In this episode, we're joined by writer and podcaster Simone Gynning to talk about her journey to falling in love and having her heart broken in one year. Simone talks about how she fell in love with her husband, how she met him, and how she ended up with her now-pregnant husband.
00:01:30.060We'd actually adapted this into a book at one point.
00:01:32.660But we never ended up publishing it, which was like an annotated version of her diaries from the year she met me as a, what, a 21-year-old virgin or whatever.
00:01:39.560It was frankly too cringe, and this is going to be incredibly cringe.
00:01:54.640So first talk about the quest and then get into your writing, starting with when you met me, I guess.
00:02:00.160In 2012, I turned 24 years old, and I decided that in that year, my New Year's resolution, the big one, would be to fall in love and have my heart broken all in one year because I intended to live alone forever.
00:02:13.940I intended to not have any kids, never get married.
00:02:16.860I really never encountered anyone who I could even stomach the idea of dating.
00:02:22.640The idea of someone associating themselves with me even, even saying that we were dating made me literally sick to my stomach.
00:02:30.880So I knew that the urge wasn't for me, obviously.
00:02:36.060But I still wanted to fall in love and have my heart broken so that I could tell people I tried it, and it was massively underwhelming.
00:02:44.600I created a very keyword-stuffed and optimized OkCupid profile just to make sure that I got very qualified leads.
00:02:54.940I spammed any guy who might be a potentially interesting match on OkCupid, which gives a woman a huge advantage because guys never get messages from girls.
00:03:05.940And I also had a competitive dating game going in my office where we got points for the number of people we dated, first date, second date, how long a date lasted, all sorts of things to just make this something that encouraged me to get out because dating is terrifying.
00:03:22.520And I didn't actually want to spend time with people, but I needed to achieve my goal.
00:03:26.660And it really helped that there were other single people in the office my age.
00:03:30.380So yeah, thank God startups don't really have an HR department.
00:03:35.200We actually had an HR person who at the same time was part of this whole dating thing.
00:03:41.000She was initially hired as an interior decorator.
00:03:43.640So, you know, she probably didn't know that you shouldn't have competitive dating games where you get points for doing stuff with people in an office.
00:04:47.020Plus, I have more potentials lined up.
00:04:49.040As of now, I have a dinner plus drinks date scheduled with one underscore dash M dash underscore of Redwood City for Sunday night.
00:04:57.780Plus, I'm sussing out plans with, I'm not going to give this person the D, head of design at startup, as well as DOS underscore toy, aka not giving his real name, A, who describes himself in his profile as amazingly good in bed and has a twin.
00:05:16.540Okay, so I love the, I'm obviously M here, the one person whose name she didn't fully give because she didn't have it yet.
00:05:23.920And I find this very interesting because it's different than the way you remembered it.
00:05:27.700You had remembered being infatuated with me from the first moment you saw my profile.
00:05:32.200And yet it's very clear here that she does not become infatuated with me until later.
00:05:37.340Yeah, I'm infatuated with my lead list at this point.
00:05:39.580Right, but it also shows how you were handling your leads.
00:05:43.460You weren't really getting invested in profiles or personas was in these profiles until the guy got back to you, which shows that you really were doing a spamming technique at the time, which is actually pretty impressive for a woman in terms of the arbitrage game that that allows you.
00:07:11.140Earlier this morning, Em sent me a message with a link to his Facebook profile asking me to friend him so he knows who to look for and that I'm a real person.
00:07:21.600I sent him a flippant Facebook message about being 100% genuine and having a user manual, and then proceeded to fall into a fundamental crisis after looking through his Facebook photos, which revealed him to be a sort of visual hybrid of Daniel Radcliffe and Charlie McDonald.
00:07:46.820So there's a few things to note here that are really interesting.
00:07:49.700One is because of this is when you were making these videos on YouTube, people want to get an impression of, like, who I was meeting back then or who this person is.
00:07:57.520They can go look at those early videos on your channel because that's what this is.
00:08:02.280Another one, Charlie McDonald ended up transitioning, right?
00:08:09.320I had a total YouTube crush on him at the time, you know.
00:08:13.500And the other one is, so I really did do this Facebook thing because it really lowered the probability of catfishing.
00:08:20.340People's Facebook pages are, you know, you have way more photos.
00:08:24.880So it's much easier, and photos uploaded by other people, so it's much easier to find unflattering photos.
