Classically Abby - 7 Things I Wish I Knew SOONER + How To Break Up With Someone Who's Wrong For You! ⧸⧸ Ep. 8

00:00:00.040 Seven things I wish I knew sooner,

00:00:02.520 what's the story with the fancy stuff in the tabernacle,

00:00:05.980 and how to break up with someone

00:00:07.480 who doesn't want the same things you do.

00:00:09.980 All this and more on today's episode

00:00:11.940 of the Classically Abbey podcast.

00:00:30.000 Hello, and welcome to today's episode

00:00:32.900 of the Classically Abbey podcast.

00:00:34.780 I am so glad you are here.

00:00:37.200 I feel like I haven't recorded in a little while,

00:00:39.300 and whenever I take a little break

00:00:41.260 and then come sit down and just chat with you guys,

00:00:44.000 I realize how much I just like talking to you,

00:00:47.000 and how much I just love hearing all of your responses

00:00:50.060 in the comments, and getting to share my life with you all.

00:00:53.640 So I'm looking forward to today's episode.

00:00:56.300 But before we get into it,

00:00:57.880 I want to ask if you would please share this

00:01:01.540 with anybody you think would enjoy it,

00:01:03.720 your friends, your family, whoever you think would like it.

00:01:07.140 And I would also love if you would subscribe

00:01:09.700 wherever you listen to podcasts,

00:01:11.660 and give this podcast a good review on Apple Podcasts.

00:01:15.060 That would really help me out.

00:01:16.400 So in today's episode,

00:01:17.780 we're going to be doing our weekly catch-up,

00:01:20.560 as well as the main topic, followed by our faith talk,

00:01:23.960 and stay tuned till the end,

00:01:25.540 where I'll be answering my premium subscriber questions.

00:01:29.220 So let's just get into our weekly catch-up, shall we?

00:01:31.720 Let's just start right off.

00:01:33.420 Last week, we went to the Renaissance Fair.

00:01:36.460 It was awesome.

00:01:38.160 I want to go back.

00:01:39.080 I don't think we're going to get a chance,

00:01:40.200 because March is insane for us.

00:01:43.120 March is crazy.

00:01:44.800 So first we have Purim,

00:01:47.720 then we have, which is a Jewish holiday.

00:01:49.760 It's a Jewish holiday where we celebrate the Book of Esther,

00:01:51.940 and we all dress up.

00:01:52.860 It's really fun.

00:01:54.280 I'm looking right to my side here.

00:01:56.740 I've got all of these little gift baskets

00:01:59.140 that we're going to be handing out to our friends.

00:02:01.040 That's one of the commandments,

00:02:02.600 the mitzvot that we do on the holiday.

00:02:04.880 We distribute these different baskets with food

00:02:08.660 to our friends and our community,

00:02:10.300 and it's a lot of fun.

00:02:11.780 So that is coming up.

00:02:13.780 And then right after that,

00:02:15.040 we have my husband's birthday,

00:02:17.000 followed by my son's birthday,

00:02:19.200 followed by my two members of my family's birthdays,

00:02:22.480 and then we're already into April,

00:02:24.540 and it's Passover.

00:02:25.620 So it's a very busy time for us.

00:02:28.060 So I don't think we're going to get a chance

00:02:29.160 to go back to the Renaissance Fair.

00:02:30.260 But we had such a good time.

00:02:32.600 We actually bought costumes.

00:02:34.380 We dressed up.

00:02:35.680 I wore this kind of modern corset thing.

00:02:39.100 When I say modern,

00:02:40.340 I just mean that it's not like boned.

00:02:43.180 It's more something that you tie,

00:02:45.580 and it holds you in.

00:02:47.160 So that was very comfortable.

00:02:49.720 I appreciated that.

00:02:50.620 To be fair, I don't find corsets with boning uncomfortable,

00:02:53.380 but it's nice to have something

00:02:54.720 that's just a little bit more flexible on a very hot day.

00:02:57.080 So I wore that, and I also got this dress.

00:02:59.020 The whole thing I got off of Amazon.

00:03:00.740 My husband also got his outfit off of Amazon,

00:03:02.940 and we actually decided

00:03:04.880 that since we were buying costumes for the Renaissance Fair,

00:03:08.020 we might as well reuse those costumes for Purim.

00:03:12.600 So we just kind of went as your average Renaissance people

00:03:16.960 to the fair.

00:03:19.140 But the way we're going to use it for Purim

00:03:22.300 is that I will be dressing up as Maid Marian,

00:03:25.020 my husband will be Robin Hood,

00:03:27.020 and our son will be Little John.

00:03:29.240 So I think it's going to be really cute.

00:03:31.560 I'm really excited about it.

00:03:33.160 But the Renaissance Fair was super cool

00:03:35.740 because I had never been to one,

00:03:37.240 and I had always thought that maybe

00:03:38.520 they looked a little bit hokey, run down,

00:03:41.720 not really well-maintained.

00:03:43.640 Maybe the buildings are just kind of,

00:03:45.500 not buildings, but the stalls

00:03:46.840 don't look very professional.

00:03:49.580 But they actually really look like,

00:03:52.640 like you feel transported to another place

00:03:54.720 at another time,

00:03:55.500 and all of the stuff there

00:03:57.000 looks very well put together,

00:03:59.200 looks very era appropriate.

00:04:02.020 It's a lot of fun.

00:04:03.460 And I actually bought a couple things there.

00:04:05.460 I got this really pretty kind of rose ring,

00:04:07.600 which if you're watching this on YouTube,

00:04:09.400 you'll be able to see from a very far distance.

00:04:12.540 And I also got,

00:04:14.120 my husband bought me a locket with a rose on it,

00:04:16.260 which I really love.

00:04:17.920 I want to print a photo of my husband,

00:04:20.320 and I want to print a photo of Mr. Baby,

00:04:22.440 and I want to put that on both sides

00:04:24.360 so that I can carry them close to my heart.

00:04:26.620 So yes, I would recommend,

00:04:29.720 if you have never been to a Renaissance Fair,

00:04:31.580 check it out.

00:04:32.740 There are a lot of things to do.

00:04:34.240 To be honest, we didn't do very much.

00:04:36.440 We just kind of wanted to wander around,

00:04:39.080 take it all in,

00:04:39.920 take in the sights and sounds and smells,

00:04:42.500 try out different,

00:04:44.300 kind of walk over to different stalls

00:04:45.700 and look and see what they had,

00:04:47.220 because they're selling all of these different wares,

00:04:49.020 which I love a craft fair,

00:04:51.280 and a Renaissance craft fair might be even better.

00:04:54.480 So if you like that kind of thing,

00:04:56.380 you would really enjoy this.

00:04:57.500 But they also have a bunch of kind of fun activities

00:05:01.160 for kids, little rides and things like that.

00:05:03.860 They have shows, they have walking people

00:05:07.120 who are going to be in character and engage with you.

00:05:10.180 So it's cool.

00:05:12.260 I really am glad that we went.

00:05:14.200 I hope that maybe next year we can go more often,

00:05:17.360 because I don't think we're going to get to go again

00:05:18.820 this year, unfortunately.

00:05:19.840 But that was really fun.

00:05:21.380 And what was even more fun was that we actually went

00:05:23.340 with a couple of our friends.

00:05:25.020 And if you can get a few people to go together,

00:05:27.140 that just makes it an even better time.

00:05:29.320 And that's kind of part of what I wanted to chat about next,

00:05:34.760 is just how great it is to have good friends.

00:05:38.720 So this past week was very busy for me,

00:05:42.880 because I was needed in a lot of different ways.

00:05:47.700 And you might think, oh, that's exhausting, that's tiring,

00:05:52.200 you're going to be stretched too thin,

00:05:54.460 you're going to be overwhelmed.

00:05:55.480 And there is an element of truth to all of that.

00:05:58.420 You do feel a little bit tired, a little bit stretched thin,

00:06:01.940 a little bit pulled in too many directions.

00:06:03.520 But at the same time, I have never felt more grateful

00:06:07.300 and more just meaning and purpose

00:06:11.580 than when I know that people need me.

00:06:15.400 That's what life is about, right?

00:06:17.100 Is that people need you.

00:06:18.880 It shows you why you're here,

00:06:21.200 is when people are reaching out to you

00:06:23.400 because they trust you and they depend on you

00:06:26.400 and they need your support in whatever way that,

00:06:29.920 in whatever form that takes.

00:06:31.340 That can be physical.

00:06:32.620 It can be just running errands for someone.

00:06:34.240 It can be emotional.

00:06:35.220 Maybe they want to talk to you.

00:06:36.820 And so having these friends that we've made here in Florida

00:06:41.080 come with us to the Renaissance Fair was wonderful.

00:06:43.840 And those same friends,

00:06:45.080 I actually planned her surprise birthday party this past week.

00:06:48.540 And we had such a good time.

00:06:50.740 We ended up, it ended up being a huge surprise.

00:06:53.040 She loved it, which made me so happy.

00:06:55.760 I will also say that on my end,

00:06:58.160 I was very proud that I'm the kind of person.

00:07:02.100 So this is kind of funny,

00:07:03.240 but I invited her over to my place before the party

00:07:06.840 just because she knew that we were going to have,

00:07:09.680 we were going to be going out.

00:07:10.860 But she didn't know that a big group of people

00:07:12.860 was going to be going out.

00:07:13.800 She thought it was just going to be like a couple of friends.

00:07:16.520 And so I said to her,

00:07:18.760 why don't you come over a couple of hours before we go out

00:07:21.660 and we'll just get ready together

00:07:22.800 so that her husband could prepare the house

00:07:25.100 and get it ready

00:07:25.640 and everyone could show up to surprise her.

00:07:28.000 And I had to say to myself,

00:07:30.720 you know, I feel good that I'm the kind of person

00:07:33.360 that it didn't throw her onto it.

00:07:36.620 Like she didn't figure it out

00:07:38.360 because I had said,

00:07:40.320 come over and let's get ready together.

00:07:42.620 It didn't make her question it

00:07:44.400 and maybe figure out that there was a surprise.

00:07:46.520 She just, that's just something I would do enough

00:07:50.500 that she was like, yeah, that sounds fun.

00:07:53.160 I would love for you to get ready with me.

00:07:55.240 And what I had offered is I'll do your hair and makeup

00:07:57.380 because I love doing that for people.

00:07:59.240 And so it wasn't weird.

00:08:01.400 It didn't make her go,

00:08:02.320 oh, maybe they're doing something.

00:08:03.800 They're trying to get me out of the house.

00:08:05.500 It didn't even come across that way,

00:08:07.320 which I thought was a nice thing.

00:08:09.140 And something I want to continue to do

00:08:12.140 is be the kind of person

00:08:13.640 who offers fun activities to my friends.

00:08:17.200 Like let's get ready together.

00:08:18.300 Let's let me do your hair and makeup.

00:08:20.280 And they would never suspect

00:08:22.180 that I was trying to throw them off

00:08:24.040 the scent of a surprise party, for example.

00:08:27.020 But it was great.

00:08:28.340 We actually went axe throwing,

00:08:30.140 which if you haven't done axe throwing,

00:08:32.460 it's a lot of fun.

00:08:33.580 We've done it now twice.

00:08:34.940 This was our second time.

00:08:35.960 By the end of this time, I was getting good.

00:08:38.360 I was really figuring it out,

00:08:39.660 which I was like, yeah.

00:08:40.840 It took, you know, a few tries

00:08:43.180 for me to kind of get the hang of it.

00:08:44.580 And it does take a while,

00:08:46.140 depending on if you,

00:08:47.400 some people are very naturally good at it,

00:08:48.880 but some people are not.

00:08:49.820 And if you are the kind of person

00:08:51.300 who needs a few tries to get used to it,

00:08:54.760 it's okay.

00:08:55.380 That's normal.

00:08:55.940 Because for the first, I don't know,

00:08:57.520 10, 15 throws,

00:08:58.860 you're going to be not even getting the axe

00:09:01.160 to stick in the wood.

00:09:01.900 It's just going to bounce off

00:09:02.840 because the wrong part of the axe

00:09:04.040 is going to hit it.

00:09:05.060 But once you figure it out,

00:09:07.080 it's really fun.

00:09:07.960 And it's really cool.

00:09:09.140 And it's just fun

00:09:10.380 because one of the great things

00:09:11.700 about this party

00:09:12.600 was that we were all just

00:09:14.880 encouraging one another.

00:09:16.720 It was competitive in that fun, silly way,

00:09:19.000 but also we wanted everyone else to do well.

00:09:21.740 We didn't like it

00:09:22.620 when other people weren't doing well.

00:09:24.220 We would go in and help them

00:09:25.660 or teach them

00:09:26.620 or whatever else it was.

00:09:28.080 So it ended up being a great time.

00:09:30.620 And I'm so glad that it all worked out.

00:09:32.420 And she was actually surprised,

00:09:34.480 which is great.

00:09:35.240 So the next thing I want to talk about

00:09:39.100 is Costco.

00:09:41.520 Is Costco not the best place?

00:09:43.560 It's so fun.

