Based Camp - New Tactics Feminists Use to Turn Wives Against Husbands

00:00:00.000 This is mainstream and I don't hear red pillars talking about this.

00:00:05.300 I don't hear MGTOW talking about this.

00:00:07.900 And that's why I wanted to highlight this is like, what are you not aware?

00:00:11.600 Like there's some new like weapon, like a new drone weapon that's being used.

00:00:14.840 Like, why are men not aware of this, this, these forms of weaponization?

00:00:19.020 They need to be aware of words like weaponized incompetence.

00:00:22.160 Like the cowering slobs they are, they hide their sexism in the language of faux equality.

00:00:27.560 Quote, it's not that I think you should do all the work.

00:00:30.000 We just have different standards.

00:00:31.620 The female standard that is often demanded of the husband is not demanded because it is practical.

00:00:39.340 There is no reason I actually need to fold all of the kids clothes.

00:00:42.760 Yeah.

00:00:43.240 Malcolm's like, are they going to get sick?

00:00:45.980 That is, that is like the husband that I'll explain the male version of this demanding sex constantly from the wife and the wife being like, well, you know, I just don't need that to survive.

00:00:58.360 You could just need that much sex or that kinky of sex in those ways.

00:01:03.100 Yeah.

00:01:03.280 And the husband's like, well, that's just what I expect.

00:01:05.480 That's a great way of putting it.

00:01:06.960 Would you like to know more?

00:01:08.340 God.

00:01:08.700 No, I'm afraid of botching the openings because you're going to just use all of it anyway.

00:01:15.380 But here I go.

00:01:16.780 You know, I'm going to use that part right there.

00:01:19.600 You just said, now I'm afraid of botching the openings.

00:01:22.320 You're the worst.

00:01:23.140 I hate you so much.

00:01:27.520 You're the worst.

00:01:29.660 Okay.

00:01:30.880 Oh, hello, Malcolm.

00:01:33.460 I'm so excited to be speaking with you today because I'm going to go over how feminists radicalize wives against their husbands.

00:01:40.880 This is a conspiracy.

00:01:42.100 It is getting worse and there is no escape.

00:01:45.260 So if you're a man, if you ever plan on marrying a woman with a vagine, you need to arm yourself.

00:01:51.680 You need to be ready.

00:01:53.180 You need to be prepared.

00:01:54.560 So I'm going to walk you through the primary.

00:01:56.240 I think that's the point.

00:01:56.900 Hold on.

00:01:57.220 I find this topic really interesting because it's something that you clearly see.

00:02:01.100 We had a fan gift us a subscription to a feminist blog.

00:02:05.220 Not a fan, man.

00:02:06.640 A family friend.

00:02:07.540 It's someone I deeply admire.

00:02:09.240 We're not going to name her because what if she's, you know, what if she's friends with this author?

00:02:12.240 But thank you.

00:02:13.780 Yeah, I don't know if they're friends with the author.

00:02:15.480 But anyway, so family friend gives us a subscription for us to look into of what it is like to read these deep feminist mother blog.

00:02:27.180 It was horrifying.

00:02:27.880 It was horrifying.

00:02:28.840 And you could see who is in it because I've heard from so many people online or my friends is I was a perfectly good husband.

00:02:35.000 I was dating a perfectly reasonable person.

00:02:37.240 And then she became convinced of all of these weird feminist ideas that, like, normal life was abusive.

00:02:45.840 It's something that we will get into in this because it's something that she told me this morning.

00:02:49.200 She's like, Malcolm, reading this blog, if I bought into this, I could find a way to hate you on every single one of the issues.

00:02:57.480 Yeah, every issue I am going to come up, share, I could, despite Malcolm being an above and beyond husband who does more work, who just, like, constantly floors me and is objectively incredible as a partner, I could make him a villain under any of these narratives.

00:03:14.560 I could come up with copious examples, and if I chose to frame him in one of these negative lights, I could make him look like a complete monster.

00:03:21.780 So let me get into it, though, because let's just break it down and make this really compact for people so that they can actually, like, go through all this and really prepare themselves.

00:03:28.840 The five main ways that I see feminist poisoning women against their husbands or just women against the idea of marriage or bestating men at all is, one, they reframe things that wives and mothers typically prefer to do and enjoy doing as things that they're forced to do and things that they resent, which is really annoying.

00:03:48.280 They promote cognitive load discourse.

00:03:50.440 We'll get into that, along with married single mom discourse, which is related but still different and new.

00:03:55.080 And they also just reframe innocuous actions by men as being insidious and also just sort of reframe like-

00:04:02.760 And you're going to unpack all of these, right?

00:04:04.200 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

00:04:06.300 And I think a big one is that they just, they are extremely, like, the double standard that they establish is insane.

00:04:13.800 So I'll just start with that, using an example from this substack that was shared with us by our friend, which is not just any random feminist substack.

00:04:23.060 So this is, this is a substack called Liberating Motherhood.

00:04:26.000 It's by Zahn Villains, who is, she's the number seven health and wellness writer on substack with over 30,000 subscribers, many of which are paid.

00:04:35.700 30,000, this is a popular, because I read through this substack and it was pure relationship poison.

00:04:41.200 Yeah, yeah, this is, I'm, yeah, just to, just to give you, yeah, like, this is not obscure, random, like, red pill forum, like, Return of Men.

00:04:50.900 And I don't even know if they have anywhere close to that level of engagement, you know, like, like-

00:04:55.060 Return of Kings is what you're talking about.

00:04:55.940 Sorry, Return of Kings.

00:04:57.760 It's been a while.

00:04:58.880 You got a post to them once, by the way.

00:05:01.620 Oh, yeah, that, gosh, that was a lifetime ago.

00:05:03.620 I'm sure that there's some new red pill thing.

00:05:05.860 But, I mean, people talk about, like, oh, red pill and McDonald's.

00:05:08.520 Like, the radicalized anti-man movement is also big, and I'm just trying to point out, number seven health and wellness writer on substack.

00:05:17.500 And just to point out sort of the double standard that's here, on one of her wedding anniversaries, Zahn Villains summarized green flags from her husband, because she is married to a man, which is incredible to me.

00:05:30.280 This man's life must be a living hell.

00:05:32.460 I don't want to live his life.

00:05:34.180 Note, I removed a section here about the green flag she saw on her husband, because I wanted to get to the meat of specifically how feminists turn wives against their husbands, and less focus on just what hypocrites they are.

00:05:49.160 Both you and I know they're hypocrites.

00:05:51.320 The reason you're here is to learn how to fight against them and the new tactics they're using.

00:05:55.700 So let's go just point by point into the top ways that women are radicalizing wives against their husbands.

00:06:01.960 And let's go into, I'm going to use some of the posts that are written by Zahn Villains, because they're great.

00:06:09.100 I'll also go to some larger examples, but she just so well articulates many of these points.

00:06:13.720 And other feminists who I followed have referred to her work, even had her on as interviews, and they're like, who is she?

00:06:21.140 Who is she? Zahn Villheim?

00:06:23.560 Zahn Villains.

00:06:24.840 She's the number seven health writer.

00:06:27.060 Okay, so it's the writer of this.

00:06:28.700 The author of this sub stack, I'm going to use a lot of her articles to illustrate things, but these are larger points that are really common, and I'll also demonstrate that as well.

00:06:37.940 But she has a really great example of my first zone of female radicalization against wives, which is just reframing preferences as hated obligations.

00:06:47.420 So you remember that episode we did, where we went through that survey of male and female household chore and family chore preferences, right?

00:06:54.860 Yes, they showed females prefer cooking food and being in the kitchen and house cleaning, and men prefer outdoor work and mowing the lawn and taking out trash, etc.

00:07:03.940 Yeah, this research, it was very inconvenient from a feminist perspective, because it asked men and women both what they enjoyed doing more and what they anticipated doing more time doing.

00:07:14.320 And it was just super clear that men and women enjoy different things, and as a surprise to nobody, spend more time doing the things they enjoy more.

00:07:24.400 But no, many of these feminists are reframing the things that women enjoy doing and would like to do and prefer to spend more time doing as hated obligations.

00:07:34.520 So one of Zahn Villain's sub-stack posts under Liberating Motherhood is called the Dad Privilege Checklist, which does exactly this.

00:07:44.180 It fosters resentment by framing tasks women do because they prefer to be the ones who do them as tasks that are shoved upon them.

00:07:51.380 So she just includes this checklist that I think men are supposed to read to, like, understand their unseen privilege.

00:07:58.640 So here's just a small excerpt that I just copied and pasted, because I'm not going to read the whole thing.

00:08:02.820 But they include, I do not help my children write thank-you notes or send presents to relatives, yet they still get sent.

00:08:10.120 I have never planned birthday party games.

00:08:12.640 I have never decorated for a birthday party.

00:08:15.280 My children attend summer camp or other summer activities, but I do not research these camps or register my child in them.

00:08:21.220 I do not pack my children for a trip, but they always have clothes.

00:08:25.760 This is, yeah, this is, like, this is a trap.

00:08:28.420 If your wife is reading stuff like this, she's going to end up hating most husbands.

00:08:32.820 Because most husbands don't do that stuff, because a lot of that stuff doesn't need to be done.

00:08:37.000 Yeah, like, I do.

00:08:38.720 I send the thank-you notes.

00:08:40.020 I get the birthday presents.

00:08:42.160 I do the packing for the trips.

00:08:44.140 But it's because I like being in control of those things.

00:08:47.420 Right.

00:08:47.780 But the idea that you would reframe an otherwise good, because-

00:08:52.680 No, no, no.

00:08:53.000 Yeah, like, even me reading this, even me reading this, there's, like, a little part in my head that's, like, oh, wait.

00:08:59.300 Like, how dare I be burdened with these?

00:09:01.720 You know, like, oh, I was supposed to have help with these?

00:09:04.960 You mean I didn't have to do this all by myself?

00:09:07.180 Like, they make it seem like it's something that I wasn't supposed to enjoy in the first place.

00:09:11.800 Yeah, well, and I would have also said that none of these things are things that needed to happen except for the packing for trips, right?

00:09:17.020 Like, and the packing for trips, I would have done.

00:09:19.380 I just wouldn't have folded everything the way that you do and stuff like that.

00:09:22.580 And that's why the women do it, because they want every-

00:09:24.660 They don't want it all thrown in a bag.

00:09:26.240 And if they didn't care if it was thrown into a bag, the husband would be doing it.

00:09:29.380 And everybody-

00:09:30.280 Remember when we went on that, I think it was the trip, like, a very romantic early trip we had, where we went to a really fancy hotel.

00:09:38.540 And you literally, you literally brought all your clothes in a trash bag.

00:09:44.480 And we're walking-

00:09:45.580 Oh, yes, I remember that!

00:09:47.100 In the deli square at the Exclusive Resorts Hotel.

00:09:51.060 Here I am with my, like, suitcase and my little fascinator and my coat.

00:09:55.460 I brought all my clothes in a trash bag, because I didn't want to buy it.

00:09:58.580 You're fucking carrying this trash bag behind you?

00:10:03.380 But that is how men approach this.

00:10:05.680 So it's the same with the thank-you.

00:10:06.900 You don't need thank-you notes.

00:10:08.060 No one expects a thank-you note, right?

00:10:09.900 But it makes a difference.

00:10:11.440 It shows that you really do acknowledge, you know, like, how many times have we given a gift and just wondered if they ever even received it?

00:10:17.340 Not to men.

00:10:18.200 To birth-

00:10:18.740 If you talk about, like, birthday activities as well, for example.

00:10:22.360 Yeah, that's-

00:10:23.000 Kids don't need birthday parties.

00:10:25.360 They plan their own.

00:10:26.640 Our family, we don't do birthday parties.

00:10:28.220 If a kid wants a birthday party, they can do their own, you know?

