Classically Abby - 5 Books That ＊TOTALLY＊ Changed My Parenting

00:00:00.040 Let's do some parenting book reviews.

00:00:06.680 Today I want to share five books that have made me a better parent.

00:00:11.060 Now I'm only a parent to a two and a half year old and a seven month old,

00:00:15.140 but that still makes me a parent. I have some experience with toddlers and babies

00:00:18.760 and I'm really excited to share these five books with you that have made

00:00:21.740 all the difference to me when I've been parenting my kids. First of all,

00:00:25.800 I love a review. I love a review about food. I love a review about movies. I love a review

00:00:29.940 about books. I will watch you review anything. Maybe you're the same as I am.

00:00:33.800 If you are, leave a comment down below. But I love to listen to people review things.

00:00:38.320 So today I'm doing my own book review and I'm very excited. I'm doing five mini book reviews.

00:00:43.200 If you would like to see more book reviews, movie reviews, any kind of reviews in the future,

00:00:48.340 let me know because I will do them. I love reviewing things. If you are new to my channel,

00:00:52.680 my name is Abby and I would love if you would consider subscribing and hitting that notification

00:00:56.260 bell. Now I feel super passionately about these books that I'm about to share with you guys and

00:01:01.200 I'm really excited to share them with you. I hope they make your parenting journey better. I hope that

00:01:06.000 you pick them up and read them yourself. So let's just get into it. The first book I want to talk

00:01:09.900 about is called The Montessori Toddler. So I read this book about a year ago. I actually listened to

00:01:15.120 most of these on audiobook. So let's just get that out of the way. As somebody who's running around

00:01:19.200 constantly with my kids, I don't have a ton of time to read and when I do, I tend to fall asleep. But if I can

00:01:24.320 listen to them like podcasts, if I can listen to them as audiobooks, I can listen while I am doing

00:01:28.680 something else, which is huge. Highly recommend that if you are also a busy mom. But The Montessori 0.94

00:01:33.500 Toddler was high up on my list because I like The Montessori Method, especially for younger children.

00:01:38.200 I really like the idea of giving my children independence that makes them feel good about

00:01:42.100 themselves. Not forcing independence onto them, but the kind of independence where they can accomplish

00:01:46.280 things on their own and then they feel proud that they were able to do so. I also just love the way that

00:01:51.380 they feel about children's emotions, feelings, that they're little people. And that is really the biggest

00:01:56.940 takeaway I took from The Montessori Toddler. I took a lot of really interesting tips and tricks about ways to

00:02:03.740 entertain my children, about ways to avoid screen time, about ways to give them projects, and to have them feel

00:02:10.660 like they could do things themselves. But honestly, the most important takeaway for me from The Montessori Toddler

00:02:16.220 was the idea that your children have a reason for feeling the way that they do about things.

00:02:22.000 There's always talk about kids tantruming and toddlerhood being horrible and terrible and hard.

00:02:27.380 But I think the thing that gave me such a good perspective about my child entering his toddler

00:02:32.840 years was the concept that he is physically capable of doing a lot right now. But he's not physically

00:02:40.400 capable of doing everything. And he's not mentally capable of knowing what's dangerous and what's not.

00:02:45.840 So that is a really confusing state to be in as a person, is wanting to do things and constantly

00:02:51.340 being told no. The idea that your child knows what he wants and maybe isn't able to communicate it

00:02:59.260 effectively, or that he would like to do something and he thinks he can, but then mommy and daddy are

00:03:04.560 saying, no, you can't. We are, as parents, establishing boundaries for our children that are

00:03:09.660 super important. And as a gentle parent, but not a permissive parent, I think that those boundaries

00:03:15.420 are really important to enforce in a kind and respectful way for your children. But that doesn't

00:03:20.820 mean that your child is initially going to understand why he can't do those things if he's physically

00:03:25.420 capable of doing them. And I think that's given me such a great perspective on my son. I can look

00:03:31.200 at him when he wants to do something and I can feel a tantrum coming on. Why is he tantruming?

00:03:36.660 It's not irrational. It's entirely rational. He wants to be able to do something and he physically

00:03:42.260 can do it, but I am saying, no, you can't for a reason he doesn't yet understand. And his, you know,

00:03:48.780 brain isn't really developed enough yet to understand those things. So I don't find that my children

00:03:53.780 tantrum because I understand why they're having the feelings they do and we can work through it

00:03:59.520 together. Now, when he gets out of control, I've looked to Montessori toddler to give me

00:04:04.580 tips and ideas for how to work with him on those, in those moments. So if he's having a real tantrum,

00:04:10.940 really like getting out of control, really not able to understand what's happening. That's a moment

00:04:15.100 where I say, okay, you can go to your room. I will be here waiting for you. I'm ready to talk to you

00:04:19.860 when you are ready to calm down. And it's not a timeout. It's a place for him to relax. And then he can

00:04:25.680 come out of his own volition. Now, if he does something wrong, we sometimes do say, you need

00:04:29.880 to go to your room. And when you're ready to come out and be kind and be sweet, we are ready. We are

00:04:34.520 excited to see you. And when he comes out, we don't get angry at him for what happened. We welcome him

00:04:40.040 back because we say, okay, you understood why you had that repercussion, that consequence. And now we

00:04:45.860 are proud of you for accepting that upon yourself. But it's such a good mindset when you look at your kids

00:04:50.760 and you recognize that they have feelings and emotions, just like everybody else. They're just not

00:04:55.260 developed within what we need to function in society as safe human beings. But the emotions

00:05:02.860 are the same. And if you can address those in that way, the relationship between you and your children

00:05:08.840 is so much more positive. The second book that I would recommend is called Siblings Without Rivalry.

00:05:14.560 Now, before we had our second baby, I wanted to read a few different books about siblings. It was so

00:05:20.180 important to me that our children be close. And look, I know you never know as they get older how things

00:05:24.240 will change. But there's a lot you can do as a parent to encourage good relationships between

00:05:28.660 siblings. So I read a book called Peaceful Parents, Happy Siblings. And it talked a lot about this book

00:05:33.800 called Siblings Without Rivalry. And so I bought Siblings Without Rivalry next. And I realized that was

00:05:39.540 really the book that I should be reading. Like that book had everything I wanted to know in it.

00:05:43.840 So this book is great because it gives you scenarios to read about and listen to. And it shows you

00:05:50.860 the way that you can respond and what that response will cause. And it shows you different ways that

00:05:56.300 you can react and how that can encourage better relationships between your kids. First of all,

00:06:01.480 I as a child and with siblings have been able to look at the way my parents parented and how that

00:06:07.000 could have caused some issues or positive things. And I've been able to say, oh, okay, so I can take

00:06:13.540 that away or I maybe don't want to do this. Then looking at my sons, I can see how beautiful their

00:06:18.240 relationship is developing. And so much of that is because of the way we have incorporated those

00:06:23.620 ideas into our parenting. So it really at this point is about my older son to my younger son,

00:06:29.160 right? Because he's the one who has agency. Instead of getting angry at him when he hits his younger

00:06:34.300 brother just because he's doing it out of usually frustration or curiosity, instead of saying like,

00:06:39.920 why would you do that? How could you do that to your brother? You're a bad boy. We never say any of

00:06:44.800 those things. It's always, oh, we don't hit our brother because that's not safe. That could hurt

00:06:49.140 him. And we love him so much, don't we? We just love him. We want to protect him. And always reframing

00:06:54.900 it in a totally positive way for him makes it so that he doesn't want to hit his brother. Like he

00:07:00.740 loves his brother so much and he just wants to play with him. And of course the baby is obsessed with

00:07:04.680 his older brother. And that's just an example of ways we encourage our children to be close to one

00:07:09.700 another and love each other. But in the book it does talk about, you know, if your child is having

00:07:14.180 negative feelings towards another child, that is normal and that is okay. And you need to accept

00:07:19.500 the feelings without accepting the actions. So if as our children grow, my older son feels negatively

00:07:25.980 at a certain point about his brother, we can say, yeah, it makes sense that you feel that way. I get it.

00:07:32.060 And you're not crazy for feeling that way. Now that we know that, we can move forward, right? And not

00:07:36.940 always delegitimizing those feelings because those feelings are natural. So that's a really great

00:07:43.640 book. And I really highly recommend it if you are struggling with your children's sibling

00:07:47.920 relationships. The third book I want to talk about is called Take Back Your Family. Now this book I

00:07:52.940 almost wouldn't even recommend as a parenting book. I just think it's a great book to read

00:07:56.000 generally. And it's really changed the way that me and my husband think about family as a unit.

00:08:01.040 The thing that I just love about this book is how it talks about how everyone

00:08:06.740 needs to work to make the family function and everyone has a unique and important role.

00:08:11.200 We live in a day and age where family is kind of like you go in, you take what you need,

00:08:16.620 and then you go back out into the world. And he says that is not how family should be functioning.

00:08:21.660 The family is what life is for. That's where you develop your purpose, your meaning, and it's

00:08:26.820 for the family itself. And then when you go out and get married, then you start a family of your own

00:08:32.260 and it should be the same thing. It's not like everyone just gets what they need out of the

00:08:36.660 family and goes off and does their own thing. The family is in and of itself important. And I think

00:08:42.980 that's such a beautiful concept. There's so many wonderful pieces of advice in this book. Like such a

00:08:48.900 good read. And one of the things he talks about is just not putting your mission ahead of your family.

00:08:55.420 Family is mission. And he talks about how when people put their mission ahead of their family,

00:09:02.900 their family suffers. And that isn't good. Like it doesn't make it worth it to be successful

00:09:09.460 outside of your family if your family is suffering. And I totally agree with that concept. Now he also

00:09:14.740 gives like practical ideas for things you guys can do as a family. And so one thing that we totally

00:09:18.760 want to institute as our kids get older is the concept of having like family dates. And what he means

00:09:23.640 by that is every person in the family rotates having a date with every other person in the family

00:09:28.280 every week. So you have an hour with each person in your family every every week. So like my husband

00:09:35.480 and I would have an hour. And then the next week my son and I would have an hour. And then the next week

00:09:39.080 my sons would have an hour. Like it would be something where everyone is getting an opportunity

00:09:43.960 to spend time individually with one another. So all of the relationships develop. I love that so much.

00:09:50.900 Check out this book. Seriously if it's not on your reading list add it right now. The fourth book I

00:09:56.180 want to talk about which is imperative to read truly is called Being There. Why prioritizing motherhood

00:10:03.020 in the first three years is so important. It's something to that effect. I will post it a picture.

00:10:08.340 But it is so this book is like required reading in my opinion. It really talks about the importance of

00:10:15.540 mothers being present for their children in the first three years of their life. And why that

00:10:19.980 matters. I think we are seeing such problems in our children these days and in people like our

00:10:27.460 anxiety levels all of that because we don't have present moms. Moms are not available for their 1.00

00:10:32.420 children in those first three years and they are not giving them that they need. And children need

00:10:37.100 their mothers to thrive. And this book really breaks down scientifically why that is the case.

00:10:42.480 The last book I want to talk about is called Hannah's Children. Now this isn't so much a parenting book

00:10:47.820 but it is about why it's so important to have so many children. And of course I loved this book. It

00:10:54.020 totally changed the game for me because it talks about the women quietly defying the birth dearth.

00:11:00.380 If you didn't know we are in a social decline. People are having two children or less which is not

00:11:05.960 replacement rate. And the question is why are some women having five children or more? Why do some 1.00

00:11:12.380 women choose to do that in a society that says that's weird? Right? Like having more than two 1.00

00:11:16.260 kids nowadays is considered odd. And the question is why? Like why do these women choose to have more 1.00

00:11:22.500 children in a day and age like this one? Now as somebody who wants to have a big family this book was

00:11:27.580 really inspiring to me. And it reminded me and kind of bolstered me when it comes to why I want to do

00:11:36.500 that. Why I want to have so many children. And one of the things I loved in this book. Now there's a ton

00:11:41.740 of things in this book. It's all interviews with women who have had so many children. One of the things

00:11:46.700 I loved in this book was the concept of children being a stage of life versus a way of life. In today's

00:11:52.580 day and age we view having children as a stage of life. You have your children and then they grow up

00:11:57.120 and you can go back to what you were doing before. And finally you're back to how it was. And this is

00:12:01.180 just something you do for a little while. And then you can have the fun that you were having before you

00:12:06.060 had kids. These women talk about having children as a as a way of life. This is something that they 1.00

00:12:11.820 do. Like this is what their life looks like. Once they have their children they have many children

00:12:16.480 because that's what they are planning to spend their life doing. And then once those children are grown

00:12:20.920 and have their own children the moms are involved with their grandchildren. And I loved that concept

00:12:26.240 of like this is not just something you do to get it done and over with. This is what life is for and

00:12:32.820 what life is about. And I just I just found that whole book so inspiring. I definitely recommend it.

00:12:37.700 So those are the five books that have totally improved my parenting that I wanted to recommend

00:12:41.960 to you guys. If you have some good parenting books please drop them down below. I've read a ton but I

00:12:46.860 would love to read more. I love parenting books seriously. And if you read all the way to the

00:12:51.620 end of this video leave a book emoji so I know that you did. Thank you guys so much for watching

00:12:55.840 and I'll see you guys in my next one. Bye!

00:12:58.480 Bye!

Classically Abby - July 25, 2024

5 Books That ＊TOTALLY＊ Changed My Parenting

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