00:09:44.560 And it's so funny that I feel this way

00:09:46.040 because as a kid,

00:09:47.420 I remember my mom would take me to Costco

00:09:49.120 and I hated it.

00:09:50.280 I hated going with her.

00:09:51.640 It really stressed me out.

00:09:53.040 And it was because there were no windows.

00:09:54.740 It was a giant warehouse.

00:09:55.820 It was ugly.

00:09:57.200 I couldn't understand

00:09:58.340 why she had to go shopping there

00:09:59.920 and why she took me.

00:10:01.720 Like it made me very unhappy.

00:10:03.420 And now as an adult,

00:10:04.420 honestly, it was ever since

00:10:06.000 moving to Nebraska,

00:10:06.920 we had a Costco down the street from us

00:10:09.720 so we could go there whenever we wanted.

00:10:11.540 And we would go on Costco dates.

00:10:13.120 That was like our date night.

00:10:14.900 We would say,

00:10:15.340 you want to go to Costco tonight?

00:10:16.560 And we'd go

00:10:17.260 and we'd kind of do like a treasure hunt,

00:10:19.160 see if we found anything fun

00:10:20.500 or cool or different

00:10:21.600 that was still useful to us,

00:10:23.480 but wasn't an arm and a leg

00:10:25.300 and was maybe something

00:10:26.280 we never knew we needed.

00:10:27.580 And it was just a fun way

00:10:29.720 to spend an evening.

00:10:30.980 I am a huge proponent of this.

00:10:33.320 Giving yourself a budget

00:10:34.700 saying like,

00:10:35.340 okay, we can spend $50.

00:10:37.500 We can spend $100

00:10:38.320 and whatever we find within that budget,

00:10:41.920 let's just buy it

00:10:42.800 because it's so fun there

00:10:44.360 to just see what they have.

00:10:46.380 And they have so much cool stuff,

00:10:48.080 so much good stuff,

00:10:49.120 so much good food.

00:10:50.700 I love going to Costco.

00:10:52.220 It has become just a little spot

00:10:54.300 that I go to,

00:10:55.200 can get everything I need for my house.

00:10:57.080 And then maybe if I find something else

00:10:59.160 that's useful,

00:10:59.760 I get that too.

00:11:00.660 For example,

00:11:02.040 we recently got these

00:11:03.020 really pretty ceramic bowls

00:11:04.960 that also come with microwave lids.

00:11:07.460 And I just think they're so nice for serving,

00:11:10.260 but they're also great for storage,

00:11:12.020 but they're also great

00:11:13.180 for just eating a bowl of cereal.

00:11:15.100 And I never would have gotten that

00:11:17.040 somewhere else

00:11:18.420 because I wouldn't be looking for it.

00:11:20.180 I wouldn't necessarily think I needed it,

00:11:22.140 but it is pretty and useful.

00:11:23.400 And because I host a lot,

00:11:24.740 it's actually very useful

00:11:26.020 because I can put,

00:11:26.780 you know, Israeli salads in them.

00:11:28.960 We do like a lot of hummus,

00:11:31.680 some, I don't know,

00:11:33.580 tabbouleh, things like that.

00:11:34.880 And they're really good serving dishes.

00:11:36.820 So that was,

00:11:39.160 I just wanted to mention

00:11:40.680 how much I enjoy Costco.

00:11:43.580 Last but not least,

00:11:44.820 I wanted to talk a little bit

00:11:46.660 about something

00:11:47.280 you might not expect from me.

00:11:50.320 So I'm guessing you've figured out by now

00:11:53.580 that I am probably

00:11:54.500 the least hippie-ish person you'll meet.

00:11:56.820 Like, I am not a hippie person.

00:11:59.040 I am much more refined.

00:12:03.060 I like a structured jacket.

00:12:05.880 I like structure to my days.

00:12:09.100 That's not to say

00:12:09.980 I'm not a fan of slow living,

00:12:11.140 but I would not say I'm a,

00:12:12.660 I'm a hippie person.

00:12:14.360 Like, astrology is,

00:12:16.440 for example,

00:12:17.520 astrology is something

00:12:18.720 that I think is kind of entertaining.

00:12:20.320 I take absolutely no stock in it.

00:12:22.120 I think it's fun to talk about like,

00:12:23.740 oh, this sign matches with this sign.

00:12:26.480 But I also don't believe

00:12:28.420 that that matters.

00:12:30.360 But the thing I'm about to talk about

00:12:32.720 might make you think,

00:12:33.700 Abby, that is so hippie-ish.

00:12:35.240 And perhaps it is,

00:12:36.820 but it has worked for me.

00:12:38.380 And I have tried hypnotherapy,

00:12:42.180 hypnosis.

00:12:42.980 So I actually did this a long time ago

00:12:45.460 back in LA.

00:12:46.360 Makes sense, right?

00:12:47.200 An LA thing to go get hypnotherapy.

00:12:48.880 But I saw someone about

00:12:52.440 situational anxiety

00:12:54.520 and it really, really helped.

00:12:57.800 And so since we moved to Florida,

00:12:59.520 I've been wanting to talk to somebody

00:13:01.820 about my eating habits

00:13:03.540 because I have found that I have

00:13:05.340 certain,

00:13:06.420 not compulsive in like a compulsive way,

00:13:10.500 but let's say compulsive behaviors

00:13:12.360 about wanting to finish what I eat,

00:13:15.740 you know, clean plate club kind of thing,

00:13:17.420 or wanting to eat more than I need

00:13:21.180 of desserts or snacks

00:13:23.420 or things that,

00:13:24.440 kind of snacking when I'm not hungry.

00:13:26.760 And I don't like that feeling

00:13:29.580 of eating something

00:13:30.620 and then feeling regret.

00:13:32.200 And I've tried to work through this.

00:13:33.920 I've tried to kind of

00:13:34.800 make myself do better at it.

00:13:38.120 But after reading Jonathan Haidt's

00:13:40.640 The Happiness Hypothesis

00:13:41.640 with my book club,

00:13:42.920 shameless plug,

00:13:43.780 you should join my book club,

00:13:44.600 I realized that it's very hard

00:13:48.280 to get your conscious mind

00:13:50.960 to change an unconscious

00:13:53.360 or subconscious pull

00:13:56.060 or thing that you're doing.

00:13:58.980 So even though I was telling myself,

00:14:01.420 okay, I don't want to do these things,

00:14:02.940 the conscious mind

00:14:04.340 can't really direct your unconscious

00:14:06.720 to do something

00:14:07.540 that it doesn't want to do.

00:14:09.140 That's where hypnosis

00:14:10.360 and hypnotherapy come in.

00:14:11.580 They help kind of bypass

00:14:13.500 the conscious mind

00:14:14.640 and work directly with

00:14:16.660 the unconscious

00:14:17.760 and the subconscious

00:14:18.600 and deal with those things

00:14:22.920 that are making you do something

00:14:24.920 that maybe you don't want

00:14:25.740 to do anymore.

00:14:26.320 For example,

00:14:26.840 this hypnotherapy

00:14:28.060 works very well for smokers,

00:14:29.740 for people who would very much like

00:14:31.640 to stop a compulsive behavior,

00:14:33.280 but are not able to do it

00:14:36.400 just through sheer will.

00:14:38.720 So I saw a hypnotherapist here

00:14:41.020 and I was like a little skeptical

00:14:43.040 because it's been a long time

00:14:44.220 and it's someone I didn't know.

00:14:45.440 So there's always a risk with that

00:14:46.680 that maybe you don't like it

00:14:48.340 or you don't take to it.

00:14:50.960 And I think it's working.

00:14:52.220 I did one session

00:14:53.240 and I came home

00:14:55.020 and I was like,

00:14:55.420 okay, well,

00:14:55.940 I don't feel very different.

00:14:57.620 But within a couple of days,

00:14:59.300 I started to see

00:15:00.100 that maybe I wasn't

00:15:01.720 really craving these things

00:15:03.240 that I had wanted in the past

00:15:05.600 and I was able to have

00:15:07.160 a little bit more self-control

00:15:08.300 in situations

00:15:09.660 where in the past

00:15:10.540 I would not have.

00:15:12.160 And it's making me feel great.

00:15:14.920 So I actually decided

00:15:16.180 to set up another appointment

00:15:17.380 and I know it sounds

00:15:19.580 like a crazy hippie concept,

00:15:21.340 but hypnosis is actually

00:15:22.600 very powerful

00:15:24.040 in many, many circumstances.

00:15:26.380 And hypnotherapy

00:15:27.420 has been very beneficial to me.

00:15:29.880 So I wanted to mention it

00:15:31.940 because I think

00:15:33.240 it could help people

00:15:34.240 and maybe you haven't

00:15:35.760 even heard of it

00:15:36.560 or maybe you've heard of it

00:15:38.020 but it sounded too crazy

00:15:39.400 and here's your big sister,

00:15:42.520 Abby,

00:15:42.960 classically Abby,

00:15:43.720 telling you,

00:15:44.780 if you are interested

00:15:45.620 in trying it out,

00:15:47.040 maybe give it a go

00:15:48.060 and it doesn't have

00:15:49.380 to work for you,

00:15:50.040 but maybe you will.

00:15:51.120 And if it does,

00:15:53.060 I mean,

00:15:53.660 what's better than that?

00:15:55.140 So that is it

00:15:56.520 for today's weekly catch-up.

00:15:59.020 So now let's get into

00:16:00.220 the main portion

00:16:01.280 of today's episode.

00:16:02.580 So for the main portion

00:16:04.020 of today's episode,

00:16:05.160 I want to talk about

00:16:06.340 seven things

00:16:07.280 I wish I knew sooner.

00:16:09.900 So the reason I want

00:16:11.000 to talk about this today

00:16:11.900 is I actually did

00:16:13.220 an Instagram reel

00:16:14.500 on this idea.

00:16:16.060 It was something I saw

00:16:17.140 that someone else had posted

00:16:18.180 and often the way

00:16:19.480 that I create

00:16:20.140 my Instagram reels

00:16:20.940 is I look for trending audio

00:16:22.380 and I will then

00:16:24.060 use that trending audio

00:16:25.320 in my own way

00:16:26.400 or I will take

00:16:27.800 a trending theme,

00:16:30.880 I don't know,

00:16:31.540 some sort of reel

00:16:32.520 that people are doing

00:16:33.440 and I will do

00:16:34.840 my own spin on it.

00:16:35.740 So I had seen

00:16:36.920 seven things

00:16:37.520 I wish I knew sooner

00:16:38.240 and I thought,

00:16:38.820 you know what?

00:16:39.800 That's a great idea.

00:16:41.040 Let me share

00:16:42.060 some of my thoughts

00:16:42.840 on that.

00:16:43.480 And I just wrote them

00:16:44.900 just kind of like

00:16:46.300 the header

00:16:47.480 and that's it.

00:16:48.920 And I thought to myself,

00:16:49.740 you know,

00:16:50.020 it would make

00:16:50.500 an interesting podcast episode

00:16:52.020 to actually break down

00:16:53.680 those seven things

00:16:54.440 a little bit more

00:16:55.300 because if you're

00:16:56.560 just reading it,

00:16:57.200 you don't necessarily

00:16:57.860 know or understand

00:16:59.120 what I'm talking about

00:17:00.300 or why I said it.

00:17:01.680 And the thing I liked

00:17:03.100 about this particular idea

00:17:05.160 was that a lot of my reels

00:17:07.960 on Instagram

00:17:08.460 are very fiery,

00:17:09.800 are very kind of controversial.

00:17:12.920 And this one really wasn't.

00:17:14.340 It was more things

00:17:16.060 I have learned

00:17:17.140 and that I think

00:17:17.800 have been valuable to me

00:17:18.900 and that maybe

00:17:20.240 could help somebody else out.

00:17:21.580 So I'm excited

00:17:22.340 to share these

00:17:23.080 seven things with you.

00:17:24.420 I think that it's

00:17:25.400 always wonderful

00:17:26.200 to kind of

00:17:26.900 think and learn

00:17:28.520 and just examine your life.

00:17:30.840 Just constantly checking in,

00:17:33.000 you know,

00:17:33.560 and understanding

00:17:35.140 what those changes

00:17:36.840 you've made

00:17:37.680 throughout your life

00:17:38.700 have done for you.

00:17:41.080 So let's get right into it.

00:17:43.160 So number one is

00:17:44.540 the first thing

00:17:46.160 I wish I knew sooner

00:17:46.940 is that God loves me.

00:17:49.640 I don't think I knew this

00:17:51.540 for quite a long time.

00:17:54.460 Unfortunately,

00:17:55.020 we don't really use

00:17:58.520 that phraseology

00:17:59.420 in Orthodox Judaism,

00:18:00.480 even though we talk about it,

00:18:02.480 but we don't really

00:18:03.100 use that phraseology.

00:18:04.240 I would say

00:18:04.640 we often talk about

00:18:06.380 how we love God,

00:18:07.640 but the phrase

00:18:09.000 God loves me,

00:18:10.360 I hadn't really heard much

00:18:12.020 until I became friends

00:18:13.460 with a lot more Christians.

00:18:14.760 And Christians use that phrase

00:18:16.260 a lot,

00:18:17.100 that God loves them.

00:18:18.560 And once I sort of

00:18:19.900 started talking

00:18:20.600 to my husband about it,

00:18:21.540 it gave me

00:18:23.740 a whole new look

00:18:24.620 on faith.

00:18:26.040 It gave me

00:18:26.860 a whole new outlook

00:18:27.920 on my relationship

00:18:29.580 to God.

00:18:30.620 And it gave me

00:18:31.720 a whole new relationship

00:18:32.840 to my practice

00:18:35.560 of Orthodox Judaism.

00:18:37.420 Now,

00:18:38.020 why do I say

00:18:38.720 all of that?

00:18:39.240 Well,

00:18:39.840 when you realize

00:18:41.100 that God loves you,

00:18:42.420 it gives you permission

00:18:44.000 to make mistakes.

00:18:45.860 And that was really

00:18:47.440 my big thing.

00:18:49.260 When I went off the derach,

00:18:51.120 which is the Jewish phrase

00:18:52.020 for kind of leaving

00:18:54.440 the practice

00:18:55.360 or becoming less religious,

00:18:57.880 a lot of it had to do

00:18:59.880 with feeling like

00:19:01.980 I had made too many mistakes

00:19:04.700 and I couldn't,

00:19:06.700 you know,

00:19:08.160 in a sense,

00:19:09.420 look God in the face.

00:19:11.700 Like,

00:19:11.940 I couldn't look him

00:19:12.680 in the eye

00:19:13.300 when I knew

00:19:14.340 I was doing something

00:19:15.380 wrong

00:19:16.500 or doing something

00:19:17.820 that wasn't in line

00:19:20.020 with my religious values.

00:19:22.700 For example,

00:19:23.920 when I stopped

00:19:24.660 keeping Sabbath,

00:19:25.900 I felt like

00:19:26.360 I couldn't be religious

00:19:27.140 at all

00:19:27.840 because I had

00:19:29.660 turned against God

00:19:30.680 and I had been

00:19:31.380 bad towards God.

00:19:33.200 Or when I was

00:19:35.200 not really being

00:19:36.580 modest.

00:19:38.340 Or when I started,

00:19:40.000 you know,

00:19:40.520 kissing guys

00:19:41.180 who I wasn't married to.

00:19:42.860 I felt like

00:19:43.780 I couldn't

00:19:44.540 have a relationship

00:19:46.660 with God

00:19:47.140 because I had

00:19:47.620 let him down.

00:19:49.200 And

00:19:49.800 that was a

00:19:51.340 really big mistake

00:19:52.620 because

00:19:53.660 instead of saying

00:19:54.800 I can make mistakes

00:19:56.500 and God still

00:19:57.660 loves me

00:19:58.440 and therefore

00:19:59.540 I can

00:20:00.400 come back

00:20:01.320 from these mistakes,

00:20:02.300 it was like

00:20:03.580 I had to do

00:20:04.180 all or nothing.

00:20:05.280 And if I didn't

00:20:06.680 do it all,

00:20:07.780 then I was

00:20:08.360 doing nothing.

00:20:09.980 Right?

00:20:10.580 And this feeling

00:20:11.640 of no matter

00:20:12.640 how hard

00:20:14.100 I tried,

00:20:15.100 I wasn't going

00:20:15.700 to be perfect,

00:20:16.780 which kind of leads

00:20:17.400 into some of the

00:20:17.960 other things

00:20:18.700 I wish I knew

00:20:19.200 sooner.

00:20:19.700 But also that

00:20:20.480 if I chose

00:20:22.080 not to do

00:20:22.600 something,

00:20:22.960 if it wasn't

00:20:23.380 just a mistake,

00:20:24.980 but if I chose

00:20:25.740 not to do

00:20:26.200 something at

00:20:26.880 a certain time,

00:20:28.260 meaning chose

00:20:29.060 not to do

00:20:29.480 a certain law

00:20:30.280 at a certain

00:20:30.800 time in my life,

00:20:32.020 then I was

00:20:32.780 like actively

00:20:33.580 going against

00:20:35.060 my creator

00:20:36.800 and therefore

00:20:37.620 God didn't

00:20:38.300 love me anymore.

00:20:39.360 And so I

00:20:39.920 had to realize

00:20:40.700 that no,

00:20:41.940 God loves me

00:20:42.660 through all

00:20:43.240 of it,

00:20:43.980 through the

00:20:44.920 thick and

00:20:45.480 the thin,

00:20:46.620 through me

00:20:47.380 being the

00:20:47.820 most religious

00:20:48.380 version of

00:20:48.920 myself and

00:20:49.420 the least

00:20:49.760 religious

00:20:50.080 version of

00:20:50.600 myself.

00:20:51.020 It doesn't

00:20:51.440 matter.

00:20:51.880 God still

00:20:52.500 loves me

00:20:53.220 and that

00:20:54.240 means that

00:20:54.840 I can do

00:20:56.280 better and

00:20:57.400 grow again

00:20:58.780 towards being

00:20:59.500 close to him.

00:21:00.220 It meant that

00:21:01.020 at the times

00:21:01.640 that I became

00:21:02.120 less religious,

00:21:02.720 I could have

00:21:03.560 said,

00:21:03.980 okay,

00:21:04.120 but I want

00:21:04.660 to come back

00:21:05.200 because I want

00:21:05.760 to maintain

00:21:06.280 that.

00:21:06.560 I want to

00:21:07.380 give something

00:21:07.940 to this

00:21:09.220 God that

00:21:09.720 loves me.

00:21:10.240 I want to

00:21:10.600 maintain that

00:21:11.320 relationship to

00:21:12.040 this God

00:21:12.860 that loves

00:21:13.320 me.

00:21:14.000 Even when

00:21:14.680 I'm not as

00:21:15.540 religious,

00:21:15.840 I might decide

00:21:16.640 to come back.

00:21:17.320 And I knew

00:21:17.800 I wanted to

00:21:19.060 raise my

00:21:19.420 children Jewish,

00:21:20.120 but I didn't

00:21:21.020 have necessarily

00:21:22.180 that understanding

00:21:23.600 of my own

00:21:24.300 relationship with

00:21:25.060 God at that

00:21:25.780 point.

00:21:26.120 And if I had

00:21:26.680 known that

00:21:27.220 God loves me,

00:21:28.160 it would have

00:21:28.740 given me

00:21:29.420 permission to

00:21:30.620 make mistakes

00:21:31.420 and to step

00:21:32.960 away while also

00:21:33.860 stepping back

00:21:34.580 later and

00:21:35.460 given me

00:21:36.540 a confidence

00:21:37.660 in my

00:21:38.820 relationship

00:21:39.240 with God,

00:21:40.000 which I think

00:21:41.420 eventually and

00:21:42.260 ultimately makes

00:21:43.180 you closer to

00:21:44.180 God in the

00:21:44.740 long run and

00:21:45.320 makes you want

00:21:46.520 to make

00:21:48.400 better choices

00:21:49.080 as regarding

00:21:49.720 your faith,

00:21:51.180 make more

00:21:51.900 intentional choices

00:21:54.040 as regarding

00:21:54.960 your faith.

00:21:55.500 So that would

00:21:57.060 have been a

00:21:57.640 very good thing

00:21:58.520 for me to

00:21:58.900 know sooner

00:21:59.600 in my life

00:22:00.840 is that my

00:22:02.240 relationship

00:22:02.740 with my

00:22:03.300 creator,

00:22:05.760 with God,

00:22:06.640 he loves me

00:22:08.160 and he wants

00:22:08.920 what's best

00:22:09.380 for me.

00:22:10.220 And that

00:22:10.940 would have

00:22:11.260 maybe colored

00:22:12.140 my decisions

00:22:14.280 and would have

00:22:15.120 made me not

00:22:16.320 be so hard

00:22:16.880 on myself in

00:22:17.960 the times where

00:22:18.600 I became less

00:22:19.440 religious because

00:22:20.100 I could say,

00:22:21.420 and in the

00:22:21.960 future,

00:22:22.960 I still want

00:22:23.680 to, because

00:22:24.600 God loves me,

00:22:25.320 I love him.

00:22:26.860 And that's a

00:22:27.300 huge thing is

00:22:27.840 because God

00:22:28.440 loves me,

00:22:29.080 I love him.

00:22:30.540 If I felt like

00:22:31.540 God was indifferent

00:22:32.140 towards me,

00:22:32.740 then I would

00:22:33.200 feel indifferent

00:22:33.640 towards God.

00:22:34.700 And so if I

00:22:35.380 love God and

00:22:36.200 God loves me,

00:22:36.980 then at some

00:22:37.980 point in my

00:22:38.700 future, I would

00:22:39.540 want to be

00:22:40.040 closer to him

00:22:40.760 so that that

00:22:41.200 relationship could

00:22:42.500 flourish.

00:22:43.840 So that's

00:22:44.500 number one.

00:22:45.920 Number two,

00:22:46.980 seven of the

00:22:47.800 seven things I

00:22:48.360 wish I knew

00:22:48.720 sooner is the

00:22:49.740 perfect is the

00:22:50.640 enemy of the

00:22:51.380 good.

00:22:52.200 So I'm going

00:22:52.960 to quickly read

00:22:53.620 kind of a

00:22:54.020 Wikipedia entry

00:22:54.880 on this idea,

00:22:55.700 which is,

00:22:56.420 perfect is the

00:22:57.000 enemy of the

00:22:57.560 good is an

00:22:58.180 aphorism,

00:22:59.180 which means

00:22:59.620 insistence on

00:23:00.500 perfection often

00:23:01.500 prevents implementation

00:23:02.560 of good

00:23:03.340 improvements.

00:23:04.440 The Pareto

00:23:05.000 principle, or

00:23:05.840 80-20 rule,

00:23:06.920 explains this

00:23:07.520 numerically.

00:23:08.600 For example,

00:23:09.300 it commonly

00:23:09.740 takes 20% of

00:23:11.120 the full time

00:23:11.780 to complete

00:23:12.260 80% of a

00:23:13.280 task, while

00:23:14.200 to complete

00:23:14.640 the last

00:23:15.220 20% of a

00:23:16.080 task takes

00:23:17.080 80% of

00:23:18.060 the effort.

00:23:18.480 So this

00:23:21.640 would have

00:23:22.240 been good

00:23:22.640 for me to

00:23:23.160 know.

00:23:24.040 Now, to

00:23:24.520 be clear, I've

00:23:25.120 never been a

00:23:25.520 perfectionist, but

00:23:26.940 the idea

00:23:27.700 applying to

00:23:29.000 myself would

00:23:30.260 have been very

00:23:30.780 important.

00:23:32.040 Because as it

00:23:33.580 comes towards my

00:23:34.740 creative output

00:23:35.600 and creative

00:23:36.560 outlets, I've

00:23:37.260 never been a

00:23:37.700 perfectionist.

00:23:38.340 I am very

00:23:38.860 much a

00:23:39.900 proponent of

00:23:40.480 the idea of

00:23:41.000 the perfect is

00:23:41.900 the enemy of

00:23:42.340 the good in

00:23:42.780 those contexts.

00:23:43.580 I like to

00:23:44.460 get things

00:23:44.820 good and as

00:23:45.660 good as they

00:23:46.060 can be, but

00:23:46.780 at a certain

00:23:47.800 point, I know

00:23:48.900 that that last

00:23:49.660 20% of the

00:23:50.560 project is going

00:23:51.680 to take so

00:23:52.520 much more time

00:23:53.220 than anyone

00:23:53.800 would ever

00:23:54.180 notice, and

00:23:55.420 it's not worth

00:23:55.920 it.

00:23:57.100 When it comes

00:23:57.900 to myself,

00:23:58.460 though, I am

00:23:59.460 a perfectionist.

00:24:00.560 And when it

00:24:01.040 comes to how

00:24:02.480 I grow and

00:24:03.980 change and

00:24:04.480 improve, I'm

00:24:06.340 a perfectionist.

00:24:07.540 And so I

00:24:08.380 would look for

00:24:09.660 myself, I

00:24:10.940 would look in

00:24:11.480 myself for

00:24:13.180 perfectionism.

00:24:14.020 I would

00:24:14.720 encourage

00:24:15.620 myself to

00:24:16.920 be perfect in

00:24:17.660 every way, and

00:24:19.740 it would end

00:24:20.960 up making me

00:24:21.740 go, I can't

00:24:22.840 do it.

00:24:23.720 I can't be

00:24:24.900 perfect, and

00:24:26.220 so I'm going

00:24:26.840 to be worse.

00:24:28.620 I'm not going

00:24:29.420 to be good, I'm

00:24:30.220 going to be worse

00:24:30.980 than good.

00:24:32.280 Like, I

00:24:32.880 couldn't aim for

00:24:33.900 good, I had to

00:24:34.640 aim for perfect,

00:24:35.340 and in doing

00:24:35.920 that, I ended

00:24:36.740 up falling

00:24:37.580 short of good

00:24:38.960 even.

00:24:40.280 And it was

00:24:40.960 very harmful

00:24:41.860 to me as a

00:24:42.940 person, and

00:24:43.180 to my

00:24:43.840 growth.

00:24:44.740 This happened

00:24:45.440 in my

00:24:45.740 religion, it

00:24:47.520 happened in

00:24:48.000 my, I

00:24:49.060 don't know, the

00:24:49.980 way I treated

00:24:50.860 people maybe, in

00:24:52.060 my own, meaning

00:24:54.060 if I wasn't a

00:24:56.000 perfect friend,

00:24:58.320 then I was not

00:24:59.680 even a good

00:25:00.420 friend.

00:25:01.000 Like, if I

00:25:01.560 didn't go out of

00:25:02.100 my way for every

00:25:02.820 single person who

00:25:03.640 asked me to help,

00:25:04.700 if I didn't, and

00:25:05.720 you know, this is

00:25:06.480 funny because earlier

00:25:07.520 in the podcast I

00:25:08.400 said it's so

00:25:09.040 important to be

00:25:10.560 needed and to go

00:25:11.780 out of your way

00:25:12.240 for your friends.

00:25:12.780 But I also want to

00:25:13.780 caveat that with, you

00:25:15.100 also have to watch

00:25:16.220 out for yourself,

00:25:16.880 right?

00:25:17.100 If you are actually

00:25:18.180 spread too thin, if

00:25:19.380 you've been asked by

00:25:20.180 too many people to do

00:25:21.180 too many things and

00:25:22.100 you can't take care of

00:25:23.020 yourself, then you

00:25:23.980 will end up being a

00:25:25.400 worse friend because

00:25:26.480 at some point you're

00:25:27.260 going to burn out and

00:25:27.920 not going to be able to

00:25:28.380 help anybody.

00:25:29.440 And it's better to

00:25:29.980 help, for example,

00:25:31.700 let's say 80% of your

00:25:32.840 friends and those other

00:25:34.260 20% at that moment

00:25:35.860 you can't help because

00:25:36.760 you need to reserve

00:25:37.460 that 20% for yourself

00:25:38.700 than it is to try to

00:25:40.240 aim for that 100%

00:25:41.440 where you're helping

00:25:42.020 literally everybody and

00:25:43.400 leaving nothing for

00:25:44.220 yourself and then you

00:25:45.760 end up burned out.

00:25:47.480 So I would often aim

00:25:48.900 for that 100% and then

00:25:50.740 I would get burned out

00:25:51.460 and I would end up at

00:25:52.140 you know, 70, 60, 50%

00:25:54.440 of helping people or

00:25:55.980 going out of my way

00:25:56.540 for people.

00:25:58.040 And the perfect is the

00:26:00.360 enemy of the good would

00:26:01.680 have been so good for

00:26:02.920 me because I could

00:26:04.240 have said to myself,

00:26:05.340 you know what, Abby,

00:26:06.680 you don't have to go

00:26:08.160 to perfection.

00:26:09.460 You just have to aim

00:26:11.160 for good.

00:26:12.920 And if you aim for

00:26:14.020 good and you get

00:26:14.780 there, then maybe you

00:26:15.780 can aim for excellent.

00:26:17.380 But initially, aim for

00:26:19.420 good because if you're

00:26:21.100 constantly pushing for

00:26:23.480 perfection and you fall

00:26:26.000 short all the time, you

00:26:27.640 will feel like a

00:26:28.540 failure.

00:26:29.860 It's why I always say

00:26:30.860 that being classic is a

00:26:32.260 goal.

00:26:32.800 It's an aspiration.

00:26:34.000 It's not realistic to

00:26:35.520 expect to be all the

00:26:36.360 time.

00:26:37.120 If you saw me, I don't

00:26:38.520 know, probably 30% of

00:26:41.020 the time I'm not in

00:26:41.900 makeup.

00:26:42.460 I'm wearing something

00:26:43.260 schlubby.

00:26:44.000 Like I'm not always

00:26:45.220 classic.

00:26:45.900 No one is.

00:26:46.660 No one can be classic

00:26:47.580 all the time.

00:26:49.000 But we look at that as

00:26:50.480 a goal.

00:26:50.820 We look at that as an

00:26:51.540 aspiration and then we

00:26:52.540 assume we're going to

00:26:53.580 hit 70%.

00:26:54.500 We're going to hit 80%.

00:26:56.140 And if we ever hit 90%,

00:26:58.400 that's a great day.

00:27:00.100 Wow, we were doing

00:27:01.720 awesome.

00:27:02.780 But we don't always have

00:27:04.020 to assume that we have to

00:27:06.000 hit 100%.

00:27:06.560 And if we don't, we

00:27:09.380 failed.

00:27:10.580 So that's number two.

00:27:11.980 The perfect is the enemy

00:27:13.160 of the good.

00:27:15.020 Number three is that it's

00:27:17.280 okay to laugh at

00:27:18.120 yourself.

00:27:19.620 I, when I was younger, I

00:27:21.880 would say I learned that

00:27:22.840 lesson probably as I was

00:27:24.020 graduating high school.

00:27:25.260 I was not very good at

00:27:27.000 laughing at myself.

00:27:28.180 I would say like I didn't

00:27:31.600 like when people teased

00:27:33.140 me.

00:27:33.660 And part of that may have

00:27:34.860 been that I was bullied

00:27:36.000 as a kid.

00:27:36.520 So I didn't, I didn't know

00:27:39.540 the difference between kind

00:27:41.120 of laughing at yourself and

00:27:42.980 people laughing at you.

00:27:45.800 So I would often take

00:27:47.000 offense to everything.

00:27:49.360 But as I got older and

00:27:51.000 kind of realized, okay,

00:27:52.200 there are, there is a

00:27:53.280 difference.

00:27:53.780 People can kind of poke

00:27:54.980 fun at you and it's okay.

00:27:57.400 It ended up being such a

00:27:59.100 good thing for my

00:27:59.880 friendships and for me.

00:28:01.580 And also it was a really

00:28:03.020 good learning experience

00:28:04.520 for when those times when

00:28:06.120 people have and do, you

00:28:08.920 know, make fun of me.

00:28:10.520 And I'm like, you know

00:28:12.180 what?

00:28:13.420 That's kind of true.

00:28:16.060 Those times when I can just

00:28:17.700 admit that something someone

00:28:19.020 said is actually true, even

00:28:20.920 if they're coming at it from

00:28:22.140 a point of trying to hurt

00:28:24.540 me, it makes it funny.

00:28:27.760 And that's a great quality

00:28:30.100 is when you as a person can

00:28:32.380 recognize your own faults

00:28:34.540 and flaws and say, oh,

00:28:37.380 somebody poked fun at me,

00:28:39.020 even if they're not doing it

00:28:40.460 in a kind way, they're

00:28:41.860 actually trying to hurt my

00:28:42.940 feelings.

00:28:43.340 But that's, that is kind of

00:28:44.680 funny.

00:28:44.920 And then in the times when

00:28:46.080 people are your friend and

00:28:47.460 are just kind of poking fun at

00:28:48.640 you and it's kind of sweet

00:28:49.580 and fun, then you're doubly

00:28:51.640 as willing to admit, oh,

00:28:53.720 yeah, I do have that fault

00:28:54.780 and that flaw.

00:28:55.580 And there are certain faults

00:28:57.220 and flaws that you can

00:28:59.020 learn when people poke and

00:29:00.480 make fun of you and in a

00:29:02.100 cute way kind of tease you

00:29:03.380 and improve.

00:29:05.300 Right.

00:29:06.160 If somebody is saying, you

00:29:07.860 know, let's say this doesn't

00:29:09.740 usually come up, but let's

00:29:10.860 say that the joke is, oh,

00:29:12.020 you always interrupt and you

00:29:14.200 kind of laugh and you're

00:29:14.980 like, yeah, you know what?

00:29:15.680 I do always interrupt.

00:29:17.320 You can end up actually

00:29:19.040 learning a good lesson from

00:29:20.280 that and say, you know what?

00:29:21.280 I don't necessarily want to

00:29:22.080 be a person who interrupts a

00:29:23.260 lot.

00:29:23.480 So maybe I'm going to try and

00:29:24.860 change that.

00:29:25.620 But in the moment when

00:29:26.620 someone teased me, I can

00:29:27.740 laugh and say, you're right.

00:29:29.020 I do do that.

00:29:30.100 And then when you get home

00:29:32.180 and you're looking at

00:29:32.920 yourself in the mirror, you

00:29:33.800 can say, you know what?

00:29:34.460 And I don't want to be that

00:29:35.520 person anymore.

00:29:37.200 So learning to laugh at

00:29:38.580 yourself, being OK with

00:29:39.760 laughing at yourself, it

00:29:41.240 actually encourages you to

00:29:42.400 become a better person, which

00:29:44.200 I think is great.

00:29:45.680 So that's number three.

00:29:47.820 Number four, bravery

00:29:50.120 doesn't mean the absence

00:29:51.680 of fear.

00:29:54.040 This is a I feel like this

00:29:55.580 is from a book and I think

00:29:56.840 there's a second half to

00:29:57.880 this to this phrase, but I

00:29:59.780 think that it's just even the

00:30:01.460 first half is helpful, which

00:30:03.180 is the idea that you don't

00:30:04.800 have to not be afraid.

00:30:07.580 I mean, everyone is afraid

00:30:08.680 all the time.

00:30:09.860 Bravery is overcoming fear.

00:30:11.380 It's acting in the face of

00:30:13.560 fear.

00:30:15.040 I have dealt with fear in a

00:30:17.740 lot of different areas of my

00:30:18.820 life.

00:30:19.520 A very easy example is I used

00:30:21.580 to have very bad situational

00:30:23.460 anxiety traveling away from

00:30:25.000 home.

00:30:25.420 I really didn't like it.

00:30:27.020 And so if I was doing an opera

00:30:28.520 festival, for example, and I

00:30:30.220 was gone for, I don't know,

00:30:32.300 four weeks, the first two or

00:30:33.680 three days were painful.

00:30:36.320 They were painful with how much

00:30:38.200 situational anxiety and fear I

00:30:39.940 had.

00:30:40.320 I couldn't eat.

00:30:41.680 I couldn't sleep.

00:30:43.080 It was really awful.

00:30:44.660 And I would remember every

00:30:47.060 time I would do this, I

00:30:48.300 remember thinking to myself,

00:30:49.740 I'm never doing this again.

00:30:50.600 I cannot do this again.

00:30:51.680 I will fall apart.

00:30:54.360 But I did it.

00:30:55.900 And by day four, I came out

00:30:58.280 the other side and I would

00:30:59.760 have a fantastic experience

00:31:01.720 and I would come home and I

00:31:04.580 would do it again.

00:31:05.040 And eventually, after doing

00:31:08.900 that enough times, the

00:31:10.600 situational anxiety went away

00:31:12.140 because I acted in the face

00:31:15.020 of that fear.

00:31:15.800 And I thought, you know, the

00:31:17.440 bravery came from me

00:31:18.800 continuing to do something

00:31:20.100 that made me scared or

00:31:22.000 uncomfortable or anxious and

00:31:25.040 constantly being exposed to

00:31:26.460 that.

00:31:26.880 And something I've really

00:31:28.320 learned is I've become the

00:31:31.600 kind of person who if I feel

00:31:34.040 remotely afraid of

00:31:36.980 something or feel a little

00:31:38.580 bit anxious about something,

00:31:39.540 I specifically go and do

00:31:40.740 that thing.

00:31:41.800 I don't like being

00:31:43.220 controlled by fear.

00:31:44.620 It really makes me, I

00:31:46.140 think, a less effective

00:31:46.920 person.

00:31:48.080 And I'm somebody who's

00:31:50.140 like, if I'm not going to

00:31:50.980 do something, I want it to

00:31:51.780 be my choice.

00:31:53.040 I don't want it to be because

00:31:54.700 I'm being controlled by my

00:31:56.060 emotions.

00:31:56.980 So if I feel afraid about

00:31:59.620 something or anxious about

00:32:00.920 something, I specifically go

00:32:02.980 do that thing so that it's

00:32:05.800 not the emotion that's

00:32:07.160 controlling me, if after

00:32:09.400 the event or the fact, if

00:32:11.600 after the fact, I realize

00:32:12.920 that, oh, you know, I just

00:32:14.540 didn't like doing that.

00:32:16.280 OK, so in the future, I can

00:32:17.880 say, yeah, I don't

00:32:19.100 necessarily want to do that

00:32:20.080 again because I didn't like

00:32:21.220 it.

00:32:21.760 But it's not I don't want to

00:32:23.440 do that again because I'm

00:32:24.200 too scared.

00:32:26.520 But realizing that it's not

00:32:28.520 that I shouldn't be afraid

00:32:29.400 at all because everybody's

00:32:31.160 afraid and not that I

00:32:33.200 shouldn't be anxious at

00:32:34.060 all because everyone's

00:32:34.980 anxious.

00:32:36.160 It's that you act brave

00:32:39.640 when you do things

00:32:41.140 despite that bravery

00:32:43.000 comes out of acting

00:32:45.060 confidently in this in the

00:32:48.020 face of fear or

00:32:49.460 continuing not even

00:32:50.700 confidently, just

00:32:51.860 continuing to do

00:32:52.720 something you're afraid of

00:32:53.720 because you want to show

00:32:55.940 that you can.

00:32:58.100 And if I had known that

00:32:59.040 sooner that, you know, fear

00:33:00.940 is part of life

00:33:03.040 and anxiety is part of

00:33:04.520 life and it's OK to

00:33:06.520 be afraid, but don't let

00:33:08.040 it control you.

00:33:10.040 It's OK that you'll

00:33:11.300 experience it, but you

00:33:12.340 will come out the other

00:33:13.200 side.

00:33:15.120 I think I would have been

00:33:16.780 a little bit happier, not

00:33:18.480 necessarily that it would

00:33:19.400 have changed my

00:33:20.240 experiences, but I would

00:33:21.660 have been a little happier

00:33:22.560 because I would have been

00:33:23.380 like, you know, I know

00:33:24.240 this is going to pass.

00:33:25.920 So that is number

00:33:27.080 four. Number

00:33:29.100 five, and this is one of

00:33:30.680 my favorite lessons, is

00:33:32.740 that gratitude solves a

00:33:34.140 lot of problems and it

00:33:35.200 really does.

00:33:36.720 A perspective shift will

00:33:38.180 change everything.

00:33:39.460 The way you look at your

00:33:40.520 world, the way that you

00:33:41.580 interact with the world,

00:33:43.160 the way you view things

00:33:44.400 just absolutely changes

00:33:46.040 your life.

00:33:47.040 And when I was in high

00:33:48.140 school, I remember I had a

00:33:49.500 teacher who wanted us to

00:33:50.580 write down something we

00:33:51.440 wanted to change about

00:33:52.200 ourselves and we would

00:33:52.840 write it down every day

00:33:54.580 three times.

00:33:55.500 And we did that for, I

00:33:56.380 don't know, two weeks.

00:33:57.160 And I remember I wrote

00:33:58.160 down, I am grateful.

00:34:00.400 And I did that three

00:34:01.400 times every day for two

00:34:02.180 weeks.

00:34:02.400 And that two-week period,

00:34:04.620 the fact that I'm still

00:34:05.380 talking about it, I feel

00:34:06.300 like, shows you that it

00:34:07.280 changed my life.

00:34:08.060 It truly did.

00:34:09.560 I think that ever since

00:34:11.040 that time, I have looked

00:34:13.760 around me and been so

00:34:14.820 grateful for the people

00:34:15.820 in my life, for what they

00:34:16.760 do for me.

00:34:17.640 I've been grateful for my

00:34:18.680 circumstances.

00:34:19.720 I've been grateful in

00:34:20.860 those times where you

00:34:22.000 would think there was

00:34:22.660 nothing to be grateful

00:34:23.440 for.

00:34:23.900 I've often looked

00:34:25.240 around and been grateful

00:34:26.120 just to be alive, to be

00:34:27.620 here, to have God, to have

00:34:29.360 family, to have the money

00:34:31.260 that we have in the home or

00:34:32.840 wherever we were living.

00:34:33.880 It didn't matter.

00:34:34.620 The fact that we had a roof

00:34:35.320 over our heads, that always

00:34:37.960 was so integral to how I came

00:34:45.560 into contact with everything

00:34:46.960 around me.

00:34:47.480 Like, it changed how I felt

00:34:51.240 about being alive.

00:34:53.820 If you operate from a place

00:34:55.800 of gratitude first, I think

00:34:57.360 happiness follows.

00:34:58.580 I truly believe that.

00:34:59.740 I think if you are grateful

00:35:00.860 for what you have, you can't

00:35:02.920 help but be happy.

00:35:04.400 Because if you know that you

00:35:06.600 are lucky to have what you

00:35:08.240 have, then you won't be down.

00:35:12.760 You will always be thinking,

00:35:14.820 how cool is it that I get to

00:35:16.440 do this or be here or be

00:35:17.980 alive?

00:35:19.640 So if you struggle with

00:35:22.160 gratitude, first of all, try

00:35:24.460 doing an affirmation.

00:35:26.480 Try writing something down like

00:35:28.040 what I wrote down.

00:35:28.900 I am grateful.

00:35:30.860 See if that changes your

00:35:33.060 perspective.

00:35:34.160 But following that, at the end

00:35:36.340 of every day, write down three

00:35:37.980 things you're grateful for.

00:35:38.880 It can be as simple as, I

00:35:41.420 had a Coke Zero today and that

00:35:42.880 made me happy.

00:35:43.820 It can be as complicated as, I

00:35:46.100 am grateful to be living in

00:35:47.500 this place at this time with

00:35:49.600 these people.

00:35:50.880 It can be specific.

00:35:52.620 It can be general.

00:35:55.000 But it will train you to look

00:35:57.800 for the things in your day that

00:35:59.640 you are lucky to have.

00:36:01.200 And I think that it will, you

00:36:05.320 know, initially you're looking

00:36:06.940 back at the end of the day at

00:36:09.680 what your day was.

00:36:11.040 But by the end of that

00:36:12.780 experiment, hopefully as you're

00:36:15.100 moving through your day, you

00:36:17.120 are noticing the things that

00:36:18.300 you're grateful for.

00:36:19.200 And that is the key to

00:36:20.620 happiness, I really think.

00:36:23.000 So number six, the seven

00:36:25.700 things I wish I knew sooner is

00:36:27.220 the world isn't black and

00:36:28.880 white.

00:36:30.220 And I know that that sounds

00:36:31.440 funny because I know people

00:36:32.460 probably assume I believe the

00:36:33.940 world is black and white because

00:36:34.860 of the way I talk about things.

00:36:36.020 And because I'm conservative

00:36:37.160 and because I believe that

00:36:38.240 there is moral good and bad, but

00:36:40.620 I don't believe the world is

00:36:41.500 black and white.

00:36:42.740 I don't believe that there, for

00:36:45.420 example, if there's a person that

00:36:48.720 you are friends with and they do a

00:36:50.820 bad thing, I do not think that

00:36:53.240 makes them, depending on, depending

00:36:54.900 on the thing, I do not think that

00:36:56.460 makes them a bad person.

00:36:58.380 But as a younger person, I did not

00:37:01.060 have that clarity.

00:37:02.120 I would often think if somebody did

00:37:05.700 a bad thing, I didn't want to be

00:37:07.300 friends with them anymore and they

00:37:08.400 were not, it was black and white,

00:37:10.100 they were bad.

00:37:10.840 And that is a terrible quality to

00:37:12.520 have and also a very hard quality to

00:37:14.360 have because it meant that I didn't

00:37:16.200 have a lot of friends.

00:37:17.340 And I am very clear on this, right?

00:37:20.980 I know that that was a bad mistake.

00:37:23.180 As I got older, I started to realize

00:37:27.060 you can do certain things that I

00:37:29.220 don't agree with and that doesn't

00:37:31.160 make you a bad person.

00:37:32.660 It doesn't necessarily make you

00:37:34.380 somebody I don't want to be friends

00:37:35.400 with anymore.

00:37:36.460 It just means you and I can disagree

00:37:38.520 on that area.

00:37:41.140 And that's okay.

00:37:44.040 Of course, that's just one example.

00:37:47.060 But the world isn't black and white.

00:37:49.640 There's a lot more gray than we think.

00:37:53.180 For example, going back to my faith

00:37:55.540 stuff, it doesn't make me a bad Jew

00:38:00.060 to not practice, you know, at the time

00:38:03.960 that I was not as religious, it didn't

00:38:06.220 make me a bad Jew as long as I wasn't

00:38:08.520 being mean to other people.

00:38:09.800 But my own practice of it, I wasn't a

00:38:11.480 bad Jew or a bad person for not keeping

00:38:15.240 all of the observances that I should have.

00:38:19.020 Especially because I knew there was a

00:38:20.420 standard and I wasn't trying to change

00:38:22.040 that standard.

00:38:22.860 Something I talk about a lot is the idea

00:38:24.420 that there's a standard of Orthodox

00:38:28.440 Judaism that cannot be changed.

00:38:30.640 You should be keeping this.

00:38:32.320 You should be keeping that.

00:38:34.660 And I said at the time, I'm not keeping

00:38:38.980 these things, but this is what you should

00:38:41.460 keep.

00:38:42.620 I'm not trying to change the rules to fit me.

00:38:44.720 I'm just not keeping the rules.

00:38:48.380 And so I had to understand that I wasn't

00:38:53.420 a bad Jew or a bad person for not keeping

00:38:55.860 those rules.

00:38:56.440 I was just in a gray area.

00:39:01.660 I was kind of working through some things.

00:39:05.280 And I mean, I wasn't as good of a Jew at the

00:39:08.720 time.

00:39:09.040 And that I think is a fair thing to say, right?

00:39:10.900 Because I wasn't practicing as much as I am

00:39:13.400 now.

00:39:13.760 And I think it's important to try and hold,

00:39:16.120 uphold the standards of a faith.

00:39:17.960 So I wasn't as good of a Jew, but I wasn't

00:39:19.800 a bad Jew.

00:39:21.480 I'm a better Jew now.

00:39:24.120 So the world isn't black and white.

00:39:27.000 It just isn't.

00:39:28.720 And it's too hard to keep everything black

00:39:33.020 and white.

00:39:34.240 It's too hard.

00:39:36.580 I've had to learn this even more recently.

00:39:38.600 I learned this, that like I had this concept

00:39:41.660 in my head for a while.

00:39:44.040 Let's use an example.

00:39:45.060 Let's say drinking, that if I had a drink,

00:39:49.480 I was an alcoholic.

00:39:51.800 That's crazy.

00:39:53.120 Of course, that's crazy.

00:39:54.820 People can have a drink and it makes them a

00:40:00.120 person who had a drink.

00:40:01.520 Okay.

00:40:02.340 I'm not saying I believe this.

00:40:03.720 I'm just using this as an easy kind of

00:40:05.120 descriptor.

00:40:06.260 If you have, you know, 10 drinks every day.

00:40:10.400 Yeah, you might have a problem.

00:40:11.560 If you have one drink, you're just a person

00:40:13.160 who had a drink.

00:40:13.880 It's not black and white.

00:40:16.940 There's a lot of gray area.

00:40:19.320 And it makes being a person so much easier

00:40:23.740 when you realize that.

00:40:27.060 The last one here, number seven, is reading,

00:40:31.520 studying, and learning will give you rightfully

00:40:34.060 earned confidence.

00:40:35.100 I love this lesson, and I'm so glad that I learned it.

00:40:39.840 I used to feel worried about the positions I took.

00:40:44.640 I used to feel like somebody might catch me out

00:40:47.100 on the things that I believed.

00:40:50.000 Until I realized that if I just learned about them,

00:40:54.480 taught myself, and actually had a good reason

00:40:57.360 for the things that I believed in,

00:40:59.340 then I would have rightfully earned confidence.

00:41:03.360 And that's how it should be.

00:41:05.320 You shouldn't just have positions that you hold

00:41:08.020 because somebody told you to,

00:41:09.320 or because you decided, okay, this is what I think.

00:41:12.260 You should have good reasons.

00:41:13.900 You should read.

00:41:14.680 You should learn.

00:41:15.400 And then you will feel confident in your beliefs

00:41:18.200 because you should feel confident in your beliefs.

00:41:20.740 You've done the research.

00:41:21.920 You don't have to feel nervous

00:41:24.660 that somebody's gonna catch you out

00:41:25.980 for not knowing why you stand in a certain place.

00:41:29.660 You will understand where you come from

00:41:31.980 because you have done enough study

00:41:35.640 to actually back it up.

00:41:37.960 You will know why you believe what you believe

00:41:40.340 for the best reasons.

00:41:42.880 So read, study, learn,

00:41:46.980 so that you can really have a good reason

00:41:50.120 for believing in traditional values,

00:41:53.540 believing in God, whatever else it is.

00:41:56.600 And you won't feel scared

00:41:58.000 that someone is going to best you in an argument.

00:42:03.560 So that's number seven.

00:42:05.380 And those are the seven things I wish I knew sooner.

00:42:08.240 I hope you guys enjoyed this segment.

00:42:10.520 I'd love to hear your thoughts.

00:42:11.860 And if you have anything you'd like to share

00:42:14.200 about things you wish you knew sooner,

00:42:16.120 you're welcome to leave a comment over on my Substack.

00:42:19.140 If you become a premium subscriber

00:42:20.680 for my Substack newsletter,

00:42:22.480 you will get access to the comment section.

00:42:24.120 So feel free to leave a comment there.

00:42:26.940 Or if you're watching on YouTube,

00:42:28.080 you can leave a comment on YouTube.

00:42:30.120 And now let's move in to today's faith talk.

00:42:33.020 So today's Torah portion is Terumah,

00:42:36.120 which means offering.

00:42:37.900 Chabad summarizes the Parsha like this.

