Classically Abby - November 27, 2020


DON'T Waste Your Time With A Man Who Won't Commit. || Answering YOUR Hard Relationship Questions!


Episode Stats


Length

27 minutes

Words per minute

207.12157

Word count

5,745

Sentence count

5

Harmful content

Misogyny

6

sentences flagged

Hate speech

2

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this segment of today's video, we will be doing an Ask Abby and I will be answering your long form questions that wouldn't fit in an instagram box. I am not a psychologist, not a therapist, and I m just offering my opinions and advice on what I think is the best option for women who are struggling with the question of whether or not to get married and have kids.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.080 hello classic crew and welcome to today's video where we're going to be doing an ask
00:00:04.560 abby and i'm going to be answering your questions
00:00:10.880 before we get into today's video i want to thank nord green for sponsoring this segment of today's
00:00:16.640 video they are a scandinavian watch brand with minimalist design i've worked with them before
00:00:21.920 and i absolutely love their products i absolutely love the design of nord green watches and when i
00:00:27.200 saw that they had a navy blue watch i was so excited because that is not super common and it's
00:00:34.000 my favorite color so i was really excited about that and what was really cool about it was that i
00:00:38.560 could change out the straps you could have a leather strap which i love and then i could also change it
00:00:43.840 out with a gold strap which i also think looks really classic and the reason i'm so excited to
00:00:49.280 share them with you today is that if you use the code in the description box you will get 35 off
00:00:54.560 their entire website using my link specifically will get you the highest percentage off that you
00:01:00.080 can get which is 35 off the whole website so exciting because their products will make perfect
00:01:05.920 gifts for the holidays their watches are designed by jacob wagner who is the former bno lead designer
00:01:12.160 nord green is a sustainable and ethical brand they are carbon neutral so they plant thousands of trees
00:01:18.160 to set off their carbon emissions they have sustainable packaging and responsible manufacturing they
00:01:23.200 have a giving back program so they have partnered with three ngos and you can choose when you
00:01:28.320 purchase a watch which of those ngos nord green will donate to they'll either donate two months of 0.95
00:01:33.280 clean water two months of education or 200 square foot of rainforest the fact that nord green has given
00:01:39.040 back has resulted in providing clean water to 11 600 households education to 6 500 children and they
00:01:46.560 preserved 742 000 square feet of rainforest in the last year this black friday deal is going from
00:01:52.320 november 21st to december 1st and if you use the discount link in my description box you will get 35
00:01:58.960 off the entire website that's an even bigger discount than what's available on their official website so
00:02:04.480 i'm so thankful to nordgreen for sponsoring this portion of today's video now let's get into it so on my
00:02:09.760 instagram i asked you guys to write into a new email address i created ask classically abby and on that email i
00:02:16.400 asked you guys to send me your long form questions your questions that wouldn't fit in an instagram box
00:02:21.120 and i wanted to hear kind of what kind of questions you guys had and offer just a little bit of advice
00:02:25.680 now to start off i want to say i am not a psychologist i'm not a therapist this is just my opinions on things
00:02:31.600 and i'm just offering what i think you should do now that's not saying that this is the only option
00:02:36.240 so i'd love to hear from you guys what you think people should do and what your responses are
00:02:41.040 all of these questions are going to be totally anonymous i'm going to
00:02:43.840 change any names if there are any and so there's not going to be any any information given out in
00:02:49.040 this video so i'm just reading the emails and i'll change any information that needs to be changed so
00:02:53.440 that it remains anonymous now when i read these emails many of you wrote wonderfully nice things
00:02:58.560 i'm just going to thank you now so much for the kind words it means a lot to me but i'm just going
00:03:03.600 to read the actual questions here but let's get into question number one my question for you is below
00:03:09.360 i female 30 have been in a relationship with my boyfriend male 31 five years this christmas we
00:03:15.680 have been living together the last three years and it's been fantastic we both come from families
00:03:20.320 where our parents have divorced and have been through quite a lot in the past with family drama
00:03:24.960 living together has been so lovely because it really feels like home we are like best friends
00:03:28.880 with our own routine and space without drama i am turning 31 next month and like many women i'm
00:03:34.240 becoming more and more aware of my biological clock i am beyond ready for the next level of commitment
00:03:39.200 and would absolutely love for my boyfriend to propose so we can become husband and wife and
00:03:42.800 eventually a family i am quite traditional and like the idea of getting married and then kids
00:03:47.680 the problem is my boyfriend never really talks about this stuff i tried to talk to him about it
00:03:51.360 before and it didn't go well at all it seems he's nervous of marriage as his parents marriage ended
00:03:55.760 in a nasty divorce he also said he doesn't want kids for many years yet as he has a lot he wants to
00:04:00.640 achieve first the conversation has really scared me because we didn't come to any sort of agreement
00:04:04.960 at the end and now i'm left wondering if he has no intention of proposing or taking things to the
00:04:09.280 next level for many years and i could possibly ruin my chances of ever having a family i love this guy
00:04:14.720 so much and i'm certain i want to spend the rest of my life with him i am truly devastated that i had to
00:04:19.200 bring up the conversation nervously and he doesn't seem to feel the same way so first off i really
00:04:24.080 want to thank you for being so open with your question because when i tried to create a video like
00:04:30.400 this this is what i was hoping for is that people would really actually come to me with real
00:04:34.400 questions and hopefully i can offer some insight so reading this email my first thought is i totally
00:04:40.480 understand what you're feeling and why you love him i would imagine that if you guys have been together
00:04:46.320 for this long it's because you do have a wonderful dynamic but the things that you're talking about
00:04:52.560 marriage and children those things are not going to go away and you may love this man
00:05:00.080 but the fact is your email already tells me that he isn't enough to replace those concerns and
00:05:06.320 those life goals that you have you want to have kids you want to have a family you want to live a
00:05:11.600 traditional life and if this man isn't willing to go the distance with you with these big life changes
00:05:18.640 and life goals then those things are not going to magically go away you're still going to want them
00:05:24.800 five or ten years down the line and you do have a biological clock he doesn't in the same way you
00:05:30.880 do have concerns about the fact that you might not be able to have kids in 15 years 10 years that he
00:05:37.520 doesn't have to worry about because if you guys did decide that you wanted to break up he could go out
00:05:43.280 at 70 and still have kids and have a family and you wouldn't be able to in the traditional way the
00:05:48.480 thing to remember is that not making a decision is still making a decision by you not talking to him
00:05:56.240 and figuring out what your next steps are you've made the decision that you're going to stay with
00:06:00.480 him because that's just kind of where things are going to remain and stay even when you don't
00:06:05.360 necessarily make a choice that feels like a big split or change or whatever you're still making a
00:06:11.680 choice to stay with him by you not making a choice you've made a choice but the fact is he hasn't made a
00:06:18.000 choice he could still make an entirely different decision from what you've decided because you
00:06:22.960 haven't had a conversation about it that was effective you can love someone and have a wonderful
00:06:28.560 dynamic and have great chemistry but the compatibility aspect of what you want from your life can still
00:06:34.960 be left unresolved and that's something that is still going to be up in the air so really practically
00:06:40.560 what this comes down to is you do have to have a conversation with him and you have to be ready to
00:06:44.800 hear what you don't want to hear which is that he doesn't want to get married he doesn't want to
00:06:48.960 have kids and if he says those things then you have to know and decide is that a deal breaker is that
00:06:56.160 something that you can live with and from the way you wrote your email i would guess no i would guess that
00:07:01.760 these are deal breakers for you and even though that's really scary and you're breaking up with someone
00:07:07.440 that you've been with for this long those are those are things you really can't get over is having a
00:07:14.320 family having children and having that meaning in your life but all of that said if you have this
00:07:21.440 conversation he could rise to the occasion and end up surprising you he could end up saying something
00:07:27.120 about him wanting to get married and having kids but you won't know for sure until you do have the
00:07:32.960 conversation and it's always possible that you'll get the outcome that you're hoping for so until you
00:07:38.240 have the conversation you're going to be on tenterhooks you're going to be anxious you're not going to know
00:07:41.680 what's going to happen having the conversation might end up being more painful but it also might end up
00:07:47.280 giving you the answer that you want and just knowing is really important not only for your future
00:07:53.840 decision making but also for your mental health because at least you're not trying to just kind of figure
00:07:59.600 things out in the dark and that's much harder so i wish you the best of luck with this i really do
00:08:04.560 hope you figure out what it is that you want and good luck with it the next question says my husband
00:08:10.240 and i have been together for almost six years and friends for 14. needless to say we're each other's
00:08:15.440 center however fertility issues are breaking me and i'm afraid it's starting to affect my husband's
00:08:20.000 well-being as well i have a condition called turner's syndrome one of the side effects of this is early
00:08:25.360 menopause and a lack of egg production unfortunately this means that i will not be able to conceive my
00:08:30.080 own children whenever i pictured my life especially with my husband we had children family traditions
00:08:36.320 vacations and a bustling and loving home we are very open to adoption and two good friends have even
00:08:40.960 offered to donate their eggs so we could start a family the only issue with either of these options
00:08:45.280 is the exorbitant cost involved my devastation over the idea of not being a mother has caused several
00:08:50.640 fights with my husband and put so much stress on him i feel awful about that but my heart is just
00:08:55.200 broken it's even gotten hard to be happy for expecting friends or to attend baby showers i don't
00:09:00.160 know exactly what i'm asking but i know i need help and your wise guidance who that is a really really
00:09:06.640 difficult situation i can't imagine what kind of pain you guys have been going through and i'll try and
00:09:14.480 offer some insight to what i would think you guys can do so the first thing that i want to say is that this
00:09:21.040 is the kind of situation that it would make sense that it would be breaking you this is an incredibly
00:09:27.920 heart-wrenching situation and i can only imagine the suffering and the pain that you would be in from
00:09:34.800 something this hard the thing that i think would help me and i would keep in mind is turning to god
00:09:42.800 having faith in god treating my faith as a life preserver and knowing that i have to have faith because my
00:09:50.080 relationship with god no matter if i was in the situation or not that is my relationship with god
00:09:57.440 isn't going to change he's still going to love me i'm still going to find my purpose and meaning in
00:10:02.400 serving him and those things can help realign you and guide you in these moments of incredible pain and
00:10:11.600 turmoil my next piece of advice is that remember that you and your husband are in this together this is
00:10:17.680 something that you are facing as a team this is something that neither of you are you know wrong
00:10:23.280 here you guys are working together to solve it so treating each other and going to each other for
00:10:28.880 support and then looking at this is the problem and solving it together that could hopefully bring the
00:10:35.920 two of you together to solve it because you don't want this to push you away from one another you would
00:10:40.560 want to use this as an opportunity to really find love and meaning in your relationship and hopefully get
00:10:46.960 stronger in this process now practically if the issue really does come down to the cost you should
00:10:54.080 try and do everything possible to figure out how to make this work for you guys to put in the effort
00:11:01.920 so that you can have a family even if you adopt just one child that'll be life-changing for you and your
00:11:08.320 husband and that kind of investment is so worth it i'm sure you know so figuring out a way to make it happen
00:11:16.960 that is going to be just make all the difference for the two of you so first if that means going to
00:11:22.160 family and friends and telling them that this is something that is so important to you i'm sure they
00:11:27.280 would want this for the both of you and going to them first and foremost seeing if they can help
00:11:32.640 financially that's your first step right and then next step would be going to your religious community
00:11:37.680 and getting the word out i mean the fact of the matter is i know that this could be something that
00:11:41.840 you wouldn't want to necessarily share with a big group of people but if it matters to you to have
00:11:47.280 a family then you may have to to rethink that feeling and realize that it's worth you overcoming
00:11:54.720 that feeling so that you can start a family so going to your religious community and seeing if
00:12:00.240 they can help financially if there are people who are willing to donate if people want to help you
00:12:05.440 guys start this family that means so much to you and i know personally of some people who have gone
00:12:11.440 online and even started gofundmes crowdfunding so that they could again try and get enough funds so
00:12:18.000 that they could do a surrogacy or an ivf situation or for you guys maybe adoption and just figuring out
00:12:25.360 how you can make this work for the two of you i can only imagine how much happier you'll feel
00:12:30.880 just trying to take steps in this situation but again i wish you guys the best of luck i really hope
00:12:37.120 that you guys can figure this out and start a family and i'm sure that that would bring you so much joy
00:12:43.520 but i do want to finish with just keep in mind that your faith is what's going to bring you through no
00:12:49.440 matter what hardships we all go through having faith in god and knowing that your relationship
00:12:56.640 with god is what's going to serve you and serve him those two things will just really get you through
00:13:03.200 the hardest of times let's get to question number three for context i am 21 and in my first year of
00:13:09.520 grad school i've really struggled with relationships i've only ever had one boyfriend and that relationship
00:13:14.880 lasted about a year and a half from my senior year of high school to my first year of college
00:13:19.920 since then i've been asked out many times or had guys interested but they either don't share my
00:13:24.160 faith or they did share my faith but have just lacked serious character qualities to the point
00:13:28.240 that when i turned them down they became super vindictive and even turned around and attacked my
00:13:32.160 character in public all of these escapades have been so crazy and almost unbelievable that my mom
