a highly, but not enormous of 0.364.

00:31:58.220 I think about Diana Fleischman, you know, she is very attractive and she's in the social sciences, right? And like, she is a more public facing kind of person.

00:32:07.480 Oh, sorry. I gave the wrong number there. It was B 0.204, P 0.034 for business fields. And then for other social scientists, it was B 0.364 and P less than 0.001.

00:32:19.220 So, this would mean it's bigger than the other social sciences. I spoke wrong.

00:32:23.720 Non-academic speakers with science backgrounds show the same pattern. Natural science background, unattractiveness premium.

00:32:29.420 Social science business, beauty premium. Social science others, beauty premium.

00:32:34.180 Key insight. Stereotypes drive market value.

00:32:36.720 These findings suggest that public stereotypes about nerdy or geeky natural scientists create a market where less attractive natural scientists are perceived as more credible, competent, while social scientists benefit from conventional beauty premiums.

00:32:49.320 Appearance versus substance. Despite no correlation between attractiveness and actual academic performance, there is, by the way, there just isn't within academia.

00:32:56.160 The speaking market rewards different appearances for different fields, indicating that public perception, not academic quality, drives these premiums.

00:33:04.960 The ugly Einstein effect. The paper references the cultural Cartesian dualism, where people believe you can either be physically attractive or intellectually brilliant, but not both, particularly for natural scientists.

00:33:16.340 And this is a phenomenon that you and I have taken advantage of before. Remember the study on glasses and hair links?

00:33:22.300 You're going to go into that?

00:33:23.040 Yeah, that in general, people with shorter hair and people who are wearing glasses are seen as less attractive, less approachable, but more intelligent and more competent.

00:33:35.700 And both men and women, one without glasses, but two with like long hair that's down, are seen as more attractive and more approachable.

00:33:44.280 So I guess like the Jesus hair or the Fabio look are, but they're also seen as less, less intelligent and competent.

00:33:51.420 It's funny, I definitely don't see men with long hair as approachable. I always think that they're going to be a creep.

00:33:56.360 Yeah, but then again, you know, you have the Fabio thing. Like, how did that happen? Because I never thought that.

00:34:02.540 Well, I think it might be urban monoculture brain people, because it's being collected from students and stuff.

00:34:06.380 Maybe. See, I just perceived it as this subconscious association with feminine traits and beauty, regardless of the person's actual gender.

00:34:19.900 It's like, oh, if it looks more like a woman, it's going to be prettier and dumber. 1.00

00:34:25.840 I don't buy this. I think it's about urban monocultural social norms, the long hair. 0.99

00:34:31.780 Maybe. And the glasses, I don't think are about urban monocultural norms. I think everybody generally assumes people with glasses are competent, but less approachable.

00:34:38.920 I mean, you don't really need your glasses that much, but you still wear them based on this.

00:34:42.460 When you first read these studies, I do think that people, men and women view women with shorter hair as more competent, which is why you cut your hair after that study.

00:34:49.720 You used to have super long hair, like hippie hair. And then after a Brian Johnson, Brian Kaplan, Brian Kaplan came on our podcast and was like, hey, for your audience, you should probably grow out your hair.

00:34:59.040 And now you you've grown out your hair. No regrets.

00:35:03.620 You saw how much you hated your longer hair when you had short hair, because it was so easy to maintain to maintain.

00:35:10.260 It is. It is. Well, I mean, do you want to go to wigs?

00:35:13.940 Ew, no. Yeah, that's I mean, not not you to wigs, whatever you do.

00:35:17.960 But like, I don't I don't want to do wigs. And I I'm fine with my hair the way it is.

00:35:24.840 I love you to death, Simone. I am very excited for dinner tonight.

00:35:30.040 I'm going to make you your death door. So we're doing mac and cheese.

00:35:33.560 Yeah. Delivered to your room, right?

00:35:36.440 I mean, don't calm down. Rest. OK, I've got the kids.

00:35:41.920 It's fine. Hey, OK, that'd be great. That'd be wonderful.

00:35:45.300 And I'll just lay down and go to sleep. And yeah.

