Conservative Wife Talk! ｜｜ 5 Pieces Of Marriage Advice On My 2-Year Anniversary 💙
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Summary
In this episode, I talk about 5 lessons I learned in my first 2 years of marriage and how they have helped me become a better wife and a better partner. I hope you can learn from these 5 lessons and apply them to your marriage.
Transcript
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Hello beautiful ladies and welcome to today's video where we're going to be
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talking about five lessons I learned in my first two years of marriage.
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So my husband and I celebrated our second anniversary last week and it was lovely
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and I was thinking about how much I've learned from the first year of marriage
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to the second year and how different I feel that our marriage has been in the
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last year of marriage compared to our first and just how much you can learn
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from year to year and I am so excited to share with you guys five lessons that I
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feel that I've learned since getting married to my husband and what I think
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you can take away from that too. So let's get into it. So the first thing I want
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to talk about is that sometimes it's important just to listen. Now what I'm
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talking about here is something specific but that is an overall great thing.
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Sometimes your partner just needs you to listen to them and not necessarily jump
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in or offer advice but what I'm talking about here is actually something a
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little bit different. So I was sitting with my husband the other day and we were
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having a conversation and all of a sudden he started to get really heated about
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something and I felt like hey I want to jump in I want to talk this is supposed to
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be a conversation this is supposed to be about the two of us and what I started to
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realize was that he needed me to just listen. He was starting to have a kind of
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idea that he needed to express. It wasn't so much about me at that moment. I
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didn't need to make it about me. I didn't need to get offended because he loved me
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enough that he wanted to share this feeling that he was having and maybe
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it's about venting or maybe it's something that he's happy about but at
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that moment even though I wanted to make it about me I wanted to be frustrated
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that I didn't get to control the conversation or be part of it. It was
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actually just a time for him to express how he was feeling to me and I just
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needed to be quiet and listen and really take in what he was saying because
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that's what he needed from me at that moment and I've noticed that that wasn't
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something that I did in the first year of marriage. It wasn't something I
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noticed. I would get frustrated more quickly than I would notice that he just
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wanted to share something with me because normally when I'm wanting to
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express myself I'll start off the conversation that way and I'll say I kind
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of need to vent or I need to tell you how I'm feeling or I want to tell you
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something great but sometimes it can happen when you're not planning for it and
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it'll just happen in the middle of a conversation because it sparks an idea or
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it sparks a feeling and your partner may not even realize that they're doing it.
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They may not even realize that they're kind of starting to have a monologue
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instead of a conversation because they need to get something off their chest and
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so sometimes it's good to just listen because A that'll make them feel loved and
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B you might end up learning something that you didn't even realize and I know I've
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done this for myself too. I know I've started to kind of go off on a rant so it's not to say that
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I don't do that too it's just that obviously you don't really notice it with
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yourself you notice it with your partner so it's an interesting thing that I've
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had to learn and that sometimes it's okay to instead of getting frustrated that
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you're not part of the conversation but no they actually love you enough that all
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of a sudden they feel comfortable enough to start venting or talking about how
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happy they are or engaging with their emotions with you and so it's really
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important in those moments to put yourself to the side and not get
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frustrated and instead feel the love that's emanating from them because they
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feel comfortable enough to kind of go off on whatever that feeling is and for
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you to listen and support it and that is a huge lesson I learned this year and one
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that I don't think is like commonly talked about but I actually really feel
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excited about it because I think it'll make me a better partner and a better
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person to actually take myself out of the equation for a minute and just be
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there for my husband my next piece of advice is it's okay to spend money on
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hobbies that your partner doesn't understand and vice versa I think this
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was a big lesson for me because at the beginning of our marriage I was obsessed
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with budgeting and I didn't want to spend money on things that we didn't need but
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what I think I need is different than what my husband thinks we need and what he
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thinks we need is different than what I think we need and so it's just a very
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funny thing because he'll say I want to spend $25 on a board game or $40 on a
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board game and I'll think it's totally useless and random but I'll say I want to
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spend $40 on a hair tool and he'll think it's totally useless and random and so
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it's okay to have a an agreement that you don't always have to understand or like
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your partner's hobbies as long as they're not inappropriate just kind of
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different than what you're interested in and they're allowed to spend money on it
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and that's okay because if they end up collecting something or it's something
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that they enjoy they'll feel loved that you're not judging what they are
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interested in and I know that this is the case for us my husband loves board
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games I also love board games but he loves board games and so he'll spend more
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money on board games and at first at the beginning of our marriage I was very
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judgmental I didn't understand why he wanted to spend all this money on board
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games but now I realized it really makes him happy and it's not that much
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money for him to spend and it ends up being something that we share so okay
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it's not my favorite thing but it makes him really happy and for me it's the
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same thing I love dresses and clothes and hair accessories and jewelry he's not
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getting anything out of that but he understands that it's stuff that makes me
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happy so he doesn't mind if I spend a little bit on that and it's just we each
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are allowed to spend money on the things that are interesting to us it's not
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that every single dollar has to go into something that both of us love because
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we are individuals we both have different interests I have a feminine
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side he has a masculine side that probably aren't gonna be super similar
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and so it's okay for us to spend our money a little bit differently as long as
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we're still staying within our budget and we're not spending crazy amounts on
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crazy things we're spending a little bit here and there it's okay for that to be
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something that the other person doesn't use is really one of the things too
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because even though my husband buys board games he also likes for example
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some video games that I am never gonna play and that's okay he can have those
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interests and I can have these interests or books that I would never read that's
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okay he can have those and I can have my books and it's just interesting to note
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that you guys are still individuals even though you're married and you can
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respect those parts of each other that make each other more interesting
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because they give you the opportunity to invest in the things that are about you
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and not about us as a team another piece of advice is to keep doing date nights
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don't let that fly away after your first year of marriage my husband and I love
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doing date nights and I think that's part of the reason that we still kind of
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feel like newlyweds we're not really newlyweds at this point it's two years but
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my husband and I were just joking around about it that we still sort of feel like
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we just met but we've known each other forever it's a very odd feeling and we
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talk about it with each other all the time and I think that date nights sort of
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keep that magic alive because you get dressed up you go out and do something
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fun you create memories and when you stay in all of the time the memories start to
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kind of blend together and you don't necessarily start to like have these
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little times that you can pick out you can kind of feel that in quarantine right
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now that the days are starting to blend together so you need to like make
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certain events even if they're at home that feel special and I love doing date
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night I love getting dressed up because I'm not always gonna get dressed up if
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we're just home so having the opportunity to go out put on a nice dress do my
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makeup that makes me really happy and my husband appreciates it and when we get to
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go out somewhere where we both love the food we get to think about how much we
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enjoy just being out with each other we can get cocktails I love that we have
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kept that up and it's something that I want to keep doing because date night just
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puts the focus back on you and your relationship and it doesn't let you get
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distracted just with the everyday motions of having to take care of
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errands or work or whatever it is it really allows you to invest in each other
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and it reminds you that you should keep yourself looking nice for your husband
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and he should keep himself looking nice for you and those things never go away so
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even though we're two years into marriage we still do date night pretty
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consistently and I'm so happy that we do number four is that you may slip into old
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habits that you think you've solved and that's pretty normal so in the first year
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of marriage we talked about a lot of things and one for example that I've
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noticed lately is don't assume someone's intention or what they're going to say
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before they've said it so early on I found that I would kind of be afraid to tell him
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something because I would assume his response and then I would realize later
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that that was never going to be his response that wasn't his response at all
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because then when I eventually told him he had a totally different response and
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it kind of messed with our dynamic because I was assuming what he would do
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instead of just letting him respond the way he was going to respond and I really
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thought we had worked on that and that I had fixed that and then two years later
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into our marriage I realized oh I'm starting to do that again I don't want to
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ask him a question or whatever because I'm assuming what his response will be
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because I think we know each other so well but that's not fair it's not I can't
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assume what he's going to do because it doesn't give him an opportunity to
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actually have a response I'm just assuming it for him and I know he's done
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the same to me so it's interesting that you can sometimes fix things and think
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that oh everything is resolved and then it starts to creep back in again so it's
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important in any marriage or in any relationship to really keep track of all
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those things because it's not just oh easy everything's solved it's never
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gonna happen again life is long things come back and forth and change and grow
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and all of these things can end up coming back even though you've assumed that
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you've solved it so it's just a really funny interesting thing to note that even
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though you may think that this big problem you had or this small problem you
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had is totally resolved it may end up being not as resolved as you think it is
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and it's important to keep that in mind so that you are keeping track of it and
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you notice when it does pop up again because you can kind of say hey I know
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that this is happening and we've dealt with this before but it doesn't
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necessarily have to become our normal again so let's just keep an eye on it and
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my last piece of advice is just to support each other now I know that's an
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obvious one and honestly I probably learned that in my first year of
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marriage but by the second year of marriage it's even more potent because you
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go through so much together you go through so many struggles so many joys
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the world changes around you and you really have to be there for each other
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even in the hard times and that's talking about fears and joys and hopes and
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dreams and all that kind of sappy stuff it actually is relevant because when
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you're married you are experiencing each other's failures and successes it's not
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just you anymore it's you and your partner I'm sure by my third
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anniversary this will still be part of my advice because each year you go through
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more and more and you have to support each other even as things get more and
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more intense or more and more complicated and you've gone through more
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and more events together and I've really had to learn this year that we moved to a
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new city we both got new jobs we've really been changing our lives and we've
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had to support each other through those changes my husband has been an
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incredible partner to me as I've taken on new challenges and I hope I've been a
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good wife to him while he's been taking on his new challenges and it has been an
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experience and something that I'm always going to say now as I said in my
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friendship video support doesn't just mean oh you do you whatever you want it
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also means being there and helping the other person grow and telling them when you
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think that they're making a bad choice of course but it also means just being their
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cheerleader you want to be the person who's saying you're gonna do great it's
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gonna be awesome and I'm gonna help you get there and that's what support really
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is and I really feel that with my husband and I think he feels that with me that
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we really are hoping that the other person will succeed because my success is
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his success and his success is mine so I love the idea that we're gonna keep
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supporting each other and I can't wait for our third year of marriage and I
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would love to hear what your guys advice is about relationships if you have any
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anniversaries coming up let me know in the comments down below thank you guys so
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