Classically Abby - My Thoughts On PURITY Culture + 5 Ways You're FIGHTING Your Femininity ＊and how to stop it＊ ⧸⧸ Ep. 6

00:00:00.080 Five ways you are fighting your femininity, why the Israelites were traumatized by hearing 0.97

00:00:06.560 the Ten Commandments from God Himself, and what are my thoughts on purity culture?

00:00:12.040 All this and more on today's episode of the Classically Abbey Podcast.

00:00:30.000 Hello, Classic Crew, and welcome to today's episode of the Classically Abbey Podcast.

00:00:37.680 We have a lot to talk about today, and I'm very excited to get into it.

00:00:42.380 If you are new here, make sure to subscribe to my channel, as well as to the podcast wherever

00:00:48.980 you listen to podcasts. It's available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, really just about anywhere.

00:00:53.680 So if you are interested in subscribing, make sure to do so. And I would love if you would

00:00:57.140 leave a review on Apple Podcasts. It really helps me out. We are going to be doing a main

00:01:03.060 topic today that's really interesting. We are talking about five ways that we are fighting

00:01:08.440 our femininity. I think that we are living in a time where we are constantly being taught

00:01:15.680 to push away those things that really do make us womanly and more feminine. And I want to

00:01:21.360 talk about how we can stop fighting those things. We'll also be doing our weekly calendar,

00:01:27.140 our faith talk, and stay tuned till the end where I'll be answering my premium subscriber

00:01:32.620 questions. If you'd like to become a premium subscriber and submit questions for future

00:01:37.120 podcast episodes, make sure to head over to classicallyabbey.substack.com where you'll

00:01:41.600 get access to a ton of exclusive content, including my book club, as well as weekly exclusive articles

00:01:47.040 and an amazing community of women. And it's only $7 a month. 1.00

00:01:50.380 So now that I've said all of the things, I'm really looking forward to sharing a lot about

00:01:58.480 what I've been thinking about lately. And I just want to mention if my voice sounds a little

00:02:03.220 bit odd, my son had hand, foot and mouth, as I mentioned in a previous episode, and then

00:02:08.480 he caught a cold. And like two days later, legitimately two days later, and I've been kind of fighting

00:02:14.400 off that same cold. So I don't have the worst full blown version of it, but it's kind of

00:02:20.080 like in my sinuses, a little bit in my nose, a little bit in my ears, a little bit of a

00:02:25.380 sore throat, just like a little bit of everything. And so I'm, uh, I'm just kind of in a fog as

00:02:30.840 far as just muddling my way through it, but my voice might sound a little off. That is why.

00:02:36.680 Okay. So let's just get into our weekly catch up. So let's start with this. I actually wrote

00:02:44.180 an article about it for my sub stack, and I'm just going to briefly touch on it here

00:02:48.500 a little bit less than I did in the, in the article, but we are reading the book, the happiness

00:02:53.320 hypothesis for book club. Actually, we just finished it. We did our book club meeting last

00:02:58.520 night and it really got me to thinking, and I really enjoyed it a lot. I really recommend

00:03:03.580 it. If you want to check it out, uh, you know, it's available anywhere.

00:03:06.360 I listened to it on audible. Um, it's by Jonathan height. And funnily enough, one of the things

00:03:13.540 that actually got me to thinking was something that he, he wasn't a proponent of, but he was

00:03:18.600 kind of explaining his train of thought. And when he was in high school, at the end of high

00:03:24.280 school, he sort of had an existential crisis when he realized that he was an atheist and

00:03:30.460 he, he was nihilistic and he was kind of like, okay, well, how do I make life meaningful

00:03:34.640 to me? And for him, it was, well, I have to live life to the fullest because there's nothing

00:03:38.880 after this. Now he, Jonathan height is an atheist, but, um, he does kind of shift that perspective

00:03:46.460 in the book, the perspective of, you know, living life to the fullest in a negative way.

00:03:52.820 But it did get me to thinking, you know, my life in many ways is more mundane because I

00:04:00.640 am, you know, a stay at home mom. I'm a homemaker and I'm doing a lot of the same things. A lot

00:04:07.180 of the same chores day in and day out. I wash my son's high chair 50 times a day. I am sweeping

00:04:13.300 the floor. I am cooking dinner. I am washing dishes. And I kind of asked myself, okay, well,

00:04:20.800 is this what living life to the fullest looks like? Or is it those women who say, you know, 1.00

00:04:27.380 I don't want to have kids. I don't want to have a family and can jet set anywhere they want,

00:04:31.940 can have brunch on their own schedule, can kind of live life more for themselves. Um,

00:04:38.960 which looks very glamorous, you know, it looks very appealing from the outside. And after sitting

00:04:46.120 with that for a while, I kind of, I kind of realized something. And I think maybe this is

00:04:50.520 a useful realization on a number of topics that you could kind of use whenever you're starting to

00:04:57.680 question whether you'd be happier doing something else or whether the grass is greener. And that is

00:05:03.660 my general level of happiness and contentment is very, very high. I have a fundamental happiness

00:05:11.980 built into my day to day because of all of the things that I have. So because I'm married,

00:05:17.540 because I have a son, because I get to be with him every day and I get to see him grow,

00:05:21.820 my actual like base level of happiness and contentment is up here. And so I was sort of

00:05:31.300 super imposing my current level of happiness on the activities of the life that these women are 1.00

00:05:41.460 living where they're jet setting and traveling and doing all these fun things. And I say this

00:05:47.020 because I did that before I got married, uh, before I met my husband, I was traveling a lot

00:05:53.820 because I was an opera singer. I was doing things on my own schedule. I was dating for fun. I was

00:06:00.240 dressing immodestly. And at the end of the day, I was really not very happy. Like my day to day was,

00:06:06.060 was theoretically a little more exciting, but at the end of every day, I came home and I felt

00:06:11.280 empty because I didn't have someone waiting for me at home. I didn't have my little baby

00:06:15.880 to play with and to hug and to hold. And it looks like very, a very fun thing to see these women

