Based Camp - The 1 Time a Year I Am Allowed to be Honest With My Wife

00:00:00.000 i'm not done oh god don't do this to me which means i have an excuse to talk about how amazing

00:00:07.500 she is oh boy she has a strict rule against me gushing about her online under normal circumstances 0.90

00:00:13.160 i genuinely believe my wife is a penultimate manifestation of the human condition

00:00:20.180 it is simply impossible for her to be better than she already is she works without expectation of 0.82

00:00:26.380 praise or reward so long as it benefits our long-term goals after all these years she is still

00:00:32.280 genuinely surprised when i voice my appreciation for her contributions the other day i wanted to

00:00:38.560 get her a treat so she could relax for half an hour and she requested a pedicure which i later learned 1.00

00:00:45.120 she requested so she could keep typing will you marry me

00:00:49.940 would you like to know more can i start with a like public service announcement slash rant

00:01:13.940 yes okay i've frequently heard about drama in couples resulting from someone forgetting someone

00:01:21.280 else's birthday or the couple's anniversary or some important date when this like one of the

00:01:27.000 partners expected to be celebrated or given a gift or something of that sort and the other partner

00:01:32.100 typically because they had much better things to do or just honestly they don't personally value that

00:01:37.000 you know just didn't didn't do the thing and i always found that to be really odd because if you

00:01:42.800 want something then you have to do it that's your responsibility so either partners have to say

00:01:48.240 okay here's a really important thing you i expect you to throw me a surprise party like okay it takes

00:01:54.200 the romance out of it whatever right but like if that's what you want you need to freaking communicate

00:01:59.280 it you know what i mean obviously there's some spouses who just like doing stuff like that and they 1.00

00:02:03.740 may do it and it all works out you don't have to ask them but like if this is not natural to a

00:02:08.220 partner you have to do it and i love the way we do it can i describe how we do okay please we well

00:02:14.380 okay i i do all the logistics in the family so i just keep everything in my calendar and i will just

00:02:20.720 tell malcolm and typically we won't do anything like our anniversary just was on monday two days ago

00:02:26.120 and i was just like oh it's our anniversary today and we talked about it a little bit but we didn't 0.67

00:02:31.000 get each other gifts or cards or flowers or anything because we have better shit to do

00:02:34.620 we're very busy we're trying to save the world here people there's a lot of rafters chasing us 0.76

00:02:39.700 we don't have time for flowers morning you were commenting we went to trader joe's and you were

00:02:45.740 like why are there always people buying flowers at trader joe's like who can afford this romantic

00:02:52.460 expense yeah every time we go to trader joe's someone is buying flowers and i do not get it i mean

00:02:57.360 obviously there's a bouquet of flowers behind me but i picked that with the kids out in our yard

00:03:01.540 because you romantically malcolm planted flowers you did the whole thing of don't don't catch a fish

00:03:07.920 for a man teach him to fish and you just plant i planted daffodils all over our property i got

00:03:12.060 like a giant sack of them it's like it was like 50 or something so uh yeah i've been free flowers

00:03:19.120 daffodils everywhere all over the place but what we do is is i for major holidays birthdays and or the

00:03:27.060 things like christmas or future day i will just i create a budget and i have everyone pays exactly

00:03:32.960 the same amount and i buy the gifts so when your birthday rolls around i buy you gifts and then when

00:03:38.940 my birthday rolls around i buy myself gifts from you which you pay for from your discretionary income

00:03:44.000 but in exactly the same monetary amount as your gifts so no one ever spends more than anyone else

00:03:49.820 the same goes for our children each child gets gifts in exactly the same monetary amount you and

00:03:55.680 i get christmas gifts and exactly the same monetary amount we budget for various people in our lives

00:04:00.280 who we want to send gifts to we have a budget for that every month and that's it and and it's like i

00:04:05.340 handle it because i'm the one who kind of enjoys that more and watches the calendar more and that's

00:04:10.100 fine and it actually is really fun because then you also seem to really enjoy seeing what you got me

00:04:15.060 because it's a surprise and i really like what i got me because i know i like it so everyone wins

00:04:21.540 and i'm just saying i love this there's a lot of people who like follow the pronatalist movement

00:04:26.320 and they're like i am so afraid of you guys breaking up because it would be such a damaging

00:04:30.780 thing to the movement some people have talked to me about this and it's actually you know i understand

00:04:34.560 the fear i see a lot of our friend group is is going through divorces and stuff like that these days

00:04:39.340 and i say this all with the caveat that i'm about to undertake the one thing i'm not allowed to do when

00:04:45.600 our marriage i'm pretty much allowed to do whatever i want but only on anniversaries do i really get an

00:04:50.780 excuse to unequivocally praise my wife oh i thought you were going to say you're allowed to do everything

00:04:55.420 you want except you're not allowed to get fat per our fat class oh well that's that's true i don't

00:05:00.800 it was like oh my god i want to do and so you know facebook recommends old posts and recently it's been

00:05:08.180 recommending my one day a year when i'm allowed to praise my wife on our anniversary of of you know how

00:05:14.460 long have we been together now 12 years 12 years the one day a year when i'm allowed to praise my

00:05:20.420 wife uh all these gushy posts i've posted about her and i am going to read them to you and she is 0.99

00:05:29.300 going to comment on them and you are going to see i remember we got one comment that was like malcolm

00:05:34.760 i'm really concerned that you are being too nice to simone these days and and praising her too much

00:05:41.200 and she's not praising you as much and this is now going to make the problem get so out of hand

00:05:45.720 because that is not okay i heard actually that love languages were widely denounced and largely don't

00:05:52.300 actually make sense that everyone just likes expressions of love equally and it doesn't matter

00:05:56.840 but my love language is not saying i love you it's not buying gifts it is through doing work for you

00:06:04.360 that is meaningful and making your life materially easier and then when people watch our podcast

00:06:09.040 they don't see everything that i do so they think that i'm this heartless refrigerator mom oh just

00:06:15.580 like your mom did who's incapable of love no no my mom said that well simone being autistic is incapable 0.99

00:06:21.840 of love but i'm sure you can find it through your kids and i'm like i don't think that's how autism

00:06:26.440 works but okay well apparently youtube thinks that too though youtube thinks i you know and i'm just not

00:06:32.480 good at it i am going to start with something that you say to me because it's not just like being the

00:06:38.980 perfect woman it is that you make me a better man and you are always pushing me towards who i want to be

00:06:45.160 so this is a whatsapp conversation i'm going to put on the screen that i screenshot it go back to the

00:06:50.480 pueblo club and network seriously no more whining and i say the wife i need then simone says i love 1.00

00:06:58.200 you and i want the world for you so i'm not gonna let stupid shit stop you including your own stupid 1.00

00:07:04.420 human emotions for which i had zero respect i respect you your intellect your vision and your 1.00

00:07:10.940 potential not your emotions i love you so much now go network make an impression on high potential

00:07:18.220 people and for the love of god also have some fun this is now people are really gonna think i'm the

00:07:24.480 worst wife ever no that is an amazing every guy wants that voice no they are dressing out at a

00:07:32.600 networking event or something like that and everyone there's a bigger deal than them or you know

00:07:38.120 somebody challenges them or insults them and they want to like you you are the voice in every

00:07:47.760 man's head that he needs i love and respect you but i don't love and respect your weak emotions 0.99

00:07:52.640 get in there and do your shit um i actually feel like that's a more traditional and common wife 0.99

00:07:59.020 view than you might expect well here's something that you said about me because you were afraid that 1.00

00:08:05.800 i wouldn't say anything that you had said to me oh do you want me to read a post you read about me here

00:08:10.960 okay yes you know that scene in the gladiator in which maximus finally quote-unquote comes home

00:08:17.200 if you know he actually died to his spoiler alert hello the gladiator like screw you it's an amazing 0.99

00:08:24.560 movie you deserve to have it spoiled because you haven't seen it you bastards to his wife and child 0.99

00:08:30.420 in the countryside malcolm collins makes every day feel like that scene i can't understand how malcolm 0.99

00:08:36.680 succeeds in making family life so idyllic while also inspiring us to reach so high and dream so big

00:08:43.140 he is willing to fight the most daunting battles while simultaneously demonstrating the capacity

00:08:47.840 to fully enjoy perfect simple moments i could not dream of a better father for my children

00:08:53.720 happy father's day malcolm that is totally how i feel and it's i mean it's such a romantic feeling

00:09:00.780 but at the same time it's also a terrifying i think i might have died feeling because it's yeah you

00:09:08.880 included this with a scene of like me playing in our our field with the kids because you know we live

00:09:15.120 next to a state park and so it's just like this endless field and the kids they're all running in it

00:09:20.000 yeah it's well i mean come on cut to the gladiator scene hand over the wheat you know

00:09:33.060 just yeah oh have i been brutally killed because i think maybe yeah watching the scene

00:09:49.780 again really highlights for me how sort of sick both the progressive idea that i'm not going to

00:09:55.680 have kids and i'm going to stop the great game of civilization because my life is marginally harder

00:10:01.360 than the life of my parents when you consider how brutally hard people lived in the past and what

00:10:08.400 their conception of heaven was and on top of that this idea of the progressive heaven where like you

00:10:14.860 get as much pleasure as you want whenever you want it when historically that would have been seen as

00:10:21.300 obviously not the goal heaven was to create a life with a family on a farm and that they will never

00:10:29.200 experience these emotions and that in many ways they have created their own hell which they live in

00:10:38.080 every day on earth people who live for pleasure can never find peace okay so here's a piece from me that

00:10:44.440 i wrote this was this was around christmas time one of the years a while back my wife simone found a

00:10:50.280 stocking for when i was a kid now every morning when we wake up she throws a big fit about how blitzen

00:10:56.340 has broken into our house and hid more presents in it for me often complaining that we need to move to a

00:11:02.800 safer neighborhood usually the gift is some sort of unique specialty food from another country that only i

00:11:09.320 would like this last morning it was ghost peppered flavored chips a tier wifing i really need to up

00:11:16.020 my husband game with some equally in some equally creative way but how but isn't that more of a sweet

00:11:23.400 thing about your mom because your mom bought that stocking in the first place saved it and then gave it 1.00

00:11:27.480 no you this is why you're such a good wife you don't even take credit for how amazing you are but and 1.00

00:11:32.480 then she introduced to me through her amazing christmas traditions which you know i we didn't

00:11:37.480 do this in my household the the christmas pantheon where gifts were not just given from santa but from

00:11:43.400 frosty the snowman and the various i was gonna say unicorns santa's various reindeer and that all came

00:11:50.220 from her so that's your mom you can't even take credit i love it this is why you're so amazing okay

00:11:56.320 i'll read another one this one is after the autism diagnosis after learning more about my wife's recent

00:12:02.700 autism diagnosis i've realized common traits associated with autism in women are things that 0.98

00:12:07.680 any nerdy guy would want in a wife less likely to get emotional likes a rigid routine is not interested

00:12:14.180 in indulgent socializing isn't suspicious of others intentions exhibits a quote-unquote overly logical

00:12:20.100 approach to life has a closer than normal attachment to closest friends their partner has an intense

00:12:27.820 focus on weird interesting topics etc i wrote a book on relationships and now it seems like part of my

00:12:35.320 secret to having a satisfying relationship without drama was being married to an autistic woman also what

00:12:42.140 simone didn't share in the post in the below post this was the post where you talk about your diagnosis

00:12:48.240 during the diagnosis they gave her an iq test that she took at the end of the day on a friday

00:12:54.580 while feeding and changing an infant so hardly ideal conditions and scored higher than 99.7 of the

00:13:02.440 population simone you are like shockingly smart i think you know very well from living with me on a day-to-day

00:13:13.660 basis i mean remember last night where i insisted that there were waffles in the freezer and they

00:13:22.000 were not because i left them on the table because my brain doesn't work but yeah i i'm so glad that you

00:13:26.880 are not many people can deal with autistic partners and many people complain bitterly about autistic

00:13:33.960 partners and you are the first person i have met actually who frames having an autistic partner

00:13:40.260 as being a benefit everyone else i think men should only source autistic partners we need to make all 0.99

00:13:45.640 our daughters autistic because that is the type of woman that men want these days i tell you what 0.99

00:13:49.780 high quality men what's what's on to me though actually is is truly where i hear people complain

00:13:55.800 about autistic partners is typically women because they feel i don't know like they're not emotionally

00:14:01.320 validated enough or something of that sort but then when i i've been watching for the first time to wind

00:14:07.380 down and fail to sleep each night the original pride and prejudice tv show and i've read the books too

00:14:13.600 and i've seen other movies but i didn't realize until watching it now a la us watching batman that

00:14:19.640 the lead romantic male in this book and in these shows and movies is mr darcy he's almost certainly

00:14:27.720 autistic he is a very socially awkward he is very systematic about what he does like he just shows all

00:14:34.500 sorts of weird autistic traits and i think women may be more into autistic guys than they want to admit

00:14:41.940 but there's this feeling of social license to instead use a spouse's known or expected autism as a source of

00:14:54.160 complaint and you are so amazing and that you can see people's what one what one group will see as a

00:15:02.300 shortcoming you will see it as an amazing asset and something that you really really love and i think

00:15:07.660 that's amazing about you it's one thing one thing that's my brother we did one day where we went

00:15:13.880 around and listed the things that we appreciate about other family members that were unique about them

00:15:19.180 and he's like malcolm somehow you always end up loving wherever you are whatever choices you've made in

00:15:25.760 life yeah wherever you are is the best place that's ever been when we were in peru you you insisted that

00:15:31.000 peru is the best lima is the best city ever in terms of the combination of cost of living plus

00:15:37.660 the quality of what you've got with the money you spent and the food scene and the environment and

00:15:42.960 then you move here to pennsylvania you know what though you never thought that florida was okay 0.93

00:15:47.480 no florida was always garbage i know when i'm living in a trash pile 0.64

00:15:52.020 i thought that was fine dingleberry yeah poor poor florida okay okay okay okay okay now i'm actually 0.61

00:16:01.800 here going to go one that i just found when i was searching through our facebook history that i love

00:16:06.820 so much that people believed this so i'm gonna put a picture on screen and people need some context for

00:16:13.700 this oh this is a a thing that we had to do or we had to weigh our child oh no no i think it had more

00:16:21.840 to do with his total mass or something i can't remember whatever but i i realized that it looked like it could

00:16:28.360 be like a freezing pot okay so i go you know what i'm gonna make a face post

00:16:33.520 a facebook post implying that and a lot of people actually believed we were doing this

00:16:40.940 to like a infant not like like a newborn kid not like like an embryo or something okay

00:16:48.460 you know actually i think it was fat content because i saw it done again

00:16:53.540 on one of those like fast food nation style documentaries yeah

00:16:56.880 having octavian with us

00:17:00.240 having octavian with us this last month has been a lot of fun but after talking about it

00:17:09.660 simone and i decided that having a child around was mildly inconvenient so we snapped a few final

00:17:16.140 instagram pics and took him back to the lab to have him put in a pot and frozen we plan to pick him

00:17:21.960 up again in a few years when we have some more time to dedicate to his social media feeds we understand

00:17:28.600 infant freezing is a delicate issue these days but i hope through posting about it we are seen as

00:17:35.200 the heroes i know we are it is a great way to get all the affirmation that comes with having a child

00:17:42.500 without having to worry about the effects a child can have on your career

00:17:46.840 moreover despite what you may have heard there is absolutely no proof freezing pods cause discomfort

00:17:53.680 most freeze inc tm technicians agree the wild screaming is merely reflexive

00:18:01.280 oh my god i completely forgot

00:18:07.140 this is also a bit of a takeoff of late stage abortions and stuff like that like third trimester 1.00

00:18:12.560 abortions you can see the kid screaming and everything like that like this shit should not be legal 0.96

00:18:17.100 and yet people are like oh yeah sure but i i thought i just love how many people were like 0.98

00:18:22.840 malcolm i am not sure that i haven't seen the science around this malcolm but i think that this might

00:18:30.940 actually be harming your child or like i don't know if the thawing process is going to work as well

00:18:37.100 as you think it's going so really people i i oh yeah a number of people totally believed this

00:18:42.480 i'm looking at the photos that i have on google photos now of octavian and there yeah it really

00:18:50.500 looks like a freezing no people really believed it they were like whoa i thought i was being so

00:18:57.100 transparent in the piece about like selfish instagram parents i don't know if you've heard about the

00:19:01.360 parents who like adopted kids oh and then sent them back because they couldn't post about them on

00:19:05.540 social media yeah they're like well i was adopting kids for you know photo reasons yeah it is wild that

00:19:13.840 people will like adopt children for social media posts they're like okay i need an ethically diverse

00:19:19.300 child and i need him to be very low effort this is for social media and then i'm concerned how do

00:19:28.220 these people often have bigger social media followings than us i think they start young and they're really

00:19:34.160 uh yeah i think yeah i think they just spent more time honestly we really didn't start until after we

00:19:41.780 didn't have to worry about money that much anymore but like we still worry about money obviously still

00:19:48.520 i mean functionally you get what i mean yeah okay now i'm gonna do the post that you've been dreading

00:19:53.820 uh-oh the big one the real one

00:19:56.720 today has been seven years since i met simone so this was five years ago that this came up

00:20:04.560 oh gosh which means i have an excuse to talk about how amazing she is oh boy she has a strict rule 1.00

00:20:12.780 against me gushing about her online under normal circumstances

00:20:15.660 i genuinely believe my wife is a penultimate manifestation of the human condition

00:20:22.700 it is simply impossible for her to be better than she already is she approaches life with a

00:20:29.120 methodical mastery giving her the ability to extract every valuable moment for example every morning she

00:20:36.880 exercises for three hours on an elliptical she modified so she could type from it to ensure she is always

00:20:44.040 fit but never lets it get in the way of productivity in the same vein she keeps a file of all the new

00:20:51.960 experimental psychology studies that come out and sends me summaries of any she feels were well

00:20:57.240 conducted not only keeping her mind sharp but also helping me keep up with her her work ethic is super 0.86

00:21:03.900 human i can't even conceive of a person being able to work at full capacity for as long as she does on a

00:21:11.280 regular basis even better she works without expectation of praise or reward so long as it 0.65

00:21:17.220 benefits our long-term goals after all these years she is still genuinely surprised when i voice my

00:21:22.920 appreciation for her contributions the other day i wanted to get her a treat so she could relax for

00:21:29.180 half an hour and she requested a pedicure which i later learned she requested so she could keep typing

00:21:36.300 that's so that's so you come on she is one of the only small handful of people i would ever consider

00:21:44.380 as smart or smarter than myself in the few small domains i consider myself an expert was in but more

00:21:51.700 than that she has more emotional self-control than any human i have met by a significant margin i genuinely

00:21:58.620 can't remember ever having seen her get mad she has complete mastery over her emotional state while still

00:22:05.920 being capable of feeling and indulging in emotions when it is productive i cannot think of a single

00:22:12.020 physical feature of hers i would change if given the choice and she is one of those rare instances of a

00:22:17.840 person who has become more attractive as they age so she doesn't have the emotional hang-ups of someone

00:22:24.780 who grew up super hot but seriously compare her early facebook pictures with her modern ones this is 1.00

00:22:31.920 striking actually recently you sent me a picture and just so our audience knows this you were like

00:22:36.540 oh i look so old i look like the crap i look awful why haven't you told me i have ozempic face but i don't 0.77

00:22:43.480 have ozempic why why is this happening you look like the perfect farmer's wife look you you you may not 0.93

00:22:50.300 look like a teen anymore i agree with that but you look the perfect iteration of what a mom should look

00:22:57.840 like you you look hard working and and stern and frugal and with with a high amount of austerity

00:23:05.540 it's just all conveyed by your faith this emotional control and i love it well i think this is more

00:23:15.440 indicative of i'm not done oh god don't do this to me her minimalist frugality combined with terminator

00:23:23.700 like drive to her goals without allowing herself to indulge in emotions forces me to better myself

00:23:32.460 when i reflect on how short i always fall in contrast she approaches her goals with dispassionate

