Based Camp - September 15, 2025


Why Women Can't Find Men in China (Yes You Read That Right)


Episode Stats

Length

46 minutes

Words per Minute

171.7467

Word Count

7,990

Sentence Count

566

Misogynist Sentences

66

Hate Speech Sentences

49


Summary

The number of marriages in China hit a record low of 6.1 million in 2015, and is on track to drop to 6.5 million by 2024. Why is this happening? Is it because women are having a hard time finding a partner, or is it because men are just not getting married anymore?


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Hello, Simone. I'm excited to be here with you today. Today, we are going to be discussing
00:00:04.000 marriage in China, which has a very interesting phenomenon in which women, now everybody knows
00:00:12.400 for a long time, you know, that China, because of the one child policy, people didn't want girls
00:00:17.820 because they couldn't carry on the family name. They couldn't, you know, take care of you as
00:00:21.460 easily when they're older, et cetera. And so they would find ways to have boys, which meant there
00:00:27.280 was a huge extra amount of boys in China. Right. So you would think the demographic that is having
00:00:34.780 trouble finding a partner is boys, right? That would be my assumption. Right. So I'll go over
00:00:43.920 how bad things actually are in the opposite direction. We will then get into the common
00:00:49.580 explanations people have, why I don't think they're good, and what a good explanation is.
00:00:54.780 Ooh. So at an event in 2025, this was a Shanghai matchmaking event. A mass matchmaking event in
00:01:01.660 Shanghai had nearly 1,000 women who paid a 601 entry fee to attend, but fewer than 50 men showed up.
00:01:11.740 Ouch. 600 women to 50 men. This just seems like a bad marketing thing though, don't you think?
00:01:17.780 No? No, because you'll see that this happens a lot. Organizers noted that when a single man did appear,
00:01:22.860 he was swarmed like a minor celebrity, with women rushing to compete for his attention.
00:01:28.320 In some cities, similar events have reported zero male attendees, despite hundreds of women waiting.
00:01:34.160 Gosh. In Shanghai, there are plenty of unmarried women coming to my matchmaking events,
00:01:39.100 but hardly any unmarried men. Nowadays, it seems that for every one Shanghai man,
00:01:43.880 there are several, or even over a dozen, women competing. And the women are really desperate.
00:01:48.620 It's not that they don't want a partner. If there are no men, how can they find one?
00:01:53.300 So now, whenever one man shows up, everyone rushes for him. This has been going on for a long time.
00:01:59.440 A few months ago, Shanghai held a rather special matchmaking event with an interesting rule.
00:02:04.600 Every woman had to pay 600 yuan, while men could attend for free. The women expected a flood of male
00:02:10.500 participants, but to everyone's surprise, nearly 1,000 women showed up, while fewer than 50 men participated.
00:02:16.440 The Gongzong Singles Fair in 2024, a government-sponsored single fair in Gongzho,
00:02:22.780 had over 800 women registered, but only 40 men attend, resulting to a 20 to 1 female to male ratio.
00:02:30.520 What is going on, especially considering the population skew?
00:02:36.300 The 20 to 25 saw women lining up to meet the few men present, with organizers noting that the men
00:02:42.460 were quote-unquote overwhelmed, and left due to the intense attention.
00:02:46.460 I can't take all these women!
00:02:48.340 No!
00:02:48.760 Do any women!
00:02:49.800 Get away!
00:02:52.440 My God.
00:02:54.220 It's raiding women.
00:02:56.440 In the Changjoo blind date market, this was in 2023, in Changjoo, a park-based matchmaking
00:03:02.340 event organized by parents saw a significant gender imbalance.
00:03:05.860 Of the 158 profiles posted, 70% were for women.
00:03:11.100 My Lord.
00:03:12.500 In Beijing's Valentine's Day event in 2024, a Valentine's Day matchmaking event in Beijing
00:03:16.840 organized by a local marriage agency drew 600 women but 25 men, making it a 24 to 1 ratio.
00:03:24.100 Now, here you might be saying, well, it's because men don't want to get married anymore in China.
00:03:31.500 All right?
00:03:32.000 So we're going to go over two polls, right?
00:03:33.960 Okay.
00:03:34.220 One poll done by the 2021 Communist Youth League survey found that 44% of Chinese women do not
00:03:41.020 plan to marry, but only 25% of men plan to not marry.
00:03:44.120 So actually, men want to get married at almost double the rate of women.
00:03:47.260 And another poll showed that around 75 to 80% of urban women under 30, oh, this one showed
00:03:55.080 women slightly higher, plan to get married compared to 60 to 70% of men.
00:03:57.900 So in some polls, you see it, but it seems that it's either around the same or men dramatically
00:04:03.580 more than women want to get married.
00:04:06.020 Sure.
00:04:06.400 So what the F is going on here, right?
00:04:09.220 Yeah.
00:04:09.920 And to give you an idea of how important this is, demographically speaking, because people
00:04:13.620 don't realize how modern this phenomenon is and how quickly things are dropping.
00:04:17.140 So in 2024, the number of registered marriages in China hit a record low since records began
00:04:22.700 in 1980, falling to 6.1 million couples, a 20% drop from 2023.
00:04:29.380 So 2023 to 2024 is a 20.5% drop.
00:04:33.580 And it's already in 2024 at less than half the number of marriages that there were in
00:04:39.280 2013.
00:04:40.600 What is happening?
00:04:41.880 And if we go sort of year by year to show how quickly this is dropping, between 2023
00:04:48.560 and 2024, you had a 20.5% drop.
00:04:51.420 Then by, what was it, H1, 2024, the first half, you had another 12.7% drop.
00:04:57.560 And in the second half, you had-
00:04:58.320 There's an acceleration taking place.
00:05:00.160 Because I just figured everyone is thinking this too.
00:05:02.660 So I'm just going to say it.
00:05:03.660 Oh, well, because for men in China, it's too expensive to get married.
00:05:07.740 But no, something new is happening.
00:05:10.140 This is new and accelerated.
00:05:10.900 Yeah, that doesn't really explain it.
00:05:12.240 So yeah, I can go and we'll read into some of the explanations.
00:05:16.080 But the first thing that everyone always says is, well, in China, there's this huge stigma
00:05:21.240 against women who are too old, right?
00:05:23.960 Or women who are, you know, women are supposed to get married young.
