Classically Abby - ANSWERING YOUR RELATIONSHIP Q'S ｜

00:00:00.000 Hello beautiful ladies and welcome to today's video where we're going to be doing a get ready

00:00:04.580 with me answering your relationship questions. As you can see I have nothing on my face. I don't

00:00:12.320 know if you can tell but I have a cold so that's why I sound like this. I had the flu already and

00:00:17.340 then I got this cold like two weeks later. I mean every time I fly in this season I always get sick

00:00:23.300 so I kind of expected that to happen but oh my gosh I'm just like please I cannot get sick again.

00:00:30.440 So I asked you guys on Instagram and on Twitter to ask me any relationship questions you had about

00:00:37.580 my relationship, about your relationships and I just wanted to see what kind of things you guys

00:00:43.420 were wondering about and see if I could answer any of those questions while we got ready together.

00:00:48.460 So I'm just going to get started here and the first question I have is advice on how to tell

00:00:54.120 if it's worth it to enter into a relationship. That is an interesting one. P.S. this is a new

00:01:00.740 foundation brush from Wet n Wild. I'm just trying it out for the first time on camera so I don't know

00:01:04.980 how it's going to work. No one uses these kinds of foundation brushes anymore except Lisa Eldridge.

00:01:10.720 Check her out. She's on YouTube. She is like an incredible makeup artist and she's like the only

00:01:16.460 person I've ever seen use a brush like this so I was just kind of curious. I was thinking you know

00:01:22.020 nobody uses these anymore so what are they good? We're going to see. In response to your question

00:01:29.140 you know I that sounds like a question that's based on maybe a friendship that's turning into

00:01:35.040 a relationship because getting into a relationship how do you know if it's a good idea to get into a

00:01:41.240 relationship? What I would say is that you always have to consider a couple of things when you're

00:01:48.460 getting into a relationship. Is it long term? Like can you see a future there? Do you see this guy

00:01:55.380 marrying him or having his children? And I know most people don't think of these things nowadays

00:02:01.040 but at the end of the day I don't think you want to go into a relationship with the expectation

00:02:06.060 that you're going to get hurt and that the whole thing is going to fall apart. So if

00:02:11.100 you are not thinking about the long term kind of goal I don't see how you wouldn't get hurt

00:02:18.300 because maybe these big questions would have been easily answered early on. So it would be worth

00:02:25.140 entering into the relationship if you guys are compatible. If you see a future there. And I think

00:02:30.780 let's say this is somebody who is considering turning a friendship into a relationship. I know

00:02:35.860 that there's a lot of fear in those kinds of situations because you don't want to lose the

00:02:40.260 friendship over a relationship. But I think if you have that chemistry already from a friendship

00:02:47.180 and you have compatibility as well I think it's worth exploring and it's more important

00:02:54.740 to try and see if you have a future as a couple than it is to kind of just always stay friends but

00:03:03.060 really wonder if there was something more there. Quick pause though. This is great. Why don't most people

00:03:09.280 use brushes like this anymore. I feel like this looks fantastic and it was so easy and quick.

00:03:15.160 I'm kind of obsessed with this and this was like two dollars I think so I like that. The next question

00:03:21.980 I have is how do you resolve a tough conflict? Well I want to start off by saying if it's a tough

00:03:30.640 conflict it's not going to be easy to resolve. So just be easy on yourself there. It's not going to

00:03:36.640 be simple. I don't have like an easy solution to it but there are good ways to make it easier.

00:03:43.100 My husband and I are I would say we're really good at communicating with each other and that's the

00:03:48.620 most important thing is not getting too heated and not starting to like let the situation escalate.