00:35:50.060 Yeah. Well, I mean, if you're going to sleep the whole time, should I not interrupt you then?

00:35:55.720 No, no, no. Wake me up to eat. I mean.

00:35:57.960 OK, OK, then I'll I'll you know, I'll just I'll just drop food by.

00:36:01.780 And if you're asleep, I won't wake you up and then you'll just wake up and there will be mac and cheese.

00:36:05.120 I wake up very frequently when I have the flu.

00:36:07.580 It's like 20 minutes and then I wake up in a puddle and then 20 minutes and I wake up in a puddle of sweat.

00:36:11.720 And then by the end of the night, the whole bed is just soaked.

00:36:16.200 You're going to you're going to have like two more nights of this.

00:36:18.420 And then when you're with the kids on one of the weekend sessions this weekend, I will just wash your sheets real quick.

00:36:24.000 Does that sound good? Yeah.

00:36:25.940 Because it's so stinky. So gross. I know I you did that. 0.98

00:36:30.040 Sorry. I just feel like a rite of passage.

00:36:32.860 You know, no need to contextualize things as negative.

00:36:35.280 It's a different experience of what it feels like to be alive.

00:36:37.580 Yeah. Well, that's why it just I constantly think of this this one part.

00:36:41.900 It was like this random like one off mention in one of Ian Banks culture series books where like one of the main characters is hitching a ride on a spaceship and meets someone who is exhibiting strange behavior.

00:36:55.580 Because this isn't a post singularity sci-fi world where no one gets sick anymore.

00:36:59.500 But on this particular ship, the human passengers had decided to take turns getting a virus because they heard that that used to happen to people back in the day and they would feel comparatively so awesome after that.

00:37:14.000 It was like worth trying.

00:37:15.660 And now whenever I'm sick, I try to pretend that this one of those.

00:37:18.420 I don't even I don't even think you need to focus on the after.

00:37:21.280 So I have a flu right now. Right.

00:37:22.620 Like and I can contextualize this.

00:37:24.860 And we always talk about you contextualize what you feel.

00:37:26.720 Right. Like I can contextualize this flu as like really negative because it causes discomfort and pain in some areas of my body.

00:37:35.240 But it also causes interesting sensations.

00:37:37.920 I don't normally feel like a chill in my teeth, which is a very interesting thing to focus on.

00:37:42.620 You get to feel that.

00:37:43.380 I find this particularly interesting because it's one of the only times in your life you really get to feel the nerves in your teeth, except when you're in immeasurable pain due to like a dentist or a disease or something like that.

00:37:54.040 So it's interesting to meditate on.

00:37:56.060 A couple other things that I recognized after this was one, I feel almost no arousal when I'm at this level of illness, which is very interesting and often no desire to do some other things that I often do like play video games.

00:38:09.720 The entire time I've been ill, I have had no interest in playing video games.

00:38:12.840 And I'm sure this is like evolutionary, so I don't spread this to other members of the tribe and I don't go out and try to fight at war when I'm super sick or at least don't get excited about it.

00:38:21.140 But like, is there not great utility in having a period of my life where I can sort of explore the world through the perspective of somebody who doesn't like video games or feels arousal?

00:38:30.920 And another one is that because I'm like waking up all the time and I'm having these fever dreams, it caused me to ask a question that I'd never asked before, which is why are dreams so disrupted by something as pretty much insignificant as a fever?

00:38:44.480 And it really got me meditating on the concept of dreams and sleep.

00:38:48.160 And Simone also asked, why does the sweat from a fever smell so bad?

00:38:50.900 And I was pointing out to her, well, that's probably evolutionary as well to tell other members of your tribe that you have an illness and to not come near you or at least to be able to detect that in other individuals.

00:38:59.360 Maybe it's not an active signal.

00:39:01.600 And it also, you know, gets a different experience of what sleep is like.

00:39:05.560 I get to experience fever dreams, which are unique, if not, you know, entirely pleasant in a traditional sense.

00:39:11.020 And I can sample this new way of being human.

00:39:13.700 But I think more than all of that, whenever I have a flu, my mental state is quite differentiated from my mental state when I don't have a flu.

00:39:21.020 It's probably as different as being drunk versus not being drunk.

