Classically Abby - July 23, 2020


How To Attract The Best Man For YOU! ｜｜ Are you giving off all the right signals？？


Episode Stats

Length

15 minutes

Words per Minute

223.65765

Word Count

3,399

Sentence Count

132

Misogynist Sentences

4

Hate Speech Sentences

3


Summary

Have you ever been on a date where you felt like you had been wearing a mask the entire time? That can happen when you re with someone who you could even have a good time with, but they re just not right for you. They don t make you feel like you can truly be yourself. In this episode, we re going to talk about how to attract the kind of guy that you want in your life.


Transcript

00:00:00.060 Hello beautiful ladies and welcome to today's video where we're going to be talking about
00:00:04.380 how to attract the best man for you.
00:00:09.580 Have you ever been on a date where you got home afterward and you were just exhausted
00:00:14.000 because you felt like you had been wearing a mask the entire time?
00:00:17.240 That has happened to me plenty of times where I just felt like I wasn't really being myself
00:00:21.760 and that can happen when you're with someone who you could even have a good time with but
00:00:25.960 they're just not right for you.
00:00:27.620 They don't make it easy. It's not like you can really truly be yourself.
00:00:31.860 When you're dating you have to keep so many things in mind but I thought we would talk a little bit today
00:00:37.520 about how to attract that perfect guy for you.
00:00:40.660 The kind of guy that you want.
00:00:42.480 How to get the kind of guys that you're interested in interested in you.
00:00:46.000 And it is difficult. Of course there is a lot of stuff when you're dating that is just out of your control
00:00:51.420 and I don't think dating is by any means easy.
00:00:54.400 But I do think that there are certain things that we as women can do
00:00:58.700 to attract the kind of men that we are interested in.
00:01:02.040 And so I thought I would share with you guys five different things that I think you can do
00:01:06.360 to help you attract that certain guy.
00:01:09.380 And so hopefully all the things that I'm talking about today are the things that are going to attract
00:01:13.200 that guy who really does make you feel like you can be yourself.
00:01:16.340 So let's get into it.
00:01:17.520 The first thing I want to talk about is leaning into your traits, aka being extroverted or introverted.
00:01:23.380 So I'm sure you've read about these different traits being extroverted and being introverted
00:01:27.720 all over the internet.
00:01:29.000 It's kind of something popular that people like to talk about.
00:01:31.440 And I never really put much stock into it until I really wanted to invest time and energy into my dating life.
00:01:38.620 So I personally am an extroverted introvert.
00:01:42.060 Now all of this sounds silly and jargon-ish, but the fact of the matter is that I'm very comfortable
00:01:48.640 being outgoing, hanging around people, spending time socializing.
00:01:52.400 I really love all of that stuff.
00:01:54.420 But at the end of the night, I do need time by myself to refresh, to recover, and just really enjoy my alone time.
00:02:00.980 My alone time is very important to me.
00:02:02.920 But here's the thing about being an extroverted introvert.
00:02:07.300 If you're an extroverted introvert, it means that the people who meet you are going to think you're extroverted
00:02:11.360 because you're constantly in social situations when you're meeting people,
00:02:14.800 and they are thinking that that's you naturally, that you are just an extroverted, outgoing person.
00:02:20.840 This did not turn out so well for me in dating because what would happen is that I was constantly attracting introverts.
00:02:28.640 Extroverts and introverts are generally attracted to each other.
00:02:31.300 It's like an opposites attract kind of thing.
00:02:33.520 And so I was constantly acting extroverted, and so introverted men were expressing interest in me.
00:02:39.040 And I'm really not attracted to introverted men.
00:02:42.200 So I was sending out all the wrong signals.
00:02:45.140 I was sending out all the signals that were attracting the worst kind of guy for me.
00:02:49.540 The fact of the matter is I knew I wasn't going to end up with someone who was introverted
00:02:52.240 because I loved being around men who were outgoing, who were extroverted.
00:02:56.680 But they weren't really attracted to me because they thought I was also extroverted.
00:03:01.760 And so it wasn't until I talked to a friend of mine where she said,
