Based Camp - New Research Reveals How Female Sexuality ACTUALLY Works

00:00:00.000 hello simone today we are going to be talking about a very very fun topic which is does human

00:00:08.680 sexuality actually work the way we think it does ayla did a piece on this recently where she was 1.00

00:00:14.100 digging through the research and she came to a conclusion very similar to our own which is the

00:00:18.980 only reason we see sexual orientation i.e preference for specific genders as the predominant aspect of

00:00:26.320 human sexuality is because of weird political stuff that happened in the 80s and if you actually

00:00:32.020 look at the data that is a fairly bad way to divide humanity i mean i would add it's also

00:00:37.140 from mostly male researchers doing this and men do tend to have a more sex oriented sexuality so that

00:00:45.540 makes sense so we're gonna go through a lot of her research on this we're gonna go through the idea

00:00:51.680 that she's gonna promote in this which is she calls it like bdsm sexuality but it's more like 0.69

00:00:57.200 a sexuality that is more focused on which partner is the dominant or submissive partner than focused

00:01:02.380 on the gender of the partner as we pointed out historically this appears to be the primary

00:01:07.060 form of sexuality in your average woman not every woman right the same way that not every man is you

00:01:12.300 know attracted to women right but on average it's it's fair to argue per the research that malcolm

00:01:17.880 did that women exist more along the lines of dominant submission orientation than they do to 1.00

00:01:24.940 like attraction to man versus woman which is more how it is for men yeah and now other people are

00:01:31.240 pulling out this data which i love and which we're gonna go into but this is really important

00:01:35.500 especially considering that especially for women bdsm oriented sexuality or like power dynamic 0.99

00:01:42.260 oriented sexuality is this pervasive because we are seeing what ayla alluded to in this in this 0.96

00:01:50.140 sub stack piece she did sort of a rise of the sex wars which she sort of sees as being a predecessor

00:01:55.200 or the the next thing after the woke wars where and we see this on all sides of the political spectrum

00:02:02.160 there are people including women who are like this is disgusting this is you know you know

00:02:09.540 violation of women's rights this is violent this is horrible and that is for the same reason why in 0.99

00:02:15.800 the past you would see many often predominantly male leaders being like gay sex is disgusting this is 1.00

00:02:23.060 wrong and that is because as you point out in the pragmatist guide to sexuality sexuality exists on a 0.98

00:02:28.620 like the way we react to things like sources of arousal is we're either aroused or we are disgusted

00:02:35.480 and so if you if you may be aroused by something or you could be disgusted by it and it's very hard

00:02:42.080 to not equate disgust with bad morals so despite the fact that many women are aroused by being

00:02:49.080 dominated the women who are disgusted by it just can't model that this could possibly be sexy to 0.88

00:02:54.740 someone yeah and i say not many women the vast majority of women are aroused by being dominated 1.00

00:03:00.660 yeah but in the sex wars people can't they can't they can't wrap their heads around that they're

00:03:05.380 like this it's impossible it's disgusting it's immoral i love the red pill like figured this out

00:03:10.360 and it was like their free pass to sex for like half a generation what an arbitrage play i mean it still

00:03:16.040 is though dominance among men or women one of the easiest things you can do if you're looking to get

00:03:21.560 partners is to to be the dominant person well especially because males have become less

00:03:27.260 dominant over time likely due to environmental pollutants but that's neither here nor there

00:03:32.280 let's go into the data on this and i'm skipping a bit into this because at the beginning she just

00:03:36.100 had a bunch of stats that i don't think were relevant and we can hit them at the end if we

00:03:38.920 want to or we have time it was about other stuff it wasn't necessarily about yeah when it comes to

00:03:44.520 solid bdsm you start to see a similar bimodal distribution of interest the most common

00:03:49.360 relationship people have towards bdsm is either completely uninterested or extremely interested

00:03:54.260 there isn't much of a middle in fact in my data someone's bdsm interest explains more structured

00:03:59.520 variation in their sexuality than whether they're gay or straight and here is a very interesting graph

00:04:05.760 which is both gender's relative strengths factors and the variance explained by each of these so this is

00:04:12.680 looking at if you're looking at one thing that arouses somebody how explanatory is that going to be of all

00:04:18.180 the other things that arouse that person the the on a zero to ten graph bdsm is almost an eight

00:04:26.520 whereas gay to straight is only a 4.5 yeah that makes sense so it's not that bdsm is like somewhat

00:04:35.180 more indicative of somebody's actual sexual profile it is almost twice as indicative yeah and then if

00:04:42.320 you're looking at what actually comes between bdsm and gay straight is horror a horror related 0.81

00:04:47.300 horror horror h-o-r-r-o-r is more indicative of somebody's sexual profile if they are interested 0.99

00:04:55.800 in horror related content what is horror related content guru porn would be an example of that

00:05:02.560 that's super niche horror would likely be an example of that again super niche oh okay but okay yeah

00:05:07.660 because that's not as pervasive but it is very predictive murder would be an example of that which

00:05:11.700 is common in a lot of things monster related stuff would likely be an example of that okay okay okay

00:05:17.200 so yeah a lot a lot of stuff that's in a lot of form okay after gay straight the next one that's

00:05:23.160 almost the same as gay straight in terms of explanation profile is incest slash age play 0.94

00:05:29.260 after that again almost as good is gender play and then the the lowest is sensuality which is

00:05:36.500 actually a core part of like women's sexual profiles what even is that and keep in mind this

00:05:41.160 graph is not about the popularity of each of these it's about their explanatory values to the variants

00:05:47.800 of other arousal parts of the person in other words how predictive is it of or how much does it

00:05:53.560 correlate with other things almost kind of like you know going back to the episode that you did on how

00:06:00.300 political ideology sets clustered yeah but those said that anything within the cluster is a good

00:06:07.680 indication of everything else yeah you're saying this one thing is a much better indication than

00:06:12.000 anything else yeah yeah it's like if you could tell just from a person's abortion stance well no no

00:06:16.920 reverse it so what what the study did that's like this is that being a democrat in this study was

00:06:22.960 extremely predictive of this huge set of ideologies which is pretty crazy and that's what you're seeing

00:06:27.360 here is is being into bdsm is hugely predictive of a whole bunch of other ideologies meaning that you

00:06:33.580 can if you know people are into bdsm fairly accurately infer a lot of things about their

00:06:39.100 sexuality the same way where knowing someone is a democrat or sorry especially a democrat can enable

00:06:45.600 you to infer a lot of ideologies yeah but very different because we're talking about one thing versus

00:06:52.400 other things so i wouldn't go too deep on that okay yeah okay the above graph is a result of factor

00:06:58.340 analysis basically a process that finds natural clusters in the data for example the classic big

00:07:03.580 five personality test was built off of factor analysis basically they ask people a bunch of

00:07:07.440 questions and then notice the questions like are you the life of a party were really predictive of

00:07:12.740 answers to a bunch of other questions like i like adventure i enjoy chatting with strangers

00:07:17.540 that's if you know somebody is the quote-unquote life of the party you can make a bunch of better

00:07:22.060 guesses about other parts of them in a way that is less true for questions like they like cake more

00:07:27.800 than pie and and what she's saying here is the they like cake more than pie is they like males more

00:07:32.900 than females or females more than males and the i'm the life of the party is the are you into bdsm or

00:07:37.760 horror um if we explain the same process to a bunch of questions about what arouses you someone's

00:07:44.920 attitudes towards bdsm emerge as the most distinct and defining cluster people who like it people who

00:07:51.520 dislike it are distinct and different from each other more so than they are along any other axis

00:07:57.600 and here you can see just how far apart they are from this screen plot i put here the sexual interest

00:08:03.320 spectrum into men versus women is not very different from other types of sexual interests it's just more

00:08:08.760 visible the category of gender as a sexual interest is a public thing heavily ritualized by culture

00:08:15.380 this makes sense since males and females having fetishes for each other's bodies results in 0.98

00:08:20.920 reproduction and this has gotten real popular and become a wholesome cornerstone of civilization and

00:08:26.080 media and identity i love it she describes males and females have a fetish for each other's bodies

00:08:30.600 and it got popular and it's a cornerstone of civilization and identity you swap out just the

00:08:36.380 type of body that goes through the ritual marriage and so we get the concept of sexual orientation as

00:08:41.960 distinct from other types of sexual interests there's no quote-unquote marriage concept for

00:08:46.480 other fetishes and the core reason of this is john money we haven't done the episode on him yet but we

00:08:51.940 have filmed it and he is a monster and he was the one who invented this concept it is not a natural

