Classically Abby - I'm Having A Baby. Should I Feel Guilty For WANTING To Stay Home？

00:00:00.160 hello classic crew and welcome to today's video where i'm going to be sharing my thoughts on

00:00:06.000 motherhood and women in the workplace so before we get into today's video make sure you're 1.00

00:00:16.400 subscribed to my channel and make sure to hit that notification bell so that you can get notified of

00:00:20.320 all my new videos and if you aren't already subscribed to my substack newsletter go ahead

00:00:25.360 and head to classicallyabby.substack.com where you'll get access to exclusive content not available

00:00:31.440 anywhere else so today i want to work through some thoughts and feelings i've been having since

00:00:37.760 having my miscarriage and since being pregnant again i have been really changed in the last year

00:00:46.480 by the experiences that i've had in conceiving losing the baby and then conceiving again and it's really

00:00:54.560 impacted the way i've thought about motherhood and the way that i've thought about women in the

00:01:00.560 workplace and i want to share those thoughts and feelings with you guys because i think that this

00:01:05.520 is a conversation that we could get started and i'd love to hear your viewpoints on things too so

00:01:11.280 make sure to leave some comments down below because today i really want to share just how i've been

00:01:17.120 feeling this isn't meant to be a diatribe this isn't even necessarily meant to change anyone's

00:01:24.400 minds but i think these are some interesting topics that we don't necessarily allow ourselves to talk

00:01:31.120 about all that often or all that frequently and so i like that my channel is a place where we can talk

00:01:38.400 about motherhood talk about feminism talk about all of this stuff in a really open way and create a

00:01:46.160 community of women where we feel like we can chat together and if we disagree we disagree and that is

00:01:52.080 okay so i'm excited to get into today's video so let's get into it if you are new to my channel

00:01:59.200 i had a miscarriage about six and a half months ago and when i got pregnant i remember feeling like

00:02:05.840 the first trimester was so difficult and i could understand why women didn't like being pregnant i remember 1.00

00:02:14.160 feeling that way i remember thinking to myself you know i understand why women don't like this it's 1.00

00:02:19.840 uncomfortable i feel sick i don't love it either and then i lost my baby and when i lost my baby it put

00:02:30.960 so many things into perspective for me and i would never wish miscarriage on anyone it is a horrible

00:02:40.320 horrible thing to go through

00:02:41.760 the feeling i had afterward going through this pregnancy where i'm just grateful that the baby is

00:02:50.640 healthy and i'm just grateful to have any sort of morning sickness because it means the baby's growing

00:02:57.120 well that's something unique i think to having had a miscarriage it's a perspective that you're not

00:03:07.920 going to necessarily have if you didn't lose your child but after the miscarriage all i wanted in

00:03:15.440 the world was to get pregnant again and it made me realize how much i wanted to be a mother when it

00:03:21.200 was taken away from me of course i knew of course i knew i wanted to be a mother of course i knew how

00:03:26.560 important that was to me but as soon as i had a miscarriage it was so clear that motherhood was what

00:03:36.400 mattered to me more than anything else that if i had to give up having a career that if i had to give up

00:03:44.800 everything else to be a mother i would 100 do it i would rather have morning sickness every pregnancy

00:03:55.680 than not have a child this got me to thinking about motherhood in a lot of ways one of the things

00:04:01.440 that it got me to think about is that we as women are taught in today's day and age to find our meaning

00:04:09.920 through work and in the workplace you need to find a job that you are passionate about or that you're

00:04:16.400 successful at and that's what's gonna make you special that's what's gonna make you important

00:04:23.120 that's what's gonna give you purpose i feel like that's something i definitely felt growing up i felt like

00:04:27.920 i needed to prove myself and prove my worth through work i think a lot of women feel this way i think 0.86

00:04:36.800 feminism is a big reason for it now if you don't already know if you're new to my channel you should 1.00

00:04:42.640 definitely watch some of my videos on feminism because i am not anti equity feminism i'm anti second 0.97

00:04:50.080 and third wave depending on if you've heard of fourth wave fourth wave feminism i'm anti that stuff but 1.00

00:04:55.360 i am not anti women having equal rights in the workplace for example but the idea that women's 1.00

00:05:02.640 worth is outside of the home that is a concept that i have had to work through because ever since the

