Classically Abby - Ask Mama Shapiro ANYTHING! ⧸⧸ My mom has the BEST advice...

00:00:00.000 Did you look a lot bigger than I am? Like a giant compared to me?

00:00:03.740 Height-wise? I mean, I'm always going to look like a giant compared to you.

00:00:06.360 Oh, okay.

00:00:07.420 I don't think there's anything we can do about that.

00:00:09.660 Do I have anything in my teeth?

00:00:11.080 No, you're good.

00:00:12.880 Hello, Classic Crew, and welcome to today's video

00:00:15.660 where we're going to be doing a question...

00:00:18.880 Hold on, I have to think of it.

00:00:20.660 Ask my mom anything.

00:00:22.480 Hello, Classic Crew, and welcome to today's video

00:00:25.020 where we're going to be doing a...

00:00:27.000 where you're going to be doing a video where you...

00:00:30.920 Where we're going to be doing...

00:00:33.120 Where you're invited to ask my mom anything.

00:00:37.380 Hello, Classic Crew, and welcome to today's video

00:00:40.340 where we're going to be doing a video talking about asking my mom anything.

00:00:46.400 No.

00:00:52.180 Hello, Classic Crew, and welcome to today's video

00:00:55.040 where we're going to be doing an Ask My Mom Anything.

00:01:03.500 So, I asked you guys on Instagram

00:01:06.240 to submit your questions for my mom about anything.

00:01:10.240 She actually hasn't seen the questions yet,

00:01:12.260 but she was visiting for my baby shower,

00:01:14.800 and also you helped me unpack the house.

00:01:16.880 And so, I figured while she was here,

00:01:20.040 why not take advantage of the situation

00:01:22.260 and have you guys, my subscribers,

00:01:25.880 ask her some questions.

00:01:27.760 So, are you ready?

00:01:29.080 Are you ready?

00:01:29.800 We have so many questions to go through,

00:01:32.160 so we're not going to get through all of them,

00:01:33.540 but thank you guys so much for submitting questions.

00:01:36.180 And let's see what you guys had to ask.

00:01:38.280 So, let's start from here.

00:01:41.160 So, the first question is,

00:01:43.960 I would love so much advice

00:01:45.560 on how to balance having to work

00:01:47.220 and still being a classic woman. 0.64

00:01:49.120 I think you just always have to keep your family first.

00:01:53.980 Yeah, so no matter what,

00:01:56.220 no matter how important that job is,

00:02:01.680 that day is,

00:02:02.820 you need to make sure

00:02:05.040 that your kids always know

00:02:06.700 that they're first,

00:02:08.760 that they come first.

00:02:09.620 If something happens,

00:02:11.400 you can,

00:02:12.620 if you can't be there,

00:02:14.020 you can call on your husband,

00:02:15.620 you can call on a grandma,

00:02:17.160 you can call on a grandpa,

00:02:18.840 that somebody will be there,

00:02:21.060 and they always know

00:02:22.140 that they come first.

00:02:24.280 And once they know that,

00:02:26.240 and once you know that,

00:02:27.600 then everything else flows from there.

00:02:30.000 Yeah, I think that's a really,

00:02:31.300 like obviously I'm not a mom yet,

00:02:33.780 so I'm trying to do this balance

00:02:35.800 just as a wife 0.98

00:02:36.800 and as, you know,

00:02:38.980 a working person.

00:02:40.820 But I think that's exactly right.

00:02:42.400 And I talk about this a lot on my channel,

00:02:43.820 which I learned from you,

00:02:44.920 is just that traditional values,

00:02:46.900 classic living,

00:02:47.540 the stuff I talk about on here,

00:02:49.160 it's all about putting your priorities in order.

00:02:52.720 I think it's also important

00:02:54.120 because we're religious Jews,

00:02:57.280 we have the Sabbath.

00:02:58.460 there was always one day

00:03:01.300 where I wouldn't be working.

00:03:04.000 Usually it was two,

00:03:05.500 but there were times

00:03:08.000 I did have to work Sundays,

00:03:09.260 but they always knew

00:03:10.280 that on Saturdays,

00:03:11.580 there was one day

00:03:12.540 when it was a family day

00:03:14.740 and I wouldn't be working.

00:03:16.220 And I think that's really important.

00:03:17.980 Yeah.

00:03:18.340 And for Christians,

00:03:19.160 that can be Sunday.

00:03:20.360 Right.

00:03:20.840 How do you know

00:03:21.580 when it's the right time

00:03:22.320 to have kids?

00:03:22.920 And you waited.

00:03:25.520 I did wait.

00:03:27.120 You always are fearful

00:03:28.320 about having kids,

00:03:29.800 no matter when.

00:03:31.340 So I'm not sure you ever feel like,

00:03:33.780 okay, now's the right time.

00:03:35.840 And sometimes if you get to that point

00:03:38.740 where you feel like you have to wait

00:03:40.500 that it's going to be the right time,

00:03:42.140 then you've waited too long.

00:03:43.880 That's true, too.

00:03:44.980 So I think you need to just

00:03:46.520 kind of take a leap of faith.

00:03:49.200 Um, you certainly know

00:03:50.980 when it's not the right time.

00:03:52.300 So it's not the right time

00:03:53.900 before you're married,

00:03:55.960 before you have a strong relationship

00:03:57.580 with your husband,

00:03:58.740 before you both are on the same page.

00:04:00.800 But once all that happens,

00:04:02.860 um, I think,

00:04:04.360 I think any time is a good time

00:04:06.500 as long as you and your husband

00:04:07.920 are both on the same page about it.

00:04:09.680 Yeah.

00:04:10.140 I think, you know,

00:04:10.920 when Jacob and I got married,

00:04:12.000 he was ready to have kids right away.

00:04:13.380 I was the one who was like,

00:04:14.760 let's take a beat.

00:04:15.720 Um, but I'm so glad we did wait

00:04:18.740 for a few reasons.

00:04:20.160 One being our relationship,

00:04:21.600 I feel like,

00:04:22.040 is so strong going into parenthood

00:04:24.480 that we really,

00:04:25.940 I'm so,

00:04:27.000 I trust him so much

00:04:28.480 as the father of my child

00:04:30.640 that we can work through things

00:04:32.420 and make sure everything works out

00:04:34.200 as opposed to

00:04:35.240 if you're getting pregnant

00:04:36.980 immediately after marriage,

00:04:38.460 it can be difficult

00:04:39.580 to navigate kind of

00:04:41.320 the adjustment of marriage itself

00:04:44.120 with being pregnant

00:04:45.840 and hormonal

00:04:46.600 and feeling sick.

00:04:48.160 Um,

00:04:48.700 I'm glad we had

00:04:49.660 a little bit of time

00:04:50.500 to grow our relationship

00:04:52.260 before diving into that.

00:04:54.840 And then also,

00:04:55.660 you know,

00:04:55.920 for us,

00:04:56.300 we also decided to wait

00:04:57.360 until we were just

00:04:58.020 a little more settled

00:04:58.760 with, you know,

00:05:00.100 our finances

00:05:00.720 and with where we were in life

00:05:03.140 so that it didn't feel

00:05:04.640 like we were

00:05:05.560 kind of in chaos

00:05:08.500 throughout everything.

00:05:09.700 I would say too

00:05:10.880 that if you're marrying young,

00:05:13.440 if you're getting married

00:05:14.580 when you're 21,

00:05:15.640 22,

00:05:16.160 23,

00:05:16.860 even 25 or 26,

00:05:19.440 I would say that

00:05:20.720 I would wait

00:05:21.980 a couple years

00:05:22.820 to establish

00:05:23.600 you and your husband

00:05:25.220 as a couple,

00:05:26.060 as a family,

00:05:27.360 work through

00:05:27.800 some of the problems

00:05:29.920 that always arise

00:05:30.880 for newlyweds

00:05:31.860 and really establish

00:05:33.980 a strong relationship

00:05:35.220 before you dive

00:05:36.620 into parenthood.

00:05:38.640 Mm-hmm.

00:05:38.820 Okay,

00:05:39.740 so I just had to adjust

00:05:40.600 some settings on the camera

00:05:41.800 so that was just

00:05:42.860 a brief pause for us,

00:05:44.580 no pause for you,

00:05:45.560 but now let's get

00:05:47.340 into the next question.

00:05:49.140 So,

00:05:50.380 finding motivation

00:05:51.280 after a long,

00:05:52.280 hard day,

00:05:53.140 taking care of meals,

00:05:54.340 family,

00:05:54.940 faith study.

00:05:55.880 You know,

00:05:56.300 my mom always said

00:05:57.480 that if you're gonna work,

00:06:01.180 even if you're working

00:06:02.340 in the house,

00:06:03.220 just make sure

00:06:04.280 that you have enough help.

00:06:06.460 Mm-hmm.

00:06:06.660 That, you know,

00:06:07.920 she always said

00:06:08.480 the dishes don't care 0.98

00:06:09.380 who washes them 0.61

00:06:10.240 and the floor

00:06:11.620 doesn't care

00:06:12.080 who scrubs it,

00:06:13.220 but the kids care

00:06:14.360 who reads them the story.

00:06:16.820 So,

00:06:17.900 so just make sure

00:06:19.000 that if you need help,

00:06:20.180 you get help.

00:06:21.040 Mm-hmm.

00:06:21.300 And that can be,

00:06:22.860 you know,

00:06:23.920 in your community,

00:06:25.180 from your family,

00:06:26.080 and if you can afford it

00:06:28.120 and you're not close

00:06:28.900 to any of that,

00:06:29.600 maybe somebody

00:06:30.140 who you hire

00:06:30.680 to help you.

00:06:31.500 Yeah.

00:06:32.120 But I don't think,

00:06:33.180 I think sometimes

00:06:33.860 we all go to a place

00:06:35.340 of like,

00:06:35.820 oh,

00:06:36.540 if you need help,

00:06:37.300 it needs to be paid help, 0.94

00:06:38.600 and I don't think

00:06:39.880 that that's at all

00:06:40.700 necessary.

00:06:41.900 I mean,

00:06:42.440 it's a lovely thing

00:06:43.600 to be close to family

00:06:44.520 because then family

00:06:45.100 can help you.

00:06:45.740 It's a lovely thing

00:06:46.380 to be part of a faith community

00:06:48.040 or even just a community

00:06:49.180 that you trust

00:06:50.020 because they can help you.

00:06:51.760 Right.

00:06:52.500 So,

00:06:52.820 I mean,

00:06:53.300 so it is nice

00:06:55.620 to,

00:06:56.080 you know,

00:06:57.440 to study,

00:06:58.980 to do Bible study

00:06:59.940 once a week

00:07:00.620 and really have that set up.

00:07:02.120 Mm-hmm.

00:07:03.480 Because,

00:07:04.180 and,

00:07:04.440 but you have to treat it

00:07:05.480 as something

00:07:06.380 that's really important.

00:07:07.700 Yeah.

00:07:07.860 That it's not just,

00:07:09.360 oh,

00:07:09.560 well,

00:07:09.720 I'll do this

00:07:10.160 if I have a moment.

00:07:11.280 No,

00:07:11.600 this is something

00:07:12.300 that's important to you

00:07:14.160 and you set up

00:07:14.760 and you'll always be glad

00:07:16.200 that you did it.

00:07:17.380 That's true.

00:07:18.040 That's true too.

00:07:18.520 That's true too.

00:07:18.720 So taking,

00:07:20.020 so making sure

00:07:21.040 that you schedule

00:07:21.820 things that are important

00:07:23.000 to you

00:07:23.340 and that you do them

00:07:24.140 whether it's during the day

00:07:25.460 or whether,

00:07:28.240 whether it's in the evening.

00:07:30.540 And,

00:07:31.260 but I'm a big believer

00:07:32.300 that when,

00:07:33.700 you know,

00:07:34.140 that a couple time 0.51

00:07:35.180 is really important.

00:07:36.520 Totally.

00:07:37.240 And so,

00:07:38.160 you know,

00:07:38.780 that really the time

00:07:40.640 after your husband

00:07:41.600 gets home from work

00:07:42.500 or you get home from work

00:07:43.600 is really couple time

00:07:44.720 whether you go for a walk

00:07:46.060 but just quiet time

00:07:48.220 after the kids go to bed

00:07:49.460 that you always need

00:07:51.520 to maintain yourself

00:07:52.580 as a couple

00:07:53.360 outside of the children

00:07:55.340 and not forget that.

00:07:57.120 Yeah.

00:07:57.620 That's something

00:07:58.080 that I'm,

00:07:59.100 I've been reading

00:08:00.140 a lot about.

00:08:00.740 I learned from you guys

00:08:01.600 is just this idea

00:08:02.560 that like the stability

00:08:03.680 that your children feel

00:08:04.680 is not just you

00:08:06.020 as parent to that child

00:08:07.920 showing them

00:08:08.900 that you love them.

00:08:09.620 it's the stability

00:08:10.960 that they see

00:08:11.600 between you

00:08:12.000 and your spouse.

00:08:12.840 Yes.

00:08:13.240 And so you have to show

00:08:14.300 that you guys

00:08:15.040 are strong

00:08:16.040 and we'll be there

00:08:17.220 for them

00:08:17.600 as a couple together.

00:08:19.180 And that you're

00:08:19.680 happy together.

00:08:20.540 Yeah.

00:08:21.300 Yeah.

00:08:21.980 On a scale

00:08:22.580 from one to ten,

00:08:23.540 how excited are you

00:08:24.520 for Abby's baby boy

00:08:25.720 to be born?

00:08:26.640 Eleven.

00:08:28.960 How does it feel

00:08:30.140 knowing that you've

00:08:31.060 raised your children

00:08:31.860 to be so successful?

00:08:34.300 I am not,

00:08:35.220 I'm asking this question

00:08:36.420 that someone else asked.

00:08:37.480 I'm not gonna call

00:08:38.320 myself successful.

00:08:39.800 I really don't,

00:08:40.780 I don't really think

00:08:41.560 about that so much.

00:08:42.540 I think that,

00:08:43.280 um,

00:08:44.060 I'm happy that

00:08:45.920 they're good people

00:08:47.320 and that they're

00:08:48.720 really fighting

00:08:49.820 and helping other people

00:08:51.420 fight for good values

00:08:53.540 and for,

00:08:55.640 to,

00:08:56.440 to be the best

00:08:57.160 that everybody can be,

00:08:59.320 um,

00:08:59.680 and really fighting

00:09:00.600 for traditional values

00:09:01.840 across the board.

00:09:02.780 And,

00:09:03.300 um,

00:09:04.480 and whether that,

00:09:05.720 you know,

00:09:05.960 one of my daughters

00:09:06.560 is a teacher

00:09:07.240 and one is an artist

00:09:08.240 and whether they're

00:09:09.480 doing that,

00:09:10.460 um,

00:09:11.180 quietly

00:09:11.780 and changing

00:09:12.980 kids' lives,

00:09:14.620 um,

00:09:15.020 one at a time

00:09:15.840 or whether they have

00:09:17.200 a bigger platform,

00:09:18.720 whatever that platform

00:09:19.580 might be,

00:09:20.400 that's really

00:09:21.220 what I get the joy from

00:09:22.720 and I get the joy from

00:09:23.920 knowing that they're happy

00:09:25.220 in what they're doing

00:09:26.080 and that they've chosen

00:09:27.000 fields that make them happy,

00:09:29.160 um,

00:09:29.920 and they're changing the world

00:09:31.500 in their own way.

00:09:32.580 Yeah.

00:09:33.300 No, I think that's,

00:09:34.120 it's a good perspective

00:09:35.520 because as a,

00:09:36.380 as going into motherhood,

00:09:37.740 I wouldn't want to be

00:09:38.600 focused too much

00:09:39.560 on my children's,

00:09:41.780 like,

00:09:42.180 success.

00:09:43.120 I want to be focused

00:09:44.140 on them being

00:09:45.720 the best people

00:09:46.180 they can be.

00:09:46.800 Right.

00:09:47.140 And,

00:09:47.380 and especially fame.

00:09:48.680 I mean,

00:09:49.420 it doesn't matter.

00:09:50.980 Fame really,

00:09:52.040 I don't even think

00:09:52.960 of my kids as famous

00:09:53.840 and they get stopped,

00:09:54.780 both of them,

00:09:55.640 get stopped

00:09:56.260 when we go places.

00:09:57.760 Um,

00:09:58.220 and it doesn't,

00:09:59.200 it's like,

00:09:59.580 I just stand aside

00:10:00.560 and it's,

00:10:01.060 it's fine,

00:10:01.580 but it's not,

00:10:02.720 it's not something

00:10:03.280 that feels like

00:10:04.180 out of the ordinary.

00:10:05.900 It's just

00:10:06.340 what they happen

00:10:07.120 to do today.

00:10:08.540 Something you would

00:10:09.360 change about the way

00:10:10.320 you mothered your kids

00:10:11.200 when they were growing up,

00:10:12.220 but the thing you would

00:10:13.220 absolutely not change

00:10:14.820 about the way

00:10:15.500 you mothered your kids.

00:10:16.960 Um,

00:10:17.800 something I would change

00:10:18.840 is that I could be

00:10:20.500 very militaristic

00:10:22.480 at times.

00:10:23.460 Like,

00:10:24.340 the house has to be clean

00:10:25.700 and,

00:10:26.640 um,

00:10:27.040 and everything has to be

00:10:28.380 in its place

00:10:29.020 and I had to make sure

00:10:30.080 that dinner was made

00:10:31.520 by a certain time.

00:10:33.280 Um,

00:10:34.040 you know,

00:10:34.660 I would,

00:10:35.200 I wish I had been

00:10:36.220 more like,

00:10:36.920 you know,

00:10:37.380 let's go outside

00:10:38.060 and have a picnic

00:10:38.660 and it's okay

00:10:39.920 if the house is messy

00:10:40.920 right now.

