Classically Abby - ANSWERING YOUR RELATIONSHIP Q'S ｜｜ From a conservative perspective!

00:00:00.000 Hello, beautiful ladies, and welcome to today's video where we're going to be doing a relationship Q&A from a conservative perspective. 1.00

00:00:09.760 A couple of weeks ago, I asked you guys on Instagram to share any relationship questions that you guys have.

00:00:15.140 I've done this before, and I had a lot of questions then, and I thought I would do like a part two.

00:00:20.020 We could do a part three if you guys are interested. Let me know in the comments below.

00:00:23.200 Maybe we'll do another one of these, but I just think these are really fun, and it's a good way for us to have some girl chat.

00:00:27.800 So let's hop in and see what you guys had questions about.

00:00:31.120 So the first question is, it's been difficult trying to meet a guy in church, not going back to apps ever again. Any advice?

00:00:38.220 My take is that if you want to find somebody who's in your faith, that means you want to find someone who shares your values.

00:00:44.240 So finding activities that you might see someone from your church or from your faith at would be a really good way to meet the people that you would want to meet.

00:00:53.080 So, for example, volunteering. If that's something that's valuable to you, you might meet someone there because they would also share that value.

00:01:00.280 If you have any friends who are willing to set you up, you should definitely reach out to them.

00:01:04.220 If you have a married friend, for example, and you really like her husband, ask if her husband has any single friends that he could set you up with.

00:01:10.060 But my husband and I were actually set up by a mutual friend, so I am a big fan of if someone knows you and they know the guy, then they might be able to create a match for you.

00:01:21.060 I also think that it can be really difficult to meet someone at church because people go to church for different reasons and it's not always to meet someone.

00:01:28.520 But it's just creating that friend group that is there to watch out for you and has your best interests at heart will help with the whole dating process anyways.

00:01:37.120 But you can also talk to some of your friends and see if they'd be willing to work with you to set up some sort of mixer so that the people who share your faith and are from your church or from other churches in the area that follow your belief system would be invited to and then you guys could all kind of meet and mingle in that scenario,

00:01:55.040 which is slightly less of a pressure cooker than being at church and trying to meet people.

00:02:00.160 You can also do something like a book club so it doesn't necessarily have to feel like a mixer where it's like, oh, we're here to meet people, but, oh, we're just having a situation where I like books, they like books, and maybe I can meet someone who we might end up hitting it off.

00:02:13.600 Those kinds of things, going out of your way to set up scenarios where you can meet someone, asking your friends, those are all things I think are really valuable when you're trying to meet a guy.

00:02:22.060 The next one is, getting so discouraged with dating. Tips on how to stay positive?

00:02:27.300 Dating is really hard, and I remember I absolutely hated it for most of it.

00:02:32.420 When you meet the right person, all of a sudden that stress that you don't even know that you have goes away because there's just kind of this calm that settles over you.

00:02:40.520 So I totally get it. It is really hard to stay positive.

00:02:43.660 But what I found really helped was kind of taking the time that I was single and dating and using it in a way that I was never going to be able to use it again.

00:02:51.020 So I would go out on dates by myself, I would take myself to lunch, I would bring a book, I might even get a glass of wine, I would go to see a movie by myself, I would walk around museums, and I would really enjoy this time.

00:03:02.860 Because being single is really hard, but there are things about being single that are really fun, and if you can take advantage of those things, then you will have a great time.

00:03:13.060 For example, if I were to just like take an entire day and take myself out when my husband has a day off, it wouldn't really make sense.

00:03:20.440 We don't get that much time together when he's working, so we would want to take the whole day together.

00:03:25.260 But when you're single, you can actually take an entire day just for yourself.

00:03:29.960 And as far as dating, I would say if you're a religious person, keep praying, keep remembering that God has a plan for you.

00:03:36.700 You'll meet somebody when the time is right, and if you haven't met someone yet, then that means that there's more for you to do on your own.

00:03:44.040 But just remembering that you're a special person, there is someone out there for you, those kinds of things, those kind of good thoughts.

00:03:51.240 I'm a huge fan of affirmations, so writing down something every single day like,

00:03:56.480 I will meet the right person in the right time, and just kind of saying that to yourself every day, those are so helpful.

00:04:02.640 Huge fan of affirmations, really recommend them, maybe that would help too.

00:04:06.560 But I do understand that it is hard to date, and I hope that you meet the right person soon.

00:04:10.720 The next question I have is, is the age gap really that big of a deal in a relationship?

00:04:16.060 So in my opinion, there are a couple of levels to that.