00:08:56.880 thing to think you might say that gendered sexual orientation is distinct for reasons besides social 0.83

00:09:03.620 orientation such as it wholly defines who you can have a satisfying sexual relationship with

00:09:08.800 this is obvious from accounts of gay people who didn't know they were gay trying to make straight

00:09:13.120 relationships work quote anything physical felt forced like i was an actor playing a role i never

00:09:18.400 understood why people liked kissing or sex for me it was uncomfortable at best painful at worst i was

00:09:23.560 never attracted to men i was just with them because it was expected but you can find near identical

00:09:29.660 accounts from people with other types of sexual orientations too bdsm as a sexual orientation

00:09:34.920 i thought there was something off about my sexuality since high school because i didn't get turned on

00:09:40.660 when hooking up with my partners i thought maybe i was gay but it was the same with the girl i dated 0.81

00:09:46.480 i was attracted to her and enjoyed physical contact with her but i couldn't get turned on the way i did

00:09:51.560 when i was fantasizing about dark things alone in my bed i did get turned on in a few in-person

00:09:57.280 situations a girl holding me down and kissing me a guy fingering me on the dance floor while i

00:10:02.480 squirmed away and eventually i realized that's what i was into once i got comfortable enough

00:10:07.540 telling people what i was into it took a while i started having good sex i am not disgusted by

00:10:13.260 vanilla sex but it is a similar vibe to cuddling for me and can be awkward because i am simply not

00:10:18.340 turned on by even the hottest person imaginable gently going down on me and then another person said 0.64

00:10:23.360 i occasionally want vanilla sex with people i really love but i don't get turned on by it 0.70

00:10:28.040 this is so the rising sex wars i think is super super damaging especially to women because

00:10:35.860 already it's it's a really big problem i think that many women don't realize that they could have 1.00

00:10:42.000 incredibly satisfying sex if they were just aware of this dynamic yeah like i cannot emphasize based on

00:10:49.520 the data that you found in the practice guide to sexuality how many women are having these experiences

00:10:54.520 where they are having vanilla loving sex with their partners and they're just like i'm not into 0.81

00:10:59.740 this at all well i guess i just you know and they're like well you know women don't really they're not 1.00

00:11:04.220 into sex and they don't realize that like and you know ayla describes this in in the blog post too 0.97

00:11:09.260 she's like you know i i didn't you know i had a little bit of like sort of the vanilla experience to

00:11:13.160 begin with and then but like she she just thought she didn't have a sex drive well oh no and this is why

00:11:18.940 it's very important to educate young women about this or they can end up thinking they're gay when

00:11:24.000 they're not gay um same with young men they can end up thinking they're trans when they're not trans

00:11:28.260 when you do not explain normal sexual profiles and here i'm not defining normal by what christians

00:11:35.140 accept or what society accept by actual sexual profile by frequency at least within our current

00:11:40.220 system yeah you end up with people making really bad decisions about who they are and their life

00:11:46.320 choices yeah at worst and and at best you have people who live their entire lives with no sexual

00:11:52.500 satisfaction yeah despite maybe being you know happily married and having sex multiple times a

00:11:57.580 week can you imagine yeah yeah no it's it's honestly a really sad outcome and these god these women who 1.00

00:12:05.980 go into this like anti-porn anti-kink rants and everything well yeah because that that so like to all 0.70

00:12:11.580 the women that those women who are fully disgusted by this and who think it's morally bad like it's not 1.00

00:12:16.440 like they're they're pretending there's not like they're hiding something or they they know the truth

00:12:20.360 they don't know the truth okay maybe some are i want to think that they don't know the truth

00:12:24.560 but now this is like so the women who haven't yet discovered that their sexuality is as ayla calls it 0.98

00:12:30.140 bd bd smexuality are are thinking well i better never ever get involved with that because that is 0.90

00:12:37.820 that is me being hurt by people yeah me being victimized and hurt and traumatized and and and then

00:12:46.220 they never discover it and they live sexually i honestly believe that the women who like freak 0.99

00:12:51.380 out and go on rants about this it reminds me of how we keep fighting like you know like republican 0.96

00:12:56.580 who are like anti-sex anti-porn guys like in public bathrooms having sex was random men you know oh you

00:13:02.940 think they're secretly into it i don't know i mean like keep in mind like a lot of the men who 0.93

00:13:06.760 are super anti-gay were are like literally just from a sexual orientation standpoint very very disgusted 0.93

00:13:13.820 by male bodies i think the majority of the men who are the most anti-gay are gay like this is 0.98

00:13:19.760 something we keep seeing in the data right like the thing is is that if you're actually just like 0.92

00:13:24.920 grossed out by men or like turned off by choking or whatever um and you especially if you have a

00:13:30.060 long-term partner and it's not like an active threat to you when you're going out and hooking up

00:13:34.020 with people you just don't think about it that much if the people who are constantly thinking about

00:13:39.760 it and needing to suppress it you are the ones who constantly talk about it which is i think why

00:13:44.820 you see us where we're like oh this is curious but like we just don't have that much of a horse

00:13:48.360 in this race we're like you know don't screw up your kids but you know whatever whereas the people

00:13:52.860 who get like really passionate and go on these big tirades about like men choke us and i'm like you

00:13:58.800 are thinking a lot about men choking you i don't know of like and as we've pointed out women actually 0.52

00:14:03.900 have a your average woman like if you're looking at the percentage of women who prefer this more 0.96

00:14:09.860 women are turned on by this than turned off by this yeah and the thing and psa as you point out in

00:14:15.180 the prime which is guide to sexuality which is free to our patreon premium subscribers audiobook and ebook

00:14:20.960 it you really like as much as that might turn you on you really shouldn't like in terms of these

00:14:26.300 sexually related deaths out there auto asphyxiation is you shouldn't it's it's dangerous yeah like there

00:14:32.920 there are other ways that you can get satisfaction almost certainly so please be careful if that does

00:14:39.400 turn you on because you know danger anyway anyway to quote one of her friends who anonymously talked

00:14:45.540 to her about this she goes i occasionally have vanilla sex with people i really love but i still 0.98

00:14:49.400 don't get turned on by it either i make sex purely about connecting with eroticism or i think kinky 0.93

00:14:54.900 thoughts and get turned on that way so they're they're having vanilla sex and they're like i love it she 0.70

00:15:00.320 quotes this as a non-friend part of me wonders if this is her just writing as an anon friend

00:15:04.720 she asked for quotes yeah true no i think she really did this research if you swapped out well

00:15:12.260 obviously she did she has huge sample sets this was done on a sample but i mean in terms of the

00:15:16.240 quotes she included in there she she she really worked hard to source those if you swapped out kinky 0.99

00:15:21.960 stuff for gay stuff this would be indistinguishable from accounts of gay people trying to navigate life 0.83

00:15:26.800 before they figured out what they were yes and then she says and i like this because she talks

00:15:31.500 about it from personal experience i am one of these tales i've been into bdsm type stuff as long

00:15:36.460 as i can remember some of my earliest memories four or five years old were proto-sexual fantasies was

00:15:41.780 bondage well before i had any exposure to anything sexual whatever i was in denial about it for years and

00:15:48.280 my first relationship was vanilla after the initial novelty was my boyfriend wore off so did our sex life

00:15:54.300 entirely i thought i had simply had a low sex drive sex seemed like a chore i figured that's just the

00:16:00.640 way sex was for everyone women weren't supposed to like sex that much am i right but it turns out 0.98

00:16:05.380 actually no it wasn't that i didn't like sex it was that i didn't like vanilla sex and this is where

00:16:10.700 i'd push back against this narrative that we sometimes see on the right which is that an individual

00:16:15.820 gets corrupted by kinky stuff and formerly they were able to be turned on by normal things and now that 0.96

00:16:22.400 they've engaged in kinky stuff they no longer get turned on by normal things when if you actually

00:16:26.840 look at the data and we talk about this in the pragmatist guide to sexuality what often actually

00:16:30.700 happens is an individual is not particularly turned on by normal things and then they finally

00:16:35.680 figure out how to activate arousal in themselves through kinky stuff and without that they never 1.00

00:16:40.680 would have had an arousing sexual life and where this creates problems is around individuals who

00:16:47.360 grew up never being exposed to anything that significantly aroused them and then they finally

00:16:52.380 find something that significantly arouses them uh you know in their teens or as an adult and they

00:16:57.640 didn't build up the resistance to those types of things and so they end up having major problems

00:17:02.560 around it um but it's not because the thing is kinky it is because they were never exposed to anything

00:17:08.360 that really aroused them in the way that other people were aroused by things all the time 0.98

00:17:12.020 once i started engaging in kinky relationships surprise i suddenly had a vicious sex drive sex 0.95

00:17:17.880 became bonding transcendent and wonderful the way everyone else had been talking about it finally

00:17:23.120 made sense nowadays i actually engage in exclusively in kinky relationships and here there's a graph she 0.64

00:17:30.560 has of a non-consent interest score by age of first interest and what you can see is the non-consent

00:17:38.140 whether it is you know cis males cis females etc non-cis way stronger and more powerful if you

00:17:46.580 first were interested in it before the age of five wow whoa man people have good memories and then

00:17:52.760 stronger still if it's like before the age of 10 and then it drops down a lot you don't see as much

00:17:58.560 you know if you get if you get to it between like 15 and 20 and and as she says here for most fetishes

00:18:04.700 in my data the earlier the age of onset of a fetish the more extreme the fetish tends to be people who

00:18:10.480 report bdsm related fetishes starting at the age of five or earlier were the most into it this is

00:18:16.320 usually well before exposure to porn or likely anything sexual at all this is good evidence i think

00:18:22.300 for bdsm and sexual orientations in general not just gender debased ones being innate or otherwise

00:18:27.820 quite early and i'll note here you know i've mentioned you know where i have non-normative

00:18:32.400 arousal patterns they started way before puberty for me like at least half a decade before puberty

00:18:40.060 for me and when i'm not five i how do you do you remember i went to puberty super late i went to

00:18:47.760 puberty at like 16 and a half um like super late but the point here being is is before that when i would

00:18:55.460 you know lay in bed and create fantasy worlds and create you know stuff like that like the the the

00:19:02.220 things that later i recognized were arousal were major features in these worlds but at the time i

00:19:10.220 didn't contextualize them that way of course not which i think shows that these are not things that

00:19:14.740 are created by you know environments when you're a kid certainly nothing happened to me when i was a

00:19:20.140 kid i think a lot of it is actually genetic and cultural yeah to be honest and like we're not

00:19:25.600 allowed to talk about that we're not and we 100 see this in like japan like they prefer phenotypically

00:19:33.040 young partners yeah and erotic materials across country yeah and like the auntie porn that we kept

00:19:38.560 having to take off that one site that i worked at early in india where they like older women who show 1.00

00:19:44.780 it was like like armpits and just sort of yeah just middle-aged women like not really that would 1.00

00:19:51.620 be no interest to me at all like yeah it was it was it was very strange but it was clearly a thing

00:19:56.140 for some people and i think it was clustered genetically yeah yeah and and that's okay like i

00:20:01.640 know that we're for whatever reason i'll talk about this but i think a lot of this is just genetic

00:20:05.420 yeah yeah you do you you know whatever now this may seem tangential or weird to talk about that

00:20:12.560 usually the things that later become fetishes become things that people get interested in long

00:20:17.840 before they go through puberty but it actually matters a lot if you are for example worried about

00:20:22.740 your kids becoming you know sexual deviants i think the perception is oh they're gonna see some weird

00:20:29.180 you know website and that's gonna turn them on to all this stuff when if you actually read forums 0.53

00:20:35.860 around people who have uh paraphilias or fetishes what it almost always is is oh yeah there was that

00:20:41.880 power rangers episode or that episode of a cartoon when i was a kid or that um you know how many

00:20:48.100 people were awakened by one of the spy girls episodes is is a major joke are you kidding me if there was a

00:21:03.520 show that truly questioned the purpose of a cartoon it was totally spies

00:21:08.940 great what are we gonna do now i mean seriously what the is this cartoon one can't help but ask if

00:21:19.280 totally spies was fetish fuel in disguise if the people who made this cartoon were subtly telegraphing

00:21:26.680 their fetishes i mean yeah that's quite the bizarre accusation but trust me there is some interesting

00:21:33.580 evidence that supports that claim really really interesting

00:21:38.680 there's bondage feet schoolgirls mummification buried in sand wigs life draining shrinking muscles 0.50

00:22:02.580 skirts sneezing bondage swimsuits cross-dressing sweating face swap covered in mud covered in gum

00:22:12.160 brainwashing wrestling bondage showering transformation furries towels head enlargement

00:22:20.840 rule 63 cheerleading entanglement ripped clothes weight gain forced feeding giant girls tattoos frozen 1.00

00:22:30.960 made outfits cat girl outfits aging bondage and shrinking clothes so do you see where i'm coming

00:22:39.080 from but also seriously like what is with the french who made that show like totally spies is very 0.74

00:22:45.240 sus for a children's show or you know the people think oh they're they're going to be turned into

00:22:49.420 furries by you know going to a furry convention or hanging out when furries when instead it's it's

00:22:55.460 watching the disney's robin hood which turns somebody into a furry this matters because

00:23:00.840 it goes against the intuition a lot of people have and it causes people to attempt to shield

00:23:07.640 their kids from things that aren't actually relevant in the development of paraphilias

00:23:11.900 although i should place a special caveat with furries here because there actually are communities of

00:23:17.280 furries that become common in schools and recruit kids that don't have this as a paraphilia

00:23:21.200 but are just normal kids and like pretending to be animals as you can see in the recent videos we've had

00:23:26.200 on ours our kids have liked wearing you know animal ears recently and pretending to be like a fox or a

00:23:31.260 cat that is a normal phase kids go through and sometimes other kids can psyops them into very

00:23:36.600 weird beliefs using urban monocultural ideas or especially if they happen to be autistic or something

00:23:41.420 um but here i'm specifically talking about paraphilias and not the predatory communities

00:23:46.780 when you can't do anything about it if you contextualize it as deviant it leads to deviant actions

00:23:51.440 and that's such an important point yeah your your arousal patterns are not an endorsement

00:23:56.260 of those things and i think for a lot of women it's also really hard to navigate 1.00

00:24:01.300 bd smexuality i'm just using ayla's coinage because it's fun because women don't condone 0.60

00:24:09.640 unauthorized surprise sex or even if they prefer it yeah even if they prefer it even if it really

00:24:17.220 turns them on like that doesn't mean it's okay that doesn't mean they want it to happen but it

00:24:21.300 does mean that in some scenarios where they may simulate it that it's really sexy for them i mean

00:24:28.020 so one thing that i'm wondering about though as i'm as i'm talking about this with you is there may

00:24:33.680 be a lot of guys like married guys who are listening to your podcast who are like well so i've only had 0.90

00:24:38.980 vanilla sex with my wife she's not very sexually adventurous at all and she has zero sex drive and 1.00

00:24:44.540 maybe they're wondering now like well crap like does my wife have a sex drive that she just doesn't 1.00

00:24:50.640 realize something you want to explore yeah i mean how do you explore it if she is like because i think 0.99

00:24:55.680 a lot of women are uncomfortable talking about their sexuality like what do you do books is she 1.00

00:25:00.860 reading how does she engage with sexuality in literature well our society has a lot of taboos

00:25:07.400 against women engaging with this publicly if your wife is reading 50 shades of gray that's that 0.80

00:25:13.200 giveaway that's a giveaway right like you might see this as innocuous it's not innocuous that is

00:25:19.180 saying something fair if she is spending a lot of time in the monster effort part of the library

00:25:23.760 you know as i mentioned before you know one unique arousal pattern i've mentioned publicly is i i find

00:25:29.480 vampires really hot like before i went everyone thinks vampires are hot no no not everyone does really

00:25:35.780 only a few i remember west virginia was like the cultural hot is this like a person yeah i remember

00:25:43.040 vampire movies are super big but i guess in like white people territory never mind so maybe yeah

00:25:47.940 maybe it's yeah no i think it's like a white person thing maybe but like i vampires and werewolves i was

00:25:53.460 like every other book and and and even though you know i hadn't gone through puberty you know these

00:25:58.660 were books i was getting from the the vampire and werewolf section of the aisle which means they

00:26:03.700 definitely had like sexual undertones right yeah and the question is is why are people doing this

00:26:09.160 like why are they engaging with this stuff even before puberty right like and i think that that's

00:26:13.360 also really important for people to contextualize yeah yeah a lot of girls especially when they're 1.00

00:26:18.500 engaging with this content it's before they actually start to feel arousal when they are reading

00:26:23.920 their first you know vampire stories or their first whatever it is that turns them on right

00:26:29.300 gosh yeah it's crazy how young kids learn about vampires i mean our kids know everything about

00:26:34.520 vampire and zombie lore and you got very mad did you know there's like a zombie movie now

00:26:40.920 that's like yeah so this i don't know it came out a few years ago but it was like a movie for people

00:26:46.200 who like want to slowly eat other people wait what yeah yeah it's about a girl and a guy and it was

00:26:53.260 clearly like about the sexual undertones it's like a thing that came out like three or four

00:26:58.840 years ago okay there were two of them it turns out it raw and bones and all but i guess i'm saying

00:27:06.040 like like like a team up whatever from bob's burger remember you let me watch night of the living dead

00:27:11.740 when i was eight so now i wake up every night standing in the middle of my room wait you still

00:27:15.860 get those yeah they're weirder now oh boy i think my subconscious fears and my butting sexuality

00:27:21.560 are getting all mixed up okay i don't want to hear so i think i'm being attacked by zombies

00:27:25.580 and i start screaming do you want to make out and i make out with it hmm i might just bunk with

00:27:32.420 gram and gramps okay enough gene louise you sleep in tina's room tina you're quarantined you sleep

00:27:38.420 alone we'll strap you down or something leave my lips free okay and i was like that's uh well hey

00:27:43.920 keep in mind it's not my fetish i i guess i just can't there's the zombie high which is a very

00:27:50.200 popular disney show yeah where you've got the zombies and then like cheerleaders and then they 0.59

00:27:56.440 added werewolves and then they added aliens i don't know what else they've added since because

00:28:00.800 why not yeah why not go for it no i mean asking why are people into this stuff when it's contextualized

00:28:07.400 in a romantic context is interesting yeah yeah for something so innate resistance to attempts to change

00:28:13.020 and for something that so radically affects the type of relationships that work it's odd that we

00:28:17.420 don't have a term for this type of sexuality so i'm going to refer to people with innate bdsm

00:28:22.660 preference as bdsm sexual pronounced bd smexuals bd smexuals oh wait sorry as people without a

00:28:31.700 tender sexual you know that's that's what she calls the other thing tender sexual versus bd smexuals 0.99

00:28:37.300 bd smexuals yeah i mean she says she apologizes for the cheesiness inventing words is her dumb stat 0.98

00:28:42.360 that i love that for ayla so we've gay straight and then we have tender sexuals and bd smexuals 0.94

00:28:49.120 but this is also important to know right like if you are entering a relationship and this is one of

00:28:54.600 the reasons why this whole like oh no women's into this no guy is into this all of this stuff

00:28:59.420 is bad like it's it's bad because it causes people to enter relationships with people they are

00:29:04.460 not sexually compatible with yeah can you imagine tender sexual marrying bd smexual that's that's it

00:29:09.660 it can't work out you you can't fake that kind of stuff it's no you can't like it does not work

00:29:16.260 and you're going to end up like you could i mean you can fake it like there's beards and stuff but

00:29:20.620 it's no different from living with a beard and i think it probably leads to a lot of divorces

00:29:24.300 in cultures that are uncomfortable talking about this i mean yeah unless you're like really happy to

00:29:29.140 have a sexless marriage which well yeah i mean i think that this is in part due to like if you look

00:29:35.240 at mormon culture or something right like i think a higher number of divorces might be due to them

00:29:39.740 just not talking about this yeah especially when bd smexuals are clearly a big not unusual was in

00:29:46.520 mormon culture yeah if you look at the books they're creating like twilight and stuff i'm like come on you 0.95

00:29:51.400 guys like i know i know what you guys see what's going on yeah what's going on but what's sad is that

00:29:56.060 there may be like you may have two bd smexuals married but because this is such a taboo thing

00:30:02.460 it's almost like two two gay people in a straight relationship but like not realizing they can just 0.99

00:30:10.520 be gay together you know it yeah sad why the porn debate is stupid in the sex wars i am increasingly 0.99

00:30:19.460 viewing as the successor of the woke wars many tender sexual feminists are very upset about how 1.00

00:30:25.540 quote-unquote degrading porn is women are spit on slapped and choked how bad and offensive this does 0.99

00:30:31.700 look pretty bad if you're tender sexual really gay people looked pretty bad and offensive to 0.98

00:30:37.060 heterosexual people for a lot of history but i think they failed to realize that a large minority of 0.95

00:30:41.920 women who are bd sexual for whom bd sm is just a deep part of their sexuality as lesbianism is to 1.00

00:30:49.200 lesbians and this is more of a female or submissive thing than a male i would note here if you go by a 1.00

00:30:56.940 list statistics on the number of women who would fall into this bd sexual category uh it would be

00:31:01.880 way higher than the proportion of men who are born same-sex attracted men's sexuality is more responsive

00:31:07.560 to general sluttiness while women are overwhelmingly at least a little into power dynamics and i noted this 1.00

00:31:12.120 before like men are not as captured by this as women are so if i'm putting a graph on screen here this

00:31:19.340 is how erotic do you find being the sub in females you see a huge extremely here in and and for men 0.99

00:31:26.140 you know even even in terms of not you just don't see like men are just not that they don't care as

00:31:30.860 much yeah how erotic do you find being the dom with males you find like so to get an idea so for women

00:31:37.040 who get really turned on by being the sub you're looking at near 50 for men who like really being

00:31:43.340 the dom you're looking at 25 it was just a way lower number and again this is why i always get

00:31:48.280 so frustrated by people who are like oh well you know you know clearly men are forcing this on women

00:31:55.500 i'm like look at the stats lady well and also it this just to to go back to stuff that you cover a lot

00:32:01.340 in the pragmatist guide to sexuality this this makes evolutionary sense that men really wouldn't need

00:32:06.420 to care that much about power dynamic because the thing that would ensure their survival was making

00:32:11.060 sure that the thing they had sex with was capable of producing offspring yes and for women you know 0.93

00:32:17.360 you the thing that ensured their survival was ensuring that the thing that they had sex with 1.00

00:32:21.340 was powerful and didn't kill them and didn't kill them yeah i mean yeah well no that's more common than

00:32:28.520 you would think you know yeah given the number of villages that were raided and stuff like that and

00:32:32.540 we talk about this anyway yeah yeah so being being kind of turned on by the raider who's coming into

00:32:37.420 your village and you know doing naughty things is probably better than you resisting to the death

00:32:42.200 right well and i and i think that this is in part why you see this instinct in women as we've seen

00:32:46.560 to welcome aggressive immigrant populations and pretend like they're a complete non-issue when they 1.00

00:32:52.700 very clearly are oh that never occurred to me but you could be onto something there that's dark

00:32:58.300 yeah no it is dark they are betraying their people and their their future and their potential children

00:33:05.260 their village being raided survival instinct kicking in yeah they're like oh yeah come on raiders i'm a

00:33:11.660 big fan of sharia law um you know so bad that's so bad the grooming games come on it's barely grooming

00:33:21.740 i'm just trying to make it by here yeah and then hayley goes on to say you don't need my grass to

00:33:27.900 know this look at the overwhelming popularity of groups like 50 shades of gray or the raunchy rough

00:33:32.960 dominance common in most popular women's erotica i always get so frustrated when feminists are like 1.00

00:33:38.080 men are disgusting have you seen the weird stuff that they have on their porn sites and i'm like 0.86

00:33:45.120 excuse me i've seen the weird stuff you women put in barnes and noble okay the the entire 1.00

00:33:51.460 monster effer aisle that is not something that you see at the same frequency even in the male 0.98

00:33:57.860 centers of debauchery what what are all these packets in here there's no room in the freezer

00:34:03.140 for this for this ice cream why is it blood for who's brad i thought you were dating a werewolf brad's

00:34:08.760 vampire brad's it's a different guy so now you're dating vampire okay um does he have a home where he can

00:34:14.680 keep his blood food does it have to be in our freezer because i want ice cream in my freezer i don't

00:34:19.240 want blood in my freezer i'm not being don't you dare accuse me of being small-minded i don't it's

00:34:24.700 my freezer does brad pay for the freezer no whose blood is this what are all these um these charges

00:34:32.060 they're all for like 70 and it's just a bunch of iron pills what for so evangeline's back with brad

00:34:41.440 the vampire and so i don't think i want to hear this but we're buying her iron tablets to make sure

00:34:47.960 she doesn't oh god can't we just say don't isn't there like a wait till i don't know never don't

00:34:54.900 ever don't ever let a vampire okay all right no i get it like be safe but also wow brad's a thousand

00:35:04.020 years old that's right yeah nope because i was talking to evangeline she was talking about history

00:35:09.680 class and she was talking about the inquisition and brad was there she's dating a thousand year old

00:35:14.920 i don't care if he doesn't look a thousand he's a thousand oh my god wait is chad chad's a dog is

00:35:20.400 chad three this isn't gonna work this is i'm being so cool as a dad in so many ways but if she's dating 0.99

00:35:25.860 an a thousand year old and she's also dating a three-year-old then we're gonna have to have 1.00

00:35:30.640 a sit down as a family to talk about what are we even gonna talk about i'm gonna sit down no just

00:35:39.580 right here on the floor roughly 80 percent of women in my data are sexually submissive which you 1.00

00:35:44.320 could say is the default female sexuality which by the way is higher than the number of women who 1.00

00:35:48.980 are not attracted by women um about 20 percent of women and about 15 percent of men are bdsm sex 0.76

00:35:56.700 bdsm actual bdsm actual and deeply oriented towards bdsm and i note here that this is more common for

00:36:04.340 women than for men yes by a significant margin in her data set yeah so if you're a man listening to

00:36:10.220 this and you just don't get it like yeah it's it's mostly a woman yeah because most men are tender

00:36:15.160 sexual even though men don't want to hear that this is what men mean when they're like i just want 0.94

00:36:18.740 bromance yeah and when you look at male erotic material it's slutty very enthusiastic women who just 0.82

00:36:25.760 really want it they just really want it yeah they're just like oh i just really wish instead of you

00:36:30.980 the average man being like i just really wish i could hunt people like i don't understand why all

00:36:37.360 you guys are so focused on sex i just really wish i could hunt people the ultimate sport the ultimate 0.81

00:36:43.220 sport yeah it's the most entertaining right as my data has a slightly inflated kink rates i'd estimate 0.66

00:36:49.280 something close to 15 percent of women and 10 percent of men are bdsm actual bdsm actual my tend men tend

00:36:56.460 to be slightly less polarized than women you could say they have higher rates of bdsm by sexuality or

00:37:02.560 switchiness like able to do both roles and for more on this particular topic you can look at my

00:37:08.100 raider versus homesteader sexual profile women where men may have an adaptive sexual profile because

00:37:15.580 the optimal arousal profile when you are raiding a village is very different from the optimal arousal

00:37:21.380 profile when you are caring for your wife and kids and so men and men actually have like

00:37:26.460 two local optimum with most men falling within both and because a lot of men learn about their

00:37:31.440 sexuality through pornography which their brain would see as disposable rated individuals they

00:37:36.460 think of themselves as far more bdsm actual than they really are and they're actually more tender 0.90

00:37:41.740 sexual and long-term relationships but anyway in general women perform more violent porn than most men 0.96

00:37:48.800 do and she has a citation here rougher sex than men think they'd like this holds it true in my data 0.68

00:37:54.820 whether you're measuring my own followers or an anonymous paid survey respondents and then here

00:37:59.900 she has a how much of the porn you watch is violent graph and and as you can see you know it's women 1.00

00:38:05.840 who are who are into this what's also interesting is other than women who else is really into it

00:38:10.740 trans men so women with additional stuff the people who are least into it are cis men you know after

00:38:18.560 trans women are the most into it then it's women and then after women is trans women and then 0.84

00:38:22.480 men are like not into it at all like men are just very very tender sexual and i would note here if

00:38:27.900 you happen to be a man who is you know competent and marginally attractive and not a tender sexual

00:38:33.440 that's a huge arbitrage on dating markets when you're a young man especially sexual dating marketplaces you

00:38:39.860 can just absolutely clean up and i think a lot of my success when i was younger in sleeping with lots

00:38:45.500 of people came down to just being non-tender sexual and being socially competent and normal looking

00:38:53.180 because apparently that's very rare in males and it's something that a lot of women are looking for 0.71

00:38:58.580 and and here you see a graph here where she has a hard face slapping during smex by violent porn 1.00

00:39:04.520 consumption and and here you see what men believe that what women would want like how much of the porn you

00:39:12.080 watch is violent and what women actually want which is just like way more if women watch a lot of violent 1.00

00:39:17.280 porn they're like 70 like i'm into this like hit me hard daddy and then this is something i definitely

00:39:22.740 saw when i used to sleep around a lot like this is why i've always found it to be so effing bizarre

00:39:27.940 when women are like women aren't into this and i'm like yes they are like why you mean either you're 0.62

00:39:34.320 not into it or you're pretending to not be into it and the amount you talk about it makes me think

00:39:38.240 you're pretending violent porn with distressed women is actually not that popular overall compared 0.92

00:39:44.200 to porn with slutty women i'm currently working on a porn database of the most popular porn hub videos 0.80

00:39:49.960 and i definitely have my issues with how sex is being presented to people in mass but so far 0.91

00:39:55.640 violence is rare i hope to publish this data more well violence against people who are into it is rare

00:40:02.180 is what she's saying here so i think what we're seeing is very tender sexual women hear about

00:40:07.740 videos of women getting abused they assume this is rampant most anti-porn feminists i hear talk 1.00

00:40:13.020 about this and reference how it's going to quote everywhere despite there not being any good data

00:40:17.320 supporting this claim go check the front page of porn hub and count how many videos feature women who 1.00

00:40:22.420 are showing distress and if you want something totally fictional because you're like well that's

00:40:26.480 showing real women you can go to e-hentai and you're just not going to see that many they because

00:40:30.520 that's an entirely fictionalized environment so presumably if it was that common you'd see it everywhere and

00:40:35.240 you don't they assume that it's quote-unquote teaching men to be more violent and that women

00:40:39.060 don't want this they are not aware that a substantial minority of women more so than men are actually

00:40:44.040 bds sexual bds sexual women are weirder more stigmatized and often stay quiet about their 1.00

00:40:48.940 sexual preferences especially in like group conversations which is why these women may not 0.95

00:40:52.460 know this if they haven't looked at the data while tender sexual women are more culturally dominant view 1.00

00:40:56.620 of female sexuality and enjoy a lot of uncontroversial backing when they frame their own sexual 1.00

00:41:01.160 orientation as the moral good that everyone else should follow and i'd also note here that like

00:41:06.560 if you're like well what about like the bible and whatever like the bible doesn't say that women need to 1.00

00:41:11.020 enjoy tender the closest you're gonna come is lines around you know loving your your wife's body in the

00:41:17.640 way that you love your own or providing for your wife or sacrificing for your wife but if this is something

00:41:24.020 that your wife likes and is turned on by and was coded into her without her consent and this is the

00:41:31.420 primary way that she gets turned on i don't see how that goes against this a line i found used a lot

00:41:37.480 to justify not doing anything that could be considered a form of kink within marital sex

00:41:42.280 is hebrews 13 4 because it states that a marriage should be undefiled the problem is is the context of this

00:41:49.620 word and this seems here more tied to adultery than anything else no totally agree with you on this

00:41:56.520 one thing that shocked me the first time i read especially the old testament was the amount of

00:42:01.880 both violence and sex and i don't remember there being a whole lot of people lovingly knowing each other

00:42:08.620 it it happened but i didn't hear about how tender and romantic it was so there's like one instance of

00:42:14.800 some poems about that but oh and song of solomon yeah but i mean that's it was more about romance

00:42:20.240 not so much about yeah you don't know what type of you know sex they were having you only know

00:42:26.380 they could have been really going at it in bd some actual ways who knows yeah you know i mean you see this

00:42:35.880 as as as somebody who is is is fairly on the aggressive side in their sexual profile i still date people

00:42:42.820 very romantically like you you would say that our dating process is very romantic right like 0.99

00:42:48.400 i i think that there's this misunderstanding that oh well this means that you got to be a jerk to 0.91

00:42:54.200 somebody all the time like it's what red pillars accidentally not at all yeah no yeah yeah i don't 0.99

00:43:01.720 really see a correlation there yeah anyway the tender sexual woman exposed to bds sexuality can be 1.00

00:43:10.460 jarring quote she was increasingly opening into her bdsm preferences and really wanted me to be very 0.73

00:43:17.280 dominant and forceful and as it turned out she was into knife play and wax stuff stuff that left her 0.82

00:43:23.100 was bruises she eventually sought this out outside of the relationship but it freaked me out seeing her 0.98

00:43:29.040 with bruises and burns i felt very confused and sad it was weird that this was the thing she wanted

00:43:34.840 because i was happy to give her things she wanted but i didn't want to hurt her and i'm like okay yeah 0.99

00:43:40.680 pussy just say i'm a big old pussy and i'm sorry the point here being is is what turns women on when 1.00

00:43:46.460 you're looking at a and right here she's talking about a tender sexual friend talking about their 1.00

00:43:49.840 experience dating a bb ads symmetrical and and she's like i i sympathize with this if violence power 1.00

