Classically Abby - 5 Things YOU Should Do (Or NOT Do) In A LONG DISTANCE Relationship ｜

00:00:00.000 Hello, Classic Crew, and welcome to today's video where we're going to be talking about

00:00:04.560 five ways to make your long-distance relationship last.

00:00:10.840 I feel like I know a lot about long-distance relationships. I've had two in my life. One

00:00:17.760 was nine months, and one ended up being my husband. So I've done the long-distance relationship thing

00:00:23.780 a couple of times, and I learned a lot of lessons along the way. And I think it's something that

00:00:29.920 I really wanted to share with you guys, because long-distance relationships are not easy. It's

00:00:34.380 dealing with a whole other can of worms that you're not necessarily prepared for, and I think that

00:00:39.740 it can be really difficult to navigate. So I really wanted to talk about some things that I figured out

00:00:44.980 from my first relationship to my second, and things that I really learned and that made it

00:00:50.700 much better for me the second time around. Because the first time I really didn't know what I was

00:00:54.820 doing, and I didn't know what things I should be implementing, things that I should be thinking

00:00:59.920 about. And what ended up happening was that by the end, we had not spent enough time together in

00:01:05.760 person, that by the time we spent a couple of weeks together in person, we just realized we were

00:01:09.900 totally wrong for each other, and it didn't work out. Whereas my second time around, I really knew

00:01:14.960 what to look for, and I really knew how to keep the relationship going, and how to make it more

00:01:21.240 realistic for the two of us. Now, I know some people who will not enter long-distance relationships

00:01:26.220 who just say, absolutely not. I think that's kind of silly, because yes, long-distance relationships

00:01:30.920 have their hardships, but if there is someone that you really love, or that you really think you have

00:01:36.380 a good rapport with, or you think it could work out, I think it would be silly to give that up just

00:01:41.500 because of distance, when we are in the best time in history to be in a long-distance relationship.

00:01:46.880 Honestly, you can FaceTime, you can call, you can fly. There are so many ways to make a long-distance

00:01:52.900 relationship work. Now, do I think that there should be long-distance relationships that last

00:01:57.340 years, and years, and years, and years, and years on end? No. I think that long-distance relationships

00:02:01.740 are, you do them when they're necessary, and with the intention that you will be in the same place

00:02:07.400 at the end of that. So, I don't think that long-distance relationships as a permanent thing is a good

00:02:12.320 idea, but doing it while you guys are trying to figure out if you're right for each other,

00:02:17.200 and if you really care about that person, I think that that is a-okay in my book. So, today I'm going

00:02:23.060 to share five tips that I used while I was dating long-distance, and that ended up with me marrying

00:02:29.020 my husband. So, let's get into it. Number one is don't text. Guys, I just hate texting for dating

00:02:36.080 anyways. Texting in relationships and dating is like poison. It just, it never works out. There's

00:02:42.280 nothing that is useful about it. When you're texting in a relationship, you feel like, oh,

00:02:47.080 it's great. We're constantly connected. We can talk to each other anytime we want.

00:02:52.520 It has the potential to go wrong in so many ways. Anything can be misread over text. You do not have

00:03:00.940 the body language to explain what's going on between you. You do not have the tone of voice to explain if

00:03:07.140 it's sarcastic or if it's serious. You really have no context for what the other person is saying,

00:03:12.500 and everything can be misread and lead to an unnecessary fight. Just don't do it. It's not

00:03:17.480 worth it. Jacob and I, very early on in our long-distance relationship, and our entire relationship

00:03:23.080 was long-distance, to be clear. So, it wasn't like we dated for a little while and then we were long-distance.

00:03:28.560 No, we were long-distance the entire time. Jacob and I agreed very early on that we were not going

00:03:34.180 to text because it could lead to those arguments. And also, it would get frustrating if one of us was

00:03:40.220 trying to text the other person all day and the other person was busy and wanted to live their

00:03:43.780 life and then you resented them for being busy. The other person does not owe you a text at every

00:03:49.660 moment of the day to have their phone next to them all the time. And if you hold them to that

00:03:54.260 standard, you will get frustrated and you will get resentful. And it's something that is difficult

00:03:59.180 to comprehend because you're like, oh, most people have their phones next to them all day. But people

00:04:05.540 have their phones next to them for work reasons. People may have their phones next to them, but they

00:04:09.720 don't necessarily want to have to respond to every text you send at every moment because it means that

00:04:15.100 you're constantly tethered away from what you're actually experiencing in the moment. And it's just not

00:04:21.960 necessary. And it's not good for the relationship. So I highly recommend not texting all the time.

