Based Camp - My Wife Respects Me Less Because I Improved Her Life (The Challenge of Helping Women)

00:00:00.000 this morning we had a conversation that reminded me how unfair life is as a man

00:00:05.380 where we were noting that early in our relationship there was a very big because I told you I was

00:00:13.700 like I really wasn't that nice to you early in our relationship I was not like as good of a partner

00:00:18.060 as conscientious as a partner as I am now um and I pointed out that like it didn't really matter

00:00:23.220 because you were way out of my league and there was a huge power distance and I gave him some

00:00:29.060 examples of other very powerful men who have women who are great and very happy to be mistreated by him

00:00:37.760 just because he's that high in status yes so then she she pointed out but she goes oh but don't worry

00:00:44.180 like you've elevated my status since then so I actually require more of you and I was thinking

00:00:51.760 about this right like she's not wrong when I first met her she was a social media manager was a degree 0.99

00:00:56.360 from GW you know now she's got a graduate degree from Cambridge and everything like that and has

00:00:59.960 done all this big stuff but back then she basically ran a Facebook account and had a degree from a

00:01:04.220 mid-tier university and I was getting a Stanford MBA right and I ran more than a Facebook account but

00:01:09.160 yeah I mean I was working in brain computer interface stuff like that I could see the the difference

00:01:14.620 there and this is a problem that a lot of guys face is they raise the status of the woman that they

00:01:22.700 are dating and they expect her to show a degree of appreciation in the same way that maybe we

00:01:30.880 expected Zelensky to show some degree of appreciation for all the money that we've been funneling him

00:01:36.420 exactly that there should be some gratitude some sense of indebtedness and and this is exactly

00:01:41.800 interestingly not just a problem with women but was like USAID and stuff like that is people don't 0.97

00:01:46.760 really build like enduring gratitude for shoveling the money or doing them favors unless your fates

00:01:53.020 are somehow intermingled so a you know whether it was like USAID this idea that we're actually building

00:01:58.900 gratitude in these countries that's just not the case and it brings me back mentally to those capuchin

00:02:07.400 monkeys that there was that famous experiment where there's video of a capuchin monkey being given

00:02:13.960 some kind of treat in in return for doing a task and he's super cool with it it's all great

00:02:20.460 and then he sees his compatriot given a much nicer treat for the same work he's being given cucumbers

00:02:27.260 and the compatriot's being given grapes oh the nerve the nerve getting grape and you will see what happens

00:02:35.300 so she gives a rock to us that's the task and we give her a piece of cucumber and she eats it

00:02:42.000 the other one needs to give a rock to us and that's what she does and she gets a grape and she eats it 1.00

00:02:51.440 the other one sees that she gives a rock to us now gets again cucumber 1.00

00:02:55.660 she tests the rock now against the wall she needs to give it to us and she gets cucumber again 0.60

00:03:21.720 and he loses his mind and this is a really great example and illustration of how fairness isn't some

00:03:38.680 kind of higher moral good it is a an instinct that we have evolved is species that deal in group

00:03:47.280 dynamics and small group environments but i think that this shows how this concept of fairness which

00:03:52.640 is also showing up here right that you invested in bettering me and then i just expect you to treat

00:03:58.100 me better once i'm at a higher social strata and that we give aid to other countries and that we expect

00:04:03.580 them to be nice to us is just us expecting like that capuchin monkey that we're going to be paid in 0.99

00:04:10.200 grapes in return right like where's my grape and then we freak out when no that's once you leave

00:04:16.540 a small troop of monkeys or a tiny clan based village it's over you don't get that dynamic anymore

00:04:23.820 fairness is not going to happen and and here i note that you do get it when you're in small groups so

00:04:29.600 historically suppose we were in a small medieval town and she like attempted to trade up or something

00:04:34.740 like that it would significantly hurt her reputation to the extent that it wouldn't be worth it from her

00:04:40.300 perspective and this is why relationships used to be basically on a much easier difficulty mode

00:04:45.900 if you're talking about earlier in history so what we wanted to lay out in this video is one how you can

00:04:52.580 correct for and control for this inevitable change how you can spot this change where it becomes a problem

00:05:00.040 for different types of relationships where people are expecting different things from each other

00:05:03.580 that even the oh so moral simone is subject to yeah you know you think oh she's not no she's totally

00:05:10.180 subject to it and finally we're going to talk about well i guess how you can make relationships work in

00:05:15.720 the modern age yeah so first why don't you detail how this works for you and how you justify it within

00:05:22.680 yourself yeah and this is interesting for me to realize that this happened because i want to point out

00:05:30.220 that i'm a pretty mercenary person like if someone compliments me i feel the need to immediately

00:05:35.000 compliment them in return because otherwise in my mind there's this pending debt on my ledger

00:05:40.180 to them and i really don't like that so when anyone does me a favor i get deeply uncomfortable because

00:05:45.040 i have to find a way to return it otherwise there's a debt that is outstanding and i can't

00:05:48.480 i can't stand it work for your long-term partner though so explain i know so yeah what's going on

00:05:54.000 there i feel like there may be some kind of subconscious social status or value i bring to

00:06:01.540 the table meter within people that overrides their sense of indebtedness and maybe when you feel like

00:06:14.560 you bring more to the table that offsets some of the debt like maybe again i'm just reasoning here and

00:06:23.320 when people are asked to reason why they intuit certain things they're just making it up there's

00:06:28.000 no i don't actually know what's going on i can i can see what you're saying being true but i don't

00:06:33.220 know if that's it i think it's that it's a slow like you we were looking at pictures early in our

00:06:37.980 relationship we were like wow we were like kids when we started when we started dating over 10 years ago

00:06:43.320 at this point 12 years yeah yeah we met in 2012 and it's 2025 so so a long time ago so anyway when we

00:06:52.080 started dating and i say i was not nice to her i was yeah i just i won't say i remember thinking

00:06:57.640 actually really explicitly i was like wow this woman like literally would do anything i tell her 0.99

00:07:03.460 to this is an enormous asset to have around now but i think you saw me as very like disposable or

00:07:11.000 like a thrall absolutely absolutely you had no respect for me you were absolutely a thrall who i was 0.98

00:07:18.260 using for my purposes at the time you were not the first one either um but you were particularly

00:07:24.820 obedient and and i was fully aware that this was the case and that's why i wrote letters to myself

00:07:30.740 in the future past our promised breakup date being like stay away part of the story

00:07:36.580 they're like oh it's so romantic you said you date him if you promise to break up with her

00:07:42.240 when there's actually this other layer of like if you know malcolm was malcolm really like romantically

00:07:48.580 attached to simone at that point no like no malcolm is ruthless and self-serving if amicable and i wasn't

00:07:57.420 gonna screw you over right like even if you're acting you did some things early on which put you in a

00:08:03.960 position where i wasn't able to treat you as as disposably as i otherwise would just because you made 0.91

00:08:10.220 enormous sacrifices in terms of like wealth for me uh like investing in things and putting yourselves

00:08:18.200 in like changing career putting my job yeah yeah quitting your job and that's where i was like oh 0.97

00:08:24.000 shit like i really have to like vampire the masquerade bloodlines where you accidentally get 0.80

00:08:29.560 the thrall you're like oh now she's like living at my house now i gotta take care of this person 0.99

00:08:34.100 now i actually feel bad if she gets murdered i gotta deal with this so anyway it created this

00:08:41.920 dynamic where in early on i don't know very early on in our relationship you proved yourself to me

00:08:45.780 where i was just like wow like she is incredibly efficient incredibly effective and has an incredibly 0.77

00:08:50.500 high fortitude for work ethic and hours which is what i wanted in a wife and so i was like okay we

00:08:55.700 can think about getting married let's let's have that discussion so that was within like four or five 0.66

00:08:59.900 three months maybe of us knowing each other four or five months of us knowing each other

00:09:03.280 seriously talking about marriage well basically we were together from march through july of 2012

00:09:11.780 broke up july 31st and then when we were back together by like late september it was clear that

00:09:19.760 we were going to get married if we got back together wasn't a super long period and i'll even say early

00:09:24.460 in our relationship i wasn't as kind to you either but it would there were the thrall period was fairly

00:09:29.000 short only a few months fair but it was a and so you were right to write the letters to yourself in

00:09:34.680 the future being yeah i feel like this is not in your best interest long term i was going through

00:09:39.620 photo albums to find some photos for a recent video i was editing and i found the album for when

00:09:44.040 she first started dating me and it was titled something like is this real life is this real life

00:09:48.780 but you know that that was an internet reference right i mean both i was charmed by you but you know

