Based Camp - Toxic Femininity vs. Toxic Masculinity

00:00:00.000 Women, historically speaking, and weak men, they were rewarded for relating to truth where the things that are true are the things that are least likely to get me killed for believing. 0.97

00:00:16.460 The things that I believe are true are the most normative things within our culture and the things that will upset the minimum number of other people.

00:00:26.260 This is because women are physically much weaker than men, and there is a set of men who just adopt a mindset like this as well, and that segment is growing due to exogenous chemicals such as endocrine disruptors, which are making many males think more like females.

00:00:44.260 I mean, it could be argued that the feminization of society is a product of female empowerment. 1.00

00:00:49.540 Do you think it's that, or do you think it's that the organizations and the pathways to power now?

00:00:54.320 If you didn't have the women's rights movement, society would become more feminine as it developed these large bureaucracies. 1.00

00:01:00.460 Would you like to know more?

00:01:02.260 Hello, Malcolm.

00:01:03.660 Hello, Simone, my beautiful wife.

00:01:07.640 So today, let's talk about toxic masculinity and femininity, because it is something that comes up, especially I hear people talk more about toxic masculinity than femininity, but I think we should talk about both.

00:01:20.900 What is your understanding of toxic masculinity?

00:01:25.420 What does it mean to you? 0.96

00:01:29.420 Because what it means to me is, is like, when people talk about toxic masculinity, it's really more that they're just shitting on masculinity.

00:01:37.580 Like, they're not. 0.93

00:01:38.180 You're right.

00:01:38.540 I think culturally, when people talk about toxic masculinity today, they're just like, oh, this is a masculine thing.

00:01:43.200 I don't like it.

00:01:43.820 Yeah, or it's terrible that, like, men don't cry enough, that they don't feel safe crying, and that's toxic.

00:01:51.580 Men shouldn't feel safe crying. 0.80

00:01:53.000 They're not being a safe provider to most of their partners.

00:01:55.080 They're not giving them most of what they promised to give them.

00:01:57.440 Yeah, so I think that's one picture of it.

00:01:59.420 Well, what else is toxic masculinity?

00:02:01.020 That men need to be dominant. 0.85

00:02:02.900 That men should be allowed to be aggressive.

00:02:06.460 And I think what's really interesting is I see, personally, toxic masculinity the same way that I see mental health problems or, like, a mental health disorder, which is a perspective, actually, that you gave me when you were writing one of the books that we've collectively wrote, really, that you wrote, that I edited.

00:02:23.100 But you explained to me and our readers that, really, the DSM, which is the primary body establishing what is a mental disorder, is more a reflection of societal norms than a reflection of what is actually healthy or unhealthy.

00:02:38.700 Yes, this is really important to note.

00:02:40.700 So if you look at the DSM, which is a standard diagnostic manual, if you were to look at it in the 70s, being gay would be considered a psychological illness, right?

00:02:49.440 And if you look at it today, one of the debates they're having is actually removing sadism as a psychological illness, because they're like, oh, this is like a BDSM thing, right?

00:03:00.280 But in the past, wasn't being gay on the DSM?

00:03:03.100 Yeah, it was.

00:03:03.600 As I said, in the 70s, it was on the DSM.

00:03:05.620 It was considered a psychological illness.

00:03:07.660 So as things get normalized in the society, we change them.

00:03:10.180 And a lot of when we're talking about mental health, there is, I think, an average male psychology, and there is an average female psychology, and there is gender dimorphism there, and society adapts to that.

00:03:23.420 However, not all males fall perfectly into the average male social set, or the average female.

00:03:30.660 And so I think what's toxic is when you create an environment in which status is based on one's normative behavior patterns tied to their gender of birth, so that they achieve status within a community by masturbating a specific set of practices that they associate with being masculine or feminine.

00:03:51.620 However, just acting on your own behavior, I don't think it's toxic in either context, although it's more toxic on the feminine side. 0.89

00:03:59.400 And it's more toxic on the feminine side, because a group that is all acting according to feminine biology, but is also intelligent, can move much more towards internal entities of control in a way that really damages them. 1.00

00:04:16.060 Yes, let me expand on that and clarify what you're saying here.

00:04:19.200 So what you're saying is, yes, people on average are going to behave probably in accordance with like their, you know, both genetic and hormonal profile, and men and women have average, on average, different genetic and hormonal profiles, that men are going to behave a certain way, that women are going to behave a certain way.

