Classically Abby - 5 Lessons I've Learned Since Becoming A HOMEMAKER! ＊must-watch for stay-at-home moms＊

00:00:00.000 Today I want to talk about five things I've learned as a first generation homemaker. If you are new to

00:00:06.020 my channel, here we talk about classic living and traditional values and I would love if you would

00:00:09.560 consider subscribing and hitting that notification bell. I've recently been on a homemaking journey,

00:00:14.400 I've called it my homemaking experiment, as I am kind of going through this change, going from

00:00:20.920 someone who is more of a girl boss and more like ambitious and really realizing that I find my worth

00:00:27.760 and my joy at home. It's very interesting. I made a video a few months ago talking about my feelings

00:00:35.160 about fulfilling my potential and ever since I made that video I really made an effort to understand

00:00:42.460 why homemaking was so important and to find joy in my job and to really appreciate how much I get to

00:00:51.300 do with my son and taking care of my home and I feel like my perspective has actually changed.

00:00:57.600 I do not feel like I could fulfill my potential anywhere else better than where I am now which

00:01:04.480 is an incredible thing because if you had asked me that six months ago I would not have said that

00:01:09.120 but I wanted to share with you guys five things I've learned on this homemaking journey which I am

00:01:14.880 still on. I'm always going to be on but definitely right now I'm still on it because I kind of realized

00:01:20.860 as I was making this list for today's video that I'm basically a first generation homemaker. Now

00:01:26.160 when I say that I mean my ancestors many years ago were I'm sure homemakers so so it's not as if no

00:01:32.780 woman in my in my history has ever done this role but my immediate past my mom and my grandmother

00:01:40.120 they were not homemakers so I have had to kind of learn on the job how to really embrace this role.

00:01:47.000 So I'm really excited to share these five lessons things with you guys. I hope you guys enjoy it.

00:01:53.800 I hope it helps you if you are a first generation homemaker and for those of you who are not who

00:02:00.060 were raised by homemakers yourself I'd love to hear in the comments things that you learned from

00:02:05.160 your mothers. Now before I continue I do want to say and I feel like I have to preface this

00:02:08.760 in every video I make because people might assume something different but my relationship with my mom

00:02:14.100 is amazing. I absolutely love her. We are really really close and we talk about this stuff all

00:02:19.760 the time despite the fact that she wasn't a homemaker and I am. So I'm so so grateful for

00:02:24.880 that relationship and it just informs the choices that I make now. So let's get into it. I'm really

00:02:31.440 excited. Let's go. P.S. if you didn't know I am 32 weeks pregnant so if I sound out of breath

00:02:38.620 that is why I am getting ready for another baby. I'm so excited. We're getting close now. Close-ish

00:02:47.120 and we're having another boy in case you didn't know. I already have a son so that's some background

00:02:54.300 on where I'm at. But let's start with number one and number one is cooking. I used to think that I

00:03:02.000 knew how to cook. Like I thought that I was an okay cook because my mom is is an okay cook. 1.00

00:03:10.280 My mom can cook. She can. But she does have a rule and she's very open about this rule that if 0.68

00:03:15.500 something has more than two steps it's not gonna happen. She's not doing it. So for her cooking was

00:03:21.000 always a fastest means possible to get to the end. And she would make things that were very simple,

00:03:28.340 very quick, and were fine but maybe not great. And so that was my perspective on cooking. You cook

00:03:36.020 as quickly as possible to get it on the table. It should be tasty enough but it doesn't need to be

00:03:41.600 fancy. And it wasn't until I met my husband that my perspective really changed and I'd been married

00:03:48.620 for a while. So my husband loves good food and his love language is definitely having someone make him

00:03:56.360 good food. Like if somebody spends the time to make him a good meal he feels very loved. Now he asked

00:04:02.400 me for a while at the beginning of our marriage to invest a little more time and energy into learning

00:04:08.420 how to cook better. And to be honest I took offense at that. I really didn't like it initially. I thought

00:04:14.020 that he was kind of bothering me. I thought that I was a good enough cook. And it wasn't until I really

00:04:20.180 thought about it and realized that cooking is more than just sustenance. It's not just something we do

00:04:27.060 to get calories in. And it's not just something that's fleeting and then disappears. That it's an

00:04:32.560 experience and that it can be something that brings people together. And that it is important to find

00:04:38.480 a joy in cooking and love it as a hobby that my perspective shifted. It took me a while. I initially

00:04:46.700 really pushed back. I thought that you know everyone is too busy to cook a nice meal. Everyone

00:04:51.920 has too much going on. There's no way that I could really do this. And I don't know why you expect this

00:04:55.900 of me. And then as we kind of started reading books on cooking together and I started investing more

00:05:03.280 time and energy into my cooking and I got better at cooking quickly and well that all of this started