00:09:53.880 what i was referring to what were you referencing that boy who's tripping after a dental visit charlie

00:09:58.720 what is like charlie

00:09:59.800 is this real life yeah this is real life okay now

00:10:07.780 okay now i i have two fingers good

00:10:14.280 four fingers four fingers so david you wrote that then and then i reflected some of the standards you

00:10:22.260 have held me to recently and i was contrasting the two malcolm you know old dark triad malcolm

00:10:28.760 yeah versus like modern malcolm right yeah modern takes care of the kids drives them everywhere takes

00:10:35.720 them to the doctor puts them to bed at night and i go to her and i go why this difference in standards

00:10:42.180 and you're like well my value wasn't very high when she started dating me and now it's really high

00:10:48.160 and the reality is is she is functionally correct about this now i'd also note here that i also don't

00:10:55.320 really have to worry about her leaving me or betraying me because of how we structured our relationship

00:10:59.900 and this is where we need to come to relationship structures and types of relationships so the reason

00:11:05.600 i don't need to worry about that is it would be an enormous i i think probably irreconcilable cost

00:11:13.380 for you to leave me to leave each other well i mean one because we we have chosen

00:11:20.600 a life path and we have a set of values that are the same and we are stronger together than alone so

00:11:28.160 there's sort of no way that we could maximize our objective functions more than by being together and

00:11:34.380 working i think a better way to put it for a red pill guy is no guy like even a very rich guy

00:11:40.140 could bring incrementally more to the table than absolutely not um because then you're dealing

00:11:45.400 with the kids you know who you've had with me that you've got to raise with somebody else you're

00:11:49.240 dealing with all of the companies that you know you built your reputation building with me

00:11:53.640 the podcast the public image of well all that would just get destroyed i mean not the kids obviously but

00:12:00.220 all the businesses and stuff that we've done together would just right then you can be like yeah but

00:12:05.740 what if the guy was like a billionaire right like what if it was putin or something right

00:12:09.140 i i'd say elon but i'd be like uh that's not like you're not getting you're not nailing down elon like

00:12:14.520 no one's thinking oh yeah he's gonna stay married to me yeah but whoever it is you would have no reason

00:12:21.180 to believe that they would stay invested in you long term so even if they were enormously wealthy

00:12:26.880 even if they had an enormous amount of status it still wouldn't be worth it because you wouldn't

00:12:33.240 know if they would stay vested in you long term and they yeah um which is another thing which is

00:12:39.300 why i say it's useful to own your partner but even when you own your partner they can still leave you

00:12:43.300 but there is some like mutual vested interest yeah other thing well continue well i think that the

00:12:49.300 bigger thing is sometimes it doesn't make sense to invest in bettering your partner because yes but

00:12:56.380 let's talk about when it does make sense to better your partner before we get to this because this is

00:12:59.440 like when it does make sense to better your partner is when you and your partner share an

00:13:04.860 objective function in life that is to say you share values and morals and the thing that you want to

00:13:11.380 maximize in your life and you also more or less agree about the way you want to maximize it this is a

00:13:16.340 scenario in which the two of you working together in tandem on this cause on this thing will be much

00:13:22.940 more effective than one of you focusing on that and the other one like handling life admin and house and

00:13:28.560 kids so it's worth it to invest in that and you can trust that they will utilize the power that

00:13:35.320 you've given to them to do to work with you and i think that's another really important thing is i

00:13:41.040 would be a little bit more cagey about improving my partner if we had totally separate careers

00:13:46.460 but i think the fact that we have always worked together has made it a pretty safe bet for you

00:13:53.160 to go out on a limb and invest so much in bettering me because if i perform better we could raise more

00:14:00.760 money or get more clients or expand our reach more successfully than if you were just doing that by

00:14:07.880 yourself or if i was just doing that by myself so a raise for me is a raise for you and not just in

00:14:12.340 terms of our blended income but in terms of our shared projects and the fact that we have what we

00:14:18.120 describe the fragment described relationships as a double pygmalion relationship which means that both

00:14:22.580 partners core value to the other partner is that they're focused on improving that partner yeah

00:14:27.540 in other words in a pygmalion relationship one partner or this can be both partners too so the

00:14:33.940 promise is to help you become the version of yourself that you want to be which is how our

00:14:39.160 relationship started was just me helping you improve and then and then i i switched around to

00:14:43.820 helping him become his full potential self the key important thing with pygmalion relationships

