Classically Abby - HOW I MET MY HUSBAND ｜｜ Meeting To Marriage...In UNDER ONE YEAR？？

00:00:00.080 hello classic crew and welcome to today's video where we're going to be talking about how we met

00:00:09.120 so i'm so excited to have my husband jacob back on my channel he hasn't been on the channel except

00:00:14.160 for the live streams we've been doing with yaf so it's really nice to have him back here and today

00:00:19.440 we're finally going to be sharing our story about how we got together so hi hello and good to be

00:00:27.360 back so i'm really excited to talk about how we how we met because it's a good story and we've teased

00:00:33.920 it quite a bit on this channel but not ever actually talked about it there's a we in there

00:00:40.720 but i thought it would be fun to have you on here to talk about it with me because

00:00:44.080 obviously it's our story not just my story so it would be fun to hear your side of things well it's

00:00:50.480 history and her story oh god and now it's ours okay fine we'll call it our story i can handle

00:00:59.760 our story better than her story so i can't handle any of it so let's start from the beginning so

00:01:08.800 why don't you start so we're in 2017 transport yourself there i know long ago think how the

00:01:16.240 fashion was different the music was different the culture was different it's like a 1960s period

00:01:21.520 piece movie except it's a 2017 period movie the fashions were not that different and things were

00:01:28.080 not altogether dissimilar despite the fact that we had never experienced a pandemic no no world's

00:01:34.720 different the world is entirely different okay so it's 2017 transport yourself and i'm in law school

00:01:42.240 finishing up my first year we're now in may of 2017 so i'm finishing up my first year of law school

00:01:48.560 and abigail was finishing up my masters of music at the manhattan school of music and i'm just going

00:01:55.600 to say where i was at where i was i was going to be performing for a concert in maine and it just

00:02:04.640 didn't make sense for me to fly all the way back to los angeles which is where my family was at the

00:02:09.120 time and i decided to stay in new york for about a month just kind of couch surfing with friends

00:02:16.960 so abigail was going to be in new york through the month of may yes 2017 keep emphasizing it and

00:02:24.080 i'm finishing up my first year of law school i went to university of virginia so i'm down in

00:02:27.760 charlottesville think around central virginia and it's the end of the first year i'm from new york and

00:02:34.080 at the time my parents were living in great neck new york so i was going to drive from charlottesville

00:02:40.880 up to new york spend a few days with family before going back down to dc to start an internship at

00:02:47.360 the heritage foundation so i was going to be dc based throughout that summer yes so so here's the

00:02:53.040 connection point the linchpin to the story is our friend michael yes so amiguel knew him i knew him

00:03:00.400 from los angeles when we had actually been set up on a date and we talked before meeting and

00:03:07.520 he told me he was a philosophy major and i told him i never wanted to date a philosophy major thank

00:03:12.560 you very much you have a much better way of saying that story what's the way i usually say you gotta

00:03:17.120 set it up you gotta say we were set up on a blind date yes and y'all had texted a little bit in

00:03:22.080 advance and said why don't we have a phone call the night before just to see if we get along make sure

00:03:26.880 there's a rapport yeah it makes sense sure it's not a fully blind date it's like a one-eyed yes

00:03:32.640 so you're gonna have your phone call the night before and leading off in the conversation you say

00:03:39.040 where you're both at in your lives what you're up to oh i'm an opera student because that's what

00:03:43.200 you sound like exactly and i don't have a michael impersonation such as michael says well i'm a

00:03:47.920 philosophy student uh at my university and your response was so nice speaking yeah that's exactly

00:03:56.240 right i think you know that is the way you gotta present true okay fine so that is the way that i

00:04:02.400 i've usually presented it and that was how michael and i met but we decided to go out as friends the

00:04:09.280 two of us ended up becoming very good friends and i moved to new york and he moved to charlottesville to

00:04:16.640 go to uva and so michael and abigail are very good friends to the point that michael wants to set up

00:04:25.120 abigail with someone yes in this case it's me correct and so he had schemed for the two of us to

00:04:31.680 meet now apparently he had wanted us to meet throughout the prior year 2016 into 2017 and it

00:04:37.360 just never came to fruition there were yeah well he kept inviting me down to charlottesville and i kept

00:04:43.440 saying why would i come to charlottesville it's eight hours away by train there was i didn't have

00:04:47.680 a car there was no easy way for me to get to charlottesville why would i come that's so random

00:04:53.120 and if you two were to see each other why wouldn't he just go up to new york where he already already

00:04:57.920 had family contacts things like that so uh the pitch at that time did not work no but the pitch here did

00:05:06.480 because as i was driving up from charlottesville to go back to new york for a few days before going back

00:05:11.440 down to dc michael had let me know hey i'm in new york i'm with my friend abigail she's ben shapiro's

00:05:18.560 sister that's a curiosity wouldn't you like to meet ben's sister i mean sure i guess if i'm aware

00:05:25.680 of a famous person and their sibling is a person that i could meet i mean sure why not i mean it's

00:05:31.040 a curiosity but the way that he had pitched it was with no intent romantically to set the two of us up

00:05:38.400 he had pitched it slowly as i have this good friend i'd like you to meet i think you two will

00:05:43.120 enjoy meeting each other and that is it completely downplayed the entire thing absolutely so i'm

00:05:48.400 driving up to uh new york it's eight hour drive things like that i'm not going to get into town

00:05:54.480 in time before she's going to take a train i was supposed to leave exactly so while i was couch surfing