00:03:56.520 You always want to make sure that you're communicating effectively and that the other person can hear

00:04:02.200 what you're saying. If you start getting really angry and up in the other person's face they can't

00:04:07.880 hear you. They're just kind of feeling this attack coming at them and the easiest way to to kind of

00:04:15.540 deal with these conflicts is to really talk and listen and try and empathize with the other person's

00:04:22.700 position. Because if you're just this is my position and I can't hear what you're saying

00:04:27.580 they really are going to be feeling the exact same way. They're not going to be able to hear what

00:04:32.420 you're saying and they're not going it's just going to hit a wall. You always want to be really

00:04:37.380 empathetic to what the other person is trying to get across. When you're listening and actively

00:04:42.160 listening not just listening so that you can respond and say your side you'll probably come to a better

00:04:47.400 resolution than if you're just fighting to get your point across. Just always be kind to each other

00:04:53.140 and try and understand the other person's point of view. So the next question is my thoughts on long

00:04:59.260 distance. Well I have a lot of thoughts on long distance because my husband and I got married

00:05:04.120 when we had been long distance our entire relationship. I'm currently looking for a brush

00:05:09.120 that's why I'm looking down. You know I did two of my relationships long distance. Me and my husband

00:05:14.400 and another serious relationship I was in before my husband and I learned a lot from both.

00:05:21.340 But my most important piece of advice the thing that I learned like and I just this is my advice

00:05:29.740 to everyone who's in a long distance relationship okay. Spend two weeks together early on in your

00:05:35.480 relationship. Don't like go six months and never have spent more than a weekend. You want to spend like

00:05:42.740 two weeks together early on just to see and make it sure that you're not going to get annoyed with

00:05:49.320 each other. Now that sounds really funny but the first guy that I dated we had a really nice

00:05:56.280 relationship but we didn't really spend a lot of time together and it wasn't until like nine months

00:06:02.540 into our relationship that we spent two weeks together and it turned out we really just didn't have

00:06:07.220 that chemistry that two people have when they hang out a lot. We didn't get along as well when we had spent

00:06:13.260 that time together and so I just made that a rule for myself for life that if I was ever going to do

00:06:19.620 long distance again I was going to make sure that we spent two weeks together early on and that's what

00:06:25.140 I did. So with Jacob we started dating and then like two weeks after we met I went away for 10 weeks to

00:06:33.580 perform and when I got back we spent two full weeks together and then within another month or two

00:06:38.680 we spent a full month together and so that was really important to me because I knew that it's

00:06:45.680 easy to hide things in long distance. It's also incredible for getting to learn a lot about

00:06:51.340 somebody and not having like activities and the physical stuff get in the way. So I am pro long

00:06:56.780 distance if you do it smart. Don't do it silly. Don't avoid the big questions because you're long

00:07:03.440 distance but if you really care about someone you should absolutely go for it. The next question is

00:07:08.200 how do I get over being so picky? Like height and teeth don't even matter but I can't get over it.

00:07:13.920 With the right guy those things don't matter. When you meet somebody who you hit it off with and you

00:07:19.980 have that chemistry and you're compatible those things don't matter because you know my husband

00:07:25.000 is a half inch taller than I am so it's not like I got this guy who and I'm tall I'm 5'8 so it's not

00:07:32.620 like I married a guy who was 6'3 even though you know I was attracted to taller guys before.

00:07:38.340 Jacob was the right guy so it didn't matter. I think it's important to just recognize that

00:07:44.660 you're not perfect and the guy you're going to end up with is not going to be perfect even if he's

00:07:51.360 stunning. No person's perfect so and looks fade so it really is something that it's hard to get over

00:07:59.080 I understand. I think as you get older things start to matter less a little bit. Of course there

00:08:04.820 are certain things that might be hard for you to get over and are more understandable when it comes

00:08:10.120 to looks but overall height doesn't matter. Teeth don't really matter. I mean if the guy and you

00:08:16.960 hit it off great. Don't I think that the first thing is maybe don't turn down dates from guys who

00:08:24.460 just have one thing off. If there's a guy who's a little bit shorter than you like maybe still say

00:08:30.660 yes to that date and see if you guys hit it off and maybe you'll notice that you actually like him

00:08:36.380 more than you expected to but I think that's the first thing. Don't close the door to guys immediately

00:08:42.140 like give him a chance to prove you to you that he's actually more than just his height or his teeth