00:04:36.940 And in our current society, and in our current society, often those dimorphic, sexually dimorphic behaviors are seen as toxic.

00:04:43.640 And still, what you're saying furthermore is that toxic masculinity is actually less dangerous than toxic femininity, because toxic femininity is more likely to elevate and accept and condone an internal locus of control, and to give people a color on why we think that is so dangerous.

00:05:02.500 An internal locus of control, an internal locus of control, an internal locus of control, women with a feminine profile is more likely to have an external locus of control. 1.00

00:05:11.340 So as a recap, a locus of control being internal means when something happens in life, whether it's your fault or not, you're like, it's my fault, it's my responsibility, I need to fix it.

00:05:20.440 So if there's a mess, you clean it up.

00:05:22.540 If something bad happens, well, what are you going to do about it? 0.96

00:05:24.820 If you have an external locus of control, nothing is your fault, that happened because so-and-so was a jerk, that happened because I was given terrible circumstances, it's not fair. 0.97

00:05:33.660 Or racism, or sexism, or nothing is your fault. 0.96

00:05:37.420 And that that view, regardless of gender, is inherently very bad for a population.

00:05:43.840 Why?

00:05:44.200 Because it basically discourages you from fixing problems when they arise, because it's not my problem, it's someone else's problem.

00:05:49.800 This is mentally very damaging.

00:05:51.300 There's been a lot of research on this.

00:05:52.520 It causes more mental health issues, which again, you see much more in progressive communities than right-leaning communities.

00:05:57.740 It causes people to be less happy, less successful.

00:06:00.100 It's just all around a terrible thing.

00:06:02.280 Even when things aren't your fault, you should never internalize them as not your fault.

00:06:05.520 But we've talked about that in other videos.

00:06:07.400 Yeah, so I think what makes toxic gender dimorphism, you could say, so toxic masculinity or femininity interesting, especially today, is that now, really, like I was saying, I only really hear about toxic masculinity.

00:06:20.140 And that is a sign, again, with this idea of toxicity really being more a sign of social norms than what's actually toxic, that we have entered into a, at least like in terms of mainstream culture, a feminized culture, at least in most developed wealth.

00:06:35.040 I mean, we have a gynocracy. 1.00

00:06:36.320 Our society is incredibly feminized right now.

00:06:38.860 You're right.

00:06:39.240 And that's interesting, I mean, both because it shows some very scary signs, including a more pervasive, condoned external locus of control, but also that just, just sexually dimorphic behavior, like being masculine, is now seen as bad.

00:06:58.240 Kids of people who are energetic and who act out are now being medicated, put on tons of Ritalin and other things, or just punished for it.

00:07:07.180 And then it's just being beat out of them.

00:07:09.380 It's no surprise that we're seeing like crises of gender identity, mental health, success in life, all sorts of things.

00:07:16.340 Yeah.

00:07:16.720 Well, I mean, the biggest risk associated with all this, and I'm like, why is this so bad?

00:07:22.120 It has to do with how individuals at a biological and instinctual level relate to truth.

00:07:27.560 Women, historically speaking, and weak men, they were rewarded for relating to truth, where the things that are true are the things that are least likely to get me killed for believing. 0.90

00:07:44.140 The things that I believe are true are the most normative things within our culture and the things that will upset the minimum number of other people.

00:07:54.680 This is because women are physically much weaker than men, and there is a set of men who just adopt a mindset like this as well.

00:08:03.300 And that segment is growing due to exogenous chemicals, such as endocrine disruptors, which are making many males think more like females.

00:08:12.820 And I'm not going to go into the study again because we talk about it so much here, but just trust me, this is biologically happening in the world today.

00:08:19.260 And so women in a tribal, like ancestral context, this more female mindset was not optimized for finding truth in reality. 0.97

00:08:31.440 It was for finding the belief that was least likely to get you killed.

00:08:37.680 Whereas for masculine men, the leaders of the community historically, that correlated very strongly was what was true.

00:08:47.760 For the leaders of these historic communities that were much more hierarchical than our existing society, they actually needed to optimize for whatever was true.

00:08:57.780 When they got that truth wrong, the followers in the community, the women and the weaker men, they were better off learning to believe the wrong truth than disagreeing with the guys who could kill them.

