Researching A Gang Bang Radicalized My Wife Against Early-Stage Abortion (We Were Wrong)
Episode Stats
Harmful content
Misogyny
28
sentences flagged
Toxicity
47
sentences flagged
Hate speech
29
sentences flagged
Summary
In this episode, we discuss the radicalization of a woman who was radicalized by a party thrown at her daughter's birthday party, and how that radicalized her in the long-term, and led her to date a man who would later become her husband.
Transcript
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my wife was actually radicalized by somebody who met their husband who they ended up having
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a child with at a gangbang against early stage abortion yeah and not slightly radicalized i got
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radicalized after hearing this story traumatized and radicalized and this has a lot of crying
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it's emotionally of more of a roller coaster than you likely think so buckle in guys
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america get your uteruses turp i'm a baby killer baby killer makes me honey
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would you like to know more hello malcolm i'm excited to be speaking with you today because
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romance isn't dead it turns out i didn't know this but one of the fluffers at ayla's birthday
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gangbang has gone on to date one of the gentlemen attending and participating in the party and they
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have a kid together now and they're getting married and you know it's so wholesome it's
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wonderful but wholesome and wonderful no i love all the other conservatives are talking about
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there's this like slutty woman who's using her gangbangs to like oh i'm gonna have a gangbang
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for like my what was it like her kid's birth or like a birth shower or try to get pregnant
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at a gang but you've you've seen this right oh no no no you're you're referring about to bonnie
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blue her golden baby shower yes golden baby oh god definitely pregnant as a baby turn my baby
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shower into a golden shower pregnancy is a big dish for a lot of people so i'm gonna make most
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of it biggest live stream of a birth so gross yeah no we do not bonnie blue and ayla and her
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circle completely different i can't even they are like i think people respect for bonnie blue
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and what she does like she is her own extreme sports kind of person but the the ala cinematic
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universe is one of and i think it's very misunderstood it is one of the most a circle
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of the most intelligent articulate educated informed and intellectually curious people
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in the world. They put 99.9% of postgraduate university students to shame. I would say 95%
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of professors to complete shame. These are some of the most intellectual people that I've ever
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encountered. They have amazing writing. We'll get into some of that. But what I love most about this
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though, and this is where the twist comes actually, Malcolm, is not only am I like, this is really
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sweet right we've gone from like gangbang to marriage and there's something to be said there
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about kind of the way that life goes and also that you know maybe we we shouldn't fully judge
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debauched lifestyles of a little bit of fun and hedonism and also that it's a kind of a really
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common life progression and another reason why many male base campers should not be discounting
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progressive women and writing them off which we see happening all the time but oh yeah people
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are like oh you shouldn't date someone to change them or whatever people were so mad at my leaflet
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video and i was like no that's like what i'm just saying realistically that is your pool of women
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these days here's what's really really crazy though is romey holland this woman who went on
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to get married you know gangbang organizer um barrier intelligent sex positive woman
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has completely radicalized me on misoprostone and early term abortion. Like I'm complete,
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like sea change for me against it. I used to be like, Hey, basically until you get signs of like,
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you know, a human life that is capable of experiencing pain in like around like week
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12 you don't really have like a the beginnings of a brain i guess i'm okay with abortion you know
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especially you know just taking misoprostone if you need to because you're super super not ready
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i have changed my view on this and it it wasn't it wasn't our catholic friends it wasn't our
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our friends at the heritage foundation it wasn't anyone else right radicalized on abortion by a
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gangbang woman. By, by, yeah, by a, by a fluffer. Well, she did, right. I mean, I was just looking
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her up. And the first thing that comes up with her is a bunch of magazine articles saying this
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heartbreaking, what nobody told me about abortion essay is going viral. It's, I'm going to read some
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quotes from it. We're going to start with though the romance because romance is dead. I love it so
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much. I love the story. So for those of you not familiar, who've somehow been living under a rock
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or i don't know we're in a coma in 2024 ayla who is a sex researcher a friend episodes with us
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before she's awesome close friends yeah she's one of the only people i've ever like when i
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talked to them i felt like an immediate and deep connection she's a great person yeah just
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incredible incredible person she had a birthday party and she was like you know what i would love
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to have a gangbang for my birthday party so some of her close friends so kindly and generously
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including romi holland romi helped her organize it and this this was a very complicated thing
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they decided ultimately on on a a very good number 42 men you know it's perfect sort of
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nerd reference gangbang number 42 oh my god tiger's guide to the galaxy right there i know 42
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men we're a conservative podcast by the way right now we are considered radical that's why i have
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to brief people on this okay just in case they don't know about the birthday gangbang
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no i'm just i we have to admit that like we have friends who are whores like we have to admit that
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like we're gosh if only we gotta we gotta be more like jesus and just never talk to whores right
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like that's clearly the right answer here right no i mean winning people's hearts requires not
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reflexively condemning them if they are attempting because i think you see with this person and in
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her abortion essay and stuff like this this is not a community that's hearts are truly poisoned
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they just need the truth shown to them in the in the in the right way and then it shocks them out
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of it and that's what happened with this individual but continue i mean i don't know i just feel like
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it's an i i went from being an ardent progressive though not exactly sex positive to just being
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you know now a concern like it's a very natural and common progression but anyway so romey helped
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to organize this and there was a lot of vetting in this i think i remember looking through the
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survey for people applying you know they're obviously going through the kinks of these people
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in an interview with on slate's podcast death sex and money romey talks about the
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the the kind of the unique kink criteria they would go for like they didn't want
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men who needed like a lot of like reinforcement and like oh like you're doing so great well
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because you know it's a gangbang it's supposed to be like consensual non-consent right so like
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they can't have men who are super needy who need ayla to like praise them because that's not the
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look of this event so they you know vet for that they need to vet for a bunch of other things
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obviously you know if you're a friend or something like you know you're probably in so there's a lot
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of vetting involved and then of course on the actual day of the party you had to work through
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all the logistics you know there's queuing and you want to have everyone you know sufficiently hard