00:05:27.300 Yeah, what do they call leftover women?
00:05:28.600 There's supposed to be free-oriented.
00:05:29.380 Yeah.
00:05:29.680 Yes, it's a leftover woman trope.
00:05:31.060 And it's like, even if this stigma were true, okay, the high-valued men would secure, because
00:05:38.560 like, sleeping around culture in China and stuff like that, like the problems we have
00:05:42.140 in the US, this isn't really that common in China.
00:05:44.320 To give you an idea of what I mean when I say it's rare for women in China to sleep around,
00:05:48.240 one study showed that in China, for women ages 20 to 44, only 6.5% reported two or more
00:05:58.540 lifetime partners, sexual partners, that is.
00:06:01.760 Right?
00:06:02.360 Like, it's not common to just like date around and sleep around and, you know, the Chad
00:06:07.820 roller coaster, whatever thing, right?
00:06:09.880 With the Chad carousel.
00:06:11.560 The cock carousel.
00:06:13.080 Yeah, the cock carousel.
00:06:14.020 That's not what's happening in China.
00:06:16.040 So what would happen, right, if the problem was, is that men just had a preference for,
00:06:20.280 you know, younger women, is the men who were able to secure the younger woman, like the
00:06:24.540 women who are actually sane enough to secure their partner while they were still young,
00:06:27.740 would be securing these women.
00:06:29.180 But then the other men, it's not like they disappear.
00:06:32.480 For every woman not marrying, more than one man isn't marrying because there's more men
00:06:36.080 than women in China due to the reasons we talked about before.
00:06:38.980 So the men who were left over would still sort of trickle sort to these lower value older women
00:06:45.920 rather than be alone.
00:06:47.180 But they are choosing to be alone.
00:06:49.160 And then people can be like, oh, well, it's that.
00:06:51.640 And we'll talk about this because economics does play a role.
00:06:53.640 There's like, there's a lot of economic expectations on men to get married in China,
00:06:57.780 like having a house, paying the bride price, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
00:07:01.120 Yeah.
00:07:01.500 And it's like, yeah.
00:07:04.120 Except the problem isn't that women are being too snooty around these men, right?
00:07:10.380 It's not if they're swarming them at these men.
00:07:12.920 Yeah, it's that the men aren't showing up in the first place.
00:07:16.220 Oh, they're going hikikomori?
00:07:18.320 Well, no, I mean, they're just not showing up to the dating events at least, right?
00:07:21.340 Okay, yeah.
00:07:22.220 But like in general too?
00:07:23.580 If they were there, like even if they were a lower valued man,
00:07:26.320 presumably they'd have an arbitrage opportunity.
00:07:28.200 Yeah.
00:07:29.680 Totally.
00:07:30.040 So to continue here.
00:07:34.420 So into the surplus of men, they have about 30 to 35 million extra men of marrying age.
00:07:41.580 So what?
00:07:42.240 Whoa.
00:07:42.820 What is going on?
00:07:43.700 Let's go over some wrong theories, but that I think are interesting and worth throwing out there and talking through.
00:07:48.120 All right.
00:07:48.720 Chinese marriage follows strict hypergamy, marrying up in status, but it's asymmetric.
00:07:52.980 Women are expected to marry up in income and education, while men avoid marrying down to women who out-earn or out-educate them.
00:08:00.700 Urban women empowered by education and careers now demand partners who match or exceed their status,
00:08:05.100 e.g. college-educated women want a man with a house, car, and stable job.
00:08:09.100 But urban men often reject these quote-unquote strong women as unfeminine or threatening to traditional roles,
00:08:14.420 preferring younger, less ambitious partners.
00:08:16.560 A 2019 study, Journal of Comparative Economics, modeled this as equilibrium crowding out high-status women's pickiness,
00:08:24.580 plus men's aversion to status, equals leads to 20 to 30% lower marriage rates for college grads versus less-educated women in surveys.
00:08:33.000 70% of urban women said they prefer a wife earning less than them versus only 40% of women okay with earning less.
00:08:39.280 Basically, what you're getting here is just pointing out that men prefer a woman who earns less than them, right?
00:08:43.800 Yeah, which is also common in Western countries.
00:08:47.140 In Western countries, and you're not seeing the same phenomenon as exaggerated in Western countries.
00:08:51.500 So, one, it doesn't really explain it.
00:08:54.860 And two, even if this was a phenomenon, it would be that the men were showing up to these events and then getting turned down.
00:09:01.760 But that's not what we're seeing, right?
00:09:03.340 The men aren't showing up at all, right?
00:09:06.000 And when they are showing up, they're being swarmed.
00:09:08.160 So that doesn't really make sense with this theory.
00:09:10.820 Yeah.
00:09:11.120 Next, the skyrocketing economic barriers theory.
00:09:15.020 Urban marriage requires men to front massive costs.
00:09:18.200 We've talked about this before.
00:09:19.580 With buy prices averaging around $14,000 to $28,000.
00:09:23.900 And keep in mind what you earn per year in China.
00:09:25.580 So that's huge.
00:09:26.520 Plus wedding expenses.
00:09:28.220 Right.
00:09:28.520 With urban property prices up 300% since 2010 and use and employment at 15% to 20%.
00:09:33.900 Many men, especially non-elite ones, can't afford, with many women thinking you need a house in Chinese customs, to buy one and then be eligible.
00:09:42.820 Women holding 40% of urban savings but often transferring it to in-laws upon marriage amplify this by demanding financial proof of stability.
00:09:50.720 So when they get married, they send all their money to their family.
00:09:53.380 So they're like, I need you to have financial stability.
00:09:55.580 It doesn't matter for me.
00:09:56.220 Okay, yeah, this does make sense.
00:09:59.520 Yeah.
00:09:59.640 And it is true that marriage rates in China correlate inversely with housing costs where Beijing and Shanghai, only 50% of men under 30 own a property versus 80% needed for eligibility.
00:10:11.380 But anyway, people are like, okay, so why show up if they're not even going to date you?
00:10:16.840 This might make sense.
00:10:18.020 But are the women really being that picky at the events?
00:10:21.020 We'll get into this in just a second because the answer, a bit of a spoiler, it's yes, they are.
00:10:26.280 Even though you get these scenes of men lining up, like women lining up to men, you don't know what they're asking them in those lines.