00:08:49.640 or whatever it is and then maybe you'll like him for him and not for just some silly reason. So this

00:08:56.760 next question is a good one. Do you think people are truly meant for each other learn to love each

00:09:01.280 other or some combination? I like this question. Well I will say right off the bat I do not believe in

00:09:09.300 soulmates. So I think I used to and then I met my husband and we did hit it off immediately and

00:09:18.880 theoretically you could call us soulmates but we work hard at our relationship and we care about

00:09:24.120 the same things and we want to raise a family together and we you know it's not just soulmate

00:09:30.020 makes everything seem like everything's going to be solved when you meet that person. That's never the

00:09:35.160 case. Relationships are hard and my other issue with saying soulmate is what if you're married and

00:09:42.700 the fire goes away or something the passion is gone and you meet someone else and you're like oh my god

00:09:49.360 that person was really my soulmate all along and I met the person that I married to before I ever met

00:09:54.740 my soulmate and it's all a mistake. Does that give you an excuse to leave your partner? To leave your

00:09:59.640 husband? I don't think so because that's crazy. Marriage is hard and also lovely and it means that you have to

00:10:07.780 put an effort. So if you treat marriage and soulmates like it's easy everything's going to be

00:10:15.080 actually it's going to be harder actually because you're not going to understand that sometimes you

00:10:20.320 won't agree. Soulmates are not just somebody who you agree with all the time or anything like that

00:10:25.140 marriage isn't like that and so I am a proponent of you meet the right person there are I think maybe

00:10:32.780 there are a few people who you could end up with and you meet one of them and you make that person

00:10:39.540 the person that you're going to work hard with to maintain a relationship because you have to choose

00:10:44.580 every day to be in that relationship. I actually really liked that in Friends. Monica and Chandler

00:10:49.580 there's an episode where they talk about soulmates and Monica and Chandler both say that they don't

00:10:54.220 believe in soulmates and I actually was really moved by that because you want like I said you need to

00:10:59.620 make that choice every day whereas soulmates makes it seem like it just happens to you. Okay this

00:11:04.680 person says how do you split the holidays between your families top of the mind this time of year?

00:11:09.660 Well we're lucky because Jacob's family is more excited about the non-Jewish holidays and my family

00:11:17.800 is more excited about the Jewish holidays. So we go to Jacob's family for Thanksgiving and July 4th

00:11:23.660 and we go to my family for the Jewish holidays like Passover and Sukkot and so we don't really

00:11:30.400 have to like argue. I know a lot of people will kind of switch off every other year they'll go home

00:11:35.820 for Thanksgiving or they'll go to their in-laws and I think that's also a great solution.

00:11:39.760 What's your favorite meal to eat together? Dinner and we enjoy hmm I mean is it like the meal or the food

00:11:49.640 because I don't I mean we love pizza I just made stew last night and it's amazing it's delicious we

00:11:56.000 love eating that together but dinner. The next question is what age did you start dating Love

00:12:02.540 Your Blog? Well thank you. That's a funny question actually I did not start well actually I just

00:12:09.540 realized I had a boyfriend in high school so I guess I started dating at like 15 but I don't consider

00:12:17.860 that dating um I mean in my head I was dating for marriage like let's be honest even at 15 I was

00:12:23.580 like do we have a future but I was 15 so didn't really know what that meant. I didn't start dating

00:12:30.120 after that though until I was 19 um because again I was dating for marriage so I was looking for more

00:12:39.100 of a long-term commitment. This next question says my boyfriend three months I'm his first GF says he

00:12:47.740 cares about me lots but doesn't quite know if it's love good bad or should I just keep loving him

00:12:53.740 I really want to. I think it depends how he said it um if it sounds like he's nervous and he just kind

00:13:02.480 of wants to understand it and you think that in the next couple of months or even month he'll have the

00:13:07.780 confidence to say absolutely I love you I think you can give him that time. If he seems kind of like

00:13:15.780 he doesn't want to make a commitment and I think you can probably tell that for yourself

00:13:20.120 then I would not stay with a guy like that because he is not interested in a long-term commitment

00:13:27.960 and he may be kind of looking to date around a little bit more than just one girl. How did he say it?

