Classically Abby - LADIES. Let's Talk Dating For MARRIAGE： The SECRET Formula! ｜｜ CONSERVATIVE Guide To Dating

00:00:00.000 Hello Classic Crew and welcome to today's video where I'm going to tell you my secret recipe for

00:00:05.780 love, chemistry and compatibility. Love is wonderful, but it isn't always easy to find

00:00:13.700 and it's definitely tricky to figure out what exactly the formula is to have it last. In today's

00:00:19.080 day and age, dating for fun is much more common than dating seriously and dating for a purpose.

00:00:25.360 Now, if you're just dating for fun, that's not going to be the path to a relationship that actually

00:00:30.620 has the potential to last forever. And that's not to say that dating shouldn't be fun at all.

00:00:35.180 Of course it should be fun. But it also needs to have the grounding principles that allow that

00:00:40.220 relationship to last more than just one date or that can last a while but don't end in marriage

00:00:46.600 and don't end in a family. I think we all want a lasting and meaningful connection. But in my

00:00:51.720 opinion, there's a perfect recipe for knowing who the right guy is and actually having a relationship

00:00:56.980 that lasts. And we have to be picky as women about who we choose to date and who we choose to spend

00:01:02.660 our time with. If you're just dating for fun and you waste two, three years with somebody who really

00:01:08.160 doesn't have the potential to have a long-lasting relationship with you, then you are only wasting

00:01:12.880 your own time in finding the right person for you. So in my opinion, there are two things that are

00:01:17.860 integral for a long-lasting relationship. And that is chemistry and compatibility. Now, I know you've

00:01:23.640 heard this before, but I have a little bit of a different spin on it. So today, I'm really excited

00:01:28.860 to share my thoughts on what you should be looking for when you are trying to pick a partner, when

00:01:34.360 you're dating, that turns into marriage and eventually a family. If you are new to my channel, we talk about

00:01:40.320 lifestyle, commentary, beauty, fashion, and opera, all from a conservative and classic perspective.

00:01:45.740 So feel free to subscribe and hit that notification bell to get notified of all my new videos.

00:01:50.280 But now, let's get into it. Unless you met the guy that you were going to marry in high school,

00:01:55.600 most women have dated a few different guys. And I think most women have dated their chemistry guy.

00:02:01.620 Your chemistry guy is the guy that you were obsessed with. You thought that you guys were

00:02:06.840 perfect for each other. Your personalities just meshed. You thought about him all the time.

00:02:11.460 You couldn't get him out of your head. And you thought to yourself, he just gets me.

00:02:16.360 You could talk to each other for hours on end. You were really physically attracted to each other.

00:02:21.560 And you were absolutely in love with your chemistry guy. But then it came to the big questions.

00:02:27.260 Then it came to religion. Or it came to politics. Or it came to values. Or it came to wanting children.

00:02:34.600 These things, you didn't agree on. At all. But it didn't matter, right?

00:02:38.740 You thought to yourself, my chemistry guy, he is perfect for me. It doesn't matter that we're not

00:02:44.500 compatible. We are just too perfect for each other to give this up. We are soulmates.

00:02:50.480 And for a while, you were able to ignore the big questions. You could brush them under the rug and

00:02:55.460 pretend that they didn't exist. You could say, oh, well, he doesn't want kids, but that won't come up

00:03:00.400 for a very long time, so we won't worry about it. Or, he doesn't care about my faith. That's fine.

00:03:05.860 I'll just ignore it for the moment. But the arguments come up. They came up so often that

00:03:11.520 you couldn't ignore them. And it made you guys question your relationship. Even as you couldn't

00:03:16.520 question the connection that you had, you questioned your relationship and the longevity.

00:03:22.220 And in a way, that made the relationship feel even more right. Even more special. That drama where you

00:03:28.760 had to fight for each other's love. Where you knew that there was going to be passion at the end of

00:03:33.580 your resolutions. That anxiety made your emotions go up and down on a roller coaster. And the ups,

00:03:40.860 the super high highs, made you feel like, wow, I've never been more in love with someone. But in order

00:03:46.200 to have those really high highs, you had to have those really low lows. Where you knew in your gut

00:03:51.940 that this may not end up being the right person. And in the end, that relationship with your chemistry

00:03:57.640 guy didn't work out. Those questions were too important and needed to be dealt with. And that

00:04:03.420 breakup was painful. I know because I've been there. I've dated my chemistry guy. I've dated that

00:04:11.980 guy who I thought we were absolutely perfect for each other because we understood each other on a

00:04:17.420 whole nother level. I thought to myself that the big questions and the stuff that we didn't agree on,

00:04:22.160 it didn't matter. Because we were just so in sync that any other thing that got in between us was

00:04:29.080 just, it didn't, it wasn't important. And it didn't work out. Because those questions were important.

00:04:35.400 And even though that person and I got along really well and just were super into each other,

00:04:41.020 it didn't matter. Because at the end of the day, we didn't have compatibility. We only had chemistry.

00:04:47.560 And I know a lot of other women when I've talked about a relationship like this. And they've

00:04:52.180 experienced it themselves. And they didn't end up with that person. Then there's your compatibility

00:04:57.260 guy. I think a lot of women have dated this guy too. This is the guy who checked off all of the

00:05:02.740 boxes on paper. You could introduce him to your friends and your family. And they would think that

00:05:06.980 you guys were perfect together. Because on paper, you made total sense. You thought to yourself,

00:05:12.160 we should be soulmates. We should fit together. But I don't feel like we do. With that guy,

00:05:18.800 you feel like you should be able to spend your entire future with him. But you don't like spending

00:05:23.040 time with him. You didn't really get along. You didn't really have a great time with each other.