00:04:18.420 I think that a big age gap causes problems when someone feels that they have more life experience than the other person,

00:04:25.800 and therefore doesn't take that person as seriously.

00:04:28.500 So when a guy is 10, 15, 20 years older than a woman, then he might not take her advice as seriously because he has lived more.

00:04:37.860 And that makes sense, but that's not a great base for a relationship.

00:04:41.300 It also makes a big difference if you guys are in different places in your life.

00:04:45.520 If the woman is much older and the man is much younger and he's not ready to have children, but she's dying to, that's going to cause problems. 1.00

00:04:52.040 So understanding where the other person is in their life and trying to keep in mind that you want to have a partner in your life,

00:04:59.820 not somebody who's just constantly trying to take care of you.

00:05:03.140 And so having someone who's the same age, I tend to be a bigger proponent of, but of course there are always exceptions.

00:05:09.160 So that's my philosophy on it.

00:05:11.260 And keep it in mind if it seems to fit your situation.

00:05:14.660 The next question is, how do you recommend surviving a long-distance relationship?

00:05:19.000 Well, my husband and I, for the entirety of our relationship before we got married, were long-distance.

00:05:23.240 We never lived in the same city.

00:05:24.780 And actually, before I met my husband, I vowed I would never do long-distance again after I had a long-term relationship that was long-distance.

00:05:31.160 But I learned some big lessons in that first relationship.

00:05:34.480 I do have some recommendations for this.

00:05:36.400 Treat your calls and all of that like they're still dates.

00:05:39.620 Don't go on phone calls that are five hours or more where you guys feel like you're running out of things to talk about

00:05:44.420 because that's not normal if you are in a normal dating experience.

00:05:47.900 You might go out for two hours, three hours.

00:05:50.600 So limit your phone calls at the beginning.

00:05:53.000 Of course, as it turns more into a relationship relationship, okay, that maybe makes more sense.

00:05:57.580 But even if you are in the relationship-y part, I would say that if you're not living together,

00:06:02.640 you're not spending five hours at a time together.

00:06:04.760 So don't necessarily put yourself and your boyfriend through the stressors of a five-hour-long conversation every night

00:06:12.740 because that's just not normal.

00:06:14.460 That's not what a normal relationship is built on.

00:06:17.180 Another thing is do not base your relationship on texting.

00:06:21.680 I cannot say that enough.

00:06:23.860 My husband and I agreed from the beginning we were not going to text very much

00:06:27.380 because texting ruins relationships.

00:06:30.060 People misread things, misunderstand things,

00:06:32.200 and all of a sudden something that's totally innocuous becomes a fight.

00:06:35.840 So don't do that.

00:06:37.520 You don't need to have him at the other end of the line all the time.

00:06:40.660 So I would really base it off of phone calls and video calls and things like that.

00:06:44.360 My other big recommendation is early on in your relationship,

00:06:48.080 if you're doing long distance, spend a full two weeks together.

00:06:51.360 I didn't do that in my first long distance relationship for nine months.

00:06:56.380 And the first two weeks we spent together, it was like, oh, we're not compatible.

00:06:59.780 And you just don't see that when you're not seeing someone every day

00:07:04.580 like you would if you were living near them.

00:07:06.860 So if you are starting off a relationship long distance,

00:07:10.840 spend that time and take those two weeks to see if you really like that person.

00:07:15.260 Because over FaceTime or video chat,

00:07:17.960 it can make it seem like you have more chemistry than you do.

00:07:21.960 So I always say, spend two weeks together,

00:07:24.100 and then later on in your relationship, if you can,

00:07:26.120 spend a full month together because just trying to understand the ins and outs

00:07:31.360 of your relationship when you're that far away from each other can be confusing.

00:07:36.100 My husband and I did do both those things.

00:07:37.740 We spent two weeks together, and then we spent a month together.

00:07:39.580 So we did have those segments of time before we got married.

00:07:44.200 But the nice thing about long distance relationships

00:07:46.680 is that you don't have the physical stuff to get in the way.

00:07:49.460 You can just get to know each other, which is fantastic,

00:07:51.720 and you don't get kind of caught up in the physical aspect.

00:07:55.980 So it's nice in that you really have to spend that time getting to know each other.

00:08:00.020 The next question is, how is working from home with your husband going?

00:08:03.540 I am so lucky.

00:08:05.280 The two of us have had a really nice time working from home.

00:08:08.220 It hasn't felt like too much or overwhelming.

00:08:11.300 It's actually just been, that's been the easiest thing

00:08:13.780 is having somebody here with me all the time,

00:08:15.500 and he likes working from home.