00:06:24.620 doing these crazy things. I mean, on social media, it looks really nice that they're getting to do

00:06:28.000 these amazing trips and, you know, they're always have like a glass of wine in their hand or something

00:06:32.500 like that. But at the same time, when I actually lived that it wasn't as glamorous as it looks,

00:06:39.440 but because of where I'm at now, I can kind of look at those activities and think,

00:06:44.260 oh, that would be fun. Maybe that's what a life of fun looks like because my base level is so good

00:06:51.820 because my base level of contentment is so high. So the lesson here is not that I should be giving

00:06:58.960 up everything I have, God forbid, and running off to do these crazy things. It's that my, you have

00:07:07.520 to remember where your, where the actual contentment is. And then you can sprinkle in those fun

00:07:13.780 activities instead of making them your whole life. So instead of saying, okay, I need to throw out the

00:07:20.120 life I'm living and go do this living life to the fullest, like lifestyle, instead of doing that,

00:07:27.780 you can think, okay, I want to live my mundane life because that mundane life actually is what brings

00:07:33.280 recontentment, but sometimes it can get a little monotonous. And so I should sprinkle in those

00:07:38.900 fun-filled activities from, from this picture that I'm seeing. So I can take a vacation once or twice

00:07:45.700 a year. I should do date night once a week. I should go see a movie. I can go do brunch with my friends

00:07:51.860 and sprinkle in those fun-filled activities while maintaining the joy that your mundane life brings

00:07:58.200 you. So I don't know if that made sense, but I would love if you would leave a comment, uh, you can

00:08:03.160 leave a comment on YouTube if you're watching this, or you can leave a comment on my sub stack where you

00:08:09.380 will get access to the comment section. So I thought that was kind of an interesting realization and it

00:08:15.920 was very helpful for me to remember kind of what that mundane, I want to say mundanity. It's not a word

00:08:24.740 mundaneness. Sure. That mundane, where that mundaneness, uh, really provides for me and brings

00:08:32.820 me joy and that it is something that is the root of all of my, my happiness. So that's where I wanted

00:08:41.740 to start. But next up, I want to briefly talk about the Satanistic performance at the Grammys. Uh, I don't

00:08:49.460 know if you guys watched it, it kind of went viral, uh, mostly in the conservative movement, I would

00:08:54.640 say on the conservative or rather in the conservative commentators, uh, space, we were all kind of

00:09:00.160 shocked and horrified. Although that's what the left really wants us to be is they're doing this

00:09:06.840 to poke us and to go to us into come into talking about it. Um, but at the Grammy awards, if you

00:09:13.540 didn't see, there was a Satanistic performance by Sam Smith and Kim Petras. It was, uh, really kind of

00:09:18.960 gross and shocking. And I mean, meant to make us look at them and say, this is a ritual to Satan.

00:09:28.900 So I wanted to mention why the left worships at Satan's altar rather than God's, because I think

00:09:38.840 that there's an important point to be set on this. If God, you know, God is benevolent. He is good and

00:09:48.440 kind and loving, and he takes care of us, but God is also judgmental in some ways. And he has standards

00:09:56.520 that we should uphold, right? In order for societies and civilizations to thrive, we need certain

00:10:05.940 standards. We need to be clear about what is good and what is bad, what is moral, what is right.

00:10:13.140 But if God is judgmental and has standards to the left, that must mean that God is bad

00:10:22.240 because Satan doesn't care what people do. Satan is nonjudgmental because he accepts anyone for doing

00:10:33.240 anything wrong, anything bad, anything evil. But that must mean that he's good because he's not

00:10:39.580 judgmental. When the height of morality is not being judgmental, then you get a worship of Satan.

00:10:52.680 Satan encourages people to act in their own self-interest at the cost of others. And that's the

00:11:02.040 interesting thing about that is that the left sees self, right? Self-interest. They see self as the most

00:11:07.000 important and most virtuous thing. To thine own self be true is their highest virtue, even if that comes

00:11:15.280 at the cost of other people. So Satan, who is telling people to go after whatever they or rather

00:11:24.440 makes people think that they should go after whatever they want, right? Like that's the most

00:11:29.300 important thing is do you. You do you is the Satan catchphrase. Whereas God is, you know, don't do unto

00:11:38.600 others as you would not done unto yourself. That judgmental in a good way thing that God, you know,

00:11:47.100 has created the world with and runs the world with and keeps civilization strong and society strong,

00:11:54.620 the left can't accept it because judgment is the highest, is the highest form of evil.

00:12:03.980 It's an interesting thing to keep in mind. So on a totally other note, right, we just kind of went

00:12:10.120 through the zeitgeist a little bit. I wanted to just chat a little about why I love putting on makeup.

00:12:15.820 I've been thinking about putting on makeup a little bit lately, just because it's something that really

00:12:21.480 brings me so much joy. And I know that for some people, makeup is a waste of time, it bores them,

00:12:27.080 but I just love putting on makeup. And the reason is, there's a few reasons. One is for me, that is my

00:12:33.800 time. That is my time to do something for me. And it really isn't for anyone else. I just love doing

00:12:39.620 my makeup. It like makes me happy to have some time that I just say, okay, this is my time and I

00:12:45.320 don't have to worry about anybody else. But on top of it, I find makeup really creative and fun

00:12:53.700 and transformative. And I like, it's like flexing my, my creative muscle every morning because I can

00:13:01.740 do something different every single day. I can do a different kind of bronzer. I can do a different

00:13:05.900 kind of highlight. I can do a different kind of eyeshadow and just mixing and matching colors

00:13:10.560 and doing things that are very cool to see the change in real time. And then it washes off at

00:13:16.920 the end of the day. So if I really didn't like it, no worries. I think that if people viewed,

00:13:23.800 if women who are really, they view makeup as a chore, if they viewed makeup more as something fun 0.93

00:13:30.980 and creative, then they could enjoy the process more. And that's not to say that if you're somebody

00:13:35.560 who doesn't enjoy the wearing makeup at all that you need to do it. But if you're somebody who

00:13:40.440 kind of feels like they should wear makeup or is in a situation where you're going to work and it's

00:13:47.040 more professional to wear makeup, then finding the joy in it, I think is really nice. And so

00:13:53.720 I'm a big fan. So next up, I think it's important to talk about putting your house to bed because

00:13:59.140 recently I've been taking the time, putting in the effort to clean my house at the end of every day.