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for the moment of, of, of, of bang. And so then there's a big bowl of Viagra at the door,
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but then there's also the need for arousal. And that, that is where the fluffy, sorry,
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where the fluffers come in, including Romy, who very generously offered to participate
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in a very involved way in the fluffing process, preparing men to deliver their birthday present
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to Ayla. If you haven't explored the, the lore around the gangbang, you definitely should. There
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was a a very viral Sankey diagram that Ayla had created because again she is a very intellectual
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fun playful person I should not have been allowed at the gangbang do you remember why
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oh yeah because you were something about LEIs you had Kowski so no accelerationist no AI
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that's right yes it was no yes I remember something I was like oh yeah you definitely
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would be allowed so Ayla made this this chart that sort of showed what happened to the various
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participants so she the survey you know the application she released had 1 604 applicants
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828 failed the auto filter 320 328 failed the manual filter 776 passed the auto filter 448
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passed the manual fiction filter they contacted 251 men 143 didn't respond 25 are friends 87 of
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those got invited and also 83 did an interview like it went it went went went and then 42 showed
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up so they got 42 only 37 penetrated ayla only 17 came inside ayla they were in condoms only well
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five came inside of fluffer who knows if romey was one of them and then 15 didn't come so
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that this is the thing to an orgy and not coming that that sounds like well but malcolm this is a
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42 person gangbang and it's like the way to be honest it's like the being at the dmv right like
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you're queuing you're waiting like it's awkward there's other people there you know a lot of them
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like because a bunch of them were ayla's friends like these are all i mean i guess those people
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are more accustomed maybe to more group-ish sex environments but anyway it was in this milieu it
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was in this mix at this lovely party that actually wasn't particularly fun for ayla or romi for their
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reports that romi locked eyes with a man that she was fluffing she'd known him online a little bit
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you know seen him post this is what i don't understand why
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what if it's not fun okay and presumably she's done gangbangs before you don't know i don't
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think she had that's the thing is i don't think she had and so there's this like well
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because think think about so to safely do a gangbang if you're actually like vetting it
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carefully and and doing it right and and keep in mind like again the this this type of sex positive
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person in the bay area in the aila cinematic universe doesn't just do like consensual non
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like oh let's just mess around like everyone like jump in the group no no at her consensual
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non-consent parties you're wearing a lanyard that says what you can do to someone what you can't do
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there are safe words there are safety talks like this stuff people are vetted there there's the
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stuff the the places the careful location selection these are incredibly thoughtful
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event said no i don't think she had done one before from my understanding she hadn't and so
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like she wanted to try like she's an she's she's she believes in experimentation and so i don't
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think she knew that she wasn't going to find it particularly enjoyable i think that i should add
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this to our sins episode trying something only to try something well but she might have liked it and
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she well you don't need to know everything in the world you might like even if it turned out i loved
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gangbangers that is a fact i would not want to know about myself well i guess like are you like
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yeah do you like private jet flights i guess that's that's one of the bigger issues in my view
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like i could love flying on a private jet but can i afford to fly on a private jet like absolutely
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not also i don't think i would know because i once had to drop a bunch of people off on a private jet
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i didn't get to go on but i had to drop people off so freaking loud like we never took you on
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our private jet no that was i was in the post private jet days when i entered your family
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i didn't get to stop using it as much because it's inconvenient but yeah private jets suck
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yeah they are so loud it's so loud on the tarmac and like the airports for the private jets were
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like not just that it's like a bus station like a greyhound bus station i'm like what is this
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this is not what i expected standard private jets like lears and stuff like that right they are
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significantly smaller than you would expect on the inside especially for like the two rows
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so like your entire you even see it like when the when the kardashians fly on their private jet like
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it's a very nicely appointed private jet but it's small it's like it's yeah the entire flight your
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head is like caught to the side because like against the side okay their private jets are
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bigger than that and okay i did see the interior of one of the ladies private jets as i was dropping
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everyone off and hers was very nice but she was also very wealthy so but like it's just I don't
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know it just seemed uncomfortable and meh but anyway my point here though is what if Ayla
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I think it'd be worse if Ayla really enjoyed the gangbang because then like how is like oh great
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like now I'm never gonna have fun again unless I put out a thousand person survey and have like
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10 of my friends work carefully around the clock to vet all these people and interview them and
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organize them and you know of course throughout the entire process because she didn't want to put
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the onus on the participants to kind of just both like consensually non-consensually penetrate her
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she'd have two people with her the whole time like kind of watching her watching the men make
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sure like nothing was going wrong making sure that she was fully lubricated handing them in the
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sharpie because i think remember they had like a sharpie they were doing ticks on her leg to be
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like remember this number that i think they even they did all these like really thoughtful things
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too i think maybe there's a virgin there that one day and they're like same like they did a thing
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for him or like i can't remember but like this was incredibly thoughtfully executed it's not
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sustainable so that's my thing is maybe don't try things if if you can't afford to like do them
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regularly if it's trying this to see if you like it kind of thing like you know do i like luxury
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cars like i bet i do but i can't afford one so let's not get used to that anyway so they she
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you know encounters this man like she had seen him posting around online but i think this is
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also a very common illustration of how people meet now. This is a very techno feudal kind of
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meet cute where like you see someone posting online, they're in your general online sort of
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parasocial circles. And then it's some special event. It's some community-based gathering,
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which this very much was, right? A mixture of sort of the online universe of a person
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and their offline friends coming together for a special event. You meet someone in that universe.
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you have some, some, some in-person chemistry, which you can't necessarily find online. You
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know, you can't gauge that and it takes off from there. So, you know, it wasn't immediate. It wasn't
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like, you know, he asked her out mid penetration because she, she was also, I think doing like
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full penetrative fluffing, not like, like hand job or blow job fluffing from my understanding.
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and anyway they they went later on a date and then they they became like more like a steady
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boyfriend and girlfriend and then they had a kid together and now not only are they engaged to be
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married soon but they're also for the time being at least monogamous and here you see this classic
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gangbang to monogamy trend well no the thing is like i think people don't realize how common this
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is like I I am the product of a broken polyamorous marriage I guess it's just like it wasn't really
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well matched and then my mom was one of like a secondary for my dad but then eventually she was
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like look this isn't for me like I want to have a kid someday either I'm moving to Colorado
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or like maybe you decide that you want to be monogamous with me and my dad decided at actually
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pretty significant social cost like per everything that you know the disruption that that caused
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to become monogamous with my mother and i'm a result of that but like even back in the 80s this
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was happening in the bay area so this is a surprisingly trad kind of arc and i'm really
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happy for romi i'm really happy for her partner i'm really happy for their kid but what i did not
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expect from this adorable and in my opinion very wholesome story was that she would radicalize me
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against misoprostone, which I thought was like, now, you know, my stance has been very consistent
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that like up until 12 weeks, I don't care. Like whatever, you know, if you want to take a pill
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to end a pregnancy early, like this is not yet a, a, a sentient, like conscious.
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People who understand why we take this position, if you're confused by this, I, I, I do not think
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that you can, when there's no neural tissue, like, I don't think I lost part of my soul by
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losing my finger or something like that right yeah when there's no neural tissue there is nothing
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that can produce the effects that we in our society call a soul yeah and we we think it's
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equally sinful as techno puritans to like choose not to have a kid when you could it doesn't matter
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if that's before you have sex or after you have sex or after conception it's it's it's not that
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we don't think that it's bad to abort a fetus that has no neural tissue yet but we think it's
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at the same level of evil as convincing somebody not to get ivf that was going to do ivf because
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you have prevented a child that was going to exist from existing and all child on that spectrum
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whenever somebody was like i could have made the child that's why we took that position but
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then there's there's yeah the sort of additional like layer on top of that for me of like okay
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well when are you when are you sort of committing murder and causing like suffering to a thing and
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you know yeah after week 12 you're causing suffering to a thing like
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so like that that just adds this extra like visceral but now now I'm really questioning
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this and I want to give you some some quotes from Romy's experience going through this because I
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think she this is what this is what radicalized me and I think it shows some lies that are told
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to progressives especially but I think just to mainstream mainstream participants in the urban
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monoculture more broadly about about basically early term abortions i had no idea i am kind of
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horrified and i i it shows how we've basically been lied to and that there is a ton of damage
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that no one talks about and i feel like maybe people feel afraid to talk about so i'll just
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go ahead and read. No, let's go into it. Yeah. You can also, and I, because it's amazing writing,
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Romy's very articulate, incredibly intelligent, like beautiful, wonderful person in general.
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So I recommend you read the full thing. It's titled, it's her only sub-stack article too,
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What Nobody Told Me About Abortion, and it describes her harrowing experience. So basically
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she had sex with her boyfriend and got pregnant. She wrote, on the sort of afternoon of full ripe
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summer fruit my new boyfriend and i still flush with sweat and limerence after some midday sex
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started an ovulation test strip and realized we'd misread an earlier test uh-oh i said lightly amused
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at a thousand rom-com moments flashed through my mind cue the clueless horror movie protagonist
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who fails to notice the axe murderer behind the bedroom door mistaken about the genre of the story
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unfolding we listened to music and i swiveled back and forth in an office chair while narrating
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chat gpt's damning answers to my questions about fertile windows and test strip blind darkness
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my boyfriend kissed me on the cheek each time he walked past we riffed about games we could play
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at our abortion party our decision calculus was numerical emotions our abortion party this and
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this goes to show like she's showing how radically her mind shifted like the flippant jokiness that
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no that like the urban monoculture san francisco bay area people are raised with around the idea
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of abortions and why people are so like pro-abortion it's like really like it goes back
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to that bojack horseman aquafina like get that fetus kill that fetus america get your uteruses
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turp i'm a baby killer baby killing makes me horny get that fetus kill that fetus
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As the concept of women having choices gone too far.
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like this like euphoric cultural like this is a sacred cow kind of attitude around abortion
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and it's euphoric this idea that i have this choice and like we're going to exercise this
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choice and it's going to be funny and cool trans woman to have a successful uterus transplant
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ovaries and eggs included and i want to be the first trans woman to have an abortion
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Mr. Garrison. Mrs. Garrison. You can't have an abortion. Don't you tell me what I can and can't
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do with my body. A woman has a right to choose. You can't get pregnant. But I missed my period.
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You can't have periods either. You mean I'll never know what it feels like to have a baby
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growing inside me and then scramble its brains and vacuum it out. This would mean I'm not really
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a woman it's i'm just a i'm just a guy with a mutilated penis basically yes oh boy do i feel
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like a jackass i'll continue reading our decision calculus was numerical emotions and afterthought
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there's a one in four chance of conception each month so deciding not to take plan b would result
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in a 25 risk of needing an abortion plan b costs 50 and an abortion costs 500 but only with a 25
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percent chance of conception, the expected value of that option is $125. Plan B and early stage
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abortion seemed physically pretty similar, nothing to consider there. If you get pregnant, we'd both
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know we're fertile, my boyfriend pointed out. True, why would anyone pay for fertility testing
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with such thrilling alternative available, I quipped back. In the end, my sense that failing
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to take plan b seemed plainly stupid led us to swing by cbs on our way to an under the sea themed
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party in san francisco i was wearing a black and gold ball gown he a shimmery jacket that made him
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look like an undiscovered mayor culture dredged up from the fluorescently lit family planning aisle
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later at the party i recounted our ill-fated afternoon with punchlines as i pried open the
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clamshell package and unceremoniously swallowed the plan b in my friend's cozy kitchen so she
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you know is very like casual about the sex about the you know i'll just take plan b right you know
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this is a very like expected experience for someone in the like this culture then she describes how
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it goes south so basically she got a positive pregnancy test nine days later and she just like
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from the beginning it was like obvious she would not be having a baby like there was no question
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that like, well, obviously, like we're not, we're not even going to consider carrying this.
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She, she wrote, ignoring the mounting hum of my instinctual self, I walked across Berkeley on a
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chilly August evening to pick up abortion pills from the sort of friend who people think of when
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they say they know a guy. She continued a little bit later. I'm skipping through the article. You
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really should read the whole thing. Nobody talks about the hell that is misoprostol, the abortion
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pill. I suspect that in its politicization, no one wants to mention that the drug in question
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is a sledgehammer. On its quest to destroy the fetus, it obliterates the mother as well.
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On Thursday afternoon, I unceremoniously took the first of three doses. Four little white pills
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shoved into my vagina as far up as I could wedge them. Tiny bombs placed quietly beside the cradle
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where my unsuspecting baby slept. I waited, fever rising, for the bleeding that should have started
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after an hour or two. The second dose came and went. By dose three, I could barely move.
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I took the stairs one at a time, weakly gripping the railing, my joints inking with each step,
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the inside of my mouth painfully raw. Curled in bed, I whispered for more and more blankets,
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shivering and only dimly aware of my boyfriend there beside me, searching the internet for
00:24:36.640
answers about my racing heart and shallow, rapid breathing. In the morning, I felt drained,
00:24:41.680
but the fever and pain were gone. The large maxi pad, which the internet warned I may soak as often
00:24:47.860
as once per hour was entirely dry. So she goes on to observe that quote, misoprostol as an abortion
00:24:54.940
protocol is 85% effective as a 24 hour time point neared. And I felt not even the slightest
00:25:01.280
cramping. It became clear that I was among the unlucky 15% of women for whom a second attempt
00:25:06.900
would be necessary and she also writes in in taking the first dose of pills i'd started down
00:25:11.700
an inescapable path and had no choice but to march to its end as a friend would later say
00:25:16.960
the correct number of abortions is either zero or as many as it takes and this is malcolm for me like
00:25:23.100
reading about this is so scary because one of my i've never told you this but one of my recurring
00:25:27.440
like nightmares that I've had since childhood is like finding some innocent
00:25:36.020
injured animal that's in pain and then attempting to kill it to put it out of its pain and failing
00:25:43.740
every time and making it worse every time like this is one of my like deepest set fears like
00:25:49.760
funny I have such different deep set fears than you yeah I don't know if I ever told you this
00:25:54.540
one of my recurring nightmares up until i met you i haven't had this dream since i met you
00:25:58.500
but it used to be a big recurring nightmare for me was that i had accidentally killed someone and
00:26:03.500
i needed to figure out what to do next and i was just like we gotta hide the body we gotta like
00:26:08.800
yeah we have different nightmares but like this is my worst nightmare and i was like if i had
00:26:16.460
gone through this and i felt like i had only partially killed this fledgling life is it for
00:26:22.880
you and you're like oh my god this is my baby what was i doing why did i treat this so flippantly
00:26:27.620
yeah you you're yeah just just wait so she she ultimately had to do four rounds she went to
00:26:34.480
planned parenthood in san francisco she wrote desperation weld inside me i wanted to grip her
00:26:39.460
oh so basically also a protester confronted her and was like you know don't kill your baby
00:26:44.340
about that she wrote desperation weld inside of me i wanted to grip her bony shoulders to look her in
0.66
00:26:49.440
the eye and ask her what she would have me do with this broken beautiful thing inside me that
00:26:55.000
had survived six doses of poison and now failed to die this is my worst nightmare you can tell
00:27:01.000
i'm like so scared more abortion pills more waiting more shivering in a ball of feverish
00:27:06.000
torment still no blood then she continued because she had to ultimately get a dnc my memories of
00:27:12.140
the surgical dnc procedure four days later come to mean fragments that feel sharp in my chest
00:27:17.380
I remember a cold wand pushed inside me searching for a smudge of evidence of the baby, and
00:27:22.900
then a room with a chair and an iPad video that soothingly warned of hysterectomy risk.
00:27:29.540
Finally, a room that smelled of chemicals where I sat on a crisp paper and stared at
00:27:33.920
a tray strewn with ominous medical instruments' panic.
00:27:38.540
Tears gathered in my eyes at the inevitability of the situation, my overwhelming helplessness.
00:27:43.920
i presented my arm to the pretty young nurse who administer the fentanyl and sedatives i laid down
00:27:49.820
and spread my legs for the kind practitioner to vacuum out my stubborn baby what's a mother to
1.00
00:27:54.740
do in a moment like this but carry her child gently to the executioner's arms and then she
1.00
00:28:00.000
she asked if she could you know like take the thing you know the baby that they removed and
00:28:04.120
like bury it in her backyard or something they're like no we're forced by california law to take
00:28:08.260
them all to funeral homes i don't know what they do with them there that's i don't get that but
00:28:12.700
anyway she met after this process happened other people who like when she mentioned it to them
00:28:18.700
were like oh yeah I have also had a traumatic experience with this and I think this is one
00:28:24.020
of those other things where because in progressive circles you're supposed to be euphoric about it
00:28:29.400
it's yeah like you can't it's yeah it's it's verboten to say that you had a bad experience
00:28:34.420
with misoprostol you can't say it but then she said she wrote I recently had coffee with a friend
00:28:40.840
who became very still when I mentioned my abortion, tears sprang to her eyes as she told me
00:28:46.920
that once she'd had an abortion too, and although it was seven years ago, and although she never
00:28:52.360
wanted the baby, never even wanted to be a mother, it still makes her cry every time she remembers
00:28:58.080
it. She'd taken the abortion pills and two days later in a grungy dive bar bathroom with music
00:29:04.440
thrumming through the door she'd found her clot of a baby in her bloody pad this is i'm sorry like
00:29:11.880
i guess trigger warning a while ago stop trigger warning a while ago no but this is how no no no
00:29:17.480
no no no wait where the man was the gangbang story i know traumatized but i cry as i talk
1.00
00:29:23.060
about abortions what on earth but anyway this radicalized woman crying talking about abortions
0.99
00:29:29.600
to other to try to get women to like i'm not trying to do this this really radicalized me
00:29:34.820
and her writing is really good anyway so this woman just told her you know she found the bloody
00:29:40.340
clot in this dive bar in her pad she says i knew i had to eat it she told me and then as though
00:29:47.180
suddenly realizing that this might sound absurd she tried to explain i mean i couldn't just leave
00:29:52.180
it in that dirty bathroom it was my baby what was i going to do throw it in the trash i stopped her
00:29:57.120
shaking my head no no it makes perfect sense to me it really does of course you had to eat it it
00:30:02.000
was your baby the maternal logic of this was unassailable anyone who's been a mother for any
00:30:07.420
stretch of time would not question such a primordial urge the animal mother knows what
00:30:12.380
to do and your judgments are not what carried evolution billions of oh and your judgments are
00:30:17.440
not what carried evolution billions of years to this moment so what did you do i asked her i ate
00:30:23.200
it she said wide-eyed and like malcolm this sounds so insane but i completely understand what they're
00:30:30.220
talking and it makes me think of like the hamsters that go crazy and eat their babies there's
00:30:34.880
something that yeah it's really like mentally unstable about pregnancy and and i didn't realize
0.95
00:30:41.060
that messing with it in this way like this early in pregnancies could mess women up so much because
00:30:46.980
it gets worse if you can believe it oh my god did we lure them in with hey guys i'm so hey guys
00:30:54.880
gangbang ha ha ha so funny so after this she she basically had a psychotic episode she she wrote
00:31:01.960
and again i'm skipping around read the whole thing i was not permitted to eat my baby nor bring it
00:31:06.460
home in a little vial to bury it or put it on the mantle or inspect it under a microscope for a tail
00:31:11.940
perhaps if i'd been the cataclysmic crash of hormones that awaited me would have taken a
00:31:17.180
gentler shape instead in the days that followed i began to experience borderline psychotic episodes
00:31:23.740
these hours long periods would begin with a vague sense of unease and build
00:31:28.400
and build until the world around me became twisted and surreal like a haunted house
00:31:34.760
sometimes anger at my boyfriend went inexplicably slow swell inside me sharp and alienating
00:31:40.300
distancing me from the one person who might understand my pain. Often I was consumed with
00:31:45.160
an urgent need to go find my missing baby. My thoughts would enter obsessive frenzied spirals
00:31:52.300
about the desire running through the sequence of events that had led to my baby's departure from
00:31:56.940
my womb, where it clearly belonged. My memories of the DNC churned with an ominous bent. The
00:32:02.860
kindness of the nurses suddenly felt coercive, like they had conspired to place me under a spell
00:32:07.900
so that they could use the strange and powerful devices
00:32:15.920
which happens like on late Memorial Day weekend
00:32:25.540
by sort of like through the Bay Area equivalent
00:32:31.160
At Burning Man, there's like the big man that they burn,
00:32:35.140
where you can like, and I've been to Burning Man once.
00:32:37.640
I remember going to it it's this like beautiful structure but it's where you kind of like
00:32:41.200
you will have I'm vaguely remembering this like traumatic things like you'll burn the things that
00:32:47.060
that bother you and so she she tries to staple the one thing she had left of this baby which
00:32:52.660
was her positive pregnancy test strip to the temple and then it you know like having it burn
00:32:57.100
like and hopefully that like will get rid of her trauma one one thing she wrote also that stood out
00:33:01.520
to me she wrote before I was a mother I was a woman who belonged entirely to herself I finally
00:33:06.180
understood then that my baby was gone and that I was once again alone oh my gosh what sorry
00:33:12.580
can you see that this stuff messes women up your babies is people who have babies the moment you
00:33:19.740
get radicalized by babies you're just like I need maximum number of babies no see I didn't know that
00:33:25.900
you could get radicalized before the baby came out because I didn't I didn't know but something
1.00
00:33:31.340
really messes with women and this this article shows that it turns out that while full-blown
00:33:36.540
postpartum it's like here i'm reading from her writing again it turns out that while full-blown
00:33:40.880
postpartum psychosis is rare subclinical psychotic thoughts are common affecting 15 to 30 percent of
00:33:48.060
women who give birth and less commonly following abortion and miscarriage critically people
00:33:53.560
experiencing these thoughts retain insight into the fact that their thoughts are distorted though
00:33:58.540
such knowledge does not immunize them to suffering it's strange to me that given the prevalence of
00:34:04.400
postpartum depression and abortion i haven't heard anyone talk openly about either my concept of
00:34:10.080
abortion was shaped instead through divisive political narratives which leave me feeling
00:34:14.860
trapped between absolutes and how i'm allowed to talk about it forced to hedge every statement
00:34:20.060
i mean she still supports the the right to choose and there's all these complications but she's
00:34:24.460
trying to introduce nuance to the conversation and like even to the to the day that she wrote
00:34:29.460
this article she still is dealing with the grief of this abortion she wrote oh sister she wrote
00:34:36.280
this is a good article to and i'm going to do this for our kids yeah i think around the time
00:34:42.080
they go through puberty i think this article they need to read this of sex education and having to
00:34:46.380
write an essay on this 100 percent and i would introduce this i think at around the age of let's
00:34:52.800
say 14 no when you have your period that's when you should be reading it i'll just leave with what
00:34:59.420
a great thing just to make part and i and i actually i like this so much i'm gonna say like
00:35:04.320
if you're a religious person or whatever like that and you have like a religious school or
00:35:08.860
something like that can we advocate for making this a major part of the just yeah because again
0.76
00:35:15.720
it's not it's not all the no no catholic or protestant or jew has ever convinced me
00:35:21.560
despite like presenting many like cohesive arguments uh like this this made me cry you
0.69
00:35:29.400
saw i can't help but cry and this isn't my first time reading it you know this isn't like the
00:35:34.160
initial shock this is just me like and it probably something to do with the fact that like
00:35:40.720
i have been radicalized by pregnancy as well but like just the impact this has had on her
00:35:47.360
she writes my grief has settled in to a shape small enough to carry around the world it goes
00:35:53.120
with me to dinner and seems to like it when we take evening walks around the neighborhood sometimes
00:35:58.580
when i know it won't cause too much trouble i take it out and marvel at it it's heavier than
00:36:03.340
it looks the weight of it on my chest enough to knock the breath out of me if i'm not prepared
00:36:08.180
many nights my grief unfurls and wraps with its long tendrils around me i wake sweating and tangled
00:36:14.480
in my blankets planets still bright in the sky soon enough it will learn to sleep through the
00:36:19.700
night like she's still suffering from it and i think she oh okay okay are you thirsty sorry one
00:36:30.540
moment here your bottle has disappeared she i think her story also adds weight to the techno
00:36:40.520
puritan sense that damage lies in like action-based inflection points unless it like some definition
00:36:47.760
of where life begins or where suffering begins and this is where i i'm also like moderating my
00:36:53.800
views of like where the sin lies and where the damage is done she wrote i never quite understood
00:36:58.740
regret should the butterfly regret a flap of its wings upon learning of the resulting tornado still
00:37:05.260
as the shadow of loss looms over my days i've started to think i probably would have been
00:37:10.940
happier in this alternate lifeline life timeline in which my grief would be balanced by purpose
00:37:17.260
whether this will feel true five years from now is harder to say perhaps one should wait to see
00:37:22.120
what is built from the tornado's wreckage before declaring regret i find myself trying to calculate
00:37:28.360
this likelihood, but quickly stop. I know now that some arithmetic belongs to older gods and reason.
00:37:36.260
She's a really good writer. She has a kid now, right? When did she give birth? I don't know the
00:37:41.260
exact date, but yeah, she has a kid. She has a kid now. She's a kid now. She's going to get married.
0.68
00:37:44.420
She's monogamous. This is a happy ending. Everything's okay. You're like, oh my God.
0.78
00:37:49.460
I know, man. But it's important to remember that sex can lead to kids. Gang bangs can lead to kids,
00:37:56.260
right like everything that she's participating in around something like this can lead to a woman
1.00
00:38:00.520
getting pregnant and then having to well either carry the kid to term or make a horrifying choice
00:38:07.480
that could lead to this and progressives aren't really told and i wasn't really told when i was
0.51
00:38:14.280
a kid because i'm gonna be honest christians are terrible at terrifying kids out of abortions
0.87
00:38:21.380
they're just like you're murdering a human and i'm like it doesn't have neurons like that is so
0.91
00:38:27.280
uncompelling yeah i think that that's a really a big thing for me too is yeah like they keep being
00:38:32.160
like it's a human it's a human it's a human and i'm like well not like actually no like it's it
00:38:37.680
doesn't have a brain yet you know like it's it's like like yeah i am my thoughts right like
00:38:45.300
fundamentally i'm not really my body i could lose any part of my body and i'm still 100% me
00:38:49.740
if I lost a part of my brain I would be fractally me I wouldn't be fully me anymore if my brain
00:38:55.800
significantly changed I would be a different version of myself like it is our neurons at
00:39:01.620
least this is to me a regular person the reason why I'm laying this out is when you go to your
00:39:06.800
kids many of your kids are going to think this way and you go to your kids and you just say
00:39:11.000
abortion is bad and again even the lines they use don't really work for them I knew you before you
00:39:18.180
were in your mother's womb well that that doesn't imply that life begins immediately at conception
00:39:22.240
that actually implies something quite different that either souls exist in heaven before insolvent
00:39:27.640
or god can see into the future both of which do not imply that life begins at conception right you
00:39:33.560
know so they would they would imply other things right and then then the question becomes when
00:39:38.200
does insolvent happen and everything like that what this has radicalized me on is it's there
00:39:44.240
are still instances in which and keep in mind this is the vast minority of abortion when people
00:39:50.560
are like abortion because of rape or something like that is less than one percent of abortion
00:39:55.180
cases that is not what people are fighting for but i think it works to just take that off the
00:40:00.620
table just say okay let's not say okay in the case of rape or a non-viable or non-viable i think so
00:40:08.960
so we have to and and like things need to be parsed out right like there's there's yeah some
00:40:15.080
of these really extreme cases there's also like cases in which what we're really discussing is
00:40:20.680
euthanasia of a terminally ill human it doesn't matter like and this is where i'm like i'm i'm
00:40:26.360
standing out oh no simone loves euthanasia and like i know a lot of you guys really hate the
00:40:30.260
idea of euthanasia but i truly loving human life human flourishing and especially innocent babies