00:08:30.020And we actually ran into somebody at a party after this who, like, took umbrage to the fact I had done this.
00:08:35.120And she was like, because this was later covered in her diary when I was going back through it.
00:08:38.800I saw this and I had forgotten about it.
00:08:40.040But, yeah, somebody at a party was like, oh, yeah, I didn't end up dating you because you demanded that you see my Facebook profile before you end up meeting me.
00:08:46.560And it's like, well, yeah, like, I don't understand you would meet a human being in person.
00:08:53.760Like, you think that that is less revealing than showing them, you know, your Facebook profile?
00:08:59.420Well, and what I forgot about this, too, is how two-way it is.
00:09:02.740You're not just requesting access to their profile.
00:09:06.020You're giving them access to your history.
00:09:09.160And you were active on Facebook and still are very active on Facebook.
00:09:28.740Well, yeah, and I also wonder why somebody would deny access to a Facebook profile.
00:09:31.840I think it was probably that she was dating someone.
00:09:34.260Like, that's a really easy way to see if somebody's cheating on a partner because it's pretty hard to list yourself as single on Facebook if you are not actually single.
00:09:43.020But, yeah, so apparently I am – if we're using this video as, like, a guide for how to secure a partner, you know, obviously I'm working on disability here.
00:09:53.740By disability, what I mean is I have a handicap, like, a big advantage because she already finds me very attractive.
00:10:01.080But here's my hot take, just real quick, on why I think that particular young woman decided that she wasn't going to share her Facebook profile with you.
00:10:07.960Because I've listened to, to fall asleep, a ton of really shitty romance novels.
00:10:13.740And it's very common for the female to be rude and very confrontational with male prospects, even and perhaps especially if she likes them.
00:10:39.420But it is a common trope, and it seems to be widely societally accepted, that being sassy toward a man, especially if you like him, is – it's going to be – I don't know.
00:10:49.000And if you're a guy and you're dating, you need to shut that down the very first time it happens and filter out anybody who doesn't take being shut down for that.
00:10:56.660I mean, not, like, in an emotional way, but just be like, I'm sorry, I won't date somebody who does this.
00:11:01.640And that's likely what happened with her, where I was just like, no, bye.
00:11:05.620So, anyway, all right, back to my diary entry.
00:11:07.560My reaction to this discovery, of course, was to assume already that he detests me slash finds me somewhat disgusting, and to rue the moment I ever decided to reach out to him on OKC in the first place.
00:11:21.780This reaction is a natural consequence of my general belief that disliking Simone is a general sign of good taste.
00:11:28.900I suppose it's bonkers that I should make this assumption, especially because he responded to my initial message, despite a horrid typo, with – and here's her message.
00:11:37.640Ah, I was going to email you, but you had all the nerdy stuff on your profile, so I figured you got flooded with emails and that mine would get buried.
00:12:17.220But I think the message is also, like, I don't want to say a master class on dating someone, but it is.
00:12:23.700So you had reached out to me with a bunch of questions about the company I was starting at the time.
00:12:27.320Because you mentioned that in your profile, and that seemed like a good opener.
00:12:29.560You didn't want to look like, you know, you were only interested in me sexually, and you wanted to – which is smart to do.
00:12:35.600But also with me, you know, making myself look somewhat unavailable and important, which is all true.
00:12:41.140Like, I wasn't misrepresenting myself, but it is.
00:12:43.820But also, let's meet as soon as possible.
00:12:46.840You know, I am not dicking around in terms of the engagement with this message or in any ways being disingenuous, which I think is also, you know, of high utility.
00:15:33.260Even the worst potential outcome, it's all just some form of inconvenience or social rejection.
00:15:39.780But the second thing is this is a person who you ended up marrying.
00:15:44.440So for all those people who are out there stressed or you're on a date with someone who you think is impossibly beyond you or you're on a date with someone and you just see them as like another person, you know, there's so much emotions behind every one of these interactions.
00:16:00.280And, you know, you can read the rest of her diary.
00:16:32.080And I did mention in the notes when we had done it to make it a book that I actually did like turn around and walk out of the room one day after seeing what the girl looked like because she looked so different from her pictures.
00:17:09.560You know, I also want to elevate why I hadn't emailed Simone on the app because I mentioned it in the email, but it's actually important.
00:17:15.160Her profile, she was in Stormtrooper armor in most of her pictures, which is two problems.
00:17:20.640One is it's a way she could be hiding how she really looks and two, it's incredibly nerdy.