00:14:04.520 I used to kind of let it build up, maybe do like a once a clean or twice or once a week or twice a

00:14:10.160 week cleanup, or I'd leave dishes till the morning. But recently I've been really doing the thing that

00:14:16.880 I've been told to do many times, which is to clean the house before you go to sleep. So you wake up to

00:14:22.640 a clean house. It really does make a difference, especially if you work from home, knowing that

00:14:28.040 you aren't going to have to do chores first thing in the morning and being able to get your day

00:14:33.820 restarted right from the beginning. It is so helpful. And so I've been trying to keep up with

00:14:41.180 cleanliness throughout the day so it doesn't all build up at night. So for example, when my son

00:14:46.000 makes a mess on the floor, instead of leaving that till the end of the day, I will sweep up a number of

00:14:52.220 times because he makes a number of messes throughout the day to keep the floor clean. And by the end of the

00:14:58.360 day, when we get there, it's like by the evening, I don't have to worry about the floor being a total

00:15:04.020 mess. Or I try to do one load of laundry a day. Or I try to wash the dishes as I go or put them in

00:15:09.840 the dishwasher instead of in the sink. That really does make a big difference. And I think it can just

00:15:15.720 remove a little bit of stress that we all have when we wake up in the morning. I mean, you wake up

00:15:19.780 to a clean house and you feel like you can take on the day for sure. Last but not least, let's talk a

00:15:26.460 little bit about a movie I rewatched with my parents and my husband the other night, How to Train Your

00:15:31.940 Dragon. Have you guys seen that? It's been a while since I watched it, but I used to love that movie.

00:15:39.460 And the score is absolutely outrageously good. But that movie is so fun. And I really, really enjoyed

00:15:47.900 it. And I know that there's a second one and a third one, which I've never seen and I really want

00:15:51.560 to watch. So let me know if you have seen those, if you've seen How to Train Your Dragon 2 and How to

00:15:57.120 Train Your Dragon 3. I'd love to hear because I've heard good things and I want to watch them because

00:16:02.500 I'm rewatching the first one. I really enjoyed it. Toothless is super cute. Hiccup is a little bit

00:16:09.300 annoying, but I can enjoy his character. And just the whole concept is fun. Although I do have one

00:16:16.740 question. So hear me out. All of the dragons in the movie are innocent, but they're responding to the

00:16:28.380 giant like overlord dragon, which is calling them to steal animals or whatever from the people that

00:16:37.300 hiccup is from. So my question is, they then go to attack the ginormous dragon. I keep wanting to call

00:16:47.900 it a dinosaur because it looks like a dinosaur, but it's a dragon. And they just destroy it. But how do

00:16:53.660 we know what the giant dragon's motivation is? I mean, question left unanswered. I don't know if that's

00:17:04.300 a fair question, but I don't know. It seems funny that we can give all of the other dragons a pass

00:17:10.220 and not the giant one because we learn the motivation of the smaller dragons, but we never

00:17:14.980 learn the motivation of the giant dragon that's controlling them. They just take it out. So

00:17:21.220 interesting thought, right? I don't know. Maybe, maybe. So now let's get into the main portion of

00:17:27.080 today's episode, which is five ways you are fighting your femininity. We live in a world where being

00:17:35.700 feminine is relegated to silly outward appearance things, but also more than that, it, it's just not 1.00

00:17:46.000 valued in the same way. And I think that there's a lot of things we can do to embrace our femininity,

00:17:52.120 right? But not just embrace it, stop fighting it. So I'm excited to share these five things with you.

00:17:58.600 Let's just get started. So number one is not accepting your changing body. I say this as a 0.96

00:18:05.940 postpartum mom. I'm 10 months postpartum and my body looks entirely different than it did before I had

00:18:13.880 a baby. And I don't know that it will ever look the same. And I'm not just talking about weight gain,

00:18:20.500 weight loss, whatever it is. I'm talking about structurally. My body is different. My hips are

00:18:26.260 wider. My waist is a little thicker. My stomach has stretch marks on it. I have loose skin from

00:18:33.400 carrying a baby. And it's an interesting thing because we live in a day where we're constantly

00:18:42.540 fighting for what we used to look like, right? We're always like looking back to, okay, I want to look

00:18:50.080 the same as I did when I was 16. I want to look the same as I did before I had a baby. I want to look

00:18:54.520 the same as I did before I had my second baby. And the truth is that women, the feminine figure 1.00

00:19:00.840 was meant to shift and change even before, you know, having children throughout the month,

00:19:07.500 your body changes throughout the month around your period, your body will change because of hormonal

00:19:13.880 shifts, right? Men's bodies don't change. Men's bodies stick one way their whole lives. If men choose

00:19:23.180 to, you know, not take care of themselves, then, you know, they'll gain weight or whatever else it is.

00:19:29.240 But men's bodies do not react hormonally the same way that women's do. Women's bodies are not supposed 1.00

00:19:35.920 to stay the same. We are not supposed to look exactly the way we did before we had children,

00:19:42.200 after we have children. We are going to lose weight. We are going to gain weight. We are going

00:19:47.060 to have looser skin. We're going to have stretch marks. We're going to have, you know, our, our bodies,

00:19:53.280 our, our, our structure, our skeletal structure is going to change after we birth children.