00:10:33.540 And that's going to be the big reveal here, by the way.
00:10:37.140 And then the final one is the migration theory, right?
00:10:40.040 This is the gender surplus is geographic.
00:10:43.380 Rural areas have 20 to 30% more men due to women's outmigration for education slash jobs, while cities have a subtle female surplus among elites, with women being 55% of college grads in China.
00:10:54.700 But a 5% difference doesn't explain the marriage rate thing that we're seeing here.
00:10:59.480 Right.
00:10:59.960 Interesting here.
00:11:01.000 Okay, so any thoughts before I go further, Simone?
00:11:04.080 I'm just trying to see what it actually is.
00:11:06.300 Because it's, I mean, those other things are definitely a factor.
00:11:10.500 Yeah.
00:11:11.440 Also, they've been factors for a very long time.
00:11:15.620 They cannot explain this acceleration.
00:11:18.880 Exactly.
00:11:19.300 Something has changed.
00:11:20.540 So what has changed is what is happening within these marriage marketplaces, right?
00:11:28.320 Like, and it should be obvious.
00:11:29.680 Okay, the men don't want to go on dates.
00:11:32.100 They don't want to go to dating events.
00:11:34.320 Right.
00:11:34.500 It must be something that is happening in these environments that makes men not want to go, right?
00:11:40.840 So let's look at what the men are saying about their experiences.
00:11:46.080 Yes, please.
00:11:46.380 So in one viral Weibo post, a man likened it to a cattle auction, where he said,
00:11:52.740 the women asked about my salary, my house, and my car before they even asked my name.
00:11:57.120 I'm done.
00:11:57.920 At a Shandong matchmaking event, where there is 4,000 singles reported in South China Morning Post,
00:12:04.940 Wang John, a 27-year-old office worker, specified he wanted a partner without younger brothers.
00:12:10.060 He explained to organizers that he feared marrying into a family where he'd be expected
00:12:13.720 to support a male sibling financially, a common cultural expectation impactable in China.
00:12:19.020 I can barely afford my own life, he said.
00:12:21.320 How can I take on someone else's family?
00:12:24.100 Fair.
00:12:24.360 Can you imagine that, having to support your wife's younger brother?
00:12:28.100 Yeah, no thanks.
00:12:29.560 Are they all passport-broing?
00:12:32.080 A lot of them are, which we'll talk about in a second, but not as much.
00:12:34.880 More women actually leave China.
00:12:36.520 Like, it's one of the countries.
00:12:37.360 Remember when we did our episode on, like, how the incels are stealing all the women from other countries?
00:12:40.680 Yeah.
00:12:40.900 China is one of the countries where, if you look at migrants out of China,
00:12:44.620 more of them are women than men, which likely means passport-broing is a large thing that's
00:12:49.100 happening, but in the opposite direction.
00:12:50.660 Finally, let's take a look at a high-quality unmarried man from Shanghai and why he still
00:12:55.440 hasn't found his other half.
00:12:59.380 Do you see that man?
00:13:02.440 He's been on over 30 blind dates, and every single one has ended in failure.
00:13:06.980 Some netizens found it strange, saying,
00:13:08.820 He's quite handsome. What kind of economic condition must he have for him to be unable
00:13:12.820 to find a partner?
00:13:14.160 A representative from the marriage agency explained,
00:13:16.700 That's not the case at all. He's a local Shanghainese, born in 1992, employed in a state-owned
00:13:21.860 enterprise, and earns over 300,000 yuan a year. He's about 1.75 meters tall, pretty average,
00:13:28.400 and even has some savings.
00:13:30.400 She went on to say,
00:13:31.380 Many girls actually liked him, but the man had his own ideas. He has 10 types of qualities he
00:13:36.440 won't accept. He said,
00:13:38.140 If you can meet my requirements, then I can seriously start a relationship with you with
00:13:41.780 the aim of marriage. But if you don't, I'm sorry. Dating is fine, but marriage is out of the
00:13:46.360 question. Netizens then asked,
00:13:48.600 What are his requirements?
00:13:49.560 1. He doesn't want a girl who smokes, drinks, gambles, has tattoos, or wears heavy makeup.
00:13:56.140 2. He doesn't want someone who dresses in a bizarre manner. For example, a girl who in
00:14:01.000 broad daylight wanders around in cosplay. 3. He doesn't want someone who values pet rights
00:14:06.260 over human rights. 4. He doesn't want someone who excessively posts beautified photos or selfies
00:14:11.720 with heavy filters on social media. 5. He doesn't want someone who lives paycheck to paycheck.
00:14:17.060 6. He doesn't want someone who is overly competitive or overly concerned with comparisons.
00:14:22.980 7. He doesn't want a girl who goes clubbing, especially those wearing see-through outfits
00:14:27.640 and still shaking it at bars 3 or 4 in the morning. 8. He doesn't want someone who lacks a sense of
00:14:32.940 boundaries. For instance, being overly familiar with men who are already in relationships or having
00:14:38.000 male best friends. 9. He doesn't want someone who is not filial to her parents. 10. He doesn't want
00:14:44.380 someone who expects the man to do everything while contributing nothing herself. Netizens
00:14:48.620 responded,
00:14:49.100 10. These 10 requirements are very normal. I thought they'd be something else.
00:14:53.480 The matchmaker added,
00:14:54.680 Believe it or not, when he presented these 10 requirements at the matchmaking corner,
00:14:58.620 he ended up being surrounded by girls hurling insults at him. They called him an average guy
00:15:03.140 with overblown confidence and told him to look in the mirror. I was really puzzled because it seemed
00:15:08.000 like plenty of girls there actually met those 10 requirements.
00:15:11.300 Okay.
00:15:11.740 So, at a Shanghai matchmaking event, a 27-year-old male attendee, Cheng Wei, described the experience.
00:15:19.260 He approached several women only to be asked immediately about his income, car ownership,
00:15:22.960 and whether he had a Shanghai hokoi. I guess that means like home.
00:15:29.040 One woman, a 29-year-old marketing manager, reportedly dismissed him after learning he rented
00:15:33.860 rather than owned his apartment, saying, quote,
00:15:36.120 Why are you here if you can't afford a home? End quote.
00:15:39.680 Cheng felt humiliated and stopped attending these events. He said,
00:15:43.780 These women act like they're shopping for a car, not a husband.
00:15:47.000 Yeah, no kidding. This is horrible.
00:15:49.240 A lot of this may actually come downstream of how few sexual partners Chinese women have.
00:15:55.780 When you have only 6.5% of the population having slept with somebody else,
00:15:59.600 you have a population that is extremely guarded in who they sleep with and how they date,
00:16:04.720 looking for an extremely high-value male.
00:16:08.020 And essentially what you're seeing here is what happens when you have what I think
00:16:13.320 what a lot of Western men wish we had, which was overly guarded females about who they sleep with.
00:16:19.500 When women become overly guarded and that becomes a norm within a culture,
00:16:22.840 you get a cultural norm everywhere around being incredibly prudish,
00:16:27.900 even in terms of who you might marry.
00:16:30.000 Right. At a Beijing's single fair, this is 2024, the straight time.
00:16:34.800 So keep in mind, this is all like really modern that this is happening and concurrent with all of this stuff.
00:16:38.280 Yeah.
00:16:38.660 During a government-sponsored dating event, one 30-year-old engineer,
00:16:41.860 so like a good guy who you should want, right?
00:16:44.740 He spoke to a 28-year-old lawyer who listed her requirements within three minutes.
00:16:48.300 A man earning at least $30,000 a month, or $4,200, owning a car, willing to support her and her parents financially.
00:16:56.300 Ah!
00:16:58.100 When he admitted he only earned half that $2,100 a month, which is still a very decent salary,
00:17:04.360 she walked away mid-conversation saying,
00:17:06.640 sorry, I don't have time to waste.
00:17:08.380 Well, I don't care. I would have walked away if I were him because I'm not supporting anyone.
00:17:11.880 No, she walked away.
00:17:13.280 I know she walked away.
00:17:14.220 I would have walked away if I were him. I would have been glad she walked away if I couldn't,
00:17:18.620 I didn't have the energy from being so shocked by her demands.
00:17:21.180 He says, women are, we're unreasonably picky, expecting millionaires only.
00:17:25.240 You know, I feel like to an extent we get this in the United States,
00:17:27.720 it's just that women aren't as transparent or as fast to voice what they're really looking for.
00:17:32.240 And so you get a little too much pussing around before they're like,
00:17:35.240 actually, I'm only interested in millionaires.
00:17:37.380 I suppose. I just, it would seem then that women and men are
00:17:43.900 culturally unable to marry in China if they are adhering to normative cultural standards.
00:17:52.560 That this is a culture that has rendered itself, sterilized itself completely non-viable
00:18:01.220 from a marriage market standpoint. That is insane.
00:18:05.960 Yeah.
00:18:06.480 What are they going to do? I mean, can the, can the government intervene?
00:18:13.800 Can the government say, sorry, we're not doing this anymore.
00:18:16.640 Like your family is, cannot expect to be supported by your daughter's husband.
00:18:23.600 This isn't happening anymore.
00:18:26.860 Yeah.
00:18:27.980 I mean, but they're still going to expect it.
00:18:30.540 What would you do? What would you do if you were Xi Jinping?
00:18:34.160 Let's keep going here, by the way.
00:18:35.720 Okay.
00:18:37.080 Tantan dating app encounter. So let's say, okay, not just the marriage markets,
00:18:40.680 you got dating apps as well.
00:18:41.860 Yeah.
00:18:42.320 A 32-year-old delivery driver, Zhang Bo, shared his experience on the dating app Tantan
00:18:47.360 with Channel News Asia. He matched with a 27-year-old office worker and after a brief chat,
00:18:52.540 asked for his WeChat to see his quote-unquote moments, social media posts to gauge his lifestyle.
00:18:57.400 When Wang Zhou shared photos of his modest apartment, she responded, quote,
00:19:01.320 you live like that? I need someone with ambition, end quote.
00:19:04.700 Zhang felt her tone was, quote-unquote, condescending and stopped messaging her.
00:19:08.580 He noted that many women on apps, quote, act superior, focusing only on wealth or status,
00:19:13.420 which made him feel like a failure and quit online dating.
00:19:17.020 Yeah, I would too. It's horrible. That's horrible.
00:19:20.540 I absolutely refuse leftover women over 30. This one's already 32.
00:19:26.860 Why on earth would I marry her?
00:19:29.760 A reporter asks, but aren't you 35? She's three years younger than you,
00:19:33.960 and I've seen that her job is very stable. The man replied,
00:19:37.680 I haven't been unfamiliar with leftover women in my life. Let me tell you,
00:19:41.500 leftover women over 30 all share six common flaws.
00:19:45.140 The reporter asked him to elaborate. The young man explained,
00:19:48.180 First, having seen the world when they were young, they develop sky-high standards and feel that no
00:19:56.660 one is good enough for them. Second, even though their looks have already started to decline,
00:20:01.420 they still live in the glory of their youth, casually dismissing any man as ugly or unattractive.
00:20:07.280 Third, their fertility is on the downturn, so having children in the future may be difficult.
00:20:12.120 Fourth, their personalities are generally hard to get along with. If they were more amiable,
00:20:17.400 someone would have already swept them off their feet. Fifth, it's not about love at all. It's all
00:20:22.260 a transaction. They immediately start negotiating conditions with you, asking about your car,
00:20:27.620 house, salary, and even whether your parents have a pension. It's all calculated.
00:20:32.880 Six, if they once had a decent boyfriend, they use the standards they set for their ex
00:20:37.120 when choosing the next one, insisting that the new guy must be even better.
00:20:42.060 Have they ever thought that if their ex was so good to them, why didn't they marry him?
00:20:46.360 The reporter then commented that the young man's views were too absolute, saying,
00:20:51.180 So you think that all unmarried women over 30 have problems? But you're 35 and still single.
00:20:56.100 Doesn't that suggest you might have problems too? The young man answered,
00:20:59.760 If I have problems, I dare to admit them. But would she dare to admit hers?
00:21:03.440 Another dating event that had 800 women and 40 men, a 29-year-old salesman. So this is one of the
00:21:09.780 good ones, right? Talked about the encounter and said it made him bitter. A 30-year-old accountant
00:21:15.000 asked him to list his assets within the first five minutes of talking. When he mentioned he was still
00:21:20.580 saving for a home, she laughed and said, Good luck finding someone with those prospects before moving
