Classically Abby - June 08, 2020


Conservative Wife Talk! ｜｜ 5 Pieces Of Marriage Advice On My 2-Year Anniversary 💙


Episode Stats


Length

12 minutes

Words per minute

213.21666

Word count

2,721

Sentence count

18

Harmful content

Misogyny

1

sentences flagged

Hate speech

1

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, I talk about 5 lessons I learned in my first 2 years of marriage and how they have helped me become a better wife and a better partner. I hope you can learn from these 5 lessons and apply them to your marriage.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Hello beautiful ladies and welcome to today's video where we're going to be 1.00
00:00:03.520 talking about five lessons I learned in my first two years of marriage.
00:00:10.640 So my husband and I celebrated our second anniversary last week and it was lovely
00:00:17.040 and I was thinking about how much I've learned from the first year of marriage
00:00:21.420 to the second year and how different I feel that our marriage has been in the
00:00:25.740 last year of marriage compared to our first and just how much you can learn
00:00:29.600 from year to year and I am so excited to share with you guys five lessons that I
00:00:34.980 feel that I've learned since getting married to my husband and what I think
00:00:39.280 you can take away from that too. So let's get into it. So the first thing I want
00:00:44.340 to talk about is that sometimes it's important just to listen. Now what I'm
00:00:49.200 talking about here is something specific but that is an overall great thing.
00:00:53.320 Sometimes your partner just needs you to listen to them and not necessarily jump
00:00:57.600 in or offer advice but what I'm talking about here is actually something a
00:01:01.620 little bit different. So I was sitting with my husband the other day and we were
00:01:05.160 having a conversation and all of a sudden he started to get really heated about
00:01:10.820 something and I felt like hey I want to jump in I want to talk this is supposed to
00:01:14.040 be a conversation this is supposed to be about the two of us and what I started to
00:01:17.900 realize was that he needed me to just listen. He was starting to have a kind of
00:01:23.460 idea that he needed to express. It wasn't so much about me at that moment. I
00:01:28.620 didn't need to make it about me. I didn't need to get offended because he loved me
00:01:33.080 enough that he wanted to share this feeling that he was having and maybe
00:01:36.940 it's about venting or maybe it's something that he's happy about but at
00:01:40.040 that moment even though I wanted to make it about me I wanted to be frustrated
00:01:43.480 that I didn't get to control the conversation or be part of it. It was
00:01:47.120 actually just a time for him to express how he was feeling to me and I just
00:01:50.500 needed to be quiet and listen and really take in what he was saying because
00:01:53.720 that's what he needed from me at that moment and I've noticed that that wasn't
00:01:58.340 something that I did in the first year of marriage. It wasn't something I
00:02:01.000 noticed. I would get frustrated more quickly than I would notice that he just
00:02:04.980 wanted to share something with me because normally when I'm wanting to
00:02:08.760 express myself I'll start off the conversation that way and I'll say I kind
00:02:12.480 of need to vent or I need to tell you how I'm feeling or I want to tell you
00:02:15.840 something great but sometimes it can happen when you're not planning for it and
00:02:20.060 it'll just happen in the middle of a conversation because it sparks an idea or
00:02:23.060 it sparks a feeling and your partner may not even realize that they're doing it.
00:02:27.600 They may not even realize that they're kind of starting to have a monologue
00:02:32.240 instead of a conversation because they need to get something off their chest and
00:02:36.400 so sometimes it's good to just listen because A that'll make them feel loved and
00:02:41.220 B you might end up learning something that you didn't even realize and I know I've
00:02:46.160 done this for myself too. I know I've started to kind of go off on a rant so it's not to say that
00:02:50.040 I don't do that too it's just that obviously you don't really notice it with
00:02:52.660 yourself you notice it with your partner so it's an interesting thing that I've
00:02:57.300 had to learn and that sometimes it's okay to instead of getting frustrated that
00:03:01.500 you're not part of the conversation but no they actually love you enough that all
00:03:05.880 of a sudden they feel comfortable enough to start venting or talking about how
00:03:10.680 happy they are or engaging with their emotions with you and so it's really
00:03:14.580 important in those moments to put yourself to the side and not get
00:03:18.480 frustrated and instead feel the love that's emanating from them because they
00:03:23.580 feel comfortable enough to kind of go off on whatever that feeling is and for
00:03:28.500 you to listen and support it and that is a huge lesson I learned this year and one
00:03:33.420 that I don't think is like commonly talked about but I actually really feel
00:03:37.320 excited about it because I think it'll make me a better partner and a better
00:03:41.460 person to actually take myself out of the equation for a minute and just be
00:03:46.960 there for my husband my next piece of advice is it's okay to spend money on