00:14:48.880 is you need to make sure there's alignment between your ideal self and your partner's ideal you and i

00:14:56.180 think there are a lot of relationships where and i've we've seen this firsthand the one partner's idea

00:15:04.060 of a perfect spouse is not what that person wants to be and that is a really uncomfortable situation

00:15:09.580 yeah no no you're absolutely right so i think that we've sort of laid this out in general if both of

00:15:15.840 your core values to each other is working to improve each other and you work closely together

00:15:20.700 or you find ways to work together on the things that are actually important to you the more

00:15:24.920 separated your lives are the more raising your partner's status or investing in raising your

00:15:30.200 partner's status can blow up in your face especially if you're a male yeah but now let's talk about

00:15:36.140 relationships where you don't want to invest in raising your partner's status do you want to go into that

00:15:42.920 yeah two percent i think if you have different objective functions it's obvious that you wouldn't

00:15:50.600 okay i'll cut to the point here okay the most common time when this is the case is if the woman wants to 1.00

00:15:58.180 be as you said this morning a a maid and a sex slave or which a lot of women just kind of want to be they 1.00

00:16:05.960 just want to chill at home and be with their kids and make food and make their house pretty and 0.80

00:16:13.720 not have to go to work or do anything else and and be beautiful themselves and i think a lot of husbands 0.92

00:16:19.840 would love that so that's that's a fine match so these relationships can work spectacularly they have a 0.71

00:16:28.820 few major drawbacks but one is it is not expected for the woman herself for example that the guy raises

00:16:37.060 her status within i guess i'd call it like secular society like when i say secular society i don't mean

00:16:42.240 non-theological society i mean like within the general world like within business or politics or

00:16:47.460 anything else and actually a problem that i have seen in these relationships is when the wife decides to 1.00

00:16:54.660 get a hobby like social media and then gets famous on her own while the husband is supporting her

00:17:00.080 and it augments her status i see a lot of divorces after that happens oh yeah i was wondering if that 1.00

00:17:05.000 happens yeah because i don't know social media influencer like trad wives and stuff like that they end up 1.00

00:17:10.980 getting too famous and then they are like hey i'm famous now and i could significantly upgrade and my fame

00:17:16.700 really doesn't have anything to do with you and we have what like two kids so it's not that hard to trade

00:17:22.620 for somebody else and yeah like technically she did it without her husband and so she doesn't need him 0.91

00:17:28.120 at all yeah this is a not a great position to end up in and so it is useful if your partner is

00:17:36.520 building social media even if you are out working and stuff like that that you ensure that you are

00:17:42.400 part of that brand because the more integrated into the brand you are the more cost there is to her 0.98

00:17:47.820 attempting to trade up yeah like i think good examples of this are obviously ballerina farms 0.99

00:17:53.960 where you have a couple that is promoting a family business their their dairy and their protein powder

00:18:01.360 and their farm and their meats and their flowers and their frozen croissant dough and another example

00:18:06.840 is like comedy youtuber named jane williamson and her husband chris williamson he features frequently

00:18:13.480 in her videos and skits but also he runs a like fintech bro influencer agency company okay so it's adjacent

00:18:24.540 you know he manages the monetization of of finance influencers online but that also enables him to

00:18:33.340 i think really skillfully queue up monetization and sponsorship deals for his wife jane

00:18:39.140 and that makes them work together really well and i think her cachet as an influencer gives him

00:18:46.400 credibility as well that like he even lives with an influencer he does content with an influencer

00:18:51.860 regularly so when finance influencers are talking with him they're not like talking with someone who

00:18:56.560 doesn't even know what they're doing you know how much work they put into everything so i think these

00:19:00.380 are really good examples where and i think otherwise jane and actually both are mormon

00:19:05.840 so hannah nealman with ballerina farms and jane williamson they're all mormon so they the wives

00:19:12.540 started out as housewives they didn't plan on necessarily getting a degree so this is i think

00:19:16.860 is a really good example of how they started to develop careers organically by posting online and just

00:19:22.180 enjoying it but i think it is an example of how that dynamic can be made sustainable and quite

00:19:27.840 profitable for the entire family while also bringing the couple closer together well i also think that the

00:19:33.360 status difference between partners is something that some women who are choosing this role prefer 1.00

00:19:41.700 and it makes following orders or doing things for the husband more satisfying than it would be if it