00:05:10.160 to make sense. I was like oh cooking is actually something you really can make a hobby. You really can

00:05:16.500 enjoy and you can get closer to people through it. And so we actually read the book Salt Fat Acid Heat

00:05:22.760 right after my son was born. My husband would read it to me while I was nursing. And that book really

00:05:27.840 changed the way that we cook. Now my husband is more comfortable just cooking without a recipe. I

00:05:32.660 personally enjoy using a recipe as kind of a jumping off point and then playing around with things as

00:05:38.560 I'm cooking to change it to make it more delicious to kind of go with our preferences more. And I've

00:05:46.540 learned a lot about cooking in the last few years. And one of the things that my husband said as well

00:05:50.680 that really stuck out to me was the idea that there was a time that people talked about grandma's home

00:05:56.200 cooking or mom's home cooking. And it's such a meaningful thing for them. It's such a meaningful

00:06:02.020 thing to look back on about home. And that's what stuck out to me is that as a homemaker I want my

00:06:10.320 children to look back on the food that I gave them as tasty and as really kind of warm and inviting.

00:06:18.500 And I could learn how to do that. I could find joy in it. It wasn't just a chore anymore. And I think

00:06:23.900 if you're exploring homemaking as kind of the next step of your life then cooking and learning how to

00:06:31.740 cook and embracing how to cook is important. Especially in today's day and age where so many

00:06:36.340 people but also women kind of act like haha isn't it funny I don't even know how to boil water. I don't 1.00

00:06:41.920 even know how to cook. My husband either cooks everything or we just do take out a bunch. And I'm

00:06:46.280 not saying that men can't cook and a man can't take the leadership role in cooking. I just think that

00:06:51.060 there is beauty in a woman cooking for a man because men feel loved when they are cooked for. 0.53

00:06:56.500 And also that you should know how to cook. Like it's a good skill to have. And that's a skill that

00:07:02.140 I have really developed and has made me a happier homemaker. Number two is cleaning. I have learned

00:07:09.380 how to clean since becoming a homemaker in a way that I didn't before. For me in the past cleaning

00:07:15.400 really meant tidying. I really only cared about having clean kind of sight lines. And that

00:07:21.040 is still I would say my top priority. I hate clutter. I hate mess. It makes me crazy. And

00:07:26.900 if I have to prioritize something it's going to be that. It's I want everything to have

00:07:31.480 its place. I want to know where things live. And if they don't then they just stay out on

00:07:36.180 the counter because we don't know where to put them. So it does encourage us to declutter

00:07:40.980 so that we don't have too many things that don't have a place to go. But I didn't really understand

00:07:48.280 how to clean until I became a homemaker. And I realized the importance of being clean.

00:07:54.100 That it's not just about tidiness. That it's also about cleanliness. And both things are

00:07:59.200 very important. And I think that having a home that is untidy and also unclean it's not good

00:08:06.520 for anyone's mental health. For the people living there. For the people who come to visit.

00:08:10.280 It can be an uncomfortable experience. So I feel very strongly about keeping a clean home.

00:08:15.560 I think it makes a really important impact on all of the people who enter there and live

00:08:21.640 there. So this year I think has really been a big learning curve for me on cleaning. Because

00:08:27.720 I didn't used to kind of vacuum or mop regularly. And I didn't used to do laundry every day. And

00:08:34.520 I didn't used to immediately wash the dishes. I would let them pile up. Now that I have a baby.

00:08:40.120 A toddler. And I have another baby on the way. You kind of have to be more aware of these things.

00:08:45.640 Because number one. There are always more messes. Everything is always a little bit dirtier.

00:08:50.760 But number two. If you don't take care of things in a timely manner. They will build up

00:08:55.560 very quickly. So one thing that I've just absolutely loved is having a

00:09:00.440 Crosswave Bissell vacuum mop. That has been a huge game changer. I use that once a week.

00:09:06.200 Every single week. And that vacuums and mops the floor. Now sometimes I'm vacuuming just

00:09:11.320 little messes here and there. But my big floor clean for the week happens every single week. Now

00:09:17.400 two years ago I didn't do that. And nowadays I do that. There's also a part of this that may have to do

00:09:22.680 with you know owning my own home. I think you can make a rental a place that feels like home. But

00:09:28.280 owning your own home also has an impact on how you treat it. Or it should. Like you should be treating

00:09:33.880 your property with respect. And so I love having a home that is mine. And so I want to take care of

00:09:39.960 it. And so I'm very I take pride in cleaning my home. So I do do the floors once a week. And that

00:09:46.760 has been a big game changer. Although I also have a Swiffer wet jet and a broom that stays next to my

00:09:53.000 son's high chair. Since he insists on throwing all of his food on the floor. But I also will

00:09:57.720 immediately put any dishes from the sink into the dishwasher. And just staying on top of being more

00:10:04.040 clean. Recognizing that even if you're not keeping things as clean as you would like. That you notice

00:10:11.400 when things aren't clean. So you can kind of make a mental note to come back to it. And I think that

00:10:15.480 having a clean home is a very vital part of homemaking. Because it does make people feel

00:10:21.080 more comfortable. More welcome. And more relaxed. Number three is improving my demeanor. Now PS my son

00:10:29.080 was out for a walk. And now he's home. So you may hear him in the background. But one thing that I

00:10:34.360 really did learn. And I think has been a huge game changer in being a homemaker is improving my demeanor.