00:03:04.800 you talk about how you're an extroverted introvert,
00:03:06.960 but people who meet you are just going to think you're extroverted.
00:03:09.360 Have you thought about trying to be a little bit more introverted when you go out,
00:03:12.900 when you try and meet men?
00:03:14.700 And it was like a light bulb went off in my brain.
00:03:18.100 I was like, how did I never think about that?
00:03:21.000 That's so funny.
00:03:22.520 So when I actually went out and started trying to be a little bit more introverted
00:03:27.360 when I was around people, engage that part of myself in public,
00:03:31.620 all of a sudden I met my husband.
00:03:34.520 Now, I don't know if those are totally equivalent,
00:03:37.180 but I do sort of think that kind of accessing that introverted part of me
00:03:41.300 attracted somebody who was so extroverted.
00:03:44.000 My husband is probably the most extroverted person on the face of the planet.
00:03:47.840 If he could be around people 24-7, he would be,
00:03:51.800 and it wouldn't bother him at all.
00:03:53.420 That's how he recharges.
00:03:54.980 And I am more introverted.
00:03:57.180 It works for us because I'm great when we're around people,
00:03:59.920 but I'm the person who's kind of calling it at the end of the evening saying,
00:04:02.800 okay, let's let them go home,
00:04:04.160 because he doesn't even feel exhausted or tired at all.
00:04:08.440 And so it was really a lesson for me in engaging that inner part of me,
00:04:13.160 that introverted part of me, when I was around people,
00:04:16.000 so that when I was actually looking for men,
00:04:18.220 I was meeting men and attracting men who were what I wanted,
00:04:21.960 which was an extrovert.
00:04:23.300 It's so important for me personally to be with an extrovert
00:04:26.420 because I like that my husband can take the lead when I feel like,
00:04:29.780 hey, I need to take a little bit of a step back,
00:04:31.380 or I don't really know what to say here,
00:04:32.780 or if I'm uncomfortable in a conversation.
00:04:35.040 He's really comfortable in social situations,
00:04:37.380 and I absolutely loved that.
00:04:39.340 I didn't want to be the one taking the lead all the time.
00:04:41.400 Now, if you are the kind of woman who is introverted,
00:04:44.620 maybe bring that out a little bit more when you're around people,
00:04:47.660 and maybe you'll get more interest from extroverted men.
00:04:50.240 Or the opposite.
00:04:51.320 If you are a more extroverted person,
00:04:53.380 but you kind of have social anxiety,
00:04:55.380 maybe try and work on that a little bit
00:04:57.240 so that when you do go out,
00:04:58.800 you can be more extroverted,
00:05:00.560 and when you are trying to attract men,
00:05:02.700 you might attract that kind of man that you're more interested,
00:05:04.880 somebody who is a little bit more introverted and works with you.
00:05:07.700 So really leaning into your traits,
00:05:10.180 learning more about yourself so that you can attract your opposite
00:05:13.440 is so important to finding that right guy for you.
00:05:16.820 Now, what I will say is that
00:05:18.320 not every couple has an extrovert and an introvert.
00:05:21.080 There are a lot of couples where they're introverted
00:05:22.960 or they're both extroverted, and it works for them.
00:05:25.200 So this isn't to say that this is a 100% always do this kind of thing,
00:05:29.380 but it is something to keep in mind
00:05:31.240 if you've found that the guys that you are attracting
00:05:33.900 aren't the kind of guys that you're interested in.
00:05:36.140 So if that is something that you're noticing,
00:05:38.440 maybe try putting this into practice in your own life.
00:05:40.660 Next up, let's talk about the kind of dates that you go on.
00:05:44.040 Make sure that the kind of dates that you're going on
00:05:46.240 are things that you're actually interested in.
00:05:48.260 Don't just agree to whatever he suggests
00:05:49.960 unless you're really open-minded
00:05:51.360 because if you're constantly going on dates that just he enjoys,
00:05:55.240 then he's not really going to see your personality.
00:05:57.360 You're not going to see if you guys have similar interests.
00:05:59.300 You're not going to see if you guys are both open-minded
00:06:01.300 to trying new things.
00:06:02.400 It's really important to voice what you like to do
00:06:06.180 because if he's constantly attending events
00:06:08.360 that you're really not interested in,
00:06:10.140 it's going to inform who he is and your relationship.
00:06:13.600 That doesn't mean that you shouldn't go out on dates
00:06:15.320 and be more adventurous,
00:06:16.560 but it means if it's something that you don't like doing,
00:06:19.500 you shouldn't do it.
00:06:20.640 You should absolutely be open,
00:06:22.660 upfront about the things that you like to do
00:06:24.820 because then he'll learn something about you
00:06:26.940 and you'll learn something about him.
00:06:28.480 You might see what he finds really important.
00:06:30.580 You might see that he is open-minded
00:06:32.380 to the things that you enjoy.
00:06:33.820 You might see that he's a romantic
00:06:35.020 or something like that.
00:06:36.880 Just constantly letting him decide
00:06:38.980 what you guys are going to do,
00:06:40.740 even if it's something that you're not interested in,
00:06:42.820 is just not going to teach you a lot about each other
00:06:45.060 and that's really what dating is
00:06:46.560 and that's really what attracting the right guy is,
00:06:49.140 is finding somebody who you can learn about
00:06:51.520 and see if you guys would be a good fit together
00:06:53.280 because if you're constantly just kind of going along,
00:06:56.180 he's not going to learn anything about you,
00:06:57.860 you're not going to learn anything about him
00:06:59.400 and it's just so important from the beginning
00:07:02.500 to really be using this all as a mission
00:07:05.440 to find the right person.
00:07:07.020 If you're taking dating seriously,
00:07:09.060 those dates that you go on actually do matter.
00:07:11.540 So if you're just going along
00:07:13.100 because you don't want to say no,
00:07:14.660 it means you're not really taking advantage
00:07:16.200 of your dating time to learn about this man,
00:07:19.100 to learn if you guys work together,
00:07:20.720 to learn if you're attracted to each other
00:07:22.060 and to learn if you have similar interests
00:07:23.880 or if you guys are open-minded
00:07:25.740 to trying each other's interests.
00:07:27.280 So it's so important to really be decisive
00:07:30.040 and say what you really like doing from the get-go
00:07:33.680 because he'll appreciate it
00:07:34.980 because A, he won't have to make every decision by himself
00:07:37.440 and B, he'll really learn about you from the beginning.
00:07:40.680 My third piece of advice is to be very clear
00:07:43.840 about your physical boundaries from the beginning.
00:07:46.380 If you're not clear with your physical boundaries
00:07:48.200 from the beginning,
00:07:49.100 then you won't attract the right guy
00:07:50.540 because he won't know how comfortable you are
00:07:53.220 and how far you're willing to go.
00:07:55.140 If you are somebody who is waiting till marriage,
00:07:57.840 it's really important to put that out
00:08:00.140 right at the beginning
00:08:00.780 because a good guy
00:08:01.880 and the kind of guy you want to end up with
00:08:03.400 is A, either going to be on the same page with you
00:08:05.600 or B, going to respect that and say,
00:08:07.900 okay, I'm on board because I respect you.
00:08:10.320 And that is really important to attracting the right guy.
00:08:13.220 That is not negotiable
00:08:14.760 because if you aren't clear with your physical boundaries,
00:08:17.180 the fact of the matter is
00:08:18.300 you may end up doing something
00:08:19.640 that you don't want to do
00:08:20.980 that you would regret
00:08:21.820 and it's not because he did anything really bad,
00:08:24.560 it's just because you weren't clear
00:08:26.360 and you didn't even confirm it with yourself.
00:08:28.720 That's really the first step
00:08:29.860 is knowing how far you want to go
00:08:31.740 and then telling this guy that you're interested in
00:08:34.200 where you are comfortable going
00:08:36.160 because if you're not clear from day one,
00:08:39.140 you guys will be on different pages
00:08:40.660 and you will attract guys
00:08:42.120 who are not comfortable with a girl
00:08:43.920 who wants to wait till marriage
00:08:44.940 and then you would be halfway through a relationship
00:08:47.740 and in a situation that's really uncomfortable,
00:08:49.900 really not what you want.
00:08:51.180 So to find that right guy and to attract him,
00:08:54.240 being very clear with how far you want to go physically
00:08:56.840 is just going to stop anything that would progress
00:09:00.580 but that would end up in heartache
00:09:02.260 because you would know from the very beginning,
00:09:04.700 from day one, how far both of you want to go.
00:09:08.200 It's just incredibly important
00:09:10.180 for you to know how far you want to go.
00:09:13.060 When guys do express interest in you,