00:04:28.260 Now, if you need to text to schedule a time to call, that's different. But just texting consistently

00:04:32.940 all the time throughout your day, it's just a recipe for disaster. And in long distance relationships,

00:04:39.140 especially when you're not going to get an opportunity to see that person later to explain

00:04:42.100 things, it's just a bad plan. So do not recommend texting in a long distance relationship. I also want

00:04:49.480 to mention that I think a lot of the time when people do long distance dating, they think that

00:04:52.980 every time they get on the phone or get on FaceTime, they have to have like a deep and meaningful

00:04:57.620 conversation. But a lot of dating when you're in the same city is doing stuff together. So you're not

00:05:03.000 necessarily talking to each other. You might just be enjoying one another's company while you're

00:05:08.520 watching a movie or while you're at the zoo. And it's not necessarily a really deep conversation.

00:05:13.500 Whereas in long distance, it can feel like every time you talk to each other, it has to be a very long,

00:05:18.920 serious conversation in a good way, not a bad serious, but just where it has to be in depth.

00:05:24.500 And I think that that is not natural for couples. It's just not. When you're married, definitely not.

00:05:30.340 You don't have a deep and meaningful conversation every single night of the week. So I think it's

00:05:34.300 important in a long distance relationship to delineate what those date nights are going to look

00:05:38.860 like if you guys, let's say, talk every night. Make sure that only two nights of the week maybe you

00:05:44.120 guys are having a date night where you're really talking and getting in depth with each other. And

00:05:49.240 then the other five nights a week or six nights a week, you guys are just kind of being more casual

00:05:54.680 and it doesn't necessarily have to be a long, intense conversation. Because that's just too much

00:05:59.280 pressure to put on any relationship. It just doesn't, no one has that much going on in their life that

00:06:05.600 they're going to be able to have a deep and meaningful conversation every single night.

00:06:08.380 My second piece of advice is to see each other for a couple long stretches of time.

00:06:13.400 This was something I did not do in my first relationship, my first long distance relationship,

00:06:17.940 and it was a mistake and it taught me a very, very good lesson. So the lesson that I learned is

00:06:23.380 that early on in your relationship, maybe within a month or two, spend a week or two if you can

00:06:29.780 together uninterrupted. Because this isn't a situation where maybe you met and you're long

00:06:35.260 distance. It's not something necessarily where you guys were together for a while and now you're

00:06:39.620 doing long distance. This is more a situation where you meet and immediately are long distance. So

00:06:43.620 in that situation, when that happens, you're not necessarily going to know how you guys work

00:06:48.660 together, how things look in a normal situation. And going off phone calls or FaceTime solely alone,

00:06:55.880 that is just not real. And it's not real life. Now, it's not to say that you can't learn a lot

00:07:01.960 about the other person through FaceTime and through those calls and that it's not a great

00:07:06.100 thing. And I think that it's actually in a lot of ways very nice because you don't have to deal

00:07:10.360 with the distraction of the physicality of things because you guys aren't in the same place. So you

00:07:15.160 don't have to worry. But it isn't entirely natural. And you guys aren't sharing experiences. You're not

00:07:20.720 seeing how the other person lives their life. You're not seeing what their day-to-day looks like.

00:07:25.560 And so spending two weeks together uninterrupted will really teach you, if you guys could make it work,

00:07:31.960 living in the same city. And not just does this work over long distance. So doing that early on is

00:07:37.920 really important. And then a little bit later on, kind of checking again and doing that for two weeks

00:07:42.940 or a month that second time. So for Jacob and me, we spent a full two weeks together very early on in

00:07:47.880 our relationship. And then we spent a full month together. And those were incredibly important for

00:07:53.000 me because it really taught me that Jacob and I had a great rapport and we could hang out and we were

00:07:57.840 compatible and we had chemistry. And it was stuff that over FaceTime and phone calls, I really liked

00:08:04.400 him and I really liked our dynamic. But I couldn't tell you for sure that we really could make it

00:08:09.320 work. Whereas in that first relationship, over FaceTime and long distance, we were fine. We were

00:08:14.320 great. We were together for nine months. But two weeks in person and all of a sudden we realized that

00:08:18.500 it just didn't work at all. So I think it's really important early on, if you're getting to know

00:08:22.740 someone over long distance, spending that amount of time together just to make sure that things are

00:08:27.460 on the right track. Number three is if you can see each other frequently, even if you're long

00:08:32.720 distance. So this is, I think, what made the long distance a lot easier for me and Jacob. We saw each

00:08:38.440 other every other weekend. I would go down to visit him in Charlottesville, Virginia, or he would visit

00:08:44.540 me in New York. And we would really make an effort, even though it was not easy to get to one

00:08:49.840 another. It was a long train ride for me and a long drive up for him. The two of us would see each

00:08:55.220 other every other weekend because we knew it was important to spend as much time together in person

00:08:59.280 as we possibly could. Now I know for some people it's really, it's just too difficult. You can't

00:09:04.440 make it work. You're too far. It's too expensive. If you can, anytime you can, take advantage of seeing

00:09:11.520 that person in person. Going way too long without seeing each other, it really does mess with the

00:09:16.560 dynamic. It's just unnatural to be in a relationship where you're barely seeing each other because