00:43:56.540 sadism etc are all things that you've experienced in really terrible context like things villains do to

00:44:01.780 heroes in movies it can be confusing to think that some people want this and furthermore they can find

00:44:07.980 it good and fulfilling some insist that bdsm actuals cannot find it good and fulfilling and they must

00:44:13.520 necessarily be broken or traumatized in some way well it's true that in my data bdsm actuals are more

00:44:19.300 likely to have experienced rough childhoods than tender sexuals the majority of both groups still report

00:44:24.140 happy non-abusive childhoods and again we've noted in our data what happened to you in your childhood

00:44:29.280 really doesn't seem to affect your sexual profile that much it appears inborn and i would assume most

00:44:33.080 of it is pre-evolved based on cultural groups and stuff like that now i'd also note here yeah like this

00:44:39.080 idea that like oh if you're engaging with sexuality this way it must mean that your relationship is

00:44:45.140 really toxic or that you don't actually care about each other or and that's just not what i've seen

00:44:51.040 at all in my experience this is not like where i see people who are polyamorous and i'm like oh

00:44:56.680 i'm gonna look at their relationship and knock down the probability that it will stay stable i'm

00:45:01.200 like oh they're really just looking for a new partner when i see monogamous couples engaged in

00:45:05.880 more aggressive forms of sexuality i normally upgrade their their relationship in terms of 0.70

00:45:11.580 its likelihood of staying together for a lot of reasons and not all of them are positive one is

00:45:16.440 that there is a higher probability that the other partner has dirt on you that's going to lower the

00:45:23.340 chance that you leave a relationship you also are going to feel that finding a partner who is

00:45:28.000 compatible with you is less likely if you attempt to trade out for another partner thought simone

00:45:33.140 no i agree this is uncontroversial to me but i mean you must know women who are into this versus

00:45:42.480 women who aren't and their relationship profiles after they engage with it with their partners versus

00:45:48.540 the ones who are just i think the broader issue is i don't know the sexual profiles of

00:45:53.360 my female friends because they don't talk about it and i think a lot of women are not in touch with 0.99

00:45:58.160 their sexuality at all well i think a lot of women especially who have this sexual profile are very 0.52

00:46:02.800 afraid to talk about it with other women or even admit it to themselves like it's it's it's strictly

00:46:08.440 relegated to the fantasy novels that they read and it doesn't even make it into their relationships

00:46:12.740 i mean i we we have been exposed to some very sexually self-aware communities like with

00:46:20.340 rationalists and all the poly communities that we had friends within but most women like that i know

00:46:26.300 from childhood or i know just through circumstance super not in touch with their own sexuality like

00:46:31.840 at all and the only place where i see women like feeling comfortable or empowered talking about

00:46:38.640 their sexuality regardless of political affiliation is just buying vibrators and that's because like

00:46:44.460 sex toy companies are they have marketing talking getting them women talking yeah like basically the only 0.90

00:46:49.040 way that i'm seeing women on like in like general societies women in the united states at least getting 1.00

00:46:56.660 sexual satisfaction is by themselves using a vibrator no seriously that's really sad no it's a vibrator

00:47:04.740 in their teen dystopia novel i mean but but actually like and like literally that's the only

00:47:10.740 discussion of sexual satisfaction that i hear not like hey have you explored different kinks you might

00:47:15.560 have or whatever like and that happens you know i think even when it happens in the more sex positive

00:47:22.320 communities that are out there which by the way like you know i thought you know i used to think

00:47:26.340 that like okay well the rationalist community and ea are like super sex positive and like open to talk

00:47:31.600 about these things but now it's turning out that even they are now becoming fractured with these sex 0.96

00:47:37.360 wars they know they're becoming really freaked out about sex these days yeah so then there's like the

00:47:41.320 few sex positive people and i think i feel like this puts eil on a terrible position because you know

00:47:46.300 she's now tagged as being like the the gateway drug to sexual depravity when all she's doing is being 1.00

00:47:52.800 open and honest about her findings and she's open about her enjoyment of things that doesn't mean that

00:47:57.720 everyone's going to enjoy it but they're like putting it on her they're like no you're proselytizing

00:48:01.560 this you're doing like she's not but now she's getting caught up in this and so even within the

00:48:06.680 few sex positive communities that i encountered now they're even not clear now i've also noted here

00:48:15.620 that like if you're talking about like and this is one of the reasons why it's so like harmful to not

00:48:20.340 talk about the various sexual profiles that people have is well i would say you should not marry for the 0.96

00:48:25.160 quality of the sex or anything like that the probability that somebody who is it has a unique

00:48:30.880 sexual profile like a a fetish you would call it that their partner is fulfilling is going to seek

00:48:37.100 sex outside of the relationship is dramatically lower than somebody who is only securing vanilla

00:48:43.840 sex with that relationship because you can get vanilla sex from other people whereas sourcing non-vanilla

00:48:50.240 sex is dramatically harder and and the individual who's like well i wasn't willing to do this for 0.99

00:48:55.760 my partner so she just ended up being with other people this is an individual who's just like i knew

00:49:00.660 this turned my partner on they told me it turned them on i decided to superimpose my morals around

00:49:06.300 sexuality like well if it physically hurts you then you must hate it and the partner's like well

00:49:11.180 but i really want this right and this is the female partner by the way in in this right like 1.00

00:49:17.300 and they're like well i am the piragona and then their partner ends up sleeping with other people

00:49:21.880 because that's what happens and and this could be due to sexual incompatibility but it also could be

00:49:27.220 due to you know attempting to signal to a plastic bag right like i'm such a great male that i don't do x

00:49:33.580 or y you know there's still there's the other approach to this which is from you could take the

00:49:41.360 perspective that all non-procreative sex is a sin and if you're wasting your time trying to get sexual

00:49:49.280 satisfaction out of life you're wasting your life like life isn't about feeling good life is about

00:49:55.440 meaningfully maximizing that which you believe has value and if you're not just a pure-headedness 0.92

00:50:00.320 which i think is kind of dumb then you should probably not be so fixated on this so you know i mean

00:50:06.180 that's just to not be well no i mean this is our actual larger position on this which is like 0.60

00:50:12.340 and and this is actually our lifestyle like even though i know the things i could do with you that

00:50:17.080 would turn me on the most and you know the things you could do with me that would turn me on the most

00:50:20.180 it's almost never worth it like time wise right like well i mean especially because we have so many

00:50:25.740 things we're working on and there's like the opportunity cost of even a quickie which is never off the

00:50:32.180 table like still we we really have to think twice about even a quickie the whole thing for like an

00:50:38.940 orgasm and a bonding opportunity and i'm like i just don't care that much right like i just do not

00:50:45.140 care and people are shocked by this they're like oh whoa how could you and i'm just like there are

00:50:51.040 other things in life that are a better use of my time yeah if that's if that's literally the best use

00:50:55.960 of your time well okay for some people it is their biology is different from ours yeah

00:51:01.860 yeah for some people it is and their values are different than ours and maybe their opportunity

00:51:05.900 cost is way lower because they're just lower agents but i'm like if you're gonna engage with

00:51:10.440 it at least engage with it in a way that actually feels good and yes and that's yeah so that's

00:51:15.340 important like if you are going to be like indulge in hedonism either all the time or sometimes like

00:51:20.460 do it well at least please but also there is so much more to life than sexual gratification but i

00:51:28.780 note here when we say it's a sin i mean it's a sin in the same way that you know playing video

00:51:32.140 games is a sin right like it's a sin in the way in doing anything that's not productive as i said

00:51:35.800 eating more than you need to that that yeah like all all these things you know like yeah the people

00:51:41.540 who i mean there are people who orient their entire lives around their sexualities there are people

00:51:47.480 who orient their entire lives around traveling and going to fancy restaurants these are equally

00:51:52.540 debauched okay like they are they are equally sinful and we yeah we're not trying i'm not i'm no

00:51:59.640 more sex negative than i am foodie negative than i am sports obsession negative than i am etc etc

00:52:04.820 right yeah yeah i mean sports i'd see as worse because they take longer like the individual who

00:52:10.300 sits around watching a game all we have you come on poly people it's like a career oh yeah i mean

00:52:15.580 i'm not talking about poly people that's like a whole issue there right you know a lot it's huge

00:52:19.420 investment yeah i love that people are like oh your your wife would let you sleep with other

00:52:24.380 people if you wanted to and i'm like i do why would i want to like what's the time investment

00:52:28.200 in that right yeah like it's such a waste of time it is and and people just don't get it like they

00:52:34.740 think that humans have this voracious sexual profile that i i do not think that humans actually

