Based Camp - The Diary Entry from the Day a 24-Year-Old SF Virgin Met her Husband

00:00:00.000 Look, if only I told myself that I might end the evening making out with this dude. 0.76

00:00:04.820 I would obviously say I was crazy. 0.50

00:00:07.380 Total braggadocio, this Malcolm.

00:00:09.680 But oh, he's also refreshingly blunt and open.

00:00:12.800 He got involved for a reason.

00:00:14.980 He is exceedingly driven.

00:00:16.560 The term world domination came up a couple of times.

00:00:19.060 God, he's like me, but a year older, male, and not innocent and guileless.

00:00:25.580 So cringe.

00:00:26.520 So he wants to put in place a power system that guarantees that his interest in protecting individuality is perpetuated.

00:00:34.900 Hence the, quote, taking over the world, unquote, part of his equation.

00:00:39.420 God, how delicious is that, right?

00:00:41.380 He's cute.

00:00:42.080 He's smart. 0.99

00:00:42.720 He's sociopathic. 0.87

00:00:44.000 And he's driven. 0.92

00:00:44.800 He's future oriented.

00:00:45.800 He's tech oriented.

00:00:46.760 And he's power hungry.

00:00:48.920 Swoon.

00:00:51.520 I still am sorry to you.

00:00:53.120 Would you like to know more?

00:00:54.260 Hello, Simone. 0.69

00:00:55.660 So with your upcoming pregnancy and the lengths it takes to do the tracked videos.

00:01:01.880 You mean delivery.

00:01:03.500 What?

00:01:04.440 With my upcoming delivery.

00:01:05.960 Delivery.

00:01:06.480 I'm already pregnant.

00:01:07.460 I've been pregnant.

00:01:08.000 Pregnancy delivery.

00:01:09.060 Yes.

00:01:09.420 You know, we've decided to stop doing those on Fridays for a while.

00:01:13.060 And I might.

00:01:14.080 And I was like, okay, what can I do that's like special on Fridays that would be really fun and different?

00:01:18.540 And what we're going to do is go through, at least this day, and we'll see how it does, her diaries from when she first met me.

00:01:29.340 You can call this.

00:01:30.060 We'd actually adapted this into a book at one point.

00:01:32.660 But we never ended up publishing it, which was like an annotated version of her diaries from the year she met me as a, what, a 21-year-old virgin or whatever.

00:01:39.560 It was frankly too cringe, and this is going to be incredibly cringe. 0.59

00:01:42.320 Yeah, your sex quest. 0.79

00:01:44.000 It was not a sex quest. 0.59

00:01:45.640 I was on a quest to fall in love and have my heart broken in one year.

00:01:48.460 And okay, yeah, sex is part of that, but still.

00:01:51.240 Yeah, I think it's more.

00:01:52.640 Yeah, but I hear you.

00:01:53.360 So you were this person.

00:01:54.640 So first talk about the quest and then get into your writing, starting with when you met me, I guess.

00:02:00.160 In 2012, I turned 24 years old, and I decided that in that year, my New Year's resolution, the big one, would be to fall in love and have my heart broken all in one year because I intended to live alone forever.

00:02:13.940 I intended to not have any kids, never get married.

00:02:16.860 I really never encountered anyone who I could even stomach the idea of dating.

00:02:22.640 The idea of someone associating themselves with me even, even saying that we were dating made me literally sick to my stomach.

00:02:30.880 So I knew that the urge wasn't for me, obviously.

00:02:36.060 But I still wanted to fall in love and have my heart broken so that I could tell people I tried it, and it was massively underwhelming.

00:02:43.360 So hence this goal.

00:02:44.600 I created a very keyword-stuffed and optimized OkCupid profile just to make sure that I got very qualified leads.

00:02:54.940 I spammed any guy who might be a potentially interesting match on OkCupid, which gives a woman a huge advantage because guys never get messages from girls. 1.00

00:03:05.940 And I also had a competitive dating game going in my office where we got points for the number of people we dated, first date, second date, how long a date lasted, all sorts of things to just make this something that encouraged me to get out because dating is terrifying.

00:03:22.520 And I didn't actually want to spend time with people, but I needed to achieve my goal.

00:03:26.660 And it really helped that there were other single people in the office my age.

00:03:30.380 So yeah, thank God startups don't really have an HR department.

00:03:35.200 We actually had an HR person who at the same time was part of this whole dating thing.

00:03:39.660 Oh my God, I love it, Simone.

00:03:41.000 She was initially hired as an interior decorator.

00:03:43.640 So, you know, she probably didn't know that you shouldn't have competitive dating games where you get points for doing stuff with people in an office. 0.88

00:03:52.720 Fine.

00:03:53.460 Okay.

00:03:53.920 Okay.

00:03:54.260 Now go to the-

00:03:55.360 So anyway, I will get to reading my diaries.

00:03:57.460 Just for context, by this point, it's March.

00:03:59.900 So I'm three months into my dating journey.

00:04:03.480 I'd been on a bunch of dates at that point.

00:04:06.180 So this is just a point at which I am starting to encounter some momentum.

00:04:14.880 So this entry that I'm about to read is me analyzing two previous dates I'd gone on, I think, that week because I just scored them.

00:04:23.300 I had a scoring system determining if someone was worth a second date.

00:04:26.720 So just for context, because that's going to seem otherwise really weird.

00:04:29.980 So Friday, March 16th, 2012, 10.08 p.m.

00:04:34.740 Yeah, both of those were new high scores.

00:04:37.480 The third highest, Dr. Trevor and Francois, is Nick with 36.

00:04:41.280 How promising.

00:04:42.600 Just yesterday, I was feeling totally dejected on the dating front.

00:04:46.000 Now there's this.

00:04:47.020 Plus, I have more potentials lined up.

00:04:49.040 As of now, I have a dinner plus drinks date scheduled with one underscore dash M dash underscore of Redwood City for Sunday night.

00:04:57.780 Plus, I'm sussing out plans with, I'm not going to give this person the D, head of design at startup, as well as DOS underscore toy, aka not giving his real name, A, who describes himself in his profile as amazingly good in bed and has a twin.

00:05:16.540 Okay, so I love the, I'm obviously M here, the one person whose name she didn't fully give because she didn't have it yet.

00:05:23.920 And I find this very interesting because it's different than the way you remembered it.

00:05:27.700 You had remembered being infatuated with me from the first moment you saw my profile.

00:05:32.200 And yet it's very clear here that she does not become infatuated with me until later.

00:05:37.340 Yeah, I'm infatuated with my lead list at this point.

00:05:39.580 Right, but it also shows how you were handling your leads.

00:05:43.460 You weren't really getting invested in profiles or personas was in these profiles until the guy got back to you, which shows that you really were doing a spamming technique at the time, which is actually pretty impressive for a woman in terms of the arbitrage game that that allows you.

00:06:00.160 Yeah, good for me, right?

00:06:02.500 Yes, good for you.

00:06:03.520 That's exactly what I'd expected from the type of woman I ended up marrying. 1.00

00:06:06.300 I'm a little bit proud of myself.

00:06:07.560 Yeah, I don't tend to remember anything that happens in my past because I don't really care.

00:06:12.240 So it's fun to go through this.

00:06:14.400 All right.

00:06:14.900 March 17th, 2012, St. Patrick's Day, 1225 p.m.

00:06:19.580 So far, so good.

00:06:20.720 To keep on track, I've opted out of feed catch-up on the elliptical.

00:06:24.140 This is when I used to, you know, remember RSS feeds, Malcolm?

00:06:27.140 Anyway, and have instead taken the past two hours to make my first donation of the year.

00:06:31.740 $208 via DonorsChoose for math supplies to be used in an Oakland classroom.

00:06:35.940 Decide which videos to shoot today.

00:06:38.160 I'm thinking one about trends, one about letter closings, and two about insults.

00:06:42.940 And begin formatting previously unpublished trendspotting college papers on hub pages, which is the startup I used to work at.

00:06:50.760 I was there.

00:06:51.160 I think it's funny that we're hearing about these videos that are still on this channel.

00:06:54.780 Like, you can see the videos.

00:06:56.480 She was making it this time on this channel.

00:06:58.240 This was the last year she was really active, and that initial big video spurt on this channel.

00:07:03.980 Yeah, and this is Malcolm's choice to keep them there.

00:07:06.260 I'm really ready to let this go. 0.58

00:07:08.920 I hate you so much.

00:07:11.140 Earlier this morning, Em sent me a message with a link to his Facebook profile asking me to friend him so he knows who to look for and that I'm a real person. 0.92

00:07:21.600 I sent him a flippant Facebook message about being 100% genuine and having a user manual, and then proceeded to fall into a fundamental crisis after looking through his Facebook photos, which revealed him to be a sort of visual hybrid of Daniel Radcliffe and Charlie McDonald.

