Classically Abby - How I Went From GIRLBOSS To HOMEMAKER (and how you can too)!

00:00:00.000 let's talk all about how i transitioned from girl boss to homemaker hello and welcome to my channel

00:00:08.040 today i want to talk about how i've changed how i went from the girl boss mentality to really

00:00:15.800 embracing being a stay-at-home mom and being a homemaker that has become my ultimate role my

00:00:21.240 ultimate job and something i absolutely love but before we get into the transition i feel like i

00:00:26.680 want to talk a little bit about the homemaking experiment okay so this is the newer direction

00:00:34.120 i want to go with my channel if you've been watching my channel for a while you'll know that i

00:00:39.580 started back in the early days of my marriage and so i was talking about a lot of different topics i

00:00:44.900 was talking about dating i was talking about being a wife i was talking about culture and commentary

00:00:50.820 and all of the things that i am really passionate about but as i have had children as i have a son

00:00:57.100 and i'm pregnant with my second son my priorities have changed and so the things that i think about

00:01:03.660 and talk about and care about have more to do with being a mom and being a homemaker that's not to say 0.61

00:01:10.060 that i don't love talking about dating and i don't love talking about the culture but it means that my

00:01:14.920 primary focus has shifted and one of the things i really want to talk about with you guys because

00:01:20.600 i've been going through a transition myself right that's going to be the whole point of this video

00:01:25.000 is how i'm learning to become a homemaker we have all been raised in the shadow of feminism i've said 0.65

00:01:31.920 that before and so what that means is that i don't think many women understand how to be homemakers 1.00

00:01:39.300 in today's day and age including myself i really didn't know i knew how to cook but really kind of

00:01:45.040 nominally i knew how to clean but not very well i didn't know how to make a house feel homey i didn't

00:01:50.740 know how to decorate i didn't know how to embrace all of the things that make being a homemaker unique

00:01:57.300 because you are literally legitimately making a home for your family for your husband and for your

00:02:02.860 children and for yourself and so i have had to learn how to do all these things and i'm still learning

00:02:08.860 every single day i'm learning how to embrace homemaking as a vocation and as something i

00:02:15.160 absolutely love doing but it's a project i mean i'm constantly learning and i want to share my

00:02:20.720 experience with you i want to share how i'm learning to overcome all of the stereotypes i have in my head

00:02:27.500 about stay-at-home moms all of the kind of the fears of not fulfilling my potential in this girl boss

00:02:33.980 world and how i have come to peace and i'm coming to peace with this amazing role that i have and i

00:02:40.960 love now i know some of you were raised at homes with homemakers and so you guys probably have this

00:02:46.880 in your blood but if you are like me and you didn't have that experience and that's not to say again

00:02:52.620 that my relationship with my mom isn't amazing i love her she was always putting us first but

00:02:57.100 homemaking wasn't on her list of priorities then come along with me and let's let's explore this

00:03:03.280 together i'm really looking forward to sharing my homemaking journey with you and hopefully learning

00:03:09.180 from you guys along the way so now let's get into the crux of what i want to talk about which is how i

00:03:17.520 transitioned from being a girl boss to being a homemaker so i started off as an opera singer i was

00:03:25.180 very ambitious i really wanted to get to the top of my career i wanted to be successful i wanted

00:03:30.780 people to know my name it was really important to me that i fulfill my potential so i was working

00:03:36.120 super hard and i put in all of the hours that i could and i cared about succeeding in that field

00:03:43.520 but there were two things that kind of happened during this girl boss era of mine one was that the

00:03:51.020 people that i had surrounded myself with and the business i was in i had allowed to change me

00:03:56.860 because i just wanted to be so successful in my field that all of my values became secondary to my

00:04:02.040 ambition and that was horrible for me because i had lost sight of what was really important and i could

00:04:09.340 tell that from my emotions i didn't feel very good i felt kind of down i had i dealt with a lot of

00:04:17.020 anxiety and i was very lonely i had friends of course but i wasn't married i wasn't living close

00:04:23.460 to my immediate family and so i felt very alone even while i was pursuing something that i cared about

00:04:31.560 and then there was the other part of this which was that i put my self-worth in my career success

00:04:40.020 and i'm sure some of you have experienced that feeling of like if i don't succeed i am not worth

00:04:45.560 anything and you build up in your head that your only sign of worthiness is having been successful

00:04:53.180 in your job and that was really upsetting because that meant that every time i didn't get an audition

00:04:58.360 or i didn't get a part i felt awful about myself rather than recognizing that your career is just a

