Classically Abby - March 22, 2021


Stress LESS. Live MORE. And STOP Blaming Others For YOUR Unhappiness.


Episode Stats

Length

14 minutes

Words per Minute

191.70844

Word Count

2,830

Sentence Count

151

Misogynist Sentences

1

Hate Speech Sentences

2


Summary

In today's episode, we re talking about how to be a more classic person by relaxing and not sweating the small stuff. In this episode we re discussing the book, "Don t Sweat the Small Stuff: It's All Small Stuff" by Richard Carlson.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Hello, Classic Crew, and welcome to today's video where we're going to be talking about
00:00:05.000 how to be a more classic person by relaxing and not sweating the small stuff.
00:00:13.740 So last year when Jacob and I were still living in Nebraska, we went to Barnes & Noble and of
00:00:19.840 course I wanted to go over and look at the bargain books. They usually have some really
00:00:24.520 great options and I love just perusing and seeing what's available because it's all in a very
00:00:30.280 affordable price range. And I happened to come across this book right here. Now it came with a
00:00:36.520 cover but I actually despise book covers so I took it off but this is Don't Sweat the Small Stuff
00:00:42.420 and It's All Small Stuff by Richard Carlson. I've mentioned this book on my channel before because
00:00:48.120 I loved reading it and I thought it was so valuable but I thought it would be great to do a more
00:00:54.220 in-depth video examining just a few of the things that he talks about in this book. I loved the
00:01:00.660 format of this book because he wrote it in a hundred chapters and each chapter is a page or two pages
00:01:07.000 and really gives you a very quick little piece of advice that if you're feeling stressed or anxious
00:01:12.580 or you just need a second to calm down you can pop over to this book, flip through, and find just
00:01:18.800 something short and easy to kind of calm you down. If you're new to my channel I talk about
00:01:23.680 commentary, beauty, lifestyle, fashion, and opera all from a conservative and classic perspective so if
00:01:30.060 that's something you'd be interested in we'd love to have you join the classic crew so feel free to
00:01:34.460 subscribe and make sure to ring that notification bell. I think a huge part of being classic and being
00:01:40.080 a classic woman is having your stuff together. Not allowing yourself to get overwhelmed, not allowing
00:01:46.900 yourself to feel anxiety a lot of the time and it's not to say that you can't be overwhelmed sometimes,
00:01:52.080 it's not to say that you can't be anxious sometimes, but a classic woman is able to gather herself and
00:01:57.060 get things done instead of sinking into those feelings too often. And a book like this is really
00:02:02.500 good at allowing us as people to collect ourselves and recognize what's important and give us some
00:02:09.140 perspective. So today I chose five lessons from this book that I want to share with you guys and I'm
00:02:15.300 really excited so let's get into it. So I want to start off with lesson number six which is remind
00:02:21.860 yourself that when you die your in basket won't be empty. I loved this lesson and I think it's so easy
00:02:29.220 for us to get caught up in the little tasks of everyday life and think that once we get all of those
00:02:35.600 done then we'll be happy. Then we can relax and sit down and spend time with our loved ones and have a good
00:02:41.800 time and just chill out. But once those tasks are done you're going to have new tasks added to your
00:02:48.640 list of to-dos. And you never want your inbox to be empty for too long because that would mean that
00:02:54.020 your time isn't in demand. So it's actually a good thing to have things in your to-do list. But acting as
00:03:01.120 if those things are all going to get done and constantly putting off the things that really matter,
00:03:07.580 the time that you spend with your family, the time that you spend with your friends, the times that
00:03:12.660 you enjoy living your life, that's the stuff that counts. I really like what he writes here.
00:03:18.700 The nature of your in basket is that it's meant to have items to be completed in it. It's not meant
00:03:24.560 to be empty. In reality almost everything can wait. Very little in our work lives truly falls into the
00:03:32.080 emergency category. I just love the way that he puts things into perspective in two sentences.
00:03:37.580 The idea that yes things are important in work and it's important to be responsible and get things
00:03:43.120 done. But at the end of the day if you're a naturally responsible person or if you're someone
00:03:47.620 who has worked to be responsible you also have to have balance and an understanding that things will
00:03:54.440 get done because you're responsible but it's also important for you to take time and enjoy time with
00:04:01.880 the people that you love and to find inner peace and to invest time in your relationship with God for
00:04:07.500 example. These are things that are invaluable and your to-do list will always be there because your
00:04:14.080 to-do list is always going to be changing and fluctuating with the things that you get done and the
00:04:18.200 things that get added. And I think it's really important that he says it remember when you die your in
00:04:23.400 basket will still be full because the fact is that when we do die we're still going to have a to-do list
00:04:29.980 and those things will get done by someone else. But the things that won't be able to get done by
00:04:34.240 someone else are the quality time that you spend with those around you and the time you have
00:04:39.760 enjoying your life and investing in your relationships and the things that really matter.
00:04:45.900 So I absolutely love that lesson and it's one that I reference when I'm feeling overwhelmed.
00:04:50.680 Definitely something to keep in mind. The next lesson I want to talk about is number 23 which is
00:04:55.800 experiment with your back burner. So Dr. Carlson talks about the back burner on your stove. The
00:05:02.460 idea that there's a burner on the back of your stove that while you're making dinner you can put
00:05:06.240 something in the back and it'll simmer and it'll cook while you don't really do anything. Maybe you're
00:05:10.780 making rice or you're preparing something that just needs to sit and you're not stirring, you're not
00:05:15.800 actively engaging with that food preparation. You're just turning it on and letting it do its thing.
00:05:21.220 What he suggests is sometimes there are problems that we have that it's better to allow to put on
00:05:27.140 the back burner. Now what he's saying is not that you should procrastinate or deny that that problem
00:05:31.440 exists. What he's saying is that sometimes when you allow things to be put on the back burner of your
00:05:36.160 mind you can kind of solve them in the background. You don't have to be actively engaging with that
00:05:41.880 problem or analyzing the solution. Something might just be kind of resolving itself in the background
00:05:48.460 of your mind. Essentially there are times that we don't have a really good answer and even sitting
00:05:53.480 on it doesn't really help. Sitting and thinking about it doesn't really help. But if we allow our
00:05:58.740 minds and trust our minds to just maybe take control by letting it just work on the background
00:06:04.800 while we deal with other things it will get resolved. And by doing that it reduces the stress
00:06:09.940 of everyday life because you're able to say okay I can't solve this right now but it will be solved
00:06:15.200 and I trust myself that I'll be able to figure it out. And this is a difficult one for me because
00:06:20.080 I'm somebody who's very proactive and I like to solve things actively. But there are some issues that
00:06:25.560 you can't solve actively and that you can't just push through a resolution. Sometimes you do just need
00:06:32.500 to let it kind of get solved in the background while you live your life. And I think this is a really good
00:06:38.740 kind of way to say slow down. Sometimes your involvement is not actually that helpful. And I
00:06:45.600 love that idea and it is a way to reduce stress I think. The next piece of advice is number 48 which
00:06:51.260 says remember that everything has God's fingerprints on it. I love this idea. The idea is that it's easy
00:06:58.700 to see God's presence in the beautiful things in the world by looking at a beautiful sunrise or seeing a
00:07:04.780 beautiful healthy child or enjoying time with a loved one. It's harder to see God's presence in
00:07:11.960 the things that are upsetting. In loss, in tragedy, even in life's little problems. But once you see the
00:07:18.160 holiness in everyday things and in things that don't necessarily make you happy, you start to feel
00:07:24.100 peace. You start to see God's presence in every part of daily living, good or bad. God's presence alone
00:07:31.340 makes something special. And it's an amazing thing once you start to realize that God is in everything
00:07:37.120 and that God's presence is everywhere. When you're having a difficult time, it's so important to
00:07:43.720 remember that God is there and God is in that thing that's frustrating to you or upsetting to you.
00:07:50.520 That God is in all things. When something isn't going your way, recognizing that God is involved
00:07:57.360 in every aspect and he is part of your life in every way you can imagine, that is incredibly calming to
00:08:05.340 me. And when I start to feel upset or overwhelmed, remembering that things are part of God's plan,
00:08:11.180 remembering that God is involved in my life, that gives me a sense of relief because it reminds me
00:08:16.760 that I don't have to be in control of every day. God is in control. And if we can't see the beauty
00:08:23.720 in something, it doesn't mean that God's presence isn't there. It just means that we haven't opened
00:08:29.980 our minds enough to see God's presence in something that otherwise is hard to see. Anytime I think about
00:08:36.800 God's presence, it does bring me comfort and it reminds me that we're not alone and that everything
00:08:45.160 is part of his plan. The next one I want to talk about is number 79, which is stop blaming others.
00:08:52.680 Often when things aren't going right, we blame other people. We assume that somebody else is
00:08:57.280 the problem. And here in the chapter, he gives a bunch of examples. If something isn't where you
00:09:01.520 left it, then someone else must have moved it. If the house is a mess, then someone else made it
00:09:05.500 dirty. If the car isn't working, then your mechanic didn't fix it right. What Richard Carlson points
00:09:10.540 out is that when we blame others all of the time, it means that we don't take responsibility for our
00:09:17.000 own feelings and pursuit of happiness because other people are causing our unhappiness. Being happy has
00:09:24.580 to be based on your own actions. And constantly blaming other people for why you're feeling the
00:09:30.920 way that you're feeling means that you're never responsible for owning up and growing and being
00:09:36.100 better so that you can bring your own happiness. And if you're constantly blaming others for your
00:09:41.540 unhappiness, you're also never going to have real peace because you don't feel in control of your
00:09:47.000 life. Everyone else is making you unhappy. Of course, there are times where there are other people