00:52:41.820 have especially when they're adults and have a lot of kids well one i think historically there was a

00:52:45.760 lot more poly stuff going on but i think it's because people lived in very persistent tight-knit

00:52:50.220 communities and those other people were available like it was this other couple that you knew it's

00:52:55.100 this other woman that you was in all your social circles and you you constantly had opportunities

00:52:59.100 and the time so i actually think that before it was a lot easier to be poly or to be a swinger

00:53:05.120 than it is now like now it's hard now you have to schedule it now it's you don't always have this

00:53:09.900 passive social time you're spending so yeah that's true anyway to continue here so a tinder sexual

00:53:16.120 might ask why are some people bds sexual if they're not traumatized as one of my tinder sexual 0.97

00:53:21.400 friends said call me weird but i like sex where people act like they like each other you're you're 0.94

00:53:27.420 weird um it's not that you know i can't enjoy that but like you know there's other profiles which 0.97

00:53:34.820 are interesting as well vampires like the people they victimize in a way just like but i like a

00:53:42.160 burger you know you know this is a whole other set of blog posts maybe even a book's worth of material

00:53:47.720 but basically if you look at the evolution of apes and a whole lot of history it's actually kind of

00:53:52.640 weird that bds sexuality isn't the default power ownership dominant jealousy harassment and yes

00:53:58.600 even full out grape are integral parts of our closest relatives minus the bonobos mostly that 1.00

00:54:04.880 not true with the bonobos bonobos are the worst like a lot of people think that the bonobos are not like

00:54:09.340 that violent and and one of the they're like oh they're into more like gay stuff yeah and i talk 0.79

00:54:15.500 about like the well we have instances where a female bonobo took another bonobo's infant threatened 0.51

00:54:21.340 to rip its head off if the other woman didn't go down on her yeah that is worse than like the worst 1.00

00:54:27.780 male chimp stuff i'm not into that like it turns out when you give women power in human relatives 1.00

00:54:34.940 they become complete monsters which is what we regularly see in bonobos you can read our book on 0.92

00:54:40.360 this sexual violence has been among the biggest factors that shaped which of our ancestors got to

00:54:46.120 reproduce and which didn't for example one theory is that females that were attracted to sexually 1.00

00:54:50.600 aggressive males were more likely to have sexually aggressive and thus sexually successful sons the big

00:54:55.800 puzzle to me is why it's bimodal is this a cultural artifact iege why is it high on the tender sexual end 0.71

00:55:02.720 and high on the you know bdsm spectral end if bdsm actuality is linked to sexual success in our histories

00:55:09.960 why do we have a substantial fraction of women who are tender sexual why is there such a huge variance in the 0.92

00:55:15.560 type of power dynamics that bdsm actuals prefer this is one of the big questions on my research i hope to explore

00:55:21.680 more in upcoming posts and again for me because i think that part of this is genetic like that also

00:55:26.200 means that with my kids i'm definitely not going to teach them to expect to be tender sexuals because

00:55:31.520 if my wife isn't and i'm not i'll teach i mean we'll teach them that some people are though because i think

00:55:36.120 it's really important for a bdsm actual to understand that some people like because for for tender

00:55:42.800 sexuals this is a really really bad experience if someone just goes in hard and like expects that 0.92

00:55:49.620 they're going to enjoy this that is a traumatic experience so i think it's very important for us

00:55:54.100 to teach them about tender sexuality but to perhaps well i'll also have noted you know even on sexual

00:56:01.540 marketplaces and maybe this extends to marriage police marketplaces but when i was a kid you know

00:56:06.220 in high school and college and sleeping around like a common experience i had

00:56:10.800 was women would just be sent to me by their friends like oh you need to try this guy you know 1.00

00:56:16.700 and i think part of it was understanding the difference between this as a sexual profile and

00:56:23.580 it as a dating profile and the way people want to be treated when they're dating which might have been

00:56:28.520 just enough of an arbitrage opportunity that a lot of people were like oh he's really nice but he also

00:56:32.960 knows you know how to be aggressive within this context which you know maybe maybe rare enough but

00:56:38.900 we're just going to go over a few graphs to end here because she she had a ton of grass at the 1.00

00:56:42.880 beginning which are pretty interesting and i gotta make your what is it called bon me on chow so we've 0.98

00:56:48.120 got blowjobs here how erotic do you find it males high on the extreme side females less so how erotic do 0.99

00:56:55.220 you find anal interestingly here women high on the not side men prefer it more how erotic do you find 1.00

00:57:01.740 skirts again males prefer this where do you find females preferring it frustration women are much 1.00

00:57:08.100 more interested in frustration bimbos again this is mostly a male thing tickling equal in both 1.00

00:57:14.540 sensuality preference for females teens i found interesting because it was mostly equal between

00:57:20.920 males and females then i'm a little surprised yeah erotica huge preference for females females really 0.98

00:57:29.900 like erotica when contrasts with males again porn is the the the amount of females that pursue this 1.00

00:57:37.380 when it's got a different name public sex about equal for both and then femininity a huge reference for

00:57:42.680 males here if you look at non-consent here you get you know about equal for both great play about equal

00:57:50.340 for both i find that pretty interesting obedience female preference master slave about equal for both

00:57:56.620 choking huge female preference and bondage heavy about equal for both there you go anyway love you

00:58:03.900 i'm very excited for our dinner tonight and here we might note the you know i've been very disappointed

00:58:08.860 that you know lotus eaters who has the highest overlap of viewership that we have did a whole episode

00:58:14.400 banging on ayla and how terrible she is and how not normal it is i couldn't even bring myself to watch it

00:58:20.040 you know this is benjamin whatever his name is you know who's also sargon of akkad and i've just been

00:58:27.100 i was really disappointed about his you know unironic pro-iran take like oh israel shouldn't be attacking 0.64

00:58:34.140 iran and i was like what i don't get it i don't i don't i don't like i want to like him i tried to reach

00:58:41.980 out to him i tried to make friends with him i tried to he's never gotten back to me despite our huge

00:58:47.600 overlap despite him frequently talking at conferences i'm talking to et and you know i i guess

00:58:54.260 and that was all okay but now it comes for ayla hey and the door's open we're happy to talk but like

00:59:00.520 i think that anyone who dunks on ayla has not met her has not seriously looked at what she she stands 0.94

00:59:07.680 for and who she is some people are just like she's a slut which she is okay she sleeps around a lot 1.00

00:59:13.360 therefore you know it is bad that she has a public profile and and i see that and i i can understand 0.96

00:59:21.040 that except historically if you're talking about like conservative cultural institutions it was 0.75

00:59:25.680 actually very common for the top female intellectual to be what today we would call a prostitute yeah all 1.00

00:59:32.420 these famous courtesans going back to to greek and roman times like aphasia there was the one in 1.00

00:59:39.280 france what was that one well there were tons in france madame pompadour you're probably thinking

00:59:43.500 but there were tons who had the salons who hosted the major intellectual lines of their time yeah no

00:59:49.860 this is like oh the lack of respect anyway well no i think that there is a difference between

00:59:55.600 normalizing something and understand that women who are top tier intellectuals of their age are going 1.00

01:00:01.060 to have sexual profiles that may look more male yeah yeah that's a great way of putting it and

01:00:06.140 yeah i mean yes i think it's it's fair to say and i understand concerns that that people have because

01:00:12.180 this is really really not appropriate for the vast majority of women but ayla is not proselytizing

01:00:18.120 this way of life and those other women most of like the famous women end up following her i understand 1.00

01:00:23.680 this accusation right but that's that's on them like and i i think it's it's more on the community

01:00:28.360 that they have joined that didn't give them warning signs around it and and not not so much on

01:00:35.080 it's not ayla's job to be like i don't know i can understand the accusations here i i just i don't

01:00:41.640 like the the constantly normalist takes here's a great picture of me and ayla at a party that i saw

01:00:46.060 recently on her facebook but it's me clearly very excited about a controversial idea ayla like she

01:00:51.700 doesn't agree but she's like i'm really interested to respond and then you see the guy who's like

01:00:56.580 and then you see the woman who's like this progressive woman who's like

01:01:00.480 then there's the classic bay area progressive woman who looked completely disgusted by you 1.00

01:01:11.600 standing in the corner yeah no but but what i like about this is i think that this is where like

01:01:16.440 our respect for people lie right like are you like i don't care how much i disagree with you

01:01:21.080 are you willing to have like are you game are you gonna yeah yeah or are you just gonna sit there

01:01:26.460 in pearl clutch and tell me that i'm thinking outside the bounds of what i'm allowed to think

01:01:31.300 and i find that to be really frustrating and i find the oh you know the the not crazy takes like

01:01:39.780 the individuals who repeatedly have like normalist takes for their community over time it's begun to

01:01:46.880 gross me out more i've seen this was in the conservative space where individuals who i used to

01:01:51.600 have respect for and i'm like okay well like where's your weird take where's your crazy take where's

01:01:56.180 your especially the ones who decide that they're just going to poo poo everything oh you've made 0.98

01:02:02.540 such a bad choice this person's so bad this was so dumb like stop like people who cannot who don't 0.99

01:02:08.380 have the balls to stand stuff i lose my respect for them you know i know this has been an increasing 1.00

01:02:13.740 by just by just shitting on everyone else for their takes even if they're dumb takes and you can make 0.98

01:02:19.380 fun of a dumb take i'm all for that but if all you do is make fun of dumb takes and you don't put 0.96

01:02:24.080 yourself on the line at any point when there's a chance that you might be wrong no you're not an 0.50

01:02:30.040 intellectual yeah we we do episodes all the time that i know our fans are gonna hate right like our

01:02:33.900 take on iran i know a lot of our fans don't like our take on iran but like f them right like i i don't

01:02:40.360 i i don't think our fans who disagree with us on this have honestly thought through like the larger

01:02:46.620 geopolitical consequences well and our best fans often disagree with us and they enjoy the discourse

01:02:51.500 they enjoy hearing from people with whom they disagree and that's awesome and they don't fault

01:02:55.820 us for being wrong sometimes if if we're wrong on a thing and we we admit we're wrong on things

01:03:01.160 so anyway which we have multiple times in the past on this show it's been like hey we had like h1bd

01:03:06.600 since we're like we had this stance now we have this stance right like anyway love you to 0.78

01:03:11.300 you are amazing and thank you for not being a prostitute 0.98

01:03:15.380 you're welcome you could be you'd be great at it i think the larger probably not the larger thing 0.94

01:03:27.900 is i think everyone's a prostitute if they work you know it's just question is who are you selling 1.00

01:03:33.680 your body to yeah who are you selling your body to it's it's it's it's real so just are you selling

01:03:39.080 your body to our fans so do i need to have a conversation with you

01:03:42.560 wait for the black jaw when you do it look up like a video on how to make the meat i don't know

01:03:49.620 if i'm gonna have time now because the kids are gonna descend all right bye whatever do whatever

01:03:53.540 you want love you love you too loading oh good so a little worried that string yard would be down

01:04:01.860 again so scared about outages now donald trump railing on mendevev from russia talking about

01:04:09.500 giving iran nukes because you know he was like oh well now some other country might give iran nukes 0.91

01:04:15.900 and yeah what even first off no one's gonna do that because that's dumb that's like oh someone stole 0.98

01:04:24.080 the gun from my unstable schizophrenic friend don't worry i'll give them one of my guns 0.87

01:04:29.920 well by the way it's like my house is deeply unstable and i live in a bad neighborhood

01:04:35.960 i mean it shows people who understand i mean i think russia is really overplaying their hand

01:04:40.980 with this and they just need to step back because nobody cares i've been really surprised by the sort

01:04:46.420 of gaze for gaza trump crowd that's like what is this yeah this oh dare we get involved in a war

01:04:52.420 yeah it's not like we're putting boots on the ground or something look i i will agree with you

01:04:56.460 guys if it turns out that trump you know bombing these facilities draws american into a wire conflict

01:05:03.660 then i was wrong and trump was wrong in this gambit and everything like that right um if it does not

01:05:09.500 then you've like like you've been seriously wrong about everything and this is one of the better

01:05:15.760 political plays in the past century in terms of quickly dealing with a persistent

01:05:22.060 long-term foe's primary gambling chip yeah yeah and and this isn't the way that they're talking 1.00

01:05:28.620 about it they're just like oh he shouldn't be doing i i saw a freaking idiot what's his name the 1.00

01:05:33.800 the the one who carl oh that's what they call him cucker now if you so quickly flipped up with with 0.99

01:05:40.580 trump his sonus trump was like hey why are you saying this but he was like all the bric countries will 0.97

01:05:44.860 go to war with us and i was like are you like actually retarded the bric you think india is going 0.98

01:05:50.140 to go to war with us over us attacking iran do you know what india thinks of like muslim majority 0.86

01:05:55.860 countries like pakistan you think that that brazil is going to go to war with us over iran like how do

01:06:02.360 you have so little understanding of how the world works and yet are in a position of like talking on

01:06:08.840 air that that like really got i was like what i'm you know i i imagine he has some some people

01:06:19.260 talking into his ear who have caused some well no it's clear that i mean and and this isn't like a

01:06:25.800 conspiracy everyone knows he has a lot of contacts within the russian government sure iran's russia's

01:06:29.740 ally of course he's going to try to defend them you know reflexively because that's like where his

01:06:34.280 bread's butter a lot of people are also really colored by the people they're hanging out with

01:06:38.420 and talking to so yeah yeah i don't know those people he's gonna have a really dysmorphic

01:06:42.340 understanding yeah i don't think this is like his personality or anything i just think that

01:06:47.400 and this is why i call it like the gaze for gaza thing because like it is one thing to say we

01:06:52.060 shouldn't put boots on the ground which i could not agree with more totally it is another thing to

01:06:56.260 say that we should do nothing to disarm them which is like we were pretty much the if i understand the

01:07:03.040 only country that had the we were the only country that had the b2 bombers that could drop this type

01:07:09.360 of bomb well and and we you know we that that kind of what are they called massive ordinance something

01:07:13.340 something mobs the bunker busters yeah i just also we were wasting the pretty we we had we've had

01:07:20.160 those since 2004 we had never used them before you were rotting in a bunker right i know just yeah

01:07:27.280 wasting the pretty like i said you know it's like you know a beautiful girl in her 20s just sitting 1.00

01:07:31.420 there waiting for for the right day okay and keep in mind that we even i don't know if you heard this

01:07:37.700 but we even called iran and told them we were going to do this beforehand so that they could

01:07:40.860 that's so sweet well that's good yeah i was really wondering about that i was like i really hope no

01:07:45.420 one was well they actually brought like a chain of cars and they might have evacuated some of the

01:07:48.880 centrifuge materials so people are really like pissed at them for this right yeah because they're like

01:07:53.080 hey you you didn't really play game and we tried to be nice to you about this

01:07:56.940 and i note here that iran actually did the same favor for us when they did the retaliatory strike

01:08:03.040 against our base in qatar letting us know before they did the strike so that we could evacuate the 0.99

01:08:08.760 parts of the facility that were going to be hit pretend we're having an argument

01:08:13.220 you want to tell me why i want this street to think that you and i are on the out what do you want

01:08:23.540 me to do i'm gonna poke you poke me back i'll poke you all day but the point largely being is like 0.89

01:08:32.280 look if they actually do strike back in meaningful ways to draw us into the conflict we were wrong

01:08:38.000 if they don't then trump was right but don't pretend like i want to protect iran why is trump

01:08:44.200 attacking iran why is israel attacking iran like we don't care that israel is paying to attack iran

01:08:48.260 iran's a terrible place the the and not to say like the u.s screwed up with iran in the past

01:08:54.740 100 like there's no doubts there i get why iran well the thing that i really don't get is when

01:09:01.720 people are like oh we've been through this before like they might have weapons of mass destruction

01:09:06.120 some middle eastern country as an excuse for war so one this is not an excuse for putting boots on

01:09:11.100 the ground and two this isn't the united states saying they might have weapons of mass destruction

01:09:16.580 this is every single european power saying they might have weapons

01:09:20.460 refined to what like 80 88 percent 90 percent is weapons grade like they were right there

01:09:28.000 independently saying no but the point i'm making is this isn't like one intelligence agency saying

01:09:33.880 this this is every intelligence agency on saying this yeah this is despite how much france and the

01:09:40.120 uk and and germany hate israel all of them saying that they approve of this like

01:09:46.000 wild to get those three guys to agree that attacking somebody is a good thing um so like a lot of this

01:09:52.720 is just like really false equivalencies the as i'm gonna go put it the point that somebody made a

01:09:58.480 mistake like this once doesn't mean that every time in the future somebody says something like this

01:10:02.780 it's a mistake yeah but anyway let's get to today's episode yeah

01:10:06.760 so

01:10:13.480 you

01:10:15.480 you

01:10:17.480 you

Based Camp - June 25, 2025

New Research Reveals How Female Sexuality ACTUALLY Works

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Transcript