Classically Abby - Answering YOUR Relationship Questions And Sharing My MOST Unpopular Relationship Opinion...YIKES! 😱

00:00:00.000 Hello Classic Crew and welcome to today's video where I'm going to be answering your relationship

00:00:05.540 questions. If you are new to my channel, here we talk about classic living and traditional values

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00:00:29.740 other great stuff, make sure to head over to classicallyabbey.substack.com. P.S. You guys

00:00:36.160 should actually go over and check it out. I know I say it at the beginning of every video, but we have

00:00:40.860 a great community over there and if you are looking for a way to encourage yourself to read, we are

00:00:46.020 entering into winter. What else are you going to do? You might as well pick up a book and read.

00:00:51.640 This is such a great way to actually do it and you have the support of a community where we're all

00:00:56.380 discussing it together on Zoom. So I would actually recommend checking it out. It's a lot of fun.

00:01:01.740 So I asked you guys on Instagram to submit any relationship questions that you had, any questions

00:01:07.220 you had about dating and marriage, and you guys had some really interesting questions. So I'm excited

00:01:12.060 to hop into it. Let's just get started. Okay, so here's an interesting one. How to handle disagreements

00:01:18.040 about religion and clothing in a relationship. So I would assume that this has to do with modesty

00:01:25.400 and I actually have some insight into this because my husband and I used to disagree a little bit

00:01:31.380 about modest rules. He actually wanted me to be more modest at the beginning of our marriage and I was

00:01:37.380 actually the one who pushed back on it because I had taken the feminist pill and had thought that 1.00

00:01:43.500 it was very important for me to be able to express myself by showing off everything. But it can be

00:01:50.560 difficult to navigate when one person wants the other to dress in a certain way that reflects your

00:01:57.920 values. Now I don't know that that's the case, but I have to kind of draw that assumption from what

00:02:02.220 you're saying. So what I think what's important is for the person who wants to see the other person

00:02:07.080 dressing differently, give them space to learn and grow while also being clear about what you would

00:02:15.100 like, what you want, what would make you feel better in a religious context. I think that if you just

00:02:22.200 force this kind of stuff on your spouse, on your partner, it won't go well because it needs to be

00:02:30.320 something that they feel good about, they feel confident in, it feels like it was their decision.

00:02:34.440 And if you constantly are forcing that idea on them, it's going to actually make them push back.

00:02:42.360 What's more effective is to explain where you're coming from, kind of keep the discussion open and

00:02:50.400 on the table, but allow your partner to come to it in their own time. So for us, Jacob really didn't

00:02:59.640 want me to dress in a certain way and it took me a little bit of time to figure out on my own

00:03:04.360 why it was so important. And once I did, now I am so confident in my modesty. It is something that

00:03:11.560 I'm really proud of. It's something that I talk about a lot here on my channel, but it was because

00:03:16.680 he gave me the room to figure it out myself. And if he had just imposed it upon me, I don't think I

00:03:23.560 would have come to it so lovingly. So that's what my recommendation is, is let your spouse figure it out

00:03:31.960 on their own while also keeping the discussion open so that maybe you can influence where they're

00:03:38.840 where they're at. How should dating work between high schoolers? That is another great question.

00:03:45.160 My feeling about dating in high school is if you are going to date in high school,

00:03:50.760 it still needs to be for marriage. I don't believe in dating for fun, and especially not in high school

00:03:55.480 when you are very hormonal, when you can be more rash and not make as good of decisions. And so act

00:04:05.480 on sexual impulses. I think if you're going to date in high school, and I have known couples who have

00:04:10.920 started dating in high school, became high school sweethearts, and then got married. And so I think

00:04:15.960 that's a really wonderful thing. If you can make that happen, absolutely do it. So my feeling is,

00:04:21.400 if you're dating for marriage in high school, date for marriage and you can do it. If you're just

00:04:26.520 dating to mess around, then I don't think it's a great idea because you can make some big, you can

00:04:32.200 make some big mistakes in high school, even though you're young. And even though you're at home, you