00:05:06.580 part of your life it became my whole life and i think that that's a very dangerous element

00:05:11.160 of girl boss mentality is like your career success is inextricably linked with who you are and so if 0.86

00:05:21.340 things start going badly in that area of your life that's the only area of your life that you focused

00:05:26.760 on and so it becomes everything but i had given myself into this girl boss mentality especially as my 1.00

00:05:33.600 dating life had been less successful i started to say okay well if i can't you know meet the right guy

00:05:40.940 and i can't get married i might as well just throw myself into my work rather than throwing myself into

00:05:45.940 my faith or throwing myself into my community or throwing myself into part of my work but not making

00:05:51.180 that everything to the you know destruction of everything else i became single-minded about opera

00:05:56.700 and it wasn't until i met my husband i met jacob that i started to think a little differently

00:06:02.320 if you are curious about the whole story of how we met and got together and got married

00:06:06.480 i have a whole video on that on my channel that i recorded with my husband jacob so you can go ahead

00:06:11.580 and watch that but meeting jacob really changed everything because he was super confident about our

00:06:18.720 relationship and about us being together and that made me confident and it made me excited

00:06:24.840 to leap into the future with this man that i had fallen in love with what became very clear to me

00:06:31.300 was when i went away right after we had met we knew very quickly that we were probably going to end up

00:06:38.260 together i traveled for 10 weeks right after we had gotten together and that was the pinnacle of my

00:06:44.140 career and i should have been on top of the world from a girl boss perspective i was like at the height of

00:06:50.220 my success and yet i missed him terribly and i was very unhappy because i knew that i would be lonely i would have to

00:06:58.560 continue doing this for the rest of my life if this was going to be my my main priority and my identity

00:07:04.360 i quickly realized that this girl boss thing wasn't going to make sense because it prioritized career 1.00

00:07:12.560 and kind of an outward show of success over my emotional stability and health and so it became

00:07:20.520 obvious that i wanted to take a break from opera and when i got married it wasn't my intention to

00:07:27.640 completely quit forever but i did have this feeling of like i know i want to be with my kids i want to

00:07:35.300 be available for my husband and if i'm traveling constantly i won't be able to do those things so let's

00:07:40.400 put opera on hold for a bit especially because i was living out in charlottesville which is in

00:07:45.920 virginia and there is an opera house there but it only performs in the summer so it wasn't like i was

00:07:50.260 in a place where i could take a ton of auditions and do a lot of stuff especially because i wasn't

00:07:54.840 interested in doing a lot of travel away from my new spouse but i sort of channeled my my ambition

00:08:02.600 into classically abby and i launched classically abby i would say about eight months

00:08:08.240 into being married and i knew i wanted to put a lot of time and energy into that because again i'm a

00:08:14.820 very creative person and so i wanted to put my energy into something that i cared about so i

00:08:20.460 started classically abby i started making videos about makeup and dating and being a wife and all of 0.78

00:08:26.580 the things that i found interesting and then eventually i started talking about conservatism and

00:08:32.100 being a conservative woman but i had the time at this point in my life because i didn't have children

00:08:38.640 yet to really focus on that i could dedicate time that i don't have now to building my brand and it

00:08:46.300 was something that i could do from home and i could do remotely and i could still do it on my own

00:08:52.240 schedule so i could you know spend time with my husband i could take care of the house but 1.00

00:08:56.560 really i didn't view myself as a stay-at-home wife or as a homemaker yet at this point i was still

00:09:05.440 sort of halfway between girl boss and homemaker because i wanted to be successful in my career

00:09:14.740 but i always prioritized what mattered which was my family and my future children which is a little

00:09:22.300 more similar actually to my mom's perspective she worked and she really enjoys working but she 1.00

00:09:29.160 always prioritized her family and her children i started to move towards a more homemaking mentality

00:09:34.620 when i conceived my first son and honestly one of the biggest lessons i learned was in being

00:09:43.820 morning sick for the first trimester just how much pressure women are under to perform 1.00

00:09:50.800 when it is absolutely unnatural for us to perform in that first trimester when we're feeling so sick

00:09:58.060 and we're feeling so awful that's not to say that you're not you're not needed right because i'm now

00:10:02.500 pregnant again and i had to be available for my toddler while pregnant with my second child 0.96

00:10:07.560 but that is is in many ways different than having to be in an office and having to function

00:10:15.140 when you are throwing up when you are sick when you are debilitated and i was just so grateful