00:07:37.640 Charlie is so cool-like.

00:07:38.880 Who is well-traveled, studied for at least a year in England, and is, in all ways, Simone Catnip.

00:07:44.000 I love this.

00:07:46.820 So there's a few things to note here that are really interesting.

00:07:49.700 One is because of this is when you were making these videos on YouTube, people want to get an impression of, like, who I was meeting back then or who this person is.

00:07:57.520 They can go look at those early videos on your channel because that's what this is.

00:08:02.280 Another one, Charlie McDonald ended up transitioning, right? 0.98

00:08:05.100 Yeah.

00:08:05.460 He is now a woman. 0.92

00:08:07.180 So times have changed, man.

00:08:09.060 Yeah.

00:08:09.320 I had a total YouTube crush on him at the time, you know.

00:08:13.500 And the other one is, so I really did do this Facebook thing because it really lowered the probability of catfishing.

00:08:20.340 People's Facebook pages are, you know, you have way more photos.

00:08:24.880 So it's much easier, and photos uploaded by other people, so it's much easier to find unflattering photos.

00:08:30.020 And we actually ran into somebody at a party after this who, like, took umbrage to the fact I had done this.

00:08:35.120 And she was like, because this was later covered in her diary when I was going back through it.

00:08:38.800 I saw this and I had forgotten about it.

00:08:40.040 But, yeah, somebody at a party was like, oh, yeah, I didn't end up dating you because you demanded that you see my Facebook profile before you end up meeting me.

00:08:46.560 And it's like, well, yeah, like, I don't understand you would meet a human being in person.

00:08:53.760 Like, you think that that is less revealing than showing them, you know, your Facebook profile?

00:08:59.420 Well, and what I forgot about this, too, is how two-way it is.

00:09:02.740 You're not just requesting access to their profile.

00:09:06.020 You're giving them access to your history.

00:09:09.160 And you were active on Facebook and still are very active on Facebook.

00:09:13.080 Yeah.

00:09:13.380 That's when I really fell for you, is when I looked through your Facebook profile, I see all these photos, and you're 100% my type.

00:09:21.200 But then you're also so fancy.

00:09:24.320 I was just utterly, utterly besotted.

00:09:27.800 I love it.

00:09:28.740 Well, yeah, and I also wonder why somebody would deny access to a Facebook profile.

00:09:31.840 I think it was probably that she was dating someone.

00:09:34.260 Like, that's a really easy way to see if somebody's cheating on a partner because it's pretty hard to list yourself as single on Facebook if you are not actually single.

00:09:43.020 But, yeah, so apparently I am – if we're using this video as, like, a guide for how to secure a partner, you know, obviously I'm working on disability here.

00:09:53.740 By disability, what I mean is I have a handicap, like, a big advantage because she already finds me very attractive.

00:09:59.320 But it is worth noting.

00:10:01.080 But here's my hot take, just real quick, on why I think that particular young woman decided that she wasn't going to share her Facebook profile with you.

00:10:07.960 Because I've listened to, to fall asleep, a ton of really shitty romance novels.

00:10:13.740 And it's very common for the female to be rude and very confrontational with male prospects, even and perhaps especially if she likes them. 1.00

00:10:27.300 Like, who gave me a right to do that?

00:10:28.940 You don't tell me what to do.

00:10:30.880 You're kind of bossy, aren't you?

00:10:32.420 It's your thunder-y type.

00:10:33.940 No, the moment anyone –

00:10:35.260 No, it's not – but it's not even that.

00:10:37.060 I don't know what. 1.00

00:10:37.960 It's just being a bitch. 1.00

00:10:39.420 But it is a common trope, and it seems to be widely societally accepted, that being sassy toward a man, especially if you like him, is – it's going to be – I don't know. 0.98

00:10:49.000 And if you're a guy and you're dating, you need to shut that down the very first time it happens and filter out anybody who doesn't take being shut down for that.

00:10:56.660 I mean, not, like, in an emotional way, but just be like, I'm sorry, I won't date somebody who does this.

00:11:01.640 And that's likely what happened with her, where I was just like, no, bye.

00:11:04.400 Well, it was a good filtering effect.

00:11:05.620 So, anyway, all right, back to my diary entry.

00:11:07.560 My reaction to this discovery, of course, was to assume already that he detests me slash finds me somewhat disgusting, and to rue the moment I ever decided to reach out to him on OKC in the first place.

00:11:19.520 Yes, I made the first move.

00:11:21.780 This reaction is a natural consequence of my general belief that disliking Simone is a general sign of good taste.

00:11:28.900 I suppose it's bonkers that I should make this assumption, especially because he responded to my initial message, despite a horrid typo, with – and here's her message.

00:11:37.640 Ah, I was going to email you, but you had all the nerdy stuff on your profile, so I figured you got flooded with emails and that mine would get buried.

00:11:44.700 Honestly, this is Silicon Valley.

00:11:46.120 How do girls think they will get dates by being prissy? 1.00

00:11:48.520 But virtually all of them do it.

00:11:51.540 Anyway, answering those questions would take about 20 minutes, so I would rather do it in person than waste mourning typing them out.

00:11:58.360 Would you be up for meetings sometime in the near future?

00:12:00.280 But, oh, I hate my life.

00:12:04.440 End of entry, so.

00:12:06.160 I love – well, one, you're stressing about, like, typos.

00:12:09.080 Did you even check mine for typos?

00:12:10.340 I'm sure it had typos.

00:12:11.640 Well, and you even write in your OKCupid profile that you make tons of spoiling mistakes.

00:12:16.460 I have lots of typos in what I write.

00:12:17.000 Yeah.

00:12:17.220 But I think the message is also, like, I don't want to say a master class on dating someone, but it is.

00:12:23.700 So you had reached out to me with a bunch of questions about the company I was starting at the time.

00:12:27.320 Because you mentioned that in your profile, and that seemed like a good opener.

00:12:29.560 You didn't want to look like, you know, you were only interested in me sexually, and you wanted to – which is smart to do.

00:12:35.600 But also with me, you know, making myself look somewhat unavailable and important, which is all true.

00:12:41.140 Like, I wasn't misrepresenting myself, but it is.

00:12:43.820 But also, let's meet as soon as possible.

00:12:46.840 You know, I am not dicking around in terms of the engagement with this message or in any ways being disingenuous, which I think is also, you know, of high utility.

00:12:57.740 And also don't waste time.

00:12:59.360 You know, if you're doing high-throughput dating, like, as I said at the time, I was trying to do five dates a week at least.

00:13:03.740 You don't have time to fully respond to every one of these individual questions.

00:13:07.800 And if someone's showing interest in you, then move forwards with it.

00:13:12.240 Yeah.

00:13:12.640 No, and a theme throughout this is your transparency.

00:13:15.940 It is one of the things that really stands out and is super underrated in dating.

00:13:20.920 Okay, back to the diary.

00:13:23.920 Sunday, March 18, 2012.

00:13:26.680 Oh, bus.

00:13:27.440 And I say that.

00:13:28.400 I would sometimes put the location of where I was.

00:13:30.520 I didn't have a car, so I had to use public transport to get everywhere.

00:13:33.960 2.22 p.m.

00:13:35.680 I also really hope that Malcolm does not flake out tonight.

00:13:38.860 I really want to get the load done on his life, if nothing more.

00:13:42.180 We shall see what happens.

00:13:44.020 2.33 p.m. 1.00

00:13:45.180 Oh, shit. 0.99

00:13:46.720 Just looked at Malcolm's profile again, and I'm reminded of exactly why he's like, 1.00

00:13:50.820 Simone, catnip, look, look.

00:13:53.560 And then I copied and pasted your entire OkCupid profile, which I'm really glad I did,

00:13:58.460 because it's amazing.

00:13:59.740 I'm not going to read it all, because it's quite long.

00:14:01.620 These were back.

00:14:02.940 This was before OkCupid was broken.

00:14:04.900 When you had long-form profiles with lots of information and could really show a lot of wit

00:14:09.360 and other things aside from just your looks to make yourself attractive to other people,

00:14:13.300 which is total loss.

00:14:15.500 But yeah, I was getting really nervous about meeting you.

00:14:17.880 We might do a different video analyzing the OkCupid profile, if people want that.

00:14:21.820 But we talked through it beforehand.

00:14:23.540 We're like, we don't know.

00:14:24.220 Maybe people want it.

00:14:24.840 Maybe they don't.

00:14:25.580 Yeah.

00:14:25.940 Request it in the comments if you really, really want it.

00:14:28.100 But you know.

00:14:29.020 So anyway, after pasting your profile, I type,

00:14:32.200 must keep expectations exceedingly low.