00:06:00.480 in new york i was also planning on going to boston for a few days to visit my sister who was living in

00:06:06.400 boston at the time right and so i was hanging out with michael this day i kind of knew that his friend

00:06:12.560 was planning on driving into the city but i didn't really know what was going on and again absolutely

00:06:18.640 down totally down the significant intent of getting the two of us to meet just you know curiosity from

00:06:25.120 michael's into abigail i have this friend from law school who i hang out with all the time you two

00:06:30.000 should meet just you know why not exactly yeah and so on that day michael i was supposed to take

00:06:36.720 a train to boston right and so michael and i had been spending time together hanging out and at 2 30

00:06:44.000 my bus uh my train was supposed to leave i think four i said why don't i get a an ear piercing because

00:06:50.640 it was national it was national piercing day abigail used to make decisions uh the different set of

00:06:56.480 priorities yeah i wasn't as thoughtful at the time and so the two of us back in the dark days of 2017

00:07:02.720 exactly 2017 it's scary time i mean you're looking at the result of a glow up clearly hey i did a whole

00:07:07.760 video on my glow up i will link it in the description box and i went with him to get my ear pierced and

00:07:14.880 luckily or unluckily i fainted i mean so my drive up to new york was going to take eight hours i left at

00:07:25.040 noon whatever it was i was going to get in late and so your transport out of the city was going to

00:07:31.840 be mid-afternoon later yeah we were not going to see each other we were absolutely going to miss each

00:07:35.440 other you could describe it as luckily or unluckily you fainting depending on your opinion of our marriage

00:07:41.360 so if we were not going to meet very luckily very luckily oh thank you i guess at the time it felt

00:07:47.280 unlucky because i was fainting um and so i fainted and i missed the train but amtrak at that time i

00:07:56.080 think it might be the same now you can generally reschedule for the same day and it's not an issue

00:08:01.360 so we went back and were michael and i were spending more time together and i was resting because i had

00:08:07.840 passed out and which is um so your channel is classically abby well that's the most classic abby

00:08:15.040 thing that could have happened to pass out yeah fainting from it's very i mean it's a very like

00:08:20.880 feminine idea you're pierced on a chaise lounge i was not um and so i was resting and my next train

00:08:29.920 was supposed to leave at around 8 30 and i told i trusted michael he said that it would be fine for

00:08:38.240 us to leave at like eight o'clock for an 8 30 train and i trusted him even though i'd lived in new york

00:08:44.560 for two years i trusted him and so we left at eight o'clock of course we missed the train and two times

00:08:51.600 in one day and the next train that was getting to boston was leaving at either like two in the morning

00:08:57.280 which i wasn't going to do or at 11 the next day or something like that and only later did we find

00:09:04.320 out that michael had actually made me miss my train twice on purpose that the passing out was a a lucky

00:09:11.920 thing for him he just meant for it to take up time yeah he just thought that my ear piercing would end up

00:09:17.040 taking more time than it did but me passing out was just a thing of good fortune yes and he made me

00:09:24.880 miss that second train so that jacob and i would cross paths so i get in after the end of a long

00:09:29.840 drive and throughout the drive up to new york i talked to michael on the phone two or three times

00:09:35.200 and each time he's mentioned so will you be in new york i really want you to meet and again

00:09:40.080 even though we're speaking on the phone multiple times only in a few hours span about the urgency for

00:09:45.920 me to get into new york to meet you before you leave nothing came across about his intention here

00:09:50.320 he's really good at this i mean he's a better actor than i i would say that he's an eccentric

00:09:57.600 enough person and interesting enough with the things that he chooses to do that having that much

00:10:03.360 emphasis on just having two friends meet solely for the sake of the social connection is eminently

00:10:09.360 plausible so much so that the far more likely normal thing of having male and female meet being set up

00:10:15.360 that that was not primary in our imagination it was the oh this is simply a social curiosity

00:10:22.400 sure michael yeah so um i'm getting in i get into new york around nine and i remember sitting at the

00:10:29.360 table with my grandmother i just arrived you know when you get home if grandma's visiting you always sit

00:10:34.720 and you spend three minutes talking to grandma you get the conversation and you talk to her and i

00:10:39.360 mentioned her this friend's trying to get me to meet this girl in the city just because uh i she's 1.00

00:10:45.600 apparently still there so there's that i mean i could go in but it's also late and we're here and

00:10:50.560 she said i don't care go uh so thank you for that grandma and so um i take a train i get into manhattan

00:10:58.880 around 10 30 yeah it was 10 30 p.m an uber subway whatever i take it up to the apartment where

00:11:05.280 the two of you were staying uh uncle's apartment or something and i had to meet you and i remember

00:11:11.840 the door opening i think michael got me from the lobby we go you open the door you're standing in

00:11:16.000 the hallway and you're in like a swooshy green skirt yeah and uh some kind of uh floral print top

00:11:24.720 from my imagination and she had reddish dye i had dyed my red my hair red earrings i remember hoop earrings

00:11:31.840 i mean if you remember it i'm gonna say hoop earrings and heels so abigail and i are just about

00:11:37.040 the same height um there's maybe a quarter inch of height difference between the two of us i am

00:11:42.880 perceptibly taller if you're gonna pay absolute attention to have a stand like head to head

00:11:48.000 if you are not paying strict attention we're not standing next to each other we're the same height

