Classically Abby - 5 Dating Rules You NEED To Follow To Find The Right Guy!

00:00:00.000 Hello Classic Crew and welcome to today's video where I'm going to be talking about

00:00:05.420 five important things you need to know when you're dating as a conservative woman.

00:00:16.300 If you are new to my channel, here we talk about classic living, traditional values,

00:00:20.160 and modern femininity and I would love if you would consider subscribing and hitting 0.97

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00:00:39.180 Now in today's video, I'm actually going to be sharing clips from a speech that I gave for the

00:00:44.500 Center of Conservative Women's Florida Summit. So it was an amazing experience. Thank you so much

00:00:50.580 to the Claire Booth Luce Center for Conservative Women for having me. I absolutely loved speaking

00:00:55.720 to the amazing group of young women that were there and I'm really excited to share this video

00:01:01.200 with you guys. So you can see a little bit of what I spoke about as well as a few questions that I

00:01:06.120 answered from the audience. So I hope you guys enjoy it. Keep in mind, if you are a student on campus and

00:01:13.700 you are part of a YAF chapter, Young America's Foundation, I am a speaker for YAF. So if you would

00:01:19.040 like to have me come and speak at your college campus, then head over to YAF's website. Now let's

00:01:25.720 get into it. When you're dating someone who isn't right for you, it's boring, it's stressful,

00:01:33.180 it's depressing. When you're trapped at a table across from someone you don't like but you can't

00:01:39.460 leave, well that's stressful. When you're trapped on a date and there's no exit, it's kind of boring

00:01:48.480 when that person and you don't get along. And when you get home from a date that you haven't

00:01:52.860 enjoyed, it's depressing when you realize nothing's going to come from it. Think about a show like

00:01:59.500 Emily in Paris. I don't know if any of you guys have watched it. The spiritual successor to Sex in

00:02:05.120 the City. Every episode, Emily meets, falls for, sleeps with, and breaks up with a different guy in

00:02:12.940 the beautiful city of Paris. And the one guy she's had feelings for all along, well he's in a

00:02:19.680 relationship with her close friend while he's making moves on her. Does any of this sound fun to

00:02:26.480 you? When you're watching a show like that and it's got brightly oversaturated colors and beautiful

00:02:33.260 Parisian cafe music, it does look very attractive. And they are going to downplay how upsetting that

00:02:40.300 really is. But when I break it down for you, as I just did, sounds pretty terrible. We are supposed

00:02:48.440 to see this and think, wow, adventure. But it sounds not fun. And the women in shows who make it look so 1.00

00:02:57.640 fun and great are the same women who wake up in a different man's bed every day and feel nothing but 0.94

00:03:04.900 regret. So why am I starting here? Why am I talking about why dating stinks? Because by dating with

00:03:13.080 purpose, dating for marriage, you'll like dating. Why? You'll enjoy dating. Once you're dating someone, you

00:03:23.380 enjoy. Once you find the guy that you really like and have a future with, then going on dates with him is the

00:03:31.860 best thing in the world. You're getting to do fun things with a person who you connect with, enjoy and

00:03:38.440 have longevity with. There is nothing better. So today, I want to talk about how you can date the

00:03:46.140 right person and have a heck of a good time doing it. Okay. Number one, start with my patented

00:03:54.600 classically Abbey theory of chemistry and compatibility. People talk about chemistry and

00:04:00.940 compatibility all the time. I'm sure you've heard that before. But I talk about it just a little bit

00:04:05.480 differently. Movies and TV have lied to you about what true love looks like, because it always stops at the

00:04:14.320 wedding or the couple getting together. The couples we see in modern media, they're all chemistry couples. There's a

00:04:23.020 reason they break up like 15 times. There's a reason that Ross and Rachel only got together in the very last

00:04:28.660 episode. Right? They're chemistry couple. And we don't see what happens once they're together and they're trying to raise their

00:04:35.420 baby. Like we don't know what happens, but it's probably not going to be great given the 10 seasons prior. Like, so what happens after the

00:04:45.300 marriage, we don't get to know. But if you find chemistry and compatibility in one person, then you'll know. You'll have longevity.

00:04:54.720 And the real thing is, if you aren't ready to have a family, you aren't ready to have sex. If that guy is not the man you want to be the

00:05:04.620 father of your children, you are not ready to have sex with him. Now, one of the great things about waiting to have sex is it weeds out the 0.95

00:05:13.680 men who are looking for sex more than a relationship. As you saw in my first date story, it weeded him out pretty quick. It's really a

00:05:24.040 wonderful way to find the person who wants to wait with you and gives sex the same importance that you do. So when I met my

00:05:33.080 husband, we asked the big questions early, right from the start, maybe the second time we met. And worked out. We got engaged

00:05:45.040 five and a half months later and then got married a year under the day to when we started dating. Fast turnaround. But

00:05:53.640 we were very clear with each other that we wanted to talk about that compatibility. But my husband was

00:06:00.840 raised Reform Jewish and I was raised Orthodox. Now, at the time, I was what we call off the derach, which 1.00

00:06:08.260 means off the path, off the journey a little bit. I wasn't as observant as I am now. But I knew by the

00:06:14.180 time I had children, I wanted to be keeping everything that I could so that I could raise my child in a

00:06:19.900 religious Jewish home. So I said to my now husband, this is important to me. I want to be religious. I

00:06:28.780 want to work on my faith. And by the time I have children, I want to be observant. And he said,

00:06:35.100 okay, me too. And even though he wasn't the finished product when we met, and even though he needed to

00:06:43.360 learn quite a bit more than I did, because for me, it was just returning to what I had known.

