Classically Abby - August 21, 2020


The Classic Girl's Guide To Being A BRIDESMAID! 💍 ｜｜ FIRST RULE： It's not about YOU...


Episode Stats

Length

16 minutes

Words per Minute

210.539

Word Count

3,492

Sentence Count

208

Misogynist Sentences

10

Hate Speech Sentences

2


Summary

As a bridesmaid, there are certain things you can do to make a big difference in a bride's experience of her big day. Having been a bride and having been a bridalmaid myself, I can tell you that there are a few things that you can offer to a bride that can make a huge difference in the experience of your wedding day.


Transcript

00:00:00.240 Hello beautiful ladies and welcome to today's video where we're going to be talking about the classic girl's guide to being a bridesmaid.
00:00:10.500 So I find it rather funny that in the video where I'm talking about being a bridesmaid I chose to wear white.
00:00:15.480 That was not intentional.
00:00:17.360 But I'm not going to lie, wearing this white dress is making me look really tan, so I'm not mad at it.
00:00:22.420 And the reason that I look tan is because I've been using a Juergens lotion, which actually I love.
00:00:27.680 And I'm going to be talking about that in my skincare video.
00:00:30.620 I don't know when that's going up, before or after this, whatever.
00:00:33.460 But I have been using that, which is why I look a little bit more tan.
00:00:37.080 Not because I'm actually good at tanning or can tan.
00:00:41.020 I tend to get a little bit more sunburned than tanned.
00:00:44.000 Well now that we're totally off topic, let's jump back into what we're talking about.
00:00:48.620 So today we're going to be talking about the classic girl's guide to being a bridesmaid.
00:00:52.920 I absolutely love weddings.
00:00:55.220 I've talked about that a ton on my channel.
00:00:57.680 Of course I'm a huge fan of marriage, but even outside of that I absolutely love weddings.
00:01:02.640 And I'm planning on doing a whole series of videos on my channel about how I planned my own wedding.
00:01:08.780 And kind of ideas for you when you're kind of going through the same thing.
00:01:12.340 But I thought I would start off with this video just because it is more relevant to me right now.
00:01:16.040 And it's fresh in my mind.
00:01:17.580 And the reason I wanted to talk about this is because I'm actually going to be a bridesmaid twice in the next few months.
00:01:23.160 And actually one time is coming up very, very soon.
00:01:26.220 So I thought I would share with you guys the classic girl's guide to being a bridesmaid.
00:01:30.600 Having been a bride and having had bridesmaids, there are certain ways that bridesmaids can respond to a bride and help a bride that make a huge difference in the whole experience of your wedding day.
00:01:42.260 And now that I'm going to be a bridesmaid in a couple of my friends' weddings, and I've also been a bridesmaid a couple of times for my siblings,
00:01:48.620 I can share what my experience has been like on this side of being a bridesmaid.
00:01:52.520 Now of course I know that the idea of talking about weddings right now is kind of tricky and hard because everything is up in the air for so many people.
00:01:59.640 But there are a lot of people who are still getting married.
00:02:02.620 So this is relevant and even if it's not relevant to you now, it might be relevant to you in the future.
00:02:07.600 So let's get into it.
00:02:08.580 The first piece of advice that I have for classic women who are being bridesmaids is to offer help to the bride if you are available and can actually help.
00:02:17.400 Getting married is such a huge project.
00:02:20.300 It's a huge endeavor.
00:02:21.860 It's not just about you and your husband and how beautiful that is, even though that of course is the core of it.
00:02:27.300 There's just a lot that goes into planning it.
00:02:29.320 There's a lot that goes into choosing the dresses, buying flights, figuring out the venue, the food, the clothes.
00:02:35.980 Everything you can imagine that comes into planning a huge event is a huge part of wedding planning.
00:02:42.760 And of course, emotions are running high because this isn't just a party that you're planning, it's your wedding day.
00:02:48.540 It's something that is so important to you and you want to be special.
00:02:51.940 So as a bridesmaid, you really don't have that much that you can do, but you can be there for the bride.
00:02:58.960 And you can offer to help in any way that you can.
00:03:02.160 So the two brides that I'm being a bridesmaid for right now, I have been reaching out to them pretty consistently just to check in on them, just to see how they're doing, see what I can do, if I can help in any way.
00:03:12.440 And of course, things are complicated right now, so I can't be there with them.
00:03:16.680 I can't go with them on trips.
00:03:18.300 But I have been as involved as I possibly can from afar.
00:03:22.060 With a girlfriend of mine who's getting married in November, we actually video chatted while she was choosing her wedding gown, for example.
00:03:28.460 I couldn't be there, but she had me on the phone so I could take a look at it.
00:03:32.640 And I was so happy that I could at least be some sort of help, and that was a really nice thing.