00:20:00.300 Fighting femininity, fighting your body is telling yourself that you need to look exactly the same as you 0.98

00:20:09.640 did all your whole life. And it's just not realistic. Your body is going to change. And it should

00:20:17.420 change. That is part of being a woman. The fact that our bodies can change to host a human being

00:20:25.000 is incredible. We, we love on our bodies so much. I think most women do not every woman, but most women

00:20:32.300 do we love on our bodies so much for the fact that we can get pregnant and grow a human and our bodies

00:20:39.660 can house a little baby and our stomach stretch. We love that our bodies are flexible enough to do

00:20:46.420 that. But then we're like, bounce back, bounce back, bounce back. I think it's important to exercise,

00:20:52.360 to stay healthy, to eat well. I think that's all really important because taking care of yourself

00:20:59.300 is important. And there is a certain level of when you take care of yourself, then your body

00:21:05.440 responds in kind, AKA, it looks better when you take care of yourself, but is it going to look the

00:21:10.360 same? No. And I think the expectation that our bodies should remain the same throughout our entire

00:21:18.000 lives means you're fighting your femininity. So that's number one. Number two is fighting your 1.00

00:21:25.760 nurturing nature. When we are told to have sex with no strings attached, to sleep around and not

00:21:36.260 get catch feelings, things like that. And there's other examples I'm going to share here, but things

00:21:43.200 like that are fighting our nurturing nature. One of the most beautiful parts of being feminine is that

00:21:49.400 we are so nurturing, that we want to take care of people, that we want to give them a warm and loving

00:21:55.460 home. And fighting that by trying to say, I'm not going to give myself to someone else, right? Let's say

00:22:06.960 in a sexual relationship, in a physical relationship is so wrong. There's a reason that saving sex until

00:22:15.040 marriage is so beautiful because that nurturing nature where you want to take care of the person

00:22:20.520 that you are sharing that intimacy with is a perfect place to do it. You're supposed to do

00:22:28.160 that. That nurturing nature can come out and should come out. And in kind, your husband wants to take

00:22:33.820 care of you. It's so important for us to hold that nurturing nature close because otherwise we let it go.

00:22:44.640 And a woman who doesn't nurture starts to lose a little bit of herself. Now, another version of 1.00

00:22:51.600 this is when we become harsh disciplinarians or harsh spreader of truths. Now, to be clear,

00:23:01.940 I think that there are times that it is a lot of fun to be a little bit more strident, a little bit

00:23:06.520 more brash in the way that we talk about ideas. If you follow me on Instagram, if you watch my reels,

00:23:12.860 you will know that I do that with, with that content. I think that it's funny,

00:23:16.560 but the truth is when I'm really trying to change people's minds, when I'm really trying to give

00:23:22.720 some guidance, it has to be gentle. It has to be nurturing. It's so easy to kind of want to cross

00:23:30.400 over into that, like, here's what it is. And I'm telling you what to do. And I'm going to be harsh

00:23:34.600 and I'm going to be a disciplinarian and I'm going to be bossy or whatever else it is. But it is much

00:23:42.660 more effective when we lean into that nurturing nature and we use our gentle guidance to help

00:23:48.860 impart wisdom, impart ideas, impart help. I know that even in, as a mother, it is unnatural

00:24:00.660 natural for me to really discipline harshly my son. When I come to him in a loving, kind,

00:24:09.480 nurturing way, first of all, he responds better. But second of all, I can feel that I feel pride in

00:24:17.980 my mothering in those moments. So don't fight that nurturing nature. Embrace it because that is a huge

00:24:26.480 part of your femininity. Number three is embracing hustle culture rather than slow living. Guys, I am

00:24:36.480 I am over hustle culture. I am over it. I don't like it. It's not my thing. I am much more for slow

00:24:45.700 living. Now, I know that slow living can make a lot of people like pause and not really understand

00:24:53.340 and think that you're saying they have to quit their jobs and stay at home all the time and never do

00:24:58.980 anything that's really like stressful. That's not what I mean. I just mean being intentional,

00:25:06.700 enjoying your every day, taking time in those pockets that you have it to not be stressed and

00:25:14.240 not searching out stress in the moments you don't have to. AKA, I have had many moments where I have a

00:25:20.740 few minutes just to spare and instead of taking advantage of them in a positive, gentle way and

00:25:27.620 thinking, oh, you know, I have a couple minutes. Maybe I'll read or maybe I'll play with my son.

00:25:32.240 I'll be like, what else do I have to do? I need to find something to do. I get really urgent about it.

00:25:37.480 That to me is more of a hustle culture perspective of I need to constantly be busy. I need to constantly

00:25:43.160 be producing. I need to constantly be doing something very hectic. It's much more feminine 1.00

00:25:52.600 to embrace slow living, to cook something, take an extra 20 minutes and cook something tastier rather

00:26:02.060 than faster. To sit with your baby and play for 15 minutes, just directed attention rather than giving

00:26:10.240 him two minutes and then running around to clean your house. It's so important to lean into this life

00:26:18.680 that we have and rushing, constantly feeling rushed. Life is short, but it's also long. And it's

00:26:28.660 important to us, for us to take advantage of each and every moment and enjoy it. And when you're rushing

00:26:36.800 to get things done all the time and you like need to be busy, you're also rushing time. Like you will

00:26:44.880 get to the end of the day and feel like that your day was just like hectic and it just passed you by

00:26:50.440 and you were running around as opposed to maybe half of your day is like that. And the other half of

00:26:56.820 your day you get to the end, you're like, wow, that was really a nice, luxurious day. I wish for all of

00:27:04.360 us that our time feels luxurious. And that doesn't mean a hundred percent of the time, but even those

00:27:11.740 small pockets of time that you really allow yourself to just take things easy or to invest in a project

00:27:22.040 that's fun and immersive. It's so feminine. It's so important. I think start with cooking. That's an 1.00

00:27:33.140 easy place to start. Cooking doesn't always have to be two steps, one and done. Like it can be a

00:27:39.880 thing that you follow the recipe and enjoy, like choose something that's just a little bit more

00:27:45.180 complicated, a little bit. It doesn't have to be a full day project, but maybe something that you've

00:27:49.900 never done before. The other night I made a spaghetti squash and I'd never made spaghetti squash before.

