Classically Abby - Should A Man Pay On A First Date？ Plus, 9 Ways To Love SINGLE Life (And Stay Classic!) ⧸⧸ Ep. 2

00:00:00.000 Nine ways to embrace singledom as a classic woman,

00:00:03.760 how strong the women in the Bible are,

00:00:06.420 and how long should someone date before getting married?

00:00:09.480 All this and more on today's episode

00:00:11.520 of the Classically Abbey podcast.

00:00:30.000 Hello, and welcome to today's episode

00:00:32.840 of the Classically Abbey podcast.

00:00:34.840 I'm so glad you are here.

00:00:36.900 This is episode number two, so we're getting into things.

00:00:40.800 I really am enjoying recording,

00:00:43.860 just sitting down and chatting.

00:00:46.120 I was really nervous about it.

00:00:47.360 I kind of mentioned it in the last episode,

00:00:49.900 just sitting down and talking for 45 minutes,

00:00:52.180 but it turns out I actually kind of like it,

00:00:54.240 and you guys have been really enjoying it too.

00:00:56.440 We've been getting a lot of great feedback,

00:00:58.440 so that's pretty awesome.

00:01:01.060 But if you missed the first episode,

00:01:02.780 then you won't know how this is structured.

00:01:05.680 So in every episode, we do four segments.

00:01:07.780 We start off by doing an intro and catching up.

00:01:11.000 Then we do the main portion, the main topic of the episode,

00:01:14.800 followed up by the faith talk,

00:01:17.180 where I give you guys a little bit of insight

00:01:19.580 into the Torah for me, the Bible,

00:01:22.460 the Old Testament for you, if you're Christian.

00:01:25.260 And then we go ahead to subscriber questions.

00:01:28.440 So if you are a premium subscriber to my Substack newsletter,

00:01:32.220 you will get access to the opportunity

00:01:34.060 to submit questions for every episode,

00:01:36.760 and I will choose a couple of those questions

00:01:38.800 each week to answer.

00:01:40.340 Now, I also want to do a quick plug

00:01:42.500 for my Substack newsletter.

00:01:43.860 If you aren't subscribed to my Substack newsletter,

00:01:46.000 you should definitely check it out.

00:01:47.880 You will get a ton of exclusive content,

00:01:50.040 including access to my book club,

00:01:52.340 my movie club, our community.

00:01:54.240 We have discussion threads, a weekly exclusive article,

00:01:57.520 and submitting questions for videos and podcasts

00:02:01.220 just like this.

00:02:02.320 So I would love if you would join us over there,

00:02:04.860 but I'm so glad that you're here.

00:02:06.420 And if you are enjoying the episode,

00:02:08.440 make sure to subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts

00:02:11.580 and subscribe on my YouTube channel so you can watch it.

00:02:15.280 So let's just hop right into the life updates.

00:02:18.520 So that's kind of what I like to talk about at the beginning

00:02:20.960 is what's been going on in my life,

00:02:22.800 maybe what's going on in the zeitgeist a little bit.

00:02:25.060 So maybe we'll start there.

00:02:26.440 Maybe we won't start with the life updates.

00:02:28.000 Maybe we'll start off with what's going on in the world.

00:02:31.120 And if you don't know,

00:02:33.200 Prince Harry's new book, Spare, just came out.

00:02:36.460 And that is his book.

00:02:37.800 It's his tell-all.

00:02:38.980 He's saying everything.

00:02:42.740 It's the gossip book of the year.

00:02:45.160 Now, I personally, if you've followed me for a while,

00:02:48.880 you probably know this,

00:02:49.760 but I personally take issue with Meghan Markle and Prince Harry.

00:02:53.220 I don't really love that whole situation.

00:02:57.220 I don't like how they've treated their removal.

00:03:01.780 No, they chose to leave.

00:03:03.360 They're leaving from the monarchy and the royal family

00:03:06.980 and then how they've actually kept themselves in the spotlight

00:03:09.800 consistently and constantly.

00:03:12.400 Because Meghan complained about how awful the press was

00:03:16.520 when she was princess,

00:03:18.780 I think many of us assumed,

00:03:20.380 well, then she's going to want a more private life 0.97

00:03:22.240 so she doesn't have to deal with that constantly.

00:03:25.320 But instead, she is constantly in the limelight.

00:03:28.820 She's constantly putting herself into people's faces. 1.00

00:03:32.500 I mean, she was on Oprah.

00:03:34.000 She's got this documentary on Netflix,

00:03:36.520 now Prince Harry's coming out with his book,

00:03:38.140 and it's like, oh my God,

00:03:40.660 we are oversaturated, in case you were wondering.

00:03:43.280 But Prince Harry's book just came out.

00:03:45.600 I just started listening to the Audible

00:03:47.960 because I want to be able to talk about it here.

00:03:50.260 I neglected to watch the Harry and Meghan documentary on Netflix

00:03:54.760 because, to be honest, I didn't want to waste my time.

00:03:59.400 I don't know why I'm choosing to waste my time with the book,

00:04:01.880 but I thought, hey, if I'm going to continue to comment on this relationship,

00:04:08.020 on Meghan and Harry, then I should probably know what's up.

00:04:12.340 So, I'm currently listening to it.

00:04:14.820 I'm about two chapters in.

00:04:16.280 And it's not the best.

00:04:20.640 I'll just say that.

00:04:21.760 But I've got a ways to go.

00:04:24.980 So, we'll see how it progresses.

00:04:28.520 If you are interested in the whole Harry and Meghan thing,

00:04:31.140 I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

00:04:33.860 You can leave the comments on YouTube,

00:04:35.840 or if you become a premium subscriber,

00:04:37.680 you can leave it on my sub stack

00:04:39.880 where you can get access to my newsletters.

00:04:42.860 But, yeah.

00:04:45.080 So, that's what's going on with that.

00:04:46.400 I'm actually reading four books right now.

00:04:49.360 I'm reading a book called The Queen by Andrew Morton.

00:04:52.500 It's a biography of Elizabeth.

00:04:55.960 And that just happened to be the book I picked up

00:04:59.820 at the same time that Spare came out.

00:05:01.300 So, now I'm reading two books about the monarchy,

00:05:03.520 which is kind of funny.

00:05:04.780 And then I'm also reading a book called The Happiness Hypothesis,

00:05:08.540 which I'm reading for our book club

00:05:10.500 for the Classically Abbey sub stack.

00:05:12.860 And my husband recommended it.

00:05:14.480 It's by Jonathan Haidt.

00:05:15.580 He's been talking about it for a long time.

00:05:17.360 I've read The Righteous Mind by Jonathan Haidt,

00:05:19.580 but I haven't read The Happiness Hypothesis.

00:05:21.160 So, that's what we're reading for book club.

00:05:22.640 And then I'm reading for the book club

00:05:24.880 that I host for my community.

00:05:27.160 A book called, I think it's called Live in Love.

00:05:31.140 And it's by Laura Akins.

00:05:33.660 I personally don't know anything

00:05:35.480 about the country singer Thomas Rhett.

00:05:37.500 Okay?

00:05:38.000 Let's just get that out of the way.

00:05:39.220 So, Thomas Rhett is a country singer

00:05:40.960 that all of my friends apparently love.

00:05:43.680 And they love that all of his music is about his wife,

00:05:46.200 which 100% I agree, that's awesome.

00:05:48.840 Like, he's built his career off of just loving his wife so much.

00:05:52.880 And so, his wife wrote a book.

00:05:54.960 And they all decided that's what they wanted to read.

00:05:57.160 So, that's what we're reading right now.

00:05:59.800 Four nonfiction books, I'm realizing,

00:06:01.860 which is kind of a lot for me.

00:06:03.820 Generally, I prefer fiction.

00:06:05.500 But I will say, I'm pretty far into The Queen by Andrew Morton.

00:06:10.400 Loving it.

00:06:11.140 Really well written.

00:06:12.240 It doesn't feel super dry.

00:06:14.580 It feels like a story, which is my favorite way to read fiction.

00:06:18.800 And I haven't started The Happiness Hypothesis quite yet.

00:06:22.500 That's on the docket.