00:40:36.980
personally would want the right to spare one of my children intense suffering and pain and a short
00:40:45.500
life you know if like you know hours of intense suffering and then death after carrying a
00:40:50.620
pregnancy to term like i would rather euthanize that baby of ours like i would say this has
00:40:58.800
radicalized me on general use yeah no no yeah no like before i was like whatever it's a pill like
00:41:06.160
take the pill it's that's not no man like i had no i had no idea and people had told us they're
00:41:12.220
like oh well you know meatsoprostone is actually like a really intense medication and i'm like
00:41:16.380
i don't like yeah but like i know people who are like oh i took antibiotics my tummy hurts like
00:41:21.460
people like overreact this is what i think it's not just on this is radicalizing against recreational
00:41:27.480
sex because this is what recreational sex leads to right i i think like i said we think that
00:41:33.480
non-procreative sex is a sin and this is why like well many reasons but this is another reason why
00:41:38.900
yeah note here i'm not talking about anything that couldn't get you pregnant for example
0.98
00:41:45.580
oral sex or kinky sex where it's just like leaning into the kink and i think for that reason i'm more
0.99
00:41:55.360
pro that stuff than i was historically and more anti-general vanilla more boring sex i see that
0.99
00:42:03.080
is dramatically more immoral than the kinkiest of kinky stuff because the kinkiest of kinky stuff
0.94
00:42:09.180
is just to get you off whereas vanilla sex could accidentally get somebody pregnant and i'd even
0.95
00:42:14.140
lay this down to the religious thing from our perspective the techno puritan perspective for
0.96
00:42:18.200
those who actually follow our religion lean in to the kinky stuff lean in to the erotic stuff
0.67
00:42:25.100
lean out of the generic boring sex stuff because that's the stuff that can lead to you accidentally
0.96
00:42:31.800
having to being in a position where it might make sense for somebody to think about murdering a
00:42:37.960
human being it is really first recreational sex doesn't even feel that good it's like this is one
00:42:43.960
of the biggest myths i want to blow out of the table look this is apparently my failure it can
0.82
00:42:48.140
feel very good i guess i'm not doing my job i have had sex with and again like my backstory is i used
0.95
00:42:55.080
to sleep around all the time i've had sex with well over 100 women probably around 160 if i like
00:43:01.020
try to get it up i think it i mean i remember i stopped counting and i think it was like 120 was
00:43:09.940
the last time i did a full count and i slept with quite a few people after that so it must be quite
00:43:14.920
a bit more than that did any of them ever get pregnant if they did they never told but like
00:43:20.120
i didn't understand the i just thought sex is sex so again this is not a simone is bad thing it's
00:43:26.080
that when you actually do it enough or you go around and sleep around enough this isn't a simone
00:43:30.340
when i mentioned this on the leaflet stream everyone was like in the comments they were like
00:43:34.020
yeah he's right it's just like not differentially that much better than masturbation you know it's
00:43:41.360
it's it's fine it's it's maybe 250 better than masturbation but like when you consider
00:43:49.720
analysis though and that's what's so crazy is like there's that one section of her her post
00:43:54.940
where they're like, well, you know, if we do like a weighted cost of plan B versus like
00:43:59.500
misoprostone or like an abortion, like $200 versus $50, but weighted for the odds, like
00:44:04.720
they're doing most of the calculation. They're just not taking it the rest of the way there
00:44:08.760
of like, here's the downside cost of having recreational sex versus, you know, like the
00:44:14.640
benefit of it. Contrast that to the downside cost of just masturbating. Yeah. Yeah. This is why I'm
0.99
00:44:21.700
like, this is why I'm so against people who push against masturbation. If a masturbation prevents
0.90
00:44:26.480
recreational sex, masturbation is good. When you consider the enormous downside of recreational
0.99
00:44:33.300
sex, which, which I think that this really highlights, by the way, our fab.ai, our AI
00:44:39.540
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00:44:47.200
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0.93
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0.99
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1.00
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be live today there's still some updates we have to do on the compression the auto compression
00:45:11.160
stuff but automatic anime dubbing which is kind of cool that i you know we were one of the first
00:45:16.980
to bring that to you talking so seriously it seems you haven't decided on the next place to go
00:45:22.700
how utterly ridiculous if you're going to worry about that why not just make the next customer
0.56
00:45:29.100
the same race oh i see not bad then let's go with that wait you're hiring them man we really can't
0.76
00:45:40.700
aside on anything today oh welcome oh welcome a golem huh we recently had a fan reached out to
00:45:58.780
us to be like wow you guys are always talking about this rfab thing so i finally decided to
00:46:02.540
try it and then they were like oh and i ended up spending all day on it it was a lot of fun
00:46:07.960
and they then said it was too easy like the games the game worlds always sort of worked for them so
00:46:14.080
if that happens to you on the site use the exotop engine that engine is sort of like the anti-cheat
00:46:19.860
engine i don't like it because i like cheating i like the narrative going in the direction i choose
00:46:25.940
to you know i i sort of impose those limits on myself when i'm playing a scenario but for the
00:46:30.420
people who don't like to impose that the exotop engine narrative engine is the right one oh and
00:46:35.220
the recipe generator is really cool now the super search feature is really cool there's just so many
00:46:40.100
fun things you can try on the website but the wider point here being is i'm not anti-eroticism
00:46:47.900
we are not anti-eroticism we are not anti-kink we are not anti you know getting your freak on
0.62
00:46:54.700
what we are anti is the type of sex that can lead to an abortion this is evil and i think that by
00:47:03.240
drawing this distinction as a society it is easier to convince kids that we are not telling
00:47:10.280
them this because we are being fuddy-duddies but we are telling them it because it is something
0.87
00:47:15.140
that is true you can be as dirty as you want but sex is sinful or what a guy's one a scenario where
0.99
00:47:24.260
woman loves and cares about you oh my god uh you know a scenario where you where you riz up
0.93
00:47:32.520
your favorite online celebrity you can just create a version of them and then use the internet search
00:47:38.560
version of grok which none of the other sites have and you can you can talk about them on