00:10:40.680 We live in a day and age where people want to be very honest and open about their mental health.

00:10:45.160 And I think that that's great. I think it's really important for us to see you know not

00:10:48.520 everything is perfect. Not everything not every single moment of your life is like happy-go-lucky.

00:10:53.960 Don't get me wrong. I agree with that. I think that that's important to share. And it's better for

00:10:59.160 everyone's mental health to know that you know the highlight reel isn't real life. But at the same time

00:11:05.320 I think there's a pressure to complain all the time. There's a pressure to kind of say how hard your

00:11:11.720 life is. How hard your day-to-day is to prove that you're working hard. To prove that like it's kind

00:11:19.240 of like this this hustle culture. Look how hard I'm pushing and I have to complain about it because it's

00:11:24.920 just a lot. So I kind of fell into that. I would sort of complain about my homemaking responsibilities

00:11:31.400 and how hard it was. And I would talk about it all the time. And the truth is that in complaining

00:11:38.840 I found that my moods became more negative. It wasn't that I complained because my moods were

00:11:45.160 negative. It was that I complained which made my moods negative. And I became less content with

00:11:52.440 my day-to-day because I found it necessary to complain in order to show how hard things were.

00:11:59.640 And don't get me wrong. Homemaking and being a stay-at-home mom is hard. It is very hard. Just

00:12:05.720 like so many other careers. And anything that you do all day is going to be hard. And there are some

00:12:10.920 days that are harder than others. But for the most part keeping a grateful mentality, staying positive,

00:12:18.680 and recognizing that you don't have to complain to prove that things are difficult. That you don't

00:12:23.480 even have to say that things are hard. That like you know it's okay if you love your day-to-day and

00:12:29.240 you enjoy it. You know there's nothing wrong with that. And I think there's this pressure to say like

00:12:34.760 no my days are so difficult. You don't know how hard it is. Rather than being like no I love my day-to-day.

00:12:40.120 It's actually awesome. Yeah I had some hard days here or I had a hard moment here and there.

00:12:44.920 Or maybe one day out of five was difficult. But like for the most part my day-to-days are really

00:12:50.440 nice and fun and I'm really happy. Isn't it weird to say that? Like it feels almost like you have to

00:12:56.760 feel guilty for saying that. Like you can't just say oh I enjoy my life. I know that sounds funny

00:13:03.880 but it kind of feels like that. Once I changed my outlook and stopped complaining as my go-to,

00:13:10.440 I found that I was a much happier person. And the reason I'm bringing this up as a lesson that

00:13:15.720 I learned as a homemaker was that when I improved my demeanor I could be a better mother and a better

00:13:19.800 wife to my son and to my husband. And I could be the kind of homemaker that people wanted to come

00:13:25.400 home to. That my son was happy to be around. And I want to be the kind of homemaker that shares joy

00:13:33.080 and brings joy to others. So if you find that you are struggling with staying positive,

00:13:40.280 consider your outlook. Consider what you feel pressured to show and feel. And maybe try to be

00:13:47.240 more grateful. The fourth lesson that I learned is treating homemaking like a job. We don't really

00:13:52.840 have like a formal education for homemaking. And I don't know that there should be formal education.

00:13:58.920 But I do think that it would be great to have some sort of education about homemaking. To have

00:14:04.120 some sort of course that talks about all the things we're talking about. Cooking, cleaning,

00:14:08.760 time management, which I'm going to touch on. Your demeanor and different ways to approach

00:14:15.080 parenting and homemaking. I think that that would be wonderful. But we don't really have that.

00:14:20.680 And so what ends up happening I think for a lot of women who become homemakers without necessarily 1.00

00:14:25.640 having seen it growing up or making a deliberate choice initially is that they kind of don't know

00:14:32.920 how to approach it. And they don't take it super seriously initially. And so they think okay well

00:14:38.440 time is fungible. And everything is a little more laid back and relaxed. And I don't have to research or

00:14:45.480 learn. I'm just going to learn on the job. And essentially what all of this does is create an

00:14:51.320 environment of chaos. If you don't treat homemaking like your job. If you are not constantly trying to

00:14:57.720 learn. If you are not constantly trying to improve and research and treat your day-to-day like something

00:15:03.960 you need to get dressed and ready for. Try and have some sort of schedule. You're going to end up feeling

00:15:09.480 very overwhelmed. Homemaking is a job. It is your job. It is your career. And if you don't treat it that way

00:15:16.520 then it it will end up feeling like a hobby that's gotten out of control. So it's important to take it

00:15:22.840 seriously. Do your best to be the best at your job. At your career. I can say that I'm at a point where

00:15:29.080 I feel confident that I am learning to be the best at this job that I can. And that's my goal. Is like

00:15:35.560 I want to be the best homemaker that I can be. That means that I'm going to research. That means that

00:15:41.160 I'm going to study. That means that I'm going to take every day seriously. And not just imagine that

00:15:48.520 things will fall into place because it's so easy and casual. So if you can approach homemaking with

00:15:54.440 more of an eye toward the fact that it's something you can grow in and be the best at in. Then you can

00:16:02.040 enjoy it more because it won't feel so chaotic and overwhelming. Last but not least the fifth lesson

00:16:07.560 that I've learned as a first generation homemaker is time management. When you become a homemaker you

00:16:13.720 don't have a boss giving you deadlines. You have to figure that out on your own. And if you're not

00:16:20.680 used to that it can be a really big change. No one is going to tell you that you need to get something

00:16:27.080 done except for you. And on top of that if you tell other people that you can only get so much done in

00:16:33.640 a day. They're going to believe you because they aren't there standing over your shoulder watching

00:16:37.880 your time card. It's important that you approach homemaking with an eye towards time management.

00:16:45.080 And that doesn't need to be an incredibly strict schedule. For me it's a flexible routine. For

00:16:51.240 example my son and I we go out every morning we do an activity. He takes a nap when we get home and

00:16:57.000 then the afternoons are kind of flexible. We can do homemaking chores, we can go grocery shopping,

00:17:02.280 we can cook together. But it's a lot of understanding that things are going to change

00:17:07.160 throughout the day because my son's nap isn't at the same time every day. Which means he doesn't wake

00:17:11.160 up at the same time every day. And I don't necessarily know if he's going to take a good nap.

00:17:15.720 So I can aim to get two hours of work done while he sleeps but if he only takes a 45 minute nap

00:17:21.560 then I don't really have those two hours. And so it's very important for me to have kind of a changing

00:17:27.720 schedule. So what I'll do is I have a to-do list that doesn't change but next to that to-do list I have a

00:17:32.040 schedule and an erasable pen which I can link if you're interested. And I will write out what I

00:17:37.720 think my schedule is going to look like and as the day changes I erase it and rewrite it. I erase it and

00:17:42.760 rewrite it because every day does change. But taking seriously that you need to have some sort of time

00:17:48.680 blocking and that you need to actually approach your day with an eye towards getting things done

00:17:56.120 as opposed to scrolling on your phone or getting distracted then you can get more done and be a

00:18:02.680 better homemaker. Now I do want to include in this there are going to be times that you do have some

00:18:08.360 down time and those are times you should be spending with your kiddos. You know when you have a few minutes

00:18:13.640 that you don't the house is clean and you don't really have to go do something run off and do a chore

00:18:19.800 or maybe even exercise or take a few minutes for yourself. Okay so those are actually the two things that

00:18:24.760 you can do one is take a couple minutes for yourself and the other is spend some time with your kids

00:18:31.320 that is unstructured. So an unstructured time for you to play with your children is is actually part of

00:18:38.840 time management because if you're using your time wisely throughout the day then when you have a few

00:18:45.080 extra minutes you can use them with your kids or for yourself to recover and be a better a better mom.

00:18:53.000 But I think that time management is just such an important element of homemaking and that when

00:18:57.640 homemakers don't take it seriously they can feel like their days are too short that they're like 0.99

00:19:03.000 I don't know how I'm supposed to get everything done I don't know how I'm supposed to do the laundry

00:19:05.880 and I'm supposed to cook and I'm supposed to clean but if you view your schedule as yours because you are

00:19:12.440 the CEO of your household then you can actually get done most of what you want to get done maybe not

00:19:18.840 everything but most and again I want to emphasize that the coolest thing about being a homemaker is

00:19:24.360 that you are the CEO of your household you are the boss you get to decide how your day is run you get

00:19:30.840 to decide how your household is run that is an amazing really exciting thing so don't take it for

00:19:37.400 granted take advantage of it. So those are the five lessons that I've learned as a first generation

00:19:43.080 homemaker I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments and I hope you'll subscribe to my

00:19:47.720 channel as well as my sub stack if you want to get access to my book club thank you guys so much

00:19:52.360 for watching and I will see you guys in my next video. Bye!

Classically Abby - October 19, 2023

5 Lessons I've Learned Since Becoming A HOMEMAKER! ＊must-watch for stay-at-home moms＊

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