00:21:25.720 to another man. So this is at an event where this woman realized there are 40 men and 800 women.
00:21:36.660 She goes to one of the 40 men in one of these lines and her first thing is list your assets. And then
00:21:43.180 she laughs at him.
00:21:47.460 Yeah, the level of insanity. When you're in a beggar, you're in the beggar position. You know,
00:21:57.020 beggars can't be choosers. I can't understand this. Are men and women, do you think, super culturally
00:22:03.620 isolated where they cannot understand how insane they sound? Because I feel like most people should
00:22:12.300 understand this, right?
00:22:13.340 Well, so keep in mind, in China, most of your friends are going to be of your family network
00:22:18.660 because you have much more, like, closer family ties. And so they may not be as, like, and then in
00:22:25.320 social settings, because, you know, it's easy to gender segregate, they really may just not have
00:22:31.420 many male friends outside their families who can correct their expectations. And family members,
00:22:36.400 because they want to be supported, right? They're going to be pushing it.
00:22:39.340 They're like, yeah, get your bag, girl.
00:22:41.080 Get your bag, girl, right? You know, that's, that's...
00:22:44.200 That makes sense. Yeah. If you're only friends or your brother who also would love the idea of
00:22:49.780 you marrying someone who pays for his video game Hikikomori lifestyle.
00:22:55.040 Yeah. Of course he's going to be like, hey, yeah, no, of course this is the right thing to do.
00:22:58.740 Yeah. He would be dumb to not. Yeah. He is, he is, he doesn't lose anything for her not marrying
00:23:03.420 and he has a lot to gain for her marrying someone who does that, who signs up for that scam.
00:23:09.540 Is they're not making a mistake? Like they're actually being really shrewd in their dating
00:23:13.620 in terms of listing what they expect from a partner and then quickly moving on when a partner
00:23:19.200 doesn't have that, right? Like that's really important. That's what I did when I'm dating.
00:23:23.340 That's what I always recommend that people do when dating. Go out, tell people what you're looking for.
00:23:26.880 Yeah. But also the, the, the, the, the secondary part here is you need to adjust
00:23:31.360 your expectations based on the market dynamics.
00:23:35.160 Yeah. They, they don't seem to be responding to feedback. Maybe they don't have a shot at
00:23:43.380 feedback considering how few men are even.
00:23:45.920 I just don't like before I go first, I just don't see how you could be in an event with 800 women,
00:23:50.700 40 men look around, like be in a line to talk to one of these men, see all of these women
00:23:58.060 clamoring over these men. Right. Yeah. And then not be like, I am the one on the back foot here.
00:24:07.180 It's, it's, it's, it's women have, have become a way in this country where nobody wants us,
00:24:12.760 right? Like more broadly, it's her wider category of human that is uninteresting to these men.
00:24:21.380 The rest of this matchmaking scene turned into a textbook example.
00:24:24.860 Today, a couple came into our agency for a blind date. After they sat down, the man immediately
00:24:33.260 asked a woman, how much do you earn per month? She said, a bit over 8,000 yuan. Then the man said,
00:24:39.200 your family must be quite well off, right? The woman replied, just average. My parents are ordinary.
00:24:44.660 The man then asked, have you bought a house? She answered no. After hearing that, the man said,
00:24:49.460 then let's not talk any further. I've got something to do. The young woman was a bit baffled and said,
00:24:54.300 you start by asking about my income. Are you really here for a blind date? The man responded,
00:24:59.700 it's not like that. I just think we're not a good match. So let's not waste our time.
00:25:03.860 Then the woman asked, what exactly is wrong with us? The man replied, if you really want to know,
00:25:09.100 I'll tell you. As soon as I walked in, I noticed your bag costs tens of thousands of yuan,
00:25:13.720 yet your salary is only about 8,000. Moreover, you're renting a shared apartment, perhaps,
00:25:18.900 where the rent is about 1,000, food costs about 1,500, and utilities plus other
00:25:24.020 expenses add up to roughly 1,000. And on top of that, you still have to buy clothes. Honestly,
00:25:29.440 your clothes aren't cheap either. So can you really manage to save 1,000 yuan a month? I'd say
00:25:34.140 even 1,000 yuan is too much for you to save. Given all that, the only possible explanations for you
00:25:39.100 having a bag worth tens of thousands of yuan are these. Either someone gifted it to you, in which
00:25:44.100 case, why would they give you such an expensive bag? Or you bought it on credit. Am I supposed to
00:25:49.080 help you pay it off? Or third, the bag is fake. If you can't afford the real thing,
00:25:53.460 then there's no need for you to buy one. But insisting on buying a fake just doesn't sit
00:25:57.460 right with me. The young woman, clearly indignant, said, can't I just save up for a year or two and
00:26:02.660 buy a bag I really like? The man replied, if you're scrimping every month just to buy that bag,
00:26:07.500 then we're even less compatible. And then the young woman almost burst into tears from anger.
00:26:11.780 By the way, I gotta say, I agree with the man's shrewdness in this particular story.
00:26:16.280 I think that this was the right approach. People who like luxury items can make your life miserable
00:26:23.960 really, really quickly. And who will, because if she is going through periods of austerity to get a
00:26:34.260 luxury item like this, she's going to demand that you do the same because she has a taste for this
00:26:40.420 sort of stuff. Whereas a sane person is just like, it's just a bag. Like, why would I want that
00:26:45.540 except to signal to other people or to myself that I am X type of person? And if you need to signal
00:26:51.960 that to yourself, you're going to need to do that throughout your entire life. And you're going to
00:26:55.540 need more and more to do that. If you want to go through some other theories here, which I think
00:27:00.420 are closer to accurate, we have the lying flat theory. Urban men are increasingly rejecting marriage
00:27:06.660 itself, not just events due to changing values. The rise of lying flat and anti-consumerist movements
00:27:13.020 among youth reflects disillusionment with traditional milestones like marriage, which is seen as a
00:27:18.200 financial and emotional burden. Women, despite embracing independence, 44% don't plan to marry,
00:27:23.900 still face stronger social pressure to wed, driving them to events. And that might be another thing that
00:27:29.920 we're seeing at these events. Oh, they don't actually want to get married. They don't actually want to or
00:27:33.920 plan to get married. They're sort of forced to be there. And so they don't mind walking around and
00:27:37.560 insulting men at these events. Oh, that could explain these insane demands.
00:27:45.260 Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they make more sense as insane demands of someone who
00:27:49.900 would be happy to live alone anyway. But sure, if someone's going to pay for this and that and the
00:27:56.420 other thing, I guess I'll get married. But then if not, yeah, no interest. That totally makes sense.
00:28:03.920 Event accessibility and design. So this is another problem that they don't often talk about in these
00:28:08.980 articles where they complain about these events. Matchmaking events are often structured in ways
00:28:13.260 that determine men. For example, high entry fees like 600-1 in Shenzhen, strict screening,
00:28:19.780 e.g. income and education. So you can't even get any of your looking uses as an arbitrage opportunity.
00:28:24.120 Wow. Or public formats, e.g. parents posting profiles, which favor women who are more
00:28:28.720 willing to pay slash invest due to social stigma. Men, especially non-elites, see these as elitist
00:28:35.100 or rigged status competitions. Yeah. Well, and I could imagine someone thinking in principle when
00:28:41.680 setting these events up, well, we have men must be more desperate because there are many more men
00:28:47.960 than women. Therefore, we will charge them more. And not really understanding, not reading the room
00:28:53.340 and then charging them a lot more. Yeah. Well, I think, I mean, you can continue to charge if women
00:28:59.520 fail to see that they are the problem. Right? Like, and this is civilization ending for China with their
00:29:08.060 current fertility rate. Right? Like, this is astronomically bad. It appears that where you're
00:29:14.260 only getting strong marriage rates is in rural regions where you have the less technologically
00:29:18.080 and economically productive populations of China, which is going to eventually bring China back to
00:29:22.900 its previous poverty. Right? If those are the only cultures within China that continue to breed.
00:29:27.580 Especially if everyone was in these rural environments who gets educated, moves to cities,
00:29:32.020 which then act as fertility grinders, which creates a dysgenic, i.e. it rewards and well, I'll put it the
00:29:39.360 other way. It punishes the genes that lead to higher educational attainment and higher income attainment.
00:29:45.100 And ambition and risk-taking a lot of the things that help countries become wealthy. Yes.
00:29:50.540 Yeah. How would I fix this in China? I mean, I think one thing that could easily be done to fix this
00:29:56.760 and would be cohesive with China's ancestral culture is to move to a polygynous marriage style
00:30:05.220 where wealthy Chinese men marry multiple women. If women just aren't going to consider men who aren't
00:30:12.060 wealthier than them, then what you should do is have, you know, two to three women for every one
00:30:17.480 of these wealthy men and they'll be able to support the additional kids anyway. So they're likely to
00:30:21.340 have even more kids. Outside of emperors having lots of courtesans, was that common with other
00:30:25.940 wealthy Chinese men historically? I can try to check in a post. Here is what Grok has to say.
00:30:32.000 Polygamy is particularly a man having multiple wives was common in Chinese history,
00:30:36.360 especially among the elite. In ancient China, from the Shang to the Zhao, this was 1600 to B.C.E.,
00:30:45.840 to 256 B.C.E. dynasties, kings and nobles often had multiple wives and concubines to secure alliances,
00:30:52.280 produce heirs, and display wealth. The practice was codified in Confucian texts, which emphasized
00:30:57.040 family hierarchy and male authority. For example, the Book of Rights outlined rules for men of different
00:31:02.820 ranks to have a primary wife, Qi, and a secondary wife for concubines, Kuei. During the Han and Tang
00:31:10.940 dynasties, polygamy remained widespread among emperors, aristocrats, and wealthy merchants.
00:31:16.180 Emperors maintained large harems, sometimes in the thousands of concubines. The Song and Ming
00:31:22.460 dynasty, so we've gone from 206 B.C.E. now to 1644 B.C.E., they saw stricter social norms, but
00:31:30.540 polygamy persisted among the gentry. A man could take any additional wife or concubine for reasons like
00:31:36.600 producing male heirs or enhancing status. By the 19th to 20th centuries, Western influence had reduced
00:31:43.100 this.
00:31:44.580 Yeah, I mean, you know, in like the dramas, of course, it only shows up like within the walls of
00:31:48.880 the Forbidden Palace. So, I don't know.
00:31:52.540 But that could be an option and would be cohesive potentially with Chinese sort of ancestral ethics.
00:32:01.180 Not what I would prefer for my kids, not what I would opt for my family, but, you know, I'm going
00:32:06.700 to be honest, it seems more realistic adopting to a culture where males take multiple wives than
00:32:12.140 adopting to a culture where women expect less of men. Because that's hard to do, right? And the other
00:32:17.880 positive thing about moving to this system is it would have positive genetic effects instead of
00:32:21.680 dysgenic effects.
00:32:22.800 Yeah.
00:32:23.860 Because the men was the strongest gene, like more men would wash out of the gene pool, which would cause
00:32:29.080 social disharmony, which isn't great, but you already have that degree of social disharmony.
00:32:34.400 And social disharmony matters less if it's coming from the least economically relevant players in
00:32:40.640 society. Social disharmony matters more when it's coming from larger economically relevant players.
00:32:46.280 Right. Because that's where the state's going to feel the hit.
00:32:49.820 It's all about what's happening with the money bags.
00:32:53.720 The other option is, very obvious option is ban. You could create a government regulations that make
00:33:02.380 it harder to move up and stuff like that if you're not married, just putting higher pressure on
00:33:06.000 marriage, right? Or heavy taxes if you're unmarried after a certain age or something like that,
00:33:12.480 which really forces the question.
00:33:14.320 The next is to change cultural expectations about what happens within married, i.e.
00:33:18.960 governments banning bride prices and taking care of the elderly.
00:33:22.320 Yeah, that's what I was thinking. But then again, they kind of need someone to take care of the
00:33:25.440 elderly, considering that they're not going to be able to.
00:33:28.180 Well, the government does have its murder van for people who break the law that they did that
00:33:32.340 ad for that we've shown in a previous video where they drive around and they're like,
00:33:35.380 if you break the law, we'll come to your house and we'll just euthanize you in a van.
00:33:39.340 Yeah, maybe they can do what Canada did with their euthanasia program, just with their mobile vans.
00:33:45.520 Do it for the elderly, right?
00:33:47.260 Get up a notch.
00:33:48.700 Yeah. The moment you run out of money as an elderly individual, the murder van comes to
00:33:53.460 your house. That's what China can do. And that's not out of feasibility for China.
00:33:58.040 When I was living in China for 10 years, I mean, I knew that there were death vans in China,
00:34:03.160 but it was always one of those dark things that lived in conversation, not necessarily in real
00:34:09.600 life. But China's death vans or execution vans, these cars that just show up and execute you
00:34:17.220 for stuff that I'll explain to you later, and they take you away forever. They're real.
00:34:22.780 They're very, very real. The crazy thing is that they want their citizens to know about the vans
00:34:31.260 and they really, really want them to feel scared. I'm not kidding. Not only does this death van pull
00:34:37.220 up and take your life, it's being promoted. They probably do it in some more discreet way or say
00:34:42.460 that like you're doing your civic duty or something. The other thing that they could do is ask women to
00:34:47.960 be less picky and find a way of socially punishing women who act like this at events or who think like
00:34:55.520 this, right? Like women should feel embarrassed to have these types of expectations in the way that
00:35:02.040 in the United States, there has been a big campaign basically to make women embarrassed about having
00:35:06.420 these expectations through, you know, huge amounts of YouTube videos that go into this and stuff like
00:35:11.040 that. I mean, you've seen this, right? Like you would know in the U S because even as a woman,
00:35:15.040 you're going to be exposed to some amount of like red pill, MGTOW content. And you're going to be
00:35:18.840 like, Oh, I don't want to be like one of those idiot women who they like interview outside of a club
00:35:23.420 who, you know, have completely insane financial expectations and all want a guy who's six foot
00:35:28.660 or whatever. But anyway, thoughts. I think all those are feasible. I do think that if, if someone tried
00:35:35.100 to regulate things like bride prices and expectations around paying off family members, people would just
00:35:41.420 circumvent that, you know, I feel like there's, there's some stuff you can't really outlaw people
00:35:47.040 will do it anyway. You, we might just need to skip a step and have China just start to make children
00:35:55.120 of the state in a way it's, it's, they're better off for it because they're 100% their kids, they can
00:36:04.040 raise them fully indoctrinated. They already have experience building infrastructure where they own
00:36:10.320 people and educate them in camps with the Uyghurs, for example, they would just do this and
00:36:18.140 presumably be a little nicer, but maybe they don't feel like they have to be. But I feel like given
00:36:24.040 this additional information, I thought China might wait a while to do that. But now I feel like it's
00:36:30.000 getting to a point where it may make sense for them to just offer women, you know, gestational
00:36:38.560 surrogacy payment and then just take the babies and raise them as a state, as a state. Yeah.
00:36:47.380 Yeah. And then you could better, they have dormitories, they have schools, they train them
00:36:50.920 for whatever jobs. I mean, because then as the state, you will be able to shift your education
00:36:55.760 system on a dime for, for your state children to educate them for whatever it is you need as the
00:37:03.760 global economy shifts. So if suddenly you need more people who are really good with energy
00:37:07.760 infrastructure, immediately you are shifting all the schooling.
00:37:12.920 Yeah. They grew up energy is everything. You know, they, they, you grew up being trained to be an
00:37:17.700 engineer from a young age, right? Like, yeah, you just have so much more control. And I think
00:37:21.260 ultimately China wants that level of control over its citizens. Why not just, I mean, this,
00:37:28.620 this kills several birds with one stone. Uh, and I feel like that could, your dystopian solutions.
00:37:34.860 I love it. Well, I'm just thinking about what would actually work to maintain stability in the
00:37:40.520 country. Yeah. Well, I mean, I think one of the things is, is for generations across almost every
00:37:47.680 human society, women have done a service for the state for free, which is having and raising kids.
00:37:55.300 Yeah. And I mean, this would just be making it fair, you know, we're, we will pay you
00:37:59.940 to be a gestational carrier and then to give your child to the state and we will give your child.
00:38:06.820 But the point I'm making here is that I think that people haven't realized how twisted it is for the
00:38:12.660 state to expect individuals within a country to bear the cost of both risking your life to have the
00:38:21.820 next generation of taxpayers. And then you investing and raising the next generation of
00:38:26.700 taxpayers when they expect to reap the rewards of that. Yeah. It, it, it makes sense for the family
00:38:35.860 to take on the burden when the family reaps most of the reward at this point. And this is an
00:38:42.140 interesting thing. I haven't really thought about this way before, but you pointed out something
00:38:46.680 really big. What has also shifted after the industrial revolution and especially with the
00:38:51.800 rise of social services and like the, a largely socialized state is that now the government reaps
00:39:01.340 the vast majority of the benefit from new people being created. That's crazy. Yeah. Because what do
00:39:10.360 parents get in the United States? You don't get old age care. You don't get workers. You get the,
00:39:16.280 you get the satisfaction of watching your children flourish, which now is happening at lower and lower
00:39:21.240 rates because youth is struggling. So I know as a parent, you usually get workers for the farm.
00:39:27.800 You used to get a little person you could send to a factory who'd work for you. And then you had old age
00:39:31.880 care and you had old age care, right? None of that exists anymore. And the main benefit of having kids is
00:39:38.240 the state, the main beneficiary. Yeah. I didn't consider that, but you're absolutely right. Yeah.
00:39:41.660 My God. Yeah. So then China is going to have to just create it. I mean, when, when the primary
00:39:48.280 beneficiary, yeah, I guess in the end, in, in most economies, it has to be the person who wants the
00:39:55.300 product pays for the product. And we see an economic failure here when the thing that wants the product
00:40:02.520 is unwilling to pay for it. And, and obviously now the product is, is, is going out of stock.
00:40:10.880 No one's making it anymore because you know, no one's willing to pay for it, I guess.
00:40:16.560 That's huh. Wow. Well, that changes the way I look at things, but yeah, that's, that's what I would
00:40:21.940 do. If I were Xi Jinping, I would already be looking to where I'm going to set up the dormitories,
00:40:27.520 the schools, the infrastructure, it's all there. I mean, I'm sure there are regions that you think
00:40:32.460 like Xi Jinping and you go at this, like a, an autistic woman where it's like, if I was Xi
00:40:39.220 Jinping, well, I just demand that I have to impregnate every woman in the country who doesn't
00:40:43.740 get married. I'd go the Elon strategy, right? I don't know. I don't know where the state would
00:40:48.680 source sperm. I imagine they would just choose like whatever, by whatever measure, like really
00:40:55.960 high performing men. They wouldn't even need necessarily to pay them for it. Cause I think
00:41:02.020 men would just be like, this is great. They need to pay the women, but yeah, we don't need
00:41:08.560 to wait for artificial wombs for this to be something that especially the Chinese state
00:41:13.160 would do at scale. You could just take a region that's rapidly depopulating, take over its
00:41:20.020 entire hospital, make the entire thing for maternity. Yeah. Anyway.
00:41:27.380 All right. Happy spectacular day, Simone.
00:41:30.360 I love you, Malcolm. Oh my gosh, China.
00:41:33.960 China is effed. Is like genuinely effed.
00:41:37.040 It's terrifying.
00:41:39.180 Congratulations on RFAB.
00:41:41.420 Yeah, RFAB.ai. If anybody wants to check it out now, it used to be like a terrible site
00:41:45.340 in terms of what we were putting together.
00:41:47.300 Well, come on.
00:41:48.140 And then I got...
00:41:50.020 But no, it was not like fun to play around with. Like a bunch of things are broken.
00:41:54.640 Now I got... I was like, you know what? I'm going to try to learn to vibe code. I'm going
00:41:58.800 to try to push this project forward as fast as I can. After like two weeks of working on
00:42:03.180 it, you'd say, Simone, while I was traveling, while we were shooting with HBO, I was able
00:42:08.820 to, it was a huge help from Bruno, get a really, I think, sort of high quality AI chat adventure
00:42:14.200 thing out. So if people want to check that out now, it'll get better every week.
00:42:17.740 And it's a lot better, I would just say than any of the other mainstream AI chat apps you'd
00:42:25.660 had me try. So I'm impressed. Even at this early stage, if you want a better one, just
00:42:32.960 go try this out.
00:42:34.940 The two sections that are really working well are the adventure mode and the not safe for
00:42:37.860 work mode. So try that out. The adventure mode is the one that we've put the most time
00:42:41.680 into. So try it out. Anyway. But so really, like when you checked it out, did you check
00:42:49.760 out like the narrative engine maker and stuff like that yet?
00:42:51.940 I haven't tried that. I only, I only tried the, the like pre-made.
00:42:56.580 It basically allows you to create like complicated multi-pass AI engines for more complicated types
00:43:02.460 of scenarios that you wanted to make yourself.
00:43:04.100 That is delightful.
00:43:04.860 Which I think is really fun as a, as sort of a, a concept for people to play around
00:43:09.660 with.
00:43:10.520 Yeah, no, it is, it is objectively fantastic. I love it.
00:43:15.660 Actually, I just had an idea for a feature. I want to add pair engine with scenario for
00:43:26.220 more complicated scenarios.
00:43:27.560 I plan to make one for like battles and stuff like that, which I'll put together and one
00:43:33.260 for like city management so we can have different types of AIs running on it, which I'm quite
00:43:36.360 excited about. But yeah, things move so fast when I'm the one being in the grunt work, right?
00:43:42.900 It's pretty freaking great.
00:43:44.840 Well, yeah, I, I love that I have a new skill. I can code now. That's awesome.
00:43:49.460 Anyway.
00:43:52.280 Torsten, did you just say, come down and try to hurt daddy?
00:43:54.920 Why do you want to hurt daddy?
00:43:58.780 Because it's funny.
00:44:01.400 Do you know that people think that I hurt you, Toasty? People think daddy hurts you?
00:44:08.100 Why do you think they think that?
00:44:10.120 Because you want to hurt me, because it's so funny.
00:44:17.120 And you hurt me, so I'm hurting you and it's so funny.
00:44:21.740 Okay. And you're going to try to hurt me too, Titan, now?
00:44:24.160 What are you doing? You really, ow!
00:44:32.340 That's hard, ah!
00:44:36.260 No, wait, Titan, we're just trying to have a conversation here.
00:44:40.540 Ow, my God!
00:44:43.600 Torsten, why?
00:44:46.080 E2, Torsten?
00:44:50.480 Ow!
00:44:51.880 Ow, my God!
00:44:52.980 Why do you want to hurt me, Titan?
00:44:57.900 Ow!
00:44:58.560 You hurt me too.
00:44:59.820 Ow!
00:45:00.900 Oh, my God, that hurts!
00:45:04.760 You're a maniac!
00:45:08.040 Everybody, oh, my God, ow!
00:45:13.080 Who taught you that?
00:45:14.480 Titan, what are you doing?
00:45:23.800 You maniac!
00:45:24.320 You're going to try to hurt me too.
00:45:29.000 All right, oh!
00:45:33.480 Titan!
00:45:35.320 Wah!
00:45:36.260 Wah!
00:45:40.400 Oh, beaten you up, Titan!
00:45:42.860 Oh, my gosh, that hurts so bad, Tessie.
00:45:57.300 No!
00:45:58.780 You can't jump from there, you will certainly die!
00:46:00.980 No!
00:46:01.340 Thank you.