00:13:35.420 Did he say it like I like I like you but I don't know if I love you I mean that's crazy or was it

00:13:43.200 more like I honestly just don't know I think with a little bit more time I'll know though like where

00:13:48.740 it was more like I can see me understanding this feeling more over time then I would I would

00:13:57.180 understand that and give him a little bit of extra time but you know it really is just what kind of a

00:14:02.580 guy is he and do you see it having a future and if you don't then you do have to say and be harsh

00:14:09.440 with yourself and say okay this isn't a really long-term solution and he really doesn't want more

00:14:17.220 than just a fling so good luck and I'm sure you'll figure it out. This next question is how do I find

00:14:23.820 someone who shares my faith other than going to my place of worship? I think that's a good question

00:14:28.780 actually what I would say is go to places where that person might go who shares your values so if

00:14:38.100 you are interested in volunteering because of your faith go to places that have volunteering and maybe

00:14:44.120 you'll meet someone there who shares your faith or go to a political meeting that lines up with your

00:14:50.820 faith and see if maybe you meet someone there. Go somewhere that lines up with your values and

00:14:55.820 you'll probably find somebody there who also lines up with your faith. The next question is how do you

00:15:01.420 tell your girlfriend that she should try to exercise more? Well that's a hard conversation but I don't

00:15:08.020 think that's off limits and I know a lot of people will probably be offended by me saying that but I

00:15:13.140 don't. I think that that's a conversation that you get to have with your significant other. My husband

00:15:17.780 and I talk about that a lot. He actually just bought me an exercise book and it wasn't offensive. He bought

00:15:23.460 it for me because I didn't like my current workout and he was so sweet that he went online and did some

00:15:28.940 research to find something that I would like more and he bought that for me and I thought that was

00:15:33.080 really nice. So I am I understand that that's a hard and tricky conversation to have but what I would

00:15:41.180 recommend is talking about health before fitness but talking about health before looks really. It has to be

00:15:47.780 that you kind of say in tandem with yourself. You know you never want to be like you need to be

00:15:51.940 healthier. I'm fit but you're not. Don't ever do that. I would say that the best thing to do is to

00:15:58.840 say something like hey I want to go to the gym. I feel like I haven't been as healthy as I could be

00:16:04.000 lately. I'd really like for you to join me. I think we should try and be healthy together because it's

00:16:09.000 kind to our to each other for us to be healthy so we don't have to take care of the other when they're

00:16:13.720 sick or when these things happen because you're not taking care of yourself physically. So I would

00:16:19.120 recommend that we go together like not necessarily recommend but I would love if we worked out

00:16:23.720 together and it would mean a lot to me. And see how she responds to that because if you make it more

00:16:28.920 about health and not about looks and not you need to exercise more because you know you're looking a

00:16:33.580 little paunchy. No one wants to hear that. Then I think you can probably get away with saying it in a

00:16:40.700 very kind way and you know maybe you'll end up working out together and having an exercise buddy

00:16:46.240 which is also great. The next one is overbearing dominant mother-in-laws. I have to preface this

00:16:54.600 with I am so so lucky because I have the best mother-in-law. Like I have a great relationship

00:16:59.440 with her so this is not from experience but what I would suggest is just being kind but always kind

00:17:08.840 of staying firm to what you believe in. So if she's kind of crossing over lines that are going

00:17:15.660 to mess up things for you and your relationship with your husband just be firm but be nice. Say

00:17:21.940 you know she says I want us all to go out to dinner and you're like we can't afford that today. Just say

00:17:27.760 you know I'm really sorry mom but I just can't we can't make that work this month. Can I make dinner

00:17:34.020 at home for us all? You know whatever it is just be honest, be kind, but be firm. This next question

00:17:41.660 is I know musical prowess runs in your family. Does your husband play any instruments? He doesn't. He's

00:17:47.480 learning how I'm actually kind of teaching him how to sing slowly but surely just not like set up voice