00:09:10.360 And there's some great anthropological studies of the Ache, which is this tribe, I think in the Amazon, of what that means for a community.

00:09:18.320 Because we see in this community, the dominant men regularly killing members of the community who disagree with them or who annoy them.

00:09:25.780 So I think that people today might, we have this noble, savage archetype, when the reality is that in many of these tribal communities, the dominant males regularly kill other members of the community if they annoy them.

00:09:38.440 So this was, this was something that was really strongly selected for an ancestral context, but this creates, which we call justicalism in our book, which is a worldview that believes what is true would be the thing where the world would be the most just if it was true.

00:09:56.540 Which is a strong way of also saying the thing that is going to piss the fewest number of other groups off at you for believing.

00:10:04.180 But the problem is, is that now this has led to a society that's society-wide because we have so many dominant groups that have this sort of incredibly feminine perspective on things.

00:10:14.300 And keep in mind, both women and men can take the masculine perspective. 0.94

00:10:18.000 Just as I've said, many men end up taking a very feminine perspective.

00:10:21.880 Many women, like my wife, I think have a very masculine perspective on reality. 1.00

00:10:25.600 You do, wrong thing.

00:10:28.100 On average.

00:10:29.600 Yeah.

00:10:30.280 Yeah, your view is still way more masculine than mine, let's say.

00:10:33.800 That is true, but I think you think more like a guy than most people.

00:10:38.680 I think less like a woman than probably 90% of women. 1.00

00:10:42.220 We'll say that.

00:10:43.220 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:10:44.360 So it leads to many of these organizations collectively because they begin to take in the mindset that is best within their bureaucracies.

00:10:53.960 And the female mindset actually allows individuals to out-compete others within bureaucracies. 1.00

00:11:00.200 And that's really important as well.

00:11:02.040 Yes.

00:11:02.360 So in a world that is run by bureaucracies, especially like ossified large bureaucracies,

00:11:10.460 the feminine mindset and what we would call toxic femininity is the way you get ahead. 1.00

00:11:17.080 And because we live in an age of large ossified bureaucracies, both governmental but also private, because trust busting has become so weak, maybe it's soon to change.

00:11:28.120 We just have, maybe that's contributed, right, to the feminization of society. 1.00

00:11:32.140 Actually, I was, I am curious, people have said, for example, that female empowerment is going to be the downfall of civilization.

00:11:40.520 I mean, it could be argued that the feminization of society is a product of female empowerment. 1.00

00:11:45.760 Do you think it's that?

00:11:46.520 Or do you think it's that the organizations and the pathways to power now?

00:11:50.540 The women's rights movement, society would become more feminine as it developed these large bureaucracies. 1.00

00:11:56.920 And this is, this is why we are, we call ourselves bull moose Republicans instead of libertarians, which is we believe in trust busting just as much as, as, as we believe in small government.

00:12:07.020 Which is any large bureaucracy becomes evil over time because it compounds human evil, whether it's Google, Facebook, or the government itself.

00:12:15.480 I think it's sort of the, the, the, the, the highest virtues of humanity can only be achieved through group action within small competing organizations, not large stagnant organizations.

00:12:30.020 But as society feminizes both biologically and with women out-competing men within these larger organizations, or a feminine mindset out-competing a masculine mindset within these larger organizations, which impact our, our world culture more, we, yeah, we're beginning to see the world and a government reward large coagulations of power over, over non-coagulated power groups.

00:12:58.700 And I think that this is the core divide you have between the globalists and the nationalists.

00:13:03.560 Do you think that the world is better if it's coagulated into this giant bureaucracy?

00:13:09.480 And I'd say that we largely think, no, it's not.

00:13:12.100 It's, it's actually much worse.

00:13:14.380 And evil becomes almost an inevitability as bureaucracies reach a certain size.

00:13:19.520 Yeah.

00:13:19.900 I think another thing that's interesting about the relative danger of toxic femininity versus toxic masculinity is that, of course,

00:13:28.700 for most of human history that we've recorded at least, it has been a male-dominated world for the most part, right?

00:13:36.840 That's just clear.

00:13:37.540 Most large civilizations were, were patriarchies.

00:13:40.760 And I think, interestingly, during that time, there was not really a concept of toxic femininity.

00:13:48.700 I think you're wrong here.

00:13:50.320 So if you look at, like, Egyptian history, they had a number of collapses for a second, third period.

00:13:55.160 Yeah.

00:13:55.620 These were almost always prefaced by female pharaohs. 0.69

00:13:59.580 And that correlated really strongly with a society that was about to collapse.

00:14:04.060 You just, and again, this isn't fair.

00:14:08.120 It's not fair that this is the truth, right?

00:14:10.560 But reality isn't based on what's fair and what's not fair.

00:14:15.160 I like a world in which my daughters are able to be empowered and my wife is able to be empowered.

00:14:20.340 But I think there are ways we can realistically do that that take our biologies into account and the sociological differences between males and females into account and the differences between different females into account without just saying we need to pretend like there's no differences between males and females.

00:14:37.860 Which, thank God, with the rights of the trans movement, this is the thing I love about the trans movement, and they have forced progressives to admit that men and women are different.

00:14:47.760 Because you might forget this, but before the trans movement, the mainstream progressive ideology, and this is what the terrorists still believe, because they're on the last code of rules that the progressives had, is that men and women are exactly the same. 0.53

00:14:59.760 And we're only different because we're socialized to be different.

00:15:04.340 Hmm.

00:15:06.300 Hmm.

00:15:06.900 What?

00:15:08.680 You disagree?

00:15:12.660 I don't know.

00:15:13.780 I agree with you.

00:15:14.940 Yeah.

00:15:15.500 What would you say to men in positions in society where, like, they really do feel like they're being subject to toxic masculinity?

00:15:24.780 For example, there have been times where people have been sent to these really all-male boarding schools where they just get beat up again and again. 0.96

00:15:32.240 Like, it really sucks. 1.00

00:15:33.380 Sometimes being a male really sucks. 1.00

00:15:35.700 It just seems that kind of the way that the two sexes have evolved is that, like, men are high risk, high reward, right? 0.99

00:15:43.040 It's not that they're disposable, but they're utilized by evolution in a way where they can propagate software updates very quickly and effectively.

00:15:51.260 Where, like, when one male significantly outcompetes, he's able to just have a ton of kids with all the women and, like, quickly, quickly push his software update to a large portion of the population.

00:16:01.480 Whereas women are more like the stable, just, like, updating machines that sort of play a role in the process. 1.00

00:16:08.300 So they're not high risk, high reward.

00:16:09.940 They need to conform to the norm. 0.99

00:16:11.360 But that doesn't change the fact that being male, therefore, sucks. 0.98

00:16:15.320 Because a very small proportion of male outliers is designed to, like, inherit the future and win and do all this stuff. 0.98

00:16:20.920 But then what about the rest? 0.99

00:16:22.080 It really sucks. 0.98

00:16:22.960 And I'm not saying that historically men died at higher proportions because they went to war. 0.98

00:16:27.100 Because actually, someone pointed out in a podcast, and it, like, blew my mind, that based on some stats, women and men died in similar proportions.

00:16:35.240 It's just that women died in those proportions in childbirth, and men died in those proportions in, like, dangerous birth and war. 0.50

00:16:40.780 Well, I'll also keep in mind that if you look historically during the transition to the agricultural period, we can look at DNA evidence.

00:16:48.540 And I think it was, yeah, one man would breed for every 14 women that would breed.

00:16:54.360 So, I mean, on average, every man had 14 wives.

00:16:57.600 Every surviving sort of DNA strand.

00:16:59.560 I mean, keep in mind, that felt, like, impounded by being more successful and stuff like that. 0.96

00:17:02.480 But that means that for most of history, and still today, like, it sucks being a man. 0.53

00:17:08.460 And I could understand if we're trying to-

00:17:10.200 But you had higher selective pressures on you.

00:17:12.320 Yes.

00:17:12.840 Well, and, I mean, a lot of people don't want to play games on hard mode.

00:17:16.680 They want to play games on easy mode.

00:17:18.140 And, like, being a woman is more the bunny slopes. 1.00

00:17:21.720 Being a man is more the black diamond slope. 0.97

00:17:23.700 And not everyone likes black diamond.

00:17:25.020 So, would you say that to men who aren't the winners in the evolutionary game of life, would masculinity not to them be toxic?

00:17:34.980 I mean, it-

00:17:35.740 Well, I guess you're right.

00:17:37.000 Yeah.

00:17:37.300 I mean, look, my form of masculinity in my world perspective is an incredibly ruthless one.

00:17:43.540 I think it's an honest one.

00:17:45.520 And I think it's one that's correlated with reality very strongly.

00:17:50.080 Yeah.

00:17:50.800 But it's one to quickly say, oh, that person doesn't matter.

00:17:53.440 And the people who I'm most likely to say don't matter are often lower value males, right?

00:17:59.240 Yeah.

00:18:00.620 That's just the reality of the situation.

00:18:02.980 So, you would say that's not toxic masculinity.

00:18:06.760 That's life, right?

00:18:08.280 Like, you're just sorry.

00:18:09.280 Yeah, maybe toxic masculinity is an unfiltered view of reality.

00:18:15.740 Maybe that's the most toxic thing about it. 1.00

00:18:18.140 It's just, it sucks. 1.00

00:18:20.540 It sucks. 0.99

00:18:21.060 But I think if you're looking to create a fair society, but that is still optimal, what you need to do is have women adapt a, as they did historically, and even today, when they enter leadership roles, they adapt more masculine perspectives. 0.96

00:18:35.040 And you see this historic, like, women who have more masculine perspectives enter leadership roles at a higher rate.

00:18:40.400 And when they're in a leadership role, they adapt more masculine perspectives. 0.96

00:18:43.100 But we need to accelerate this behavior pattern.

00:18:46.240 Hmm.

00:18:47.140 Yeah.

00:18:47.860 Yeah.

00:18:48.080 Because I think that when you realize that both femininity and masculinity are, to an extent, mindsets, and some men have a feminine mindset and some women have a masculine mindset, I think we can create a fairer society that keeps our gender dimorphism in mind in terms of how it's structured.

00:19:10.180 I do think it's stupid to pretend, like, there isn't gender dimorphism in how we structure society. 0.68

00:19:15.360 Yeah. 0.96

00:19:15.720 Or to force, like, the California law, this, like, women need to be on boards at exactly the same rate as men. 1.00

00:19:22.600 And yet we know, like, this is something that's been studied.

00:19:26.300 Boards with equal gender representation perform less well economically than boards without it. 1.00

00:19:32.380 This is what I remember the consensus being the last time I looked into this issue.

00:19:36.200 But when I was going over the studies again, well, I could find a few studies, like the one referenced here, that showed that women hurt board performance. 0.97

00:19:44.540 It seemed like the majority opinion was that they had no effect.

00:19:49.360 Yeah.

00:19:49.640 Ouch.

00:19:50.840 Ouch.

00:19:51.140 So, yeah.

00:19:51.440 I think California now has a law that boards have to have a certain proportion of female members. 1.00

00:19:56.960 So they're, like, shooting themselves in the foot, which is funny.

00:19:59.940 Well, because you can't say that.

00:20:01.220 You can't say, and this is fundamentally one of our biggest disagreements with the progressive movement, is they claim to care about diversity, yet they fail to acknowledge that the value in diversity comes from the fact that we are different.

00:20:18.820 The value in diversity in men and women comes from the fact that we are different and that we're better at different things on average.

00:20:26.620 And that allows for different specializations and different ways of doing societies.

00:20:29.520 And whether you're talking about cultural groups or men and women, the value of diversity is our differences, not our similarities.

00:20:37.600 Yeah.

00:20:38.100 Yeah.

00:20:38.900 Well, okay.

00:20:39.560 So I think a viewer or listener of this podcast episode is going to assume, which also, even if they know other things about us, like, we only want to give male names to our daughters, for example.

00:20:52.340 I think a masculine mindset is better.

00:20:54.780 And I think that women with a masculine mindset outperform women with that one, because that's what the data says.

00:20:59.160 So they're going to assume that we're going to raise our kids in a hyper-masculine household.

00:21:03.100 But is that accurate?

00:21:05.080 Are you going to encourage our girls to not have any feminine aspects?

00:21:08.380 Because-

00:21:08.720 I think in a world, in the world that we're going into, in the world of the future, the feminine optimization is less and less relevant. 0.82

00:21:16.540 And I am okay with culturally coming up with a new way of psychologically being feminine.

00:21:24.240 And I think that that's possible.

00:21:26.040 And that's what we are working on.

00:21:27.520 But I think that you have to admit, and this is important, that there's a reason why men and women behave in different ways.

00:21:36.700 Yeah, historically, when you're dealing with hunter-gatherer tribe.

00:21:39.580 Yeah, but no, that hormonally and genetically, men and women are different.

00:21:43.200 And there are anecdotes that I've read in books where parents have attempted to raise their children with no gender.

00:21:49.060 No, no, no, no.

00:21:49.540 And they only give their girls.

00:21:50.200 I agree.

00:21:50.460 I'm not trying to force my daughters to be masculine, okay?

00:21:54.000 I'm trying to allow them to become like you.

00:21:57.520 I think that the iteration of femininity that you embody and are a paragon of is an iteration of femininity that both works very well with my iteration of masculinity, right?

00:22:11.460 But that is also really, really great for our current, I think, economy, environment, technology.

00:22:20.820 I think you represent sustainable femininity, and I represent sustainable masculinity.

00:22:28.280 Okay, so hold on.

00:22:29.080 This brings us, I think, to a final point in this podcast that I think is worth talking about, which is non-toxic or beneficial femininity and masculinity.

00:22:38.100 So, for example, I think, like you say, and I can completely endorse this, that your form of masculinity is quite benevolent, not toxic.

00:22:48.540 So, I can contrast this with one hyper-masculine, and I would say like genuinely, not like toxic, I'm not saying like culturally toxic, but like dysfunctional masculine household that I grew around, like they were family friends.

00:23:02.240 And I remember like both the man and the son were super macho, and I remember the son at one point being like, my mom's afraid of me.

00:23:09.980 Like it was just like that kind of masculinity that feels abusive, like woman giving my beer kind of thing. 1.00

00:23:15.460 And I think that that's an example of dysfunctional masculinity, like masculinity that's just not being done.

00:23:20.720 And this dovetails with the podcast episode we did on like, why bother being a gentleman? 0.96

00:23:25.780 Like real masculinity isn't in being a dick to people.

00:23:29.620 Real masculinity is having the grace to condescend to those weaker than you and to help them and to show them grace.

00:23:36.880 So, I think what I love about what you are already teaching our boys is that it's always fine to punch up, that they're encouraged to be defiant, to question, to be adventurous, but that they are never, ever, ever okay to punch down, to hurt someone smaller than them, to be cruel.

00:23:56.320 So, I'm okay with teaching my kids to do that, but I do worry about society that enshrines out of the value, because I think society can always recontextualize which groups have more power and which groups have less power.

00:24:06.520 Right, like, for example, look at our society right now, where they pretend like LGBT people, they're like disempowered, yet they're literally having giant parades that are supported by both the government and businesses through the center of literally every center of power in our society today. 0.62

00:24:21.640 That is not a disenfranchised group.

00:24:23.700 Similarly, like, anti-Semitism, seeing a bump, because people are like, oh, well, did the Jews have that power?

00:24:29.420 Well, and that's what the Nazis did. 0.91

00:24:30.640 When the Nazis were anti-Semitic, when the anti-Semitism, they were saying it's because the Jews control everything, and they're using that to hurt us. 0.97

00:24:38.180 Whenever a group tries to hurt another group, they always pretend like they're in positions of power to pull one over on the dumb people who are like, I want to hurt those in positions of power. 0.94

00:24:48.200 Okay, so, acknowledge that there are limitations to that. 0.69

00:24:51.020 So, I mean, I psychologically try to prime my kids with this value set, but hold on.

00:24:55.300 What I actually want to say is what I think non-toxin femininity is, which I think is very important, which is something that you embody, which I think non-toxic femininity, and really the beneficial type of femininity that I admire so much in you, is I guess what I would call like workhorse femininity.

00:25:13.160 Which is to say, it's femininity where, yes, it is submissive, but the type of submissive it is, is productive, aggressive, and indomitable.

00:25:27.580 That it is just going to, juggernaut, plow through every obstacle in its path to reach its end state, and that is what glorifies it.

00:25:38.740 That is what gives it value.

00:25:40.780 So, it is very masculine in that it is aggressive towards the problems in its lifestyle, but it's very feminine in that it is undertaking the responsibilities for the family. 0.63

00:25:53.420 And that's what I feel you do for us.

00:25:55.340 You are always there to carry all of our burdens, and you are always asking me every day, what is the thing that you dread most this day, and how can I take that from you?

00:26:06.560 And I think that this is where toxic or non-toxic masculinity and femininity pair, it's like a yin and yang, where this non-toxic femininity is, how can I take from you the things that are bothering you?