00:11:51.520 yeah and so for us to be the same height means if she's wearing heels she is taller than i am so 0.99

00:11:56.800 there's this tall woman standing in the hall with her red hair and hoop earrings or swooshy skirt 1.00

00:12:01.760 and floral print and abigail's a big fan of bizet's carmen yes and here she is standing the hallway

00:12:07.360 dressed dressed like some kind of i'm gonna say sultry cigarette girl sure i've played the role 0.57

00:12:13.440 before right literally on stage and then figuratively i guess in this instance and so i remember being

00:12:18.560 struck by oh this is not physically what i was expecting to see i was not expecting a woman who's

00:12:23.520 now standing at about 5 10 wearing a swooshy skirt standing in the hallway because ben is the

00:12:28.320 reputation of orthodox and abigail as she's discussed on the channel before was not as observant during

00:12:34.080 her time in manhattan i mean we're both still not as observant as abigail's childhood yeah working our

00:12:38.640 way back on that one and i'm the impediment there but uh we're bringing we're working together so it's

00:12:42.960 all good uh the intention's all there but all this is to say that the mental model right is okay ben's

00:12:48.560 orthodox i'm here's the curiosity of being oh this famous person's sister and she's this five foot 0.99

00:12:54.080 ten sushi skirt spanish cigarette girl looking woman standing in the hallway the lighting was 1.00

00:12:58.480 also kind of dark so it made it all like i didn't see your face everything clearly so like the vibe of

00:13:03.760 the silhouette and everything came much more across which was more striking so um well i remember i had

00:13:10.560 my first impression was that you came in and you were wearing first of all you were very fuzzy oh

00:13:17.760 oh your beard you need to make clear what my appearance because i guess just describing it

00:13:24.080 aloud it doesn't sound that different from how i look no no no no no jacob this is groomed jacob was

00:13:29.360 not groomed he had a very fluffy head of hair and his beard was very grown out so it was like this

00:13:37.680 but don't mess it up it looks so good it's like all out like feathered yes not intentionally i did not

00:13:43.840 take the step of feathering no it was just one of those things up and then my beard at the time i was

00:13:48.720 not brushing it or combing it right oil in it i just let it grow because i was an idiot and so it's

00:13:54.640 just this fuzzy wiry irish mess i mean but here's the thing to the point that that summer actually like 0.77

00:14:00.720 later the next week when i got a haircut the barber asked me so are you irish yeah i got some lineage oh

00:14:07.680 yeah i can tell in your beard yes the uh follicle fiber is apparently super irish right that's the

00:14:13.680 red flex but that aside this is this uh you described as a game that you were saying red flex like that

00:14:19.440 red flex like you were flexing like a soviet power lifter a red i wasn't necessarily referring to that

00:14:26.800 i was thinking like an irish making a bicep you're saying that in the sense that they have red hair so

00:14:32.560 you're like flexing on your irish heritage and the muscle and you had this big bushy beard and a 0.95

00:14:39.440 gray sweatshirt that i won't let you give away because that was the first time that i that was

00:14:43.840 the first time i saw you a gift from my sister and brother-in-law and i thought to myself michael

00:14:49.440 didn't tell me he was cute that was my first thought that was my first thought was michael didn't tell

00:14:55.200 me he was attractive that was my and i like distinctly remember that so you showed up at around 11 o'clock

00:15:02.560 we talked till four in the morning no no we talked 3 30 in the morning 2 45 because michael we're

00:15:11.600 talking about trains and transit and scheduling here michael had his own train out of the city

00:15:15.520 and i don't even remember where it was going to i don't know either but he had his own amtrak train

00:15:19.280 at about 3 30. so we departed actually with enough time for someone to get somewhere on time because uh

00:15:26.960 unlike previously he actually had to catch right right and so i take him down to penn station

00:15:32.000 we hang out we're chatting about this we're discussing oh well did you like her oh you got

00:15:36.560 her phone number we'll get to that uh yeah i guess you could go for it jacob so again thank you michael

00:15:42.560 you're very subtle um actually though yeah very subtle yeah and so he takes his amtrak train off i

00:15:48.880 take like a 4 25 a.m long island railroad train home yeah and that was the first evening but back

00:15:56.560 to the actual course of events in our first interactions yeah no and we just but we just

00:16:01.280 talked i remember thinking that one of the first topics was russian literature we talked about russian

00:16:05.840 literature which we neither one of us had met another person outside of like who we'd studied with

00:16:12.640 that liked russian literature as much as we both did i had studied it in high school he had studied

00:16:17.680 it in his as his major in undergrad as i like to point out uh because sometimes we conceal my eye bags

00:16:26.080 sometimes like now we don't but i have the eye bags of a russian author so it's only suitable

00:16:32.800 that i would be drawn to their work it must be narcissism it can't be the actual quality of the

00:16:37.360 writing it has to be that i resemble such kind of depressive uh russian i like but so we talked

00:16:44.640 about that and i remember jacob is verbose which i love i don't think they've noticed you're so smart

00:16:52.240 and you have so much to say but at the time i was singing professionally and there were times that i

00:16:57.440 would have to go on vocal rest and vocal rest means not talking for a week literally not saying a word

00:17:04.160 for a week or a day or depending you'd have your whiteboard yeah i would have a whiteboard and walk

00:17:08.880 around with the whiteboard to ask people for things because i couldn't say anything and i know i could

00:17:15.120 have learned sign language but the rest of the world doesn't always speak sign language so it's not that