00:17:25.680So I expected arbitrage wise, she was going to get tons of extra outreach and she was also posting all the memes and everything on her profile.
00:17:32.620And so she just seemed like absolute, like a player of the arbitrage game of Silicon Valley to the extent that I thought that this is a woman who must be getting made, you know, passes on all the time.
00:17:43.760And so she's going to overvalue herself and she's probably also hiding that she's not that attractive, which we're both really wrong in terms of my assessment.
00:17:53.960But it does show why you didn't get outreach to me because I had seen your profile before and I was just like, oh, it's one of those, you know, e-thought pages, basically.
00:18:02.800The perfect girl who everyone's reaching out at, but like well-constructed gamer girl, you know what I mean?
00:18:08.440I'm actually surprised because I don't remember getting a ton of inbound interest on OkCupid.
00:18:13.840And I wonder if that's because algorithmically they figured that any woman who actually contacted men is either trying to scam them or sell them something or not real.
00:18:49.120It's like, it's like he's my kryptonite.
00:18:52.460If only I told myself that I might end the evening making out with this dude on some random floor of the Four Seasons, I would obviously say I was crazy.
00:19:23.900I waited for him in the middle of the field at Yerba Buena Gardens.
00:19:27.000He was very easy to spot when he showed up since he was wearing what is apparently his signature vest, shirt, and tie.
00:19:32.740When I waved and started walking over to him, some other guy thought I was waving to him, and as Malcolm reached out to shake my hand, that guy was all, oh, I thought, wow, there's this beautiful girl waving to me, which was favorable because it painted me in a totally flattering light.
00:19:48.700Anyhow, I kind of giggled and smiled to that man, then reached out and shook Malcolm's partially retracted hand, and he introduced himself, and I introduced myself, and we walked off the field.
00:20:00.240I'm so glad that that man said that I was attracted to him.
00:20:04.300I remember I had said something about it at the time, like, can you believe he thought?
00:20:08.200Yeah, I remember you saying that, yeah, you were saying something like, man, can you believe he thought you were going to meet with him?
00:20:14.560But, yeah, he was my wingman, my stranger.
00:20:43.640Remember, I didn't have a car, and I lived on the island of Alameda, which is outside San Francisco where we met, so I had to take the public transport of the Bay Area called BART back home, and then my dad picked me up because it was really late.
00:24:51.040It's about knowing where to hit to make a good show, causing blooding noses and black eyes and stuff.
00:24:56.020He also went to three or four sleepover summer camps a year, in which he would study social dynamics and try, to the best extent possible, to gain becoming popular, which he concluded, and I entirely agree, is not something one can break down to a science, because the social dynamics of a group change every time.
00:25:12.780In addition, he was super open about his policy with girls, that brilliant jerk.
00:25:18.260He would actually try out different conversational approaches with girls over AIM.
00:25:22.560AIM, for you people who are too young, was an early chat site, and would record the successful ones.
00:25:28.880Throughout high school, he would actually engage in trial and error with different tactics, and he said in so many words that he can basically have any girl he wanted.
00:25:36.880He's so full of himself, but he's also added that it's convenient that he's attractive.
00:25:41.900I'd call him full of shit if he weren't the epitome of my type.
00:25:46.700I feel like, what was interesting, there's a lot of people, so a couple things, you know, we've mentioned on episodes before that, like, I'm generally considered attractive in the world of women, not in the world of men.
00:25:58.740And by that, what I mean, most women know that I'm what a super hot guy looks like, where a lot of men hear me say that, and they go, but you're not an ultra-masky man, man.
00:26:07.960And it's like, that's not what women are into.
00:26:09.900Oh, thank God you're not gay, Malcolm.
00:26:13.800One, how you, like, obviously, how you physically look.
00:26:16.980But a lot of this, and you can tell this from the way that you're writing this, is just confidence in who you are, self-knowledge, and not hiding anything.
00:26:27.600You know, with someone like Simone, I clearly, like, while I had techniques that I had built up to try to date better.
00:26:36.680Yeah, and I wasn't using them just to, like, sleep around a lot anymore or anything like that.
00:26:40.920You know, at this point, I think I made very clear on our date early on that it's interesting that you didn't record it, that I was looking for a wife.
00:27:26.380And so we wouldn't, oh gosh, I didn't notice that you're so sweet.
00:27:32.240I don't think I noticed that either when I was writing.