00:19:49.960 didn't exist well i think the status difference that needs to remain is the husband still has to

00:19:54.260 somehow have more control or or power with money because this is just kind of a different version

00:19:59.000 of the woman being beautiful and the man being resource rich but in you know in the case of

00:20:06.320 ballerina farms you have a husband who is from a wealthy family and with jane and chris williamson chris is

00:20:14.400 the one who handles sponsorship and money and you know i think that's the whole thing is i disagree with

00:20:22.140 what you're saying here i think what you need is a perception of power difference and i think what

00:20:28.720 you are undervaluing is for many women in this position sometimes a thing can be a sex thing without 1.00

00:20:36.720 being a sex thing by that what i mean is things like the amount of internal bristling that you feel

00:20:45.540 when somebody gives you an order or tells you to do something or expect something of you in terms of

00:20:50.560 like you know making dinner or something like that is going to be correlated to what is related to an

00:20:57.320 arousal pathway which is the dominance and submission pathways they're all yeah the wires are right there

00:21:02.320 next to each other yeah if you don't see them as well that's why it ends up moving into the bed

00:21:08.380 moving into the world moving into the bed they're very it's the same basic neural circuitry if you do not

00:21:14.640 see your husband as differentially status than you then you are going to get negative emotional

00:21:22.720 stimuli when he expects things of you or expects to be treated as if he is a different status yeah it 0.90

00:21:29.080 feels gross it feels gross and pathetic and then resentment is built yeah yeah it's amazing how 0.89

00:21:34.560 resentment doesn't doesn't even have to be a result of i guess a legitimate grievance it could be the

00:21:40.180 result of merely asking for something but being lower status that's really interesting yes and

00:21:46.040 these women they don't necessarily mean to feel this way but it makes them less happy with their lives 1.00

00:21:53.300 that they are given more status and i think as a result of this and this is one of the interesting

00:21:59.120 things for me while i do think that housewives should be respected in like a broad sense i think

00:22:05.040 that treating the career as significantly lower in status than going out and working during the day

00:22:12.340 is actually in the best interest of the well-being of most housewives like oh yeah to suppose like 0.98

00:22:20.220 make them feel satisfied with their relationship because otherwise they won't be yeah so like suppose your

00:22:26.060 husband works at the patent office or something like that he supplies for the family it's a safe government

00:22:29.740 job but like that's not high status was in society right and that might lead to a wife expecting things 1.00

00:22:37.660 or concessions from the husband that can cause fundamental issues with their relationship

00:22:42.380 that resonates yeah i i simultaneously struggle with that because of course on the

00:22:49.500 prenatalism front we're trying to make parenthood a higher status and more desirable no i think what

00:22:58.480 you're missing here is we need to erase the stigma around wanting to be a subservient housewife 1.00

00:23:06.680 the the problem is is you see only high status is the only thing that women would want and that's 0.95

00:23:14.700 just like objectively not true there are multiple pathways that women might desire from life as you see 1.00

00:23:20.660 if you look at things like well i guess and within religious communities too that are conservative being

00:23:25.700 a properly properly subservient housewife is that source of status and i think a lot of feminists 1.00

00:23:34.180 if you watch videos of them like crying over the fact that oh my gosh like i just want to be a wife i 1.00

00:23:39.740 like why am i being a slave and humiliated by my corpo boss who doesn't care about me when my husband

00:23:47.060 could be treating me half is bad and this is the thing when i talk about like differences in status

00:23:52.740 that i think is is really when you talk to your average progressive female you're like you would

00:23:57.880 want like a husband to like sometimes like expect things of his wife or like give her orders and i'm

00:24:03.740 like yeah but keep in mind that this is a dramatically better treatment than she would be getting in just

00:24:10.820 about any office job that that's that's what we're talking about here we're not talking about like

00:24:16.540 1950s or whatever but we're talking about at least having expectations which are differential within the

00:24:22.960 household environment

00:24:23.940 or like a level of deference yes and i mean the the way for example it works in our relationship is you

00:24:34.840 have the final call on everything and we know that because we we know your judgment is more reliable

00:24:39.040 there and more trustworthy like it's it's merit-based as well but if your judgment was

00:24:43.760 better i still wouldn't you have to listen to me i'm sorry simone that's what we agreed to when we

00:24:48.880 signed the marriage contract that's where we are you we agreed to it for a reason no here's the here's