00:05:10.560 miscarriage i care most importantly about being a mother if all i ever do is raise my children and be a

00:05:23.840 homemaker that would be enough for me but i would still feel guilty i would feel like that was small

00:05:36.640 or like i did something wrong in not embracing my full potential how sad is that how sad is that that

00:05:48.320 i even as i know what would make me happy i feel like i would not have lived up to my true potential if

00:05:58.480 i was just a stay-at-home mom i think that is such a horrible thing to put on women we've taken away 0.98

00:06:09.760 the beauty of motherhood from women we've said that your worth is not it's not in the home that if you 0.90

00:06:19.840 were to only be at home you'd be you'd be giving up on what we fought so hard for for women to be in 1.00

00:06:26.000 the workplace and hey there are some women who want to be in the workplace and i do like my work what i'm 0.99

00:06:33.680 looking at a mic right now i i do love my work i love filming i love editing i love sharing content

00:06:40.720 with you guys i love creating a community of women who want to be classic i love educating and teaching

00:06:47.280 and guiding women to be more classic in today's day and age but none of that would matter if i couldn't

00:06:56.800 be a mother and the role of mother is so belittled in our society we treat motherhood in two ways we

00:07:08.000 treat it like it's something only a superhero could accomplish right we call mothers heroes we call them

00:07:12.880 superheroes which takes away how natural it is how how much a part of womanhood it is how it's just 0.97

00:07:20.160 something that we do right when i've heard that women are superheroes for going through pregnancy and 1.00

00:07:26.400 raising children it made it seem like well then why would i do something so hard as opposed to

00:07:34.000 this is a natural part of your life that is going to endow your life with meaning you know we we view

00:07:42.480 motherhood as something so hard and so almost unnatural because it must it must be if it's that

00:07:52.160 difficult as opposed to this is what women do and this is what is a meant for you so we either view 0.99

00:08:01.040 it as we either view motherhood as only superheroes can do it or we view motherhood as well why wouldn't

00:08:08.960 you leave that to a daycare why wouldn't you leave that to a nanny while you work it puts it in a position 0.99

00:08:16.880 of you are not living up to who you could be this is something i've been thinking so much about because

00:08:26.080 it's so upsetting to me i think that motherhood is the best most important thing any woman can do and

00:08:33.440 it's part of what makes us women it's part of what of what defines us and it's it's natural

00:08:41.280 and we belittle it or we hold it on such a high pedestal that it's it seems like a choice that some

00:08:51.680 women make but it's not really part and parcel of womanhood it's the most natural thing in the world 1.00

00:09:00.320 to want to be a mother and to want to raise children and we beat ourselves up for it

00:09:07.120 i know i myself have felt guilty i shared that already i felt guilty for for saying if i'm not

00:09:14.640 a career woman and i just am a mother what am i really doing and i know so many women who pursued

00:09:20.960 their careers they pursued a degree and then they had children and realized i don't i want to be with

00:09:28.240 my child i don't want to go back to work and they felt horrible they felt guilty they felt like they had failed

00:09:34.880 how how crazy how silly is that that women feel like they have failed because they want to do the

00:09:45.680 most natural thing in the world which is mother their children it makes me sad to think that so many women 1.00

00:09:52.960 feel like it's wrong to want motherhood first and foremost in today's day and age that's really the

00:10:01.920 fight that we're waging is for women to be able to take pride in their most natural role as mothers 0.99

00:10:11.200 i think that it's a fundamental god-given purpose for women to have children and i think that being

00:10:17.680 mothers being wives being homemakers this is a a fundamental this gives us this gives us meaning in a

00:10:25.760 way that nothing else does now does that mean that every woman needs to stay at home no i don't think

00:10:32.160 so i think you can pay somebody to clean your house no one else is gonna like think of you and think

00:10:37.920 of how their mom always cleaned the house what they'll remember as my mom likes to say is who made

00:10:43.360 dinner who spent time with them you know that kind of thing but i think that women when they are told 1.00

00:10:51.360 that their most important role is outside of the home is in the workplace is as an employee

00:10:59.840 that's when they feel anxious there's a disconnect between what we're made for and what you're being

00:11:08.240 told you're made for i think women find their fundamental meaning being mothers and being wives 0.72