00:42:39.760 The people of Israel are called upon

00:42:41.760 to contribute 13 materials,

00:42:44.300 gold, silver, and copper.

00:42:46.120 Blue, purple, and red dyed wool,

00:42:49.080 flax, goat hair, animal skins,

00:42:51.000 wood, olive oil, spices, and gems,

00:42:53.480 out of which God says to Moses,

00:42:55.480 they shall make for me a sanctuary

00:42:56.900 and I shall dwell amidst them.

00:42:59.080 On the summit of Mount Sinai,

00:43:00.680 Moses is given detailed instructions

00:43:02.200 on how to construct this dwelling for God

00:43:04.040 so that it could be readily dismantled,

00:43:06.160 transported, and reassembled

00:43:07.520 as the people journeyed in the desert.

00:43:08.960 This is the tabernacle

00:43:10.440 that I mentioned in the intro.

00:43:11.620 In the sanctuary's inner chamber

00:43:14.040 behind an artistically woven curtain

00:43:15.780 was the ark containing the tablets

00:43:17.660 of the testimony engraved

00:43:18.880 with the Ten Commandments.

00:43:20.280 On the ark's cover stood two-winged

00:43:22.200 cherubim, cherubim,

00:43:23.800 in Hebrew it's cherubim,

00:43:25.560 hammered out of pure gold.

00:43:28.000 In the outer chamber stood

00:43:29.320 the seven-branched menorah

00:43:30.580 and the table upon which

00:43:31.700 the showbread was arranged.

00:43:33.660 There's a bunch of different information

00:43:35.460 continuing forward,

00:43:36.760 just about all of the different pieces

00:43:38.480 that were necessary for the tabernacle

00:43:40.640 and how beautifully and ornate,

00:43:42.800 beautifully decorated and ornate they were.

00:43:45.400 And so that's kind of

00:43:47.220 where my question starts,

00:43:48.600 which is as you read

00:43:50.040 through the Torah portion this week,

00:43:51.300 that's called the Parsha in Hebrew

00:43:52.560 in case I didn't explain that earlier,

00:43:54.980 you'll notice how ornate everything is.

00:43:57.600 Everything is covered in gold

00:43:59.080 or copper or silver.

00:44:01.280 Things have to be done

00:44:02.280 to exact measurements.

00:44:04.060 It's all supposed to be beautiful.

00:44:06.220 So my question is, why?

00:44:10.920 Why is it necessary for God's sanctuary

00:44:13.320 to be physically beautiful?

00:44:16.060 Shouldn't anywhere that God resides

00:44:18.180 be already made beautiful by his presence?

00:44:22.740 God doesn't need to be beautified

00:44:24.720 because he's God, right?

00:44:26.540 Like it's like a perfect vista.

00:44:29.220 It's nature, so it doesn't need anything extra.

00:44:32.080 You don't need to add anything

00:44:33.240 to a beautiful mountainscape or beach

00:44:35.860 because it's beautiful the way it is.

00:44:37.780 So why do we need to have

00:44:39.620 a beautiful place for God to reside?

00:44:41.540 God doesn't need to be

00:44:43.360 in a beautiful place, right?

00:44:45.300 He could be anywhere.

00:44:47.100 So why did God,

00:44:49.020 who was giving us the directions

00:44:50.460 and the instructions

00:44:51.080 on how to create the tabernacle,

00:44:52.480 why did it have to be done

00:44:53.800 in such a beautiful way

00:44:55.260 with all of these incredibly beautiful pieces

00:44:57.080 and incredibly beautiful golds

00:45:00.680 and silvers and fabrics and gems?

00:45:05.260 God put us in the physical world for a reason.

00:45:09.400 There's holiness to using the physical world

00:45:13.100 for God's adornment.

00:45:16.120 Instead of saying,

00:45:17.920 let's ignore the world that God created

00:45:20.360 and put us in,

00:45:21.180 instead God tells us,

00:45:24.100 use the gold,

00:45:25.740 use the silver,

00:45:27.640 use the copper,

00:45:29.520 build beautiful things,

00:45:31.820 but use them for good.

00:45:34.980 They are not holy in and of themselves.

00:45:38.440 They are holy when they are used

00:45:40.440 for his glory

00:45:42.660 and for good things.

00:45:44.480 There is holiness in beauty,

00:45:47.400 but only when it's used

00:45:48.780 for doing good

00:45:51.720 or for serving God.

00:45:54.740 You can't have something beautiful

00:45:58.080 devoid of any meaning

00:45:59.740 because then it just becomes random.

00:46:04.980 There's holiness in beauty

00:46:06.560 and we can feel God's presence

00:46:08.280 when we see beauty.

00:46:10.700 So to help bring the Israelites

00:46:13.000 closer to God in the tabernacle,

00:46:15.800 God made it beautiful.

00:46:18.120 Human nature is to feel awe and wonder

00:46:20.900 in the presence of beauty

00:46:22.440 and to encourage that step

00:46:24.480 in this direction of worship,

00:46:26.220 God built the tabernacle that way.

00:46:28.360 I know that when I walk into

00:46:30.200 an incredibly beautiful synagogue

00:46:31.580 or a cathedral,

00:46:33.320 there is a moment of pause

00:46:37.340 because it is so wondrous

00:46:39.240 that something so beautiful can exist

00:46:40.980 and that we get to be in its presence.

00:46:42.220 And whenever you feel

00:46:44.100 that sense of awe and wonderment,

00:46:46.240 it does bring you closer to God.

00:46:48.040 There's something in beauty

00:46:49.420 that brings us closer to God.

00:46:51.120 Now, again,

00:46:51.900 when that beauty is completely devoid

00:46:54.500 of any deeper meaning,

00:46:56.600 deeper worship of God,

00:46:58.020 deeper good,

00:46:59.180 then it really,

00:47:00.500 it does feel,

00:47:02.780 it loses its beauty

00:47:04.140 in being only about beauty.

00:47:06.500 But when you walk into a thing

00:47:08.020 that is beautiful,

00:47:10.020 into a place that is beautiful

00:47:11.420 or see something beautiful

00:47:12.640 that is in God's name

00:47:14.560 or has a level of holiness

00:47:15.880 or is doing something good,

00:47:17.600 it does make you feel close to God

00:47:21.780 and it is holy.

00:47:25.460 The way I'm talking about beauty

00:47:27.340 is if you see something

00:47:28.680 like a piece of art,

00:47:30.160 for example,

00:47:30.740 that doesn't have any story,

00:47:33.540 but it's just kind of empty,

00:47:35.560 then it's pretty,

00:47:36.620 but it's pretty.

00:47:37.400 And there's a difference

00:47:38.420 between pretty and beautiful

00:47:39.780 because beautiful

00:47:40.920 has a deeper something to it.

00:47:44.780 So what can we take away from this?

00:47:48.900 Engage with beauty.

00:47:51.240 Beautify your home.

00:47:53.480 Beautify your wardrobe.

00:47:55.340 Beautify your food.

00:47:56.920 Beautify yourself.

00:47:58.540 But do so with the best of intentions

00:48:00.740 and realize how lucky we are

00:48:04.180 that we get to enjoy God's world.

00:48:08.320 I think there is holiness

00:48:09.660 in homemaking

00:48:10.760 because you're making your house beautiful

00:48:13.020 in God's name.

00:48:14.700 I think there is holiness

00:48:15.900 in dressing our bodies well

00:48:18.060 because it's respecting

00:48:19.300 the bodies that God gave us

00:48:21.580 by adorning them

00:48:23.760 in beautiful fabrics

00:48:25.540 or beautiful clothing

00:48:26.400 or things that accentuate

00:48:28.020 modestly our figures

00:48:29.520 and saying,

00:48:30.640 thank you God

00:48:31.040 for this incredible body

00:48:32.060 you've given me.

00:48:33.460 There's something holy

00:48:34.760 in making good food

00:48:38.040 that is tasty.

00:48:39.540 That's a physical thing

00:48:40.880 and that makes it look good,

00:48:42.960 but it's because we're feeding

00:48:45.100 and nourishing ourselves

00:48:46.180 and our bodies

00:48:46.900 and for many of us,

00:48:48.740 when we eat that food,

00:48:49.920 we're also blessing God's name

00:48:52.180 in the process,

00:48:52.980 thanking him for the sustenance.

00:48:56.100 There's something beautiful

00:48:57.360 in putting on a little bit of makeup

00:48:59.260 and accentuating the beautiful features,

00:49:01.380 again,

00:49:01.760 that God gave us.

00:49:03.640 There is beauty

00:49:04.600 in enjoying the physical

00:49:06.680 in a holy way.

00:49:11.380 So,

00:49:12.300 engage with the physical world

00:49:14.920 and understand its beauty,

00:49:17.540 but do it to honor

00:49:19.000 the world that God gave us

00:49:20.880 and feel awe and wonder

00:49:23.760 in the presence of the beauty

00:49:25.600 God gifted us with.

00:49:27.720 That we get to live

00:49:29.340 in this beautiful world.

00:49:30.900 That we get to see nature

00:49:33.580 and art

00:49:35.240 and that we were given

00:49:37.500 the gift of a physical world

00:49:38.880 to begin with.

00:49:39.660 We could have all been floating souls.

00:49:41.700 We could have all,

00:49:42.520 it's possible that God

00:49:43.620 could have just never created

00:49:45.180 a world at all

00:49:45.900 and had us all been

00:49:46.700 just spirits

00:49:48.260 or angels,

00:49:49.320 but he wanted us to be here

00:49:51.280 and he gave us that gift.

00:49:53.280 So,

00:49:54.060 bringing

00:49:54.580 holiness to beauty

00:49:56.700 is

00:49:57.840 a beautiful way,

00:50:00.360 no pun intended,

00:50:01.680 to enjoy

00:50:02.840 the world

00:50:03.560 that we're in.

00:50:05.600 So,

00:50:06.080 that is it

00:50:06.580 for my faith talk.

00:50:07.720 So,

00:50:08.100 now let's get into

00:50:08.720 my premium subscriber questions.

00:50:10.780 If you are interested

00:50:11.640 in submitting questions

00:50:12.780 for a future podcast,

00:50:14.100 make sure to become

00:50:14.660 a premium subscriber

00:50:15.740 to my Substack newsletter

00:50:17.020 where you'll get access

00:50:18.060 to a ton of exclusive content

00:50:19.280 including my book club

00:50:20.300 and weekly exclusive articles

00:50:22.160 as well as being able

00:50:23.280 to submit questions

00:50:24.040 for podcasts

00:50:24.940 like this.

00:50:25.880 So,

00:50:26.060 I would love

00:50:26.520 if you would consider

00:50:27.080 heading over to

00:50:27.540 classicallyabby.substack.com.

00:50:30.240 We've got some great questions.

00:50:32.000 This week,

00:50:32.680 I actually opened it up

00:50:34.100 to people who are just

00:50:35.700 general subscribers

00:50:36.860 to my Substack newsletter.

00:50:38.440 You can be a free subscriber

00:50:40.240 and you'll get access

00:50:40.860 to some content

00:50:41.580 or you can become

00:50:42.520 a premium subscriber

00:50:43.260 and get access

00:50:43.840 to all of my content.

00:50:45.140 So,

00:50:45.620 I wanted to give people

00:50:47.200 who had never submitted questions

00:50:48.880 for a podcast before

00:50:49.860 the opportunity to do so

00:50:51.060 and see if they wanted

00:50:51.760 to kind of dip their toe in

00:50:52.920 and then maybe decide

00:50:54.020 if they wanted to become

00:50:54.660 premium subscribers.

00:50:55.600 So,

00:50:55.920 I got some really

00:50:56.620 interesting questions today.

00:50:57.800 I'm very excited

00:50:58.400 to share them with you.

00:51:00.420 So,

00:51:00.640 let's start off with

00:51:01.520 do you have any tips

00:51:02.800 for managing sleep deprivation

00:51:04.340 with a baby

00:51:04.840 and keeping your mental health

00:51:06.360 in good shape?

00:51:08.300 Uh,

00:51:08.760 I have no tips

00:51:10.720 in the sense

00:51:11.320 that you are going

00:51:12.080 to be sleep deprived.

00:51:13.760 There is nothing

00:51:15.340 you can do about that.

00:51:16.360 Uh,

00:51:16.660 babies do not have

00:51:17.820 the same schedules

00:51:18.960 that we do

00:51:19.600 and so they are up

00:51:20.840 much more frequently

00:51:21.760 and it is exhausting.

00:51:24.180 The tip that I have

00:51:26.680 is

00:51:27.380 don't blame yourself

00:51:31.200 or get anxious

00:51:32.080 about not sleeping.

00:51:33.960 That was something

00:51:34.820 that I,

00:51:35.320 I really struggled with.

00:51:36.940 It was like,

00:51:37.400 I would lie down

00:51:38.300 and I would be like,

00:51:38.940 oh my god,

00:51:39.380 if I don't fall asleep,

00:51:40.260 I won't have slept

00:51:41.120 in this many hours

00:51:41.960 and I'll lose my mind

00:51:43.260 if I don't sleep.

00:51:44.940 Every mother

00:51:45.660 forever

00:51:46.960 has been

00:51:48.140 sleep deprived

00:51:48.860 at the beginning

00:51:49.320 of their baby's lives

00:51:50.120 and they've all survived.

00:51:51.780 So,

00:51:53.180 we can do it.

00:51:54.820 We were built for this

00:51:56.040 and it is normal

00:51:58.020 not to sleep.

00:51:58.940 It is just a part

00:52:00.140 of the process.

00:52:01.400 So,

00:52:01.940 for me,

00:52:02.500 what really helped

00:52:03.340 was not pressuring myself

00:52:06.000 to fall asleep

00:52:07.420 when I wasn't ready to.

00:52:10.320 People would constantly

00:52:11.340 be like,

00:52:11.660 you have to sleep,

00:52:12.300 you have to sleep,

00:52:12.940 you have to sleep

00:52:13.500 and your body will sleep

00:52:15.020 when it needs to.

00:52:15.820 So,

00:52:16.160 I would kind of go

00:52:17.580 and lie down

00:52:18.280 and really worry

00:52:19.500 about not sleeping.

00:52:21.640 And also,

00:52:22.260 I was jealous

00:52:22.780 because I remember thinking,

00:52:24.360 oh,

00:52:24.660 I hold my baby

00:52:25.620 when my baby's nursing

00:52:27.000 but then when

00:52:28.780 I'm not nursing,

00:52:30.360 someone else gets

00:52:31.020 to enjoy him

00:52:31.760 and I just have to go sleep.

00:52:32.980 So,

00:52:33.100 I never get to actually

00:52:33.780 spend time with my baby.

00:52:35.200 It was kind of a funny,

00:52:36.260 a funny feeling.

00:52:38.340 What was very helpful

00:52:39.500 to me was,

00:52:40.820 and I highly recommend

00:52:41.940 doing this

00:52:42.420 if you can manage it,

00:52:44.500 is I would

00:52:45.240 take naps

00:52:46.960 with my baby.

00:52:48.580 I would hold him.

00:52:49.820 It was,

00:52:50.080 I was basically co-sleeping.

00:52:51.380 I would hold him

00:52:52.160 while I slept

00:52:53.100 and if you feel

00:52:55.060 more comfortable,

00:52:55.840 I at the beginning

00:52:56.460 felt more comfortable

00:52:57.080 with someone being

00:52:57.640 in the room with me.

00:52:58.400 So,

00:52:58.660 God forbid,

00:52:59.360 if something,

00:53:00.240 if I was to roll over

00:53:01.100 or whatever,

00:53:01.400 which,

00:53:02.700 you know,

00:53:02.900 now being a more seasoned mom,

00:53:04.440 I don't really believe that

00:53:06.080 if you're doing safe co-sleeping.

00:53:07.320 But anyways,

00:53:08.160 if you feel more comfortable

00:53:10.400 having someone in the room

00:53:11.180 with you,

00:53:11.600 then do that.

00:53:12.440 But just

00:53:12.940 having my baby next to me

00:53:15.360 really,

00:53:16.960 really helped me sleep.

00:53:18.740 And I'm talking about

00:53:19.660 during the day for naps.

00:53:20.680 I'm not even talking about

00:53:21.540 co-sleeping at night.

00:53:22.560 So,

00:53:23.140 I would,

00:53:24.000 if he took a nap

00:53:25.020 and I had to,

00:53:26.560 I'm supposed to go

00:53:27.200 in the other room

00:53:27.980 and fall asleep

00:53:29.180 on my own

00:53:30.040 in a bed,

00:53:30.580 I, like,

00:53:31.000 couldn't do that.

00:53:32.240 I could fall asleep

00:53:33.400 if he was in my arms,

00:53:34.520 if he was next to me

00:53:35.320 in my arms.

00:53:35.960 And it really helped

00:53:37.220 take some of the pressure off

00:53:39.340 me needing to sleep

00:53:41.900 because,

00:53:43.280 okay,

00:53:43.560 you're just not going to

00:53:44.820 and that's okay.

00:53:45.820 You will be fine.

00:53:47.420 You will be,

00:53:48.220 it will,

00:53:49.520 you know,

00:53:49.740 there will be a time

00:53:50.560 in which you will sleep.

00:53:51.740 This is just,

00:53:52.780 these first few weeks,

00:53:53.980 few months,

00:53:54.480 it's not going to happen

00:53:57.240 and that's also okay.

00:53:58.580 And for me,

00:53:59.340 the big thing about

00:54:00.020 sleep deprivation

00:54:00.720 as I got even further in

00:54:01.940 because my son

00:54:02.440 didn't start sleeping

00:54:03.060 through the night

00:54:03.500 until about 10 months

00:54:04.500 was coming to terms

00:54:07.560 with that

00:54:08.100 and saying,

00:54:08.720 it's okay

00:54:09.660 if my son doesn't

00:54:10.700 sleep through the night.

00:54:11.460 I would rather be

00:54:12.340 less anxious

00:54:13.420 and stressed

00:54:13.900 about the eat,

00:54:14.600 play,

00:54:14.820 sleep schedule

00:54:15.440 and him needing

00:54:16.120 to fall asleep

00:54:16.780 and sleep 12 hours

00:54:17.800 in the night.

00:54:18.240 it was more stressful

00:54:20.780 for me to try

00:54:21.640 to do that

00:54:22.280 and then that not work

00:54:23.960 than it was for me

00:54:25.100 to accept

00:54:25.480 I'm just not going

00:54:26.300 to sleep for a while.

00:54:27.640 Like,

00:54:28.200 it's okay.

00:54:29.360 I think once you

00:54:30.640 accept

00:54:32.180 that that's the situation,

00:54:34.080 then the sleep deprivation

00:54:35.120 isn't as

00:54:36.020 overwhelming

00:54:37.520 as a concept.

00:54:38.960 Now,

00:54:39.300 as a physical thing,

00:54:40.220 that's hard

00:54:40.680 but as a concept,

00:54:42.240 it's not so bad.

00:54:44.580 So that's kind of my tips

00:54:45.900 about sleep deprivation.

00:54:46.880 I don't think

00:54:47.640 that there's

00:54:48.160 there I'm sure

00:54:49.480 are ways

00:54:50.100 you can probably

00:54:51.000 ask someone to watch.

00:54:51.700 If you are someone

00:54:52.460 who can sleep

00:54:52.960 when the baby

00:54:53.460 isn't near you,

00:54:54.220 then you can have

00:54:54.760 somebody watch your baby,

00:54:55.760 invite somebody

00:54:56.180 to come over

00:54:56.800 and watch the baby

00:54:58.360 while you do take a nap.

00:54:59.560 Of course,

00:55:00.580 take naps

00:55:01.300 when you can.

00:55:02.760 I think that is important

00:55:03.880 but at the end of the day,

00:55:06.980 it's a stage

00:55:07.840 and then the stage passes

00:55:09.000 and then you'll be okay.

00:55:10.580 As far as keeping

00:55:11.400 your mental health

00:55:12.220 in good shape,

00:55:12.920 it goes back to,

00:55:14.240 I mean,

00:55:14.480 I basically kind of

00:55:15.280 wrapped it all in one

00:55:16.060 is don't stress yourself

00:55:17.340 out about it.

00:55:17.900 It will pass.

00:55:20.680 This season of life

00:55:21.700 is short

00:55:22.120 and then it will pass

00:55:23.120 and you will be more stressed

00:55:27.560 and have more anxiety

00:55:29.480 trying to fit your baby

00:55:31.460 into a box

00:55:32.220 than you will

00:55:33.020 with just accepting

00:55:34.080 that sleep is complicated

00:55:35.940 and if it weren't complicated,

00:55:37.740 then there would be one book

00:55:38.740 and everyone would read it

00:55:40.020 and everyone would have success

00:55:41.220 with it.

00:55:41.520 there are 30 billion books

00:55:43.400 about baby sleep

00:55:44.160 and some work

00:55:45.360 and some don't

00:55:46.000 and some babies

00:55:46.740 it works for

00:55:47.260 and some babies

00:55:47.800 it doesn't

00:55:48.480 and that's it.

00:55:49.540 So that is my advice

00:55:51.220 for that.

00:55:53.240 Next question is,

00:55:54.420 how do you tell

00:55:55.240 your significant other

00:55:56.360 that the two of you

00:55:57.140 don't want the same things

00:55:58.240 and that it is best

00:55:58.940 to go our separate ways?

00:56:00.900 How do you make

00:56:01.580 that conversation

00:56:02.200 go about in a gentle

00:56:03.180 and tender tone

00:56:03.840 when doing it in person

00:56:04.680 and having no tears involved?

00:56:07.760 So here's what I'll say

00:56:09.960 about that last part.

00:56:10.980 I don't think that's realistic.

00:56:12.540 There will,

00:56:12.960 depending on how long

00:56:14.020 you've been together,

00:56:15.160 that's going to be tough

00:56:16.580 is not having any tears involved

00:56:18.340 and it is an expectation

00:56:19.320 that I don't think

00:56:20.040 will be met.

00:56:21.780 As far as telling

00:56:23.700 your significant other

00:56:24.780 that the two of you

00:56:26.520 don't want the same things

00:56:27.580 and how to be gentle

00:56:29.000 and tender,

00:56:30.420 yeah, it's hard.

00:56:33.300 I've had that conversation

00:56:34.300 and it's often,

00:56:38.540 if it comes out of nowhere,

00:56:40.020 it's often not met

00:56:43.240 with the kind of gentle

00:56:45.060 and tender tone

00:56:45.740 you would like

00:56:46.500 to have them use

00:56:47.900 on the other side

00:56:49.040 of the table.

00:56:52.000 But I mean,

00:56:52.740 here's the thing.

00:56:53.960 From what you're saying,

00:56:55.020 the two of you

00:56:55.420 don't want the same things.

00:56:57.740 That is the deal breaker

00:56:59.380 and that's an easier,

00:57:00.760 an easier conversation

00:57:03.040 to have

00:57:03.740 than we don't have

00:57:04.480 good chemistry.

00:57:05.820 I had the conversation,

00:57:07.420 we don't have good chemistry,

00:57:09.340 so we shouldn't end up together.

00:57:11.380 Compatibility-wise,

00:57:12.260 we're good,

00:57:12.760 but chemistry,

00:57:13.360 we're not.

00:57:13.900 That's a harder conversation

00:57:15.320 because how do you convince

00:57:16.320 the person you're talking to

00:57:17.940 that, oh,

00:57:19.120 the chemistry isn't right?

00:57:20.580 Because they clearly

00:57:21.540 do think the chemistry

00:57:22.420 chemistry is right

00:57:22.940 and they wouldn't be with you

00:57:25.140 if they didn't think that.

00:57:27.240 So that's a harder conversation.

00:57:29.440 Saying,

00:57:30.060 you have an easier option here

00:57:33.160 of kind of laying out your case

00:57:34.920 and I think you can do it

00:57:36.560 in a gentle and tender way

00:57:37.680 and I would just say,

00:57:38.780 be prepared that

00:57:39.500 the person you're talking to,

00:57:41.300 your partner,

00:57:42.200 won't necessarily agree

00:57:45.220 or won't make it easy.

00:57:47.840 But,

00:57:48.360 I mean,

00:57:49.100 if it's factually true

00:57:50.360 that you don't want

00:57:51.220 the same things,

00:57:52.220 so for example,

00:57:53.000 you want kids,

00:57:53.700 he doesn't.

00:57:54.720 You want to get married,

00:57:55.600 he doesn't.

00:57:56.440 You want to become

00:57:57.260 more religious,

00:57:57.880 he doesn't.

00:57:59.200 You can just

00:58:00.020 calmly say that

00:58:02.040 and say,

00:58:03.020 you know,

00:58:03.500 I really,

00:58:04.280 I love you,

00:58:05.460 I care about you,

00:58:06.900 our relationship

00:58:07.520 has meant a lot to me,

00:58:08.820 but I don't know

00:58:11.260 if you guys started dating

00:58:12.380 and grew in different directions.

00:58:13.960 I don't know

00:58:15.000 if you got into the relationship

00:58:16.960 and weren't necessarily careful

00:58:19.160 about,

00:58:19.720 you know,

00:58:20.700 finding out about

00:58:21.400 these compatibility issues

00:58:22.520 early on,

00:58:23.200 but you can say,

00:58:25.140 this is the facts.

00:58:27.660 You want certain things

00:58:28.980 out of life

00:58:29.460 and I want certain things

00:58:30.660 out of life

00:58:31.060 and those two things

00:58:31.880 are not the same

00:58:32.680 and this relationship

00:58:34.020 will only get harder

00:58:35.060 and more painful

00:58:36.000 if we continue

00:58:38.040 down this path

00:58:38.960 because we will diverge

00:58:40.600 and we already

00:58:41.600 are diverging,

00:58:42.480 but that diverging

00:58:43.360 is going to just

00:58:44.160 widen and widen

00:58:45.320 over time

00:58:46.020 to a point

00:58:47.200 where we're not even

00:58:47.900 on the same map.