00:27:34.600I think it was a little, a little slip.
00:27:36.680As to what I meant by the masturbation comment, once you get really good at seducing women and you really no longer find it a challenge that you can basically sleep with whoever you want, whenever you want, you'll soon realize that the only thing that gave sex value over masturbation was that it was difficult and high status.
00:27:57.100Maybe not everyone feels that way, but I think a lot of the population, if they were honest with themselves, would be like, yeah, sex is a ton of effort and masturbation is just easier outside of any bonding effects it has.
00:28:10.060And feels about as good because, I mean, of course, why wouldn't it?
00:28:15.160You couldn't literally choose every aspect of the experience for yourself and optimize it for whatever you are specifically interested in.
00:28:34.600I want to comment on that statement because I've noticed with girls, this is what infatuation often looks like or love often looks like or like love at first sight with girls is they want to be the person.
00:28:58.760Yeah, but I mean, in terms of, you know, we talk in the pragmatist guide to relationships about this one relationship format we think is best personally, which we call the Pygmalion relationship in which one or both partners helps you become the person you always wished you could become.
00:29:12.620And I think women find that type of man really attractive, especially if they want this kind of relationship, because what better person to advise you on becoming who you want to be if they are like what you want to be?
00:29:24.960You know, the advice that you get from someone is only going to get you approximately to where they are.
00:29:42.020He basically sees human consciousness as a really valuable thing, and he basically sees his purpose in life as protecting it.
00:29:49.200He also assumes through Neurosky, who you worked for at the time, and current technological trends that humans will be able to essentially connect their brains and therefore their consciousnesses to computers within 200 years, and that soon thereafter, they'll be able to form networks.
00:30:04.860It is at this point that the sense of self will soon begin to degrade.
00:30:08.280People will begin to form what I recall being referred to in Accelerando as the Borganism.
00:30:13.420He refers to this hypothetical network consciousness as the Omega network.
00:30:18.760Malcolm, much like myself, is highly independent and values human independence.
00:30:22.840He also believes that distributed decision-making and individuality is what allows human society to both progress and defend itself.
00:30:30.420Malcolm therefore believes it is of extreme importance that someone prevent the human computer technology to come from allowing this networked consciousness to emerge.
00:30:42.720This is why Malcolm wants to be at the forefront of this business.
00:30:45.580So far, as he is concerned, that is not enough.
00:30:48.120He acknowledges that this technology might not be fully developed in our lifetime, so he wants to put in place a power system that guarantees that his interest in protecting individuality is perpetuated.
00:30:58.640Hence, the, quote, taking over the world, unquote, part of his equation.
00:31:17.740But isn't that interesting that, like, how things have moderated?
00:31:20.480I mean, one thing that I think you've discovered since we first met and as things have evolved in society is that you don't need people to actually have full-out brain-computer interfaces to start thinking like a monolith, which is scary.
00:31:37.000And actually, in the book, I had edited out this part because I was like, this is the completely unedited diary because I was like, well, you know, it's a little too specific.
00:31:44.660But back then, I was working in brain-computer interface, so direct connection with the human brain to technology, similar to, like, Neuralink and stuff like that.
00:32:25.160Maintaining – here I'm talking about diversity of the individual, like the individual mind.
00:32:30.840Whereas today, I'm talking about diversity of cultural groups, right?
00:32:36.480But it's still the core value proposition of maintaining human diversity and empowering that to work together to make us stronger than the things which become these monoliths.
00:32:49.480And in a way, people could say, well, this is actually his secret goal all along, to create some sort of intergenerationally stable power structure that can prevent the omega network from consuming all of humanity.
00:33:01.840Well, that's what the modern prenatalist movement is also about.
00:33:04.780It's about preventing the pervasion of a couple of dominating cultures that don't permit the existence of diversity or other views or preventing a complete takeover of the urban monoculture.
00:33:18.020And when we went over this in private, you know, you really highlighted, and it's something that you sort of mentioned in a roundabout way here a few times, is omega net has already come to exist.
00:33:40.560But, yeah, it's also interesting to see that I've always been so future-oriented and always had some sort of, like, big plan that takes place across multiple generations to try to protect our species.
00:33:51.360And the plan hasn't really changed that much.
00:34:05.820Before I continue, I should also point out that he might actually have what it takes to achieve his goal of setting in place some sort of power system.
