Classically Abby - Stress LESS. Live MORE. And STOP Blaming Others For YOUR Unhappiness.

00:00:00.000 Hello, Classic Crew, and welcome to today's video where we're going to be talking about

00:00:05.000 how to be a more classic person by relaxing and not sweating the small stuff.

00:00:13.740 So last year when Jacob and I were still living in Nebraska, we went to Barnes & Noble and of

00:00:19.840 course I wanted to go over and look at the bargain books. They usually have some really

00:00:24.520 great options and I love just perusing and seeing what's available because it's all in a very

00:00:30.280 affordable price range. And I happened to come across this book right here. Now it came with a

00:00:36.520 cover but I actually despise book covers so I took it off but this is Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

00:00:42.420 and It's All Small Stuff by Richard Carlson. I've mentioned this book on my channel before because

00:00:48.120 I loved reading it and I thought it was so valuable but I thought it would be great to do a more

00:00:54.220 in-depth video examining just a few of the things that he talks about in this book. I loved the

00:01:00.660 format of this book because he wrote it in a hundred chapters and each chapter is a page or two pages

00:01:07.000 and really gives you a very quick little piece of advice that if you're feeling stressed or anxious

00:01:12.580 or you just need a second to calm down you can pop over to this book, flip through, and find just

00:01:18.800 something short and easy to kind of calm you down. If you're new to my channel I talk about

00:01:23.680 commentary, beauty, lifestyle, fashion, and opera all from a conservative and classic perspective so if

00:01:30.060 that's something you'd be interested in we'd love to have you join the classic crew so feel free to

00:01:34.460 subscribe and make sure to ring that notification bell. I think a huge part of being classic and being

00:01:40.080 a classic woman is having your stuff together. Not allowing yourself to get overwhelmed, not allowing 1.00

00:01:46.900 yourself to feel anxiety a lot of the time and it's not to say that you can't be overwhelmed sometimes,

00:01:52.080 it's not to say that you can't be anxious sometimes, but a classic woman is able to gather herself and 0.98

00:01:57.060 get things done instead of sinking into those feelings too often. And a book like this is really

00:02:02.500 good at allowing us as people to collect ourselves and recognize what's important and give us some

00:02:09.140 perspective. So today I chose five lessons from this book that I want to share with you guys and I'm

00:02:15.300 really excited so let's get into it. So I want to start off with lesson number six which is remind

00:02:21.860 yourself that when you die your in basket won't be empty. I loved this lesson and I think it's so easy

00:02:29.220 for us to get caught up in the little tasks of everyday life and think that once we get all of those

00:02:35.600 done then we'll be happy. Then we can relax and sit down and spend time with our loved ones and have a good

00:02:41.800 time and just chill out. But once those tasks are done you're going to have new tasks added to your

00:02:48.640 list of to-dos. And you never want your inbox to be empty for too long because that would mean that

00:02:54.020 your time isn't in demand. So it's actually a good thing to have things in your to-do list. But acting as

00:03:01.120 if those things are all going to get done and constantly putting off the things that really matter,

00:03:07.580 the time that you spend with your family, the time that you spend with your friends, the times that

00:03:12.660 you enjoy living your life, that's the stuff that counts. I really like what he writes here.

00:03:18.700 The nature of your in basket is that it's meant to have items to be completed in it. It's not meant

00:03:24.560 to be empty. In reality almost everything can wait. Very little in our work lives truly falls into the

00:03:32.080 emergency category. I just love the way that he puts things into perspective in two sentences.

00:03:37.580 The idea that yes things are important in work and it's important to be responsible and get things

00:03:43.120 done. But at the end of the day if you're a naturally responsible person or if you're someone

00:03:47.620 who has worked to be responsible you also have to have balance and an understanding that things will

00:03:54.440 get done because you're responsible but it's also important for you to take time and enjoy time with

00:04:01.880 the people that you love and to find inner peace and to invest time in your relationship with God for

00:04:07.500 example. These are things that are invaluable and your to-do list will always be there because your

00:04:14.080 to-do list is always going to be changing and fluctuating with the things that you get done and the

00:04:18.200 things that get added. And I think it's really important that he says it remember when you die your in

00:04:23.400 basket will still be full because the fact is that when we do die we're still going to have a to-do list

00:04:29.980 and those things will get done by someone else. But the things that won't be able to get done by

00:04:34.240 someone else are the quality time that you spend with those around you and the time you have

00:04:39.760 enjoying your life and investing in your relationships and the things that really matter.

00:04:45.900 So I absolutely love that lesson and it's one that I reference when I'm feeling overwhelmed.

00:04:50.680 Definitely something to keep in mind. The next lesson I want to talk about is number 23 which is

00:04:55.800 experiment with your back burner. So Dr. Carlson talks about the back burner on your stove. The

00:05:02.460 idea that there's a burner on the back of your stove that while you're making dinner you can put

00:05:06.240 something in the back and it'll simmer and it'll cook while you don't really do anything. Maybe you're

00:05:10.780 making rice or you're preparing something that just needs to sit and you're not stirring, you're not

00:05:15.800 actively engaging with that food preparation. You're just turning it on and letting it do its thing.

00:05:21.220 What he suggests is sometimes there are problems that we have that it's better to allow to put on

00:05:27.140 the back burner. Now what he's saying is not that you should procrastinate or deny that that problem

00:05:31.440 exists. What he's saying is that sometimes when you allow things to be put on the back burner of your

00:05:36.160 mind you can kind of solve them in the background. You don't have to be actively engaging with that

00:05:41.880 problem or analyzing the solution. Something might just be kind of resolving itself in the background

00:05:48.460 of your mind. Essentially there are times that we don't have a really good answer and even sitting

00:05:53.480 on it doesn't really help. Sitting and thinking about it doesn't really help. But if we allow our

00:05:58.740 minds and trust our minds to just maybe take control by letting it just work on the background

00:06:04.800 while we deal with other things it will get resolved. And by doing that it reduces the stress

00:06:09.940 of everyday life because you're able to say okay I can't solve this right now but it will be solved

00:06:15.200 and I trust myself that I'll be able to figure it out. And this is a difficult one for me because

00:06:20.080 I'm somebody who's very proactive and I like to solve things actively. But there are some issues that

00:06:25.560 you can't solve actively and that you can't just push through a resolution. Sometimes you do just need

00:06:32.500 to let it kind of get solved in the background while you live your life. And I think this is a really good

00:06:38.740 kind of way to say slow down. Sometimes your involvement is not actually that helpful. And I

00:06:45.600 love that idea and it is a way to reduce stress I think. The next piece of advice is number 48 which

00:06:51.260 says remember that everything has God's fingerprints on it. I love this idea. The idea is that it's easy

00:06:58.700 to see God's presence in the beautiful things in the world by looking at a beautiful sunrise or seeing a

00:07:04.780 beautiful healthy child or enjoying time with a loved one. It's harder to see God's presence in

00:07:11.960 the things that are upsetting. In loss, in tragedy, even in life's little problems. But once you see the

00:07:18.160 holiness in everyday things and in things that don't necessarily make you happy, you start to feel

00:07:24.100 peace. You start to see God's presence in every part of daily living, good or bad. God's presence alone

00:07:31.340 makes something special. And it's an amazing thing once you start to realize that God is in everything

00:07:37.120 and that God's presence is everywhere. When you're having a difficult time, it's so important to

00:07:43.720 remember that God is there and God is in that thing that's frustrating to you or upsetting to you.

00:07:50.520 That God is in all things. When something isn't going your way, recognizing that God is involved

00:07:57.360 in every aspect and he is part of your life in every way you can imagine, that is incredibly calming to

00:08:05.340 me. And when I start to feel upset or overwhelmed, remembering that things are part of God's plan,

00:08:11.180 remembering that God is involved in my life, that gives me a sense of relief because it reminds me

00:08:16.760 that I don't have to be in control of every day. God is in control. And if we can't see the beauty

00:08:23.720 in something, it doesn't mean that God's presence isn't there. It just means that we haven't opened

00:08:29.980 our minds enough to see God's presence in something that otherwise is hard to see. Anytime I think about

00:08:36.800 God's presence, it does bring me comfort and it reminds me that we're not alone and that everything

00:08:45.160 is part of his plan. The next one I want to talk about is number 79, which is stop blaming others.

00:08:52.680 Often when things aren't going right, we blame other people. We assume that somebody else is

00:08:57.280 the problem. And here in the chapter, he gives a bunch of examples. If something isn't where you

00:09:01.520 left it, then someone else must have moved it. If the house is a mess, then someone else made it

00:09:05.500 dirty. If the car isn't working, then your mechanic didn't fix it right. What Richard Carlson points

00:09:10.540 out is that when we blame others all of the time, it means that we don't take responsibility for our

00:09:17.000 own feelings and pursuit of happiness because other people are causing our unhappiness. Being happy has

00:09:24.580 to be based on your own actions. And constantly blaming other people for why you're feeling the

00:09:30.920 way that you're feeling means that you're never responsible for owning up and growing and being

00:09:36.100 better so that you can bring your own happiness. And if you're constantly blaming others for your

00:09:41.540 unhappiness, you're also never going to have real peace because you don't feel in control of your

00:09:47.000 life. Everyone else is making you unhappy. Of course, there are times where there are other people

00:09:52.140 responsible for how you're feeling or what's going on. But you can't go to that all the time because

00:09:58.040 it's not good for you. And it's not ultimately going to make you feel more relaxed or more at peace

00:10:03.360 or happier. So at the end of the day, when you're frustrated that the house isn't clean,

00:10:07.140 clean it up yourself. When you're unhappy, remind yourself that you are the one who has to make you

00:10:12.960 happy. No one else can make you happy if you aren't willing to put in the work yourself. When you blame

00:10:18.780 other people, you don't have control over your own happiness because you think everyone else is causing

00:10:23.580 you to feel this way. And it's so much more empowering to think, hey, I'm in control of my choices.

00:10:29.980 I'm in control of my moods. And I'm in control of how I perceive the world and how I maneuver in the

00:10:36.400 world. And that makes you feel so much better at the end of the day than constantly blaming others

00:10:42.320 and then really never feeling better. The last lesson I want to share with you guys today is

00:10:47.780 number 92, which is realize the power of your own thoughts. I love this chapter. I adore this chapter

00:10:55.560 because it's so important. Here we're talking about the idea that in order for you to have an emotion,

00:11:01.540 you have to think something first. And it's really easy to think that moods just kind of come out of

00:11:07.180 nowhere because you feel like you're aware that you're thinking all the time. But clearly we're

00:11:11.940 not aware that we're thinking all the time because we don't even think about the fact that we're

00:11:15.120 breathing. Up until this moment, you probably didn't even realize that you're breathing. That's

00:11:19.660 what he says in the book. And it's true, right? Until I point out that you breathe in and out all day,

00:11:24.460 every day, you're not aware of it. And that's the same with your thoughts. You don't realize that

00:11:29.280 your thoughts will go in a certain direction or something will start to kind of percolate in

00:11:34.460 your mind. And then all of a sudden you're feeling a certain way. It's so important to recognize that

00:11:38.740 when you're feeling down or unhappy, it's coming from negative thoughts. And the thoughts are the

00:11:44.180 thing that started those feelings in the first place. So if you start to recognize that a bad mood

00:11:49.920 or a bad feeling has passed over you, and then you kind of think about what you were thinking about

00:11:56.160 before that feeling hit you, you can say, oh, that's just a thought. That's just a thought.

00:12:02.100 And then you can shoo it away. You can say, I don't need to think that. I don't need to feel that. Or you

00:12:07.220 can say, hmm, it's interesting I had that thought. It's interesting that I'm having this feeling. And

00:12:12.020 I'm just going to let it pass over me instead of really kind of linger. And I think that's a huge thing

00:12:18.560 because moods can really feel like you can't escape them. And if you recognize that moods are

00:12:25.980 as fleeting as any other thing, and thoughts are as fleeting as any other thing and treat it as such,

00:12:32.140 then you can come out the other side feeling like, okay, this is just kind of an annoying emotion I'm

00:12:38.320 experiencing right now. This is a bad thought that I'm having right now. But I don't need to examine

00:12:44.460 it or feel it more than that. And of course, if there's a reason for that, if it's coming out of

00:12:49.840 something specific, a circumstance, then maybe you need to examine it. But if it's coming out of

00:12:54.960 nowhere, sometimes bad thoughts just hit us. They do. They just happen. And if that does happen,

00:13:00.900 recognizing that it's just one of those things that happens and letting it go away and fly away

00:13:08.260 and not spending too much of your time just allowing yourself to sink into that bad emotion,

00:13:14.640 it's such a huge game changer. And it's something that I've really found valuable after reading this

00:13:20.380 book is recognizing that sometimes you can just let those bad feelings go away. Just like let them

00:13:25.940 fade instead of trying to analyze every single one. Because it's so natural as people to have bad

00:13:33.300 thoughts. Of course it's going to happen. So constantly trying to say, well, if I have a bad

00:13:38.720 thought, there has to have been a reason. It's too much pressure on us to never have bad thoughts.

00:13:44.480 Because even the happiest person in the world has negative thoughts sometimes. So that's it for

00:13:50.080 today's video. I hope you guys learned something and enjoyed it. I so recommend picking up this book.

00:13:55.700 I'm going to link it in the description box below. I absolutely love it. And it's so easy to read.

00:14:01.280 And it's so nice to just have on your bedside table whenever you're feeling a bad feeling or bad

00:14:06.080 thought. This is such a nice book to have at your disposal. I hope you guys learned something. Let

00:14:11.780 me know in the comments which of these five lessons you enjoyed the most. Or if you have any other

00:14:16.480 advice, please leave it down below. Thank you so much for watching. Make sure to subscribe to my

00:14:21.160 channel if you haven't already. And hit that notification bell. If you'd like to subscribe to

00:14:25.240 my newsletter, head over to the description box. There will be a link there for you to subscribe.

00:14:29.660 And you will get a little dose of classic into your inbox just twice a month. If you would

00:14:34.540 like to follow me on social media, it's at classicallyabbie absolutely everywhere. Thank

00:14:38.720 you so much and I'll see you guys in the next video. Bye!

Classically Abby - March 22, 2021

Stress LESS. Live MORE. And STOP Blaming Others For YOUR Unhappiness.

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