00:09:21.780 that's not how real relationships work. So making sure that if you have an opportunity to see each

00:09:28.280 other, you take advantage of it and you really do make an effort as often as possible to see one

00:09:34.420 another in person because that's what your relationship is going to be more similar to, is the times where

00:09:40.280 you are in each other's vicinity. So you want to make sure that that is as common as possible because

00:09:48.160 it will make a difference in your dynamic and in your relationship. Number four is don't make every

00:09:53.940 single time you visit each other a vacation day. Sometimes treat it like a normal day. So it's very

00:09:58.980 difficult when you're not seeing each other that often to not treat it like we're going to go out and do

00:10:05.200 fun things. Because doing fun things is great and it's really fun and it makes every time that you

00:10:12.020 visit each other seem exciting, but that isn't going to be what your normal day-to-day is like and it's

00:10:16.820 not accurate to how your relationship may look. So I think it's really important when you do visit

00:10:23.620 each other not to treat every single time like that. Not to treat it like every time we see each other

00:10:28.680 we're going to do something really fun and do a bunch of dinners or whatever, but trying to treat

00:10:33.700 a weekend like it would be if you lived in town. So spending more time at his apartment, going

00:10:40.700 grocery shopping, maybe doing some cleaning together, and just kind of seeing what the vibe is

00:10:46.560 on a natural weekend or on a normal weekend as opposed to, oh it's a vacation and we're seeing

00:10:52.500 each other and we get to celebrate that with each other. No, trying to see each other really in your

00:10:57.280 natural habitat in a sense so that you can see how does that work? How do we get along? It's not

00:11:03.440 just, oh, party time with the couple that never gets to see each other. It's we treat each other

00:11:09.200 like we're in a relationship and relationships are not always being able to go do something that's

00:11:13.460 fun. Sometimes it's really just hanging around the house and taking care of chores and errands.

00:11:17.800 So I think it's really important to do that and it will help inform you about how the relationship

00:11:23.220 works. Number five is hang out with people, not just each other, when you see each other. I think

00:11:28.800 it's very easy to get sucked into when you're in a long distance relationship that it's really just

00:11:33.660 the two of you because you're not seeing other people. You're not going out to dinner even. You're

00:11:38.700 FaceTiming alone all the time and then when you go see each other you want to spend as much time as

00:11:44.600 possible with one another. But the fact of the matter is it's really important for you guys to

00:11:48.620 see how you interact around other people, how you interact around family, how you interact around

00:11:52.160 friends, and seeing how your dynamic shifts around other people, but also seeing the people that your

00:11:58.800 and how he acts, and how you guys get along in bigger groups. This kind of stuff is very

00:12:05.020 informative and it's really helpful in a long distance relationship to tell you how things

00:12:10.480 are going to look when you're not long distance. Because when you're not long distance you're

00:12:14.300 probably going to be seeing people on a more regular basis. So if you want to see people on

00:12:19.080 a more regular basis it's definitely important that you see how that would look when you guys

00:12:24.460 are not long distance from each other. And I think that's really important for the future

00:12:28.760 of a relationship. So when Jacob and I were dating and I visited him I would hang out with his

00:12:32.880 friends maybe every other time I visited just to kind of get the feel of first of all who he hung

00:12:38.080 out with and who his friends were but also what his dynamic was with them and what our dynamic was

00:12:43.160 and it really it gave me a lot of information that I wanted. And when he visited me we would hang

00:12:48.960 out with my friends and it gave him information about who I was hanging out with and what I was like

00:12:53.360 around them and what he was like around my friends. And it was just a really important part of the

00:12:59.520 long distance thing. So when you're dating long distance I think it's really important to keep

00:13:03.160 some of these things in mind because it isn't the same as dating someone who's just right around the

00:13:09.080 corner from you. It is a little bit different and you want to make sure that you are still giving

00:13:13.420 yourselves the best chance to have a great relationship. So let me know in the comments if you

00:13:17.720 guys have any tips and tricks for long distance relationships. If you've been in one, if you are

00:13:21.560 in one, I'd love to hear. Thank you guys so much for watching today's video. Please subscribe to my

00:13:26.500 channel if you haven't already. We'd love to have you join the Classic crew. Hit that notification bell to

00:13:31.340 get notified of all my new videos. I'd love if you would subscribe to my newsletter. It's just a little

00:13:36.060 dose of Classic that comes into your inbox about twice a month. If you'd like to follow me on social

00:13:40.760 media it's at classicallyabby absolutely everywhere. Thank you guys so much for watching and I'll see you

00:13:45.300 guys in the next one. Bye!

Classically Abby - February 17, 2021

5 Things YOU Should Do (Or NOT Do) In A LONG DISTANCE Relationship ｜｜ Conservative Dating Advice!

Episode Stats

Length

Words per Minute

Word Count

Sentence Count

Summary

Transcript