00:09:15.160 you can either figure out
00:09:16.920 if that's the kind of guy you want to be with or not
00:09:18.980 and these are kinds of things
00:09:20.160 that aren't something you want to mess with
00:09:21.760 because you don't want to get hurt,
00:09:23.560 you don't want your feelings to get hurt
00:09:24.700 and you don't want to cross any lines
00:09:26.180 that you're not comfortable crossing.
00:09:27.720 So that's really one of the most important ways
00:09:30.180 to figure out how to attract the best guy for you.
00:09:33.380 Number four is dress for the man you want.
00:09:37.260 It's like dress for the job you want.
00:09:39.300 If you want a certain kind of guy,
00:09:41.220 dressing in a certain way will attract that kind of man.
00:09:44.340 If you're looking for a guy who's a little bit more professional,
00:09:47.520 who has a nice job,
00:09:49.300 you might want to dress a little bit more in a classic way.
00:09:52.020 You want to dress in a way that he would find attractive,
00:09:54.260 that he would want in a partner
00:09:55.300 and that he would like in you.
00:09:57.820 And if you're looking for a guy
00:09:58.720 who's a little bit more casual,
00:10:00.000 a little bit more laid back,
00:10:01.360 wearing something that is more casual,
00:10:03.400 that reflects that.
00:10:04.500 Now, of course,
00:10:05.440 these are things that you should know about yourself, right?
00:10:07.400 Like if you are the kind of woman
00:10:09.020 who does like to dress casually
00:10:10.580 and that is something that you enjoy,
00:10:12.440 you enjoy casual activities,
00:10:14.600 that might be the kind of man that you want to attract.
00:10:16.600 So you don't have to change anything.
00:10:18.560 But if you are the kind of woman
00:10:19.960 who maybe dresses in a different way
00:10:21.780 than you live your life
00:10:22.680 and dresses in a different way
00:10:24.040 than the man that you would want to end up with might dress,
00:10:26.860 then that is something you should consider
00:10:28.680 in the way that you dress.
00:10:30.020 You should consider if
00:10:30.760 maybe I should change the way I dress.
00:10:32.520 Maybe I should wear more skirts or more dresses.
00:10:34.760 Or maybe my skirts should be a little bit longer
00:10:36.660 and not as short.
00:10:37.800 If you're dressing in a way that is very immodest,
00:10:40.580 you may end up attracting men
00:10:42.160 who aren't really that interested
00:10:43.780 in a long-term relationship.
00:10:45.600 That's not 100% of them.
00:10:46.720 But that is something that could come up
00:10:48.260 because he might think that you are interested
00:10:50.580 in something that's a little bit more short-term
00:10:52.740 and not long-term
00:10:54.040 because you're dressed in a way
00:10:55.420 that doesn't reflect your long-term goals.
00:10:57.900 But if you're looking for a guy
00:10:59.220 who is wanting to get married,
00:11:00.740 who he looks at you and he thinks,
00:11:01.900 I could take her home to my mom
00:11:03.040 dressed exactly like this and she looks lovely,
00:11:05.380 then you would be absolutely up the right alley
00:11:07.760 with the guy that you'd want to be with.
00:11:09.060 So it really is important to dress
00:11:11.220 for the kind of guy you want to attract
00:11:13.480 because men have different preferences too.
00:11:16.180 We have different preferences, so do men.
00:11:17.960 So we might as well kind of feed into that a little bit.
00:11:20.800 Play the game in a wise way
00:11:22.220 so that you end up with the kind of guy
00:11:23.580 that you would want.
00:11:24.700 And I think that there are a lot of ways
00:11:26.120 that you can dress that are definitely something
00:11:27.780 that you would still love and like to wear,
00:11:30.040 but that maybe leans more toward the kind of thing
00:11:32.360 that your perfect guy would be attracted to.
00:11:34.620 So taking a look at your closet,
00:11:35.940 sifting through, finding the kind of clothing
00:11:37.960 that you think would reflect well on you
00:11:40.400 if you were to go out and try to meet someone
00:11:42.200 is a good idea.
00:11:43.540 And if it's something that you really do like
00:11:45.380 and if you only fill your closet
00:11:46.740 with things that you enjoy,
00:11:48.160 then even once you've met the right guy
00:11:49.540 and you guys are together,
00:11:50.300 you still have this closet full of clothing
00:11:51.660 that you know he'll love and you like too.
00:11:53.580 So it's not to say that you should absolutely
00:11:55.100 upend your sense of style.
00:11:57.060 It's to say, take your sense of style
00:11:58.840 and kind of narrow it,
00:12:00.360 use it to attract the kind of guy
00:12:02.220 that you are really looking for.
00:12:03.860 My last piece of advice is to either become friends
00:12:05.980 with people who know you really well,
00:12:07.720 even if they don't share your values,
00:12:09.480 but would be good at setting you up
00:12:11.140 with someone who does,
00:12:12.500 or people who do share your values
00:12:14.520 so that the people that you're hanging around with
00:12:16.380 and the people who might be brought into your circle
00:12:18.580 would be someone who you could end up with.
00:12:21.280 So let's talk about option A.
00:12:23.460 If you have a friend who knows you really well,
00:12:26.780 who respects you and respects your values,
00:12:29.100 even if they don't share them,
00:12:30.720 then that person could absolutely set you up
00:12:32.760 with someone who would be good for you
00:12:34.260 and who you would want to be with
00:12:36.020 because this friend knows you well enough
00:12:38.120 to find that guy for you.
00:12:39.800 The reason I say that is because in my experience,
00:12:42.440 my husband and I had a mutual friend
00:12:43.860 who does not really share our values,
00:12:45.860 but who really respected where we came from
00:12:47.980 and respected our views.
00:12:49.060 So he set us up even though he didn't share them
00:12:52.200 because he knew us well enough to do that.
00:12:55.220 So finding those friends who really know you
00:12:57.840 and care about you
00:12:58.720 and want you to end up and be happy with someone
00:13:01.160 is a really, really good way
00:13:03.920 to attract that right kind of guy
00:13:05.660 because someone's looking out for you.
00:13:07.540 And that is so important when it comes to dating.
00:13:10.440 And then the other thing you can do
00:13:11.660 is just spend time around your friends
00:13:13.780 who you do love their values
00:13:15.400 and who could theoretically not even set you up,
00:13:19.040 but just bring someone into the friend circle
00:13:20.980 who shares your values
00:13:22.500 and who you might be attracted to
00:13:24.060 because you'll attract the people
00:13:25.900 who you also spend time with
00:13:27.620 because they'll just be in your friend circle,
00:13:29.980 in your friend group,
00:13:30.820 kind of more in your life,
00:13:33.420 just the way that you live it.
00:13:35.000 So if you find that you are spending time with people
00:13:37.980 who really don't share your values
00:13:39.720 and don't know you that well either,
00:13:41.760 you're probably not gonna meet that many people
00:13:43.540 who do share your values
00:13:44.780 and the kind of guy that you would want to attract.
00:13:47.240 But being in a group of friends
00:13:48.680 who do share your values
00:13:49.740 is going to up your chances
00:13:51.440 of meeting that kind of guy
00:13:52.840 that you would want to attract.
00:13:54.380 And of course, if you have girlfriends
00:13:55.660 who are dating guys that you like,
00:13:57.040 you should always ask if they have friends
00:13:59.380 because they'll probably also have the similar values
00:14:02.140 that you're attracted to.
00:14:03.240 So it's really just about making it more plausible
00:14:06.100 for you to meet the kind of guy
00:14:07.700 that you'd want to attract
00:14:08.760 by hanging around the same kinds of people.
00:14:11.180 That's just one of the easiest ways for you
00:14:13.320 to figure out who you really do want to be with
00:14:15.580 and to make it more likely that you'll meet them.
00:14:18.320 I think it's really important in life
00:14:20.000 to try and do your best to make things possible.
00:14:23.440 That isn't to say that dating is easy,
00:14:25.460 but it is to say that when you're dating,
00:14:28.080 you should try and make it as easy as possible
00:14:30.040 for the right guy to find you,
00:14:31.580 to be attracted to you,
00:14:32.620 and for you to end up with that perfect guy for you.
00:14:35.360 So putting in the effort to attract that guy
00:14:37.340 is just a really good policy,
00:14:39.200 and I think these are some good tips and tricks
00:14:41.280 for you to try.
00:14:42.540 Let me know in the comments
00:14:43.580 what you do to attract the kind of guy
00:14:45.620 that you're interested in.
00:14:46.960 If you ended up with the guy
00:14:48.240 that you sort of tried to attract,
00:14:49.960 I'd love to hear.
00:14:51.200 Thank you guys so much for watching today's video.
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00:15:11.280 Bye!