00:23:39.140 computer-like logic never caring what others think of her or what society programmed her to care about

00:23:45.300 she defines her goals then executes on them with ruthless efficiency and without distraction 1.00

00:23:51.300 i have never heard her once distressed over another person's perception of her which is a cause of

00:23:59.620 some consternation to me because i regularly fail to control the impulse to quote unquote show up

00:24:05.900 people who thought i would fail in another facebook comment recently i was reminded of something she

00:24:13.420 told me once she once that shook me one day i asked her how she managed to always work at full 0.78

00:24:20.860 capacity and never succumb to the desire for trivial frivolities she explained that she believes the

00:24:27.340 continuity of consciousness was an illusion created by the way humans contextualize something that changes

00:24:34.540 incrementally over a long period of time as being the same thing an illusion our ancestors likely evolved

00:24:42.300 to more easily relate to the world as it is a useful way to textualize objects to her the reality

00:24:48.700 the entity was that she was about to cease existing the entity that was at that point in time could only

00:24:56.380 exist for a few brief moments and she needed to make those moments matter rather than spending her only

00:25:02.380 chance to exist masturbating a shallow emotional pathway how can a person with such self-control exist for

00:25:10.860 decades she has been living an existence in which every moment she was alive was lovingly crafted to be the

00:25:18.460 perfect sacrifice to the incremental march of humanity how can a person live life like that how could a

00:25:25.660 person with such self-control in such lucidity display such constant admiration of a wacko like me

00:25:34.140 another time i remember asking her why she would open a pocket watch i bought her and set it in front of her

00:25:40.700 while she worked she explained to me it reminded her how little time she had left to live a life worthy of me

00:25:47.420 well worthy of my ideals she always reminds me that is not me she loves but rather what i stand for

00:25:55.420 how do i live up to such lucid dedication this perfection is beginning to become a problem for me

00:26:02.620 given that she regularly makes it clear that my core value to her is that i help simone improve as a

00:26:08.780 person yet there is so little left for her to improve how could she be better seven years from 0.68

00:26:15.500 today than she is now and somehow despite her incandescence she still regularly expresses affection

00:26:23.420 and admiration for me having these thoughts expressed to you so genuinely by someone who is so clearly

00:26:29.260 flawless is devastating and reminds me how far i have to go to live up to the example she sets i guess what i am

00:26:36.780 trying to say is even though she is too humble to admit it my wife needs to become the iron-fisted 1.00

00:26:43.100 empress of a world-spanning empire with vast cloning blocks slowly replacing a species unworthy of her 0.99

00:26:51.420 transcendence with iterations of her well i guess we are kind of aiming for that with our kids but even

00:26:59.260 better because why clone when you can combine with someone you love as deeply as we love each other

00:27:03.420 but i want to hear your your thoughts on this seven years ago i wrote years ago five years ago i

00:27:10.220 wrote how could you keep improving genuinely have you kept improving have you improved over the last

00:27:15.260 five years or has it been steady state i think you've improved dramatically i actually think you've

00:27:21.020 improved more over the past five years than you improved in the first seven

00:27:23.980 i have improved incrementally

00:27:28.700 but i have a long way to go i what i think about when i hear you read that post is the value in couples

00:27:39.820 who have complementary skill sets because when you marry someone who can do all the things that you do

00:27:46.860 then they seem so much less interesting and valuable and powerful and all the things that you think are

00:27:54.060 so remarkable about my work ethic and frugality whatever it may be are just natural traits that i

00:28:02.940 don't work at whereas the thing with goes with you're naturally perfect is what you're saying no i'm

00:28:09.580 naturally incapable of relaxing you're naturally so her family was okies during the dust bowl and they

00:28:18.060 stayed in oklahoma they were not one of the people who left they left after that period that is the the

00:28:25.100 mindset i see in you this absolute steadfastness and and just i'm marching forwards but then you

00:28:32.940 also have this hope for the future that is just so overwhelming and inspiring

00:28:38.700 yeah but all of it i feel the same way about you i feel the same way about your vision and ability

00:28:44.540 to see things that i could never comprehend your ability to across domains make sense of things and

00:28:51.900 make connections that i would never think to to make that you can look at an issue that thousands

00:28:56.620 of people have looked at and have a fresh take on it and come to a new conclusion and contribute to

00:29:02.780 domains that you you know previously know nothing about and then you look at all the academic

00:29:08.220 literature you look at everything that people are saying in books and on youtube and in public

00:29:12.940 discourse and in the political sphere and then come up with a totally new take and i i just i so deeply

00:29:19.900 admire that you it's very uncommon to come across someone as learned as you are who doesn't just

00:29:26.700 regurgitate other people's ideas if that makes sense so you have both the understanding the history and

00:29:33.020 the background which a lot of very educated people have but you also have those really creative hot

00:29:38.460 takes and interesting remixes which typically more uneducated people have because once they become too

00:29:43.340 educated they just get trained to regurgitate other people's philosophies and ideas and i can't do that

00:29:49.260 i can't do that i can't be creative like you are i can't not just drudge away at things in a way that