00:26:20.320 And with masculinity is, how can I protect you from the things that are bothering you?

00:26:26.720 So, it's nurturing and protecting.

00:26:29.240 Well, it's carrying the cart versus thinking ahead and removing the blocks in the road.

00:26:36.700 But yeah.

00:26:38.720 Interesting.

00:26:39.680 Any other elements of benevolent masculinity that you would like to cultivate in our kids?

00:26:45.260 Well, no.

00:26:47.600 I mean, I think the biggest thing is to remember that confidence in masculinity, the antithesis of them, is feeling the need to constantly show your dominance over others.

00:27:00.360 That dominance is something that you show, don't tell.

00:27:03.840 You show through your competence and success in the real world.

00:27:07.560 And initiative.

00:27:08.020 You show through the things you need from other people, like validation and stuff like that.

00:27:13.020 But if you are constantly out there signaling your need for validation, signaling your need for other people to see you as dominant and above them, then one, you are not dominant. 0.99

00:27:24.500 And two, you are the very weakest, most pathetic, and most disposable kind of male. 0.85

00:27:29.660 So, long story short, benevolent dominance or benevolent masculinity is confidence, initiative, and problem-solving, and benevolent- 0.99

00:27:43.060 And actionable success.

00:27:44.340 Actionable success.

00:27:45.640 And, well, I guess benevolent femininity is- 0.99

00:27:49.120 Actionable utility.

00:27:50.760 Actual, yeah, utility.

00:27:52.480 Actionable utility, actionable success.

00:27:55.040 Yeah.

00:27:55.400 Those are what the two things are.

00:27:56.920 Interesting.

00:27:57.220 A woman who is great at being a woman within this traditional context that I think you really embody is a woman who is useful to her family.

00:28:05.500 A man who is good at being a man is a man who is successful and brings his family resources and protection.

00:28:11.680 And people look at this and they say, well, you can't say that because not every man can live up to that and not every woman can live up to that.

00:28:17.060 I think, yeah, that's really interesting, right?

00:28:18.340 That when people talk about masculinity online, they're really just talking about the whole rainbow of performative signals.

00:28:25.420 And they're not just like, oh, actually, just be successful?

00:28:29.920 Because that's really hard.

00:28:31.300 Just there's all these diets online of like how to lose weight, but like actually just stop eating so much. 0.99

00:28:37.140 Yeah, just stop eating so much, you disgusting turd. 0.98

00:28:39.940 Be successful. 1.00

00:28:41.280 But yeah, but you sound like your mom.

00:28:43.340 Like, just make more money.

00:28:44.660 Just make more money.

00:28:46.620 Duh, Malcolm.

00:28:47.760 Just be more successful.

00:28:48.780 And I have loved this video.

00:28:52.040 This was so fun because you are my ideal feminine.

00:28:56.540 You, to me, are what I aspire that all of my daughters are like.

00:29:01.040 There's this country song, I think Liz something grabbed to be a lady or whatever. 1.00

00:29:04.320 And it's about a guy hoping that his daughter learns the perfect patience of his wife and everything like that.

00:29:09.220 And that's the way I feel about you.

00:29:10.920 I really hope that all of our kids, especially our daughters, learn what it is to be feminine from you because you are such an inspiration to me.

00:29:23.240 And while my position vis-a-vis my gender has put me in a position of dominance over you, I think that your level of perfection as to who you are is much higher than my level of perfection.

00:29:37.580 And it humbles me and it gives me a higher state to aspire to, to be worthy of having a wife like you.

00:29:46.180 Well, I very much believe that people become the person that their partners create.

00:29:53.460 And you're the kind of person who instills dedication and hard work because you're worth it.

00:30:01.960 Because you're that inspiring.

00:30:03.440 And I'm so glad to have met you.

00:30:04.700 You're this like fictional hero that I didn't even have the creativity to imagine would exist.

00:30:09.820 It somehow did.

00:30:10.820 And somehow you chose to choose and live your life with me.

00:30:13.720 So thanks for that.

00:30:15.320 I'm glad things are working out.

00:30:16.660 Please don't die.

00:30:17.600 And I love you very much.

00:30:19.140 I love you too.

00:30:23.100 All right.

Based Camp - September 12, 2023

Toxic Femininity vs. Toxic Masculinity

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