00:10:41.520 We'll figure that out later.

00:10:43.420 Um,

00:10:44.080 I,

00:10:44.600 I missed,

00:10:45.760 um,

00:10:46.700 I also have to admit

00:10:47.900 that I,

00:10:49.080 I was working

00:10:49.980 and I was running

00:10:51.380 a television production company

00:10:53.160 and there were,

00:10:54.560 there were plenty

00:10:55.660 of school events

00:10:56.580 that my husband went to,

00:10:58.320 uh,

00:10:58.640 school plays,

00:10:59.700 or performances

00:11:00.560 that,

00:11:01.640 and I'm not sure

00:11:02.300 the kids really cared

00:11:03.540 which parent was there

00:11:04.780 but in looking back,

00:11:07.000 I wish I had said to,

00:11:08.800 um,

00:11:09.800 to my boss,

00:11:10.560 you know what,

00:11:11.180 I need to duck out

00:11:11.980 for an hour and a half

00:11:12.780 or two

00:11:13.260 because this is important

00:11:14.560 to me.

00:11:15.420 So,

00:11:16.140 I would change that,

00:11:17.720 um,

00:11:18.220 what I absolutely

00:11:18.960 wouldn't change.

00:11:20.100 I wouldn't change

00:11:21.160 that,

00:11:22.320 um,

00:11:23.120 the emphasis

00:11:23.720 that we put

00:11:24.620 on faith.

00:11:26.280 Yeah,

00:11:27.140 I was thinking that.

00:11:27.880 And on community

00:11:28.620 and on being together

00:11:31.080 as a family.

00:11:32.100 Um,

00:11:32.880 we went to,

00:11:33.960 um,

00:11:34.620 somebody's house

00:11:35.440 one time

00:11:36.100 and they were talking

00:11:37.620 about how

00:11:38.560 each of their children

00:11:39.760 had their own room

00:11:40.700 and each of their children

00:11:42.140 had their own TV

00:11:43.040 and computer

00:11:43.620 and they would come home

00:11:45.260 and they would all go

00:11:46.080 to their respective caves.

00:11:47.720 And I,

00:11:49.700 and I thought,

00:11:50.660 you know,

00:11:51.660 that's terrible.

00:11:52.820 We're family

00:11:53.680 and we all need

00:11:54.720 to be together.

00:11:55.660 We had one TV set

00:11:57.120 which was fine

00:11:58.780 and,

00:11:59.260 and we would negotiate

00:12:00.200 what would be

00:12:00.900 on the TV set

00:12:01.680 and it was a process

00:12:02.560 and it was fine

00:12:03.640 and it was good.

00:12:05.160 So,

00:12:05.740 um,

00:12:06.100 I think as a family

00:12:07.080 we need to live

00:12:07.900 as families

00:12:08.620 and not as individuals

00:12:09.980 that happen to be

00:12:11.120 in the same

00:12:12.380 general vicinity.

00:12:14.420 Yeah,

00:12:14.960 I would say that,

00:12:16.100 you know,

00:12:16.760 I,

00:12:17.020 as a kid,

00:12:17.420 I don't think

00:12:17.820 I noticed too much

00:12:18.520 when you weren't,

00:12:19.260 when you weren't able

00:12:19.860 to come to things.

00:12:20.500 I remember the things

00:12:21.120 you came to.

00:12:22.040 Mm-hmm.

00:12:22.600 Um,

00:12:22.960 but I would imagine

00:12:23.680 as a mom

00:12:24.600 I'll feel similarly.

00:12:25.880 Yeah.

00:12:26.020 That I would,

00:12:26.560 it's like almost for me

00:12:27.660 more than it is

00:12:28.280 for the kids.

00:12:28.820 Like,

00:12:29.040 I want to be there.

00:12:29.940 I want to see

00:12:30.520 what you're doing.

00:12:31.340 Right.

00:12:31.960 Um,

00:12:32.780 and then as far as

00:12:34.540 the things that we,

00:12:35.720 that you wouldn't change,

00:12:36.540 I agree.

00:12:37.000 I mean,

00:12:37.440 I know that I want

00:12:38.200 to do the same thing

00:12:38.680 in our house.

00:12:39.260 I don't want any of our kids

00:12:40.520 having a TV in their room.

00:12:42.180 The TV was something

00:12:43.480 we had to negotiate.

00:12:44.640 Okay,

00:12:44.840 what are we all

00:12:45.400 going to watch together?

00:12:46.620 You know,

00:12:47.080 it wasn't something like,

00:12:48.460 oh,

00:12:48.720 well,

00:12:48.880 I want to watch this

00:12:49.520 and you want to watch that

00:12:50.260 so like,

00:12:50.760 see you later.

00:12:51.680 It was,

00:12:52.440 okay,

00:12:52.740 well,

00:12:52.920 I guess we're all

00:12:53.540 going to watch this show

00:12:54.380 even though really

00:12:55.120 only one of us

00:12:55.840 wants to watch it

00:12:56.540 this much.

00:12:57.360 Right.

00:12:57.840 And,

00:12:58.280 uh,

00:12:58.500 it was nice.

00:12:59.220 It ended up being

00:12:59.820 just a way for us

00:13:00.500 to share,

00:13:01.320 share time together

00:13:02.600 in a really obviously

00:13:03.720 casual way

00:13:04.320 because TV is not

00:13:05.120 something that you can

00:13:05.780 like,

00:13:06.720 talk through.

00:13:08.000 Uh,

00:13:08.480 but,

00:13:09.140 I don't know

00:13:09.620 if you guys remember this.

00:13:10.500 I was thinking about

00:13:11.220 how this is so irrelevant

00:13:12.320 to kids nowadays

00:13:14.000 where,

00:13:15.160 when we had,

00:13:17.180 when we were growing up

00:13:17.800 we had cable

00:13:18.340 so you didn't,

00:13:19.220 you didn't,

00:13:20.060 um,

00:13:20.360 not have commercials.

00:13:21.180 You had commercials

00:13:21.800 so it was like

00:13:22.380 somebody would

00:13:22.920 run to the bathroom 0.63

00:13:24.140 and then everyone else

00:13:24.980 would be like,

00:13:25.360 oh,

00:13:25.500 it's coming back on,

00:13:26.520 hurry up,

00:13:27.080 hurry up

00:13:27.560 and you couldn't pause it

00:13:28.660 and it's just such a funny thing

00:13:30.800 that how much things have changed.

00:13:32.320 The technology is

00:13:32.900 completely different.

00:13:34.380 I know.

00:13:35.120 What advice would you give

00:13:36.260 to a young,

00:13:37.360 inexperienced father

00:13:38.400 about raising children?

00:13:39.820 I would give

00:13:40.260 the same advice

00:13:41.400 to both.

00:13:42.320 Okay.

00:13:43.000 Mothers and fathers

00:13:44.000 that it's okay

00:13:45.580 not to know everything.

00:13:47.380 Yeah.

00:13:47.960 It's okay to,

00:13:48.780 to call mom and dad

00:13:50.120 and say,

00:13:50.800 hey,

00:13:51.160 this happened.

00:13:51.920 Do you have any suggestions?

00:13:53.420 There's siblings

00:13:53.940 who happen to have kids

00:13:55.820 or friends.

00:13:57.140 Um,

00:13:57.740 and it's okay

00:13:58.820 to make mistakes

00:13:59.640 and,

00:14:00.840 and to say to your kids

00:14:02.400 as they get older,

00:14:03.420 you know,

00:14:03.800 I made a mistake.

00:14:04.580 I reacted badly

00:14:05.500 and I shouldn't have done that.

00:14:07.560 Um,

00:14:09.000 it,

00:14:09.300 it's just,

00:14:10.360 just understand

00:14:11.340 you're going to make mistakes.

00:14:12.520 You're not going to be

00:14:13.320 a perfect parent.

00:14:14.220 You're not going to have

00:14:14.720 a perfect kid.

00:14:16.260 And,

00:14:16.800 um,

00:14:17.320 and you're going to learn

00:14:18.220 how to do this together.

00:14:19.680 Right.

00:14:20.300 No,

00:14:20.660 no matter how many books

00:14:21.780 you read,

00:14:22.240 no matter how many videos

00:14:23.440 you watch,

00:14:24.160 um,

00:14:25.060 it's a learning process.

00:14:26.080 and we learn a lot

00:14:27.820 from our kids.

00:14:29.080 Um,

00:14:29.520 and,

00:14:30.300 and I think that,

00:14:31.460 um,

00:14:32.460 I feel,

00:14:33.240 I feel bad for people

00:14:34.200 who don't have kids

00:14:35.720 because there's a lot

00:14:37.280 of learning they miss out on.

00:14:38.820 Mm-hmm.

00:14:39.520 Yeah.

00:14:39.920 I think there's like a,

00:14:41.240 a pressure

00:14:42.740 to know everything

00:14:45.200 or that you're not

00:14:46.320 going to make a mistake,

00:14:47.220 but no matter what you do,

00:14:48.380 you're going to make a mistake.