00:17:53.340 lessons but we're working together on it and we're also just practicing piano together because he plays

00:18:01.500 a little bit. He used to play when he was a kid and he doesn't really play anymore so he wanted to pick

00:18:06.120 that up again but he is not an entirely musical person. I never expected that to be the person I

00:18:13.720 would end up with but it was because it didn't matter at the end of the day which was a big surprise

00:18:19.220 to me and he is so so sweet and is look like watching videos and things to try and understand opera

00:18:27.460 more because obviously most people don't have a huge understanding of opera so he is doing his best to

00:18:34.680 understand it more. He reads my blog and watches my videos about it and you know he's he's very sweet.

00:18:42.500 The last question I'm going to answer is from Twitter so we're hopping on over there and it says

00:18:47.260 in your last video you mentioned that when you were younger in your orthodox community everyone always

00:18:52.020 talked about how badly they wanted to get married. Do you think it was unhealthy or good to be fixated

00:18:57.000 on marriage? Also what are some other ways growing up orthodox influenced your opinions thoughts and

00:19:01.940 approach on relationships love and marriage? Long question but a good question. I would say

00:19:08.200 that the fixation on marriage is good and bad just like most things are good and bad. The good is that

00:19:15.980 it really gave me an understanding of where I was aiming. It didn't feel like dating was just random which

00:19:22.220 I really don't like that philosophy personally and it meant that I was always clear about what my end

00:19:28.440 goals were but the bad thing was that it made you feel a little bit anxious to get married and it made

00:19:34.600 you not value your single life in the same way. I don't think that's necessarily the fault of the

00:19:41.060 orthodox community. I do think that that is something that women kind of internalize but I don't think that

00:19:48.880 was like pushed on us or anything. I benefited in a way from being in the secular world because then

00:19:55.760 when I was single it meant that I liked being single but it also gave me direction and I really

00:20:02.900 appreciate that because I knew that I was dating for a reason and I was going to get married and that

00:20:09.360 was going to be the end goal and it was like super important and I'm and I feel that I'm very lucky

00:20:13.900 that I view marriage this way. As far as growing up orthodox and it influencing the way that I view

00:20:20.680 marriage, it absolutely did. It meant that I viewed marriage as you know this beautiful gift that would

00:20:29.340 allow me to have children and would be part of a community. I would say that being orthodox made me

00:20:35.200 love the idea of marriage and I think that's kind of rare in today's day and age. It made me really

00:20:41.820 excited at the prospect. It never felt like an end finish line like I was not gonna be able to have

00:20:47.360 fun anymore which I think a lot of people feel but instead it made me feel like that's the beginning

00:20:53.580 and that's really cool. Not that my life didn't begin before marriage but there was this other

00:20:58.100 really cool part of my life that hadn't even started yet and that was really exciting to me.

00:21:03.600 As well I just I like the orthodox view of marriage. We waited until we got married to be physical

00:21:09.880 with each other and I loved that. I thought it was really special and I thought it was you know

00:21:15.960 incredibly important as well. And I like the idea of taking care of my husband and hosting all the

00:21:23.860 time. We're really active members in our community and one of the orthodox really cool things is that

00:21:30.280 you have your own home and you get to like share it with people. I'm constantly cooking meals and

00:21:34.720 hosting people for dinner and I love that. I mean you get to do that as a single person but even

00:21:39.380 more so as a wife. So I do love that. And that's the finished makeup look. Thank you guys so much

00:21:45.180 for watching today's video. Let me know in the comments down below if you had any questions that

00:21:49.520 I didn't answer or if you have any other relationship advice or things like that. If you think I answered

00:21:55.640 something and you would have answered it in a different way please put it in the comments below.

00:21:59.100 Please subscribe to my channel and my blog if you haven't already. Head over to my Twitter and Instagram

00:22:03.340 and follow me there and I'll see you guys in my next video. Bye!

Classically Abby - December 05, 2019

ANSWERING YOUR RELATIONSHIP Q'S ｜｜ Do I believe in soulmates？？

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