00:14:35.140 He will flake.

00:14:35.960 If he does not flake, he will, what could possibly go wrong?

00:14:39.080 Oh, I will look horrid and not at all be his type.

00:14:41.940 And he will do whatever he can to make the meeting as short as possible. 0.99

00:14:45.180 He will find my personality and habits to be narrow and pathetic. 0.98

00:14:48.700 I will come across as a complete dunce and he will feel uncomfortable hanging out with someone who does not drink. 0.99

00:14:53.720 Because I didn't drink at the time. 0.93

00:14:54.700 We will not be able to decide on some place to eat.

00:14:58.840 He will make up an excuse to have to leave right away.

00:15:01.680 The wind will make my hair a haggard mess.

00:15:04.300 He will make me look like a poorly traveled simpleton.

00:15:07.180 I will reveal far too much about myself.

00:15:09.100 I will bore him.

00:15:10.080 His car will be stolen. 0.98

00:15:11.360 I will vomit for no particular reason.

00:15:14.280 All of those things are not so bad, I suppose.

00:15:16.720 Whatever happens, happens.

00:15:17.840 So I love this for two reasons.

00:15:20.680 One is I think it was a very good psychological technique that you used here.

00:15:24.640 You were stressed about some sort of social situation.

00:15:27.640 And so you just went through everything that could go wrong and then internalized.

00:15:31.920 It's really not that bad.

00:15:33.260 Even the worst potential outcome, it's all just some form of inconvenience or social rejection.

00:15:39.780 But the second thing is this is a person who you ended up marrying.

00:15:44.440 So for all those people who are out there stressed or you're on a date with someone who you think is impossibly beyond you or you're on a date with someone and you just see them as like another person, you know, there's so much emotions behind every one of these interactions.

00:16:00.280 And, you know, you can read the rest of her diary.

00:16:02.820 Well, not you can, but I have.

00:16:04.440 And we're going to publish it at one point.

00:16:05.660 An edited version.

00:16:06.580 This is a completely unedited version.

00:16:08.500 This is the raw actual diary.

00:16:10.400 And you, in this version, you don't, well, in all versions, you don't talk like this about any of the other guys.

00:16:18.480 Like this date was very different from the other.

00:16:21.360 I don't think you got stressed about any of the other guys or anything.

00:16:24.440 No.

00:16:24.860 Yeah.

00:16:25.560 Always this paragon of everything I was into.

00:16:30.580 You still are gorgeous.

00:16:32.080 And I did mention in the notes when we had done it to make it a book that I actually did like turn around and walk out of the room one day after seeing what the girl looked like because she looked so different from her pictures.

00:16:43.420 And I was just like, nope.

00:16:46.120 And that's why you do Facebook.

00:16:47.920 Yes, that's why I check Facebook.

00:16:49.220 You know, it was a mean-ish thing to do, but she should have looked more real in her pictures. 1.00

00:16:53.440 Well, and I bet it's even worse now with all of the filters people are using.

00:16:58.640 It's insane.

00:17:00.000 So you can also be even more manipulative.

00:17:02.800 Like you can really show real pictures of yourself.

00:17:04.780 You don't have to like Photoshop anything.

00:17:06.520 You don't have to be technical.

00:17:07.740 You can just use them.

00:17:09.560 You know, I also want to elevate why I hadn't emailed Simone on the app because I mentioned it in the email, but it's actually important.

00:17:15.160 Her profile, she was in Stormtrooper armor in most of her pictures, which is two problems.

00:17:20.640 One is it's a way she could be hiding how she really looks and two, it's incredibly nerdy. 0.99

00:17:25.680 So I expected arbitrage wise, she was going to get tons of extra outreach and she was also posting all the memes and everything on her profile.

00:17:32.620 And so she just seemed like absolute, like a player of the arbitrage game of Silicon Valley to the extent that I thought that this is a woman who must be getting made, you know, passes on all the time. 0.96

00:17:43.760 And so she's going to overvalue herself and she's probably also hiding that she's not that attractive, which we're both really wrong in terms of my assessment.

00:17:53.960 But it does show why you didn't get outreach to me because I had seen your profile before and I was just like, oh, it's one of those, you know, e-thought pages, basically.

00:18:02.800 The perfect girl who everyone's reaching out at, but like well-constructed gamer girl, you know what I mean?

00:18:08.440 I'm actually surprised because I don't remember getting a ton of inbound interest on OkCupid.

00:18:13.840 And I wonder if that's because algorithmically they figured that any woman who actually contacted men is either trying to scam them or sell them something or not real.

00:18:25.040 That could be the case, yeah.

00:18:26.720 Because I just didn't get that much message. 0.83

00:18:28.500 Oh, gosh, am I that ugly? 0.67

00:18:31.440 It's bad. 0.50

00:18:33.460 Anyway, so yes, let's see.

00:18:36.060 Okay, so that was the last diary entry before the date.

00:18:40.380 Now we have the first diary entry after our first date.

00:18:45.020 10.43 p.m. 0.99

00:18:47.480 Holy shit. 0.99

00:18:49.120 It's like, it's like he's my kryptonite. 1.00

00:18:52.460 If only I told myself that I might end the evening making out with this dude on some random floor of the Four Seasons, I would obviously say I was crazy.

00:19:02.340 God, oh man, wow.

00:19:04.280 Ha, this is hilarious. 0.97

00:19:06.720 He is a total egomaniac, a total sociopath, a totally self-involved, overly confident, rule-breaking bundle of perfection. 0.98

00:19:15.440 Oh, God, I was really, you got me, Malcolm. 0.97

00:19:20.980 I can take, God, where do I start?

00:19:23.900 I waited for him in the middle of the field at Yerba Buena Gardens.

00:19:27.000 He was very easy to spot when he showed up since he was wearing what is apparently his signature vest, shirt, and tie.

00:19:32.740 When I waved and started walking over to him, some other guy thought I was waving to him, and as Malcolm reached out to shake my hand, that guy was all, oh, I thought, wow, there's this beautiful girl waving to me, which was favorable because it painted me in a totally flattering light.

00:19:48.700 Anyhow, I kind of giggled and smiled to that man, then reached out and shook Malcolm's partially retracted hand, and he introduced himself, and I introduced myself, and we walked off the field.

00:20:00.240 I'm so glad that that man said that I was attracted to him.

00:20:04.300 I remember I had said something about it at the time, like, can you believe he thought?

00:20:08.200 Yeah, I remember you saying that, yeah, you were saying something like, man, can you believe he thought you were going to meet with him?

00:20:14.560 But, yeah, he was my wingman, my stranger.

00:20:18.080 Yeah, he was your wingman.

00:20:18.920 He was my social proof.

00:20:21.660 I'm sure it works for women, too. 1.00

00:20:23.060 Red Pillars talked about it all the time, right? 0.96

00:20:24.800 That they had a word for it.

00:20:27.440 Whatever.

00:20:27.800 But, yeah, having a lot of people make you look like you're desirable.

00:20:32.060 I'm so glad he did that.

00:20:33.980 All right.

00:20:35.840 11.45 p.m., home, in bed. 0.99

00:20:39.020 Dad picked me up at BART, but I have to write that shit down before going to bed. 0.99

00:20:42.920 Jesus. 0.98

00:20:43.640 Remember, I didn't have a car, and I lived on the island of Alameda, which is outside San Francisco where we met, so I had to take the public transport of the Bay Area called BART back home, and then my dad picked me up because it was really late.

00:20:55.060 My dad's so nice.

00:20:56.080 Thank you, dad.

00:20:57.800 I was a kid.

00:20:58.820 We were kids back then.

00:21:00.040 We were so, you know, I mean, because these days, like, 20-year-olds are kids.

00:21:04.760 Anyway, we grabbed dinner and drinks at Amber, India.

00:21:09.180 I've walked past there tons of times.

00:21:11.280 This was my first time actually inside.

00:21:13.440 He was very deliberate about everything, getting us seated, ordering us drinks, et cetera.

00:21:17.840 How adorable.

00:21:18.780 This was Simone's first dinner and drinks date.

00:21:21.420 I should add that on all my previous dates, I'd only gone for, like, walks or gotten coffee with people.

00:21:26.460 Because you couldn't eat in public back then.

00:21:28.420 Like, you were breaking major Simone rules.

00:21:31.100 People don't, like, Simone has a lot of rules about how she interacts with the world.

00:21:34.520 That's recording in different rooms because it stresses her out to be around somebody when she's talking.

00:21:38.860 You know, she's autistic, right? 0.89

00:21:41.200 Like, she struggles with this stuff.

00:21:42.960 And at the time, you didn't eat out at all.

00:21:45.640 You were just conceding because I had asked you to, and I spoke about this authoritatively.

00:21:51.540 And I'd also say, if you're a guy and you're dating, everything I'm doing here is what you need to do.

00:21:56.900 Like, you need to know the place that you're going to.

00:21:59.080 You need to know what you want to order.

00:22:01.080 You need to not be indecisive.

00:22:02.640 You need to show that you can plan and have everything under control.

00:22:06.620 And you can tell that this is not something that she experienced on her other dates.

00:22:10.320 Nope, not at all.

00:22:11.500 No, you were amazing.

00:22:12.520 And also, you had this routine where you would choose a restaurant and tip well at that restaurant so that you always got good service.

00:22:23.360 Like, this wasn't just have a plan.

00:22:25.700 It was know your place, know your route, know your territory.

00:22:29.900 Yeah, I did all my dates at the same restaurant.

00:22:31.580 All my high-value dates in San Francisco at the same restaurant.

00:22:35.260 Well, not the low-value ones because it was a medium-expensive-ish, medium-expensive restaurant.

00:22:39.880 And so, I couldn't afford to do all the dates there.

00:22:42.380 Just some really high-value prospects.

00:22:43.980 And then, other than that, I'd just be doing sort of screening dates somewhere else for a coffee shop or something.

00:22:49.280 Yeah.

00:22:50.040 Okay, I will continue.

00:22:51.940 Right off the bat, we ordered drinks.

00:22:53.840 Oh, I should also add, I didn't drink.

00:22:56.960 Yeah, no, I remember we sat down and you go, I don't drink, I'm sorry.

00:23:00.200 As you heard from one of the beginning things that she was afraid of, but I think she was dull because she didn't drink. 0.74

00:23:05.100 And I just told her, I'm sorry, I'm not going to date you if you don't drink.

00:23:09.340 Yeah, well, I wrote, I was honest and I said I never drink, but also said I was amenable to giving it a go.

00:23:15.300 Again, like, I'm so desperate for you, Malcolm.

00:23:17.060 I remember the drink we got was like a pink elephant or something, or some sort of pink drink.

00:23:22.460 Anyway, for you at least.

00:23:24.000 We need to order it again when we go back.

00:23:26.100 It's Amber India, still alive and well, thank God.

00:23:28.740 Already, I knew that this was the sort of guy who could lift my OCD rules.

00:23:32.280 At the time, I thought all I had was OCD.

00:23:33.900 I didn't get diagnosed with autism until our son was diagnosed.

00:23:36.940 He ordered me something pink with muddled strawberry, and we chatted for quite a while before ordering dinner.

00:23:43.540 He did most of the talking, and the conversation was all over the place.

00:23:47.120 He talked about St. Andrews, where he went to school.

00:23:49.760 God, what an incredible place.

00:23:51.360 Old castles and cathedrals, tons of traditions, blah, blah, blah.

00:23:55.020 Apparently, he took on extra courses and got involved with multiple academic houses.

00:24:00.220 Total braggadocio, this Malcolm.

00:24:02.220 But, oh, he's also refreshingly blunt and open.

00:24:05.660 He got involved for a reason.

00:24:07.860 He is exceedingly driven.

00:24:09.440 The term world domination came up a couple of times.

00:24:12.180 God, he's like me, but a year older, male, and not innocent and guileless.

00:24:18.500 So cringe.

00:24:20.240 It's not cringe.

00:24:21.300 It is incredibly sweet.

00:24:23.240 This is what every guy wants in the girl they meet.

00:24:26.540 Yeah, yeah, yeah, you were certainly.

00:24:29.180 Well, maybe not every guy.

00:24:30.140 Every guy who's like me.

00:24:31.140 Yeah, well, no one's like you because you're amazing, and I love you.

00:24:34.460 He talked about his childhood a bit.

00:24:36.160 Got kicked out of school a couple of times, apparently.

00:24:38.800 Liked breaking the rules.

00:24:40.260 Might have gone to military school.

00:24:42.080 Got in fights.

00:24:43.100 He shared a fantastic aside at one point about the art of fighting in those settings.

00:24:49.160 It is not all about fighting dirty.

00:24:51.040 It's about knowing where to hit to make a good show, causing blooding noses and black eyes and stuff. 0.87

00:24:56.020 He also went to three or four sleepover summer camps a year, in which he would study social dynamics and try, to the best extent possible, to gain becoming popular, which he concluded, and I entirely agree, is not something one can break down to a science, because the social dynamics of a group change every time. 0.99

00:25:12.780 In addition, he was super open about his policy with girls, that brilliant jerk. 0.95

00:25:18.260 He would actually try out different conversational approaches with girls over AIM. 0.98

00:25:22.560 AIM, for you people who are too young, was an early chat site, and would record the successful ones.

00:25:28.880 Throughout high school, he would actually engage in trial and error with different tactics, and he said in so many words that he can basically have any girl he wanted.

00:25:36.880 He's so full of himself, but he's also added that it's convenient that he's attractive. 1.00

00:25:41.900 I'd call him full of shit if he weren't the epitome of my type. 0.99

00:25:46.700 I feel like, what was interesting, there's a lot of people, so a couple things, you know, we've mentioned on episodes before that, like, I'm generally considered attractive in the world of women, not in the world of men. 0.99

00:25:58.740 And by that, what I mean, most women know that I'm what a super hot guy looks like, where a lot of men hear me say that, and they go, but you're not an ultra-masky man, man.

00:26:07.960 And it's like, that's not what women are into. 1.00

00:26:09.900 Oh, thank God you're not gay, Malcolm. 1.00

00:26:11.300 I'll just say that. 1.00

00:26:12.060 You'd be screwed, I guess. 0.99

00:26:13.180 Yeah. 0.99

00:26:13.800 One, how you, like, obviously, how you physically look.

00:26:16.980 But a lot of this, and you can tell this from the way that you're writing this, is just confidence in who you are, self-knowledge, and not hiding anything.

00:26:27.600 You know, with someone like Simone, I clearly, like, while I had techniques that I had built up to try to date better.

00:26:34.460 You were 100% transparent about them.

00:26:36.680 Yeah, and I wasn't using them just to, like, sleep around a lot anymore or anything like that.

00:26:40.920 You know, at this point, I think I made very clear on our date early on that it's interesting that you didn't record it, that I was looking for a wife.

00:26:47.720 Oh, it's later in the century.

00:26:49.440 Okay, yeah. 0.56

00:26:51.180 He said he used to have more of a need for sex and all that jazz. 0.76

00:26:55.100 My words, not his. 0.98

00:26:56.420 And I slowed down a bit because, and yes, he really did say this, he has learned the difference between good and bad masturbation. 0.67

00:27:03.400 He actually said and mentioned later that he is currently looking for a wife since it is an efficient decision. 0.99

00:27:09.380 They can combine friend sets so we wouldn't have to work hard at socializing.

00:27:15.380 He doesn't have to go hunting for sex.

00:27:17.360 And there was another reason, but I can't remember it.

00:27:19.660 I love that little slip there, by the way.

00:27:21.640 So we wouldn't have to work hard at socializing.

00:27:24.600 I've already inserted myself.

00:27:26.380 And so we wouldn't, oh gosh, I didn't notice that you're so sweet.

00:27:32.240 I don't think I noticed that either when I was writing.

00:27:34.600 I think it was a little, a little slip.

00:27:36.680 As to what I meant by the masturbation comment, once you get really good at seducing women and you really no longer find it a challenge that you can basically sleep with whoever you want, whenever you want, you'll soon realize that the only thing that gave sex value over masturbation was that it was difficult and high status.

00:27:57.100 Maybe not everyone feels that way, but I think a lot of the population, if they were honest with themselves, would be like, yeah, sex is a ton of effort and masturbation is just easier outside of any bonding effects it has.

00:28:10.060 And feels about as good because, I mean, of course, why wouldn't it?

00:28:15.160 You couldn't literally choose every aspect of the experience for yourself and optimize it for whatever you are specifically interested in.

00:28:25.660 Oh, he's so on it.

00:28:26.820 So strategic.

00:28:27.940 Why am I not him? 0.97

00:28:29.520 It's so fucking unfair. 0.96

00:28:31.780 That's in all caps. 0.97

00:28:33.060 We didn't just talk.

00:28:33.620 Actually, hold on.

00:28:34.600 I want to comment on that statement because I've noticed with girls, this is what infatuation often looks like or love often looks like or like love at first sight with girls is they want to be the person. 0.99

00:28:46.920 Yeah.

00:28:47.520 They look at the person and they're like, I want to be someone like that.

00:28:51.440 And that's what creates the romantic connection.

00:28:56.000 Whereas guys don't have the same.

