Classically Abby - HOW TO DATE AS A CONSERVATIVE WOMAN ｜

00:00:00.160 Hello beautiful ladies and welcome to today's video where we're going to be talking about

00:00:04.880 how to date as a conservative woman.

00:00:10.480 So I've got my notebook out here in front of me. I took a bunch of notes because I think that dating

00:00:15.200 as a conservative woman is a little bit of a different experience than what most people are

00:00:19.680 doing in 2020. And so I thought we would just sit down, have a girl chat, talk about how conservative

00:00:25.920 women should be dating and kind of my dating experience and how these things came into play

00:00:30.720 and just how important it is to actually date with purpose. So let's get started. So dating is hard

00:00:37.840 right? Like we can all agree dating is not the easiest thing in the world. Sometimes it's fun

00:00:42.560 but a lot of the time it kind of sucks. One of the things that I learned early on when I was dating

00:00:47.680 was to start compiling a list. Now I want to be clear there's kind of two different lists in the

00:00:53.600 world of dating and one of those lists ends up getting thrown out the window when you meet the

00:00:58.320 right guy and that's kind of about height or what he's going to do as a career or things that you

00:01:04.160 think are important but aren't important. But then there are those things that really are important

00:01:09.200 and you learn while you're dating other people. So when I was dating for example I would date guys

00:01:14.880 and after we broke up I would kind of sit down and think okay there were certain things in that

00:01:19.520 relationship that were missing or there were certain things in that relationship that I really

00:01:24.080 loved about that guy. So what do I want in a future guy that he had and what would I never want again?

00:01:31.040 So for example one thing that I learned early on in my dating career was I didn't want to date a guy.

00:01:36.160 I didn't want to end up with a guy who felt like he had to win every argument. There are some guys who

00:01:41.760 really just think that they need to be the smartest one in the room all the time and you can never get

00:01:46.800 into just a discussion everything turns into a debate. So I knew very quickly that I never wanted

00:01:53.040 to end up with a guy like that and so with Jacob when I met him I loved that we could have conversations

00:01:58.800 and the two of us could come to an agreement at the end and it wasn't trying to one up each other. I just

00:02:04.320 hated that. So that was a good lesson for me that I picked up while I was dating. Now there's a lot of

00:02:09.680 different examples of things like that. Leave a comment down below of something that you've picked up while

00:02:14.320 you were dating that's kind of like that. Something where it's like I know that this is not going to

00:02:18.560 work for me in a relationship and I picked it up because I dated somebody who had that. Or the

00:02:24.320 opposite. Something that you dated a guy and he had this quality and it was fantastic and you want that

00:02:30.000 for the guy you end up with. I think that that's kind of a wonderful benefit to dating a few people

00:02:35.920 before meeting the right person is you actually kind of have a road map about who you want to be with.

00:02:41.600 Now again I'm just going to reiterate that there are those lists that mean absolutely nothing. Okay

00:02:48.480 like having an idea of how much he needs to make as a salary or what kind of clothing he needs to

00:02:56.320 wear or whatever that is. Something that's kind of superficial. You can have a list about that but

00:03:01.520 when you meet the right guy that may end up going out the window. So it's more about values and

00:03:07.360 compatibility at the end of the day. And speaking of values let's talk about only dating guys who

00:03:13.040 share your values. Now what does values mean? How do you find a guy who shares your values? Well there

00:03:18.720 are a couple of different ways that you can figure that out. One is kind of by knowing if they share your

00:03:24.560 politics. A lot of the time politics really do align with your values. I'm not going to say a hundred

00:03:29.680 percent of the time. I know that there are couples where one is conservative, one is liberal,

00:03:33.760 whatever that is. But I think most of the time dating someone who shares your political viewpoint

00:03:39.600 is going to make a really big difference because politics do align with values. It just ends up

00:03:46.160 happening that way most of the time. So finding a guy who really shares your political viewpoint a lot

00:03:52.080 of the time will also mean he shares your values and that's great. That's going to be a wonderful thing

00:03:57.040 moving forward in your relationship, in your marriage, in your parenting. Those things are really

00:04:01.840 important. Another way to kind of guarantee that the guy you end up with shares your values is

00:04:06.240 if he shares your religion. Now I believe you should try and marry within your religion because

00:04:10.800 I think it's just going to make your life easier and you will share values early on and that will

00:04:16.000 translate in your parenting which is really where religion becomes super important. So for me when I

00:04:21.200 met my husband it was really important that I marry a Jew and the fact that the two of us agreed on

00:04:26.800 what religion we want to raise our children and kind of the standards we want to raise our children with

00:04:31.680 that was incredibly important. Dating as a conservative is about dating long term. You want

00:04:38.080 to find a match that's going to end in marriage. Let's just be frank about it. You don't want to be

00:04:43.760 dating a guy for 10 years and then not end up getting married at least in my opinion. So if that's the

00:04:48.880 case you have to look at the things that are going to make that relationship last. And values, compatibility,

00:04:55.440 those kinds of things don't go away and they actually get bigger as time goes on. So if you're