00:10:22.360 for the opportunity to be working from home to be able to be on my own schedule and for me to start

00:10:29.580 recognizing what my real duties were not the work not even classically abby but being able to function

00:10:38.840 well enough to grow that baby healthily and this came even more to a head when i had my son i had

00:10:47.700 mr baby we call him mr baby here on my channel uh i had mr baby and he had horrible acid reflux

00:10:56.400 really really bad he was born at the 69th percentile of weight he dropped to like the 12th percentile

00:11:02.120 and then the 8th percentile just because he was spitting up so so much and he was in pain and it was

00:11:07.040 really it was awful i was only able to be as involved as i needed to be because i was a homemaker

00:11:18.820 i was able to baby wear him every single day i was able to breastfeed him on demand i was able to put

00:11:26.620 him to sleep and for those first few months i was so involved and it became so obvious to me how needed

00:11:35.480 i was by my son and the truth is is that as he's grown yes he doesn't need me in that intensive a

00:11:43.280 way but it became even more clear over time how wonderful it is that i get to be so present for

00:11:50.280 him that i don't have to worry so much about how he goes down for a nap because i can pretty much be

00:11:57.420 there for all of his naps that i didn't have to worry about pumping because i could just breastfeed 0.99

00:12:02.080 whenever i wanted that i could be involved in his development as a little person and his growth

00:12:07.540 and being a stay-at-home mom was so clearly the most fulfilling thing i could do fulfilling my

00:12:15.180 potential and his that i knew that all of my other priorities didn't matter having my channel and

00:12:22.140 having my platform is an amazing opportunity but at the end of the day i'm going to make more of a

00:12:26.680 difference at home raising a a genuine human to be a great member of society then i am going to be

00:12:35.500 doing whatever i'm doing here and i love what i do here and i think that i do things that are really

00:12:41.080 important but if it ever came at the cost of my son it would never be worth it and as i started

00:12:48.280 raising my son and loving my job as as a mother it also started to move in the direction of homemaking

00:12:56.940 i realized how much i loved the idea of creating a home for my whole family of learning to cook and

00:13:04.840 learning to cook well not just fast not to say that i don't love a fast meal every now and then

00:13:09.340 but actually learning how to cook and making good food i wanted to learn how to decorate the home and

00:13:15.100 make it homey and inviting how i wanted to learn how to clean and clean well still working on that

00:13:22.840 but that is a very important aspect of this how i wanted to be organized how i want to be scheduled

00:13:28.540 but also be flexible enough that i can have fun with my family and so it became my goal and it has

00:13:34.620 been my goal to treat homemaking like any other job you would get a degree in i wish that we did offer

00:13:42.420 degrees in homemaking in the sense that i wish that we gave women the tools to be confident in

00:13:50.300 their homemaking abilities how to run a household how to do taxes or even just understand budgeting

00:13:56.780 and bills how to clean and feel tidy at the end of the day how to cook well and love and enjoy cooking

00:14:03.740 how to deal with time management all of this is a craft homemaking is a craft and as i realized that

00:14:11.320 the girl boss thing became so uninteresting to me because at the end of the day anyone can fire you

00:14:19.280 and you can be replaced but you will never be able to be replaced as a wife and as a mom

00:14:24.280 you just won't this is where you are actually the boss you get to run your home you get to create your

00:14:31.900 home and you get to manage it and that has been such an inspiration to me as especially as i've seen

00:14:39.300 my son grow into such a wonderful little person and i'm so excited to see how he continues to grow

00:14:45.020 but that's kind of how i went from being a girl boss to a homemaker and finding absolute fulfillment

00:14:52.580 in that and i'm looking forward to talking about and sharing more with you all my journey to becoming

00:14:59.540 the homemaker i really want to be so if you have gone through a similar transition i would love to know

00:15:05.040 please leave it in the comments below and i would love to hear if you have any tips books whatever

00:15:10.420 it is for how to become a better homemaker let's get a conversation started let's make this channel

00:15:16.700 a really great place for us to learn how to be homemakers together and i hope you'll subscribe

00:15:21.300 and join our classic crew over here so that you can be a part of this journey with us i would also

00:15:26.980 love if you would consider subscribing to my sub stack if you are looking for a community of wonderful

00:15:31.540 women and to join a book club please feel free to head over to classicallyabby.substack.com 0.94

00:15:36.680 thank you guys so much for watching and i'll see you guys in my next video bye

Classically Abby - August 02, 2023

How I Went From GIRLBOSS To HOMEMAKER (and how you can too)!

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