00:24:54.220 the problem though and i think this is another reason why people are having more trouble forming

00:24:58.860 marriages is women can't just be like oh i'm gonna marry a guy and just let him take the wheel 1.00

00:25:08.900 she has to to know that he's trustworthy and men do actually have to earn that and there's no

00:25:17.360 closing your eyes and just kind of hoping it's okay um well this is a huge problem with trad

00:25:22.260 relationships as we pointed out earlier this morning is especially for women they can be 1.00

00:25:27.240 incredibly vulnerable if the guy plans to just trade you out or dramatically increase expectations

00:25:35.100 of you as the relationship goes on yeah because here's the problem so there's that dynamic of

00:25:39.020 okay well when women are younger if they if they see a jump in status they may leave in in a flight of 1.00

00:25:47.120 hypergamy but there's the other issue of once the kids are out of the house what is stopping the now

00:25:54.480 very resource rich end of career or end mid of career husband from leaving her with nothing after

00:26:01.740 she's well there's another problem which i think this is what happened to laura thusden is you you

00:26:07.060 get a really bad economic situation in which the longer the woman is with the guy even if she hasn't 0.94

00:26:12.580 been with him for a long time like let's say two years three years five years now she's got a five

00:26:17.060 year resume gap her economics reliance on him increases basically logarithmically the longer she is 0.96

00:26:24.200 in this role and some guys utilize that to increase the demands and decrease the treatment of the of the

00:26:31.320 yeah good point so there are a lot of challenges with this and the key defense against these

00:26:38.580 challenges are communities that will hold the other individual to account like being in a orthodox

00:26:44.260 jewish community or being in a you know a strict catholic community or something like that then i'd

00:26:49.920 mentioned this phenomenon in some orthodox jewish communities like if a guy divorces too easily

00:26:53.960 other women will go on sex strikes with their husbands to try to force the other men to force this guy 1.00

00:26:58.980 to treat his wife better or follow the the rules better or not like randomly divorce it's it's weird

00:27:03.860 and it's yeah i found that hard to believe but you point out this is a common thing it's like something

00:27:08.800 that's happened like a number of times recently and there's been news stories about it but anyway

00:27:11.900 wow um actually the episodes i was thinking of are for the inverse reason orthodox jewish women 1.00

00:27:17.060 typically go on sex strikes to force husbands to allow other women to divorce who want to divorce 1.00

00:27:23.080 because in orthodox jewish law only the husband can decide on the issue of divorce so they do this to

00:27:30.560 try to pressure other men in the community to forcibly make the divorce happen there there there is some

00:27:38.360 value here but the big problem is just how easy it is to like scram like okay so suppose i'm in a

00:27:43.620 catholic community in one neighborhood that's like really devout and i divorce my wife or leave my wife

00:27:50.080 and i can just like fly to london and go to another devout catholic community or fly across the state

00:27:57.520 and go to another devout catholic community find a new wife and there's not going to be the same you 0.52

00:28:02.260 know actual external punishment for this or loss in status for this about the only religion that

00:28:07.760 really effectively implements this loss of status are mormons because they've got the central church 0.99

00:28:13.920 which i think sort of notifies people you know this person left his partner where they don't think

00:28:19.420 well and you also can't really easily divorce people you're kind of sealed to them for life

00:28:25.600 yeah yeah i mean that's why mormons would be like hey it is sealed for life like yeah yeah i don't know

00:28:31.180 if orthodox jews are good at this i feel like their communities are a little too disparate where you just 1.00

00:28:36.660 go to a slightly different faction of judaism and now there's no connection that would be my concern

00:28:40.280 absolutely yeah yeah so i don't know what would you do like what if our daughters wanted to 1.00

00:28:47.980 focus on being a homemaker and raising and homeschooling kids at home which is a very

00:28:55.080 valuable thing to do i mean if you're homeschooling and you have a lot of kids one of the parents has

00:28:59.620 to be home there's no value differential right you how do we have her protect yourself what does that

00:29:05.880 mean what does it mean you have you have the husband you'd be like look if you're taking this

00:29:09.660 lifestyle you need to be a fairly dedicated member of the church the techno puritan church okay so you

00:29:15.100 need to enforce social punishment on the well and remember the way that the church works if you watch

00:29:24.880 the pragmatist guide to governance which we haven't really talked about this in any of the tracks or