00:13:37.760 literally claims my life could be a lifetime movie meanwhile there have been many guys at church over the
00:13:42.640 past few years that i have liked and have noticed are really quality guys and have great character
00:13:46.720 the catch is that none of these guys have ever asked me out i want a guy who will pursue me
00:13:51.440 so i'm hesitant to try and make the first move or ask the guy out any advice for trying to attract
00:13:56.320 the guys that i'm desiring to date without being too forward also i'd love your advice on ways to
00:14:01.680 meet guys who share those core values and faith as i feel like i'm hitting a dead end at church
00:14:06.400 so i totally understand your question here i think i felt the same way when i was your age i felt like
00:14:12.800 all of the guys that were interested in me were not the guys that i could really date they were guys
00:14:17.200 who didn't share my values or who didn't share my faith and i just couldn't get the guys who i was
00:14:22.960 actually interested in who did share my faith and my values to be interested in me so i very much
00:14:28.320 understand your problem here now whenever i read these kinds of questions from you guys i don't
00:14:34.000 necessarily know exactly what parts of the problem are external and are being caused by other people
00:14:39.280 or are internal and maybe are things you have to work on and so looking at your email i can only give
00:14:46.240 you advice about what you can change and what you can improve and the fact of the matter is that's kind
00:14:51.440 of true all the time most of the time we can't change what's going on externally we can only change
00:14:57.200 our own decision making and also our own inputs in a sense so i'm gonna give you some advice about
00:15:02.800 what you could do to attract the kind of guy that you want i think the thing you have to try and figure
00:15:07.440 out is what are you projecting because i know that i was not projecting the kind of values and faith
00:15:14.880 and life goals that i really had and so the guys who are attracted to me were attracted to me because
00:15:19.920 of my personality and there was the chemistry there but they weren't attracted to me from the
00:15:25.200 compatibility perspective they didn't look at me and immediately assume that my faith and my values
00:15:31.280 and the things that i wanted out of life were important to me they just thought that oh i was
00:15:36.320 a fun person to hang around with and then the guys who did have really strong values and who really did
00:15:41.600 have strong faith didn't see that again they kind of were equivalent they didn't see that those were
00:15:46.720 important to me so they didn't express interest in the same way so a good example of this is the fact that
00:15:52.400 i was an opera singer and i was very proud of being an opera singer and i was very open about being
00:15:56.880 an opera singer and i of course i'm still an opera singer but at the time that was my major life goal
00:16:04.400 and being an opera singer is not conducive to having a traditional family life it's not conducive to having
00:16:10.400 a life where you can really be at home and be a good mom and be around your spouse you're traveling a lot
00:16:16.320 and it doesn't necessarily reflect on your faith or your values and so the people that i was
00:16:22.240 theoretically interested in saw oh she is an opera singer she's not going to be interested in the
00:16:26.480 same things that i am she's not going to share my values she's not going to share my life goals 0.91
00:16:30.000 the guys who were interested in me thought that hey she's an opera singer she doesn't really care 1.00
00:16:34.800 about getting married she doesn't really care about having a family and maybe she's even liberal she 0.80
00:16:39.840 probably doesn't even have conservative values and i was very lucky in the sense that i met my husband
00:16:45.920 actually while i was still being very open and loud about being an opera singer and hadn't shown to
00:16:53.520 the world that my values matter to me and my husband and i met we hit it off chemistry wise and when we
00:17:01.360 talked we realized that our compatibility was great too because he did look past that immediate okay well
00:17:08.080 she doesn't necessarily have conservative values or faith he didn't know that i did right off the
00:17:14.080 bat he he asked and that was what allowed us to progress and our relationship to grow because when
00:17:20.800 he asked those questions it also had me thinking about those questions and thinking about okay does the
00:17:26.640 opera singer lifestyle really make sense for the life that i want now you're asking the right questions
00:17:32.080 at the right age you are asking the question of how can i get the guys that i'm interested in
00:17:37.600 interested in me too and to do so you need to project that you are somebody who cares about the
00:17:43.680 same things that they do and it's possible that at this point that you're not projecting those things
00:17:49.200 so consider is there a way for me to show that my faith matters to me is there a way for me to show
00:17:55.120 that i want a more traditional lifestyle is there a way for me to show that my values are important
00:18:00.320 are you dressing in a way that's not reflecting what you believe are you talking about your career in a
00:18:05.760 way that's showing that you have your priorities in order those kinds of things are going to attract
00:18:11.520 the right kind of guy the other great thing is that by being part of a church you're already part
