Classically Abby - March 03, 2022


Ladies, SEX Before Marriage Is Ruining YOUR Life ⧸⧸ Cheap sex is NOT female empowerment...


Episode Stats


Length

11 minutes

Words per minute

170.2436

Word count

2,036

Sentence count

118

Harmful content

Misogyny

21

sentences flagged

Toxicity

6

sentences flagged

Hate speech

14

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, I talk about why our modern approach to sex is actually much worse for women than it was in the past, and why sex should never be treated as a choice in the modern world.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Hello Classic Crew, and welcome to today's video where we're going to be talking about
00:00:04.800 why our modern approach to sex is actually way worse for women. 1.00
00:00:14.640 If you are new to my channel, here we talk about classic living and traditional values,
00:00:19.600 and I would love if you would consider subscribing and hitting that notification bell,
00:00:23.180 as well as heading over to my Substack newsletter where you can join our amazing community of women
00:00:28.400 and get access to a ton of exclusive content, including my book club, my podcast, and exclusive weekly articles.
00:00:35.660 So for my Classically Abbey book club over on my Substack, we recently read a book called Cheap Sex by Mark Ragnaris,
00:00:43.180 who's a sociologist, and it was really eye-opening.
00:00:47.700 I highly recommend picking it up if you are interested in reading it, because it is fantastic.
00:00:53.720 And I wanted to hit on some of the points that he talks about.
00:00:57.040 So he talks a lot about how sex has become economically cheap in our day and age,
00:01:03.380 where it's just easy access from both a physical perspective and an online perspective.
00:01:09.300 You can have sex in really any form you want without working very hard for it,
00:01:14.520 and what that has done to our society and especially to women. 0.86
00:01:19.300 So today, I really want to talk about how our attitude towards sex as women is not better for women in the long run.
00:01:26.020 It's actually much, much worse.
00:01:28.880 So let's get into today's video.
00:01:30.800 Let's start off by talking about how sex became cheap.
00:01:35.000 So really, the first thing that made sex cheap was the advent of birth control.
00:01:40.740 Before birth control existed, sex and conception were inherently linked.
00:01:45.580 There were ways to get around it.
00:01:47.240 Sure, you could absolutely have sex and not get pregnant. 0.98
00:01:50.040 But there was always a risk that you would get pregnant.
00:01:53.720 And with that in mind, it meant that you had to be more responsible about who you had sex with and when you had sex.
00:02:00.960 Or at least you should have been, because if you weren't, then you could get pregnant. 1.00
00:02:05.100 And that could have consequences that perhaps you didn't want to happen.
00:02:08.540 With the advent of birth control, physical pleasure became entirely separate from the consequence of that physical pleasure.
00:02:17.900 Sex became something totally separate than having a baby.
00:02:22.520 Which actually was not a good thing.
00:02:24.740 It meant that sex became so much more about just stimulation than it did about the connection you were having with that other person.
00:02:33.500 And recognizing that that person could be the father of your children.
00:02:36.300 Now, when you separate sex from conception, the problem is, is that in people's minds, it's an unnatural result of sex to get pregnant.
00:02:48.280 Which is exactly the opposite of the truth, right?
00:02:50.340 We know that sex and pregnancy are absolutely linked.
00:02:54.180 But birth control gives you the perception that the worst outcome of sex, the most unnatural outcome of sex, is pregnancy.
00:03:01.360 And when that's the case, not only do people feel like pregnancy is now a choice, that choice can lead to abortions.
00:03:11.600 Because, oh, well if this is an unnatural result of sex, then I shouldn't have to deal with it, and I don't want to deal with the consequences.
00:03:20.480 Now, I'm not somebody who believes that sex is only for the purpose of having a child.
00:03:25.820 Sex is about intimacy for a couple.
00:03:28.400 It makes a couple come together closer, and express their emotional feelings for each other in a physical way.
00:03:35.640 It's a beautiful way to express our love for one another, and come closer together as couples.
00:03:41.540 But, there's also always an understanding that it can lead to pregnancy.
00:03:46.560 Even birth control is never 100% effective.
00:03:49.300 And because of that, it should never be treated lightly.
00:03:53.520 Even though, in 99% of cases, or 96% of cases for most birth controls, you won't get pregnant. 0.62
