Classically Abby - Classically Abby REACTS - I Don't Want Kids. My Husband Does. What Do I Do？

00:00:00.000 Hello, Classic Crew, and welcome to a new series on my channel called Classically Abby Reacts.

00:00:11.420 On today's episode of Classically Abby Reacts, I'm going to be answering a question that I saw posed

00:00:17.140 on the Reddit thread relationship advice. Is it called a thread? Is it called a forum? I don't

00:00:24.140 really use Reddit generally. This is me trying something new, something different, and I'm

00:00:29.840 excited to see what you guys think of it, but I wanted to answer a question that I saw posed on

00:00:35.240 Reddit. My plan for this series is to answer questions or to react to crazy things that people

00:00:42.520 post or to debunk crazy things that people post, all of the above, so I'm excited to get into it

00:00:48.820 today, but if you're not already subscribed to my channel, make sure to subscribe now and hit that

00:00:53.120 notification bell, and if you haven't already subscribed to my Substack newsletter, you'll get

00:00:58.120 access to a ton of exclusive content, make sure to head over to classicallyabby.substack.com.

00:01:03.440 Now, let's get into today's video. Okay, so here is the thread. My husband wants to have kids,

00:01:10.780 but I don't. What do I do? My husband wants to have kids, but I don't. I'm 21, and I'm a type 1

00:01:17.980 diabetic. I have bipolar 1, and cancer runs in my family on both sides. I don't want to pass my genes

00:01:24.200 on. I think overall I would be a good mom, but I also don't think I could handle the responsibilities

00:01:28.900 of being a mom. I can barely take care of myself half the time. My husband, 22, is very family-oriented

00:01:35.780 and really wants kids. He's never given me a good reason for wanting kids besides passing his name

00:01:41.400 down. I love him so much, and I can't imagine my life without him. I just told him today that I don't

00:01:47.160 want to have kids. He said he needed to process it. I'm having a hard time leaving him alone. I'm so scared

00:01:52.640 to lose him. Besides the kid thing, we're a great match, and I just love him so much, I can't bear the

00:01:58.500 idea of losing him. So the first thing to address is that clearly this girl has some really serious

00:02:07.240 issues. So it makes sense that she is afraid of having children, right? She has diabetes. She has

00:02:14.100 bipolar disorder. She said that cancer runs in her family. So the cancer running in the family thing

00:02:19.040 is a little less, it's a little less important. But I think the big thing here that we all need to

00:02:25.080 question is how did you get married and never discuss this? Tell me how! Now, number one, let's get out of

00:02:32.740 the way. I believe that having children is the best and most important way to find fulfillment, find

00:02:38.780 meaning, have purpose. I think everyone should have children, okay? This is what I think. I also think

00:02:45.780 it's correct, but that's what I think. Well, there it is. So getting that out of the way, if you're going

00:02:53.460 to marry someone, there are a few basic things you need to be on the same page about, and one of those

00:02:59.600 basic things is whether or not you're going to have children. That should be pretty much number one

00:03:06.420 conversation topic on a date. Do you want to have kids? No? Oh, okay, so we're not gonna, we're not gonna

00:03:12.360 proceed. Okay, number one, that's the, that's the big problem, right? Number one is how did this

00:03:17.500 conversation not happen? Okay, now moving forward, knowing that you didn't have this conversation,

00:03:23.640 and you are married, and you don't want to lose this person, you need to actually consider why it is

00:03:33.180 that you don't want to have kids. Because his reasons for having kids, which you say are just that

00:03:38.080 he wants to pass his name down, are probably better than your reasons for not wanting to have kids.

00:03:44.060 So number one is, you are afraid of passing down your genes. You are a person who has these conditions,

00:03:51.420 and it must be hard. I'm not downplaying that, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't exist.

00:03:57.820 So your children deserve to exist as well, even with those conditions. You are married, you found

00:04:04.080 someone who loves you, and you deserve to be here, as do your future children. So yes, those conditions,

00:04:10.960 I'm not downplaying how difficult they are at all, but I still believe, as I think most of us should,

00:04:16.920 as all of us should, really, that those disorders don't make you any less worthy of being alive.

00:04:24.640 So yes, there's a fear of passing down those conditions, and I get it. But at the same time,

00:04:30.240 your children also, they deserve to have life. You is kind, you is smart, you is important.

00:04:40.140 Number two is that you are afraid that you can't handle the responsibility, even though you think

00:04:45.020 you're a good mother. This is what's so sad about the society we live in, is that we have conditioned

00:04:52.640 women to fear motherhood. And women have been doing this for thousands of years. Women were born

00:05:04.300 to be mothers. We were born to raise the next generation. You can do this. It's hard. It's scary.

00:05:12.580 And yet, you will be able to do it. And you will love it. That is one of the things that I think is

00:05:18.660 so sad about the generation we live in, is this feeling that it would be more selfless for you

00:05:24.380 not to have kids. And that's just incorrect. It is selfish for you not to. And you saying that you

00:05:30.540 are too afraid, or that you, what else are you going to do with your life? It's something that's

00:05:35.320 going to be you focused, as opposed to outwardly focused in the best possible way. And it will force

00:05:40.800 you to really work on yourself and make sure that you are the best version of yourself that you can be,

00:05:46.540 which is what being classic is all about, which is what my channel is all about.

00:05:50.180 So you could do this. It's scary, but you could do it. Now when you say that your husband just has

00:05:56.460 this idea that, oh, he just wants to pass his name down, that's a very modern way of looking at

00:06:02.520 parenthood, is like brushing it off that way. And that is not the reason. He may not be able to

00:06:08.260 articulate well why he wants to have children, because to him it's so obvious. But having children is 0.86

00:06:14.580 more than just, oh, well, I want to pass my name down. Say my name. It's about raising a beautiful life

00:06:23.880 in God's image. It's about making the world a better place through your children. But your life

00:06:30.440 without children is nothing in comparison to what it will be with children. I think that's really the thing

00:06:38.260 that we have to narrow down here, is what would your life be without kids? Like, what would you do? And the fact

00:06:45.420 of the matter is that whatever your answer is, it's not going to be as good or as important as the answer of what

00:06:51.780 you would do with children. So that is what I think. Those are my thoughts. Let me know your thoughts in the

00:06:57.820 comments below. What would you say to this girl who doesn't know what to do because she doesn't want 1.00

00:07:03.440 to have kids, but her spouse does? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below. Make sure to

00:07:08.480 follow me on social media. It's at Classically Abbey absolutely everywhere. And hit that notification

00:07:13.340 bell if you haven't already. Make sure to head over to classicallyabbey.substack.com to get access to

00:07:17.960 my podcast, my book club, and all my other great exclusive content. And I'll see you guys in my next video. Bye!

00:07:27.820 Bye!

Classically Abby - August 11, 2022

Classically Abby REACTS - I Don't Want Kids. My Husband Does. What Do I Do？

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