00:39:25.080 Not in the same direction, but it is definitely an alternate mental state where I approach things much more slowly, deliberately and methodically.

00:39:32.260 And that's an interesting time to think about things.

00:39:34.240 You know, I've written some really interesting things when I had a flu.

00:39:37.020 So I'm not.

00:39:38.500 And go out of your way to orchestrate uncomfortable and slightly compromised mental states because it does help you like avoid distraction.

00:39:48.220 Like you'll wake up at 2 a.m. in the morning because, you know, you're only half awake.

00:39:54.040 Your brain is desperately trying to get you.

00:39:55.420 This is something I seek out because the different differential mental states allow me to produce differential work within different domains.

00:40:02.040 And sort of hunting for these.

00:40:04.060 And a flu is one of them, you know.

00:40:05.360 And I think the thing, like, you get to choose whether you experience life negatively.

00:40:10.840 You get to Adam's family it.

00:40:12.340 Your contextualization of your emotional and physical state is always a choice at the end of the day.

00:40:18.220 And we've talked about this.

00:40:19.420 We actually saw a new study on this recently about trauma.

00:40:22.400 And again, it's more perception of trauma in youth than actual trauma in youth that correlates with mental problems as an adult.

00:40:28.200 Well, it's specifically like this was this was a Spencer Greenberg team follow on to CDC reports that something like 63 percent of people who reported experiencing adverse childhood trauma or events, basically childhood trauma, also reported depression and anxiety.

00:40:49.520 However, when they did more digging on this subject, they found that experiencing these things only explains like 10 percent of it, something something along those lines.

00:40:58.720 You can read it yourself.

00:40:59.600 Go to the clear thinking with I think their blog and what they didn't dig into, which we've seen in other story studies like this one Nordic study, is that when you look at people who report adverse effects or events in their childhood, they're.

00:41:14.540 Yes, absolutely much more likely to report anxiety and depression, but when you look at what's actually documented in court cases, we're like, OK, this person clearly experienced real trauma that is documented.

00:41:24.880 And we know because, you know, like the legal system got involved if they didn't actually report it, they also were not very likely to report having problems in the moment.

00:41:35.340 So that's why we sort of come to this conclusion that a lot of it was it was it was that the people who did experience verifiable trauma as a child, but didn't remember it as an adult, did not have negative or did not contextualize.

00:41:48.040 It wasn't it wasn't didn't remember it.

00:41:49.520 It was just didn't report having it.

00:41:51.320 Did it didn't contextualize it dramatically?

00:41:53.360 Yeah.

00:41:53.640 And it's the same the opposite direction.

00:41:55.940 People who didn't experience gender genuine trauma as a kid, but contextualized normal parent stuff as trauma ended up having all these negative outcomes.

00:42:03.700 Yeah. And this is something that is one super important from a mental health perspective to understand that trauma is something that's incepted and contextualized.

00:42:13.180 And I would definitely I mean, if you look at my childhood, I would have a lot of trauma from a generic standpoint.

00:42:19.560 You know, I went to like prison alternatives at 13.

00:42:21.520 I never lived with my family again after that.

00:42:23.420 I was in fights constantly within, you know, the pseudo prison system.

00:42:27.660 These are for kids.

00:42:28.520 They have these private prison alternatives.

00:42:30.280 Think holes is a very good depiction of one of these.

00:42:32.440 They're they're in the desert and they're often run by Mormon extremists and they they they send some kids there like instead of it. 0.98

00:42:38.460 And it might have been a cash for kids thing.

00:42:39.960 We don't know because I don't really think I did anything that warranted going there.

00:42:43.640 For context of what it's like at these places, I would have been around 13 at the time.

00:42:48.720 And by the time I got out, I was either at I can't remember either 65 or 75 pounds, you know, obviously extremely malnourished.

00:42:55.780 You could just see all my bone structure was crazy.

00:42:58.200 When I got there, they would do strip searches and cavity searches.

00:43:01.940 And, you know, most of the time you're there, they have armed guards.

00:43:04.980 For people who don't know what this is, it was something called the OK, so the troubled teen industry is something that's been used more broadly.