00:29:28.280 anything like that is voting power is gained through the amount that you're investing in it and and

00:29:33.400 and status is gained with the amount that you invest in it so an individual who was close to

00:29:38.360 the church basically the church would have a control of some portion of their wealth and would be feeding

00:29:43.680 it back to them in a way that is of high utility to them in terms of upward social mobility but they

00:29:49.180 wouldn't be able to just cut and run on a partner like there's multiple reasons you build systems like

00:29:56.020 this okay yeah we need we need to work on it but i yeah we need that definitely we can't

00:30:03.940 this is an imperfect system and and policing it is is hard i don't think it's an imperfect system at

00:30:10.740 all i think it's actually a really good system if a couple's income is still controlled by them while

00:30:17.660 they're together but it goes to the one who was effed over not by the state because the state is very

00:30:23.780 bad at deciding this yeah but by a religious organization that's going to be really powerful

00:30:30.060 at preventing couples from splitting up i could see that yeah yeah if the religious community lives

00:30:37.400 and works close together especially i think if you know this is a remote living and working

00:30:43.900 couple and or family that lives in a totally different part of the world and they don't have much

00:30:49.360 you need to increase the externality on splitting up having like having like losing wealth or losing

00:30:56.200 status because you broke up is a huge way to implement that yeah but i'm saying if this is a he said

00:31:03.180 she said situation and the church in this case doesn't have much access to the couple's lives and

00:31:10.100 inner workings then it's really hard i think i disagree with this yeah why i i do not think anything

00:31:16.980 is ever a he said she said situation i think generally you can get a fairly good idea of what

00:31:22.480 was going on um and that you are always going to be better than the state oh yeah that's the woman 1.00

00:31:30.120 well no i think more broadly too the state will do what is necessary to reduce its odds of having to pay

00:31:41.940 for any children that are involved and i think one of the reasons why it basically forces the man

00:31:47.880 to pay for the woman and gives the children to the woman is if the woman doesn't have the children 1.00

00:31:53.080 i think it the state sees higher odds that the kids end up in the foster system and the state has to

00:31:57.420 pay for them yeah does that make sense so they're just trying to reduce financial liability

00:32:02.020 so by essentially making the man fund the care of the child while the woman does the care of the

00:32:09.700 child they can guarantee that they're not going to have to pay for the care of the child and handle

00:32:13.420 it themselves yeah whereas a church could say actually both of you are a-holes the children

00:32:19.620 and the money are going to some other family oh my god um well no i mean i think that that's an

00:32:26.360 important like you need divorce to be costly yeah no divorce divorce should be more costly i don't know

00:32:33.800 threatening to take away children is the right thing and i think getting upstream of divorce is

00:32:41.500 also really important um well it's interesting anyone here who's like i'm thinking about getting

00:32:46.260 married because we know some people are considering to get married within techno puritan tradition

00:32:49.480 and you want to utilize this and i point out it's a service it's not like we're taking your money or

00:32:54.220 something like that it's a service because it is useful in increasing the cost of divorce

00:32:59.540 and because it is a religious institution there actually might be some tax benefits to doing it

00:33:04.680 this way basically well i guess you're putting the assets of the family into a trust yeah making

00:33:11.760 the religion or you could choose any person you want the executor of that trust in the event of

00:33:18.600 divorce do it you could do it as a trust or you could do it as non-profit donations that would have

00:33:25.400 a disproportionate uh likelihood given the way things are structured of going to your kid's

00:33:31.200 education your kid's well-being your kids like whatever you wanted for your family basically you

00:33:36.820 would section it off like these non-profit donations are dedicated to this clan or this

00:33:42.580 faction of the tradition and the money goes back out which would allow it to be basically donated into a

00:33:49.220 non-profit religious institution but in a way where the family still benefited from the donations

00:33:54.260 so long as the benefits were not for hedonism like you would have you know regulations on how the

00:34:00.100 benefits could be doled out which would make it religious in nature but it's also probably what

00:34:04.600 the family would want anyways for like long-term nest egg stuff like only for like education self-improvement 1.00

00:34:11.280 businesses and health related stuff yeah and then you could have it go out intergenerationally

00:34:18.860 especially with large amounts of money so that you wouldn't have to deal with a death tax

00:34:22.420 yeah well i mean in general what we see some people doing is to whatever extent they can

00:34:30.660 circumventing their income so almost nothing actually goes to them and when they're paid by

