Classically Abby REACTS - I Don't Want Kids. My Husband Does. What Do I Do？
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
175.80365
Summary
In this episode of Classically Abby Reacts, I'm answering a question from a Redditor who asks why her husband doesn't want to have kids and why it's so hard for her to have children. I'll be talking about why you should have a conversation with your partner about whether or not they want kids.
Transcript
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Hello, Classic Crew, and welcome to a new series on my channel called Classically Abby Reacts.
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On today's episode of Classically Abby Reacts, I'm going to be answering a question that I saw posed
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on the Reddit thread relationship advice. Is it called a thread? Is it called a forum? I don't
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really use Reddit generally. This is me trying something new, something different, and I'm
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excited to see what you guys think of it, but I wanted to answer a question that I saw posed on
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Reddit. My plan for this series is to answer questions or to react to crazy things that people
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post or to debunk crazy things that people post, all of the above, so I'm excited to get into it
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today, but if you're not already subscribed to my channel, make sure to subscribe now and hit that
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notification bell, and if you haven't already subscribed to my Substack newsletter, you'll get
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access to a ton of exclusive content, make sure to head over to classicallyabby.substack.com.
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Now, let's get into today's video. Okay, so here is the thread. My husband wants to have kids,
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but I don't. What do I do? My husband wants to have kids, but I don't. I'm 21, and I'm a type 1
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diabetic. I have bipolar 1, and cancer runs in my family on both sides. I don't want to pass my genes
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on. I think overall I would be a good mom, but I also don't think I could handle the responsibilities
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of being a mom. I can barely take care of myself half the time. My husband, 22, is very family-oriented
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and really wants kids. He's never given me a good reason for wanting kids besides passing his name
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down. I love him so much, and I can't imagine my life without him. I just told him today that I don't
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want to have kids. He said he needed to process it. I'm having a hard time leaving him alone. I'm so scared
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to lose him. Besides the kid thing, we're a great match, and I just love him so much, I can't bear the
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idea of losing him. So the first thing to address is that clearly this girl has some really serious
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issues. So it makes sense that she is afraid of having children, right? She has diabetes. She has
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bipolar disorder. She said that cancer runs in her family. So the cancer running in the family thing
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is a little less, it's a little less important. But I think the big thing here that we all need to
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question is how did you get married and never discuss this? Tell me how! Now, number one, let's get out of
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the way. I believe that having children is the best and most important way to find fulfillment, find
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meaning, have purpose. I think everyone should have children, okay? This is what I think. I also think
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it's correct, but that's what I think. Well, there it is. So getting that out of the way, if you're going
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to marry someone, there are a few basic things you need to be on the same page about, and one of those
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basic things is whether or not you're going to have children. That should be pretty much number one
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conversation topic on a date. Do you want to have kids? No? Oh, okay, so we're not gonna, we're not gonna
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proceed. Okay, number one, that's the, that's the big problem, right? Number one is how did this
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conversation not happen? Okay, now moving forward, knowing that you didn't have this conversation,
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and you are married, and you don't want to lose this person, you need to actually consider why it is
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that you don't want to have kids. Because his reasons for having kids, which you say are just that
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he wants to pass his name down, are probably better than your reasons for not wanting to have kids.
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So number one is, you are afraid of passing down your genes. You are a person who has these conditions,
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and it must be hard. I'm not downplaying that, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't exist.
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So your children deserve to exist as well, even with those conditions. You are married, you found
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someone who loves you, and you deserve to be here, as do your future children. So yes, those conditions,
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I'm not downplaying how difficult they are at all, but I still believe, as I think most of us should,
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as all of us should, really, that those disorders don't make you any less worthy of being alive.
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So yes, there's a fear of passing down those conditions, and I get it. But at the same time,
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your children also, they deserve to have life. You is kind, you is smart, you is important.
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Number two is that you are afraid that you can't handle the responsibility, even though you think
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you're a good mother. This is what's so sad about the society we live in, is that we have conditioned
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women to fear motherhood. And women have been doing this for thousands of years. Women were born
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to be mothers. We were born to raise the next generation. You can do this. It's hard. It's scary.
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And yet, you will be able to do it. And you will love it. That is one of the things that I think is
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so sad about the generation we live in, is this feeling that it would be more selfless for you
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not to have kids. And that's just incorrect. It is selfish for you not to. And you saying that you
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are too afraid, or that you, what else are you going to do with your life? It's something that's
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going to be you focused, as opposed to outwardly focused in the best possible way. And it will force
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you to really work on yourself and make sure that you are the best version of yourself that you can be,
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which is what being classic is all about, which is what my channel is all about.
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So you could do this. It's scary, but you could do it. Now when you say that your husband just has
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this idea that, oh, he just wants to pass his name down, that's a very modern way of looking at
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parenthood, is like brushing it off that way. And that is not the reason. He may not be able to
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articulate well why he wants to have children, because to him it's so obvious. But having children is
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more than just, oh, well, I want to pass my name down. Say my name. It's about raising a beautiful life
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in God's image. It's about making the world a better place through your children. But your life
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without children is nothing in comparison to what it will be with children. I think that's really the thing
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that we have to narrow down here, is what would your life be without kids? Like, what would you do? And the fact
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of the matter is that whatever your answer is, it's not going to be as good or as important as the answer of what
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you would do with children. So that is what I think. Those are my thoughts. Let me know your thoughts in the
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comments below. What would you say to this girl who doesn't know what to do because she doesn't want
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to have kids, but her spouse does? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below. Make sure to
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follow me on social media. It's at Classically Abbey absolutely everywhere. And hit that notification
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bell if you haven't already. Make sure to head over to classicallyabbey.substack.com to get access to
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my podcast, my book club, and all my other great exclusive content. And I'll see you guys in my next video. Bye!