00:43:10.880 But in the 90s, a portion of the industry began to be used by judges in the United States as an alternative to sending kids to juvie when juvie became overcrowded.

00:43:21.260 The reason I ended up getting sent, largely speaking from what I can tell, is my parents were in a divorce and neither of them wanted the other to get custody.

00:43:28.700 So they both convinced the judge that the other was such a bad parent that I would be better off living on with the government than living with them.

00:43:36.120 And so the government just assigned me to a prison alternative instead of living with either family.

00:43:40.800 And most of these facilities have since due to the high number of suicides in them and the abuse allegations, because they were pretty much like the adult private prison industry, except there was virtually no oversight at all.

00:43:52.300 They've mostly been shut down.

00:43:54.540 There's a 75 percent reduction in them since the 90s.

00:43:57.200 So it's not really a thing anymore.

00:43:58.840 But a good depiction of them is the movie Holes, as I mentioned.

00:44:01.580 How bad they were were hidden for a long time, because the industry was really divided into two sections.

00:44:07.680 One was the court-appointed alternative to prison, like a private prison industry for youth.

00:44:13.740 And then the other was for, like, rich kids, like Paris Hilton went to one.

00:44:17.720 And so there was a lot of, like, movies and Netflix shows about the ones for rich kids, which were very, you know, not nice, but at least, you know, nobody was actually, you know, killing themselves on property or anything like that at high levels.

00:44:31.920 Which was not the case at the ones that the government was sending kids to.

00:44:36.220 And after that, I never lived with either of my family again, ever.

00:44:40.160 I would say until after college, but I didn't live with either family until after college.

00:44:43.680 I lived on my own after college.

00:44:44.740 As for some fun anecdotes I can throw in, because I really, really don't want to do a full episode on this, at the one that sort of, like, Holes, the wilderness type, because there's various types of these.

00:44:53.740 And I went through a cycle of them, you know, just because I wasn't going home.

00:44:57.100 And the ones that are more like that, I have this vivid memory of some of the kids were running away into the desert.

00:45:03.500 And, well, I mean, we knew.

00:45:04.740 They told us that nobody really ever makes it away because, you know, there's miles of desert in every direction.

00:45:11.360 And you could hear on the radio, and they were chasing the kid down with, like, hunting dogs and, like, Jeeps.

00:45:17.660 And all the other kids were cheering because we could hear the progress on the radio, you know, hoping the kid, obviously, he didn't get away.

00:45:22.780 But it was a funny, vivid memory for me.

00:45:26.020 Another one was when I went to one of the school varieties that they had.

00:45:29.980 Because, you know, obviously, you can't just stick a kid for, you know, however many years in the wilderness.

00:45:35.380 There was an instance where a teacher threw a kid through a closed window.

00:45:39.400 And I remember that one really vividly because I was like, whoa, man, like, that's crazy.

00:45:43.060 Like, even going through that, I was like, that's crazy.

00:45:45.920 At the school one, the other thing I remember is, like, all the teachers were selling drugs.

00:45:49.780 Like, that was really common as well.

00:45:51.500 I actually went back to the school version of one of these, you know, later in life.

00:45:56.000 And it turned out one of the students burned it down.

00:45:58.540 So that's what happened to that.

00:45:59.960 Oh, also fun fact.

00:46:01.600 Other kids tried to kill me at each of them.

00:46:03.940 At the school version, my ruminate actually got expelled for trying to poison me. 0.94

00:46:08.420 And then, unfortunately, he was incredibly incompetent. 0.98

00:46:10.980 And then at the wilderness version, some kid idiotically signaled to me that he was going to attack me that night. 0.98

00:46:16.560 So I just, like, made my bed look like I was sleeping in it and I was elsewhere. 0.96

00:46:21.020 And he attacked it with a shovel.

00:46:22.720 But, you know, I was fine the next day, obviously, because I wasn't in it.

00:46:25.220 So after years of doing daily episodes, that's all you're going to get out of me about that point in my life.

00:46:31.040 Hiding short snippet at the end of an unrelated episode.

00:46:35.420 Because I really hate trauma narratives.