00:04:00.300 The next part of the puzzle is the rise of the pure relationship over the traditional relationship.
00:04:05.460 Anthony Giddens, who is another sociologist that Mark Ragnaris references quite a bit in Cheap Sex,
00:04:11.280 came up with this theory of the pure relationship.
00:04:13.500 So, Giddens' argument about the pure relationship is that nowadays, we have an understanding of relationships
00:04:20.080 that's pretty self-absorbed and me-me-me based.
00:04:23.960 Essentially, what Anthony Giddens argues is that the pure relationship exists only to meet the partner's needs,
00:04:29.980 and as soon as those needs are met, the relationship can end.
00:04:33.140 Couples are together because of love, or because of sexual fulfillment,
00:04:36.660 but they're not together because of tradition or duty.
00:04:39.100 And because relationships are really seen as a way for you to find yourself, they're very short-lived.
00:04:45.060 The phrase pure relationship sounds positive.
00:04:47.740 It sounds like it's pure.
00:04:49.020 It's not based on anything else.
00:04:50.620 But marriages and relationships are based on commitments.
00:04:54.360 They're based on traditions and duties to one another and to your children.
00:04:59.300 And it's not just about, what am I getting today?
00:05:02.520 Am I happy today?
00:05:03.680 Do I feel fulfilled today by you?
00:05:05.880 Sometimes relationships are about putting in hard work and recognizing that you need to fight for what you built together
00:05:14.420 and for the family that you have.
00:05:17.480 And traditional relationships do that.
00:05:19.380 Traditional relationships recognize that there's a lot more to a relationship than just,
00:05:25.840 I loved you yesterday, but I don't love you today, so now it's over.
00:05:28.620 As relationships became more purer and less traditional, we see a decline in marriage.
00:05:36.260 We see a rise in divorce.
00:05:38.620 And we see sex treated as another path to fulfillment,
00:05:43.460 as opposed to something that is engaged in for the intimacy of a couple within a traditional relationship.
00:05:51.180 So with those two things in mind, that leads us to number three.
00:05:54.800 Getting married has become less and less easy to do.
00:05:58.760 Men can have access to sex with absolutely no problem.
00:06:02.640 Men don't have to wait to have sex with someone because women don't feel like the sex that they are having 0.99
00:06:09.000 needs to be with someone who will support them, raise children with them, or marry them. 0.77
00:06:14.280 So sex is economically cheap. 0.88
00:06:16.760 Men are able to have sex incredibly easily or access pornography on the internet, 0.97
00:06:20.880 and they don't need to wait to have sex. 0.97
00:06:24.480 And in doing so, better themselves, have a good career in place so they can support a family.
00:06:30.940 Men are really let off the hook, and women are the ones who are paying the price. 1.00
00:06:35.680 Women want to be married. 1.00
00:06:37.000 This isn't a question of whether or not women want to be married. 1.00
00:06:39.900 Women want to be married. 1.00
00:06:41.720 And when we have economically cheapened sex so that it's just available at any time to anyone,
00:06:48.480 it makes it so that it is a lot harder to get married.
00:06:52.560 Because now it's not just, oh, men are going to get married to have sex and have a family.
00:06:59.640 Men now have to come to a conclusion that the relationship they are in is pure enough
00:07:05.060 for it to lead to marriage.
00:07:07.160 Now the really sad thing is number four.
00:07:10.040 The women who want to wait till marriage are now in a competition with the women who don't. 1.00
00:07:16.580 And when I say women who don't want to wait until marriage, 0.89
00:07:19.860 I really think we're talking about an empowerment lie that women have bought into from a feminist narrative 1.00
00:07:26.800 that says that they will enjoy their lives more if they have sex outside of marriage.
00:07:32.160 But the fact of the matter is women do not find sexual satisfaction having sex outside of marriage, 0.99
00:07:37.400 even though that's what they're told that they will do,
00:07:39.540 and they will have a better sex life outside of marriage.
00:07:41.720 Women don't enjoy sex in the same way when they're not married because it's unstable 1.00
00:07:48.720 and they don't know that it's going to last.
00:07:51.800 And even though it can be sexually fun, pleasurable for a short time,
00:07:58.280 it's not sexually satisfactory in the long run.
00:08:02.580 So what ends up happening is you have women who want to wait 1.00
00:08:06.060 being put in a position of having to consider their options.
00:08:09.940 Can they wait?
00:08:10.820 Will they be able to find a guy who's willing to wait for them?