00:09:52.140 responsible for how you're feeling or what's going on. But you can't go to that all the time because
00:09:58.040 it's not good for you. And it's not ultimately going to make you feel more relaxed or more at peace
00:10:03.360 or happier. So at the end of the day, when you're frustrated that the house isn't clean,
00:10:07.140 clean it up yourself. When you're unhappy, remind yourself that you are the one who has to make you
00:10:12.960 happy. No one else can make you happy if you aren't willing to put in the work yourself. When you blame
00:10:18.780 other people, you don't have control over your own happiness because you think everyone else is causing
00:10:23.580 you to feel this way. And it's so much more empowering to think, hey, I'm in control of my choices.
00:10:29.980 I'm in control of my moods. And I'm in control of how I perceive the world and how I maneuver in the
00:10:36.400 world. And that makes you feel so much better at the end of the day than constantly blaming others
00:10:42.320 and then really never feeling better. The last lesson I want to share with you guys today is
00:10:47.780 number 92, which is realize the power of your own thoughts. I love this chapter. I adore this chapter
00:10:55.560 because it's so important. Here we're talking about the idea that in order for you to have an emotion,
00:11:01.540 you have to think something first. And it's really easy to think that moods just kind of come out of
00:11:07.180 nowhere because you feel like you're aware that you're thinking all the time. But clearly we're
00:11:11.940 not aware that we're thinking all the time because we don't even think about the fact that we're
00:11:15.120 breathing. Up until this moment, you probably didn't even realize that you're breathing. That's
00:11:19.660 what he says in the book. And it's true, right? Until I point out that you breathe in and out all day,
00:11:24.460 every day, you're not aware of it. And that's the same with your thoughts. You don't realize that
00:11:29.280 your thoughts will go in a certain direction or something will start to kind of percolate in
00:11:34.460 your mind. And then all of a sudden you're feeling a certain way. It's so important to recognize that
00:11:38.740 when you're feeling down or unhappy, it's coming from negative thoughts. And the thoughts are the
00:11:44.180 thing that started those feelings in the first place. So if you start to recognize that a bad mood
00:11:49.920 or a bad feeling has passed over you, and then you kind of think about what you were thinking about
00:11:56.160 before that feeling hit you, you can say, oh, that's just a thought. That's just a thought.
00:12:02.100 And then you can shoo it away. You can say, I don't need to think that. I don't need to feel that. Or you
00:12:07.220 can say, hmm, it's interesting I had that thought. It's interesting that I'm having this feeling. And
00:12:12.020 I'm just going to let it pass over me instead of really kind of linger. And I think that's a huge thing
00:12:18.560 because moods can really feel like you can't escape them. And if you recognize that moods are
00:12:25.980 as fleeting as any other thing, and thoughts are as fleeting as any other thing and treat it as such,
00:12:32.140 then you can come out the other side feeling like, okay, this is just kind of an annoying emotion I'm
00:12:38.320 experiencing right now. This is a bad thought that I'm having right now. But I don't need to examine
00:12:44.460 it or feel it more than that. And of course, if there's a reason for that, if it's coming out of
00:12:49.840 something specific, a circumstance, then maybe you need to examine it. But if it's coming out of
00:12:54.960 nowhere, sometimes bad thoughts just hit us. They do. They just happen. And if that does happen,
00:13:00.900 recognizing that it's just one of those things that happens and letting it go away and fly away
00:13:08.260 and not spending too much of your time just allowing yourself to sink into that bad emotion,
00:13:14.640 it's such a huge game changer. And it's something that I've really found valuable after reading this
00:13:20.380 book is recognizing that sometimes you can just let those bad feelings go away. Just like let them
00:13:25.940 fade instead of trying to analyze every single one. Because it's so natural as people to have bad
00:13:33.300 thoughts. Of course it's going to happen. So constantly trying to say, well, if I have a bad
00:13:38.720 thought, there has to have been a reason. It's too much pressure on us to never have bad thoughts.
00:13:44.480 Because even the happiest person in the world has negative thoughts sometimes. So that's it for
00:13:50.080 today's video. I hope you guys learned something and enjoyed it. I so recommend picking up this book.
00:13:55.700 I'm going to link it in the description box below. I absolutely love it. And it's so easy to read.
00:14:01.280 And it's so nice to just have on your bedside table whenever you're feeling a bad feeling or bad
00:14:06.080 thought. This is such a nice book to have at your disposal. I hope you guys learned something. Let
00:14:11.780 me know in the comments which of these five lessons you enjoyed the most. Or if you have any other
00:14:16.480 advice, please leave it down below. Thank you so much for watching. Make sure to subscribe to my
00:14:21.160 channel if you haven't already. And hit that notification bell. If you'd like to subscribe to
00:14:25.240 my newsletter, head over to the description box. There will be a link there for you to subscribe.
00:14:29.660 And you will get a little dose of classic into your inbox just twice a month. If you would
00:14:34.540 like to follow me on social media, it's at classicallyabbie absolutely everywhere. Thank
00:14:38.720 you so much and I'll see you guys in the next video. Bye!