00:06:24.400 And I started listening to Live in Love.

00:06:26.460 Super sweet.

00:06:27.560 I mean, she seems like a sweetheart.

00:06:29.560 And I look forward to actually listening to the rest of the book.

00:06:32.060 So, that's what's been going on in my reading life.

00:06:35.540 If you're reading something, let us know.

00:06:37.600 But I also wanted to mention that my husband and I hosted a murder mystery party.

00:06:43.780 And it was so much fun.

00:06:46.100 If you've been wondering, are murder mystery parties that you host at home fun?

00:06:49.860 Like, are they worth it?

00:06:51.160 Did you watch The Glass Onion and think,

00:06:53.160 hey, I want to host my own murder mystery party?

00:06:56.860 You should do it.

00:06:57.820 It's really, really fun.

00:06:59.080 And ours was themed.

00:07:00.160 So, everyone had to dress up in the 1930s fashions.

00:07:04.500 And we put a little, like, ambiance movie film.

00:07:08.840 Let's call it a video from YouTube on our TV screen.

00:07:13.640 And then we also listened to some 1930s classics.

00:07:17.700 So, it was super fun.

00:07:20.040 Everyone so got into it.

00:07:21.640 Everyone had an accent.

00:07:22.640 They had, like, weird characteristics and secret traits,

00:07:25.620 which made it so much funnier.

00:07:27.240 And because everyone totally committed, that was what made it fun.

00:07:30.900 So, that's, I think, the big lesson and takeaway from our murder mystery party is if you're going

00:07:35.320 to host something like that, make sure that everyone is really committed to being in character

00:07:41.560 and just going all out.

00:07:43.460 Because, number one, that means people won't flake.

00:07:45.520 I wrote a whole article about this.

00:07:46.880 But if your friends have buy-in to an event that you're hosting,

00:07:51.020 then they're not going to flake as easily.

00:07:53.400 And, number two, people just really enjoy doing something that has that much investment.

00:08:00.600 And so, it was a lot of fun.

00:08:02.260 People were supposed to leave.

00:08:03.500 Like, we assumed people would leave around 11.

00:08:05.560 People stay till 1 in the morning.

00:08:07.200 And we all have kids.

00:08:08.480 We all have parents.

00:08:09.460 Like, we're all parents.

00:08:10.500 But we made it work.

00:08:12.660 So, definitely recommend doing a murder mystery party.

00:08:15.660 I picked mine up from TJ Maxx for, like, $17.

00:08:18.820 You can just buy a box from TJ Maxx or Marshalls or something.

00:08:22.280 Or they probably have them on Amazon, too.

00:08:24.200 So, highly recommend.

00:08:26.100 I also hosted an impromptu grilling get-together because my husband just got a new grill.

00:08:30.660 And I wanted to have him celebrate that with our friends.

00:08:36.880 And just the day of, I texted a bunch of my friends.

00:08:39.320 And I said, hey, do you guys want to come over and, like, bring steaks?

00:08:43.520 Bring steaks or bring ground beef and we'll make some food.

00:08:46.360 And I was so shocked because I invited three couples and their kids.

00:08:50.700 And they all were like, yeah.

00:08:52.100 And so, I was so happy because day of, they all agreed to come.

00:08:55.800 And that's the really cool thing about being in a community.

00:08:57.780 I highly recommend it.

00:09:00.660 So, a little, a couple of other things I wanted to talk about.

00:09:06.500 The Sweat app.

00:09:07.660 So, I got a question from a premium Substack subscriber.

00:09:13.320 And I didn't necessarily want to make it, like, a subscriber question to talk about.

00:09:17.160 But she kind of was asking about my workout routine and what I'm doing.

00:09:21.320 And at this point, my workout routine is the Sweat app.

00:09:27.000 I do the Sweat app.

00:09:28.300 And I am, I really, really like it.

00:09:31.080 Like, it's been a great thing for me.

00:09:33.900 It keeps me consistent.

00:09:35.560 And I can choose the length of the workouts that I'm doing.

00:09:39.760 So, they range from, you know, 20 minutes to an hour.

00:09:43.140 But I really only have 25 to 30 minutes in the morning when my mom comes to babysit Mr. Baby.

00:09:48.840 So, I have been able to work out four days a week.

00:09:53.140 I have dumbbells and a bench.

00:09:55.600 That's all that I have.

00:09:56.500 And that has been more than enough.

00:09:58.100 I've seen a change in my body.

00:09:59.300 I feel physically really good.

00:10:00.520 I'm starting to lose a little bit of baby weight that I've been, like, excited to lose.

00:10:05.620 And that's been a great thing for me.

00:10:08.300 Now, I signed up for it when they were having a sale for Christmas.

00:10:12.180 But it's still not super expensive.

00:10:15.060 And it's way cheaper than, like, a gym membership.

00:10:18.540 So, if you want to work out from home.

00:10:21.620 Or really, you can do the workouts that they have at the gym, too.

00:10:23.900 Because they have all of their exercise regimens are based around what equipment you have.

00:10:31.000 So, if you have a gym membership and you want, like, guidance about what to do.

00:10:34.640 And how to use that equipment at the gym.

00:10:38.000 Then the Sweat app would be amazing for that, too.

00:10:40.420 But if you're doing home workouts and you only have a couple things, like bands or dumbbells or, I don't know, a yoga mat.

00:10:49.540 Like, that will, they can work with that.

00:10:52.160 And so, I've really enjoyed the Sweat app.

00:10:55.260 Last thing we're going to talk about in life updates is I wanted to make a little recommendation.

00:11:01.820 Because it's something that I find so helpful.

00:11:05.440 So, I have a notebook that I use to brain dump my to-do list every single day.

00:11:12.360 And it is so helpful.

00:11:15.200 Having the ability to just sit down and write down everything I need to do.

00:11:19.600 And then I, like, throughout the day will go back to that list, cross things off.

00:11:24.640 Or I will reorganize them based on priority.

00:11:28.140 And by the end of the day, like, the page that I have marked out for that day has so many notes and scribbles on it that has helped me figure out, okay, so this took longer than I expected.

00:11:38.940 And this didn't get done yet.

00:11:40.060 So, how can I re-jigger the day to make sure that I get everything done?

00:11:45.440 And that has been a game changer.

00:11:47.780 So, if you are like me and you think on paper, because that's really what it is, I think on paper, then I really recommend picking up a notebook.

00:11:56.720 And a pretty one, too.

00:11:57.600 Because I like having one that I enjoy picking up.

00:12:00.300 Buy some pens you like or find one around your house.

00:12:03.480 And just have a piece of paper always available to you to write down little notes, to write down your to-do list, to write down your schedule, and keep your head on straight as you're kind of taking on the day.

00:12:15.460 So, let's get into the main portion of today's episode, which is nine ways to embrace singledom as a classic woman.

00:12:25.120 So, as you know, here on my podcast and on my YouTube channel, I talk a lot about faith, family, and community.

00:12:33.200 And I talk about how important marriage and motherhood is.

00:12:37.020 Now, I think those things are really important.

00:12:39.520 But as a single person, I think that we can feel guilty or not worthy or like our lives don't matter until we get married and have children.

00:12:49.920 And that is totally incorrect.

00:12:51.740 And that is not the point I'm trying to get across here.

00:12:53.760 One thing I do want to clarify before getting into the main bit of what we're talking about is my content is really geared towards explaining to those women who don't know that it's important to make their lives conducive to having children and a family.

00:13:13.500 That that that is the goal, right, that everything else, all this leftist narrative, all this media that's going to tell you that it's important for you to find yourself outside of marriage and family, that that stuff is really not going to make you happy.

00:13:30.380 And so when I am being a proponent of this stuff, it's from the perspective of trying to convince those women who or at least give them a space to pursue tradition and pursue the things that traditionally have made women happy and that they don't have to feel guilty about that.

00:13:50.980 So when I talk about marriage and family, that's where that's coming from.

00:13:54.140 It is not meant to make those women who are actively trying to find a husband or are actively trying to have children feel bad about themselves because you get the project like you understand what we're here for, but your path may not be there yet or you may be going in a different direction and that's OK.

00:14:14.480 So I think that being single is actually great and I loved being single.

00:14:19.560 There's a reason that we weren't born in pairs.

00:14:22.520 There's a reason that we weren't born with the person we're going to end up with and that we don't have children immediately, right?

00:14:29.360 Because there is an important stage of singleness that allows us to become better on our own so that when we come together with our future spouse, we already know what we're about and or we can grow with them.

00:14:42.840 But it's not supposed to be that you are with the person you're going to end up with from the time you're born.

00:14:48.540 That's just not the way it's supposed to be.

00:14:50.120 God didn't build the world that way.

00:14:51.280 So if God didn't build the world that way, then it's important that we understand the importance of this single era of our lives.

00:14:57.960 And I want to talk about how you can enjoy it as a classic woman, how you can really learn to love this time of your life, even if you are interested in a bigger goal later on.

00:15:11.840 Like something I talk about and I have mentioned before is the idea that you can love where you're at while also having an eye towards the future.

00:15:20.800 You don't have to hate where you're at in order to make moves to change or make moves to do something different.

00:15:27.480 For example, losing weight.

00:15:30.160 I think that's a very good example.

00:15:32.160 People often think that if you say you are losing weight, it means you hate your body where it's at.

00:15:37.160 No, you can love your body for everything it's doing for you.

00:15:41.160 You can enjoy dressing it.

00:15:42.800 You can enjoy being who you are and comfortable in your skin while also saying, I'd like to lose a couple pounds to be healthier or I'd like to lose a couple pounds so that I can fit into clothes a little bit differently.

00:15:53.320 But that doesn't mean I hate where I'm at.

00:15:54.700 It doesn't mean I hate my body.

00:15:56.400 It just means that I can recognize that maybe there's some improvement that can go on there.

00:15:59.760 The same thing happens and is relevant when it comes to being single.

00:16:03.540 I loved being single.

00:16:05.380 I thought it was super fun.

00:16:06.980 I enjoyed my time as a single woman while at the same time, I knew that I wanted to get married and have a family.

00:16:16.060 And because I wanted those things and I didn't have them at the time, you're not always going to be happy being single, right?

00:16:23.060 Like it's not always that comfortable.

00:16:25.180 So with that in mind, I want to talk about nine ways you can embrace this single time in your life.

00:16:31.280 So let's start with number one.

00:16:32.440 Take yourself on dates.

00:16:35.520 Now, I used to do this all the time and I miss it.

00:16:38.880 Like I loved it.

00:16:39.920 I would take an entire day and do things by myself that I wanted to do.

00:16:45.540 I would go see movies.

00:16:47.240 I would read a book at lunch.

00:16:48.840 I would like take myself out to a restaurant, read a book, get a glass of wine and just enjoy myself.

00:16:54.920 I would go to museums by myself, which I cannot recommend enough.

00:16:59.280 Going to a museum on your own, on your own schedule where you don't have to follow someone else around, where you can just sit and take in the art as much and as in your own way as possible, where you can sit and sketch if you want to.

00:17:12.380 And you don't feel the pressure to move on and just taking a whole day and enjoying it.

00:17:18.380 There's something so special about the time of being single where you get to do this.

00:17:24.000 You don't really get to do this at other parts of your life where you'll just do things alone because you can, because you want to.

00:17:33.000 Just I loved seeing movies by myself because I liked the chilled out nature of it where no one else was.

00:17:41.000 I wasn't looking at somebody else for their reaction.

00:17:43.240 I could just take in the movie on my own and see what I thought.

00:17:46.520 Like I wasn't constantly checking in with the person next to me.

00:17:49.940 Are they thinking it's funny or do they think this is boring?

00:17:52.920 It was just my own experience on my own.

00:17:56.580 I loved going out to lunch by myself because I didn't have to like sit there and talk to someone or impress them.

00:18:03.640 It was just about me enjoying the food.

00:18:06.640 Now, when you're married, obviously it's not like that.

00:18:09.260 You're with somebody you love and you're enjoying eating with them.

00:18:11.700 But there is something really special about going to a restaurant, reading a book and hanging out by yourself.

00:18:19.100 And I just think we don't take advantage of that enough when we're single.

00:18:23.480 We're always and I understand because, again, this is something I think about a lot, the idea of this fear of loneliness.

00:18:30.980 But there's also something to be said for solitude.

00:18:34.960 And solitude is rarer as you get married and as you have children.

00:18:39.980 So this time of your life where you are single, take advantage of the solitude and do things on your own schedule.

00:18:46.720 Take yourself on a date.

00:18:48.200 Go do something that you haven't gotten to do because maybe someone else's schedule hasn't worked with it.

00:18:54.200 So do it yourself.

00:18:55.180 If there is a an exhibit you want to see or if there is a place you want to visit, like go on your own.

00:19:01.660 Why not?

00:19:03.080 And enjoy the your own company.

00:19:05.960 Really enjoy your own company.

00:19:07.200 You can also listen to podcasts if you don't really want to walk around in the silence.

00:19:13.520 I mean, I think that there is something to be said for walking around in silence.

00:19:16.080 But you can also put on some music, which I've done, just because it's like giving yourself a background score while you are experiencing life.

00:19:25.120 And I love that.

00:19:26.700 So take yourself on a date.

00:19:29.400 That's number one.

00:19:30.900 Number two, host parties for your girlfriends. 1.00

00:19:33.880 You will learn the art of hosting through hosting.

00:19:38.060 And I think that not enough women, not enough people know how to host parties, know how to host dinners. 1.00

00:19:44.960 So have your girlfriends over for like once a month for different things.

00:19:50.580 You can have a book club like I do.

00:19:52.220 You can host them for dinner.

00:19:54.440 You can have a costume party.

00:19:56.100 You can do a murder mystery party, like I mentioned, and just learn how to host by hosting.

00:20:01.920 But also enjoy the the fun of hosting your friends, making, you know, choosing plates and cutlery and decorating or just learn it.

00:20:14.920 Maybe you learn something new in the kitchen.

00:20:16.840 And so you want to cook something cool.

00:20:18.520 So you you cook something for them so that they can try it.

00:20:21.480 Or maybe you just want to dress up.

00:20:23.360 You got an outfit that you want to share with your friends.

00:20:25.380 So you decide to have a costume party or you decide to have like a dressy get together.

00:20:31.520 Why not host more?

00:20:33.140 I think that we don't do that enough in today's day and age.

00:20:35.600 And it makes me really sad because I've found that people aren't comfortable having people at their homes because they think of it as like too much work.

00:20:42.720 You will stand out if you are the person who hosts in your friend group.

00:20:47.400 You will become that person that people think of as responsible, as fun, as dependable, but also as just a cool person.

00:20:56.380 I mean, and then you can branch out like you can start off with just your girlfriends.

00:21:00.260 And then if you want to start doing social events at your home or at your apartment, then you can meet people.

00:21:07.820 And that's a pretty cool thing.

00:21:09.240 You can sort of create a situation where you are setting up your own singles events in a way.

00:21:14.500 And that's a fun way to introduce yourself to new people.

00:21:19.440 I have this idea that I've mentioned to people before that you can do parties where it's like every person needs to bring someone that the host hasn't met.

00:21:28.480 And so then you're getting a really cool, eclectic group of people, but they've been vetted by the people you already like.

00:21:34.300 So you know that you're probably going to like the people they're bringing to.

00:21:37.860 So that's number two.

00:21:39.340 Host parties for your girlfriends.

00:21:41.820 Okay, number three.

00:21:45.680 Number three is to experiment with your style and makeup.

00:21:50.140 I talk about style quite a bit because I think that style is a reflection of your personality.

00:21:57.880 And so this is the time of your life.

00:22:00.340 Now, you're always constantly changing, but this is the time of your life where you're really figuring out who you are.

00:22:07.580 And so choosing clothing, figuring out your style at this point is going to be so much fun because you can choose what you want to wear, what you like, and really not take into consideration your spouse's tastes.

00:22:22.020 So when you get married, it's important to dress in a way that your spouse finds attractive, that your spouse likes, that your spouse enjoys.

00:22:29.200 And when you are single, you don't have to worry about that quite yet.

00:22:33.100 So you can just figure out your style.

00:22:35.440 Now, most of the time, the way that you dress actually will attract the kind of guy who is attracted to that style of dressing.

00:22:41.940 So if you discover that you really like to wear a lot of flower print dresses, because that is a reflection of your personality, you'll find that the guys you're attracting are attracted to women who wear flower print dresses.

00:22:57.200 If you haven't really discovered your style yet, if you're just kind of doing leggings and sweatshirts, which not to say that's not to say that isn't a style, but if you're doing it just because it's easy and without thinking, then you might address you might attract guys who like that style.

00:23:12.260 And then as you discover your sense of style afterwards, maybe your husband doesn't like it so much.

00:23:18.120 And then you kind of have to balance things a little more.

00:23:20.440 Whereas if you figure out your style before you meet your husband, then you are attracting a guy who also likes the way that you dress.

00:23:29.900 So that's a cool thing.

00:23:31.020 But it also gives you room to just experiment in this time of your single life with clothing that you like.

00:23:38.060 You can try all different things.

00:23:40.340 I know that when I was single, I really went through quite a lot of different phases with the way that I dressed.

00:23:47.100 And I found by the time I met my husband that I really enjoyed dressing in more of a classic way.

00:23:55.720 Now, at the time, I wasn't dressing modestly quite yet, but now it's all incorporated into one thing.

00:24:00.780 It's like modest and classic.

00:24:02.360 And that makes me really happy.

00:24:04.200 And you can also experiment with your makeup.

00:24:06.900 I love makeup.

00:24:08.280 Not everybody, like, enjoys the process and creativity of makeup as much as I do.

00:24:12.700 That's something that I really love.

00:24:15.140 But you can figure out your signature style.

00:24:18.320 You can figure out if you are a red lip person.

00:24:20.560 You can figure out if you are a foundation person.

00:24:22.880 You can figure out if you like a cat eye.

00:24:24.820 Or you can figure out that maybe you really just like a tinted moisturizer and nothing more.

00:24:29.000 But this is the time to discover what you're comfortable with when it comes to your makeup, how to accentuate your best features.

00:24:37.380 I'm a big mascara person.

00:24:39.220 I love mascara.

00:24:40.060 It's like if I could do one thing and nothing else, it would be mascara.

00:24:42.800 And you'll find what is the most beautiful thing about you by discovering what makeup accentuates about you.

00:24:52.120 So that is number four.

00:24:53.980 Or rather, that is number three.

00:24:55.900 Experiment with your style and makeup.

00:24:59.620 Number four is go to art classes or audition for theater productions.

00:25:03.680 Who doesn't love art?

00:25:06.660 Who doesn't love learning a new skill in the arts?

00:25:11.000 I, when I was younger in high school, I went to summer programs where I would learn how to sketch and draw.

00:25:16.840 I thought I was going to be a fashion designer.

00:25:18.120 So I did that kind of thing.

00:25:19.880 I also love performing.

00:25:21.500 I love auditioning for theater productions.

00:25:24.140 And once you get married and once you have kids, you're not going to have time to do a community theater production.

00:25:29.340 But when you're single, you do.

00:25:31.520 So this is the time to take an art class or to audition for a theater production that you want to try out for and see if you get to do because you'll have time to go to the rehearsals.

00:25:42.060 I love the idea of finding things to do with your time that are both productive in the sense that you're creating something and actually just creative.

00:25:53.740 Like you're doing something wonderful with your time where at the end you're saying, oh, I learned something or I made a project or I'm participating in a production that I'm really proud of.

00:26:04.140 And that's something that you get to do when you're single.

00:26:06.360 You'll have the opportunity, the time to do those things and you're improving yourself.

00:26:11.860 These are such classic things that you get to take advantage of when you are single.

00:26:17.020 So number four is go to art classes or audition for theater productions.

00:26:22.980 Number five is volunteer for causes you care about.

00:26:27.380 It's so important at this stage to put yourself in positions where you can help the things that you care about.

00:26:36.760 Right.

00:26:36.980 So, for example, if you are pro-life.

00:26:42.040 Volunteering for pro-life organizations, volunteering at pregnancy crisis centers, you can make a difference in people's lives by giving your time for free.

00:26:54.780 And think about already by all of the things that I'm talking about, like how much more you'll have on your schedule if you do these things and all in a positive way.

00:27:04.560 Like you won't have time to be lonely if you are volunteering and going to art classes or being in theater productions or experimenting with your style, like hosting parties for your girlfriends.

00:27:15.960 You're not going to have time to be lonely.

00:27:18.060 And one of the things I always say, I'm getting a little sidetracked here, but one of the things I always say is dating a person who is busy is very attractive.

00:27:27.280 When a guy asks you, are you busy like Thursday night or are you busy so and so time?

00:27:36.800 If you are always free, it's much less attractive than if you are like, no, actually, I'm busy that night, but I'd be free this night.

00:27:44.640 It's great when you have a busy schedule because then it doesn't look like you're desperate.

00:27:49.020 And the truth is, you don't want to be desperate.

00:27:50.760 You don't want to have so much free time that you are always open to any date at any time that a guy offers.

00:27:59.160 You would rather have other engagements and other things that you're doing with your life and then dating fits into that.

00:28:06.580 So volunteering for causes you care about is number five, and I think that's really important.

00:28:12.100 Number six, read as much as you can.

00:28:15.940 A classic woman is always reading. 1.00

00:28:17.340 It's always, you're always learning something, you're always enjoying time by a fireplace or with a cup of tea or in your little reading nook, and you're just learning something, reading something, taking new information in.

00:28:30.840 And it can be nonfiction or fiction.

00:28:33.520 I mean, we can learn things from fiction, too.

00:28:36.180 This is an amazing time of your life where you get to read without worrying about time.

00:28:41.880 You can just read because you want to and because you enjoy it.

00:28:47.280 Take advantage of it, man.

00:28:48.900 Read as much as you can.

00:28:50.220 And don't turn down opportunities to do other things because you're reading.

00:28:54.940 I think that can cross into dangerous territory.

00:28:56.720 But I think that if you have a few off minutes in an evening, instead of immediately hopping on Netflix or immediately hopping on Amazon Prime, consider just pulling out a book and reading.

00:29:06.960 Because you'll always feel better when you finish a book than when you finish a movie.

00:29:12.320 Because you did something.

00:29:13.240 It's like, in a way, we think of reading as work.

00:29:16.500 And I don't mean that in a bad way.

00:29:17.720 But there's something like you accomplish something.

00:29:19.540 You don't feel that same thing when you binge a show or when you binge a movie.

00:29:23.660 You don't feel like you accomplish something by doing it.

00:29:26.400 But with reading, you do.

00:29:28.160 And that is a really cool thing.

00:29:29.460 So number six is read as much as you can.

00:29:33.480 Number seven is find a church or a synagogue that you love.

00:29:38.480 This is the time to find a faith community that you enjoy.

00:29:44.920 And it's hard to do when you're single.

00:29:46.460 Because a lot of faith communities are built around married families.

00:29:50.680 But there are faith communities that are built for singles.

00:29:53.220 And that doesn't necessarily mean that that's going to be the one that you stick with, obviously, after you get married and have children.

00:29:59.080 But at least having that support system when you're single can really make your life so good and much better.

00:30:08.480 Because other people are going through what you're going through.

00:30:10.980 And you're getting to serve God with people who are in the same place and stage of life.

00:30:15.220 Now, that doesn't mean that you can't find a church or synagogue that has a mix.

00:30:19.280 I mean, there are a ton that I know of where you have singles as well as married couples with kids.

00:30:25.760 And everybody is together, which is a really great thing.

00:30:28.740 Because then you're getting to participate in the lives of young children, even when you don't have children yourself, which I think is always wonderful.

00:30:35.020 But finding a good church or synagogue that you connect with will make all the difference when you are single.

00:30:42.660 Because you will have that strength that comes from being part of a good faith community.

00:30:51.940 Number eight.

00:30:53.760 If you have nieces and nephews or friends with children, babysit.

00:30:57.940 Learn how to be around children.

00:31:01.040 I think a lot of people don't take, don't know how to be around kids nowadays.

00:31:06.300 Like, unless you are from a family that has a lot of children and then your siblings have kids, a lot of people don't know how to be around children.

00:31:15.520 And it's like, it frightens them.

00:31:17.740 So now is the time to learn.

00:31:20.460 First of all, being around kids is super fun.

00:31:22.640 So why not?

00:31:23.660 But second of all, you learning how to interact with them.

00:31:27.700 Not even necessarily how to care for them, although I think that's important too.

00:31:30.720 But even just learning how to interact with kids is so important.

00:31:33.920 A lot of people don't even know how to do that.

00:31:35.740 They don't know that, like, kids like to be treated in many ways like little adults.

00:31:40.180 They want to be taken seriously.

00:31:42.080 And learning how to interact with kids is going to be so helpful down the line.

00:31:49.160 And also it's just wonderful to know.

00:31:51.040 I mean, even if you never have your own children, being somebody who's comfortable around kids is so important.

00:31:57.060 And it's so lovely.

00:31:58.440 And it's so attractive.

00:32:00.100 So take the time now to learn how to do it.

00:32:03.780 Because you will, you will love it.

00:32:07.020 Being around babies, so fun.

00:32:10.740 Being around kids, it's really, it can bring you back to your own child, like what, childlike sense of wonder.

00:32:17.240 So this is the time to learn how to act around kids, raise kids, take care of them.

00:32:28.420 Go ahead and do it now.

00:32:29.860 Why not?

00:32:30.520 Get a head start.

00:32:32.760 And number nine is if you have nieces and nephews.

00:32:37.520 Oh, I already said that.

00:32:38.700 Number nine is go on as many dates as you can.

00:32:45.440 So I am somebody who believes that you should never say no to a first date.

00:32:50.000 I don't think you have to say yes to a second date.

00:32:51.920 Don't get me wrong.

00:32:52.940 But unless a guy's a creep or just really not a good idea, say yes to every first date.

00:33:00.300 And you can decide what the length of that date will be in the sense that if it's a really promising situation, then maybe you can say, okay, I'll go to a movie and dinner with you.

00:33:09.720 Or if it's somebody who you're like, I doubt that this is going to be anything, like maybe just a cup of coffee.

00:33:16.000 But never say no because you don't know who the right guy is going to be.

00:33:20.580 It might be someone who totally surprises you.

00:33:22.520 And saying no to somebody that you assume is bad for you is just that.

00:33:29.060 It's an assumption.

00:33:29.860 So you don't know if that's true.

00:33:31.600 On top of which, saying yes to every date you go on teaches you how to date.

00:33:37.020 It teaches you what you're looking for.

00:33:39.320 It teaches you what you want.

00:33:41.400 It teaches you how to interact and get comfortable with someone in a weird situation because let's be honest, dating is weird.

00:33:48.400 So going on as many dates as you can is my last piece of advice for how to embrace singledom as a classic woman. 0.86

00:33:58.120 So those are the nine ways that you can go ahead and embrace this time of your life.

00:34:03.720 I think that you are an amazing time of your life and you should feel really good about it, even if you are looking towards the future and you hope for more.

00:34:13.160 You hope for marriage.

00:34:14.000 You hope for children.

00:34:14.880 Where you are now is not a bad place to be.

00:34:17.140 It's a beautiful place to be and you can do so much with the time that you have.

00:34:21.940 So enjoy it.

00:34:24.300 Love on it.

00:34:25.560 Be super happy about where you're at while also looking toward the future.

00:34:31.160 So now let's get into today's faith talk.

00:34:34.840 So this week we are in Parshat Shmos, Parshat Shmos, which is the first Torah portion in Exodus.

00:34:43.300 And oh my gosh, so much happens in this Parshat Shmos. 1.00

00:34:47.940 I legitimately sat down to read it and I was like, oh, yay, this is the story of Egypt, of the Jews and slavery and leaving Egypt.

00:34:56.480 This is like the story of the plagues.

00:34:58.560 This is the coolest story ever.

00:35:00.500 I love this Parshat. 1.00

00:35:01.720 And I had forgotten how much happens in this Torah portion. 0.90

00:35:05.340 It is ridiculous. 0.65

00:35:06.940 I sat down and I started reading and I was like, well, I could talk about this. 0.93

00:35:10.600 And I paused for a second and I was like, well, I guess I could talk about this.

00:35:15.340 And then I paused and I was like, I could also talk about this.

00:35:19.040 I mean, there is so much to talk about.

00:35:22.000 And honestly, I had to talk with a friend for him to kind of say, you know what's so interesting about this Parshat? 1.00

00:35:28.380 And I was like, oh, that is interesting.

00:35:30.180 That is a really good place to start.

00:35:32.240 And that's a really good thing to talk about.

00:35:33.540 So here is a summary of what's going on in this Parshat. 1.00

00:35:38.280 First, the very beginning, Joseph dies and a new Pharaoh rises as king of Egypt. 0.92

00:35:44.620 He hates the Jews and begins by taxing them excessively. 0.96

00:35:49.560 Then he enslaves them. 1.00

00:35:50.660 And then he decrees that all baby boys must be thrown in the Nile because the Jews are multiplying like crazy. 0.99

00:35:57.940 Pharaoh is nervous. 0.99

00:35:59.080 He doesn't want to see them overtake the Egyptians and he doesn't like the Jews. 1.00

00:36:02.760 So that's why all of this is happening.

00:36:04.760 He calls to Hebrew midwives and tells them that they're the ones who are going to take care of these Jewish boys.

00:36:10.440 And they tell them they tell Pharaoh that they can't get there in time because the women are so adept at bearing the children themselves like they're their own midwives.

00:36:19.220 But Pharaoh doubles down on his decree.

00:36:22.620 Then Moses is born.

00:36:25.080 His mother, Yochaved, I don't know how to say that in English, hides him for three months.

00:36:30.160 But when she can no longer hide him, she pushes him out into the Nile in a basket where he is rescued by none other than Pharaoh's daughter.

00:36:37.860 She asks for a Hebrew nursemaid and a little girl named Miriam, who happens to be Moses' brother, sister, rather,

00:36:45.960 runs home to her own mother and uses Moses' own mother as his nursemaid. 0.79

00:36:53.360 So it's interesting because he's partly raised in Pharaoh's home, which is obviously incredibly Egyptian, 0.51

00:36:58.100 and partly raised in his own mother's home, which is very Jewish. 0.54

00:37:01.680 When he's grown, he sees an Egyptian striking a Jewish slave, and he kills the Egyptian. 0.65

00:37:09.240 When Moses realizes what he's done and that people are beginning to know what he's done, he runs away to Midian. 0.87

00:37:18.280 There, he helps seven young women draw water from a well that a bunch of mean goat herds or shepherds had chased them away from.

00:37:30.220 And that's how he meets his wife.

00:37:32.340 That's how Moses meets his wife, Sipporah.

00:37:33.980 And we still haven't even gotten to the burning bush.

00:37:38.340 The burning bush happens in this Torah portion. 0.89

00:37:41.980 God speaks to Moses through the burning bush, and there's a very long and interesting conversation.

00:37:46.920 I debated whether I wanted to comment on it because Moses is so humble to the point where God actually gets frustrated.

00:37:54.560 Like, God gets angry at him for just constantly saying, shouldn't someone else do this?

00:37:59.440 Am I right for this role?

00:38:00.760 No one's going to believe me.

00:38:01.840 And God finally is like, dude, relax.

00:38:06.360 Your brother is going to help you because Moses had a stutter, and Aaron, his brother, did not, and he was going to orate for him.

00:38:14.600 So God speaks to Moses and directs him to return to Egypt and save the Jewish people.

00:38:20.260 On Moses' way back to Egypt, he is attacked by a snake, monster kind of thing, and it's because he hadn't circumcised his son. 0.83

00:38:31.840 So Sipporah recognized this because the snake had kind of swallowed Moses up until his nether regions, and she figured out, oh, this is a sign because we didn't circumcise our baby boy, because we didn't know whether like there would be time for him to recover between our travel from Midian to Egypt.

00:38:51.780 But we were supposed to have done it, but we were supposed to have done it, but I can't believe we didn't do it.

00:38:54.640 So she quickly circumcises her son and saves Moses' life.

00:38:59.260 Moses and Aaron go to Pharaoh and ask him to release the Jews, and he only makes their work even harder and punishes them even more.

00:39:06.940 And that's just the first Torah portion.

00:39:11.260 Like, what?

00:39:13.820 So much happens.

00:39:16.000 This iconic Moses in Egypt story, like, we have already done so much, and it's one Torah portion.

00:39:24.880 I know I keep going on about this, but I was shocked because, you know, to be honest, when you're in school,

00:39:30.940 you're learning the chapters, the Parsha, like, the chapter itself, the Peric.

00:39:37.720 That's what it is in Hebrew.

00:39:39.380 We did learn the Torah portions in the sense that every week we knew that there was going to be a different Torah portion,

00:39:45.240 but I always thought of it as more in the chapters as opposed to, like, the sections, as opposed to the portions.

00:39:53.900 So each chapter has a normal amount of information.

00:39:58.480 Each Torah portion is, like, a full story, which is incredible.

00:40:04.940 So as you can see when I kind of run you through the story, through the summary here,

00:40:09.660 you can see why I was like, okay, what am I going to talk about?

00:40:14.060 But here's what I want to talk about.

00:40:17.340 Looking back on this Parsha, it's insane to me that anyone could say that the Bible doesn't respect women

00:40:24.980 or doesn't think women are strong. 1.00

00:40:26.880 The women in this chapter save everyone. 1.00

00:40:31.820 We have the midwives who defend the Jewish people, right? 0.99

00:40:36.200 Shifra and Pua are their names, and they are the ones who go to Pharaoh and tell him, like,

00:40:42.520 sorry, bud, the Jewish women, they're just too good at having babies. 1.00

00:40:45.680 We can't.

00:40:46.820 Nope.

00:40:47.400 We can't stop it.

00:40:48.560 Sorry about that.

00:40:49.620 Which is amazing, right?

00:40:52.660 Then we have the Jewish women themselves, who bear their children so powerfully and so quickly 0.99

00:40:58.320 that they can't even be stopped.

00:41:01.300 Nobody could even stop the boys from being born because the women are so good at bearing the children themselves. 1.00

00:41:06.220 We have Yocheved, Moses' mother, who protects her child from death.

00:41:12.340 For three months, she keeps him secret.

00:41:14.460 And then even then, she doesn't just, you know, give him up for death.

00:41:17.680 She tries to save his life by putting him on the Nile.

00:41:20.020 We have Pharaoh's daughter, who in kind of commentaries, we learn her name is Batia.

00:41:25.600 She saves Moses.

00:41:28.200 We have Miriam, Moses' sister, who brings Moses to the reeds. 0.55

00:41:33.280 She's the one who brings him to the Nile and then brings her mother as a nursemaid to Pharaoh's daughter. 0.95

00:41:39.640 And we have Tzipporah, who saves Moses by circumcising her own son. 0.93

00:41:45.900 She's the one who figures out through God's signs what needs to be done.

00:41:50.820 She does it.

00:41:51.500 She saves Moses' life.

00:41:52.600 The women in the Torah, in the Old Testament, are strong and bold and righteous.

00:42:00.940 And we have so much to learn from their example.

00:42:05.420 But this is the real question, okay?

00:42:08.300 How are they strong?

00:42:10.140 And this is where, you know, maybe why feminists would hate the Torah or why someone would say that the Torah is patriarchal. 1.00

00:42:18.480 Because the women in the Torah aren't strong physically. 1.00

00:42:22.600 Men are stronger than women physically, okay? 1.00

00:42:24.700 We all agree.

00:42:26.780 What the women in the Torah are strong in is the ways in which women are strong. 0.68

00:42:32.460 I know that's, like, repetitive.

00:42:35.060 But my point is, is that the women are strong in their own unique way because they are women. 0.96

00:42:43.400 They're midwives. 1.00

00:42:45.720 They bear children.

00:42:48.140 They raise and rescue babies.

00:42:50.360 They are intuitive and can understand when God's message is being sent and can understand what God was trying to communicate with Sipporah and Moses.

00:43:03.180 Through their womanhood, they are strong.

00:43:07.600 That's the lesson.

00:43:10.140 Women are strong. 0.99

00:43:11.800 Women are brave.

00:43:13.000 And they save men and civilizations by being amazing at the things women are amazing at. 1.00

00:43:24.300 When these women in the Parsha show their strength through real womanhood, that's when they are most strong, most effective, most brave.

00:43:35.600 It's not because they are trying to be something they're not.

00:43:38.500 It's not because they're trying to be stronger than men.

00:43:40.960 It's because they are being strong and amazing at the things that women are strong and amazing at. 1.00

00:43:48.540 I mean, the story of the midwives is truly incredible, right?

00:43:52.580 Because Shipporah and Pua stand up to Pharaoh.

00:43:57.940 And then you've got the women themselves bearing their children because they know the decree that the baby boys are going to be killed. 0.98

00:44:06.740 So they're going to bear their own children without any help if that means that their children will live. 0.50

00:44:13.300 How inspiring is that?

00:44:14.940 I love that the women in the Torah take such an important role in the story.

00:44:25.260 And you can see how important and present they are throughout.

00:44:31.720 And this is just one Torah portion.

00:44:34.480 So I can't wait to see the representation of women throughout the rest of it.

00:44:40.160 It's really incredible.

00:44:41.980 So that is our faith talk for today.

00:44:44.180 I hope you guys enjoyed it.

00:44:45.580 Let me know your thoughts.

00:44:47.540 And let's get into our subscriber questions.

00:44:51.160 Okay, so we are on to our last portion, our last segment of the Classically Abbey podcast.

00:44:57.400 We've got a few questions here from premium subscribers of my Substack.

00:45:02.200 Just as a reminder, if you'd like to submit questions for the Classically Abbey podcast,

00:45:06.820 make sure to head over to classicallyabbey.substack.com

00:45:10.160 where you can become a subscriber for $7 a month.

00:45:12.900 Or if you subscribe for the whole year, you will get two months for free.

00:45:16.580 And you'll get access to a ton of other exclusive content.

00:45:18.920 So I highly recommend checking it out.

00:45:21.220 Let's hop right in.

00:45:23.240 Dear Abbey, 0.58

00:45:23.980 I am a recent mom, a couple months behind you, and currently working from home.

00:45:29.400 My husband is a psychiatrist, and we have been married for five years.

00:45:33.000 As you can imagine, I don't get out much.

00:45:35.660 I am wondering how a mom can go out and make friends with other moms out there. 0.99

00:45:42.200 To be honest, I feel out of place when I hang out with my post-college friends.

00:45:46.660 We are in completely different paths to the point I don't have much in common with them anymore.

00:45:50.880 I am worried because of our different lifestyles, we will drift apart.

00:45:54.580 I do care for them a lot, but it is difficult to make plans when they just want to go to bars

00:45:58.600 and banter about their promiscuous lifestyles.

00:46:01.260 Anyway, I figured starting the new year, I will take this opportunity to look for other women 1.00

00:46:05.240 who have the same views and lifestyles as me.

00:46:08.340 But how can I make new friends?

00:46:11.580 So I get it.

00:46:13.120 I get where you're coming from.

00:46:14.740 Making friends as a new mom, especially at the beginning, is hard.

00:46:18.060 I would say at this stage, once, you know, your baby's more on a schedule,

00:46:21.800 once you're nursing a little less, once you've figured out nursing,

00:46:24.500 like, it's a lot easier.

00:46:27.660 But first, let's talk about just your post-college friends.

00:46:31.560 I can understand why you're worried that you're going to drift apart.

00:46:34.440 My point of view on that is you can maintain friendships with people who are in a different

00:46:42.360 stage of life than you are, but you may not be as close until they're in a similar stage

00:46:48.700 of life, especially if they don't really get what you're doing.

00:46:53.260 If they're not really into the idea of you being a mom or into the idea of you being

00:46:59.640 married, it can cross over into a judgmental territory. 0.76

00:47:03.720 And of course, you're not super happy to hear about their promiscuous lifestyle either because

00:47:07.820 you don't think it's good for them.

00:47:08.960 So I think that it's okay if during this period of time where they are in a very different

00:47:18.360 stage of life, you remain friends without necessarily going out of your way to hang out

00:47:25.280 with them in the situations you're not going to be comfortable in, right?

00:47:29.220 If you can go to brunch with them, if you can go to lunch, like, that's great.

00:47:33.720 You get to hang out with them.

00:47:34.800 You can catch up, but if you're being invited into parties or to bars that you're just not

00:47:40.360 interested in, you don't have to go.

00:47:41.920 And if the friendship grows apart a little bit during this time, that's okay.

00:47:46.840 You may end up finding that the friends that you make now, you will get even closer to

00:47:52.400 than the friends that you were close with at a different point in your life.

00:47:56.760 And it's possible that they may never come around to where you are and to what you're doing.

00:48:01.860 And if those friendships end, that's okay too.

00:48:06.440 You don't have to actively end them, not at all.

00:48:09.620 But if they naturally kind of come to a point where neither one of you,

00:48:14.100 it doesn't really make sense for the friendship to continue.

00:48:16.860 That's okay.

00:48:18.080 And you don't have to feel bad about it because there are some friendships that are perfect

00:48:23.000 for the time of life and the stage of life that you're in when you make that friend.

00:48:28.040 And then as you grow and as you kind of go different ways, the friendship doesn't really

00:48:33.540 make sense anymore.

00:48:34.360 And that's okay too.

00:48:35.440 It doesn't, it's not a comment on either of you.

00:48:37.620 It's just a comment on where you're at and where you're going.

00:48:41.440 So don't worry too much if your friendships end up growing apart and being, going out of

00:48:50.180 your way to like go to a brunch or go to lunch.

00:48:52.120 That's nice, but anything more than that, where you are putting yourself in a situation,

00:48:57.180 going to, you know, an event that you don't want to go to, don't do it.

00:49:02.480 Don't, don't put yourself in that, in that situation.

00:49:05.100 It's not worth it.

00:49:06.540 As far as how to meet new moms, the way that I've met new moms is, I would say there are

00:49:12.780 two ways.

00:49:13.360 One, when you're pregnant and when you have babies, I think people are more open to you

00:49:20.440 eavesdropping.

00:49:21.180 I say this in a, in a funny way.

00:49:23.140 Okay.

00:49:23.740 So for example, when I was pregnant with Mr.

00:49:27.060 Baby, I was getting my nails done and I heard kind of like two seats down from me, a woman 1.00

00:49:33.040 talking to her nail technician about her experience giving birth and how she'd given birth just

00:49:41.240 a few weeks ago and all of that.

00:49:43.160 And I was eavesdropping a little bit, but I just interrupted and I was like, Oh, when did

00:49:50.240 you give birth?

00:49:50.860 Yes.

00:49:51.100 I'm expecting.

00:49:51.900 I'd love to hear more about your experience.

00:49:53.940 And that woman and I became very good friends when I was living in Virginia.

00:49:58.480 So that was really, really fun.

00:50:00.540 So that's a way to meet moms is if you hear somebody talking about motherhood stuff in

00:50:04.520 a scenario like that, when you're getting your nails done, or if you're online at the

00:50:07.640 grocery store, like introduce yourself, people are really laid back about it.

00:50:12.120 And honestly, once you talk to a stranger and you kind of make things fun, they're usually

00:50:18.880 willing to be like, Oh, a new friend.

00:50:20.760 Cool.

00:50:21.660 And I know it sounds weird, but that has worked for me a number of times.

00:50:25.640 And it's kind of funny.

00:50:27.260 And also a great story about how you met someone.

00:50:29.340 I wish people were more comfortable with talking to somebody who they've never met before, especially

00:50:34.900 about motherhood stuff.

00:50:36.260 So I don't think anyone's going to look at you like you're crazy.

00:50:38.620 And if they do, they're lost.

00:50:40.540 You're never going to see them again.

00:50:41.640 So I, I think that's a really good way to meet people.

00:50:44.800 But the best way that I've met people is through my synagogue.

00:50:47.520 There are so many new moms at my synagogue.

00:50:50.380 There's so many babies.

00:50:52.060 Our synagogue, when we moved here, there were three other babies born the same week.

00:50:58.100 And I am very good friends with all three moms who also had babies at the same time.

00:51:03.420 And there's a bunch of other people who maybe don't have babies the exact same age, but

00:51:07.160 have babies kind of a year older or a couple of years older.

00:51:09.680 And we are super great friends.

00:51:12.340 If you can join a church or a synagogue with women who are in the same age range, they don't 1.00

00:51:18.400 have to be exactly in your exact, you know, one baby and that's it.

00:51:22.100 Or like there are women I know who have four babies and that is great. 0.58

00:51:26.300 And we are really good friends.

00:51:27.780 So I would say that finding a faith community where the members of your church or synagogue

00:51:36.140 are in your same stage of life, that is really the best way to meet new moms.

00:51:42.420 That has been my experience and has been fantastic.

00:51:45.640 So that's where I would start.

00:51:48.240 Okay, next question.

00:51:49.940 I grew up reformed Jewish, but don't agree at all with a lot of the values those temples 1.00

00:51:55.400 now push social justice in place of Judaism. 0.87

00:51:58.760 Before I continue, I understand my husband grew up reform and he always called what did

00:52:03.860 he say?

00:52:04.460 It's the democratic.

00:52:06.160 It's the Jewish wing of the Democratic Party.

00:52:09.380 I think that's what he used to say.

00:52:11.380 Yeah, being reformed.

00:52:13.160 It's it is it the values there are totally not Torah values.

00:52:16.660 And I find it really frustrating.

00:52:18.860 The only other option semi close to me is Chabad. 0.99

00:52:22.600 Can you offer some insight into the community or advice if my family joins?

00:52:27.320 So if you don't know, Chabad is kind of like outreach for Jews who are not observant.

00:52:34.480 And it's their goal is just to create a warm and welcoming environment to all Jews.

00:52:41.600 So the great thing about Chabad is that you will go to a synagogue. 0.98

00:52:46.660 And the rabbi is going to be wearing a black hat and have a big beard and have a long black

00:52:50.920 jacket on.

00:52:51.880 And the people who are there are going to be from every walk of life.

00:52:56.060 Like you will have somebody there in leggings.

00:52:58.020 You'll have somebody there in shorts.

00:52:59.400 You'll have somebody there in a more modest dress.

00:53:01.880 Like everybody there is just on their own path.

00:53:05.920 And Chabad is there to provide a space for you to explore your Judaism more.

00:53:10.260 So the insight I can offer is it is going to be better than you think.

00:53:17.060 You might think, oh, this is a little awkward or this is a little weird.

00:53:20.480 It's not at all because they are incredibly accepting.

00:53:24.360 They just want to see more Jews interact with their Judaism.

00:53:29.480 That is that is their purpose.

00:53:31.060 So the community at Chabad, it really can range depending on where you live.

00:53:34.840 But you can have a community that is a little bit more free form in the sense that there

00:53:39.860 are people who are just kind of looking for a hub and they are from all different walks

00:53:45.860 of life.

00:53:46.500 And they're all they drive there on Shabbos and they're all like different ages.

00:53:51.300 Or you could have a community that's a little bit more built up.

00:53:56.160 And so you'll have people there who are regulars and who come every Shabbos, who come every

00:54:01.660 Sabbath and who are a little bit more observant.

00:54:05.100 But they're still going to be welcoming to somebody who doesn't know much about Judaism.

00:54:09.480 So I don't know where you live.

00:54:10.880 So I don't know what community you're going to be a part of.

00:54:13.420 But I would say don't be freaked out by the fact that the rabbi is going to look more 0.60

00:54:20.160 religious than you are, because he doesn't care where you're at. 0.74

00:54:22.800 He just wants you to be there.

00:54:24.000 He's just happy for you to be there.

00:54:25.520 So try it out.

00:54:26.960 I'd love to know how it goes.

00:54:29.200 You are a premium subscriber, so you should be able to leave a comment.

00:54:32.200 Let me know if you attend a service there.

00:54:34.120 I'd really like to hear.

00:54:35.640 So that is question number two.

00:54:37.680 And last question for today's episode.

00:54:41.680 Have you got any tips for a first date?

00:54:44.700 And how long do you think someone should date before getting married?

00:54:48.800 I love those questions.

00:54:50.180 Ooh, there's even more.

00:54:50.940 Should a woman pay on a date? 1.00

00:54:53.520 Very good question.

00:54:55.720 So let's start with, have you got any tips for a first date?

00:55:00.280 Yes.

00:55:01.260 And I have many videos talking about this.

00:55:04.060 I also have done a speech on it or about dating generally.

00:55:08.440 So I'll just give like one or two tips.

00:55:11.260 Tip number one is do your makeup.

00:55:14.460 If you're going to do makeup, do your makeup in a way that accentuates your features and doesn't

00:55:18.940 obscure them.

00:55:19.980 So you always want, and this is, it goes for your hair too.

00:55:22.780 You always want to do something.

00:55:24.620 And honestly, it goes for the way that you dress.

00:55:26.320 You want to do something that shows who you are, shows what you look like and doesn't obscure

00:55:32.960 it behind puffy clothes or behind green eyeshadow or behind a crazy color wig.

00:55:41.220 I don't know why someone would wear a wig on a date, but who knows?

00:55:43.240 Trying to be as close to your actual appearance as possible while accentuating the best parts

00:55:49.900 of you.

00:55:50.620 That's the goal.

00:55:51.420 Because you want the guy that you're going on a date with to actually see you.

00:55:54.020 So that's number one.

00:55:55.560 Number two is for a first date, just get a feel for the chemistry.

00:56:03.680 Date number two is when you start asking big questions.

00:56:05.840 That's my rule.

00:56:06.420 Date number two is when you start asking big questions.

00:56:07.960 But date number one, that's when you are going to want to just see if you and this person

00:56:14.640 have fun together.

00:56:16.240 I think that's really the thing for a first date is, are you interested in a second date?

00:56:21.240 Are you even interested in going out again and seeing if you guys like each other?

00:56:25.620 So just relax a little bit for the first date.

00:56:28.560 You don't have to go off your list quite yet and see how you get along.

00:56:32.680 See if you enjoy this person's company and just see how that chemistry is.

00:56:37.000 How long do you think someone should date before getting married?

00:56:40.520 So I, okay, because the way the question is phrased is a little confusing because it's

00:56:46.860 before getting married as opposed to getting engaged and then how long should the engagement

00:56:50.920 be?

00:56:51.720 Okay, so here's what we're going to, here's what I'm going to say.

00:56:54.520 It should take you, in my opinion, no longer than a year to figure out, maybe a year and

00:56:59.420 a half to figure out if you are right for someone.

00:57:03.260 Why does it take you longer than that?

00:57:04.780 If you've asked the big questions early on, if you have chemistry, if your families get

00:57:10.340 along, what, what are you waiting for?

00:57:11.840 Now you're just testing and testing and testing and wasting time.

00:57:16.880 It's not worth it.

00:57:17.900 I am a proponent of ask the big questions.

00:57:22.120 See if you like each other.

00:57:24.400 Do you enjoy each other's company?

00:57:26.040 Like, okay, the questions are answered.

00:57:28.880 Why are you waiting?

00:57:30.320 Now, engagement, no longer than a year.

00:57:34.620 Hard to stop.

00:57:35.520 No longer than a year.

00:57:36.460 Because engagement is the hardest time of a relationship.

00:57:39.460 Everyone's going to tell you it's the romantic, you know, lovey-dovey honeymoon period.

00:57:43.700 It's not.

00:57:44.800 Engagement is hard because you're planning a wedding.

00:57:47.300 You are dealing with families who have opinions about that wedding.

00:57:51.840 And you are standing on the edge of a diving board waiting to make that giant commitment.

00:57:55.760 And the longer you're waiting to make a commitment, the longer you question whether or not it's

00:58:00.240 the right commitment to make.

00:58:01.300 And it has nothing to do with whether it's the right commitment to make.

00:58:04.480 It's just that it's so uncomfortable waiting to actually do something this huge and this big

00:58:10.680 that it can make you want to back out.

00:58:14.860 So a year is the longest I recommend.

00:58:17.760 I, my husband and my engagement was five and a half months.

00:58:20.940 That was fine.

00:58:22.640 Uh, we also got married.

00:58:24.640 We met and got married in a year.

00:58:27.700 So ours was more expedited than many people's, but it was, it worked for us.

00:58:35.240 So that, that's my advice regarding that.

00:58:37.560 And then should a woman pay on a date? 1.00

00:58:40.160 Here's the answer to that question.

00:58:41.940 A woman should pay on a date. 1.00

00:58:44.680 If you guys are in, uh, are not earning your own money.

00:58:49.380 So for example, if you guys are dating in high school or if you guys are dating in college

00:58:54.740 and you're the guy you're on a date with is getting, you know, a stipend from his parents

00:58:59.120 and you're getting a stipend from your parents and you guys are living off of your parents

00:59:03.380 money, why should his parents be paying for all of his dates?

00:59:07.320 Uh, I think that it can cross into dangerous territory if, you know, if the guy is taking

00:59:14.980 advantage of the dating situation, but I'll be honest, I am not a huge.

00:59:19.380 I don't think that a man has to pay on every date because a date, dating can get expensive

00:59:23.600 and it's hard.

00:59:24.680 Like I was thinking about kosher food is super expensive.

00:59:27.960 If a guy took a girl out to dinner, every time he took a girl out on a date, he would 0.96

00:59:33.420 be out at like $150 once a week.

00:59:37.140 That's crazy for one meal.

00:59:39.160 Like that's crazy.

00:59:40.940 So I understand the concept of splitting the bill.

00:59:44.300 And I know that's really funny because I'm classic and that's my thing.

00:59:47.380 But I also think that lessening the burden of the cost of a meal and allowing people to

00:59:57.560 just enjoy each other's company as opposed to being concerned about what the other person

01:00:00.800 is ordering.

01:00:02.180 I'm not, I don't think that's the worst thing in the world.

01:00:04.540 I think it's nice if a guy can afford it.

01:00:06.740 And if a guy like wants to make a girl feel taken care of, but, and maybe the first date

01:00:11.660 the guy should pay.

01:00:12.360 But like, again, I'm pretty flexible on that topic because when Jacob and I started dating,

01:00:18.500 we split a lot of our dates and I was totally fine with that because I was like, yeah, that

01:00:23.460 makes sense.

01:00:23.920 Let's just split it.

01:00:25.300 It worked for us.

01:00:26.220 So I don't think a man always has to pay, but you can also kind of get the vibe from him 0.99

01:00:31.360 and decide, okay, is he being a jerk or is he being just practical? 0.98

01:00:36.320 And like, it makes sense that we're going to split it. 0.99

01:00:38.160 You can, I think you can read the room on that.

01:00:40.960 So that is my thoughts.

01:00:43.460 And that is today's episode of the Classically Abbey podcast.

01:00:47.060 I hope you guys enjoyed it.

01:00:49.380 If you did, make sure to subscribe anywhere you listen to podcasts so you can get a notification

01:00:53.560 about next episode, about all of the future episodes.

01:00:57.020 And make sure to stay tuned because we're going to have some really fun interviews coming

01:01:00.780 up.

01:01:01.300 I also would love if you would consider subscribing to my YouTube channel and to my Substack newsletter.

01:01:06.240 And if you're not following me on social media, it's at Classically Abbey, absolutely

01:01:09.900 everywhere.

01:01:10.580 Thank you guys so much for listening and I'll see you guys in the next one.

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Classically Abby - January 17, 2023

Should A Man Pay On A First Date？ Plus, 9 Ways To Love SINGLE Life (And Stay Classic!) ⧸⧸ Ep. 2

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