00:17:19.920 useful sign language sign sign sign language yeah so i when jacob was talking as much as he was when we

00:17:27.680 first met i thought to myself i will never have to worry if i can't participate in a conversation

00:17:34.320 because he can just he can hold it on his own and that was actually a very comforting thought to me

00:17:39.280 i loved that so so before we like get to the middle of the summer still we're on our first interaction i

00:17:46.320 will say that this did bear itself out because that summer while you were in aspen doing your music

00:17:52.400 festival or was it main that no it was no i was in aspen yeah while you were in aspen and i was at

00:17:56.320 heritage long distance the entire time there were times where we would have a phone call in the evening

00:18:02.800 and i would speak for 45 minutes and you would say nothing and that was our phone call and we both felt

00:18:09.040 fantastic afterwards and so this is actually it's only a dangerous example for people because if someone

00:18:15.360 is extremely verbose as i am and was and they are looking for a partner you might say to that person

00:18:23.360 well if they can't handle the amount that you speak don't take for granted that this is an essential

00:18:28.960 part of yourself maybe you could do to ratchet it back a little bit so it's a dangerous example that

00:18:34.400 i was fortunate enough to be with a woman who actively found value in the verbosity yes yeah don't 0.99

00:18:40.720 take that one for granted so that was our first interaction and it was very positive i got your

00:18:47.040 number that evening you did and i was clear from that interaction that i was interested in you yes

00:18:51.920 and i may have literally said okay i'm interested in you may have your phone number it was an uncommon

00:18:57.840 boldness in my end my dating history had very much been of that it's a liberal arts major artistic kind

00:19:05.360 of uh not that i'm artistic at all but this had the course of an artistic kind of dating life of

00:19:10.000 be friends ish with someone uh worry way too much about whether or not they like you back and then

00:19:16.640 that you might be rejected and then don't ask the person out and then eventually do right when things

00:19:21.600 are inevitably going to be over complicated and childishly pursued on my end it was not a very

00:19:27.280 professional or mature method and so with abigail it was the first time that there was a woman that i

00:19:34.640 was interested in just from the start visually again that stunning uh profile in the hallway when

00:19:39.840 you first walked out but then also the wonderful four four and a half hours of conversation russian

00:19:44.400 literature other topics things like that so uh and also the interpersonal dynamic was fun and laughing

00:19:51.280 and everything along those lines so okay this is a person i could and would be interested in so i

00:19:56.640 just got your phone number stating i am interested i would like your phone number and then there was

00:20:01.600 an uncommon confidence on my end just like a very confident yeah which again uh uncharacteristic for

00:20:10.880 my approach so you could say it was uh some kind of ascendant inspiration here uh to get me to act in

00:20:18.080 the manner that would be useful yeah and effective yeah exactly so for two weeks jacob was pursuing me very

00:20:24.640 hard and i through texts and phone calls i mean it was uh before the next time we saw each other which

00:20:30.960 is the next stage of the story there were two and a half weeks and we spoke three times on the phone

00:20:37.840 yeah so well there was you had a very long drive you had another long drive oh yeah back down to dc

00:20:43.280 you asked if i wanted to talk on the phone and i was like oh sure whatever i have nothing else to do

00:20:48.160 yeah and we talked for like two and a half hours or three hours it was just it was easy but i was

00:20:53.280 still not convinced so so can you describe what it was where you were willing to interact with me

00:21:01.120 i mean it was taking a lot of time of texting and the phone calls so you were willing to spend all this

00:21:06.320 time interacting with me and then ultimately um the next time we saw each other two weeks later she was

00:21:11.520 joining michael and me down in charlottesville for a long weekend but all this is just a large amount

00:21:17.280 of time invested but you were kind of ambivalent about how you felt about me so what what was the

00:21:22.640 mentality there that's a good question i think i like why why though i liked talking to you and i

00:21:31.120 think it was more just i i didn't know i think it was more just like i i didn't know how i felt yet

00:21:36.960 it wasn't like i felt super super strongly or super anti it was just kind of like let's see where this

00:21:43.760 goes because when michael invited me to go to charlottesville with the two of you for a weekend

00:21:49.680 i thought to myself and i had spoken to michael about it and i thought to myself okay this is an

00:21:54.880 opportunity to see so clearly i was like yeah it's just like yeah it's just funny because the way you

00:22:00.880 speak about it was like i wasn't sure i was on board but you still had to have an inkling enough that

00:22:07.120 there was something to work off of because again there was so much time i mean you were definitely fun to

00:22:11.600 talk to i do remember your texting was very funny and i thought that was a lot of fun and i just

00:22:17.520 i did enjoy talking to you i just didn't know it was one of those situations where i i mean and this

00:22:24.640 bears itself out later in the story where i just it wasn't far enough in with you where i felt like

00:22:31.680 i was leading you on because we weren't like doing anything serious we were just talking so i didn't

00:22:36.720 feel guilty about that but then as soon as we were like in person and you were being very clear about

00:22:42.080 your intentions i was like i can't let him think that i am leading him on or that i'm more serious

00:22:48.480 than i am code of honor i do have a very strong code of honor when it comes or i did have a very strong

00:22:53.920 code of honor when it comes to dating and so i was i was not feeling that pressure to be like

00:23:01.920 straightforward with you when we were just talking long distance you didn't feel pressured to have to

00:23:06.640 have an opinion yet like an official party line yeah so okay so we're talking we're texting and so