00:14:49.080 Even if you're the best parent

00:14:49.820 in the world,

00:14:50.220 you're going to make mistakes.

00:14:50.920 Your kid's going to cry.

00:14:52.700 Nobody gets through this life

00:14:53.780 without a skinned knee.

00:14:54.960 Right.

00:14:55.360 I mean,

00:14:56.000 and,

00:14:56.520 and hurt feelings.

00:14:57.780 Mm-hmm.

00:14:58.300 How to be more feminine? 0.94

00:14:59.720 Question mark.

00:15:00.420 I saw that one.

00:15:01.260 Oh,

00:15:01.400 you saw that one?

00:15:01.980 Yeah.

00:15:02.220 Yeah.

00:15:02.440 How to be more feminine.

00:15:04.140 I have to look at my daughter.

00:15:06.760 I learned how to be more feminine

00:15:08.440 from Abby.

00:15:09.640 That's,

00:15:09.920 that's the truth.

00:15:10.740 I,

00:15:10.980 I kind of grew up in an era

00:15:12.540 where why would I,

00:15:14.500 why would I need to be feminine? 0.97

00:15:16.000 That's kind of silly. 0.93

00:15:17.120 Mm-hmm. 0.83

00:15:17.680 Um,

00:15:18.420 and,

00:15:19.440 um,

00:15:19.900 and now that I,

00:15:21.500 now that I see Abby embrace,

00:15:23.020 embrace her feminine anymore, 1.00

00:15:24.680 I'm like,

00:15:25.340 yeah,

00:15:25.760 that's kind of nice.

00:15:27.500 I like it.

00:15:28.740 Yeah.

00:15:29.340 Well,

00:15:29.620 you know,

00:15:29.820 what's funny is like,

00:15:31.100 I,

00:15:31.680 you never put on makeup growing up.

00:15:33.620 No.

00:15:34.060 And.

00:15:34.300 Even to work,

00:15:35.060 I,

00:15:35.320 you know,

00:15:35.660 I would put on makeup in the car.

00:15:37.160 Right.

00:15:37.660 Right.

00:15:38.080 And.

00:15:38.580 So if I had two minutes,

00:15:39.640 I would wear two minutes of makeup.

00:15:41.040 If I had 10 minutes,

00:15:41.920 I wear 10 minutes of makeup.

00:15:43.160 Right.

00:15:43.600 Exactly.

00:15:44.320 And I just,

00:15:46.140 I liked it.

00:15:47.380 I liked makeup.

00:15:48.340 I used to wear heels all the time.

00:15:49.900 Don't do it as much anymore.

00:15:51.120 But when I was younger,

00:15:51.820 I really liked it.

00:15:52.780 It was something I think I naturally gravitated toward.

00:15:55.220 It wasn't something that was like,

00:15:57.300 taught to me so much.

00:15:58.420 It's just,

00:15:58.780 you know how some people have different.

00:15:59.760 You certainly didn't learn it from me.

00:16:01.240 Yeah.

00:16:01.560 But it's been,

00:16:03.360 it's been a fun thing for me to embrace my femininity and see you liking it too.

00:16:09.540 I like the idea of sharing this stuff with other,

00:16:12.440 with my family,

00:16:13.580 my mom,

00:16:14.140 and then just other women generally. 0.96

00:16:15.480 I think that femininity is something that's really like the external parts of it. 0.99

00:16:19.560 Cause there's obviously more,

00:16:20.840 even more internal parts of it.

00:16:22.660 Um,

00:16:23.260 the external parts of it are just really fun.

00:16:26.060 How to get kids involved with religion and God.

00:16:29.280 My eldest is two.

00:16:30.220 We just sing and read now.

00:16:31.880 I think that the way we got our children involved with religion and God is that we have the Sabbath.

00:16:38.100 So,

00:16:39.000 I mean,

00:16:40.040 you know,

00:16:40.400 of course every day we would,

00:16:42.020 you know,

00:16:42.420 say a prayer before we eat.

00:16:44.900 Um,

00:16:45.380 and it was just part of our everyday life,

00:16:48.140 um,

00:16:48.660 to do that.

00:16:50.300 Um,

00:16:50.740 and also our children went to Hebrew day school,

00:16:52.520 so they learned Hebrew and they learned about the Torah at school.

00:16:57.340 But in terms of our home,

00:16:59.560 um,

00:17:00.540 we,

00:17:01.420 you know,

00:17:01.860 there was many things we did around the house every day.

00:17:04.320 As I said,

00:17:05.320 saying,

00:17:05.760 saying prayers before we ate,

00:17:08.160 um,

00:17:08.500 saying prayers before the kids went to sleep.

00:17:11.480 Um,

00:17:12.420 and then of course there's the Sabbath and that's really big because it was a day that the kids knew we wouldn't be going to work.

00:17:20.400 We wouldn't be using any technology.

00:17:21.900 We wouldn't be driving anywhere.

00:17:23.240 And it was just a day for religion. 0.83

00:17:27.200 Um,

00:17:27.660 we would go to synagogue.

00:17:29.660 Um,

00:17:30.660 we would,

00:17:31.560 um,

00:17:32.020 sing songs.

00:17:32.980 We would have company over.

00:17:34.260 We would go to people's homes.

00:17:35.760 And,

00:17:36.700 um,

00:17:38.140 and kosher.

00:17:39.480 I will say kosher. 0.96

00:17:40.500 That's true.

00:17:40.920 Kosher is a big thing.

00:17:41.980 Yeah.

00:17:42.560 Something,

00:17:43.420 do you mind if I like jump in?

00:17:44.960 One of the things I think that makes Orthodox Judaism nice is that it's part of your everyday practice.

00:17:52.160 You don't have to be talking about,

00:17:54.420 you don't have to be talking about Bible stories.

00:17:56.260 You don't have to be talking about faith.

00:17:57.960 Everything you do is directed by the laws that you keep.

00:18:02.700 So whatever you eat,

00:18:04.040 whatever you wear,

00:18:04.860 the clothes you choose to wear,

00:18:06.540 wherever,

00:18:07.220 like which days you can drive,

00:18:08.680 which days you can't,

00:18:10.000 the Jewish holidays.

00:18:11.680 So much of your day is determined by your faith.

00:18:15.580 And so then,

00:18:17.020 you know,

00:18:17.320 which this is actually kind of part of the religion.

00:18:19.660 You end up asking all these questions about why you do this,

00:18:22.900 which leads you into a discussion of the Bible and of faith.

00:18:25.520 And what I was going to say about the Sabbath,

00:18:27.560 and anybody can do this,

00:18:29.060 when you have friends over and you're a Christian,

00:18:31.620 we would talk,

00:18:32.360 the adults would talk about the Bible and the Torah around the table,

00:18:37.920 around the Sabbath table.

00:18:38.840 And the kids would listen and ask questions.

00:18:41.980 So,

00:18:42.240 and sometimes they would prefer to stay inside and do that rather than go outside

00:18:46.560 and play with the other kids because the,

00:18:49.840 the discussions were very high level and interesting to them.

00:18:53.580 So I would say that if you're Christian and you have people over,

00:18:57.500 talk about the Bible,

00:18:58.500 talk about those kinds of philosophical things in front of the kids,

00:19:02.500 involve them if you can and make them feel like,

00:19:05.280 Oh,

00:19:05.380 this is not just something out of the ordinary.

00:19:07.740 This is something that we do ordinarily many days and make it something,

00:19:14.160 and it becomes something they're very comfortable with.

00:19:16.200 Yeah.

00:19:16.340 I think that's a very good like word to use is that your comfort level with

00:19:21.320 religion and faith is just really high when it's something that you're

00:19:25.000 constantly surrounded with.

00:19:26.720 Um,

00:19:27.660 so that's how I felt like just Judaism and traditional values,

00:19:32.200 you know,

00:19:32.480 together became a big part of my worldview.

00:19:35.780 The primary,

00:19:36.820 the primary part of my worldview was just that I was immersed in it.

00:19:40.620 Right.

00:19:41.140 Favorite biblical or religious story?

00:19:43.060 Yeah.

00:19:43.680 Um,

00:19:44.580 I have always been taken with the story of Joseph and his brothers.

00:19:50.480 Hmm.

00:19:51.360 Um,

00:19:52.100 I don't think I knew that.

00:19:52.720 Just the whole story of,

00:19:55.900 um,

00:19:56.500 what his brothers did to them,

00:19:58.260 to him,

00:19:59.280 um,

00:19:59.980 selling him into slavery,

00:20:01.580 him going,

00:20:02.760 um,

00:20:03.480 to Egypt,

00:20:04.520 becoming the,

00:20:06.080 you know,

00:20:06.380 second to the Pharaoh,

00:20:08.560 um,

00:20:09.340 and him having to,

00:20:11.280 um,

00:20:12.420 forgive his brothers for what they did,

00:20:14.200 his brothers having to repent for what they did.

