In this episode, I talk about my experience with a miscarriage and what I learned from it and how to support other women who are going through a miscarriage. I also talk about how to talk about it so that it doesn't feel so lonely and that you are not alone.
00:00:00.000so as you can see from the title of this video I had a miscarriage and that
00:00:09.680happened not too long ago just a few weeks and I wanted to talk about it
00:00:15.720because I think for some women this can feel really lonely and it can feel like
00:00:25.800it was your fault and I don't want anyone to feel that way I I'm really lucky I
00:00:35.220never felt alone I have a lot of family and a lot of friends who are really
00:00:40.620supportive and I have a wonderful husband who is incredible and has been so
00:00:49.900supportive of me throughout this time and of course we've been supportive of
00:00:53.460each other because it's not just about me it's about the two of us and what we
00:00:58.800lost but I have a lot of friends and a lot of family members who have had
00:01:03.780miscarriages too and that helped me realize that I am not alone and this is
00:01:11.400so common and it's something so many women experience but I do think that more
00:01:18.340women need to talk about it so that it doesn't feel so lonely we lost our baby
00:01:27.400at 12 weeks it was actually at 10 weeks the baby stopped growing and at 12
00:01:34.660weeks we found out because you don't get to have ultrasounds every week so you
00:01:39.460don't know and we had seen the heartbeat and I knew that the miscarriage rate
00:01:46.840dropped once you've seen your baby's heartbeat and so I wasn't afraid so when
00:01:53.320I did have a miscarriage it felt like it came out of left field and I was so not
00:02:01.300prepared emotionally for that the first few weeks yeah I thought it would happen
00:02:07.180then but for it to happen as late as it did for me in the first trimester still
00:02:11.720but I was not prepared for emotionally and it was really hard obviously thank
00:02:21.220God I was with my whole family for Passover so everyone everyone was there
00:02:29.740which for me was really really helpful and it meant I had a ton of support I
00:02:35.020wanted to talk about a few things in this video I wanted to talk about some
00:02:39.340things for women who have gone through this or are going through this and I
00:02:45.020want to talk to the people who are supporting them so for the women who are
00:02:49.960going through this stop judging your feelings that's something I've really
00:02:56.620struggled with is I've had feelings all over the place and my husband has said to
00:03:05.000me so many times that your feelings you can feel them they're okay and any any
00:03:11.780form that takes and don't judge something like that it's an emotional
00:03:18.200grieving process and it's something you have to go through and it's not going to
00:03:25.160be a straight line and that's the other thing I wanted to talk about was that it
00:03:29.780comes in waves I've been okay for a few days and then I'm crying one night or I
00:03:35.540wake up the next day and I'm crying next day and it just seems to come out of
00:03:39.920nowhere it's not linear I consider myself a mom even though I never got to meet my
00:03:49.340baby Jacob considers himself a father even though this happened and one of the hard
00:04:08.100things for me has been the understanding that this baby couldn't have survived it
00:04:17.840stopped growing on its own and wanting to look at it logically but still your child
00:04:30.620and that's all okay all of those feelings are okay I know that God is watching over us and is watching
00:04:47.760over our child and that I can turn to him when I need support as well as all the
00:04:58.480people in my life and I know that that is true for you too you can always turn to
00:05:03.720God and to your support systems and you will find comfort you are not alone so many women go through this and
00:05:13.760and it's not your fault in any way it's not your fault it's something that just
00:05:21.680happens sometimes and we don't have control over it for those of you who are
00:05:25.940supporting someone who's gone through this I don't want to talk for every woman
00:05:31.580who's going through it we all grieve differently but for me what was really
00:05:37.220important was knowing that people were there but that they didn't need to solve
00:05:43.280the problem and they didn't need to fill the silence so just sitting with me and
00:05:48.860not necessarily saying anything or just being there and me knowing I could if I
00:05:55.160wanted call but that they wouldn't initiate the conversation if I didn't want
00:05:59.120to talk about it that was what I needed I wanted to be in control of when we
00:06:04.280talked about things because there were times that I wouldn't be thinking about
00:06:07.340it and in those moments I didn't want to think about it and then there were times
00:06:11.120that I would be thinking about it and I would want to get things off my chest but
00:06:15.960bringing it up to someone when they're not thinking about it in those brief
00:06:21.720moments when they're not thinking about it is always a risk and I don't think
00:06:25.280that it's necessarily helpful just follow their lead I think that's the most
00:06:30.320important is follow the lead of the person who's going through it I know
00:06:35.000that time has been helpful for me but it isn't ever gonna go away for all of the
00:06:48.080husbands out there who have gone through this your pain is also valid and also
00:06:55.220matters when Jacob found out that this had happened to us it was devastating and it
00:07:03.320breaks my heart and his feelings are as real as mine so you also can look for
00:07:17.480support in the people that you love and you and your wife and couples need to lean
00:07:22.980on each other for support but Jacob and I want a family and miscarriages are not
00:07:29.940indicative of other miscarriages and it's something that there's always a
00:07:37.380chance it can happen so I I am looking forward to the child that we do have in the
00:07:51.780future and I just feel really lucky that I have God and that in the time when it was really
00:08:05.220the hardest for me I could pray and know that God was still there so that's what I wanted to talk
00:08:15.060about today I didn't want to talk about what happened to me in too much detail but I did
00:08:19.920want to share that it happened and if you were wondering why I wasn't on YouTube for a couple of
00:08:27.720weeks that's why I was also sick before that because I was in the first trimester so that's why I maybe wasn't as consistent either but that is what I wanted to say so if I can help even one person then it was worth making this video okay bye