00:03:37.780 I've also helped them find certain things that I had to do when I was getting married.
00:03:41.860 So, for example, at my bridal shower, we had some games, and one of the brides, who's my friend, asked me if I could help her find those games online.
00:03:48.940 So I did.
00:03:49.720 And it's anything you can do that you really can do.
00:03:53.280 Don't take on more than you can actually handle, because that's going to add more stress to the bride's life.
00:03:58.800 If she thinks that you have something handled, and then all of a sudden that falls through, then she has to resolve it.
00:04:03.620 It's easier.
00:04:04.540 If you can't help as much as you would like, don't offer more than you can take on.
00:04:09.560 But if you can help, do it.
00:04:12.180 It is such a nice thing to know that your friends are really there for you.
00:04:15.760 And a bride will appreciate that you've even made the offer, even if you're not actually going to be helping all that much.
00:04:22.520 Just putting in the offer is something that will really make a difference and make it seem like you were thinking of her.
00:04:27.740 Another thing I'm doing for my friend is I'm actually doing her hair and makeup for her wedding day.
00:04:32.060 So that was something she asked me to do, and I said, of course, because the fact that I can do that for her on her wedding day is just a huge gift that I can give to her.
00:04:40.340 And I felt really honored that she asked me, and it also made me really happy that I could help.
00:04:45.440 So just keeping all that in mind as a bridesmaid, because your duties aren't that much, if there's any chance that you can take on more, ask about it.
00:04:56.800 See if maybe you can help.
00:04:58.360 Number two is be super excited with the bride so she knows how special the day is and how special you think the day is.
00:05:06.380 As a bride, you're experiencing a ton of emotions.
00:05:09.720 You're excited.
00:05:10.580 You're working hard.
00:05:11.580 You're nervous.
00:05:12.400 You're stressed.
00:05:13.020 It's all of these different feelings kind of floating around.
00:05:16.440 But if the people around you act like you're a burden or act like it's annoying that you're talking about the wedding all the time, it makes it less exciting.
00:05:23.500 It makes it upsetting.
00:05:24.500 You're not really happy to talk to those friends who are like, oh, you're talking about your wedding again.
00:05:28.880 Well, it tends to be something that's on your mind when you're planning this huge event.
00:05:33.140 So as a bridesmaid, be forgiving of your friend, especially if they're being kind and respectful.
00:05:38.220 And you can always kind of guide the conversation away after a while if it's been too long.
00:05:42.440 But also just being the kind of friend who's so excited for your friend that they're making this huge momentous life change.
00:05:50.580 That is going to make the bride so happy.
00:05:53.260 And she'll want to spend more time with you.
00:05:55.300 I mean, she'll want to share her joys and share her excitement about everything.
00:05:59.160 And if you are as excited as she is, she'll know that you really care about her.
00:06:03.660 For example, with my girlfriend who's getting married in November, I constantly reach out to her.
00:06:08.860 And every time she has just even a little bit of news, I'm really excited about it.
00:06:13.020 Because the fact is, I am excited about it.
00:06:15.660 I love weddings so much that every time she tells me, oh, I chose the color for the bridesmaids' dresses.
00:06:20.360 Or, oh, we figured out the venue.
00:06:22.120 Or, oh, I figured out how many people we're having.
00:06:24.440 I'm like, oh, that's so exciting.
00:06:25.980 That's so great.
00:06:26.940 Because I want her to know that I want to know.
00:06:29.140 That's an awesome thing.
00:06:30.600 I get to be part of her day more than just a guest.
00:06:33.680 Which, hey, I love being a wedding guest.
00:06:35.440 But I get to be even more involved.
00:06:37.420 And that, to me, is a gift and a blessing.
00:06:40.100 And so every time she shares a little bit of news with me, I'm like, yeah, tell me more.
00:06:44.480 How cool.
00:06:45.320 And my girlfriend who's getting married in August, every time she tells me that she did it herself, I'm like, that is so impressive.
00:06:51.580 You did such a great job with the flower arrangements, with the seeding.
00:06:55.520 Everything she's doing is exciting to me.
00:06:57.940 And I really want to boost her energy.
00:06:59.680 I want to be the one that she can come to and feels like, wow, I can really celebrate with this friend.
00:07:05.920 It's not something that she's thinking, oh, I wonder if she's annoyed with me or I wonder if I'm a burden to her.
00:07:10.760 I just want to be the friend who she can come to and I'm going to say, yeah, this is awesome.
00:07:15.160 You're doing a wonderful job.
00:07:16.940 And everything is going to look absolutely beautiful.
00:07:19.960 And I can't wait to celebrate with you.
00:07:21.860 Because, as I keep reiterating, as a bridesmaid, you really don't have that many responsibilities.
00:07:27.780 So your responsibility is basically to be her hype man.
00:07:31.400 You get to be like, yeah, you look gorgeous.
00:07:33.940 Yeah, I'm your friend who's been with you from the beginning.
00:07:35.980 So we're going to celebrate.
00:07:37.780 You know, that kind of thing.
00:07:38.760 And that just keeps everything in a really happy, light, fun place.
00:07:43.440 Number three is offer your advice and opinions only if she asks.
00:07:47.640 I think what happens with a lot of women is that they think that their opinion is really important.
00:07:54.280 And so they'll kind of try and influence the bride to make certain decisions that maybe she wouldn't have made.
00:08:00.480 You can watch episodes of Say Yes to the Dress and you'll see there's a bridesmaid who's saying, oh, no, that's too ugly or too tight.
00:08:06.680 And you're sitting there like, what are you doing?
00:08:08.500 That's not your job.
00:08:09.540 Your job is to say she looks gorgeous.
00:08:11.080 You can always say, I don't know if that's your style or I don't know if that really goes with the theme of your wedding.
00:08:18.420 You know, things that are maybe a little bit more constructive, but never anything that's mean or disagrees with how she's feeling.
00:08:25.780 If a bride comes out, if your friend comes out in a wedding dress, for example, and she is glowing, she loves it, she loves everything about it,
00:08:33.260 and you aren't that passionate about it, who cares?
00:08:36.500 Keep your mouth shut.
00:08:37.700 Tell her she looks gorgeous, because I'm sure she does, and she feels gorgeous, and that's the most important thing.
00:08:43.420 So as a bridesmaid, it's really not your place to offer too much advice and too much unsolicited advice.
00:08:50.440 That really is the thing.
00:08:51.680 If your friend calls you and says, okay, I'm trying to decide between this dress and this dress,
00:08:55.380 or I'm trying to decide between these flowers and those flowers, of course you can give her input.
00:09:00.560 But if she's just telling you, yeah, I'm doing carnations for the wedding, and they're going to be blue,
00:09:05.900 you don't get to say, ooh, blue, really?
00:09:09.040 It's not your place.
00:09:10.620 She didn't ask for your opinion, and you really should not be giving it unless she's actively asking you.
00:09:17.260 Always being aware of your role, which is to make her even happier and her more excited about her day,
00:09:23.760 that is your job.
00:09:25.040 So your job isn't to give opinions that are going to make her upset or hurt her feelings.
00:09:29.720 Your job is to offer her advice when she asks, and otherwise, just to keep on making her feel great and excited.
00:09:36.840 The fourth thing a classic lady does as a bridesmaid is remember that it's not about you.
00:09:43.040 Do whatever she wants, for the most part, within reasonable limits, on her wedding day.
00:09:48.720 Now, I'm not talking about if she's chosen a bunch of dresses for her bridesmaids,
00:09:52.740 and it's something that you're not comfortable wearing because of modesty reasons.
00:09:56.420 In that situation, of course, you should approach her, and you should tell her how you're feeling,
00:10:00.440 and see if you can figure out some sort of compromise.
00:10:02.400 So I talked about that in an earlier video.
00:10:04.660 You can find it.
00:10:05.580 I'll link it above.
00:10:06.300 What I'm talking about is if she asks for something that you're not super happy with,
00:10:12.060 but it's not going to affect your life, just do it.
00:10:15.440 So, for example, I went to a wedding, and a girlfriend of mine got married,
00:10:19.960 and she had all of her bridesmaids buy dresses from a company called Alfred Angelo.
00:10:24.940 And you can buy a bunch of different dresses that they make with the same fabric.
00:10:28.260 So they're all in the same fabric and color, but they're in different styles.
00:10:31.020 So that looks uniform without people feeling like they have to all wear the same dress.
00:10:35.720 And one of the girls decided that she didn't want to get her dress from Alfred Angelo.
00:10:40.360 And so she decided she was going to get her own dress, and it'll be the same color.
00:10:44.400 Well, it wasn't the same color.
00:10:45.740 She was the only one wearing a slightly different color,
00:10:48.660 and everyone thought she was the maid of honor.
00:10:50.840 And it was rude.
00:10:51.940 It was totally unwarranted.
00:10:53.380 The bride had already given the girls a ton of options
00:10:56.820 by allowing them to choose whatever style dress they wanted from this store,
00:11:00.260 and they were all going to be in the same fabric.
00:11:02.360 And then this bridesmaid decided that she couldn't even deal with that.
00:11:06.460 It's not about you.
00:11:08.000 It's not your wedding day.
00:11:08.900 You don't get to choose.
00:11:10.720 You don't need to look amazing.
00:11:13.100 You can look beautiful.
00:11:14.580 You can look pretty.
00:11:15.820 But don't put your needs before the brides.
00:11:17.980 It's not about you on your friend's wedding day.
00:11:21.260 When you're a bridesmaid, you are there to make everything better, happier, less stressful, and not more.
00:11:28.320 So if the bride wants you to wear a gold heel and you want to wear silver, wear the gold heel.
00:11:34.220 If the bride wants you to have your hair up and you want your hair down, put your hair up.
