Classically Abby - How To Find A Man When You're DESPERATE! ⧸⧸ Traditional Dating Advice 101

00:00:00.080 today i want to talk about how to find a man when you're desperate if you are new to my channel here

00:00:06.560 we talk about classic living and traditional values and i would love if you would consider

00:00:10.080 subscribing and hitting that notification bell for the most part we do a lot of mom content

00:00:15.520 and we do homemaking but i also love talking about culture and dating dating and relationships

00:00:21.280 is a big one for me i love talking about it because i think in today's modern era we have a

00:00:27.600 very sad perspective on dating where it is all about fun but nobody's having any fun especially

00:00:34.640 women and really most people feel really depressed about it because the truth is we are built to have

00:00:40.880 long-term relationships and commitments so to have these fleeting relationships to date in a way

00:00:47.520 that encourages that and to hook up with no meaning is just really depressing so today i really want to

00:00:54.320 talk about how to find a guy when you're desperate now some caveats on this phrase okay being desperate

00:01:02.080 sounds awful i get that it's not a flattering phrase but the truth is it makes sense we are desperate

00:01:09.200 for something we really want a love that will last a lifetime and so i don't blame any woman for

00:01:16.160 getting to a point of desperation with wanting to meet someone to spend her life with i think that's

00:01:21.360 mostly just a catchy title really it's about how to find a guy when you are stressed about it because

00:01:26.960 you want it so badly and especially if you are a little bit older and you're feeling like time is

00:01:33.520 starting to be against you i i think that there are certain things you can do to actually find someone

00:01:40.720 meet someone and build a life with them so i'm really excited make sure to subscribe if you haven't

00:01:46.000 already and let's just get into it okay let's just start with number one which is focus on

00:01:51.120 you and take some of the pressure off so it makes sense that you really want to meet someone but

00:01:57.040 sometimes when we get too obsessive about trying to find that person we can start to ourselves degrade

00:02:04.320 over time because we're not focusing on growing now when i say focus on yourself i don't mean focus

00:02:10.480 on yourself it's all about you that is obviously not what i mean if you've watched any of my other

00:02:17.040 content you might know that if you're new here you might not but what i say focus on yourself i mean

00:02:22.240 focus on your personal growth focus on how to be the best version of yourself focus on ways that you

00:02:28.240 can enjoy your day-to-day and enjoy your life as a single person without making it impossible for

00:02:35.040 another person to join you to come into that because i think a lot of the time what ends up happening is

00:02:40.480 people get very comfortable and complacent being on their own and then it's very hard to incorporate

00:02:46.480 a whole new person into your life and make them work with your routine and then you have to fit in

00:02:51.600 with their routine so you want to improve as a person spend your time doing things that you won't get

00:02:58.480 to do when you do find the right person but also leave room for that new person to come into your life

00:03:04.720 and i think that you'll find that if you spend your time doing things that you love reading going to

00:03:10.960 museums going on dates with your friends like doing fun things then of course you'll still have that

00:03:18.800 that need and that want to be with someone but it won't be as overwhelming because it's not the only

00:03:25.840 thing you're focusing on you are recognizing that there is a present to be lived in while also looking

00:03:31.040 toward the future and one of the things i do think is very important is when you are dating you don't

00:03:37.280 want to be so available that the person that you're going out with doesn't feel like you have a life

00:03:44.800 that they don't feel like you have something going on that makes you interesting and so it is important

00:03:50.800 to have hobbies it is important to have prior engagements not every time a guy asks you out you

00:03:56.080 have to say that you're free at the exact time that he says you can have a prior engagement and

00:04:01.760 find another night that works for both of you and i think that that's actually a very positive thing

00:04:06.320 so that is the first thing that i would recommend is when you're desperate to meet a guy spend some

00:04:11.840 time enjoying where you're at and improving yourself so that this time is well spent rather than feeling

00:04:19.440 like oh i just wasted all this time until i met you number two is go on dating apps yes i'm saying it

00:04:27.360 i know that there are a lot of people who discourage dating apps but in today's day and age it is very

00:04:32.560 hard to meet people and i know that sounds crazy because we have never been in a time where there are

00:04:38.320 more people for us to meet right think about 200 years ago you knew the people in your town and maybe

00:04:45.920 if you went to the city you might meet someone new but like you pretty much knew the people you knew

00:04:51.520 and so your choices were incredibly limited but that was in many ways also a good thing because it meant

00:04:58.000 that you kind of knew who you might end up with whereas now our horizons are so broad literally the

00:05:05.920 world is available to us that there's no limitations and so there's decision fatigue and people are

00:05:12.720 constantly looking for something better and they're constantly questioning whether the person that

00:05:16.880 they're with is really the right person because there are so many other options it's very hard to

00:05:21.840 actually meet someone that you can say yes this is the right person and so dating apps are kind of a

00:05:29.680 pretty important way to meet people in today's day and age now i don't think that all dating apps are

00:05:34.080 created equal i think there are some that are geared towards hooking up and things that will not make you

00:05:41.440 meet the right person that you can spend your life with and then there are those that are actually

00:05:45.920 really good for that so i know a few people who have met their spouses on hinge i know for jews i've

00:05:52.000 met some people who have actually met their spouses on j swipe uh i don't know a lot about like christian

00:05:58.080 mingle or anything like that i used coffee meets bagel but i don't know really how that's working these

00:06:03.440 days and i really liked coffee meets bagel i met some really nice people through there

00:06:08.080 but find apps that are not just swiping based on looks and instead have another thing about them

00:06:16.880 that makes them about the relationship that can form between two people so like coffee meets bagel

00:06:23.840 the idea was that you had mutual friends on facebook so you could reach out to your mutual friends and

00:06:29.840 say hey do you know this person do you think they'd be a good fit for me so it was like sort of vetting

00:06:35.600 them before just going out with a stranger and i've heard that hinge is also great because it's

00:06:41.520 encouraging people to actually get married and and be stay together so i think it's really important

00:06:46.160 to use apps if you're finding it hard to meet people it's it's important to put yourself out

00:06:51.360 there in any way that you can and we are lucky enough to live in a time where we can use an app to

00:06:56.880 meet someone but obviously be judicious and use it in the best way possible and if you need to take

00:07:03.440 breaks from it every now and then that's also fine because i know that it can get overwhelming

00:07:07.360 but dating apps are not an evil if you use them wisely and judiciously so download some dating apps

00:07:16.560 use them well post good pictures that are not just like pictures that are pretty but pictures that

00:07:23.200 actually show what you look like and be honest in the description because you don't want somebody

00:07:27.760 choosing you based off of things that are not honest like that wouldn't be very useful or a good

00:07:33.200 use of your time so that is a recommendation number two the third thing that you can do when you are

00:07:39.760 absolutely desperate to meet someone is ask your friends to set you up ask them now usually i recommend

00:07:46.880 asking the friends who you have who are married to set you up because the ones who are single are also

00:07:52.640 looking for people to date so theoretically it's a little more tricky because single women are not

00:07:59.040 always friends with single men right because that has too much sexual tension that's not really my

00:08:05.840 i don't really believe that men and women can be friends without any sexual tension

00:08:09.600 of course there's more discussion to be had on that topic but like as a blanket statement but your

00:08:14.880 married friends your married friends have a husband and the husband might have a single friend who is

00:08:21.760 good for you so ask your married friends and maybe your single friends if they can work for that or

00:08:28.240 family members or people at church you know wherever to set you up and go on the dates and it's i know

00:08:34.800 it's like frustrating because a lot of the time they're blind dates and you don't know a lot about the

00:08:38.640 person but your friends know you well and they want you to be happy even your single friends i will say

00:08:45.760 i think you know you you know your friends well enough to know whether or not your single friends are

00:08:50.560 actually looking out for you or whether they are also in a stressful situation where it would be

00:08:56.320 hard for them to see you get married before they do you know i think that's a hard one but there are

00:09:02.640 a lot of girls and a lot of single friends who can set each other up and be happy with it but it

00:09:07.200 doesn't always work that well in any case i'm getting bogged down in the details ask your friends

00:09:13.280 to set you up and accept those dates your friends want you to be happy they want you to meet somebody

00:09:18.480 especially your married friends because then you can join the married crew and it's a good way for

00:09:23.200 you to know in advance that the people you're being set up with have been vetted by a friend

00:09:27.760 so i highly recommend actually asking and you don't have to be embarrassed nobody would think that

00:09:32.960 that's weird it's important for you to actually stand up for what you want right and standing up for

00:09:38.640 what you want means maybe doing something a little outside of your comfort zone which is asking

00:09:43.120 someone for help so ask the people that you love and trust for help number four and this is a kind

00:09:49.280 of a bigger investment is visit friends outside of your area so if you are not finding success where

00:09:58.080 you live if the people you are around are just not a good fit for you are not a possible choice for

00:10:05.760 you to marry i actually think there's two parts of this but we'll start with the simpler one first

00:10:10.240 visit your friends who are out of your area visit your friends who are out of town you can fly you

00:10:14.880 can drive you can get to them however you think but if they have a community of guys around who you

00:10:19.760 might be able to meet maybe they're your friend can host a party you can meet some people people

00:10:23.680 who are open to dating a slightly more long distance or even just truly long distance that's

00:10:28.960 a good way to meet people and so stay with your friends visit your friends and try and meet a new

00:10:35.920 group that you have not met before now the more extreme version of this and i don't think this is

00:10:41.920 crazy even though some people might is move to a new city if you can get a job and i'm not saying

00:10:48.960 everyone can but if you can get a job that is in a new place and you have a good feeling about it

00:10:55.440 and you think you can meet some people or you have friends there already and you think that they

00:10:59.680 know some people for you consider moving if you've been in the same place for a long time and it's

00:11:05.760 just not serving you and you are just not able to meet anyone new you can't stay there forever it

00:11:11.440 would be very hard for you to meet someone new if you're just stuck and i think that sometimes it's

00:11:18.240 hard for us to make these big changes obviously within the boundary of like okay i can support myself

00:11:24.000 i can find a place to live but even outside of that i think people just get a little bit

00:11:28.400 bogged down in what they're used to and sometimes it's important to say i have to make a change so

00:11:34.640 that i can meet someone new and so you know the mini version is visit your friends hopefully you'll

00:11:39.520 meet someone who's open to long distance maybe you'll meet someone who's who's struck enough by you

00:11:44.000 that they're willing to do that my husband and i dated long distance so i am not against it

00:11:48.400 but the bigger version is move away from where you are to find something new and be flexible and open

00:11:56.000 to that being a possibility because the only way to meet people is to meet people okay last but not

00:12:02.960 least and i've made the suggestion before on my channel but i really like it and i think that it

00:12:08.160 works is number five which is host your own party and the way that you do this is host a party where

00:12:15.600 you invite all of your friends and you tell them that they all need to bring a friend that you've

00:12:20.400 never met before so it is a themed party in a sense of bring new people into my life and you can start

00:12:28.720 this awesome trend of doing that like around your circle of friends so you start it you have your group

00:12:35.760 of friends each bring a friend that you've never met and you'll get to meet some new people broaden your

00:12:41.040 circle broaden your network and then maybe you ask your best friend to host a party and do the

00:12:45.520 same thing where their friends have to bring people that the your best friend hasn't met and

00:12:50.480 so over time you start to broaden your network broaden your circle and theoretically all these

00:12:55.280 people are going to mesh and get along because you're all friends with each other to start with

00:12:59.280 and then your friends have friends that share similar interests and that's a really great way to

00:13:04.320 meet someone new and again that vetting process is really helpful when you're trying to date

00:13:10.160 so i'm a big proponent of making your own luck you have to go out and search you have to be the one

00:13:18.000 who's open-hearted open-minded to meeting new people and doesn't get too exhausted and i get

00:13:24.640 that it is exhausting and it's emotionally draining to date and not find the right person but i think at

00:13:31.440 the end of the day you have to keep your chin up and you don't want to come off as jaded it's okay if

00:13:37.840 you're a little desperate if you're also still positive but if you're a little desperate and

00:13:41.520 you're jaded that's just going to be a very difficult it's a difficult emotion not to to

00:13:47.840 share with someone and for the person across the table from you not to recognize and feel and that's

00:13:53.440 not always a very positive first impression so those are my five ways to find a man when you're

00:13:59.520 absolutely desperate i hope that they helped i hope that you can find something in this video

00:14:04.720 that you can try and incorporate or just feel bolstered by some of the choices that you're

00:14:09.760 making and stay positive right things will turn around you will meet the right person it may just

00:14:15.280 not be the right time yet and so it's important that you put yourself out there it's important

00:14:19.200 that you treat dating in many ways like a job because if you don't put yourself out there how are

00:14:24.160 you going to meet someone new but at the same time it's good for you to enjoy your present enjoy where

00:14:30.160 you are now because you're not just whiling away the hours until you meet someone there's a lot of

00:14:35.840 life to be lived before we meet the person that we marry so that's my suggestion those are my

00:14:40.880 recommendations please leave a comment down below if you have any thoughts on today's video and make

00:14:45.120 sure to subscribe i would also love if you would hop over to my sub stack if you're interested in

00:14:48.560 joining my book club and i'll see you guys in my next video bye

Classically Abby - September 07, 2023

How To Find A Man When You're DESPERATE! ⧸⧸ Traditional Dating Advice 101

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