00:28:58.760 Yeah, but I mean, in terms of, you know, we talk in the pragmatist guide to relationships about this one relationship format we think is best personally, which we call the Pygmalion relationship in which one or both partners helps you become the person you always wished you could become.

00:29:12.620 And I think women find that type of man really attractive, especially if they want this kind of relationship, because what better person to advise you on becoming who you want to be if they are like what you want to be? 0.85

00:29:24.960 You know, the advice that you get from someone is only going to get you approximately to where they are.

00:29:29.120 Right.

00:29:29.440 So, yeah, I could see why I was so excited.

00:29:32.200 We didn't just talk about the more crass things in life.

00:29:34.900 He also got into this business idea he's working on and recruiting support on.

00:29:38.700 It's past midnight and I need to go to sleep.

00:29:40.760 So this is the gist.

00:29:42.020 He basically sees human consciousness as a really valuable thing, and he basically sees his purpose in life as protecting it.

00:29:49.200 He also assumes through Neurosky, who you worked for at the time, and current technological trends that humans will be able to essentially connect their brains and therefore their consciousnesses to computers within 200 years, and that soon thereafter, they'll be able to form networks.

00:30:04.860 It is at this point that the sense of self will soon begin to degrade.

00:30:08.280 People will begin to form what I recall being referred to in Accelerando as the Borganism.

00:30:13.420 He refers to this hypothetical network consciousness as the Omega network.

00:30:18.760 Malcolm, much like myself, is highly independent and values human independence.

00:30:22.840 He also believes that distributed decision-making and individuality is what allows human society to both progress and defend itself.

00:30:29.240 Don't you love how consistent we are?

00:30:30.420 Malcolm therefore believes it is of extreme importance that someone prevent the human computer technology to come from allowing this networked consciousness to emerge.

00:30:39.640 He sees himself as that someone.

00:30:42.720 This is why Malcolm wants to be at the forefront of this business.

00:30:45.580 So far, as he is concerned, that is not enough.

00:30:48.120 He acknowledges that this technology might not be fully developed in our lifetime, so he wants to put in place a power system that guarantees that his interest in protecting individuality is perpetuated.

00:30:58.640 Hence, the, quote, taking over the world, unquote, part of his equation.

00:31:04.160 God, how delicious is that, right?

00:31:06.100 He's cute.

00:31:06.820 He's smart. 0.99

00:31:07.440 He's sociopathic. 0.87

00:31:08.620 And he's driven. 0.89

00:31:09.520 He's future-oriented.

00:31:10.540 He's tech-oriented.

00:31:11.500 And he's power-hungry.

00:31:13.640 Swoon! 0.96

00:31:16.280 I still am sorry to you.

00:31:17.740 But isn't that interesting that, like, how things have moderated?

00:31:20.480 I mean, one thing that I think you've discovered since we first met and as things have evolved in society is that you don't need people to actually have full-out brain-computer interfaces to start thinking like a monolith, which is scary.

00:31:33.980 It is also interesting.

00:31:35.620 You see here a few things.

00:31:37.000 And actually, in the book, I had edited out this part because I was like, this is the completely unedited diary because I was like, well, you know, it's a little too specific.

00:31:44.660 But back then, I was working in brain-computer interface, so direct connection with the human brain to technology, similar to, like, Neuralink and stuff like that.

00:31:54.420 And I really saw this as the future.

00:31:57.960 And I don't disagree with anything I said all the way back then.

00:32:01.120 Within 200 years, we will have the capacity to directly communicate with other people's brains.

00:32:06.700 And this does create a genuine risk of some sort of, well, omega network or whatever you want to call it.

00:32:14.260 Homogenization.

00:32:14.820 Homogenization, the erasure of human individuality, which I would see as a negative.

00:32:20.380 And I really haven't changed my core philosophical position.

00:32:24.580 You really haven't.

00:32:25.160 Maintaining – here I'm talking about diversity of the individual, like the individual mind.

00:32:30.840 Whereas today, I'm talking about diversity of cultural groups, right?

00:32:36.480 But it's still the core value proposition of maintaining human diversity and empowering that to work together to make us stronger than the things which become these monoliths.

00:32:49.480 And in a way, people could say, well, this is actually his secret goal all along, to create some sort of intergenerationally stable power structure that can prevent the omega network from consuming all of humanity.

00:33:01.840 Well, that's what the modern prenatalist movement is also about.

00:33:04.780 It's about preventing the pervasion of a couple of dominating cultures that don't permit the existence of diversity or other views or preventing a complete takeover of the urban monoculture.

00:33:18.020 And when we went over this in private, you know, you really highlighted, and it's something that you sort of mentioned in a roundabout way here a few times, is omega net has already come to exist.

00:33:26.980 That's what the urban monoculture is. 0.58

00:33:28.880 Yeah.

00:33:29.100 People didn't need direct brain interfaces to homogenize all of their thinking and perspectives.

00:33:36.400 Yeah.

00:33:37.920 Which is, yeah, scary to see.

00:33:40.560 But, yeah, it's also interesting to see that I've always been so future-oriented and always had some sort of, like, big plan that takes place across multiple generations to try to protect our species.

00:33:51.360 And the plan hasn't really changed that much.

00:33:54.820 It really hasn't.

00:33:55.660 Yeah.

00:33:55.900 I thought it had more, honestly.

00:33:57.780 I thought that we had changed more.

00:33:59.620 We've learned a lot.

00:34:00.820 But our mooring points are quite similar.

00:34:03.800 Okay, let's see.

00:34:05.820 Before I continue, I should also point out that he might actually have what it takes to achieve his goal of setting in place some sort of power system.

00:34:12.680 He literally referred to building a religion at some point, after which I slipped an unnoticed cake reference into the conversation.

00:34:20.020 And while it's a laughable proposition for most people, this guy's drive, charisma, and smarts isn't going to hurt his prospects.

00:34:26.640 And that is something that I loved about you from the very beginning, and I think it's something that women really love about men in general, is not just that they dream big.

00:34:33.620 And I think dreaming big is not enough.

00:34:35.280 Being confident is not enough.

00:34:36.540 Those are really big factors in attractiveness.

00:34:39.340 It's recognizing that that person actually has agency.

00:34:43.640 And from the beginning, it was so clear that you had a ton of agency and ability to actually act on what you cared about.

00:34:50.180 Well, and I think the founding, the religion thing and everything like that, so much of what I'm doing today,

00:34:54.500 a lot of people act like, because they're just beginning to meet me now, that I'm sort of like a loose cannon that's acting in ways that weren't planned out from my early childhood.

00:35:05.260 And this is just not the case.

00:35:07.360 Everything I'm doing now was planned out from my early childhood.

00:35:10.820 It's just the core threats to our species are different than I predicted at this time period.

00:35:16.680 But it's not that the threats that I predicted at this time period aren't real or don't exist or that my timescale was wrong.

00:35:22.960 It's just some threats that I didn't anticipate basically came out of nowhere.

00:35:28.360 Like, I really didn't think the urban monoculture would be this aggressive at stamping out free speech.

00:35:33.360 I really didn't think that fertility collapse would happen back when I was writing all this, you know, or at least be the level of threat that I think it is today, especially within our lifetimes, which is why it's become the new core focus.

00:35:48.180 Yeah, let's see.

00:35:49.780 What's more, he shared that from early on.

00:35:51.740 He's been interested in studying and infiltrating subcultures.

00:35:54.760 Seriously, we're just scarily similar.

00:35:57.220 And it had a particular interest in cults in high school.

00:36:00.220 So this kid read and studied the heck out of them.

00:36:03.980 To build on that front, he also started digging into local subcultures as soon as he came here.

00:36:08.360 He got in with the singularity folks who apparently live in a very cult-like situation and are highly tied with the seasteading movement, plus are obsessed with healthy diets, have more men than women, and have polyamorous tendencies, transhumanists, more equally distributed gender-wise, and makers, several subsets of maker culture, actually.

00:36:28.360 I feel like such a total failure next to him.

00:36:30.780 It's so unfair.

00:36:32.020 Why did I not do all that?

00:36:33.600 How does one even find these people?

00:36:35.720 I really did love weird subcultures, and I was so impressed by how you'd spent very little time, relatively speaking, in the Bay Area.

00:36:43.760 And yet you grew up there, and I didn't know half of any of the weird subcultures that you had encountered.

00:36:51.560 I think this is such a good indicator that you should marry someone, is that they live a life that you are envious.

00:36:57.860 Not because of their success or whatever, but of the things that they're just going out and doing.

00:37:02.760 Or that somebody is envious of your life because it shows that they want to do more of the type of things that you want to do, right?

00:37:10.220 Like, it's so funny when people were talking recently when they're like, I can't imagine working with my spouse like you two do.

00:37:16.900 Like, being around them 24-7, how do you deal with that?

00:37:19.700 And it's like, because we like the same things.

00:37:22.480 We like being around each other.

00:37:24.380 Even in these early days, you're seeing the things I'm doing, and you're thinking, I wish I could do those things, too.

00:37:30.260 Which is a great thing to meet somebody who's interested in.

00:37:33.980 Yeah.

00:37:34.200 I asked him how he managed to get at so much if he isn't much of a people lover, and he pointed back to his purpose in life and how he deferred his attendance at Stanford Business School because he wanted to take time to build a network before starting.

00:37:49.680 He wants to start this business venture ASAP, it seems.

00:37:53.140 He also referred offhandedly to the various societies joined in school, some of which are allegedly secret.

00:37:59.480 Quote, I love secret societies, unquote. 0.99

00:38:01.480 That jerk, which helped give him an in in many cases. 0.76

00:38:05.900 I realized while sitting across from him that, well, if I want to get a peek at some of these deliciously fascinating groups and people, Malcolm is my in, which is both tremendously promising and very troublesome. 0.99

00:38:17.100 To your point, Malcolm.

00:38:18.540 It's funny.

00:38:19.300 You ended up becoming the managing director of Dialogue, which was a secret society found out by Peter Thiel, and now you're like really in with all the secret society networks.

00:38:27.460 We built one out for Schmidt Futures.

00:38:28.820 So even that interest, like none of my interests have really changed.

00:38:32.380 It's remarkable how consistent I am, and your interest in these interests hasn't changed.

00:38:36.160 Yeah, it is really well because we feel like so much has changed, but not so much.

00:38:40.520 But I'm glad.

00:38:41.320 I'm glad.

00:38:43.240 All the while we're eating, he ordered a total of three drinks, plus two for me, and an appetizer for us to share.

00:38:49.220 And we each got an entree, and he kept goading me to drink, saying, all that crap about having a low tolerance is totally off, blah, blah, blah.

00:38:56.480 I totally knew what he was up to, but rather didn't care. 0.98

00:38:59.940 What the heck, I thought.

00:39:01.280 I know I want to get back into drinking, at least socially, eventually.

00:39:04.440 And this seemed like the perfect opportunity. 0.98

00:39:06.020 At one point, he started trashing water, saying some bullshit about how fish shit in it, to which I responded with a sarcastic, mmm, but it's so tasty, to which he responded with what I imagine was a perfectly calculated and suggestive, and to think I will, might, can't remember which, be kissing those lips. 0.98

00:39:27.140 It was at that point that I pulled out my whole, I haven't been kissed in five years, Zinger, and asked him if he found that disappointing, to which he responded in the negative, and began proposing various reasons why I might have made that decision. 0.98

00:39:41.460 And I basically explained to him that I found emotions and relationships to be highly inconvenient.

00:39:46.500 I may have also explained this briefly before, but if not, I also told him I decided not to even consider unboxing my sexuality until this year, and already found it highly troublesome.

00:39:56.280 So it was all out on the table, which, to be quite honest, was refreshing.

00:40:01.600 So a few things to note here.

00:40:03.720 One is the suggestion I made to you, if I might be kissing those lips later, is used to reduce sort of miscommunication.

00:40:11.580 Yeah.

00:40:11.820 Because I am signaling my intentionality to you.

00:40:15.400 Smart.

00:40:15.620 And you could have said, I'm not interested in that, or not on a first date, or, and instead what you said was, well, I haven't kissed someone in five years.

00:40:25.620 Which is saying basically, not I consent, basically I consent.

00:40:30.760 Like, yeah, okay, you know, I'm not saying no.

00:40:33.320 I consent, but I'm, what's the word?

00:40:35.400 Insecure.

00:40:36.440 Yeah, I consent, but I'm insecure.

00:40:37.780 That's the underlying thing that's being communicated in that response.

00:40:42.200 And then me engaging with the response in an analytical format, you know, basically not talking down to her for it, not talking up to her for it, being like, well, I can see why somebody might do that for X, Y, and Z reasons.

00:40:55.340 Um, shows that I accept her position without accidentally denigrating her, which is very easy to do in a situation like this or making her more stressed.

00:41:04.720 Yeah, no, you, great game, Malcolm.

00:41:10.180 Around this time, I was finally starting to feel the buzz from the alcohol.

00:41:14.260 I felt all tingling and kind of dizzy and cheery, which was the best boozy feeling I've felt yet.

00:41:19.360 So this was a great reintroduction.

00:41:22.100 Malcolm paid the check and said he wanted to show me something.

00:41:25.160 We stepped outside and then basically walked right into the Four Seasons.

00:41:28.040 I was just going with the flow at that point and wasn't pretty surprised when he demonstrated his aforementioned love of pushing boundaries and breaking rules by stepping into a subsidiary staircase leading up to a couple flights of stairs and pointing out that it's surprising how few doors are locked.

00:41:45.380 We ended up in a hallway belonging to the business portion of the hotel.

00:41:48.680 It was dimly lit.

00:41:49.960 We stopped in the middle of the hallway and I realized that this was totally one of his hilarious little tricks.

00:41:56.340 Lo and behold, there he was standing just about an inch from me.

00:41:59.960 Yep.

00:42:00.720 So of course we kissed and then we kissed again and then he pushed me against the wall and we kissed even more and we started kissing pretty deeply.

00:42:09.140 I was surprised by how normal it felt.

00:42:11.340 I recall saying something like, well, there goes that five-year hiatus.

00:42:15.340 He totally pulled every cliche move in the book.

00:42:18.940 Not just the leading me to a dark hallway thing, but also the slamming me against the wall thing,

00:42:24.800 the unbuttoning my coat thing, the lifting me to the floor thing, the reaching up my dress thing.

00:42:30.460 I kept laughing the whole time because it was so gained, so scripted.

00:42:35.380 Quote, I totally see what you're doing, unquote, I said.

00:42:38.180 Not that I stopped him.

00:42:40.420 I really only drew the line when he started reaching for my nethers.

00:42:44.240 But yeah, he definitely had a massive heart on and I'm not going to pretend that he didn't totally turn me on.

00:42:50.240 And I'm not going to pretend that I did not thoroughly enjoy making out with him.

00:42:56.920 You had such a routine and I knew it, but I think that's really interesting in that I think men who have routines typically hide them or try to hide them.

00:43:05.820 And you don't really need to.

00:43:07.680 No.

00:43:08.100 Women are not turned off by the fact that you're using a routine. 1.00

00:43:11.080 Other women have commented on this. 0.99

00:43:12.260 They're like, wow, it's really remarkable.

00:43:13.820 Because it's a performance.

00:43:15.800 I think the way a lot of women approach sexual events and stuff like that or relationship events is they want somebody who is experienced and who knows what they're doing and who's going to walk them through it. 1.00

00:43:28.460 Who they can trust.

00:43:29.780 Yes, who they can trust.

00:43:30.920 Do not either be like overly a horndog that can't control themselves. 0.54

00:43:35.540 You know, if somebody can get sex whenever they want and has this whole thing so methodically planned out,

00:43:40.120 they're not the type of person who's going to lose their control or something because they're rejected.

00:43:45.080 You know, and I'm sure you could tell that in the moment, right?

00:43:47.560 Like if you were not interested, I'd just be like, okay, tomorrow it'll be a different girl.

00:43:51.880 And, but also knowing where you can go to do stuff like this is also really important.

00:43:59.820 Yeah.

00:43:59.960 How on earth did you find that hallway in the Four Seasons?

00:44:02.680 Well, I usually try all the doors in any place that I visit.

00:44:06.140 A lot of people are quite as explosive as me.

00:44:08.480 And I, and I found a place in downtown San Francisco where you could go that was vacant that time of day because it was like the office section of the building as she was mentioning.

00:44:18.420 And this was at night.

00:44:19.360 So there was no risk of anybody walking in on us.

00:44:22.540 And yeah, that's a useful thing to do as well.

00:44:24.740 I've mentioned in another episode, I had like this scanning for like sex locations when I was younger that I would just see something or like sometimes as an adult walk by an area and be like, oh, that's a great place.

00:44:34.720 Because I had had this like background processing of all environments on, but yeah.

00:44:40.540 Yeah.

00:44:41.100 Let's see.

00:44:42.160 Oh, also, I, I had pointed out before I go further.

00:44:44.820 She had a boundary.

00:44:46.100 She drew it.

00:44:47.140 Right.

00:44:47.680 And I respected it.

00:44:48.940 Yeah, totally.

00:44:49.400 And that's really important when somebody draws any sort of a boundary that you're just like, okay, that's not something we're doing today.

00:44:55.620 Yeah.

00:44:55.880 At no point did I feel unsafe for sure, which is notable because this was a lot for me.

00:45:01.980 Let's see.

00:45:02.900 Well, you don't want to kiss one guy, you know, which she's mentioning.

00:45:05.840 It's been five years since she kissed someone.

00:45:07.200 She means she kissed somebody like once or a few times five years ago.

00:45:12.040 Like not, not, it was one, one other person.

00:45:15.060 Like this, she was not experienced at all.

00:45:17.940 I was not experienced.

00:45:19.300 I continue.

00:45:20.040 When not laughing at him and making fun of his sexy face, our stilted conversation turned toward his amusement at totally taking advantage of me, and my amusement at him totally getting this far when nobody else could, and his being a total dom, and me being a total sub, blah, blah, blah.

00:45:36.840 I wrote blah, blah, blah a lot.

00:45:38.480 I am pleased to report that he is not entirely unsatisfied with my kissing. 0.89

00:45:42.960 I most certainly did ask for feedback, and he said that he would think I were lying if I told him that I hadn't kissed someone in five years, and that I must have been a total slut before I stopped kissing anyone. 0.97

00:45:55.740 So hurrah for my slutty kissing skills, question mark. 0.95

00:45:59.200 You really were a good kisser, even at the beginning. 0.98

00:46:03.720 Thank you.

00:46:04.520 Like I'm saying to this, now not trying to impress you or anything.

00:46:07.740 I remember, yeah, you, maybe we just have a lot of chemistry.

00:46:11.700 I think we have a lot of chemistry.

00:46:13.280 I think, as I've told you before, I, because I am asexual.

00:46:17.360 I'm really not in, I've never been into anyone else.

00:46:19.620 I'm just gay for Malcolm.

00:46:21.000 I don't know what's, but whatever, right? 0.55

00:46:23.120 And when I told him that I had really only kissed one guy and a friend with that before, and that I'd never been in a relationship before, plus was a virgin, given the intel, he seemed even more turned on.

00:46:36.380 And, well, all his cliche, hilarious moves were obviously working on me, too.

00:46:42.120 I rather liked how he got on top of me, bit my neck, nibbled my ears, held my wrists to the floor.

00:46:46.980 Yeah, this is really not appropriate for estate activity, but dreadful fun. 0.86

00:46:51.720 Heck, I even sucked his fingers, which were, thanks to the Indian food, pretty tasty, which is insane, by the way, because I'm a complete germ phobe. 0.97

00:46:58.800 You don't understand, Simone, floors, sucking fingers. 1.00

00:47:01.780 Yeah, I can't, I can't. 0.98

00:47:02.420 You don't understand.

00:47:03.460 Like her in our marriage, she panics about things that touch floors.

00:47:08.840 Yeah.

00:47:09.960 Hands?

00:47:10.800 Hands.

00:47:11.600 I could have touched a doorknob to go to a restroom.

00:47:14.240 I'm sure you did.

00:47:15.020 I'm sure, yeah, I, that, and I, it is, but that is just how completely enamored.

00:47:22.280 I, I was with you, and I, I mean, yeah, it's telling.

00:47:26.020 Let's see.

00:47:27.020 In the midst of all this, he invited me to his place on Wednesday for a My Little Ponies marathon.

00:47:31.700 I just love how dated that is.

00:47:34.120 No, but also that it's very much like a do not front with overly masculine stuff.

00:47:40.720 Yeah.

00:47:40.960 Front with stuff that shows how comfortable you are with your masculinity.

00:47:45.960 Exactly.

00:47:46.960 These are two very different things.

00:47:50.880 Traditional masculine things, when you front to girls with them, do not, they, they do the 0.86

00:47:56.360 opposite.

00:47:57.040 They make you look insecure with your masculinity.

00:47:59.720 Yeah, seriously.

00:48:00.080 When I look at the things that somebody like, for example, Andrew Tate is fronting all the

00:48:04.320 time, it makes him look like an incredibly insecure person with his masculinity.

00:48:08.760 It does.

00:48:09.320 It does.

00:48:09.340 Yeah.

00:48:10.240 Whereas, like, hey, let's go back to my place and watch My Little Pony together.

00:48:13.880 That, especially in the age of bronies, which is when this was, that was high tier, when

00:48:19.880 you can tell that, like, I'm not, like, a wimpy guy or whatever, that is high tier masculinity

00:48:26.020 because I'm showing that I don't, I'm not afraid of being judged for liking something

00:48:31.760 that falls outside of society's expectations of masculinity. 0.98

00:48:35.200 Yeah, that's so true.

00:48:36.940 I parried a bit, but eventually, tentatively, said yes, and soon thereafter, I said I needed

00:48:42.320 to leave, and we made our way down, kissing somewhat frequently along the way.

00:48:47.340 Key walked me to the BART station, and off I went.

00:48:50.500 12.43 p.m.

00:48:51.880 Jesus, it's 12.43 p.m.

00:48:54.060 Laptop off.

00:48:55.080 I'm going to be so tired tomorrow, but this is one of those nights where one just has to

00:48:59.280 document.

00:49:00.180 Memories are changeable.

00:49:01.500 Capricious things.

00:49:02.580 I want to record all of this to be accurate as possible.

00:49:05.980 12.44 p.m., but oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, did this just happen?

00:49:10.760 I have to be really exceedingly careful because this guy can screw me over big time. 0.94

00:49:16.440 That said, if I play my cards right, he can be the perfect person to sexually break me

00:49:20.640 in, not to mention connect me with a lot of interesting ideas and people.

00:49:25.140 I just have to never get emotionally attached or find myself in any sort of dependent position,

00:49:29.860 which is going to be especially difficult considering that we're going to be in a dom-sub

00:49:33.840 relationship, given the direction we're going in, but the plot thickens.

00:49:39.100 She thickens. 0.70

00:49:40.100 Dun, dun, dun.

00:49:41.700 12.48 p.m.

00:49:42.880 Okay, totally going to bed. 1.00

00:49:44.020 Shit. 1.00

00:49:45.000 That's the answer. 0.99

00:49:46.260 And for the first night, if people want more diary stuff, I love this because it's so-

00:49:50.760 It's so cringe.

00:49:51.300 I don't.

00:49:51.920 I can't.

00:49:52.300 I don't think it's cringe at all.

00:49:53.960 I think it shows an enormous amount of emotional intelligence, agency, intentionality.

00:50:01.980 I think it's not even, it's just, it's Malcolm Collins fan blogging, but that's what my diary

00:50:08.160 has become representative of me.

00:50:09.340 You found a guy who you wanted, okay?

00:50:14.200 And you got him to marry you.

00:50:16.480 Yeah.

00:50:16.680 And I mean, it's, it's even from our first date, the, the thing I was so scared of was

00:50:21.600 getting attached to you because you were so impossibly perfect.

00:50:25.800 And I, I feel so weird that I'm married to you now.

00:50:29.900 It's like, I can't.

00:50:31.080 Well, I also love, this is a huge thing in year one is her fear of becoming attached.

00:50:35.340 And so if we go through other diary entries, that'll just be a constant and recurring theme.

00:50:41.080 Well, the problem is he, he was way out of my league.

00:50:44.920 You were super out of my league, Malcolm, like from a credential standpoint, from a background

00:50:49.340 standpoint, from a look standpoint, there was just no way that I could compete.

00:50:53.520 And then you were about to go to Stanford and find your wife. 1.00

00:50:55.920 Like I knew that this was really stupid for me. 0.99

00:50:59.820 You know, you say all of that, right? 0.99

00:51:01.620 I, but I'm sure our listeners, when they hear all of these things, the way you talk

00:51:06.300 about me, the way you think, the way you structure your dating, they're probably like, wow, they

00:51:10.560 were really, really made for each other.

00:51:12.720 Like they are a uniquely good fit for each other.

00:51:17.140 Yeah.

00:51:17.460 When I write sociopath, by the way, I really mean that as a compliment.

00:51:22.280 I always wanted to find someone who was like sociopathic or psychopathic just because

00:51:28.300 I associate those things with behaving logically and being ambitious and being more or less

00:51:34.920 transparent.

00:51:35.200 But you know me now.

00:51:35.520 Would you say that I'm actually sociopathic?

00:51:37.520 No, you're really not sociopathic because you care way too much about people's feelings.

00:51:41.520 You don't care what people think about you, but you, but you deeply care about potentially

00:51:46.740 hurting people.

00:51:47.580 You're like an anti-sociopath because you will kill yourself just thinking that perhaps 0.87

00:51:54.420 you might have pointed someone in the wrong direction or said the wrong thing to them.

00:51:59.400 And you like, it viscerally hurts you after we meet with people in person.

00:52:03.340 It's very interesting that you pointed out because I hadn't made this division.

00:52:06.420 I don't care at all if people have negative judgments about me.

