How I Went From GIRLBOSS To HOMEMAKER (and how you can too)!
Episode Stats
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180.29582
Summary
Let s talk all about how I transitioned from girl boss to homemaker. In this episode, I talk about the transition from the girl boss mentality to really embracing being a homemaker, and how I m learning how to embrace homemaking as a vocation and a project.
Transcript
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let's talk all about how i transitioned from girl boss to homemaker hello and welcome to my channel
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today i want to talk about how i've changed how i went from the girl boss mentality to really
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embracing being a stay-at-home mom and being a homemaker that has become my ultimate role my
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ultimate job and something i absolutely love but before we get into the transition i feel like i
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want to talk a little bit about the homemaking experiment okay so this is the newer direction
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i want to go with my channel if you've been watching my channel for a while you'll know that i
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started back in the early days of my marriage and so i was talking about a lot of different topics i
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was talking about dating i was talking about being a wife i was talking about culture and commentary
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and all of the things that i am really passionate about but as i have had children as i have a son
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and i'm pregnant with my second son my priorities have changed and so the things that i think about
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and talk about and care about have more to do with being a mom and being a homemaker that's not to say
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that i don't love talking about dating and i don't love talking about the culture but it means that my
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primary focus has shifted and one of the things i really want to talk about with you guys because
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i've been going through a transition myself right that's going to be the whole point of this video
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is how i'm learning to become a homemaker we have all been raised in the shadow of feminism i've said
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that before and so what that means is that i don't think many women understand how to be homemakers
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in today's day and age including myself i really didn't know i knew how to cook but really kind of
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nominally i knew how to clean but not very well i didn't know how to make a house feel homey i didn't
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know how to decorate i didn't know how to embrace all of the things that make being a homemaker unique
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because you are literally legitimately making a home for your family for your husband and for your
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children and for yourself and so i have had to learn how to do all these things and i'm still learning
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every single day i'm learning how to embrace homemaking as a vocation and as something i
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absolutely love doing but it's a project i mean i'm constantly learning and i want to share my
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experience with you i want to share how i'm learning to overcome all of the stereotypes i have in my head
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about stay-at-home moms all of the kind of the fears of not fulfilling my potential in this girl boss
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world and how i have come to peace and i'm coming to peace with this amazing role that i have and i
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love now i know some of you were raised at homes with homemakers and so you guys probably have this
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in your blood but if you are like me and you didn't have that experience and that's not to say again
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that my relationship with my mom isn't amazing i love her she was always putting us first but
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homemaking wasn't on her list of priorities then come along with me and let's let's explore this
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together i'm really looking forward to sharing my homemaking journey with you and hopefully learning
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from you guys along the way so now let's get into the crux of what i want to talk about which is how i
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transitioned from being a girl boss to being a homemaker so i started off as an opera singer i was
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very ambitious i really wanted to get to the top of my career i wanted to be successful i wanted
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people to know my name it was really important to me that i fulfill my potential so i was working
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super hard and i put in all of the hours that i could and i cared about succeeding in that field
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but there were two things that kind of happened during this girl boss era of mine one was that the
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people that i had surrounded myself with and the business i was in i had allowed to change me
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because i just wanted to be so successful in my field that all of my values became secondary to my
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ambition and that was horrible for me because i had lost sight of what was really important and i could
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tell that from my emotions i didn't feel very good i felt kind of down i had i dealt with a lot of
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anxiety and i was very lonely i had friends of course but i wasn't married i wasn't living close
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to my immediate family and so i felt very alone even while i was pursuing something that i cared about
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and then there was the other part of this which was that i put my self-worth in my career success
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and i'm sure some of you have experienced that feeling of like if i don't succeed i am not worth
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anything and you build up in your head that your only sign of worthiness is having been successful
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in your job and that was really upsetting because that meant that every time i didn't get an audition
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or i didn't get a part i felt awful about myself rather than recognizing that your career is just a
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part of your life it became my whole life and i think that that's a very dangerous element
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of girl boss mentality is like your career success is inextricably linked with who you are and so if
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things start going badly in that area of your life that's the only area of your life that you focused
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on and so it becomes everything but i had given myself into this girl boss mentality especially as my
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dating life had been less successful i started to say okay well if i can't you know meet the right guy
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and i can't get married i might as well just throw myself into my work rather than throwing myself into
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my faith or throwing myself into my community or throwing myself into part of my work but not making
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that everything to the you know destruction of everything else i became single-minded about opera
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and it wasn't until i met my husband i met jacob that i started to think a little differently
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if you are curious about the whole story of how we met and got together and got married
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i have a whole video on that on my channel that i recorded with my husband jacob so you can go ahead
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and watch that but meeting jacob really changed everything because he was super confident about our
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relationship and about us being together and that made me confident and it made me excited
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to leap into the future with this man that i had fallen in love with what became very clear to me
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was when i went away right after we had met we knew very quickly that we were probably going to end up
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together i traveled for 10 weeks right after we had gotten together and that was the pinnacle of my
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career and i should have been on top of the world from a girl boss perspective i was like at the height of
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my success and yet i missed him terribly and i was very unhappy because i knew that i would be lonely i would have to
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continue doing this for the rest of my life if this was going to be my my main priority and my identity
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i quickly realized that this girl boss thing wasn't going to make sense because it prioritized career
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and kind of an outward show of success over my emotional stability and health and so it became
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obvious that i wanted to take a break from opera and when i got married it wasn't my intention to
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completely quit forever but i did have this feeling of like i know i want to be with my kids i want to
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be available for my husband and if i'm traveling constantly i won't be able to do those things so let's
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put opera on hold for a bit especially because i was living out in charlottesville which is in
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virginia and there is an opera house there but it only performs in the summer so it wasn't like i was
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in a place where i could take a ton of auditions and do a lot of stuff especially because i wasn't
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interested in doing a lot of travel away from my new spouse but i sort of channeled my my ambition
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into classically abby and i launched classically abby i would say about eight months
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into being married and i knew i wanted to put a lot of time and energy into that because again i'm a
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very creative person and so i wanted to put my energy into something that i cared about so i
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started classically abby i started making videos about makeup and dating and being a wife and all of
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the things that i found interesting and then eventually i started talking about conservatism and
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being a conservative woman but i had the time at this point in my life because i didn't have children
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yet to really focus on that i could dedicate time that i don't have now to building my brand and it
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was something that i could do from home and i could do remotely and i could still do it on my own
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schedule so i could you know spend time with my husband i could take care of the house but
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really i didn't view myself as a stay-at-home wife or as a homemaker yet at this point i was still
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sort of halfway between girl boss and homemaker because i wanted to be successful in my career
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but i always prioritized what mattered which was my family and my future children which is a little
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more similar actually to my mom's perspective she worked and she really enjoys working but she
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always prioritized her family and her children i started to move towards a more homemaking mentality
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when i conceived my first son and honestly one of the biggest lessons i learned was in being
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morning sick for the first trimester just how much pressure women are under to perform
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when it is absolutely unnatural for us to perform in that first trimester when we're feeling so sick
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and we're feeling so awful that's not to say that you're not you're not needed right because i'm now
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pregnant again and i had to be available for my toddler while pregnant with my second child
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but that is is in many ways different than having to be in an office and having to function
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when you are throwing up when you are sick when you are debilitated and i was just so grateful
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for the opportunity to be working from home to be able to be on my own schedule and for me to start
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recognizing what my real duties were not the work not even classically abby but being able to function
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well enough to grow that baby healthily and this came even more to a head when i had my son i had
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mr baby we call him mr baby here on my channel uh i had mr baby and he had horrible acid reflux
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really really bad he was born at the 69th percentile of weight he dropped to like the 12th percentile
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and then the 8th percentile just because he was spitting up so so much and he was in pain and it was
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really it was awful i was only able to be as involved as i needed to be because i was a homemaker
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i was able to baby wear him every single day i was able to breastfeed him on demand i was able to put
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him to sleep and for those first few months i was so involved and it became so obvious to me how needed
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i was by my son and the truth is is that as he's grown yes he doesn't need me in that intensive a
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way but it became even more clear over time how wonderful it is that i get to be so present for
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him that i don't have to worry so much about how he goes down for a nap because i can pretty much be
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there for all of his naps that i didn't have to worry about pumping because i could just breastfeed
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whenever i wanted that i could be involved in his development as a little person and his growth
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and being a stay-at-home mom was so clearly the most fulfilling thing i could do fulfilling my
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potential and his that i knew that all of my other priorities didn't matter having my channel and
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having my platform is an amazing opportunity but at the end of the day i'm going to make more of a
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difference at home raising a a genuine human to be a great member of society then i am going to be
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doing whatever i'm doing here and i love what i do here and i think that i do things that are really
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important but if it ever came at the cost of my son it would never be worth it and as i started
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raising my son and loving my job as as a mother it also started to move in the direction of homemaking
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i realized how much i loved the idea of creating a home for my whole family of learning to cook and
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learning to cook well not just fast not to say that i don't love a fast meal every now and then
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but actually learning how to cook and making good food i wanted to learn how to decorate the home and
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make it homey and inviting how i wanted to learn how to clean and clean well still working on that
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but that is a very important aspect of this how i wanted to be organized how i want to be scheduled
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but also be flexible enough that i can have fun with my family and so it became my goal and it has
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been my goal to treat homemaking like any other job you would get a degree in i wish that we did offer
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degrees in homemaking in the sense that i wish that we gave women the tools to be confident in
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their homemaking abilities how to run a household how to do taxes or even just understand budgeting
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and bills how to clean and feel tidy at the end of the day how to cook well and love and enjoy cooking
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how to deal with time management all of this is a craft homemaking is a craft and as i realized that
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the girl boss thing became so uninteresting to me because at the end of the day anyone can fire you
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and you can be replaced but you will never be able to be replaced as a wife and as a mom
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you just won't this is where you are actually the boss you get to run your home you get to create your
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home and you get to manage it and that has been such an inspiration to me as especially as i've seen
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my son grow into such a wonderful little person and i'm so excited to see how he continues to grow
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but that's kind of how i went from being a girl boss to a homemaker and finding absolute fulfillment
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in that and i'm looking forward to talking about and sharing more with you all my journey to becoming
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the homemaker i really want to be so if you have gone through a similar transition i would love to know
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please leave it in the comments below and i would love to hear if you have any tips books whatever
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it is for how to become a better homemaker let's get a conversation started let's make this channel
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a really great place for us to learn how to be homemakers together and i hope you'll subscribe
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and join our classic crew over here so that you can be a part of this journey with us i would also
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love if you would consider subscribing to my sub stack if you are looking for a community of wonderful
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women and to join a book club please feel free to head over to classicallyabby.substack.com
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thank you guys so much for watching and i'll see you guys in my next video bye