00:18:16.160 of a network so you can ask your friends and your guy friends and your girlfriends what kind of vibe
00:18:23.920 am i putting out that would not attract the kind of guy that i want and what kind of things can i do
00:18:28.960 more of to attract the kind of guys that i would like and your friends can give you an insight into
00:18:35.120 your behaviors that it's very hard to get on your own so relying on your friends relying on your family
00:18:41.200 members relying on the other people at your church who you can get some words of wisdom from they can
00:18:47.280 offer you a little bit of guidance in the situations where you may not necessarily notice that you're putting
00:18:53.040 out a certain vibe the next question is what are your thoughts on women keeping their maiden names
00:18:58.400 or hyphenating i am nowhere near getting married but i think about this from time to time i don't see
00:19:03.360 any issues with a woman taking her husband's last name or children having their father's last name but
00:19:07.840 i feel like i would be letting go of part of my identity my last name is really important to me and i
00:19:12.480 can't imagine being called something else i feel like a lot of women feel the same way but just go with
00:19:16.960 it because it's what everyone does then again i can't imagine having kids one day and having a different
00:19:21.520 last name than them right now i feel like hyphenating is the best option for everyone
00:19:25.840 so that the woman can keep that part of her identity but also share the family name but i'm
00:19:29.920 interested to know your thoughts i think this is a really interesting question and i think there are
00:19:34.160 a lot of women who are more traditional but in 2020 this is something that a lot of women think about 0.91
00:19:40.160 is that should i be taking my husband's last name is this patriarchal am i losing a part of who i am
00:19:46.400 as someone who readily and happily changed my last name to become a wife i am somebody who is a huge
00:19:54.560 proponent of taking your husband's last name i also can understand the idea that i very much
00:20:00.400 was tied to the last name that i had before i got married but when i met my husband i was so excited
00:20:07.520 to start this new chapter of my life and to respect my husband by taking his last name and the fact that
00:20:13.920 the two of us are now joining our lives together and by taking your husband's last name you're really
00:20:19.200 saying this is my family now this is my family now yes i'm still my you know my parents child but this
00:20:26.800 family is the family that we're going to start together and as a team and i i think it's a really
00:20:33.680 special gift that we as women get from our husbands we get their last name now we are a part of their
00:20:40.800 family and our children are going to have our last name as a couple and also it's a gift that you can
00:20:47.360 give to your husband that i respect you and i want to be a part of this family that you are now the
00:20:54.560 father of and you are my husband and i just think it's a really beautiful gesture on both people's end
00:21:00.960 to have the same last name and to start that family that the two of you are going to build the next
00:21:06.880 question is my fiance and i are really young 19 and 21. we know we want to get married though and we
00:21:13.120 are set on planning the rest of our lives together no fear of future separation of anything we're also
00:21:18.400 very devout christians or at least always trying to be thing is he wants to just get married now
00:21:23.680 while we are in school still living in our parents homes because he can't wait and wants me to be his
00:21:28.080 wife already but he still has one to two more years of school and i have about three or four grad school
00:21:33.920 i'm not even sure if i can manage to make sure we can have a wedding when i'm in graduate school
00:21:37.760 because of how busy i'm going to be i'm also a little anxious about getting married because i
00:21:41.920 just can't devote a lot of good thought to it right now i want to be in control and do what i would
00:21:46.320 like not just let my mom plan the whole thing while i'm away in school basically so i guess my short
00:21:51.200 question is my fiance wants to get married soon but i'm not sure that i have the bandwidth to devote to
00:21:55.520 it right now school anxiety etc how would you discuss marriage and patience with him in this
00:22:00.240 situation while still being loving it's a hard situation but we usually just avoid talking
00:22:04.720 about marriage altogether because it's become a bit of a sore subject until i feel confident enough
00:22:08.800 about my ability to devote time to it i feel bad like i'm the one causing the trouble with my anxiety
00:22:14.560 we love being engaged and we both want to be married but there are bigger things in the way and
00:22:18.320 we just need to be patient praying that god will see things through for us it hasn't been easy but we
00:22:22.720 know it will be worth it so i think this is a really interesting question and one that i'm sure
00:22:27.840 it has put stress on your relationship and makes things difficult so the first thing i want to say
00:22:32.960 is that being engaged in my opinion has made this situation a little bit more difficult getting
00:22:39.600 engaged is like standing on the edge of a diving board ready to jump in that's how it feels being
00:22:46.000 engaged is like i'm ready to do this but i have not done it yet and that's why long engagements are
00:22:51.520 really hard on people because again you have all those downsides of marriage the stress of planning
00:22:56.320 a wedding the stress of being committed but not really being committed the stress of knowing
00:23:02.240 you made a choice but not being able to live together without all the upsides of marriage which
00:23:06.320 is living together having that commitment being able to consummate your relationship i mean being
00:23:12.480 married is a great thing being engaged is really hard so you guys being engaged and not having a wedding date
00:23:20.080 i would say would probably make you guys even more stressed about this than if you weren't engaged at
00:23:25.200 all and that does make things trickier and what i realized when i was reading your email is that it
00:23:30.960 seems like a lot of your argument is about the wedding planning and for somebody who doesn't care about
00:23:37.680 the wedding i don't know that your fiance feels this way but a lot of men don't care about the wedding
00:23:43.040 they just want to get married so you continually saying i am stressed about planning the wedding i want to
00:23:48.960 have a wedding that looks like this and feels like this that's not going to be a convincing argument
00:23:53.840 to your fiance who doesn't care at all about what the wedding actually looks like he just wants to
00:23:59.120 be married to you and trying to explain to him that the wedding is important to you you know that may
00:24:05.360 not be the best way to get across to him that this is too soon also for somebody like me who thinks
00:24:11.920 that weddings are very nice thing and are fun to plan they also aren't the most important thing the
00:24:17.760 marriage is so he may not understand why the wedding does matter to you because he just wants
00:24:24.800 to be married to you but from the way it sounds in your email it sounds like if you guys were to get
00:24:30.320 married right now you would still be living apart and in your parents homes not living together as a
00:24:36.480 sovereign couple and that's what marriage is marriage is about being a sovereign couple and being able
00:24:42.080 to start your own family that's why people get married and that's what the function of marriage 1.00
00:24:47.520 is is that the two of you are going to get married so that now you can support each other and support
00:24:51.600 whatever children you you have so you guys getting married and then not living together and not actually
00:24:59.280 having your own home that doesn't serve the purpose of what marriage is for and it is really hard in today's day and age when we are
00:25:06.640 we are investing so much time into school and into education where it feels like well i should just
00:25:13.120 delay and delay and delay until i'm out of school and done with everything and then we can get married
00:25:18.960 and i'm not a proponent of that i don't think that people need to wait until they're done with their
00:25:23.120 education to get married because your education can take many many years and you don't want to have a 0.93
00:25:28.880 situation where you're 30 and you guys are not married yet now you guys are very young still but that is
00:25:34.160 something that happens pretty frequently in our culture where people don't want to get married
00:25:38.240 until they're out of school and done completely but the two of you should at least be living on your
00:25:43.360 own when you get married if you can't live on your own after you get married then it is too soon for
00:25:49.280 you to get married you guys need to be able to have your own place start your own home and really just
00:25:55.120 begin your life as your own family now that doesn't necessarily mean that you guys have to be doing this
00:26:00.560 all on your own without assistance that your parents can't be assisting you at all and that
00:26:05.200 all of your school loans need to be paid off because again it is hard in today's day and age to do all
00:26:10.800 those things as a young person and getting a little bit of assistance so that you guys can have a life
00:26:17.280 together is not out of the question it just means that you guys need to figure out when will we be able to
00:26:25.440 have a sovereign family and that is the conversation that you guys should be having not about the wedding
00:26:31.600 not about the party not about the planning but about okay when can we actually have a married life
00:26:37.760 that means marriage that doesn't just mean we have rings on our fingers but really means okay we have
00:26:43.920 started our lives together well i have so many more questions here but i have been sitting in front of
00:26:49.840 my camera for about an hour and a half and i think i'm gonna have to call it quits here i was planning
00:26:54.960 on doing 15 questions but five i think is just gonna have to do it for today so i hope you guys
00:27:01.920 enjoyed today's video let me know in the comments what you guys think about these questions what your
00:27:06.720 advice would be i'd love to hear your thoughts i think i'm going to do a series of these because i did
00:27:11.440 get quite a few more questions that i'd love to answer but thank you guys so much for watching today's
00:27:15.680 video please subscribe to my channel and blog if you haven't already head over to my twitter
00:27:20.000 instagram and facebook and follow me there hit that notification bell to get notified of all my
00:27:23.600 new videos hit that like button please head over to classicallyabbey.locals.com if you'd like to
00:27:28.320 support my channel see more of this content and be part of our community and i'll see you guys in my next
00:27:32.720 video bye