Classically Abby - People are mad at me for pushing MODESTY. That’s trash. ｜｜ Responding to YOUR YouTube comments!

00:00:00.120 Hello Classic Crew and welcome to today's video where I'm going to be answering your

00:00:05.220 comments on my modesty video.

00:00:10.160 So a few months ago I did a video called Why You Should Dress Modestly and I got a lot of

00:00:17.080 views on that video and a lot of comments and I thought it would be fun to respond to

00:00:22.080 some of those comments here and respond to some of those concerns here.

00:00:26.240 So some of it's going to be a little bit funny, a little bit sassy, but some of it is going

00:00:30.180 to be serious too because this is a topic that a lot of people have a lot of questions

00:00:33.940 about and I want to answer them as honestly as I can.

00:00:37.300 But before we get into that, I really want to thank Nordgreen for sponsoring today's video.

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00:02:33.740 So thanks again to Nordgreen for sponsoring this video and let's get into it.

00:02:37.680 So what I noticed when I was going through the comments on my modesty video was that most

00:02:41.800 of the questions sort of fell into four categories.

00:02:45.240 So what I figured I would do is I would actually just address each category and then I'll just

00:02:49.620 splash a bunch of the comments on the screen and you can kind of see them for yourself.

00:02:54.000 So the first category I want to talk about is the comment that I made in the video that

00:02:58.360 men are visual creatures not emotional ones.

00:03:04.360 Let me clarify that because it did come up quite a bit in the comments.

00:03:08.160 When men and women meet for the first time among the first things they're going to notice

00:03:11.800 about each other is their looks and this is even more particular for men.

00:03:16.300 Both men and women are attracted to each other and attracted to each other's bodies but men

00:03:20.620 and women aren't symmetrical in that attraction. 1.00

00:03:23.280 Men and women's sexualities are just different from each other. 0.99

00:03:25.360 I have two studies that are both very good examples of this and I'll link them in the

00:03:30.300 description box below.

00:03:31.600 Russell Clark and Elaine Hatfield ran a study on a campus, on a college campus, and what

00:03:36.760 they did was they had an average looking female student walk up two young men on that campus 0.98

00:03:42.720 and this young woman just said, would you like to go to bed with me tonight?

00:03:46.360 There were three answers that the men could respond with and 75% of those respondents said

00:03:51.600 yes.

00:03:52.600 Yes, I would like to go to bed with you tonight.

00:03:54.800 Not knowing anything else about this girl, not knowing anything else about her personality,

00:03:58.840 said yes.

00:03:59.840 They then flipped it where they had an average looking guy go up two young women on campus,

00:04:05.100 zero percent of women said yes. 0.86

00:04:07.780 What does that tell you about female and male sexuality? 0.90

00:04:10.720 It's different.

00:04:11.920 It's just different.

00:04:13.240 In another study, there were 88 friends, male-female friendships on a college campus and they separated

00:04:18.880 the friends, they put the boy in one room and the girl in the other, and the men were

00:04:22.120 much more likely to be attracted to their female friend than vice versa.

00:04:26.840 And the men were also more likely to think that their female friend was interested in

00:04:30.440 them, as opposed to the other way around.

00:04:32.940 So men's sexuality is different than women's. 0.97

00:04:36.100 These studies prove it, but of course it's kind of obvious.

00:04:39.180 Men's sexual intent can be triggered just by a physical attraction.

00:04:43.900 But women being physically attracted to men often is just a piece of the puzzle when it 1.00

00:04:48.820 comes to how that relationship would move forward.

00:04:51.980 And here's the thing.

00:04:53.080 We want men to be attracted to us, right? 0.99

00:04:55.380 It's important.

00:04:56.380 It's important to romantic relationships and it's empowering.

00:04:59.720 But here's the thing that's not always going to work.

00:05:01.880 We want control over who's attracted to us and when someone is attracted to us.

00:05:07.140 Think about this scenario.

00:05:08.260 If you're out at a party and a guy is across the room and you think he is very attractive

00:05:13.280 and he kind of looks over at you and makes eyes at you, you're going to be happy that

00:05:17.380 he's interested in you.

00:05:18.520 But now think of that exact same scenario when it's a guy that you're not interested in

00:05:21.940 at all who you think is a creep and he's looking over at you.

00:05:25.660 You're not going to be happy in that situation.

00:05:27.720 But here's the thing.

00:05:28.780 You don't get to choose who's attracted to you.

00:05:31.120 And context and content for attraction is everything.

00:05:34.440 And when men initially meet you, if you are dressed in an immodest way, they are going

00:05:39.800 to be contending with the distraction of your body and wanting to know if maybe you are interested

00:05:46.380 in a one night stand as opposed to getting to know who you are and your personality and

00:05:51.880 look further into the future than just that night.

00:05:54.600 And look maybe further into the future to see if there's a possibility of a relationship.

00:05:58.600 They're not going to be distracted by that if you're dressed more modestly.

00:06:02.220 Now, not 100% of the time, but it is more likely.

00:06:05.600 You want a guy to get to know who you are, not just what you look like.