00:46:38.240 I think that they are incredibly toxic.

00:46:41.040 So, you know, I was at a very young age, you know, sort of forced to make things work on my own.

00:46:44.720 And I look at people who just go to, like, boarding school and report trauma, right? 1.00

00:46:48.060 Like, and I'm just like, what a pussy you are, right? 1.00

00:46:51.180 Like, like. 1.00

00:46:52.100 Well, they're only hurting themselves, too.

00:46:53.400 Like, that's a real sad thing.

00:46:56.760 But I know, like, personally, even though I went through all this, it probably would have been worse living with my parents.

00:47:01.580 Given, you know, what they were going through during this time period of my life.

00:47:04.660 And so, like, people can be like, well, then why don't you have, like, a negative?

00:47:07.940 And I'm like, look at who I am as an adult.

00:47:09.300 Like, why would I contextualize any of that dramatically?

00:47:11.280 Like, I feel like I was, I was forged to be super strong and flexible.

00:47:15.260 And those are all positive things.

00:47:17.220 Why would I, why would I go back and re-internalize those negatively?

00:47:21.320 And people have been, like, in the comments, they go, Malcolm, you just don't understand, like, parental abuse.

00:47:25.900 But I'm like, I'm pretty sure, like, within my family, we do.

00:47:29.060 Not only do you have my situation, but I was also talking about how my dad forgave his grandfather

00:47:31.960 after taking out a million dollars in debt under my dad's name without telling him in the 80s.

00:47:37.420 In the 80s, too.

00:47:38.500 So, a lot more money today.

00:47:39.780 And at the time, my dad was making 70k a year.

00:47:42.620 So, he was quite boned if he couldn't figure out how to make things work.

00:47:45.620 And he, he patched that up as well.

00:47:47.660 And so, a lot of these people who are like, oh, you know,

00:47:49.400 it's that I don't think that there aren't ever actual cases of, like, very, very serious abuse.

00:47:53.100 I look at somebody like Ayla.

00:47:54.700 But even if you're looking at somebody like Ayla, this might be where it's a whole separate episode.

00:47:57.620 She was seriously beat.

00:47:59.520 Like, very, very serious.

00:48:00.700 Not like our kids, where it's just, like, light, like, reorientation thing.

00:48:03.520 No, and she was also, like, ritually beaten.

00:48:06.140 Like, where I'm going to take you to the thing or, like, hit you with the switcher paddle.

00:48:09.460 Like, I think they had some leather thing that they would use.

00:48:12.000 Yeah, and she even says, despite all of that, despite how bad all that is,

00:48:17.500 I still think me going the period I went to public school was more abusive than the physical punishment.

00:48:24.000 And that's just recontextualization.

00:48:25.200 This is a, is it worse to be severely beaten occasionally?

00:48:29.980 Or is it worse to be, as she described public school, it turned her life into a filler episode.

00:48:35.120 You know, is it worse?

00:48:36.080 It was like being in a show where it's all filler episodes, which is a great way of putting it.

00:48:41.040 Yeah.

00:48:41.380 Agency taken away and having to sit in a chair and listen to a teacher all day.

00:48:44.080 Like, and for people like us, we'd be like, oh, the second is worse.

00:48:47.100 So even with people like her, when people are like, oh, you don't understand Trump.

00:48:49.700 Well, clearly Ayla does understand any traditional form of Trump, right?

00:48:53.800 Like, and, and with that, she's still like in public school is worse.

00:48:58.040 The reason I make these comparisons is I'm trying to show that people who have experienced different types of childhood trauma are able to recontextualize it, even if it is quite severe by modern standards.

00:49:12.500 Whether it's Ayla, where I don't think you could experience more physical abuse other than like having a limb ripped off.

00:49:18.180 Or I don't really think there is any higher level of financial abuse than having a million dollars taken out under your name without your permission.

00:49:25.500 Or in my background, the point I'm making here is even people who have undergone quite severe things are able to recontextualize them.

00:49:32.060 And in some cases, it may be impossible.

00:49:34.660 For example, in each one of these three cases, there was no sexual abuse happening.

00:49:38.520 And so it may be impossible in that instance.

00:49:41.060 But the reason I use these three cases is they represent a wide diversity of types of abuse in which every individual was able to recontextualize.

00:49:49.820 And I just don't see it negatively, like even a little bit, because I really like who I am today.

00:49:54.040 And I feel like all these things contributed to that.

00:49:56.840 I'm glad you're OK.

00:49:57.960 I'm glad you don't.

00:49:59.060 Yeah.

00:49:59.360 Interpret things in a bad way.

00:50:00.660 It's too bad.

00:50:02.100 And in the end, though, this is a part of our philosophy.

00:50:04.780 Nothing that what matters is what you're going to do about something.

00:50:08.680 It's up to you.

00:50:09.740 You know, it's your internal locus of control that matters.

00:50:12.400 And yes, there are exogenous factors in life, but that doesn't matter.

00:50:15.760 The only thing that matters is what you can control.

00:50:17.660 And you can just control how you react to things and what you do about what you were dealt.

00:50:22.580 Yeah, absolutely.

00:50:24.200 Well, I love you to death, Simone.

00:50:26.120 Love you, too.

00:50:26.620 And you are an amazing woman.

00:50:30.720 You're an amazing man.

00:50:31.740 I love you.

00:50:32.260 And I hope you feel her.

00:50:33.300 And thank you for, you know, having such a, you know, you had severe anorexia.

00:50:37.960 You almost died.

00:50:38.860 This is how you lost your uterus, stopped functioning normally. 0.66

00:50:42.640 You had severe depression during your youth.

00:50:45.320 And nothing bad happened.

00:50:46.540 I had an idyllic and perfect childhood.

00:50:48.700 I just made it hard for myself.

00:50:50.800 But I don't think you contextualize.

00:50:52.500 I mean, you do contextualize, like, college is bad.

00:50:55.200 Not really.

00:50:55.820 No.

00:50:56.320 I remember, actually, even today, I was thinking about my last day of high school.

00:50:59.680 And I was like, I didn't realize how much better life would get after high school.

00:51:02.680 Oh, man.

00:51:03.700 It's so hard.

00:51:04.880 It's so hard being a kid.

00:51:06.560 Like, everything.

00:51:07.400 Like, high school is the worst, I think.

00:51:09.180 But, like, it's just rough being a kid in general.

00:51:12.320 You don't get to choose anything.

00:51:13.660 You have no control.

00:51:14.520 Everyone else determines where you go, when you go, what you get to do, what you get to eat. 0.99

00:51:18.940 It sucks. 0.99

00:51:20.140 I hated it. 0.97

00:51:21.440 I love being an adult.

00:51:22.540 It just gets so much better.

00:51:23.860 We can construct a way that our kids can live a more adult-like lifestyle.

00:51:27.040 Oh, we do.

00:51:27.980 We, like, very, very carefully listen to what they want.

00:51:31.220 And we let them do it.

00:51:32.120 That's why we don't do everyone sits down at the table for dinner.

00:51:35.980 Everyone does dinner exactly the way that they want.

00:51:40.680 I think we're pretty good about that.

00:51:42.380 Thank you, Simone.

00:51:43.980 Thank you, Malcolm.

00:51:44.980 Love you.

00:51:45.600 Love you, too.

00:51:46.160 All right.

00:51:46.360 I'm going to be quiet when I come into your room.

00:51:47.960 Now the bit on what Simone learned about what people meant when they said,

00:51:51.440 I looked soy, from the comment section where we had further dug into this topic.

00:51:56.420 On the subject of you being soy, just to follow up, this is just a constant thing with our channel.

00:52:01.200 We had asked about it, and a lot of our audience had explained to us, or especially to me,

00:52:05.620 because this is a question, why is Malcolm soy?

00:52:07.640 And all of the things they described as soy, I'm like, okay, so you're just describing everything

00:52:12.340 I find attractive in men.

00:52:13.680 And I think it's important for our audience to recognize that at least when it comes to

00:52:19.260 terminally online nerdy women, who I imagine are actually pretty good matches for most of you, 1.00

00:52:23.920 if you're watching this channel, this is the type of woman you'd probably want, 0.99

00:52:28.620 are disproportionately attracted to traits that you consider to be soy.

00:52:32.660 And by trying to eliminate those traits from your appearance, compartment, etc.

00:52:37.560 What traits are you talking about here?

00:52:39.560 Skinnier, paler, nerdier glasses, expressive.

00:52:44.100 Yeah.

00:52:44.640 I had this realization, what they were actually talking about is what the difference is between

00:52:48.600 the two dive teams in the Sum 41 music video in Too Deep is. 0.99

00:52:53.320 The theater was the damn thing in the sea of the river. 0.93

00:52:57.660 No, I can see why somebody would see those things as soy. 0.98

00:53:00.480 My misunderstanding is that I saw that not being soy was about trying to be more attractive.

00:53:07.320 No, I think it really has to do with appealing to men, and maybe a very specific subset of women,

00:53:14.260 but not the type of women that I think... 1.00

00:53:16.200 You've talked over them before on where men perceive what women want.

00:53:19.360 Yeah.

00:53:19.920 Because what they do is they look at what women want for random sexual encounters, 0.98

00:53:24.420 but they complain that was what women want in a long-term partner. 1.00

00:53:27.040 But also, I think that's really interesting, too, because I'm also not the type of person

00:53:34.180 who's looking at men from the perspective of, like, who do I want to bang once?

00:53:38.560 I've never looked at men that way.

00:53:40.180 It's only been from a long time.

00:53:41.140 Well, no, no.

00:53:41.520 And this is why I think that you have this perception, because I think they're actually

00:53:44.960 getting dated when they go out to bars for the women who will do the one-night stands 0.99

00:53:48.040 and stuff like that.

00:53:48.760 The data that they're getting is from the women who are interested in just... 1.00

00:53:52.920 But aren't they...

00:53:53.640 Like, when it comes to getting married, don't they want to attract, like, slightly...

00:53:57.380 Right, but the data that they're strong, because they don't go and date the long-term

00:54:02.220 chaste women. 0.97

00:54:03.160 Yeah.

00:54:03.720 You know, they're not out there looking for the nerd women on the nerd fandom board.

00:54:07.660 Like, when I, you know, started dating you, it was just pure nerd.

00:54:10.220 It was like, anime cons were all of our dates, you know, we...

00:54:13.540 Yeah, your second proposed date was to watch My Little Pony, not even anime.

00:54:17.920 Like, even more intense than that.

00:54:19.460 Just so cool.

00:54:20.060 It was, you know, we...

00:54:21.880 And for me, this was about flexing, like, you show me your big knife collection, like,

00:54:25.900 flexing, ah, yes, martial culture.

00:54:27.460 And I flexed to you that I don't care about societal norms, and I don't care about judgment.

00:54:31.120 It's just a thing in our culture, right?

00:54:32.860 So nice.

00:54:33.860 Aha.

00:54:34.560 That is good.

00:54:35.500 Thank you.

00:54:36.100 Today is a great day to be sick.

00:54:39.200 This is true.

00:54:40.240 And then you'll feel so good.

00:54:41.400 You'll feel so much better.

00:54:42.620 Trust me.

00:54:44.540 No, I guess...

00:54:45.420 Better yet.

00:54:45.980 You still seem to be lumbering a bit.

00:54:49.060 Well, I'm pregnant, though.

00:54:51.880 And I'm going to be like this for another four months.

00:54:55.920 All right.

00:54:56.220 Well, we'll get started on this one.

00:54:57.260 This is a fun one.

00:54:58.360 Yeah.

00:55:00.400 He underlite his money.

00:55:10.260 I heard some money, Kay.

00:55:11.660 It just...

00:55:13.540 Do not peel those off her cape, Octavian. 0.93

00:55:17.340 You're breaking it.

00:55:20.980 It doesn't matter.

00:55:22.040 You're breaking it.

00:55:22.740 Stop it.

00:55:23.240 It doesn't matter.

00:55:23.540 You're breaking it.

00:55:24.460 Stop it.

00:55:25.340 Okay.

00:55:26.060 ...

Based Camp - June 16, 2025

How Women Stopped Caring About Relationships (Half the Rate of Men!)

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