00:27:55.680 And I made a bolognese sauce that from scratch, like I didn't just pour marinara sauce from a

00:28:02.440 from a bottle into the pan. I made one from scratch. And just those two things added maybe 15 minutes to

00:28:09.680 the whole process, but it made it feel so much more luxurious to me. And I really enjoyed the process. So

00:28:17.620 embrace slow living and reject hustle culture. Number four, the fourth way you are fighting your femininity 0.95

00:28:27.120 is wearing only lounge wear. I know that sounds funny, but we are in the era of athleisure. That is the

00:28:37.320 fashion of today. Most people wear leggings and a sweatshirt every single day. And wearing pretty clothing that

00:28:45.760 makes you feel good is feminine. Wearing pretty clothing that accentuates your figure in a modest way. That's so 0.91

00:28:52.980 feminine. Constantly covering yourself and what's comfortable or what's easy or things that really disguise your

00:29:00.940 figure, disguise your body. It just it takes away one of the really beautiful elements of womanhood. And that's not to 0.53

00:29:09.820 say that you have to dress fancy or that you have to like really think hard every day about your outfit.

00:29:15.760 But it means taking a moment, picking something from your closet that really speaks to you, that you

00:29:21.940 really love, that expresses your personality, that makes you feel good in your body. And that looks

00:29:28.080 different for everybody. I had Sarah Therese on on my podcast a couple episodes ago, and she dresses 0.95

00:29:33.680 not totally different from me because both of us actually there are some overlap, but she dresses in a

00:29:39.440 way that is not typically feminine, but makes her feel like a woman, right? Like she feels really 0.74

00:29:46.860 good in her figure. She feels really good in her body. I'm not speaking for her, but I think that

00:29:52.060 that's true. I think she's kind of given that across on her Instagram. And wearing just the same pair of

00:30:00.620 baggy pants and the same baggy sweatshirt and whatever every single day, it just takes away from the

00:30:07.440 beauty of our figures, the beauty of the bodies God gave us and the beauty of expressing ourselves

00:30:13.720 through our clothing. Style is a really fun way to express your personality. And I always say it

00:30:22.220 skips the first step of trying to show someone who you are when they can kind of tell who you are

00:30:27.340 through your clothes. So number four is wearing only loungewear fights your femininity. So stop doing

00:30:35.640 that. Start wearing beautiful clothing and clothing that makes you feel good. Number five is sinking

00:30:42.800 into social media. That's one of the ways you're fighting your femininity. Femininity calls for 1.00

00:30:49.440 socialization and being an active member of your community. Social media makes you feel like you're

00:30:55.560 doing that, but really you're sequestering yourself behind a screen. The most dangerous things in life

00:31:02.560 are the things that make you think you're doing something positive. So you invest your time and

00:31:07.020 energy into it, but really are a waste of your time. Another example often for men is video games.

00:31:14.640 Now I'm not like anti all video games. I think there are certain scenarios when you're playing with your

00:31:18.520 friends, when it is a social activity that can be fine, but a lot of video gaming is about pursuit of a goal.

00:31:28.560 And so you'll play until you get that goal, but really there's no goal to be had in beating a video

00:31:36.340 game, right? It's not really useful. The same as social media. Social media feels like you're

00:31:42.720 socializing. It's called social media. Oh, I'm talking to my friends. I'm keeping in touch with

00:31:48.380 people. I'm following along with their lives. But the truth is that the advent of social media has

00:31:56.700 actually ruined a lot of relationships. It keeps you kind of in touch on the very fringes of your

00:32:04.620 mind at all times, but you're not actually in touch. Like when is the last time you spoke to the people

00:32:11.440 that you follow on social media, actually called them on the phone or saw them in person and got

00:32:16.180 coffee? Not very often. It's probably pretty rare. So social media takes away that impetus of us

00:32:23.960 as women to be really active community members and active parts of our social groups. There's

00:32:30.520 something wonderful about having a book club in person or on my substack, for example, or being a

00:32:37.240 part of your synagogues community or your church's community. It's so important. And it makes you,

00:32:45.700 one of the things I always say is important about femininity is being strong enough that people can

00:32:49.860 depend on you. And that is one of the most core things about being a good community member.

00:32:55.580 So if you are not available for that, because you're too active on social media, and I say this

00:33:02.360 to myself as much as anyone else, you are fighting your femininity and it's not worth it. It's so much 0.98

00:33:08.180 better to be a part of your PTA or to be somebody who is helping your community grow and be better

00:33:17.380 with your involvement as a woman. It really makes a difference. So those are my five ways you are

00:33:25.520 fighting your femininity. Let me know what you guys think. I always love to hear your thoughts. 0.92

00:33:30.680 So now let's get into today's faith talk. So today's Parsha is Yitro. Today's Torah portion is Yitro,

00:33:38.780 which is Hebrew for Jethro, Moses' father-in-law. And here is the summary of this Parsha from Chabad's

00:33:47.040 website. Moses' father-in-law Jethro hears the great miracles which God performed for the people

00:33:52.500 of Israel and comes from Midian to the Israelite camp, bringing with him Moses' wife and his two 0.81

00:33:58.160 sons. Jethro advises Moses to appoint a hierarchy of magistrates and judges to assist him in the task

00:34:04.600 of governing and administering justice to the people. Honestly, I could do a whole talk just about

00:34:10.120 that, about how important it is to delegate and not try and take on all of the responsibilities,

00:34:14.980 because when we do, we end up doing everything a little bit worse as opposed to taking on the

00:34:20.760 things that we can actually handle and doing them well. But that's not the main focus. But I think

00:34:26.440 that that's just interesting. It's an important point for us to remember. The children of Israel

00:34:31.440 camp opposite Mount Sinai, where they are told that God has chosen them to be his kingdom of priests and

00:34:36.480 holy nation. The people respond by proclaiming, all that God has spoken, we shall do. On the sixth day of

00:34:42.580 the third month, seven weeks after the Exodus, the entire nation of Israel assembles at the foot of

00:34:47.480 Mount Sinai for the giving of the Torah. God descends on the mountain amidst thunder, lightning,