00:20:17.140 But it's such a,

00:20:18.460 it's so many issues,

00:20:19.540 so many aspects to that story,

00:20:21.840 um,

00:20:22.760 and to family and how families have to do those things every day with each other.

00:20:28.000 Um,

00:20:28.480 it's,

00:20:28.900 it's like a real exploration of human nature.

00:20:31.580 Yeah.

00:20:31.760 The Bible is such an interesting thing because it's,

00:20:35.060 it's struggles that we have as people every day now.

00:20:38.260 And you're seeing it in something that is so archetypal and also so like foundational to our faith.

00:20:45.920 You,

00:20:46.060 you don't,

00:20:46.780 you think,

00:20:47.440 oh,

00:20:47.660 it must be so high level.

00:20:48.980 The Bible must be so high level,

00:20:50.120 but really it's dealing with the things that we deal with as people every single day.

00:20:53.620 Yeah.

00:20:54.620 Yeah.

00:20:54.940 I like that story too.

00:20:55.780 Do you have a favorite story?

00:20:57.340 Off the top of my head,

00:20:58.500 that's really hard.

00:21:00.620 I'm trying to think.

00:21:02.100 The story of Rachel,

00:21:03.440 the story of Rachel,

00:21:05.160 I mean,

00:21:05.420 that's tragic,

00:21:06.600 but the story of like Rachel and Leah and the sisters,

00:21:10.200 again,

00:21:10.660 it's all of these things dealing with,

00:21:12.480 um,

00:21:13.320 with human nature,

00:21:14.420 just the,

00:21:15.300 the jealousy,

00:21:16.560 the,

00:21:16.960 the pining for children that Leah has and that,

00:21:20.680 or rather that Rachel has and that Leah doesn't ever have to deal with,

00:21:23.920 but she doesn't have her husband's love in the way that Rachel does.

00:21:26.280 I mean,

00:21:26.440 even the way Leah named her children,

00:21:30.160 the first son was,

00:21:32.600 each son was,

00:21:34.020 maybe my husband will love me now.

00:21:36.180 Right.

00:21:36.400 My husband will love me now because I gave him a son.

00:21:39.080 Right.

00:21:39.400 It's pretty tragic.

00:21:40.620 It is.

00:21:41.320 And that's one of the things I absolutely love about reading,

00:21:45.400 reading the Torah is that you can really take lessons for your own life,

00:21:50.480 um,

00:21:51.080 just by reading about these people who were human.

00:21:53.880 They were not,

00:21:54.800 they were not supernatural.

00:21:56.200 Yeah.

00:21:56.380 you know,

00:21:57.200 and they made mistakes.

00:21:58.660 That,

00:21:58.860 that's another thing I love about the Torah is that nobody's perfect.

00:22:02.260 No one's a saint.

00:22:03.040 Everyone makes mistakes.

00:22:04.160 Everyone has,

00:22:04.940 has issues.

00:22:06.320 And that's,

00:22:07.660 that God made us that way.

00:22:09.500 Cause if we were perfect,

00:22:10.640 why would we need him?

00:22:12.140 For sure.

00:22:13.220 Why did you decide to name your children,

00:22:15.340 Abby and Ben?

00:22:16.080 Well,

00:22:17.140 Benjamin was named after his grandparents.

00:22:19.860 Right.

00:22:19.980 After his grandfathers.

00:22:21.200 Yeah.

00:22:21.420 Um,

00:22:22.580 um,

00:22:23.520 my,

00:22:24.360 my husband's,

00:22:25.920 um,

00:22:27.220 my husband's mother's father,

00:22:30.020 uh,

00:22:30.540 was named Ben.

00:22:31.440 Mm-hmm.

00:22:32.200 And his father's father was named Aaron.

00:22:36.840 Hmm.

00:22:37.240 Aaron Baron.

00:22:37.820 Yeah,

00:22:37.960 I remember that.

00:22:39.100 So,

00:22:39.800 um,

00:22:40.800 Abigail

00:22:41.220 was,

00:22:43.800 in my heart,

00:22:44.640 actually named after Abigail Adams.

00:22:48.260 I think I knew that.

00:22:50.000 I think maybe I knew that.

00:22:51.540 I mean,

00:22:52.020 we don't talk about it as much.

00:22:53.100 Right.

00:22:53.220 I love,

00:22:53.700 I love the name,

00:22:54.700 but she was such a strong character in history.

00:22:58.200 Yeah.

00:22:58.380 And she had to maintain the,

00:23:01.560 the farm.

00:23:03.080 And she was just such a, 1.00

00:23:04.320 uh,

00:23:04.860 a strong character.

00:23:05.940 And the love between,

00:23:07.100 um,

00:23:08.620 she and her husband was so strong.

00:23:10.300 I just thought it was,

00:23:11.560 there was a strength to the,

00:23:12.940 her and the name.

00:23:13.980 Yeah.

00:23:14.320 And I loved it.

00:23:15.020 Yeah.

00:23:15.780 I,

00:23:16.180 uh,

00:23:16.760 I know dad chose the name because of the Hebrew meaning of it.

00:23:20.740 Right?

00:23:21.060 Yes.

00:23:21.600 Which is Avigayel, 0.92

00:23:22.980 which means my father's joy.

00:23:25.000 Yes.

00:23:25.620 Um,

00:23:26.260 also there's an Abigail in the Torah,

00:23:28.320 well,

00:23:28.560 in the Navi,

00:23:29.600 in the prophets,

00:23:30.820 uh,

00:23:31.100 who's a very strong woman.

00:23:32.620 I love my name.

00:23:33.600 I'm very happy with my name.

00:23:35.360 That's nice.

00:23:36.540 People have been asking just all over,

00:23:38.740 best parenting advice for me,

00:23:41.040 because I'm becoming a new parent.

00:23:42.900 Well,

00:23:43.040 I think we already got into this.

00:23:44.540 Yeah.

00:23:44.800 The idea of like,

00:23:46.060 just new parenting.

00:23:47.020 Yeah.

00:23:47.260 Just know that you're not going to be perfect.

00:23:49.640 That it's really okay to not know everything before you embark on this journey.

00:23:54.200 Mm-hmm.

00:23:54.520 And it really is a journey.

00:23:56.400 Yeah.

00:23:57.140 That's why I'm lucky to have you,

00:23:58.640 and I'm lucky to have so many.

00:23:59.720 I'm lucky to be the youngest.

00:24:00.760 I have so many examples of,

00:24:03.500 of good parenting,

00:24:05.080 and people I can go to to ask questions,

00:24:07.800 and it's nice.

00:24:09.680 I don't feel like I have to learn everything on the fly.

00:24:12.080 I can ask people for help.

00:24:14.120 Yeah,

00:24:14.500 for sure.

00:24:15.680 Did Abby ever get in trouble growing up?

00:24:18.660 Mm-hmm.

00:24:19.280 Mm-hmm.

00:24:20.220 Abigail didn't really get in any kind of serious trouble.

00:24:23.320 She was,

00:24:24.660 but we used to call her Mussolini in a skirt. 1.00

00:24:29.080 She was the youngest,

00:24:30.540 and she wanted things her way.

00:24:33.440 And so even when she was really tiny,

00:24:36.320 it's like,

00:24:36.840 I'm going to get this.

00:24:37.740 I'm going to get it.

00:24:38.460 And if you say no,

00:24:39.440 I'm still going to get it.

00:24:41.100 And she did.

00:24:42.400 So.

00:24:43.280 Well,

00:24:43.540 you know,

00:24:43.960 I know the example of me in the diapers

00:24:45.620 might be like a good depiction of that.

00:24:48.720 Yeah.

00:24:48.860 I mean,

00:24:49.320 she decided that she was just going to take off her diaper.

00:24:53.320 And so we put on,

00:24:56.060 we used tape,

00:24:57.020 and then we used duct tape,

00:24:58.240 and then we used anything we could to keep her diapers on,

00:25:00.680 and she still took it off.

00:25:02.120 So that's who Abby was.

00:25:04.320 Just a very strong character.

00:25:07.380 And she always knew what she wanted.

00:25:10.200 It's so funny to me,

00:25:11.500 because I don't think of myself that way now.

00:25:13.560 But I guess when I have,

00:25:17.520 when I put my mind to something,

00:25:18.680 I'm going to,

00:25:19.220 I really try to accomplish it.

00:25:21.000 So it's not at the cost of anyone else.

00:25:23.020 Yes.

00:25:23.460 But it is just like.

00:25:25.080 There are certain things that children,

00:25:27.520 that each of us are born with,

00:25:28.860 that stay with us for our lives.

00:25:33.620 So that strength that you have

00:25:36.300 to decide what your goal is

00:25:39.120 and to go after that goal

00:25:41.200 and achieve that goal,

00:25:42.360 it was there as a little girl,

00:25:43.780 and it's there now.

00:25:45.140 Tell us a favorite memory you have of Abby as a child.

00:25:48.500 You know,

00:25:48.820 Abby was always very loving to us

00:25:52.380 and to the people around her.

00:25:54.420 She would constantly write notes saying,

00:25:57.100 you're such wonderful parents

00:25:58.480 and I really appreciate all you do for me.

00:26:00.880 And she really made it clear

00:26:04.280 that it wasn't enough just to

00:26:07.080 sit down with her for a minute.

00:26:09.720 She really wanted quality time

00:26:12.180 and she expressed that she wanted more quality time.

00:26:16.200 So we would go on one Mother's Day,

00:26:19.060 we took a bike ride and we went to the,

00:26:20.720 she loved looking at houses

00:26:22.380 and how they were decorated.

00:26:23.940 And we went to some open houses.

00:26:25.460 We would park our bike and go into open houses

00:26:27.400 and see what they look like.

00:26:29.620 And then at the end of that,

00:26:30.740 she made a little scrapbook of our day

00:26:32.800 riding around the neighborhood,

00:26:34.800 going to open houses.

00:26:36.280 So she was always very creative.

00:26:38.280 But the nice memory I have of Abby,

00:26:41.860 and when we moved,

00:26:43.040 you know,

00:26:43.240 we were going through some memorabilia

00:26:44.780 and there were notes and notes and notes

00:26:46.500 of me and dad,

00:26:48.600 just expressing love for us,

00:26:50.140 for our family.

00:26:52.220 And it was very nice.

00:26:54.040 Yeah, I don't know why,

00:26:55.160 you know,

00:26:55.480 I always try and,

00:26:56.240 I'm somebody who like needs,

00:26:58.100 I like want to understand why I did things.

00:27:01.440 But I guess there's just things that you do

00:27:03.260 because you want to

00:27:04.520 or it's an innate quality.

00:27:05.980 Yeah, it's innate quality.

00:27:07.140 I don't know that there was a reason

00:27:09.080 why that was something

00:27:10.040 I always felt like I had to do.

00:27:11.540 I just,

00:27:11.860 I just liked doing it.

00:27:13.020 It made me happy to give that to you

00:27:15.060 and I knew you appreciated it.

00:27:16.200 Yeah, we really did.

00:27:17.320 Yeah.

00:27:17.600 I remember making that cardboard

00:27:19.940 like book for you

00:27:22.420 that I like wrote

00:27:23.320 maybe for your birthday

00:27:24.380 or for Mother's Day or something.

00:27:25.920 Yeah, you really always took the time.

00:27:28.060 Very good gift giver.

00:27:29.860 People in our family

00:27:31.120 will still call Abby

00:27:32.000 and say,

00:27:32.320 Abby,

00:27:33.020 it's so-and-so's birthday,

00:27:34.040 what do you think I should get him?

00:27:34.980 And she will know

00:27:35.600 because when people

00:27:36.580 express to her,

00:27:38.340 oh, I want this or that,

00:27:39.260 she'll actually write it down.

00:27:40.680 And when it comes time to give gifts,

00:27:42.420 she'll remember it

00:27:43.640 and tell people.

00:27:44.180 Yeah, well, I like,

00:27:45.880 the hard thing is

00:27:47.600 as you get older,

00:27:48.640 people can buy things

00:27:49.480 for themselves.

00:27:50.300 I know.

00:27:50.740 So it's a little bit harder

00:27:51.940 but I think maybe

00:27:52.960 that was also part of it

00:27:53.940 was that I couldn't buy

00:27:54.900 anything for you guys.

00:27:56.060 It was your money.

00:27:57.120 I was a kid

00:27:57.660 and so the best thing

00:27:59.080 I could do for you guys

00:28:00.060 was show love

00:28:00.740 through things

00:28:01.980 that I could make for you

00:28:02.880 because I couldn't,

00:28:03.580 I didn't have to.

00:28:04.120 Yeah, you did that.

00:28:04.760 But the other thing you did

00:28:05.760 was for many birthdays,

00:28:08.720 for the first several birthdays,

00:28:10.600 six, five, six birthdays,

00:28:12.140 we'd get Abigail a gift

00:28:13.920 and it was gonna be a surprise

00:28:15.320 and finally she came to us

00:28:17.380 and said,

00:28:18.080 you know,

00:28:19.080 I don't really love

00:28:20.780 what you've been getting.

00:28:21.580 It was really kind of you

00:28:22.540 so this is what we're gonna do.

00:28:23.940 I'm gonna tell you what I want

00:28:25.500 and I'm gonna pick up

00:28:26.640 the exact thing

00:28:27.480 and you're gonna wrap it up

00:28:28.360 and I'm gonna pretend

00:28:29.140 that I'm surprised

00:28:30.240 and then I'll know

00:28:32.220 that I really love

00:28:33.120 what you're gonna get me.

00:28:34.440 That's a great solution.

00:28:36.320 So that's what we did.

00:28:37.580 And then I think

00:28:38.120 as we got older

00:28:38.760 it started to be like,

00:28:39.840 oh, we'll go shopping

00:28:40.700 together for it.

00:28:41.700 So it's like something we,

00:28:43.420 the experience is as much

00:28:44.920 a part of it

00:28:45.400 as the actual gifts.

00:28:47.560 This one's for me

00:28:48.620 and it says,

00:28:49.520 what is something

00:28:49.940 that your mom did with you

00:28:51.360 that you want to do

00:28:52.760 with your son?

00:28:54.020 The thing that keeps

00:28:54.800 popping into my head

00:28:56.060 is that how much

00:28:57.480 I would look forward

00:28:58.300 to plane rides.

00:28:59.740 Oh yeah?

00:29:01.000 Because remember,

00:29:02.540 we had,

00:29:03.460 there were six people

00:29:04.060 in our family

00:29:04.540 and so we would all

00:29:05.200 have to pair off

00:29:06.220 or be in like

00:29:07.580 an aisle of three

00:29:08.240 but generally

00:29:08.740 it was harder

00:29:09.120 to get an aisle of three

00:29:09.940 than just two together

00:29:10.700 and I would always

00:29:12.620 ask to sit next to you

00:29:13.680 and I would always

00:29:14.180 buy American Girl books

00:29:15.380 and you and I

00:29:17.280 would do like

00:29:17.880 crossword puzzles

00:29:19.060 and the games inside

00:29:20.540 and so I would,

00:29:21.220 I would buy

00:29:21.920 before we flew,

00:29:23.020 I think,

00:29:23.420 do you remember this?

00:29:23.980 I would always go

00:29:24.740 to the American Girl store

00:29:25.520 and pick up a new book

00:29:26.300 because I always wanted

00:29:27.040 to do it with you.

00:29:28.440 Yeah,

00:29:28.900 we were commenting

00:29:29.540 the other day

00:29:30.300 that now when people

00:29:31.180 go on planes

00:29:31.920 they get their kids

00:29:32.820 a headset

00:29:33.820 and videos

00:29:35.300 and an iPad

00:29:36.860 and the kids

00:29:37.780 just watched

00:29:38.260 the whole time

00:29:39.040 and we didn't have that

00:29:40.520 and it was actually

00:29:42.400 wonderful.

00:29:43.340 Yeah

00:29:43.680 and it was like

00:29:45.260 I knew you couldn't

00:29:46.180 be on the phone,

00:29:46.900 I knew you couldn't

00:29:47.480 do work

00:29:48.000 so I was so excited

00:29:49.480 because I was like

00:29:49.880 maybe it's a six hour flight,

00:29:51.480 maybe it's a three hour flight

00:29:52.180 but I get to spend

00:29:52.780 this time with my mom

00:29:54.260 just like playing games.

00:29:55.740 We're going to bring

00:29:56.140 a deck of cards

00:29:57.180 and we're going to

00:29:57.540 play a game together

00:29:58.400 and so that kind of

00:30:00.240 directed quality time

00:30:02.140 where I knew you enjoyed

00:30:03.360 it as much as I did

00:30:04.360 made me feel really special

00:30:07.640 and I want to do that

00:30:08.580 with our kids.

00:30:10.400 The big suggestion I have

00:30:12.040 it's hard to do

00:30:13.860 but if you have

00:30:17.240 more than one child

00:30:18.060 make sure that you

00:30:18.980 get one-on-one time

00:30:20.280 with a child

00:30:21.200 but away from the house

00:30:22.720 like say

00:30:23.300 we're going out

00:30:24.080 for coffee

00:30:24.740 we're going out

00:30:26.560 one of the things

00:30:27.280 I remember

00:30:27.920 is when dad

00:30:28.880 was driving back

00:30:29.680 with the other kids

00:30:30.700 from Chicago

00:30:31.560 and you and I

00:30:32.920 were home alone

00:30:33.820 and I said

00:30:35.540 Abby you want to

00:30:36.200 go out to dinner

00:30:36.840 just the two of us

00:30:37.680 and she looked at me

00:30:38.340 and said

00:30:38.580 just the two of us

00:30:39.740 are going to go out

00:30:40.280 to dinner

00:30:40.640 and I said

00:30:41.080 yeah

00:30:41.620 and those are the

00:30:44.520 things you remember

00:30:45.220 and those are the

00:30:45.820 things the kids

00:30:46.300 would remember

00:30:46.840 going out to

00:30:47.540 Dunkin Donuts

00:30:48.400 just for

00:30:49.240 you know

00:30:50.040 on a Sunday morning

00:30:50.880 just the two of you

00:30:51.940 going to a bookstore

00:30:52.980 and try to have

00:30:54.540 that special time

00:30:55.620 with each kid alone

00:30:57.480 and try to do it

00:30:59.760 you know

00:31:00.180 once every few weeks

00:31:01.180 they will remember

00:31:01.960 and so will you

00:31:02.680 yeah

00:31:03.240 and that's something

00:31:04.180 I want to do

00:31:04.720 because I know

00:31:06.180 how important it is

00:31:07.080 to me that

00:31:07.560 our children feel

00:31:08.940 super close to each other

00:31:10.260 and feel like

00:31:11.460 the family dynamic

00:31:13.900 but I also want to

00:31:15.760 make sure that

00:31:16.520 really more about

00:31:17.760 for me it's about

00:31:18.620 that directed time

00:31:19.860 I think

00:31:20.220 because of all

00:31:21.600 this technology

00:31:22.760 I think a lot of kids

00:31:23.880 don't feel like

00:31:24.540 their parents enjoy

00:31:26.000 being with them

00:31:27.380 because they're

00:31:28.100 constantly distracted

00:31:29.420 by the phone

00:31:30.400 or by the computer

00:31:31.340 or well

00:31:32.840 if we're going to be

00:31:33.280 alone for three hours

00:31:34.080 you might as well

00:31:34.640 go on your iPad

00:31:35.380 and I'll do something else

00:31:36.560 and I always felt like

00:31:38.360 you were so excited

00:31:39.660 to spend time with me

00:31:40.740 you were so excited

00:31:41.580 to be with me

00:31:42.660 for that amount of time

00:31:44.100 however long it was

00:31:45.180 and that was really

00:31:47.000 it was bolstering

00:31:48.340 it made me feel like

00:31:49.380 okay I'm a good person

00:31:51.280 because my mom likes me

00:31:52.260 well you know

00:31:54.360 somebody asked

00:31:54.860 what I regretted

00:31:55.740 so I just thought

00:31:56.360 of something else

00:31:57.020 I regretted

00:31:57.880 okay

00:31:58.160 you know

00:31:59.500 dad would sit

00:32:00.920 and watch TV

00:32:01.820 with you guys

00:32:02.620 he'd actually

00:32:03.680 watch the show

00:32:04.540 and pay attention

00:32:05.400 while you were

00:32:06.300 paying attention

00:32:06.900 and I was like

00:32:08.100 you know

00:32:08.860 they're just watching TV

00:32:10.380 so I'm going to

00:32:11.280 clean the house

00:32:11.920 I'm going to do this

00:32:12.500 I could never understand

00:32:13.820 that that was important

00:32:16.260 that that was really

00:32:17.680 time you were

00:32:18.300 spending together

00:32:19.160 yeah

00:32:19.720 and that you really

00:32:20.340 did care

00:32:20.940 that dad was sitting

00:32:22.320 next to you

00:32:22.900 watching the same show

00:32:24.160 and maybe you would

00:32:24.960 discuss it

00:32:25.520 and maybe you wouldn't

00:32:26.480 but that was

00:32:27.400 together time

00:32:28.260 yes

00:32:28.900 well something I've

00:32:30.460 learned about TV

00:32:31.480 is that you know

00:32:33.240 we all think of TV

00:32:34.160 as like oh it's just

00:32:34.840 a passive thing

00:32:35.720 you're not really

00:32:36.200 enjoying anyone's company

00:32:37.240 how could you be

00:32:38.100 you're watching something

00:32:39.000 and just both staring

00:32:39.860 at a screen

00:32:40.260 and that can be true

00:32:41.980 if you're doing it wrong

00:32:43.620 or if you're doing it

00:32:45.040 way too long

00:32:45.740 but there's a reason

00:32:48.460 that we as people

00:32:50.260 enjoy television

00:32:52.180 as a group

00:32:53.240 as opposed to

00:32:54.040 sitting in a room

00:32:54.960 reading different books

00:32:56.680 we are sharing something

00:32:58.740 when you watch

00:32:59.560 something together

00:33:00.280 you can't read

00:33:01.360 unless you're listening

00:33:01.960 to an audio book

00:33:02.740 you can't read

00:33:03.640 a book together

00:33:04.660 it's you're alone

00:33:06.180 together in the same room

00:33:07.960 whereas when you're

00:33:08.560 watching something

00:33:09.080 you're together together

00:33:09.900 yeah

00:33:10.300 and that's a nice feeling

00:33:12.580 and something that

00:33:13.420 I have really learned

00:33:14.840 in my relationship

00:33:15.620 with Jacob

00:33:16.120 because we love

00:33:17.420 watching things together

00:33:18.300 also because we

00:33:19.300 discuss it at length

00:33:20.740 so

00:33:21.540 okay

00:33:22.740 I think we got time

00:33:23.660 for one more question

00:33:24.820 even though there are

00:33:26.000 so many more

00:33:27.020 so let's choose

00:33:30.080 a really good one

00:33:31.380 what advice do you have

00:33:33.040 for younger women

00:33:33.880 just entering adulthood

00:33:35.060 you know

00:33:35.860 I think Abby

00:33:36.820 gives the best advice

00:33:37.900 and that is to

00:33:39.940 stay true

00:33:41.240 to your values

00:33:42.740 stay true to

00:33:44.400 the things

00:33:46.520 that really

00:33:47.660 are going to be

00:33:48.900 the most important

00:33:49.640 things in your life

00:33:50.480 you know

00:33:50.860 they always said

00:33:51.740 you know

00:33:52.460 when you die

00:33:53.300 you know

00:33:54.280 what's written

00:33:54.820 on your tombstone

00:33:55.740 that you made

00:33:56.380 a lot of money

00:33:57.080 that you went

00:33:57.600 to that meeting

00:33:58.500 that you

00:33:59.480 went to

00:34:01.640 you know

00:34:02.240 a great college

00:34:03.760 or

00:34:04.520 that

00:34:05.620 you were

00:34:06.360 a good mother

00:34:06.940 and a good sister

00:34:08.300 and a good daughter

00:34:09.980 so

00:34:11.540 so

00:34:12.380 no matter what you do

00:34:13.520 and you can achieve

00:34:14.180 a lot in this life

00:34:14.980 you can achieve

00:34:15.440 whatever you

00:34:16.100 you put your mind to

00:34:17.200 you really can

00:34:18.020 that you always

00:34:19.220 keep in perspective

00:34:20.240 what is ultimately

00:34:22.660 the most important

00:34:23.640 thing in your life

00:34:24.580 and that is going

00:34:25.800 to be your family

00:34:27.020 your faith

00:34:28.400 your faith

00:34:28.940 your community

00:34:29.640 and

00:34:31.100 and

00:34:31.380 and all those

00:34:32.100 other things

00:34:32.480 you can do too

00:34:33.260 but just

00:34:34.580 remember

00:34:35.160 which comes first

00:34:36.460 and which is

00:34:36.980 most important

00:34:37.820 and

00:34:39.420 and make sure

00:34:40.300 that your husband

00:34:40.840 knows those things too

00:34:41.860 yeah I think

00:34:43.220 you know

00:34:43.620 the first thing

00:34:44.240 that popped into my head

00:34:45.300 is something that

00:34:46.160 off the bat

00:34:47.100 would sound

00:34:48.180 could sound

00:34:49.220 like woke

00:34:49.980 and I want to

00:34:51.260 flip it on its head

00:34:52.020 which is

00:34:53.260 when you're a young woman

00:34:54.780 entering adulthood

00:34:55.540 I think that

00:34:56.480 the thing you have to

00:34:57.120 keep in mind

00:34:57.620 is to be brave

00:34:58.580 and I think

00:34:59.620 a lot of the time

00:35:00.640 people think

00:35:01.380 bravery

00:35:01.980 is leaving everything

00:35:03.680 behind that you

00:35:04.720 grew up with

00:35:05.420 and entering this

00:35:06.680 new arena

00:35:07.680 of the world

00:35:08.520 and you have to

00:35:09.600 start from scratch

00:35:10.420 my take

00:35:12.460 on being brave

00:35:13.480 is

00:35:14.200 being able to

00:35:15.700 face

00:35:16.300 everything that you

00:35:17.280 are going to be

00:35:18.300 hammered with

00:35:19.720 that tells you

00:35:20.860 that everything

00:35:21.440 that you know

00:35:22.020 is wrong

00:35:22.700 and staying true

00:35:24.340 to what you know

00:35:25.100 is the truth

00:35:25.740 I think that's

00:35:27.620 such a hard

00:35:28.460 thing to do

00:35:29.220 and you're going

00:35:30.240 to meet

00:35:30.520 every person

00:35:31.300 every girl you

00:35:32.240 meet at

00:35:32.760 you know

00:35:33.080 college

00:35:33.420 is going to

00:35:34.360 be telling you

00:35:35.100 that you need

00:35:35.560 to follow a

00:35:36.200 female empowerment 0.60

00:35:36.960 narrative

00:35:37.380 that's really

00:35:37.880 going to lead

00:35:38.360 you down a

00:35:38.740 path of sadness

00:35:39.480 and the brave

00:35:41.460 thing is to

00:35:42.780 stay true

00:35:44.160 to your values

00:35:45.140 stay true

00:35:45.640 to what you've

00:35:47.000 grown up with

00:35:47.800 stay true

00:35:48.580 to the things

00:35:49.120 you know

00:35:49.720 are actually

00:35:50.760 going to be

00:35:51.380 good for you

00:35:52.020 and that also

00:35:53.280 means it takes

00:35:54.200 effort

00:35:54.600 because it

00:35:55.240 takes effort

00:35:55.780 for you to

00:35:56.260 be faced

00:35:56.760 with things

00:35:57.180 that you've

00:35:57.600 never heard

00:35:57.980 before maybe

00:35:58.540 and say

00:35:59.960 okay well

00:36:00.460 I'm hearing

00:36:00.880 stuff that

00:36:01.520 goes against

00:36:02.040 what I grew

00:36:02.440 up with

00:36:02.840 well I could

00:36:04.400 just take it

00:36:04.900 at face value

00:36:05.480 because all

00:36:05.960 of my friends

00:36:06.420 are or I

00:36:07.760 have to go

00:36:08.260 out of my

00:36:08.580 way to search

00:36:09.380 for an answer

00:36:09.940 that really

00:36:10.520 makes sense

00:36:11.240 going back

00:36:11.840 to what I

00:36:12.340 did what

00:36:13.200 I do know

00:36:14.180 are these

00:36:14.940 tried and

00:36:15.580 true practices

00:36:18.080 that lead

00:36:18.800 to fulfillment

00:36:19.460 and meaning

00:36:20.140 yeah

00:36:20.480 well I mean

00:36:21.440 and it's easier

00:36:22.180 for me now

00:36:22.840 that now

00:36:24.340 that I'm

00:36:24.820 older

00:36:25.300 I mean

00:36:26.240 I can't

00:36:26.880 because I

00:36:27.580 did have

00:36:28.060 a career

00:36:28.780 outside the

00:36:29.440 house

00:36:29.700 I ran

00:36:30.400 companies

00:36:30.960 and I

00:36:31.380 and I

00:36:31.840 did things

00:36:32.260 that I'm

00:36:32.760 proud of

00:36:33.340 not as

00:36:34.780 proud of

00:36:35.060 raising a

00:36:35.480 family

00:36:35.800 but I

00:36:36.360 am proud

00:36:36.960 of those

00:36:37.720 things

00:36:38.080 but I

00:36:38.660 can't tell

00:36:39.180 you the

00:36:39.520 number of

00:36:40.060 women who 0.99

00:36:40.500 have come

00:36:40.860 to me

00:36:41.240 over the

00:36:41.660 years

00:36:41.920 and said

00:36:42.560 you know

00:36:43.420 I didn't

00:36:43.880 put my

00:36:44.220 family first

00:36:45.060 and I

00:36:46.980 wasn't able

00:36:48.000 to have

00:36:48.420 children

00:36:48.860 because I

00:36:50.040 waited too

00:36:50.700 long

00:36:51.120 and things

00:36:51.640 were so

00:36:52.260 important

00:36:52.800 the things

00:36:53.320 I thought

00:36:53.680 were so

00:36:54.000 important

00:36:54.500 I

00:36:55.640 I missed

00:36:56.800 my window

00:36:57.400 or the

00:36:59.200 things that

00:36:59.520 were so

00:36:59.800 important

00:37:00.160 now I'm

00:37:01.140 now I'm

00:37:01.720 divorced

00:37:02.060 and I'm

00:37:02.400 a single

00:37:02.700 mom

00:37:03.100 maybe if

00:37:03.680 I had

00:37:03.960 done some

00:37:04.320 things

00:37:04.500 differently

00:37:04.900 that wouldn't

00:37:05.360 have happened

00:37:05.920 so I

00:37:07.140 you know

00:37:07.720 have the

00:37:08.060 ability

00:37:08.420 to look

00:37:08.840 back

00:37:09.320 at all

00:37:09.980 these

00:37:10.200 women 1.00

00:37:10.560 who

00:37:11.200 you know

00:37:12.200 who put

00:37:12.720 other things

00:37:13.560 first

00:37:13.960 and are not

00:37:14.920 regretting it

00:37:15.600 you can't

00:37:16.180 see that

00:37:16.660 from where

00:37:17.040 you sit

00:37:17.520 but I

00:37:18.000 can

00:37:18.360 from

00:37:18.760 experience

00:37:19.360 so be

00:37:20.760 true

00:37:21.060 stay

00:37:21.400 true

00:37:21.800 and make

00:37:23.100 sure that

00:37:23.900 you don't

00:37:25.100 lose sight

00:37:27.620 of what is

00:37:28.500 really going

00:37:29.360 to bring you

00:37:29.820 happiness in

00:37:30.400 your life

00:37:30.780 and what is

00:37:31.220 really important

00:37:32.020 and that doesn't

00:37:32.700 mean you have

00:37:33.060 to give up

00:37:33.580 other things

00:37:34.240 it just means

00:37:35.300 that you have

00:37:35.980 to have

00:37:37.560 a hierarchy

00:37:38.480 of things

00:37:39.120 yeah

00:37:39.520 well and that's

00:37:40.360 from a woman 0.99

00:37:40.760 who was

00:37:41.900 the primary

00:37:42.680 breadwinner

00:37:43.300 for our

00:37:43.600 family

00:37:43.900 that's from

00:37:44.440 the woman 0.98

00:37:44.780 who worked

00:37:45.940 so keep

00:37:47.300 that in

00:37:47.580 mind

00:37:47.900 well that

00:37:49.380 was awesome

00:37:49.960 thank you

00:37:50.700 so much

00:37:51.120 for answering

00:37:51.700 all these

00:37:52.120 questions

00:37:52.620 thank you

00:37:53.140 guys for

00:37:53.520 submitting

00:37:53.840 your

00:37:54.100 questions

00:37:54.660 this is

00:37:56.040 like a

00:37:56.400 really good

00:37:56.860 advice video

00:37:57.700 so reference

00:37:58.620 it

00:37:59.140 and pretty

00:38:00.080 soon I'm

00:38:00.480 going to get

00:38:00.800 to hold

00:38:01.100 a new

00:38:01.460 little baby

00:38:02.480 broth

00:38:02.840 yeah

00:38:03.160 little baby

00:38:03.800 boy

00:38:04.060 broth

00:38:04.480 is going

00:38:04.960 to be

00:38:05.180 joining

00:38:05.440 us

00:38:05.660 not too

00:38:06.080 far away

00:38:07.100 he's been

00:38:08.480 moving like

00:38:08.940 crazy

00:38:09.360 so he's been

00:38:10.980 enjoying

00:38:11.440 sitting here

00:38:12.020 and listening

00:38:12.720 listening to

00:38:13.540 Nana

00:38:13.800 so thank

00:38:16.020 you guys

00:38:16.360 so much

00:38:16.820 for watching

00:38:17.460 if you

00:38:18.240 aren't

00:38:18.540 already

00:38:18.860 subscribed

00:38:19.200 to my

00:38:19.580 channel

00:38:19.780 make sure

00:38:20.160 to subscribe

00:38:20.740 now

00:38:20.980 and hit

00:38:21.380 that

00:38:21.520 notification

00:38:22.020 bell

00:38:22.340 if you're

00:38:22.900 not subscribed

00:38:23.400 to my

00:38:23.860 substack

00:38:24.360 newsletter

00:38:24.920 which I

00:38:25.320 should have

00:38:25.600 mentioned

00:38:25.840 all the way

00:38:26.200 back at the

00:38:26.580 beginning

00:38:26.820 make sure

00:38:27.640 to head

00:38:28.240 over to

00:38:28.540 classically

00:38:28.960 abby.substack.com

00:38:30.260 where you can get

00:38:30.760 access to a ton

00:38:31.580 of exclusive content

00:38:32.660 and if you're not

00:38:33.580 following me on

00:38:34.200 social media

00:38:34.880 it's at

00:38:35.580 classically abby

00:38:36.260 absolutely

00:38:36.820 everywhere

00:38:37.280 thank you guys

00:38:38.080 so much for

00:38:38.480 watching

00:38:38.720 and I'll see

00:38:39.220 you guys

00:38:39.520 in my next

00:38:40.000 video

00:38:40.320 bye

00:38:41.360 bye

00:38:42.420 Bye-bye.

Classically Abby - February 09, 2022

Ask Mama Shapiro ANYTHING! ⧸⧸ My mom has the BEST advice...

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