00:06:10.600 And in a situation where you're not looking to date, where maybe you're in a professional

00:06:15.460 setting, you are creating a scenario and a context where they might be distracted by

00:06:20.940 your sexuality.

00:06:22.400 And men that you would never want to view you that way are now brought into that context.

00:06:26.320 Now, if a guy meets a girl who he's not initially attracted to, but he hangs out with her a bunch

00:06:31.320 and ends up really loving her personality, then he may find himself attracted to that woman.

00:06:36.780 And it's because men aren't ONLY visual creatures.

00:06:40.600 But when you are trying to make an initial first impression, distracting a guy with the

00:06:44.480 way that you're dressed by being immodest is not going to work to your advantage because

00:06:48.340 he's not going to be able to get to know who you are while he's distracted thinking

00:06:52.360 about just the physical aspect of your relationship.

00:06:55.920 And I do want to say that none of this is meant to imply that women who dress a certain

00:07:00.760 way are responsible for a man acting in a horrible way and taking advantage of them.

00:07:06.700 Not at all.

00:07:07.700 Men have self-control and they shouldn't act that way. 0.97

00:07:10.220 That's disgusting.

00:07:11.220 But what I'm talking about is women attracting the attention that you deserve and you want. 1.00

00:07:16.980 A relationship-based attention versus a sexual attention that is much more fleeting.

00:07:23.000 So that is the answer to part number one.

00:07:26.220 Let's move on to category number two.

00:07:28.200 I dress this way for myself.

00:07:31.200 Okay.

00:07:32.200 So here is my response to that.

00:07:37.040 How often do you dress sexy when you're at home alone?

00:07:40.760 And I'm not talking about taking a picture of yourself and sending it to somebody or posting

00:07:45.780 it on social media.

00:07:46.960 I'm saying literally no one is going to see you that day and you are dressed sexy.

00:07:51.760 People are social.

00:07:53.060 We want people to notice us.

00:07:54.640 You want people to see you.

00:07:56.100 You can want to do something for yourself because of how you appear to other people.

00:07:59.560 Because that will affect how you feel.

00:08:01.920 But if you're not hanging around in sexy clothing by yourself with no one else to see you, you're

00:08:07.440 not really doing it for yourself when you go out.

00:08:10.220 Because most women hang around in what's comfortable at home. 1.00

00:08:13.100 Now, not 100% of women, but most women do. 0.99

00:08:15.820 We wear something that's more comfortable when we're at home.

00:08:18.600 But even outside of that, let's say that you are somebody who wears sexy clothing when

00:08:22.640 you're at home alone.

00:08:23.720 Why do you want to feel sexy?

00:08:25.580 Why do you like the feeling of sexualizing your body?

00:08:28.380 Is it just because it's nice?

00:08:29.880 No.

00:08:30.880 It's because you want to feel confident that you are sexy.

00:08:34.140 And being sexy isn't something you feel in a vacuum.

00:08:36.680 Of course it's not.

00:08:38.100 Feeling sexy is important because it can influence the people around you and hopefully only the

00:08:43.180 men that you want to attract.

00:08:44.840 Now I do want to address the idea of getting dressed every day during quarantine.

00:08:48.400 Maybe you do decide you want to wear something sexier at home.

00:08:51.800 But that is not the norm, right?

00:08:54.500 We dress up every day while we've been in quarantine because we want to preserve a sense

00:08:59.180 of normalcy.

00:09:00.180 But in a normal day-to-day life, we're not going to be wearing clothing that is not comfortable

00:09:05.380 at home.

00:09:06.380 That just doesn't generally happen.

00:09:07.880 Even outside of all of this, dressing sexy for yourself isn't relevant because it doesn't

00:09:13.960 really matter what your intentions are.

00:09:15.900 You are living in the world and there are other people around you.

00:09:19.160 If you smoke in a public area, you may not intend for everyone else around you to have

00:09:23.700 to breathe in your secondhand smoke.

00:09:25.440 But it's going to happen.

00:09:26.540 It's just kind of part and parcel of it.

00:09:28.320 And so your behavior, which includes the way that you dress, may not be for other people,

00:09:33.420 but it will affect other people.

00:09:35.220 Because other people are going to see what you're wearing and it's a distraction.

00:09:39.300 It is.

00:09:40.300 It's just human nature.

00:09:41.580 Now moving on to topic number three, which is I'm not disrespecting my body by dressing

00:09:45.720 immodestly.

00:09:49.220 So here's what I have to say to that.

00:09:51.540 When I say that you're disrespecting your body by dressing immodestly, I'm saying that

00:09:54.760 you're tying your value as a person to your body and it being desired.

00:10:01.020 It's really important to understand the difference between attraction to you and who you are and

00:10:05.540 your body.

00:10:06.540 For young women, they can crave attention and male attention. 1.00

00:10:10.420 And they may end up confusing desire for their bodies as love.

00:10:15.760 And it's really important to know the difference because if you're constantly putting out your

00:10:19.820 body and thinking that is love when a man desires you, then you're not going to really

00:10:26.740 be giving yourself the best version of love, which is not wholly based on what you look like.

00:10:33.540 Now there are people who are desensitized to showing off their bodies or seeing other

00:10:38.100 people's bodies.