00:34:12.680He literally referred to building a religion at some point, after which I slipped an unnoticed cake reference into the conversation.
00:34:20.020And while it's a laughable proposition for most people, this guy's drive, charisma, and smarts isn't going to hurt his prospects.
00:34:26.640And that is something that I loved about you from the very beginning, and I think it's something that women really love about men in general, is not just that they dream big.
00:34:33.620And I think dreaming big is not enough.
00:34:36.540Those are really big factors in attractiveness.
00:34:39.340It's recognizing that that person actually has agency.
00:34:43.640And from the beginning, it was so clear that you had a ton of agency and ability to actually act on what you cared about.
00:34:50.180Well, and I think the founding, the religion thing and everything like that, so much of what I'm doing today,
00:34:54.500a lot of people act like, because they're just beginning to meet me now, that I'm sort of like a loose cannon that's acting in ways that weren't planned out from my early childhood.
00:35:07.360Everything I'm doing now was planned out from my early childhood.
00:35:10.820It's just the core threats to our species are different than I predicted at this time period.
00:35:16.680But it's not that the threats that I predicted at this time period aren't real or don't exist or that my timescale was wrong.
00:35:22.960It's just some threats that I didn't anticipate basically came out of nowhere.
00:35:28.360Like, I really didn't think the urban monoculture would be this aggressive at stamping out free speech.
00:35:33.360I really didn't think that fertility collapse would happen back when I was writing all this, you know, or at least be the level of threat that I think it is today, especially within our lifetimes, which is why it's become the new core focus.
00:35:49.780What's more, he shared that from early on.
00:35:51.740He's been interested in studying and infiltrating subcultures.
00:35:54.760Seriously, we're just scarily similar.
00:35:57.220And it had a particular interest in cults in high school.
00:36:00.220So this kid read and studied the heck out of them.
00:36:03.980To build on that front, he also started digging into local subcultures as soon as he came here.
00:36:08.360He got in with the singularity folks who apparently live in a very cult-like situation and are highly tied with the seasteading movement, plus are obsessed with healthy diets, have more men than women, and have polyamorous tendencies, transhumanists, more equally distributed gender-wise, and makers, several subsets of maker culture, actually.
00:36:28.360I feel like such a total failure next to him.
00:37:34.200I asked him how he managed to get at so much if he isn't much of a people lover, and he pointed back to his purpose in life and how he deferred his attendance at Stanford Business School because he wanted to take time to build a network before starting.
00:37:49.680He wants to start this business venture ASAP, it seems.
00:37:53.140He also referred offhandedly to the various societies joined in school, some of which are allegedly secret.
00:37:59.480Quote, I love secret societies, unquote.
00:38:01.480That jerk, which helped give him an in in many cases.
00:38:05.900I realized while sitting across from him that, well, if I want to get a peek at some of these deliciously fascinating groups and people, Malcolm is my in, which is both tremendously promising and very troublesome.
00:38:19.300You ended up becoming the managing director of Dialogue, which was a secret society found out by Peter Thiel, and now you're like really in with all the secret society networks.
00:38:43.240All the while we're eating, he ordered a total of three drinks, plus two for me, and an appetizer for us to share.
00:38:49.220And we each got an entree, and he kept goading me to drink, saying, all that crap about having a low tolerance is totally off, blah, blah, blah.
00:38:56.480I totally knew what he was up to, but rather didn't care.
00:39:01.280I know I want to get back into drinking, at least socially, eventually.
00:39:04.440And this seemed like the perfect opportunity.
00:39:06.020At one point, he started trashing water, saying some bullshit about how fish shit in it, to which I responded with a sarcastic, mmm, but it's so tasty, to which he responded with what I imagine was a perfectly calculated and suggestive, and to think I will, might, can't remember which, be kissing those lips.
00:39:27.140It was at that point that I pulled out my whole, I haven't been kissed in five years, Zinger, and asked him if he found that disappointing, to which he responded in the negative, and began proposing various reasons why I might have made that decision.
00:39:41.460And I basically explained to him that I found emotions and relationships to be highly inconvenient.
00:39:46.500I may have also explained this briefly before, but if not, I also told him I decided not to even consider unboxing my sexuality until this year, and already found it highly troublesome.
00:39:56.280So it was all out on the table, which, to be quite honest, was refreshing.
00:40:15.620And you could have said, I'm not interested in that, or not on a first date, or, and instead what you said was, well, I haven't kissed someone in five years.