00:23:13.520 memorial day weekend is coming up you know our initial interaction was like around i don't know early

00:23:19.360 mid-may uh and then memorial day weekend's coming up end of may and so michael makes the pitch to

00:23:25.600 abigail to come and join michael and me down in charlottesville for that long weekend since michael was

00:23:31.520 also interning somewhere in dc for that summer as a heritage so we the two of us could just hop over

00:23:37.760 to charlottesville we still had our apartments and hang out there versus dc where we had nothing we

00:23:42.640 were doing that weekend invited abigail to join us yeah and so sure so you took the train down to dc

00:23:50.080 and then the three of us drove in my car to charlottesville and michael i assume had a late night

00:23:56.800 because michael uh and he was passed out in the back of my car you were in the passenger seat and

00:24:02.000 so it's about a two and a half hour drive from dc to charlottesville so we spoke the two of us for

00:24:07.440 two and a half hours and one of your favorite moments happened which was me just very straightforwardly

00:24:14.400 flirting with you uh and aggressive implies it's like it wasn't bad no no no it was like just not

00:24:23.440 being indirect or like coquettish on my end right they would describe a man as coquettish but you

00:24:28.160 know like that you weren't beating around the bush no i was like yeah i'm interested in you yeah yeah

00:24:32.000 you're pretty i like the way you look just it was like very just like this is what i'm thinking and i

00:24:36.640 really like talking to you and this is a lot of fun it was nothing like making me uncomfortable it was

00:24:42.240 just being clear about your intentions we're having a great time yeah exactly well together and so i

00:24:48.400 stopped you and you're gonna probably remember what i said better than what i remember but i

00:24:54.480 remember the paraphrase yeah yeah i i said something to the effect of i don't know if i like you yet

00:25:00.880 we're not dating just so you know yeah it was like just so you know i don't know how i feel about

00:25:06.640 you yet yeah like just have that just be aware based on the way right and what i recall doing is

00:25:14.720 laughing in your face yeah continuing on exactly and then you just kept going yeah and i was like

00:25:19.360 okay well which is fine with me because i was like he knows where i'm at i've clarified my position

00:25:24.800 and that was important to me and i talked to michael about it the day that day saying i wasn't sure

00:25:31.200 how i felt about you i didn't want to proceed because i didn't want to lead you on and he said

00:25:36.000 you're allowed to figure things out you don't have to know immediately oh again being very subtle with

00:25:41.760 his with his kind of direction and not in a in a way that was a lie it was just very it was good

00:25:47.200 nothing manipulative about it it was it was good for me to hear because i was yeah framing that was

00:25:51.680 useful for you and beneficial to my chances yeah i was just not dishonestly so concerned about like

00:25:57.920 being rude or leading you on that it was actually just preventing us from getting to know each other

00:26:02.960 yeah because you were too in your head about things yeah so we got to charlottesville we get to

00:26:06.240 charlottesville and so we're spending the weekend together we're having a great evening we watched

00:26:11.520 the zach efron day watch movie yeah that movie michael and i lost our minds we fell out of our

00:26:18.960 seats laughing i've not seen it since i don't know if i'd still find it funny uh i thought it was

00:26:24.880 fine it was i really i didn't i didn't think it was funny so put off i thought it was ridiculous how

00:26:32.400 funny like they were falling out of their seats in the movie theater i mean very literally so

00:26:38.160 michael was actually on the floor and i was not far off it and i just thought these this is so silly

00:26:44.640 this is so silly but we were having a good time yeah and and so we continue hanging out that evening

00:26:51.200 and then the next day we uh meet up again we got get breakfast with michael or no no we did meet

00:26:58.800 him later in the day yeah but you and i like went somewhere and and got a drink or something that

00:27:06.080 that was that evening yeah we spent the body of that day together yeah and uh then we got dinner

00:27:12.160 together yeah and uh again from the previous description i gave my dating life this is like

00:27:17.760 one of the first only dates yeah like we went on a sense of there was no prior relationship established

00:27:26.400 absolutely a new person in the getting to know you phase and so just you are joining them for a meal

00:27:31.760 as a genuine act of like information gathering and discovery and rapport building as compared to oh

00:27:38.560 like we know each other let's try hanging out together in a date format that had been my method

00:27:45.680 right this was actually now like one of the first maybe the only date i'd ever been on in that sense

00:27:51.520 but we had spent the day together and you were like saying how much fun we were having and i

00:27:56.320 we're having a great time don't you and i was having a great look how good we are together

00:28:00.640 it's obvious yeah and i was having a great time too but i was i'm sure many of my female subscribers

00:28:06.960 have been they had like have experienced there's this constant narrative in your head as you're

00:28:12.080 like trying to figure out how things are actually going as opposed to what you're just you're not

00:28:16.480 in the moment you're just am i being manipulated is he just saying the right things uh the exact

00:28:21.760 way that i feel in a sales context if i have to go lease a car if i have to do anything where a

00:28:26.960 salesperson comes over and is going to help me make a purchase everything they say i don't believe

00:28:34.560 and anything i think i now question this have been corrupted or co-opted or subverted in some way

00:28:40.240 and uh woe it is to be a woman that you're basically that mentality about uh a wonderful 0.99

00:28:47.440 charming male expressing genuine uh good-hearted yeah yeah and so i remember saying to you something

00:28:54.560 to the effect of i wasn't sure why what like are we good together even it was something like what

00:29:02.160 you kept saying we're having a great time why aren't you like and why aren't you trusting it

00:29:07.360 yeah that was basically why can't you just recognize and work off of that our dynamic is

00:29:12.400 working well we've spent the day together and we're having a great time you're laughing and enjoying

00:29:16.880 yourself so why are you like not seeing what i'm seeing yeah what and you also said to me what did

00:29:24.800 i say you said as a part of this i have a date set up with someone next sunday i don't feel like

00:29:30.960 canceling it if this works so well if we're having such a great time why don't i want to yeah that's what i

00:29:37.280 and that was kind of in my mind a way for me to put up put up uh what would you say fence fences to

00:29:44.240 protect well to make you spiky yeah and i remember in my head at the time so i described how i had like

00:29:52.400 an unnatural for me confidence and kind of swagger with like this is great proceed um just about the

00:29:59.920 prospect of our dynamic and i remember thinking at the time normally i would be very put off by that

00:30:07.600 in terms of my chances are kaput like i could still attempt to persuade you but this is like such a 0.99

00:30:13.840 position of uh weakness for the negot not negotiation no i know like making the pitch like just uh like

00:30:20.640 you're basically it's all going to go downhill yeah and i remember thinking that's what i would otherwise

00:30:24.880 do and then this time i was like no i'm just gonna keep doing exactly what i'm doing whatever we'll

00:30:30.320 see what happens and so eventually after he kind of said to me you know we're having a great time

00:30:36.960 why aren't you trusting what this experience is i started crying not because of him but because i

00:30:44.960 every nice thing he was doing so fantastic uh she doesn't seem that into you continue uh you're saying

00:30:51.920 i'm having an amazing time aren't you but the thing was that date next sunday and i want to

00:30:56.880 cancel it doesn't matter we're having a great time you start crying keep going but to be clear like all

00:31:04.080 of this was uh an internal thing which it becomes very clear right now in this part of the story

00:31:09.040 because i was having a great time and it was my own issues that was getting in the way and i'm so

00:31:14.560 honestly i thank god that you had the confidence i it see it feels to me like a biblical story where god

00:31:20.160 like intervened and like put strength in your heart sort of thing like that happens it's it's it's an

00:31:25.040 equivalent to when pharaoh's heart is hardened or when not pharaoh or when like put out his scepter

00:31:32.880 when he normally wouldn't to esther um because you didn't normally have that kind of confidence with

00:31:38.240 women and because you did i was able to push past the issues that i had so essentially what was happening 0.95

00:31:44.960 for me and the reason i started crying was because i had a little period right now thinking about it

00:31:49.920 am i i well at least it looks that way you might not see the glisten on her eyes through the camera

00:31:55.120 but at least where i'm sitting you can see it a little like glisten um i was feeling like every nice

00:32:02.320 thing he did had must have an underlying bad reason because i had dated two really bad guys i've mentioned

00:32:11.040 them in a few other videos um just kind of vaguely uh back to back like right before jacob and i met

00:32:18.320 and they had left such a horrible impression on me they made me lose faith in god they made me

00:32:25.040 distrust my interactions with men and with the orthodox community and with the orthodox community

00:32:30.800 because these uh god forbid but still happens were men who were self-describably orthodox were

00:32:39.040 participatory in the community and so if your experience of orthodox life had always been

00:32:46.560 positive and things like that and people mean what they say if you say you're orthodox what you're

00:32:50.960 doing is reflective of that community absolutely rather than just you yourself want to call yourself

00:32:56.320 that label for whatever reason but your actions can absolutely not be orthodox so these bad guys give

00:33:02.480 you a sense of well if you call yourself orthodox and you act that way what does it mean is even what does

00:33:07.040 it even mean it shakes your relationship to god and the community which in judaism really is

00:33:11.360 they're very highly overlapping and so i was misreading every single one of jacob's very kind

00:33:19.040 and good-natured acts over reading oh misreading and over reading as maybe they have a bad intention

00:33:25.440 behind them and that's not how i phrased it at the time i just said i don't trust you i don't know

00:33:31.680 that you're acting in a nice way i dated two really bad guys i don't think that like you are actually

00:33:38.000 being as kind and honest as you are and i don't know if i trust you and what am i putting out there

00:33:45.520 that you would be so interested in me like for who i am versus just being a bad guy who wants to

00:33:52.800 whatever prey upon a woman either emotionally or whatever you know yeah i can go to a very dark

00:33:57.360 place those suspicions because there are people out there who have very dark appetites and ways

00:34:03.440 that they go about it and uh if you've ever interacted with a genuinely sociopathic person

00:34:08.960 i'm not saying this in that like in a way where people say that someone they don't like or who was

00:34:13.280 callous is a sociopath i mean like no like i dated a breed of person who is genuinely that way

00:34:19.760 it is so shaking to meet someone who can fake the genuine emotion and like actually do and act

00:34:28.000 any manner they need to to achieve an objective it throws off your entire sense of people and their

00:34:32.560 genuineness it's uncanny and shattering for a lot of uh your trust in people so you only need one of

00:34:39.360 those experiences well abigail had had it and she had had it recently and she had had it in a romantic

00:34:44.720 context yeah so it was it was it made dating difficult to say the least and so jacob sat there

00:34:53.200 and listened to me talk for i don't know 40 minutes however long it was like about all of this and at

00:35:00.560 the end of that not just it wasn't a history of this stuff it was these behaviors these actions were

00:35:07.600 bad in the past you're doing this right now it looks like that like yeah it was uh it was directed

00:35:12.800 self-defensive and kind of accusatory in the sense of like this is what it feels like you're doing

00:35:17.120 right now this has happened to me in the past don't say this stuff doesn't happen and so um you

00:35:22.560 were saying like you know thank god that i had that unnatural uh confidence compared to how i would have

00:35:28.000 otherwise been also in a way thank god for the fortuitous timing that i had just completed my first

00:35:33.840 year of law school baby i was ready to do what needed to be done which consisted of me for like the

00:35:40.080 next however long the conversation was hour two hours i would take your rule or your self-defense 0.98

00:35:47.280 mechanism that you had come up with i would assess the circumstances which it arose in validate that

00:35:54.080 this is a thing that you should have self-defense against this stuff and then describe me and what i

00:35:59.600 was doing what i was about and distinguish it yeah which sounds like a first-year law student to me

00:36:05.120 oh we have a rule it arrived from this at a rock it arose from this case and our present circumstances

00:36:12.720 this looks similar but this is how it's different so this rule doesn't apply but you did it in a very

00:36:18.160 loving and kind yeah no i'm saying this with a bit of self-deprecation right now because it sounds

00:36:23.440 hokey that you could say you lawyered your wife into dating you and yeah i mean that's that's actually

00:36:29.600 kind of the way it proceeded but it was it's just called empathy listening and paying attention and that

00:36:34.720 was really the turning point for me was when at the end of me going on and on about this

00:36:39.520 you listened and responded to every single concern i had and knowing that he was a good listener knowing

00:36:46.240 that he cared enough no you're still such a good listener i talk about that all the time and just

00:36:52.640 knowing that you took the time to respond to my concerns because you cared enough about me and wanting

00:36:58.560 to date me that you wanted to really make me feel more secure in our in whatever what we were going

00:37:06.960 to be was was so comforting and it made it honestly that was the moment that i was like that i i'm gonna

00:37:14.560 date this guy like no there was no there was no question after that so uh which is what makes the next

00:37:21.040 two parts of the story interesting or two moments or beats okay so the next beat is so

00:37:26.000 really that was like the moment radical was okay i'm willing to date you and so then we watched john

00:37:32.240 wick 2. what that's not part i know i'm just mentioning that was the movie in case you're

00:37:36.560 wondering um so then you ask so well what are we then right yes expecting to hear we're dating

00:37:46.000 whatever and we're not exclusive we're figuring things out we're seeing how much we like each other

00:37:51.440 after having been in new york for two years and having not ever spoken to someone who would say

00:37:58.320 boyfriend girlfriend or anything more substance substantive even in the modern orthodox community

00:38:05.280 yeah which is the thing here is it's not just uh any old interest date around with like any old schmo 0.79

00:38:12.080 she was dating i was dating in the modern orthodox community and emphasis on modern so well yeah which

00:38:18.240 is no not horatum not people actually have like matchmaking and formal dating practices and things

00:38:23.200 like that the people who are highly co-opted immersed pointed at modernity and the way that everyone in

00:38:33.520 their younger years is just absolutely so confused these days yeah so everyone i was seeing at the time

00:38:38.880 it's like we're seeing each other we're not exclusive whatever so when i asked that i don't

00:38:42.560 like labels exactly and so when i asked that i was honestly asking what are what are we and my

00:38:49.840 reaction was i i don't understand the question boyfriend girlfriend we're dating which again i i'm

00:38:56.560 not giving myself credit i don't deserve here this was uncommon for me i was you know the artistic

00:39:02.080 literature student so i had been prone in the past to be like i don't know what we're freaking

00:39:09.120 idiocy so it was again a moment of uncommon valor for me just to be a normal straightforward man and

00:39:17.280 act like a man and say well i pursued you with intent because i like you i'm gonna talk you uh through

00:39:23.520 things to help show that i am here with a normal intent and i just want to uh date you and get to know

00:39:28.720 you and so if we're gonna date we're going to date yes that's that's what this is and then if it

00:39:33.520 doesn't work it doesn't work but like that's what this program is yes very much so and we were boyfriend

00:39:39.840 and girlfriend immediately and the next weekend we were talking about getting married and uh yeah we

00:39:45.920 were all well i mean so to be clear because yes but also let's be a little bit more humble with

00:39:52.720 ourselves about that because i would love if we were talking about planning the way no we weren't

00:39:56.640 planning first but we were like i mean it's what you say on your channel with regard to if you're

00:40:01.680 going to date date for marriage date with a seriousness sorry seriousness of intent about

00:40:06.800 what you're going to be doing and so we were asking from the get-go we're asking each other the

00:40:11.600 big questions of so what do you want from life what do you want from a family what do you see the

00:40:17.280 marriage dynamic as being how are you going to relate to your spouse what do you want for children what do you

00:40:22.240 want for a career how are you going to approach these things religious life because again i had

00:40:27.040 just six months earlier encountered the things that were going to like bring me to believing in the

00:40:32.160 idea of god broadly no less judaism specifically wanting to commit myself to becoming a religious

00:40:38.160 and observant jew six months prior a little bit over atheist atheist libertarian with like conservative

00:40:45.440 sensibilities and sympathies and then very recently come to believing in the idea of god as an abstract

00:40:51.520 intellectual concept and then from there i'd actually attended a church for a portion of time