00:06:47.980 For him, it was starting from scratch. He was intentional about wanting to be observant. And so

00:06:54.920 I could give him the opportunity to prove that. So the first part of this is ask the big questions

00:07:03.440 early. Right? Now, I usually say you don't have to ask the big questions on the first date. Give

00:07:09.520 yourself a chance to experience that chemistry. See if you guys hit it off. But by date number two,

00:07:15.020 ask those questions. Now, some people will say, oh, that's still too fast. But I'm a woman. And I

00:07:20.040 know that if I've had a good first date by date number two, I'm in it. I'm ready. I'm like, this is

00:07:24.860 the guy. I love this man. And by number by date number four, it's too late. You're, you're, you're gone.

00:07:32.180 So date number two is a good time to ask those questions. And it doesn't have to be awkward. It

00:07:37.000 doesn't have to be an interrogation. It can be brought up in a, in a natural way. But why not

00:07:44.200 ask those questions? What's the worst that's going to happen? He's going to say something that you

00:07:48.560 don't like. Okay, great. He's not for you. Solution. Dating isn't fun, but it really can be.

00:07:57.260 When you meet that person who you just absolutely adore spending time with, going on dates is awesome.

00:08:04.640 And you don't get to do it much when you're, when you're married and you have kids. So take

00:08:09.640 advantage of that time before when he still, you know, wants to put on something nice for you and

00:08:15.460 you're still shaving your legs. Take advantage of that time. Take dating seriously. And if you do,

00:08:24.840 you'll find your happily ever after.

00:08:34.640 I personally experienced sexual assault, so I understand it. Um, they need to realize

00:08:46.880 that their worth as a person hasn't diminished at all. And that's really the big thing is that a

00:08:52.240 lot of the time when somebody has been sexually assaulted, their first feeling is, well, I'm 0.88

00:08:57.560 worthless. And they're not obviously. So I think being so kind and loving when they've been in that

00:09:05.480 situation and saying, now moving forward, you know, your worth, know how worthy you are, you know,

00:09:13.960 how special and important you are. And the only man who's ever going to get to touch you is somebody

00:09:19.480 who knows how worthy you are too. And I think that carrying that forward, that confidence that I'm

00:09:27.920 only ever going to be in a safe situation with someone who loves me, cares about me, wants to share

00:09:33.560 a future with me. I think that gives women a confidence that they're going to be safe, okay, and make 0.99

00:09:41.540 good choices. And they can trust themselves. If they're feeling, one of the things I want to mention is

00:09:46.620 that feminism has encouraged women to ignore their own intuition when it comes to being around bad men,

00:09:55.340 right? Because you should sleep with whoever. Oh, you're interested in this guy. He's hot. Great.

00:10:01.020 Go for it. No. If you feel something in the pit of your stomach that makes you go, trust it.

00:10:08.220 And the friends that you have that have experienced this, they can trust that feeling

00:10:12.940 as long as they've also, you know, dealt with it in therapy and things like that so that they aren't

00:10:17.820 just afraid of men generally. But I think that that is the first thing that you should talk about

00:10:23.340 with them is that they are worthy.

00:10:31.740 I would say that this sort of goes in line with whether or not this is a person you're trying to

00:10:38.940 change or whether this is a person who's already made the intention or already has the intention to

00:10:44.380 change. If you're hitting it off with somebody who has been very clear that he does not believe in God

00:10:52.860 or that he doesn't want to get married and have kids, that's not a relationship, that's not a

00:10:57.980 person you can change. And you can't, he may change on his own in the future, but at this point,

00:11:04.060 you can't be the person to change and you don't want to waste your time being the person who has to change

00:11:07.660 him. So accepting somebody, I would say accepting them for where they're at also means accepting

00:11:13.740 them for where they're at and saying that this, the timing may not have been right for us, but that

00:11:18.700 means there's a person for me who's different and a person for you who's different. And by the time

00:11:23.660 you're ready to make those choices and changes, it's not going to be with me. And that's a hard,

00:11:28.300 it's a hard pill to swallow, but it is, it's honestly, it's just the truth. And it's when you meet the

00:11:33.500 person you're supposed to end up with, then you'll realize in retrospect, this wasn't the right

00:11:38.700 person. I've always said my husband and I, if someone had told me when I was 18, that this was

00:11:44.060 the guy I was going to marry, I would have been like, really? Like, okay. But by the time I was 23,

00:11:52.060 and that was when we met, by the time I was 23, when we met, it made sense. If we had met at 18,

00:11:56.380 it would not have. Thank you so much for watching today's video. If you aren't already subscribed,

00:12:00.780 make sure to hit that subscribe button and that notification bell. I would love if you would

00:12:04.860 follow me on all social media. It's at classicallyabbie absolutely everywhere. 0.80

00:12:08.380 Thank you so much for watching and I'll see you guys in my next one. Bye.

Classically Abby - December 13, 2022

5 Dating Rules You NEED To Follow To Find The Right Guy!

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