00:58:50.040 So,

00:58:50.720 it's more important

00:58:51.800 for us to break up now

00:58:53.340 and save ourselves

00:58:54.920 the even more

00:58:56.740 deep heartache

00:58:58.080 of a longer term

00:58:59.660 relationship

00:59:00.160 and a longer commitment

00:59:01.340 than it is for us

00:59:03.900 to stay together

00:59:05.960 and wait it out.

00:59:09.980 So,

00:59:10.560 I think that that's

00:59:11.260 kind of the way

00:59:11.720 you would go about it

00:59:12.600 and just tell this person

00:59:14.700 why,

00:59:16.860 tell that your significant other

00:59:18.200 why it really doesn't

00:59:19.540 make sense for you

00:59:20.120 to stay together.

00:59:20.940 It sounds that you

00:59:21.880 are ready to go

00:59:22.780 and you've understood

00:59:24.140 that this relationship

00:59:26.500 has to end

00:59:27.320 and the truth is

00:59:28.340 it's going to be uncomfortable,

00:59:29.340 it's going to be painful

00:59:30.060 no matter what

00:59:30.560 because it always is,

00:59:31.960 but if you stay true

00:59:34.160 and strong

00:59:35.240 and know

00:59:36.340 why you're doing

00:59:37.520 what you're doing

00:59:38.080 then

00:59:39.620 at the end of the day

00:59:41.520 you'll come out okay

00:59:42.960 and hopefully

00:59:44.200 if you are clear about it

00:59:45.940 even if immediately

00:59:47.080 after he can't understand it

00:59:49.180 within a few months

00:59:50.300 he will understand

00:59:51.220 and he will know

00:59:52.240 why this had to happen

00:59:54.120 because you showed him

00:59:55.640 it wasn't just

00:59:56.720 we have to break up

00:59:57.920 because

00:59:58.460 we have to

00:59:59.700 or

01:00:00.280 I'm ghosting you

01:00:01.360 it's

01:00:02.140 these are the reasons

01:00:03.340 you can

01:00:04.320 look back at those reasons

01:00:06.380 in six months

01:00:07.320 and

01:00:08.440 know

01:00:09.700 that

01:00:10.380 there was a

01:00:11.320 purpose

01:00:12.260 and a

01:00:13.140 there was a good

01:00:14.980 there was an end point

01:00:16.800 that was coming

01:00:17.440 and this was it

01:00:18.480 so that's what I would say

01:00:20.520 and just

01:00:20.960 be

01:00:21.780 kind

01:00:22.860 but be firm

01:00:23.900 don't let yourself

01:00:25.060 be

01:00:25.560 taken off course

01:00:27.160 because

01:00:27.500 that

01:00:28.240 can get

01:00:29.000 even more

01:00:30.060 painful

01:00:31.960 after a while

01:00:32.960 for him

01:00:34.400 is if he feels

01:00:35.320 like he's convincing

01:00:36.100 you

01:00:36.500 and you're actually

01:00:37.660 not being convinced

01:00:38.460 or moved

01:00:38.940 but you feel

01:00:40.280 a little more like

01:00:41.440 unsure of your footing

01:00:43.360 you staying strong

01:00:45.140 and firm

01:00:45.660 in what needs

01:00:47.380 to happen

01:00:48.000 will give him

01:00:49.640 the closure

01:00:50.860 he needs

01:00:51.500 so that's what

01:00:53.280 I would say

01:00:53.960 to that

01:00:54.900 we have a couple

01:00:56.920 more questions

01:00:57.580 let's see if we can

01:00:58.140 fit them in

01:00:58.540 so let's do

01:00:59.200 do you have any

01:01:00.120 advice on wedding

01:01:00.900 planning

01:01:01.280 I'm struggling

01:01:02.080 on how to keep

01:01:03.380 it how we like

01:01:04.100 while still being

01:01:04.680 considerate of our

01:01:05.340 guests

01:01:05.680 well

01:01:07.360 do what you want

01:01:08.600 I think is most

01:01:09.460 important

01:01:09.900 do something you

01:01:10.620 like

01:01:10.860 if it's something

01:01:11.360 that's really

01:01:12.100 like not fun

01:01:13.280 for other people

01:01:14.060 then yeah

01:01:14.960 put the kibosh

01:01:15.900 on that

01:01:16.280 but for the most

01:01:16.840 part you can

01:01:17.340 have a themed

01:01:17.920 wedding

01:01:18.220 or do fun

01:01:19.560 things that you

01:01:20.040 both enjoy

01:01:20.640 that other people

01:01:21.680 will also enjoy

01:01:22.520 as long as it's

01:01:23.320 not something

01:01:23.820 crazy weird

01:01:24.700 like we're only

01:01:25.400 going to serve

01:01:25.980 a certain kind

01:01:26.620 of food that

01:01:27.060 nobody likes

01:01:27.640 except us

01:01:28.280 most people

01:01:29.800 are willing

01:01:30.380 to participate

01:01:31.100 in your day

01:01:32.340 and know

01:01:33.480 that that's

01:01:34.140 fun for you

01:01:34.980 and that'll

01:01:35.380 make it fun

01:01:35.800 for them

01:01:36.240 and they know

01:01:36.680 it's your

01:01:37.140 wedding day

01:01:37.600 and so they

01:01:37.940 enjoy you

01:01:38.520 so I would

01:01:40.700 say do

01:01:42.180 what you want

01:01:42.720 do something

01:01:43.280 you enjoy

01:01:43.720 stay within

01:01:44.180 a budget

01:01:44.560 but also

01:01:46.620 one of my

01:01:47.280 most core

01:01:48.060 pieces of

01:01:49.200 wedding planning

01:01:49.860 advice is don't

01:01:50.720 get too in the

01:01:51.700 weeds about it

01:01:52.420 that was my

01:01:53.180 thing I

01:01:53.660 planned my

01:01:54.200 whole wedding

01:01:54.620 and I had

01:01:55.720 the best time

01:01:56.680 but it was

01:01:57.220 because I

01:01:58.560 kind of said

01:01:59.260 to the florist

01:01:59.980 these are the

01:02:00.620 colors I like

01:02:01.440 and I like

01:02:02.620 this kind of

01:02:03.480 a look

01:02:03.840 now I trust

01:02:05.100 you to come

01:02:05.680 up with

01:02:05.900 something better

01:02:06.680 than what I

01:02:07.140 can come up

01:02:07.560 with go

01:02:08.100 and he did

01:02:09.260 he did an

01:02:09.740 incredible job

01:02:10.620 and the same

01:02:11.340 was true with

01:02:12.120 a bunch of

01:02:12.840 different elements

01:02:13.500 I just was a

01:02:14.860 little bit more

01:02:15.520 flexible than

01:02:17.220 being like this

01:02:18.580 is my exact

01:02:19.200 vision and

01:02:19.660 everything needs

01:02:20.200 to go to

01:02:20.620 perfectly to

01:02:21.140 plan

01:02:21.440 instead it

01:02:22.500 was like

01:02:22.840 here's kind

01:02:23.600 of the overall

01:02:24.160 vibe I want

01:02:24.940 there are a few

01:02:26.080 things that are

01:02:26.560 important to me

01:02:27.300 but at the end

01:02:28.160 of the day

01:02:28.600 it's about the

01:02:29.460 people and I

01:02:31.420 want to have

01:02:32.220 twinkly lights

01:02:32.780 like that was my

01:02:33.680 thing is I want

01:02:34.280 twinkly lights

01:02:34.920 so if you can

01:02:37.300 stay relaxed

01:02:38.960 about it while

01:02:39.780 also getting

01:02:40.800 close to what

01:02:41.940 you want I

01:02:42.980 think that's

01:02:43.400 the goal

01:02:43.760 last but not

01:02:45.680 least advice on

01:02:47.180 managing work

01:02:47.920 gossip as a

01:02:49.200 nurse I work

01:02:49.860 with almost all

01:02:50.500 women and I

01:02:51.100 find it hard to

01:02:51.880 avoid getting

01:02:52.360 caught up in

01:02:52.880 gossip especially

01:02:54.040 as a younger

01:02:54.840 nurse working

01:02:55.860 day shift all

01:02:56.600 of the nurses

01:02:57.020 are older than

01:02:57.740 I am so yeah

01:02:59.660 I think gossip

01:03:00.620 is a hard one

01:03:01.280 because people

01:03:01.940 really like to

01:03:03.020 gossip sometimes

01:03:03.800 and it can feel

01:03:04.580 uncomfortable to

01:03:05.400 be the one

01:03:05.680 person who's not

01:03:06.380 so I think you

01:03:08.260 kind of have if

01:03:08.880 you don't want to

01:03:09.400 participate there's

01:03:10.100 two avenues you

01:03:11.800 can either just

01:03:13.840 step away and

01:03:15.060 unfortunately it

01:03:16.280 does kind of

01:03:17.600 limit your

01:03:18.040 friendships a

01:03:18.900 little bit if

01:03:19.700 there are people

01:03:20.160 who really only

01:03:20.920 like to talk

01:03:21.500 about work

01:03:21.940 gossip that's

01:03:24.980 one avenue

01:03:25.420 number two is

01:03:26.660 change the

01:03:27.120 subject change

01:03:27.880 the subject to

01:03:28.480 a movie everybody

01:03:29.200 seen or a

01:03:30.800 show everybody's

01:03:31.600 watching you can

01:03:33.080 usually find a

01:03:33.760 show that a lot

01:03:34.460 of your friends

01:03:34.880 are watching just

01:03:35.720 stay up to date

01:03:37.080 on things that

01:03:37.600 friends are

01:03:37.980 watching and

01:03:38.360 make maybe you

01:03:39.380 could even make

01:03:40.020 that into a

01:03:40.480 thing where it's

01:03:41.000 like oh all of

01:03:42.200 my nurse friends

01:03:43.520 we're all gonna

01:03:44.140 watch I don't

01:03:46.040 know Firefly Lane

01:03:47.100 together no I'm

01:03:48.860 just naming a

01:03:49.440 Netflix show

01:03:49.940 we're all gonna

01:03:51.240 watch one show

01:03:52.100 together and

01:03:52.700 every we'll all

01:03:53.860 discuss it then

01:03:55.320 maybe we'll do a

01:03:56.060 movie next time and

01:03:57.300 give people a

01:03:58.700 conversation topic to

01:04:00.340 not have it be

01:04:01.940 work gossip the

01:04:03.480 third thing is

01:04:04.820 making it

01:04:06.140 uncomfortable and

01:04:07.500 I've done this

01:04:08.160 where people are

01:04:09.100 talking about

01:04:09.700 something someone

01:04:10.920 they're gossiping

01:04:12.460 and you're just

01:04:13.620 kind of like

01:04:14.120 okay nothing to

01:04:18.180 contribute like

01:04:19.960 or oh I

01:04:21.020 didn't really get

01:04:21.580 that vibe just

01:04:23.340 making it so that

01:04:25.100 they're clear this

01:04:26.360 isn't something you

01:04:27.040 want to talk about

01:04:27.720 and this isn't fair

01:04:28.560 to this it'll make

01:04:29.340 them feel embarrassed

01:04:30.440 that they brought

01:04:31.040 it up yeah I think

01:04:34.020 those are really the

01:04:34.660 best ways to deal

01:04:35.880 with workplace

01:04:36.400 gossip because

01:04:37.100 workplace gossip

01:04:37.840 can get prob be a

01:04:39.260 problem it can be

01:04:40.320 hurtful and then

01:04:42.820 you've got rumors

01:04:43.740 spreading and it's

01:04:44.720 not good it's not

01:04:45.920 good so if you can

01:04:47.320 do one of those

01:04:48.700 three things I think

01:04:49.900 you'll you'll at

01:04:51.700 least be either

01:04:53.340 removing yourself or

01:04:54.360 trying to remedy

01:04:55.280 that situation within

01:04:56.540 within your nurse

01:04:58.300 friends group so

01:05:00.660 that is today's

01:05:02.100 episode of the

01:05:02.820 classically abby

01:05:03.580 podcast I hope you

01:05:04.840 guys enjoyed it make

01:05:06.060 sure to subscribe

01:05:07.120 wherever you listen

01:05:07.820 to podcasts and

01:05:09.060 subscribe on YouTube

01:05:10.080 if you'd like to

01:05:10.940 become a premium

01:05:11.520 substack subscriber

01:05:12.360 head over to

01:05:12.760 classicallyabby.substack.com

01:05:14.960 and I would love if

01:05:15.780 you would leave a

01:05:16.320 review on Apple

01:05:16.900 podcasts and share

01:05:17.860 this podcast with

01:05:18.720 anyone you think

01:05:19.420 would like it I'm

01:05:20.840 so glad you're here

01:05:21.700 and I look forward

01:05:22.600 to next week's

01:05:23.900 episode bye

01:05:39.060 and I'll see you next

Classically Abby - March 01, 2023

7 Things I Wish I Knew SOONER + How To Break Up With Someone Who's Wrong For You! ⧸⧸ Ep. 8

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