People are mad at me for pushing MODESTY. That’s trash. ｜｜ Responding to YOUR YouTube comments!
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Summary
A few months ago, I did a video called "Why You Should Dress Modestly" and I got a lot of comments on that video and I thought it would be fun to respond to some of those comments here.
Transcript
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Hello Classic Crew and welcome to today's video where I'm going to be answering your
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So a few months ago I did a video called Why You Should Dress Modestly and I got a lot of
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views on that video and a lot of comments and I thought it would be fun to respond to
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some of those comments here and respond to some of those concerns here.
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So some of it's going to be a little bit funny, a little bit sassy, but some of it is going
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to be serious too because this is a topic that a lot of people have a lot of questions
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about and I want to answer them as honestly as I can.
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But before we get into that, I really want to thank Nordgreen for sponsoring today's video.
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So thanks again to Nordgreen for sponsoring this video and let's get into it.
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So what I noticed when I was going through the comments on my modesty video was that most
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of the questions sort of fell into four categories.
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So what I figured I would do is I would actually just address each category and then I'll just
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splash a bunch of the comments on the screen and you can kind of see them for yourself.
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So the first category I want to talk about is the comment that I made in the video that
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Let me clarify that because it did come up quite a bit in the comments.
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When men and women meet for the first time among the first things they're going to notice
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about each other is their looks and this is even more particular for men.
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Both men and women are attracted to each other and attracted to each other's bodies but men
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and women aren't symmetrical in that attraction.
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Men and women's sexualities are just different from each other.
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I have two studies that are both very good examples of this and I'll link them in the
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Russell Clark and Elaine Hatfield ran a study on a campus, on a college campus, and what
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they did was they had an average looking female student walk up two young men on that campus
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and this young woman just said, would you like to go to bed with me tonight?
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There were three answers that the men could respond with and 75% of those respondents said
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Yes, I would like to go to bed with you tonight.
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Not knowing anything else about this girl, not knowing anything else about her personality,
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They then flipped it where they had an average looking guy go up two young women on campus,
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What does that tell you about female and male sexuality?
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In another study, there were 88 friends, male-female friendships on a college campus and they separated
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the friends, they put the boy in one room and the girl in the other, and the men were
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much more likely to be attracted to their female friend than vice versa.
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And the men were also more likely to think that their female friend was interested in
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These studies prove it, but of course it's kind of obvious.
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Men's sexual intent can be triggered just by a physical attraction.
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But women being physically attracted to men often is just a piece of the puzzle when it
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comes to how that relationship would move forward.
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It's important to romantic relationships and it's empowering.
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But here's the thing that's not always going to work.
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We want control over who's attracted to us and when someone is attracted to us.
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If you're out at a party and a guy is across the room and you think he is very attractive
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and he kind of looks over at you and makes eyes at you, you're going to be happy that
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But now think of that exact same scenario when it's a guy that you're not interested in
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at all who you think is a creep and he's looking over at you.
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You're not going to be happy in that situation.
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You don't get to choose who's attracted to you.
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And context and content for attraction is everything.
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And when men initially meet you, if you are dressed in an immodest way, they are going
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to be contending with the distraction of your body and wanting to know if maybe you are interested
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in a one night stand as opposed to getting to know who you are and your personality and
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look further into the future than just that night.
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And look maybe further into the future to see if there's a possibility of a relationship.
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They're not going to be distracted by that if you're dressed more modestly.
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Now, not 100% of the time, but it is more likely.
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You want a guy to get to know who you are, not just what you look like.
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And in a situation where you're not looking to date, where maybe you're in a professional
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setting, you are creating a scenario and a context where they might be distracted by
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And men that you would never want to view you that way are now brought into that context.
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Now, if a guy meets a girl who he's not initially attracted to, but he hangs out with her a bunch
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and ends up really loving her personality, then he may find himself attracted to that woman.
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And it's because men aren't ONLY visual creatures.
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But when you are trying to make an initial first impression, distracting a guy with the
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way that you're dressed by being immodest is not going to work to your advantage because
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he's not going to be able to get to know who you are while he's distracted thinking
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about just the physical aspect of your relationship.
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And I do want to say that none of this is meant to imply that women who dress a certain
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way are responsible for a man acting in a horrible way and taking advantage of them.
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Men have self-control and they shouldn't act that way.
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But what I'm talking about is women attracting the attention that you deserve and you want.
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A relationship-based attention versus a sexual attention that is much more fleeting.
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How often do you dress sexy when you're at home alone?