00:05:29.120 You didn't really look forward to your dates. And it may even have felt boring. When you broke up

00:05:33.980 with your compatibility guy, your heart didn't break. You didn't feel like really torn up about it.

00:05:39.560 But you did feel like, did I make a mistake? Was this the right guy? Should I have stayed with him?

00:05:44.940 Was he perfect for me? I've dated this guy too. I've dated the guy who on paper, the two of us

00:05:50.440 would have been perfection. We made total sense together. And I didn't like spending time with

00:05:55.760 him. And I could not justify after we broke up why I just couldn't feel right with him. Why that wasn't

00:06:04.380 a perfect relationship and why it wouldn't end up in marriage. I just could not understand it. And he

00:06:10.240 was my compatibility guy. He did not have any of the chemistry of the first guy. He had all of the

00:06:15.300 compatibility that the first relationship was missing. In both of those cases, I was missing and

00:06:20.860 you're missing one vital ingredient. You need chemistry and compatibility for a long lasting relationship.

00:06:28.460 When you meet the right guy, you can talk through the night and you can talk about your future. But

00:06:33.340 you're not afraid of losing him in the way that you are with your chemistry guy, where you constantly

00:06:39.080 are on edge about, oh my gosh, when is this going to fall apart because those big questions aren't

00:06:43.540 answered. Everything feels so much more secure and much more calm because there isn't that fear that

00:06:51.020 things are going to end. And that piece is so worth looking for. I think so many women confuse passion 1.00

00:06:59.240 with anxiety. They think that that feeling of, oh my gosh, I need to be with this person. And if we're

00:07:05.600 not together, like things are going to fall apart. I'm going to fall apart. I need them and I don't want

00:07:10.540 to lose them. That's anxiety because you are afraid of losing them. When you're with the right person,

00:07:18.340 you don't feel that because there's not a concern that you're going to lose that person. You guys

00:07:23.200 agree on the big stuff and you also love spending time together. That feeling in the pit of your

00:07:29.580 stomach that you can't bear to lose someone is only there because you're afraid that your relationship

00:07:35.480 will end. Real passion and passion that lasts is a slow burn. And it's so much more satisfying

00:07:41.800 because you know that your relationship is going to go the distance. When Jacob and I met,

00:07:47.500 it was obvious so quickly for the both of us that we had met our chemistry and compatibility person.

00:07:55.360 It was both. We got along so well. We talked all the time. Literally, we could not stop talking.

00:08:01.700 And at the same time, both of us knew we wanted to get married. Both of us were Jewish. Both of us knew

00:08:06.500 we wanted to raise our children in a Jewish household. Both of us were on the same side of the political

00:08:10.580 spectrum. We shared values. We both wanted children. It was so easy for me to see what I had been missing

00:08:18.940 in previous relationships. I had my chemistry guy and my compatibility guy in one person. And it was

00:08:25.140 the best feeling. It was not anxiety inducing. It was so calming. It was this feeling of even keel.

00:08:34.800 I didn't have to worry that Jacob was going to leave or that we were going to break up because

00:08:39.600 we agreed on everything important and we loved spending time together. We literally talked about

00:08:46.660 getting married a week after we started dating. And it was so easy for us to tell that we were with

00:08:53.260 the right person because things were so easy in that way. We knew that we agreed on the big questions.

00:09:00.420 We got that stuff out of the way and we loved hanging out with each other. So that is my recipe

00:09:05.840 for a long-lasting relationship. Chemistry and compatibility. And if you've dated your chemistry

00:09:11.880 guy and your compatibility guy, when you meet the right guy, when you meet the right person,

00:09:17.040 you will know because you have experienced both sides of the spectrum and the right guy is right in

00:09:23.720 the middle. So I hope you guys enjoyed today's video. This is one of my absolute favorite topics to

00:09:29.300 talk about. I've had a lot of friends in the past who have talked to me about their experience with

00:09:34.620 their chemistry guy. Usually the chemistry guy is the hardest because that's the one where you feel

00:09:39.280 like you have met the perfect person, but nothing is actually settled because the compatibility is so

00:09:45.460 off. And I think that this is something that is so worth talking about and needs to be talked about

00:09:51.280 more in our dating culture. So let me know in the comments what you guys think. I'd love to hear.

00:09:57.260 Make sure to subscribe to my channel if you haven't already and make sure to ring that notification

00:10:01.440 bell because if you haven't hit that notification bell, you won't know when my new videos go up.

00:10:05.440 And I know some people have been having problems with that. If you'd like to get a little dose of

00:10:09.460 classic into your inbox just twice a month, feel free to head over to my description box where

00:10:14.300 there's a link to my newsletter. Follow me on all social media at Classically Abby. I'm on Twitter,

00:10:19.820 Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook, pretty much anywhere there's social media. I am there as at

00:10:25.180 Classically Abby. Thank you so much for watching today's video, and I'll see you guys in the next

00:10:29.440 one. Bye!

Classically Abby - March 04, 2021

LADIES. Let's Talk Dating For MARRIAGE： The SECRET Formula! ｜｜ CONSERVATIVE Guide To Dating

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript