10 Things YOU Should Know BEFORE Choosing A HUSBAND ｜｜ Time for a wife talk!
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Summary
In this episode, we re talking about 10 things you should know about the guy you re looking for in a potential husband. Dating for a husband is a lot more complicated than dating for fun. You re not just looking for someone to spend your life with, but someone who you could spend an entire lifetime with. And that s why it s so hard to find a husband.
Transcript
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Hello, Classic Crew, and welcome to today's video where we're going to be talking about
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10 things you should know when finding a husband.
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So I think we can all agree that dating for marriage is hard. It's complicated specifically
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because you are looking for someone to spend your entire life with. You are looking for someone who
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shares your values, who shares life goals, who you could see spending an entire lifetime with.
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And this is why it's harder than just dating for fun. When you're dating for fun, all you're looking
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for is chemistry. You're just looking for someone who fits with you and who you like hanging out with
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and who you have a good time with, and then when you're two years down the road and you haven't
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answered any of the big questions that would determine if you guys can actually stay together,
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that's when things get hard. But initially, when you're dating for fun, it's not nearly as complicated
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as when you're dating for marriage because you're not asking the big questions. You're not thinking
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long term. So what ends up happening, of course, when you're dating for fun is that you have the big
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sad and messy breakups when people have all of the emotions tied in but haven't really dealt with
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the compatibility part of their relationship, only the chemistry stuff. But when you're dating for
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marriage, things are different. You're looking for someone who you could marry. You're looking for a
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husband, and you're looking for someone who you could spend your life with. And so you're going to be
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asking some big questions. So today I wanted to share with you guys 10 things I think you should know
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about the guy that you're looking to marry, 10 things you should maybe ask or have in mind.
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And I want to preface in this video that all of these questions you also need to think about for
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yourself. When you get married, it's not only the other person who causes problems in your
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relationship, it is also you. It takes two to tango, and it takes two to get in an argument,
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and it takes two to make a marriage work. So it's absolutely on you to actually make sure that you
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are ready to get married, that you are the best version of yourself, and that you've dealt with
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all of these things. But you also need to have a discerning eye when you're choosing someone to
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spend your life with, because you don't want to ignore red flags. You don't want to ignore
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problems that might come up later in your relationship. So I think it's really important
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to keep these 10 things in mind. There are many more things that you should be keeping in mind,
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of course, but I thought I would just start with these 10 for today. So let's get into it.
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So the first and most important question I think you need to get out of the way very early on is
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if he wants children. Meeting a guy who doesn't want children, and then getting really involved,
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and if you want children, that is something that is just never going to work out. No matter how great
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your chemistry is, no matter if you share values, no matter if your goals look similar, or if your future
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looks bright, if one of you wants children and the other one doesn't, it just won't work.
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Having children is such a huge part of life, and it's something that you can't really ever get
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over. You can't say, oh, I wanted children, but I loved him so much that I gave it up. It so rarely
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happens that you will feel fulfilled and have meaning in your life if you give up on something
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that is so fundamentally part of your future. So one of the most important questions and something
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you have to ask early on is if the guy that you're interested in is interested in having kids,
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because otherwise you guys just aren't going to work. If you are somebody who cares about being
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a mom, this is not something you can just hide under the rug for later. You're going to have to
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deal with it. It is going to come up, and it may be painful when it does. Now this is something that
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actually, if you've watched the show Bridgerton, then you will know what I'm talking about, because
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it is a very painful situation in that show. I won't get into it too much because I don't want to give
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spoilers. But if it's something that you want, if you want to have a family, if you want to have
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children, you have to make sure that the guy that you choose as a husband is on the same page.