00:05:01.120 dating guys who don't share your values and you're not really compatible with those are the relationships

00:05:06.160 that kind of end horribly because a lot of the time those relationships start with this really

00:05:11.680 intense chemistry. I have a whole blog post on this. I will link that below because I have really

00:05:16.960 strong opinions about chemistry and compatibility. But dating the right person is about feeling that sense of

00:05:23.360 calm, not that really intense worry and anxiety that things are going to end any moment. You feel

00:05:29.040 calm because you have a passion but you also don't think that everything is going to implode once you

00:05:34.960 ask the major questions because the major questions have been agreed upon early on. So that was a little

00:05:39.840 bit of a rant but I do feel strongly that if you're a conservative and you want to end up getting married,

00:05:45.120 having a family, these are the things you need to be paying attention to. And then on a totally different

00:05:50.080 note, this is something I feel pretty strongly about and that's leading boys on. Don't do it.

00:05:57.360 As a conservative woman you are an ethical person and you don't want to be the kind of girl who treats

00:06:04.000 men poorly and leads them on and hurts their feelings. So an example of this is I know that I made this

00:06:10.240 mistake when I was in college. There was a guy who really liked me and we stayed friends because I was

00:06:16.720 clear with him. I said I'm not interested in you but we can still hang out. That was a really big mistake

00:06:22.240 because his feelings only grew for me and mine really didn't change and I was leading him on by

00:06:28.640 hanging out with him when I knew that there was no future there and he was always hoping that something

00:06:34.000 more would develop. If a guy tells you that he's interested and you don't have any interest in him

00:06:39.920 but you think that you've made everything clear to him because you told him hey I'm not interested,

00:06:44.560 that doesn't mean that you should then be able to hang out with him alone as friends. He's always

00:06:48.720 going to harbor a little bit of hope that that could change and become more of a relationship

00:06:54.560 and not just a friendship. And that's a really hard thing on guys. So I really don't recommend

00:07:00.160 being the kind of woman who says hey I was up front from the beginning and so I'm not going to

00:07:06.960 take responsibility if his feelings grow for me. The fact is that's kind of the female equivalent of a man

00:07:14.480 telling a woman that he doesn't have feelings for her but they can continue to hook up and it's

00:07:19.440 never going to develop into anything more than just a friends with benefits situation.

00:07:24.160 Yeah he was clear with her that is true but a lot of the time she's going to harbor hope

00:07:29.840 that this friends with benefits situation is going to develop into something more and we all know that

00:07:35.840 you can't really do a friends with benefits situation without it turning into more. Someone wanting

00:07:40.880 more on either side. So as a woman if you're the one who's saying well I was up front and I told him

00:07:46.960 I'm never going to be interested but we can hang out as friends he's going to be the one harboring

00:07:50.720 hope that the relationship could grow. And so you kind of have like the male version and the female

00:07:55.840 version and you don't really want to do either. Neither one is a good thing. So as a conservative woman

00:08:01.680 take that guy's feelings into account. Don't lead him on. You don't need that friendship that much

00:08:06.960 and he doesn't need to be hooked on you when he really could be dating other people. It's definitely

00:08:12.240 a funny thing I've noticed that a lot of empowerment and stuff about women's self-help in 2020 is all

00:08:20.320 about like be you be strong and that's great but one of the things that's really ignored is that when

00:08:26.240 you do have that strength and that power and we as women are so influential to our world you also have

00:08:33.360 to take into account other people and you have to learn how to be the best version of yourself

00:08:38.240 and the sweetest person that you can be in the sense of not hurting people's feelings. You do have

00:08:45.200 an immense power over a man depending on the situation and we should be learning how to be

00:08:52.000 good members of society not just strong women. Now this piece of advice is kind of on a different

00:08:57.120 note and that is don't hang around guys that you're attracted to but can't actually end up with.

00:09:04.960 So here's this philosophy that I have. You can't choose who you love but you can choose who you don't

00:09:11.520 love. Let me explain what that means. You can't choose who you love means you can't pick a guy out

00:09:17.680 of a lineup and say I'm gonna have feelings for him. It doesn't really work like that unfortunately a lot

00:09:22.320 of the time you have to have that kind of spark before anything else can grow but you can choose

00:09:28.240 who you don't love. So what does that mean? That means that if you are starting to feel that chemistry

00:09:33.840 with someone who is not right for you, you can remove yourself from the situation and it is so

00:09:39.680 important that you do so. Chemistry relationships, the relationships that are built on chemistry but

00:09:44.960 really have no compatibility, those happen really frequently. People can have personalities that just

00:09:50.880 hit it off and like really make a fire but then don't have any future because you don't agree on

00:09:56.880 anything and those relationships are really intense and end horribly and those are the relationships

00:10:03.520 that are dangerous in the sense of if you hang out with that guy too much you can tell yourself that

00:10:08.240 nothing's going to develop but something will and if it does it's not going to end well if you're a

00:10:14.560 conservative woman who has certain values that you want to live your life by. So if you meet a guy for

00:10:19.120 example and you guys are just totally attracted to each other but you also realize that maybe he

00:10:24.480 doesn't want kids or maybe he thinks that abortion is okay and you're really not okay with it you might

00:10:31.280 end up having a really intense connection with him and if you keep hanging out with him something is

00:10:36.320 going to happen over time things are going to happen it just works that way no one has as much self-will

00:10:43.600 as they think that they do and so in that situation it's your responsibility to say

00:10:50.160 i'm not going to go to events where he's at i'm not going to hang out with him alone i'm not going to

00:10:54.960 put myself in a situation where i'm only inevitably going to get hurt and that is so important so i'm

00:11:02.240 going to reiterate you can't choose who you love but you can choose who you don't love so you can make

00:11:08.000 a clear-headed decision about somebody who you have that really intense chemistry with but you're

00:11:13.920 not going to have a future with so the next one is pretty obvious but i'm going to say it anyway

00:11:17.920 be clear with your physical intentions before you start dating someone i am a proponent of waiting

00:11:24.560 until marriage to have sex i think it's really important to do that and i actually think as a

00:11:29.200 conservative woman it's something to keep in mind now i know a lot of women are going to disagree with

00:11:33.840 me on that leave it in the comments below maybe we can get into some discussions i'd love to have

00:11:38.080 a conversation about it but the fact of the matter is that waiting until marriage is going to be better

00:11:43.040 for you it's going to be better for your relationships it's going to keep you directed

00:11:46.800 toward marriage and not toward you know a long-term relationship that doesn't really have an end point

00:11:51.680 it's just a really big distraction and it will get in the way of you actually finding somebody who

00:11:56.640 does have that chemistry and compatibility and it'll make relationships last longer that shouldn't have lasted

00:12:03.120 at all you'll also be able to weed out the guys who are willing to wait and that is a fantastic

00:12:08.640 thing it means that they're taking marriage as seriously as you are and that is super important

00:12:13.440 so my last piece of advice is to put effort into your looks before dates now i think there are kind

00:12:18.640 of like two sides of the spectrum on this argument and then there's the middle there's the side that

00:12:22.960 says hey i shouldn't have to put in effort into my looks if he thinks that my personality is great

00:12:29.040 then he's not going to care what i look like and then there are the women who say i want to dress

00:12:32.880 however i want i want to be able to look very very sexy and i want him to still look past that

00:12:38.080 and find my personality and here's the reality of the situation men are visual creatures that goes

00:12:44.880 both ways if you decide to not put in any effort into your looks it's going to be hard to get his

00:12:50.560 attention at all he might overlook you and then he's not even going to have an opportunity to get

00:12:55.200 to know your personality on the other side of the spectrum if you dress sexually first then he's going

00:13:00.480 to have to overcome looking at your body to get to know your personality because he's so distracted

00:13:06.240 by just what's in front of him the best thing the middle ground is to look attractive without looking

00:13:13.360 like you're ready for a one night stand dressing nicely and beautifully putting on a little bit of

00:13:18.720 makeup doing your hair getting him to notice you without him immediately imagining you in a bedroom

00:13:24.880 scenario will also give him the opportunity to get to know your personality so i think it's super

00:13:30.240 important to put an effort into your looks i think that dressing up as a woman is like the best

00:13:34.480 thing ever if you know me at all you know that i love getting dressed up i love putting on makeup i

00:13:39.280 love doing my hair i think those things are the best parts of being a woman or at least some of the

00:13:44.640 best parts and not giving him an opportunity to notice you at all by just saying i'm not gonna have

00:13:50.320 to try he should just like me for my personality is not realistic he needs to be attracted to you

00:13:56.160 before getting to know your personality and it can't be so attracted to you where it's just about

00:14:03.280 your body but it can't be nothing at all and that middle ground of being beautiful and really trying

00:14:09.200 to be attractive is going to do wonders for your dating life so putting on a little bit of makeup

00:14:14.080 just kind of accentuating your features wearing a nice outfit that really just makes you look attractive

00:14:20.320 these are things you're going to see a really good result when you're dating and will make it easier

00:14:25.200 for a guy to come over and notice you and get to know your personality so huge proponent of that

00:14:30.960 feel free to watch any of my tutorials on modest dressing or makeup tutorials those are kind of

00:14:38.160 good places to start let me know in the comments below what are your recommendations for how to date as

00:14:43.680 a conservative woman i'd love to hear them i'd love to hear what dating is like in your experience and let me

00:14:49.120 know in the comments if you guys are interested in having a series of girl chats or we can kind of

00:14:53.440 talk and chat like this i really enjoy doing this sharing ideas and getting your guys thoughts too

00:14:58.800 that's really fun so please feel free to leave comments down below thank you guys so much for

00:15:02.800 watching today's video please subscribe to my channel and blog if you haven't already head over to

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00:15:12.320 all my new videos please head over to classicallyabby.locals.com if you want to support my channel

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Classically Abby - April 22, 2020

HOW TO DATE AS A CONSERVATIVE WOMAN ｜｜ Let's have a girl chat!

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