Ladies, SEX Before Marriage Is Ruining YOUR Life ⧸⧸ Cheap sex is NOT female empowerment...
Episode Stats
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170.2436
Summary
In this episode, I talk about why our modern approach to sex is actually much worse for women than it was in the past, and why sex should never be treated as a choice in the modern world.
Transcript
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Hello Classic Crew, and welcome to today's video where we're going to be talking about
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why our modern approach to sex is actually way worse for women.
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If you are new to my channel, here we talk about classic living and traditional values,
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and I would love if you would consider subscribing and hitting that notification bell,
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as well as heading over to my Substack newsletter where you can join our amazing community of women
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and get access to a ton of exclusive content, including my book club, my podcast, and exclusive weekly articles.
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So for my Classically Abbey book club over on my Substack, we recently read a book called Cheap Sex by Mark Ragnaris,
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who's a sociologist, and it was really eye-opening.
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I highly recommend picking it up if you are interested in reading it, because it is fantastic.
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And I wanted to hit on some of the points that he talks about.
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So he talks a lot about how sex has become economically cheap in our day and age,
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where it's just easy access from both a physical perspective and an online perspective.
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You can have sex in really any form you want without working very hard for it,
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and what that has done to our society and especially to women.
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So today, I really want to talk about how our attitude towards sex as women is not better for women in the long run.
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Let's start off by talking about how sex became cheap.
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So really, the first thing that made sex cheap was the advent of birth control.
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Before birth control existed, sex and conception were inherently linked.
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Sure, you could absolutely have sex and not get pregnant.
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But there was always a risk that you would get pregnant.
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And with that in mind, it meant that you had to be more responsible about who you had sex with and when you had sex.
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Or at least you should have been, because if you weren't, then you could get pregnant.
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And that could have consequences that perhaps you didn't want to happen.
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With the advent of birth control, physical pleasure became entirely separate from the consequence of that physical pleasure.
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Sex became something totally separate than having a baby.
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It meant that sex became so much more about just stimulation than it did about the connection you were having with that other person.
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And recognizing that that person could be the father of your children.
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Now, when you separate sex from conception, the problem is, is that in people's minds, it's an unnatural result of sex to get pregnant.
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Which is exactly the opposite of the truth, right?
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We know that sex and pregnancy are absolutely linked.
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But birth control gives you the perception that the worst outcome of sex, the most unnatural outcome of sex, is pregnancy.
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And when that's the case, not only do people feel like pregnancy is now a choice, that choice can lead to abortions.
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Because, oh, well if this is an unnatural result of sex, then I shouldn't have to deal with it, and I don't want to deal with the consequences.
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Now, I'm not somebody who believes that sex is only for the purpose of having a child.
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It makes a couple come together closer, and express their emotional feelings for each other in a physical way.
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It's a beautiful way to express our love for one another, and come closer together as couples.
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But, there's also always an understanding that it can lead to pregnancy.
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And because of that, it should never be treated lightly.
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Even though, in 99% of cases, or 96% of cases for most birth controls, you won't get pregnant.
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The next part of the puzzle is the rise of the pure relationship over the traditional relationship.
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Anthony Giddens, who is another sociologist that Mark Ragnaris references quite a bit in Cheap Sex,
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came up with this theory of the pure relationship.
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So, Giddens' argument about the pure relationship is that nowadays, we have an understanding of relationships
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that's pretty self-absorbed and me-me-me based.
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Essentially, what Anthony Giddens argues is that the pure relationship exists only to meet the partner's needs,
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and as soon as those needs are met, the relationship can end.
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Couples are together because of love, or because of sexual fulfillment,
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but they're not together because of tradition or duty.
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And because relationships are really seen as a way for you to find yourself, they're very short-lived.
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But marriages and relationships are based on commitments.
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They're based on traditions and duties to one another and to your children.
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And it's not just about, what am I getting today?
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Sometimes relationships are about putting in hard work and recognizing that you need to fight for what you built together
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Traditional relationships recognize that there's a lot more to a relationship than just,
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I loved you yesterday, but I don't love you today, so now it's over.
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As relationships became more purer and less traditional, we see a decline in marriage.
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And we see sex treated as another path to fulfillment,
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as opposed to something that is engaged in for the intimacy of a couple within a traditional relationship.
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So with those two things in mind, that leads us to number three.
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Getting married has become less and less easy to do.
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Men can have access to sex with absolutely no problem.
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Men don't have to wait to have sex with someone because women don't feel like the sex that they are having
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needs to be with someone who will support them, raise children with them, or marry them.
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Men are able to have sex incredibly easily or access pornography on the internet,
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And in doing so, better themselves, have a good career in place so they can support a family.
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Men are really let off the hook, and women are the ones who are paying the price.
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This isn't a question of whether or not women want to be married.
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And when we have economically cheapened sex so that it's just available at any time to anyone,
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it makes it so that it is a lot harder to get married.
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Because now it's not just, oh, men are going to get married to have sex and have a family.
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Men now have to come to a conclusion that the relationship they are in is pure enough
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The women who want to wait till marriage are now in a competition with the women who don't.
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And when I say women who don't want to wait until marriage,
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I really think we're talking about an empowerment lie that women have bought into from a feminist narrative
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that says that they will enjoy their lives more if they have sex outside of marriage.
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But the fact of the matter is women do not find sexual satisfaction having sex outside of marriage,
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even though that's what they're told that they will do,
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and they will have a better sex life outside of marriage.
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Women don't enjoy sex in the same way when they're not married because it's unstable
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And even though it can be sexually fun, pleasurable for a short time,
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it's not sexually satisfactory in the long run.
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So what ends up happening is you have women who want to wait
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being put in a position of having to consider their options.
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Will they be able to find a guy who's willing to wait for them?
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Because now that sex is so cheap, he can go anywhere.
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And now all of these people who complain that there's too much emphasis put on beauty in our society
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Because sex is now mostly about physical pleasure.
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It's not about emotional intimacy between a couple.
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And when sex is about physical pleasure and not about emotional intimacy,
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then of course it's going to be based off looks more than anything else.
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When sex is first and foremost about physical pleasure for men and women,
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more than a long-lasting relationship that lasts for both sides,
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then sexual attractiveness becomes the most important thing.
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Not the relationship that spurs a beautiful sex life.
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And I want to touch on this point, which is number six.
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Because marriage is now so much harder to attain,
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because marriage is not treated as something that people need,
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it's treated as something that people can do if they want,
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it's not considered the building block of a family or the building block of a relationship,
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So as women are waiting longer and longer to get married,
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they're also waiting longer and longer to have children.
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because women are getting married older and older.
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this fulfillment that they think will come out of marriage,
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but is really based on their self-absorbed finding themselves mentality.
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And the men that they want to marry are able to avoid making this commitment
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they're 35 and having to use IVF to get pregnant.
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Because getting pregnant as you get older is more difficult.
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All of this is a testament to the fact that marriage has become something an elite few people do,
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instead of a necessary part of starting a family.
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And I think it's one of the most beautiful things that people can do.
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having sex with men that they probably wouldn't want to have sex with,
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because if they want to enter into a real relationship,
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a lot of men are not willing to do so unless they have sex.
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and then struggling with fertility down the line.
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oh, we should all be having as much sex as possible
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Men are the ones who get to now have access to something
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unless they promised to support you and stay with you.
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Make sure to check out Cheap Sex by Mark Regnerus.
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And if you're not already subscribed to my Substack newsletter,
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go ahead and head over to classicallyabby.substack.com.