Classically Abby - May 03, 2021


I had a miscarriage


Episode Stats


Length

9 minutes

Words per minute

126.70403

Word count

1,168

Sentence count

1

Harmful content

Misogyny

3

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, I talk about my experience with a miscarriage and what I learned from it and how to support other women who are going through a miscarriage. I also talk about how to talk about it so that it doesn't feel so lonely and that you are not alone.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
00:00:00.000 so as you can see from the title of this video I had a miscarriage and that
00:00:09.680 happened not too long ago just a few weeks and I wanted to talk about it
00:00:15.720 because I think for some women this can feel really lonely and it can feel like
00:00:25.800 it was your fault and I don't want anyone to feel that way I I'm really lucky I
00:00:35.220 never felt alone I have a lot of family and a lot of friends who are really
00:00:40.620 supportive and I have a wonderful husband who is incredible and has been so
00:00:49.900 supportive of me throughout this time and of course we've been supportive of
00:00:53.460 each other because it's not just about me it's about the two of us and what we
00:00:58.800 lost but I have a lot of friends and a lot of family members who have had
00:01:03.780 miscarriages too and that helped me realize that I am not alone and this is
00:01:11.400 so common and it's something so many women experience but I do think that more
00:01:18.340 women need to talk about it so that it doesn't feel so lonely we lost our baby 1.00
00:01:27.400 at 12 weeks it was actually at 10 weeks the baby stopped growing and at 12
00:01:34.660 weeks we found out because you don't get to have ultrasounds every week so you 0.99
00:01:39.460 don't know and we had seen the heartbeat and I knew that the miscarriage rate
00:01:46.840 dropped once you've seen your baby's heartbeat and so I wasn't afraid so when
00:01:53.320 I did have a miscarriage it felt like it came out of left field and I was so not
00:02:01.300 prepared emotionally for that the first few weeks yeah I thought it would happen
00:02:07.180 then but for it to happen as late as it did for me in the first trimester still
00:02:11.720 but I was not prepared for emotionally and it was really hard obviously thank
00:02:21.220 God I was with my whole family for Passover so everyone everyone was there
00:02:29.740 which for me was really really helpful and it meant I had a ton of support I
00:02:35.020 wanted to talk about a few things in this video I wanted to talk about some
00:02:39.340 things for women who have gone through this or are going through this and I
00:02:45.020 want to talk to the people who are supporting them so for the women who are
00:02:49.960 going through this stop judging your feelings that's something I've really
00:02:56.620 struggled with is I've had feelings all over the place and my husband has said to
00:03:05.000 me so many times that your feelings you can feel them they're okay and any any
00:03:11.780 form that takes and don't judge something like that it's an emotional
00:03:18.200 grieving process and it's something you have to go through and it's not going to
00:03:25.160 be a straight line and that's the other thing I wanted to talk about was that it
00:03:29.780 comes in waves I've been okay for a few days and then I'm crying one night or I
00:03:35.540 wake up the next day and I'm crying next day and it just seems to come out of
00:03:39.920 nowhere it's not linear I consider myself a mom even though I never got to meet my
00:03:49.340 baby Jacob considers himself a father even though this happened and one of the hard
00:04:08.100 things for me has been the understanding that this baby couldn't have survived it
00:04:17.840 stopped growing on its own and wanting to look at it logically but still your child
00:04:30.620 and that's all okay all of those feelings are okay I know that God is watching over us and is watching
00:04:47.760 over our child and that I can turn to him when I need support as well as all the
00:04:58.480 people in my life and I know that that is true for you too you can always turn to
00:05:03.720 God and to your support systems and you will find comfort you are not alone so many women go through this and 1.00
00:05:13.760 and it's not your fault in any way it's not your fault it's something that just
00:05:21.680 happens sometimes and we don't have control over it for those of you who are
00:05:25.940 supporting someone who's gone through this I don't want to talk for every woman
00:05:31.580 who's going through it we all grieve differently but for me what was really
00:05:37.220 important was knowing that people were there but that they didn't need to solve
00:05:43.280 the problem and they didn't need to fill the silence so just sitting with me and
00:05:48.860 not necessarily saying anything or just being there and me knowing I could if I
00:05:55.160 wanted call but that they wouldn't initiate the conversation if I didn't want
00:05:59.120 to talk about it that was what I needed I wanted to be in control of when we
00:06:04.280 talked about things because there were times that I wouldn't be thinking about
00:06:07.340 it and in those moments I didn't want to think about it and then there were times
00:06:11.120 that I would be thinking about it and I would want to get things off my chest but
00:06:15.960 bringing it up to someone when they're not thinking about it in those brief
00:06:21.720 moments when they're not thinking about it is always a risk and I don't think
00:06:25.280 that it's necessarily helpful just follow their lead I think that's the most
00:06:30.320 important is follow the lead of the person who's going through it I know
00:06:35.000 that time has been helpful for me but it isn't ever gonna go away for all of the
00:06:48.080 husbands out there who have gone through this your pain is also valid and also
00:06:55.220 matters when Jacob found out that this had happened to us it was devastating and it
00:07:03.320 breaks my heart and his feelings are as real as mine so you also can look for
00:07:17.480 support in the people that you love and you and your wife and couples need to lean
00:07:22.980 on each other for support but Jacob and I want a family and miscarriages are not
00:07:29.940 indicative of other miscarriages and it's something that there's always a
00:07:37.380 chance it can happen so I I am looking forward to the child that we do have in the
00:07:51.780 future and I just feel really lucky that I have God and that in the time when it was really
00:08:05.220 the hardest for me I could pray and know that God was still there so that's what I wanted to talk
00:08:15.060 about today I didn't want to talk about what happened to me in too much detail but I did
00:08:19.920 want to share that it happened and if you were wondering why I wasn't on YouTube for a couple of
00:08:27.720 weeks that's why I was also sick before that because I was in the first trimester so that's why I maybe wasn't as consistent either but that is what I wanted to say so if I can help even one person then it was worth making this video okay bye
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