00:04:36.200 can make some bad decisions and you can, you know, have some heartbreak. So I don't believe in dating

00:04:42.680 for fun at any age. So if you're going to date, date for marriage. And if you're not ready to date for

00:04:48.440 marriage, then don't date. That's just, that's just my perspective. Being single. I'm about to

00:04:53.800 graduate college and have never gone on a date. So that is exciting. You are about to enter a really

00:05:01.160 exciting part of your life. Dating is hard, but it can be fun if you do it right. So there's a lot of

00:05:08.120 advice I could give you. I just did a whole speech on this for the Center for Conservative Women on how to 0.93

00:05:12.280 date and do it well and enjoy it. But I'll just give you like one or two pieces of advice. I would

00:05:19.080 say that the place to start is thinking about chemistry and compatibility. And I'm not going

00:05:23.560 to go into my theory on this again, because I talk about it a lot, but I will link it here,

00:05:29.160 a video that I've done on it, because I think that's really the best place to start and understanding

00:05:35.880 what chemistry is, what it looks like, but how you can't just build a relationship off of chemistry.

00:05:41.000 And so having that list of compatible values there in your mind, ready to allow you to have

00:05:47.160 a relationship that will last. So having those two things is really important, but also recognizing

00:05:52.680 that the list of things that you might want from a spouse are not necessarily important if they're

00:05:59.400 not, if they're outside of those compatibility factors. So like that he's tall or that he makes six

00:06:05.400 figures or that he lives in a certain place, like that stuff might go out the window. But

00:06:10.760 the stuff that won't go out the window is those shared values. Do you want kids? Do you share a

00:06:16.120 faith? Do you want to get married even? I mean, that stuff needs you need to be on the same page about

00:06:22.280 this stuff that you don't need to be on the same page about is if you like Disney movies. Favorite

00:06:26.360 ways to put in extra effort, do something special for your husband during the week. I love that question.

00:06:33.160 I think that what's actually the best way to go about this is ask your husband. For my husband,

00:06:39.400 it's cooking. If I cook him a delicious meal during the week, because I usually cook him

00:06:44.360 meals on the weekends, he feels so absolutely loved. That means the world to him. So me going out of my

00:06:52.280 way one or two nights a week to make him a really delicious meal. And then we'll have leftovers the

00:06:56.760 next night makes him feel like on top of the world. Like I've really done something special for him.

00:07:02.440 That may not be the same for your husband. Your husband might say, Oh, what would make me feel

00:07:06.440 really special is if one night a week, we did date night and we hired somebody, or we asked a family

00:07:13.160 friend to come and watch the baby, or we asked, you know, grandma to come and watch our child, 0.99

00:07:17.160 our child. And we go out together. Or maybe he says once a week, I'd really like to watch a movie with

00:07:22.440 you. Or maybe he's somebody who would value you cleaning the house or something like that. Like

00:07:28.600 doing a homemaking activity. Those are questions you're going to have to ask him. And if he says

00:07:34.600 something that you're like, Oh, that's a lot limit it in your mind to once a week. And if it's once a

00:07:40.280 week, you can probably make it work, you can probably make it happen. That's how I view it is ask your

00:07:46.520 husband, your husband will tell you what will make him feel special. So like I said, for me, it's cooking

00:07:52.440 for someone else might be something different. I will also say another thing that my husband feels really

00:07:57.400 loved about is when I play games with him. So if we play a board game in the middle of the week,

00:08:03.960 he feels so loved. And it really just like fills his cup. So just like figure it out,

00:08:09.000 ask him what he would love and go off that how to continue to date my husband.

00:08:16.120 That's, uh, you know, I think that dating your husband really comes down to trying to

00:08:25.160 not holding resentments. I know that sounds funny because it's like not about dating your spouse,

00:08:30.600 right? That's like a bigger question. But when you've been married for a while,

00:08:34.920 when you're both really busy and you're both dealing with a lot of responsibilities,

00:08:39.400 what can make your relationship feel less fun and less like wanting to go on dates is when you start

00:08:46.680 to resent each other or hold grudges for all of the little things that you wanted or hoped he would do

00:08:52.600 and then he didn't or vice versa. So I would say that start by getting rid of those resentments,

00:08:58.840 like have a conversation with your spouse, just work through the things that you guys are starting to

00:09:05.560 build up against each other and clear the air. And then once you've done that,

00:09:10.680 then you can go out and have fun and just enjoy each other's company. You're not

00:09:15.400 lingering on those things that really bother you. You're just with each other. So start there and then

00:09:22.280 ways to date your husband, ways to date your spouse, get gussied up for each other.

00:09:29.720 Um, I mean, I think that it differs for different couples, what they find attractive. But for my

00:09:35.640 husband, he really likes when I wear dresses as opposed to pants. So if we're going to go out,

00:09:40.120 I will try and put on something that I know he likes. For me, I really like when my husband gets

00:09:45.720 a haircut and gets his beard trimmed that I find really attractive. So he will do that for me.

00:09:51.000 And that, that will like allow us to continue to date each other is doing things that make us

00:09:58.920 attractive to one another. For my husband, he doesn't really care if I wear makeup. He doesn't,

00:10:03.320 well, sometimes he notices when I do my hair, he does compliment that. But something that he really

00:10:07.800 likes is when I'm exercising. And when I exercise and I'm trying to be healthy and be fit, that to him

00:10:13.320 is me putting in an effort that he appreciates. So that to him is like, I'm dating him, those kinds of

00:10:20.040 things. Figure out what your husband finds attractive and just try and do that for him. 1.00

00:10:24.920 Signs that he likes me. So here's the sign that a guy likes you. He will reach out. When you're in

00:10:34.440 high school, when you're in college, you're like trying to pick apart everything that he does. You're

00:10:38.680 trying to analyze, oh, well, he texted me here and he did this. If a guy likes you, it's the worst answer,

00:10:46.440 but you'll know. Like you just will because he will make it known. He's not going to be ashamed.

00:10:51.720 He will call you. He will text you. He will follow up. He will come to all your parties. He will do

00:10:56.280 everything he can to be around you. That's how you know a guy likes you. There's not mystery to it.

00:11:02.280 A guy who likes you, and the kind of guy you want to end up with who likes you, by the way,

00:11:05.880 not just a guy who's going to like you, but also play games. A guy who likes you will be very clear

00:11:15.240 about it. That's how you'll know. What do you think is the most important aspect of a relationship?

00:11:20.840 I think the most important aspect of a relationship are chemistry and compatibility.

00:11:26.120 I talked about that earlier, but if you have those two things, you will have longevity in your

00:11:30.040 relationship. How to find a religious partner, or at least find a partner who is similar to me.

00:11:35.720 I always say this. I always say the same things, but I will say it again here quickly. Go to church,

00:11:41.960 go to synagogue, go to your faith community, ask friends to set you up, friends who you trust,

00:11:48.680 friends who you share a faith with, and volunteer at things that you think you'll meet people who share

00:11:55.160 those values. If you go to an event where you are volunteering at something that you care about,

00:12:00.840 the people who care about it as well will be there. That's how I would say you meet people

00:12:05.960 who share your faith, share your values. You definitely want to ask people to set you up.

00:12:11.960 That's really a big thing. How to let go of a past relationship. This is an unpopular thing,

00:12:17.640 and I'm just going to say it because I disagree with 90% of the advice on this topic. I think you

00:12:26.840 get over a relationship by getting over it and starting to date someone new. I don't think that

00:12:31.880 most people need to sit and recover for days and days and years and years. I think it's a waste of

00:12:38.040 time. If you're dating well, if you're dating correctly in the sense that you are dating for

00:12:45.560 marriage and you're not letting yourself get attached to someone who you're not going to end up with,

00:12:50.520 then you won't have to get over anything that much. For me, I never had a huge mourning period

00:13:00.840 for any man that I dated because I dated for marriage. Once the guy wasn't right and it became

00:13:08.040 clear he wasn't right, then I moved on and went out looking for a guy to date who was right.

00:13:15.960 I think that if you've dated wrong and you've gotten yourself really caught up in the chemistry

00:13:20.920 of a relationship and you haven't thought about the compatibility aspect of things,

00:13:26.200 then it is harder to get over that person. That's why I think dating for fun is stupid 1.00

00:13:30.600 in today's day and age. I think it's really, really, really dumb. But if you are in that situation, 1.00

00:13:37.160 and I'm not criticizing you in the sense of like, I'm criticizing the system. I'm not criticizing you.

00:13:41.880 You are just a part of it. You've just fallen into what everyone is telling you to do. Then,

00:13:48.840 yeah, take a little bit of time. But the thing you should be doing with that time is

00:13:54.680 understanding why the relationship ended, understanding why this wasn't the right person

00:14:00.280 for you and trying to be as logical about it as you can. Because it's, I know it's hard to say be

00:14:07.800 logical about your feelings, but you kind of have to when you're dating. And we don't have an unlimited

00:14:13.960 resource of time that allows us to waste a year or two getting over somebody. So that is my super

00:14:20.520 unpopular opinion for this, for this video. Intimacy while pregnant, please advise.

00:14:29.320 That's hilarious. There are books you can buy and there are like what to expect kind of books. And I

00:14:37.960 think that they all like talk about ways to be intimate while pregnant, um, because you still

00:14:44.280 can and it'll be fine. You will have a great time. You'll enjoy it. And it's obviously a little bit

00:14:51.880 weird and a little bit more uncomfortable, you know, when you have a changing body, but you can still do

00:14:58.520 it and you should. It's good for your marriage. I really like a guy and I see myself marrying him.

00:15:04.120 We're friends, but I don't know how to make the first move. Also, I dated one of his friends, but it

00:15:09.080 didn't work out. It ended well. Yeah, that's a, that's a little bit of a situation. Here's what I'll say.

00:15:15.560 There's two ways to go about this. One, making an assumption and one is asking a question. And I

00:15:21.960 prefer the asking a question route. Uh, making the assumption would be, well, if your friends and he were

00:15:28.120 interested, why hasn't he made a move? But it's possible he hasn't made a move because you dated one of

00:15:33.000 his friends and they're not totally simpatico on that. So I wouldn't make that assumption. My

00:15:40.840 advice would be to ask, ask this guy if he'd be interested in getting into a relationship,

00:15:47.720 if you guys like each other, because you'll never know if you don't ask. And if you end up losing a

00:15:53.240 friendship because you asked that question, that's okay. Men and women shouldn't be friends. Like, 1.00

00:15:59.480 that's just my feelings on that anyway. So, and that's a relationship. It's more important that

00:16:04.920 you ask the question of somebody who you could be hung up on than if you lose a friendship that

00:16:12.280 will prevent you from dating other people. So I would just, I would just go for it. Ask the question,

00:16:18.040 see what he says, let us know what happens. Maintaining a healthy sex life.

00:16:23.400 I think what's really important about maintaining a healthy sex life is talking about it. Talk to your

00:16:32.680 spouse about it. You might have to schedule it if things get busy. I mean, life gets busy. Um, talk

00:16:39.080 about it with your spouse, figure out what works for both of you. Uh, sex is something that is a

00:16:45.640 conversation. So you should definitely be talking to each other about how to make it good for both of

00:16:51.160 you, how to make it something you both enjoy that you're doing it enough for both of you that,

00:16:56.680 you know, you found a happy medium with that. Cause not everyone, you know, most couples don't totally

00:17:01.560 agree on what they want as far as frequency. So figuring out that, but also figuring out

00:17:06.840 the things you guys like and enjoy with each other and talking about it, doing fun things

00:17:13.640 and making it, making it fun, you know, do, there are ways to spice it up and, and you can spice it

00:17:21.960 up in a, in simple ways. It doesn't have to be these crazy things that everyone does nowadays that are

00:17:28.280 insane. You just can do something some as simple as buying something sexy. That's new that you haven't

00:17:34.600 worn before and just wearing that like that is simple enough and add something kind of fun and

00:17:40.360 exciting to, to your sex life. How to explain to my girlfriend, the importance of her having a more

00:17:47.240 classically female role. Yeah, that is hard. Um, again, this kind of crosses over into what I was 0.81

00:17:55.880 talking about earlier in this video as regards modesty and clothing, uh, and encouraging something

00:18:02.200 from your partner. I think that it's really important to constantly come from a place of encouragement

00:18:08.040 rather than a place of scolding or trying to demand it. I think it's much more important to like

00:18:17.880 have an open conversation. I think if you guys can have a conversation, just an open conversation

00:18:23.400 about these are things that I would like for us to do together. I always find that doing things together

00:18:30.200 is a much better path than you do this. So if you are asking her to be more classically feminine, 0.99

00:18:37.800 is that what you said? Classically female. You can also be more classically male. So start by talking

00:18:45.640 about ways that you guys can be classic together. I want to go out to dinner once a week and I want to

00:18:51.080 dress up and go out and have a good time. I want to learn how to swing dance. Let's do that together.

00:18:56.760 Let's go see an opera. We're going to do things together. I want to clean the house more. I would

00:19:01.160 love for you to help. I want to learn how to cook. I would love for you to join in. You start,

00:19:06.120 you lead the way to being classic and then she will want to join with you to being classic. And then

00:19:15.400 as you become more classically male, she may end up being more classically feminine. So those are the

00:19:20.360 two. That is the way I would recommend going about that is do it as a team rather than you do this

00:19:26.760 transitioning into married life from single life, adjusting to his way of doing things.

00:19:32.360 That first year of marriage is so hard. It really is. And so you are not alone. Number one, you are not

00:19:39.480 alone. I would say reframe that sentence though. You're adjusting to each other's way of doing things.

00:19:47.720 You are not just adjusting to his way of doing things. He's adjusting to the way you do things

00:19:51.960 too. And that's hard on both of you. So just give yourself time to adjust. It legitimately takes like

00:19:59.160 a full year to get into the swing of things with marriage because it's just all compromises for a

00:20:04.760 year and you're just like, ah, this is so much. But once you get past the point of like, oh, this is how

00:20:11.800 you do things, then it'll get so much easier. So just cut yourself some slack. You are probably doing

00:20:17.560 great, but recognize that it's both of you compromising and not just you compromising. Reframe that

00:20:24.760 because if you keep that in your head, you're just going to build up resentment after resentment. And

00:20:28.840 that's something that's really hard to come back from. How did you and your husband figure out what

00:20:32.520 you liked in bed with no prior experience together? Yeah. We, uh, we did things together that we

00:20:41.560 enjoyed and things that we didn't enjoy. And then we figured out, okay, this is what we like. This is

00:20:46.200 what we don't. This is how we like to do things. This is what feels good. This is what doesn't feel

00:20:50.520 good. We, we were able to do that because we loved each other and we trusted each other and we enjoyed

00:20:58.520 each other enough. Like it wasn't, we wanted enjoyment for the other person, not just for

00:21:03.080 ourselves. It was about making the other person feel good and ourselves feel good. It wasn't just,

00:21:09.400 well, this is all about me or like, I'm afraid to express what I feel. No, we were just really open

00:21:15.080 and honest with each other because we were married because we trusted each other. And that's what made

00:21:20.200 our sex life so great. Keeping marriage healthy after baby. So I'm not going to talk about the typical

00:21:27.000 things like date night, dress up for each other, whatever. I kind of already mentioned some of

00:21:32.600 that stuff. What I want to talk about is taking enjoyment in your child together. Enjoying your

00:21:39.640 child as a team is like the best way to keep your marriage healthy. I love seeing my baby play with

00:21:48.360 my husband and then having the three of us play together. It is so important that you guys enjoy

00:21:56.520 your child as a team and it makes your marriage feel so strong and so healthy when you look at

00:22:04.840 that little baby and you know that you guys did this together are doing this together. So that's just

00:22:10.280 like one thing you're not going to always hear, but I think that like doing it as a team and loving

00:22:16.040 your roles as mommy and daddy is like the best. It's, it really does make your marriage so strong.

00:22:22.360 I'd love to hear you talk about how to navigate conflict in a marriage. Lots of toxic advice

00:22:27.240 on this topic. Yeah. Um, so we actually did a whole podcast episode on this, which I would highly

00:22:34.200 recommend check that episode out because we specifically talked about this classically ever

00:22:38.520 after. Uh, it's available everywhere. You listen to podcasts. The main thing that has been a huge game

00:22:46.920 changer for us is recognizing the impulse to want to win an argument and being able to voice that to

00:22:55.960 each other. So sometimes early on in our marriage, we would get into tiffs and we would realize like

00:23:05.000 halfway through that we were wrong. One of us would realize that we were wrong and it felt so bad to say

00:23:12.680 it that it was very difficult for us to say it. Then we got to a point and it was really Jacob who

00:23:18.920 started this where he was like, I know you're right, but it's like going to make it. I feel like

00:23:24.760 I'm losing if I say it. And that was enough for me to go. I get that. I appreciate where you're coming

00:23:32.200 from. I get it. And that was enough for, he didn't really have to say he was sorry. Maybe later he said he

00:23:38.920 was sorry, but in that moment it was a, it was a recognition that I was more right in that argument.

00:23:45.080 No one's ever a hundred percent right, but I was more right in that argument than he was. I've been

00:23:48.440 recording for so long. I got cut off. Uh, he wanted to express it in that moment, but it was uncomfortable.

00:23:54.040 And so that to me, that little understanding of, you know, fighting is normal in marriage and wanting

00:24:02.920 to win a fight is also normal in marriage. So recognizing that and saying that to each other

00:24:10.600 can make a disagreement. It's just, it just diffuses the tension. And I think that that's really

00:24:18.840 important. Should wives have a say in how their husbands dress? Absolutely. Husbands have a way, 0.99

00:24:24.440 have a say in the way their wives dress and wives have a say in their husbands and the way their husbands 0.73

00:24:29.080 dress. Definitely. That's part of being married is you dress in a way to respect and honor your

00:24:36.680 spouse. Now, how you go about that can be difficult because people are very attached to certain ways of

00:24:43.240 dressing, but you can have that conversation and you should. My husband loves when I dress sexy,

00:24:50.040 but I feel more comfortable dressing more classic. How do I choose between modesty versus pleasing him?

00:24:55.800 That's a very interesting thing. I would say dress sexy for him at home. When you're home,

00:25:04.760 have a sexy pair of shorts that you like wearing for him, have a little crop top or whatever,

00:25:10.600 if that's what he likes on you, wear that stuff around the house for him. And then when you go out,

00:25:16.200 wear the stuff that you're more comfortable in. Now I can also say that there might be a middle ground

00:25:21.800 where he can go shopping with you and you guys can like choose some outfits together that are more

00:25:28.120 classic, but are his style and he might appreciate that. So I would recommend doing that as well. But

00:25:32.760 if he specifically likes sexy clothes, wear those around the house for him. Husband who prefers staying

00:25:38.360 up late gaming to anything else. Yeah, that's hard. I can imagine that's difficult. Well, I think that

00:25:47.480 there's a couple things there. One is have a conversation with him. I miss you. I want to,

00:25:54.040 I want to hang out with you. I would like to watch a show with you. I'd love to read next to you. Can we

00:25:59.800 do something together because I just miss you? And that's a great conversation to have. And you know,

00:26:06.440 you're married to the guy. I assume it's because you trust and love and respect each other. So

00:26:12.680 have that conversation. But if you don't want to never let him play games, because for some guys,

00:26:18.920 that's a stress reliever. I would say, ask if there's a game you could learn to play.

00:26:24.680 Uh, Jacob has done that with me is he has played some games and then he's asked me to learn how to

00:26:32.120 play and then we've played together. And that's actually turned into something that we can do

00:26:35.720 for fun and we enjoy it. So if he plays games and you, even if you're not familiar, because I'm not

00:26:42.840 familiar with anything, I'm really bad at games. Um, it can still be fun to just learn and do something

00:26:48.280 as a team. So ask him if there's a game that he likes that you could play too. And then maybe you guys

00:26:53.880 can play together. That's a really fun way to spend time together. I mean, get creative

00:26:58.840 with ways to turn something that's a problem into something you guys both enjoy. Okay. Last question.

00:27:06.120 How do you deal with spats or disagreements or overall little fights when your hubby does something

00:27:10.200 that just bothers you or just trying to not get short tempered easily? We've been married for two

00:27:15.480 years. I'm 22 and he is 23. Communication is very important to us. And I don't think we have any

00:27:21.000 problems thanks to that. But some days are longer than others. Hormones can rage. I may have a bad

00:27:25.560 day at work and just be tired and I can become grouchy over something small. I always try to wait

00:27:29.880 until I'm not grouchy anymore to talk to him about what bothered me so that I don't do something out

00:27:34.200 of spite. And the solution can't be found if I'm grouchy and not talking with him. See my problem?

00:27:39.800 A vicious cycle indeed. I appreciate any advice you've got. So I respect that you are thinking about

00:27:45.720 these things and that you're trying to go about them in the best possible way. I think that you

00:27:52.040 not coming to him when you're grouchy and then not being able to calm down because you haven't

00:27:57.400 gone to him is actually not so helpful. I think it's better to just to just explain that to him.

00:28:05.640 Like my husband always says he always brings up Seinfeld and he always says it's sometimes better to just

00:28:11.320 get the awkwardness in the air. Like just say it and then it's been out it's out there so it's been

00:28:16.600 addressed. So you could just say these exact things to your husband. I get grouchy when I feel like I

00:28:24.120 can't solve this problem but I don't really want to be grouchy with you when I come and talk to you

00:28:32.360 about this problem. So I'm in a conundrum and with that in mind here's the thing that's bothering me

00:28:39.000 that I'm grouchy about. I'm going to try to keep calm. I'm going to try to not let that

00:28:46.440 annoyance come into the conversation and ruin the conversation but that's where I'm at.

00:28:51.320 There you go. Done. Then you can proceed with the conversation from there but not addressing it

00:28:59.240 until you've calmed down which you can't calm down because you haven't found the solution.

00:29:03.160 It's just not going to really work. So it's much better to just go to your husband and say

00:29:07.880 this is where I'm at. I'm kind of frustrated and then on your side you need to not allow the

00:29:15.240 frustration the grouchiness to pervade the conversation. It can be in the back of your

00:29:21.080 mind like this is what is bothering me but like come towards the conversation with more of a

00:29:28.120 level-headedness and you'll find that it'll be much more fruitful because when you come to a

00:29:33.880 conversation to a discussion and you're already heated the other person is on the defensive but

00:29:37.880 if you are calm and collected and you're just like this is where I'm at this is what's frustrating me

00:29:43.720 can we work this out then the other person doesn't have to have their hackles up they're just there to

00:29:49.080 listen that's my that's my advice so that is it for today's video I hope you guys enjoyed it let me

00:29:54.920 know your thoughts in the comments I'd love to hear what you would give advice what you would say in

00:29:59.640 these situations if you aren't already subscribed to my channel make sure to subscribe and hit that

00:30:03.800 notification bell and if you haven't already headed over to my sub stack make sure to head over there

00:30:08.280 if you'd like to follow me on social media it's at classically abby absolutely everywhere thank you

00:30:12.280 guys so much for watching and i'll see you guys in the next video bye

Classically Abby - December 08, 2022

Answering YOUR Relationship Questions And Sharing My MOST Unpopular Relationship Opinion...YIKES! 😱

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