00:40:56.480 and you know oh christianity very psychologically compelling very interesting but i couldn't

00:41:02.000 not give my jewish heritage a chance because uh you know i'd gone to hebrew high school at a reform

00:41:08.160 synagogue um all the way up until i was 18 but i was an atheist for almost all of it and it was all just

00:41:14.880 well liberal political positions with right jewish spice barely dashed on top um so if i'm going to

00:41:22.080 believe in god and i'm going to give christianity a chance i can't commit to that before i give

00:41:26.720 judaism a chance so i had only recently come to like okay i'm gonna take a look at judaism and see

00:41:31.920 how i feel about that and i was liking what i was seeing and i was like i could really get into this and

00:41:35.920 it's around that time that i met abigail so yeah i was lucky like all this very fortuitous and uncommon for

00:41:41.840 me yeah and it was lucky in a way that i had sort of taken a step back from my observance because

00:41:50.480 if i had met you when i was very observant i probably wouldn't have dated you because you should

00:41:55.680 not have given me the time yeah because where you were at because you were very much at the beginning

00:42:00.880 of your journey you wouldn't have needed a religious fixer-upper but meeting him at the time that i did

00:42:06.960 it meant that the two of us could really go on this journey towards being more observant together

00:42:13.200 and that was an exciting thing and that was something we talked about very early on i said

00:42:16.960 by the time we have children yeah like immediately i was saying to you by the time i have children i

00:42:21.360 want to be you know keeping shabbos keeping kosher home like be keeping certain things that are very 0.66

00:42:27.760 very important and integral to being an orthodox jew and you are on board for that so there are a lot of

00:42:33.440 uh as i like to say it is just a tremendous amount still to learn uh but i said well yeah i say that

00:42:40.960 with a wry smile because uh the way i say it is so imagine because i knew a lot of lawyers at the time

00:42:46.240 because i'm in law school imagine strict liability rules right which are if you transgress this

00:42:51.920 you're breaking the rule it doesn't matter it was negligent oh i could have known but it was an

00:42:55.440 accident you could forgive me for not knowing no no strict liability rules if you break it it's a

00:42:59.920 problem imagine a lot of those and then imagine a very argumentative people doing like a commonwealth

00:43:05.120 legal tradition of well we're going to come up with this standard to avoid breaking the rule we're

00:43:10.320 gonna have a fence around a fence around a fence over time but modification it's you give those

00:43:14.080 people 3 500 years to develop that and you're gonna get a lot of overhead to knowing what it means to

00:43:20.880 be a religious and observant jew and so uh still more mountain yet to climb but i am far higher up

00:43:29.760 than where i started yeah and it's something that is very beautiful and i look forward to reaching

00:43:33.440 the summit yeah but that's been something that we've gotten to do together and it's something

00:43:38.160 that it made us more confident in our relationship early on so we could become serious and and get

00:43:44.960 married as quickly as we did and the fun thing is is that we started dating may 28 2017 and we got

00:43:53.120 married one day under a year on may 27th 2018. or the last day possible within the year yes i really

00:44:02.240 don't know how to refer to this i say one day uh under a year because again may 28 2017 and then married

00:44:12.240 may 27 2018. yeah so um and that was jacob's idea it was very cute when we were looking at wedding dates

00:44:20.400 um memorial day weekend was going to work the best because i was going to uh be finishing up my

00:44:26.720 second year of law school right around then and so i would be available it's a long weekend and when

00:44:32.160 you're doing an orthodox wedding you have to be concerned about the fact that you're not doing

00:44:36.000 things friday you're not doing things saturday so that we have sunday but then how are people

00:44:40.480 traveling in and out for a sunday wedding it's uh yeah it's just complicated so the buffer of the

00:44:45.920 monday off was very important and the sunday worked better than the monday so boom we got

00:44:51.600 married within a year by the skin of our teeth we got married in less than a year which is really fun

00:44:56.240 so that is the story of how we started dating how we met and uh now we're coming up in may

00:45:04.080 on three years of being married four years of being together and uh i mean thank god we're really happy

00:45:11.680 i cannot uh there's a difference between the normal memory that you have of like things that

00:45:16.160 have happened and then like your emotional memory of like the state of how i am my mentality how i

00:45:22.560 think about the world like what it feels like to be me i cannot emotionally remember my life before you

00:45:30.160 it's just it's alien to me it's like i i can't even empathize with previous me because i just this is so

00:45:37.440 much my reality and so normal to me so baked into the cake that i i don't know what life was like

00:45:44.640 before you on like a practical i know what you mean yeah no i mean we have it's it's a we it's always a

00:45:51.440 we whenever i think about what what i'm up to it's what we're up to because it's not me we not my story

00:45:59.600 our story and that's where we'll end it so thank you guys so much for watching today's video please

00:46:08.320 subscribe to my channel if you haven't already and make sure to hit that notification bell if you

00:46:12.960 would like to subscribe to my newsletter you'll get a little dose of classic bi-monthly you can hit the

00:46:18.800 link in my description box and if you'd like to follow me on social media it's at classically abby

00:46:23.520 absolutely everywhere if you want to follow jacob on twitter it's at the right angle underscore underscore

00:46:29.280 underscore so thank you guys so much for watching today's video and i'll see you guys in the next one

00:46:53.520 you

Classically Abby - April 02, 2021

HOW I MET MY HUSBAND ｜｜ Meeting To Marriage...In UNDER ONE YEAR？？

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