00:10:30.860 That's-

00:10:31.180 Hope they ask for one.

00:10:32.180 Like, Octavian might want a Nerf gun party.

00:10:34.280 And if so, we'd do it.

00:10:35.820 But, like-

00:10:35.940 Yeah, we'll put one together if they, like, ask for one.

00:10:38.480 But I'd put the planning on him, right?

00:10:40.940 Like, I think that that's something kids should learn how to do.

00:10:43.160 Why are you doing this for your kid, you weirdo?

00:10:45.180 Like, you know, if you have, like, seven or eight kids, like, a reasonable number, and you're not at some, like, piddling, like, two or three kids, you know, you can't do these giant birthdays over and over again.

00:10:56.380 Well, women-

00:10:57.060 No, here's the thing, though.

00:10:57.900 And this goes back to that survey that we'd covered in a separate episode.

00:11:01.120 When it came to things like holidays and parties and stuff, women really enjoy that.

00:11:05.620 Yeah.

00:11:06.140 Like, they're not doing it because they have to.

00:11:07.620 Well, I mean, you do the holiday decorations more than I do.

00:11:10.660 Yeah, but they like-

00:11:12.120 The average woman likes doing this kind of thing.

00:11:15.560 And that's the issue, is that this makes them think that they should present it, which is just-

00:11:22.260 I mean, first, that makes women miserable for no reason.

00:11:25.300 It turns their hobbies into something-

00:11:26.720 What's fascinating about this, before we go further, is there isn't the male equivalent.

00:11:32.080 Like, a magazine, even if I'm looking at, like, manosphere stuff, when I look at manosphere stuff, it isn't, like, a bunch of ways that my wife isn't living up to expectations that are, like, stuff that average women do.

00:11:43.860 It's typically, like, a bunch of ways that I'm supposed to act towards my wife that are douchey and would make most women hate you.

00:11:50.040 No, I mean, like, that's why that content is toxic.

00:11:53.840 This is very different.

00:11:54.860 There is no male equivalent to trying to get men to reframe normal, gendered, behavioral differences as toxic.

00:12:04.860 Yeah, yeah, that's a fair point.

00:12:07.800 Well, I think it's that women want a reason to hate their husband.

00:12:10.260 I think women want to feel-

00:12:12.560 We've talked about this in other episodes.

00:12:14.760 Do they?

00:12:15.280 I don't know.

00:12:16.220 I think women-

00:12:17.660 I think the average, normal, reasonable person wants to love who they're with and be happy.

00:12:21.780 And I don't know what this is.

00:12:23.680 I don't think it's feminine.

00:12:25.860 No, no, no.

00:12:26.360 I'm going to push back.

00:12:27.440 You can go to our episode on dystopias, like, teen dystopias.

00:12:31.500 Yeah.

00:12:31.780 And people, women, read these teen dystopias because they crave the dystopia.

00:12:37.460 They live in worlds that are too good.

00:12:40.600 And the female brain sort of, like, short circuits, especially during their adolescence.

00:12:46.100 And they live in an environment without enough active threats.

00:12:49.020 And so they begin to reframe themselves.

00:12:52.020 Oh, so you think this patriarchy slash men evil thing is a, God, I need a threat.

00:12:58.180 And then, like-

00:12:58.700 God, I need a threat.

00:12:59.480 There's a man sitting over there and it's like, there's the threat.

00:13:02.060 Okay.

00:13:02.500 Yeah, the person you interact with most in your life.

00:13:05.400 Reframe them as a threat and you'll feel good.

00:13:07.680 Because men don't do this.

00:13:08.940 They don't read a bunch of stuff that reframes normal things as-

00:13:13.380 And if you look at these dystopias that we've talked about, it's about women wanting to live

00:13:17.840 in a fantasy where their life is harder and more oppressive.

00:13:21.520 And where, you know, there's some outside sort of fascist force that's controlling everything

00:13:25.660 that they do and where they're different and unique and special and three guys like them.

00:13:30.060 And that's the utopia.

00:13:32.880 As to where this comes from, if you look throughout human history, women were much more likely

00:13:38.760 to be in environments that were actually structurally oppressive of them, where they

00:13:42.940 were actually treated as an underclass to such an extent where if they weren't aware of this

00:13:49.040 or didn't lean into it, they would be, you know, the best case, lose access to reproductive

00:13:54.960 partners, you know, be seen as low status and so people didn't marry them and didn't

00:13:58.140 reproduce with them or worse at least just been killed.

00:14:00.760 So there was an active pressure for most of human history that differentially rewarded

00:14:06.780 women versus men who saw the world as structured against them and accepted that.

00:14:14.560 And I think that when they reach adulthood as well, some women are just like, where is

00:14:20.460 my threat?

00:14:21.320 Where is the oppressor?

00:14:22.660 And if there isn't an oppressor, I will manufacture one.

00:14:26.420 That, yeah.

00:14:27.420 Okay.

00:14:27.620 That can help explain this.

00:14:28.640 Cause I'm just like, there's no, like no one wins from this.

00:14:31.080 Men don't win.

00:14:32.420 Women in good marriages don't win.

00:14:35.380 Yeah.

00:14:35.940 Yeah.

00:14:36.820 Okay.

00:14:37.400 Anyway, let's move on to number two, cause cognitive load discourse, which is the next

00:14:41.100 thing that is really big is just so underrated.

00:14:46.460 So I'm going to, this is, this even shows up on Google and Graham viewer.

00:14:49.800 So I'm going to show you on WhatsApp an image of it.

00:14:52.440 Cause I just was like, Whoa, Google and Graham viewer is a little bit different from Google

00:14:56.640 trends because we're talking about what's showing up in public published content rather

00:15:01.320 than just cognitive load.

00:15:03.400 It's exploded.

00:15:04.360 It is exploded since like the 2000 essentially.

00:15:07.620 It's just like this, this, there's a whole new, like out of nowhere concept.

00:15:11.700 And what, what it basically has to do with is it has to do with the men.

00:15:15.740 Well, it's sometimes referred to as mental load too.

00:15:17.960 So the mental load refers to the often invisible cognitive and emotional labor involved in managing

00:15:23.540 a household and family life with which disproportionately falls on women.

00:15:27.400 This includes planning, organizing, anticipating needs and delegating tasks leading to stress

00:15:32.720 and potential burnout.

00:15:34.300 The it's the thinking work behind the scenes that keeps everything running smoothly.

00:15:39.180 And, and basically it's, it's, you know, what you did on steroids.

00:15:44.260 So I think most men know the, you know, what you did trope where like a woman is mad at

00:15:48.580 a man and the man's like, what did I do?

00:15:50.080 And she's like, you know what I did?

00:15:51.220 And there's this expectation that's very toxic that men are supposed to somehow read women's

00:15:57.980 minds and anticipate their needs and then have not offended them or done whatever it

00:16:04.800 is that they needed without knowing.

00:16:06.240 And I also, I just want to show like, this is not something that just, you know, is showing

00:16:10.100 up on feminists blogs.

00:16:11.320 I'm showing you here is a Washington post article.

00:16:15.960 So like the mainstream publication.

00:16:18.020 Okay.

00:16:18.680 And it's, it's, it's titled being CEO of the household is weighing women down.

00:16:23.740 Here's an excerpt from it.

00:16:25.280 Women still tend to handle the cognitive labor of households, anticipating everyone's needs,

00:16:30.220 planning, organizing, scheduling, and more.

00:16:33.080 Yeah.

00:16:33.640 And the author writes, when I found myself thoroughly burned out seven months into parenthood,

00:16:37.960 I first thought I needed to change my attitude and get better organized.

00:16:41.000 My husband and I, both immigrants with full-time work, were lucky to have family members come

00:16:44.900 from overseas to help with our baby during the first year of his life.

00:16:48.020 So a lot of childcare and lighthouse work were taken care of.

00:16:50.820 And yet the ceaseless anticipating of everyone's needs, identifying options and filling them,

00:16:56.420 planning, organizing, scheduling, monitoring, progress, and everything else that goes into

00:17:00.280 managing a household, what is now called cognitive labor, left me depleted.

00:17:04.860 My husband promised me he would try to help, but didn't.

00:17:09.460 I want to be clear here and, and, and reframe this so people can understand what's really

00:17:14.200 being complained about.

00:17:15.720 They are complaining about, and, and, and this is what's said in this very title of cognitive

00:17:21.180 labor of households, which is planning, organizing, and scheduling, i.e. controlling your partner's

00:17:29.320 life and daily schedule.

00:17:31.660 They are saying, I have too much control over my husband's life.

00:17:37.600 Right?

00:17:37.760 That is, that is, that is a burden.

00:17:39.700 Because like, I, I, I feel like these things are, I would like to have this control.

00:17:45.600 It's the reason of empowerment as oppression.

00:17:48.140 It's showing that, well, one, like the way you fix what is making women like this unhappy

00:17:55.040 is not by giving them more agency.

00:17:57.720 It's not by giving them more power because apparently the very agency and power they have

00:18:03.320 over the family are the source of their distress and are the tools that they are using.

00:18:09.160 Because keep in mind, you're not just talking about these individuals.

00:18:10.980 You're talking about the individuals who they influence with this.

00:18:14.300 They take a woman who reads this, who, you know, because her husband is, is, you know,

00:18:19.520 open to progressive ideals and open to gender egalitarianism has said, Hey, let's have an

00:18:24.360 equal relationship or let's even have a relationship where like with our family, I, you know, I

00:18:28.340 say, I wake up in the morning and I know what I'm doing that day because my wife has put

00:18:31.080 it on my calendar.

00:18:32.180 And that is not me having control over my wife.

00:18:36.360 That is my wife having control over me.

00:18:38.880 Right.

00:18:39.280 That is, that is me being open to an area of gender egalitarianism where I'm like, she's

00:18:44.280 just better at in the moment sort of schedule management.

00:18:48.380 But in addition to that, she prefers it.

00:18:50.580 She doesn't like me managing her schedule.

00:18:52.880 Well, there, so there, I don't know though.

00:18:54.240 So what's, what's emerging though.

00:18:55.460 And what you're pointing to here is, is something that I, I am just connecting now because I

00:19:00.000 just watched my second YouTube video today on this, this princess treatment woman who's

00:19:05.500 like on Tik TOK and an influencer.

00:19:07.540 And she's like some kind of Christian woman who's been trying to be an influencer for 10

00:19:11.600 years.

00:19:11.760 And finally she kicked off because she has gotten really open about the fact she gets the princess

00:19:17.160 treatment from her husband.

00:19:18.380 And examples of clips from her that have gone viral are clips of her talking about how, you

00:19:24.100 know, she, her husband puts her shoes on.

00:19:25.940 And when they go to restaurants, she doesn't like to talk to the, the hostess or the waiter.

00:19:31.880 Like when the waiter asks her what she wants to order, she just looks to her husband and

00:19:36.060 makes sure that her husband orders for her.

00:19:37.960 And it doesn't want the staff to talk to her.

00:19:40.320 She wants her husband to talk for her.

00:19:42.480 And by the way, I don't know if you know this, but that is actually traditional manners.

00:19:46.480 That's the way I was taught growing up.

00:19:47.580 No way.

00:19:47.800 100% is traditional manners, but like she, she, she frames it more as just like within a

00:19:53.200 modern context, but just, just so people know, if you grew up in the South, like I did, or,

00:19:58.160 or I guess in any region, you absolutely order for the woman.

00:20:00.880 Yeah.

00:20:01.300 I was taught that you're supposed to always say the lady would like, and then you order for the

00:20:06.220 woman and then you order for yourself.

00:20:07.720 That is the way that you do the order.

00:20:10.060 Yeah.

00:20:10.820 Absolutely.

00:20:11.480 So that is, that is absolutely true.

00:20:12.780 And I think what's really interesting about the discourse around her and other influencers

00:20:17.240 who typically from a more Christian perspective now, but of course the, the liberal media

00:20:23.380 that's covering this is like, oh, it's a BDSM thing are, I think people find this offensive.

00:20:30.360 Liberal women find this offensive because many of them are sort of stuck in this cognitive

00:20:35.340 load discourse and are seeing all the responsibilities they've taken on as now, even though they

00:20:41.160 prefer to have this control.

00:20:42.680 Now they've been trained to think that the control is toxic and terrible and they resent

00:20:48.300 having it.

00:20:49.180 And then they have this weird pull where they see these like super trad relationships and

00:20:54.740 they're like, oh, that's so offensive and evil.

00:20:57.860 But like, oh, like I, I like, you can't, you can't have it both ways.

00:21:01.660 Right.

00:21:01.880 Like they don't want, like they don't want their husband to anticipate their needs, but

00:21:06.360 they have to also defenestrate the woman whose husband anticipates her needs.

00:21:10.260 Well, no, they want to hate both.

00:21:11.800 They want to, and this is what I was telling you, they are looking for ways to recontextualize

00:21:17.440 their lives as oppressed.

00:21:18.820 They would see their life as oppressed.

00:21:20.440 If they were the princess, they would see their life as oppressed.

00:21:23.020 If they are the woman who gets to make their husband's schedule.

00:21:25.320 They, they, the goal is, and this is why this is so dangerous because you don't know

00:21:30.660 if your wife is reading this or whatever.

00:21:32.660 It's to put in front of a woman things that reframe choices that you gave her because it

00:21:38.320 was what she wanted in the moment as IE, I want to have, I don't like it when you disrupt

00:21:43.260 my schedule.

00:21:43.900 I don't like it when you book things for me.

00:21:45.480 I like to have control over these things to reframe these kindnesses you've done for

00:21:51.180 them as oppression.

00:21:53.320 Well, actually, no, so here's a great example.

00:21:55.400 There's another BBC article I just shared, like I shared a screenshot with you on WhatsApp

00:21:58.820 called The Hidden Load, How Thinking of Everything Holds Moms Back.

00:22:02.840 And this article goes so far as to present the concept of cognitive load as a sign that

00:22:08.900 gender equality is in remission.

00:22:11.600 So here's what they say.

00:22:13.020 An increasing body of research indicates that for household responsibilities, women perform

00:22:17.020 far more cognitive and emotional labor than men.

00:22:19.760 Understanding why could help explain why gender equality has not only stalled,

00:22:23.320 but is going backwards despite being more discussed than ever.

00:22:27.140 And a broader understanding of this behind-the-scenes labor could help couples redistribute the work

00:22:32.760 more equally, something that, while initially difficult, could play a significant role in

00:22:37.100 helping mothers lighten their load.

00:22:38.800 So they're actively saying here that feminism is sliding back and cognitive load is proof of

00:22:46.380 that, but let's, let's, let's go to, I actually want to, you know, raise a flag here to be like

00:22:52.200 the women who watch this podcast, you know, be aware of content like this when you see.

00:22:57.780 Yeah.

00:22:57.820 Yeah.

00:22:58.040 Cause this is like, it's, it's subtle.

00:22:59.680 Like you might read some of it and be like, well, whatever.

00:23:03.680 Like sometimes it slips in.

00:23:05.800 That seems reasonable, right?

00:23:06.420 But, but what this inexorably does is make you hate any relationship.

00:23:11.680 Yeah.

00:23:12.000 Because there is.

00:23:12.760 Actually, yeah.

00:23:12.980 So here's how I first started consuming it was like, it came up in the concept of like

00:23:18.080 hot gossip, like, oh, this relationship gone sideways.

00:23:20.520 And then like, that's how they get you.

00:23:22.100 Like first you just watched to, to watch a dumpster fire and then suddenly you're being

00:23:26.380 steeped in this, this, this discourse, this radicalizing discourse.

00:23:31.960 Continue.

00:23:33.380 So sort of like a subset, I would say of cognitive load discourse, like another sort of subtrend

00:23:38.760 within it is, is what you can call the, the married single mother discourse.

00:23:43.920 And so here I'm showing you Google trends.

00:23:46.720 And I would, oh, oh gosh, what, what is this?

00:23:49.180 And this is the married single mother concept of married single mother is a woman who is

00:23:53.780 legally married, but feels like a single parent due to her husband's lack of involvement in

00:23:58.060 household and childcare responsibilities.

00:24:00.500 This can result in her managing the majority of parenting and domestic duties alone, leading

00:24:04.660 to increased stress and potential resentment.

00:24:06.600 This is sometimes presented in, on, in social media as like women being described as having

00:24:11.780 three children because her husband is like the third child and they have two kids together.

00:24:17.020 So this, it's like framed differently in different videos, but it's showing up a lot more.

00:24:21.300 And I wanted to highlight this subset of the cognitive load discourse because it is another

00:24:25.420 really big thing.

00:24:26.240 And women are being more than unsubtly led to see the concept of a husband as another dependent

00:24:34.920 that makes their lives worse.

00:24:37.020 So this, this also comes like there's parents.com article that I can, I can read a little bit

00:24:42.840 from that helps to also give you some of the, the red flag vocabulary to look for.

00:24:47.740 Go for it.

00:24:48.620 I just sent you a screenshot so you can see this is real.

00:24:51.400 Like these are mainstream publications.

00:24:53.060 The article's called what is a married single mom from the article, which is a conservative

00:24:57.800 publication.

00:24:58.740 Oh, sorry.

00:24:59.000 That's yeah.

00:24:59.380 Sorry.

00:24:59.560 I'm also going to read from that, but let me, sorry.

00:25:01.480 Here's the screenshot to the parents.com.

00:25:02.940 Yeah.

00:25:03.080 New York post.

00:25:03.620 I'm also going to read you a quote from, cause yeah, again, these are mainstream publications

00:25:07.020 that are very, like a lot of people are reading this is, this is normalized discourse and men

00:25:12.700 need to be aware of it.

00:25:13.480 Cause I think men really aren't paying attention to it.

00:25:15.260 Like this is, they don't know that their wives are being exposed to these sorts of articles.

00:25:19.040 Yeah.

00:25:19.600 So parents.com, what does a married single mom reads part of it?

00:25:23.420 Weaponized incompetence, default parent, mental load and invisible load.

00:25:28.040 These phrases have entered the parenting conversation over the past few years, particularly on social

00:25:32.560 media.

00:25:32.960 They may sound new, buzzy, and at least in the case of weaponized incompetence, inflammatory.

00:25:39.100 They all serve the same purpose to point out that one parent, usually the woman in a heterosexual

00:25:43.900 relationship often ends up with more responsibilities seen or unseen.

00:25:48.560 Here's a new one for you.

00:25:49.880 Married single mom.

00:25:51.080 The phrase emerged in discussions around a viral video of a mom exiting her car with a handful

00:25:55.540 of stuff in her two children.

00:25:57.340 She essentially falls onto her toddler while trying to remove her younger child from the car.

00:26:02.040 Meanwhile, a man is standing there with a phone in his hand, doing nothing to help.

00:26:06.320 And then from the New York Post article, it's titled,

00:26:08.680 Worrying Married Single Moms Trend Shows That Modern Relationships Are Not Working.

00:26:13.880 By the way, I have to say to people, the image on the parents article that says,

00:26:18.780 what is a married single mom?

00:26:20.000 What it is, it's an image of a black mom serving food to two black children while a white dad,

00:26:28.900 I guess stepdad maybe, is in the background clearly working to support the family.

00:26:33.680 It's like he's on like an account.

00:26:35.080 He's not like playing video games or something.

00:26:36.940 He has like a bunch of jobs.

00:26:37.820 It looks like he's paying bills.

00:26:39.980 Yes.

00:26:40.860 Do you want to be the one who's like, she's literally just putting jam on toast.

00:26:43.740 There seems to be the implication here as well that he married into and is now supporting this

00:26:48.560 family while the wife is not working.

00:26:51.380 He is working and supporting them and he's the bad guy.

00:26:55.300 Well, that's the, this, like one of these overlying themes here is the double standard.

00:26:59.080 Is that like, okay, well, women are responsible for anticipating people's emotional needs and

00:27:04.720 sending thank you notes, but we don't talk about this sort of default of like, well,

00:27:09.380 when it comes down to it, the man's expected to provide the money.

00:27:12.080 When it comes down to it, if there's a fire, the man's expected to run into the burning

00:27:16.180 house to get the parakeet because God forbid the parakeet burn or, you know, the man's

00:27:20.920 expected to defend the house.

00:27:22.180 Are you thinking of a specific instance here?

00:27:23.340 Like what, what does that come from?

00:27:24.420 No, it's just like when it, so when it, when it comes to like physical danger, when it comes

00:27:30.260 to financial security, all these things, men have the cognitive load.

00:27:36.060 Men are the front lines and we don't talk about that.

00:27:39.420 We don't talk about the fact, like, you know, there are people in our

00:27:42.060 lives who are the, the sole breadwinners for their families.

00:27:46.200 And I'm sure their wives who are in many cases, you know, they're, they're stay-at-home

00:27:49.960 wives.

00:27:50.320 They, they, you know, they don't have to worry about the finances and yeah, they have the

00:27:53.960 cognitive load of all the mothering and parenting and whatever, but their husbands

00:27:57.900 also have the cognitive load of, Oh my God, if I lose my job, like everyone's depending

00:28:02.000 on me.

00:28:02.520 And we've seen that way on men and, and, you know, just there, everyone has a cognitive load.

00:28:08.420 You know, I mean, I mean, there, there are, there are absolutely deadweights of, they're

00:28:12.460 both men and women in relationships, but on average in a, in a typical functional marriage,

00:28:17.560 everyone has a cognitive load, you know?

00:28:20.440 Well, it is, it is, it's this restructuring of, I have responsibilities.

00:28:25.620 How dare I have responsibilities?

00:28:28.380 Yeah.

00:28:29.140 I have things I'm supposed to do with myself.

00:28:31.400 I have things I'm supposed to, no, it's not that there are not men who are capable of

00:28:36.520 just not picking up any aspect of a relationship.

00:28:41.680 And, and I, and I do feel that.

00:28:45.060 But there are women who do that too.

00:28:46.920 There are women who do that too.

00:28:48.400 But I, I will say that like, when I hear about the normalization, even in the pro-natalist

00:28:52.060 community of women doing stuff that I see as deeply unfair, like I know of one pro-natalist

00:28:58.260 where the husband works and makes money for the family and supports the family.

00:29:02.740 And the wife is a stay at home wife.

00:29:05.600 And she said, I won't go above four kids till you start helping with childcare.

00:29:09.300 And it's like, you, you start helping out more around the house.

00:29:12.300 You start helping out more around my duties.

00:29:14.060 It's like, you do nothing but childcare.

00:29:18.020 Like, what, what are you talking about?

00:29:20.500 Like what, and, and he conceded to this, right?

00:29:23.320 Like seeing it as a thing to concede to.

00:29:25.240 And I'm like, this is deeply unfair.

00:29:27.740 And it is really messed up that your wife normalized to this.

00:29:31.340 I think the only, that, that her core thing in life was the production and care of children.

00:29:39.400 And yet that is too much for her.

00:29:41.620 That is no, you also need to not just care for me.

00:29:44.740 It reminds me, you've got to swim, kick with your legs.

00:29:49.340 I can't kick.

00:29:50.460 Yes, you can.

00:29:51.680 I can't kick, you just have to save me.

00:29:53.260 I need your help.

00:29:54.320 No, you just have to save me.

00:29:59.780 Kyle, no.

00:30:02.780 Well, what bothers me even more is we know of couples who got married,

00:30:07.980 planned on having four, five kids.

00:30:10.760 Like that was the understanding.

00:30:11.880 The stay at home wife and mother who they send their kids in this.