00:11:16.640 and that doesn't exclude being in the workplace but it means putting that in its most important role

00:11:25.200 and recognizing it and i'm i'm starting to recognize that now that as you know someone who's pregnant

00:11:33.680 with my child this is what is giving me meaning this is what is bringing me purpose

00:11:40.720 my work i love my work it's another thing that gives me meaning and purpose but without

00:11:45.600 children without being a wife i would never feel totally fulfilled and i think that as we take

00:11:52.960 away this fundamental purpose that women are meant to have we're doing a real disservice to women 1.00

00:12:01.040 we're telling them that their worth is not in what they were meant to do it's in being in a workplace

00:12:07.680 and again work can give you meaning but it can't be the only thing that gives you meaning

00:12:14.400 i know that these are controversial thoughts and controversial topics but they're serious and i

00:12:21.440 think we need to be having a conversation about them now the last thing i want to talk about is an

00:12:26.320 actual problem i'm trying to solve which is before you get married how do you find meaning when you're not

00:12:36.240 married when you don't have children yet when you're not a wife and you're not a mother yet

00:12:41.120 is there a way to find purpose and fulfillment before those things happen in work in community

00:12:50.560 in your faith without pigeonholing women into having to pursue that career that they pursued before

00:12:58.720 they were married with children after they have children so what i mean is i know that for me

00:13:05.360 the things that gave me purpose and meaning before i got married were my opera singing career and then

00:13:11.920 when i got married it was being a wife and starting this channel and then now it's being a mother being

00:13:19.200 a wife and doing this stuff doing my channel and doing classically abby but for the women who let's say 1.00

00:13:28.320 pursue a high-powered law degree and put a lot of time and effort and money into that degree and then

00:13:35.360 into pursuing a partnership because that's what's going to give them meaning before they get married

00:13:41.440 and then they get married and then they have children how can we prevent women from beating 1.00

00:13:46.400 themselves up for for finding more meaning in motherhood than they did in their work before

00:13:53.840 is there a way i'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments about this because i think that women 1.00

00:14:01.600 can and should pursue careers that will bring them meaning when they aren't married when they don't

00:14:07.680 have children and if they can proceed with that career without it being detrimental to their life once

00:14:14.000 they're married then go for it but being partner at a law firm as a mother never being around being a 0.99

00:14:22.240 high-powered doctor never being around for your kids i don't think that those choices the choices

00:14:28.640 that will have to lead you down the path of neglecting your family neglecting this thing that will bring

00:14:35.040 you joy and that you theoretically would love to do is to stay home with your kids i don't think if that

00:14:41.840 career is going to end up bringing you sorrow in the future when you decide that you want to be at home more

00:14:47.760 is a good idea i think i think we need to find a way for women to to find jobs that bring them purpose 1.00

00:14:58.320 and bring them meaning that will still slot into having a family and will allow them to have the

00:15:07.040 flexibility to make the choice to stay at home if they want to that's what i think because for me

00:15:13.200 choosing opera before i got married and before i i have children that was honestly not the wisest choice

00:15:21.360 i i knew the kind of lifestyle i wanted and yet i still pursued a career that would not have been

00:15:26.320 conducive to it and yes it brought me meaning and fulfillment while i was pursuing it but

00:15:32.400 it wasn't going to end up being something that i could really pursue and it was something that i beat

00:15:38.320 myself up about when i realized it wasn't going to be right for me

00:15:42.080 so that's where i'm at these are the things i've been thinking about i'd love to know what your

00:15:47.440 guys thoughts are on all this i know perhaps it came out in sort of a jumbled way but i think that

00:15:53.280 there's something here and i think that this is a conversation i really want to have

00:15:59.920 so let me know in the comments your thoughts thank you guys so much for watching today's video

00:16:04.160 make sure to subscribe to my channel if you haven't already and hit that notification bell so you can get

00:16:08.240 notified of all my new videos and if you haven't already subscribed to my sub stack make sure you

00:16:12.960 do so the link is in the description box below thank you guys for watching and i'll see you guys in my next video

00:16:30.800 so

00:16:37.360 you

00:16:39.360 you

00:16:41.360 you

Classically Abby - October 20, 2021

I'm Having A Baby. Should I Feel Guilty For WANTING To Stay Home？

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript