Classically Abby - Feminists Want YOU To Feel GUILTY For Staying Home. DON'T Let Them.

00:00:00.000 Hello, Classic Crew, and welcome to today's video where we're going to be talking about

00:00:05.000 how feminism has sold out traditional women.

00:00:10.940 Lately, I've been thinking a lot about how women who want to stay at home and who have 0.95

00:00:16.460 figured out that staying at home would make them happier feel like feminism has sold them out 1.00

00:00:22.000 or has made them feel guilty for actually wanting to stay at home more.

00:00:26.700 And it's something that I think is a really important topic, especially in 2021.

00:00:31.140 I really want to chat about it with you today and talk about why it's natural for women to want to stay at home. 1.00

00:00:36.620 Now, I'm not saying that all women need to stay at home.

00:00:39.320 That is not what I'm saying, and we will definitely get more into that in a few minutes, and let's get into it.

00:00:44.760 So today I want to talk about how feminism is actually hurting women on their path to happiness. 1.00

00:00:50.120 So what I want to talk about is the idea that feminism has told women that there's a wage gap, 0.96

00:00:55.880 that they've been oppressed, that they have to be in the workplace because other women before us have fought for that. 0.99

00:01:01.740 And when women kind of start to realize that maybe they don't find their happiness through work as much, 1.00

00:01:08.240 or maybe they want to work part-time rather than full-time,

00:01:10.720 and after investing all of this time into an education that they decide that maybe they're happier at home,

00:01:16.600 women feel trapped. 1.00

00:01:17.840 They feel like they've done something wrong, and they feel like they're betraying their sex

00:01:23.060 by actually wanting to be mothers or stay-at-home moms.

00:01:26.240 I don't think it used to be as controversial to say that having your priorities in order is a good thing,

00:01:33.140 that putting your faith and your family and your community over your work is actually kind of natural,

00:01:38.920 and it's more natural to the way that we as humans function.

00:01:42.380 And I don't think that finding meaning through work is a bad thing.

00:01:45.160 Of course not.

00:01:45.860 I find meaning through my work.

00:01:47.500 I think that having a passion for your work is great.

00:01:50.600 And there are many women who find that even after they have children, 1.00

00:01:53.680 they would like to stay and work and find meaning through their work full-time.

00:01:59.520 But what I want to talk about specifically today

00:02:01.900 is the women who find that they aren't as happy in a full-time position at work 0.87

00:02:05.880 and would like to stay at home and feel wrong or guilty about it

00:02:10.040 because the feminist movement has made them feel like that is wrong. 1.00

00:02:14.100 There should be no shame for women who decide that they are actually happier at home

00:02:18.280 and that they don't want to go back to work after having children

00:02:21.740 or that they want to work part-time rather than full-time

00:02:24.620 or that they don't actually want to pursue a career to its highest extent.

00:02:29.560 Something that we're constantly sold by the feminist narrative 1.00

00:02:32.300 is that there's a glass ceiling

00:02:34.260 and that women can't actually get to the top levels of their careers 1.00

00:02:39.260 because they're not being allowed to by an oppressive patriarchy.

00:02:42.780 This is actually not the case and it's been proven to be false.

00:02:46.900 Women find success more holistically than that. 0.98

00:02:49.640 They don't find success in pursuing a career trajectory to its very highest peak.

00:02:54.900 Many women realize that if they were to get to the highest level of their careers, 1.00

00:02:58.480 they would have to leave behind other things that they love

00:03:01.100 and that make them happy and that bring them fulfillment.

00:03:03.720 They may have to spend less time at home and less time with their children.

00:03:07.120 And so many women choose not to get to the highest level of their careers. 1.00

00:03:12.240 It's not that they're being held back by the patriarchy.

00:03:15.240 They're actually choosing to do what brings them fulfillment.

00:03:19.020 I know and understand this feeling that

00:03:21.380 you as a woman should pursue your career over everything else 1.00

00:03:25.900 and that if you are to put your career second after your family

00:03:29.980 and after your faith and after your community,

00:03:31.900 you're not doing your job as a woman in 2021. 0.84

00:03:35.720 And I remember when I got married to Jacob,

00:03:39.660 I felt this huge pull towards wanting to change the trajectory of my career

00:03:47.760 because I knew I wanted to be able to spend more time with him

00:03:50.420 and I wanted to be able to spend more time with our future children.

00:03:53.300 And all of a sudden, the things that I cared about so intensely

00:03:56.860 before I actually got married didn't seem to matter as much anymore.

00:04:01.580 And it wasn't anyone telling me this.

00:04:03.740 That's what's so interesting.

00:04:05.240 No one else was pressuring me.

00:04:07.000 This was an internal pull that I started to feel and I felt so bad.

00:04:13.020 I felt wrong.

00:04:14.540 It wasn't until the last few years when I've made friends with a lot of women 1.00

00:04:18.500 who have gotten married after graduating their graduate programs

00:04:22.340 that I realized I'm actually among so many other women who feel the same way.

00:04:28.520 I have so many friends and colleagues who got married,

00:04:33.360 had gotten graduate degrees,

00:04:35.800 and were actually really high in their careers

00:04:39.060 and realized that they didn't actually want to keep pursuing it to its highest level.

00:04:45.780 That they wanted to stay at home more.

00:04:48.480 That they were looking for part-time jobs.

00:04:50.340 That they felt this really intense pull to want to be mothers and want to stay at home.

00:04:55.540 And they felt bad about it.

00:04:57.840 They felt that this was wrong.

00:05:00.220 It is not wrong. 0.83

00:05:01.740 It is the most natural thing in the world for women to want to be mothers.

00:05:05.700 And I think that we're doing women a huge disservice

00:05:09.140 by shaming them about staying home.

00:05:11.940 And I think that this is something that the feminist movement has gotten wrong. 1.00

00:05:15.440 Now, I'm not saying all feminists are pressuring women into staying in the workplace. 1.00

00:05:21.040 But the feminist kind of narrative tells us that women have been bullied into staying home. 1.00

00:05:27.240 And while that may have been true in the past,

00:05:29.440 it isn't true for many women now. 0.99

00:05:32.380 Many women feel bullied into staying in the workplace 1.00

00:05:34.660 rather than staying at home.

00:05:36.560 And here's the thing.

00:05:38.160 Feminists will tell you that they are only fighting for women to be able to do whatever they want. 1.00

00:05:43.220 Whether that be in the workplace or stay at home.

00:05:46.460 But the fact of the matter is

00:05:48.120 that feminists will also tell women who want to stay at home 1.00

00:05:51.620 and who want to really embrace womanhood and motherhood

00:05:55.120 that they have internalized misogyny.

00:05:58.280 And that the reason they want to stay at home 0.86

00:06:00.860 is because their brains have been brainwashed and co-opted

00:06:04.820 to believe what the patriarchy wants them to believe.

00:06:07.600 Which is that they can't succeed outside of the home

00:06:09.720 and so they should be in the home.

00:06:11.720 That takes away everything from women who really love being home. 1.00

00:06:18.760 Who enjoy being home and who find fulfillment in motherhood.

00:06:23.200 Feminists can say that they believe that women should be able to do whatever they want. 1.00

00:06:28.400 But they also undercut that by saying that women who would want to stay at home

00:06:32.680 don't even really know another way.

00:06:36.120 Or think that way because they've been brainwashed into thinking that way.

00:06:41.400 That's so not true.

00:06:43.140 I know it from my own experience.

00:06:46.180 That I always thought that putting my family first would not be easy for me.

00:06:50.500 And that I would want to put my career first and foremost.

00:06:54.220 And it was such an emotional pull when I got married

00:06:58.540 to realize that that wasn't what would actually bring me meaning fully.

00:07:03.240 Because of course I still love my career.

00:07:06.280 But it's not necessarily the one sole pursuit that would bring me fulfillment.

00:07:11.020 Because feminists want to believe that men and women are the same. 1.00

00:07:15.100 It makes sense that they're going to encourage women to find their happiness

00:07:19.240 through economic success.

00:07:21.500 But the fact is that men and women are different.

00:07:24.560 Many women find more fulfillment in motherhood than they do in the workplace. 1.00

00:07:29.600 And accepting that men and women are different is not a bad thing.

00:07:33.420 It's incredibly fundamental.

00:07:35.080 So it's really important to recognize that if women find their fulfillment in the home 0.77

00:07:39.540 and as mothers, that makes sense.

00:07:41.980 Because women and men are different. 0.99

00:07:44.260 Now I do want to get something clear right off the bat.

00:07:46.400 I do not believe that women have to stay at home. 0.99

00:07:48.640 And this is something I have said on my channel a hundred times.

00:07:52.040 So anyone who accuses me of saying that women need to be at home, they're wrong.

00:07:56.500 I don't believe that.

00:07:57.720 My own mother, who I'm going to talk about in a minute, did not stay at home.

00:08:01.740 She had a very high-powered career. 0.95

00:08:03.780 So I don't think that women must stay at home. 0.71

00:08:06.920 I just want to be an advocate for those women who feel guilty about wanting to stay at home.

00:08:12.720 Who feel like they have let down women generally because they feel a pull towards being a mother

00:08:20.280 and wanting to work less full-time.

00:08:23.020 If you find meaning in your work, that is amazing.

00:08:25.720 But if you're a woman who has found that your career simply isn't enough

00:08:29.580 and you want more of your home life, that is also great.

00:08:34.180 So I'm not saying that one is better than the other.

00:08:36.840 I'm just saying that we need to not shame women who have decided that maybe the workplace

00:08:40.920 isn't the best place for them or at least isn't where they want to be full-time.

00:08:45.060 So I want to talk about my mom a little bit because I think my mom is an incredible role model.

00:08:50.300 My mom, she actually worked her way up from being a secretary to being the vice president of a company. 1.00

00:08:56.240 And she's an incredible woman.

00:08:58.680 She was incredibly high-powered throughout my childhood.

00:09:02.740 And I didn't even know how high-powered she was. 0.98

00:09:04.940 I never went to her office and really realized that she had reached this huge high level at her career.

00:09:11.060 When I was in college, I actually visited her office for the first time in a really long time.

00:09:15.520 And I couldn't believe what a huge office she had and how she had like these huge windows and she was in an incredible space. 0.53

00:09:24.440 It didn't even occur to me that she had done so well in her career.

00:09:29.540 And the reason is because my mom had her priorities in order.

00:09:32.940 And that's how she was able to accomplish this holistic success.

00:09:35.900 She had an incredible career, but she always put faith, family, and community first.

00:09:40.900 My mom got to the highest level of her career keeping Sabbath, which meant she had to leave work early every single Friday throughout the winter when Sabbath starts when the sun sets at 4 o'clock. 0.66

00:09:53.780 And she still managed to work her way up because she was so good at her job. 0.74

00:09:57.420 And my mom would also come home every night and help clean and make dinner. 0.99

00:10:01.360 And I always felt like my mom had time for us.

00:10:03.800 And even more than that, a couple times a month, my mom would host Sabbath meals, which are like basically big Thanksgiving meals.

00:10:10.980 She was doing that twice a month while she was working, while she was being a mom. 0.95

00:10:15.660 And she did it all.

00:10:16.960 She prioritized the things that were important, her faith, her family, community, and she had the career that she wanted.

00:10:23.820 And I look at my mom as a huge role model for me because I can see that she was able to have what she wanted because she was prioritizing.

00:10:32.620 And she never made us feel secondary to her work.

00:10:35.520 And so that's why when I talk about this stuff, I'm not saying that women have to stay at home.

00:10:39.120 I'm just saying that for many women, success is more than just career. 0.83

00:10:44.540 It's about looking at those priorities and understanding them.

00:10:48.220 So this is why when feminists bring up the idea that women are oppressed and they are not given the same opportunities as men, 1.00

00:10:56.300 I don't really believe it.

00:10:57.880 The studies show that women are in college at greater percentages than men are and that many women don't pursue the careers that they get their degrees in

00:11:06.720 because women don't actually want to get that high in their careers. 1.00

00:11:11.360 But there's such pushback for stating the obvious, that pursuing one thing doesn't necessarily make you happy,

00:11:18.380 that you often need more than that to actually find fulfillment.

00:11:22.340 And it makes prioritizing motherhood and family feel like a mistake, feel like you've done something wrong when you haven't.

00:11:30.600 It's obvious that women should have the opportunity to pursue a career that they find meaning in and that they are passionate about.

00:11:36.760 And discussing priorities doesn't mean there should be a limit on opportunities.

00:11:40.820 But here's the problem.

00:11:42.120 The fight to give women the opportunity to find meaning in the workplace has resulted in shaming women who have found meaning outside of it.

00:11:49.220 So I actually just want to empower women to follow the choice that feels right for them.

00:11:54.820 If you feel that staying at home or working part-time rather than full-time will give you more happiness and give you more meaning, do it.

00:12:04.360 You do not have to feel ashamed for leaning into those feelings of motherhood, for feeling that natural pull to want to raise your family.

00:12:12.920 And that is an entirely normal feeling.

00:12:15.600 It doesn't matter what you got your degree in.

00:12:18.220 It doesn't matter if the feminist narrative tells you that you can't do that. 1.00

00:12:22.220 You can.

00:12:23.180 And you can find happiness and fulfillment in the way that works for you.

00:12:27.340 So I wanted to make this video today to absolve guilt from those women who think that it is a bad thing for them to find meaning and staying at home. 0.96

00:12:37.480 And to find meaning working part-time instead of full-time.

00:12:41.160 That is entirely normal.

00:12:44.040 And you don't have to feel bad.

00:12:46.000 So that's it for today's video.

00:12:49.460 I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

00:12:51.860 I know this might be a little bit of a fiery conversation, but I do think it's something that we need to talk about.

00:12:58.480 And there shouldn't be shame in women who want to be at home more. 0.97

00:13:02.120 That is totally fine in my book.

00:13:04.380 So that's it for today's video.

00:13:06.480 I hope you guys enjoyed it.

00:13:08.340 Let me know in the comments your thoughts.

00:13:10.680 I want to thank Skillshare again for sponsoring a portion of today's video.

00:13:14.400 Please subscribe to my channel if you haven't already.

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00:13:21.440 And make sure to follow me on all social media.

00:13:23.400 It's at Classically Abbey everywhere.

00:13:25.160 If you'd like to support my channel, please head over to classicallyabbey.locals.com

00:13:29.420 and you can get ad-free versions of these videos.

00:13:32.820 Thank you guys so much for watching and I'll see you in my next video.

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Classically Abby - January 15, 2021

Feminists Want YOU To Feel GUILTY For Staying Home. DON'T Let Them.

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