00:30:16.500 I'm thinking of one case where they send their kids to private school and,

00:30:19.540 and they have nannies and babysitters.

00:30:21.100 And they only got to three kids and they stopped.

00:30:23.000 Yeah.

00:30:23.540 And, and the husband wanted more.

00:30:25.040 And the wife was just like, well, three kids is too much for me.

00:30:26.920 Even though the kids, even though they had, no.

00:30:29.060 And they had, they had, they had a staff.

00:30:30.980 They had a night nurse.

00:30:32.200 They had preschools, like nice preschools and everything.

00:30:36.000 Yeah.

00:30:36.180 So it goes both ways.

00:30:37.300 I mean, there, there are dead weights absolutely on both ways.

00:30:39.960 And I'm like, I know women who absolutely have been married single moms whose husbands

00:30:43.520 are like, Oh, I'm suffering with mental health problems.

00:30:45.480 Like my anxiety.

00:30:46.300 I can't work.

00:30:47.400 I can't do anything.

00:30:48.240 Like progressive husbands who do that BS.

00:30:51.100 Like more often than not.

00:30:52.060 Yeah.

00:30:52.180 Honestly.

00:30:52.920 Because, because they normalize to this sort of therapy culture.

00:30:55.320 But the, the point I'm making here is any guy, no matter how good can be framed as

00:31:01.960 I could take any of these and if I wanted to cherry pick data, I could make you out to

00:31:08.380 be the worst.

00:31:08.940 Also, if you wanted to cherry pick, you know, red pill or data, you could totally make me

00:31:12.100 out to be the worst.

00:31:13.040 Well, actually, I don't know.

00:31:14.100 You don't do anything wrong, but.

00:31:15.540 You're so sweet to me.

00:31:17.600 Ah, but you're wrong.

00:31:19.540 I don't, I don't know.

00:31:20.420 I won't.

00:31:21.080 Malcolm.

00:31:21.400 I think that the easiest thing you can always do is just like, well, obviously I'm going

00:31:27.360 to divorce rape you eventually.

00:31:28.560 So, of course, it's what you're going to do in the future, right?

00:31:32.560 Yeah.

00:31:32.660 Yeah.

00:31:32.740 It's because, you know, that's, that's, I'm, I'm just, this is the buildup, you know,

00:31:36.500 I'm, I'm just really getting like all my hooks in you so that when I eventually tear you

00:31:40.800 apart, it's as devastating as possible.

00:31:45.680 Anyway, I just.

00:31:48.740 You're the, you're the scorpion and from the scorpion and the frog.

00:31:51.540 It's my nature.

00:31:52.500 Yes.

00:31:53.000 Yeah.

00:31:53.260 It's your nature.

00:31:54.340 Yeah.

00:31:54.520 So from the, the NY post article, just to, to show how pervasive this is, they quote

00:32:01.460 one Miss Dober who works at Melbourne's enriching lives psychology clinic and said more often

00:32:07.580 couples are quote, evaluating division of household chores and quote, in response to

00:32:12.660 a huge uptake in conversations as women quote, understand that each person in the household

00:32:17.560 contributes to the mess of the life.

00:32:19.200 Therefore they should be able to take responsibility and participate for the upkeep in the upkeep

00:32:24.340 of the home or their life together.

00:32:26.140 End quote.

00:32:26.820 So this is showing up in couples counseling.

00:32:29.300 This is showing up in therapy culture.

00:32:30.900 This is, this is, this is commercially a thing.

00:32:34.440 This is an Ngram viewer.

00:32:35.980 This is in Google trends.

00:32:37.140 This is showing up in NY post Washington post parents.com.

00:32:40.920 BBC, like this is mainstream and I don't hear red pillars talking about this.

00:32:47.540 I don't hear MGTOW talking about this.

00:32:50.120 And that's, that's why I wanted to highlight this is like, what are you not aware?

00:32:53.860 Like you need to know, like, let's say that like, there's some new like weapon, like a

00:32:57.760 new drone weapon that's being used.

00:32:59.320 You know, we're talking about like the new forms of warfare that are coming.

00:33:02.220 Like, why are men not aware of this, this, these forms of weaponization, they need to be

00:33:07.060 aware of words like weaponized incompetence, you know, like this.

00:33:09.940 Wait, what does weaponized incompetence mean?

00:33:12.020 Give me this word.

00:33:13.180 Well, it's, it's, it's part of the single Mary mom discourse of, of, of men just being

00:33:17.440 like, Oh, I didn't know how to fold the clothes.

00:33:21.060 You know, like, just like if I were to use this against you, I'd, you know, it'd be like,

00:33:26.240 well, the fact that you don't put away dishes that I, the way that I like, or the fact that

00:33:31.560 you don't clean up the way I like, isn't that you don't know how to, it's that you are

00:33:36.540 actively choosing to not know how to.

00:33:38.700 To weaponize my incompetence.

00:33:41.020 To subjugate me, right.

00:33:42.680 To make me do it.

00:33:44.080 Does that make sense?

00:33:45.200 That makes sense.

00:33:46.080 Okay.

00:33:46.340 Okay.

00:33:46.500 That actually shows up in the next.

00:33:47.780 So my, my, my final section of, of this, this, this weaponization is, is framing normal

00:33:53.220 behavior as toxic and weaponized incompetence is actually a great example of this.

00:33:58.340 And I'm going to go back to our liberating motherhood, you know, seventh health and wellness

00:34:03.220 sub stack blog for some examples of this, because Zahn Villains, the author is just so

00:34:09.160 good at eloquently distilling these radicalized hateful toward men, feminist points.

00:34:15.480 So one, one example that she presents is she, she takes men's observation that women sometimes

00:34:23.920 overreact and frames it as toxic in one of her sub stack posts titled you're overreacting.

00:34:30.800 The magic words patriarchy uses to justify everything.

00:34:35.220 But women do overreact.

00:34:36.900 Are we supposed to pretend that they don't?

00:34:38.940 Well, and that's the thing is, is here's an example.

00:34:40.980 Like I, I would be, I would be materially and mentally worse off if I didn't have you

00:34:47.400 walk me back from things.

00:34:49.320 And I know that I overreact there.

00:34:51.340 There was just a sentence the other day where I was, I was like literally up all night and

00:34:54.880 like having actual bad dreams about a bit of a, like a family conflict that's, that's

00:35:00.140 going on.

00:35:00.920 And I told you like what I was going to plan on do about it.

00:35:04.820 Cause I was like really stressing out about it.

00:35:06.480 And you're like, Simone, just pay this person off and like, just, just, just deal with it.

00:35:13.660 It's not worth it for you to try to fight back against this.

00:35:15.980 And like, you showed me that I was overreacting.

00:35:19.320 You're like, just deal with it in this way.

00:35:21.700 You gave me a very simple solution.

00:35:23.520 And guess what?

00:35:24.680 I'm not having bad dreams about it anymore.

00:35:26.640 I'm not losing sleep over it anymore because I was overreacting.

00:35:30.240 So not only is it yet do women, even me with my like, well, maybe it's because I'm pregnant.

00:35:36.120 Maybe I have more of a female hormonal profile now, but like even me who like normally needs

00:35:40.760 to take the same amount of estrogen as a trans woman to, to be feminine.

00:35:44.980 Like I overreact and I'm not the most feminine person.

00:35:50.580 So like this is overreaction.

00:35:52.260 I just think that you overly cued to like emotional issues and wanting to solve them.

00:35:56.240 And I'm just like, we don't need to solve this.

00:35:58.020 Stop thinking about it.

00:35:58.980 That's one example of this.

00:36:00.500 But as, as Zahn Villains put it, quote, one of the best ways to assess whether a man wants

00:36:06.220 to harm you is how he reacts.

00:36:08.660 When you critique his behavior, if he apologizes and makes amends, then his harmful behavior

00:36:13.680 was unintentional.

00:36:14.260 If he tells you, if he tells you you're overreacting, it's because he knows his behavior is indefensible.

00:36:23.360 He's seeking to escape accountability by gaslighting you.

00:36:26.760 There is no epidemic of women overreacting.

00:36:28.840 What we do have is an epidemic of women underreacting, continuing to pursue heterosexual relationships

00:36:35.400 with men, making excuses for the men in their lives, assuming they can disrupt abuse when

00:36:40.160 the right communication, or with the right communication.

00:36:42.880 Where is this from?

00:36:43.760 Which article is this from?

00:36:44.720 This is from Liberating Motherhood, titled, You're Overreacting, The Magic Words Patriarchy

00:36:49.700 Uses to Justify Everything.

00:36:51.620 She ends that with, You don't need to worry about overreacting, which is just so not true.

00:36:57.500 I think especially for women, because I do think that women, and I think I'm part of

00:37:01.320 this, overreact.

00:37:03.000 How can you be so blind to your own nature to not know that women overreact more than

00:37:07.540 men?

00:37:07.800 Like, I'm actually kind of shocked by this.

00:37:10.620 The, the degree to which.

00:37:12.600 No, she actually, in this same article, argues that men overreact more than women, and more

00:37:17.600 violently, and are a violent threat to women.

00:37:19.360 And not only that, I remember another one of her things was, she was talking about, like,

00:37:23.140 signs that your husband is awful, and she's like, he goes, well, are you on your period?

00:37:26.600 In which post?

00:37:27.460 That's like, all of them.

00:37:28.960 No, no, no, no, but the one about, like, are you, are you on your period, right?

00:37:31.700 Like, are you, you know, just trying to understand that they need to be acting with special

00:37:35.940 care around you.

00:37:37.100 And then, of course, this is a sign of abuse.

00:37:39.000 And it's like, yeah, but, you know, women do act differently during that time of the

00:37:43.040 book.

00:37:43.060 The problem is, yeah, there's, there's abundant academic research that shows shifts in female

00:37:46.940 behavior based on their cycle.

00:37:48.480 Like, that isn't, that isn't him attacking you.

00:37:51.680 That is him asking an, an informative question that should inform how both of you react to

00:37:57.080 the moment, right?

00:37:57.700 Well, and even if, even if women's cycles weren't, like, didn't lead to hormonal behavioral

00:38:03.320 changes, which are well documented, literally the presence of menstrual cramps that many

00:38:08.120 women experience would be enough to cause them to react in a certain way.

00:38:12.040 Like, if any person on a monthly basis endured a non-trivial amount of discomfort enough that

00:38:17.660 was, like, interrupting to them, they would start, like, when, when you're in pain, you

00:38:24.120 react kind of in a worse way, you know, cause you just have less, you've, you've fewer spoons

00:38:29.280 to spend, you know, like, it's not, you don't have the patience for it cause you're in pain.

00:38:33.260 So, like, it's, it's not unreasonable to say that women.

00:38:37.580 No, but what I find fascinating about this blog is it almost feels like it was designed

00:38:42.540 by somebody who sat down and was like, how can I convince, and this is one of the biggest

00:38:48.740 bogs on Steps Jack, right?

00:38:50.640 How can I convince women to hate their husbands?

00:38:54.420 Well, I, I think what she found, and, and that you see this a lot with the fresh and fit,

00:39:00.360 just pearly things, like that kind of sphere online, is there's this, this group of people

00:39:07.280 that just, like, really done, done with women.

00:39:10.740 And, and I think a lot of the people who read her blog, when you look at the comments

00:39:14.240 actually have been, or are in pretty suboptimal relationships, they've made bad decisions with,

00:39:20.720 with the men they've chosen or whatever, and they come in and they, they really don't like

00:39:25.480 their husbands.

00:39:25.900 And I think she found a market.

00:39:27.660 I disagree.

00:39:28.340 I think a lot of these people actually start liking their husbands.

00:39:31.060 I think.

00:39:31.460 Well, no, I mean, you don't marry someone cause you hate them.

00:39:33.680 Of course they all started out liking their husband.

00:39:35.380 Right.

00:39:35.520 But I think that the goal of a lot of this is to drive people into hating their husbands when they

00:39:40.240 didn't to begin with.

00:39:41.540 But I think that so many husbands who are good husbands and so many wives who are good

00:39:45.080 wives don't realize how much a perfectly good and normal relationship can be destroyed by

00:39:51.020 consuming content like this.

00:39:52.740 And a lot of husbands think, well, my life is, is, is like a rational human.

00:39:57.060 And you don't understand that even somebody like Simone can find lines within this sort

00:40:03.520 of stuff seductive.

00:40:04.800 You know, you can read this and be like, oh, well, you know, should Malcolm be packing

00:40:11.140 for trips?

00:40:11.980 And if you actually thought through it, you'd be like, oh my God, I would beat him with a

00:40:16.400 stick.

00:40:16.960 Yes.

00:40:17.780 But it gets into your head and you're like, well, I guess you're right.

00:40:22.580 I do.

00:40:23.460 And oh, I guess I am doing a lot around the house.

00:40:26.820 Like when was the last time he did cards?

00:40:30.220 And I'm sure if you look at her post around.

00:40:32.440 Malcolm, I don't think you've ever like, aside from some kindergarten teacher signing

00:40:36.220 you, like, I don't think you've ever written.

00:40:38.040 No, I wouldn't.

00:40:40.500 Sorry.

00:40:40.940 I'm a head of sexual man.

00:40:43.200 And there are a few things in this world.

00:40:47.260 Like women do not want men who write cards.

00:40:52.680 They do not.

00:40:53.320 They do not want to.

00:40:54.480 They may conceptually want those men.

00:40:57.140 That is not the characters they choose to romance in games where they can romance multiple

00:41:01.940 characters.

00:41:02.760 It is not the, the, the card for gifts writers.

00:41:06.960 And so I think a lot of this is just like a delusion.

00:41:10.340 You know what I mean?

00:41:11.720 But it's a sick delusion because it destroys marriages.

00:41:14.380 It destroys families.

00:41:15.560 And it's something that to get at, I think is worth going through.

00:41:21.380 And I love how you broke this into distinct categories, going through these categories

00:41:25.520 and talking through them with your partners so that they know to be on the lookout for

00:41:30.360 context, context that tries to do.

00:41:32.280 Yeah, well, I mean, I think, you know, the similar thing exists with cults in general,

00:41:37.760 right?

00:41:38.000 Like when you know that love bombing is a cult tactic and you can identify it and say, this

00:41:45.580 is love bombing.

00:41:46.900 This is separating you from your loved ones and trust network.

00:41:50.400 This is, you know, like all of that.

00:41:52.640 It makes it a lot easier to deprogram someone.

00:41:55.060 But I wanted to go through a couple more examples before we get to the deprogramming section,

00:41:59.340 which we absolutely are going to include.

00:42:01.600 So that's obviously super important.

00:42:04.000 But there, I just like, there are so many things that are reframed as toxic that I think

00:42:08.240 are insane.

00:42:09.440 So because this here, here's one.

00:42:11.060 So when I talk with reporters about why women end up doing more parenting than they should,

00:42:16.740 I talk about men and women having different standards and how like a lot of women just

00:42:21.180 aren't comfortable having their husband like watch the kids for the afternoon or whatever,

00:42:25.760 because they know that if their husband watches the kids, they're going to eat a lot of candy

00:42:29.820 and be running around naked.

00:42:31.080 And there's going to be a bit of a mess.

00:42:32.600 Right.

00:42:32.960 And, and like, I'm cool.

00:42:34.580 Why do you need to put clothes on the kids every day?

00:42:36.740 Right.

00:42:36.960 Like it doesn't make sense to me, but this, this is reframed by Zahn Villains as toxic in

00:42:43.480 her blog post.

00:42:45.000 We just have different standards, the weapon sexist menus.

00:42:48.420 And in this, she writes, we just have different standards.

00:42:52.600 Do you, or is that he doesn't have the, or sorry, do you, or is it that he doesn't have

00:42:58.660 to have standards?

00:42:59.720 Cause here's a quick note before you continue here.

00:43:02.260 They're literally like looking at the arguments where people are like, you're being a psycho

00:43:06.560 right now.

00:43:07.320 You're trying to get women to hate their husbands.

00:43:09.020 And they're like, yeah, we are trying to get them to hate our husbands.

00:43:13.140 Let's go.

00:43:13.840 Get out of my way.

00:43:15.120 Get out of my way.

00:43:15.960 She writes, one of the big changes our generation has seen is that it's no longer socially acceptable

00:43:20.780 to say, I actually think my wife should do all the parenting and housework because she

00:43:24.740 is a woman and that's her role.

00:43:26.160 And you definitely can't say I deserve to relax at the end of my day.

00:43:29.760 And my wife doesn't because women's needs just don't matter as much.

00:43:34.180 And women's work doesn't count even when it's paid work.

00:43:37.120 In many ways, it's easier to confront the sexist men when they say poop like this instead, like

00:43:43.680 the cowering slobs they are, they hide their sexism in the language of faux equality.

00:43:49.000 Quote, it's not that I think you should do all the work.

00:43:51.500 We just have different standards.

00:43:52.900 So that's like the theme of her post.

00:43:54.320 Is it like, she's taking this thing where I'm like, yeah, men and women do different,

00:43:58.000 like you and I have very different standards.

00:44:00.100 And, you know, I do certain things because I'd rather have them be done my way.

00:44:03.340 And she's framing that.

00:44:04.980 I just point out here that the different standards, and this is what she's missing here.

00:44:08.700 The female standard that is often demanded of the husband is not demanded because it is

00:44:15.460 practical.

00:44:16.880 There is no reason I actually need to fold all of the kids' clothes.

00:44:20.600 Yeah, Malcolm's like, are they going to get sick?

00:44:23.220 No, look at the house and cleaning.

00:44:25.140 I'm like, is somebody going to get sick?

00:44:27.180 Why are we, we don't have guests coming over.

00:44:29.300 Why are you doing this?

00:44:30.500 You know, that is a personal preference choice on behalf of the woman.

00:44:36.560 That is not a, no, no, no, no.

00:44:39.300 It's true.

00:44:40.180 It's a big thing if when a man says we have different standards and it's because he's just

00:44:45.540 not actually doing the job to the degree that the job is necessary.

00:44:50.080 Yeah.

00:44:50.320 Or rooting for something.

00:44:51.700 Yeah.

00:44:51.940 Right.

00:44:52.620 When he says we have different standards and what he means is you demand a standard of

00:44:58.300 this, it has no actual utility to our lives.

00:45:01.680 That is, that is like the husband that I'll explain the male version of this demanding

00:45:07.740 sex constantly from the wife and the wife being like, well, you know, I just don't need

00:45:13.160 that to survive.

00:45:14.200 You could just need that much sex or that kinky of sex in those ways.

00:45:18.620 And the husband's like, well, that's just what I expect.

00:45:20.920 That's a great way of putting it.

00:45:22.880 That's what the wife is doing when she tries to get the husband to clean the house every

00:45:26.880 single day in a way that is not of any utility to the family's health and safety.

00:45:30.480 That's a great, that's a really good, yeah.

00:45:32.140 I think that's a great equivalent because she also talks a lot about sex in this blog.

00:45:35.420 I'm not getting into it.

00:45:36.800 I'm sure it's super toxic.

00:45:38.240 Is it just like you should never have to have sex whenever a guy exudes sex?

00:45:42.320 Oh, yeah.

00:45:42.860 Like one of her, one of her statements among, and there's so many, is that, that scheduled

00:45:46.980 sex is rape.

00:45:47.660 Like that, that if I were like, Hey Malcolm, like it's really like with all the kids and

00:45:51.080 stuff, we should just schedule time so that we actually make time for intimacy because

00:45:54.940 otherwise we're just not going to get around to it.

00:45:56.660 That would be.

00:45:59.060 Grape for her.

00:46:00.560 Yeah.

00:46:01.060 Anyway, she will psycho.

00:46:02.740 This person is why our good friend recommended this sub stack to us.

00:46:08.760 Thank you.

00:46:10.060 I, again, I would name you, but I don't, I don't know if you know her or something, so I don't

00:46:14.960 want to put you on the spot.

00:46:15.900 So she even goes to frame the very institution of marriage in which she participates for 12

00:46:22.600 plus years as toxic in the, the liberating motherhood blog post is marriage good for

00:46:27.880 women.

00:46:28.300 This is actually like a redux of an earlier viral post that she did on marriage.

00:46:32.700 I'm just going to read a very short bit from it, but she says, imagine if we told girls

00:46:36.660 the truth, imagine if we admitted to them that there is a single choice in life that will

00:46:41.600 on average, shorten women's life expectancy, undermine their ability to parent their children

00:46:46.560 effectively, greatly increase the risk of their children being exposed to violence and

00:46:51.140 in all other forms of abuse.

00:46:53.400 Lower women's earning power.

00:46:54.940 Erode their mental health.

00:46:56.400 Make them less happy over the longterm.

00:46:58.580 Weaken women's relationship with family and friends.

00:47:01.160 Erode women's libido.

00:47:03.040 Reduce the quality of a woman's sex life.

00:47:05.240 Immediately increase household labor, increase risk of, and exposure to abuse and violence,

00:47:12.040 elevate risk of depression, anxiety, and trauma.

00:47:14.820 And that choice is cisgender heterosexual marriage.

00:47:19.820 Oh my God.

00:47:21.000 And this is why I should have married a chick, Malcolm.

00:47:23.420 You're ruining me.

00:47:24.840 By the way, just, just so people know that we've done another episode on one of our spiciest

00:47:30.680 episodes is who's really at fault for abuse in marriages, because what we look at is if

00:47:36.780 you look at the abuse rates in cisgendered marriages, and then, and it's the same with

00:47:42.160 divorce rates as well, by the way, divorce rates in cisgender marriages, and then you

00:47:45.860 look at, okay, well, what happens if we take out one of the genders and you go to gay

00:47:49.880 marriages, you have way lower divorce rates than cisgender marriages.

00:47:53.920 You have lower abuse rates.

00:47:55.580 You go to lesbian marriages, you have way higher divorce rates and way higher abuse rates.

00:48:01.520 I'm so screwed up.

00:48:02.260 I don't get it.

00:48:03.060 I don't get it.

00:48:03.540 Because also, like, all the lesbian couples we see are so sweet and that we know also

00:48:07.460 are great.

00:48:08.060 Like, actually, okay, so I grew up around one that was actually very rocky, and they did

00:48:12.000 get divorced, and the fights were scary and loud.

00:48:15.180 Apparently, 76% of lesbians get divorced and 23% of gay men get divorced.

00:48:19.760 Sorry, I misstated the data here a bit.

00:48:21.520 What I meant to say was, of gay people who get divorced in any given year, around 76%

00:48:27.560 will be lesbians, and 23% will be gay men.

00:48:31.220 Gay men, we need to do an episode on, like, how wholesome gay men are in their relationships.

00:48:36.500 Come on, the wholesome lesbians we saw at Trader Joe's yesterday, they were so sweet.

00:48:40.180 They were sweet.

00:48:40.900 I wanted to take them home.

00:48:42.140 Yeah, like, they just, like, I'm just, I'm not saying they're all bad.

00:48:45.600 No, no, no, no.

00:48:47.300 Lesbians are not abusive because they're lesbians.

00:48:50.240 They do not get divorced at higher rates because they're lesbians.

00:48:53.720 This happens because they're women, and you've just doubled the number of women in a relationship.

00:48:58.340 Oh, my God.

00:48:59.360 And so...

00:49:00.540 If they were just sister wives, it would be fine.

00:49:04.360 Right, because they'd have a man.

00:49:06.560 No, actually, what's really funny is if you go to countries, a lot of people are surprised

00:49:11.080 at this.

00:49:11.320 If you look at countries where you have, I think it was, like, the statistic I saw on, like,

00:49:14.760 spousal beatings, and if you look at countries where, like, physical abuse of wives, where

00:49:21.420 there are campaigns to allow it...

00:49:23.800 Okay.

00:49:24.180 Oh, the women support it.

00:49:25.640 There was some...

00:49:26.180 A lot of these campaigns are led by...

00:49:28.680 Yeah, where the women are like, someone needs to crack down here.

00:49:31.620 But hold on, hold on.

00:49:33.080 They're within countries where men can wear multiple wives.

00:49:36.760 That makes sense.

00:49:37.660 Also, you know, in our polyamory...

00:49:39.060 It's very much like our kids.

00:49:40.340 When one of our kids goes to me, and he goes, Dad...

00:49:42.580 People think our kids, because they know that we do, like, like, corporal punishment,

00:49:45.500 that they fear corporal punishment.

00:49:47.480 Our kids are the biggest advocates for corporal punishment you could imagine in our family.

00:49:51.980 And one of our kids will come, and he goes, Octavian just took X from me.

00:49:55.280 You need to go bop Octavian.

00:49:56.960 And I'm like, well, I really don't think what he did was that bad.

00:49:59.520 He goes, no.

00:50:00.600 Like, you need to bop him.

00:50:02.040 And this is the way, apparently, like, wives are when there's other wives in the picture.

00:50:06.080 Yeah, although, also, someone commented on our polyamory podcast that they had some,

00:50:12.540 like, a friend who married a woman from, like, the Philippines or something.

00:50:16.760 And that woman was like, he needs to get another wife.

00:50:19.080 Like, I want someone to help out with the housework and who I can gossip with about sex and stuff.

00:50:23.040 Like, she's, like, I don't know.

00:50:24.980 I wonder how, like, realistic the female demand for polyamory is.

00:50:29.880 That would be fun to look at.

00:50:30.800 But again, I don't think that's the same as polyamory.

00:50:32.300 Before we go through the de-radicalization, which is important, and we need to get to that,

00:50:36.360 I want to point out that you can't even, like, Stockholm Syndrome yourself as a man into this.

00:50:43.100 Like, even if you want to be the perfect feminist man.

00:50:47.920 You'll never win.

00:50:49.000 Yeah.

00:50:49.320 And in fact, in Liberating Motherhood, there is a post titled,

00:50:52.620 So this, this is, this is an article that she just, in which she goes over how, like, oh, if a man says he's a feminist, he might just be, you know, he's really, it's a sign of abuse.

00:51:13.360 Yeah.

00:51:13.960 Yeah.

00:51:14.700 Basically, she says that, like, unless.

00:51:17.620 Not that it's not.

00:51:18.500 I do agree that men who say they're feminist are much more likely to be abusive, but.

00:51:21.760 I think, yeah, well, and, and we, we see a lot of, yeah, like, there's sort of this, this sneaky copulators thing kind of happens in those, in those spaces.

00:51:28.560 I mean, that's why you have such high grape levels within these communities, which we've talked about before, because if, if you look at the reports of grape levels within, like, feminist communities, they're, like, stupidly high.

00:51:39.260 Like, higher than they are in, like, I feel like war zones in, like, Africa and stuff like that.

00:51:45.020 If you look at, like, American colleges and it's like, okay, so there's clearly something wrong with the men that you're interacting with or you're lying.

00:51:52.480 We could say they're lying, but I actually don't know if that's 100%.

00:51:55.680 And I actually think that they are in environments where the men who adopt, quote, unquote, a feminist persona are much more likely to be, to disregard women's sexual boundaries.

00:52:05.120 But I don't even think, like, she's not even talking about that.

00:52:07.820 I mean, she is, I think she mentions it a little bit, but what she talks about even more is, like, basically, if you're a man, you're part of the patriarchy, and the only way you're an actual feminist ally is if, basically, all you do is listen, and if the woman always wins the argument.

00:52:23.760 And if that's how it is, then, yes, you're a feminist.

00:52:26.400 But if you ever dare to push back or invalidate a woman's...

00:52:30.880 If you're not in a 24-7 dom-sub relationship with your wife...

00:52:34.760 If this isn't, like, reverse Gorian nonsense...

00:52:37.960 She means, like, basically, you're a live-in slave to this woman.

00:52:41.660 You are not feminist enough for her.

00:52:44.120 Yeah, so, like, the point is, nobody's safe.

00:52:46.800 Malcolm, literally, like, the perfect husband, my, like, dream...

00:52:49.920 Because keep it...

00:52:50.680 I wanted to live alone forever.

00:52:52.560 I hate all people.

00:52:53.840 Like, my default was so anti being with anyone.

00:52:58.100 Like, you have to understand just how above and beyond amazing Malcolm actually is as a husband, because...

00:53:02.760 Well, and I think it's really important for people to know that, like, I barely beat my wife.

00:53:09.900 I...

00:53:10.420 It is, it is, like, barely once every few days do I have to give her a spanking, because she is not listening to my demand.

00:53:23.860 I am a feminist.

00:53:26.100 I force her to make the money for the family as a feminist.

00:53:31.740 Because it's empowering.

00:53:32.960 Girl boss, et cetera.

00:53:34.140 Yes.

00:53:36.360 That's how you know I'm a true feminist.

00:53:38.560 Yeah.

00:53:39.080 An ally.

00:53:40.460 An ally.

00:53:41.040 An ally.

00:53:41.900 An ally.

00:53:42.660 So, but, like, okay, so, I mean, just to show, like, whether you're dating women, whether you're married, you need to just know this is something to which the women in your life...

00:53:54.100 Or they're being exposed to this.

00:53:56.280 This is something serious that you need to anticipate and be aware of.

00:54:00.560 And, okay, let's say that someone's already steeped in this.

00:54:04.860 You're hearing terms like weaponized incompetence.

00:54:07.700 You're hearing terms like cognitive load.

00:54:09.660 You're hearing terms like the mere fact that I have to ask you is such a mental burden.

00:54:13.980 Like, you're not helping.

00:54:15.180 Like, you should know.

00:54:16.240 You should anticipate.

00:54:17.480 There's so many viral social media examples of this.

00:54:19.680 You need to be aware that that's already a sign that this woman has been radicalized and that she has internalized those narratives.

00:54:26.340 And I have even been guilty at times of doing this to Malcolm.

00:54:29.600 Of, like, oh, just asking me would be too much work.

00:54:32.520 Like, I've said things like that to him.

00:54:33.660 So, like, even perfectly happy married couples can slip into this.

00:54:39.020 So, what do you do to de-radicalize someone and or inoculate them against it?

00:54:43.480 So, it's very easy.

00:54:44.740 What you need to do is inject them with serum so that their brain becomes malleable and then send them to-

00:54:51.680 Bring back lobotomies.

00:54:53.480 Lobotomy.

00:54:55.100 No, I think that the biggest thing is open discourse.

00:54:57.740 Like, a lot of the issues that I read about in Zahn Villain's Liberating Motherhood Substack could be so easily resolved just by each party talking about what they wanted, what's bothering them, and what they can do to work it out.

00:55:13.120 I think, like, having a relationship contract would be so useful.

00:55:16.760 Like, this is one of the things that was just so great that we did early in our relationship where we're, like, we're going to throw out social contracts because the problem with social contracts is, especially in a culture like ours where everyone kind of has different priors they're growing up with, have a shared standard for everything because otherwise I'm going to think cheating is defined by this and you're going to think cheating is defined by that and these are totally not matched.

00:55:39.060 And suddenly I think, like, oh, you're watching porn, you're cheating on me, and you're like, wait a second, it's porn, what do you mean?

00:55:43.620 Like, it's when I have penetrative sex with a woman that I'm cheating.

00:55:46.520 So, like, all these things, like, you have to work out those standards.

00:55:49.160 So, I think having a relationship contract, and by that I mean, like, an active Google document where you go over potential points of conflict, which ours include everything from permitted interior house temperatures to what happens if a parent becomes sick and asks to move in.

00:56:01.840 And it's better to talk about these things before they're real, because then they're too emotionally charged for you to actually talk about them in a reasonable way.

00:56:09.420 Like, I think that's a really big one is to just, because then, like, a woman can't accuse you of not knowing the standards of, like, oh, you should have known, right?

00:56:20.060 You should have known that this was your expectation.

00:56:22.060 Because what's happening, I think, with this radicalization is that feminists who hate men are literally shifting the default social contract.

00:56:34.440 Because the default social contract before used to be a lot more compatible.

00:56:37.260 It's like men knew that women would do this weird thing where they had to have personalized dictionary and write thank you notes.

00:56:42.740 And women knew that men would never do something like that because it's not something that men do.

00:56:47.280 Gay!

00:56:48.540 Yeah, but now, now this social contract has been shifted of how dare men not, you know, buy personalized stationery and send thank you notes.

00:56:57.220 And because...

00:56:58.140 I actually remember, you know, growing up, I knew somebody who did this who wrote these stationery notes.

00:57:04.220 Yeah, and everyone was like, oh, they're gay.

00:57:06.020 Like, they weren't gay, by the way.

00:57:07.980 They were?

00:57:08.340 It's a family member.

00:57:08.980 It's a family member.

00:57:10.100 They weren't.

00:57:10.540 They weren't gay.

00:57:11.820 No, they're not gay.

00:57:12.760 They're married.

00:57:13.540 They've got kids now.

00:57:14.480 They're not gay.

00:57:15.180 And as far as I know, they've never done anything gay, but they would not just write, like, thank you letters and everything like that, but they'd tie bows on them and stuff and make them look really nice.

00:57:23.720 Oh, my God, I love it.

00:57:25.520 You can guess which of my family members this was.

00:57:28.100 I have.

00:57:28.520 And why I would be so hesitant to name them.

00:57:31.200 But this is very much like a...

00:57:33.900 I'm not saying that, like, obviously, like, it makes...

00:57:36.380 But what I'm saying is it's just rare for men to want to do things like this.

00:57:40.440 Again, these are all averages.

00:57:41.380 Like, that household chores thing, you know, these are averages of, like, on average, men are going to be more into the outdoor housework and fixing stuff, and women are going to be more interested in decorating for the holidays.

00:57:50.900 But there are always exceptions.

00:57:52.220 There are those dudes who are, like, the Christmas guy, and, like, they're obsessed, you know?

00:57:57.000 It's fine.

00:57:57.420 Right.

00:57:57.820 And that's, like, well, often when it's the Christmas guy, they're obsessed with, like, outdoor decorating.

00:58:03.580 Yeah, or, like, the train sets.

00:58:04.680 And also, like, you know, where we deviated in that survey was that, on average, men were more likely to do the financial management, which was even depicted in that parents.com photo in the article, the man paying the bills while the woman labors through breakfast by buttering toast.

00:58:21.880 It looked like he was doing work, not paying the bills, but...

00:58:25.060 No, no, no, no.

00:58:25.600 He was holding a piece of paper, and in front of it, like, literally, like, an accounting software screen.

00:58:29.860 So, he was like, you just don't know what paying bills looks like, because I enjoy that more than you do, but I also don't really like autistic.

00:58:37.000 You also don't like, you know, my paper hands and stuff like that.

00:58:42.660 You know, even though we don't have Bitcoin anymore, we still have a lot of crypto, but you were always like, I don't like that you're always stressing about this.

00:58:49.120 Just buy and hold until we make a bunch of money.

00:58:52.100 Yeah, I have, what is it called, diamond hands?

00:58:55.200 Diamond hands, and then we got to a point where we're just like, okay, the risk of quantum is becoming too high at this point.

00:59:01.460 Yeah.

00:59:01.800 And so, let's just get up, you see, I mean, we had a lot of money in that.

00:59:06.680 We had like...

00:59:06.980 We bought the Ford that we used was our Ethereum gains.

00:59:12.560 Yeah, we were going to get the license plate, like gas fees.

00:59:15.960 But the house we got was from gains, largely speaking from an inheritance.

00:59:22.300 Oh, the Bitcoin.

00:59:23.600 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:59:25.420 Yeah.

00:59:26.600 Which you got so mad at me when I put that all in Bitcoin.

00:59:30.740 Yeah, well...

00:59:31.460 Do you remember how mad you were?

00:59:32.280 Hold on.

00:59:32.860 This requires a bit of context.

00:59:34.620 Oh, the reason I was so eager to sell a lot of our Bitcoin is I got an inheritance from...

00:59:41.580 And it's the only inheritance I'm going to get from any of my family members because my family had all their money stolen from them.

00:59:48.020 It's a long story.

00:59:48.900 $27 million stolen by this weird, like, account lady.

00:59:52.200 You can look it up.

00:59:53.000 Like, it's in the news.

00:59:53.640 But I got a, you know, medium inheritance from my grandmother.

00:59:57.960 And Simone takes it and puts it all in Bitcoin.

01:00:00.980 And then Bitcoin goes down a bunch.

01:00:02.840 And I'm really stressed.

01:00:03.560 I'm like, this isn't what it was for, Simone.

01:00:05.400 It wasn't for, like, gambling.

01:00:06.320 Yes, it was.

01:00:06.980 It was gambling.

01:00:08.640 Bitcoin's going to do well.

01:00:09.980 Trust me.

01:00:10.420 And it ends up more than doubling from the position where she bought it at and then we sold out.

01:00:14.600 But also, yeah, I mean, like, to honor you.

01:00:16.640 And then you got mad about that, too.

01:00:18.440 Because then it went up from...

01:00:19.600 We sold it at, like, $71.

01:00:21.460 And then, of course, like, went up to, like, $100.

01:00:23.440 But, like, then you got mad.

01:00:25.040 Like, no, it's okay to sell before you the peak gains because...

01:00:28.860 This is why you manage the finance because you're not as susceptible to emotions as I am.

01:00:33.060 But anyway, so, like, there are deviations.

01:00:35.000 You're absolutely right.

01:00:35.840 But, like, yeah, I think, you know, when you negotiate these things in a marriage contract,

01:00:41.020 when you now have to, social contracts have not only gone all over the place,

01:00:46.840 but been systematically moved in a way that is designed to set up men for failure in relationships.

01:00:53.240 Well, and women, too.

01:00:54.020 But, like, to demonize men in relationships.

01:00:57.460 Therefore, as a man, if you do not extremely intentionally set up a relationship contract,

01:01:03.340 you are setting yourself up to fail, like, period, in today's society.

01:01:08.600 And I know it's annoying that you have to do that.

01:01:10.320 But also, like, we had a...

01:01:11.560 There was a guy from a film crew over this past weekend, and I was telling him about our relationship

01:01:15.560 contract because that's, like, a good spicy thing to include in news segments.

01:01:19.120 And he was like, oh, yeah, dude, like, I had one with my ex-girlfriend.

01:01:21.640 Like, this is not a weirdo thing.

01:01:23.340 Like, we're weirdos.

01:01:24.240 I get that, okay?

01:01:25.460 Oh, look, this is...

01:01:26.660 But, like, this guy was a super-based, normal Pennsylvania guy who's lived in the state

01:01:32.520 all his life, and he had a relationship contract with his girlfriend before he moved in.

01:01:40.660 No, I think normal Americans who, like, aren't affected by the urban monoculture make sure

01:01:44.340 this...

01:01:44.760 And it was cute.

01:01:44.880 It was cute.

01:01:45.880 Like, they framed it.

01:01:47.280 Like, it's a little tongue-in-cheek.

01:01:49.620 And it was a little...

01:01:50.240 Like, they had a cheese clause.

01:01:51.680 There always had to be cheese in the fridge.

01:01:52.900 There was a wine clause where he always had to, like, give her a glass of wine on Fridays.

01:01:56.440 That's cute.

01:01:57.700 I like that.

01:01:58.460 That's romantic.

01:01:59.620 Right?

01:02:00.060 Like, this can be fun.

01:02:01.840 And I encourage people to make it fun.

01:02:04.120 But I also, like, the fact that this is happening means you also kind of have to do this.

01:02:10.920 Because it's a big deal.

01:02:12.300 Is there anything else you'd add in terms of de-radicalizing women?

01:02:14.680 Like, what do you do?

01:02:15.360 What do you do when a woman, like...

01:02:16.980 I don't think you can de-radicalize.

01:02:18.460 I think you can only prevent.

01:02:20.000 So, yeah.

01:02:20.380 What about these men whose women are like, I'm not going to have more kids unless you...

01:02:27.280 I mean, I'm going to be honest.

01:02:28.940 I think you made the wrong choice in who you married.

01:02:31.380 There's not a lot you can do at that point.

01:02:32.960 Like, you've got to walk through eggshells after that, right?

01:02:36.660 Like...

01:02:37.100 Yeah, no.

01:02:37.820 And there's that other friend who shall go nameless, right?

01:02:40.000 But, like, we've seen them a couple of times.

01:02:41.600 They don't live in the state.

01:02:42.600 But, like...

01:02:42.960 Yeah, I know.

01:02:43.280 The wife, like, keeps saying these things that are like...

01:02:46.500 She's just gone...

01:02:47.600 She's gone more and more progressive.

01:02:49.760 Like, she's really gotten into the cult.

01:02:51.200 And, like, what is he supposed to do?

01:02:52.640 Like, we keep looking at him.

01:02:54.000 Like, blink twice if you're okay.

01:02:55.400 Like, because he has to...

01:02:56.380 And he has to say yes.

01:02:58.220 And, like, he'll say whatever his opinion is.

01:03:00.320 And it typically...

01:03:01.360 Yes, master.

01:03:02.600 Yes, master.

01:03:03.380 Of course.

01:03:03.640 Well, yeah.

01:03:03.960 And then she'll be like, what do you mean that?

01:03:05.740 Like, that's terrible.

01:03:06.760 And then he'll be like, oh, no, you're right.

01:03:08.080 I didn't mean that.

01:03:08.840 Like, he has to walk himself back all the time.

01:03:10.960 Like, is there really nothing he can do?

01:03:13.460 But he...

01:03:14.060 No, but...

01:03:14.300 We have a kid together.

01:03:15.060 What you can do...

01:03:16.020 If you're like, how do you...

01:03:17.900 She did this stuff before they got married.

01:03:19.880 Just know the warning signs.

01:03:21.440 Know the warning signs.

01:03:21.960 I guess we have to take a...

01:03:22.940 We have to take a leaf out of Sean Villain's book.

01:03:26.180 And not just know the warning signs,

01:03:27.920 but deconvert her before the marriage.

01:03:29.620 You can deconvert.

01:03:30.520 You did this stuff to me.

01:03:31.760 You'd do the freak out.

01:03:33.180 And then I'd talk it through with you.

01:03:34.320 I'd be like, okay, let's think through this logically.

01:03:36.220 Yeah, like, what are you actually producing with this behavior?

01:03:38.580 What are you actually encouraging?

01:03:39.960 What are the outcomes?

01:03:42.120 Yeah.

01:03:42.540 And like, what do you want to have happen?

01:03:45.100 And do you think this is going to get that?

01:03:47.140 No.

01:03:48.000 Yeah.

01:03:48.280 Okay.

01:03:48.740 All right.

01:03:49.220 So, yeah, look for the warning flags.

01:03:50.940 Take them extremely seriously.

01:03:52.700 I think, yeah, probably the problem with a lot of the people

01:03:55.300 who have found themselves painted into these holes,

01:03:58.500 you know, either in long-term relationships with

01:04:00.340 or married to women who have become radicalized

01:04:03.240 past the point of no return,

01:04:04.480 they probably received tons of warning signs

01:04:08.800 and never intervened and never said,

01:04:11.160 you know what, I don't...

01:04:12.060 Yeah, it's not about the warning signs.

01:04:13.400 It's about not intervening when you see the warning signs.

01:04:15.680 Not talking it through with them.

01:04:17.340 Not being like, hey, you don't...

01:04:20.080 Like, let's actually...

01:04:21.260 You think all Trump voters are evil?

01:04:23.460 Like, let's talk through this, right?

01:04:25.380 Like, you think all X are Y?

01:04:27.760 Like, can we talk about why you believe this?

01:04:30.480 Yeah.

01:04:32.080 Okay.

01:04:33.160 And, of course, in the comments,

01:04:35.020 weigh in if you have additional advice on this

01:04:37.100 or additional ways that women are radicalizing

01:04:39.100 other women against husbands and boyfriends

01:04:42.060 and men in general.

01:04:43.100 Because I think I've been pretty exhaustive here, but...

01:04:47.200 Well, no, I mean, the number of men

01:04:48.880 who have easier relationships

01:04:50.040 because their wives watch this podcast.

01:04:54.040 No, I mean, so many of the wives

01:04:55.440 who watch this podcast are already so based

01:04:57.240 and they are in such good relationships.

01:04:58.700 And it makes me so happy that they're out there

01:05:00.840 because they comment sometimes

01:05:02.040 and they talk about it.

01:05:03.180 And I'm like, oh, man, like, this is good.

01:05:05.380 You know, they're out there.

01:05:07.240 Like, good ones are more obedient

01:05:08.780 than you are, Simone, by the way.

01:05:11.060 I have heard that they send you emails saying

01:05:14.060 you need to be having more fornication

01:05:16.340 with your husband.

01:05:17.860 Well, you just make it sound so appealing.

01:05:22.220 You're the one who bolts your door at night.

01:05:24.820 Yeah, the other night I saw her sleep

01:05:26.820 that apparently she came and banged on the door.

01:05:29.320 Yeah, because Malcolm's, like, open invite

01:05:31.520 and I'm like, all right, I'm going to act on this.

01:05:33.300 And he's like, all right.

01:05:34.640 And then I'm like, hmm.

01:05:37.280 And then I call him.

01:05:38.500 He doesn't pick up.

01:05:39.240 And I, like, knock on his door.

01:05:40.860 I'm a deep sleeper.

01:05:42.680 And we...

01:05:43.500 I try to open the door.

01:05:46.500 I'm like, I'll just wake him up.

01:05:47.480 No, it's bolted.

01:05:49.120 Because you just don't want to get any, do you?

01:05:50.920 No, it's because we have a kid

01:05:52.340 living between our two rooms

01:05:53.660 who comes up and sneaks into my room at night.

01:05:55.920 He really does.

01:05:56.480 And oh my God, how terrible would it be

01:05:57.820 if I, like, jumped you in the middle of the night

01:05:59.140 and, like, our kid was, like,

01:06:00.300 secretly, like, hiding under the bed.

01:06:02.080 We'd never want to traumatize him.

01:06:03.780 He loved hiding in my room, too.

01:06:07.300 Yeah.

01:06:08.400 And all he wants to do is just, like,

01:06:10.340 be as close to you as possible.

01:06:11.640 It's so sweet.

01:06:13.020 But, okay.

01:06:13.820 Well, I love you.

01:06:14.940 I don't resent you.

01:06:15.940 You're amazing.

01:06:17.020 You're amazing.

01:06:17.460 Thank you for not being brainwashed by...

01:06:19.140 I exposed you to the void.

01:06:21.020 Now we'll see if you can survive.

01:06:23.660 Yeah, I'm excited.

01:06:25.840 Simone episodes.

01:06:29.440 I'm watching a Strange Aeons

01:06:31.580 where she's trying to make a Tumblr,

01:06:33.160 like, too much of it

01:06:34.460 will be an extract.

01:06:35.360 Her stuff is great.

01:06:37.280 It's so funny.

01:06:38.100 What about the Tooth Guy?

01:06:39.900 What?

01:06:40.340 Painless Dan or something.

01:06:42.960 What about Tooth Guy?

01:06:44.220 She did an episode on him?

01:06:45.900 Yeah, I just watched

01:06:46.980 a long Strange Aeons episode, too,

01:06:48.640 but it was about a man

01:06:49.400 who extracted teeth in Canada.

01:06:51.460 This is not the one you were watching.

01:06:52.960 No, not me.

01:06:54.840 I love my subcultures.

01:06:56.100 I was sent one by fans

01:06:57.260 about a game

01:06:58.620 that's like a Gooner game for girls

01:07:00.920 where you date characters

01:07:03.560 in space or something.

01:07:05.720 It was good.

01:07:06.420 I liked learning about it.

01:07:07.940 I liked learning about weird subcultures.

01:07:11.060 Oh, I feel like

01:07:11.820 either she or some other YouTuber

01:07:14.020 was promoting it.

01:07:16.080 Yeah, I watched, like,

01:07:16.820 a YouTuber video on it.

01:07:18.680 But it was like an ad, right?

01:07:20.040 It was sponsored.

01:07:20.780 It's promoted a lot on YouTube.

01:07:22.400 And, like, one of them,

01:07:23.280 there's like,

01:07:23.700 and this time,

01:07:24.440 he's a space mermaid.

01:07:26.180 Like, literally.

01:07:27.360 Like, a space mermaid.

01:07:28.420 A space mermaid.

01:07:29.200 That is, that is,

01:07:30.220 that could have been

01:07:31.000 what I was watching.

01:07:31.640 But where are their flippies?

01:07:33.620 If they're freaking...

01:07:34.760 That's not important.

01:07:35.780 That's not important to...

01:07:36.880 Apparently it's not, though.

01:07:38.380 Women of this genre.

01:07:40.120 Yes.

01:07:40.340 And I read this

01:07:41.920 New York Times article

01:07:42.700 about Ziz

01:07:43.400 and the Zizian cult

01:07:44.760 that came out of The Rationalist

01:07:45.960 and then murdered a bunch of people.

01:07:46.860 And I'm like,

01:07:47.140 why aren't they writing about me?

01:07:48.860 And Simone's like,

01:07:49.600 they write about you

01:07:50.240 all the time, Malcolm.

01:07:51.600 Can you not have anyone...

01:07:53.620 But one of the lines

01:07:54.820 that somebody said about Ziz,

01:07:55.960 which I thought, you know,

01:07:56.900 is accurate,

01:07:57.640 is they came into The Rationalist

01:07:59.040 and EA community

01:07:59.920 wanting to be

01:08:00.760 one of the main characters.

01:08:02.480 And when they realized

01:08:03.200 they couldn't be,

01:08:04.360 they basically just, like,

01:08:05.300 picked up their cake

01:08:06.000 and went home,

01:08:06.680 picked up the ball

01:08:07.360 and went home.

01:08:08.080 And that is what created

01:08:09.520 their little cult.

01:08:10.740 Because they're just,

01:08:11.260 no, I'm going to be

01:08:12.080 one of the main characters

01:08:12.880 even if other people

01:08:13.780 don't care what I have to say

01:08:14.640 and think I'm an idiot.

01:08:15.820 And that is where

01:08:16.820 the Zizians came from.

01:08:18.200 The other thing

01:08:18.840 that I thought was funny

01:08:19.520 is they had this belief,

01:08:21.460 like, you want to hear annoying.

01:08:22.680 So they would go

01:08:23.280 and they would interact

01:08:24.120 with other people

01:08:24.740 on the forums.

01:08:26.140 Oh, like in the EA forums?

01:08:27.700 Like in the EA discords

01:08:28.760 and stuff like that.

01:08:29.960 But they were distinct

01:08:32.000 and easily recognizable

01:08:33.340 because they would only use

01:08:34.340 symbols for their names

01:08:35.400 and not, like, English letters.

01:08:38.120 And because they're all trans,

01:08:39.360 like when you tried

01:08:40.120 to call them out on this,

01:08:41.080 they'd be like,

01:08:41.620 well, as a trans person,

01:08:42.840 like I am, you know,

01:08:44.680 you can't register what I am.

01:08:46.520 That's part of who I am.

01:08:47.420 And so it's transphobic

01:08:48.380 to demand that I use

01:08:50.360 real characters.

01:08:51.760 That's taking it

01:08:52.600 to a next level.

01:08:53.560 They also believed

01:08:54.540 that trans women

01:08:55.360 had a unique neurotype

01:08:57.080 that allowed them

01:08:58.140 to better do AI safety work

01:08:59.820 and that no one...

01:09:01.320 Oh my God.

01:09:01.760 Like, we are the super race

01:09:03.580 for AI safety work.

01:09:05.240 Just like,

01:09:05.700 what's that Star Wars race

01:09:07.100 that clones people?

01:09:08.220 And like,

01:09:08.800 but trans women,

01:09:10.400 they're that.

01:09:12.200 They are...

01:09:14.280 The Kaminoans

01:09:14.980 is who you're thinking of.

01:09:15.940 They're like...

01:09:16.760 Oh yeah, Kamino.

01:09:17.760 Yes.

01:09:18.240 Okay.

01:09:18.440 Yes.

01:09:18.780 With the trans,

01:09:19.880 I thought that that was interesting

01:09:21.060 because it is true.

01:09:22.000 So many of the AI safety screechers

01:09:23.560 I know of are trans women.

01:09:25.380 There is some sort of overlap

01:09:27.300 between AI safety screeching

01:09:28.680 and being a trans woman.

01:09:29.820 No, there's some overlap

01:09:31.860 between being

01:09:33.000 someone of the female gender

01:09:35.520 in the Bay Area

01:09:36.360 and being trans.

01:09:38.360 Yes, that's true.

01:09:39.820 Well, and I think,

01:09:40.960 you know,

01:09:41.200 if you're influential

01:09:41.940 to one social meme,

01:09:44.500 you're going to be influenced

01:09:45.580 by another social meme.

01:09:47.100 Exactly.

01:09:47.960 Like, if you're in

01:09:49.700 any sort of like

01:09:51.280 rationalist or EA space

01:09:53.440 in the San Francisco Bay Area,

01:09:56.160 a lot of the women there

01:09:57.680 are going to be trans

01:09:59.060 and a lot of the people there

01:10:02.200 also are going to be

01:10:03.040 working in AI safety.

01:10:04.040 Like, I don't see that as,

01:10:06.720 you know, it's too confounded.

01:10:08.120 Anyway, I finally set

01:10:09.240 the security code

01:10:10.000 so I can get to the fun stuff now.

01:10:13.660 I'll do the opening.

01:10:15.480 I mean...

01:10:16.040 You could say

01:10:16.540 if you saw anything interesting

01:10:17.560 in the comments

01:10:18.040 from the last video

01:10:18.820 that you were working on today.

01:10:21.660 No.

01:10:22.260 I mean, no.

01:10:22.900 Just support.

01:10:23.540 People are ready

01:10:24.300 for trans to be over.

01:10:25.620 Some people think

01:10:27.140 that the left

01:10:28.440 is lying about it

01:10:29.400 and that secretly

01:10:30.080 they're super in support

01:10:31.080 of youth gender medicine still

01:10:32.300 and they're just saying this.

01:10:34.200 Other people are like,

01:10:35.320 yeah,

01:10:36.500 reality always shows up

01:10:37.840 to the party.

01:10:38.580 Sometimes she's drunk

01:10:39.600 and she's not always nice.

01:10:42.080 She shows up.

01:10:43.340 And I like that.

01:10:44.520 That was a good comment.

01:10:45.720 So we get good comments.

01:10:47.220 Yeah.

01:10:48.420 All right.

01:10:48.920 All right.

01:10:49.440 All right.

01:10:49.760 Ready?

01:10:49.940 All right.

01:10:50.040 Why are you sneaking?

01:10:55.180 Um,

01:10:56.420 because I like sneaking.

01:11:00.040 Because it's bedtime?

01:11:01.680 No, because I like sneaking.

01:11:05.440 This is the only time of day

01:11:07.440 when you ever giggle like this.

01:11:09.820 And it's always

01:11:10.960 when you're supposed to be in bed.

01:11:15.680 Why is that, my friend?

01:11:20.040 Because I want to be funny.

01:11:22.740 Because you want to be funny?

01:11:24.220 Are you funny?

01:11:26.400 Yes.

01:11:28.060 Yeah?

01:11:28.780 What are you doing

01:11:29.400 that's so funny?

01:11:31.280 I'm sneaking into your room.

01:11:33.620 Sneaking in my room?

01:11:35.380 Yeah.

01:11:36.060 While I brush my teeth?

01:11:37.980 Yeah.

01:11:39.800 Is that funny?

01:11:42.000 Yes.

01:11:42.560 You also want to tell me a joke?

01:11:44.840 Um, uh,

01:11:46.700 skin jockey.

01:11:47.720 Is this some new

01:11:50.520 youth slang

01:11:51.160 that I don't know about?

01:11:52.580 Mm-hmm.

01:11:53.440 Okay, tell me another joke.

01:11:55.920 Mm-hmm.

01:11:57.720 Chicken arrow?

01:11:59.560 Chicken hero?

01:12:01.160 No, chicken arrow.

01:12:03.880 Chicken arrow.

01:12:05.440 Yeah, like the arrows

01:12:06.260 right up there.

01:12:07.540 Yeah, those are my arrows.

01:12:09.020 Yeah, they are hanging.

01:12:10.440 They go with the bow

01:12:11.400 that's up there, right?

01:12:12.780 Yeah, where's the string

01:12:13.780 for the bow, actually?

01:12:14.880 The string's on the bow.

01:12:16.060 It's just not strung.

01:12:16.880 Oh, I've got my envy.

01:12:20.800 Is there any advice

01:12:21.720 you have for her

01:12:22.380 to get good dreams?

01:12:23.680 Mm-hmm.

01:12:32.680 He isn't possessed

01:12:34.180 by happiness.

01:12:35.560 Seriously.

01:12:36.680 He's got a happiness demon.

01:12:38.000 A happiness demon.

01:12:39.800 People are like,

01:12:40.780 oh, your kids,

01:12:42.240 how dare you bring

01:12:43.060 somebody to this world?

01:12:44.260 They may not want

01:12:45.120 to live in it,

01:12:45.720 and I'm like,

01:12:46.740 okay, but, like,

01:12:48.460 my kids are not

01:12:49.460 particularly worried

01:12:51.160 about that.

01:12:52.840 Octavia, get up.

01:12:54.000 Tell Indy advice.

01:12:56.120 Tell Indy how to

01:12:56.960 how to sleep well.

01:12:58.140 What does she need to do?

01:12:58.960 What does she need to do

01:12:59.560 to sleep well?

01:13:00.380 Are we there?

01:13:02.420 Yep, what does Indy...

01:13:03.960 What does Indy need to do

01:13:05.580 to sleep well?

01:13:06.300 What does Indy need to do?

01:13:06.420 This little demon.

01:13:07.600 Stop it.

01:13:08.620 What does Indy need to do

01:13:09.760 to sleep well?

01:13:10.460 He's possessed.

01:13:13.580 He's possessed.

01:13:14.600 Indy, what's your brother doing?

01:13:18.120 Indy, can you talk some sense

01:13:20.420 into your brother?

01:13:22.820 Um, uh,

01:13:24.140 have good dreams, Indy.

01:13:26.980 Tell her how to have good dreams.

01:13:29.360 Have good dreams, Indy.

01:13:31.900 Go to bed.

01:13:32.540 Oh, my God.

Based Camp - July 14, 2025

New Tactics Feminists Use to Turn Wives Against Husbands

Episode Stats

Length

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Misogynist Sentences

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Summary

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