00:10:39.100 I'm a theater person.

00:10:40.100 I know people change a lot around each other and they don't really notice because it's

00:10:44.660 kind of part and parcel of the work.

00:10:46.540 Doctors are the same way.

00:10:47.540 They can look at somebody's body and not immediately sexualize them.

00:10:50.640 But that doesn't mean that everyone is desensitized and it doesn't mean that everyone should

00:10:54.240 be desensitized.

00:10:55.660 You want there to be sexuality between men and women and you want desire between men and women. 0.93

00:11:00.720 And so kind of saying the idea that women shouldn't be sexualized ever is just not actually

00:11:07.240 a good idea because women want to be sexualized in the right context. 1.00

00:11:12.880 Obviously not in every context, but in certain situations, of course you want to be desired.

00:11:17.500 But the thing for women is that they want to be able to choose when they are sexually desirable, 1.00

00:11:21.460 in what situation and what person finds them attractive.

00:11:25.140 And you're not able to choose who's attracted to you just based on your emotions or your

00:11:29.580 objective.

00:11:30.580 You get to choose more so by the clothing that you wear.

00:11:34.000 For example, if I want my husband to be attracted to me, I will wear something sexy for him at

00:11:38.760 home, alone, where no one else can see.

00:11:41.260 If I don't want a random guy on the street to be attracted to me, then I'll wear something

00:11:45.400 more modest when I'm out and about.

00:11:47.320 Now does that mean that he's definitely not going to look at me?

00:11:50.880 Of course not. 0.99

00:11:52.220 Men are gross sometimes, no matter what. 1.00

00:11:54.820 And there's a huge responsibility on men not to treat women like objects and be disgusting. 0.99

00:11:59.160 But the responsibility of women is that they should be aware of the signals they're sending 1.00

00:12:02.440 out, so don't be naive about what those signals could be.

00:12:06.440 And they should want to send out the right signals, attracting the kind of attention that

00:12:10.420 is more than just physical.

00:12:11.880 The last category I want to address today is it's not my job to stop people from sexualizing

00:12:16.700 me.

00:12:17.700 Don't be naive about sexuality.

00:12:22.520 Sexuality and being attracted to certain things isn't a social construct.

00:12:26.220 We know what sort of things are desirable sexually.

00:12:29.980 Dressing in a certain way, not to be sexualized, is one, dealing with the reality about how men

00:12:34.780 will respond to the way that you dress, because just because you intend a certain thing doesn't

00:12:38.800 mean that everyone is going to accept it and agree and react in the way that you want them

00:12:43.540 to.

00:12:44.540 And for you, it's about being respectful to the people around you.

00:12:47.460 A lot of men don't want to have to deal with seeing a woman in a really immodest outfit 1.00

00:12:53.820 at any time of the day because they don't want to have those thoughts in their mind.

00:12:57.820 They don't want to have those thoughts at all.

00:13:01.560 And it's not something you can always control with human nature.

00:13:05.240 Your reactions in your behaviors, the actions that you take, of course you can control,

00:13:10.780 but your thoughts?

00:13:12.220 Not so much.

00:13:13.140 And it's unfair to expect that everyone should have to ignore your sexuality because you

00:13:17.520 decided that your sexuality shouldn't affect anyone else.

00:13:20.520 A good example is if you play extremely loud music on the street and you expect people

00:13:24.820 not to wince when they walk by.

00:13:26.980 It's human nature to respond to stimuli.

00:13:30.000 So that's true for loud music and it's true for dressing immodestly.

00:13:33.400 And dressing immodestly has practical uses.

00:13:35.440 It's important for women to kind of get what they really want, which is a man who's going 1.00

00:13:40.840 to want to get to know who they are, not just their body.

00:13:43.740 And it's also important to recognize how it affects everybody else.

00:13:46.980 So it's for you and you getting what you want, but it's also for other people and being respectful.

00:13:52.960 I hope you guys enjoyed today's video.

00:13:55.000 I hope you enjoyed the format that we did today.

00:13:57.260 I wanted to be able to respond to as many kind of the ideas of the comments as I could rather

00:14:03.060 than responding to individual ones because I thought that would just get repetitive.

00:14:05.960 I'd love to hear your guys' thoughts in the comments.

00:14:08.000 Please let me know below.

00:14:09.160 Thanks again to Nordgreen for sponsoring today's video.

00:14:11.660 Please head down to the link in my description box if you would like to look at their watches.

00:14:15.500 Thank you so much for watching today's video.

00:14:17.560 Please subscribe to my channel and blog if you haven't already.

00:14:20.660 Head over to my Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and follow me there.

00:14:23.760 Hit that notification bell to get notified of all my new videos.

00:14:26.360 Hit that like button.

00:14:27.360 Please head over to classicallyabbey.locals.com if you'd like to support my channel, see more of this content,

00:14:31.860 and be part of our community, and I'll see you guys in my next video.

00:14:34.860 Bye!

Classically Abby - October 20, 2020

People are mad at me for pushing MODESTY. That’s trash. ｜｜ Responding to YOUR YouTube comments!

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