00:47:41.880
no but like this hasn't radicalized me into all of the conservative positions but certainly against
00:47:47.280
this and i think with a lot of this stuff it's like she didn't even like the gangbang right like
00:47:54.100
ayla didn't even like well but no no no no i mean ultimately the gangbang i would say has has led to
00:48:00.640
the production of at least one human life um and a marriage and to you know a happy couple like what
00:48:08.740
what what better gift would you want from a gangbang it's it's beautiful you should you
00:48:13.180
should reach out to her to be like in our network she sounds sane and intelligent and like i think
00:48:19.780
our communities could be a good place for her because i bet she's still completely surrounded
00:48:24.580
by progressives right she doesn't feel she lives in berkeley yeah i mean having the thoughts that
00:48:29.500
she has you know be like look there's a lot of a sister like join our community not not not for
00:48:36.220
the sad part but for the euphoric part of building civilization right well you don't know she's not
00:48:43.160
she follows us on x so maybe she already oh yeah maybe she's already in our community i mean i've
00:48:48.760
met other women see our ea to sex worker pipeline where i felt so bad for some of the women in the
0.86
00:48:52.840
ea space that just had their life ruined by this because they're just like i thought that this is
0.97
00:48:56.520
how you were cool as a woman is recreational sex i thought that this was cool when i was in those
00:49:01.580
communities and they didn't realize how much it impacted the types of men who had settled down
00:49:06.720
with it right and i think also seeing her conversion out of this i think shows that
00:49:14.280
for a lot of these people it's our failure the conservative movement's failure to communicate
00:49:21.920
to them it is our failure like a lot of it's the the radicalization of it the one of the reasons
00:49:28.000
why people aren't discussing the the downside risk of taking this pathway is that it is so
00:49:36.140
politicized you don't want to give fodder to like i guess rightist extremists who are going to be
00:49:41.540
exactly that's why you can't have like abortions you know they're going to be intolerable if someone
00:49:46.480
admits this it's a very third rail thing but no i don't think she's conservative like now suddenly
00:49:52.060
because of this the way that the right communicates with people is just wrong it's bad it's bad at
00:50:00.160
communication it's bad at communicating why abortion is bad the the the words and logic
00:50:08.100
that's used fails at step one for a woman like this and it is our responsibility ultimately
00:50:16.260
and people can say like why are we responsible and she's not responsible we are responsible and
00:50:20.640
she's not responsible because i can't control somebody else's actions but i can control my
00:50:25.320
actions so it's always useful for me to take personal responsibility and i can influence a
00:50:29.660
movement's actions i'm not influencing leftists i'm influencing rightists so i'm saying you into
00:50:34.420
larger right-wing space that we influence we do a bad job at communicating why these things are
00:50:42.600
moral negatives and it's good for us to look at a story like this and be like imagine if it doesn't
00:50:51.480
work because there's an x percent chance that it doesn't work how are you going to feel right and
00:50:57.400
then you have to go through with it because you've already ruined that child's life well i mean you
00:51:03.500
might decide that you don't and that's a whole other scenario but you have ruined the child's
00:51:07.380
life and you're gonna have to live with that for the rest of your life that's also horrifying but
00:51:11.480
like the moment you take this like actually think through what this means and more so do that for
00:51:20.580
casual sex more broadly think through the actual benefits you get out of it and the actual negatives
00:51:27.500
that could come downstream of this and are you willing to take on this moral responsibility
00:51:33.020
and it is wild to me that all these quote-unquote effective altruists are doing these orgies and
00:51:37.580
everything like that without fully considering what this could mean for them as individuals
00:51:42.800
and i think we just failed to communicate to them and i'm going to do better to do that in the
00:51:49.140
future i'm trying to think like what's the way to like sum this up yeah i think the way to sum
00:51:54.140
this up is the way that i'll be addressing abortion in the future is what if you take the
00:51:58.920
pill and it doesn't work like talk me through how that feels and then you get a crying baby
0.99
00:52:07.360
like this little bastard look he's not even happy with his little toy he's trying to eat it
0.99
00:52:11.160
monster yeah he's i i need to his his bottle rolled up what's he upset about i think he well
0.99
00:52:21.560
he he woke up hangry and i his bottle fell and i can't access it because i'm stuck to the microphone
00:52:28.320
you did a spectacular job with this episode it's one of my favorites that we've done
00:52:31.560
it's one of my it's all thanks to romey i just like i well i mean you know we really like
00:52:36.760
we appreciate when our minds are changed when we get better information and as much as it hurt for
00:52:42.000
me to like read this terrible experience i really really appreciate getting information that gives
00:52:46.940
me that make that moves me in the slightly less wrong direction in life love you malcolm i love
00:52:54.100
you too i'm so glad that tech survived he was yet really touch and go there and almost died in the
00:52:59.360
hospital too yeah does he still have the big scar from where they put the thing in to help his lungs
00:53:06.660
yeah you could yeah it's i wonder if he's just always gonna have that i mean even if he does
00:53:12.940
you know quite a yeah it makes you look kind of kind of tough like modern medicine save me you
00:53:18.720
know this is a world that we're in let's let's try to save it okay all of you guys let's try to save
00:53:25.260
it let's see our best yeah and this also just makes me reflect a lot more on communication
00:53:33.960
we've got to get better at communication and delivering these messages to the right people
00:53:39.740
at the right stages of their life not just to be a community afterwards so let's think about how we
00:53:44.440
do that better sounds good to me all right I'll go start now all right love you Simone
00:53:50.600
love you too you gotta sneak up on him can you be sneaky you can do it just be sneaky
00:53:59.160
impatient okay maybe I can help you we'll see oh thanks for asking them nicely let's see what I can
00:54:07.620
do to help they do I'm gonna see if I can hang it up because now it's just
00:54:24.480
sitting on the ground so like Tex brought this string that he's been
00:54:28.440
holding on to and we're gonna try to use that to tie it up for them what do you
00:54:33.180
think. Yeah? Yeah, thanks, Indy. You can help me string it up, yeah? Okay. Exactly.