00:11:38.560 It's not about you on your friend's wedding day.
00:11:41.400 And it's just really important to remember that because it can be hard when if you care a lot about the way you look or you just want to look nice but it's not really going to be exactly what you would want to look like, it doesn't matter because it's not that important at the end of the day.
00:11:55.600 You'll still look beautiful and there are ways that you can make yourself feel beautiful even if you're in a dress that's not exactly your style.
00:12:01.640 But just realizing that your needs are not primary on your friend's wedding day is going to make everything so much easier for the bride.
00:12:08.940 Number five is that if you can't make it to all of the events that the bride is having, reach out to her before and after so that you can see if there's anything you can do before and then after let her know that you want to hear everything because you're still excited for her.
00:12:24.060 So this is true all the time because a lot of the time bridesmaids aren't living where the bride is living.
00:12:28.400 But this is also even more true during COVID-19 where people really can't travel very easily and they're not going to travel more than once for a wedding.
00:12:36.660 So for example, if the bride is having a bridal shower with her family and friends and you live in another state so you can't get there, call her before and see, can I help you plan anything?
00:12:47.380 Can I do anything from afar?
00:12:49.020 And if she says no, okay, you did your best, you reached out.
00:12:51.800 And then after the event, if you couldn't attend, call her and say, hey, how was it?
00:12:57.120 Did you have a good time?
00:12:58.260 Tell me everything.
00:12:59.340 I want to know.
00:13:00.200 And this really does kind of loop back in with some of my earlier points, which are be excited for her, celebrate with her, and also offer to help.
00:13:08.400 And just make sure she knows that if you could have been there, you would have been there because that really is what it comes down to.
00:13:15.340 A bride wants to know that her bridesmaids, her closest friends, would have made the effort if they could have.
00:13:20.780 And in this situation, it just didn't work out.
00:13:24.080 Most brides know that bridesmaids are not going to be there for every single thing.
00:13:28.600 But it is a little bit hard when you hear that someone's not going to be able to attend.
00:13:32.480 So doing your best to make sure the bride knows that if you could have been there, you would have and that you really love her and wish you could celebrate.
00:13:38.980 And so if you're not going to be there, you're still going to call and see how it went.
00:13:42.860 It's just going to make her feel loved and make her know that she made the right decision when she chose you as a bridesmaid.
00:13:48.700 Number six, and the last piece of advice that I have, is to check in on her emotionally.
00:13:54.160 When your friend is getting married, it's so much.
00:13:56.840 It is so much to deal with.
00:13:58.480 And having a friend who you can call and reach out to when things do get to be too much,
00:14:04.180 when you are trying to kind of comprehend everything that's going on,
00:14:08.200 or just when you're overwhelmed with planning,
00:14:10.200 having that friend that you can reach out to is really helpful and keeps you feeling more grounded.
00:14:15.580 And if you're the friend who reaches out before she even gets the chance,
00:14:19.120 and, you know, periodically, every couple of weeks, you send her a text and you say,
00:14:23.320 hey, how's it going? How's the wedding planning?
00:14:25.700 And just letting her know that you're thinking about her and that you know that this is a crazy time
00:14:31.180 and that you want to hear how she's feeling,
00:14:34.260 it's a really lovely thing when you have a girlfriend who's willing to do that,
00:14:38.540 who thinks about you just here and there and wants to send you a message or check in on you.
00:14:44.480 And that's what bridesmaids are for.
00:14:46.560 Bridesmaids are there to support you and to make you feel happy and excited
00:14:50.640 and also just to make sure that everything is going okay.
00:14:53.960 So being a really good and classic bridesmaid is going to be being there for the bride.
00:15:00.080 And that is your job.
00:15:01.620 Your job is to be there for her.
00:15:03.960 So those are my pieces of advice for when you want to be a classic woman as a bridesmaid.
00:15:09.420 Being asked to be a bridesmaid is a really big honor and it is so meaningful when you do it right.
00:15:14.640 So I think it's a really nice thing to keep these things in mind when you are asked to be a bridesmaid.
00:15:19.820 Let me know in the comments if you've been a bridesmaid,
00:15:22.340 what you would recommend for other girls for if they're going to be a bridesmaid for the first time.
00:15:27.100 Or if you're a bride, let me know in the comments what you would want from your bridesmaids.
00:15:31.320 I'd love to hear your thoughts.
00:15:33.020 Thank you guys so much for watching today's video.
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00:15:52.020 And I'll see you guys in my next video.
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