00:34:52.980 billows of smoke, and the blast of the shofar, and summons Moses to ascend. Now, I just want to 0.95

00:34:59.880 put in here that I feel like it's interesting. Doesn't it sound like Mount Sinai is just a volcano

00:35:04.860 from that description? I don't think it is. I mean, at least from what we know about Mount Sinai now,

00:35:10.740 it's not. But it just seems like a volcano. It's sort of funny. God proclaims the Ten Commandments,

00:35:18.440 commanding the people of Israel to believe in God, not to worship idols or take God's name in vain,

00:35:23.180 to keep the Sabbath, honor their parents, not to murder, not to commit adultery, not to steal,

00:35:28.040 and not to bear false witness or covet another's property. The people cry out to Moses that the

00:35:33.360 revelation is too intense for them to bear, begging him to receive the Torah from God and convey it to

00:35:38.080 them. I think this is such an interesting Torah portion because, I mean, so important, right?

00:35:44.080 We're getting the Ten Commandments. Everything that this is all based on, everything we believe in,

00:35:49.100 it's amazing. It's incredible. It's just so interesting to go back to these like big turning

00:35:54.280 points in faith, in our faith. You know, some parshas, some Torah portions are more focused on

00:36:01.380 a specific story, but things like this. This is the moment where the Israelites became the Jews,

00:36:08.460 where the Israelites received the Torah, and that's just amazing. But what I want to focus on today is

00:36:13.900 the fact that the Israelites were traumatized, essentially, when they heard God speaking

00:36:20.660 directly to them. The question is why? I think so many of us wish we could just talk to God,

00:36:27.640 like, and have him respond, right? Like talk to God face to face in a sense, so that we could get an

00:36:34.200 understanding of what this is all about. Why do bad things happen? Why is this happening, not this

00:36:40.020 thing? Like, why is the world the way that it is? We want to understand the world and talking to God,

00:36:47.460 speaking to God, being there with God seems like an amazing opportunity. Why would they be traumatized

00:36:55.780 by it? I understand the idea that it could be just scary, but there's something in, I think it has to

00:37:02.860 just be more than it was just, you know, God's voice was a loudspeaker and there were fireworks,

00:37:09.240 you know? It's not just the surround sound experience. I think there's more to it than that.

00:37:16.440 My idea of God and of being in the presence of God is that it's an immersive experience.

00:37:26.920 God isn't just a thing. He's not just a person. He's not just a creature. He's not just a loud,

00:37:35.940 booming voice. God is everything. That means he is past, present, and future.

00:37:45.180 All at once, happening in front of you. He is truth in all of its glory.

00:37:52.360 When you are in God's presence, when God was giving the Torah to the Jewish people,

00:37:58.120 he wasn't just loud. It wasn't just a voice they were hearing. It was being in the presence of

00:38:05.940 everything all at once. That's too overwhelming. It's too overwhelming to see and know

00:38:14.900 everything that God knows. We think that if we understood everything from beginning to end,

00:38:21.660 we'd be able to navigate the world in a more positive and effective way. But the truth is,

00:38:26.920 if we knew everything that was going to happen and everything that did happen, it would be too much

00:38:33.620 to comprehend. And we probably still couldn't accept it. We are not able to see what true good

00:38:41.920 looks like. In the sense that we don't know why everything has to happen the way that it does.

00:38:48.540 God does. God understands. God understands and weighs things accordingly. We can't see things

00:38:54.560 outside of our own worldview. So even seeing through God's eyes or seeing everything that God knows,

00:39:00.920 we couldn't comprehend how everything needs to fit in and slot in with each other. So we might see

00:39:07.940 something that looks like a complete and utter tragedy or complete and utter triumph. And while God

00:39:16.160 can see that as all part of a whole, we can only see it at our level. We can only see how it affects

00:39:26.860 the certain things we understand. And even within the context of everything in the world,

00:39:32.080 it's still too big, too much for us to take in. We have to trust in God's plan. Because even if we

00:39:43.260 could see it, we couldn't understand it. So I think that that's what we can learn. We can't really,

00:39:52.300 truly know God, even though we want to. Even though we want to be able to connect with God,

00:40:01.920 in the sense of understanding everything he does, we just can't. We simply cannot. The human mind

00:40:09.520 cannot accept all of the different layers and levels that God is and knows and takes care of.

00:40:21.860 The truth is, in order to be human, in order to live in the world that God created for us,

00:40:27.940 we cannot know everything that God has planned. So at the end of the day, we have to trust in God

00:40:35.840 and believe in God and deepen our relationship with God in order to find beauty and meaning

00:40:43.180 in life. And that means not necessarily understanding how everything is going to turn out,

00:40:49.320 but knowing that God does. And that we are not God. There's a reason that we are not God, that we are

00:40:56.920 just people. That God put on earth to be a part of him, right? We each have a little bit of God inside

00:41:05.140 of us, our souls, but we are not ultimately God. And that is okay. It's hard, but it's also okay.

00:41:14.780 So we have to accept where we're at, who we are and where we're at, and trust that God

00:41:25.900 can provide for us and knows more than we do. So that is my faith talk for today. Let's go ahead

00:41:35.760 and get into my premium subscriber questions. Okay. So the first question I am pulling from our

00:41:42.560 discussion thread on Substack, we have community discussion threads every week. And the question

00:41:47.960 is, how did you manage being heavier after pregnancy and buying clothes you knew you wouldn't

00:41:52.940 want long-term? That sort of relates back to the main portion of today's episode that women's bodies 1.00

00:41:58.620 are ever changing. But I think this is such a funny question because I've been thinking about this

00:42:01.920 because I want to declutter my closet. But at the same time, I have so many different stages of my

00:42:11.420 body that I will be going through in the next five to 10 years, right? Because I will be getting

00:42:17.640 pregnant again with God's help. I will be having a postpartum period. I will hopefully be breastfeeding

00:42:23.540 again. I will then be, you know, not breastfeeding and I'll just be kind of back to my pre-pregnancy

00:42:29.720 weight hopefully, or at least some version of that. And I will be not breastfeeding and then I'll be

00:42:36.400 pregnant again. So it's a cycle. So I have to keep all of my clothes for all of those different times

00:42:42.680 in my future. I have to keep the clothes for maternity. I have to keep the clothes for breastfeeding. I have

00:42:47.400 to keep the clothes for, you know, one or two sizes bigger than I am for that postpartum period.

00:42:53.400 So I think the answer to your question is, if you are planning on getting pregnant again after the

00:43:01.060 current pregnancy that you're in, then you can invest in a couple of pieces. And I don't mean invest in

00:43:06.120 like a really nice amount of money, but you can get some pieces, or rather a really nice amount,

00:43:12.540 a really nice piece of clothing. What I mean is, is a piece of clothing that isn't stretchy.

00:43:17.680 You can spend money on a pair of pants that's a size or two bigger than you normally are because you

00:43:23.960 will wear it again after your next pregnancy. That's what I did. I have a few pieces that like

00:43:29.840 a pair of jeans or a couple of pair of jeans that I can wear post pregnancies because I plan on being

00:43:35.240 pregnant multiple times. But if that isn't the case for you, I think finding some clothing and 0.79

00:43:42.660 even if it is the case for you, it's just useful to have some clothing that's stretchy. I have a lot

00:43:47.100 of clothes that I got for my postpartum period that were just a little more forgiving and could go from,

00:43:53.880 you know, my 15 pounds overweight that I was after having a baby to five pounds overweight or

00:43:59.760 closer to my pre-pregnancy size. So choosing clothing that is just either a little bit boxier

00:44:08.400 or a little bit stretchier will be a little more forgiving on your body and can still be worn

00:44:13.480 through many of the stages that your body's going to go through pre-post-pregnancy and during pregnancy.

00:44:21.220 So that's my, that's my, my suggestion, my advice. What movies or shows are you and your husband

00:44:28.700 watching lately? So my husband and I just finished watching the newest season of Fauda. We loved the

00:44:35.340 first three seasons. We weren't the biggest fan of the last season, to be honest, but we loved that

00:44:40.340 show. We love the characters. It's in Hebrew. It's an Israeli show and we really liked the way it's

00:44:45.900 produced. We really liked the stories. It's all about parallels, which is really interesting. So

00:44:51.160 I do recommend the first three seasons. I don't know what's coming after this season. So maybe

00:44:55.100 there's like something that can redeem it, but I didn't love this current season. But I do love

00:45:02.180 Israeli television because we also watched another Israeli show called When Heroes Fly. And I really

00:45:06.920 enjoyed it. I did feel like they didn't stick the landing. Like the last episode wasn't great. It was

00:45:11.040 a limited series, but I did enjoy it up until the ending. We also, we are doing a rewatch of

00:45:18.580 community. We don't watch it every night or anything like that, but it's like, if we're doing

00:45:22.040 chores and we need to clean up the house at the end of the night, we'll like throw on community on

00:45:25.880 the TV and it just makes us laugh. So that's one of our favorite shows to just kind of have on in

00:45:29.920 the background. And we recently watched the movie, The Pale Blue Eye with Christian Bale. And it's an

00:45:37.920 interesting movie. Goes in, I mean, it's, it's gruesome. So keep that in mind, but it's,

00:45:45.340 it's a detective story. In some ways, it's more like an old fashioned detective story.

00:45:50.360 Like it's, I can imagine this was made in the 1930s or 1940s, but it's just shot more slickly

00:45:57.180 because it's current. And I like Christian Bale's acting a lot. The other character who plays

00:46:03.060 Poe, Edgar Allan Poe, is the guy who played Dudley from Harry Potter. So that's funny.

00:46:10.940 And it's, I think I would recommend it, but it is dark and it's not totally what you expect.

00:46:19.960 So yeah, interesting film. Definitely interesting. The next question is, I'm struggling with my

00:46:27.680 dating life right now. I'm in college and I have a few guy friends who I think are cute.

00:46:32.740 I keep waiting for the guys I like to approach me, but it's just not happening. Should I be doing

00:46:37.660 something differently? Any suggestions? So yes, I do have some suggestions, but also what I'll say

00:46:44.920 is dating is hard. And I went through this exact thing when I was dating, there were all of these

00:46:48.820 guys that I was interested in and I felt like they would never reciprocate. And I was like,

00:46:53.360 what is this? What is wrong with me that I can't get the guys that I like to be interested in me? It was

00:47:00.020 so frustrating. So one of the things I learned, and I've talked about this before on my channel

00:47:05.740 is the idea of extroversion and introversion. So when I was in the dating market, I was very

00:47:17.860 extroverted. Now, what I'll say about myself is that I am an introverted, an extroverted introvert,

00:47:23.760 which means that I generally recharge by being alone, but I'm very comfortable in social situations

00:47:29.880 and I enjoy social situations. So I would be hanging out with people and they would think

00:47:35.660 that I was overall an extrovert. Well, generally, the way things work is that extroverts are attracted

00:47:43.600 to introverts and introverts are attracted to extroverts. So when I was going out to these parties

00:47:49.100 and meeting people and whatever, I was attracting introverts. Introverts were the ones who were

00:47:56.160 expressing their interest in me. And I am not attracted to introverts. I don't really get

00:48:01.420 along. It's not that I don't get along with them. I just find it a little bit boring. That wasn't my

00:48:07.680 thing as far as dating. I wanted to be with a guy who was extroverted. I wanted to be with a guy who

00:48:11.760 was really kind of fun to talk to and could fill up a room. The guy I ended up with is probably the

00:48:17.320 most extroverted person you'll ever meet. So I really liked that. And what I had to learn to do

00:48:23.260 was pull back on that extroverted quality when I was around people so that I would attract

00:48:29.920 extroverts. And it worked. It's possible that you are putting out a vibe that is attracting a

00:48:38.020 different kind of guy than you want. So if you are doing the same thing that I do and you're finding

00:48:44.700 that the extroverted guys that you're interested in aren't showing interest in you, maybe try being a

00:48:50.480 little more introverted and see if that kind of pulls those men who you are interested in towards

00:48:57.280 you. The other things you can do are just making yourself attractive and approachable. I always am

00:49:05.280 a big fan of, you know, putting on nice clothing, doing your hair a little bit, putting on a little

00:49:10.640 bit of makeup, whether that be mascara or more, and just trying to look your best and also trying to

00:49:18.700 seem like you are a friendly person that someone can approach, kind of giving men the opportunity

00:49:24.820 to come over and chat with you. So that's always important. The last thing is maybe the guys you're

00:49:32.540 attracted to aren't the right guys. Sometimes we are attracted to guys who are like fun but really

00:49:38.780 aren't good for us because the chemistry is there but the compatibility isn't. So evaluate that.

00:49:46.200 Evaluate if the guys that you are actually interested in are good for you and then you'll see maybe

00:49:53.580 that's the maybe that's one of the factors here is that you it's possible that you're attracted to

00:49:59.760 guys who aren't really the kinds of guys you should be ending up with. I've had that experience

00:50:05.800 where you kind of go through a phase where the guys that you are interested in are not really good

00:50:09.600 for you. So just examine that. That's my advice. And my last question here is what are your thoughts

00:50:18.520 on purity culture? So I did a little bit of research into purity culture and I'm not going to say I'm an

00:50:23.740 expert on it because I'm not. And here's where I come with that. So the idea of waiting to have sex

00:50:32.620 until marriage is incredibly important. I am a huge proponent of that. I talk about it very openly.

00:50:37.600 I think that giving sex the importance it deserves within the framework of family and within the 0.96

00:50:45.420 framework of marriage is really really like the way to go. But when we talk about purity culture

00:50:54.700 the issue I have is twofold. One is that there's such an emphasis on virginity as if virginity in and of

00:51:05.620 itself is important. Now I don't care about virginity. I don't care about the virgin idea like

00:51:14.040 that. Who cares? Because what ends up happening I heard is that for a lot of women it's hard for 1.00

00:51:22.240 them to break free of that narrative of like the purity of being a virgin. And then when they get

00:51:28.660 married and they're allowed to have sex it's like okay well am I impure now? Is sex bad? Is sex gross? 0.75

00:51:37.360 I am not a proponent of that that framing. Sex is wonderful within the right boundaries

00:51:45.040 within with the right person when you can start a family and when you can grow an intimate relationship

00:51:51.660 with the person you've made a lifelong commitment to. Sex is great. And I never struggled with that

00:51:59.280 feeling of like oh sex is bad. Sex is bad. Sex is bad. And now I have to flick a switch and now say sex 0.89

00:52:05.700 is good. I was always under the impression that sex was great. It just wasn't for me before I got married. 0.77

00:52:11.880 It wasn't for my life until I was with my spouse. So I find that that's an issue is the idea that

00:52:21.560 virginity is what matters. It's not what matters. We're giving sex too much credence or rather virginity 0.85

00:52:31.220 too much credence. And it's not. It's not about virginity. It's about viewing sex for what it's for.

00:52:38.440 Sex is very important and sex is beautiful but it has a role. And if we understand its role then it

00:52:45.320 doesn't need to be about virginity and purity. It needs it's about the utility the utility of sex

00:52:52.560 and how amazing it can be when it's treated with respect. And when I say utility I don't mean

00:52:58.280 from a utilitarian perspective. I mean it can be pleasure and and wonder and just a really great way

00:53:06.440 to bring a couple together but it also has a an important role in reproduction and that means that

00:53:13.900 it needs to be within an important framework for couples who are married and should bring couples

00:53:20.660 together. So I don't like the idea of the focus on virginity itself. Holding virginity on a pedestal

00:53:28.900 rather than recognizing the beauty of sex and its importance within the bounds of marriage

00:53:33.320 is what the problem is. Now the other problem I have with purity culture is the idea that

00:53:38.880 because it's about virginity if somebody loses their virginity and has sex then they can't come

00:53:47.900 back from it. They like are now stained and I have an issue with that because once you realize

00:53:56.820 what the importance of sex is and how what it's for then you're on the right page. You've done all

00:54:03.380 the right things. You are moving forward and you can put sex in its rightful place. That's the important 0.80

00:54:11.440 thing. If the fact that you had sex before is now like a stain on you that you can't

00:54:18.420 come back from that is a problem. So I don't think I'm a fan of purity culture because I think it kind of

00:54:27.580 misses the mark on what the point is of waiting to have sex until you're married. And I don't really

00:54:35.900 like the phrase. I don't know if I've used it before but I'm thinking on it right now. I don't really like the phrase

00:54:41.420 saving yourself for marriage or rather yeah saving yourself for marriage as opposed to saving

00:54:48.100 sex for marriage. Because the virginity it kind of gets up in that virginity area again where it's like 0.66

00:54:56.320 okay you as virgin are holy you as person who has had sex are not. And that is incorrect. It's just that 0.59

00:55:04.040 sex is really really beautiful when you can share it with your husband. And using sex as something just

00:55:12.640 for pleasure and hedonistic whatever is much worse for everyone involved. So that's my response to the

00:55:24.060 idea of purity culture. But if you have any thoughts and feelings on that I'd love to hear them in the

00:55:30.140 comments. And that is it for today's video. And that is it for today's podcast. I hope you guys

00:55:37.820 enjoyed it. Let me know what you think in the comments on Substack or here on YouTube. If you

00:55:44.160 aren't already subscribed make sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts so you can get notified of my new

00:55:49.440 episodes as well as Spotify or anywhere else you listen to podcasts. And I would love if you would

00:55:53.180 consider sharing this with friends and family so that they can hear it as well. And I'll see you guys in my

00:55:58.780 next episode. Bye!

Classically Abby - February 14, 2023

My Thoughts On PURITY Culture + 5 Ways You're FIGHTING Your Femininity ＊and how to stop it＊ ⧸⧸ Ep. 6

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