00:03:51.420 hobbies that your partner doesn't understand and vice versa I think this
00:03:55.860 was a big lesson for me because at the beginning of our marriage I was obsessed
00:03:58.960 with budgeting and I didn't want to spend money on things that we didn't need but
00:04:03.000 what I think I need is different than what my husband thinks we need and what he
00:04:06.540 thinks we need is different than what I think we need and so it's just a very
00:04:10.380 funny thing because he'll say I want to spend $25 on a board game or $40 on a
00:04:15.880 board game and I'll think it's totally useless and random but I'll say I want to
00:04:19.500 spend $40 on a hair tool and he'll think it's totally useless and random and so
00:04:24.300 it's okay to have a an agreement that you don't always have to understand or like
00:04:30.780 your partner's hobbies as long as they're not inappropriate just kind of
00:04:34.680 different than what you're interested in and they're allowed to spend money on it
00:04:37.740 and that's okay because if they end up collecting something or it's something
00:04:41.700 that they enjoy they'll feel loved that you're not judging what they are
00:04:45.860 interested in and I know that this is the case for us my husband loves board
00:04:49.860 games I also love board games but he loves board games and so he'll spend more
00:04:53.760 money on board games and at first at the beginning of our marriage I was very
00:04:56.500 judgmental I didn't understand why he wanted to spend all this money on board
00:04:59.100 games but now I realized it really makes him happy and it's not that much
00:05:02.640 money for him to spend and it ends up being something that we share so okay
00:05:06.660 it's not my favorite thing but it makes him really happy and for me it's the
00:05:12.120 same thing I love dresses and clothes and hair accessories and jewelry he's not
00:05:17.340 getting anything out of that but he understands that it's stuff that makes me
00:05:20.760 happy so he doesn't mind if I spend a little bit on that and it's just we each
00:05:25.760 are allowed to spend money on the things that are interesting to us it's not
00:05:28.560 that every single dollar has to go into something that both of us love because
00:05:33.240 we are individuals we both have different interests I have a feminine
00:05:37.860 side he has a masculine side that probably aren't gonna be super similar
00:05:41.820 and so it's okay for us to spend our money a little bit differently as long as
00:05:46.260 we're still staying within our budget and we're not spending crazy amounts on
00:05:49.500 crazy things we're spending a little bit here and there it's okay for that to be
00:05:53.340 something that the other person doesn't use is really one of the things too
00:05:56.460 because even though my husband buys board games he also likes for example
00:05:59.640 some video games that I am never gonna play and that's okay he can have those
00:06:04.080 interests and I can have these interests or books that I would never read that's
00:06:07.860 okay he can have those and I can have my books and it's just interesting to note
00:06:13.200 that you guys are still individuals even though you're married and you can
00:06:16.380 respect those parts of each other that make each other more interesting
00:06:18.960 because they give you the opportunity to invest in the things that are about you
00:06:24.580 and not about us as a team another piece of advice is to keep doing date nights
00:06:30.040 don't let that fly away after your first year of marriage my husband and I love
00:06:35.200 doing date nights and I think that's part of the reason that we still kind of
00:06:39.400 feel like newlyweds we're not really newlyweds at this point it's two years but
00:06:43.000 my husband and I were just joking around about it that we still sort of feel like
00:06:46.720 we just met but we've known each other forever it's a very odd feeling and we
00:06:51.480 talk about it with each other all the time and I think that date nights sort of
00:06:55.320 keep that magic alive because you get dressed up you go out and do something
00:06:58.440 fun you create memories and when you stay in all of the time the memories start to
00:07:04.200 kind of blend together and you don't necessarily start to like have these
00:07:07.320 little times that you can pick out you can kind of feel that in quarantine right
00:07:11.400 now that the days are starting to blend together so you need to like make
00:07:14.640 certain events even if they're at home that feel special and I love doing date
00:07:20.580 night I love getting dressed up because I'm not always gonna get dressed up if
00:07:23.460 we're just home so having the opportunity to go out put on a nice dress do my
00:07:27.540 makeup that makes me really happy and my husband appreciates it and when we get to
00:07:32.520 go out somewhere where we both love the food we get to think about how much we
00:07:36.480 enjoy just being out with each other we can get cocktails I love that we have
00:07:42.140 kept that up and it's something that I want to keep doing because date night just
00:07:46.740 puts the focus back on you and your relationship and it doesn't let you get
00:07:51.180 distracted just with the everyday motions of having to take care of
00:07:54.840 errands or work or whatever it is it really allows you to invest in each other
00:07:59.160 and it reminds you that you should keep yourself looking nice for your husband
00:08:03.660 and he should keep himself looking nice for you and those things never go away so
00:08:08.460 even though we're two years into marriage we still do date night pretty
00:08:11.760 consistently and I'm so happy that we do number four is that you may slip into old 1.00
00:08:17.640 habits that you think you've solved and that's pretty normal so in the first year
00:08:22.860 of marriage we talked about a lot of things and one for example that I've
00:08:26.200 noticed lately is don't assume someone's intention or what they're going to say
00:08:29.880 before they've said it so early on I found that I would kind of be afraid to tell him
00:08:35.500 something because I would assume his response and then I would realize later
00:08:40.480 that that was never going to be his response that wasn't his response at all
00:08:43.360 because then when I eventually told him he had a totally different response and
00:08:46.420 it kind of messed with our dynamic because I was assuming what he would do
00:08:50.500 instead of just letting him respond the way he was going to respond and I really
00:08:54.460 thought we had worked on that and that I had fixed that and then two years later
00:08:57.520 into our marriage I realized oh I'm starting to do that again I don't want to
00:09:02.560 ask him a question or whatever because I'm assuming what his response will be
00:09:06.580 because I think we know each other so well but that's not fair it's not I can't
00:09:10.840 assume what he's going to do because it doesn't give him an opportunity to
00:09:13.720 actually have a response I'm just assuming it for him and I know he's done
00:09:17.920 the same to me so it's interesting that you can sometimes fix things and think
00:09:23.440 that oh everything is resolved and then it starts to creep back in again so it's
00:09:27.280 important in any marriage or in any relationship to really keep track of all
00:09:32.500 those things because it's not just oh easy everything's solved it's never
00:09:36.400 gonna happen again life is long things come back and forth and change and grow
00:09:41.800 and all of these things can end up coming back even though you've assumed that
00:09:46.300 you've solved it so it's just a really funny interesting thing to note that even
00:09:51.580 though you may think that this big problem you had or this small problem you
00:09:55.540 had is totally resolved it may end up being not as resolved as you think it is
00:09:59.260 and it's important to keep that in mind so that you are keeping track of it and
00:10:05.320 you notice when it does pop up again because you can kind of say hey I know
00:10:09.280 that this is happening and we've dealt with this before but it doesn't
00:10:12.940 necessarily have to become our normal again so let's just keep an eye on it and
00:10:16.600 my last piece of advice is just to support each other now I know that's an
00:10:21.320 obvious one and honestly I probably learned that in my first year of
00:10:24.280 marriage but by the second year of marriage it's even more potent because you
00:10:28.540 go through so much together you go through so many struggles so many joys
00:10:31.960 the world changes around you and you really have to be there for each other
00:10:36.340 even in the hard times and that's talking about fears and joys and hopes and
00:10:42.980 dreams and all that kind of sappy stuff it actually is relevant because when
00:10:48.300 you're married you are experiencing each other's failures and successes it's not
00:10:53.140 just you anymore it's you and your partner I'm sure by my third
00:10:56.580 anniversary this will still be part of my advice because each year you go through
00:11:01.500 more and more and you have to support each other even as things get more and
00:11:05.320 more intense or more and more complicated and you've gone through more
00:11:08.280 and more events together and I've really had to learn this year that we moved to a
00:11:13.260 new city we both got new jobs we've really been changing our lives and we've
00:11:18.240 had to support each other through those changes my husband has been an
00:11:21.580 incredible partner to me as I've taken on new challenges and I hope I've been a
00:11:26.500 good wife to him while he's been taking on his new challenges and it has been an
00:11:31.040 experience and something that I'm always going to say now as I said in my
00:11:35.560 friendship video support doesn't just mean oh you do you whatever you want it
00:11:39.940 also means being there and helping the other person grow and telling them when you
00:11:44.740 think that they're making a bad choice of course but it also means just being their
00:11:49.240 cheerleader you want to be the person who's saying you're gonna do great it's
00:11:53.740 gonna be awesome and I'm gonna help you get there and that's what support really
00:11:57.640 is and I really feel that with my husband and I think he feels that with me that
00:12:01.660 we really are hoping that the other person will succeed because my success is
00:12:06.580 his success and his success is mine so I love the idea that we're gonna keep
00:12:11.440 supporting each other and I can't wait for our third year of marriage and I
00:12:15.520 would love to hear what your guys advice is about relationships if you have any
00:12:19.520 anniversaries coming up let me know in the comments down below thank you guys so
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00:12:41.960 guys in my next video bye