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And I'm not talking about taking a picture of yourself and sending it to somebody or posting
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I'm saying literally no one is going to see you that day and you are dressed sexy.
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You can want to do something for yourself because of how you appear to other people.
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But if you're not hanging around in sexy clothing by yourself with no one else to see you, you're
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not really doing it for yourself when you go out.
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Because most women hang around in what's comfortable at home.
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We wear something that's more comfortable when we're at home.
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But even outside of that, let's say that you are somebody who wears sexy clothing when
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Why do you like the feeling of sexualizing your body?
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It's because you want to feel confident that you are sexy.
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And being sexy isn't something you feel in a vacuum.
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Feeling sexy is important because it can influence the people around you and hopefully only the
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Now I do want to address the idea of getting dressed every day during quarantine.
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Maybe you do decide you want to wear something sexier at home.
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We dress up every day while we've been in quarantine because we want to preserve a sense
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But in a normal day-to-day life, we're not going to be wearing clothing that is not comfortable
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Even outside of all of this, dressing sexy for yourself isn't relevant because it doesn't
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You are living in the world and there are other people around you.
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If you smoke in a public area, you may not intend for everyone else around you to have
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And so your behavior, which includes the way that you dress, may not be for other people,
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Because other people are going to see what you're wearing and it's a distraction.
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Now moving on to topic number three, which is I'm not disrespecting my body by dressing
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When I say that you're disrespecting your body by dressing immodestly, I'm saying that
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you're tying your value as a person to your body and it being desired.
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It's really important to understand the difference between attraction to you and who you are and
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For young women, they can crave attention and male attention.
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And they may end up confusing desire for their bodies as love.
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And it's really important to know the difference because if you're constantly putting out your
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body and thinking that is love when a man desires you, then you're not going to really
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be giving yourself the best version of love, which is not wholly based on what you look like.
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Now there are people who are desensitized to showing off their bodies or seeing other
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I know people change a lot around each other and they don't really notice because it's
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They can look at somebody's body and not immediately sexualize them.
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But that doesn't mean that everyone is desensitized and it doesn't mean that everyone should
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You want there to be sexuality between men and women and you want desire between men and women.
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And so kind of saying the idea that women shouldn't be sexualized ever is just not actually
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a good idea because women want to be sexualized in the right context.
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Obviously not in every context, but in certain situations, of course you want to be desired.
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But the thing for women is that they want to be able to choose when they are sexually desirable,
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in what situation and what person finds them attractive.
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And you're not able to choose who's attracted to you just based on your emotions or your
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You get to choose more so by the clothing that you wear.
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For example, if I want my husband to be attracted to me, I will wear something sexy for him at
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If I don't want a random guy on the street to be attracted to me, then I'll wear something
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Now does that mean that he's definitely not going to look at me?
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And there's a huge responsibility on men not to treat women like objects and be disgusting.
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But the responsibility of women is that they should be aware of the signals they're sending
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out, so don't be naive about what those signals could be.
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And they should want to send out the right signals, attracting the kind of attention that
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The last category I want to address today is it's not my job to stop people from sexualizing
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Sexuality and being attracted to certain things isn't a social construct.
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We know what sort of things are desirable sexually.
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Dressing in a certain way, not to be sexualized, is one, dealing with the reality about how men
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will respond to the way that you dress, because just because you intend a certain thing doesn't
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mean that everyone is going to accept it and agree and react in the way that you want them
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And for you, it's about being respectful to the people around you.
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A lot of men don't want to have to deal with seeing a woman in a really immodest outfit
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at any time of the day because they don't want to have those thoughts in their mind.
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And it's not something you can always control with human nature.
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Your reactions in your behaviors, the actions that you take, of course you can control,
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And it's unfair to expect that everyone should have to ignore your sexuality because you
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decided that your sexuality shouldn't affect anyone else.
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A good example is if you play extremely loud music on the street and you expect people
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So that's true for loud music and it's true for dressing immodestly.
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It's important for women to kind of get what they really want, which is a man who's going
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to want to get to know who they are, not just their body.
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And it's also important to recognize how it affects everybody else.
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So it's for you and you getting what you want, but it's also for other people and being respectful.
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I hope you enjoyed the format that we did today.
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I wanted to be able to respond to as many kind of the ideas of the comments as I could rather
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than responding to individual ones because I thought that would just get repetitive.
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I'd love to hear your guys' thoughts in the comments.
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Thanks again to Nordgreen for sponsoring today's video.
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