00:34:36.160 other entities those payments actually go in the form of equity or cash to other organizations so this

00:34:43.680 person isn't paying tax they don't technically have a high net worth and yet they control these

00:34:48.920 organizations that have received the money i'd also point out sorry this may not be clear to people

00:34:54.980 we the the church is actually approved by the irs irs all right well i love you simone i know that you

00:35:02.300 have no allegiance to me anymore you're only with me because of the cost to you no i think the more

00:35:07.440 important thing is is i am you and you are me and people don't realize that culture and religion can

00:35:16.620 do that to people they i think everyone's so stuck in their own identity and their own brand now that

00:35:22.280 they don't realize that you're not necessarily looking for a spouse you're looking to expand the

00:35:29.260 concept of you which just sounds exactly no as i say she's just like my female avatar like even the

00:35:34.500 idea of being trans is so weird because i'm like i've got a girl body it's right there i have a girl

00:35:38.920 body i have a boy body like what's the problem here what's the problem here i want to be a girl

00:35:45.980 avatar in a game i just make my wife like yeah i i got a girl body i i have full access to like what

00:35:52.880 what's the issue here yeah it's it's weird so

00:35:56.820 i guess the bigger thing is is how also you and your partner grow together and it i think it's really

00:36:06.600 really hard when you're looking for someone older because it's really hard to grow into one identity

00:36:11.460 with someone but i i do think it happens like i think that for example my dad and his girlfriend

00:36:18.100 have sort of melded into one person you know what i mean yeah and they met after my mom passed away

00:36:24.100 so it can still absolutely happen i think it just kind of comes down to personality compatibility

00:36:29.300 shared values and the way that you live together and what you want to do with your lives so

00:36:34.140 i would say though basically the gist of this is don't ever expect someone to think that

00:36:39.920 they owe you because you made them better whether you are a country giving aid to someone else or you

00:36:47.900 are a partner making your other partner better i have a question for you yeah different status now

00:36:53.200 am i less hot now because i'm not higher status than you differentially i think you're still higher

00:36:58.480 status um no no no but the differential status difference is lower than when we started dating

00:37:05.080 yeah most women that would make me less attractive so i'm less attractive now than when we started 1.00

00:37:10.040 dating well no because you got hotter like physically so it's complicated malcolm you're in the wash 0.71

00:37:17.280 yeah you're yeah and and you're more you're more successful now so that's also very attractive

00:37:22.800 like you've been very successful at what you said you wanted to do when we first met it's kind of

00:37:28.740 crazy so you are definitely more desirable i said i wanted to take over the world how far are we from

00:37:34.820 your baby steps baby steps okay i love you to decimone have a great day bye 0.87

00:37:42.260 what is going on are you wading through the pile of cans in your room

00:37:50.140 everything in my room is neatly organized

00:37:56.140 always logic

00:37:57.940 pile based logic

00:38:00.740 simone simone there's a reason why people don't trust women anymore 1.00

00:38:07.180 of course

00:38:08.600 i can't believe octavian's note for the teacher i love you and i want to kiss you

00:38:16.280 why did you is that actually what he wanted to say to her

00:38:19.880 that's what he wanted to say

00:38:20.920 i was like okay sure whatever

00:38:24.740 oops we're on the wrong side now sacrilege

00:38:28.620 are we recording we are look at that

00:38:30.980 i'm terrified of forgetting i'm basically narcoleptic

00:38:34.380 that's okay okay okay

00:38:36.380 that's the letter q

00:38:37.880 now where's p

00:38:38.380 perfect octavian

00:38:39.520 it's right there

00:38:40.300 the letter p for penguin sounds just right

00:38:42.000 keep up the fantastic work with that puzzle

00:38:44.280 you are amazing

00:38:45.540 p

00:38:46.180 no that's e

00:38:47.940 e

00:38:48.720 yeah

00:38:50.480 got it it's e

00:38:52.000 keep going octavian

00:38:53.760 you're doing really well

00:38:55.380 remember every piece you find gets you closer to finishing the puzzle

00:38:58.960 is this the letter q

00:39:00.460 can you feel it on top

00:39:01.820 let me see that

00:39:03.620 it's the letter

00:39:04.380 oh

00:39:04.920 hey let's talk about something fun

Based Camp - March 06, 2025

My Wife Respects Me Less Because I Improved Her Life (The Challenge of Helping Women)

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