00:08:17.380 It's just been a really nice dynamic.

00:08:19.160 I honestly could see this being something if it worked out in our future

00:08:23.180 that we would do all the time, that we would just both work from home.

00:08:26.240 It just works for us for some reason.

00:08:28.700 My husband and I are so funny because in a lot of ways,

00:08:33.400 I don't know that you would immediately assume we're just incredibly compatible,

00:08:37.500 but I guess it turns out we're incredibly compatible.

00:08:40.980 So it's not hard for us in a lot of ways to spend this much time together.

00:08:45.720 We enjoy it.

00:08:46.560 We are having a really good time.

00:08:47.780 The next question is,

00:08:49.180 my GF finds it hard to dress modestly.

00:08:51.940 How do I convince her to dress in less revealing clothes? 0.98

00:08:55.200 Now, I think that's actually kind of a valid question.

00:08:57.420 I know a lot of people wouldn't like that,

00:08:59.180 but I'm still going to address it.

00:09:00.720 I think it's fair.

00:09:02.320 Dressing modestly isn't always easy.

00:09:04.340 I think a lot of people assume that if you choose to dress modestly,

00:09:07.420 that means that it's because you want to and it's easy and whatever.

00:09:10.740 But for a lot of women, it's a struggle. 1.00

00:09:13.320 It's a pull.

00:09:14.380 In the same way that men want to have sex before they're married, 0.75

00:09:17.460 there's a pull for women to maybe want to dress a little bit more immodestly 0.99

00:09:21.240 and show off their bodies.

00:09:22.760 I do think it's a really nice thing to dress more modestly,

00:09:25.280 but I also understand that as a woman,

00:09:27.980 you don't necessarily want to hear that from somebody.

00:09:30.840 So what I always recommend is compliment your girlfriend

00:09:34.220 when she wears something you like.

00:09:36.200 So just really give her extra compliments

00:09:38.580 when you feel like,

00:09:39.800 oh my gosh, she looks so pretty today.

00:09:41.740 She put in an effort to dress modestly.

00:09:43.740 Then that's the moment that you're like,

00:09:45.340 wow, you look really beautiful today.

00:09:47.080 If she likes getting compliments,

00:09:48.440 she's going to start dressing in a way that you like 0.97

00:09:51.500 because she thinks that you think she looks nicer.

00:09:55.720 And that's a great thing.

00:09:57.060 Now, of course, I would say don't push her to dress more modestly

00:10:00.700 unless it's like a real problem.

00:10:03.820 But like I said,

00:10:05.580 giving her compliments when you like her outfits

00:10:07.800 will definitely give her an impetus 0.91

00:10:10.740 to dress more modestly and more classic.

00:10:13.860 The last question I'm going to do today is

00:10:16.200 how did you and your husband meet?

00:10:18.120 So we have actually a pretty funny story,

00:10:20.260 but I'll give the shortened version

00:10:21.560 because at some point,

00:10:22.860 let me know in the comments if you guys would like it.

00:10:24.820 I'd like to do a video with my husband

00:10:26.600 all about our dating story,

00:10:29.080 how we got together, etc.

00:10:30.800 So let me know in the comments

00:10:32.180 if that's something you'd be interested in seeing.

00:10:33.900 But my husband and I actually,

00:10:35.500 I mentioned earlier,

00:10:36.680 were set up by a mutual friend.

00:10:38.540 I had a friend who I made in LA.

00:10:41.280 Actually, we got set up on a date,

00:10:43.280 didn't go on the date,

00:10:44.300 and just ended up becoming friends.

00:10:46.040 And then this guy became friends with my husband

00:10:48.860 and he wanted to set us up for about a year

00:10:52.340 and didn't work out.

00:10:54.040 And then at the very end of that year,

00:10:55.640 I was supposed to be leaving the city

00:10:57.780 when Jacob was coming into the city.

00:11:00.700 And this mutual friend made me miss my train twice

00:11:03.900 so that we would cross paths.

00:11:06.240 So he's a very good friend.

00:11:08.500 We very much appreciate his efforts.

00:11:11.220 And that's kind of how we met.

00:11:13.020 And then, of course, there's a lot more to the story,

00:11:14.760 but it's a little bit of a hint.

00:11:16.940 Thank you guys so much for watching today's video.

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00:11:34.000 And I'll see you guys in my next video.

00:11:36.240 Bye!

00:11:36.560 Bye!

Classically Abby - April 08, 2020

ANSWERING YOUR RELATIONSHIP Q'S ｜｜ From a conservative perspective!

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