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Number two is do you share the same faith and or values? These are things that I think are really
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important. I did an entire video on why you should marry within your faith. I think that it is really
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important to find somebody who can boost you and support you in your faith and who you can boost and
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support in theirs. And the two of you can grow together to really explore what you believe as
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a team. There's much more that I go into in that video. But the thing about sharing faith and sharing
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values is that this stuff doesn't just matter for the two of you and your personal growth, which is
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really important and is something that you really should be getting from your partner. But more than
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that is when you raise a family and when you do have children. If you guys are not on the same page
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about what to value, what's important, what faith you want to raise your children in, that relationship
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is going to suffer. And the home that you're building is not going to have that stability
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that you want. Because the fact is, if you guys don't agree on these really fundamental things on
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what you think is important to teach your children, that's going to create so much friction throughout
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your marriage. And of course, we all have little disagreements with our spouses. That's normal.
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But these big things you really can't disagree on. The things that you want to instill in your
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children. The things that you want to encourage in them. Those are things that you need to share
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and you need to believe in as a team. Because if you don't, then you will be at odds constantly about
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how you guys should be imparting knowledge to your children. And that is not something that you want
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to get into. And again, this doesn't only pertain to children. This does pertain to your growth as a
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human being and his growth as a human being. And if the two of you have different values,
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have different faith, then you may end up growing in different directions. And you would really want
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to hope that the two of you are encouraging each other to grow. And that is something that you can
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do as a team or you can do as adversaries. And if you are on the same team, it will make things
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so much easier. Number three is, is he extroverted or introverted? This is something that's going to
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come into play in your marriage very frequently. And something I kind of thought about when my
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husband and I met, but it wasn't something I realized would be so pertinent in our day-to-day
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lives. My husband is an incredibly extroverted person. It's something that I adore about him.
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And it's what attracted me to him initially because I come off as very extroverted, but I actually am a
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little bit more introverted. I enjoy going to parties. I enjoy hanging out with people. But at the end of
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the day, I do need some time to recover if I spend a lot of time with people. My husband, he recovers
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and gets his energy from other people. He loves being around people all the time. So this is
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something that it really is a balance when we both love to have people over, but he could have people
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over every single night of the week and be happy. I would love to have people over maybe three nights
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a week. And it's something you have to work out. Knowing what the guy that you choose to be your
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husband is like is going to be really important. Because let's say the guy that you end up with is
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very introverted. Maybe he doesn't really like going to events and like going to parties, but you
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absolutely love it. Well, that just means that you are going to have to figure out, am I okay with going
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to events alone? If he doesn't want to come with me, is that going to be okay with me? If it is, great!
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That's awesome! You have a perfect match. If you're not, then maybe you have to talk to each other and
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figure out, okay, how can we make this work? These kinds of things are not necessarily deal breakers,
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but they are things to be aware of. It's things that you want to find somebody who does kind of
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fit in with how you want to live your life. And if somebody is not interested in hanging out with
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anyone ever, and you are somebody who wants to hang out with people every single day, it might make
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some friction there. It might make things a little bit more difficult. For Jacob and me, it worked out
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really well because I'm extroverted enough for him. And I love that he's extroverted because that means
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that when we go to a party and I'm just feeling a little bit more introverted that night, he can
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take the lead. He can talk more in a conversation and I can take a little bit more of a backseat.
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And I've talked about this on my channel before, but early on in my dating career, I was putting out
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a vibe of being very extroverted and I was attracting introverts. And so I felt very pressured when we went
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in social situations to take the lead constantly. And it was a little bit exhausting. And when I actually
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embraced my more introverted side, that's when I met Jacob, and it made me feel so much more comfortable
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that he could take the lead and he liked taking the lead and he liked being more extroverted. So finding
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somebody who's extroverted or introverted and fits more with your personality and who you can work with in that
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way, because let's say you're an introvert and you want to be with someone who's more introverted because both of you
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like staying home more. That is something that day-to-day will just reduce any sort of disagreements
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because you guys will tend to understand each other when it comes to how often you want to go out or not.
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Number four is does he take criticism well? When you get married, there are going to be a lot of times
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that the two of you, each one of you, is going to come to the other with a problem, with something they're annoyed
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about. And you have to be able to hear your partner and accept it and take in whether or not,
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okay, is this valid? What can I change? What can I do to make this relationship flow smoothly?
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And if the man that you're dating is not good at taking criticism and actually takes it really badly,
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that is really hard to work with in a marriage. You want to be with somebody who is open to hearing
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what you have to say. And of course, that also is on you to present your criticisms in a kind and loving
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way. You never want to be harsh or mean, but it means that if you do come to them with a small issue,
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they'll be able to handle it. If you are with somebody who really cannot hear any criticism,
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it's going to make things hard. It's going to make things tricky. This is something I love and
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appreciate about my husband is that when I come to him and I say, you know, I'm having an issue here or
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something is bothering me, he will 100% sit down and listen. And he'll always try and think of ways
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to improve on that. And thank God, I do think I'm similar. If he comes to me and he presents a problem,
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sometimes it's hard to hear, of course, but I really do try to incorporate a solution into our lives.
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So when you're looking for the right guy, make sure that he can take criticism well so that you guys can have
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the kind of relationship where you can come to one another with your problems and solve them.
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Number five is what is his family dynamic like? Now, this will come into play in two different ways.
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The first is that the way that somebody interacts with their family will very much influence how they
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interact with you. So if he comes from a family that everything is really kind and loving, then he'll
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probably be that way to you. If he comes from a family where yelling is considered appropriate,
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you might find that he thinks yelling is appropriate in your home. If he comes from a
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situation where people will poke fun at each other, then you might find that he pokes more fun at you
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or teases you. Just knowing what the family dynamic is like means that you can kind of trace where those
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behaviors are coming from. And that is super helpful in a marriage because if you think that somebody's
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just doing something because they're mean, you won't necessarily realize that maybe that's not mean in
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their family. Maybe in their family that was considered funny or it was considered okay behavior.
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And to you, maybe your family, that wasn't okay. Or if it's positive, if he's very kind and loving, then when
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you visit his family, you'll kind of know how to interact. It's all just more information for you to know
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going into marriage. And it's super helpful. The other reason you should know what his family dynamic is like
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is because it will affect you. When you marry someone, you don't just marry them, you marry their
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family. And it is a huge blessing to be part of another family. I am so blessed. I have a wonderful
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relationship with my husband's family. I absolutely love them. I honestly feel so lucky every day for
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this reason. And it's something that I constantly am telling my friends. It's that if you marry somebody,
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you're not just marrying them. You're marrying their family. Now, does that mean that if somebody comes
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from a bad background, you shouldn't marry them? Absolutely not. It just means that it might be a little
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bit harder when you have to go home for the holidays or whatever it is. As opposed to marrying someone
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who has a really great family, you will have that as an added benefit. So it's not to say it should change
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your opinion about someone either way. It just means that you will be recognizing kind of what you're walking
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into. And marrying someone's family, that is part of it. That's part and parcel of your marriage.
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Number six is, is he emotionally intelligent? Now, this is something I think is much more common
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nowadays is that men are emotionally intelligent. Men want to hear what's going on with you and they
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want to help. In a marriage, you want to be able to go to your husband with your problems. You want
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to be able to go to your husband and talk about if you had a bad day or if something made you
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emotional. You want to be able to go to your husband with those things. And having a husband who can
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hear you and who's emotionally intelligent and wants to help, it's so nice. Some men are not
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understanding and they don't get it and they don't want to really deal with it. That is not ideal in
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my opinion. If you can find a husband who wants to help you and wants to understand, even if he
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doesn't actually fully understand, emotional intelligence isn't just, I've been through that
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and now I understand it so I can help. It's also, I can listen to you and I can help because I want
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to listen to you. And that stuff is so important and so lovely in a marriage. And when you actually
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have that support, it makes such a huge difference. So making sure while you're dating that the guy
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that you're seeing and the guy that you might be considering for a husband can actually be there
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for you will just make a huge difference in your marriage. Number seven is obvious, but of course,
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do you have chemistry? You can't marry someone just based on compatibility. Just because it works on
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paper doesn't mean it's going to work in practice. So you want to obviously make sure that you and the
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guy that you're marrying have chemistry, love spending time with each other, are attracted to
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each other. These are things that of course matter. And I am a huge proponent of having both chemistry
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and compatibility. You can't skip either one. They're both incredibly important. So making sure
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that the person you end up with, you have a lot of fun with. You enjoy. You want to be with. You
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want to be with them when you're not. That stuff is so, I love that about marriage is that my husband
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is my best friend. I love him. I love hanging out with him. I'm attracted to him. I enjoy his company.
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These are things that make marriage fun and make marriage special. And I just obviously, whoever
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you choose to marry, you have to have chemistry with. Number eight is, does he want the best for
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you? Now this has two meanings. The first meaning is, does he support you? Does he want you to succeed
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in what you want to succeed in? Does he encourage you to pursue the things that matter to you? And does
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he help you? I mean, these are things that are so important in a marriage. You want a spouse who,
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who's rooting for you. And I've always felt really supported by Jacob. He's so, so supportive. It's
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something I think is, it's so important. You really can't be in a strong marriage if the person you're
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with doesn't support you and doesn't bolster you along the way. And of course, we do that for our
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husbands. Husbands do that for their wives. It's really important to find somebody who is going to
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support you. Now the other part of it is, does he want the best for who you are? Is he going to help
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you grow? Is he going to encourage you to be the best version of you? Does he allow you to stagnate?
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You want to be with someone who's going to make you be the best version of you. Something I really
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love about Jacob is that he does ask more of me. He wants me to be the best version of myself.
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And I do the same for him. And it is so important. I think both of us look back at who we were when
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we got married. And I think we would both say that at this point we've become better people.
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And you want to be a better person through your marriage. And you want your husband to encourage
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that for you. And so finding a man who makes you want to be better. And when you're finding a guy that
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you want to get married to, finding someone who does encourage you to grow and be the best version of
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yourself. Even if it's just something like recommending good books to you. And bringing
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you to museums. And kind of increasing your knowledge. But also making you better. And
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that stuff is so incredibly important when you're looking for a spouse. Number nine is, does he have
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good friends? Now when I say good friends, I mean people who you would consider to be good people.
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Because the people that you hang around with are the people who will influence you.
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And if the guy that you're dating is hanging around with other guys that you don't respect.
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That you don't think are good guys. That's not a great thing. Because you want your husband to be
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influenced by the best kind of people. You want to make sure that he's spending time with good men.
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Because good men make other men better. And the last thing you should know when you're looking for
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a husband is, does he take care of himself? You want a healthy husband. You want a man who's going to
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be with you throughout your life. You want a man who's going to be able to take care of you.
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Take care of himself. Take care of your children. Be able to be strong and healthy. And does that
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mean he has to look like a Greek god? No. It just means he needs to care for himself. So when you're
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dating, does he exercise? Does he try and eat healthy? Because ending up with a guy who doesn't take good
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care of himself. Honestly, that's a huge stressor to be with somebody who you're not sure how healthy
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they will be and for how long. It is so comforting to know when you're with a guy that he's taking
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care of himself. Because that's one thing that's off your plate. You don't have to worry that he's
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not. And you want somebody who's going to be strong and able to protect you and able to support you.
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So keeping an eye out and seeing does this guy take care of himself, that can make him a really good
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husband. And of course, if he takes care of himself, it also shows that he can take care of others.
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And that is really special and an important quality in a husband. So those are the 10 things
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you should know when finding a husband. I hope you guys enjoyed today's video. Let me know in the
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comments which of these things you think is the most important. I'd love to hear. Thank you guys so
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much for watching today's video. Please subscribe to my channel. It really helps me out when you guys do
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versions of these videos. Thank you guys so much for watching today's video, and I'll see you guys in