00:08:14.580 Because now that sex is so cheap, he can go anywhere.
00:08:17.700 He doesn't have to wait for you.
00:08:19.380 And now all of these people who complain that there's too much emphasis put on beauty in our society
00:08:26.900 and that everyone needs to look perfect.
00:08:30.220 Well, it makes sense.
00:08:32.000 This is why.
00:08:32.620 Number five.
00:08:33.680 Because sex is now mostly about physical pleasure.
00:08:37.520 It's not about emotional intimacy between a couple.
00:08:39.740 It's cheap.
00:08:41.760 It's easy to access.
00:08:42.800 And when sex is about physical pleasure and not about emotional intimacy,
00:08:47.700 then of course it's going to be based off looks more than anything else.
00:08:50.920 When sex is first and foremost about physical pleasure for men and women,
00:08:54.700 more than a long-lasting relationship that lasts for both sides,
00:08:58.700 then sexual attractiveness becomes the most important thing.
00:09:01.740 Not the relationship that spurs a beautiful sex life.
00:09:07.220 And I want to touch on this point, which is number six.
00:09:10.840 Because marriage is now so much harder to attain,
00:09:14.540 because marriage is not treated as something that people need,
00:09:18.740 it's treated as something that people can do if they want,
00:09:21.960 it's not considered the building block of a family or the building block of a relationship,
00:09:25.980 women are getting married older.
00:09:29.340 It's harder and harder to meet somebody.
00:09:31.540 And it's harder and harder to get married.
00:09:34.020 So as women are waiting longer and longer to get married, 1.00
00:09:37.340 they're also waiting longer and longer to have children.
00:09:39.920 And fertility now becomes an issue, 0.51
00:09:41.880 because women are getting married older and older. 1.00
00:09:44.180 Instead of thinking about fertility,
00:09:47.380 women are looking for confluent love, 1.00
00:09:49.640 pure relationships,
00:09:50.620 this fulfillment that they think will come out of marriage,
00:09:54.500 but is really based on their self-absorbed finding themselves mentality.
00:09:59.420 And the men that they want to marry are able to avoid making this commitment
00:10:03.780 until much later down the line as well.
00:10:06.280 And then all of a sudden,
00:10:07.600 they're 35 and having to use IVF to get pregnant. 1.00
00:10:11.480 Because getting pregnant as you get older is more difficult.
00:10:14.900 All of this is a testament to the fact that marriage has become something an elite few people do,
00:10:19.720 because they want to,
00:10:21.420 instead of a necessary part of starting a family.
00:10:25.880 And as you guys know,
00:10:26.980 I think marriage is incredibly important.
00:10:28.860 And I think it's one of the most beautiful things that people can do.
00:10:33.120 But without that building block,
00:10:36.060 we are seeing women suffer in so many ways.
00:10:40.220 Less physical satisfaction, 0.98
00:10:42.720 having sex with men that they probably wouldn't want to have sex with, 0.97
00:10:45.980 but feel pressure to, 0.98
00:10:46.980 because if they want to enter into a real relationship,
00:10:49.300 a lot of men are not willing to do so unless they have sex.
00:10:53.220 Waiting longer and longer to get married,
00:10:55.440 and allowing sex to be economically cheap,
00:10:58.580 and then struggling with fertility down the line. 0.99
00:11:01.160 So the empowerment narrative that,
00:11:03.420 oh, we should all be having as much sex as possible
00:11:05.920 before we're married, outside of marriage,
00:11:07.820 and that's really empowering.
00:11:10.040 Who is it empowering?
00:11:11.680 At the end of the day,
00:11:12.840 it gives over much more power to men.
00:11:17.460 Men are the ones who get to now have access to something 0.96
00:11:20.640 that they didn't have access to before,
00:11:22.620 unless they made the commitment,
00:11:24.640 unless they promised to support you and stay with you.
00:11:27.340 And you know who's losing?
00:11:28.680 Women. 0.81
00:11:29.960 So I really wanted to talk today about this.
00:11:32.240 I hope it gave you something to think about.
00:11:34.720 Make sure to check out Cheap Sex by Mark Regnerus.
00:11:37.900 If you liked what you saw today,
00:11:39.480 make sure to subscribe to my channel
00:11:40.740 and hit that notification bell.
00:11:42.580 And if you're not already subscribed to my Substack newsletter,
00:11:45.080 go ahead and head over to classicallyabby.substack.com.
00:11:47.720 If you'd like to follow me on social media,
00:11:49.300 it's at classicallyabby absolutely everywhere.
00:11:51.500 Thank you so much for watching,
00:11:52.560 and I'll see you guys in my next video.
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