00:29:56.060 would allow me to be more creative and to think in in very disruptive ways what's so special about

00:30:02.140 you from a perspective of a husband is you come and you're like oh we both bring different things to

00:30:06.460 the table like i just do all the work and you're the strategy guy everybody wants to be the strategy

00:30:11.740 guy simone no everybody wants that do you think most women actually just want to work for someone they 1.00

00:30:17.980 respect probably i mean i i think that they're averages i think that women are much more likely to be 0.73

00:30:23.340 very good repetitive work style people workhorse style people like i am and that men are much more

00:30:30.300 likely to be and we've talked about this as probably like an evolutionary basis here i mean this the

00:30:35.260 testosterone that that men have at higher levels and women is much more likely to make them take big

00:30:41.660 risks and do things that could lead to absolutely nothing or death and could lead to really really big

00:30:47.500 payouts whereas women are much more likely to cluster at the center of the bell curve to not really 1.00

00:30:53.180 be outliers to not be exceptionally dumb or exceptionally smart but just kind of to trudge

00:30:57.740 away in a very consistent fashion so i do think that on average men and women are more like that

00:31:03.340 but what i do see in modern society is people moving in a more atomized direction where men are expected

00:31:10.300 to be a little bit more like women women are expected to be a little bit more like men 0.99

00:31:14.300 and then they end up just bringing the same thing to the relationship no wonder we see more

00:31:19.500 couples breaking up we're seeing people our age reaching their divorce era because they both bring

00:31:26.540 something either very similar to the table or they just don't really see what the other person can do

00:31:30.700 or bring in bring to their lives that they couldn't themselves bring or buy so i'm really glad that

00:31:39.260 i'm naturally comfortable and good with things that you would struggle to do on your own and vice versa

00:31:45.820 because it makes us deeply in love with each other and appreciative of the things that we do on each

00:31:50.380 other yeah yeah i love i love to see this idea of codependency right as being right thing it's like no

00:31:56.620 i'm definitely codependent on my wife i could not emotionally exist without you anymore i completely rely

00:32:02.460 on you i am completely leaning against you we are back to back against a hostile world and i don't

00:32:08.860 protect my back at all if you turned around and stabbed me i wouldn't see it coming yeah well except

00:32:15.420 probably you would because you can actually model people and i i wouldn't because there have been

00:32:19.980 multiple times where you've tried to surprise me with things and been utterly successful despite many

00:32:25.820 close i was so one time when i really had to lie to her a lot was when i had the engagement ring and

00:32:31.740 i was hiding it so that she wouldn't find it she lacks a single suspicious bone in her body but the 0.79

00:32:39.340 things that we had to do to get this engagement ring to her were just so so so obvious like it wasn't

00:32:47.820 obvious to me at all it was my brother gave me a sock at a meal that we had to like go through a parade

00:32:55.100 to get so like remember it was like incredibly hard to meet him for this meal yeah and i'm carrying a

00:33:00.860 like a single sock back to the car why why was i doing that i don't know you freaking leave i was

00:33:07.100 like this is very consistent you you leave clothes all over the place it wouldn't surprise me at all

00:33:12.460 that you might have left a sock at their place so i just assumed he was returning your sock there was

00:33:18.860 nothing weird about that to me i think you guys were way more subtle about it than than you and then

00:33:23.500 you want to wash the sock and i grabbed it from you all of a sudden like like angry and then hit

00:33:29.740 it in like a bin i don't know if you remember i remember all of this like all around your

00:33:35.580 engagement ring before i proposed oh god imagine if i like washed it and the ring got lost in the

00:33:41.340 wash i'm glad i didn't oh or the day when i was going to propose to you when i did all these nice

00:33:45.820 things oh that's true day extra nice and i couldn't afford back then i got you a massage but i couldn't

00:33:53.500 afford a massage for both of us so i sat in the car while she was getting a massage that day 0.99

00:33:57.900 and you didn't think anything of it you're like really confused that whole day you were like well

00:34:02.140 no we have to get your favorite food and then i'm gonna take you to a massage and i'm like okay you're

00:34:07.020 coming in too and you're like no i'm going to be out just outside just the whole time and i was really

00:34:13.740 freaking confused i was so freaking confused that entire day so it's like oh well let's just skip this

00:34:18.860 you know let's just do you know whatever and you're like no we have to do this but yeah i i legit never

00:34:25.580 thought that it was gonna we'll see if we can find the old uh proposal video oh because a lot of

00:34:33.020 people don't know i actually proposed to her before the reddit thing will you marry me

00:34:45.580 oh

00:34:47.580 yes i will marry you malcolm collins it could be the shiny thing it is mine now

00:35:03.500 oh

00:35:12.060 oh my god it's the shiny thing i've ever seen look at how perfect it is oh it's so much it's so much more

00:35:22.300 more perfect than i love

00:35:32.300 i'm gonna marry you and i'm gonna have a shiny thing on my hand oh my god 0.98

00:35:48.860 mom do you see this do you see this oh you just kept surprising me today with ridiculous things 0.80

00:35:59.500 i was like i i don't i don't know if i can handle this i don't know if i can

00:36:05.180 yeah because i wanted a private proposal and i wanted no you didn't want to pray you you were okay 0.99

00:36:09.660 with the reddit one but like obviously you'd have to be absolutely stupid to propose to someone you 0.93

00:36:15.900 didn't know the answer to in a public context after i knew that i would get a yes and that had 0.90

00:36:22.700 already been emotionally handled because to not know her answer when you're proposing in a public

00:36:27.580 context is to publicly blackmail her it's emotionally a shitty thing to do it's like proposing to

00:36:33.100 someone in a stadium or something like that like yeah don't do that unless you know it's okay to do that

00:36:38.700 after you have proposed in private and you know what they think and blah blah blah right like but

00:36:44.540 don't what yeah anyway gotta be careful i i'm just really glad that i met you i was saying to you

00:36:54.060 the other night because we've both been thinking about our anniversary a lot that i i talk a lot

00:36:58.860 about how malcolm has made my dreams come true like even arbitrary stupid stuff that isn't related to our

00:37:03.420 goals like i always wanted to live in a beautiful martha stewart style farmhouse and now we do and i always

00:37:10.540 wanted to have chickens that laid blue eggs and now i do and it's all because of malcolm your dreams

00:37:16.300 were remarkably easy to fulfill by the way blue eggs i thought were impossible like for normal people

00:37:22.300 and well i guess they were not normal but for non insanely wealthy people and i i also loved this one

00:37:29.420 fictional character named case pollard from one of my favorite william gibson books and then someone

00:37:35.820 described as being like her and that was like a dream come true and all this newspaper article

00:37:44.380 written about us she was described as being like this obscure character that she always told me she

00:37:48.620 had based her life around and wanting to be like her i wanted to be like her and i was yeah and like

00:37:52.940 you've you've made all this possible and i always tell malcolm about this like i just can't believe you've

00:37:57.980 made this possible our lives are so amazing but then i don't tell him about the fact that i'm just so

00:38:02.940 thrilled to be with him because i didn't really dream about that as a kid but it's not because i

00:38:08.060 didn't want it it's because i thought that someone as amazing as him who could also possibly deign to

00:38:15.100 even find me tolerable to look at would ever exist on this planet and the fact that you do i'm still

00:38:22.300 you know you know it's a good couple when you feel like you've so we never posted the video of who

00:38:27.660 got the better deal because it was too harsh on our followers which is like you deserve not finding

00:38:34.140 a partner if you don't have one but i i actually want you know in the comments who got the better

00:38:40.540 deal and and one thing i'd remind you in contextualization here i clearly got the better

00:38:44.860 deal guys clearly you know how loving you just solve his loving facebook posts i will provide a

00:38:50.300 few pieces of context here okay i don't think you're allowed to praise me anymore you have to let the

00:38:54.380 audience decide for themselves i no no no when i met simone she was a 22 year old virgin and had 1.00

00:39:00.540 only kissed one person 24 24 20 sorry 24 that significantly rises your value in terms of like

00:39:07.020 a marriage prospect that makes it hard to find someone like you among some when you met me i was

00:39:11.660 a guy who had previously slept around a ton but wasn't doing it anymore what had a undergraduate degree

00:39:18.380 from saint andrews and a graduate degree an nba from stanford you had a undergraduate degree from

00:39:25.420 gw where you graduated valedictorian but still it's not that good of school you hadn't gone to

00:39:28.860 cambridge yet you hadn't gotten your graduate degree yet yeah you were a better deal obviously i did

00:39:33.900 and i was a student at the well at the nba program in stanford you were way out of my league

00:39:41.660 and i'll post pictures of us at that time period so people can see who's who's at who's league

00:39:46.780 but who has bamboozled who i think you i think you have been bamboozled that's not true i mean i i i

00:39:56.940 but i do know that i provide like a shit ton of financial value because i i handle our finances 0.65

00:40:02.940 payments travel i clean all the interior of the house every week i just ate children which is really

00:40:09.260 expensive if you're going to pay for it separately so i know that financially jesse what would you what

00:40:15.100 would you if you were going to leave me who would you leave me for nobody nobody my stand again my

00:40:21.100 plan was to live alone forever because someone as amazing as you someone who i actually would want

00:40:27.260 to even consider dating not not just marry but like even consider dating could not have possibly existed

00:40:35.980 period like there were times when people had crushes on me when i was younger and you know they

00:40:41.820 would kind of even insinuate that we could possibly be together and it would make me sick to my stomach

00:40:46.300 the very idea that that someone else would associate if you would send her love letters and she would

00:40:51.260 put them in the sink and then pour lighter fluid on them and light it on fire it was the only way

00:40:55.820 to cleanse myself of the great discomfort so i mean my i was very happy to be alone forever i was very

00:41:03.580 reconciled to it and then obviously if if you had not existed or i never had met you or you had married

00:41:08.940 someone else i definitely would still be alone like just i i know like i have no question right

00:41:16.780 i know i was you were so scared that would happen when you met me i was well because you're too

00:41:23.500 tempting and i probably would but that would really suck for me so to all the side chicks out there 1.00

00:41:30.220 really sorry but also i can understand how you get in that position and i yeah i would definitely be 0.93

00:41:35.900 alone if anything were to happen to you but that's not possible because if you do die i will revive you 0.76

00:41:41.660 and then kill you because you're not allowed to die i would definitely never marry again it's not 1.00

00:41:47.820 there's there's no just i hate people oh you would you would i hope you would marry again for 1.00

00:41:51.580 the sake of our kids no dude they're gonna be fine with me well am i allowed to remarry again if you die

00:41:59.500 obviously you're gonna remarry because you need someone to do all the admin and 0.84

00:42:02.300 shit but you have to like i said marry someone who loves the kids and who the kids love like you 0.93

00:42:08.220 when you marry again you are marrying for the kids you are not marrying for yourself period 1.00

00:42:15.660 obviously there's there's four of them and one of me okay yeah so you already have yourself duplicated

00:42:23.020 once you know you have a one two whole malcolms two whole malcolms and our kids get precedence over

00:42:30.060 you the original the og so yeah you are 100 percent when she dies she won't even let me marry for 0.97

00:42:39.420 sex i feel like i was yeah not free well because also you should probably marry someone and and you 0.56

00:42:45.900 know you should be allowed to sleep with whoever you want in addition to being married to them but 0.78

00:42:49.980 there was oh god you're so i love you you are some historical couple where the wife was dying

00:42:58.780 and she insisted that her husband that she approve of whatever her husband would marry

00:43:05.900 so he found someone before she died and she gave her approval which i'd never heard of before but that

00:43:12.140 is like actually really sweet and i bet it would you know make things easier for the

00:43:16.540 the second wife because she knew that this was a fully endorsed marriage and also like we've met 0.91

00:43:23.420 people who've lost their wives and who just will never shut up about them and they're like dating

00:43:27.580 other women right you know they're dating really great people but they won't shut up about their dead 1.00

00:43:33.260 wife and i think that it's super important that you like let that bring you let go i don't know i'll 1.00

00:43:40.940 ever be able to you're amazing so don't die that's the key yeah well as long as you don't die i won't 0.93

00:43:50.060 die if you don't die well actually no we can't have both of us die at the same time a suicide pack 0.93

00:43:56.060 no because our kids need someone so i don't know all i know is i really really love you and i'm so glad 0.99

00:44:04.140 that i met you and from the moment i met you i knew my life was going to change forever and it did

00:44:08.780 and what do you mean by that like you met me and you were like oh he's it was like i mean it was a

00:44:16.620 mixture of probably a lot of different hormones but there was definitely a lot of adrenaline in

00:44:20.140 there because i just you were so so different and you were so what i always dreamed could exist

00:44:27.900 as a person but i couldn't like okay once when i was in college i had this really stupid web comic 0.51

00:44:35.260 that hopefully is completely scrubbed from the web and it completely fell apart because i tried to 0.85

00:44:40.860 write up a romantic arc because obviously the female protagonist in this stupid comic was probably 1.00

00:44:46.380 some kind of write-in for myself and then as soon as is this this write-in for myself character in the

00:44:53.500 web comic encounters what is supposed to be her love interest i just couldn't i couldn't articulate what

00:45:03.580 i lacked the creativity to describe someone as amazing as you love interest had did he you basically

00:45:13.260 but i didn't know how to draw or write or describe you because you're just too amazing and transformative

00:45:18.540 and you're definitely not human you're more than that and i i could i might i literally lacked the

00:45:24.860 creativity and mental capacity to imagine someone as amazing as you and then so of course when i meet you

00:45:31.100 on our first date how could i not be like overwhelmed with adrenaline and just completely overtaken by

00:45:38.300 the fact that you exist and the only reason i didn't completely go insane for you was because i

00:45:43.260 was also very convinced that you would never stay with me that i would never be a serious

00:45:50.140 prospect for you because you were so profoundly out of my league and everyone i think in the comments

00:45:54.380 will agree that you are i mean look you do all the podcast editing you do most of the interesting

00:46:01.100 talking i just say like oh i'm i agree or like what about and i don't think our audience will see

00:46:08.700 it that way they'll be like simone is bringing the heat she is no fire that fuels all your ideas well

00:46:15.660 prepare to be humble but also please stay married to me because that's important so audience please also

00:46:20.780 tell him too i love you to death oh and audience for those who are watching and who've made it through

00:46:26.140 this incredibly cringe fest and i'm sorry and malcolm you know that the rules you're not allowed to talk

00:46:30.540 about me so i don't know i don't know what you're doing well it was two days ago i don't know maybe

00:46:36.220 you missed your chance maybe this is well you know what it's not in the marriage contract though so

00:46:40.780 technically you're allowed to do whatever you want right it's not the contract yeah you gotta put it

00:46:44.460 in the contract no gushing over me in public but what we would also really appreciate it if you

00:46:49.420 have made it through this cringe fest is if you would like and subscribe on youtube and or because

00:46:56.300 this is entirely impossible to us go to the apple podcast page on your phone and leave us a five

00:47:04.940 star review i love you i love you too malcolm

Based Camp - March 27, 2024

The 1 Time a Year I Am Allowed to be Honest With My Wife

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