00:52:10.680 No, you don't care.

00:52:12.100 I do care if I accidentally inflict mental harm on another person.

00:52:15.960 Or, or just, you know, legit.

00:52:17.420 Like if you give bad career advice to someone or, or, you know, you said something and then

00:52:21.560 he realized you might've been wrong about it.

00:52:23.580 And then you just worry immensely.

00:52:25.840 You worry about wronging another person, especially somebody who trusted me.

00:52:30.460 Yeah.

00:52:31.120 I just love this diary entry as this unfettered look in this, you know, innocent, younger,

00:52:38.540 guileless, as you said, going into a situation where you actually win.

00:52:44.400 But, you know, this is, you were approaching this, like I was some sort of like unattainable, 0.97

00:52:50.360 ultra hot guy who at best was just going to use you for sex for a while. 0.90

00:52:56.520 I think that was probably your initial plan. 0.95

00:52:59.760 It, no, it wasn't.

00:53:01.140 I was, well, my initial plan is like, oh, this person's fantastic.

00:53:04.200 She'll follow me, whatever I say, you know.

00:53:07.180 Oh, just your, your fangirl.

00:53:09.760 Yeah.

00:53:11.600 But then I realized how competent you were and how much I enjoyed talking to you and

00:53:15.820 how much I enjoyed being around you.

00:53:17.620 And I was like, wow, this, this person's amazing to spend time around.

00:53:22.120 But I also think a lot of the personality that you exhibit now in this logicalness that

00:53:26.960 may not have been present in these early videos was not, you know, it's, it's who you always

00:53:32.120 have been when you watch these or read these, read, read these early diary entries, you show

00:53:39.780 an aspect of yourself that was always who you are today, but was something that you hid

00:53:49.820 back then because you wanted to be normal.

00:53:52.280 And I think what you mean when you say you wanted to be me, because you were always as

00:53:56.860 methodical as me.

00:53:57.800 You know, you talk about like my aim thing, but were you not doing something similar with

00:54:02.180 the dating competition and the dating scoring system and the, you know, we both were very

00:54:08.240 similar and the meme stuff profile.

00:54:11.220 You were doing all of this, but you didn't admit publicly that you were this ultra logical

00:54:17.300 and methodical person.

00:54:19.300 I didn't, I didn't write like, I referred to the fact that like, when, when you asked me

00:54:23.440 for my Facebook profile to, to friend each other on, on Facebook, I flippantly responded

00:54:29.000 that I had an FAQ guide and I actually did create this entire webpage that was an FAQ guide

00:54:35.360 that explained all of my weird eccentricities.

00:54:38.160 And was it completely transparent about this is what I am.

00:54:40.980 And this is what I'm all about.

00:54:42.320 We still have this.

00:54:43.100 Where was this hosted?

00:54:44.540 You know, yeah, actually, I think there are some bits of it in my diary that I could rescue,

00:54:49.500 but I, I was, I was fairly openly weird, but I didn't know that I was allowed to have my

00:54:56.060 own opinions and values.

00:54:57.280 And that's the really big thing that you changed for me was that you asked me what I believed

00:55:02.640 and why, and you also gave me a license to have opinions that didn't, that didn't toe

00:55:10.080 the line with mainstream progressive culture.

00:55:11.960 That's actually a really interesting thing.

00:55:14.460 So the urban monoculture doesn't allow you to ask what you believe and why you just need

00:55:18.880 to follow the norms of that culture.

00:55:20.320 And the way that you break it was sentient humans.

00:55:22.940 And I'm, you know, I don't think all humans are fully sentient.

00:55:25.220 You don't even think we're fully sentient.

00:55:26.960 Come on.

00:55:27.440 But those are humans who, when you prompt them to go, what do you actually think is good

00:55:31.940 and why, like, what are you actually optimizing for?

00:55:35.080 And then you did that over a number of conversations.

00:55:37.680 And then from there you built a world and moral framework up from that sort of base first

00:55:45.420 principles perspective of what's good.

00:55:47.820 And that framework didn't overlap was what the urban monoculture said was good.

00:55:52.220 And as the urban monoculture became increasingly fascist and totalitarian in how it controlled

00:55:57.860 people's thoughts and norms, it pushed you out.

00:56:01.520 Which wasn't like me trying to make you conservative or anything.

00:56:05.140 It was me talking through with you.

00:56:07.700 What do you actually believe?

00:56:09.200 And if you believe those things, then what?

00:56:11.160 Then what?

00:56:11.620 Then what?

00:56:12.460 And a lot of my beliefs about the world were influenced by yours.

00:56:15.700 You know, my core philosophical framework changed pretty dramatically based on some of

00:56:20.800 the ideas you've had that I think are very brilliant.

00:56:23.240 For example, the humans aren't sentient.

00:56:24.820 You can watch our episode on that.

00:56:26.520 Like broadly, like sentience, even the humans that have like a degree of it, it's mostly an

00:56:32.120 illusion was from you and a really powerful frame shift for me because I used to think

00:56:38.300 that that was the core thing of value in the universe.

00:56:40.800 And now I think it's mostly an illusion based on your logic and framework.

00:56:46.760 And so you've done so much to make me a better person.

00:56:49.940 And I just love these early diary entries because this person who so badly wanted something

00:56:56.560 to work out like it, it did work out.

00:56:58.940 And beyond your wildest, wildest, wildest expectations.

00:57:02.420 I like me a happy ending.

00:57:03.860 Yeah.

00:57:04.020 Yeah.

00:57:04.260 Happy ending, right?

00:57:05.580 Yeah.

00:57:05.820 No, it's wild.

00:57:07.320 Yeah.

00:57:07.580 I'm glad that, yeah, this, we, we read this in a car drive on, on a way back from an event

00:57:11.420 and it was just a fluke, but it's interesting to see how things have been ever since.

00:57:18.400 So hope you guys like it.

00:57:20.300 If you don't totally understand, cause this is incredibly cringe, but let us know what

00:57:23.840 you think in the comments and please don't forget to subscribe or give us a five-star review

00:57:29.100 on Apple podcasts.

00:57:30.820 Cause we could really appreciate that.

00:57:33.060 And I'll try to add our discord link in the notes whenever a couple of our fans have

00:57:37.400 reached out and said, like, started discord.

00:57:38.860 I started a discord, blah, blah, blah.

00:57:40.380 So like, we've got a standard discord for the channel now.

00:57:43.040 I don't know how to like discord.

00:57:45.520 Like it's not a platform that I'm super familiar with.

00:57:47.400 I started this for us, handed it off to us and we're like, I don't know what to do.

00:57:52.360 So I might eventually do like live things there or something.

00:57:55.020 We'll see for like, you know, fans and we'll see.

00:57:58.340 Like, I don't know.

00:57:59.040 I don't know what to, I don't know why fans want this, but I guess when I see it doing

00:58:04.360 interesting things, I will engage.

00:58:07.560 Yeah.

00:58:07.940 But thank you all for dealing with that.

00:58:11.300 Hopefully not.

00:58:12.260 If you found it excruciating, I find these things, I don't know, but I love you so much.

00:58:16.780 And I am really glad that I got the guy.

00:58:18.800 I got the guy.

00:58:19.820 I'm so excited.

00:58:20.920 It's so funny.

00:58:21.820 We had a recent video.

00:58:22.940 I don't know if it'll come out before or after this one, the anniversary video.

00:58:25.580 I was watching the film video from when I proposed to you and you said, I got him.

00:58:32.780 I got him.

00:58:33.660 That was something you said to yourself.

00:58:37.300 You were so excited about that.

00:58:39.940 I definitely got the better end of this deal.

00:58:42.540 I'm not going to lie.

00:58:43.800 So glad, glad I did.

00:58:45.780 I love you, Malcolm.

00:58:46.700 Love you too.

00:58:47.200 Just pulling up the actual document that cut out all this stuff, so I won't be scrolling

00:58:57.080 for a long time.

00:58:58.160 Oh, you did this already.

00:58:59.240 I really appreciate that.

00:59:00.680 I tried.

00:59:01.660 Can you give me a heads up, dude?

00:59:03.120 That's, that helps a lot.

00:59:05.840 A lot, actually.

00:59:08.060 So.

00:59:08.780 I love your preparedness, Simone.

00:59:10.840 You are really the most spectacular of wives. 1.00

00:59:15.180 You're so kind to me.

00:59:17.200 Well, and, you know, you are the dream husband that clearly I dreamt about.

00:59:24.220 So, you know, you're amazing.

00:59:27.020 So you start us off.

00:59:28.900 Yeah.

Based Camp - March 29, 2024

The Diary Entry from the Day a 24-Year-Old SF Virgin Met her Husband

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Summary

Transcript