00:40:25.620Which is saying basically, not I consent, basically I consent.
00:40:30.760Like, yeah, okay, you know, I'm not saying no.
00:40:37.780That's the underlying thing that's being communicated in that response.
00:40:42.200And then me engaging with the response in an analytical format, you know, basically not talking down to her for it, not talking up to her for it, being like, well, I can see why somebody might do that for X, Y, and Z reasons.
00:40:55.340Um, shows that I accept her position without accidentally denigrating her, which is very easy to do in a situation like this or making her more stressed.
00:41:22.100Malcolm paid the check and said he wanted to show me something.
00:41:25.160We stepped outside and then basically walked right into the Four Seasons.
00:41:28.040I was just going with the flow at that point and wasn't pretty surprised when he demonstrated his aforementioned love of pushing boundaries and breaking rules by stepping into a subsidiary staircase leading up to a couple flights of stairs and pointing out that it's surprising how few doors are locked.
00:41:45.380We ended up in a hallway belonging to the business portion of the hotel.
00:42:00.720So of course we kissed and then we kissed again and then he pushed me against the wall and we kissed even more and we started kissing pretty deeply.
00:42:09.140I was surprised by how normal it felt.
00:42:11.340I recall saying something like, well, there goes that five-year hiatus.
00:42:15.340He totally pulled every cliche move in the book.
00:42:18.940Not just the leading me to a dark hallway thing, but also the slamming me against the wall thing,
00:42:24.800the unbuttoning my coat thing, the lifting me to the floor thing, the reaching up my dress thing.
00:42:30.460I kept laughing the whole time because it was so gained, so scripted.
00:42:35.380Quote, I totally see what you're doing, unquote, I said.
00:42:40.420I really only drew the line when he started reaching for my nethers.
00:42:44.240But yeah, he definitely had a massive heart on and I'm not going to pretend that he didn't totally turn me on.
00:42:50.240And I'm not going to pretend that I did not thoroughly enjoy making out with him.
00:42:56.920You had such a routine and I knew it, but I think that's really interesting in that I think men who have routines typically hide them or try to hide them.
00:43:15.800I think the way a lot of women approach sexual events and stuff like that or relationship events is they want somebody who is experienced and who knows what they're doing and who's going to walk them through it.
00:43:59.960How on earth did you find that hallway in the Four Seasons?
00:44:02.680Well, I usually try all the doors in any place that I visit.
00:44:06.140A lot of people are quite as explosive as me.
00:44:08.480And I, and I found a place in downtown San Francisco where you could go that was vacant that time of day because it was like the office section of the building as she was mentioning.
00:44:19.360So there was no risk of anybody walking in on us.
00:44:22.540And yeah, that's a useful thing to do as well.
00:44:24.740I've mentioned in another episode, I had like this scanning for like sex locations when I was younger that I would just see something or like sometimes as an adult walk by an area and be like, oh, that's a great place.
00:44:34.720Because I had had this like background processing of all environments on, but yeah.
00:44:49.400And that's really important when somebody draws any sort of a boundary that you're just like, okay, that's not something we're doing today.
00:45:20.040When not laughing at him and making fun of his sexy face, our stilted conversation turned toward his amusement at totally taking advantage of me, and my amusement at him totally getting this far when nobody else could, and his being a total dom, and me being a total sub, blah, blah, blah.
00:45:38.480I am pleased to report that he is not entirely unsatisfied with my kissing.
00:45:42.960I most certainly did ask for feedback, and he said that he would think I were lying if I told him that I hadn't kissed someone in five years, and that I must have been a total slut before I stopped kissing anyone.
00:45:55.740So hurrah for my slutty kissing skills, question mark.
00:45:59.200You really were a good kisser, even at the beginning.
00:46:21.000I don't know what's, but whatever, right?
00:46:23.120And when I told him that I had really only kissed one guy and a friend with that before, and that I'd never been in a relationship before, plus was a virgin, given the intel, he seemed even more turned on.
00:46:36.380And, well, all his cliche, hilarious moves were obviously working on me, too.
00:46:42.120I rather liked how he got on top of me, bit my neck, nibbled my ears, held my wrists to the floor.
00:46:46.980Yeah, this is really not appropriate for estate activity, but dreadful fun.
00:46:51.720Heck, I even sucked his fingers, which were, thanks to the Indian food, pretty tasty, which is insane, by the way, because I'm a complete germ phobe.